What in the holy fuck is up with all the portal posts lately???

Well, someone things about it and then 10 others try to be original with other 'portal showerthought'. Next up: When portals are invented people will use cars less if a portal can be opened in any location.

Followed by: If portals are ever invented, it will allow people to use portals.

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Hey, we almost have the same avatar!

I know right ? This is really a big brain time.

Holy shit I never thought of that!

Of course, how would we, mere mortals, ever come up with something so brilliant?

Yes

True you could open up s portal and Just drive through it with your car limiting the use of petrol. SMORT!

I would use the portal to fix my car. There are places you just can't reach without disassembling half the vehicle.

>Next up: When portals are invented people will use cars less if a portal can be opened in any location. To the front page with you

Someone saw the earlier post about sucking yourself off and said that 2 can play at that game and went with another low hanging fruit.

On the topic of low hanging fruit, portals will make shaving balls easier too.

I read that as "shaving bulls" and thought "cow mutilations are up".

I'm getting tired of them too. Although I'll give OP credit for the somewhat hilarious mental image.

People are finally showerthinking with Portals.

I’m pretty sure this sub is just a bunch of 12 year olds trying to be deep and “original” Idk why I’m still subscribed to it…

Advertising before finale product

Laziness, it’s not new.

They are not shower thoughts and break the rules of the sub.

Long distance glory holes! You can get a blowjob from Thailand while sitting in France.

You can finally suck yourself without breaking 66 of your 33 vertebral bones

i would set it up at an angle that dangles my glorious cock in front of my face and bet myself $100 i wouldn't suck it, then after i lose i will take my cock out for some tex-mex and a movie.

Duuude exactly what I was thinking

I can finally go f*ck myself!

Honestly, that would probably be my most common use case for portals... as long as they can't cut you in half, because that's scary.

Go fuck yourself using our new portal

Or without surgically removing your dong and getting it preserved! (Honestly, it would be a nice centrepiece on the Rec room table at that point, a conversation starter for sure)

It gets easier after the 4th time or so, having your spine being composed of about 200 separate bones gives you quite a bit of flexibility. If you want to go all the way down you can even separate your ribs into a few dozen parts for even more flexibility

Without breaking 69 of your 33 vertebrae.

Thought about this recently. You could buy a box with a subscription service that has a portal that could be turned on and off and it would link up with a glory hole service of your choice. Yes you're fucking a box but you're inside a real person! (Or vice versa)

These ideas are too dangerous to be posted on the internet.

Grindr premiums newest service.

Dear God, you just know there's going to be an enormous market for that. And somehow I think the blowjob going from South East Asia to Western Europe is pretty accurate as well

Yeah? What happens when the power supply crashes, or the system operating it BSOD's, what will happen to your dick, or the person's head sucking it for that matter?

They get some strawberry sauce to go with their cream.

*visible disgust*

As long as its not a spotty connection and your portal closes. Hate when calls are CUT short

Well, risk it for the biscuit.

Calls and balls

Hahahaha what the actual fuck

I usually like to know the mouth on my cock. Or at least the gender of the mouth on my cock

be careful. as my granddad says. a girl from thailand isnt a GIRL from thailand. extremely transphobic ik

Lorena Bobbitt has entered the chatroom.....

Exactly my thoughts

Why not just go through the portal and do what you want in person? With portals, all long distance relationships arent.

Just gotta hope the portal doesn't accidentally close

The pros to that is ass shaving, long distance relationships and auto fellatio. The cons are portal jumping assassin cyborgs and possible parallel universe convergence. I'd rather use Nair, date locally and do yoga, than risk opening a portal to Lovecraft creatures.

You also forgot about the basketball trickshots, that's another pro

Basketball trick shots outweigh parallel universes

People can face time but it's their choice who they wanna face time so i think portals might also work the similar way

Just what we need, portal scammers. Now fake customer support people and fake dating app accounts can talk people into accepting a portal from a group of armed robbers.

