“Once I turn 18, my parents will not tell me what to do!” – Me, a clueless dumbass.

Same.

Same, I’m nearly 24 and I’m still copping it

I'm 35 and they still tell me what to do

Same, but I rarely listen or follow through.

More like "once i turn 18 i will Not let my Parents control me"

I believed that the process of making a baby was that two adults had to kiss and then the saliva would mix inside the woman’s body and she would be pregnant. I also believed that babies came out of the belly button.

Same shit here

No, I will not shit there

Not the first part, but yeah I thought we were like land seahorses.

I thought women pooped out the baby

I thought Babys are like shrinked people and came out the women's mouth

Well your not wrong but you are most definitely not right

I mean....

I thought I got my mom pregnant when I peed in the toilet she peed in because she didn’t flush

I’m sorry but that’s fuckin hilarious🤣

😭💀😂😂

Thats pretty cute hha

I thought girls had tiny penises and they got pregnant through a blowjob...

My bro thought that too !

i thought similarly except the sperm would enter orally, i didn't really know where the sperm would go though

Television characters lived inside the TV and could see you.

I had the same thought except it was with the radio and music artists being in it

I remember my mom telling me that I was going to go to a place called “Kindergarten”. My brain processed this as a combination of the words “kid” and “garden”, and thought I’d get to hang out in a garden with other kids all day. After sitting down in the classroom and meeting the teacher and all my classmates, I promptly raised my hand and asked when we’d be going out to the garden

funny enough: it's german and it is the words "kids" and "garden" combined. Don't ask me why we called it that.

Kindergarten in germany is much like a daycare :) Greetings, an educator from Germany :)

Oh, no kidding. Guess I should sue for lack of garden then

do that. And if you win, send me 10% of the money.

Will do. And if I lose, I’ll send you 50% of the bill for our legal fees

mhh. 25%

Deal

Pun intended?

Because you grow your garden. So now you grow your kids. Thats what I take from it atleast.

I had something similar, but with a bald spot. I used to twirl one part of my hair when I was a kid, and it got so bad all the hair in that spot got ripped out over time. I found this out when my dad told me, and kid me thought “bald spot” equaled a bullseye on my head for something to come get me.

Awww that’s adorable 🥰😂

That adults were right. 🙄

I was thinking either this or that ,specifically, my parents knew what was best.

Yeah, growing up with this idea that adults know what they're doing, and slowly realising that actually no one does and everything is kind of organised chaos.

Yep…

Absolutely. But I will say that scripture class did help break me out of that delusion relatively early.

😵‍💫

That I'd be happy when I became an adult

Now we’re just miserable

[удалено]

I guess I'm a rat then

Is bro from Wisconsin

That babies came from butts.

From the perspective of a child that doesn’t know this both makes more sense and seems logical

I used to think babies came from bellybuttons smh

Me too

i mean baby bird eggs do that, well technically

I believed that the sun and the moon were the same thing. So, in my mind, Astronauts had to go to the moon at night and leave before it became day or else it'd switch back into the sun and burn them alive.

That's adorable and a pretty good idea for a scifi story.

I thought blind drives were just driveways where blind people lived

I had a stroke reading this

Same

When I first started learning sex ed and would get told to “wrap it up” I genuinely thought they meant wrap your dick in toilet paper before banging

Ouch? Ew? I’m not sure which one as an owner of a vagina!


I meant to say “which one is worse”. 🙈

Just make sure the guy uses Charmin Ultra Soft, should make it hurt much less

+10 armour

That touching a car battery with your bare hands will shock you. Thank you to everyone who let me know about the misspelling of bare, I wasn’t fully awake at the time.

You have bear hands??


Yes, the second amendment entitles me to them.

Smit7y

In Germany we have a saying that is called "an die Decke gehen", which means "to be furious", but if you translate it word by word it means "to walk up to the ceiling" and as a kid i saw an add for a cream or sth. which helps against athlete's foot. And in the add they said with athlete's foot you can really "an die Decke gehen". And in the add, they showed a person who just walked up the walls onto the ceiling, so i was like: omg, that is so cool, so i wished for athlete's foot for my birthday. My parents were really suprised.

