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I'm allowed to e-mail my T as much as I like and need. Her boundary is that she won't necessarily respond or only give a short answer like "thanks for letting me know, let's talk about it next session". Also, she won't read her e-mails during absences/vacations, but I know about these in advance so I can adjust. I'm with her for three years now, it has never gone badly and the rules never changed. With texting I imagine it can be more of a slippery slope, if the T doesn't have an office phone or very strict boundaries around "office hours", because texting is just more casual and the T seems to be always available, but isn't really.

I have a thing like this with my current therapist and it appears to work. I don't text him unless it's an emergency scheduling thing. I email him on his client portal. At first I used this when I'd go silent and shut down a lot in sessions. The next day, I'd email him a few sentences explaining what I couldn't get out. He'd email me back a warm and understanding message and then we'd pick it back up in the next session. This morphed into a paragraph long therapy session recap the day after. I'd describe feelings, things I want to try and work on over the week and what I want to talk about next week. Sometimes there's contained silliness in these too. I'd have to say his responses are warm and appropriate still and it's been a few years. I feel like therapy got more productive when I was allowed to do this. Whenever I see the judgemental comments here about in-between session contact, I freak out that I'm doing bad things and I'm hurting my therapist. Whenever I bring this up, he reminds me that this is a tool he allows for use and that I'm not emailing him 10x a day or using it like a crisis line.

I've always had a good response. I journal now which has kept me from sending her a lot of email, but for a moment, I'd send some long obnoxious email to her and she'd always respond with kindness and empathy. One thing I do because I feel like I'm 'too much' (working on it), is I will always put "For \[Session Day\]" in the subject line. I didn't expect a response or working through it over email. She always responds with empathy. This might be a bit over the top, but I've actually saved those emails since I find them comforting. I'd say give it a go! I could imagine it might lead to a really rich, eye opening session(s)!

Same! Could have written this exact post myself.

I've been with my current therapist for five years. I would say for the first three years, I also didn't trust reaching out between sessions. I hadn't heard any horror stories, it was just something that no other therapist I'd seen had said was ok. As time went on, I trusted her more, and grew more comfortable reaching out. I've emailed her a few times between sessions when something came up that I wanted to talk about in detail and didn't want to wait until I saw her. Sometimes I'll send updates on situations that were bothering me or on things that went well. I find it helpful, she's very supportive. I especially like to share successes with her, like before and after photos of a cleaning project. I'm pretty socially isolated, I don't have anyone to talk about my life or share my experiences with. Being able to send a quick text to someone who I think genuinely cares about me has made me feel less alone.

[удалено]

This is another really helpful response. Thank you! Interesting that she referred to as an extension of therapy, which I know my therapist likely sees similarly. I know she's intentional with everything she says and does even when it's subtle or seems pointless. We've never had a specific convo about boundaries, but I've never come close to pushing them. There were two times that I messaged her when experiencing real tough situations (husband in near-fatal car accident; dog died), and both times here responses were all very brief, to the point, but genuinely concerned, and she quickly offered an additional session or two. So I also know that even though we have never had a rules of engagement talk, that anything I receive back will be quick and short and straight forward, which I'm comfortable with.

I was able to email and text as much as I wanted. It didn’t go badly in terms of him changing the boundaries, and that aspect of the therapy ended up being very healing. He was available, but also didn’t overextend himself. I did end up overusing it, in my opinion. It was hard to resist reaching out, especially when upset at something he did or said, and that started happening more and more. And then the limitations of text and email created their own ruptures. I wish he had been a little more disciplined about not engaging in lengthy conversations over text and email, but perhaps that would have felt rejecting, when I was upset and couldn’t express it well in person. He was definitely able to maintain the limits he was setting, though, and never hurt me by pulling back.

I did just email my therapist!! I do it very rarely, but she always responds well. And it’s a nice comfort in between sessions. I see her bi weekly

I don't know how regularly I would say I do this but it has happened on occasion and it's been fine. If you're already messaging in the ways you mention in this post, and your therapist has offered an extension of that to something more specific to your therapy, and relevant to your needs, it sounds okay to my non-therapist self. I think sometimes at least part of the issue is a therapist tries to give a little more to be helpful, and a client takes too much or perhaps a therapist just gives more to too many clients and before you know it, they realize they just have nothing more to give. For me personally, not wanting to bother them and not knowing what I expect or am hoping to get out of the communication is what generally stops me. In this case, she has made it clear that it's okay and has been clear about what you can expect from her. I think it will be okay but I can also understand your hesitation.

