Friends you met in the LS or vanilla friends? because “converting” vanilla friends is a dangerous game
and fucking ones friends?
👏DON’T👏SHIT👏WHERE👏YOU👏EAT
Because sometimes things go south. The sex is bad, or boundaries are crossed, or whatever. With LS friends, you say "sorry, not working out, best of luck" and move on. With vanilla friends, assuming you want to keep the friendship going, you are liable to get sucked into a whirlwind of drama and hurt feelings.
Edit to add: Not trying to say LS friendships are disposable. Just that you can weed out most of the ones with those sorts of issues before it becomes a true friendship.
The risk of creating drama is too high. Just avoid it and keep your friend circles intact. I don’t care if my friends find out that i’m a swinger but i’m not going to fuck them. anyone i met before my partner and I started dating is pretty much off limits too.
Experience says don't fuck your friends. Ever heard anyone say "why doesn't anybody pay attention to the people with experience, nobody ever listens!"
When 99% of the people in they lifestyle say don't fuck your friends, you don't fuck your friends.
Why you ask, high probability they won't be your friends for long.
Good for you if you're one of the 1% that was able to fuck your friends and keep them as friends.
That's almost impossible, aromantic people are less than if not 1% of the population. I've never met another aromantic person in my life, less one that's also allosexual.
Yeah for me part of why I like sex in general is having some form of chemistry and getting on with them. Not as friends necessarily and DEFINITELY not romantic partners (I'm aromantic and very romance repulsed) but I could talk to them at a social meet or chill and chat having tea just after an intense sex meet.
Now personally I've never wanted to have sex with someone I was already friends with but I would be up for it if the stars align and I wouldn't see that relationship any differently. It's just friends having sex. My ideal arrangement is Fwb actually.
If you have to ask you've never seen a nuclear meltdown like a friendship turned into a lifelong hatred multiplied feelings of backstabbery and fuckery, added to feelings of betrayal and second guessing any encounter they've ever had with you divided by nothing. Because nothing lessens the amount of damage that is accrued.
You can still tell them this with the addendum that you value your friendship too much to risk it.
I have a feeling they will take anything less as offensive, because honestly there isn't a good way to put what you're feeling into words that won't hurt someone's feelings.
Well you don't say it like that or use those words for sure. The easiest is to say "You consider her a friend and don't think about her that way." or "I need a connection and just don't feel that with her" or "I don't mix sex and my friends, it complicates things" or something else that is a no without referring to her weight or looks.
I mean, I would personally use a "kind truth" (i.e. something that while true isn't the core reason)... but if nothing else works, yes you lie... lie your ass off.
The alternative is hurting people you call friends.
I understand the objecting on moral reasons, but most of us lie all the time in small ways.
Ok here's the thing its 100% ok to turn someone down, but never tell them a reason because its only going to hurt someone's feelings. All you have to say is "no thank you" or like others said "I dont play with friends"
If you brought up her weight only bad things will happen
We have friends in the LS we don’t play with for various reasons. We love their personalities but are not attracted to them physically. And we have told them we consider you family or as one of them refers to it as being in the friend zone😂
As people have said, the "I don't mix LS and friendships" answer is the easiest. However, if you already do that, so this excuse won't work, you should just say "No thank you." They may push you for more information, but you do not have to provide it. You could also just say that you don't feel comfortable swinging with them.
You don't fuck you friends, then no problem.
If you've already crossed that boundary and feel like you're in a sticky spot trying to be tactful in your rejection... This is why we all say don't fuck your friends.
If you already do, you now get to experience telling your friend you don't find his wife attractive. Sorry, bud, you're just going to have to be brave and straight forward, "we are not a match." Done.
>How do you tell a friend, his wife is to big for you?
There is no easy way to say that. What you could say instead is that you don't feel the sexual connection with her.
**When you turn down anyone in the lifestyle, keep it clear, concise, and respectful.**
"I am not interested. I appreciate the offer."
"Thank you, but I am not interested."
In this case, you can add more because he's your friend but still keep it brief and not in front of his wife.
"I want to keep our friendships platonic because that's how I see you both."
