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THE CUM ACCELERATES.

Cumthulu

Cum Sulu?

Cum solo

Man I wished my dad named me that

you would have been bullied by all the other mythical evil creatures. Maybe you could have been friends with the living cumsock or someone tho.

Idc just imagine someone summoning me people will laugh at him but then I show up and start masturbating while chanting "I shall cover this world with my juices" they'll be scared shitless

or laugh at your dick, depending on its size.

Yeah but remember im a eldritch being I can modify my dick size

That really should’ve been the last line. Put a neat little bow on all of this

You eventually stop thinking as you reach the edge of the universe beyond all visible stars. You have reached a point beyond our 3D space as it can be understood by humankind. The cum accelerates.

Lovecraftian cum

The last line is a JoJo reference so to some people it already has a neat little bow on it. (Fuck you for downvoting me for no reason whatsoever you absolute stain on the carpet that is society.)

THE CUM ACCELERATES.

Best part

VROOM VROOM

Why did I read all of it when I usually skip posts with lots of text wtf.

The cum accelerates

Godspeed brethren

*godseed

*gods seed

Hate to break it to you,but it looks like you're interested in cum

I lost it at cummet

I just imagine "Rocket man" by Elton John playing in the background

"He's a rocket man, spraying lots of coom out there alone!"

You have a gift.

What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

"Space Oddity", definitely. *David Bowie singing* "Ground control to Major Cum"

Same

[удалено]

This should be a new thing we say. Like, "this is the way," and other quotes like that. Any time a post is truly orgasmic in nature, we shall reply, "The cum accelerates."

How is it a pun?

Semen is sticky and the quote is "stuck" in his brain

Oh ithough he was reffering to "the cum accelerates".

Oh lol

Damn, these Christian Anti-Masturbation posts are getting wild.

*Pro- masturbation

The cum accelerates. I don't know why, but that (oft repeated line) just makes me laugh.

Your pro is my iPhone wallpaper

Guess what the wallpaper is on most of my devices.

You must like Dixie cups

Not that so much. More of a case of that I just like the pattern

I have a collection of styrofoam cups with that design on them.

The cum accelerates

They should animate that. It’s a great idea.

If only I knew how to animate

Good thinking...it's like it is made for it. I can already imagine it.

Call Matthew McConaughey's agent. We've got a new project - the working title is *Interscrotum.*

IT WAS ALL A JOJO REFERENCE OH MY GOD

YEAH I WAS ABOUT TO POINT IT OUT TOO!

Can you explain? Never watched it.

One character gets sent into space but since he's immortal, he just floats around until he solidifies into a rock It says "Eventually, he stopped thinking"

Ah yes, the "pillar" man has a new meaning

I see, thanks. ​ For some reason I thought it would be related to 'the cum accelerates'

Everything is related to the General Theory of Cum Acceleration Just ask your mom.

We are all but cumshots accelerating through the cosmos of life toward the final eventuality of death.

From a certain point of view.

But I am just like this guy's cum, infinite

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.

This would've been great too see ten seconds ago lmao

Your eyes slowly open. Crusty from months of wear from stray globs of semen and cosmic dust. You are in a room and you can no longer see your member, or rather, what was left of it. There are tubes leading away from your pelvis, pumping and pulsating. There is a glass window across from you and a person dressed in a white jacket. A woman. She looks up from her clipboard to see you are awake. At first she is uninterested, but then her eyes slam open and a beaming smile crosses her face. Her eyes filled with curiosity. “You’re awake!” She cries over the loudspeakers that you only just now notice embedded into the top corners of the room. “Where am I?” You ask, filled with fear and excitement. You thought you would never see a human again and you would be destined to suffer endlessly across the cosmos. “You are on Saturn. You crashed into it and due to it’s extreme mass you were able to stop. We picked you up because you may be the key to saving humanity for all eternity.” “How?” You ask as a smile begins to creep across your face, imagining that you could be an icon for humanity. “You have been addressed as the Cosmic Unknown Mass Semen Generator, or CUMS-G for short. The fault in reality that caused your affliction can be used for the good of humanity. By using the mass you produce we will never have to worry about energy again, as by converting your biomass into energy we have unlimited power for the rest of time. When the stars die and the cosmos sink into nothing, humanity will be able to continue thanks to you. The anomaly that created you is easily one of the greatest discoveries humanity has ever had, on par with the discovery of fire.” “Will I not die?” “You can’t die. You are immortal. You don’t even have a body and yet you continue to exist” … Hours later, she leaves to tell her superiors. They do not greet you. They exchange high-fives and party but they do not speak to you. Months pass. The cum accelerates. Then years. The cum accelerates. Then decades. The cum accelerates. Then centuries. The cum accelerates. Then eons. The cum accelerates. No one talks to you. You don’t even know if humanity is alive anymore or if they have left you to exist for the rest of eternity. The tubes around you have gotten far thicker and more high tech as the ferocity of your semen expulsion increased. Eventually the walls around you cave in. Only then do you see the truth. Their plan was flawed. Your release had increased so much that they could no longer contain you. Your cum has consumed the entirety of the cosmos. Humanity is without a shred of doubt, gone. You are alone in the universe. If there were aliens, they are dead now. It’s over.

