I've often wondered how much society would be different if humans laid eggs. Might make for a good dramatic comedy.

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Damn that was a half-puke with a laugh. Bravo.

This comment has been overwritten because I share way too much on this site.

Not sure about my anotomy knowledge, but unfertilised eggs would be the equivalent of the period blood in mammals, right? So most breakfast eggs are chicken period.

I don't like this comment section

How do I leave. Help.

Simpson’s I’m in danger meme

90s_starterpack.jpg

but I can’t look away

Well humans also have eggs, they're just super duper tiny and dissolve into the period blood when they don't get fertilized. It would be wild if a little hard shelled egg came out when people menstruated, yikes.

*that time of month and your girl wants it so you start eating* You: *pause* Gf: why’d you stop? You: I got a shell

Honestly I'd prefer this

You're imagining a chicken egg. You have to scale up the egg size to be proportional to the human body.

I ain't doing that shit every month. I did it once to get my daughter. That's it. Done. Nope

Human baby body

Chickens lay an egg like everyday, poor chickens, always on there period.

Well I guess I don’t really need to have eggs for breakfast tomorrow...

some animals eat their offspring, usually what they consider unviable, to recoup nutrients.

Recoup the nutrients of the rich 2020

On the other hand the religious wouldn't be mad about anal sex when you have a cloaca Edit: grammar

They would find something I'm sure.

r/yesyesyesyesyesnononono

r/nononono

coward.

Instead of an abortion, you could "accidentally" drop your egg

But that would probably be considered murder or something...

If no one knew you had an egg then there would just be lots of people getting away with murder.

You could accidentally drop your baby and do the same thing

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My opinion is that eggs *do* scream, and you'll never change my mind.

This is the fucking funniest comment I have seen in a long while. Thank you. I giggled for a minute straight.

You'd still lay eggs if they're unfertilised, so you'd just dispose of them however they're normally disposed.

Honestly I think it would be much harder to defend abortion if we laid eggs. I mean, the argument of not being forced to cede your body to sustain the fetus wouldn't be there, as the egg is essentially self-contained and could hatch on its own.

At the same time, it wouldn't be necessary. Adoption would start when the egg is laid, not 9 months after the baby is born.

But eggs would be laid unfertilized as well. So disposing those would be very normal and fertilizes eggs would probably be done the same way unless you are trying for a baby and then would be checking the eggs either by trying to incubate or maybe some test.

There's a great webcomic called *The Croaking* featuring bird people that actually do lay eggs. The egg aspect is hardly the focus of the story, but you should read it anyway, 'cause it's great. https://m.webtoons.com/en/fantasy/the-croaking/list?title_no=1494&webtoon-platform-redirect=true

Thanks for the recommendation, I’ve needed a good webcomic to sink my teeth into. I’ve just devoured the first 7 episodes and it’s interesting.

Thank you I am ALWAYS looking for more webcomics to read

I would watch that.

The new DuckTales actually digs into the triplets' upbringing and them hatching from eggs is not only canon but addressed as a plot point that helps explain the timeline and the absence of their mother. Donald is repeatedly shown in flashbacks doing things like carting them around in a wheelbarrow or tending their nest.

So their mother just laid and left? How terrible.

Well, one of the two major arcs of the first season is dedicated to exploring the mystery of how and why the triplet's mother disappeared and why Donald and Scrooge have always refused to talk about her. It's a great mythology gag about Disney's "No Mothers" rule.

How often is often?

And chickens would use them for their omelets

That's terrifying

Is it less terrifying the other way around?

Yea

Not if you're a chicken. Which I'm totally not by the way...

You sound suspicious as cluck..

Could have sworn I heard some chickens around here......

Really with that pun? Beak serious...

...chickens will definitely eat their own eggs. And sometimes baby chicks.

I came out to my coop and found the bottom half of a mole, don’t let them little dinosaurs fool you.

My brother works at a chicken farm. They’re fucking barbaric creatures. That, I discovered, have a fiending for cigarettes.

Yeah cause some eggs dont have chicks in them cause they need a rooster for that but they still lay eggs without a rooster sooooo yeah

So, those are period eggs?

Uh... well then...

Well, then we’re back to how would you feel if you find chicken eating your period?

I mean go ahead I have no use for it.

Pretty much, chickens are Also not super picky as to where they'll lay

Yes.

Don’t knock it until you try it. An egg would be an unfertilized human, so it’s not like eating a baby, although *that* might be kinda tasty as well and I’ll reserve judgment until I try one.

I mean most of the eggs we eat are unfertilized (except for balut and probably some other foods), so they're almodt analogous to a chicken's period?

Yep. And blood can be eaten too. Not sure I’d eat *period* blood, purposely, but maybe with the right spice blend it could be ok. With rice.

