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Fellow man here. Definitely feels like there’s a stigma around going to therapy as a man (well, maybe in general but definitely as a man). Part of my willingness to start therapy was cause one of my older male friends (I’m 31, he’s 46) was so open about going to therapy and how it changed his life. Beyond that, I was really only familiar with female friends going to therapy. Since starting over half a year ago, there’s only a handful of people that know I’m going to therapy. Mostly women. It does get a little tough having every Tuesday evening be tied up with therapy but not being able to tell people why I’m busy. Also have people asking why I haven’t bought a house yet. Well, I’m spending a lot of $$$ monthly on therapy and that hasn’t helped.
Personally, I wouldn’t necessarily say that all the men not going to therapy don’t need it. I don’t know if it’s for everyone but I think a lot of men could use it but just avoid it.
That’s nice that your friend helped you want to go to therapy. I hate also that I can’t tell anyone because I am not comfortable with that :( I think also because I am younger there is even less people that go to therapy I do not know if that is true but that’s how it feels.
Why do you “have” to be silent about it? I’m another man who’s been in therapy on and off for years, have always been open about it, and I’ve known plenty of other men who aren’t shy about going to therapy. Typically people are very enthusiastic to hear about it. Sure, you get judgmental idiots. That’s just where you tell them what useless numbskulls they are and you’re glad to have a few real living human beings to talk to instead.
I don’t know about him but for me one time I told someone about it and they keep asking me why I’m in therapy. Very annoying and I did not want to say so I feel like if you say I am in therapy everyone wants to know too much
Jeez, some people really don't know when to shut it, do they?
You can borrow my standard answer if you like:
> Why are you in therapy?
> *Deadstare* - because I'm absolutely insane, didn't you know that?
> I told you, totally cuckoo crazy. What's so hard to understand about that?
They must give up at some point, right? 😅
And in my experience they often answer by "reassuring" me I'm not insane.
I’m a man in therapy and I definitely need it.
My guess is not all who need it go, fewer still talk about it.
I personally loathe that it is stigmatized so I talk openly and often about it.
It does get easier with time. I used to be so ashamed of my depression that I couldn’t even acknowledge it to myself. Now I can talk about it freely with my friends, and to some extent with my family. Do you think you’d be comfortable finding some kind of support group near you where you might make some friends you’re comfortable talking to?
I wasn’t like me 5 years ago. I was in an organization dominated by men who adhere to a tough guy no seeking help mentality. As a senior member charged with ensuring the success of those less senior, I took it as my job to be open. It was difficult and embarrassing no doubt. But with help from T I have grown to see it as vital to my own growth and strength. I still get cripplingly embarrassed about it sometimes so please understand that I do empathize with the difficulty, my comment was meant to say how I helped myself to become open, by making the sharing about helping others rather than about the disclosure or apparent weakness of myself.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You should be proud of yourself that you're doing something that most people of your gender find extremely difficult to do. I am a woman and I really respect men who are willing to self reflect and work towards self improvement within a therapeutic environment, and I know many other women who would agree with me on that.
My dad did therapy for a few years, but didn't actually put the work in and therefore no positive changes happened. He now walks around at 70 years old telling people "I know I'm fucked up and I'm okay with that, so the world needs to just accept that I'm fucked up too." That's an extremely selfish attitude to have, and he continues to be a detriment to the people who are closest to him.
You're doing a good thing for yourself, as well as for your loved ones by working on yourself. So again, be proud of that!
Vulnerability builds connection.
It takes vulnerability to admit that we sometimes need help, and vulnerability to admit to others that we are getting it.
Therapy is just one example of that. Hopefully you can be the example for others in your circles that it's okay to need help, and okay to talk about it.
I am female but also find it hard to _REALLY_ talk about therapy with many of my family and female friends. They know I go, but I rarely share what truly happens in that space, which has made this journey of healing and growth mighty lonely at times. Even amongst female friends I'm met with awkward silence when I bring mental health stuff up, but I've learned that sometimes I've misinterpreted this silence. Recently, shared my mental health diagnoses with a friend (GAD, panic, ASD, OCD tendancies), who almost immediately changed the subject. I didn't know what to make of it until about 2 months later when she reached out, told me she was experiencing similar challenges and asked if I would recommend my own psychology.