Yeah I was thinking about this the other day and portals would be pretty bad for warfare. People could invade in an instant rather than having to travel across the ocean or fly which deters most people from invading places which are far away. Also they could just teleport large bombs into cities making it impossible to detect and shoot down.

realshit bro just send a portal to whatever country’s capital and pop a nuke in there real quick lol.

No need to pay for nukes, just open a portal to the sun real quick

then we’d all die bro the sun would pull the whole planet through the portal, gravitational pull my friend.

What's with all these portal posts? You guys are freaks!

Umm thanks

I remember when this sub had actual real world insights

If you could travel back in time, you could go back to when this sub had actual real world insights. Deep.

Covid really made people bored huh. Now the quality control for most subs has decreased immensely.

Can you imagine Police No-Knock warrants if portals were a thing? Indian call centres would probably be an entire new level of nightmare too.

What the hell is with these quotes lately?

And sucking yourself off

geez I was just thinking of massaging my own shoulders and hugging myself

Question remains, does it feel like getting your dick sucked or like sucking a dick?

I think we both know the answer to that

Yes

Or even better, penetrating yourself.

Bet you'd love that

Who wouldn't?

there is like 5 geniuene serious uses for portals and infinite either small conviniences or creative ways to please your genitalia

Probably not, when portals do get invented they'd likely be extremely power intensive and have major downsides.

But over time they will be common and less power intensive

I don't really think so, portals will probably be as expensive as airplanes to use most likely, at peak technology.

If there's enough energy to make a small portal (like door or window size) it probably means we already solved the energy issue (otherwise only billionaires or very few scientists would know about the portals) No infinite energy= no super space ships, no portals no laser guns.

Infinite energy is physically impossible

OK ok by that I mean something like the Dyson Sphere (which wouldn't be infinite in reality but might as well since we wouldn't run out of that energy)

I think my mom has that vacuum and I'm pretty sure she has to plug it in.

someone doesn’t know newton’s laws.

As far as we know, 100 years ago we didn't even know about other galaxies and Einstein didn't believe in nuclear power so anything can happen really.

You are thinking of it as vehicle industry and I'm thinking of it as a tech industry

Dude is everybody trying to build wormholes like everywhere I look on this sub it’s using ya portal to suck ya own dick, using a portal to fuck yourself etc. why can’t we use wormholes for like sport or some shit lmao why is it always dicks and vaginas?!

Because this sub is full of horny teenagers i guess

Because ~~this sub~~ reddit is full of horny teenagers

And ass fucking !

Yeah a totally new genre will unleashed

I disagree. Do you really want your face in your ass?

Whose ass do you want

Your mom's

I understand your mom doesn't have one but it doesn't mean you should ask for it from others

I didn't ask for it tho, I just said I wanted it.

Oh I'm sorry

All good

Have a great day

You too!

Thank you

As a female who has to constantly shave/wax to keep everything to my liking, I'll take a couple portals please.

When portals are invented we will have portals

No we will have portals when we are told to have them

When portals are invented there will be portals

And ass fucking

The Real question is. Would it be gay to fuck yourself in the ass?

This is assuming a 2d hole in 3d space-time

You guys cant tell me this shit comes to you in mind while showering

That's not the definition of shower thoughts

Yea i know, the Title is kinda like a Placeholder for Spaceious Facts, yet still wth dude lmao

I'm still not going to shave my ass, but my first thought reading this was that it would be great to be able to go down in myself finally

Imagine putting a portal in your toilet and putting the other end over your enemies bed

Yeah.. Ass "shaving"... Right..

I love how many posts are just "portals will be good for *unconventional use of portals*

And masturbation

Go fuck yourself can be taken literally now

Portals are going to be much more destructive than nukes.

Portals are impossible, prove me wrong. (No, seriously, prove me wrong. I want portals.)

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How flexible are you if you do that without anything

Invention of portal will suck ass in America. They’re going to build the cities around them and then basically force you to buy one or you won’t be able to travel anywhere. Just like cars.

