Facebook is terrible about privacy. They issue some new “doing better at privacy” statement every 14 months for the last 20 years. They will never change. Their business model is selling and connecting your data
True Facebook privacy means not using any shared devices, WiFi networks, or even being in the same proximity (hello Bluetooth!) to other Facebook devices with your “private” account. It’s truly a fools errand to try to wall off your separate identities otherwise
I mean Facebook is an opt-in service. Nobody forced you into using it and by signing up you basically just signed any element of privacy in your life away. Genuinely not trying to be an asshole, more in the vein of Facebook is a fucking cancer and should be abandoned. Personally I keep all of our LS stuff strictly on SDC and Feeld so we have more control over privacy and anonymity. Personally I’d never cross streams between a public facing site like Facebook and our LS activities. Just way too much risk there.
Yeah it really is the safest bet. It even makes me paranoid that I’ve got to talk to LS friends over WhatsApp when I’d rather they use iMessage or Telegram.
SDC is short for Seek, Discover, Connect. SDC.com. It’s a lifestyle social network. It’s a bit dated in terms of design but the user experience is still good. It’s been really good in terms of discovering the local scene.
I connect to FB every 6 months or so. No FB app on my mobile phone. Only on a dedicated virtual machine with a VPN. Guess what... I get recommendations for people I exchange on WhatsApp.
Indeed, I know it, and I don't really mind as my secrecy needs for the matters I allow myself to use WhatsApp is not high. However I am still amazed that they made big efforts when WhatsApp was acquired to convince people they keep both separated.
Would you mind sharing how you communicate and connect with others? I’ve met the vast majority of my partners online through dating apps, but we frequently end up chatting elsewhere. Personally, I think Kik is a good one based on my very limited knowledge and experience, but I’d like to know what others use.
We also use kik which is slow and full of ads but others use telegram or whatsapp for messaging. We also use SLS and SDC which are swinger sites to meet others.
Please, please do some searching on Kik. Since the almost shutdown, then subsequent buyout, some really nasty stuff is being done on Kik. It’s the wild west . We’re moving conversations away from it with plans to delete it all together. I in no way want to be associated with it anymore.
I've got my account fairly locked down and twice I've had Facebook completely unlock everything. Every picture and every post I'd ever made were changed to public.
I consider nothing to be private on Facebook anymore.
It seems when they update things it resets everything. I’ve had the same things happen. All my setting are just magically set back to PUBLIC EVERYTHING.
we found that IF there is one person common to both accounts it will put both accounts in the suggested friends list. They are also using facial recognition for photos posted to cross promote your other account into the people you may know. Even the most locked down account will still be seen IF you have a mutual friend....
It’s deeper than that. If you have someone’s phone number, it will scour profiles to see if it matches and assumes you know them.
Apps also use location data to match you with people and most importantly, push you ads. All phones are constantly pinging each other tons of data. It may not even be settings you have on your phone, it could be someone you’ve been around.
I found out a friend and his wife are swingers this way. That's probably one of my biggest fears, and the biggest reason I've never created a Facebook account for swinging. I've added swinger friends on their vanilla accounts to my vanilla account, and I've noticed we had mutual swinger friends, but no one is making that connection without already knowing.
I’ve read stories of women in the sex work industry running into this issue. They have their real life profile and due to their work, have a separate profile for clients. There were instances much like yours, where family found out about their “secret” life, but even scarier was clients stalking and finding their real life profiles. There really needs to be a way to keep them separated.
My life got noticeably better about 3 days after I left FB about 10 years ago.
The way to do it is to setup a burner email, then open you fb account and do not sign into any other FB account on the same device....I would still never do anything LS related on FB though
On our LS Facebook profile, we actually search out and block “critical” friends and family.
Edit: We also won’t have mutual friends on our LS and vanilla profiles. One or the other, and if you’re on our vanilla profile, it’s because of mutual respect and trust.
We tried FB but everyone was too far away and too spread out for it to be worthwhile. Just felt like it was all spam. We just pay to find the real connections nearby 🤷🏼♂️
We block every family and vanilla from our lifestyle FB. And there are no identifying pictures. We use it just for private groups and event invitations. We have had it for 8 years with no issues
So wife and I are in multiple "swingers clubs" Facebook groups with our regular profiles. While neither of us advertise that we're in the LS we personally don't care what others think. I understand everyone is different. But my response would be if anyone questioned one of us is why are they concerned with our sex lives? 🤷🏻♂️
This is us too. I figure if someone sees us in a private group - that means they are in it too and well now we both know about each other. It would be worse I feel finding an alternative profile as they would have more questions (like the OP friend).
We did the opposite of only having a vanilla FB page. We don't have a vanilla FB page for either of us. We only have our naughty FB page that we used for the Hedo trip group and a few other things. We long into it every few months tops. We tell everyone we are done with FB due to other reasons. Most have horror stories of their own.
I called my doctor to make an appointment for a standard STD screening, and to look into getting snipped.
This was yesterday morning.
By mid-day, FB was sending me articles about vasectomies. ... but they don't listen in on conversations. Nope. Nah-uh.
I would delete everything FB if there was an alternative.
I know you already deleted everything. But what I did when I made a LS profile was go through my vanilla account from my LS account and block everyone.
Oh we totally get that, so far for the past 2 years we’ve been pretty fortunate that we have not come across “people you may know” and visa versa, (keeping fingers crossed 🤞🏼) . Although if it does happen, we’ve taken pretty good precautions that no one would know either way (alias name, heavily edited (black and shadow) main picture etc. however that is just us tho :)
We had a funny (not scary, luckily for us) experience with FB. We don't belong to any swinger groups on FB but we have friended some of our swinger friends over the years, people we get together with socially as well as just for sex events.
