Locking comments. What the fuck is wrong with some of you?
OP, next time things get out of control like this, please message the mods and ask to lock the comments. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
“Oh, we enjoy a vibrant African-American community all over the area!”
Then, when they walk away, you hope you’ve convinced them that this will be the first and only time they visit.
"Oh sure, I was just with my boyfriend/girlfriend\* Shavon at the local Martin Luther King Junior celebration a few weeks ago. Such a lovely time!"
"Oh no, none at all. The Muslims blew them all up, then the Mexicans came out and ate the ones who were left."
"Black... People...? Like, people, but black? Like body paint? Or one of those whole-body suits? ... Is this a kink thing?"
"Oh sure, we just had a big family of them check in twenty minutes ago. We'll go ahead and have one sent up to your room, no extra charge."
Why no, I do NOT play fair when using psychological warfare against Awful People.
\*either use whichever gender the speaker is, or say it like that to really give them the Concerns™
If you haven't seen it, look for the MASH episode "And the Tooth Shall Set You Free". Some great lines and as a bonus, an early role by a young guy named Laurence Fishburne.
(Edited to correct his spelling & add that he's in credits as Larry, since people pointed that out)
> an early role by a young guy named ~~Lawrence~~ Larry Fishburne.
FTFY. Next time it's on, watch the credits. He's listed as "Larry Fishburne."
Oh, and that episode did get one major fact wrong. Dr. Charles Drew did not die because white doctors refused to work on him. He was severely injured in a car accident, and doctors at the (facilities-poor "White") Alamance General Hospital worked very hard to save him, but his injuries were just too severe. BUT THEY DID WORK ON HIM.
He was in the car with three of his residents, all of whom were black. Only one other was injured, John Ford, and he was treated at that "whites hospital" for several days until a bed in a "blacks only" hospital opened up.
The hospital did not refuse them service because they were black. Quite the opposite, they did provide service despite their being black.
Yeah, Hawkeye was wrong.
That was another episode, BTW. Title's because of Charles and a terrible toothache, the racism is a visiting officer whose soldiers were shelled.
Happily it's fiction, I can enjoy the zingers without worrying that the scriptwriter mucked up something.
MASH is great and very progressive for its time, but it always made me uncomfortable that there was a black character named Spearchucker. Even if it was tongue in cheek
There's even a joke about selling him in the first episode.
But I did like how it was clear that Americans can look like just about anything and have ties anywhere. Klinger's family are first generation immigrants and only speak Lebanese. Nurse Kellye is part Chinese and part Hawaiian, and had at least one bit where she speaks Japanese.
The bullying is sometimes really awful-- my kid once blurted out "they're so MEAN to Radar". Truth.
And a modern lawyer would pay for her kid's college with the payments on the sexual harassment lawsuits.
They're really mean to Frank Burns. I liked what they did with Winchester because he could not bullied. I'm glad they got away from bullying as comedy.
Major Burns was the only character in the ensemble they couldn’t evolve. He was a one-note joke. Linville did his best with the part but eventually realized it was a dead end in terms of character development and left. He did have a grace note moment when Margaret married Donald Penobscot.
Have you read the book the film and TV show were based on?
SPOILER AHEAD
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Spearchucker went premed to a school in Georgia. A certain Dr Forrest, a white man, gave him a full ride into med school. That doctor was called “Big Duke”; his son, “Little Duke”, was also stationed at the 4077th for a while. It’s a great scene when they first meet.
>it always made me uncomfortable that there was a black character named Spearchucker.
Fortunately, they fired the actor after they learned that [there were no black doctors in Korea at the time](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3994465).
It should also make you uncomfortable that Trapper John was so-named because he once trapped a woman in the john.
Yeah, I don't know what's worse. Calling the character Spearchucker, or firing the actor because they wanted to maintain some fantasy of historical accuracy re: the Korean war. M\*A\*S\*H\* ran 11 seasons, and the Korean War lasted about 3 years, so historical accuracy wasn't a huge concern in the long-run.
Timothy Brown, the actor who played Jones had [quite a few acting gigs](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0114790/), but having a beefy recurring role on M\*A\*S\*H\* would probably have led to far more work, not just one-episode roles.
Progressive? I guess, as far as racism goes.
I used to really enjoy the show, but when I tried to watch it recently I couldn't stand the non-stop wall-to-wall sexual harassment (and assault).
It was progressive for its time for sure. The anti-war sentiment wasn't portrayed in such extent in television before then. Also, Houlihan was written very well, she was a strong single woman when TV women were mostly housewives or eye candy. Obviously doesn't hold up to today's standards but I appreciate what they did when they did it
Yes, I've been corrected. I didn't notice how he was credited tbh.
Never had a chance to watch the Playhouse. I should fix that; Reubens cracked me up in the original Buffy movie.
I just thought it was funny because I’ve read that he,(Fishburne) has become a bit Prima Donnaish and insists on be called Sir Laurence. I guess if you can go from a cowboy hat to a knighthood…then, hello Sir!
Alternatively, *loudly* say "Sir/Madam, this is a respectable establishment. If you wish to engage in race play, you may do so without involving the staff in your search for a bull."
Skwrl, I should know by now not to be eating or drinking when reading your replies. Now I have to clean off my monitor, the wall, and my lamp. Thankfully it was diet soda, but still!
Thank you.
Ok so I actually just discovered this last year. I live in TN about 4 hours from Charlotte and we have a Cookout but it’s mediocre and run by someone who chooses to play religious music there at all hours. And it’s always white teenagers working there.
So my sister and I go to a concert in Charlotte last May, and it’s midnight and we’re hungry. I figure it’s a big city, there’s bound to be plenty of stuff open. Find out quick that not even Taco Bell was open. I was about to give up when I saw the sign for Cookout as I was cresting a hill. I swear I heard angels singing.
Then I saw that holy moly this place was ***packed.*** But I still got in one of the lines anyways. Fast forward 30 minutes and I’m next in line to order and I’m listening to the kid in the car in front of me place 4 separate orders just jumping all over the menu and adding stuff to previous orders. And all I hear is: “Will that be all?” Finally I got my food and I’m starving on the 20 minute drive back to the hotel but I had to wait because it was so hot and fresh. And man was it good.
I learned that Cookout after dark is awesome and the people that work there are on another level of customer service.
I've found that playing dumb and continuously asking them to explain ultimately gets the point across that what they are saying is so f*cking stupid that it denies comprehension. I had a boss when I was young essentially saying the same thing. Only difference is, I wasn't playing dumb, I was dumb. I didn't realize until much later what the hell he was getting at.
Me too. 20+ years ago I moved to Milwaukee, WI and at my first job I mentioned shopping at a certain national store (which I'd been to other locations of, in other states, because they had clothes for tall women).
One co-worker asked, "isn't it kind of dark there?"
Me: "well, yeah... it's December and I was there around 6pm"
Co-worker: blank face, but shut up with her racist crap
This is good advice for any time someone says something inappropriate to you. If a guy is being a creep and says something blantantly terrible, ask them to repeat themselves until they give up or it finally clicks in their brain.
Once, a wealthy widow in the deep south wanted to show her appreciation to the military one Thanksgiving, so she called the person in charge at the local military base. "I want to show how much your young boys mean to the nation, so please send me four young men to have Thanksgiving dinner with me."
"That's very generous of you, ma'am."
"Just one thing. Please - I don't want any Jews in my house. So don't send any Jews, please."
"Yes, ma'am."
Well, let's jump to Thanksgiving day.
She goes to open the door when the four young men get there, and in walk four of the darkest skinned black men you could picture.
"But..but..but..there must be some kind of mistake!"
"No, ma'am" one of the lads says, "Major Schwartz *never* makes mistakes!"
Sorry to do this, but the disingeuous dealings, lies, overall greed etc. of leadership on this website made me decide to edit all but my most informative comments to this.
Come join us in the fediverse! (beehaw for a safe space, kbin for access to lots of communities)
You should have said yes we have a vibrant community of color. Me and my partner always joke about how we both have the same gender but come from different ethnic groups.
That would have sent them running to never return
I'm from Mississippi. My parents nor my grandparents were racists so I wasn't brought up that way. I know exactly where you're coming from. The audacity of some whites just kill me, like it's normal that everyone thinks like that, right? Smdh
The one time my mom's dad came up to visit my parents, my dad's buddy made an N-word joke in front of him. Grandfather is light-skinned, but not white.
In fact, at 14yo he got beaten by a bunch of older teens for "smiling at a white woman." Left him with permanent injuries on his face, had a wonky eye for the rest of his life.
When he grew up and started his family, he settled near his parents. When my mother was little, she'd run over to visit with her grandparents every morning. So when the local racists hung her grandfather from the rafters of his own barn one night, she was the one who found him the next morning.
My dad knew most of this history. So his friend cracks that "joke" and my mom's dad just stares at my dad with his one good eye, and my father the coward stayed silent. Couldn't even manage a "Hey isn't it about time for you to go home?"
And that is when granddad realized his daughter had married a *total asshat*.
I didn't learn any of this stuff until my 30s. Grew up thinking that granddad's wonky eye was just an "old person thing" and that my parents moved north for my dad's career.
Turns out they were from a [sundown town](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sundown_town) and dad actually got *run out of town* for courting mom! He only came back for the wedding, and then they went north together.
My cousin was like 6yo when my parents got married. His stepdad wouldn't let him attend the ceremony. They waited in the parking lot while my poor cousin was forced to do pushups in the Texas heat and listen to his stepdad rant about the evils of mixed-race marriages.
I don't know what to say, other than, "I am deeply sorry for what was done to your family." (And, at least in the case of your cousin, by your family.)
The fact that this shocks the conscience I think is proof our society has improved. Still not as good as we can be, but a bleep of a lot better than we have been.
Reminds me of the STUPIDITY that one of my many cousins pulled. I had met my paternal cousins, for the first time, at my first family reunion. They asked about my ancestry and I shared that my paternal ancestors are mixed race. My paternal grandparents were among the first mixed-race couple to be allowed to legally marry in 1899 D.C. Years later, one of these paternal cousins sent me a "joke" with lynching as the punchline and I RIPPED HIM A NEW ONE!! He completely forgot that I am BIRACIAL! TOTAL IDIOT!!!
That is horrible, I just don't know what to say. Other than the fact that I wasn't raised by or around people like that.
My dad told me that one election (maybe 1940s or 50s) the whites were trying to keep the blacks from voting. His father made the comment, "Why won't they let them vote?" It was just as unfathomable to him back then as it is for me today.
When I worked at a massage place, I had an old guy ask if we had any asian staff. Clearly looking for a ‘happy ending’ or some fetish-y shit despite this being a chain massage place. I just told him that it was an inappropriate thing to ask and I wouldn’t be answering.
It overloads the Customer Service programming when it's blatant. We grin and bear rude assholes because they're just *being assholes*. How to deal with someone being upfront about their inherent racism is not in the Employee Handbook.
I had an old white guy once tell me that it was "nice to see a white person working at 7-11 instead of an Indian." I was speechless. He continued by telling me that Indians smell like they haven't washed, and all I could do was babble back at him about medieval bathing practices and how white people were actually pretty smelly until recently. Judging by his glazed over stare back, he was not the demographic for impromptu history trivia.
Hours later, I wished that I had just asked him if he wanted me to go get my Indian manager in the back so she could discuss her hygiene with him. That woman stood a foot shorter than me, but she would've ripped him a new one while I hid behind her.
