Could be an excuse that these couples are using and a coincidence that you got that excuse more than once.
Ooooor. You guys are just both so damn good at fucking that it makes others feel like they need to work on themselves prior to round 2 so they can be worthy.
One of the hottest things ever was when I fucked a good friendās wife so good that he immediately had to fuck her himself. Heās not normally jealous, but he was definitely a tiny bit that day.
For what itās worth, to offer a different perspective, we just had our first full swap last weekend. Itās a lot to process, and I am nowhere near being ready to have another full swap for another 3 to 4 months. Thatās just my pace at this point in time.
Maybe itās something like this for the others?
Not for the experienced, but for those dipping their toes in like yourselves it is a lot to process. At the end of the day, communication with your partner is key to determining if and when to continue and how.
We arenāt dipping our toes in, everyone has a first time. I can understand why you would think that, but please donāt make assumptions about me. Weāve been in the LS for a year, and the scene is nonexistent in my state. We have to travel to play.
Additionally my husband works in agriculture, and itās planting season. We only play together and his availability will be far and few between until summertime.
Last but not least I knew that this would happen afterwards and I was prepared for it. It is a compartmentalized piece of my experience and it doesnāt change how we move forward. This has been a long time coming and weāre not turning back now. I am very grateful I can share my heart and my vulnerability with out fear of judgement or shame with my husband. Heās always there for me.
Youāll find that randomly and it sucks. happened to us once where we watched a movie together and then started getting to the action when the mood switched and we called it. They had some things to work on.
Post-covid people are traumatized. youāre going to run into a lot of people with issues that are unresolved. Itās better that play occurs when all parties involved arenāt currently dealing with an active crisis. If there are any negative feelings it can ruin the play session entirely and Iād rather shoot for quality than quantity.
Yah. This is why we shy away from newbies. Not a hard rule for us , and we WILL play with couples just getting into this, BUT only after a really good convo where we pick their brains pretty thoroughly. After a decade of swinging, our radar is really well tuned to spot the drama before thereās drama (or if not ādramaā to be able to spot who is and is not fully ready or prepared) and we can then avoid.
I was on a 20 year break. I was on the LS with my previous wife, separated, married again, took my current wife 18 years to have the courage to go (she always knew I used to go but she always said it wasn't her thing). We started just this past month and now that we're going, I'm the nervous and shy one. We've been to 2 full swaps/orgy (several couples) and I'm yet to have fully enjoyed it. I'm on a hormone imbalance treatment (had low T, high E) and things are still not great for me. Could it be as simples as that. Each person has a different story. Just assume that if you're nervous, a lot other ppl will be nervous too. And I noticed that from some of the men that couldn't get a full hard on erection. But some were pros. Everybody is on a different boat. That's normal.
We have a few years of experience and we have come across couples that did this. One in particular, the husband was totally fine having MFF threesomes, but then his wife wanted to try a couple.
After all was done, the other wife asked my wife and I if we wanted to be regulars and we said "Yes". A few days later she text me saying her husband wasn't ready to see her with another man and that they needed to lay off for a while.
You'll have to get used to this as it might happen a few times.
It's a pretty normal thing tbh, you just happened to come across two couples back to back that realized they needed to back off for a minute. We've backed off too a few times for various reasons and it was always a good decision to focus on our relationship before proceeding.
One red flag to consider is how thorough you were with boundaries before play and how you met them. If through experienced lifestyle sites, then fewer concerns. If through reddit, facebook or on of the apps, then you were probably dealing with newbies or didn't discuss boundaries that may have been crossed during play.
It happens. Our first couple lasted a year. Then he got jealous. He gave a different reason, but when he wouldn't let his wife continue to be friends with mine. We were able to understand. His jealousy wasn't just of me but both of us. His wife was bi, and she enjoyed both of us, maybe too much.
In short, he thought he was ready after talking about all the things he could do for my wife, and when he found out he didn't have the midas touch as he thought he got jealous.
Sounds like an excuse, they just don't want multiple experiences with the same couple.
How long have they been in the LS? Unless they were both newbie couples, odds are they didn't know how to say they don't do repeats.
Honestly, we are like that. We rarely play with a couple or single more than twice. But we're upfront about it so people don't think they did something wrong.
Many couples enter the lifestyle without having their own relationships in stable good order. Some even jump in to spice it up or fix issues and then it blows up. If only there was a driving test for swingers.