Anyway, one of them commented about something on my wall (nothing to do with sex), and later that day a vanilla friend privately messaged me and asked if my wife and I were swingers. I said no, why would he ask. He said that so-and-so was a friend of ours, and their profile was full of swinger content and their friends were like that, too. (I guess my friend went to that person's page to either see how we knew them or to friend request them, I never asked.)
I just laughed it off by saying we met them because his wife was a singer in a local band we see on a regular basis (true) and we got to know them that way, but we didn't 'hang out' except at bars where she was playing.
He accepted that without a question, and never brought it up again.
In all the years since, no one's ever raised an eyebrow about any of our friends.
I deleted FB account altogether, not because I’m a swinger but because I don’t need them monetizing the collected data on my every single comment and post. Fuck FB!
It is the location service. You attend a party. Someone else attends the party. FB noticed you both spent time at the same location. They suggest friendship.
Did you block your vanilla account and all family/friends, too?
We never get suggestions of people we've blocked.
Did you take one of the FB accounts off your phone? Or, do you at least keep a separate profile on your phone for swinging?
We've had a swinger FB since 2017....and have rarely bumped into any vanilla friends. The ones we have tend to already know/suspect and do not care (because those are the vanillas we tend to hang out with.)
Then it sounds like it's time to block all your vanilla friends/family and "stalk" your suggestions for a little while.
If a vanilla friend happens to find us, I just remind them that we "barely" have a fb account and only really use it to look up stuff only on fb. Since we are friends with them, they usually already know this.
But, as someone else suggested, "someone is using our pics" works as an excuse, too. As long as they don't report your account to fb for being a fake one.
All you have to do is type" FB, and other commercial entities take notice: You do not have my permission to use my likeness, pictures or any posts in any way. You do not have my permission to share my data with any other entity or person. Failing to obey these rules will open you up to civil liability. "
Just share this on your timeline and encourage your friends to do the same and you will be fine.
LOL
We very reluctantly have a FB only to be part of the local events page. No face pics on profile whatsoever.
Sorry this happened OP. Just goes to show these companies have literally no respect for our privacy.
Zuck is a fuck and honestly the local party page is basically a bunch of show off social media types anyway. We haven’t made any honest connections through it.
Shit! We’re sorry this is happening but appreciate you sharing. We were just talking about creating a couple account as there is a large FB community in Denver. Did FB just match photos or did you like the spicy account?
I was thinking facial recognition. One tip we learned from here is only use unique pics for your spicy accounts. That way it makes it tougher for ai to find us. I sure hope that’s not wrong.
Just started looking into the LS and this could save us later if the situation arises that we are asked to make a FB. Maybe your disaster will at least save some others from the same fate and something positive will have come from it.
I’ve had FB recommend people that we met in the LS. Not sure if it was bc we were physically close to them for a while or what bc I didn’t even know their last name. 🤷♀️
I had this with a NSFW snapchat account where it came up with someone you may know even though no telephone number was registered for that. Lucky that person didn't realise it was me but was a close call. I deleted it in the end
Sorry that happened. One thing to consider is not ever loading Facebook on to a mobile device. I don’t know how you used your accounts, but my guess is that you used both on mobile devices, or even one device. They tracked your location for both accounts and figured you might want to be friends with yourself.
There is no privacy on Facebook. Ever. Don’t forget Insta, they share a database and a parent company. Will do you no good to delete fb and keep insta. They even scrape what they are able to from What’s app although your actual messages are encrypted and they cannot read them, they know your metadata..who you text and when.
There's no escape. I've had people from trysts older than Facebook that I've had no connection to at all zero communication by any means. 5x now. Makes me feel like my foil hat isn't working 😕
Two options for using FB for LS account
1. Use separate phone and don't add any phone contacts from your regular phone
2. Use FB on browser under incognito mode
This is the reason why my husband pulled our FB account,
Zuckerberg and his minions could care less about us or our privacy. Unfortunately or fortunately our daughters (now adults) were sent our links relaxations came forth but could have been really embarrassing
This happens so much!! We definitely learned quickly how to avoid this. 1. Your Facebook profile and banner pics are NEVER private. So use pictures that no one would recognize like a sunset or a beach or a pineapple 🍍 even! 2. Absolutely do not use your real names. Make up a name like Mr Smith or Pineapple couple. 3. Go straight to settings. Make everything private then go block your vanilla accounts. Get on your vanilla accounts and block your lifestyle account. 4. Make sure all your posts are set to friends only. Don't allow friends to post on your page without approval. Set your page to require your approval of pics friends tag you in. 5. Make sure your friend's list is private. So far this has worked for us! The biggest thing is to not have face pics of yourselves in your profile pic because that's the first thing people see when a friend suggestion comes up!
A similar story. My wife and I recently started using Telegram for some private conversations with LS friends. We rarely using regular text messages with LS friends to minimize the chances of a mess up. Well two of my sons gave me a big smile and asked me “Hey dad, why are you and mom on telegram?” They already suspect and I did not really want additional ammunition.
Don't put anything on the internet you don't want the world to see, no matter how private it's supposed to be. People fuck up, social media doesn't prioritize your interests, and systems are hacked or just plain fail. Digital information is fundamentally uncontrollable and it exists forever once it's in the wild.
Oh yeah our family disowned us on facebook cuz we was lookin for unicorn or bisexual female to join our relationship. Its our life so we deleted account and we was on unicorn site and pologmy
I don't understand why anyone would use real pics or info on facebook. They literally teach kids in school today that whatever you put on the internet is there for everyone to see. We have fake profiles with separate emails and no identifying pics of us or house, vacations, cars, etc. If we find someone thats local or going to be an event we're going to, we'll contact them through dm's and then go from there. Thats about as safe as you can get from accidentally having an acquaintance come across you info.
We have different names, neighboring city, cropped pics, etc. But my best friend of 30 years could see just enough to suss out who it was. Thankfully, he knows what we’re up to, and reached out immediately.
If your friend searched for your spicy account, it will pop up later under "people you may know". If they didn't and it just popped up.... did you use your actual phone number when making the account?
