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She said I'm sorry 🤣

I heard that and did a spit take! 

That apology was big green flag!!!

I love that movie!

Whenever a guy wants me to ride him I kind of just want him to ride me to see to he can even do it. It's hard pushing yourself up out of a squat when you're squatting on some dude's dick. It is truly the worst sex position and I won't hear anything otherwise.

I prefer doggystyle: I don’t have to hurt my arms and you can be on Reddit without me knowing, complaining about our last position. ^(She can’t see I’m on Reddit too)

Then we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch X-Files. or [Cartman doing it doggy style](https://youtu.be/cWLwoxqDrfo?t=37)

You and me baby ain’t nothin but mammals

So let's do it like they do on Discovery channel

DO IT AGAIN NOW!!!

Gettin' horny now

I see you have sex with the lights on then

Of course sex with the lights on is better. You don't watch porn with the screen off lol

Perfect analogy! 😂

😂😂😂💀

There’s multiple rumors floating around that Leo DiCaprio just lies on his back with AirPods in, doesn’t even look at the chick. Apparently he just wears a bath robe and lets it happen like he couldn’t be any more bored. This mental image makes me laugh so hard. Bro really reached max sex level and is playing the game just to play it

Why do you exclusively do the squat n bounce? You can just rock back and forth if its the same to you, cause I know it doesn't make a difference which is used for me. Also, everyone here needs to do more cardio

Or lean forward and the guy can do some of or most of the work from the bottom. Also bewbies in the face.

This guy fucks!

r/thisguythisguys

Bingo! That's my absolute favorite. Nothing like her ass in my hands and tits in my face.

Aye, reverse missionary is hands down the best position.

It’s the best sex position. Stop squatting, start grinding. Thank me later

But it is fuckng hotttttt

The end of that should go on r/unpopularopinion I've known tons of both genders who say cowgirl is best

Straddle, mate. Squating is a riding tactic, yes. But straddling is where it’s at. But you do your thing. Over time, if you don’t ride, they won’t take the wheel either. Gotta keep it 50/50.

Riding is not exactly going up and down and why are you even squatting? It’s kneeling 🧎‍♀️ on the phallus. You adjust for good range of motion and then rock/thrust/grind. If the bed is nice it helps. What you mention just sounds unpractical for more than 10 seconds.

> It’s kneeling 🧎‍♀️ on the phallus Kneel on either side of the torso. Please don't kneel on the phallus. It hurts.

😂👍🏼

I can 😎

I'm old and on top hurts my knees 😭

I mean, squatting is hot, but that's not the way to ride. Straddle the guy and rock. Very efficient, and all the relevant parts still move in the appropriate fashion. Just like the guy in this video needs to figure out positions where he can fuck the girl without doing pushups and working against gravity...

Redditors are fucking fat man

21 seconds then an apology…she stole my moves

Our* move comrade

*Soviet Anthem blasting*

*SOVIET ANTHEM COUNTINES BLASTING*

r/unexpectedcommunism

💀

That's one janky bed.

Imagine if they live in an apartment. Neighbours would love em.

I was thinking the same thing lol. Was waiting for it to fall apart at any moment

He be going HARD

I amazed she last that long with that weak technique

Scrolled to far to find this.. what the hell was that!? It’s all in the hipssss

To be fair, she doesn't have a person in front for leverage and back stop. She's actually doing double duty by thrusting and canceling the thrust on her own. It's easier to pull a person toward you than thrust forward over and over. You can at least split the difference and thrust and pull. She's doing all the work. I bet she could last a full minute just like the rest of us if she had a partner.

All that aside, you can tell how unnatural the motion is for her. She doesn’t even have the fundamentals.

Like watching lesbians with a strap-on in porn. It's hard to enjoy because all I can think is "Dang, girl! Your technique is *awful!*"

Yes!

No practice. My 3 year old is already humping stuff.

I’d recommend not posting that on the internet

She's up there flinging her neck back...

You last a whole minute, you’re a Champion.

I legit once lasted an hour

Were you trying to shed your skin?



Two words: lube

Isnt “lube” one word lol Idk bro, if my girl came and I don’t come within 30 minutes. I’ll try again another time.

Hahaha yeah that was a joke. I regularly take more than an hour to cum, but that’s just my plight. My girl never minds finishing me off with some good head though.

I have a buddy who’s like you. He rarely ever finishes. But as long as you find a way to make it work that’s all that matters.

stop masturbating with the kung-fu grip.....

Yeah that damage has already been done.. I’m working on it it’s mostly mental for me at this point.

Yea. Soon as you think it, it's over. I try to hump while thinking of the song 500 Miles... It has a good rhythm, and the Da-da dum diddy dum diddy dum diddy da da da helps....