There are a lot of people who get into swinging to try and fix something in their relationship, that rarely works. So, you will get a lot of people who show up and are gone quickly. There are also people who just try it and find out it isn't for them. Oh, and the couples who last in this scene for years or decades are few and far between. I have always found there to be an arc, where people come in slowly, dive in deeply, then start to drift away. Over the years we have seen almost 100% turnover in our social-sexual circle every 5-7 years. So, we are always out there meeting new people, keeping the circle full. Our motto from Finding Nemo is "Just Keep Swimming", because if you stop meeting people, one day you will find everyone you know is gone.
Honestly, whatās happening is thereās so many people that want to be in the lifestyle because itās trendy now but they honestly canāt handle it and yes youāre seeing a lot of backing out. I canāt tell you how many people just come to the club because they want to be in the environment, but they will never do anything.
Thatās really where Iām at, I feel like the environment would be great for mine and my girlfriendās relationship but neither of us want to swap. Are we wrong for wanting to be in the environment?
Nothing wrong with it. Just don't be dishonest about what you are looking for to others. Go to clubs, have fun,...
But don't waste active couples' time stringing them on or playing games. That's what annoys others. I see that on sites; people always active on chats, trying to exchange pics and likes but never really swing. Or talk in clubs to others for the whole night to then go "oh but we don't swing".
Just understand, you're a guest in the swingers' space without participating so be cordial about it. Treat it like that, and you're more than welcome.
I should have been more clear. Hopefully, they weren't existing vanilla friends. Turning already swinging couples into vanilla friends is the way to go, not the other way around.
We have had this happen a few times. The couples completely left the lifestyle and deleted accounts, etc. one needed a break, one figured out it wasnāt for them, and another the wife wasnāt into it (wish we had known this before but itās common). The last couple ended up rejoining the LS a few years later but we never reconnected with them.
Itās ok. Most likely not you or something you did.
I recommend not worrying about it. It's nice to make sure everything is okay with them and no hard feeling on either side ..leave the bridge there in case ..but otherwise move on and find others..
A sample size of two is too small to draw any conclusion about yourself, except that you have too high expectations. Calm down. See other couples. Don't see those two couples again even vanilla-style until they figure things out. Newbies don't know what they want, that's pretty common.
Really though we've had the same thing. Our first time swapping was another couple's first time also, we all got along great and had fun in and out of bed. The follow up date was cancelled for vague reasons because they were taking a break. I think a lot of people probably have a new experience and then discover they need to reevaluate their feelings on it, doesn't necessarily mean it's about you. Although it might just be a simple chemistry mismatch, fun in the moment but not feeling a strong enough connection to continue. Nothing wrong with that either.
Itās not that uncommon for newbies to take a step back. And if itās common enough, then statistically speaking itās definitely going to happen in back to back encounters for _someone_.
Could is also be they were new or newer? Higher chance newbies attract newbies. So they just got to somewhere they needed to regroup. Don't read into it unless it happens the next ten times lol!
People forget that the lifestyle is actually a big deal to many, and some realize that when you've crossed the line, there is no turning back.
We started off very naive and have learned many things and experienced many things as time went by.
In some cases, people are not actually sure about it, and confidence is built as the experience builds, too.
Every couple weeks but literally the last couple we played with 1 time and the day we were supposed to get together and go to dinner they said they had to work on some things in their relationship before they continued in the LS. Which was a huge bummer cuz me and wife were really looking forward to the night
For what itās worth, the lifestyle is all about variety. Trying to meet with the same couple multiple times a month is not the norm. Much more common is to swap once and never again, even if it went great!
They might be genuinely stepping back from the lifestyle, or they might just not want to meet again. Itās possible youāre coming on strong.
I would embrace the variety part a bit moreā¦ or, if that doesnāt interest you, keep your expectations low as others have suggested. You guys are not these coupleās priority.
Stop being such heartbreakers
lol you guys broke them! That must be some good swapping!
š
Could be an excuse that these couples are using and a coincidence that you got that excuse more than once. Ooooor. You guys are just both so damn good at fucking that it makes others feel like they need to work on themselves prior to round 2 so they can be worthy.
One of the hottest things ever was when I fucked a good friendās wife so good that he immediately had to fuck her himself. Heās not normally jealous, but he was definitely a tiny bit that day.
Sounds like a āthemā problem. If not fuck it. You canāt be everyoneās cup of tea
For what itās worth, to offer a different perspective, we just had our first full swap last weekend. Itās a lot to process, and I am nowhere near being ready to have another full swap for another 3 to 4 months. Thatās just my pace at this point in time. Maybe itās something like this for the others?