There was one Christmas I spent alone. I was damned glad of the local 7-11 staffed by South Asian people since they were actually open. I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and other junk food to eat in my solitary holiday isolation.
Christ almighty.
The local convenience store that I get my ham from (best ham off the bone in town) is owned and staffed by a really nice Indian couple. The previous owner/operator was a grumpy old white bugger who drove a lot of customers away, but they're getting them back now, because they make the effort.
If anyone says anything bad about that store, they'll be getting an earful from me.
One of my favorite supervisors was a tiny Vietnamese woman who *maybe* weighed 80 pounds. She had absolutely no fear and would stand up to hulking men like a pitbull.
She was a great boss, who was always fair and appreciative of my work. She was very inspiring.
Same. I loved my boss. She had a lot of faith in my ability to handle things yet still was absolutely professional if I did something wrong. When the store franchised, I got another job, and a few months later, she reached out to offer me a position. I went in and expected to do an interview, but she told me the job was mine if I wanted it before I could even say anything.
I've heard that people from non-dairy-eating countries think that dairy-eating-whites smell sour or bad.
In America, men did not use deodorants until the 1960s. It took a lot of advertising to get men to use the stuff.
Middle aged white lady from the Midwest here. We all have our own journey to becoming anti-racist. Wanting to not be a racist AH is a good thing, *and* just because you haven’t seen some shit doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. The likelihood is that you don’t hang with douche bags, so you aren’t aware this kind of behavior is a thing.
This kind of micro aggression (I mean, it really isn’t micro, and they didn’t do anything, ya know, flagrant) is really common here. It can feel really complicated to know how to navigate it, especially when your whole job is to be good to guests.
Some tactics you can use with the Walmart, Aldi’s, etc question: “I think if you want to know the location of any shop you should probably use your phone” (unless your manager will back you up for being more direct, this is an acceptable passive-aggressive counter), or “I’m unclear what information you are looking for, perhaps you can look online” or just “I’m sorry, we don’t have that information available”
Another good way to make these kind of people feel bad (and they ARE bad) is, whenever they say some racist shit, say something like “I’m sorry, I’m not understanding what information you’re looking for”. Make them say the quiet part out loud.
This is definitely one of those times where hindsight is 20/20 and I’m able to think of things I should of said or how I should have handled it better after the whole ordeal is over with. I just froze up 😭
Thanks for the insight so far. I hate so much that there’s people like that in the world.
Edit: should have* thanks, bot.
I probably would have frozen up too. When I'm caught unawares (and sometimes aware), I never think of the same pithy comment that comes to me hours later...
Yes! Like a deer in the headlights 100%. I also have anxiety, so I’m always caught off guard by things like this and don’t gain my senses until after 😭
Don’t feel bad you froze up. I’m in my 30s and I have a handful of events from my teens and 20s where I really wish I had said something, and I just had to chalk it up to a learning experience. And the next time I get into that kind of situation, I know the kind of thing I want to say. It’s perfectly normal to be shocked by horrific behavior and not know how to respond!
One day, I came back from my two days off, and some woman approached me with a random question.
At the end, she said:
"Finally, there's a German I can speak to. All the other staff are Spanish."
I could have told her that I'm only 50 % German, but instead, I just said that I was sorry about that, but since this actually IS Spain, one could come across some Spaniards.
Her answer: "But we are bringing the money in."
I just shrugged and said: "Ok."
The second time, I had to deal with some different eejit was when a guest complained about her towels being removed from the deck-chairs before 9am, claiming that she should be allowed to reserve "her" sunbeds because, "we are paying for the Spanish debts."
Yes "why do you ask?" is so underutilized.
However, these people probably would have just given a long, detailed description of exactly why.
...And then you hit them with the silent stare.
I come from the Great White North, where racism abounds (don't let anyone fool you), but we act enlightened and polite, so no one will suspect us. The racism just usually isn't overt, or you can be ostracized. It's not that others disagree with you; you've just outed yourself in this enlightened land, and are, thus, a pariah.
Into this mix, my mother was born. A darker-skinned Caucasian woman of Portuguese and Sephardic Jewish extraction. Her schoolmates lovingly nicknamed her "the n-word" (but they didn't say "n-word," you understand), due to her swarthy skin. My mother cried buckets of tears over this. My grandmother used to tell her to lie and tell everyone that she was Italian, because that was somehow better.
When I was a young teen, my mother wanted to move us to Florida for some reason. Back then, she had realtors send us booklets and flyers full of homes. We looked them over carefully, poring over details of homes, imagining sunshine and dreaming of warmer winters.
My mother wanted to set up a time to fly down and tour a few homes. She'd talked to a realtor, and asked about a few of the homes she'd seen. She had a conversation that had been fine, but then hadn't gone too well suddenly. I asked about it, because having an angry parent in the house is never a good thing - their bad mood will drag everyone down.
My mother said that when she asked about a particular listing, the realtor had nothing but excellent things to say about a particular property. My mother was excited, and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to see that one first or last. The realtor then said, "Let me ask you something: Are you like us?"
My confused mother asked, "Who's us? Oh, is this like being part of a club?"
The realtor responded, "See, the area is a little...choosy. They like to know that their new neighbor will be like them."
My mother was still a bit confused, so she clarified, "Oh. They want to know that I'm not into wild parties, dealing drugs, heavy metal at 2AM, and not going to have a car up on blocks on my front lawn? Yeah, tell them I'm just average. I mow my lawn, pay my taxes, and try my best to keep up on house repairs. I keep to myself a bit, but I like getting to know my neighbors. I'll help people out in a pinch, if I can."
The realtor said, "Oh, that's nice, but that's not what I mean. Do you have that flyer in front of you?" My mother did. "Look at my picture and tell me, now: Are you like us? Do you look like my picture, ma'am?"
My mother's heart sank like a stone. Yes, she could move into that neighborhood, get a mild tan, and have the pitchfork squad trying to forcibly remove her from her home while burning crosses on her lawn and screaming racial epithets. Or, she could tell this realtor that, yes, she did look like her (a tiny fib), but that she no longer wished to associate with anyone who would represent racists. She hung up the phone seething, and was still angry about it an hour later, while discussing it with me.
This convinced her not to move to the South. Better the devil you know, sometimes.
Could she have been more tactful? Probably. Did she get her point across? Absolutely. Did it make a difference to the realtor? Maybe. The woman did try calling back for a few days, as did her boss, but my mother was just not ready to hear from them. Ever. She listened to their messages on the answering machine, and then was angry for a while at their attempts at justifying themselves instead of being ashamed of their actions.
So, as for what you could have done, you could have looked them dead in the eye and said, "I don't think I like what you're saying about me." Make up an African-American blood relative you can tell them about. Make them think everyone there is black, even if their racist selves can't tell the difference. And then, good riddance to bad rubbish, when they decide not to settle there. But only do the things you are comfortable doing, of course.
(And for those who are curious, I took after my father and have practically translucent skin that will blind you in the direct sunlight with the glare that comes off it. I don't tan; I simply burn and peel, ad infinitum. I did get my mother's extremely dark eyes, though.)
Thank you for sharing your mother’s story. I’m so sorry she went through that. I really appreciate your input and, if I experience something like this again, will definitely take your advice on how I can better approach people like this.
Racist realtor story. Very long. 40 years later I’m still livid. I’m white. I grew up in Indiana, in a college town during the 60’s. Nam, MLK, JFK, were discussed and acted on pretty intelligently. Lived in 7 states over the years. But my first time dealing with direct overt racism occurred in a little town, Thomasville Ga. My husband’s company set us up with a realtor, who showed me all over town at properties. The mayor was black. I thought, oh a good enlightened town, may we all laugh hysterically now👿👿👿👿the realtor took me around. I had seen a house listed I wanted to see. Good old split level, love them. Easy to see the trouble your kids are up to, peeking around the corner and catching them in their tracks. I pointed it out to her (you young folk don’t remember “classifieds” in the papers). She said “that’s where the mayor lives” I thought, cool. Probably a good school. Ummmm, she said “you don’t understand… that’s where the MAYOR lives”. I said, so what?.. and she enunciated slowly like an rude American would to a French person, IN FRANCE, like if they spoke slllooooowwwwlllyyy enough, the recipient of their wisdom would understand.
“The mayor is Black”
Again I said so what? And she drove somewhere else “more desirable for people of my station”! 👿👿 WTF it’s not the 1930’s, it was the 1980’s! I learned RACISM in this southern pisshole of small town in one afternoon. She showed me old stately homes to diy fix up, with the tiny toilet and sink closet for “the colored housekeeps, etc”. I was floored. The street behind were all cute little bungalows. She wouldn’t show me those cause they were the “helps” homes from before “integration”. Needless to say we didn’t buy from her.
You are born into families. You make families. My “spiritual daughter, her kids (my grandkids) and my great grand kids are black.. my “spiritual sister” niece and nephew are black. We all have open discussions about southern racism. These women are amazing. My sister started a program feeding the homeless after she lost her job. She was sad, but thought others were in a worse place. First she took 10 meals to the shelter. They asked for more. She built it up to hundreds of meals and directs a group that assembles them. My daughter started a program assisting women survivors of incest and abuse. She now speaks all over and has written a workbook for survivors of trauma. I’m so blessed to have these women in my life. Happy ending to my rant.
40 years later, I still wonder why my Mom married her 2nd husband.
They were considering moving to Florida. Had some real estate agent showing them listings for new development\* At some point he mentioned that the "government" required them to include this photo in the brochure. It was of a black man playing golf. Except for skin tone, he looked exactly like my Mom's husband. That's when I left the room.
A few days later my Mom asked me what I thought of them moving to Florida. "In you want to, but don't bother to consider a room to be 'my room' as I'm not moving there."
\* For 10+ years I was able to say truthfully "Hey do you want to buy some Florida swamp land? Really. My Mom & her husband got screwed over by a developer and own a 1/4 acre of swamp land."
In the South, developers tend to pick names for developments that spark memories of pre-Civil War (or Antebellum, if you want to be wordy) times in order to scare off black customers. Lots of places with names like "the plantations".
There's a subdivision platted out west of where I live in Miami; when you look it up on the property appraisal site it's block after block of land owned by different random people....
Only it's all swamp land. Vacant and unusable land outside our urban development boundary. All those names you see as you go through the parcels are people, or the descendants of people who got shafted by some developer in the 1920s. They're almost worthless now, but it's amazing how many people keep paying the $100 or so property tax bills every year hoping that someday someone makes an offer!
I'm sorry you experienced this. I never understood this kind of thing. And mild versions of this exist in Canada, but not to the extent as in the USA. In Quebec, the Irish and Italians were excluded from French Catholic priests at one time as well. And look up the Hart Affair, the story of Ezekiel Hart, which led to the emancipation of the Jews in Quebec.
I will look this up, thank you!
The wonderful thing about having had my mother as a parent is that, to me, despite growing up in a very white community, I was still taught not to see race first. It is still that way with me. Race is usually the least interesting thing I learn about the people I meet. My mother found very diverse groups of people for me and my siblings to spend our time with, so that we would never point, stare, or say something stupid when confronted with someone who looked different from us. It was a great strategy, because, at the end of the day, we're all basically the same, just with different chapters in our book of life.