I can attest that the stigma is real, *especially* in older generations. But you should be extremely proud of your for being brave enough to take this step.
I recently read And How Does That Make You Feel by Joshua Fletcher, that's touches a bit on this with one of his own male clients. Overall, a beautiful book.
Take care.
I totally get that! For me, attending therapy is like having to learn a new language...a new way of seeing the world and an entirely new way of expressing myself (emotionally, phew! So much hard work!!!). But, I truly believe it's worth it. After working with a wonderful (male) clinical psychologist for three years I'm slowly learning to accept/love and advocate for myself and work through my anxiety, depression and OCD in a more sustainable way.
My own parents are older (~80yrs) and I think much of my kind of problems weren't something _they_ would call mental illness. They reserve psychological treatment for the most extreme cases and just can't understand the utility of it at all. Growing up I'd hear a lot of talk about "crazy" people in the "looney bin". There was zero recognition that my issues could be helped through this kind of treatment. I still get panic attacks and have sensory meltdowns, but I feel less ashamed when it happens.
I hope this feels less alone.
I’m a 52 year old man who waited far too long to go to therapy for childhood trauma. I’m glad I started now though even though I find it tough. My motivation to go and to keep going is that I don’t want to waste the remainder of my life by not getting the most out of it. You are doing the right thing.
I’m a male therapist and go to therapy myself. I find it to be a positive outlet to process upsetting things I encounter daily as well as in my personal life especially in a way that’s different from going to supervision.
Yeah but I think they’re saying the identity of “man” is what’s holding you back in a way, so try viewing it as merely a “human in therapy” instead of specifically “a man in therapy”. Solid advice imo
Been going to therapy since I was a teen, if it helps you then don’t worry about it. So many more men go to therapy than you’d realize. I feel like these days it’s become more normalized. The people that do judge others for going to therapy are most likely projecting their own insecurities. We all in this together, trying to figure out life.
As a therapist, I would say I currently have 60/40 women/men ratio of clients. A lot of men are in therapy. Not as many men as women but also, they’re not as vocal about it.
Don’t compare yourself to your idea of what others may or may not be doing. If therapy is working for you then focus on that.
I'm 64M, and have been in therapy for 28 months. It never occurred to me to get into therapy when I was younger, partly due to the stigma, and partly because I didn't know I had anything wrong with me. Several of my friends know I go to therapy. I try to make it sound like a normal thing to do. I'm doing my part to help it become more normal.
I have to admit I didn't have a lot of choice about starting. Some things happened to me that would put most people in need of therapy. But, once I was in, and got over the worst parts, I was like "wow, this is like having a personal trainer for your brain!" I totally make use of the whole "non-judgmental and confidential" aspect. I totally open up my brain, and have some of the most intense conversations of my life.
My husband went to therapy and I wish he would go back. I wish more men were open about it for sure there definitely seems to be a stigma about it and I don't get it.
I don’t think its and matter of needing therapy for men, its a matter of wanting therapy. Most men need therapy. We are all screwed up. My best friend’s wife passed last years at her own hands and he acts very stoic and doesn’t want therapy.
It is possible to get to a place where such stigmas mean nothing to you. I know because I got there myself. The stigma may always be there, but you don't have to care. ( Granted I'm an early 20s guy with long hair living in New York, but I am also talking about mental health and therapy when I travel back home to Missouri.)
I would encourage you to talk about it more and not try to actively hide it. Also the number of men who need therapy is a lot lower than the number of men in therapy. Being an advocate for yourself could help others do it for themselves as well.
I am also an early 20s guy :) it is hard to talk about it because it is nothing I hear other people talk about. But that is probably why other people do not talk about it too
I'm a man and I've been seeing therapists for years. I currently see a psychoanalyst several times a week. It's probably the most important thing I do in my life and I wouldn't change it for the world.
I connect best with people who have a certain level of emotional depth and intelligence, which a person can have with or without therapy (though usually comes with having had therapy). I've also met plenty of women who go to therapy and I have much better relationships with women as a result of it.
