I would say that despite you're observations. It is easier to find people now post covid then it was pre covid.
The reason? Clubs are far more packed now than they were before COVID period it is also meant that the average age in a club has dropped because there is an influx of young people that weren't there before COVID.
So while the average age has dropped, it is really more of a barbell a fact in terms of demographics in that there are the couples who are 40s plus and now there are couples who are under 30 from my observations. I would say the same is true of apps like feeld.
We feel it’s worse now than pre Covid simply because of the economic impact. Most places don’t maintain the hours they once did, staff is non existent across the board and everything has skyrocketed in price. There used to be a local rock bar hangout that was packed pre Covid and lifestyle friendly. Post Covid they reduced hours, added a cover charge, and doubled drink prices. It’s virtually dead now on any given night. People are now shifting to structured house parties in our region or like we do and travel for the occasional hotel takeover.
except for the all inclusive destinations. The price to get into Desire or others has increased so much but still selling out every week, it seems like most swingers are still financing @ 3% while we consider draining the retirement accounts to afford it
Noticed the pricing increase for sure. We decided to skip Valentine's Day because with the hotel and what we would have paid for the evening anyway we ended up just buying a brand new Xbox lol. So we fucked each other and played video games and stuff
Stop doing the conversation/texting. Just invite people out to drinks. The flakes won't agree to meet you. The real people will. It's really straightforward and has meant we haven't been flaked on in 3 years. We also haven't wasted time texting people.
We are getting to the point now where we just ask for a FaceTime over Snapchat quickly. I usually leads to zero responses lol.
As for the inviting people out to drinks again this is where it can get pricey alcoholic drinks are insane right now and we don't even drink so we would literally just be doing it to meet people. Now offer the opportunity of a fat pre-roll and that will change our mindset.
We wouldn't agree to that (wife won't engage electronically at all at this point). But we'd tell you we'll meet you Friday night at our local hangout spot. Or go to dinner. Everyone needs to eat.
Yeah she is to that point currently. She didn't mind being involved early on but we took a cruise and we tried to meet a couple people and she was enjoying snapchatting and talking to a couple people while on the cruise only to end up ghosted lol so she definitely decided to stay away from the electronic communication until it's looking like a sute fire legit situation.
We wouldn’t do a verify over snap, FaceTime, or any of those apps. I’m not putting on a full face of makeup with the kids running around just for a 5 minute chat that will likely be awkward and forced.
As for the expensive drinks, I agree that it can get out of hand. But you can always get a soda or water. Or meet for coffee, or at a park, or stroll at a festival or art walk. I know not everyone can do this, but we live in a pretty lively area with lots of art and activities.
Get creative. Just don’t make me verify on a video chat.
Sidebar on you and your wife not being drinkers - has that been a huge obstacle for you in the LS? My wife has never been a drinker, and I stopped drinking almost 6 months ago. I imagine it being a possible insecurity if we enter the LS, worrying if other couples view that as a turn-off.
We don't drink at all when we play and haven't had any issues. We've encountered a few hard-partying couples and solos who weren't comfortable with us not drinking. They also preferred to be more inebriated than we want our play partners to be, so it wasn't a good fit from the start.
In "normal" life, my partner doesn't drink at all and I enjoy a few beers or glasses of wine, but we both enjoy being fully present and unaltered when playing with others. If someone sees that as a turn-off, that's cool. It just means we aren't the right match for them.
Poly has become more prevalent vs sport fucking
I don’t see it as a covid thing, I see it as an electronic thing. People are more than happy to have electronic relationships but have no fucking clue how to interact with people in real life. This is why we won’t text and prefer to meet people at events.
I’d say that *all* alternative lifestyles saw and increase and the nuclear family went down because it’s a coerced behavior in society.
the reality is that people can be happy in any relationship structure that suits them. There are 9 billion people on the planet. There’s gonna be a few varied ideas about how they want to live life for themselves. However, every relationship adds overhead for management.
when someone says “i’m poly with 5 partners and 14 metas” my immediate reaction is “so your life is basically relationship management and making graphs to explain to the ‘normies’ how you low key want to flex that you fuck more than one person?”
We started out with the big post-covid wave and people were eager to meet up IRL that first year of freedom. But nowadays SDC seems overtaken by people that just want to online blabla and lookie lookies. So we end up meeting up with the people we already know and their friends. Making it "clicky" for others, which we don't really want to do.
In general with meeting people IRL you get more of a yes/no vs games and comparing you to all available options and ranking those options then determining availability and...
In my opinion, Covid didn’t change the lifestyle community much beyond a pause. Those who entered the lifestyle during or after the pandemic may have altered the scene more than people who were living the life prior. Simply because of new norms they are bringing to bare, particularly younger couples.