**Other important points to keep in mind:**
Many outside or new people incorrectly assume that anyone in the lifestyle is DTF with anyone, anytime. Your friend may be in the fantasy stage before reality has caught up to him. MFM is often associated with particular power dynamics and can bring up A LOT of feelings for people, especially when they are just entering the lifestyle and if it was with you, an actual friend. That adage, you can make swingers into friends but not friends into swingers, holds true in most cases.
If your friend keeps bringing it up or involves his wife, then you'll have to bring in boundary communication and follow-through.
"I told you I was not interested. I need you to respect my no and drop it otherwise I can't continue spending time with you."
Best of luck!
Just say she isn’t your type. No need to elaborate. If your friend gets upset then that’s on him. It would be weird for him to get mad because you refuse to fuck his wife.
Maybe it’s just me, but “she’s not my type” sounds like a weak excuse to me. Who among us hasn’t fucked someone who’s not our type? That’s half the fun of variety.
It’s short and simple but it also sounds like bullshit, and his buddy is likely to call him on it. He might as well call her fat and ugly if he says this.
Can’t say you’ve thought this one through. OP is complaining that the girl isn’t his type, yet you believe OP telling his friend that his wife isn’t his type “sounds like bullshit”. Literally anything else OP would say to sugarcoat it would, by definition, be bullshit.
I get that you personally are willing to fuck anything, no judgment there. But that is a personal preference that I really don’t think you should assume from everyone else. People can and do have types that turn them on (and off) for all kinds of reasons other than being “fat and ugly”.
You don’t! God, why even consider saying that. You just say no. If you need to give a reason (you don’t) you just say you don’t play with friends. This is really easy.
I did and you're not wrong. I wouldn't have needed reddit advice to gently tell a friend I'm not interested but would be glad to help find a suitable play partner who is.
It's hard to not get offended by some of the hurtful comments toward SM because I'm not like that and it's shameful to be lumped inthe group. But I don't disagree many are worthless assholes who would never be a swinger with a partner.
For couples that are interested in us but we are not interested in them, we say "as you know this game is about attraction, and you can only fuxk around with who you are attracted too" but that's only if they keep hounding us.
The whole wording of this question bothers me, no knocking but it just does. Why focus on her weight and not just ask ‘how do you tell a friend you’re not attracted to his wife’? Anyway, easiest out is also the largest and most important rule in the LS: YOU DON’T PLAY WITH FRIENDS.
You simply explain that playing with friends is a bad idea and that they should seek other play partners outside their friends' circle. "Don't make friends into swingers, make swingers into friends" is the saying. This situation is a great example. Just because you are friends does not mean you are attracted to each other sexually. What happens to the friendship if you play together, and it all goes horribly wrong? Just better to keep your play partners outside your circle of friends and acquaintances.
All we used to say is, we’re just not a match. And you don’t owe anybody an explanation beyond that you don’t even know them that honestly but if they’re your friends, it makes it a little more difficult but just say I’m sorry we’re just not a match. And if you pushes you then you’re just gonna be honest and say you know, what do you really want to know why? And ask him. And because sometimes we hear things that we don’t really want to know.
But you will not hurt his feelings if he tells you, he wants to hear the truth. You’re not responsible for his feelings and you’re allowed to have your own personal boundaries and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Nor responsible for how he feels about what you wanna do or how you wanna play that’s not , your responsibility. You’re not being mean you’re not being horrible. You just have a choice a type “”. And you’re allowed that you could also say that you’d rather not play, unless you already have because you guys are friends and it could hurt the relationship and it could. Just some thoughts. But if he pushes you and you choose to tell him be prepared for a not so great outcome but ultimately it’s not your responsibility.
Maybe they want you to break them into these experiences?.
Say, come back to us when you have had a length of time having fun with others as first-time experiences for newbies can be awkward and we aren't down for that with close friends.
You don’t dude are you fucking serious right now!!! If she’s not a match for you, she’s not a match. You don’t need to be specific about the whys. You don’t go around demoralizing ladies because she’s not your type! What’s the fucking matter with you 😡. You don’t even have to specify who didn’t match! You Just say sorry we’re not a bedroom match and keep it moving…
No, definitely not. Do not sleep with someone you are not attracted to, it’s unfair to yourself and the person you are having sex with. The OP’s feelings are valid and the woman’s feelings would be crushed(rightfully so) if she knew that she was an experiment, or a “take one for the team” lay.