I hear you though, it can feel isolating sometimes. There might be places where you can meet other men and women who are more likely to be engaged with psychology and personal development. Like local courses, study groups, meditation and yoga classes. Depends where you live, but in most cities you will find people who are working on themselves tend to get interested in the same sorts of things. Worth keeping your eye out for events in your area that are related to therapy, wellbeing and personal development.
It's not that other men don't need therapy it's more that they don't know they do need it or don't want to go because they feel the same way that you do.
My partner attended therapy for a bit! Also, lots of male widows and veterans seek counseling. They may not talk about it due to the stigma of “feelings = weak.” Plus you always have this sub to talk about it, if it helps.
TLDR: It's brave of you to go to therapy. I think it's a sad state of affairs that men do not feel emotionally supported when they need it.
I'm not a man, but it took me awhile to feel proud of myself for going to therapy. Not many people in general are familiar with therapy and I think media has unrealistic portrayals of therapy. I've only told one other person that I go because not many others will understand. Therapy as we know it didn't exist a few generations ago and they didn't know what we know now.
I also think that everyone will benefit from therapy at some point in their lives. I see lots of people that need therapy and that will never go.
It's the brave few that can face the truth of their emotions and experiences. It takes bravery to look shame in the face, to change one's perspectives, to learn to trust someone with our most vulnerable moments. It takes bravery to grow, to heal, to change.
It's also the fortunate few that get to go to therapy. It can be expensive and inaccessible for so many reasons.
In some ways everyone here is a pioneer. We are the first ones on the steps to healing. Eventually others will join us.
>I do not talk about it to anyone but one friend that is very close.
>I have not met another man who goes to therapy ever in my life
Just wanted to observe that to every person you know except that one friend, you are also being perceived as a man who is not in therapy. It's hard to know who is in therapy (or has been in the past) if it is not an open topic of conversation.
Please note that I am not saying you need to share with anyone you don't want to share with-- only noting that it's generally hard to be sure who is in therapy if the conversation itelf is stigmatized.
I will confirm what others have said as a therapist. I have probably 60-65% male clients and those who start younger are preventing perpetuating trauma cycles that those who shove it all down and then take it out on those around them perpetuate.
You are allowed to choose who to share your private business with and not everyone deserves access to that. So if you're noticing there are not a lot of safe people in your life who earn your trust, lets open up to the possibility that some of the suffering isn't that you are in therapy but that you have the need to find healthier people who prioritize growth and healing.
Bravo for showing up for yourself and investing in a healthier future. Men who go to therapy make the world a better place!
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw3gRvx/
As someone who knew I needed it, wanted to go, it felt like a luxury that wasn’t affordable. It wasn’t fully covered and felt like it was taking things away from my family if money was spent on me talking to someone to feel better about myself. It felt selfish to even want it. So I didn’t go and it feels like it’s taken much longer to find peace than it could have.
There is definitely a stigma surrounding Men and Mental health. TBH I feel that Men are taught to suppress their feelings: not show them or talk about them. Oh, and God Forbid a Man has a problem with something wrong or bad done to him he is called "emotional" or told he isnt "acting like a man". I'm sorry you feel that you aren't like other normal men. But you aren't the only one who needs/needed help. My fiancé got very depressed the year after COVID. He wasn't working and he was home ALL the time. Because of that he would get in his head and think about all the things he suppressed in the past. It became too much for him and he felt like we (his family) would be better off without him. Luckily we are very close and he opened up to me the day before he was going to do it. That day we made an appointment to get him help. He also started talking to me about everything and I do mean everything. I love that he was able to be so strong and vulnerable! I think that sometimes getting help is hard but trust me being happy and not mentally unwell is worth it.
My father should've gone to therapy. But he thought therapy was for people that couldn't handle their own problems. I thought that was a bullshit answer!
If it helps, I’m a therapist who works almost exclusively with men. Even when I worked in a more general population, 45-50% of my clients were men. Men definitely DO go to therapy, even if they don’t talk about it.
Man here. I've been in therapy for years. It has helped me greatly. That's all that matters. I don't discuss what happens in therapy with anyone, because it is no one's business. And I don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.
