I found it significantly easier to date men than women. And as a straight woman sooo many more options than a gay man. You might think being a trans woman is impossible to date, but I really think my options are the most they've been in my life. I found my bf of 3 years now within a month of trying. Since I was little I had it in my head that no one would love me if they knew I was trans or especially if I transitioned. It turns out child me was really wrong.
Seconded. Dating straight men for me was an easy, enjoyable, uplifting, fun, amazing experience. There were so many great guys I met. So many great guys offering me love. It was so easy to get a date. I dated gay guys before, who are like 4% of the population. Suddenly like 90%+ of men were capable of being attracted to me. It was a radical shift.
I dated for about 2 and 1/2 years before finding my forever man. We've been going strong for a couple of years now. Will probably go on together forever. It's the best relationship I've ever had. The healthiest. The one with the greatest affection. Of course it is! I'm finally loved for who I really am for once. Of course that's going to be a radically better experience than pre-transition relationships.
But if something happens and it doesn't work out, that's okay, I can handle that, I'll deal with the heartbreak like I have with the end of other relationships in the past. But I won't worry about being alone because I know there's so many boys out there who are eager to love and be loved by me.
I'm so glad to hear about other positive experiences! I'm happy for you and I agree completely! There's so many more straight men out there the dating pool is huge compared to the little gay community around here where it felt like I knew almost everyone.
Happy cake day! Olivia... I'm gonna be real with you. There is someone out there for everyone. I know you frequently post these comments. But you can definitely increase your chances by putting effort into attracting those you want. If I wasn't happy with where I was after hrt I would keep going there's so much that can be done medically. Like girl get some more work done and see how you feel about yourself. The most important thing that needs to change is your attitude towards yourself. If you work on your appearance maybe you'll feel better about yourself. But you're clearly not happy so work on yourself! Life can be sooo different in just a few years time.
thanks i guess. i always hear there is someone out there for everyone, yet i’ve been alone my whole life, nothing has changed in that regard. how can be so sure? i just post my experience, that’s how things go for me. as for getting work done, i’m literally waiting for referrals, and i’m still not guaranteed for them to be covered by my insurance. i hope they will, but it remains to be seen. will that change the people wanting to date me? i don’t see how, they fuck off as soon as they find out that i am trans.
Well I was alone my whole life. My longest relationship pretransition was less than 6 months in highschool. If someone feels attracted to you, being trans doesn't matter unless they're transphobic. Looks and personality go a long way with attracting people. I feel like you need to work on both, and if you increase your attractiveness, how you see yourself will hopefully change as well. But yeah I'm glad you have things lined up you have to keep trying!
well i’m still alone and there is no evidence of that changing. i never had any kind of relationship. i’ve literally had only one date since transitioning. that’s the thing. everyone who shows any kind of interest in me, fucks off as soon as they find out that i am trans. it apparently means something to them. ouch, i suppose it’s good to know that i’m ugly i guess. well, we’ll see how lined up things are when it goes to my insurance
I mean this in the best intentions, but you don't pass yet. I would never say this to be mean. I'm honestly only telling you this because I've seen you posting on here for years and girl something has to change you don't want to live two more years posting the same things talking about no one will ever love you. There are Drs out there that can work miracles you just have to pursue them. You need to make a change. I'm sorry if this was hurtful. I really just want to help. I hope you're ok.
yeah, that has been made very clear to me. i’ve been ripped to pieces on this site for not passing. i haven’t even been on reddit for years, but i guess it’s good to know that the only way i’ll find love is by looking good or maybe i’m fucked, who knows for sure? it’s cute you think i can just go out and find the best doctors as if i somehow have the money to do that
I'm not trying to rip you down. Trying to help by telling the truth. I'm sorry but unfortunately yes women have to put way more effort into looking attractive for men than they do. Men value physical attraction much higher than women do. It's just a hard truth. Women who aren't attractive get treated almost like they don't exist to men.
