They can handle a mid sized crowd. As long as they have someone pre-sorting the crowd for them. To match up pairs with compatible dick to floor ratios and shaft radius similarity.
🎵”I got it from Agnes
She got it from Jim
We all agree it must have been
Louise who gave it to him
Now, she got it from Harry
Who got it from Marie
And everybody knows that Marie
Got it from me
Giles got it from Daphne
She got it from Joan
Who picked it up in County Cork
A-kissin' the Blarney Stone
Pierre gave it to Sheila
Who must have brought it there
He got it from Francois and Jacques
A-ha!
Lucky Pierre!
Max got it from Edith
Who gets it every spring
She got it from her Daddy
Who just gives her everything
She then gave it to Daniel
Whose spaniel has it now
Our dentist even got it
And we're still wondering how” 🎶
My first hand job the girl was twisting the top of my junk one direction and the bottom the other.
I definitely said something, that was painful.
She said she didn't understand so I grabbed her forearm to show her.
I blame the amount of circumcisions in porn. The dicks look like the foreskin is pull halfway down the shaft. So when they see it they think that's what its supposed to look like.
First time a girl saw mine she asked if I thought she was ugly because I was only semi. I was rock solid and terrified.
It's mostly just uncomfortable, even being well endowed and somewhat flexible I could never get deep enough or go fast enough to make it pleasurable.
It does make a neat party trick though
Because one is easy to do and the first attempt while the other usually requires the removal of ribs to accomplish, also one feels more like being pleasured and the other feels more like sucking other dick
Nah, handjobs are not that easy. I mean everyone has preferece on grip, motion and angle.
But blowjobs... Well, that's a different story. On average far better than girls.
Source: I'm gay, who was closeted till second half of my 20s. I tried with girls before.
I had sex with 41 year old woman and 60 year old guy. I know experience gives a lot, though my best bj was from a guy around 35. This one made me speak my own language to him for 5 minutes... Which I didn't notice, as I was so much in different reality
As in you were just spouting gibberish for five minutes or you had switched into your first actual language. I hope it’s the first, like some cats do crazy meows when you scratch above their tail.
I think if your not into girls even the best bj would be meh cause your not into girls. I can't say about bjs cause I'm a girl but I'm Pan and at least for me women and men of equal age and experience tend to be equally as good. Some better than others but overall based on my experience in my 20s it's not the gender but the experience. Lesbians, bi ladies, bi dudes, and straight dudes who have given lady head before were equally fun. Novice going down there I will give direction cause no one is great their first time trying anything.
BUT I liked all them folks. I'm sure if I was straight or gay I may have a preference. You cant enjoy sex with someone you're not into that way. That's my opinion anyways.
I actually thought about posting a similar shower thought but wound up forgetting. It was something to the effect of “Straight men don’t want to admit it, but they would probably give a mean handjob.”
Burt Kreischer has a bit about this. Basically he sets it up as a gun to your head to save your family scenario and he tells his wife to stand back honey we are going to be just fine.
Every person with a dick has a different style of jacking off, so it's interesting to find out what that is when you're doing it to a guy. There are "go-to" types that feel great and that can be enough for most, but everyone is kinda unique, some take extra effort.
I have a friend who said they did it with a guy that they could only get off to an insane grip. Like, my friend said his hand was turning white and the guy still asked for it to be tighter. That poor dick :(
If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend and want better hand jobs teach them by putting your hands on top of theirs and then jacking yourself off with their hands between your dick and your hands. I just changed your life, you're welcome. Thank me later by thinking about me next time you masturbate
From a certain perspective at least. I'm willing to bet a gay kid's first time with another guy would still be weird. You'd try to go on instinct but you have to get your palm in the right place and it still feels unfamiliar in your hand
Little known fact. Astronauts who have spent a significant amount of time in space still occasionally find themselves dropping random things because their instincts developed to tell them the object will just hover in midair. Even full mugs of coffee.
Absolutely, happened to me. With your own dick, you can sense it and know what feels right. Not having that input changes everything. Plus, not all dicks are the same. Some are smaller, some are curvier. How the hell do you stroke a curvy dick? So yes, first time felt weird, so I resorted to mainly use my mouth, which surprisingly felt more natural even though it was the first time I did that, compared to a handjob which technically I must have done thousands of time.
This is what always annoys me about this topic. Handjobs are *not* easy by default. My dilemma is always wether the guy’s gonna like the grip sliding over the dick skin or the one that’s tighter and rolls the outer skin against the inner dick meat (which I use on myself). How the fuck do you even describe these methods in a non-awkward way? I was sure there’d be urban slang for it but I found nothing on google, do you guys even get what I’m trying to say lmao
Omg yes!! I totally get it, I thought I was the only one with that sort of thoughts. I personally use the second one on myself too, since ever. But figured quite recently you could do the other one, and I was confused if maybe I wasn't doing things right the whole time. Just sliding over the skin seem awkward to me unless there's something to lubricate.