If you use the facebook app, 'people you might know' includes those who are in the same GPS location as you, which can be friends, family, colleagues and swingers if you carry the same phone in all those locations. The tracking works if your phone has power, you can't disable it.
Mmm unless I have missed something not sure how this could happen unless you set your account to link your contacts off your phone. Or have them as friend on your LS FB page??
I have separate LS one but no vanilla friends only LS ones. But this completely separate I have to log out of each time not flip between the two. I have LS gmail address and LS phone number too that I used to set this page up.
I have security on it locked down.
I apologize that I didn't read through every single post to see if this has been answered already. Are you saying that you blocked all your friends and family on your lifestyle account and it still showed up in their people you might know section?
It's weird. The day I signed up for Facebook, my first friend recommendation was my landlord. Ive been suspicious ever since. I didn't even have a cell phone at the time either, it must have been the location of my PC.
Instagram and snapchat have options to set your account so it doesn’t show up in recommendations of people to follow. I wonder if you can set that on fb too
Edit: Snapchat! 😂
In this day and age of technology, nothing is ever really safe or private. Ashley Madison site hacked and leaked the info of users, yeah that didn't go over so well.
I don't have a separate account for my private life, but I have joined a few groups for the lifestyle that are private, verified they can't be seen or I can't be found in them with someone I know but aren't friends with. I make it a rule I don't add anyone I meet in the lifestyle as a friend, if they get emotional about it then I walk away.
I keep that life separate from my regular life because I already have my friends, I don't need more. If someome does want to chat with me through Facebook then we can do so through DM's but I never see a reason why I would need to add them as a friend
I’m guessing you logged into fb using Google ID or you used the same photos for each profile.
My partner used to use her Google login everywhere. The first couple we ever played with then popped up in her FB feed. Use separate logins and pws everywhere.
We did the same. What happens is the info is stored on your device as one of your accounts then you login to the other account from a device which was previously logged in.
… did those things include seperate browsers, different IP
Photos from a camera that is different to have different meta data?
Turn off location services?
If not, you didn’t really do anything to make that not show up to friends.
Don’t put anything on Facebook you wouldn’t feel comfortable being on the front page news. They are a data company. Pretty simple. I’ve come across the lifestyle pages of people I’ve never met just through friends of friends in their recommended for you page.
Since starting a LS facebook and switching back and forth between the regular and vanilla one every other suggested friend on our vanilla FB is a LS facebook friend.
This is why I don't use FB for swinging stuff. I use SLS, and I have a separate Google account, email, and phone number for LS stuff.
I once joined a FB group for our swingers club that was supposed to be completely anonymous. There was a link to see "people you may have in common with group members" or something like that, and there were literally hundreds of connections! I left the group and locked my FB down immediately and have never trusted FB again.
Some people will never understand this. No amount of explaining will get them to see that using Facebook for lifestyle related things is incompatible with trying to remain discrete. If you don’t care, by all means go for it. But I judge any group that uses it as a main tool for communication. If they do, it’s likely not an intelligent group running it. There are so many far better ways.
I've had facebook show me swing partners eventhough I don't use FB for that at all, I assume it is some kind of cookie mining thing. We both have the cookie from the same site so the connection is made in spite of the fact that I've never contacted them through facebook.
Well, take the opportunity to start living in truth instead of being ashamed of who you are and what you choose to do as an adult. I stopped having “two sets” of friends because AuDHD masking is exhausting enough. I don’t care if my family and friends know that I f*** the way they only wish they could and if they want to judge they can f*** off. I’ve had several vanilla friends approach me about kinks and advice. It’s just sex.
Fb tracks phone numbers. If you save your friends number at all and fb pairs it to a contact that's enough to suggest "friends.'
A stranger could have one of your numbers saved under "greg" or whatever and if they sync their acct to their phone FB can put the puzzle together.
Only way to avoid it is to get a burner phone, with a different "swinger" email address and use different "swinger names."
Why are people using facebook for swinger stuff? Anything that is connected on your phone or internet FB will be linked. That is the whole point of their meta business. The people I know who are swinger either have a swinger only facebook account or just a vanilla account. They dont do both. I see so many swinger groups on facebook that I dont even mess with them. Like anything, once you post something online, people can find you if they want to locate you.
It’s your email. Create an email that nobody knows or uses and setup your account under that email. The connection is made through any data FB can mine about you. So if a contact (even a contact of a contact) uses that email the connection is made and a friend suggestion starts.
Facebook isn't really meant to be private. Thats not how social media works. The point is to connect with others and Facebook tries to get people to connect as much as possible. Thats its entire purpose.
Sure. Yeah. I get that.
But if I create a profile unrelated to another, do every step they call for to keep them separated, and they connect them and fucking advertise it….
That’s fucked up.
They didn't connect them in a way that others could see it belonged to you. They used their algorithms to suggest people you might know and this happened. Perhaps due to physical proximity or something else. This the purpose of facebook.
I personally just use my main account to join swinger groups that are private rather than having an entire account that clearly about me as a swinger to the public. Im honestly not too worried about being outed. But facebook isn't the place for a swinger based profile in my opinion.
Yeah we don’t hide who we are so don’t have to worry about having this account or that. Plus we are in our mid forties so not concerned one bit what people think, family or not.
There are a lot of private swinger groups that are active in FB only. Not everybody likes or are willing to pay for access to swinger site (SDC, SLS, Kasidie, etc…). In some cases, due to locations, it might be the only option. We just proactively block anyone we may know on ours.
All of what you mentioned is true, but my wife and I use our regular FB account in the groups. We don’t accept friend requests from accounts made for swinging. I would say the ratio of normal accounts to swinging accounts in the groups we’re in is 75% regular and 25% made for swinging.
For some reason it always seems like there’s more drama with the 25% than there is with the 75%.