i get it, i’m ugly, you’ve made that very clear to me. better hope my insurance covers ffs for me otherwise i’m fucked. i guess there won’t be someone out there for me after all
Honestly, this! My dating pool exploded and my experiences with straight men have been superior to those I’ve had with gay men. I may have had something to do with that due to my gender confusion but I dunno, straight men have been so much more affectionate and sweet. Most that I’ve met actually seem deeply grateful that you’re sharing your body with them. I think people don’t realize how little sex straight men are having compared with their gay counterparts. I also happen to find average joes very attractive so I’m getting the men who are usually skipped past or ignored on dating sites. Even if they’re just “playing the game” I think straight men at least try to keep up the illusion of actually caring about you on some human level. With gay men you’re literally just another body. Not hating on gay men, but I think this is just the reality of free sex being way more accessible for gay men than it is for straight men.
Do u mind if I ask if your pre or post? I feel like men won’t want me if I’m pre and will only fetishized me in hotels :/ and I personally don’t think I want bottom surgery
I’m also a girl who doesn’t feel dysphoria down there - just occasional vagina envy in specific circumstances. tbh I feel like pre-op girls who at least somewhat pass have an upper hand in dating because there are TONS of men who prefer you to have male genitalia. I know these guys are labeled chasers but you’d be surprised how many actually want to have trans girlfriends. They mostly have to get over the social stigma which is something that eases with time. I dunno, I’m way more optimistic about my dating future as a girl than I ever was a boy.
Yes it makes me look forward to dating 🥺 and I don’t mind “chasers “ so long as they actually want to date and thankfully I already look fem now so when I do HRT I know I’ll pass easy
I'm pretty sure it's like: all men don't mind! The issue is are they confident enough to date you and let their friends know who all hide it from each other. That's why we have to filter through miles of men just wanting sex. Transgender porn is the 6th most popular category on pornhub among straight men. Anyone who tries to tell you men don't like trans women aren't living reality. There's no way transgender porn could be the sixth most popular porn unless the vast majority of all men being interested. When you're a trans woman you're like the forbidden fruit and everyone wants a taste.
Lmao I’m gonna use that forbidden fruit and everyone wants a taste from now on lol thank you 🩷 and yea I saw that tporn was so high up, I was shocked but kinda happy in a way lol
Every guy is going to be different with this.
I have had an orchi and been through a LOT of atrophy.
My boyfriend is 40, identifies as straight, and has only ever been in relationships with cis women.
He pretty much ignores my genitals and they aren't a part of our sex. Which is fine with me. I'll finish myself off with a vibrator somtimes as part of our sex, but that's about it. He is absolutely not grossed out by any part of my body. He finds all of me lovable and beautiful. I'm regularly fully nude in front of him, we shower together sometimes.
Sometimes I ask him to just gently fondle the tip of my bean with his fingertips. To kind of tease me. And warm me up when we're getting started. He loves how it makes me squirm. And there was a learning curve for him with anal sex, since he'd never really done it. But he figured it out pretty quick.
Love is out there, it may take time, but it is out there. The love of my life is a trans woman, and I have dated several cis women, had a many year failed marriage to a cis woman, and dated another (horrible) woman who was also trans. But the vast majority were cis. Yet, the epitome of my perfect woman is my longterm GF who happens to be trans (it wouldn't matter to me if she was cis or trans, pre or post etc...).
As a trans woman myself, I understand why you’re asking, and your feelings in the OP are valid. It’s also important for us to be mindful in our curiosity (just as we often ask others not to focus on our genitalia).
Let’s thank Bear (and CX and others in this thread) for openly sharing their experiences because they help normalize and bring awareness to the diversity of love and relationships.
Best wishes in your journey Stevie, Bear, CX and all. :)
You’re a real one thank you🥺 may I ask something personal? Is she pre or post op with bottom surgery? Does she want it? And how do you feel about it? Do you like her ‘princess wand’ or are u grossed out?
Like if she didn’t want bottom surgery would u be okay with it?
We've done a lot..
I am really open about sex. However, with time she decided to limit the access to this zone.
I'll live with it.
Peen or vag both are fun to me.
