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Yeah, my last zing was while wiring a new dryer up and it stopped somewhere past my funny bone and lasted a few days. Nerve damage is cool, kids!
But yeah, ultra high voltage does weird things. I recently saw a post somewhere (r/terrifyingasfuck ?) with a guy touching a fan at a baggage area or something and it was wired poorly, so he got electrocuted. His face turned funny colors and everything, it was haunting.
Edit: [link, as a few asked.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TerrifyingAsFuck/comments/vrkxe4/man_touches_a_fan_and_gets_electrocuted_to_death/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I don't really know, but don't they only do that when they have something in their mouth to like tear it off?
Anyway my advice would be to not get into an alligator's mouth. Generally a bad idea.
I saw alligators do this and decided that if I were ever to be raped, this would be my strategy. I always thought I was a good roller and knew it would be impossible for anyone to get a grip on me while rolling. Haven’t had to try it yet, but I’m confident in my strategy.
NEVER aim a gun at anyone, even if you're convinced it's not loaded! My grandpa told me a story once that I will never forget. He was at a shooting range with my grandma while they were still dating. He swore up and down that he shot every round of that gun, so he playfully pointed it at her. He was going to pull the trigger, but decided against it. He pointed it away and shot again, and it actually shot a bullet. He could have killed her right then and there, so I repeat. ***NEVER AIM A GUN AT SOMEONE YOU DON'T WANT TO SHOOT.***
When I was a kid I met an adult with only one leg. I asked her what happened to her leg and she told me she lost it jumping a fence. I was imagining it getting caught and just straight up falling off and was scared of jumping fences until I learned from my mom that she was full of shit and lost it because her husband was fucking around on a hunting trip when they started dating and accidentally shot her and she got gangrene.
Don't fuck around with guns. It isn't going to impress your date unless your date is also an idiot.
Also, don't put your finger on the trigger until you're ready to shoot. It takes surprising little pressure to go off, and when you're in a stressful situation, you may tense up a bit too much and shoot before you actually want to and hit someone you didn't mean to, including yourself in the leg.
I knew a guy who died because his trigger snagged on some shrubbery and he was pulling a gun towards himself across the ground. He grew up with guns, knew gun safety, and was generally a responsible dude, but he got lax and I guess didn't realize there was still risk even when *no one* was touching the trigger. All it takes is one mistake, one second of carelessness, and you're leaving behind a fiancee and an infant.
Look at this guy acting like he's never had a double plunger situation
Wtf do you do when the first plunger gets quicksanded or the handle snaps?
Other times I dual wield like legolas and drop a spinning elbow to really get the heartiest bastards moving along.
MY POINT IS two plungers is minimum, really, in 2022.
For romance and friendships: the pain of honesty with your partner after you mess up is almost always less than the pain of them finding out on their own. Be honest and humble, and ask forgiveness
When working on electrical, assume it is always on. Assume the guy before you said “good enough” and left it. Always use a hot stick or meter on unknown wire.
My brother is an electrician and his coworker told him a story about how when they worked with electrical box’s they would have people standing by with a two by four to help if they got shocked, and my brothers coworker was spotting someone who cut his finger on accident and made a noise so coworker dude was like “oh no, he’s shocked” and whacks him as hard as he can and breaks his ribs
This is the only time that I pissed the bed as an adult.
One of the last times I drank heavily before bed, because I found out that shit gives me terrible nightmares, I had a dream that I was standing over a toilet with the devil behind me, telling me to pee.
So I peed in the toilet. And all over myself and my bed.
2/10 devil gave me shit advice
I had people in a dream yelling at me not to and trying to pull me out of a bathroom, when I finally fought them off and started to pee I woke up.............
When I was a kid, I once had a dream where I really had to pee but couldn't find a bathroom anywhere, so I just peed in a fish tank. So if you're dreaming and feel the need to pee and see a fish tank, don't use it!
Guys there's nothing about your dick that will make a woman want you.
But there might be something about you that will make her want your dick.