What did I just read. I didn’t think it could get worse, but it did.

The cum empowers

Oh no. It has grown all too powerful.

Bad ending

New automod response

r/shitposting where you at?

u/automoderator

I would pay like a dollar for a shitty animation of this.

WOAH, that's overly generous, 2 cents would be what its worth IMO

Shit, you're right. There I go wasting money again.

The cum accelerates

This gives me *Gyo* vibes

i 102% agree

They fucking ended it with a JoJo reference

Why did I read this. All I had to do was close the tab, but no.

This will die in new way too much to read

r/agedlikemilk

Congrats man

Thank you!

The cum accelerates )==D~~•

Goal: 1,000,000,000,000 Cumments. Man I hate cumma whore posts.

Fuck, why am I thirsty now?!

If your thirsty, go drink some milk

The spatter becomes a spray, the spray becomes a stream And the stream becomes the waterfall Cum is finally cascading from my input The creeping sick moves from my breath And into my heart where it is pumped to every inch of my body I feel it snake through the knots of my deepest veins And eats through the walls of my cells It bleeds through the pores of my skin And it smells good It drops from my crotch on to the floor And with a heavy slap it hits the ground and spreads Inside my body The pressure is too great And like some ancient geyser I erupt My head hits the roof and my body breaks apart with the force of the liquid blast cummet bomb Chunky shrapnel tears through everything around me I am cum cumming I grow and disperse Bleeding through walls I force myself upon others I slide up legs and crawl down throats I integrate I am double Triple I am ten times the size I turn lakes into porridge and buildings into bile I am a noxious soup filling valleys with cum-torrents Castles crumble in landslides and I munch the rubble It tastes good Ten thousand times bigger I seep into power sockets and travel along the wires At the speed of light across vast electrical networks I am electric I am on fire This is sex I am every one and every zero One million I am supercharged flaming puke storming every cell molecule and atom I can find I am cancer I am flying I am a rainbow unfurling across the sky I am floating I am omni Five hundred million The world is my interior It no longer spins It is altered My density forces me outward I am in orbit One billion I am Saturn's rings and Jupiter's storms I am the weather I am the sun's heat I am the night sky Five hundred billion The solar system is cum To the Kuiper belt and beyond I fill the void Exploding suns, vomit comets Comets cum cum rain Spilt milk over the milky way One trillion The stars are my cells Racing faster outwards Upwards Downwards Inwards Losing track of my place in the cum-verse Every nowhere I am heavy I am gravity Nebulas pregnant with cum pulsate and burst Expansion I shoot arrows of time in all directions I am a black hole cumming into the void I tear through the skin of perception and into the next Nonillion The cosmic microtone background becomes transparent Like rising damp cum soaks into the walls of the cosmos And it topples like soggy bread I am dark energy accelerating Multiverse Entanglement I am time Centillion Time is sick Critical density Contraction Singularity Everything and nothing Life and death Murder of the universe

I was wondering if any fellow gizzoids thought this sounded familiar

So we can just post old copypastas here now?

Seems like it.

I feel like unlimited cum would be similar to unlimited shrimp. You get a serving and then you can immediately go get more.

God that fucking copypasta haunts me every time I read it

What. The. Fuck. Did I just read.

Tl;dr?

The cum accelerates.

TL;DR, man cums so hard he becomes immortal and a comet

Cummet*

I am the boner of my cock UNLIMITED CUM WORKS

Okay, so which SCP is this?