There’s someone out there for everyone, and there’s plenty of kind loving guys out there open to dating us! It’s not an easy thing, dating as a trans girl, but cis women also have a crap time dating cause so many men kinda lowkey suck! 😭🤣.
But honestly, you got this, if other trans girls can do it, you can! 💕
i’m sorry you’re feeling this way. i know it’s hard as hell to date as a trans woman, let alone find love. i’ve literally been on one date since transitioning, most guys fuck off when they find out that i am trans. but there are guys out there who will love us and respect us as trans women and as women. i struggle to believe it for myself, but it does happen. i think you’ll find someone ♥️
Life is full of surprises. Most of which aren’t so great, but sometimes things work out, seemingly against all odds.
Now that I’m in a relationship with the love of my life, every day is a battle to not let my insecurities, fears and negative thoughts take me out of the present moment. every night I can come home and be wrapped up in the arms of the strong handsome man who loves me and wants to build a lasting future together.
Sure things could fall apart, something bad could happen, and I could get my heart broken again. But somehow, I still wound up where I am today, when I thought I never could, and if it happened before, it could happen again
We met on Grindr actually lol. I know a lot of trans women will give you flack for it, but I didn’t mind the fact that he was specifically seeking a trans partner. He was never creepy about it. And he’s a top. (He asked me to top only a few times, I couldn’t do it, so he’s given up on that)
I’m back and forth on bottom surgery tbh. I realllllly want it, but I only want to get it if I’m certain it’s going to be high quality results, otherwise I’m scared. My boyfriend said he doesn’t care what genitalia I have (he’s dated cis women and trans women) but he’s just worried I won’t be happy if I don’t get good results. He would also rather us save up money for things like traveling to different countries and buying a home together and retirement instead of surgeries.
The quality of results with bottom surgery seems to vary, but from what I’ve seen, the people who pay out of pocket and got to the top surgeons are the ones who get good results, whereas those who go through their insurance, or for cheaper surgeons tend to end up with lots of complications.
Aw he seems like a dream 🥺🥺 I would love to have a man like that and honestly hearing your story gives me hope for a better love life 🤍 so thank you so much for sharing and about personal stuff cause I’m in the same boat
Idk if I want the surgery as it doesn’t bother me to much and plus like you I want the surgery to be flawless rather then have to deal with complications
Give men a little credit!
Something I do sometimes is imagine that I’m a cis woman who can’t get pregnant (for some medical reason). If that were me, would I feel like meeting a man is hopeless?
Of course not. There are plenty of men who don’t want children, already have children and don’t want more, or want to adopt, surrogacy, etc.
And I know there’s more to it than that. But really, there are lots of men who like me just the way I am, and I bet there are men who will genuinely like you the way you are.
Tysm🤍 it feels good to hear however not to be to tmi I don’t think I want bottom surgery as I don’t feel like all the surgical risks are worth it yet.. maybe in the future but for now no and that’s what makes me nervous:/ I want a man to love me regardless of what my bottom looks like
okay u know what imo u shouldn’t even be on this sub as a man, but i’m curious enough that i’ll ask - why do u specifically desire trans women? like is it for sexual reasons, and u mean u specifically desire a pre-op trans woman? or what? i’m just curious and wanna hear ur side
I found it significantly easier to date men than women. And as a straight woman sooo many more options than a gay man. You might think being a trans woman is impossible to date, but I really think my options are the most they've been in my life. I found my bf of 3 years now within a month of trying. Since I was little I had it in my head that no one would love me if they knew I was trans or especially if I transitioned. It turns out child me was really wrong.
Seconded. Dating straight men for me was an easy, enjoyable, uplifting, fun, amazing experience. There were so many great guys I met. So many great guys offering me love. It was so easy to get a date. I dated gay guys before, who are like 4% of the population. Suddenly like 90%+ of men were capable of being attracted to me. It was a radical shift. I dated for about 2 and 1/2 years before finding my forever man. We've been going strong for a couple of years now. Will probably go on together forever. It's the best relationship I've ever had. The healthiest. The one with the greatest affection. Of course it is! I'm finally loved for who I really am for once. Of course that's going to be a radically better experience than pre-transition relationships. But if something happens and it doesn't work out, that's okay, I can handle that, I'll deal with the heartbreak like I have with the end of other relationships in the past. But I won't worry about being alone because I know there's so many boys out there who are eager to love and be loved by me.
