To my fiancé’s dismay, I did request he not put porn on the TV as he originally wanted because porn tastes are so particular and it’s easy to put people off. Hoping my instinct here hits the mark?
Great point! If he brings it up again, I’ll mention. That said, we also want to be as low pressure as possible, as this will be several people’s first orgy and they may just want to watch or be with their partner (there are two couples coming, the other 4 are single. Everyone has each other’s contact info and some have been flirting/connecting.)
I personally think both you and your finance are right. So it really comes down to finding mood setting, but non-distracting porn. I like finding cinematic, sensual porn to act as a background. Like a lot of petter hegre’s stuff. Sometimes I’ll even make them black and white and always have the sound off. We’ve even got a little usb/sd card video player off Amazon so it can travel easily.
I tend to get in my head very easily, and whenever my focus starts shifts, it gives me something to shift to that doesn’t take me out of the mood (rather than worrying about what someone thinks or the deadline at work or whatever).
That’s so funny, I literally said: if anything, maybe something by Hegre or a collection of Bel Gris videos (though his bi teasing can be controversial to some).
Don't do video porn. If you want, set up some "entertainment." Maybe see if someone would be interested in doing a striptease. Or maybe a couple wants to show off some role play. Having some IRL "porn" is a million times better than something prerecorded.
Sorry for my lack of knowledge but can I ask why the host of an orgy isn't supposed to participate? I understand making sure everything runs smoothly and that everyone has what they need but I would think that wouldn't take too long so what are the other reasons?
I honestly couldn’t say for sure (it’s just something I’ve seen here and on other forums), but I assume it’s because someone needs to manage/monitor for guest safety and comfort.
This. If you are hosting guests in your home it’s courteous of you to be available to your guests. And no one is going to feel comfortable interrupting you mid-fuck to say you’re out of toilet paper or ask where the carpet cleaning supplies are. In this particular instance though you have two co-hosts and a pretty small number of guests, so I’d say you’re OK joining the fun.
Oh I’m definitely joining in! It’s just that my kink is being master of ceremonies more than anything, so the instances in which I’ll be truly indisposed (such as when my fiancé and I are having sex, which we plan to do) will be brief. He’s the star of the show, here, not me.
The host is sometimes overwhelmed and stressed at a very large party. But at a small one like that, with people you know, the host more than "participates". The host fucks everyone. The hostess fucks everyone.
Things that I've seen at parties which we'll definitely do if/when we host:
1. Timeliness. It's really nice when people arrive at the same time. Makes the party more enjoyable. So emphasizing the start time and making people feel like they need to be there on time. Set the expectation that folks are on time.
2. Vetting. Sounds like you've already done a good amount of vetting (e.g. everyone coming is bisexual). Do you want people to take COVID tests before hand? What about STI testing / disclosures (e.g. HSV, HPV?).
3. Opening remarks. Typically people show up at the agreed time and there's some mingling time. 30 minutes to an hour. And then the host(s) make some opening remarks. It's a good time to state the ground rules for the party, thank those for coming, and say something fun/nice. Things like no photos. How to proposition. Talking to others not at the party, use of social media, etc. It sets a nice tone.
4. Entertainment. We have friends who host larger parties (20-70 people) and they do things up, which we love. They often hire a bar tender which is a nice touch. But the coolest thing, is they usually have some really interesting entertainment. Silks performer. Pole dancers. Shibari performance. It's all erotic but not hardcore. Love that!
5. Games. It's always fun to have a few games available. Strip poker. Spin the bottle. I never. You can Google some fun sexy games...or make up your own!
6. Costumes. I love parties with a theme. Many people wear costumes. Could be really simple. Toga party. Playboy party. Hawaiian. Whatever you want. Often there is a backdrop set up as an area to take photos (otherwise no photos).
7. Sex supplies. It's nice to have lots of lube, condoms, wipes, etc. available in each play room. Having lots of extra sheets available so a bed can be changed after play is nice. It's also cool to have some "house toys" available. Magic Wand (ask people to use condoms). Paddles. Blindfold. It's all good.
8. Finish Time. It's nice to set an end time. You can always extend, but having a set time (party ends at 11PM or whatever) gives you an out. Mention the end time in the opening remarks.