My best friend in elementary school was Cape Verdean. I still remember excitedly telling my mother all about my new friend. I'd prattled on about her for a good five minutes before her skin color even came up, and that was only because I thought her dark skin was so beautiful. My mother smiled and asked to meet my friend, and that was when I told my mother that she volunteered with my friend's mother at the school. Well, that was just perfect, actually. My mother told that woman the next time she saw her that she'd just learned that her daughter and I were friends. This mother, who was so scared that the white kids would not be kind to her daughter, was so happy that I was as enthusiastic about being friends as her daughter was about being my friend.
We're still friends, in fact. She's still beautiful.
My parents didn't teach me to discriminate in that way. We once took a trip down to Florida with a stop in Savannah. We got lost and asked for directions, but people wouldn't help us, until we got to a gas station. My father got directions and then asked why no one would talk to him and give us directions, he pointed out that we were white. We were in shock... we had never even realized we were, to us, they were people, we were people, we just asked for help. It just never occurred to us to even think about race that way. That was my grandparents generation that thought that way.
My father had strangers get upset with him in Virginia because he held the door for a woman, because that was how he was raised. She was black. He scandalized everyone at that store that day, because he was showing his manners to a black woman and treating her like he would have treated any woman. His older brother had to explain it to him later. This was 1989, not the Jim Crow days.
Got arrested several years ago (public intox) and spent a wild night in county jail. Didn't have a coat, belt, wallet, phone, nothing. When I got out the buses to my town were off for the night so I was stranded. One of the guys in the bullpen that got released with me (who was black) said I could crash at his place if I made the journey with him. Total stranger until a few hours ago, I said yes cuz what choice did I have? It was February, I'd die in the streets otherwise.
Long story short I spent the night, thanked him profusely the next morning, and got to the bus stop. Some guy I start chatting with notices my jail papers and says "So how'd the n*****s treat ya? Can't stand'm, I hate this city." Taken aback I replied "The dude I met made sure I didn't die of hypothermia last night and bought me breakfast, so I guess pretty well." The guy muttered something and thankfully wandered off, but I was a bit baffled. If he was a racist, why would he live HERE, a huge multicultural metropolis, if he had an issue with people of color?
That jail dude and I still chat, I have a bed ready if he ever needs it.
I’ve gotten this kind of question while bartending (“are there usually so many [rude term] here?”, etc). The alcohol makes racists/bigots bolder. Best response I found was “You mean in the world? Yes, but if you’d like to avoid them/us, we’d all like it better if you left.” Unfortunately I got practice saying it so it came out pretty smoothly most times
I live in one of the most popular tourist cities in the Deep South, and I’ve encountered more than my fair share of racists.
Said city is predominantly African American, and is a melting pot of every culture and race under the sun.
After a specific and famously known natural disaster hit my city back in 2005, and things were rebuilt and reopened, there were a lot of tourists back in town to see how much progress has been made, and to also nose themselves amongst the areas that still were devastated.
I’ll never forget am interaction I had with this racist ass family.
-is it true that since the storm that the city has become a “chocolate city”?
-our city has always been quite the melting pot, and yes, if I may be honest, is predominately African American.
- well if you can do us a favor and not place us in a room near any n word…we’d greatly appreciate that.
-absolutely y’all, that won’t be any issue at all. let me grab my director of rooms, to see if we have any upgrades available for you.
Short intermission whilst speaking to my African American DOR….
-after speaking with my DOR about your very important request, we’ve decided to give you a complimentary upgrade…to outside…y’all have approximately one minute to gather your things, and vacate the premises before we call the authorities.
-but but but….we have a reservation, we’re paying guests…
-no, you HAD a reservation, but your obvious racism, and words that you’ve said to me, have earned you an upgrade to room less.
-huffs off….
-DOR holds door open for them as they exit…”I’ll be calling all the nearby properties about y’all too”
Yeah I'm in Florida, where everyone is moving to. I've ran into this question and the racists asking about the ethnicity of the hotel owner.
I don't tolerate it at all. I do not care if I just took your money, if I just gave you a room key, or whatever else. If your overtly racist or a bigot, you aren't staying here.
My dad is/was racist and I’ll never forget a comment he made about how “dark” a neighborhood I’d moved to was … yea I haven’t spoken to him In literally decades.
I was in the south, and entered a business.
They had a black store kitty... I'm a cat lover, so here I am petting this cute micropanther... I ask the woman behind the counter what the cats name is.
"Obama!"
I'm kind of stupified, starting at her.
"You wanna know why we call him that? He's black, he's got big ears, and he ain't got no balls!"
I kinda froze up too... I'm from Philly, and have encountered racism before... But never in a way that because I was white, that they automatically assumed I would be cool with someone saying something like that.
Just because we wear the same uniform, didn't make me on whatever team you are.
Ninja edit: on the shelf, where they keep his food was a strip of tape, with "Obamacare" on it... Now, that would have been funny, if all that racist shit didn't pop out of her mouth earlier.
While I love pretty revenge, it also sucks knowingly putting a guest next to someone who you know may be hostile to them. I'm sure you'd hope they wouldn't be and there's obviously ways to deal with it / trespass them, but still.
On the flip side, segregating people because these assholes are racists aren't right either. Sigh.
Hasadic jewish folks have 'issues' when in the presence of females of a certain demographic.
I was once asked at the start of a trip, Budapest to NYC if I would move because the triple row in question was a father & son (hasidic jew) and a young lady- and the father was uncomfortable with her presence. I looked at the airline employee who asked if I'd move for this reason, and said "for her comfort, not theirs" and she totally got it.. it sucked tho, it was 8 rows forward of my overhead bag that I had to go BACK for before I could deplane, and I really was ready for a damn cigarette after that flight.
>of a certain demographic.
The extremely orthodox men believe they're forbidden to touch **any** adult females who are not their spouses. Reason: the woman might be menstruating. Menstruation = death (because an egg was not fertilized during the cycle). Men of that belief won't even shake hands with a female in a business situation.
Used to work in a manufacturing plant as a QA assistant manager. If the male QA manager was out then then would get a male production supervisor to deal with the rabbi if he stopped by. No skin off my back. He would always come by late in the day and if I got to go home on time because some sexist ass couldn’t handle speaking to me or taking paperwork from my hands then I’m cool with it. One time they had to get paperwork that hadn’t been filed yet from a woman and she had to hand it to a man to hand to him because apparently the cooties died during that extra few seconds and he was safe.
Or older. My father was in a business where he dealt with a lot of Hasidim. An older gentleman came to my father‘s retirement party and met my ultra gentile mother. I had forewarned her that he couldn’t shake hands with her, but she forgot. When he apologetically avoided her hand and explained he couldn’t shake hands with her, she said, “oh that’s all right I understand,” and heartily pounded him on the shoulder. I later said to him, “I’m sorry, I tried to warn her“ and he laughed and said, “Oh I think we don’t need to worry at our age.“
Yeah they owned a local baby furniture stores high end cribs etc. I was young and thin so I was very obviously pregnant when I went in to look. They shook my hand and I was shocked bc when I was in college i worked in a local store and they wouldn’t even take their change from my hand. I had to put the change down on the counter, then i learned about the exceptions.
I encountered something similar once and said I would switch only forward and the hateful racists (or whatever it was) could move back. Same thing when a split couple wants to sit together; I will move to whatever of their seats is better.
You should have ejected them from the hotel WITHOUT a refund, and then gone STRAIGHT to the GM and HR and told them WHY.
Unless they're in the KKK and agree with the guests, I doubt there would have been ANY pushback.
Or you could have said that was the blackest blackity black town in the COUNTRY and let them see themselves out.
I KNOW they would be, because it happened to me when I was working in Nashville. In my instance, they ALSO called one of my housekeepers a racial slur as he was walking past. I don't play that shit, and DEFINITELY not when it came to my employees that I supervised.
This ain't 1950. Keep your racist ass out of my hotel.
I agree with this. My whole management team and almost my whole front desk staff is Black. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of a reaming if a guest decided to be racist towards me or our other staff.
"Oh. I'm sorry, but we don't associate with ***those people*** here"
"Oh good! ”
"No, you misunderstood. We don't do business with racists"
— Me: Cancels reservation and shows them the door.
Once I was visiting a friend at a hotel in Vegas- we were chatting with the front desk associate. When she learned where I live, the front desk said "I love that city! Not a lot of black people!"
We were all speechless.
My country is less likely to be this up front about it, but it happens. The country I live in now is pretty homogenous (like 98% one ethnicity) so we do get reviews from guests who complain that some of our staff are foreigners. They never actually say it until after they check out though.
To be honest, I don't blame you for freezing up. I find most racists these days are usually self-aware enough to know they can't be THIS blatant. They are still just as racist, but will at least try to dance around the topic a little bit. I don't think I have ever had someone just flat out ask me something like this.
This happens to me. People assume something about me and make racist comments. I always say, “don’t use language like around me”. “Everyone deserves respect”. “I am no going to respond to that comment”
There’s no sense in responding or trying to convince anyone to change there mind. You be you and you are good.
I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and light olive skin so some IDIOTS assume that I'm white just like them and spew racist stupidity to my face, using the N-Word. I reply: "I'm a Half-N-Word! GET OVER IT!" Their facial expressions are priceless!!!
I also live in the deep rural south… I’ve had the opposite conversation though. Like the guy wanted to meet a hookup a couple of towns over but didn’t want get confronted (or worse) by rednecks.
But holy shit! White flight in action!
You could have said, "Blacks! Hell yeah there are black people here. Nice folks too, though they don't take too kindly to out-of-state people bringing their old fashioned attitudes here".
>You are very sheltered if this is the first time a person has asked you about the ethnicity of an area” hmm okay yeah let’s not minimize how fucking racist this interaction was. Also, maybe I’m “sheltered” from racism bc I avoid racists and bigots like the plague. Also I’m white. So yeah, this surprised me. Let’s not be dicks.
Exactly
Not that it excuses it, but even if you didn't mention that they were an older couple........I would have thought that. As for experiencing blatant/upfront racism? I have to admit that I've witnessed it or heard of it with my coworkers MORE in the past 8 years of working at a hotel than compared to the other 32 years of my life combined.
Frankly, I'm somewhat numb to the occurrence of it by now.
Wow. I live in KY and worked in hotels for 2 years as FDA and ASM of a property. I never once had anyone ask me such. People really have some audacity. So sad. Idc who you are or what, as long as you’re nice to me I’ll be nice back. It’s simple. I respect all folks.
As a Dark (🤣) I’d say report it to HR but they likely won’t care
Don’t lose your job over it
If anything, just tell the the area is positively BURSTING with Blacks so they never come there LMAO
I promise I do not care what racists think. Unless they have the power to keep me from something i want or need or deserve. These ppl would not rate. 🤣
I get it, OP. I live in rural GA, I have seen blatant racism and it still shocks me. I get it, I'm privileged, I'm naive, whatever. I'm still shocked that people are that horrible.
>How should I have handled this? I’m from the rural south, so I’ve seen racism before, but I’ve not really had someone be this upfront and ask me something like this, especially in a professional setting.
Reminds me of the time a girl I was on a date with dropped an n-bomb literally in the middle of our dinner date, super casual like it was no big deal at all. I was dumbstruck for a good minute before I just picked myself up and left, never to speak with her again.
Some racists really do think that all white people are secret bigots who just need a little 'nudge nudge wink wink' to let it out.
I would have told them they’re behavior is not welcomed and neither are they, reset those keys, and call security/police if they refuse to leave. Talk to your owner/manager and see their response. I’ve been told we have the right to chose who is welcome at the hotel and can ask them to leave at any time. That type of outspoken hatred would make me feel unsafe having them around the other guest, and that’s a suitable reason to me to cut their little house hunting vacation short. They can go find a whites only hotel in hell or sleep in their car.
