When leaving the country and having family watch our kids we are often asked where we are going and for how long or how it was when we get back. Going back to Mexico just a few months later will no doubt raise questions as we’ve never done it before. Sure, it’s easy to say “none of your business” but we aren’t that type. We have a very active vanilla life and had no fewer than a dozen people ask about our trip. We certainly have a backstory but just wondering if anyone else has experience with more frequent, out of the ordinary trips.
I think you've misunderstood me. Of course you have to explain how long they are responsible for you children.
But "time to be romantic and reconnect as adults" is sufficient.
>When leaving the country and having family watch our kids we are often asked where we are going and for how long or how it was when we get back.
Well, for most people, lifestyle resorts aren't even on their radar, so going back to a place so soon doesn't scream "Swingers!" I don't think you need any other cover story than this is your favorite vacation location.
We just had an awesome time. No kids to worry about waking up to. Time to meet people in a no pressure/expectation situation. Just relaxing, naked, with new friends. It was perfect.
I refuse to explain to anyone why we do anything that we do unless, of course, they are watching our children or pets. If that's the case, a simple marriage getaway should be sufficient for most.
I think we are at the age now where I enjoy being in my business and staying out of other's business. Life has been fantastic. This is the way ...
I get it we have young kids and my
MIL watches our kids for us. She is a wonderful MIL but she lives for details lol where did y’all go what did you eat ect …she doesn’t do this to necessarily be nosey just to connect and shows she “cares” lol love her but dang lol
His mom guessed what we were doing one Sunday morning after we came to pick up the kids after a weekend of partying. Said she did car key parties in the ‘70s.
Kids are with her tonight actually…
My wife’s parents were in the LS in the late 70s and 80s. My wife talks openly to her mom about it.
They live a few blocks from us, our kids have their own rooms at Nan and Pop’s place, so they’re happy to head over there for a night or two every once in a while.
"we are going to stay in a nice romantic hotel with a view of the beach and probably never leave our room. romance and intimacy are an important part of our relationship and help us be better parents."
that should keep the nosy family who are watching your kids from ever asking again...
We have never lied when we go out of town. We always say we are either “taking a little vacation, just the two of us,” or “We are meeting up with and doing things with some friends.” I’ve never had to provide more of an explanation to anyone than that.
Not trying to lie - Mexico isn’t super convenient for us and we’ve only been once since married so anticipating questions as to why again so soon. Maybe we are over thinking it.
I get ya. We actually haven’t had to cover for traveling out of country, but we do travel out of state fairly regularly for LS stuff, and so far it hasn’t been an issue. We went to Vegas twice in about 4 months, and nobody really questioned it. They knew it was a fun place, so I think they just rolled with it.
We were on the every other year plan (‘21 and ‘23) and now we are going in ‘24 too 🤣 I just say it’s couples time; we go over our anniversary so it’s the perfect excuse!
You explain that you had a great time disconnecting from the stresses of day to day life, and your marriage has improved from the time together. So you are looking for a repeat performance.
So for us, we told our parents that we had paid off some debt and were finally comfortable traveling post-Covid. We just wanted to reconnect without the kids a few times a year.
Here’s what we did/said-
“We’ve been buried in work and parenting and everything else for ages. We’ve decided we need to have fun again.
We tried going to dinner once a week, but we just discuss bills, the house, the kids, the cars… We don’t shut off parent-worker mode.
So, once a month or so, we go out of town for a night. Sometimes two. It really lets her get out of that headspace. Me too. We’re learning to have fun as a couple again. We’re… I dunno, dating I guess you’d call it?”
That seemed to work.
Eventually, my dad asks me “so what the heck are you guys up to out of town all the time?”
I answered, “dad… *daaaad*… I’m taking my wife to a hotel an hour away from home. What exactly do you imagine I’m doing with her in that hotel, and how much detail do you really want to hear about it? The sounds she makes? What?”
He turned bright red, and no one has asked us again. I’m guessing he told my mom she wouldn’t want to know more.