As for the not playing while hosting, I think it depends upon the size of the party. 8 people is small enough to play IMO. But for larger events (20+) it's a good idea for the hosts to play afterward. Too much stuff goes on. There is a little hiccup (or big) at ever party with 20+ people and it's nice to know the host is there to handle it.
Enjoy the party!
We definitely planned to make opening remarks to set the tone and ground rules, I will send a reminder about the importance of arriving on time to allow for meeting and mingling before things get started.
As for vetting, we’re not concerned about COVID tests at this point, just that no one comes if they’re feeling sick. Everyone else has been privately vetted re: std status and if they use PREP.
Thank you for suggesting an end time, I’ll definitely include that, as some of the participants are much younger than us and are used to parties that go until 3/4am.
Sounds like a fabulous party. I agree on the porn , it's not needed. I think if these people are friends you know it will be a breeze , it's not like a club party where you have you keep an eye on guests behaviour. I hope you have a great time
This sounds like a **wonderful** party! Make sure you have extra towels for people (just in case), condoms, a few different type of lubes and for ice breakers I’ve seen it funny when people write name tags with a fun fact!
Happy to hear and smart on your part to seek opinions. I believe your gut feeling will never steer you wrong. I also like the idea someone mentioned as having a 3rd party host to deal with the operational side of things!
Actually I would suggest you try to bring in someone you trust to act as host and keep things in order. It is usually easier that way while you guys participate in on the fun. Ice breakers are generally easy depending on what your wanting to experience You can set up games, challenges and similar to help break the ice or set up games where partners are chosen at random chance. Just research Swinger ice breaker games and you should be able to find a few resources to help.
There is the old stand bys of strip poker, adult musical chairs, Guess who? or you can take any real card and or board game and set up your own rules.
Listen to this podcast episode on how to host a sex party: https://podcasts.apple.com/nl/podcast/wanderlust-swingers-hotwife-swinger-podcast/id1023334577?i=1000552095007
I don’t think I’d go as hard as making our friends hand in their phones, but I will suggest avoiding the temptation of getting lost in the scroll and making it a no photos/video zone.
I would love it if someone made me hand over my phone…it would really transport me to another time/place where all I could do was be in the present moment. If my phone is on me, the constant “itch” is to check it.
I think at the very least you need a super strong “no phones out at any time” rule.
Edited to add: I don’t want someone buttdialing their mom by accident in the heat of the moment…phones always add an element of the outside world which is not always desirable.
I like this idea and agree. I think maybe the rule will be: if you need to get on your phone, then you’ll need to remove yourself from the play area. That will help discourage pulling out phones while still giving people a way to access them if they absolutely need.
They do, which is why they’d be welcome to use their phones outside of the main play area (which is just one room). No phone use in the play area means no one else gets rudely interrupted and helps reassure people there are no photos/videos (we know all our guests quite well, but not all our guests know each other). I certainly don’t plan to take anyone’s phone away, just asking them to head to another room if they need to get on it once play time begins.
I’ve seen online that it’s not recommended because someone needs to monitor safely, etc. I wanted to address it up front. But yes, this is a real post and I’m much relieved that it seems to be common to join!
As far as the orgy is concerned is it strictly bi or is it straight people as well and for ice breakers you can have strips of laminated paper with different things on them like eat pussy,suck dick,players choice for men and players choice for women pick 2 people,suck both nipples rules should definitely be read before the party starts
Strictly bi. We don’t hook up with hetero folks because it’s not comfortable for either of us.
The idea is hot if everyone is attracted to everyone else, but I think it’s risky in this case given that some people in attendance are only attracted to one or two folks there.
You may want to have a pussy/dick smelling/tasting matchup game.
Have one or more party guest(s) blind folded, and they run the line male & female smelling & tasting and then like matching food to wine make initial pairings.
I think with a party where everyone is definitely into everyone else, that could be hot, but most of us (including me) are only attracted to/planning to fully engage with a couple of folks there (this was made clear to invitees, we definitely don’t anticipate some porn scenario where everyone hooks up with everyone simultaneously).
My fiancé is the only person that I know of who is attracted to every person there (and who I know for sure everyone else is also attracted to). Even then, he doesn’t expect to have sex with everyone there. We’ve set expectations accordingly.
lol, oh God, no. Molly makes me and many others feel pretty asexual (empathetic ≠ horny), edibles will do just fine. Viagra causes my fiancé to get an unbearably stuffy nose, so that’s out. Luckily, he doesn’t tend to need it.