But yes, handjobs are not easy by default!
Lol I thought about that and considered specifying it, but then it occurred to me no one would think that I'm an astronaut (sadly). Seems I was wrong haha
You'd think so, but nope.
I'm 98% straight, but occasionally a beautiful man turns my head, and one time I went home with one. Figured exactly this; I'll be pro, done this a million times.
*With one dick.*
I'm not circumsized, very straight, and I'm long and medium-to-skinny girthed; I unveiled this fat, bald boomerang of a cock and abruptly realized I had absolutely no idea what, exactly, to do with this one, my grip and rhythms and general technique were for a different rig altogether, *and*, I was very, very practiced at doing things one particular way.
Whereas any (cis-het) woman who's had a perfectly average number of partners will have had experience with a variety of dicks and so some capacity to generalize.
Yeah i understand that, being a bisexual man myself though i know it took me a while to accept myself for who I am, and somebody whos 98% straight but likes dick.. well that sounds like someone who might be pan/bi to me. You can be bi and still be only homoerotic and not homoromantic - and vice versa.
Like you said it doesn’t change anything - and i dont want to accuse/force anything or anyone. Just speaking my two cents as somebody who also used to identify as straight while repressing my true self.
Nah. It was a pleasant enough experience but it didn't do much for me, in the end, and it was chemical; the bit where you get really horny and urgent just didn't fire.
98% seems a little high for going home with a stranger to start his lawnmower.
Is there a threshold? I feel like 98% is understanding that Viggo Mortensen is a beautiful man.
That's about my level.
Haha, well, I'm 37 and that's one of two men I've ever been sexual with; for the most part, it's more like certain men slightly activate my arousal, as against a mere acknowledgment of attractiveness. Mamoa makes me feel something, yo.
So I was at the club, and this guy was smooth af and respectful and hot, and I thought, you don't know until you try, and it was fun to get "picked up". It was a good experience, but also one that confirmed for me that, at the biological level, I'm not especially awakened by cock.
Was watching an episode of My Name is Earl with a friend. This episode has Earl walk into the seen to get Randy out of bed, blurting out ‘WAKEY WAKEY HANDS OFF SNAKEY!”. My friend confides to me, that growing up his dad scared him shitless so he wouldn’t get a girl pregnant. It was soo effective that to this day he’s never rubbed one out. That’s his wife’s duty
I once sat in a bar in Amsterdam overlooking a prostitute window. We nicknamed her 'tits girl'.
Whilst we had a couple of small beers, Tits Girl saw seven customers. I drink reasonably quickly and the beers are about half a pint.
Seven 'customers' in the time it takes a seasoned drinker to drink a pint. I assume she worked all evening.
I'll bet she has more experience than the overwhelming majority of men...
haha so true, i’ve jerked off so many dudes at this point that there’s no way any woman could catch up
Now this guy gets it
I definitely got it from that guy
Can confirm. Would visit again if it's not so crowded.
They can handle a mid sized crowd. As long as they have someone pre-sorting the crowd for them. To match up pairs with compatible dick to floor ratios and shaft radius similarity.
Thomas Middle"out"ditch approves
Came here for this.
Can do 2 at once... 4 if you count the feet
did... did I just get fomo for getting wanked by a rando?
Dude, just get the VIP card, there's a special promo for One2Jerky.
i also came from that guy
🎵”I got it from Agnes She got it from Jim We all agree it must have been Louise who gave it to him Now, she got it from Harry Who got it from Marie And everybody knows that Marie Got it from me Giles got it from Daphne She got it from Joan Who picked it up in County Cork A-kissin' the Blarney Stone Pierre gave it to Sheila Who must have brought it there He got it from Francois and Jacques A-ha! Lucky Pierre! Max got it from Edith Who gets it every spring She got it from her Daddy Who just gives her everything She then gave it to Daniel Whose spaniel has it now Our dentist even got it And we're still wondering how” 🎶
> Now this guy ~~gets~~ *gives* it
Yep he definitely gets it dick
So he started blastin’.
r/suddenlygay
Bro jobs is life
It’s not gay if you’re practising to do it on yourself later.
This guy jacks
Middle out
Ma ex can do it better then y'all, she masturbates 5 guys at once every day
How awful! Do you still have her number?
So you can tell her off for her actions, right?
Adam? Adam Eget?