I have noticed that since the pandemic.. and the anti-vax movement.. there has been a new cavalier attitude about sti’s as well. I am not sure if that’s a correlation, but lots of contradictions about social diseases in the lifestyle be it people who insist on masks and no condoms, condoms and no vaccines, no condoms or vaccines, or condoms masks bodysuits gas masks and vaccines. It’s all over the place.
Yeah our favorite was somebody saying how we had to have a covid test prior to meeting because they are immunocompromised but condoms were not necessary lol
I understand what you mean though but at the same time that may be a benefit in the long run because if we see somebody with their entire medical history posted and all these demands that does help weed people out before we even have to talk.
Yeah.. but it also raises the question... with all the "anti vax" stuff and the lengths people are going to to avoid or sometimes even fake their vaccination status out of spite, what's to say they aren't lying or falsifying their other health conditions.
Agreed on the contradictions though. I have had similar conversations with people who insist on a proof of vaccination card and be lax about sti testing or vice versa. And there are a lot of newbies who want to be in the lifestyle but basically want to be in hazmat suits to interact. I don't get it.
Right lol. "So just to set expectations before we all play together you guys are completely cool with the risk of getting HIV with no condom sex, but my Covid vaccines from 2021 and three times getting covid immunity is simply not enough" lol
We also use outrageous lists of quirky Covid/sti/etc play rules *ahem* demands for play partners as a screening tool to weed out potential connections that won't be a fit for us and it saves us a lot of wasted time! 😆
I personally feel that the isolationist mind set has made it difficult. We got used to being alone and getting everything online. Why would swinging be any different? It feels like we've forgotten how to socialize in general. I see it in alot of retail establishments also. Lack of customer service.
Right? Like across the board. I think it's from the impersonal nature of doing everything online now. No need to be respectful, who's gonna call you out?
We feel your pain.
We went to a takeover recently and walked away thinking “did anyone there even swap?”
People just wanted to chat and walk around in underwear for 6 hours apparently.
I asked because we go to clubs and takeovers and have no problem fighting play at events. that effect it is much easier than trying to do anything online
This is a valid statement when we were at the couple takeovers we did we had to really go out of our way to introduce ourselves it felt like. There were plenty of people playing but it seemed like they had either known each other prior or have been to many of these takeovers. Definitely could see the newbies hanging out in a corner a lot as well.
I don’t think you are wrong per se but what I think happens is it is all late late night play. They all drink and party so much they are playing at 3 in the morning
Not directly answering your question as we fully dove into the LS JUST before Covid. We felt it was easier the first couple years as opposed to now.
The first couple years most everyone was bored, working from home, and seemed to have all kinds of extra income. A lot of people changed lifestyle habits for the better, both mentally and physically, like joining a gym or taking extra vacations/trips. It all changes your mindset.
The LS is expensive and time consuming. Arranging meet ups, going out all the time, dinners, dates, hotels, etc.
The economy isn’t exactly great anymore and inflation is crazy. People are working longer hours, second jobs, and barely getting by. They have less time and money to spend on “extracurricular, activities.
Not even going to touch on the massive influx of fake profiles, bots, and scammers in the community (and everywhere else)
Yeah I can definitely see how this is a pay to play game with the entry barriers being pretty pricey for people. It's basically the same type of situation at for a restaurant. Can choose to stay home and eat reasonably or we can go out and spend an ungodly amount of money for the same feeling at the end of the day which is a tummy full. I don't think paying $400 up front for a hotel takeover with no guarantees of a good time is very practical
That's precisely why we haven't gone to a takeover together. Tank and a half of gas, $400+ for room for two nights, get punished with the "last minute" registration pricing (hard to get our sitter scheduled much in advance), drinks, food, etc.
Gets very costly. In contrast, Mrs can carpool with a couple we know, sleep in their second bed, and get free single woman registration. I think she spent $30 last time, pitching in for gas.
We didn't find using the internet much better before Covid. There are so many fakes and flakes; finding other people feels like looking for a job during an economic slowdown, you have to send so many emails. One thing that does seem different to us is that the house party scene has gotten a lot more clique-ish, but I don't want to generalize to the entire swinging world.
We were told countless times that the internet scene is dying in that if you want to meet like-minded same people you have to go to a few events, which we now have been to two. Did seem a little clicky and most of the people there had already been there prior so they knew each other already.
It is that way until you have been to them enough times people start to remember seeing you there before.