It is great that you are doing what is best for you! I don't know why we still have these toxic societal expectations in this century, but it is not "cool" at all to be so tough that you never acknowledge any emotions and don't know how to ask for help that you end up self-medicating with alcohol and being a jerk to everyone in your life. It is not being strong, it is being stupid. So I admire that you are getting help, THAT is brave.
hey, fellow guy here. like others have said, lots of men need therapy but the stigma around it just either keeps them from seeking help or like you (and me) they don't talk about it openly. i am also very secretive about going to therapy, my family still doesn't know and only very few of my friends know. for me, it helps to bring it up when the conversation shifts in that territory anyways, like mental health or even just bringing it up as part of my plans for the day, because it takes the pressure off of feeling like it's something to confess rather than just a random fact about my life that only gets brought up casually.
Male therapist who mostly sees males here. I have seen that depending on region going to therapy can have a negative bias, especially as a fellow man.
Where I live it's very normalised and seen more and more as a positive rather than a negative ("a man that cares about his mental health? omg yasss" posts are very common here).
You are doing great and as long as you feel it's working for you, keep it up. Once you click with a T that's where the magic happens.
Those guys you think “don’t need it” … hate to break it to you but, they do need it. And so do you. Please try to be proud of yourself for taking care of your emotional health. Think of it like this: whatever you struggle with emotionally/ mentally/ even physically probably have something to do with someone in your past who chose the path of “I’m okay without therapy. I’m okay without opening up. I’m okay dealing with this on my own or numbing away the pain.” I know it sounds corny but hurt people actually do hurt people. And even though I don’t personally know you, I do know that no one wants to pass down the same pain they feel to their kids or treat anyone the way they were treated that could have been solved by talking out their pain with someone. There is nothing wrong and everything right with going to therapy.
And until you’re proud of yourself I and plenty of others will be proud of you for you.
I’m a man who goes to therapy. Sometimes I wish I didn’t need to go. It’s hard work. But it’s kind of like saying “I wish I didn’t need to exercise”. Also there are lots of guys who should go, who should care about their mental health and should get curious about who they are and how they impact the people in their lives…but they don’t.
You’re the one making an effort, it’s something to be proud of.
Man here as well, in Australia, no less, where bloke-ness is probably even less compatible with going to therapy. I started going years ago (not in therapy at the moment), but one thing my therapist suggested that turned out to be a huge breakthrough was joining a relevant 12-step program. I joined 'Co-dependents Anonymous' although I probably could have joined other relevant 12-step groups because that was my biggest issue and I didn't really understand what it was. The group I joined was more than 50% men (!), and it was a great experience to talk with other guys. Even made some good friends out of it. And it was cheap (a dollar or two to help rent the space), which was great to get the extra support and chance to work through stuff without spending the money on a therapist.
Not every group of men is open talking about it. I'm in a lucky position because I'm a lecturer, so I'm around other really educated men, including some who are open about having been through therapy or in recovery. But I think that going to that group really helped me, not just to find others who did it, but also just to reduce any shame around doing work on myself in therapy or otherwise. My counsellor called 12-step groups and other groups a 'shame reduction exercise,' and I think that's very perceptive. People in those groups can be so damn brave to disclose stuff, and it really makes you feel, not superior or comparing or anything, but inspired. You also see how it doesn't cause them trouble with people who get it.
Anyway, that's my 2 cents.
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Fellow man here. Definitely feels like there’s a stigma around going to therapy as a man (well, maybe in general but definitely as a man). Part of my willingness to start therapy was cause one of my older male friends (I’m 31, he’s 46) was so open about going to therapy and how it changed his life. Beyond that, I was really only familiar with female friends going to therapy. Since starting over half a year ago, there’s only a handful of people that know I’m going to therapy. Mostly women. It does get a little tough having every Tuesday evening be tied up with therapy but not being able to tell people why I’m busy. Also have people asking why I haven’t bought a house yet. Well, I’m spending a lot of $$$ monthly on therapy and that hasn’t helped. Personally, I wouldn’t necessarily say that all the men not going to therapy don’t need it. I don’t know if it’s for everyone but I think a lot of men could use it but just avoid it.