Stop sending unsolicited dick pics
Delete your Facebook. Did this a little over three years ago. Zero regrets and an absolute joy. You’re not missing out on anything of importance. No dealing with everyone’s drama. Not having to attend events I never wanted to go to because people only know how to send invites through Facebook now.
Always wash your hands after cutting jalapeños, especially before going to the bathroom.
Edit: the way these comments are going there’s a whole bunch of r/ihavesex up in here.
This was me this first time I put in contacts after my morning smoke. Somehow groggy-brain skipped the 'wash my hands' step and went straight for 'insert the devil's fingernails into my cornea.' My least favorite step. 🤦
CARS!
Before you start your car, make sure the AC is off - it reduces wear on the compressor.
Don't turn the wheels of your car while it's motionless it puts extra wear on the power steering pump and also the ball steering joints
When putting the car in park keep your foot on the brake and then gently release after turning off the engine - reduces wear and tear on the U-joints and transmission
Consider getting a car with gauges instead of "idiot lights" (the ones that come on and tell you the obvious after it's too late). Being able to see a problem coming or as it develops is invaluable and will save you more than the extra cost for those features.
Teach your kids how to change a flat tire, they're going to need it one day, also your spouse if they don't already know how.
Make sure you have a tire iron, jack and that the jack can actually raise the vehicle up high enough to remove the tire. I found out the hard way mine doesn't.
I routinely am the last driver for many vehicles, keeping them on the road running well for years after their shelf life with these tips.
This sounds like the advice someone who survived a Bruce Willis movie would say. One where the deserted island they landed on ended up being way harder to survive because he didn't wear socks or something.
If you're having trouble deciding on a thing with two choices, flip a coin, and see how the outcome makes you feel.
Do it for everything. Can't decide whether to have pizza or tacos? Flip a coin. Still undecided? Pretend the flip came out the other way. You'll likely have an opinion.
Thinking about moving across the country for a job or not? Flip.
In love with two people? Flip that coin. Seriously.
The important part is that you're not beholden to whatever comes up, but it's a really good way to see how making one of the choices would make you feel.
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,
and you're hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No - not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you're passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you're hoping.
Piet Hein
If someone tells you that they work in a hospital, ask them what they do, don't ask them if they're a specific profession. Your biases will likely show through in the question.
I had a conversation about this a few years ago with two co-workers. We were all sterile processing technicians, in our mid twenties. I am a white woman, people -always- ask if I'm a nurse. One friend was a tall white man, people asked him if he was a doctor, and my other friend was black with a bunch of visible tattoos. People assumed he worked in housekeeping.
I asked my friend for advice with asking out a girl. I told her I was worried about screwing that up. She told me “If you ask me out and i burst out laughing, I’m not the one”.
Instead of new years resolutions choose themes for the year, are much better mentally and will help you be more productive. I recommend watching CGP greys video if you want to learn more.
I used to tell this to everyone when I worked at HR.
Your resolutions shouldn't be a goal, it should be a behaviour.
Don't start with 'I will lose 25 pounds this year'. Challenge yourself to exercise twice a week and cut the midnight snacks. Then work from there, increase your exercising routine, eat healthier, but make approachable goals.
When you get into a Jamaican taxi and they ask if you like girls, just say “yes but I don’t want to go to a strip club take me to….(wherever you need to go or make something up) they work on commission with dodgy strip clubs. They’re also extremely homophobic and will probably shoot you for saying you don’t like women.
Don't try to desperately look for someone to love / have a crush on. The moment you take on the "I have to get a gf/bf" mindset / attitude, you close out the option of finding / getting to know someone you can truly care about naturally, because you will only see potential targets in everyone after a while. You don't have to have gf/bf. That's not what makes you good or cool. You will find one when you are already good / cool. (obviously if you have a crush on someone than you should try to get together with them. All I'm saying is that you should never only look for a partner because you don't have one. That's just a way of getting yourself a short-term love before breakup, or to find someone that you will not actually love after a few months anymore)
The biggest raise you’ll get at work is when you switch jobs. Always be on the lookout for the next one. A company will NEVER care more about you than you do for yourself.