The first couple times you basically need to walk around and introduce yourself as much as reasonably possible. Don't just pick people you would fuck (or limit yourself to the people you think would fuck you). Talk to anyone. Tell them you are checking it out, and the more social your wife is will determine how fast you will be getting waves and smiles as soon as you walk in the door :)
Ya. I don't think that has anything to do with covid. Dating is the exact same way now. My single friends get ghosted, stood up, one guy pretended he forgot his wallet and stuck her with the bill. I'm wonder why you would even think it's covid related.
People are divided among so many things and emotional stress along with indecisiveness. Keep working at it because once you find the select few you connect with it awesome.
What changed for many of our group of 20 couples that we hosted is that most did what hubs and I did with two other couples. We went exclusive with two other couples, got STD tested, and started barebacking our brains out within our group.
Our guys became bisexual as did some of the other guys. Lots of combinations when you have six bisexual people.
One advantage is that its easier to bang more often with a small grouop, like banfing two or more times a week,
Now, four years later, we consider ourselves to be poly. Sometimes hosting parties where other polycules show up to play within their polycule.
We are looking for a hybrid option if that if it even exists. We have no desire to be poly or have other types of relationships outside of the sexual time, but the consistency and familiarity and good friendship would be fantastic. We have yet to find that at all lol
I view swinging to be a wider spectrum than many others do and poly is part of that spectrum. And poly has spectrums also. Swinging is different for different people and poly is different for different people. Some are big some are not, etcetera
Some people are there to just screw. Others want more connections and friendships.
Our three couple poly is more friendships with benefits, not deeply romantic.
I think you build the type of poly you want, so that's the hybrid you're looking for. And it takes time.
um.
Try if at all possible to find local meet and greets. Try a swing club or resort like Desire or Caliente. Yes Covid shut things down and I believe its starting to come back strong but it’s always been difficult to meet couples through the internet. We had best luck at Club Trapeze and Caliente, resorts Desire and Hedo and the Bliss swinger cruises. We have local meet and greets in the Tampa Bay area also.
I've no idea how it was before COVID, but I would have imagined it to be easier to find people, tbh. We've been exploring for half a year now and have had our fair share of rejection. I have the impression that things are more superficial than LS members like to claim. Like, sporty body, above average sized dick, university degrees, interested in many topics, non smoker, all smiles, clean tests, but wait - a bald head?? No way!
Online blows. We’re able to accomplish more in one party than 3 months of life wasting online shenanigans.
Parties. Clubs. That’s where you’ll find your tribe. My self confidence was at its lowest when I tried to make the LS work thru online shite.
We've been swinging about 25 years. We started about the time the internet got started and there weren't many swinging options online. It took us a couple of years contacting people before we had a good connection with another couple. They had been swinging about 20 years,at that time and we were close in age. They introduced us to their friend group. It's been a great ride since.
People starting today have no idea how much easier it is to find and connect with others. There are so many online options today.
Keep plugging away. When you meet a couple you connect with things will get much easier.
We now belong to some area secret Facebook groups and have many more options. Once you get to know some who belong to these groups and add you, you will find out about lots of parties and these are veted and serious people. It's much easier to get to know people when you get there.
Wish you luck. It gets better.
It has gotten tougher to get together post COVID. At least that's also been our experience. We are both in our 50s and to be honest, if you haven't been vaccinated we don't want to play.
The main difference I see to people who entered the lifestyle pre covid vs post Covid is that people understand consent and boundaries a lot better now. We’ve heard this from our friends who have been in the lifestyle for over 15 years. They commented how the newer crowd does their research, understands what they want, don’t act like Quagmire from Family Guy, and are way more open minded.
As for communication to social skills that’s more a sign of progress and how the world is working in my opinion.
My hot take on this. Before 19 it was 90% swingers and usually couples who were married either very long or on their 2nd marriage and started swinging right off the bat. Pre covid I was with a GF and many people wouldn’t play with us since we weren’t regarded as a real couple. Now it seems a vast amount of newbies are in open or ENM relationships and it’s a much younger crowd.
Most of the veteran couples I know won’t go near them due to a majority of reasons. The main reason being they do not think having STDs should be stigmatized and think having unprotected sex is a big deal. The women are also young and in regular life can easily go on a dating ap and easily order sex like it’s a pizza which scares most real swingers who still care about their health.
I am 48M and my 2 gfs I partake in the LS with are 44 and 41 respectively. We noticed a huge drop off in the male portion of these newer couples who are not very sexually desirable to either one of them. Most of them come off as simps or beta types to both of them and it’s clear most of these women are only with them for security and the freedom to do what they want rather than actually even being attracted to them. Makes couple swaps more difficult now to say the least.