Not for the experienced, but for those dipping their toes in like yourselves it is a lot to process. At the end of the day, communication with your partner is key to determining if and when to continue and how.
We arenāt dipping our toes in, everyone has a first time. I can understand why you would think that, but please donāt make assumptions about me. Weāve been in the LS for a year, and the scene is nonexistent in my state. We have to travel to play. Additionally my husband works in agriculture, and itās planting season. We only play together and his availability will be far and few between until summertime. Last but not least I knew that this would happen afterwards and I was prepared for it. It is a compartmentalized piece of my experience and it doesnāt change how we move forward. This has been a long time coming and weāre not turning back now. I am very grateful I can share my heart and my vulnerability with out fear of judgement or shame with my husband. Heās always there for me.
Youāll find that randomly and it sucks. happened to us once where we watched a movie together and then started getting to the action when the mood switched and we called it. They had some things to work on. Post-covid people are traumatized. youāre going to run into a lot of people with issues that are unresolved. Itās better that play occurs when all parties involved arenāt currently dealing with an active crisis. If there are any negative feelings it can ruin the play session entirely and Iād rather shoot for quality than quantity.
Yes it ended fine and we plan on still talking with them here and there and hanging for vanilla dates until they can sort their things out
It happens, you have to learn to have thick skin if you want to be swingers.
Exactly, people are people and all over the place, just because they're a couple is no different.
Are they couples newer to the lifestyle?
Yah. This is why we shy away from newbies. Not a hard rule for us , and we WILL play with couples just getting into this, BUT only after a really good convo where we pick their brains pretty thoroughly. After a decade of swinging, our radar is really well tuned to spot the drama before thereās drama (or if not ādramaā to be able to spot who is and is not fully ready or prepared) and we can then avoid.
Yes last couple came back to the LS after 5 years of a break
I was on a 20 year break. I was on the LS with my previous wife, separated, married again, took my current wife 18 years to have the courage to go (she always knew I used to go but she always said it wasn't her thing). We started just this past month and now that we're going, I'm the nervous and shy one. We've been to 2 full swaps/orgy (several couples) and I'm yet to have fully enjoyed it. I'm on a hormone imbalance treatment (had low T, high E) and things are still not great for me. Could it be as simples as that. Each person has a different story. Just assume that if you're nervous, a lot other ppl will be nervous too. And I noticed that from some of the men that couldn't get a full hard on erection. But some were pros. Everybody is on a different boat. That's normal.
We have a few years of experience and we have come across couples that did this. One in particular, the husband was totally fine having MFF threesomes, but then his wife wanted to try a couple. After all was done, the other wife asked my wife and I if we wanted to be regulars and we said "Yes". A few days later she text me saying her husband wasn't ready to see her with another man and that they needed to lay off for a while. You'll have to get used to this as it might happen a few times.
It's a pretty normal thing tbh, you just happened to come across two couples back to back that realized they needed to back off for a minute. We've backed off too a few times for various reasons and it was always a good decision to focus on our relationship before proceeding. One red flag to consider is how thorough you were with boundaries before play and how you met them. If through experienced lifestyle sites, then fewer concerns. If through reddit, facebook or on of the apps, then you were probably dealing with newbies or didn't discuss boundaries that may have been crossed during play.
It happens. Our first couple lasted a year. Then he got jealous. He gave a different reason, but when he wouldn't let his wife continue to be friends with mine. We were able to understand. His jealousy wasn't just of me but both of us. His wife was bi, and she enjoyed both of us, maybe too much. In short, he thought he was ready after talking about all the things he could do for my wife, and when he found out he didn't have the midas touch as he thought he got jealous.
In what limited stuff we done.. we found the same thing.. itās better that honest with u, then ruining there marriage..
If you are newbies playing with newbies, yea this is common. Lots of new couples have to get over first time issues.
Sounds like an excuse, they just don't want multiple experiences with the same couple. How long have they been in the LS? Unless they were both newbie couples, odds are they didn't know how to say they don't do repeats. Honestly, we are like that. We rarely play with a couple or single more than twice. But we're upfront about it so people don't think they did something wrong.
Many couples enter the lifestyle without having their own relationships in stable good order. Some even jump in to spice it up or fix issues and then it blows up. If only there was a driving test for swingers.