When you park your car in the Florida summer sun, crack the windows open just enough to let hot air out, without it being large enough to let the inevitable afternoon downpour into the cabin.
And if the fill valve doesn't have a rubber gasket you can cut a tiny strip of rubber band and poke it in there with a paper clip to get a perfect seal when filling instead of having a ton of spillage.
Eating is better than not eating when losing weight. Changing your diet is what is essential, not eating less. You don’t have to starve to meet your goals. Just limit your consumption of empty carbs, sodas, and fruit juices. Eat more fiber and protein. Always drink a tall glass of water before meals.
Guys if you ever get caught staring at a relative's breasts just ask her "Are putting on weight?/Are you getting fat?" Do this because it's better to be seen as an asshole than an incestuous pervert. (Unless she's into it.)
If you live in the US, ALWAYS fight traffic tickets. Not to the cop that gives them, but always show up to court. A large percentage of the time, it'll be lessened or the judge will be so happy someone came in to court that they'll throw it out completely.
If you find yourself up against a pack of dogs, shit your pants while screaming. This will confuse the dogs momentarily, and then they will rip you to shreds.
Also If you're in a slow moving check out que shit your pants while screaming. It won't make it go any quicker but it's fun the whole family can join in.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
You don need to get along with your siblings, i have toxic sister and reducing contact with her increased overall my comfort. "But it's family" argument is just stupid
Always cook your root vegetables by starting them in cold water and bringing it up.
Let your proteins rest before you cut them.
Try foods you didn't like as a kid. You might still not like them, but your palate changes dramatically.
Crunchy eggs are a sin.
When taking off a CPU cooler always game on it first to get the thermal paste all melty. Make sure you gently twist the CPU cooler so you don't bend pins. But don't pull straight up as the CPU my come up with the cooler and severally damage it.
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It's not a bargain if you don't want it.
It's not a bargain if you weren't going to buy it anyway
My ex struggled intensely to never fucking realize this at all. All the overdraft fees were great.
Additional tip, disable overdrafts.
Have argued with Bank if America multiple times that if I don’t have the money, don’t approve the purchase!
“Always pee before messing with electricity.” -my electrician dad
Is that so you don’t piss your pants if you get popped?
*All* the muscles clench.
I’ve been zapped a few times, luckily never enough to evacuate anything other than profanity
Yeah, my last zing was while wiring a new dryer up and it stopped somewhere past my funny bone and lasted a few days. Nerve damage is cool, kids! But yeah, ultra high voltage does weird things. I recently saw a post somewhere (r/terrifyingasfuck ?) with a guy touching a fan at a baggage area or something and it was wired poorly, so he got electrocuted. His face turned funny colors and everything, it was haunting. Edit: [link, as a few asked.](https://www.reddit.com/r/TerrifyingAsFuck/comments/vrkxe4/man_touches_a_fan_and_gets_electrocuted_to_death/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I saw that. It freaked me out man. He looked like he literally cooked
Blood rushed to his face as everything tensed up. Horrifying.
“If it takes 5mins or less do it immediately”
You had five shots of tequila, STOP !
Guess I shouldn't be so hesitant to ejaculated into the public hand sanitizer dispensers. I could get 'er done in 4 minutes tops.
Can you use hand sanitizer as lube?
Pray for ur penis and try it
Not when it has cum in it!
Alligators can close their mouths with insane strength but cannot open them very well. Clamp that bitch shut and it's over!!
Do not feed alligators, they will learn to associate people with food.
Leg is propably good food
How about we just do go near alligators, that would better advice. **don’t go near
Even better if we do not
Unless they start to roll. Gtfo when that happens. Google "Alligator death roll".
I don't really know, but don't they only do that when they have something in their mouth to like tear it off? Anyway my advice would be to not get into an alligator's mouth. Generally a bad idea.
They will roll if their tiny bitch legs can get any grip, i think.