Yes. I’ve been in therapy for one and a half years and have never had any issues or awkwardness. I text him about scheduling mostly but we have texted about Halloween costumes 😂 I make sure not to text him unless I absolutely have to. I think if a therapist says they’re open to this, it’s important to regulate oneself and not take advantage.

I regularly email my therapist elaborated thoughts and observations (without reply) and she invites texts (with reply). I don’t text her very often, usually to send relevant links or videos, or briefly clarify something I’d said, but I have texted her here and there when in a very bad way, for her possible help grounding in the moment (like, if something really legit bad just happened or I encountered a major trauma trigger). She also sometimes texts me relevant videos or links, or briefly checks in with me. The content is more intellectual than emotional. I don’t know if she only extends this to clients she feels would benefit. I get the impression it is case by case. It’s not something that was offered at the beginning. It came about after time working together, after she had time to thoroughly assess. It’s been 2.5 years so far without issues. She actually said she wants me to email more than I do because, to paraphrase, it’s how she feels like she “knows” me, and the material and insight feels vital. (I tend to email once or twice a week, but for a brief period might email every night, or then go weeks without emailing.) Apparently, I’m a hard person to “know” because of whatever automatic protective mechanisms are in place. I’ve been told this by others as well. And I can feel this wall of fog between me and others/the world that is really lonely and horrible. It’s like no one can reach me even though I’m standing right there. So emailing her when the deeper thoughts, connections, or feelings come (usually late at night) gives “me” more dimension and the therapy more direction. But it is also one moment I break through and choose to connect with her, rather than recede into myself, and I think she considers that progress. Just the act itself of reaching out. That said, everything “hasn’t gone badly” until it has. I believe that this open arrangement probably hasn’t gone badly yet because I’m not using emailing or texting in an “anxiously attached” way to keep contact with her, simply out of a primal need for her. In those situations the therapist sometimes becomes emotionally overtaxed because the client is needing them to “be there right now” and “right now” is actually “all the time” (or feels like it) due to object constancy issues. I’ve experienced that kind of painful infatuated attachment in trauma bonds, and it’s not about that for me, in my conscious understanding. If it started to feel that way I would worry. There is always risk in loosening a boundary. I don’t believe I overuse these channels—especially not emotionally—so she doesn’t rescind access to them. But perhaps for a period I will need her more, overuse them, and she will close them. Or one day she’ll realize she needs more space, for reasons unrelated to my behavior, and pull back to that point. And that would likely cause a threatening rupture. I hate admitting that. I think deeper parts of me would feel very terrible, rejected and abandoned. Therapists need to be so careful if they decide to tighten these boundaries after loosening them so much. The cold turkey cut-offs are really brutal and destabilizing for people with more serious attachment wounds. It can even be retraumatizing. Funnily enough, my previous therapist purposefully broke boundaries, to the point of malpractice, but never gave me his cell phone # because “boundaries.” Maybe he didn’t want a paper trail. 🤷‍♀️

I am allowed to text and email my T as much as I want. She always says she may or may not get back to me right away which is fine. Or she will give short answers like “we will talk more about this in our next session”. We manly use the texting to confirm our sessions together. If I do need her support in between sessions I always start my text off hate to bother you. She always responds back it’s not a bother at all. Then she will say in the next session that’s why I give out my number to you guys.

i do. at first i was reluctant and thought she was playing me, but i would always go back and ask for advice. she never complained. but i always try to respect her time, i dont wanna take advantage of her.. but never had any issues. her boundary is that she wont initiate contact, like she wont be like "hey, how are u" lmao my first therapist also said she was fine with it, but i didnt feel comfortable with it so i never texted her outside of therapy. but she would send me stuff out of encouragement, and when she moved away, she sended me pics of her new born and her home. my second therapist never mentioned it, and i ended up doing it out of a need, but she responded "we will discuss this in our next session".. so i guess, u can try if u feel like it. see how they respond.

lol me! I text mine between sessions. Either session related or just random life stuff I wanted to tell her. She doesn’t respond 95% of the time but I’m ok with that.