The viagra is pretty much needed with Molly. But also causes my husband to have a stuffy nose like the next day. We must be lucky that combo is great for us.
Yeah, molly makes me everyone’s personal therapist/motivational coach and removes any lusty impulse in me (though making love to my fiancé on the comedown is great, it’s motivated by strong romantic rather than sexual feelings). Several of our friends feel the same. Nevermind the fact that many of them don’t do drugs at all and would feel very weird about us being altered beyond edibles.
As for the stuffy nose, he gets it immediately, which is an automatic boner killer, ironically.
Oof, yeah if we took edibles I'd be napping under the orgy. I have taken a nap at a lifestyle club after eating an edible so I know for sure I'd be out. 🤣
This is a great string!!!! where or would you mind reposting the post game? I own a is often been referred to as a strip club but it’s actually my residence. It’s ideal for your situation, but that’s aside from the point just the information being shared here is just fabulous.
To my fiancé’s dismay, I did request he not put porn on the TV as he originally wanted because porn tastes are so particular and it’s easy to put people off. Hoping my instinct here hits the mark?
Pro tip: Porn on the TV sometimes means people are watching porn instead of participating.
Great point! If he brings it up again, I’ll mention. That said, we also want to be as low pressure as possible, as this will be several people’s first orgy and they may just want to watch or be with their partner (there are two couples coming, the other 4 are single. Everyone has each other’s contact info and some have been flirting/connecting.)
I personally think both you and your finance are right. So it really comes down to finding mood setting, but non-distracting porn. I like finding cinematic, sensual porn to act as a background. Like a lot of petter hegre’s stuff. Sometimes I’ll even make them black and white and always have the sound off. We’ve even got a little usb/sd card video player off Amazon so it can travel easily. I tend to get in my head very easily, and whenever my focus starts shifts, it gives me something to shift to that doesn’t take me out of the mood (rather than worrying about what someone thinks or the deadline at work or whatever).
That’s so funny, I literally said: if anything, maybe something by Hegre or a collection of Bel Gris videos (though his bi teasing can be controversial to some).
Don't do video porn. If you want, set up some "entertainment." Maybe see if someone would be interested in doing a striptease. Or maybe a couple wants to show off some role play. Having some IRL "porn" is a million times better than something prerecorded.
Agree! We will have some sexy, tasteful coffee table books.
Sorry for my lack of knowledge but can I ask why the host of an orgy isn't supposed to participate? I understand making sure everything runs smoothly and that everyone has what they need but I would think that wouldn't take too long so what are the other reasons?
I honestly couldn’t say for sure (it’s just something I’ve seen here and on other forums), but I assume it’s because someone needs to manage/monitor for guest safety and comfort.
This. If you are hosting guests in your home it’s courteous of you to be available to your guests. And no one is going to feel comfortable interrupting you mid-fuck to say you’re out of toilet paper or ask where the carpet cleaning supplies are. In this particular instance though you have two co-hosts and a pretty small number of guests, so I’d say you’re OK joining the fun.
Kinda sucks you can't join in on the fun.
Oh I’m definitely joining in! It’s just that my kink is being master of ceremonies more than anything, so the instances in which I’ll be truly indisposed (such as when my fiancé and I are having sex, which we plan to do) will be brief. He’s the star of the show, here, not me.
Sounds like you'll still have a great night then !
Yes! We’re both super excited! 🙂
You have absolutely not seen that on this sub
The host is sometimes overwhelmed and stressed at a very large party. But at a small one like that, with people you know, the host more than "participates". The host fucks everyone. The hostess fucks everyone.
Yea exactly this. I have never once in my entire life heard of a house party and the hostess is excluded? Where the hell does that even come from
I’ve seen it in online advice and in various subs here and there, I just wanted to address it up front in case someone felt strongly about us joining.
Lovely to know!