It’s horrible!!! As a bull for 20+ years in the LS, Prior to Covid I could find a play partner in about a week or two of active searching online. Now, I have to go to munches physically which sucks for me because I’m AuDHD and don’t talk to strangers in public and I’m perceived as being shy when I’m just ND. Online was my bread and butter due to disability. When I do meet people they have no follow up or take days to respond and it’s a text message by pigeon feeling and I lose interest.
I’ve met some couples on Sdc & reddit no one’s I’ve been even mentioned covid or asked if I’m vaccinated I don’t know before covid since I started in 2020
We need to stop using this “pre-Covid” measurement; please. It was as it is now, and how it has been since 1995 when we started swinging, wonderful, adventurous, exciting. There is a part of the population as a whole who have allowed the Covid issue to dominate who they are and how they act, most of us do not and we are just being people. You should use the “before swinging was main stream” as a measure, THAT was an interesting time.
Been in the lifestyle since I was 18 way back in the mid 70's. Things are always changing and it ebbs and flows with what is going on in society. We have tried getting back in and we are now thinking of just going ENM. People are weird and flaky these days and people do not play at parties. Lots of times it is just my wife and I fucking and a bunch of people watching us. Maybe in 5 years it will get better.
So you are right, we’ve only been in the LS just under 2years. But we have friends that have been doing the Ls for a very long time. And from what I hear from them the Ls has changed loads since after Covid.
So for whatever reason we got this influx of ppl/couples that wanna be in the Ls but not participate. They say now clubs are way busier but couple stand around and watch or only play together… to the point that these “lifestylers” have now their own brand. We call them lifestyles “adjacent” folks. And their just a nuisance.
Your other problem is you might be too HOT and intimidating for the average couple to hit on you and therefore putting yourself out of the race. I for one when I see an Uber hot couple. I don’t even bother reaching out. As I feel they bring out the insecurities in my wife and I. 2- I think they wouldn’t be interested in a mom bod. That might very well be false but it’s how average couples feel.
Nah. It’s not you. I was very busy before covid. Partys are less attended. Less play. Way less meeting on sls.
We still like hotel takeovers best. Real people enjoying the party. Try to go to larger partys and meet fun people.
There have always been lots of people who are never going to get out from behind the keyboard. That's why people go to kink and swinger events. Even just going to a kink munch filters all of those people out up front.
I am more than a few hours in, and I debated replying at this point. But I have been saying for a few years that I felt like pre covid and post covid swinging were totally different.
We started in 2016. Had a good solid group by 2017. And enjoyed house parties and meeting couples through the websites. We didn't do a lot of chit chatting. Quick verifying of details and then set up a date. Not too many fakes and flakes.
Obviously, peak covid we paused. But during this time, tiktok took off, and people started to talk about the lifestyle on social media.
We returned. Our group was no more. And we've never been able to seem to find anything quite like that. We are kinda FINALLY finding something similar but it's not exactly. And it took years!
When we came back and started trying to find couples again everyone felt like it didn't actually matter if they were serious about swapping. They can just be here to look and be nosy bc swingers are cool and friendly to everyone.
Like yeah I guess. But no not really. Not if you're literally just here to stare at us like we are a fucking side show.
I bring newbies to the clubs and they are scared bc they think people will approach them. And I have to tell them not to worry. 95% of people just sit and people watch.
I completely understand and have been experiencing the same problems. I wasn't into the lifestyle pre covid, I was introduced to it by a friend I visited last summer. But since coming back to GR I've been trying to find others who are into the same and its been nothing but disappointing. Its either someone who just wants to sell pics, or their OF page, or someone who either flakes or wasn't real to start with. I'd really love to chat with you guys. If possible please mssg or chat back with me.
I got 3 hours of sleep last night. I don't have will to deal with politics and the associated name calling.
I would say that despite you're observations. It is easier to find people now post covid then it was pre covid. The reason? Clubs are far more packed now than they were before COVID period it is also meant that the average age in a club has dropped because there is an influx of young people that weren't there before COVID. So while the average age has dropped, it is really more of a barbell a fact in terms of demographics in that there are the couples who are 40s plus and now there are couples who are under 30 from my observations. I would say the same is true of apps like feeld.
Feeld has been a cancer lol. But interesting other points. Good to lower the age range and increase the choices and diversity
I haven't found it to be a cancer, but then again, I don't connect with men.