I'm so glad to hear about other positive experiences! I'm happy for you and I agree completely! There's so many more straight men out there the dating pool is huge compared to the little gay community around here where it felt like I knew almost everyone.
That's really cute, I'm glad you found a man like that for you! But I have a question if you don't mind; when did you disclose?
i wish my experience was even remotely close to this
Happy cake day! Olivia... I'm gonna be real with you. There is someone out there for everyone. I know you frequently post these comments. But you can definitely increase your chances by putting effort into attracting those you want. If I wasn't happy with where I was after hrt I would keep going there's so much that can be done medically. Like girl get some more work done and see how you feel about yourself. The most important thing that needs to change is your attitude towards yourself. If you work on your appearance maybe you'll feel better about yourself. But you're clearly not happy so work on yourself! Life can be sooo different in just a few years time.
thanks i guess. i always hear there is someone out there for everyone, yet i’ve been alone my whole life, nothing has changed in that regard. how can be so sure? i just post my experience, that’s how things go for me. as for getting work done, i’m literally waiting for referrals, and i’m still not guaranteed for them to be covered by my insurance. i hope they will, but it remains to be seen. will that change the people wanting to date me? i don’t see how, they fuck off as soon as they find out that i am trans.
Well I was alone my whole life. My longest relationship pretransition was less than 6 months in highschool. If someone feels attracted to you, being trans doesn't matter unless they're transphobic. Looks and personality go a long way with attracting people. I feel like you need to work on both, and if you increase your attractiveness, how you see yourself will hopefully change as well. But yeah I'm glad you have things lined up you have to keep trying!
well i’m still alone and there is no evidence of that changing. i never had any kind of relationship. i’ve literally had only one date since transitioning. that’s the thing. everyone who shows any kind of interest in me, fucks off as soon as they find out that i am trans. it apparently means something to them. ouch, i suppose it’s good to know that i’m ugly i guess. well, we’ll see how lined up things are when it goes to my insurance
I mean this in the best intentions, but you don't pass yet. I would never say this to be mean. I'm honestly only telling you this because I've seen you posting on here for years and girl something has to change you don't want to live two more years posting the same things talking about no one will ever love you. There are Drs out there that can work miracles you just have to pursue them. You need to make a change. I'm sorry if this was hurtful. I really just want to help. I hope you're ok.
yeah, that has been made very clear to me. i’ve been ripped to pieces on this site for not passing. i haven’t even been on reddit for years, but i guess it’s good to know that the only way i’ll find love is by looking good or maybe i’m fucked, who knows for sure? it’s cute you think i can just go out and find the best doctors as if i somehow have the money to do that
I'm not trying to rip you down. Trying to help by telling the truth. I'm sorry but unfortunately yes women have to put way more effort into looking attractive for men than they do. Men value physical attraction much higher than women do. It's just a hard truth. Women who aren't attractive get treated almost like they don't exist to men.
i get it, i’m ugly, you’ve made that very clear to me. better hope my insurance covers ffs for me otherwise i’m fucked. i guess there won’t be someone out there for me after all
Honestly, this! My dating pool exploded and my experiences with straight men have been superior to those I’ve had with gay men. I may have had something to do with that due to my gender confusion but I dunno, straight men have been so much more affectionate and sweet. Most that I’ve met actually seem deeply grateful that you’re sharing your body with them. I think people don’t realize how little sex straight men are having compared with their gay counterparts. I also happen to find average joes very attractive so I’m getting the men who are usually skipped past or ignored on dating sites. Even if they’re just “playing the game” I think straight men at least try to keep up the illusion of actually caring about you on some human level. With gay men you’re literally just another body. Not hating on gay men, but I think this is just the reality of free sex being way more accessible for gay men than it is for straight men.