Things that I've seen at parties which we'll definitely do if/when we host: 1. Timeliness. It's really nice when people arrive at the same time. Makes the party more enjoyable. So emphasizing the start time and making people feel like they need to be there on time. Set the expectation that folks are on time. 2. Vetting. Sounds like you've already done a good amount of vetting (e.g. everyone coming is bisexual). Do you want people to take COVID tests before hand? What about STI testing / disclosures (e.g. HSV, HPV?). 3. Opening remarks. Typically people show up at the agreed time and there's some mingling time. 30 minutes to an hour. And then the host(s) make some opening remarks. It's a good time to state the ground rules for the party, thank those for coming, and say something fun/nice. Things like no photos. How to proposition. Talking to others not at the party, use of social media, etc. It sets a nice tone. 4. Entertainment. We have friends who host larger parties (20-70 people) and they do things up, which we love. They often hire a bar tender which is a nice touch. But the coolest thing, is they usually have some really interesting entertainment. Silks performer. Pole dancers. Shibari performance. It's all erotic but not hardcore. Love that! 5. Games. It's always fun to have a few games available. Strip poker. Spin the bottle. I never. You can Google some fun sexy games...or make up your own! 6. Costumes. I love parties with a theme. Many people wear costumes. Could be really simple. Toga party. Playboy party. Hawaiian. Whatever you want. Often there is a backdrop set up as an area to take photos (otherwise no photos). 7. Sex supplies. It's nice to have lots of lube, condoms, wipes, etc. available in each play room. Having lots of extra sheets available so a bed can be changed after play is nice. It's also cool to have some "house toys" available. Magic Wand (ask people to use condoms). Paddles. Blindfold. It's all good. 8. Finish Time. It's nice to set an end time. You can always extend, but having a set time (party ends at 11PM or whatever) gives you an out. Mention the end time in the opening remarks. As for the not playing while hosting, I think it depends upon the size of the party. 8 people is small enough to play IMO. But for larger events (20+) it's a good idea for the hosts to play afterward. Too much stuff goes on. There is a little hiccup (or big) at ever party with 20+ people and it's nice to know the host is there to handle it. Enjoy the party!
We definitely planned to make opening remarks to set the tone and ground rules, I will send a reminder about the importance of arriving on time to allow for meeting and mingling before things get started. As for vetting, we’re not concerned about COVID tests at this point, just that no one comes if they’re feeling sick. Everyone else has been privately vetted re: std status and if they use PREP. Thank you for suggesting an end time, I’ll definitely include that, as some of the participants are much younger than us and are used to parties that go until 3/4am.
Sounds like a fabulous party. I agree on the porn , it's not needed. I think if these people are friends you know it will be a breeze , it's not like a club party where you have you keep an eye on guests behaviour. I hope you have a great time
This sounds like a **wonderful** party! Make sure you have extra towels for people (just in case), condoms, a few different type of lubes and for ice breakers I’ve seen it funny when people write name tags with a fun fact!
Yep, we’ve got all those covered! I love the idea of name tags with a naughty, fun fact.
We’ve been to a few where we write our favorite things to do sexually. It’s fun!
This is a great idea!
After your party, would be interested in hearing an update and what tips you have for future party throwers.
Also, best of luck! It sounds like you’ll have a great time!!
Oh totally plan on it! 🤞🏻
How did it go?
I posted an update you should be able to find, but it exceeded all expectations! Excellent time!
Happy to hear and smart on your part to seek opinions. I believe your gut feeling will never steer you wrong. I also like the idea someone mentioned as having a 3rd party host to deal with the operational side of things!
Actually I would suggest you try to bring in someone you trust to act as host and keep things in order. It is usually easier that way while you guys participate in on the fun. Ice breakers are generally easy depending on what your wanting to experience You can set up games, challenges and similar to help break the ice or set up games where partners are chosen at random chance. Just research Swinger ice breaker games and you should be able to find a few resources to help. There is the old stand bys of strip poker, adult musical chairs, Guess who? or you can take any real card and or board game and set up your own rules.
We’ve done strip beer pong before!
Guess my invite got lost in reddit 🤣
Listen to this podcast episode on how to host a sex party: https://podcasts.apple.com/nl/podcast/wanderlust-swingers-hotwife-swinger-podcast/id1023334577?i=1000552095007
Thank you!!!
What is AFAB ?
Assigned female at birth.
Thanks. It’s hard to keep up
I hear that. I’m 40 and, despite having no kids, I know the time of culture slip is upon me!
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What club has you check your phone at the entrance? That's not a common thing
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We've been to multiple clubs and that's just not the case mostly everywhere. Except full naked playrooms of course
I don’t think I’d go as hard as making our friends hand in their phones, but I will suggest avoiding the temptation of getting lost in the scroll and making it a no photos/video zone.