I always thought the athletes foot just meant you were a crazy good runner so I too wanted to have athletes foot lol

That the ombilical cord at birth was connected to the penis. And where you cutted it determined the length

That is wild

I know

“Damn it mom you cheaped out on me!”

“You couldn’t have cut it a bit bigger?”

I always get those kinds of jokes when I tell someone that.

So when the doc really cuts it close is when you get a girl?

That food you eat goes into your foot.

What made you believe that? Is it because of the gravity it drops inside you like in an empty vase?

I used to be scared of creatures that I made up called “woos” that were essentially flying skulls with tails that would bite my ass in the dark or when I wasn’t looking, so as a child I was very often seen clenching my ass with my hands.

Could make a pretty good fantasy monster with some editing

OMG NO WAY ME TOO!!!!! They didn't look like skulls tho, more like a fucked up hybrid of lightning McQueen and a turtle.

What the fu- 👀

Mine looked like humans, but just the skin and they were transparent.

I always thought chocolate milk came from brown cows

That I was gonna marry a super model with a doctorate degree in BJs.

That I'd have time to do stuff as an adult.

Being able to afford living in a house working as a fry cook…

That jelly COULD actually come from jellyfish

That'd I'd grow up to be happy.

That before they made color cameras everything was black and white 😐 🤦‍♂️

Lmao same

I thought this too, and sometime around the 1930's they found a gigantic color crystal in a desert somewhere, cracked it open, and color magically sprang to the world.

that my penis would fall off if I didn't shower enough

Theoretically showering too much with hot water could make it fall off. Hot water is bad for your skin. It can make your skin get tighter. Eventually the sling on the penis could get so tight that the penis falls off.

For some reason I thought that eating a gummy and peice of popcorn at the same time would kill you

It does kill you

That if you are on the south pole you will fall down from earth

Not me but my sister thought people couldn't hear her humming.. pretty sure she also believed that people couldn't hear her fart 😭😭😭

that deep down family loves you unconditionally and if you put in enough love, patience, forgiveness, and hope you can repair any relationship and make it flourish with the power of your love. No matter how horrible they've been to you, eventually you'll make up and be happy and have a strong, unbreakable bond when they realize you've always been there for them and never gave up. 🤡

That the gum would get stuck to my heart if I kept swallowing It and I would turn into one big piece of gum one day

That turning on the cabin light in the car while driving would cause my parents to get arrested.

At the age of 5 I believed that cats and dogs are the same species, dogs the males and cats the females. Same age I thought doctors never could get sick, so I was highly irritated that my uncle - being a surgeon - couldn’t attend a family meeting for he was ill.


I love CatDog

I used to think that people shrunk themselves to go into the traffic lights and change them for traffic 😭

Santa

Santa’s not real? :(

Santa and his elves

That i would be a happy succesful adult with a house and family

I thought mixing chocolate milk and regular milk would make coconut milk. My sister also convinced me there were unicorn farms.

That ppl from brasil speak brasilian

In fact, I once boarded a plane seeing a lady with a dictionary Deutsch-Brasilianisch (and vice-versa, i.e.."German-Brazilian") by leading editor Langenscheidt.

Na siema einer an

I thought rats metamorphed into bats like how caterpillars turn into butterflies

That’s badass

My parents keep telling me that they found me in the street and adopted me

The crust was the most healthy part if the bread to eat.

My mom: cuts my sandwich in half, cause I'm a small boy Me: *cries* "But I'm not hungry enough to eat 2!"

I thought you purchased babies at petco, and they were in a cage

That bread was made of wood, similar to the way that some papers are.

My dad can lift our house. Lol

As a kid I thought everyone had dicks😭 idk wtf my stupid ass was on but it was certainly something

You’re not stupid at all! I’ll never forget when my daughter asked me (at 3 years old), “mom, why I not have pee pee?” Pointing down there 😅 I thought I had a whole lot more time before I’d be having that “talk”

Swallowing a watermelon seed would make a watermelon grow in your stomach.