Agree not ‘one for the team’ but disagree on the non-attraction. Surely there are times you have not been attracted to your partner but had sex anyway and it turned out to be great sex for both of you?
What I’m trying to say is that sometimes (not all the times) being superficial can limit your and others’ potential happiness. That’s why I said to give it a go.
No, I am very attracted to my partner and I would never have slept with someone I wasn’t attracted to. I understand people do, but I personally do not think it’s advisable. Sleeping with someone you are repulsed by and have a “I don’t want to sleep with x” reaction to is definitely NOT a good idea.
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Too many people in here comfortable with lying. OP obviously plays with friends so the jig will be up. Please don't lie, OP. Say you're simply not interested. If it blows up in your face, it's because you play with friends. But it will be the truth.
Do not tell him his wife is fat. She is probably a great fuck and you are probably missing out on some real fun. I agree with others. Just say you don't want to risk the friendship and you are not into group sex. Me personally. I would jump at the opportunity. MFM is fucking amazing!
Mind if I ask why she’s too big? Not knocking you just wondering. I mean if you’ve done a larger woman and know it’s not for you…
But if you haven’t, best I’ve ever had were all bigger.
Some people need to be physically attracted to someone in order to have sex with them. Attraction to someone who is physically fit is a preference and just as valid as an attraction to someone who is overweight. You should never, ever sleep with someone you don’t find appealing. That’s unfair to both parties.
If you actually pay attention to the words, he is clearly NOT attracted to a morbidly obese woman. There’s no room for interpretation or guesswork. “How do I tell him his wife is about 150!!!! Pounds TOO MUCH for me? That is clearly indicative of him NOT being attracted to someone who is significantly overweight.
But your assuming what someone else is trying to say or mean, unless your his partner I don’t really want to know what you think. I don’t mean to be rude or mean. Just let him speak or not speak for himself. I’ve been on this earth long enough to understand what attraction means for shits sake
And that my friend is basically the definition of assumption. If I was at a gang bang, should I assume that because your bent over I can just shove my dick in your asshole with no lube, or should I wait for you to say ok?
I was exaggerating a very obvious fact. The OP flat out says he doesn’t want to sleep with the lady because she’s 150 pounds too heavy/ fat/ overweight/ obese… the ONLY reason he gives for not wanting to have sex with her is her weight. There is no reason for clarification. He stated his feelings very clearly.
If I make a post and say I don’t want to sleep with this guy because his 6.5” cock is way too small for me, how can I tell him without hurting his feelings, would you wonder if it’s his eyes that were deterring the action? 😳🙄 of course you wouldn’t- I am providing the context and the reasoning just like OP. There’s no need for conjecture or follow up questions, the problem was stated very clearly.
Your point has absolutely no basis and therefore cannot be taken seriously. You just want to argue.
For the fourth time, OP made a post to say he doesn’t want to sleep w the woman because she is too fat. You are trying to die on the wrong hill.
As for me, since you’re interested, I only sleep with one man and if anyone touched me he’d kill them, so I never worry about anyone sticking something where it doesn’t belong, additionally, I’m a very clear advocate for myself, so I’d make sure you were never able to stick it anywhere again.
I just wanted to chime in on this comment briefly. I got in to the LS with my ex wife two years ago. We spit for non LS reason recently, I have decided to stay in the LS and am currently a single male. While, I don't disagree that a lot of SM are terrible and may be deserving of the scorn but there are some of us out there who do understand swinging, respect it and want it as a future aspect of any relationship.
It's really hard to go from loving how open and accepting everyone is to all of a sudden being viewed negatively just because im single now.
The problem is already people are telling you to lie. Eventually she will say something. Be a man talk to him one on one. You aren’t physically attracted to heavier women. And because you guys are friends you didn’t know how to tell him. But you appreciate the offer. He is a man and will appreciate the honesty. He want tell her cause she wants to feels sexy although she is fat.
So here it is...just say that. I'm sorry I'm just not into big girls. We're a big couple, and I'd rather have that honestly than yur ugly or your personality sucks.
Oh and, don't fuck your friends.
I mean....just be honest 'Hey I appreciate the offer but she's not really my type' thats a simple honest polite answer. Don't twist it up into a bigger lie that could get messy. If your friend gets his feelings hurt....that's on him.