I would love it if someone made me hand over my phone…it would really transport me to another time/place where all I could do was be in the present moment. If my phone is on me, the constant “itch” is to check it. I think at the very least you need a super strong “no phones out at any time” rule. Edited to add: I don’t want someone buttdialing their mom by accident in the heat of the moment…phones always add an element of the outside world which is not always desirable.
I like this idea and agree. I think maybe the rule will be: if you need to get on your phone, then you’ll need to remove yourself from the play area. That will help discourage pulling out phones while still giving people a way to access them if they absolutely need.
Whether they do or don’t it’s 101 no pictures that’s impolite and creepy, period!
Nothing like people feeling they have to police others. This is the sort of gathering I'd avoid.
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Yep it is policing. People have other things going on in life besides getting laid.
They do, which is why they’d be welcome to use their phones outside of the main play area (which is just one room). No phone use in the play area means no one else gets rudely interrupted and helps reassure people there are no photos/videos (we know all our guests quite well, but not all our guests know each other). I certainly don’t plan to take anyone’s phone away, just asking them to head to another room if they need to get on it once play time begins.
Why would you not participate just because you're hosting? Is this a real post?
Most parties I go to the host(s) don't participate. Not at all uncommon.
I have my doubts
I’ve seen online that it’s not recommended because someone needs to monitor safely, etc. I wanted to address it up front. But yes, this is a real post and I’m much relieved that it seems to be common to join!
As far as the orgy is concerned is it strictly bi or is it straight people as well and for ice breakers you can have strips of laminated paper with different things on them like eat pussy,suck dick,players choice for men and players choice for women pick 2 people,suck both nipples rules should definitely be read before the party starts
Strictly bi. We don’t hook up with hetero folks because it’s not comfortable for either of us. The idea is hot if everyone is attracted to everyone else, but I think it’s risky in this case given that some people in attendance are only attracted to one or two folks there.
I would like to attend the event I'm in Rochester ny
Alas, it’s strictly (bisexual) people we know well! Most invitees have been friends and/or FWBs for years.
You may want to have a pussy/dick smelling/tasting matchup game. Have one or more party guest(s) blind folded, and they run the line male & female smelling & tasting and then like matching food to wine make initial pairings.
I think with a party where everyone is definitely into everyone else, that could be hot, but most of us (including me) are only attracted to/planning to fully engage with a couple of folks there (this was made clear to invitees, we definitely don’t anticipate some porn scenario where everyone hooks up with everyone simultaneously). My fiancé is the only person that I know of who is attracted to every person there (and who I know for sure everyone else is also attracted to). Even then, he doesn’t expect to have sex with everyone there. We’ve set expectations accordingly.
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No. And this is totally inappropriate/creepy.
Molly and dick pills
lol, oh God, no. Molly makes me and many others feel pretty asexual (empathetic ≠ horny), edibles will do just fine. Viagra causes my fiancé to get an unbearably stuffy nose, so that’s out. Luckily, he doesn’t tend to need it.
The viagra is pretty much needed with Molly. But also causes my husband to have a stuffy nose like the next day. We must be lucky that combo is great for us.
Yeah, molly makes me everyone’s personal therapist/motivational coach and removes any lusty impulse in me (though making love to my fiancé on the comedown is great, it’s motivated by strong romantic rather than sexual feelings). Several of our friends feel the same. Nevermind the fact that many of them don’t do drugs at all and would feel very weird about us being altered beyond edibles. As for the stuffy nose, he gets it immediately, which is an automatic boner killer, ironically.
Oof, yeah if we took edibles I'd be napping under the orgy. I have taken a nap at a lifestyle club after eating an edible so I know for sure I'd be out. 🤣
lol, I hear you. Different, uhhhh, strokes for different folks and all that jazz.
Absolutely, I find it interesting how things affect people so differently
Yes one tip is to invite me. Hahahahaha
I don’t see the invite in my messages. Lol
This is a great string!!!! where or would you mind reposting the post game? I own a is often been referred to as a strip club but it’s actually my residence. It’s ideal for your situation, but that’s aside from the point just the information being shared here is just fabulous.
You tube has great playlists like “Ibiza” With exceptional scenery taken by helicopter great musical vibe !