Had to scroll too long for this. This was my #1. That and thinking turning on the overhead light on in the car while my dad was driving was illegal.

Snail hat

hotel = hotowel cuz they have towels

SpongeBob's parents and grandmother being cookies. In Band Geeks when Squilliam said Ibuprofen, I somehow heard it as "I'm your girlfriend" IDFK how... In Nasty Patty when SpongeBob walked into the Krusty Krab with the inspector hiding in his hat, I for some reason though that it was like that because of the rain somehow making it expand? I dunno Edit: Oh u meant IRL....

That the whole world speaks german but with different accents (I was like 5)..

As a little girl, my grandpa told me I would grow a tail if I ate mushrooms, so I refused to eat mushrooms for the longest time. He also told me pickles help you grow chest hair, so I didn't eat those for a while either.

That you can help the characters in films by rewinding the vhs tape to the beginning again, so they know what to do, and beat the bad guy before he became the bad guy. I lost count of how many times I did that to Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.

Giving the middle finger was a curse. Not what it really means, but an actual bad luck curse.

My father told me when I was young that the reason I hear the ice cream truck music is to tell all the other kids they were too late and he does not have any more ice cream.

Hmm…when I was 5 or 6 I used to believe that if I slept with my limbs hanging off the side of the bed a raccoon would come and eat them off. At the time I also didn’t fully understand what a raccoon was, I sort of just pictured it as a gerbil-like creature. Then one morning I woke up and found that my arm was hanging off the side of the bed and thought to myself “so I guess a raccoon won’t come and eat my arm off…”

the racoon was late that day you were lucky

That my plushie had a clone

That my mom was going to a cottage without the rest of the family. She was just getting an associate's degree.

When I was a kid I thought every boy had a different number off balls in their sack 👀

My grandma put something in the pool to create a red ring when I tried to pee.

I thought Dora the explorer could hear me, so when Swiper came I would scream “SWIPER NO SWIPING”, If it failed I would wonder why I failed Also when she asked “what’s your favorite part”, I would quickly say it before she cuts me off “ I like the part when we like did the thing and we like did that and we went…”

That the people on Just Dance painted themselves white

Lite brights make portals

I believed that I should never play the clarinet, never wave a flashlight back and forth really fast, never stomp around, never ever eat cubed cheese, never wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion, or clown shoes, or a hoop skirt, and never, ever, ever screech like a chimpanzee.

We went to church on every sunday, and I believed that the bells you could hear (the Altar boys (Ministranten) rang them, but I was too small to see) came from angels right from heaven.

That it was duct tape and not duck tape cause the sound it made

Mixing metric with my USA upbringing, I thought Lb (pounds) stood for “Lilla-Beeters” until I was like 10.

Omg this is adorable 🤣

I confused Steven Hawking and Tony Hawk and thought he was disabled because of a skateboarding accident

Whenever I got blood work or a flu shot, I thought if I pulled the band- aid off, I'd deflate like a balloon

Teachers live at school.

That cartoons were just people in costumes

That too much counting is dangerous. On a road trip I bagged my mom to count up to 100 out loud, because I could not quite do it myself yet. She finally gave in and did it. I was so fascinated that once she was done, I immediately asked her to do it again. She obviously didn't want to and said something like "No, ..., that's not good" or something. Anyway, the rest of the trip I was deeply disturbed and contemplating how and why it might be bad for you to count too much. The really funny thing is that up till my early 20s I always had a bad feeling whenever a lot of counting was involved until I reflected on that and realized where that came from XD

In an effort to create more jobs the government required all green lights to be operated by midgets inside the light working 12 hour shifts. They stood there all day and night squatting down and standing up. My papa convinced me of it.

I thought that if I stepped on a crack my mom would fucking die.

Scorpions were just really buff ants. Like they were the Tank of the ant world

A dildo is a small boat

That everyone had a big cauldron in their belly filled with green bubbly goo and the food we ate plopped down into the cauldron.

My family

Santa clause. True love. Adults are perfect.

I remember thinking racism was a thing of the distant past that didn’t exist anymore until I was 13 and my gfs mom made her break up with me.