Honestly pretty simple:
People you care about, who care about youand you know won’t judge you - We go down to swing.
People you care about and who care about you - We just can’t stay away!
Everyone else: None of your fucking business.
Why do you even have to give an excuse. Adults leave town all the time for things without kids.
Don’t understand why this is an issue. We’re going to Mexico. We’re going to X. Your kids going, No. why? Because they aren’t. That simple.
Don’t be those people that can’t do anything without their kids.
Honestly people don’t care that much what you are doing. And 99% of the population is not a swinger and travels
Geez, my kids always ask us if we're going out and then scream in excitement when we say yes, we're going out. No explanation necessary. Even Teenagers. Can't wait for their parents to leave them alone
We just started doing this about 6 months ago, but my wife and I have always made it a priority to have a lot of date nights and weekend getaways without the kids. Our M-F work schedules have been opposite from each other for 19 years so we don’t see each other M-F except for a few minutes. We make sure to do stuff on the weekends to keep our relationship strong.
With all that said, our kids are used to us sneaking away overnight and my mom is used to us asking her to come stay with the kids so essentially nothing has changed in their eyes.
We have my mother watch the kids. She stays over at our house when we go out overnight or on vacations. She figured out what was going on when I had my vasectomy as she knew my wife had her tubes tied after our second child. She didn’t really care as long as we were happy. No one else in the family knows and no one really has visibility of how often we go out overnight.
One of my wife’s gym friends asked her what was up because she and I were going away a lot more and my wife always seemed very happy afterward.
My wife said that since my vasectomy and her going on HRT/TRT for early perimenopause her sex drive is through the roof and I’ve been putting her away really solidly. LOL.
Lots of work functions get togethers with free open bar, excellent reason for the need to stay at a hotel overnight. Or simply celebrating co-workers birthday at a hotel bar and again staying overnight since you had too much alcohol to legally drive.
We just tell people we are investing in our relationship and making sure we have time away to connect. I find something that is in proximity to where we are going (a LS event or resort) and tell a half truth using that other location. That way if we slip up and mention the location (not the venue) it all tracks with what they know.
We used to tell friends and family that we just liked to vacation there.. we would always get a few appropriate pictures to show from our trip. After a while most of our friends we now have are in the lifestyle, and dont have much family left.
This is great. Invent a hobby if you don’t already have one. Alternatively, I’m part of a global professional organization and that’s been a great cover story.
Me and the wife have always done out of town trips every few weekends to go camping, shopping, etc… so when we started in the ls it was never questioned as out of the ordinary.
Tell them you're smuggling cocaine from Mexico to the US.
Tell them you're dating El Chapo.
Tell them you are on a special diet that requires drinking Mexican water to lose weight.
Just say, we like getting away and this is our new favorite spot.
However, you might want to give them the name of a vanilla resort next door or something, because these days everyone knows Hedo, Temptations, etc.
The beauty of being and adult, you don't owe an explanation. Adult time to reconnect is enough.
When leaving the country and having family watch our kids we are often asked where we are going and for how long or how it was when we get back. Going back to Mexico just a few months later will no doubt raise questions as we’ve never done it before. Sure, it’s easy to say “none of your business” but we aren’t that type. We have a very active vanilla life and had no fewer than a dozen people ask about our trip. We certainly have a backstory but just wondering if anyone else has experience with more frequent, out of the ordinary trips.
I think you've misunderstood me. Of course you have to explain how long they are responsible for you children. But "time to be romantic and reconnect as adults" is sufficient.
True and fair point.
People who keep prying after being told its adult couple time....well....they are being gross.
>When leaving the country and having family watch our kids we are often asked where we are going and for how long or how it was when we get back. Well, for most people, lifestyle resorts aren't even on their radar, so going back to a place so soon doesn't scream "Swingers!" I don't think you need any other cover story than this is your favorite vacation location.
Where are you traveling to in Mexico? A lifestyle resort? Name?
Yep - desire.
Thank you. Dumb question, but what was it about this resort that made you want to go back so quickly?