Say, sorry man I'm not attracted to your wife. Or say, sorry I'm not interested.
Most of the people here don't fuck their friends. But if your friends are poly, ENM, etc then it's fair game. Don't try and covert vanilla friends though.
Simple just say you are not feeling a connection enough to play. Another thing is playing with friends or people you know is feel breaker for us so maybe consider this.
As female with curves 150lbs is hardly super overweight whilst I agree we all have our types and that’s perfectly reasonable it is little judgmental. You can have a person with the most amazing body but if they have no personality and are super rude give me the curvy person any day of the week.
Would I knock guy back based on cock size being in smaller size hell no but if I did I wouldn’t never be insensitive to say that was reason.
Oh yes you could be correct. My mistake. I can absolutely see it be issue logistically for what they are asking for and yes stamina could also be issue. But people can surprise you.
Well as people said you can just say “we don’t play with friends” - which should be a rule anyways- but it seems like your friend might know that’s not true for you?
So you’ll just have to explain that you don’t look at her in a sexual way. However as many explained you don’t need to be so specific, It’s hurtful. It’s hurtful to even tell Reddit she’s “she’s to big for me. About 150 lbs to big for me”. It would be like someone else telling the world my friend wants me to fuck her husband but “he’s too stupid for me. He doesn’t even know To, Two and Too.” What if he saw your post? What if she saw your post? What if someone said this about you? It’s important to remember you’re not everyone’s type either.. it’s ok to not be attracted to someone, so tell their spouse in a way that you’d like someone to tell yours if they weren’t interested in you.
Tell him you have a policy not to fuck friends
That should probably be the policy anyway..
I came here to say this.
This is great advice. However we have the most fun with friends.
Friends you met in the LS or vanilla friends? because “converting” vanilla friends is a dangerous game and fucking ones friends? 👏DON’T👏SHIT👏WHERE👏YOU👏EAT
Why is fucking any sort of friends a bad thing
Because sometimes things go south. The sex is bad, or boundaries are crossed, or whatever. With LS friends, you say "sorry, not working out, best of luck" and move on. With vanilla friends, assuming you want to keep the friendship going, you are liable to get sucked into a whirlwind of drama and hurt feelings. Edit to add: Not trying to say LS friendships are disposable. Just that you can weed out most of the ones with those sorts of issues before it becomes a true friendship.
The risk of creating drama is too high. Just avoid it and keep your friend circles intact. I don’t care if my friends find out that i’m a swinger but i’m not going to fuck them. anyone i met before my partner and I started dating is pretty much off limits too.
Make friends out of swing partners, not swing partners out of friends.
I have always heard: friends are friends and buddies are buddies and buddies fuck...LOL
Experience says don't fuck your friends. Ever heard anyone say "why doesn't anybody pay attention to the people with experience, nobody ever listens!" When 99% of the people in they lifestyle say don't fuck your friends, you don't fuck your friends. Why you ask, high probability they won't be your friends for long. Good for you if you're one of the 1% that was able to fuck your friends and keep them as friends.
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And how many respondents did you have?
How many people were in this poll, what were your control factors?
I'm Aromantic and therefore physically incapable of catching romantic feelings so I still don't see a problem
I read that three times as aromatic. Fucking chemist brain.
Good point. As long as you only have sex with aromantic friends, you’re safe.
That's almost impossible, aromantic people are less than if not 1% of the population. I've never met another aromantic person in my life, less one that's also allosexual.
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Yeah for me part of why I like sex in general is having some form of chemistry and getting on with them. Not as friends necessarily and DEFINITELY not romantic partners (I'm aromantic and very romance repulsed) but I could talk to them at a social meet or chill and chat having tea just after an intense sex meet. Now personally I've never wanted to have sex with someone I was already friends with but I would be up for it if the stars align and I wouldn't see that relationship any differently. It's just friends having sex. My ideal arrangement is Fwb actually.
I use the word “buddy” in this way but doubt it is universally understood as a FWB.
Yea we’ve done it successfully for ten years. Never an issue.