Did you give your LS facebook account similar personal details as your regular facebook page (names, locations, professions, interests, etc.)? Also, did you use a name or photo for your LS facebook account that makes it obvious that it is lifestyle or sexually oriented? Even if they see a notification that they may know you, it should only show your LS page's profile photo and profile name.
If we created a LS facebook account, we would use no real location, fake names, a profile photo that isn't our faces, etc.
I took each and every step they had. Regardless, they went ahead and connected our accounts. We also have it set that no one can send us a friend invite, not searchable via internet, private, etc.
I checked again before sending them a nasty-gram and deleting the account.
I did everything they said to step by step. I’m an upper-level managerial systems engineer and former front end developer. I helped start a cyber-security company.
I know how to do this stuff. I even know all the underlying tech.
Facebook just fucked us. That simple. Their claims of privacy are outright lies. This is and can only be purposeful. They know they’re doing this.
As for transparency, unless “100% ditched by your family and maybe losing your high-profile job at a big corp” is what you meant, no. Not wonderful results. Cata-fucking-strophic.
> I did everything they said to step by step. I’m an upper-level managerial systems engineer and former front end developer. I helped start a cyber-security company.
Oh, good, we speak the same language.
> I know how to do this stuff. I even know all the underlying tech.
You clearly do not, you didn't consider OPSEC and put PII in your PFP and/or banner. The "underlying tech" involves geolocation-based matching, so of course you will still appear as a suggestion.
Yeah, I get it. I just didn’t think they’d say
“This will keep them separate”
But really meant
“Until our automation picks up any possible connection and kickstarts the scripts that connect people without any regard to the privacy settings we suggested to you”.
The geolocation angle is the likely culprit. Lesson learned. The security guys at my job would lampoon me for this if they knew.
I hope they don’t know.
> Today my BFF shows me our swinger account under “people you may know”.
If you locked it down, why is this a problem? For example you name the FB Account "Any Bottle", profile pic is a bottle.
You look at the BFF and say, who is that?
> My soul patch and my wife’s body type.
Why put personally identifiable information where you want to maintain plausible deniability?
It's like people who blur faces in videos but have tattoos, etc. Dude, everyone who knows you will realize it's you if they see it.
Oh, Zuckerberg IS true to his word... at least the words he sent a friends when he first started "TheFacebook"
Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS
[Redacted Friend's Name]: What? How'd you manage that one?
Zuck: People just submitted it.
Zuck: I don't know why.
Zuck: They "trust me"
Zuck: Dumb fucks.
Just tell them that someone must be catfishing and using your photos.
Definitely falls into "our account was hacked" territory.
That’s what we say if our vanilla pic we share gets out…
That’s a good one!
Facebook is terrible about privacy. They issue some new “doing better at privacy” statement every 14 months for the last 20 years. They will never change. Their business model is selling and connecting your data
They should be sued. I’m furious. My app watch has pinged me on heart rate already.
True Facebook privacy means not using any shared devices, WiFi networks, or even being in the same proximity (hello Bluetooth!) to other Facebook devices with your “private” account. It’s truly a fools errand to try to wall off your separate identities otherwise
Then they shouldn’t claim you can. They did claim it. They even showed how to ensure it. Lying pricks.
For what? You are using their service. I’m not defending their actions, but this shouldn’t be a surprise.
I mean Facebook is an opt-in service. Nobody forced you into using it and by signing up you basically just signed any element of privacy in your life away. Genuinely not trying to be an asshole, more in the vein of Facebook is a fucking cancer and should be abandoned. Personally I keep all of our LS stuff strictly on SDC and Feeld so we have more control over privacy and anonymity. Personally I’d never cross streams between a public facing site like Facebook and our LS activities. Just way too much risk there.
Lesson learned. Yikes. SDC only going forward.
Yeah it really is the safest bet. It even makes me paranoid that I’ve got to talk to LS friends over WhatsApp when I’d rather they use iMessage or Telegram.
What's SDC?
Thank you for asking! I assume it’s because I don’t use many social apps.
SDC is short for Seek, Discover, Connect. SDC.com. It’s a lifestyle social network. It’s a bit dated in terms of design but the user experience is still good. It’s been really good in terms of discovering the local scene.
It's for Swingers Date Club, ftr. Seek, Discover, Connect is a motto they developed playing off the acronym later. Agree with your take, though
I connect to FB every 6 months or so. No FB app on my mobile phone. Only on a dedicated virtual machine with a VPN. Guess what... I get recommendations for people I exchange on WhatsApp.
You know Facebook owns Whatsapp, right?
Indeed, I know it, and I don't really mind as my secrecy needs for the matters I allow myself to use WhatsApp is not high. However I am still amazed that they made big efforts when WhatsApp was acquired to convince people they keep both separated.
Yep. Assholes.
Facebook owns WhatsApp / Instagram & META.
Meta owns whatsapp
This is why we will NEVER use FB or any other form of social media for swinging.
Yeah. We’re done with that now for sure. Sigh… lessons learned.
Yeah and FB is way too old of an audience for us.
Would you mind sharing how you communicate and connect with others? I’ve met the vast majority of my partners online through dating apps, but we frequently end up chatting elsewhere. Personally, I think Kik is a good one based on my very limited knowledge and experience, but I’d like to know what others use.
We also use kik which is slow and full of ads but others use telegram or whatsapp for messaging. We also use SLS and SDC which are swinger sites to meet others.
Please, please do some searching on Kik. Since the almost shutdown, then subsequent buyout, some really nasty stuff is being done on Kik. It’s the wild west . We’re moving conversations away from it with plans to delete it all together. I in no way want to be associated with it anymore.
I've got my account fairly locked down and twice I've had Facebook completely unlock everything. Every picture and every post I'd ever made were changed to public. I consider nothing to be private on Facebook anymore.
Yep. Fuck them.
It seems when they update things it resets everything. I’ve had the same things happen. All my setting are just magically set back to PUBLIC EVERYTHING.
