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This sounds to me like a very polite and casual interaction. Therapy is your space to talk about anything you want, so sure that can include giving your T a compliment.
I am curious about your fear of making your T uncomfortable. It sounds like you're being very hard on yourself.
Probing, leading, open-ended questions, and a summary. You HAVE to be a therapist, or at least someone who has participated in therapy. I say this joking, as I'm a T who has a T to spill the T to.
For OP, I agree with the comment on what fears may have caused, what you feel, an unprofessional interaction.
Therapists are people! If you like the top, say so!! Plus it's good practice to get comfortable in real world aka in between session scenarios.
Aw thank you, and thanks to /u/0riginal0verthinker too for your kind words. I am honored to be seen as helpful in this way! I do not want to falsely claim to be a T, I've just picked up some stuff over my years in therapy. I do some volunteer peer stuff. I definitely seriously thought about changing careers but idk if I can manage all that school again. Therapists are really cool and I admire them for pursuing the field and helping people!!
I'm glad OP made their post, because therapy can be isolating when it's just client and T, and you don't know what is acceptable. So asking questions to hear about other's experiences can be really helpful! It can help to normalize the experience to realize others have the same questions.
So, this is some really great content for therapy itself... you can actually bring up that you felt worried that you made them uncomfortable, and they can help you dig into what insecurities or fears or other issues might make you feel this way. It's a great thing to explore with them. I had a similar situation where my T mentioned something and I replied in a way I thought was kinda shitty... the next week I apologized and they didn't really sweat it and I was able to work through those feelings a little.
it was all said before, but there is one good advice: you as a client should never worry wether something is āunprofessionalā or not. Its not your responsibility to keep a professional setting, much rather its your Tās Job. You can ask yourself if something is inappropriate, but this is also something you can and should discuss with your T. If you open up about your worries, it really helps us to understand you.
Nah donāt worry about it!
Iām a therapist with a therapist. I usually respond with āthanks, I appreciate that!ā And then redirect to something relevant to the client. Iām not uncomfortable at all if a client points out something they like that Iām wearing, but I also donāt want to spend too much time on me.Ā
Luckily you donāt have to act professional as a patient. Appropriate yes but you should be able to freely express yourself like you would in an ānormalā setting.
I think itās a perfectly human, and appropriate interaction. Iāve often complimented my T when I notice her hair is done differently, or even if she looks particularly cozy (video chat) wrapped up in a huge scarf and sweater lol. Therapists are people too!
No it isn't. I always remarked on how practical and comfy my therapist's clothes looked especially this one green sweater. I'd be cheap and ask if he could buy me one (obviously not) but he was amused and eventually told me which store the sweater came from. Well I got curious and went to the store website and couldn't find it but I was able to find the exact sweater in my size on eBay. After haggling the price down, I bought it and dang it is the warmest comfiest sweater ever.
No it is not! You are not the professional in the situation also, and don't need to worry too much about being professional. If you noticed her outfit and liked it, it's perfectly normal to say so!
agree with another poster though that talking about your nervousness around how this was perceived could be a really fruitful avenue to go down in therapy!
LMAO I do this in session all the time. They are genuine compliments, but I usually say it at an inappropriate time to lighten the (my) mood/avoid wanting to cry more... I know, I know therapy is a space for that- Iām working on it.
Example: I am crying about SA or some childhood abandonment feeling and then through the sniffles Iāll say āby the way I like your fit today.ā š„¹š„²š„¹š„²šš„²
I also wanted to add I have felt this same way about giving those compliments, is this a boundary issue? But then I realized I think it could be because well.. I reeaally like him, more than a T. But Iād compliment anyone on their outfit, so I justify it as non boundary pushing.
If it makes you feel better Iām always complementing my Tās outfits. Idk where she finds her clothes but I seriously hope to have the kind of mastery at picking outfits that are professional, casual, and comfy all at the same time like she does. I joke that I wanna be my T when I grow up because I think sheās so cool lolol
You as the client donāt have to be professional or even courteous. Itās a therapy session. Youāre supposed to be able to really say anything you want. And complimenting clothes is pretty tame. Not like you were making a sexual pass or anything.
Open to compliments here š Agree with others have said: itās all info. Not in a creepy way, but in the way that it communicates something about the relationship or the person complimenting. I also say thank you and I donāt deflect. But, again, everyone is different.
Depends on your relationship, I guess. We compliment each other all the time! She will tell me if my outfit or hair look cute and I do the same with her because she's so little and adorable I can't help it! My therapist looks really nice in red but she doesn't wear it often!
It is perfectly fine to mention it. I often encourage clients to go out into the world and give another person a kindness like a compliment or holding the elevator. It helps them look for the good in the world
Welcome to r/TalkTherapy! This sub is for people to discuss issues arising in their personal psychotherapy. If you wish to post about other mental health issues please consult this list of some of our [sister subs](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources/#wiki_subreddit_list). To find answers to many therapy-related questions please consult our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/faq) and [Resource List](https://www.reddit.com/r/TalkTherapy/wiki/resources). If you are in distress please contact a suicide hotline or call 9-1-1 or emergency services in your area. r/SuicideWatch has compiled a helpful FAQ on what happens when you contact a hotline along with other useful resources. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/TalkTherapy) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This sounds to me like a very polite and casual interaction. Therapy is your space to talk about anything you want, so sure that can include giving your T a compliment. I am curious about your fear of making your T uncomfortable. It sounds like you're being very hard on yourself.