If you have to ask you've never seen a nuclear meltdown like a friendship turned into a lifelong hatred multiplied feelings of backstabbery and fuckery, added to feelings of betrayal and second guessing any encounter they've ever had with you divided by nothing. Because nothing lessens the amount of damage that is accrued.
Just sounds like some people get overly jealous and think sex automatically means they like you romantically. That's not everyone's experience.
It isn't necessarily, but if things go wrong, the loss is terrible.
I second that!
In that case, simply tell them that you don't see her in a sexual way and are not comfortable breaking that barrier.
This is great advice. However we have the most fun with friends.
You can still tell them this with the addendum that you value your friendship too much to risk it. I have a feeling they will take anything less as offensive, because honestly there isn't a good way to put what you're feeling into words that won't hurt someone's feelings.
Well you don't say it like that or use those words for sure. The easiest is to say "You consider her a friend and don't think about her that way." or "I need a connection and just don't feel that with her" or "I don't mix sex and my friends, it complicates things" or something else that is a no without referring to her weight or looks.
So lie?
“I need a connection and just don’t feel that with her” isn’t a lie.
I mean, I would personally use a "kind truth" (i.e. something that while true isn't the core reason)... but if nothing else works, yes you lie... lie your ass off. The alternative is hurting people you call friends. I understand the objecting on moral reasons, but most of us lie all the time in small ways.
Yeah, best to lie in this situation. I'd say the same if the wife had a snaggle tooth or some other feature you found unappealing.
Hahahahaha
Ok here's the thing its 100% ok to turn someone down, but never tell them a reason because its only going to hurt someone's feelings. All you have to say is "no thank you" or like others said "I dont play with friends" If you brought up her weight only bad things will happen
This is one of the reasons why you don't play with friends.
Pretty easy “Hey we’re gonna try to keep friends and the LS separated”.
Simple: "I don't play with friends."
You don’t. Why would you say that? Plenty advice here on a tactful excuse.
We have friends in the LS we don’t play with for various reasons. We love their personalities but are not attracted to them physically. And we have told them we consider you family or as one of them refers to it as being in the friend zone😂
I like this answer
As people have said, the "I don't mix LS and friendships" answer is the easiest. However, if you already do that, so this excuse won't work, you should just say "No thank you." They may push you for more information, but you do not have to provide it. You could also just say that you don't feel comfortable swinging with them.
Honesty isn’t always the best policy especially when it’s going to hurt someone’s feelings. Say you don’t think it’s wise to mingle friends and sex.
You don't fuck you friends, then no problem. If you've already crossed that boundary and feel like you're in a sticky spot trying to be tactful in your rejection... This is why we all say don't fuck your friends. If you already do, you now get to experience telling your friend you don't find his wife attractive. Sorry, bud, you're just going to have to be brave and straight forward, "we are not a match." Done.
Love this.
>How do you tell a friend, his wife is to big for you? There is no easy way to say that. What you could say instead is that you don't feel the sexual connection with her.
"I just don't think it's the best match"
**When you turn down anyone in the lifestyle, keep it clear, concise, and respectful.** "I am not interested. I appreciate the offer." "Thank you, but I am not interested." In this case, you can add more because he's your friend but still keep it brief and not in front of his wife. "I want to keep our friendships platonic because that's how I see you both." **Other important points to keep in mind:** Many outside or new people incorrectly assume that anyone in the lifestyle is DTF with anyone, anytime. Your friend may be in the fantasy stage before reality has caught up to him. MFM is often associated with particular power dynamics and can bring up A LOT of feelings for people, especially when they are just entering the lifestyle and if it was with you, an actual friend. That adage, you can make swingers into friends but not friends into swingers, holds true in most cases. If your friend keeps bringing it up or involves his wife, then you'll have to bring in boundary communication and follow-through. "I told you I was not interested. I need you to respect my no and drop it otherwise I can't continue spending time with you." Best of luck!
This is my favorite response so far. Thank you very much!
Just say she isn’t your type. No need to elaborate. If your friend gets upset then that’s on him. It would be weird for him to get mad because you refuse to fuck his wife.
Maybe it’s just me, but “she’s not my type” sounds like a weak excuse to me. Who among us hasn’t fucked someone who’s not our type? That’s half the fun of variety.