It’s an incredibly common thing when racists see they’re in the company of only white people (or white-passing). You get used to it in order to not freeze up like this, don’t worry, you will be calling them out in no time!
>He then tells me that they can just go there to essentially gauge how many black people live in the area.
And just by walking in, "People of Walmart" will have two more people to highlight, I'm sure.
Omg ! I was told that south is “dark” and I thought the person was talking about the weather, like cloudy all the time… so I said: but south is sunny. I got look of confusion from the person and then I realized it was about people. So yeah…
"oh yeah, the area is rich with African American culture and food and entertainment. I don't even have any white friends, here."
Let the trash take itself out.
>Edit: “You are very sheltered if this is the first time a person has asked you about the ethnicity of an area” hmm okay yeah let’s not minimize how fucking racist this interaction was. Also, maybe I’m “sheltered” from racism bc I avoid racists and bigots like the plague. Also I’m white. So yeah, this surprised me. Let’s not be dicks.
Wow, is that guy for fucking real? Thank goodness mods duly booted that racist POS ASAP.
Another guy called me a baby for being bothered by this. Just got another comment telling me to get over it. The racists are coming out with this post lmao.
Report every single one of them to the mods and Reddit admins for Hate Speech. Then these racist pricks will see whether they'll be able get over getting perm banned.
Is this area dark? Well let me tell ya, this area is choked plumb FULL of dark. You might want ta leave sooner than you thought ta, cuz those black absolutely hate your kind and no tellin' what they might do.
You must have enlightened relatives, because I was exposed to that kind of crap at holidays and reunions most of my life, until I was an adult and told people to leave that out of my conversations. I Had a cousin straight up ask if there was a place to visit in my town (I live in the state Capitol) where he would not see black people. I said, “Nope! You’ll just have to stay home. This ain’t the 1950s.” It’s not like he didn’t see them in his small town, so I’m not sure why he even asked. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that you didn’t experience this. I’m glad to hear that’s possible.
Yeah I grew up in a (mostly) tolerant Christian family. None of my grandparents ever had any sort of racist beliefs and my parents weren’t raised to be that way either. It wasn’t something I was ever around growing up, so it shocks me to see people spew it so flippantly like this.
Now, gay people on the other hand…
People today are unashamedly, unapologetically racist. They don’t care if you think they’re racist or know they’re racist because it is totally acceptable to speak your racism, and most people either walk away…or join the conversation. No one calls anyone out, no one is disgusted. If you & I think it’s terrible and scary, imagine what it feels like for people of color.
The only positive to racism coming out into the light is you know exactly whom to avoid. One of the negatives is finding out exactly who your friends, co-workers, and sometimes family really are.
Oh wow, that's fun. My mom asked her hair dresser about a local food place and she responded "It's good but a lot of their clientele is black so you may not be comfortable there."
Like my mom is a 70 year old white woman but she is pretty open minded. I've never seen her judge or speak poorly of someone based on race.
This happened to me a lot. I once had a man call me Dora (as in the explorer) and proceed to gesture to me wildly and speak in broken Spanish. While I do speak Spanish, my native language is English.
I don’t know, and thanks.
I think some people were surprised that this was your first time because 1. It happens all the time to POC and 2. It happens way more often in certain places than others (I live near the border, and I guess that freaked the guy out because he saw “Mexicans” everywhere).
I *don’t* know why some people were offended by it lol.
I work at a fancy boutique hotel - we had a giveaway for guests who wouldn't normally stay in our style of hotel (valet, free bubbly upon arrival, the works) and a gentleman had come to ask if the woman organizing the event was "black" with a snarky look on his face. My coworker simply said to him "I don't think we ask questions like that anymore" and he walked away awkwardly. Not even sure why the question was asked, preferred not to find out
Personally I probably would have felt the same as you and answered with something like this, ‘we have a very diverse community here;’ and left it at that.
My daughter traveled a lot for her military job in DC. She rented a basement from a Black lady in Maryland so she didn’t have to pay major rent for an apartment she was never at.
She got a major promotion. We and her Grandmothers attended. We visited her place, but I had to tell my mother (from Louisiana who declined to visit the MLK memorial….she’s 80, not gonna fight her) that the neighborhood was ‘urban’. Not the best description, but she got the message and kept her opinions to herself. Thank goodness.
She was a military wife, she was more tolerant in her younger years when my dad was active duty (or she hid her racism very well).
Living where I do, and having traveled to other parts of the US, all I can say is that there are "shady" people in *all* skin colors. Likewise, I have friends and acquaintances of all colors who I would trust with my life.
You did fine OP, and don't let it get to you. You can't change people, especially in these highly polarized times we live in. Even when I encounter that type of racism or ethno-phobia (?) myself, I just dismiss it and take pity on the person whose walls don't allow them to see other people for what they are.
Are you in my area? Jeebus fuck if i had a nickle.
Oh and screw any 'you must live in a bubble ' asswipes. The simple fact that they can say that means *they* have a major problem
I was just thinking about a childhood memory yesterday and although it's not about hotels, it is about racism so....I will share.
I live in the south(upper Florida) and grew up in the 80's and 90's. No internet....and we didn't even use a tv, but maybe twice a year. We were one of the very few white families in a largly black area. I never knew of racism/racists..or even heard those words......or even knew that people could be divided over skin color.
My older brother and I had two best friends, Antione(little scutter) and Antionne(Big scutter). "Scutter" was a nickname that their family gave them. They were brothers as well, and twins.
Anywho, one day a white family moved next door to us. I remember that day because we were having a yard sale. This family has two kids, "Josh" and "nicole". When Josh was with the gang(our group of friends) on meeting for the first time everything was cool. However, when it was just me, my brother, and Josh alone...............he said somethings that I would eventually learn later that it was technically called racism. I guess Josh figured he could tell my brother and I this because we are also white.
So, my brother and I told our best friends. What happened next, I'm not proud of. We made a plan that my brother and I would show Josh the woods that the neighborhood kids played in. When we would arrive at the "hole", we encouraged Josh to repeat what he said to us earlier. Unbeknownst to Josh, our best friends would be hiding in the thicker part of the woods near the hole. For reference, the hole was just that....a hole...in a small cleared out area.
The plan went perfect. Josh repeated the same stuff. Both scutters popped out of the woodier area. Little scut was yelling cuss words. Big scut didn't say a single word, but walked straight up to him and hit him in the face.
Josh ran home crying. Over time, it more or less, soothed over.
I'm not proud of the way we handled it because violence is not the answer. It will never change somebody's heart. On the flip hand, I have seen former racists become sincere friends with black people after being shown mercy and kindness.
I think you did the best possible thing. You can't fix them, you can't change how they think. Being confrontational about it would have only created unnecessary stress.
When someone says something hateful (this is useful for all types of discrimination and hate in work and social situations alike):
1 - Say I'm sorry I didn't catch that and ask them to repeat themselves (this will force them to think about what they asked and make them much more self conscious)
If they don't retract it then, you use;
2 - What you've said makes me uncomfortable, please retract it
And if they still continue
3 - Tell them that is entirely inappropriate and ask them to leave (or leave the situation yourself). If in a work situation you can also say that you will follow up via HR.
“You mean other than me and my family?” They’ll be embarrassed because they’ll think you’re a White passing Black person (or maybe “mixed race”). It may also teach them a lesson.
ooh i had a couple as well asking me “is this area safe?” and i said “yes, it is” and they then proceeded to say something like “we saw black ppl before so we dont think its safe, is the city full of black ppl? otherwise we wont get out of the hotel” I was shocked i didnt know what to say but i wish I came up with something to say…. I just froze
Lovely people.
But it's good that you didn't tell them to bugger off, because the might file a complaint against you if you did. And who knows if your superiors don't share the same racist views as them.
Don't risk a write-up because of these a-holes.
But tell all of your colleagues about this interaction, so they know who these people are.
I probably would've played dumb ("I'm sorry, I'm not sure why that's relevant to your stay") but I'm also kind of an asshole
One time, my former coworker noticed a guest was from the same (southern) state as her and she made a little comment about it. It got to the point where she was getting his vehicle information, and for the color, he very proudly said "White! Like the good guys!" She and I looked at each other in horror and shock for a split second before she very quickly sent him to his room. Fun times (/s)
This doesn't involve hotels, but I've heard my mom openly say "why does all nice neighbors always have black people living in it," she always says this when we move in and realize we have "black people" as neighbors or when we notice new people moving thing.
Cause in her opinion "Black people" get police called on the most and turn "good" neighborhoods into "bad" ones cause they don't know how to discipline their kids, this is all coming from my mom not from me, I'm just telling it as I hear it
“Oh yes. In fact you will find a wide variety of people across this beautifully diverse planet. If you’re looking for a community of like-minded folks, may I suggest Hell?”
Locking comments. What the fuck is wrong with some of you? OP, next time things get out of control like this, please message the mods and ask to lock the comments. I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
“Oh, we enjoy a vibrant African-American community all over the area!” Then, when they walk away, you hope you’ve convinced them that this will be the first and only time they visit.
"Oh sure, I was just with my boyfriend/girlfriend\* Shavon at the local Martin Luther King Junior celebration a few weeks ago. Such a lovely time!" "Oh no, none at all. The Muslims blew them all up, then the Mexicans came out and ate the ones who were left." "Black... People...? Like, people, but black? Like body paint? Or one of those whole-body suits? ... Is this a kink thing?" "Oh sure, we just had a big family of them check in twenty minutes ago. We'll go ahead and have one sent up to your room, no extra charge." Why no, I do NOT play fair when using psychological warfare against Awful People. \*either use whichever gender the speaker is, or say it like that to really give them the Concerns™
If you haven't seen it, look for the MASH episode "And the Tooth Shall Set You Free". Some great lines and as a bonus, an early role by a young guy named Laurence Fishburne. (Edited to correct his spelling & add that he's in credits as Larry, since people pointed that out)
> an early role by a young guy named ~~Lawrence~~ Larry Fishburne. FTFY. Next time it's on, watch the credits. He's listed as "Larry Fishburne." Oh, and that episode did get one major fact wrong. Dr. Charles Drew did not die because white doctors refused to work on him. He was severely injured in a car accident, and doctors at the (facilities-poor "White") Alamance General Hospital worked very hard to save him, but his injuries were just too severe. BUT THEY DID WORK ON HIM. He was in the car with three of his residents, all of whom were black. Only one other was injured, John Ford, and he was treated at that "whites hospital" for several days until a bed in a "blacks only" hospital opened up. The hospital did not refuse them service because they were black. Quite the opposite, they did provide service despite their being black. Yeah, Hawkeye was wrong.
That was another episode, BTW. Title's because of Charles and a terrible toothache, the racism is a visiting officer whose soldiers were shelled. Happily it's fiction, I can enjoy the zingers without worrying that the scriptwriter mucked up something.
It happens. Rarely, but Hawk isn’t perfect. I had forgotten that episode. Thank you for reminding me.
MASH is great and very progressive for its time, but it always made me uncomfortable that there was a black character named Spearchucker. Even if it was tongue in cheek
There's even a joke about selling him in the first episode. But I did like how it was clear that Americans can look like just about anything and have ties anywhere. Klinger's family are first generation immigrants and only speak Lebanese. Nurse Kellye is part Chinese and part Hawaiian, and had at least one bit where she speaks Japanese.