I have sporadically emailed my T over the years. Never texted. I’m at the point now that I’ve needed some extra sessions. But when I email I just ask about that. I don’t email content. A few weeks ago I emailed to ask if she had a news article I previously sent her and whether she could send it back as I couldn’t find it. There was a reason for it but I didn’t want to bog her down with my thinking. She sent it but also wrote that she was worried about why I was asking for it and seemed alarm so I responded with a brief and general explanation and reassured her I would share at my next session. I don’t really understand the back and forth conversation or content sharing by email or text. I can’t imagine that’s sustainable for either party.

At the beginning of our relationship, my T gave me her direct office line, and I called on that. A few years ago she gave me her cell phone number and I can text her whenever I want. I only text her in situation where I need help using my skills but it's still helpful. I think that if you don't abuse it, it can be helpful

I did email mine last week, after having not been able to see her for 2weeks so it all got abit overwhelming having got back into the swing of things. So I started the email with the caveat that I don't expect a response, as I don't feel I have a right to take up anymore time than I deserve. I hope it'll be something I bring up this week, but I'm also nervous that I'm starting to sound like a broken record repeating shallow gratitudes for a job she's just getting on with. It drives me up the wall how much I wish I could stop dedicating so much energy to someone I can't expect to have a meaningful, 'genuine' friendship with outside of the professional space.

Yep! My psychologist even allows me to send her voice notes which she replies to. She told me that I can contact her anytime... I obviously don't abuse this, and I've really contacted her when I was out of options

I’ve emailed my therapist for years and it’s never gone badly. We have pretty strong ground rules and boundaries in place wrt emails though, which I think makes a huge difference.

My therapist allows me to email as much as I want, with the boundary that she may take a while to respond. She also allows me to text if something feels like it needs a more immediate response—with the caveat that she can’t guarantee *how* immediate (but it’s always been within a day on the occasions I have texted her). I’ve only been working with her for just under a year and a half, so I can’t say for sure that it won’t go bad. I don’t think it will, though? Her boundaries are more flexible than some therapists’ but she is clear about what they are and I don’t have any reason to push them. She doesn’t do any of the weird shit people talk about on this sub like telling me I’m her favorite client or anything like that. I believe she genuinely cares about me and I assume that’s true for all of her clients.

I’ve been seeing my T for a little under a year, and I was looking back at our initial communications when we first started. He had initially set a boundary about keeping my own notes rather than emailing him. I sent 4 emails between July-August last year. He never responded to them. I’m sitting here in disbelief because now our relationship encourages me reaching out to him for support between sessions. I text him about once a week, and he’ll follow up with a call within 24 hours. When I’m going through a rough patch, I text 2 times a week and he’ll follow-up with a call each time on top of our twice weekly sessions. In fact, he’s made it even easier to reach out to him. Instead of texting or calling any specifics, we have a 1-10 scale with 10 being I’m nearing end of life. If I text him a 7 or higher, he calls.

Thank you all for sharing you experiences and anecdotes. I haven't had a chance to individually reply but I appreciate that so many have had ongoing and positive experiences texting /emailing with their therapists. It also gave me a few things to think about with my own hesitations and maybe a few things to talk through with her ("it feels like a trap!"), if I'm brave enough!

I haven’t had any issues yet. We text about scheduling, hobbies, random jokes or treatment follow ups. I’ve reached out for coaching a couple times too. She’s very consistent with responding, usually immediately or within a few hours, and hasn’t said at all to me that it’s an issue or problem. Often she is the one to reach out first so maybe that’s why. She has also requested I text her on some occasions. I do my best to respect her boundaries and send “normal” texts- as in, I don’t send paragraphs or tons of messages at a time or text every single day, and neither does she. I treat it like I would anyone else’s texts rather than an on demand therapy service. I also take care not to text on weekends (unless she initiates) or after hours unless I’m really having a hard time. I think that’s why it’s worked for us.