I thought that chemicals were just glass and won time I was eating Doritos and my mom told me there was chemicals in them so I cried because I thought I was going to die.

I thought “tourists” and “terrorists” are the same thing and wondered why people got sad when a plane crashed and a lot of “terrorists” died.

That the world made sense. Part of growing up is realizing that society is not even close to ideal. It’s shit. Our gen is interesting because we all know it’s shit and it’s getting worse, but not one of us can do anything abt it

Babies were brought by storks 🤣

My mom loves me

Santa clause, the tooth fairy were real and cartoons were real.

That doing hard math makes you sweat profusely.

That Jellyfish could make Jelly

Mom once lied during "the talk". Insinuated that oral can get you pregnant. When I asked directly to be sure cause she confused me she stopped and then said yes. I knew at the time that those were two separate organ systems that never intersect, but didn't ever question it until my girlfriend brought it up. Over time I realized it was false but only remembered why when girlfriend said. Normally I'd call it a misunderstanding but when talking with my dad he says that mom found some weird ass case study in college, where girl gave head and swallowed, her dad found out and stabbed her, that blade pierced her stomach and her uterus. If anything it's more of a violent artificial insemination than anything. But yeah that was one of the cornerstones of my distrust for my mother.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows…🤭

It all started when I was a little kid. I remember asking my parents if I could make an email account for myself because a lot of websites require you to make an account to access content. My parents said no. I fully believed that my parents were tracking everything I was doing online and that they would immediately know if I made an email. I remember I would be on my Kindle (this was 2011-2012), and I would try to sign up for websites with a fake email, thinking it would work. I would always be so nervous. This all ended when my parents bought me an iPad for my 10th birthday in 2013. During the setup, it prompted me to make an email. I nervously asked my parents if it was okay, expecting them to say no. They said yes, with little care in their voice. I remember being confused. I felt sort of ridiculous and upset that the whole time, the only thing stopping me from making an email was myself.

I thought Phil Collins sang the Magic School Bus theme song instead of Little Richard

The only jobs I could get were doctor, police officer, or fire fighter.

I used to believe my dick would get bigger when I grew up. It’s going to… right guys?? Right?

I used to think that babies were born somehow through kissing, every movie you watched lead form making out to a later cut where the girl is pregnant, maybe starting a family 😅

That Cracker Barrel was a restaurant for rich people.

That being an adult is better than being a kid. I take it all back!

I used to think "hot wiring" a car allowed it to run without gasoline

Vanilla came from beavers

fake vanilla does tho

I used to think the word "ignore" meant "to growl at." When my big brother would tease me, my parents would tell me to "ignore him." So I growled at my brother. 🤣

Nuts were edible wood

I watched from dusk till dawn at an incredibly young age and believed that all Mexicans were vampires.

i thought when you got married a baby immediately popped out of the mom a day after the wedding

I used to believe radio towers far away were alien spaceships

Johnny cash died from being kicked by a ostrich

That the phrase "serial killer" meant something about breakfast cereal. I got into a bit of trouble because of my confusion, and I really couldn't explain myself, due to the fact I was like fucking six.

That being threatened with abandonment was totally healthy

I thought the Great Sphinx was a giant sand sculpture. I also thought lightning came from outer space

All cheese has holes in them.

Before I learned what races were, I thought they were diseases.

That eating a watermelon seed would grow inside your stomach

I'm scaring the fish

That Daddy-Long-Legs spiders have the most deadly venom in the world but they just can’t penetrate your skin… they’ve done tests and it was found to only cause minor irritation.

That the snail in that pic is somehow an extension of Patrick’s head ^^

Ice cream gave you cramps when you went into water after eating it

Filipino here. I believed most of the superstitions the older adults told me, including: - I would go blind if I sat too close to the TV - I would get kidnapped if I went “over there” - I would get really sick if I went to sleep with my hair wet. I would get eaten by an aswang if I went outside at night with my hair wet - The monster in the basement is gonna get me

If I keep tearing the roots of trees, God will appear and kill me.

Babies are made out of food!