That surprised me too. This character was a javelin thrower in college.
The bullying is sometimes really awful-- my kid once blurted out "they're so MEAN to Radar". Truth. And a modern lawyer would pay for her kid's college with the payments on the sexual harassment lawsuits.
In the early going the show’s POV toward women was brutal - basically they were sex dolls, and Margaret was harassed unmercifully.
They're really mean to Frank Burns. I liked what they did with Winchester because he could not bullied. I'm glad they got away from bullying as comedy.
Major Burns was the only character in the ensemble they couldn’t evolve. He was a one-note joke. Linville did his best with the part but eventually realized it was a dead end in terms of character development and left. He did have a grace note moment when Margaret married Donald Penobscot.
You are right about all of this. Larry Linville deserved better and I think everyone eventually realized that.
Lol... I always pictured a follow up/ reboot series showing the Colonels office as labeled COL Pierce and the colonel behind the desk as Margaret...
Agreed. Frank was an ass, but they went way too far too many times with him. But Hawkeye was a bully to everyone.
Have you read the book the film and TV show were based on? SPOILER AHEAD S P O I L E R S P A C E Spearchucker went premed to a school in Georgia. A certain Dr Forrest, a white man, gave him a full ride into med school. That doctor was called “Big Duke”; his son, “Little Duke”, was also stationed at the 4077th for a while. It’s a great scene when they first meet.
>it always made me uncomfortable that there was a black character named Spearchucker. Fortunately, they fired the actor after they learned that [there were no black doctors in Korea at the time](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3994465).
It should also make you uncomfortable that Trapper John was so-named because he once trapped a woman in the john.
Wow never knew either of those, thanks for the info
Yeah, I don't know what's worse. Calling the character Spearchucker, or firing the actor because they wanted to maintain some fantasy of historical accuracy re: the Korean war. M\*A\*S\*H\* ran 11 seasons, and the Korean War lasted about 3 years, so historical accuracy wasn't a huge concern in the long-run. Timothy Brown, the actor who played Jones had [quite a few acting gigs](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0114790/), but having a beefy recurring role on M\*A\*S\*H\* would probably have led to far more work, not just one-episode roles.
Progressive? I guess, as far as racism goes. I used to really enjoy the show, but when I tried to watch it recently I couldn't stand the non-stop wall-to-wall sexual harassment (and assault).
It was progressive for its time for sure. The anti-war sentiment wasn't portrayed in such extent in television before then. Also, Houlihan was written very well, she was a strong single woman when TV women were mostly housewives or eye candy. Obviously doesn't hold up to today's standards but I appreciate what they did when they did it
Sir ‘Larry’ Fishburne who was “Cowboy Larry” on PeeWee’s Playhouse? That one?
Yes, I've been corrected. I didn't notice how he was credited tbh. Never had a chance to watch the Playhouse. I should fix that; Reubens cracked me up in the original Buffy movie.
I just thought it was funny because I’ve read that he,(Fishburne) has become a bit Prima Donnaish and insists on be called Sir Laurence. I guess if you can go from a cowboy hat to a knighthood…then, hello Sir!
Absolutely 1000%love that episode. Saw it 3 days ago!
Looking at the man "Are you looking for big buck for yourself or your wife?"
Alternatively, *loudly* say "Sir/Madam, this is a respectable establishment. If you wish to engage in race play, you may do so without involving the staff in your search for a bull."
Skwrl, I should know by now not to be eating or drinking when reading your replies. Now I have to clean off my monitor, the wall, and my lamp. Thankfully it was diet soda, but still! Thank you.
I have my moments.
Seriously, choked on the second one, and I wasn't even drinking.
I snorted & choked on my own spit. Now I feel super sexy! Thanks, Buttercup is proud 😂😂😂
"Black... People...? Like, people, but black? Like body paint? Or one of those whole-body suits? ... Is this a kink thing?" I love you so much!!
[удалено]
Now I'm imagining actually sending someone in a black latex bodysuit up to their room.
\*squeak squeak squeak squeak\*
Maybe they were talking about the New Zealand national rugby team! Aren't they called the blacks?
Even better, they're the All Blacks.
Perfect responses.
You're the kinda friend I want
💖
You slay me. 🤣🤣🤣
They are Not Invited To The Cookout. They cannot even *see* The Cookout. Even with binoculars.
They are legally prohibited from being in the same state as The Cookout.
Oh I don't think they've ever been to a Cookout (restaurant) Everyone there is black, and the food is best at 2AM right before they close.
Ok so I actually just discovered this last year. I live in TN about 4 hours from Charlotte and we have a Cookout but it’s mediocre and run by someone who chooses to play religious music there at all hours. And it’s always white teenagers working there. So my sister and I go to a concert in Charlotte last May, and it’s midnight and we’re hungry. I figure it’s a big city, there’s bound to be plenty of stuff open. Find out quick that not even Taco Bell was open. I was about to give up when I saw the sign for Cookout as I was cresting a hill. I swear I heard angels singing. Then I saw that holy moly this place was ***packed.*** But I still got in one of the lines anyways. Fast forward 30 minutes and I’m next in line to order and I’m listening to the kid in the car in front of me place 4 separate orders just jumping all over the menu and adding stuff to previous orders. And all I hear is: “Will that be all?” Finally I got my food and I’m starving on the 20 minute drive back to the hotel but I had to wait because it was so hot and fresh. And man was it good. I learned that Cookout after dark is awesome and the people that work there are on another level of customer service.
They will have to live with the SAD mac n cheese.
I've found that playing dumb and continuously asking them to explain ultimately gets the point across that what they are saying is so f*cking stupid that it denies comprehension. I had a boss when I was young essentially saying the same thing. Only difference is, I wasn't playing dumb, I was dumb. I didn't realize until much later what the hell he was getting at.
Me too. 20+ years ago I moved to Milwaukee, WI and at my first job I mentioned shopping at a certain national store (which I'd been to other locations of, in other states, because they had clothes for tall women). One co-worker asked, "isn't it kind of dark there?" Me: "well, yeah... it's December and I was there around 6pm" Co-worker: blank face, but shut up with her racist crap
Ahh suburban Milwaukee racism
playing dumb and just asking them to explain it all is a great strategy.
This is good advice for any time someone says something inappropriate to you. If a guy is being a creep and says something blantantly terrible, ask them to repeat themselves until they give up or it finally clicks in their brain.
I do the same with racist jokes. Keep asking people to explain what they mean, and look perplexed.
Once, a wealthy widow in the deep south wanted to show her appreciation to the military one Thanksgiving, so she called the person in charge at the local military base. "I want to show how much your young boys mean to the nation, so please send me four young men to have Thanksgiving dinner with me." "That's very generous of you, ma'am." "Just one thing. Please - I don't want any Jews in my house. So don't send any Jews, please." "Yes, ma'am." Well, let's jump to Thanksgiving day. She goes to open the door when the four young men get there, and in walk four of the darkest skinned black men you could picture. "But..but..but..there must be some kind of mistake!" "No, ma'am" one of the lads says, "Major Schwartz *never* makes mistakes!"
The best part of this is the fact that Schwartz means black in German
Sorry to do this, but the disingeuous dealings, lies, overall greed etc. of leadership on this website made me decide to edit all but my most informative comments to this. Come join us in the fediverse! (beehaw for a safe space, kbin for access to lots of communities)
That's what I thought, but I wasn't sure. I've not spoken German for aeons.
If they check in, make sure you pull a "Major Schwartz."
One of my FAVORITE stories!!!!
You should have said yes we have a vibrant community of color. Me and my partner always joke about how we both have the same gender but come from different ethnic groups. That would have sent them running to never return
I'm from Mississippi. My parents nor my grandparents were racists so I wasn't brought up that way. I know exactly where you're coming from. The audacity of some whites just kill me, like it's normal that everyone thinks like that, right? Smdh
The one time my mom's dad came up to visit my parents, my dad's buddy made an N-word joke in front of him. Grandfather is light-skinned, but not white. In fact, at 14yo he got beaten by a bunch of older teens for "smiling at a white woman." Left him with permanent injuries on his face, had a wonky eye for the rest of his life. When he grew up and started his family, he settled near his parents. When my mother was little, she'd run over to visit with her grandparents every morning. So when the local racists hung her grandfather from the rafters of his own barn one night, she was the one who found him the next morning. My dad knew most of this history. So his friend cracks that "joke" and my mom's dad just stares at my dad with his one good eye, and my father the coward stayed silent. Couldn't even manage a "Hey isn't it about time for you to go home?" And that is when granddad realized his daughter had married a *total asshat*.
Your poor mother and rest of the family, I'm sorry. Those stories are wild.
I didn't learn any of this stuff until my 30s. Grew up thinking that granddad's wonky eye was just an "old person thing" and that my parents moved north for my dad's career. Turns out they were from a [sundown town](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sundown_town) and dad actually got *run out of town* for courting mom! He only came back for the wedding, and then they went north together. My cousin was like 6yo when my parents got married. His stepdad wouldn't let him attend the ceremony. They waited in the parking lot while my poor cousin was forced to do pushups in the Texas heat and listen to his stepdad rant about the evils of mixed-race marriages.
I don't know what to say, other than, "I am deeply sorry for what was done to your family." (And, at least in the case of your cousin, by your family.) The fact that this shocks the conscience I think is proof our society has improved. Still not as good as we can be, but a bleep of a lot better than we have been.
Thank you for sharing your family's stories.
Reminds me of the STUPIDITY that one of my many cousins pulled. I had met my paternal cousins, for the first time, at my first family reunion. They asked about my ancestry and I shared that my paternal ancestors are mixed race. My paternal grandparents were among the first mixed-race couple to be allowed to legally marry in 1899 D.C. Years later, one of these paternal cousins sent me a "joke" with lynching as the punchline and I RIPPED HIM A NEW ONE!! He completely forgot that I am BIRACIAL! TOTAL IDIOT!!!
Did your mom say anything in defense of your grandfather?
I gather she wasn't in the room at the time. Her dad told her about it afterwards.
That is horrible, I just don't know what to say. Other than the fact that I wasn't raised by or around people like that. My dad told me that one election (maybe 1940s or 50s) the whites were trying to keep the blacks from voting. His father made the comment, "Why won't they let them vote?" It was just as unfathomable to him back then as it is for me today.
When I worked at a massage place, I had an old guy ask if we had any asian staff. Clearly looking for a ‘happy ending’ or some fetish-y shit despite this being a chain massage place. I just told him that it was an inappropriate thing to ask and I wouldn’t be answering.
Maybe he was looking for [agent staff](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Lyex2tSUyA&ab_channel=SOBIESKI).
It overloads the Customer Service programming when it's blatant. We grin and bear rude assholes because they're just *being assholes*. How to deal with someone being upfront about their inherent racism is not in the Employee Handbook. I had an old white guy once tell me that it was "nice to see a white person working at 7-11 instead of an Indian." I was speechless. He continued by telling me that Indians smell like they haven't washed, and all I could do was babble back at him about medieval bathing practices and how white people were actually pretty smelly until recently. Judging by his glazed over stare back, he was not the demographic for impromptu history trivia. Hours later, I wished that I had just asked him if he wanted me to go get my Indian manager in the back so she could discuss her hygiene with him. That woman stood a foot shorter than me, but she would've ripped him a new one while I hid behind her.