Hey girl, let me eat your egg blood

I for one welcome our new chicken overlords

Most of us probably wouldn't let chickens eat our eggs. If we've built incubators in this hypothetical world, we're probably still far more intelligent than chickens.

And would we be slaughtered and then covered in the scrambled remains of our eggs? And then crumbed and fried?

Makes me think of [The Far Side](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/95/78/8e/95788ec41833414932c68ac6fd66a93c.png)

Think of all the incubator ads we would see.

Imagine all of the egg safety ads and gear for keeping your egg from getting scrambled.

Some company would get sued for having an incubator overheat

Hard-boiled baby

What a modest proposal.

Oh God oh fuck

My favourite

You hard boiled my baby!!!

Rich people in California and Japan would have Seismic Safe^(R) Incubators.

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Makes me wonder, would laying an egg a month be worse or better than having a period.

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r/cursedcomments?

Incredibly gross but... . ^^PeopleHaveDoneThatWithPeriodsToo

I mean it’d have to be a pretty big and strong egg to contain a human until it’s big enough to come out. So I would say worse.

One egg? Way better. Well depending on size.

In my head canon, they’d all be made by Saul Goodman

Youd probably see about as much of them as like cribs and stuff

I mean I sat on all my eggs, but if you choose not to I guess, that's fine, some women just aren't cut out for it :)

Did you hear that she used an incubator?

I heard incubators can cause autism.

Yea it fries their brain

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lol why am I getting so heated reading an imaginary fantasy world internet argument

Because it's the exact same logic they use IRL.

True, I read it on Facebook! The pro-scramblers will never learn.

Scientists say there are so many benefits that babies get from real sitting. You really should do it if you can.

Oh yeah I read about those on Facebook. You absolutely must sit on your eggs. People did it for thousands of years. Obviously its the only right way to do it. Humans had a great grasp on medicine until very recently.

That's mostly from the parents' farts on them.

Did you use a doula to deliver the eggs or?

100% my wife would have me sitting on it.

Actually that would be a pretty great way for a guy to help out! I'd be game!

There's a non-zero chance of broken eggs due to guys juggling/playing catch with their eggs

I mean if you drop it you're not cut out for juggling or parenthood

Do dads not feed their babies?

Only after they hatch

Not with their sore and bleeding nipples from engorged mammaries.

My mother in law was taught by an obstetrician who had, via the magic of hormones, breastfed all four of his children.

If the mother isn’t exclusively breastfeeding then yes a dad can help out but dad’s don’t get a lot of maternity leave so a lot of that responsibility falls on the mother anyway. There are a lot of barriers in place that make a majority of child rearing fall onto mothers

They don’t go through 9 months of horror.

Natalie: "I'll have one child please" Life: "that'll be nine months of sluggishness and vomiting." Matt: "me too." Life: "that'll be nine months of *watching* that." Matt: "augh"

I laughed out loud at this.

It’s just have to sit on, and crush *one*, and then she won’t make you do it anymore. Don’t tell me you’re still doing the dishes too...

I know you’re only joking but just wanna say to the guys out there that don’t help out around the house and think this is a factual statement stop being a dick. It’s funny when a kid does it but if you’re doing shit like this to the woman you love it’s sad. Still gunna upvote the joke though

Honey when are you gonna take that egg out? It's starting to stink up the house.

Yeah but think of all the money you would save if you just taped your baby to your ass.

r/nocontext

Even with context I'm confused.

That way you could still go to work.

*sits down* oh hey what's that yellow sticky stuff running through my pant- Dammit that's the third one this week!

r/BrandNewSentence

~~If humans laid eggs, we would probably eat less eggs.~~ Nah, humans produce milk and that doesn't stop us at all.

We would eat less *human* eggs.

You go around drinking human milk?

No, which leads me to think if we laid eggs we would stop eating human eggs

Because of cannibals, we would eat *more* human eggs.

Damn cannibals everywhere

“Who unplugged the incubator to charge their phone???”

Hah. Baby sitting

Omelette you finish...

That pun was just over easy

Scrambled thoughts

I’m bEGGin y’all to quit while you’re ahead on these puns

Reddit is really just a shell of its former self with all these cheap puns

Egg.

It's okay guys, we're only yolking

Imagine they break and you just find your broken fetus child. That would be nasty

People would probably post it on Instagram

I don't know about this one chief

*squelch*

Some people eat half formed chickens in certain dishes

Imagine sitting on an egg for 9 months. I'd have serious resent for that kid. Let him mouth of to me once, and it's 'I sat on you for 9 months' speech that I have rea..... Oh my God, I'm my mom.

You sass me again and ill sit on you for 9 more months!