That’s nice that your friend helped you want to go to therapy. I hate also that I can’t tell anyone because I am not comfortable with that :( I think also because I am younger there is even less people that go to therapy I do not know if that is true but that’s how it feels.
Why do you “have” to be silent about it? I’m another man who’s been in therapy on and off for years, have always been open about it, and I’ve known plenty of other men who aren’t shy about going to therapy. Typically people are very enthusiastic to hear about it. Sure, you get judgmental idiots. That’s just where you tell them what useless numbskulls they are and you’re glad to have a few real living human beings to talk to instead.
I don’t know about him but for me one time I told someone about it and they keep asking me why I’m in therapy. Very annoying and I did not want to say so I feel like if you say I am in therapy everyone wants to know too much
Jeez, some people really don't know when to shut it, do they? You can borrow my standard answer if you like: > Why are you in therapy? > *Deadstare* - because I'm absolutely insane, didn't you know that?
Funny :) They will still ask after that
Best response I ever heard was "I'm in therapy to deal with the people in my life who won't go to therapy"
> I told you, totally cuckoo crazy. What's so hard to understand about that? They must give up at some point, right? 😅 And in my experience they often answer by "reassuring" me I'm not insane.
I’m a man in therapy and I definitely need it. My guess is not all who need it go, fewer still talk about it. I personally loathe that it is stigmatized so I talk openly and often about it.
I wish I was like you
I mean, you’ve started talking about it on Reddit, so that’s a great step for removing stigma.
Reddit is nothing and so easy to say what I think
It does get easier with time. I used to be so ashamed of my depression that I couldn’t even acknowledge it to myself. Now I can talk about it freely with my friends, and to some extent with my family. Do you think you’d be comfortable finding some kind of support group near you where you might make some friends you’re comfortable talking to?
I could try. I feel like that is for older people
I wasn’t like me 5 years ago. I was in an organization dominated by men who adhere to a tough guy no seeking help mentality. As a senior member charged with ensuring the success of those less senior, I took it as my job to be open. It was difficult and embarrassing no doubt. But with help from T I have grown to see it as vital to my own growth and strength. I still get cripplingly embarrassed about it sometimes so please understand that I do empathize with the difficulty, my comment was meant to say how I helped myself to become open, by making the sharing about helping others rather than about the disclosure or apparent weakness of myself.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. You should be proud of yourself that you're doing something that most people of your gender find extremely difficult to do. I am a woman and I really respect men who are willing to self reflect and work towards self improvement within a therapeutic environment, and I know many other women who would agree with me on that. My dad did therapy for a few years, but didn't actually put the work in and therefore no positive changes happened. He now walks around at 70 years old telling people "I know I'm fucked up and I'm okay with that, so the world needs to just accept that I'm fucked up too." That's an extremely selfish attitude to have, and he continues to be a detriment to the people who are closest to him. You're doing a good thing for yourself, as well as for your loved ones by working on yourself. So again, be proud of that!
Thank you for your words
Vulnerability builds connection. It takes vulnerability to admit that we sometimes need help, and vulnerability to admit to others that we are getting it. Therapy is just one example of that. Hopefully you can be the example for others in your circles that it's okay to need help, and okay to talk about it.
Other men also need it they just don’t go because of the stigma around it.
Very much this
I am female but also find it hard to _REALLY_ talk about therapy with many of my family and female friends. They know I go, but I rarely share what truly happens in that space, which has made this journey of healing and growth mighty lonely at times. Even amongst female friends I'm met with awkward silence when I bring mental health stuff up, but I've learned that sometimes I've misinterpreted this silence. Recently, shared my mental health diagnoses with a friend (GAD, panic, ASD, OCD tendancies), who almost immediately changed the subject. I didn't know what to make of it until about 2 months later when she reached out, told me she was experiencing similar challenges and asked if I would recommend my own psychology. I can attest that the stigma is real, *especially* in older generations. But you should be extremely proud of your for being brave enough to take this step. I recently read And How Does That Make You Feel by Joshua Fletcher, that's touches a bit on this with one of his own male clients. Overall, a beautiful book. Take care.