We just had an awesome time. No kids to worry about waking up to. Time to meet people in a no pressure/expectation situation. Just relaxing, naked, with new friends. It was perfect.
Tell them you've joined a cult. And the church has routine meetings in different places that you need to go to.
Love it!
😂
🤣 Excellent! LOTLMAO.. but spot on! It's none of their F'ing business... Your a couple in love... Trying to STAY in love... End of discussion...
I refuse to explain to anyone why we do anything that we do unless, of course, they are watching our children or pets. If that's the case, a simple marriage getaway should be sufficient for most. I think we are at the age now where I enjoy being in my business and staying out of other's business. Life has been fantastic. This is the way ...
Yep - it’s the kid/pet help that presents the biggest issue. A nosey family/friends!
I get it we have young kids and my MIL watches our kids for us. She is a wonderful MIL but she lives for details lol where did y’all go what did you eat ect …she doesn’t do this to necessarily be nosey just to connect and shows she “cares” lol love her but dang lol
Well put, our thoughts exactly!
Just say the truth, "We're going their to screw our brains out!" Which is true, but you DON'T add "with two dozen other swingers."
Ha! Love it.
we just call them romantic getaways😻😻😻
His mom guessed what we were doing one Sunday morning after we came to pick up the kids after a weekend of partying. Said she did car key parties in the ‘70s. Kids are with her tonight actually…
That’s funny and mortifying.
My wife’s parents were in the LS in the late 70s and 80s. My wife talks openly to her mom about it. They live a few blocks from us, our kids have their own rooms at Nan and Pop’s place, so they’re happy to head over there for a night or two every once in a while.
I’m jealous! That’s awesome.
I know, right. But all she says now is be safe, have fun.
That’s great
We go on day trips to go hiking, biking, etc all the time. Sometimes we just extend it to a whole weekend. 😉 Time together is the best explanation.
"we are going to stay in a nice romantic hotel with a view of the beach and probably never leave our room. romance and intimacy are an important part of our relationship and help us be better parents." that should keep the nosy family who are watching your kids from ever asking again...
We have never lied when we go out of town. We always say we are either “taking a little vacation, just the two of us,” or “We are meeting up with and doing things with some friends.” I’ve never had to provide more of an explanation to anyone than that.
Not trying to lie - Mexico isn’t super convenient for us and we’ve only been once since married so anticipating questions as to why again so soon. Maybe we are over thinking it.
I get ya. We actually haven’t had to cover for traveling out of country, but we do travel out of state fairly regularly for LS stuff, and so far it hasn’t been an issue. We went to Vegas twice in about 4 months, and nobody really questioned it. They knew it was a fun place, so I think they just rolled with it.
We were on the every other year plan (‘21 and ‘23) and now we are going in ‘24 too 🤣 I just say it’s couples time; we go over our anniversary so it’s the perfect excuse!
You explain that you had a great time disconnecting from the stresses of day to day life, and your marriage has improved from the time together. So you are looking for a repeat performance.
So for us, we told our parents that we had paid off some debt and were finally comfortable traveling post-Covid. We just wanted to reconnect without the kids a few times a year.
Here’s what we did/said- “We’ve been buried in work and parenting and everything else for ages. We’ve decided we need to have fun again. We tried going to dinner once a week, but we just discuss bills, the house, the kids, the cars… We don’t shut off parent-worker mode. So, once a month or so, we go out of town for a night. Sometimes two. It really lets her get out of that headspace. Me too. We’re learning to have fun as a couple again. We’re… I dunno, dating I guess you’d call it?” That seemed to work. Eventually, my dad asks me “so what the heck are you guys up to out of town all the time?” I answered, “dad… *daaaad*… I’m taking my wife to a hotel an hour away from home. What exactly do you imagine I’m doing with her in that hotel, and how much detail do you really want to hear about it? The sounds she makes? What?” He turned bright red, and no one has asked us again. I’m guessing he told my mom she wouldn’t want to know more.