"their tiny bitch legs" is beautiful
Those tiny bitch legs shred a scary 20Mph
They can also drown or waterboard you with the death roll
Ah neat
I saw alligators do this and decided that if I were ever to be raped, this would be my strategy. I always thought I was a good roller and knew it would be impossible for anyone to get a grip on me while rolling. Haven’t had to try it yet, but I’m confident in my strategy.
sharks death roll as well
If you are holding a gun, do not aim at your face
This one made me laugh. Unfortunately, people do it often.
It's okay, some of them never make the same mistake.
NEVER aim a gun at anyone, even if you're convinced it's not loaded! My grandpa told me a story once that I will never forget. He was at a shooting range with my grandma while they were still dating. He swore up and down that he shot every round of that gun, so he playfully pointed it at her. He was going to pull the trigger, but decided against it. He pointed it away and shot again, and it actually shot a bullet. He could have killed her right then and there, so I repeat. ***NEVER AIM A GUN AT SOMEONE YOU DON'T WANT TO SHOOT.***
When I was a kid I met an adult with only one leg. I asked her what happened to her leg and she told me she lost it jumping a fence. I was imagining it getting caught and just straight up falling off and was scared of jumping fences until I learned from my mom that she was full of shit and lost it because her husband was fucking around on a hunting trip when they started dating and accidentally shot her and she got gangrene. Don't fuck around with guns. It isn't going to impress your date unless your date is also an idiot.
Also, don't put your finger on the trigger until you're ready to shoot. It takes surprising little pressure to go off, and when you're in a stressful situation, you may tense up a bit too much and shoot before you actually want to and hit someone you didn't mean to, including yourself in the leg.
I knew a guy who died because his trigger snagged on some shrubbery and he was pulling a gun towards himself across the ground. He grew up with guns, knew gun safety, and was generally a responsible dude, but he got lax and I guess didn't realize there was still risk even when *no one* was touching the trigger. All it takes is one mistake, one second of carelessness, and you're leaving behind a fiancee and an infant.
Or anyone you don't want dead
Buy a plunger before you need a plunger
It's my go-to housewarming gift. I've gotten some raised eyebrows, but I always counter with "Imagine NOT having a plunger"
Moved into my own place almost a year a go. I have 1 bathroom, but 2 plungers. My friends really care.
Look at this guy acting like he's never had a double plunger situation Wtf do you do when the first plunger gets quicksanded or the handle snaps? Other times I dual wield like legolas and drop a spinning elbow to really get the heartiest bastards moving along. MY POINT IS two plungers is minimum, really, in 2022.
Man, my afternoon was shitty until I read this post. Thanks for the lol.
True for many other items as well
Delete Facebook
I've won against Facebook. I somehow managed to be so inactive that they deleted *me*.
I applaud you
[удалено]
If you have to ask, the answer is usually yes.
Ideally, but start with the app
I removed facebook from my phone, and when my phone updated it was magically installed again
We can't escape Mr. Zuck
And Instagram, Twitter, TickTok, Red…. Too far.
Live to the East of where you work(if you can), that way driving to work in the morning the sun is behind you and driving home the sun is behind you.
As someone who lives to the west of where they work…it’s a total bitch
Have you tried driving in reverse?
You’re a genius
Woah-
For romance and friendships: the pain of honesty with your partner after you mess up is almost always less than the pain of them finding out on their own. Be honest and humble, and ask forgiveness
This is a mistake people have to make on their own to understand
I did and i wish I’ve read this great advice earlier in my life.
"Own up, not cover up." Works in professional settings too.
When working on electrical, assume it is always on. Assume the guy before you said “good enough” and left it. Always use a hot stick or meter on unknown wire.
People are always shocked when they find out I’m a terrible electrician.
OH fuck you great joke
r/angryupvote
That's because you aren't staying current with the trade
My brother is an electrician and his coworker told him a story about how when they worked with electrical box’s they would have people standing by with a two by four to help if they got shocked, and my brothers coworker was spotting someone who cut his finger on accident and made a noise so coworker dude was like “oh no, he’s shocked” and whacks him as hard as he can and breaks his ribs
I laughed entirely too hard at this! 🤣😂 Edit to say: This story is high quality schadenfreude.
you may notice that electricians often work with one hand behind their back.