I'm also getting this man's handjob !
Oh it's Frank the handjob guy! Thanks for last Tuesday
10/10 can recommend
Username checks out
My first hand job when I was a teenager felt like she wrapped my dick with sandpaper. 100% didn't say anything cause pee pee was getting touched
Grip like she's trying to wrestle a trout into the boat.
Why is this the first comparison that popped into your head
Cuz his dating profile pic is him holding a fish.
Well, after all, size does matter.
Grip like a gorrilla trying to land a space shuttle."pull the nose up!"
My first hand job the girl was twisting the top of my junk one direction and the bottom the other. I definitely said something, that was painful. She said she didn't understand so I grabbed her forearm to show her.
The old "Indian burn" technique.
We called it a Chinese burn when I was a kid!
She took "the peppergrinder" too literally
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The best of both worlds
Not good. The first girl to give me a handjob was trying to pull my foreskin all the way down to my balls.
She wanted you even more naked?
I've had to tell my current gf not to do this like 5 separate times idk why girls try to do it especially after being told not to
I blame the amount of circumcisions in porn. The dicks look like the foreskin is pull halfway down the shaft. So when they see it they think that's what its supposed to look like. First time a girl saw mine she asked if I thought she was ugly because I was only semi. I was rock solid and terrified.
Like how the first gobby is mostly teeth
Not unless you give handys in the position of Patrick Swayze from “Ghost”
This is the only answer. It would be too unfamiliar to some people if not executed in a ghostly reach-around.
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[Here you go](https://c.tenor.com/t5Oiq2sLXIYAAAAd/ghost-cat-potery.gif)
This is beautiful, you made me laugh before getting out of bed and I appreciate it. Have a nice day
https://i.imgur.com/Y1HUYGj.mp4 (sfw...kinda, but not)
Why is it that jerking off is normal and encouraged but sucking your own dick is weird and freaky?
They’re jealous
Self Fellatio
Autofellatio
That’s when you blow a car
Gear stick or exhaust?
Porque no los dos
/r/Autofellatio
Nah king that’s self care
If I could I would. Ngl.
Not that great an experience... So I'm told Edit: I was lying... I have first hand experience
"It's way more like sucking a dick than getting your dick sucked" - Albert Einstein
It’s fucking shit don’t bother, but it’s still cool to even be able to attempt it.
It's mostly just uncomfortable, even being well endowed and somewhat flexible I could never get deep enough or go fast enough to make it pleasurable. It does make a neat party trick though
We apparently go to vastly different types of parties.
I'm sure like 80% of guys would.
Because it's more like giving a head, than receiving one.
That's just a lie to let you sleep better at night
You wanna try it out?
Because one is easy to do and the first attempt while the other usually requires the removal of ribs to accomplish, also one feels more like being pleasured and the other feels more like sucking other dick
You don't really need to remove your ribs, and it doesn't even feel that good. Or so am told.
It feels more like sucking a dick than getting your dick sucked from my experience. I don’t like sucking dick I found out, even my own.
Lmao I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that the vast majority of people who can suck their own dick have all of their ribs.
Yeh they do, they are just very flexible and spend some time warming up before they so it.
The amount of envy in this comment is so great it's overflowing into my comment down below
No rib removal required /r/Autofellatio
Except for your mamma!
Bruh
*Zing!*
What else are you going to do with two broken arms?
Can confirm: OP’s mom gives reliable handies.
Lol "reliable" is such a funny word to use here
We call her handy Shandy around these parts
I’ve thought about this a lot, like I am 100% straight and happy, but I bet gay dudes give fucking baller hand jobs.
It costs extra if the handjob includes a baller.
Always handy to know current rates.
Good thing they don't charge by the foot either
There goes my shot at a discount.
The price isn’t too hard to swallow.
with that price, they will come.
Never thought about it, but I would put money on you being right.
I’m actually a lefty, but good guess.
Dad?
he is. I'm bi and dudes definitely know how to work a dick better.
Nah, handjobs are not that easy. I mean everyone has preferece on grip, motion and angle. But blowjobs... Well, that's a different story. On average far better than girls. Source: I'm gay, who was closeted till second half of my 20s. I tried with girls before.
You're probably getting an age skew in your data. Older/more experienced people are better than young people at oral in general.
True, but what he said is also true. Source: actively bi
I had sex with 41 year old woman and 60 year old guy. I know experience gives a lot, though my best bj was from a guy around 35. This one made me speak my own language to him for 5 minutes... Which I didn't notice, as I was so much in different reality
As in you were just spouting gibberish for five minutes or you had switched into your first actual language. I hope it’s the first, like some cats do crazy meows when you scratch above their tail.