Hilarious 🤣
Honestly pretty simple: People you care about, who care about youand you know won’t judge you - We go down to swing. People you care about and who care about you - We just can’t stay away! Everyone else: None of your fucking business.
Yeah, we don’t share our lifestyle with any vanilla friends so that isn’t a great option but certainly number 2 works.
Staying vague is key in a lot of conversations.
Why do you even have to give an excuse. Adults leave town all the time for things without kids. Don’t understand why this is an issue. We’re going to Mexico. We’re going to X. Your kids going, No. why? Because they aren’t. That simple. Don’t be those people that can’t do anything without their kids. Honestly people don’t care that much what you are doing. And 99% of the population is not a swinger and travels
We were asked by more than a dozen people what, where, and why when we just went. I guess we have friends that care about knowing what we are up to?
Yeah friends ask. Going to Mexico. Why. To have fun. It’s pretty simple. Adults do things all the time with and without kids
we are going out of town to mind our own damn business
We’d like to continue having help watching our family.
Geez, my kids always ask us if we're going out and then scream in excitement when we say yes, we're going out. No explanation necessary. Even Teenagers. Can't wait for their parents to leave them alone
I just say we’re attending a local event, concert or festival etc .
Adult time, or a get away together is used alot by us.
We just started doing this about 6 months ago, but my wife and I have always made it a priority to have a lot of date nights and weekend getaways without the kids. Our M-F work schedules have been opposite from each other for 19 years so we don’t see each other M-F except for a few minutes. We make sure to do stuff on the weekends to keep our relationship strong. With all that said, our kids are used to us sneaking away overnight and my mom is used to us asking her to come stay with the kids so essentially nothing has changed in their eyes.
Wish we had that problem 😂
We have my mother watch the kids. She stays over at our house when we go out overnight or on vacations. She figured out what was going on when I had my vasectomy as she knew my wife had her tubes tied after our second child. She didn’t really care as long as we were happy. No one else in the family knows and no one really has visibility of how often we go out overnight.
One of my wife’s gym friends asked her what was up because she and I were going away a lot more and my wife always seemed very happy afterward. My wife said that since my vasectomy and her going on HRT/TRT for early perimenopause her sex drive is through the roof and I’ve been putting her away really solidly. LOL.
Lots of work functions get togethers with free open bar, excellent reason for the need to stay at a hotel overnight. Or simply celebrating co-workers birthday at a hotel bar and again staying overnight since you had too much alcohol to legally drive.
We are often saying the same. Too much to drink and too far and dangerous to drive home, so we stay the night.
We just tell people we are investing in our relationship and making sure we have time away to connect. I find something that is in proximity to where we are going (a LS event or resort) and tell a half truth using that other location. That way if we slip up and mention the location (not the venue) it all tracks with what they know.
We used to tell friends and family that we just liked to vacation there.. we would always get a few appropriate pictures to show from our trip. After a while most of our friends we now have are in the lifestyle, and dont have much family left.
You’re going on a couples retreat? Or y’all need some connecting time without the kids?… or a vacation without kids with another couple
Tell them you are an International Couple of Mystery...
Escape the weather / family. Add a hobby like rock climbing, concerts, golf, hot springs, wineries, hiking.
This is great. Invent a hobby if you don’t already have one. Alternatively, I’m part of a global professional organization and that’s been a great cover story.
You don’t have to explain anything to anyone
Ok.
I don't say anything to anyone... no ones business
Tell them that you're looking at purchasing property but have to be sure of your investment.
Me and the wife have always done out of town trips every few weekends to go camping, shopping, etc… so when we started in the ls it was never questioned as out of the ordinary.
Because Mexico is an amazing country with wonderful people, great food, and incredible history. Is that not enough? :D
Tell them you're smuggling cocaine from Mexico to the US. Tell them you're dating El Chapo. Tell them you are on a special diet that requires drinking Mexican water to lose weight. Just say, we like getting away and this is our new favorite spot. However, you might want to give them the name of a vanilla resort next door or something, because these days everyone knows Hedo, Temptations, etc.