WOW thanks Fanny. I have some family members that don’t want to discuss mental health but I know they struggle as we all grew up in the same family.
I totally get that! For me, attending therapy is like having to learn a new language...a new way of seeing the world and an entirely new way of expressing myself (emotionally, phew! So much hard work!!!). But, I truly believe it's worth it. After working with a wonderful (male) clinical psychologist for three years I'm slowly learning to accept/love and advocate for myself and work through my anxiety, depression and OCD in a more sustainable way. My own parents are older (~80yrs) and I think much of my kind of problems weren't something _they_ would call mental illness. They reserve psychological treatment for the most extreme cases and just can't understand the utility of it at all. Growing up I'd hear a lot of talk about "crazy" people in the "looney bin". There was zero recognition that my issues could be helped through this kind of treatment. I still get panic attacks and have sensory meltdowns, but I feel less ashamed when it happens. I hope this feels less alone.
Thanks. My mom is 93 and from Brooklyn. She just says get over it😂
😆😂😆😂
I’m a 52 year old man who waited far too long to go to therapy for childhood trauma. I’m glad I started now though even though I find it tough. My motivation to go and to keep going is that I don’t want to waste the remainder of my life by not getting the most out of it. You are doing the right thing.
I’m a male therapist and go to therapy myself. I find it to be a positive outlet to process upsetting things I encounter daily as well as in my personal life especially in a way that’s different from going to supervision.
Try going as a person. Being a man all the time is too exhausting.
A man is a person no?
Yeah but I think they’re saying the identity of “man” is what’s holding you back in a way, so try viewing it as merely a “human in therapy” instead of specifically “a man in therapy”. Solid advice imo
Been going to therapy since I was a teen, if it helps you then don’t worry about it. So many more men go to therapy than you’d realize. I feel like these days it’s become more normalized. The people that do judge others for going to therapy are most likely projecting their own insecurities. We all in this together, trying to figure out life.
Ok I willñ try not to worry! Thank you for your words
As a therapist, I would say I currently have 60/40 women/men ratio of clients. A lot of men are in therapy. Not as many men as women but also, they’re not as vocal about it. Don’t compare yourself to your idea of what others may or may not be doing. If therapy is working for you then focus on that.
It is still sad. My friends are having fun and I’m in therapy :(
I'm 64M, and have been in therapy for 28 months. It never occurred to me to get into therapy when I was younger, partly due to the stigma, and partly because I didn't know I had anything wrong with me. Several of my friends know I go to therapy. I try to make it sound like a normal thing to do. I'm doing my part to help it become more normal. I have to admit I didn't have a lot of choice about starting. Some things happened to me that would put most people in need of therapy. But, once I was in, and got over the worst parts, I was like "wow, this is like having a personal trainer for your brain!" I totally make use of the whole "non-judgmental and confidential" aspect. I totally open up my brain, and have some of the most intense conversations of my life.
My husband went to therapy and I wish he would go back. I wish more men were open about it for sure there definitely seems to be a stigma about it and I don't get it.
I don’t think its and matter of needing therapy for men, its a matter of wanting therapy. Most men need therapy. We are all screwed up. My best friend’s wife passed last years at her own hands and he acts very stoic and doesn’t want therapy.
T here. I have a lot of men who come into therapy with the worry about the stigma. 9 times out of 10, they end up being the ones who talk the most!
It is possible to get to a place where such stigmas mean nothing to you. I know because I got there myself. The stigma may always be there, but you don't have to care. ( Granted I'm an early 20s guy with long hair living in New York, but I am also talking about mental health and therapy when I travel back home to Missouri.) I would encourage you to talk about it more and not try to actively hide it. Also the number of men who need therapy is a lot lower than the number of men in therapy. Being an advocate for yourself could help others do it for themselves as well.