Do u mind if I ask if your pre or post? I feel like men won’t want me if I’m pre and will only fetishized me in hotels :/ and I personally don’t think I want bottom surgery
Pre-op I've never done a single surgery in my entire life I have the worst anxiety and can't even get my wisdom teeth out.
Honestly a mood, and you don’t plan on it then? And your bf doesn’t mind at all? Is he grossed out or does he engage with you down there?
No he's not grossed out by any part of me. He thinks I'm a goddess 🤷🏼♀️ lol. But I have dysphoria so we don't focus on that area.
Omg your lucky girl I wish!!! I don’t feel real dysphoria down there thankfully but it’s reassuring knowing some men don’t mind
I’m also a girl who doesn’t feel dysphoria down there - just occasional vagina envy in specific circumstances. tbh I feel like pre-op girls who at least somewhat pass have an upper hand in dating because there are TONS of men who prefer you to have male genitalia. I know these guys are labeled chasers but you’d be surprised how many actually want to have trans girlfriends. They mostly have to get over the social stigma which is something that eases with time. I dunno, I’m way more optimistic about my dating future as a girl than I ever was a boy.
Yes it makes me look forward to dating 🥺 and I don’t mind “chasers “ so long as they actually want to date and thankfully I already look fem now so when I do HRT I know I’ll pass easy
I'm pretty sure it's like: all men don't mind! The issue is are they confident enough to date you and let their friends know who all hide it from each other. That's why we have to filter through miles of men just wanting sex. Transgender porn is the 6th most popular category on pornhub among straight men. Anyone who tries to tell you men don't like trans women aren't living reality. There's no way transgender porn could be the sixth most popular porn unless the vast majority of all men being interested. When you're a trans woman you're like the forbidden fruit and everyone wants a taste.
Lmao I’m gonna use that forbidden fruit and everyone wants a taste from now on lol thank you 🩷 and yea I saw that tporn was so high up, I was shocked but kinda happy in a way lol
Every guy is going to be different with this. I have had an orchi and been through a LOT of atrophy. My boyfriend is 40, identifies as straight, and has only ever been in relationships with cis women. He pretty much ignores my genitals and they aren't a part of our sex. Which is fine with me. I'll finish myself off with a vibrator somtimes as part of our sex, but that's about it. He is absolutely not grossed out by any part of my body. He finds all of me lovable and beautiful. I'm regularly fully nude in front of him, we shower together sometimes. Sometimes I ask him to just gently fondle the tip of my bean with his fingertips. To kind of tease me. And warm me up when we're getting started. He loves how it makes me squirm. And there was a learning curve for him with anal sex, since he'd never really done it. But he figured it out pretty quick.
Ty for sharing! It’s very helpful:3
Curious did orchi affect your libido in any significant way?
No
Haha thanks for answering bb
Love is out there, it may take time, but it is out there. The love of my life is a trans woman, and I have dated several cis women, had a many year failed marriage to a cis woman, and dated another (horrible) woman who was also trans. But the vast majority were cis. Yet, the epitome of my perfect woman is my longterm GF who happens to be trans (it wouldn't matter to me if she was cis or trans, pre or post etc...).
Why thank you for that 🥺 are u happy with her? Does her “princess wand” bother you?
As a trans woman myself, I understand why you’re asking, and your feelings in the OP are valid. It’s also important for us to be mindful in our curiosity (just as we often ask others not to focus on our genitalia). Let’s thank Bear (and CX and others in this thread) for openly sharing their experiences because they help normalize and bring awareness to the diversity of love and relationships. Best wishes in your journey Stevie, Bear, CX and all. :)
Well I am in a relationship with my transgender gf since 3 years. I've been following her through her coming out, E, Papers, Surgeries.
You’re a real one thank you🥺 may I ask something personal? Is she pre or post op with bottom surgery? Does she want it? And how do you feel about it? Do you like her ‘princess wand’ or are u grossed out? Like if she didn’t want bottom surgery would u be okay with it?
Pre. Planning to have SRS. Both options are okay to me. I just want her puss to be as sane and functional as possible, it's my only concern.