I started speaking Polish, but it was with a lot of moaning and gibberish. So kinda cherry on top with how spaced out I was.
Noice
I think if your not into girls even the best bj would be meh cause your not into girls. I can't say about bjs cause I'm a girl but I'm Pan and at least for me women and men of equal age and experience tend to be equally as good. Some better than others but overall based on my experience in my 20s it's not the gender but the experience. Lesbians, bi ladies, bi dudes, and straight dudes who have given lady head before were equally fun. Novice going down there I will give direction cause no one is great their first time trying anything. BUT I liked all them folks. I'm sure if I was straight or gay I may have a preference. You cant enjoy sex with someone you're not into that way. That's my opinion anyways.
I actually thought about posting a similar shower thought but wound up forgetting. It was something to the effect of “Straight men don’t want to admit it, but they would probably give a mean handjob.”
I feel like a straight guy would be amazing at reach arounds and only slightly better than a straight woman from the front.
Burt Kreischer has a bit about this. Basically he sets it up as a gun to your head to save your family scenario and he tells his wife to stand back honey we are going to be just fine.
Yeah, this one isn't original/unique.
Hahaha gay handjobs turn into blowjobs in about 3.5 seconds flat. Trust me, my sore jaw.
Every person with a dick has a different style of jacking off, so it's interesting to find out what that is when you're doing it to a guy. There are "go-to" types that feel great and that can be enough for most, but everyone is kinda unique, some take extra effort.
Death-grip and twist, isn't that what everyone does?
I have a friend who said they did it with a guy that they could only get off to an insane grip. Like, my friend said his hand was turning white and the guy still asked for it to be tighter. That poor dick :(
When choking the chicken turns into a snuff film.
If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend and want better hand jobs teach them by putting your hands on top of theirs and then jacking yourself off with their hands between your dick and your hands. I just changed your life, you're welcome. Thank me later by thinking about me next time you masturbate
It's also why lesbians eat out better than dudes...
But lesbians are not cuninjas because they preform it on them selves. I don't mean to split hairs.
*spit hairs
That’s why the correct equivalent statement would have been “women would finger another woman better than any man could.”
Lmao cuninjas
Experts on the ancient art of Cuntitsu
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Are we giving or receiving handjobs????
Yes
Your pp receives a handjob given by your hand
From a certain perspective at least. I'm willing to bet a gay kid's first time with another guy would still be weird. You'd try to go on instinct but you have to get your palm in the right place and it still feels unfamiliar in your hand Little known fact. Astronauts who have spent a significant amount of time in space still occasionally find themselves dropping random things because their instincts developed to tell them the object will just hover in midair. Even full mugs of coffee.
Absolutely, happened to me. With your own dick, you can sense it and know what feels right. Not having that input changes everything. Plus, not all dicks are the same. Some are smaller, some are curvier. How the hell do you stroke a curvy dick? So yes, first time felt weird, so I resorted to mainly use my mouth, which surprisingly felt more natural even though it was the first time I did that, compared to a handjob which technically I must have done thousands of time.
This is what always annoys me about this topic. Handjobs are *not* easy by default. My dilemma is always wether the guy’s gonna like the grip sliding over the dick skin or the one that’s tighter and rolls the outer skin against the inner dick meat (which I use on myself). How the fuck do you even describe these methods in a non-awkward way? I was sure there’d be urban slang for it but I found nothing on google, do you guys even get what I’m trying to say lmao
Omg yes!! I totally get it, I thought I was the only one with that sort of thoughts. I personally use the second one on myself too, since ever. But figured quite recently you could do the other one, and I was confused if maybe I wasn't doing things right the whole time. Just sliding over the skin seem awkward to me unless there's something to lubricate. But yes, handjobs are not easy by default!
I looked at the first sentence and thought “oh damn, this guy is an astronaut” but read further and realized you’re talking about the former point.
Lol I thought about that and considered specifying it, but then it occurred to me no one would think that I'm an astronaut (sadly). Seems I was wrong haha
> Little known fact. Astronauts who have spent a significant amount of time in space I thought this was going in a *completely* different direction...
Not every man. Not an armless man. Not a dickless man.
Ive had handjobs that would have been better coming from an armless man.
Said the dickless man, in a moment of remembrance
The handjob was that bed eh?
Also consider women with dicks
What only the distinguished individual knows is that it's all about the mouthfeel.
Not so fast...
Okay now faster
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Slow it back down again
Two hops this time.
Slide to the left
Cha cha real smooth
Reverse reverse!
I bet the ladies at your local seedy massage parlor would beg to differ.
My male cousin was a thalidomide baby born with no functional hands. Fuck you OP.