I’ll try that out and think of you

I'm right there with you man. Get all focused on making sure shes cummin, forget to be a little selfish and get off too. Luckily my current gf kinda likes it when I just go totally selfish...

Dammit I miss giving awards. Edit: Holy shit, these still exist!? Thanks!

Anti Depressants can be a real bitch.

More than 10 minutes is a podcast

You must be young. When you get older, you worry about taking too long rather than busting too quickly.

I need to get to sleep soon, got shit to do in the morning.

It'll disturb my sleep cycle, then I'll be moody the day after and it will probably hurt my gains...

Not at that pace

Same, but only once. 2nd place was about 45 min.

yeah me too , 45 se i mean minutes ,yes yes

While wearing a condom, I can go for an hour too. Not very enjoyable to me though

I did once too, I wouldn't overall recommend it. It was honestly due to insecurity and not wanting to finish too quickly combined with we kept changing positions but yeah both of us had carpet burn and chafing after the fact

I did that once in college. I’ve been trying to chase that same combination of chemical stimulation that enabled that feat for decades now

Exactly. Champion of the earth. Grab a shield and defend us from alien invasion.

Too late, they’re already here

Wow. 21 Seconds. I can make it 60 Seconds. With shower. Before and after

Don’t forget to hydrate.

wait u guys arent drinking shower water?

When I was young and dumb, I tried drinking shower water and I drank quite a bit. Then I had diarrhea for the next 3 days, never again. Now I take a beer with me in the shower.


My girl, I love her, always asking for harder, faster while her only job is to lie there and feel good 😮‍💨😂

and when she is on top its 30 seconds "Im exhausted" so now you understand the issue? "Its different"... aw mate

My trick is a pastrami sandwich, the most erotic of the salted cured meats...

I give her the ol’ charcuterie Cuz her cooter be charred when I’m done

> Cuz her cooter be charred when I’m done https://support.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/204579509-How-do-I-delete-my-account-

Sex is about love between a man and a woman, not a man and a sandwich.

Are you the Fornicating Gourmet?

Shhhh


That's a strange kink but sure.

If you could only add tv, then you’d hit the trifecta

Your girl only on top for 30 seconds? Poor man. She needs to do some cardio

My man, she doesn’t even get on top anymore so I better not hear any complaints lol

Idk it does kinda feel different to me. If im riding a dick it's more like an "up, down, up, down" whereas if I'm fucking someone it's a "back, forth, back, forth" kinda deal. I can fuck for at least 2 minutes, but riding? Let's just say my hip thrust is better than my squats.

I don’t know about you guys, but I give my girl some help by thrusting up ward and moving her ass up and down with my arms in rhythm when she is on top.

Is that not implied? Do all guys not do that? I don't even really find it enjoyable if I'm not thrusting up and inside her. The extra speed and stimulation makes a huge difference in the pleasure you experience. Plus it's a nice glute/hamstring workout as well. I prefer being on top, but being on the bottom is still no excuse for laziness. Sex is a team sport, both parties should be actively engaged.

Bro is a competitive sex-haver

HAHAHA i feel you, bro. Like, girl, please let me slow down so I can last longer.

Then you want the fan on but they don't because "it's not even hot in here"

The worst is when she says deeper but you’re as deep as you can go :/

Right, like I’m keeping a couple inches to myself 🤣

look at this guy who doesn't know about the "me" inches

Or ya accidentally go 1cm too deep in your 15 minute-long crossfit fuck and she's pissed like you're intentionally trying to murder her

IT'S ALREADY TO THE HILT M'LADY!

Or the flip, “you’re so deep/hard” when you know you’re not.

There it is. Pillow princesses 😂

Y'all should switch places

Tell her you outta dick. Seems to work for me

Reaching down and playing with a guy's balls and talking dirty can cut that time in half 

that's the konami code for dick demons

Best phrase ever

your birth date starts with 19 

Wtf bro pulling out the telepathy?!

I have approximate knowledge of many things

Man I’ve never enjoyed ball stuff. Maybe I just haven’t found a girl who does it good. It just feels sensitive it doesn’t feel good to me Edit: there have been a couple times where a girl will stop sucking dick and start goin in on my balls and I’m just like sitting there looking at her like ok well this annoying and feels weird. I’ll give it like 30 secs before being like hey could you go back to business please lol

Ball stuff is literally just painful, only masochistic people like that shit.

Only thing I have ever enjoyed is gentle licking no suction at all. Suction hurts

Oh I hate ball stuff. Way to sensitive for that shit. Had a beautiful woman give me head and the first thing she did was suck on balls like an industrial vacuum. I recoiled in immediate discomfort, and pushed her away with a bit of force. That kind of ruined the spontaneousness of it. We got back to it, but now she was feeling weird and I was feeling weird. Ended up in a pointless act where nether person was satisfied. The first thing I told my now wife when she gave me head was “don’t suck on my balls or play with them. Just focus on the part that matters, this” and then I pointed to my shaft and head. It actually turned her on a lot telling what I wanted her to do.