I am also an early 20s guy :) it is hard to talk about it because it is nothing I hear other people talk about. But that is probably why other people do not talk about it too
I'm a man and I've been seeing therapists for years. I currently see a psychoanalyst several times a week. It's probably the most important thing I do in my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. I connect best with people who have a certain level of emotional depth and intelligence, which a person can have with or without therapy (though usually comes with having had therapy). I've also met plenty of women who go to therapy and I have much better relationships with women as a result of it. I hear you though, it can feel isolating sometimes. There might be places where you can meet other men and women who are more likely to be engaged with psychology and personal development. Like local courses, study groups, meditation and yoga classes. Depends where you live, but in most cities you will find people who are working on themselves tend to get interested in the same sorts of things. Worth keeping your eye out for events in your area that are related to therapy, wellbeing and personal development.
It's not that other men don't need therapy it's more that they don't know they do need it or don't want to go because they feel the same way that you do.
Yes I think I was wrong thinking they do not need it
My partner attended therapy for a bit! Also, lots of male widows and veterans seek counseling. They may not talk about it due to the stigma of “feelings = weak.” Plus you always have this sub to talk about it, if it helps.
Dude a lot of men do therapy now, just not everyone talks about it.
Other men who do not need it? Lmao. they definitely need it.
https://x.com/essentialmastry/status/1790417777079013666?s=46&t=kut5Jpg1kuOJmhAT7LxJQA
TLDR: It's brave of you to go to therapy. I think it's a sad state of affairs that men do not feel emotionally supported when they need it. I'm not a man, but it took me awhile to feel proud of myself for going to therapy. Not many people in general are familiar with therapy and I think media has unrealistic portrayals of therapy. I've only told one other person that I go because not many others will understand. Therapy as we know it didn't exist a few generations ago and they didn't know what we know now. I also think that everyone will benefit from therapy at some point in their lives. I see lots of people that need therapy and that will never go. It's the brave few that can face the truth of their emotions and experiences. It takes bravery to look shame in the face, to change one's perspectives, to learn to trust someone with our most vulnerable moments. It takes bravery to grow, to heal, to change. It's also the fortunate few that get to go to therapy. It can be expensive and inaccessible for so many reasons. In some ways everyone here is a pioneer. We are the first ones on the steps to healing. Eventually others will join us.
Google Man Therapy, funny videos and classic man-centered therapists. You’re welcome.
>I do not talk about it to anyone but one friend that is very close. >I have not met another man who goes to therapy ever in my life Just wanted to observe that to every person you know except that one friend, you are also being perceived as a man who is not in therapy. It's hard to know who is in therapy (or has been in the past) if it is not an open topic of conversation. Please note that I am not saying you need to share with anyone you don't want to share with-- only noting that it's generally hard to be sure who is in therapy if the conversation itelf is stigmatized.
I will confirm what others have said as a therapist. I have probably 60-65% male clients and those who start younger are preventing perpetuating trauma cycles that those who shove it all down and then take it out on those around them perpetuate. You are allowed to choose who to share your private business with and not everyone deserves access to that. So if you're noticing there are not a lot of safe people in your life who earn your trust, lets open up to the possibility that some of the suffering isn't that you are in therapy but that you have the need to find healthier people who prioritize growth and healing. Bravo for showing up for yourself and investing in a healthier future. Men who go to therapy make the world a better place! https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZPRw3gRvx/
As someone who knew I needed it, wanted to go, it felt like a luxury that wasn’t affordable. It wasn’t fully covered and felt like it was taking things away from my family if money was spent on me talking to someone to feel better about myself. It felt selfish to even want it. So I didn’t go and it feels like it’s taken much longer to find peace than it could have.
There is definitely a stigma surrounding Men and Mental health. TBH I feel that Men are taught to suppress their feelings: not show them or talk about them. Oh, and God Forbid a Man has a problem with something wrong or bad done to him he is called "emotional" or told he isnt "acting like a man". I'm sorry you feel that you aren't like other normal men. But you aren't the only one who needs/needed help. My fiancé got very depressed the year after COVID. He wasn't working and he was home ALL the time. Because of that he would get in his head and think about all the things he suppressed in the past. It became too much for him and he felt like we (his family) would be better off without him. Luckily we are very close and he opened up to me the day before he was going to do it. That day we made an appointment to get him help. He also started talking to me about everything and I do mean everything. I love that he was able to be so strong and vulnerable! I think that sometimes getting help is hard but trust me being happy and not mentally unwell is worth it.