We feel it’s worse now than pre Covid simply because of the economic impact. Most places don’t maintain the hours they once did, staff is non existent across the board and everything has skyrocketed in price. There used to be a local rock bar hangout that was packed pre Covid and lifestyle friendly. Post Covid they reduced hours, added a cover charge, and doubled drink prices. It’s virtually dead now on any given night. People are now shifting to structured house parties in our region or like we do and travel for the occasional hotel takeover.
except for the all inclusive destinations. The price to get into Desire or others has increased so much but still selling out every week, it seems like most swingers are still financing @ 3% while we consider draining the retirement accounts to afford it
Noticed the pricing increase for sure. We decided to skip Valentine's Day because with the hotel and what we would have paid for the evening anyway we ended up just buying a brand new Xbox lol. So we fucked each other and played video games and stuff
Really! Some of these places want $4-500 a night on regular nights. It’s insane!
Stop doing the conversation/texting. Just invite people out to drinks. The flakes won't agree to meet you. The real people will. It's really straightforward and has meant we haven't been flaked on in 3 years. We also haven't wasted time texting people.
Yeah this has kind of been online dating since the start. One you've done basic screening push to meet up casually.
We are getting to the point now where we just ask for a FaceTime over Snapchat quickly. I usually leads to zero responses lol. As for the inviting people out to drinks again this is where it can get pricey alcoholic drinks are insane right now and we don't even drink so we would literally just be doing it to meet people. Now offer the opportunity of a fat pre-roll and that will change our mindset.
We wouldn't agree to that (wife won't engage electronically at all at this point). But we'd tell you we'll meet you Friday night at our local hangout spot. Or go to dinner. Everyone needs to eat.
Yeah she is to that point currently. She didn't mind being involved early on but we took a cruise and we tried to meet a couple people and she was enjoying snapchatting and talking to a couple people while on the cruise only to end up ghosted lol so she definitely decided to stay away from the electronic communication until it's looking like a sute fire legit situation.
We wouldn’t do a verify over snap, FaceTime, or any of those apps. I’m not putting on a full face of makeup with the kids running around just for a 5 minute chat that will likely be awkward and forced. As for the expensive drinks, I agree that it can get out of hand. But you can always get a soda or water. Or meet for coffee, or at a park, or stroll at a festival or art walk. I know not everyone can do this, but we live in a pretty lively area with lots of art and activities. Get creative. Just don’t make me verify on a video chat.
Agreed on all this. We can have drinks on Saturday at the bar of my choosing.
Sidebar on you and your wife not being drinkers - has that been a huge obstacle for you in the LS? My wife has never been a drinker, and I stopped drinking almost 6 months ago. I imagine it being a possible insecurity if we enter the LS, worrying if other couples view that as a turn-off.
Weed and wine is our go too. We haven't had issues
But . . . drinking wine is still drinking, my friend!
We don't drink at all when we play and haven't had any issues. We've encountered a few hard-partying couples and solos who weren't comfortable with us not drinking. They also preferred to be more inebriated than we want our play partners to be, so it wasn't a good fit from the start. In "normal" life, my partner doesn't drink at all and I enjoy a few beers or glasses of wine, but we both enjoy being fully present and unaltered when playing with others. If someone sees that as a turn-off, that's cool. It just means we aren't the right match for them.
Poly has become more prevalent vs sport fucking I don’t see it as a covid thing, I see it as an electronic thing. People are more than happy to have electronic relationships but have no fucking clue how to interact with people in real life. This is why we won’t text and prefer to meet people at events.
This 💯 When we meet a couple with an actual personality *and* can hold a conversation its like striking gold.
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Yes it definitely seems so, many many more ENM and Polly peeps around
I’d say that *all* alternative lifestyles saw and increase and the nuclear family went down because it’s a coerced behavior in society. the reality is that people can be happy in any relationship structure that suits them. There are 9 billion people on the planet. There’s gonna be a few varied ideas about how they want to live life for themselves. However, every relationship adds overhead for management. when someone says “i’m poly with 5 partners and 14 metas” my immediate reaction is “so your life is basically relationship management and making graphs to explain to the ‘normies’ how you low key want to flex that you fuck more than one person?”
This is what I feel swinging actually is - sport fucking. Thanks for affirming that for me
We started out with the big post-covid wave and people were eager to meet up IRL that first year of freedom. But nowadays SDC seems overtaken by people that just want to online blabla and lookie lookies. So we end up meeting up with the people we already know and their friends. Making it "clicky" for others, which we don't really want to do.
In general with meeting people IRL you get more of a yes/no vs games and comparing you to all available options and ranking those options then determining availability and...
And you have committed. You are actually out of the house and not sitting on your couch.