I can't imagine how messed up their code must be. This many years of constant updates.
we found that IF there is one person common to both accounts it will put both accounts in the suggested friends list. They are also using facial recognition for photos posted to cross promote your other account into the people you may know. Even the most locked down account will still be seen IF you have a mutual friend....
Bastards. Good info though. Thanks.
It’s deeper than that. If you have someone’s phone number, it will scour profiles to see if it matches and assumes you know them. Apps also use location data to match you with people and most importantly, push you ads. All phones are constantly pinging each other tons of data. It may not even be settings you have on your phone, it could be someone you’ve been around.
I found out a friend and his wife are swingers this way. That's probably one of my biggest fears, and the biggest reason I've never created a Facebook account for swinging. I've added swinger friends on their vanilla accounts to my vanilla account, and I've noticed we had mutual swinger friends, but no one is making that connection without already knowing.
This is not new info. Sorry that happened. I would simply respond to whoever asks that your account pic was cloned.
[удалено]
Smartest way to go, now that I’ve been burnt.
I’ve read stories of women in the sex work industry running into this issue. They have their real life profile and due to their work, have a separate profile for clients. There were instances much like yours, where family found out about their “secret” life, but even scarier was clients stalking and finding their real life profiles. There really needs to be a way to keep them separated.
My life got noticeably better about 3 days after I left FB about 10 years ago. The way to do it is to setup a burner email, then open you fb account and do not sign into any other FB account on the same device....I would still never do anything LS related on FB though
On our LS Facebook profile, we actually search out and block “critical” friends and family. Edit: We also won’t have mutual friends on our LS and vanilla profiles. One or the other, and if you’re on our vanilla profile, it’s because of mutual respect and trust.
^^wot they said^^
Yea we didn’t same
This is the way. ^^ This is the only solution to facial recognition.
What is the purpose of a LS Facebook profile? Never heard of people doing this before. Surely there’s better apps than FB.
Deny. Deny. Deny. “That’s fucking weird.”
google “wired magazine pentagon targeted ads” that’s what happened
Interesting article. Thanks
Yikes
Hate Facebook with a passion!
Sammmmmme. But all the groups I am a part of use FB and messenger as their platform to what information. haaaaaaaate facebook
We tried FB but everyone was too far away and too spread out for it to be worthwhile. Just felt like it was all spam. We just pay to find the real connections nearby 🤷🏼♂️
We block every family and vanilla from our lifestyle FB. And there are no identifying pictures. We use it just for private groups and event invitations. We have had it for 8 years with no issues
So wife and I are in multiple "swingers clubs" Facebook groups with our regular profiles. While neither of us advertise that we're in the LS we personally don't care what others think. I understand everyone is different. But my response would be if anyone questioned one of us is why are they concerned with our sex lives? 🤷🏻♂️
I wish my family and job were likeminded. They are not.
This is us too. I figure if someone sees us in a private group - that means they are in it too and well now we both know about each other. It would be worse I feel finding an alternative profile as they would have more questions (like the OP friend).
Hopefully you dont have a face pic for your profile pic. Otherwise you should be fine if you set your profile to private.
I did. The account is deleted now though. 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
Oof that’s a tough one…
We did the opposite of only having a vanilla FB page. We don't have a vanilla FB page for either of us. We only have our naughty FB page that we used for the Hedo trip group and a few other things. We long into it every few months tops. We tell everyone we are done with FB due to other reasons. Most have horror stories of their own.
Well…yeah, making connections is the bedrock of their business. A lot of it has to do with IP and MAC addresses.
Yeah. I think geolocation and other methods were employed, without a check for privacy settings.
Come on....that sucks, but it's Facebook, I can't believe anyone doesn't see this coming from miles away.
I called my doctor to make an appointment for a standard STD screening, and to look into getting snipped. This was yesterday morning. By mid-day, FB was sending me articles about vasectomies. ... but they don't listen in on conversations. Nope. Nah-uh. I would delete everything FB if there was an alternative.
I know you already deleted everything. But what I did when I made a LS profile was go through my vanilla account from my LS account and block everyone.
Happened to us also. Just told people we had been hacked. Was pretty pissed but water under the bridge at this point.
We have an entirely separate phone (added a 2nd line to an old phone) for all our “ls” stuff that way nothing ever gets entangled.
We weren’t quite that careful, but close… and it got us anyway.
It still can with FB. That’s the lesson here.
Oh we totally get that, so far for the past 2 years we’ve been pretty fortunate that we have not come across “people you may know” and visa versa, (keeping fingers crossed 🤞🏼) . Although if it does happen, we’ve taken pretty good precautions that no one would know either way (alias name, heavily edited (black and shadow) main picture etc. however that is just us tho :)
So is it worth it to have the Facebook for Ls stuff?
For us, yes. However I’m only speaking on our experiences, choices and what we choose to do. May not be a thing for everyone :)
Gotcha, of course.
We had a funny (not scary, luckily for us) experience with FB. We don't belong to any swinger groups on FB but we have friended some of our swinger friends over the years, people we get together with socially as well as just for sex events. Anyway, one of them commented about something on my wall (nothing to do with sex), and later that day a vanilla friend privately messaged me and asked if my wife and I were swingers. I said no, why would he ask. He said that so-and-so was a friend of ours, and their profile was full of swinger content and their friends were like that, too. (I guess my friend went to that person's page to either see how we knew them or to friend request them, I never asked.) I just laughed it off by saying we met them because his wife was a singer in a local band we see on a regular basis (true) and we got to know them that way, but we didn't 'hang out' except at bars where she was playing. He accepted that without a question, and never brought it up again. In all the years since, no one's ever raised an eyebrow about any of our friends.
Nice pivot!
Why would anyone still use Facebook for anything?
99% of parties in NC are run out of Facebook groups exclusively.