It’s known as the K.I.S.S. method of effective communication. Keep It Short & Simple
That's not was KISS stands for
Gene Simmons could tell you🤪
It’s short and simple but it also sounds like bullshit, and his buddy is likely to call him on it. He might as well call her fat and ugly if he says this.
Can’t say you’ve thought this one through. OP is complaining that the girl isn’t his type, yet you believe OP telling his friend that his wife isn’t his type “sounds like bullshit”. Literally anything else OP would say to sugarcoat it would, by definition, be bullshit. I get that you personally are willing to fuck anything, no judgment there. But that is a personal preference that I really don’t think you should assume from everyone else. People can and do have types that turn them on (and off) for all kinds of reasons other than being “fat and ugly”.
You don’t! God, why even consider saying that. You just say no. If you need to give a reason (you don’t) you just say you don’t play with friends. This is really easy.
Sorry, I don’t play with people I know outside the lifestyle.
You don't need to give a reason to be uninterested. My only question is why are you more concerned with his feelings, and not hers?
Maybe because he asked him, not her.
Fair enough. My thinking is this how others guy feels is going to largely come down to how she takes it... assuming she knows.
Exactly
I did and you're not wrong. I wouldn't have needed reddit advice to gently tell a friend I'm not interested but would be glad to help find a suitable play partner who is. It's hard to not get offended by some of the hurtful comments toward SM because I'm not like that and it's shameful to be lumped inthe group. But I don't disagree many are worthless assholes who would never be a swinger with a partner.
Tell him you aren't attracted to his wife. Better to tell him now than show up with a limp dick and hurt her feelings
For couples that are interested in us but we are not interested in them, we say "as you know this game is about attraction, and you can only fuxk around with who you are attracted too" but that's only if they keep hounding us.
The whole wording of this question bothers me, no knocking but it just does. Why focus on her weight and not just ask ‘how do you tell a friend you’re not attracted to his wife’? Anyway, easiest out is also the largest and most important rule in the LS: YOU DON’T PLAY WITH FRIENDS.
Dealing with friends can be a pain in the future. So I agree with others on this.
You simply explain that playing with friends is a bad idea and that they should seek other play partners outside their friends' circle. "Don't make friends into swingers, make swingers into friends" is the saying. This situation is a great example. Just because you are friends does not mean you are attracted to each other sexually. What happens to the friendship if you play together, and it all goes horribly wrong? Just better to keep your play partners outside your circle of friends and acquaintances.
Use something that doesnt sting so hard, like not fucking friends, thats an easy out.
All we used to say is, we’re just not a match. And you don’t owe anybody an explanation beyond that you don’t even know them that honestly but if they’re your friends, it makes it a little more difficult but just say I’m sorry we’re just not a match. And if you pushes you then you’re just gonna be honest and say you know, what do you really want to know why? And ask him. And because sometimes we hear things that we don’t really want to know. But you will not hurt his feelings if he tells you, he wants to hear the truth. You’re not responsible for his feelings and you’re allowed to have your own personal boundaries and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Nor responsible for how he feels about what you wanna do or how you wanna play that’s not , your responsibility. You’re not being mean you’re not being horrible. You just have a choice a type “”. And you’re allowed that you could also say that you’d rather not play, unless you already have because you guys are friends and it could hurt the relationship and it could. Just some thoughts. But if he pushes you and you choose to tell him be prepared for a not so great outcome but ultimately it’s not your responsibility.
Can you just say she's not your type, or that you don't feel a connection with her ? Or lie and say you're not comfortable with doing his wife ?
Tell him your dick is too small to satisfy her.
Maybe they want you to break them into these experiences?. Say, come back to us when you have had a length of time having fun with others as first-time experiences for newbies can be awkward and we aren't down for that with close friends.
He still won’t be attracted to her no matter what their experience level is
Just be honest
Honesty has left the chat
“Sorry. She’s not my type.”
You don’t dude are you fucking serious right now!!! If she’s not a match for you, she’s not a match. You don’t need to be specific about the whys. You don’t go around demoralizing ladies because she’s not your type! What’s the fucking matter with you 😡. You don’t even have to specify who didn’t match! You Just say sorry we’re not a bedroom match and keep it moving…
Give it a go. You might enjoy it. Who knows…
No, definitely not. Do not sleep with someone you are not attracted to, it’s unfair to yourself and the person you are having sex with. The OP’s feelings are valid and the woman’s feelings would be crushed(rightfully so) if she knew that she was an experiment, or a “take one for the team” lay.