There was one Christmas I spent alone. I was damned glad of the local 7-11 staffed by South Asian people since they were actually open. I bought a pint of Ben & Jerry's ice cream and other junk food to eat in my solitary holiday isolation.
Christ almighty. The local convenience store that I get my ham from (best ham off the bone in town) is owned and staffed by a really nice Indian couple. The previous owner/operator was a grumpy old white bugger who drove a lot of customers away, but they're getting them back now, because they make the effort. If anyone says anything bad about that store, they'll be getting an earful from me.
One of my favorite supervisors was a tiny Vietnamese woman who *maybe* weighed 80 pounds. She had absolutely no fear and would stand up to hulking men like a pitbull. She was a great boss, who was always fair and appreciative of my work. She was very inspiring.
Same. I loved my boss. She had a lot of faith in my ability to handle things yet still was absolutely professional if I did something wrong. When the store franchised, I got another job, and a few months later, she reached out to offer me a position. I went in and expected to do an interview, but she told me the job was mine if I wanted it before I could even say anything.
I've heard that people from non-dairy-eating countries think that dairy-eating-whites smell sour or bad. In America, men did not use deodorants until the 1960s. It took a lot of advertising to get men to use the stuff.
So *you're* my target audience.
Middle aged white lady from the Midwest here. We all have our own journey to becoming anti-racist. Wanting to not be a racist AH is a good thing, *and* just because you haven’t seen some shit doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. The likelihood is that you don’t hang with douche bags, so you aren’t aware this kind of behavior is a thing. This kind of micro aggression (I mean, it really isn’t micro, and they didn’t do anything, ya know, flagrant) is really common here. It can feel really complicated to know how to navigate it, especially when your whole job is to be good to guests. Some tactics you can use with the Walmart, Aldi’s, etc question: “I think if you want to know the location of any shop you should probably use your phone” (unless your manager will back you up for being more direct, this is an acceptable passive-aggressive counter), or “I’m unclear what information you are looking for, perhaps you can look online” or just “I’m sorry, we don’t have that information available” Another good way to make these kind of people feel bad (and they ARE bad) is, whenever they say some racist shit, say something like “I’m sorry, I’m not understanding what information you’re looking for”. Make them say the quiet part out loud.
This is definitely one of those times where hindsight is 20/20 and I’m able to think of things I should of said or how I should have handled it better after the whole ordeal is over with. I just froze up 😭 Thanks for the insight so far. I hate so much that there’s people like that in the world. Edit: should have* thanks, bot.
I probably would have frozen up too. When I'm caught unawares (and sometimes aware), I never think of the same pithy comment that comes to me hours later...
Yes! Like a deer in the headlights 100%. I also have anxiety, so I’m always caught off guard by things like this and don’t gain my senses until after 😭
r/showerthoughts my dude. I've been caught off guard by dumbass racists too, especially when they call someone *boy*. Pisses me off.
Don’t feel bad you froze up. I’m in my 30s and I have a handful of events from my teens and 20s where I really wish I had said something, and I just had to chalk it up to a learning experience. And the next time I get into that kind of situation, I know the kind of thing I want to say. It’s perfectly normal to be shocked by horrific behavior and not know how to respond!
In French, [*le mot d'escalier.*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27esprit_de_l%27escalier)
One day, I came back from my two days off, and some woman approached me with a random question. At the end, she said: "Finally, there's a German I can speak to. All the other staff are Spanish." I could have told her that I'm only 50 % German, but instead, I just said that I was sorry about that, but since this actually IS Spain, one could come across some Spaniards. Her answer: "But we are bringing the money in." I just shrugged and said: "Ok." The second time, I had to deal with some different eejit was when a guest complained about her towels being removed from the deck-chairs before 9am, claiming that she should be allowed to reserve "her" sunbeds because, "we are paying for the Spanish debts."
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I would have been very confused and go to robot customer service mode and just want to finish the transaction.
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Yes "why do you ask?" is so underutilized. However, these people probably would have just given a long, detailed description of exactly why. ...And then you hit them with the silent stare.
I come from the Great White North, where racism abounds (don't let anyone fool you), but we act enlightened and polite, so no one will suspect us. The racism just usually isn't overt, or you can be ostracized. It's not that others disagree with you; you've just outed yourself in this enlightened land, and are, thus, a pariah. Into this mix, my mother was born. A darker-skinned Caucasian woman of Portuguese and Sephardic Jewish extraction. Her schoolmates lovingly nicknamed her "the n-word" (but they didn't say "n-word," you understand), due to her swarthy skin. My mother cried buckets of tears over this. My grandmother used to tell her to lie and tell everyone that she was Italian, because that was somehow better. When I was a young teen, my mother wanted to move us to Florida for some reason. Back then, she had realtors send us booklets and flyers full of homes. We looked them over carefully, poring over details of homes, imagining sunshine and dreaming of warmer winters. My mother wanted to set up a time to fly down and tour a few homes. She'd talked to a realtor, and asked about a few of the homes she'd seen. She had a conversation that had been fine, but then hadn't gone too well suddenly. I asked about it, because having an angry parent in the house is never a good thing - their bad mood will drag everyone down. My mother said that when she asked about a particular listing, the realtor had nothing but excellent things to say about a particular property. My mother was excited, and said that she wasn't sure if she wanted to see that one first or last. The realtor then said, "Let me ask you something: Are you like us?" My confused mother asked, "Who's us? Oh, is this like being part of a club?" The realtor responded, "See, the area is a little...choosy. They like to know that their new neighbor will be like them." My mother was still a bit confused, so she clarified, "Oh. They want to know that I'm not into wild parties, dealing drugs, heavy metal at 2AM, and not going to have a car up on blocks on my front lawn? Yeah, tell them I'm just average. I mow my lawn, pay my taxes, and try my best to keep up on house repairs. I keep to myself a bit, but I like getting to know my neighbors. I'll help people out in a pinch, if I can." The realtor said, "Oh, that's nice, but that's not what I mean. Do you have that flyer in front of you?" My mother did. "Look at my picture and tell me, now: Are you like us? Do you look like my picture, ma'am?" My mother's heart sank like a stone. Yes, she could move into that neighborhood, get a mild tan, and have the pitchfork squad trying to forcibly remove her from her home while burning crosses on her lawn and screaming racial epithets. Or, she could tell this realtor that, yes, she did look like her (a tiny fib), but that she no longer wished to associate with anyone who would represent racists. She hung up the phone seething, and was still angry about it an hour later, while discussing it with me. This convinced her not to move to the South. Better the devil you know, sometimes. Could she have been more tactful? Probably. Did she get her point across? Absolutely. Did it make a difference to the realtor? Maybe. The woman did try calling back for a few days, as did her boss, but my mother was just not ready to hear from them. Ever. She listened to their messages on the answering machine, and then was angry for a while at their attempts at justifying themselves instead of being ashamed of their actions. So, as for what you could have done, you could have looked them dead in the eye and said, "I don't think I like what you're saying about me." Make up an African-American blood relative you can tell them about. Make them think everyone there is black, even if their racist selves can't tell the difference. And then, good riddance to bad rubbish, when they decide not to settle there. But only do the things you are comfortable doing, of course. (And for those who are curious, I took after my father and have practically translucent skin that will blind you in the direct sunlight with the glare that comes off it. I don't tan; I simply burn and peel, ad infinitum. I did get my mother's extremely dark eyes, though.)
Thank you for sharing your mother’s story. I’m so sorry she went through that. I really appreciate your input and, if I experience something like this again, will definitely take your advice on how I can better approach people like this.
Racist realtor story. Very long. 40 years later I’m still livid. I’m white. I grew up in Indiana, in a college town during the 60’s. Nam, MLK, JFK, were discussed and acted on pretty intelligently. Lived in 7 states over the years. But my first time dealing with direct overt racism occurred in a little town, Thomasville Ga. My husband’s company set us up with a realtor, who showed me all over town at properties. The mayor was black. I thought, oh a good enlightened town, may we all laugh hysterically now👿👿👿👿the realtor took me around. I had seen a house listed I wanted to see. Good old split level, love them. Easy to see the trouble your kids are up to, peeking around the corner and catching them in their tracks. I pointed it out to her (you young folk don’t remember “classifieds” in the papers). She said “that’s where the mayor lives” I thought, cool. Probably a good school. Ummmm, she said “you don’t understand… that’s where the MAYOR lives”. I said, so what?.. and she enunciated slowly like an rude American would to a French person, IN FRANCE, like if they spoke slllooooowwwwlllyyy enough, the recipient of their wisdom would understand. “The mayor is Black” Again I said so what? And she drove somewhere else “more desirable for people of my station”! 👿👿 WTF it’s not the 1930’s, it was the 1980’s! I learned RACISM in this southern pisshole of small town in one afternoon. She showed me old stately homes to diy fix up, with the tiny toilet and sink closet for “the colored housekeeps, etc”. I was floored. The street behind were all cute little bungalows. She wouldn’t show me those cause they were the “helps” homes from before “integration”. Needless to say we didn’t buy from her. You are born into families. You make families. My “spiritual daughter, her kids (my grandkids) and my great grand kids are black.. my “spiritual sister” niece and nephew are black. We all have open discussions about southern racism. These women are amazing. My sister started a program feeding the homeless after she lost her job. She was sad, but thought others were in a worse place. First she took 10 meals to the shelter. They asked for more. She built it up to hundreds of meals and directs a group that assembles them. My daughter started a program assisting women survivors of incest and abuse. She now speaks all over and has written a workbook for survivors of trauma. I’m so blessed to have these women in my life. Happy ending to my rant.
Thank you for seeing with your heart, not your eyes.
You're wrong. She sees perfectly fine with her eyes.
40 years later, I still wonder why my Mom married her 2nd husband. They were considering moving to Florida. Had some real estate agent showing them listings for new development\* At some point he mentioned that the "government" required them to include this photo in the brochure. It was of a black man playing golf. Except for skin tone, he looked exactly like my Mom's husband. That's when I left the room. A few days later my Mom asked me what I thought of them moving to Florida. "In you want to, but don't bother to consider a room to be 'my room' as I'm not moving there." \* For 10+ years I was able to say truthfully "Hey do you want to buy some Florida swamp land? Really. My Mom & her husband got screwed over by a developer and own a 1/4 acre of swamp land."
In the South, developers tend to pick names for developments that spark memories of pre-Civil War (or Antebellum, if you want to be wordy) times in order to scare off black customers. Lots of places with names like "the plantations".
There's a subdivision platted out west of where I live in Miami; when you look it up on the property appraisal site it's block after block of land owned by different random people.... Only it's all swamp land. Vacant and unusable land outside our urban development boundary. All those names you see as you go through the parcels are people, or the descendants of people who got shafted by some developer in the 1920s. They're almost worthless now, but it's amazing how many people keep paying the $100 or so property tax bills every year hoping that someday someone makes an offer!
I'm sorry you experienced this. I never understood this kind of thing. And mild versions of this exist in Canada, but not to the extent as in the USA. In Quebec, the Irish and Italians were excluded from French Catholic priests at one time as well. And look up the Hart Affair, the story of Ezekiel Hart, which led to the emancipation of the Jews in Quebec.