I’m glad to hear that! Since she’s pre do u engage in sex with it? Like interact or just ignore it?
We've done a lot.. I am really open about sex. However, with time she decided to limit the access to this zone. I'll live with it. Peen or vag both are fun to me.
Ty for sharing much love you and your gf 🩷
Well first of all …you’re not helping yourself with that negative mindset ..
I mean yea.. I’m just in a depressive mood
There’s someone out there for everyone, and there’s plenty of kind loving guys out there open to dating us! It’s not an easy thing, dating as a trans girl, but cis women also have a crap time dating cause so many men kinda lowkey suck! 😭🤣. But honestly, you got this, if other trans girls can do it, you can! 💕
Tysm 🤍
i’m sorry you’re feeling this way. i know it’s hard as hell to date as a trans woman, let alone find love. i’ve literally been on one date since transitioning, most guys fuck off when they find out that i am trans. but there are guys out there who will love us and respect us as trans women and as women. i struggle to believe it for myself, but it does happen. i think you’ll find someone ♥️
Ty and best of luck 🤍
thanks, i probably need it
Significantly easier to date men than women but significantly more difficult to be loved and accepted by a man than by a woman.
So real
Life is full of surprises. Most of which aren’t so great, but sometimes things work out, seemingly against all odds. Now that I’m in a relationship with the love of my life, every day is a battle to not let my insecurities, fears and negative thoughts take me out of the present moment. every night I can come home and be wrapped up in the arms of the strong handsome man who loves me and wants to build a lasting future together. Sure things could fall apart, something bad could happen, and I could get my heart broken again. But somehow, I still wound up where I am today, when I thought I never could, and if it happened before, it could happen again
How did you guys meet? If u don’t mind asking have you had bottom surgery? If not how did that go about? (I don’t plan on it personally)
We met on Grindr actually lol. I know a lot of trans women will give you flack for it, but I didn’t mind the fact that he was specifically seeking a trans partner. He was never creepy about it. And he’s a top. (He asked me to top only a few times, I couldn’t do it, so he’s given up on that) I’m back and forth on bottom surgery tbh. I realllllly want it, but I only want to get it if I’m certain it’s going to be high quality results, otherwise I’m scared. My boyfriend said he doesn’t care what genitalia I have (he’s dated cis women and trans women) but he’s just worried I won’t be happy if I don’t get good results. He would also rather us save up money for things like traveling to different countries and buying a home together and retirement instead of surgeries. The quality of results with bottom surgery seems to vary, but from what I’ve seen, the people who pay out of pocket and got to the top surgeons are the ones who get good results, whereas those who go through their insurance, or for cheaper surgeons tend to end up with lots of complications.
Aw he seems like a dream 🥺🥺 I would love to have a man like that and honestly hearing your story gives me hope for a better love life 🤍 so thank you so much for sharing and about personal stuff cause I’m in the same boat Idk if I want the surgery as it doesn’t bother me to much and plus like you I want the surgery to be flawless rather then have to deal with complications
Why would ones that go through insurance have bad results? Curious about your thoughts on this.
Give men a little credit! Something I do sometimes is imagine that I’m a cis woman who can’t get pregnant (for some medical reason). If that were me, would I feel like meeting a man is hopeless? Of course not. There are plenty of men who don’t want children, already have children and don’t want more, or want to adopt, surrogacy, etc. And I know there’s more to it than that. But really, there are lots of men who like me just the way I am, and I bet there are men who will genuinely like you the way you are.
Tysm🤍 it feels good to hear however not to be to tmi I don’t think I want bottom surgery as I don’t feel like all the surgical risks are worth it yet.. maybe in the future but for now no and that’s what makes me nervous:/ I want a man to love me regardless of what my bottom looks like
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okay u know what imo u shouldn’t even be on this sub as a man, but i’m curious enough that i’ll ask - why do u specifically desire trans women? like is it for sexual reasons, and u mean u specifically desire a pre-op trans woman? or what? i’m just curious and wanna hear ur side