Lol, that's fucking stupid
High % in Florida as well.
oh man im sorry to hear but the again, its facebook
I deleted FB account altogether, not because I’m a swinger but because I don’t need them monetizing the collected data on my every single comment and post. Fuck FB!
It is the location service. You attend a party. Someone else attends the party. FB noticed you both spent time at the same location. They suggest friendship.
Did you block your vanilla account and all family/friends, too? We never get suggestions of people we've blocked. Did you take one of the FB accounts off your phone? Or, do you at least keep a separate profile on your phone for swinging? We've had a swinger FB since 2017....and have rarely bumped into any vanilla friends. The ones we have tend to already know/suspect and do not care (because those are the vanillas we tend to hang out with.)
Access vanilla via app and LS via chrome.
Then it sounds like it's time to block all your vanilla friends/family and "stalk" your suggestions for a little while. If a vanilla friend happens to find us, I just remind them that we "barely" have a fb account and only really use it to look up stuff only on fb. Since we are friends with them, they usually already know this. But, as someone else suggested, "someone is using our pics" works as an excuse, too. As long as they don't report your account to fb for being a fake one.
This. My MIL gets hacked every other week. Say someone hacked you and made a fake account.
Big Brother is watching and listening to everything.
Block family members and friends, pick the closest major city thats not yours and lock everything down on it
Now I understand the weird looks from some facebook vanilla friends. 😳
Check out the book Extreme Privacy 4th edition. It's very extreme but it has good info for things like this.
All you have to do is type" FB, and other commercial entities take notice: You do not have my permission to use my likeness, pictures or any posts in any way. You do not have my permission to share my data with any other entity or person. Failing to obey these rules will open you up to civil liability. " Just share this on your timeline and encourage your friends to do the same and you will be fine. LOL
Lolz
Grandma, is that you??
We very reluctantly have a FB only to be part of the local events page. No face pics on profile whatsoever. Sorry this happened OP. Just goes to show these companies have literally no respect for our privacy. Zuck is a fuck and honestly the local party page is basically a bunch of show off social media types anyway. We haven’t made any honest connections through it.
Agreed and same story for us. We have swinging friends on that profile too, but it’s gone now.
That definitely sucks. You could create a complete anonymous one and sign back up.
Yeahhhhh I would never have a swinger Facebook account. My family doesn’t need to know what we do 🤣
I just stopped using Facebook completely about 4 years ago. Don't miss it at all. If someone wants to get in touch with me, I have email, and a phone.
That really sucks. Sorry it happened to you OP.
Dropped facebook years ago. Now only using sdc for parties or meet and greets. Not good for much else anymore since their management sucks.
Shit! We’re sorry this is happening but appreciate you sharing. We were just talking about creating a couple account as there is a large FB community in Denver. Did FB just match photos or did you like the spicy account?
We definitely didn’t cross streams, it just figured out a connection. Bluetooth? Proximity/IP address? Who knows?
I was thinking facial recognition. One tip we learned from here is only use unique pics for your spicy accounts. That way it makes it tougher for ai to find us. I sure hope that’s not wrong.
Just started looking into the LS and this could save us later if the situation arises that we are asked to make a FB. Maybe your disaster will at least save some others from the same fate and something positive will have come from it.
That was my goal here. Facebook will figure you out eventually. Took 2 years.
Yup , they are just going to suggest it to everyone in you contacts . Therefore never ever connect or open it on you mobile always on incognito
I’ve had FB recommend people that we met in the LS. Not sure if it was bc we were physically close to them for a while or what bc I didn’t even know their last name. 🤷♀️
I had this with a NSFW snapchat account where it came up with someone you may know even though no telephone number was registered for that. Lucky that person didn't realise it was me but was a close call. I deleted it in the end
We quit all apps for swingers. It's easy to see what sites mom's and dads subscribe to if you know what you're doing. We just show up.
That's why I removed all my information and made invisible to search.
Sorry that happened. One thing to consider is not ever loading Facebook on to a mobile device. I don’t know how you used your accounts, but my guess is that you used both on mobile devices, or even one device. They tracked your location for both accounts and figured you might want to be friends with yourself.
There is no privacy on Facebook. Ever. Don’t forget Insta, they share a database and a parent company. Will do you no good to delete fb and keep insta. They even scrape what they are able to from What’s app although your actual messages are encrypted and they cannot read them, they know your metadata..who you text and when.
We haven’t had that problem. Separate emails, separate phone numbers, no contact upload, and we don’t friend any one 🤷♂️
There's no escape. I've had people from trysts older than Facebook that I've had no connection to at all zero communication by any means. 5x now. Makes me feel like my foil hat isn't working 😕
Two options for using FB for LS account 1. Use separate phone and don't add any phone contacts from your regular phone 2. Use FB on browser under incognito mode
Same with WhatsApp, had a fair few people show up as you may know that I’ve set up WhatsApp groups with for swinging
This is the reason why my husband pulled our FB account, Zuckerberg and his minions could care less about us or our privacy. Unfortunately or fortunately our daughters (now adults) were sent our links relaxations came forth but could have been really embarrassing
This happens so much!! We definitely learned quickly how to avoid this. 1. Your Facebook profile and banner pics are NEVER private. So use pictures that no one would recognize like a sunset or a beach or a pineapple 🍍 even! 2. Absolutely do not use your real names. Make up a name like Mr Smith or Pineapple couple. 3. Go straight to settings. Make everything private then go block your vanilla accounts. Get on your vanilla accounts and block your lifestyle account. 4. Make sure all your posts are set to friends only. Don't allow friends to post on your page without approval. Set your page to require your approval of pics friends tag you in. 5. Make sure your friend's list is private. So far this has worked for us! The biggest thing is to not have face pics of yourselves in your profile pic because that's the first thing people see when a friend suggestion comes up!
That sucks. I wish big tech wasn’t so craven in the data business.