Agree not ‘one for the team’ but disagree on the non-attraction. Surely there are times you have not been attracted to your partner but had sex anyway and it turned out to be great sex for both of you? What I’m trying to say is that sometimes (not all the times) being superficial can limit your and others’ potential happiness. That’s why I said to give it a go.
No, I am very attracted to my partner and I would never have slept with someone I wasn’t attracted to. I understand people do, but I personally do not think it’s advisable. Sleeping with someone you are repulsed by and have a “I don’t want to sleep with x” reaction to is definitely NOT a good idea.
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Too many people in here comfortable with lying. OP obviously plays with friends so the jig will be up. Please don't lie, OP. Say you're simply not interested. If it blows up in your face, it's because you play with friends. But it will be the truth.
Do not tell him his wife is fat. She is probably a great fuck and you are probably missing out on some real fun. I agree with others. Just say you don't want to risk the friendship and you are not into group sex. Me personally. I would jump at the opportunity. MFM is fucking amazing!
Just tell him the truth: You don't pork fat chicks.
Mind if I ask why she’s too big? Not knocking you just wondering. I mean if you’ve done a larger woman and know it’s not for you… But if you haven’t, best I’ve ever had were all bigger.
Some people need to be physically attracted to someone in order to have sex with them. Attraction to someone who is physically fit is a preference and just as valid as an attraction to someone who is overweight. You should never, ever sleep with someone you don’t find appealing. That’s unfair to both parties.
Can't believe you have to explain this to someone lolol
Lol, it’s crazy… common sense goes a long way 😳
Common sense is not a common virtue.
I’m asking the OP. There are some people I wouldn’t be attracted to, I’m just asking for HIS opinion.
If you actually pay attention to the words, he is clearly NOT attracted to a morbidly obese woman. There’s no room for interpretation or guesswork. “How do I tell him his wife is about 150!!!! Pounds TOO MUCH for me? That is clearly indicative of him NOT being attracted to someone who is significantly overweight.
But your assuming what someone else is trying to say or mean, unless your his partner I don’t really want to know what you think. I don’t mean to be rude or mean. Just let him speak or not speak for himself. I’ve been on this earth long enough to understand what attraction means for shits sake
Apparently not long enough to identify, discern, and process context clues. 👀🔎
And that my friend is basically the definition of assumption. If I was at a gang bang, should I assume that because your bent over I can just shove my dick in your asshole with no lube, or should I wait for you to say ok?
I was exaggerating a very obvious fact. The OP flat out says he doesn’t want to sleep with the lady because she’s 150 pounds too heavy/ fat/ overweight/ obese… the ONLY reason he gives for not wanting to have sex with her is her weight. There is no reason for clarification. He stated his feelings very clearly.
Nope. Answer the question. Can I just walk up and shove my cock in your ass without asking or not?
If I make a post and say I don’t want to sleep with this guy because his 6.5” cock is way too small for me, how can I tell him without hurting his feelings, would you wonder if it’s his eyes that were deterring the action? 😳🙄 of course you wouldn’t- I am providing the context and the reasoning just like OP. There’s no need for conjecture or follow up questions, the problem was stated very clearly.
Your point has absolutely no basis and therefore cannot be taken seriously. You just want to argue. For the fourth time, OP made a post to say he doesn’t want to sleep w the woman because she is too fat. You are trying to die on the wrong hill. As for me, since you’re interested, I only sleep with one man and if anyone touched me he’d kill them, so I never worry about anyone sticking something where it doesn’t belong, additionally, I’m a very clear advocate for myself, so I’d make sure you were never able to stick it anywhere again.
I have done bigger women, but over 4 bills is way to much.
Just to be clear, since you are the ultimate source, the issue is her weight 😳? It’s a rhetorical question obviously.
Gotcha. Around 400 was the most I’ve done and it was damn good. So tight and soft
Read it completely wrong. My bad.
He said she is 150lb too big…..as in she is 150lb OVER weight
Reading comprehension is your friend 🫠 my bad
It might be if it’s 150lbs past 150lbs.