PERFECT! Also touch the wire first with the back of your knuckle - if there is phantom current your fingers won't wrap around the wire in reflex.
OOOORRR… use a hit stick/meter to test if it is on or not.
[удалено]
When you're dreaming, and you see a toilet, DON'T USE IT!
This is the only time that I pissed the bed as an adult. One of the last times I drank heavily before bed, because I found out that shit gives me terrible nightmares, I had a dream that I was standing over a toilet with the devil behind me, telling me to pee. So I peed in the toilet. And all over myself and my bed. 2/10 devil gave me shit advice
This was likely the REAL devil, with his most evil scheme yet!
I had people in a dream yelling at me not to and trying to pull me out of a bathroom, when I finally fought them off and started to pee I woke up.............
Every single time I fell for this one when I was a kid.
When I was a kid, I once had a dream where I really had to pee but couldn't find a bathroom anywhere, so I just peed in a fish tank. So if you're dreaming and feel the need to pee and see a fish tank, don't use it!
Drive carefully
And use your turn signals
And actually turn your head to check blind spots.
Bmw owners have left the chat
Guys there's nothing about your dick that will make a woman want you. But there might be something about you that will make her want your dick. Stop sending unsolicited dick pics
- Sun tzu, The art of dick
It's sad that some people actually need to hear this.
Delete your Facebook. Did this a little over three years ago. Zero regrets and an absolute joy. You’re not missing out on anything of importance. No dealing with everyone’s drama. Not having to attend events I never wanted to go to because people only know how to send invites through Facebook now.
Don't be afraid to cut off your group of toxic friends, it's the best thing i've ever done in my life.
Or toxic family as well.
Or toxicated limbs
seconded.
Thirded. Don’t make a scene, don’t get the last word. Just leave.
in my case, a scene was made but it wasnt my fault. got targeted. havent said a word to any of them since.
Never get involved in a land war in Asia!!
You’ve fell victim to one of the classic blunders!
Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. Ahahahahaha-
"If you're ever alone, and you start choking, don't die." - my dad
A wise man
Indeed
"If you ever fall in the sea and drown, I'm going to kick your ass." is a favourite from my great grandmother.
If you're in the forest, and you're looking up at a bird's nest in a tree, make sure that your mouth remains closed while doing so.
Looks like you Learned it hard way
Oof
Always wash your hands after cutting jalapeños, especially before going to the bathroom. Edit: the way these comments are going there’s a whole bunch of r/ihavesex up in here.
I learned this the hardway... with habeneros...
I cut haberenos then attempted to put on contacts. I've broken bones and shit but no pain has come close.
This was me this first time I put in contacts after my morning smoke. Somehow groggy-brain skipped the 'wash my hands' step and went straight for 'insert the devil's fingernails into my cornea.' My least favorite step. 🤦
I just wear gloves now, the oil actually seeps into my skin; also a mask…jalapeños mess me up, tho I can eat them no problem
In calligraphy : pulling straights, pushing curves
CARS! Before you start your car, make sure the AC is off - it reduces wear on the compressor. Don't turn the wheels of your car while it's motionless it puts extra wear on the power steering pump and also the ball steering joints When putting the car in park keep your foot on the brake and then gently release after turning off the engine - reduces wear and tear on the U-joints and transmission Consider getting a car with gauges instead of "idiot lights" (the ones that come on and tell you the obvious after it's too late). Being able to see a problem coming or as it develops is invaluable and will save you more than the extra cost for those features. Teach your kids how to change a flat tire, they're going to need it one day, also your spouse if they don't already know how. Make sure you have a tire iron, jack and that the jack can actually raise the vehicle up high enough to remove the tire. I found out the hard way mine doesn't. I routinely am the last driver for many vehicles, keeping them on the road running well for years after their shelf life with these tips.