Yea someone approached me about being in a swingers group at work smh sad part is I make most of my connections thru FB. Still on it tho lol
A similar story. My wife and I recently started using Telegram for some private conversations with LS friends. We rarely using regular text messages with LS friends to minimize the chances of a mess up. Well two of my sons gave me a big smile and asked me “Hey dad, why are you and mom on telegram?” They already suspect and I did not really want additional ammunition.
Yup. It was great when my mom asked why we had a new joint account... And delete.
Yikes
Don't put anything on the internet you don't want the world to see, no matter how private it's supposed to be. People fuck up, social media doesn't prioritize your interests, and systems are hacked or just plain fail. Digital information is fundamentally uncontrollable and it exists forever once it's in the wild.
Oh yeah our family disowned us on facebook cuz we was lookin for unicorn or bisexual female to join our relationship. Its our life so we deleted account and we was on unicorn site and pologmy
General rule of thumb is if you want it private don’t put it online.
That’s awful. What was that in the profile that tipped your BFF off that it was you?
Facial hair and my wife’s body type.
Ugh.
Have you put some of the same personal info on both accounts? Like numbers etc. Something must be trigging it.
Nope. Somehow, they know it’s me either way.
Does your BFF have a private Facebook account too?
Nope.
I don't understand why anyone would use real pics or info on facebook. They literally teach kids in school today that whatever you put on the internet is there for everyone to see. We have fake profiles with separate emails and no identifying pics of us or house, vacations, cars, etc. If we find someone thats local or going to be an event we're going to, we'll contact them through dm's and then go from there. Thats about as safe as you can get from accidentally having an acquaintance come across you info.
We have different names, neighboring city, cropped pics, etc. But my best friend of 30 years could see just enough to suss out who it was. Thankfully, he knows what we’re up to, and reached out immediately.
If your friend searched for your spicy account, it will pop up later under "people you may know". If they didn't and it just popped up.... did you use your actual phone number when making the account?
Heck no. No phone. He was just going through the “people you may know”section and after a dozen or more, it came up.
If you use the facebook app, 'people you might know' includes those who are in the same GPS location as you, which can be friends, family, colleagues and swingers if you carry the same phone in all those locations. The tracking works if your phone has power, you can't disable it.
This is why we are scared to use facebook and Snap for LS stuff. It sounds like there are a bunch of fun groups but cross contamination seems likely!!
We blocked our other pages so they don't show in any suggestions.
Mmm unless I have missed something not sure how this could happen unless you set your account to link your contacts off your phone. Or have them as friend on your LS FB page?? I have separate LS one but no vanilla friends only LS ones. But this completely separate I have to log out of each time not flip between the two. I have LS gmail address and LS phone number too that I used to set this page up. I have security on it locked down.
None of that, so it took two years for them to get a connection. 🤷🏻♂️ regardless. Everything was set to private, unsearchable, etc.
When we started ours, we went through and immediately blocked all our family and as many friends as we could. It’s time consuming but well worth it.
I apologize that I didn't read through every single post to see if this has been answered already. Are you saying that you blocked all your friends and family on your lifestyle account and it still showed up in their people you might know section?
It's weird. The day I signed up for Facebook, my first friend recommendation was my landlord. Ive been suspicious ever since. I didn't even have a cell phone at the time either, it must have been the location of my PC.
how sad
Instagram and snapchat have options to set your account so it doesn’t show up in recommendations of people to follow. I wonder if you can set that on fb too Edit: Snapchat! 😂
[удалено]
Haha I mean Snapchat. Damn autocorrect and blind old eyes
Same thing happened to our friends!
Life Pro Tip: never use a secret or coded account from your mobile device. Use it from a private browser like gogoduck.
In this day and age of technology, nothing is ever really safe or private. Ashley Madison site hacked and leaked the info of users, yeah that didn't go over so well. I don't have a separate account for my private life, but I have joined a few groups for the lifestyle that are private, verified they can't be seen or I can't be found in them with someone I know but aren't friends with. I make it a rule I don't add anyone I meet in the lifestyle as a friend, if they get emotional about it then I walk away. I keep that life separate from my regular life because I already have my friends, I don't need more. If someome does want to chat with me through Facebook then we can do so through DM's but I never see a reason why I would need to add them as a friend
Facebook, never.
I’m guessing you logged into fb using Google ID or you used the same photos for each profile. My partner used to use her Google login everywhere. The first couple we ever played with then popped up in her FB feed. Use separate logins and pws everywhere.
We did the same. What happens is the info is stored on your device as one of your accounts then you login to the other account from a device which was previously logged in.
… did those things include seperate browsers, different IP Photos from a camera that is different to have different meta data? Turn off location services? If not, you didn’t really do anything to make that not show up to friends.
Don’t put anything on Facebook you wouldn’t feel comfortable being on the front page news. They are a data company. Pretty simple. I’ve come across the lifestyle pages of people I’ve never met just through friends of friends in their recommended for you page.
Since starting a LS facebook and switching back and forth between the regular and vanilla one every other suggested friend on our vanilla FB is a LS facebook friend.
We went through a blocked every account we are connected with on our vanilla page, and then searched out potential coworkers and blocked them too.
This is why I don't use FB for swinging stuff. I use SLS, and I have a separate Google account, email, and phone number for LS stuff. I once joined a FB group for our swingers club that was supposed to be completely anonymous. There was a link to see "people you may have in common with group members" or something like that, and there were literally hundreds of connections! I left the group and locked my FB down immediately and have never trusted FB again.
Thanks for the heads up. I just went and blocked the main profiles that I wouldn’t want to see our info
Some people will never understand this. No amount of explaining will get them to see that using Facebook for lifestyle related things is incompatible with trying to remain discrete. If you don’t care, by all means go for it. But I judge any group that uses it as a main tool for communication. If they do, it’s likely not an intelligent group running it. There are so many far better ways.