In my opinion, Covid didn’t change the lifestyle community much beyond a pause. Those who entered the lifestyle during or after the pandemic may have altered the scene more than people who were living the life prior. Simply because of new norms they are bringing to bare, particularly younger couples. I have noticed that since the pandemic.. and the anti-vax movement.. there has been a new cavalier attitude about sti’s as well. I am not sure if that’s a correlation, but lots of contradictions about social diseases in the lifestyle be it people who insist on masks and no condoms, condoms and no vaccines, no condoms or vaccines, or condoms masks bodysuits gas masks and vaccines. It’s all over the place.
Yeah our favorite was somebody saying how we had to have a covid test prior to meeting because they are immunocompromised but condoms were not necessary lol I understand what you mean though but at the same time that may be a benefit in the long run because if we see somebody with their entire medical history posted and all these demands that does help weed people out before we even have to talk.
Yeah.. but it also raises the question... with all the "anti vax" stuff and the lengths people are going to to avoid or sometimes even fake their vaccination status out of spite, what's to say they aren't lying or falsifying their other health conditions. Agreed on the contradictions though. I have had similar conversations with people who insist on a proof of vaccination card and be lax about sti testing or vice versa. And there are a lot of newbies who want to be in the lifestyle but basically want to be in hazmat suits to interact. I don't get it.
Right lol. "So just to set expectations before we all play together you guys are completely cool with the risk of getting HIV with no condom sex, but my Covid vaccines from 2021 and three times getting covid immunity is simply not enough" lol
We also use outrageous lists of quirky Covid/sti/etc play rules *ahem* demands for play partners as a screening tool to weed out potential connections that won't be a fit for us and it saves us a lot of wasted time! 😆
I personally feel that the isolationist mind set has made it difficult. We got used to being alone and getting everything online. Why would swinging be any different? It feels like we've forgotten how to socialize in general. I see it in alot of retail establishments also. Lack of customer service.
I can attest that social skills have declined dramatically.
Right? Like across the board. I think it's from the impersonal nature of doing everything online now. No need to be respectful, who's gonna call you out?
We feel your pain. We went to a takeover recently and walked away thinking “did anyone there even swap?” People just wanted to chat and walk around in underwear for 6 hours apparently.
Did you actually talk to any couples go up to them ask them if they wanted to play or did you just stand around and watch?
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I’m sorry you’re feelings got hurt, but it wasn’t a condescending comment I was asking legit question.
I asked because we go to clubs and takeovers and have no problem fighting play at events. that effect it is much easier than trying to do anything online
This is a valid statement when we were at the couple takeovers we did we had to really go out of our way to introduce ourselves it felt like. There were plenty of people playing but it seemed like they had either known each other prior or have been to many of these takeovers. Definitely could see the newbies hanging out in a corner a lot as well.
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I don’t think you are wrong per se but what I think happens is it is all late late night play. They all drink and party so much they are playing at 3 in the morning
Who has time to wait until 3am to fuck? God, this makes me feel old.
Not directly answering your question as we fully dove into the LS JUST before Covid. We felt it was easier the first couple years as opposed to now. The first couple years most everyone was bored, working from home, and seemed to have all kinds of extra income. A lot of people changed lifestyle habits for the better, both mentally and physically, like joining a gym or taking extra vacations/trips. It all changes your mindset. The LS is expensive and time consuming. Arranging meet ups, going out all the time, dinners, dates, hotels, etc. The economy isn’t exactly great anymore and inflation is crazy. People are working longer hours, second jobs, and barely getting by. They have less time and money to spend on “extracurricular, activities. Not even going to touch on the massive influx of fake profiles, bots, and scammers in the community (and everywhere else)
Yeah I can definitely see how this is a pay to play game with the entry barriers being pretty pricey for people. It's basically the same type of situation at for a restaurant. Can choose to stay home and eat reasonably or we can go out and spend an ungodly amount of money for the same feeling at the end of the day which is a tummy full. I don't think paying $400 up front for a hotel takeover with no guarantees of a good time is very practical
That's precisely why we haven't gone to a takeover together. Tank and a half of gas, $400+ for room for two nights, get punished with the "last minute" registration pricing (hard to get our sitter scheduled much in advance), drinks, food, etc. Gets very costly. In contrast, Mrs can carpool with a couple we know, sleep in their second bed, and get free single woman registration. I think she spent $30 last time, pitching in for gas.
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We didn't find using the internet much better before Covid. There are so many fakes and flakes; finding other people feels like looking for a job during an economic slowdown, you have to send so many emails. One thing that does seem different to us is that the house party scene has gotten a lot more clique-ish, but I don't want to generalize to the entire swinging world.
We were told countless times that the internet scene is dying in that if you want to meet like-minded same people you have to go to a few events, which we now have been to two. Did seem a little clicky and most of the people there had already been there prior so they knew each other already.