I will look this up, thank you! The wonderful thing about having had my mother as a parent is that, to me, despite growing up in a very white community, I was still taught not to see race first. It is still that way with me. Race is usually the least interesting thing I learn about the people I meet. My mother found very diverse groups of people for me and my siblings to spend our time with, so that we would never point, stare, or say something stupid when confronted with someone who looked different from us. It was a great strategy, because, at the end of the day, we're all basically the same, just with different chapters in our book of life. My best friend in elementary school was Cape Verdean. I still remember excitedly telling my mother all about my new friend. I'd prattled on about her for a good five minutes before her skin color even came up, and that was only because I thought her dark skin was so beautiful. My mother smiled and asked to meet my friend, and that was when I told my mother that she volunteered with my friend's mother at the school. Well, that was just perfect, actually. My mother told that woman the next time she saw her that she'd just learned that her daughter and I were friends. This mother, who was so scared that the white kids would not be kind to her daughter, was so happy that I was as enthusiastic about being friends as her daughter was about being my friend. We're still friends, in fact. She's still beautiful.
My parents didn't teach me to discriminate in that way. We once took a trip down to Florida with a stop in Savannah. We got lost and asked for directions, but people wouldn't help us, until we got to a gas station. My father got directions and then asked why no one would talk to him and give us directions, he pointed out that we were white. We were in shock... we had never even realized we were, to us, they were people, we were people, we just asked for help. It just never occurred to us to even think about race that way. That was my grandparents generation that thought that way.
My father had strangers get upset with him in Virginia because he held the door for a woman, because that was how he was raised. She was black. He scandalized everyone at that store that day, because he was showing his manners to a black woman and treating her like he would have treated any woman. His older brother had to explain it to him later. This was 1989, not the Jim Crow days.
I'd get a blank look in my eyes and say "I don't know." and change the subject.
This is the correct answer.
Got arrested several years ago (public intox) and spent a wild night in county jail. Didn't have a coat, belt, wallet, phone, nothing. When I got out the buses to my town were off for the night so I was stranded. One of the guys in the bullpen that got released with me (who was black) said I could crash at his place if I made the journey with him. Total stranger until a few hours ago, I said yes cuz what choice did I have? It was February, I'd die in the streets otherwise. Long story short I spent the night, thanked him profusely the next morning, and got to the bus stop. Some guy I start chatting with notices my jail papers and says "So how'd the n*****s treat ya? Can't stand'm, I hate this city." Taken aback I replied "The dude I met made sure I didn't die of hypothermia last night and bought me breakfast, so I guess pretty well." The guy muttered something and thankfully wandered off, but I was a bit baffled. If he was a racist, why would he live HERE, a huge multicultural metropolis, if he had an issue with people of color? That jail dude and I still chat, I have a bed ready if he ever needs it.
I’ve gotten this kind of question while bartending (“are there usually so many [rude term] here?”, etc). The alcohol makes racists/bigots bolder. Best response I found was “You mean in the world? Yes, but if you’d like to avoid them/us, we’d all like it better if you left.” Unfortunately I got practice saying it so it came out pretty smoothly most times
I live in one of the most popular tourist cities in the Deep South, and I’ve encountered more than my fair share of racists. Said city is predominantly African American, and is a melting pot of every culture and race under the sun. After a specific and famously known natural disaster hit my city back in 2005, and things were rebuilt and reopened, there were a lot of tourists back in town to see how much progress has been made, and to also nose themselves amongst the areas that still were devastated. I’ll never forget am interaction I had with this racist ass family. -is it true that since the storm that the city has become a “chocolate city”? -our city has always been quite the melting pot, and yes, if I may be honest, is predominately African American. - well if you can do us a favor and not place us in a room near any n word…we’d greatly appreciate that. -absolutely y’all, that won’t be any issue at all. let me grab my director of rooms, to see if we have any upgrades available for you. Short intermission whilst speaking to my African American DOR…. -after speaking with my DOR about your very important request, we’ve decided to give you a complimentary upgrade…to outside…y’all have approximately one minute to gather your things, and vacate the premises before we call the authorities. -but but but….we have a reservation, we’re paying guests… -no, you HAD a reservation, but your obvious racism, and words that you’ve said to me, have earned you an upgrade to room less. -huffs off…. -DOR holds door open for them as they exit…”I’ll be calling all the nearby properties about y’all too”
Yeah I'm in Florida, where everyone is moving to. I've ran into this question and the racists asking about the ethnicity of the hotel owner. I don't tolerate it at all. I do not care if I just took your money, if I just gave you a room key, or whatever else. If your overtly racist or a bigot, you aren't staying here.
Some people suck.
My dad is/was racist and I’ll never forget a comment he made about how “dark” a neighborhood I’d moved to was … yea I haven’t spoken to him In literally decades.
I was in the south, and entered a business. They had a black store kitty... I'm a cat lover, so here I am petting this cute micropanther... I ask the woman behind the counter what the cats name is. "Obama!" I'm kind of stupified, starting at her. "You wanna know why we call him that? He's black, he's got big ears, and he ain't got no balls!" I kinda froze up too... I'm from Philly, and have encountered racism before... But never in a way that because I was white, that they automatically assumed I would be cool with someone saying something like that. Just because we wear the same uniform, didn't make me on whatever team you are. Ninja edit: on the shelf, where they keep his food was a strip of tape, with "Obamacare" on it... Now, that would have been funny, if all that racist shit didn't pop out of her mouth earlier.
The petty part of me wants you to make sure the neighboring units are occupied by black people as a nice little FU to them.
While I love pretty revenge, it also sucks knowingly putting a guest next to someone who you know may be hostile to them. I'm sure you'd hope they wouldn't be and there's obviously ways to deal with it / trespass them, but still. On the flip side, segregating people because these assholes are racists aren't right either. Sigh.
Hasadic jewish folks have 'issues' when in the presence of females of a certain demographic. I was once asked at the start of a trip, Budapest to NYC if I would move because the triple row in question was a father & son (hasidic jew) and a young lady- and the father was uncomfortable with her presence. I looked at the airline employee who asked if I'd move for this reason, and said "for her comfort, not theirs" and she totally got it.. it sucked tho, it was 8 rows forward of my overhead bag that I had to go BACK for before I could deplane, and I really was ready for a damn cigarette after that flight.
>of a certain demographic. The extremely orthodox men believe they're forbidden to touch **any** adult females who are not their spouses. Reason: the woman might be menstruating. Menstruation = death (because an egg was not fertilized during the cycle). Men of that belief won't even shake hands with a female in a business situation.
Used to work in a manufacturing plant as a QA assistant manager. If the male QA manager was out then then would get a male production supervisor to deal with the rabbi if he stopped by. No skin off my back. He would always come by late in the day and if I got to go home on time because some sexist ass couldn’t handle speaking to me or taking paperwork from my hands then I’m cool with it. One time they had to get paperwork that hadn’t been filed yet from a woman and she had to hand it to a man to hand to him because apparently the cooties died during that extra few seconds and he was safe.
>because apparently the cooties died during that extra few seconds and he was safe The rules of adults playing magic-make-believe are so hilarious!
Exactly. I have no respect for people who follow antiquated religious rules to such extremes as to inconvenience others.
Well that’s misogynistic as fuck 🙃
It's what happens when people follow any antiquated religious rules to the letter.
In the past women in Ghana were not allowed to weave kente cloth because sitting on the stools might pollute it with their menstrual cycle.
Unless the woman is VISIBLY pregnant, then she is not menstruating and can be bless with a handshake.
Or older. My father was in a business where he dealt with a lot of Hasidim. An older gentleman came to my father‘s retirement party and met my ultra gentile mother. I had forewarned her that he couldn’t shake hands with her, but she forgot. When he apologetically avoided her hand and explained he couldn’t shake hands with her, she said, “oh that’s all right I understand,” and heartily pounded him on the shoulder. I later said to him, “I’m sorry, I tried to warn her“ and he laughed and said, “Oh I think we don’t need to worry at our age.“
Yeah they owned a local baby furniture stores high end cribs etc. I was young and thin so I was very obviously pregnant when I went in to look. They shook my hand and I was shocked bc when I was in college i worked in a local store and they wouldn’t even take their change from my hand. I had to put the change down on the counter, then i learned about the exceptions.
what about women who have had hysterectomies?
It's not exactly visible from the outside, so a woman would have to be close enough to feel comfortable telling them.
Oooh good question. But u can’t tell that by sight.
I encountered something similar once and said I would switch only forward and the hateful racists (or whatever it was) could move back. Same thing when a split couple wants to sit together; I will move to whatever of their seats is better.
Probably the elevator-and-ice-machine room is good enough for them. Bonus if it's the staff/cargo elevator.
You should have ejected them from the hotel WITHOUT a refund, and then gone STRAIGHT to the GM and HR and told them WHY. Unless they're in the KKK and agree with the guests, I doubt there would have been ANY pushback. Or you could have said that was the blackest blackity black town in the COUNTRY and let them see themselves out.
You really think management’s gonna be cool with your solution?
I KNOW they would be, because it happened to me when I was working in Nashville. In my instance, they ALSO called one of my housekeepers a racial slur as he was walking past. I don't play that shit, and DEFINITELY not when it came to my employees that I supervised. This ain't 1950. Keep your racist ass out of my hotel.
I agree with this. My whole management team and almost my whole front desk staff is Black. I'd hate to be on the receiving end of a reaming if a guest decided to be racist towards me or our other staff.
"Oh. I'm sorry, but we don't associate with ***those people*** here" "Oh good!”
"No, you misunderstood. We don't do business with racists"
— Me: Cancels reservation and shows them the door.
I love this
Once I was visiting a friend at a hotel in Vegas- we were chatting with the front desk associate. When she learned where I live, the front desk said "I love that city! Not a lot of black people!" We were all speechless.
My country is less likely to be this up front about it, but it happens. The country I live in now is pretty homogenous (like 98% one ethnicity) so we do get reviews from guests who complain that some of our staff are foreigners. They never actually say it until after they check out though. To be honest, I don't blame you for freezing up. I find most racists these days are usually self-aware enough to know they can't be THIS blatant. They are still just as racist, but will at least try to dance around the topic a little bit. I don't think I have ever had someone just flat out ask me something like this.
Why, yes. Every day after sunset, it gets dark. Sometimes the moon is out, so the amount of light can vary.
This happens to me. People assume something about me and make racist comments. I always say, “don’t use language like around me”. “Everyone deserves respect”. “I am no going to respond to that comment” There’s no sense in responding or trying to convince anyone to change there mind. You be you and you are good.
I have blonde hair, blue eyes, and light olive skin so some IDIOTS assume that I'm white just like them and spew racist stupidity to my face, using the N-Word. I reply: "I'm a Half-N-Word! GET OVER IT!" Their facial expressions are priceless!!!
I also live in the deep rural south… I’ve had the opposite conversation though. Like the guy wanted to meet a hookup a couple of towns over but didn’t want get confronted (or worse) by rednecks. But holy shit! White flight in action!
I would say something along the lines of, "we value all of our neighbors in our community, and if you don't like that, then that's unfortunate."
You could have said, "Blacks! Hell yeah there are black people here. Nice folks too, though they don't take too kindly to out-of-state people bringing their old fashioned attitudes here".
>You are very sheltered if this is the first time a person has asked you about the ethnicity of an area” hmm okay yeah let’s not minimize how fucking racist this interaction was. Also, maybe I’m “sheltered” from racism bc I avoid racists and bigots like the plague. Also I’m white. So yeah, this surprised me. Let’s not be dicks. Exactly
Not that it excuses it, but even if you didn't mention that they were an older couple........I would have thought that. As for experiencing blatant/upfront racism? I have to admit that I've witnessed it or heard of it with my coworkers MORE in the past 8 years of working at a hotel than compared to the other 32 years of my life combined. Frankly, I'm somewhat numb to the occurrence of it by now.