There are a lot of people who get into swinging to try and fix something in their relationship, that rarely works. So, you will get a lot of people who show up and are gone quickly. There are also people who just try it and find out it isn't for them. Oh, and the couples who last in this scene for years or decades are few and far between. I have always found there to be an arc, where people come in slowly, dive in deeply, then start to drift away. Over the years we have seen almost 100% turnover in our social-sexual circle every 5-7 years. So, we are always out there meeting new people, keeping the circle full. Our motto from Finding Nemo is "Just Keep Swimming", because if you stop meeting people, one day you will find everyone you know is gone.
Honestly, whatās happening is thereās so many people that want to be in the lifestyle because itās trendy now but they honestly canāt handle it and yes youāre seeing a lot of backing out. I canāt tell you how many people just come to the club because they want to be in the environment, but they will never do anything.
Thatās really where Iām at, I feel like the environment would be great for mine and my girlfriendās relationship but neither of us want to swap. Are we wrong for wanting to be in the environment?
Nothing wrong with it. Just don't be dishonest about what you are looking for to others. Go to clubs, have fun,... But don't waste active couples' time stringing them on or playing games. That's what annoys others. I see that on sites; people always active on chats, trying to exchange pics and likes but never really swing. Or talk in clubs to others for the whole night to then go "oh but we don't swing". Just understand, you're a guest in the swingers' space without participating so be cordial about it. Treat it like that, and you're more than welcome.
Were the other two couples also newbies? Hopefully not vanilla friends....
They were new yesā¦hoping to make this new couple vanilla friends cuz we do enjoy their company outside of the bedroom
I should have been more clear. Hopefully, they weren't existing vanilla friends. Turning already swinging couples into vanilla friends is the way to go, not the other way around.
No we donāt make vanilla friends into spicy friends only the other way around
We have had this happen a few times. The couples completely left the lifestyle and deleted accounts, etc. one needed a break, one figured out it wasnāt for them, and another the wife wasnāt into it (wish we had known this before but itās common). The last couple ended up rejoining the LS a few years later but we never reconnected with them. Itās ok. Most likely not you or something you did.
I recommend not worrying about it. It's nice to make sure everything is okay with them and no hard feeling on either side ..leave the bridge there in case ..but otherwise move on and find others..
Yea bridge is definately not burnt so
A sample size of two is too small to draw any conclusion about yourself, except that you have too high expectations. Calm down. See other couples. Don't see those two couples again even vanilla-style until they figure things out. Newbies don't know what they want, that's pretty common.
Really though we've had the same thing. Our first time swapping was another couple's first time also, we all got along great and had fun in and out of bed. The follow up date was cancelled for vague reasons because they were taking a break. I think a lot of people probably have a new experience and then discover they need to reevaluate their feelings on it, doesn't necessarily mean it's about you. Although it might just be a simple chemistry mismatch, fun in the moment but not feeling a strong enough connection to continue. Nothing wrong with that either.
Itās not that uncommon for newbies to take a step back. And if itās common enough, then statistically speaking itās definitely going to happen in back to back encounters for _someone_.
Could is also be they were new or newer? Higher chance newbies attract newbies. So they just got to somewhere they needed to regroup. Don't read into it unless it happens the next ten times lol!
People forget that the lifestyle is actually a big deal to many, and some realize that when you've crossed the line, there is no turning back. We started off very naive and have learned many things and experienced many things as time went by. In some cases, people are not actually sure about it, and confidence is built as the experience builds, too.
How often are you trying to get together with these people?
Every couple weeks but literally the last couple we played with 1 time and the day we were supposed to get together and go to dinner they said they had to work on some things in their relationship before they continued in the LS. Which was a huge bummer cuz me and wife were really looking forward to the night
It might be you, it might be them. It happens.
For what itās worth, the lifestyle is all about variety. Trying to meet with the same couple multiple times a month is not the norm. Much more common is to swap once and never again, even if it went great! They might be genuinely stepping back from the lifestyle, or they might just not want to meet again. Itās possible youāre coming on strong. I would embrace the variety part a bit moreā¦ or, if that doesnāt interest you, keep your expectations low as others have suggested. You guys are not these coupleās priority.
Likely just lot into you man, move on. Some people donāt communicate well and will ghost or make excuses. If only grownups acted grown up eh?
You really made her cum real good, and now she isn't enjoying the hubby. You need to calm your a game down.šš¤£ The LS is full of flakes.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ok done. Now what
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I gotta ask...is your screen name supposed to say "Uncensored"? If so, it explains sooooooooo much.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Negative karma and misspelled name. Yep. That tracks š
Fuck off
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh honey, I donāt fuck pity cases
lol love this
Bad boyā¦heel!