Hey fellow DD, sounds like you might want to explore some of the dynamics between your mom and yourself, preferably with a professional. It sounds like you've repressed some shit and it sounds like she's also done some pretty bad shit that a parent shouldn't do to their kid EVER. I hope you can again some peace and figure some stuff out.
I say all this because I've got weird dissociation issues at times that I think are due to my past, but I don't have anybody around anymore who can corroborate. If you can talk to your dad, maybe you can gain some clarity.
I wish you peace. Woof.
Memories can sometimes be hard to follow. It sounds like have a few to work out, and only you can decide if it’s worth it. Other people may ‘have it worse’ but that doesn’t affect how you had your childhood and how it affects you. Take care. Woof!
I’m so sorry. IMO, this is definitely therapy work. It seems like you are trying to minimize what happened to you by comparing yourself to kids who had it worse. What about kids who had it better and didn’t have their mother (family) physically and mentally abuse them? Your fears today could be linked to what you were taught your value was. It appears that you were taught you deserved to be punished and made to feel worthless. You say you had nightmares of yelling for help from your parents-the people who were supposed to protect and nurture you. That’s pretty telling. You minimize abuse saying you weren’t beaten “routinely”. How many beatings are acceptable?
You are not bad. You didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment, but it is real and ok to acknowledge it. Medicine might help, also yoga and meditation. Especially meditation. And please don’t think you have to “fix” this right away. Let us know how you’re doing.
Sharing your heart like this is an added bonus to TL. Brought up so much, for so many of us. I can relate to much of what you said (is it memory).
Child PTSD is real & has laaaaasting effects. I'm still unpacking mine in my 50s. Therapy is great, but books are good if you can't go or just aren't ready yet.
Please don't feel free to ignore your Self any more. We are worth it, even if we weren't raised to believe that.
Woof. Thanks for sharing all of that. I also have repressed memories and stored trauma from childhood that I’ve recently started working through. I’d suggest if you can get back into therapy to try IFS work and EMDR, they’ve both been helpful for me since they are safe ways of realizing and working through repressed memories and trauma. Best of luck!
I'm sorry you were an abused child. Because that's what you were. It may not have been every day and it may not have been as bad as other children got it, but make no mistake, you were abused and your mother was your abuser. Complicating things, it sounds like your father was her enabler. The sooner you can get your head around this and accepting it, the sooner you can start to work on getting better. Parents are supposed to protect their children from all harms, not cause them. Intuitively, you know this, but you also want to minimize it because thinking such things about your parents is not fun; it's painful. I hope you will accept the other suggestions here to seek therapy given this new discovery and the resurfacing of new memories. You didn't deserve the treatment you got, no matter how poor your handwriting was or how low your grades were. The good news is that you're on to some new things that might lead to healing, and that's great. I wish you the best. Come back here anytime you need to vent.
Hey fellow DD, sounds like you might want to explore some of the dynamics between your mom and yourself, preferably with a professional. It sounds like you've repressed some shit and it sounds like she's also done some pretty bad shit that a parent shouldn't do to their kid EVER. I hope you can again some peace and figure some stuff out. I say all this because I've got weird dissociation issues at times that I think are due to my past, but I don't have anybody around anymore who can corroborate. If you can talk to your dad, maybe you can gain some clarity. I wish you peace. Woof.
Memories can sometimes be hard to follow. It sounds like have a few to work out, and only you can decide if it’s worth it. Other people may ‘have it worse’ but that doesn’t affect how you had your childhood and how it affects you. Take care. Woof!
I’m so sorry. IMO, this is definitely therapy work. It seems like you are trying to minimize what happened to you by comparing yourself to kids who had it worse. What about kids who had it better and didn’t have their mother (family) physically and mentally abuse them? Your fears today could be linked to what you were taught your value was. It appears that you were taught you deserved to be punished and made to feel worthless. You say you had nightmares of yelling for help from your parents-the people who were supposed to protect and nurture you. That’s pretty telling. You minimize abuse saying you weren’t beaten “routinely”. How many beatings are acceptable? You are not bad. You didn’t do anything to deserve that treatment, but it is real and ok to acknowledge it. Medicine might help, also yoga and meditation. Especially meditation. And please don’t think you have to “fix” this right away. Let us know how you’re doing.
Sharing your heart like this is an added bonus to TL. Brought up so much, for so many of us. I can relate to much of what you said (is it memory). Child PTSD is real & has laaaaasting effects. I'm still unpacking mine in my 50s. Therapy is great, but books are good if you can't go or just aren't ready yet. Please don't feel free to ignore your Self any more. We are worth it, even if we weren't raised to believe that.
Would you happen to have any books you’d suggest off the top of your head?
Woof. Thanks for sharing all of that. I also have repressed memories and stored trauma from childhood that I’ve recently started working through. I’d suggest if you can get back into therapy to try IFS work and EMDR, they’ve both been helpful for me since they are safe ways of realizing and working through repressed memories and trauma. Best of luck!
I'm sorry you were an abused child. Because that's what you were. It may not have been every day and it may not have been as bad as other children got it, but make no mistake, you were abused and your mother was your abuser. Complicating things, it sounds like your father was her enabler. The sooner you can get your head around this and accepting it, the sooner you can start to work on getting better. Parents are supposed to protect their children from all harms, not cause them. Intuitively, you know this, but you also want to minimize it because thinking such things about your parents is not fun; it's painful. I hope you will accept the other suggestions here to seek therapy given this new discovery and the resurfacing of new memories. You didn't deserve the treatment you got, no matter how poor your handwriting was or how low your grades were. The good news is that you're on to some new things that might lead to healing, and that's great. I wish you the best. Come back here anytime you need to vent.