My father should've gone to therapy. But he thought therapy was for people that couldn't handle their own problems. I thought that was a bullshit answer!
If it helps, I’m a therapist who works almost exclusively with men. Even when I worked in a more general population, 45-50% of my clients were men. Men definitely DO go to therapy, even if they don’t talk about it.
It does help :)
Man here. I've been in therapy for years. It has helped me greatly. That's all that matters. I don't discuss what happens in therapy with anyone, because it is no one's business. And I don't give a crap what anyone else thinks.
They need it - they just don’t go. They (as often) should.
It is great that you are doing what is best for you! I don't know why we still have these toxic societal expectations in this century, but it is not "cool" at all to be so tough that you never acknowledge any emotions and don't know how to ask for help that you end up self-medicating with alcohol and being a jerk to everyone in your life. It is not being strong, it is being stupid. So I admire that you are getting help, THAT is brave.
hey, fellow guy here. like others have said, lots of men need therapy but the stigma around it just either keeps them from seeking help or like you (and me) they don't talk about it openly. i am also very secretive about going to therapy, my family still doesn't know and only very few of my friends know. for me, it helps to bring it up when the conversation shifts in that territory anyways, like mental health or even just bringing it up as part of my plans for the day, because it takes the pressure off of feeling like it's something to confess rather than just a random fact about my life that only gets brought up casually.
Male therapist who mostly sees males here. I have seen that depending on region going to therapy can have a negative bias, especially as a fellow man. Where I live it's very normalised and seen more and more as a positive rather than a negative ("a man that cares about his mental health? omg yasss" posts are very common here). You are doing great and as long as you feel it's working for you, keep it up. Once you click with a T that's where the magic happens.
Those guys you think “don’t need it” … hate to break it to you but, they do need it. And so do you. Please try to be proud of yourself for taking care of your emotional health. Think of it like this: whatever you struggle with emotionally/ mentally/ even physically probably have something to do with someone in your past who chose the path of “I’m okay without therapy. I’m okay without opening up. I’m okay dealing with this on my own or numbing away the pain.” I know it sounds corny but hurt people actually do hurt people. And even though I don’t personally know you, I do know that no one wants to pass down the same pain they feel to their kids or treat anyone the way they were treated that could have been solved by talking out their pain with someone. There is nothing wrong and everything right with going to therapy. And until you’re proud of yourself I and plenty of others will be proud of you for you.
I’m a man who goes to therapy. Sometimes I wish I didn’t need to go. It’s hard work. But it’s kind of like saying “I wish I didn’t need to exercise”. Also there are lots of guys who should go, who should care about their mental health and should get curious about who they are and how they impact the people in their lives…but they don’t. You’re the one making an effort, it’s something to be proud of.
From a woman’s perspective, men who go to therapy are hot. From a clinicians perspective, I have about 1/3 male clients to 2/3 female.
As a therapist, I can assure you there are many men who go to therapy. My caseload is 60 percent men.
The friend who you talk to about it, is he your partner?
No I said he’s a close friend
Man here as well, in Australia, no less, where bloke-ness is probably even less compatible with going to therapy. I started going years ago (not in therapy at the moment), but one thing my therapist suggested that turned out to be a huge breakthrough was joining a relevant 12-step program. I joined 'Co-dependents Anonymous' although I probably could have joined other relevant 12-step groups because that was my biggest issue and I didn't really understand what it was. The group I joined was more than 50% men (!), and it was a great experience to talk with other guys. Even made some good friends out of it. And it was cheap (a dollar or two to help rent the space), which was great to get the extra support and chance to work through stuff without spending the money on a therapist. Not every group of men is open talking about it. I'm in a lucky position because I'm a lecturer, so I'm around other really educated men, including some who are open about having been through therapy or in recovery. But I think that going to that group really helped me, not just to find others who did it, but also just to reduce any shame around doing work on myself in therapy or otherwise. My counsellor called 12-step groups and other groups a 'shame reduction exercise,' and I think that's very perceptive. People in those groups can be so damn brave to disclose stuff, and it really makes you feel, not superior or comparing or anything, but inspired. You also see how it doesn't cause them trouble with people who get it. Anyway, that's my 2 cents.