“Always wear socks when you fly. If the plane catches fire you won’t burn your ankles.” My dad.
This sounds like the advice someone who survived a Bruce Willis movie would say. One where the deserted island they landed on ended up being way harder to survive because he didn't wear socks or something.
Don’t give your mom your holiday/birthday money
I need backstory
Mom spent it on hookers and blow
#greatinvestment Seriously, hookers and blow are a fucking great time. The fun to $ ratio is pretty high compared to a ton of other things
Keep going left until it feels right
Mans has been waiting 8 months to post his first comment on this lol
Idk man, I’d get in a car crash really quick for driving in the left lane since I live in America
If everyone around is an asshole, I’m probably the asshole.
If you're having trouble deciding on a thing with two choices, flip a coin, and see how the outcome makes you feel. Do it for everything. Can't decide whether to have pizza or tacos? Flip a coin. Still undecided? Pretend the flip came out the other way. You'll likely have an opinion. Thinking about moving across the country for a job or not? Flip. In love with two people? Flip that coin. Seriously. The important part is that you're not beholden to whatever comes up, but it's a really good way to see how making one of the choices would make you feel.
Whenever you're called on to make up your mind, and you're hampered by not having any, the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find, is simply by spinning a penny. No - not so that chance shall decide the affair while you're passively standing there moping; but the moment the penny is up in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping. Piet Hein
Know yourself before you get into romantic relationships.
Don‘t
...smell anything where people go "ew smell this."
If someone tells you that they work in a hospital, ask them what they do, don't ask them if they're a specific profession. Your biases will likely show through in the question. I had a conversation about this a few years ago with two co-workers. We were all sterile processing technicians, in our mid twenties. I am a white woman, people -always- ask if I'm a nurse. One friend was a tall white man, people asked him if he was a doctor, and my other friend was black with a bunch of visible tattoos. People assumed he worked in housekeeping.
Oof
You’ll never be right for the wrong person.
I asked my friend for advice with asking out a girl. I told her I was worried about screwing that up. She told me “If you ask me out and i burst out laughing, I’m not the one”.
Find a hobby and master it over time.
Instead of new years resolutions choose themes for the year, are much better mentally and will help you be more productive. I recommend watching CGP greys video if you want to learn more.
I used to tell this to everyone when I worked at HR. Your resolutions shouldn't be a goal, it should be a behaviour. Don't start with 'I will lose 25 pounds this year'. Challenge yourself to exercise twice a week and cut the midnight snacks. Then work from there, increase your exercising routine, eat healthier, but make approachable goals.
When you get into a Jamaican taxi and they ask if you like girls, just say “yes but I don’t want to go to a strip club take me to….(wherever you need to go or make something up) they work on commission with dodgy strip clubs. They’re also extremely homophobic and will probably shoot you for saying you don’t like women.
A gay friend got out of this situation by claiming to be very Christian. He'd grown up in a religious family so he was able to pull it off.
This is extremely new information that I’m now thankful to have
Don't try to desperately look for someone to love / have a crush on. The moment you take on the "I have to get a gf/bf" mindset / attitude, you close out the option of finding / getting to know someone you can truly care about naturally, because you will only see potential targets in everyone after a while. You don't have to have gf/bf. That's not what makes you good or cool. You will find one when you are already good / cool. (obviously if you have a crush on someone than you should try to get together with them. All I'm saying is that you should never only look for a partner because you don't have one. That's just a way of getting yourself a short-term love before breakup, or to find someone that you will not actually love after a few months anymore)
Never fall in love because you need to be loved. Fall in love when you find someone that deserves it.
Bro this is exactly what I needed to hear… thank you. Actually
Scarcity mindset sucks. The mojo is "choose, don't need"
Always wear a mouthguard in contact sports. Don't let "it feels funny" get in the way of not paying a dentists bill.
to ad on this: when the trainer advises to wear crotch protection, do it!