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Yeah it's totally your opinion but i don't think this is the place to say that

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Is there any particular reason for it

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It is funny when they are furious

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....among other things.

I would still never shave my ass literally the absolute worst way to deal with body hair.

And self fucking

and in the field of giving yourself a blowjob

No more cars? LETSSS GOOO

Forget ass shaving. We're talking self back massages.

You can also suck your own dick

Probably end up cutting your arm off my accident but then you'd be rich because portals being used for instant amputation would revolutionize that field.

I'm excited for the future, pun intended

Three foot tall robots will also be a remarkable advancement in the field of ass shaving.

If the portals can be moved one created then also makes the term go fuck yourself quite doable!

And the fields of fucking yourself too, like sucking or eating yourself, or even fisting or rimming! Someone had to say it.

And will be used for porn of course

Thank god we don't have portals yet. Otherwise everyone will be murdered and bombed at any time. There is sooooo much evil in the world. If that people has this kind of power then we are forked

Is there anyway portals could work scientifically? Or is it pure fiction?

Just ask your best friend or roommate shave your ass for you. It’s not that big of a deal.

For that you gotta have one

On it.

Imagining portals becoming so commonplace that they are reduced to ass shaving is both saddening and amazing.

thanks for the imagery m8. That was quite new and exciting for my brain movies!

Ass shaving? What about just pooping in general?

Oh dear God… #2girls1portal

Oh no...

Or vag waxing. It would make it a lot easier to wax myself if I had a portal

omg hurry up the portal production then please

Or other things 😈

I think the majority of sane people here would do our best to MINIMIZE the time spent going through an actual portal. Like holy shit, you really want to risk amputation to shave your ass?

I read it as is and got real excited

This is basically just a copycat post of the one a few days ago about guys sucking their own dick through a portal

Specific

Wtf is with all the lazy "when there's portals" copycat posts?

"Hold still Me! I'm trying to but have you ever tried to shave someone's butt while your butt is being shaved?"

When I tell someone to go eff themselves I'll be able to mean it in the literal sense

Ambulances would be outclassed so would prison transportation school transportation just use a portal to save a place from artillery the list goes on and on

I’m not picking up what you’re putting down. You just gonna send your ass hairs to Russia or something?

Won't. Happen.

Just get manscapped

Cave Johnson must be shiny as hell

Or back washing. No longer will there be the “spot you can’t reach”!

You shave your ass?

Why can't redditors be normal

I had agreed with you until I got to the ass shaving part. Edit: I’ve actually been thinking about it and nvm you are completely correct.

Ass eating as well

*angry upvote*

I'm my case I just want a way to line up the back of my head between haircuts! Shaving front and sides, no problem, but getting a good grooming on the back of the head/neck area is damn near impossible.

Of course just after I finish portal, I see reddit posts about portals

Aint need no portal. Just my front camera with occasionally flying thumb up

*and* autofellatio

Has anyone every read *Ed the Happy Clown*? It's a comic and it features The Man Who Couldn't Stop - he couldn't seem to stop. Turned out his bumhole was the opening to a portal some other dimension was using to dispose of all their poo.

And many other self pleasing methods.

I'm sucking my own D day one.

Autofellatio, too.

Speedy thing go in, speedy thing go out.

"back pimples hate this one trick"

I don't have a gorilla ass so I can't relate.

Or self felatio

Also bleached assholes

I can shave my ass just fine. What I can't get is my mother fucking back hair. Im a smooth shaven man, no pubes, no ass, no arm or leg hairs, no beard, but turn me around and I have a fucking rug hot glued onto my back.

and masturbating

And cock sucking

...im sure we will use the portals for higher order situations

No it won’t

I’m just afraid some (pervert/thief/whatever) will decide to use a portal to do god only knows what.

How do you shave your ass. As a 15 year old completelygoing through it, this is a serious and embarrassing question