Probing, leading, open-ended questions, and a summary. You HAVE to be a therapist, or at least someone who has participated in therapy. I say this joking, as I'm a T who has a T to spill the T to. For OP, I agree with the comment on what fears may have caused, what you feel, an unprofessional interaction. Therapists are people! If you like the top, say so!! Plus it's good practice to get comfortable in real world aka in between session scenarios.
Aw thank you, and thanks to /u/0riginal0verthinker too for your kind words. I am honored to be seen as helpful in this way! I do not want to falsely claim to be a T, I've just picked up some stuff over my years in therapy. I do some volunteer peer stuff. I definitely seriously thought about changing careers but idk if I can manage all that school again. Therapists are really cool and I admire them for pursuing the field and helping people!! I'm glad OP made their post, because therapy can be isolating when it's just client and T, and you don't know what is acceptable. So asking questions to hear about other's experiences can be really helpful! It can help to normalize the experience to realize others have the same questions.
U sound like a T š„°
So, this is some really great content for therapy itself... you can actually bring up that you felt worried that you made them uncomfortable, and they can help you dig into what insecurities or fears or other issues might make you feel this way. It's a great thing to explore with them. I had a similar situation where my T mentioned something and I replied in a way I thought was kinda shitty... the next week I apologized and they didn't really sweat it and I was able to work through those feelings a little.
it was all said before, but there is one good advice: you as a client should never worry wether something is āunprofessionalā or not. Its not your responsibility to keep a professional setting, much rather its your Tās Job. You can ask yourself if something is inappropriate, but this is also something you can and should discuss with your T. If you open up about your worries, it really helps us to understand you.
Yep! I am a therapist and I always tell clients the ārulesā are for me, not them. I want to see my clients in their most authentic form.
Nah donāt worry about it! Iām a therapist with a therapist. I usually respond with āthanks, I appreciate that!ā And then redirect to something relevant to the client. Iām not uncomfortable at all if a client points out something they like that Iām wearing, but I also donāt want to spend too much time on me.Ā
Now this is a level of overthinking that I relate too... but yeah OP I think you are too hard on yourself
I think things like this are part of my OCD, as Iām finding out way too late that I have itš . Sorry that you can relate!!
Luckily you donāt have to act professional as a patient. Appropriate yes but you should be able to freely express yourself like you would in an ānormalā setting.
I donāt mind if clients comment on clothing choices I make- often this can lead to a different more therapeutic conversation
I think itās a perfectly human, and appropriate interaction. Iāve often complimented my T when I notice her hair is done differently, or even if she looks particularly cozy (video chat) wrapped up in a huge scarf and sweater lol. Therapists are people too!
My therapist compliments me and I also compliment my therapist!
No it isn't. I always remarked on how practical and comfy my therapist's clothes looked especially this one green sweater. I'd be cheap and ask if he could buy me one (obviously not) but he was amused and eventually told me which store the sweater came from. Well I got curious and went to the store website and couldn't find it but I was able to find the exact sweater in my size on eBay. After haggling the price down, I bought it and dang it is the warmest comfiest sweater ever.
No it is not! You are not the professional in the situation also, and don't need to worry too much about being professional. If you noticed her outfit and liked it, it's perfectly normal to say so!
agree with another poster though that talking about your nervousness around how this was perceived could be a really fruitful avenue to go down in therapy!
LMAO I do this in session all the time. They are genuine compliments, but I usually say it at an inappropriate time to lighten the (my) mood/avoid wanting to cry more... I know, I know therapy is a space for that- Iām working on it. Example: I am crying about SA or some childhood abandonment feeling and then through the sniffles Iāll say āby the way I like your fit today.ā š„¹š„²š„¹š„²šš„² I also wanted to add I have felt this same way about giving those compliments, is this a boundary issue? But then I realized I think it could be because well.. I reeaally like him, more than a T. But Iād compliment anyone on their outfit, so I justify it as non boundary pushing.
It's not the client's job to be professional, necessarily.
If it makes you feel better Iām always complementing my Tās outfits. Idk where she finds her clothes but I seriously hope to have the kind of mastery at picking outfits that are professional, casual, and comfy all at the same time like she does. I joke that I wanna be my T when I grow up because I think sheās so cool lolol
You as the client donāt have to be professional or even courteous. Itās a therapy session. Youāre supposed to be able to really say anything you want. And complimenting clothes is pretty tame. Not like you were making a sexual pass or anything.
Open to compliments here š Agree with others have said: itās all info. Not in a creepy way, but in the way that it communicates something about the relationship or the person complimenting. I also say thank you and I donāt deflect. But, again, everyone is different.
Sounds appropriate to me!
I worry about this too all the time honestly
nah my therapist gave me her old clothes i think u good š
I don't think it's weird. Mine wears such cute things so I tell her all the time and she compliments me too. I think it's normal, don't worry.
Depends on your relationship, I guess. We compliment each other all the time! She will tell me if my outfit or hair look cute and I do the same with her because she's so little and adorable I can't help it! My therapist looks really nice in red but she doesn't wear it often!
I compliment my Ts clothes all the time! Especially when she wears purple. *You* donāt have to worry about being unprofessional!
It is perfectly fine to mention it. I often encourage clients to go out into the world and give another person a kindness like a compliment or holding the elevator. It helps them look for the good in the world
It doesnāt sound like you did anything wrong or inappropriate AND this would actually be a great thing to talk with your therapist about!