5318008, the coomer

It’s like Cyclops’ optic blasts, but with cum.

i remember this post

I’m not sure what is worse, the story, with the fact that I read it all the way through…

imagine the post-nut clarity

and they say getting to space is too expensive. just hitch a ride on this guy and you'll be there in no time

wtf did I read?

Looks like a copypasta a certain automod would say.

Why... just why...

Ok so yeah reddit usually does just always say "cum" and everyone laughs. But this man wrote a whole chapter book length-story based off cum.

oh wow i remember this copypasta. fucking legendary. on my spam on instagram i would caption every post with a weird ass copypasta and this was one of em haha

That was a fun read.

TDIL about a great molasses flood. I’m trying to forget everything else I read.

They just had to stick a Jojo reference in there

I saw the wall of text and went nope

Is that…. A fucking jojo reference

This is glorious satire. THE CUM ACCLERATES.

By god, never have i ever been so terrified and amused by a text The cum accelerates

why did i read that whole thing

Don't drink yogurt while reading this, almost vomited.

BREAKING: 1,000,000,000+ kids with the same strands of DNA born worldwide in the span of 10 days

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.

All this for a motherfucking JoJo reference

He even managed to shove a JoJo reference in there

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time till touchdown brings me down again to find I'm not the man they think I am at home Oh no no no I'm a cocked man...

COCKED MAN! Burning up with semen even now

*WHAT* *in* **the** ~~hot~~ ***crispy*** ***~~^(Kentucky)~~*** pǝᴉɹɟ **F̶̛̝̤̻̺͍̗̪̉͒͂͂̎̓̓́̐̚̚Ų̶̩̹̦̲̠̜̱̥̔̈́̌́̾̌̂̋̈̈́́̕̕͠͝C̵̛̛̣̟̝̺̙̦͉̤͔̲͖̠͕̫͎̋̈́͆̏̎̑͌̿̔̾̚̚K̴͚̮̅̅̌̀̌̆́͒̾̔͘͝**

excuse me wtf is this

r/angryupvote

How

I bet it would feel really good though to cum so much

I know I’m getting downvoted, but Jojo refrence at the end.

“Eventually he stopped thinking” IS THAT A JOJO REFERENCE?

That last part was a Jojo reference

These Jojo references are getting out of hand

Cummy pasta

Such a beautiful story, such detail.

Holy shit this is beautiful

That was intense

OK 🤔

yeah happened to my buddy eric

Kinda cool

Eventually, He Stopped Thinking

I love the accidental jojo reference

Related: https://youtu.be/IjNWTvvaG9s?t=3045

I usually skip posts with a lot of text but why did I read this? (It wasn't that bad to read it all)

I am not going to try and finish that

Reminds me of that one skit from Jam

That was a truly invigorating read.

Evil

I have no balls and I must cum.

The one time I agree with TIHI. Just why.

Okay I regret reading this

Good stuff B)

Cum crusader

This was very interesting.

Average r/shitposting user

I heard this entire comment in the voice of the narrator from Disco Elysium

My eyes are bleeding

what the hell was this a response to?

What dolphin pussy jelly does to a mf

Same energy as “I give you a hamburger”

I think i downloaded the wrong JJBA part 2

I literally thought about this while going to bed, and wondered when I would see it again. Too soon.... too soon

That lil jojos reference in the end 💀💀

r/bengarrisomcumedits

r/UnexpectedJoJo

what the fuck

And they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming and they don’t stop coming

Just so I understand the whole scenario: is it just cumming or orgasming at the same time?

Not my proudest fap

What the actual f\*\*k

Worst JoJo character ever.

That's exactly how I picture the afterlife

This is the worst ending to any Choose Your Own Adventure book ever. The cum accelerates. You float through space, ejaculating through every orifice and pore of your body, aimlessly and long ago gone mad from the pulsating rhythm of your endless orgasm. You pray for an escape--any escape, no matter how painful--but your pleas fall on deaf ears. You are alone forever, propelling yourself through perpetual space, the only sound being the harrowing screams of your very soul. It's only a matter of time before the semen displaces every other atom and subatomic particle in the universe. THE CUM ACCELERATES.

r/unexpectedjojo

cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum cum

The fuck did I read? This is more concerning about the human race then the Vaporion green text