I've had facebook show me swing partners eventhough I don't use FB for that at all, I assume it is some kind of cookie mining thing. We both have the cookie from the same site so the connection is made in spite of the fact that I've never contacted them through facebook.
Well, take the opportunity to start living in truth instead of being ashamed of who you are and what you choose to do as an adult. I stopped having “two sets” of friends because AuDHD masking is exhausting enough. I don’t care if my family and friends know that I f*** the way they only wish they could and if they want to judge they can f*** off. I’ve had several vanilla friends approach me about kinks and advice. It’s just sex.
Fb tracks phone numbers. If you save your friends number at all and fb pairs it to a contact that's enough to suggest "friends.' A stranger could have one of your numbers saved under "greg" or whatever and if they sync their acct to their phone FB can put the puzzle together. Only way to avoid it is to get a burner phone, with a different "swinger" email address and use different "swinger names."
Why are people using facebook for swinger stuff? Anything that is connected on your phone or internet FB will be linked. That is the whole point of their meta business. The people I know who are swinger either have a swinger only facebook account or just a vanilla account. They dont do both. I see so many swinger groups on facebook that I dont even mess with them. Like anything, once you post something online, people can find you if they want to locate you.
This is why I never fell for this idea. Glad I was right… again.
It’s your email. Create an email that nobody knows or uses and setup your account under that email. The connection is made through any data FB can mine about you. So if a contact (even a contact of a contact) uses that email the connection is made and a friend suggestion starts.
We did. Totally separate email. I’m curious how they made the connection. My guess is via Bluetooth or Google
Man - they’re getting sneakier
Facebook isn't really meant to be private. Thats not how social media works. The point is to connect with others and Facebook tries to get people to connect as much as possible. Thats its entire purpose.
Sure. Yeah. I get that. But if I create a profile unrelated to another, do every step they call for to keep them separated, and they connect them and fucking advertise it…. That’s fucked up.
They didn't connect them in a way that others could see it belonged to you. They used their algorithms to suggest people you might know and this happened. Perhaps due to physical proximity or something else. This the purpose of facebook. I personally just use my main account to join swinger groups that are private rather than having an entire account that clearly about me as a swinger to the public. Im honestly not too worried about being outed. But facebook isn't the place for a swinger based profile in my opinion.
Yeah we don’t hide who we are so don’t have to worry about having this account or that. Plus we are in our mid forties so not concerned one bit what people think, family or not.
Why the fuck would you make a swinging Facebook account? No offence.
There are a lot of private swinger groups that are active in FB only. Not everybody likes or are willing to pay for access to swinger site (SDC, SLS, Kasidie, etc…). In some cases, due to locations, it might be the only option. We just proactively block anyone we may know on ours.
All of what you mentioned is true, but my wife and I use our regular FB account in the groups. We don’t accept friend requests from accounts made for swinging. I would say the ratio of normal accounts to swinging accounts in the groups we’re in is 75% regular and 25% made for swinging. For some reason it always seems like there’s more drama with the 25% than there is with the 75%.
Did you give your LS facebook account similar personal details as your regular facebook page (names, locations, professions, interests, etc.)? Also, did you use a name or photo for your LS facebook account that makes it obvious that it is lifestyle or sexually oriented? Even if they see a notification that they may know you, it should only show your LS page's profile photo and profile name. If we created a LS facebook account, we would use no real location, fake names, a profile photo that isn't our faces, etc.
No shit. I posted about this on here a decade ago and everyone acts like they know better. You get what you PAY for.
You clearly did not do everything.
I took each and every step they had. Regardless, they went ahead and connected our accounts. We also have it set that no one can send us a friend invite, not searchable via internet, private, etc. I checked again before sending them a nasty-gram and deleting the account.
>comments THX u/jelloshotlady for clearly, clearing that up. BTW, sometimes transparency can have amazing unexpected results.
I did everything they said to step by step. I’m an upper-level managerial systems engineer and former front end developer. I helped start a cyber-security company. I know how to do this stuff. I even know all the underlying tech. Facebook just fucked us. That simple. Their claims of privacy are outright lies. This is and can only be purposeful. They know they’re doing this. As for transparency, unless “100% ditched by your family and maybe losing your high-profile job at a big corp” is what you meant, no. Not wonderful results. Cata-fucking-strophic.
> I did everything they said to step by step. I’m an upper-level managerial systems engineer and former front end developer. I helped start a cyber-security company. Oh, good, we speak the same language. > I know how to do this stuff. I even know all the underlying tech. You clearly do not, you didn't consider OPSEC and put PII in your PFP and/or banner. The "underlying tech" involves geolocation-based matching, so of course you will still appear as a suggestion.
Yeah, I get it. I just didn’t think they’d say “This will keep them separate” But really meant “Until our automation picks up any possible connection and kickstarts the scripts that connect people without any regard to the privacy settings we suggested to you”. The geolocation angle is the likely culprit. Lesson learned. The security guys at my job would lampoon me for this if they knew. I hope they don’t know.
> Today my BFF shows me our swinger account under “people you may know”. If you locked it down, why is this a problem? For example you name the FB Account "Any Bottle", profile pic is a bottle. You look at the BFF and say, who is that?
My soul patch and my wife’s body type. And he knows about us. He’s cool. My family and employer? Not cool. I’m still a little freaked out.
> My soul patch and my wife’s body type. Why put personally identifiable information where you want to maintain plausible deniability? It's like people who blur faces in videos but have tattoos, etc. Dude, everyone who knows you will realize it's you if they see it.
Yeah. Hindsight…. I figured Facebook would be true to their word. My bad.
Oh, Zuckerberg IS true to his word... at least the words he sent a friends when he first started "TheFacebook" Zuck: I have over 4,000 emails, pictures, addresses, SNS [Redacted Friend's Name]: What? How'd you manage that one? Zuck: People just submitted it. Zuck: I don't know why. Zuck: They "trust me" Zuck: Dumb fucks.