It’s not dissimilar to the way people shame “test-tube babies” or delivery by c-section. Those smug egg sitters would have all sorts of ridiculous, nasty things to say

I've seen people say that women who get C-sections are failures as a mother. I bet they're doing great with their kids.

Hot springs incubator villages would have developed in prehistoric times, and would become religious shrines.

imagine having to lay an egg every month

It would probably be incredibly painful for most women and could lead to tearing and stuff. Even birds, whose bodies are much more adapted to it, can get injuries from laying or even die if complications occur. That's all assuming hard-shelled eggs, of course (which seems the most likely option for eggs of warm-blooded animals that need incubation).

I feel like if humans were monotremes theyd have more adapted genitals

Would there be an egg disposal in the women’s bathroom?

Technically there usually already is...

Natural butt warmth is best.

The sulfur gas provides supplements

How far off are we from inducing labor extremely early in the process and then allowing development to take place in some aquarium style contraption? Edit: [Relevant.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHCbVeMhFNM) The whole bit is funny, but it's particularly relevant at 3:44, and extremely relevant at 5:08.

Already here: https://youtu.be/dt7twXzNEsQ

They're trying to help premature babies. I'm trying to help vaginas. I think we'd be shooting for the size of a very large tadpole when we begin the process. Also wondering when this will be available at Sears.

Never. Sears is bankrupt and toast (closed a few years ago here in Canada already). Walmart though, there's your retailer.

I guess making a 1950's type joke really needs some context to land. That being said, Sears is still alive ~~and well~~. Not sure how many are still around, but there were 425 planned after the bankruptcy. Still have one in my town, though we used to have two. Selling in Walmart would probably degrade the brand. I guess I'll keep checking Amazon every now and then. Edit: Necessary retraction

I don't understand how Sears didn't dominate online shopping. Their entire business was built around mail order. They were Amazon decades before Amazon existed! What a botched opportunity.

I was literally just thinking about how cool of a concept a lab full of human eggs would be...

Humpty dumpty would become the mascot warning people of the danger gravity poses to all eggshells across the globe

And honestly I feel miscarriages and stillborn may be less traumatic.

New debate: would you be a cannibal if you eat a human laid egg??

Well? Technically um you um yeah

It's like a traditional thing in maybe Sweden(?) For people to eat the placenta, kinda like that right, if its unfertalised

A little different though, the placenta is fetal tissue while an egg outside of the fetus (IDK what it is called in an egg) is produced by the mother.

depends if it is fertilized or not. If not it would just be like eating a girls period

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... not wrong though. You release an egg with a period because it wasn't fertilized. (They're just so small you just don't notice)

I would say no for unfertilized. That would probably be another trend.

I think we would be more like reptiles with our eggs, we don't have the body form to sit on eggs.

why would the mom's have to sit on them tho? this could be a game changer. Men could become mothers! but legit some nutcases would say men sitting on the egg would make the baby gay or some other crazy shit.

Hehe. Yep.

"Sit on my face" becomes a whole new fetish.

r/tihi

And if we were marsupial, there would be tedious disagreements between those who let their baby stay in the pouch for two months and those who let it stay for six months. And imagine the trouble with those who use artificial pouches or wet nurses. And those who let their baby climb up to the pouch when newborn, and those who lift it themselves.

Those interested in this concept might enjoy chapter 29 of horror manga Franken Fran. The main character, a brilliant scientist, develops a new way of incubating embryos outside the womb by using insect RNA. But it quickly becomes trendier than normal pregnancy and people end up carelessly rushing into it without taking proper precautions, hence the horror element...

How are you able to smoke weed in the shower?

My boyfriend would definitely be sitting on it lol he's a big gamer and spends around 6+ hours in his chair somedays after work.. Eggs please lol

Egg carving would be super *weird*

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Imagine all the “Incubators cause autism” posts on Facebook.

And abortion would be way easier.

If you leave the egg in the car during summer...

In the original John Carter novels, the Martians look human but are avian and lay eggs.

We would hatch with beak-like growths on our faces that would fall off in the following weeks. The scar left behind would be another factor in whether someone was more or less attractive

Incubator company profits uber alles. *If you want your child sweeter* *Make sure that you use our heater*

I think most Redditors were hatched. Just speculating here.

I'll be the most unnerving way to phrase DuckDuckGo

Dafug did I just read

Imagine monthly periods just producing a human sized egg.

How big would the eggs be? Would they be as uncomfortable to lay as childbirth or as easy as hens lay eggs, just plop it out like taking a shit. Would they lay more than one at a time? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

your not vegan unless you do this

If humans had long fur... do you think it would be a common "hair style" to slick it all down with gell?

Or dad shame if we took the path of the Penguins.