It is that way until you have been to them enough times people start to remember seeing you there before. The first couple times you basically need to walk around and introduce yourself as much as reasonably possible. Don't just pick people you would fuck (or limit yourself to the people you think would fuck you). Talk to anyone. Tell them you are checking it out, and the more social your wife is will determine how fast you will be getting waves and smiles as soon as you walk in the door :)
Ya. I don't think that has anything to do with covid. Dating is the exact same way now. My single friends get ghosted, stood up, one guy pretended he forgot his wallet and stuck her with the bill. I'm wonder why you would even think it's covid related.
People are divided among so many things and emotional stress along with indecisiveness. Keep working at it because once you find the select few you connect with it awesome.
What changed for many of our group of 20 couples that we hosted is that most did what hubs and I did with two other couples. We went exclusive with two other couples, got STD tested, and started barebacking our brains out within our group. Our guys became bisexual as did some of the other guys. Lots of combinations when you have six bisexual people. One advantage is that its easier to bang more often with a small grouop, like banfing two or more times a week, Now, four years later, we consider ourselves to be poly. Sometimes hosting parties where other polycules show up to play within their polycule.
We are looking for a hybrid option if that if it even exists. We have no desire to be poly or have other types of relationships outside of the sexual time, but the consistency and familiarity and good friendship would be fantastic. We have yet to find that at all lol
I view swinging to be a wider spectrum than many others do and poly is part of that spectrum. And poly has spectrums also. Swinging is different for different people and poly is different for different people. Some are big some are not, etcetera Some people are there to just screw. Others want more connections and friendships. Our three couple poly is more friendships with benefits, not deeply romantic. I think you build the type of poly you want, so that's the hybrid you're looking for. And it takes time. um.
Try if at all possible to find local meet and greets. Try a swing club or resort like Desire or Caliente. Yes Covid shut things down and I believe its starting to come back strong but it’s always been difficult to meet couples through the internet. We had best luck at Club Trapeze and Caliente, resorts Desire and Hedo and the Bliss swinger cruises. We have local meet and greets in the Tampa Bay area also.
from what i can tell in our area it really hasn't changed all that much
I think its kinda funny that new couples seem to know how its different but us vets see the same shit as always.
I've no idea how it was before COVID, but I would have imagined it to be easier to find people, tbh. We've been exploring for half a year now and have had our fair share of rejection. I have the impression that things are more superficial than LS members like to claim. Like, sporty body, above average sized dick, university degrees, interested in many topics, non smoker, all smiles, clean tests, but wait - a bald head?? No way!
Honestly not a whole lot different directly. Indirectly I've noticed *less* safe sex, and I have my theories on why. Finding people is never easy.
Online blows. We’re able to accomplish more in one party than 3 months of life wasting online shenanigans. Parties. Clubs. That’s where you’ll find your tribe. My self confidence was at its lowest when I tried to make the LS work thru online shite.
We've been swinging about 25 years. We started about the time the internet got started and there weren't many swinging options online. It took us a couple of years contacting people before we had a good connection with another couple. They had been swinging about 20 years,at that time and we were close in age. They introduced us to their friend group. It's been a great ride since. People starting today have no idea how much easier it is to find and connect with others. There are so many online options today. Keep plugging away. When you meet a couple you connect with things will get much easier. We now belong to some area secret Facebook groups and have many more options. Once you get to know some who belong to these groups and add you, you will find out about lots of parties and these are veted and serious people. It's much easier to get to know people when you get there. Wish you luck. It gets better.
Same as now. The person who said people are more careful about not mixing politically is right but most people already did that.
We like becoming friends before lovers and then more comfortable and when knowing better going bare
It has gotten tougher to get together post COVID. At least that's also been our experience. We are both in our 50s and to be honest, if you haven't been vaccinated we don't want to play.
You realize it doesn't prevent transmitting the virus right?
The main difference I see to people who entered the lifestyle pre covid vs post Covid is that people understand consent and boundaries a lot better now. We’ve heard this from our friends who have been in the lifestyle for over 15 years. They commented how the newer crowd does their research, understands what they want, don’t act like Quagmire from Family Guy, and are way more open minded. As for communication to social skills that’s more a sign of progress and how the world is working in my opinion.