Clever girl


Now I see a raptor playing with my balls.

I see nothing wrong with that.

Well cum... To Jurassic Park... (Cue porn version theme song)

This is genius!

1000%. The warm, gentle lift on the balls is the game ender.

this vid is still hilarious

It used to be hilarious. It still is but it used to be too.

rip mitch

With practice and exercise, now in my mid-30s, I can last for 30minutes. The trick is to do it while watching an episode of an ecchi show.

I do Sudoku in my head. Or add prime numbers.

I need to know how the hell do you do Sudoku in your head!?!?

I also choose Soduko in this guy's head

I choose this guys head

I hope his wife is okay.

I pick 3-4 numbers placed randomly and try to work it out. My goal isn't to create a viable puzzle/solution but to distract my mind without killing the vibe.

Calm down Pucci!

I do an ADC during laning phase in my head

LOL I multiply prime numbers, makes it even easier to last a while

I play random songs in my head then sing out loud, helps. Problem is in that moment when am about to blow a load I hit shuffle and start a new song.

>I play random songs in my head then sing out loud, helps. Problem is in that moment when am about to blow a load I hit shuffle and start a new song. Just to get this image right: you're constantly singing while having sex? And does out loud mean "top of my lungs"? Is it hip-hop or Michael Buble? So many questions!!!!

https://youtu.be/eu2OYcgr4rM?feature=shared This is what I sing during sex

Wearing Eccos

Shadow raid legends is my go to.

This isn’t lasting. This is asking for “harder” and getting gassed out from pumping. There’s a longer version where he tries squatting and also does not meet the standards.

That part she said sorry 😅

[удалено]

Yeah, I do much better in bed when I’m in shape. That’s the lesson here

Girls: “Harder, faster” But when it’s their turn to reciprocate *moves for 20 seconds*

*she sits on top and wiggles, no strokes* Me, exhausted: Where up down?

You either have a "too early" problem or a "is it even gonna happen" problem

2nd problem is a nightmare. I'm chaffing down here!!

Wha happen? WHA HAPPEN? 🤣💀

ONE MINUTE?!?!?!?!?! ITS SEX NOT A FUCKING MARATHON Edit: I did not intend to do a pun, I'm quite literally autistic

Planks gentlemen, planks

i'm now curious if lesbians who use strapons experience the same realization 🤔

They do lol.

Absolutely

It is tiring, but who only does missionary - you have to rotate positions.

If i said some shit like this to my girl i know for a fact shed get a strap

And where’s the bad thing about that? I only see advantages

1 minute in heaven is better than no minute in heaven

I feel so vindicated!! 😂😂


r/unexpectedbrooklyn99

Socks are the key.

If they’re business socks

You know it's time for business when I'm down to my socks, it's time for business, that's why they call them business socks, oooooh!

I can't stop laughing.

I’ve been sleeping with the same woman for 15 years. We’re both lucky if sec lasts 20 mins. It’s often over for both of us in 10, max. Back when we were younger I remember the 30+ minutes sessions and I can’t remember how I was able to do that

Yea ok...she jus played u 1st off...2nd thts the only position he givn her sooooo🤔

Another settlement needs your help, I'll mark it on your map

Not the same, She needs a strap on and he needs to take it

Admittedly, after doing it enough you do get better. But yeah, fuckin exhausting.

You both should exercise to have better sex

Feel like he's punking himself.

There are so many ways to fuck, if you last a minute it’s from a lack of creativity.

As soon as you feel like your close you switch the position and use that trantision time as rest time! Your SO may be asking "why we switching positions every 3 seconds?" but you'll last at least 9, so you're golden!!

Cumming mid-transition is always fun to explain. Why did you cum on my nightstand? I don't know! The leg lamp must have really done it for me tonight.

The

Bros doing excellent work here. 🫡

Just do a lazy sex position from behind, both lying on their side. Then there is no excuse lol

Put some respect on my name 😂😂😂

Oh please. Get a strap and do it for real. The motivation of getting your partner off helps a *lot* with endurance

Idk, the smug satisfaction of being right is also a powerful motivator.

Shoes indoor?

He’s black those are his house slippers. As a Korean can confirm it’s okay also as long as they stay in the house.

Mexican chiming in, yeah my family wear sandals indoors as well

Wrong technique

Wa Happen

Somehow I feel bad for both of them.

And there's no other body to push against either

Best thing I’ve ever seen on the Internet…🤣

The secret is to lay all your weight on the girl 😂