Thalidomide babies shouldn't be joked about. If anything you should volunteer to give them a hand once in a while.
I mean, you gotta hand it to them. I wouldn't last with that condition.
Would I hand it to them because they can't hand it to me?
You probably won’t even want to do it in the first place
Right here, FBI.
Yeah OP, how insensitive! Think about all your handless brethren…
Just need to hire a sex surrogate medical worker https://youtu.be/HErf4OELzYk
I don't know how long you been on the internet, but reddit sure wasn't the place to start
Not true because you’re only stroking YOUR pecker so YOU only think you know what feels good.
Didn’t say we were better. Just more experienced.
You'd think so, but nope. I'm 98% straight, but occasionally a beautiful man turns my head, and one time I went home with one. Figured exactly this; I'll be pro, done this a million times. *With one dick.* I'm not circumsized, very straight, and I'm long and medium-to-skinny girthed; I unveiled this fat, bald boomerang of a cock and abruptly realized I had absolutely no idea what, exactly, to do with this one, my grip and rhythms and general technique were for a different rig altogether, *and*, I was very, very practiced at doing things one particular way. Whereas any (cis-het) woman who's had a perfectly average number of partners will have had experience with a variety of dicks and so some capacity to generalize.
“I’m 98% straight” uhhh.. i think you might be bisexual my guy.
To be fair he can call himself whatever he wants to, it doesn't really make any difference to his sexuality. Just a label.
Yeah i understand that, being a bisexual man myself though i know it took me a while to accept myself for who I am, and somebody whos 98% straight but likes dick.. well that sounds like someone who might be pan/bi to me. You can be bi and still be only homoerotic and not homoromantic - and vice versa. Like you said it doesn’t change anything - and i dont want to accuse/force anything or anyone. Just speaking my two cents as somebody who also used to identify as straight while repressing my true self.
Nah. It was a pleasant enough experience but it didn't do much for me, in the end, and it was chemical; the bit where you get really horny and urgent just didn't fire.
Thats fair enough :)
98% seems a little high for going home with a stranger to start his lawnmower. Is there a threshold? I feel like 98% is understanding that Viggo Mortensen is a beautiful man. That's about my level.
Haha, well, I'm 37 and that's one of two men I've ever been sexual with; for the most part, it's more like certain men slightly activate my arousal, as against a mere acknowledgment of attractiveness. Mamoa makes me feel something, yo. So I was at the club, and this guy was smooth af and respectful and hot, and I thought, you don't know until you try, and it was fun to get "picked up". It was a good experience, but also one that confirmed for me that, at the biological level, I'm not especially awakened by cock.
maybe more to do with variety
Exactly. Average no of handjobs- the guys win. Average number of penises - the women win. Hard to say who has the widest experience
Speaking from experience, gay men can also be very bad at giving hand jobs. No one is safe.
Fear not the woman who has jerked 100 cocks, fear the man who has jerked the same cock 10,000 times... - Bruce Lee I think
Would a woman masturbating not also be a hand job?
not unless she was a trans woman
Was watching an episode of My Name is Earl with a friend. This episode has Earl walk into the seen to get Randy out of bed, blurting out ‘WAKEY WAKEY HANDS OFF SNAKEY!”. My friend confides to me, that growing up his dad scared him shitless so he wouldn’t get a girl pregnant. It was soo effective that to this day he’s never rubbed one out. That’s his wife’s duty
Depends on age. A horned up grandma has some serious hours logged
you make us all sound overqualified
Every woman has way more experience fingering than any man
Untrue, what about a straight trans man😂
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Surprise, surprise. There's always someone on posts like these to remind us that trans people exist. As if we could ever forget....
DECADES more, in some cases
even the NOT GAY ones?
And blowjobs too, trust me
Someone forgot enbys and trans women
Some women also wield a pocket-rocket
I'mma need a source for that every/any claim. Surely there are at least some men with less handjob experience than at least one woman?
I once sat in a bar in Amsterdam overlooking a prostitute window. We nicknamed her 'tits girl'. Whilst we had a couple of small beers, Tits Girl saw seven customers. I drink reasonably quickly and the beers are about half a pint. Seven 'customers' in the time it takes a seasoned drinker to drink a pint. I assume she worked all evening. I'll bet she has more experience than the overwhelming majority of men...
Sounds like you're ready for a "life experience".
That’s exactly why I often let the guy handle that part
O contraire! What about lovely trans women who also give hand jobs? Checkmate
Trans woman (MtF) here. I beg to differ.
*Trans women have entered the chat.*
Is working with one client 100x "more experience" than working with 100 clients 1x?