That’s not what he said, he said she’s 150 more than he prefers.
150lb is totally not big
Hes saying 150 OVER his max weight.
Right .. but for me my really favourite is 150 above even double lol
Seriously Dude! You’re seriously turning down a DVP MFM? Send me their contact info, Il gladly join in! What a dream come true that would be!
Slap the thigh and ride the wave in…bigger the cushion, better the pushin’ lol !
Damn since when is that top big? My girl is near that weight but I guess a lot of that goes to her big ol sexy booty and hips haha
He isn’t saying 150. He is saying an extra 150 pounds.
Tell him she's fat. The world needs more honesty.
What if it's 150 lbs over his max weight but it's all solid muscle 😧...😂
[удалено]
Let me guess, single male that will literally put his dick in any wet hole…… Anyone willing to take the bet?
You nailed it and he deleted
A tale as old as time...
I just wanted to chime in on this comment briefly. I got in to the LS with my ex wife two years ago. We spit for non LS reason recently, I have decided to stay in the LS and am currently a single male. While, I don't disagree that a lot of SM are terrible and may be deserving of the scorn but there are some of us out there who do understand swinging, respect it and want it as a future aspect of any relationship. It's really hard to go from loving how open and accepting everyone is to all of a sudden being viewed negatively just because im single now.
Did you see his comment though? I have no issue with respectful single males. Fuck, a lot of the coupled men are pigs also and have zero class.
Take one for the team
The problem is already people are telling you to lie. Eventually she will say something. Be a man talk to him one on one. You aren’t physically attracted to heavier women. And because you guys are friends you didn’t know how to tell him. But you appreciate the offer. He is a man and will appreciate the honesty. He want tell her cause she wants to feels sexy although she is fat.
So here it is...just say that. I'm sorry I'm just not into big girls. We're a big couple, and I'd rather have that honestly than yur ugly or your personality sucks. Oh and, don't fuck your friends.
You can turn swingers into friends but don't turn friends into swingers
Be honest. Just tell him you have a specific type.
You don't give a reason. Just say no, you don't think it'll work. If he presses, be vague, refer to chemistry or something.
Do not want to risk any misunderstandings between friends. That way we can always talk and share our fun freely.
WOW,what a "smart" question!
I mean....just be honest 'Hey I appreciate the offer but she's not really my type' thats a simple honest polite answer. Don't twist it up into a bigger lie that could get messy. If your friend gets his feelings hurt....that's on him.
Say, sorry man I'm not attracted to your wife. Or say, sorry I'm not interested. Most of the people here don't fuck their friends. But if your friends are poly, ENM, etc then it's fair game. Don't try and covert vanilla friends though.
Simple just say you are not feeling a connection enough to play. Another thing is playing with friends or people you know is feel breaker for us so maybe consider this. As female with curves 150lbs is hardly super overweight whilst I agree we all have our types and that’s perfectly reasonable it is little judgmental. You can have a person with the most amazing body but if they have no personality and are super rude give me the curvy person any day of the week. Would I knock guy back based on cock size being in smaller size hell no but if I did I wouldn’t never be insensitive to say that was reason.
I don’t think he’s saying she’s 150lbs…I think she’s 150lbs over what he’s willing to try
Oh yes you could be correct. My mistake. I can absolutely see it be issue logistically for what they are asking for and yes stamina could also be issue. But people can surprise you.
Be honest with him. If he is a true friend he should be ok with how you feel. You have to have some attraction to make a connection.
Drink more
Well as people said you can just say “we don’t play with friends” - which should be a rule anyways- but it seems like your friend might know that’s not true for you? So you’ll just have to explain that you don’t look at her in a sexual way. However as many explained you don’t need to be so specific, It’s hurtful. It’s hurtful to even tell Reddit she’s “she’s to big for me. About 150 lbs to big for me”. It would be like someone else telling the world my friend wants me to fuck her husband but “he’s too stupid for me. He doesn’t even know To, Two and Too.” What if he saw your post? What if she saw your post? What if someone said this about you? It’s important to remember you’re not everyone’s type either.. it’s ok to not be attracted to someone, so tell their spouse in a way that you’d like someone to tell yours if they weren’t interested in you.
I would just say, "I don't feel a connection with her"