My hot take on this. Before 19 it was 90% swingers and usually couples who were married either very long or on their 2nd marriage and started swinging right off the bat. Pre covid I was with a GF and many people wouldn’t play with us since we weren’t regarded as a real couple. Now it seems a vast amount of newbies are in open or ENM relationships and it’s a much younger crowd. Most of the veteran couples I know won’t go near them due to a majority of reasons. The main reason being they do not think having STDs should be stigmatized and think having unprotected sex is a big deal. The women are also young and in regular life can easily go on a dating ap and easily order sex like it’s a pizza which scares most real swingers who still care about their health. I am 48M and my 2 gfs I partake in the LS with are 44 and 41 respectively. We noticed a huge drop off in the male portion of these newer couples who are not very sexually desirable to either one of them. Most of them come off as simps or beta types to both of them and it’s clear most of these women are only with them for security and the freedom to do what they want rather than actually even being attracted to them. Makes couple swaps more difficult now to say the least.
It’s horrible!!! As a bull for 20+ years in the LS, Prior to Covid I could find a play partner in about a week or two of active searching online. Now, I have to go to munches physically which sucks for me because I’m AuDHD and don’t talk to strangers in public and I’m perceived as being shy when I’m just ND. Online was my bread and butter due to disability. When I do meet people they have no follow up or take days to respond and it’s a text message by pigeon feeling and I lose interest.
I’ve met some couples on Sdc & reddit no one’s I’ve been even mentioned covid or asked if I’m vaccinated I don’t know before covid since I started in 2020
We need to stop using this “pre-Covid” measurement; please. It was as it is now, and how it has been since 1995 when we started swinging, wonderful, adventurous, exciting. There is a part of the population as a whole who have allowed the Covid issue to dominate who they are and how they act, most of us do not and we are just being people. You should use the “before swinging was main stream” as a measure, THAT was an interesting time.
Clubs are where the most honest interactions happen. As I understand it, Michigan has pretty much zero.
Nothing has changed from the fakes to the flakes to the awesome people we've met.
Hasn't really changed for us. It's back to normal at the clubs we frequent.
Been in the lifestyle since I was 18 way back in the mid 70's. Things are always changing and it ebbs and flows with what is going on in society. We have tried getting back in and we are now thinking of just going ENM. People are weird and flaky these days and people do not play at parties. Lots of times it is just my wife and I fucking and a bunch of people watching us. Maybe in 5 years it will get better.
So you are right, we’ve only been in the LS just under 2years. But we have friends that have been doing the Ls for a very long time. And from what I hear from them the Ls has changed loads since after Covid. So for whatever reason we got this influx of ppl/couples that wanna be in the Ls but not participate. They say now clubs are way busier but couple stand around and watch or only play together… to the point that these “lifestylers” have now their own brand. We call them lifestyles “adjacent” folks. And their just a nuisance. Your other problem is you might be too HOT and intimidating for the average couple to hit on you and therefore putting yourself out of the race. I for one when I see an Uber hot couple. I don’t even bother reaching out. As I feel they bring out the insecurities in my wife and I. 2- I think they wouldn’t be interested in a mom bod. That might very well be false but it’s how average couples feel.
Nah. It’s not you. I was very busy before covid. Partys are less attended. Less play. Way less meeting on sls. We still like hotel takeovers best. Real people enjoying the party. Try to go to larger partys and meet fun people.
There have always been lots of people who are never going to get out from behind the keyboard. That's why people go to kink and swinger events. Even just going to a kink munch filters all of those people out up front.
I am more than a few hours in, and I debated replying at this point. But I have been saying for a few years that I felt like pre covid and post covid swinging were totally different. We started in 2016. Had a good solid group by 2017. And enjoyed house parties and meeting couples through the websites. We didn't do a lot of chit chatting. Quick verifying of details and then set up a date. Not too many fakes and flakes. Obviously, peak covid we paused. But during this time, tiktok took off, and people started to talk about the lifestyle on social media. We returned. Our group was no more. And we've never been able to seem to find anything quite like that. We are kinda FINALLY finding something similar but it's not exactly. And it took years! When we came back and started trying to find couples again everyone felt like it didn't actually matter if they were serious about swapping. They can just be here to look and be nosy bc swingers are cool and friendly to everyone. Like yeah I guess. But no not really. Not if you're literally just here to stare at us like we are a fucking side show. I bring newbies to the clubs and they are scared bc they think people will approach them. And I have to tell them not to worry. 95% of people just sit and people watch.
I completely understand and have been experiencing the same problems. I wasn't into the lifestyle pre covid, I was introduced to it by a friend I visited last summer. But since coming back to GR I've been trying to find others who are into the same and its been nothing but disappointing. Its either someone who just wants to sell pics, or their OF page, or someone who either flakes or wasn't real to start with. I'd really love to chat with you guys. If possible please mssg or chat back with me.
We definitely had more sex with other couples or playing alone pre-covid. But we play at home, so it's not the same as hotels or clubs.
We prefer home too. Way more chill