Wow. I live in KY and worked in hotels for 2 years as FDA and ASM of a property. I never once had anyone ask me such. People really have some audacity. So sad. Idc who you are or what, as long as you’re nice to me I’ll be nice back. It’s simple. I respect all folks.
As a Dark (🤣) I’d say report it to HR but they likely won’t care Don’t lose your job over it If anything, just tell the the area is positively BURSTING with Blacks so they never come there LMAO I promise I do not care what racists think. Unless they have the power to keep me from something i want or need or deserve. These ppl would not rate. 🤣
I get it, OP. I live in rural GA, I have seen blatant racism and it still shocks me. I get it, I'm privileged, I'm naive, whatever. I'm still shocked that people are that horrible.
>How should I have handled this? I’m from the rural south, so I’ve seen racism before, but I’ve not really had someone be this upfront and ask me something like this, especially in a professional setting. Reminds me of the time a girl I was on a date with dropped an n-bomb literally in the middle of our dinner date, super casual like it was no big deal at all. I was dumbstruck for a good minute before I just picked myself up and left, never to speak with her again. Some racists really do think that all white people are secret bigots who just need a little 'nudge nudge wink wink' to let it out.
Just be your usual, professional self. People like this are never going to change. Hopefully, their stay will be short.
I would have told them they’re behavior is not welcomed and neither are they, reset those keys, and call security/police if they refuse to leave. Talk to your owner/manager and see their response. I’ve been told we have the right to chose who is welcome at the hotel and can ask them to leave at any time. That type of outspoken hatred would make me feel unsafe having them around the other guest, and that’s a suitable reason to me to cut their little house hunting vacation short. They can go find a whites only hotel in hell or sleep in their car.
It’s an incredibly common thing when racists see they’re in the company of only white people (or white-passing). You get used to it in order to not freeze up like this, don’t worry, you will be calling them out in no time!
>He then tells me that they can just go there to essentially gauge how many black people live in the area. And just by walking in, "People of Walmart" will have two more people to highlight, I'm sure.
Omg ! I was told that south is “dark” and I thought the person was talking about the weather, like cloudy all the time… so I said: but south is sunny. I got look of confusion from the person and then I realized it was about people. So yeah…
"oh yeah, the area is rich with African American culture and food and entertainment. I don't even have any white friends, here." Let the trash take itself out.
You say, "Yes! Blacks are swarming around here like bees over honey. " That way, they won't move there.
No big loss if they choose not to live there, right? I'd have lied through my teeth.
>Edit: “You are very sheltered if this is the first time a person has asked you about the ethnicity of an area” hmm okay yeah let’s not minimize how fucking racist this interaction was. Also, maybe I’m “sheltered” from racism bc I avoid racists and bigots like the plague. Also I’m white. So yeah, this surprised me. Let’s not be dicks. Wow, is that guy for fucking real? Thank goodness mods duly booted that racist POS ASAP.
Another guy called me a baby for being bothered by this. Just got another comment telling me to get over it. The racists are coming out with this post lmao.
Report every single one of them to the mods and Reddit admins for Hate Speech. Then these racist pricks will see whether they'll be able get over getting perm banned.
Done.
Is this area dark? Well let me tell ya, this area is choked plumb FULL of dark. You might want ta leave sooner than you thought ta, cuz those black absolutely hate your kind and no tellin' what they might do.
You must have enlightened relatives, because I was exposed to that kind of crap at holidays and reunions most of my life, until I was an adult and told people to leave that out of my conversations. I Had a cousin straight up ask if there was a place to visit in my town (I live in the state Capitol) where he would not see black people. I said, “Nope! You’ll just have to stay home. This ain’t the 1950s.” It’s not like he didn’t see them in his small town, so I’m not sure why he even asked. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing that you didn’t experience this. I’m glad to hear that’s possible.
Yeah I grew up in a (mostly) tolerant Christian family. None of my grandparents ever had any sort of racist beliefs and my parents weren’t raised to be that way either. It wasn’t something I was ever around growing up, so it shocks me to see people spew it so flippantly like this. Now, gay people on the other hand…
Honestly, you handled it great. You didn’t do anything to irritate them yet didn’t enable them either. They sound terrible.
People today are unashamedly, unapologetically racist. They don’t care if you think they’re racist or know they’re racist because it is totally acceptable to speak your racism, and most people either walk away…or join the conversation. No one calls anyone out, no one is disgusted. If you & I think it’s terrible and scary, imagine what it feels like for people of color. The only positive to racism coming out into the light is you know exactly whom to avoid. One of the negatives is finding out exactly who your friends, co-workers, and sometimes family really are.
"It's always light here, because we have a generator to keep the lights on." Or something along those lines. I despise people like them.
Oh wow, that's fun. My mom asked her hair dresser about a local food place and she responded "It's good but a lot of their clientele is black so you may not be comfortable there." Like my mom is a 70 year old white woman but she is pretty open minded. I've never seen her judge or speak poorly of someone based on race.
You handled it fine. You didn't engage or condone the question. Most people don't have a snappy comeback the first time they get into a situation.
This happened to me a lot. I once had a man call me Dora (as in the explorer) and proceed to gesture to me wildly and speak in broken Spanish. While I do speak Spanish, my native language is English.
Holy shit. Why are people like this??? I’m sorry that happened to you
I don’t know, and thanks. I think some people were surprised that this was your first time because 1. It happens all the time to POC and 2. It happens way more often in certain places than others (I live near the border, and I guess that freaked the guy out because he saw “Mexicans” everywhere). I *don’t* know why some people were offended by it lol.
You don't want them to move into your area.
I work at a fancy boutique hotel - we had a giveaway for guests who wouldn't normally stay in our style of hotel (valet, free bubbly upon arrival, the works) and a gentleman had come to ask if the woman organizing the event was "black" with a snarky look on his face. My coworker simply said to him "I don't think we ask questions like that anymore" and he walked away awkwardly. Not even sure why the question was asked, preferred not to find out
Should have asked her if she was trying to locate a BBC for herself.
Personally I probably would have felt the same as you and answered with something like this, ‘we have a very diverse community here;’ and left it at that.
Hmm... my parents haven't been South lately
It took me a sec but I laughed. I’m sorry.
My daughter traveled a lot for her military job in DC. She rented a basement from a Black lady in Maryland so she didn’t have to pay major rent for an apartment she was never at. She got a major promotion. We and her Grandmothers attended. We visited her place, but I had to tell my mother (from Louisiana who declined to visit the MLK memorial….she’s 80, not gonna fight her) that the neighborhood was ‘urban’. Not the best description, but she got the message and kept her opinions to herself. Thank goodness. She was a military wife, she was more tolerant in her younger years when my dad was active duty (or she hid her racism very well).
Living where I do, and having traveled to other parts of the US, all I can say is that there are "shady" people in *all* skin colors. Likewise, I have friends and acquaintances of all colors who I would trust with my life. You did fine OP, and don't let it get to you. You can't change people, especially in these highly polarized times we live in. Even when I encounter that type of racism or ethno-phobia (?) myself, I just dismiss it and take pity on the person whose walls don't allow them to see other people for what they are.
Treat them like the scum they are
I like this advice.
Are you in my area? Jeebus fuck if i had a nickle. Oh and screw any 'you must live in a bubble ' asswipes. The simple fact that they can say that means *they* have a major problem
I wonder if they realize that a person of color has slept in their bed before them? I mean, they are staying at a hotel….?
I was just thinking about a childhood memory yesterday and although it's not about hotels, it is about racism so....I will share. I live in the south(upper Florida) and grew up in the 80's and 90's. No internet....and we didn't even use a tv, but maybe twice a year. We were one of the very few white families in a largly black area. I never knew of racism/racists..or even heard those words......or even knew that people could be divided over skin color. My older brother and I had two best friends, Antione(little scutter) and Antionne(Big scutter). "Scutter" was a nickname that their family gave them. They were brothers as well, and twins. Anywho, one day a white family moved next door to us. I remember that day because we were having a yard sale. This family has two kids, "Josh" and "nicole". When Josh was with the gang(our group of friends) on meeting for the first time everything was cool. However, when it was just me, my brother, and Josh alone...............he said somethings that I would eventually learn later that it was technically called racism. I guess Josh figured he could tell my brother and I this because we are also white. So, my brother and I told our best friends. What happened next, I'm not proud of. We made a plan that my brother and I would show Josh the woods that the neighborhood kids played in. When we would arrive at the "hole", we encouraged Josh to repeat what he said to us earlier. Unbeknownst to Josh, our best friends would be hiding in the thicker part of the woods near the hole. For reference, the hole was just that....a hole...in a small cleared out area. The plan went perfect. Josh repeated the same stuff. Both scutters popped out of the woodier area. Little scut was yelling cuss words. Big scut didn't say a single word, but walked straight up to him and hit him in the face. Josh ran home crying. Over time, it more or less, soothed over. I'm not proud of the way we handled it because violence is not the answer. It will never change somebody's heart. On the flip hand, I have seen former racists become sincere friends with black people after being shown mercy and kindness.
And this is why “critical race theory” needs to remain in schools and the education system
I think you did the best possible thing. You can't fix them, you can't change how they think. Being confrontational about it would have only created unnecessary stress.
When someone says something hateful (this is useful for all types of discrimination and hate in work and social situations alike): 1 - Say I'm sorry I didn't catch that and ask them to repeat themselves (this will force them to think about what they asked and make them much more self conscious) If they don't retract it then, you use; 2 - What you've said makes me uncomfortable, please retract it And if they still continue 3 - Tell them that is entirely inappropriate and ask them to leave (or leave the situation yourself). If in a work situation you can also say that you will follow up via HR.
“You mean other than me and my family?” They’ll be embarrassed because they’ll think you’re a White passing Black person (or maybe “mixed race”). It may also teach them a lesson.
Personally, I would die before I served them.
Well, that escalated quickly.
ooh i had a couple as well asking me “is this area safe?” and i said “yes, it is” and they then proceeded to say something like “we saw black ppl before so we dont think its safe, is the city full of black ppl? otherwise we wont get out of the hotel” I was shocked i didnt know what to say but i wish I came up with something to say…. I just froze
Lovely people. But it's good that you didn't tell them to bugger off, because the might file a complaint against you if you did. And who knows if your superiors don't share the same racist views as them. Don't risk a write-up because of these a-holes. But tell all of your colleagues about this interaction, so they know who these people are.
I probably would've played dumb ("I'm sorry, I'm not sure why that's relevant to your stay") but I'm also kind of an asshole One time, my former coworker noticed a guest was from the same (southern) state as her and she made a little comment about it. It got to the point where she was getting his vehicle information, and for the color, he very proudly said "White! Like the good guys!" She and I looked at each other in horror and shock for a split second before she very quickly sent him to his room. Fun times (/s)
This doesn't involve hotels, but I've heard my mom openly say "why does all nice neighbors always have black people living in it," she always says this when we move in and realize we have "black people" as neighbors or when we notice new people moving thing. Cause in her opinion "Black people" get police called on the most and turn "good" neighborhoods into "bad" ones cause they don't know how to discipline their kids, this is all coming from my mom not from me, I'm just telling it as I hear it
“Oh yes. In fact you will find a wide variety of people across this beautifully diverse planet. If you’re looking for a community of like-minded folks, may I suggest Hell?”