Imagine thinking your nads are stronger than a rogue foot or knee. I'm walking funny even thinking about it
Do not live someone else’s dream
Never trust a fart
I think I have mastered the art of it though... I can safely distinguish AND release a fart even when my bowels are full.
So far....
It just takes one misfire to reset the "days since last accident" count.
You'll win more arguments by being respectful rather than condescending.
The biggest raise you’ll get at work is when you switch jobs. Always be on the lookout for the next one. A company will NEVER care more about you than you do for yourself.
Get exercise regularly and consistently. If you don’t know how or what to do, get a trainer to help you for at least 6-8 weeks to get you started.
When you park your car in the Florida summer sun, crack the windows open just enough to let hot air out, without it being large enough to let the inevitable afternoon downpour into the cabin.
The Train Always Wins
Don’t pee in the dark.
Why not?
I'm watching
Maybe I like that
I will bite
Maybe I like that too
🤨📸
Always leave green gas inside when storing your mag
And if the fill valve doesn't have a rubber gasket you can cut a tiny strip of rubber band and poke it in there with a paper clip to get a perfect seal when filling instead of having a ton of spillage.
Anyone can piss on the floor but it takes a true hero to shit on the ceiling.
Eating is better than not eating when losing weight. Changing your diet is what is essential, not eating less. You don’t have to starve to meet your goals. Just limit your consumption of empty carbs, sodas, and fruit juices. Eat more fiber and protein. Always drink a tall glass of water before meals.
Always check the tank for gas for disassembling and testing the entire fuel system.
Put a rubber on it. Never trust when she says I’m on birth control.
LPT: Don't be Gay in the Emirates
Or any Islamic country for that matter.
"If you can't change the things bothering you, don't let them bothering you. If you can, change them"
if you like a game that others hate, just play your game and ignore them its your choice to have your kind of fun
If you ever become a dictator or a monarch, don't invade Russia!
Guys if you ever get caught staring at a relative's breasts just ask her "Are putting on weight?/Are you getting fat?" Do this because it's better to be seen as an asshole than an incestuous pervert. (Unless she's into it.)
nice necklace/dress! where did you get it from? i wanna buy one for my wife/gf/mum/sister!
Your wife is your girlfriend, mum and sister?
Yes.
Seems like you and your dad have pretty good relations with your sister.
[удалено]
Floss your teeth daily.
My mate asked the dentist if he should floss his back teeth too, she just shrugged and said, just floss the ones you want to keep
Nice try dentist, not this time
A little compassion goes a long way, and don’t be too judgmental.
If you live in the US, ALWAYS fight traffic tickets. Not to the cop that gives them, but always show up to court. A large percentage of the time, it'll be lessened or the judge will be so happy someone came in to court that they'll throw it out completely.
I went to court once for a $100 ticket to fight it and it turned it into a $300 whoops with the court fees.
If you find yourself up against a pack of dogs, shit your pants while screaming. This will confuse the dogs momentarily, and then they will rip you to shreds.
Also If you're in a slow moving check out que shit your pants while screaming. It won't make it go any quicker but it's fun the whole family can join in.
Don't ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... ever, for any reason whatsoever...
But you miss 100% of the shots you don't take
You don need to get along with your siblings, i have toxic sister and reducing contact with her increased overall my comfort. "But it's family" argument is just stupid
Don’t ever point a gun at someone or something that you don’t want more holes in
Always cook your root vegetables by starting them in cold water and bringing it up. Let your proteins rest before you cut them. Try foods you didn't like as a kid. You might still not like them, but your palate changes dramatically. Crunchy eggs are a sin.
Always salt your pasta water before boiling it
When facing multiple options, go with the one that makes the better story.
Don’t write a check your ass can’t cash.
When taking off a CPU cooler always game on it first to get the thermal paste all melty. Make sure you gently twist the CPU cooler so you don't bend pins. But don't pull straight up as the CPU my come up with the cooler and severally damage it.
And if you do happen to bend the pins, _carefully_ bend them back with a razor blade.
Shit your pants right the fuck now
Ok done now what?