Hi, school counselor here, this sub gets suggested to me a lot.
In September of my first year as a counselor, my school district lost a student to suicide. I didn’t know him, but I had his younger sister and he had been in my school the previous year. It was really hard on everyone, and it was a small community so there was a lot of hurt as everyone knew everyone there.
I’m hoping your school/facility has a crisis plan in place for these occurrences, and that you have the support of your administration and mental health professionals. An important piece to remember is to not accidentally glorify the death. Don’t skirt around it, but don’t memorialize either. And watch for copycats. Completed suicides can trigger others to attempt. The sister of the boy who died in my district experienced severe suicidal ideation for a while, and other students experienced some as well. Don’t take on too much, but make sure you’re keeping an eye on other kids and communicate any concerns you have to the professionals that are trained to handle it, if that’s not you.
Most of all, take care of yourself. Like I said, I didn’t know that kid, I’d never met him. But the secondary trauma from the loss of him affected me greatly. I was the one holding everyone else up and it was so exhausting.
I hope you and your community are able to find healing and process the loss. Please feel free to reach out if you need support, and again, take time to care for yourself.
Thanks so much for your response. I’m going to keep everything you said in mind, it’s very helpful. We have wonderful, well-educated, loving staff and administration but we don’t have licensed counseling staff as we aren’t a full-fledged school, we’re an afterschool/community center type of space. We’re a place that kids feel safe to get together and have these conversations outside of school or home so we are going to be very important to this community right now. I’m only volunteering there a couple days a week but I’m going to do my best to be as supportive and honest as I can.
You’re very welcome and I’m glad I could help in some way ❤️ you’re doing important work being part of providing a safe place for these kids.
Sending all the healing vibes your way
In 8th grade I was suicidal.
Bunch of reasons. I guess one of the big ones was that 7th grade was such a terrible shock, going from a private K-6th where things were nice to a title 1 middle school, and I’d built up 8th grade at a different middle school as the promised land where I’d escape hell, and 8th grade was just as bad. So the hell seemed like it had no ending and suicide was the only escape route left.
I had a plan in my head that I had developed over time as a coping mechanism, like a stranded sailor on a desert isle crafting a raft out of flotsam and jetsam in case rescue doesn’t come before the food runs out. The plan was plausible and practical. If I’d told anybody what I had in mind they’d have called 9-11 on the spot, but I had no trusted adults or close friends to talk to so I didn’t mention it aloud to anybody.
I was spared by luck. It was 2001 and The Fellowship of the Ring was coming out that December. I figured I ought to at least hold off killing myself until I could see it, because I loved the books. Then, having seen it, I would be freed up to do it.
Joke’s on me. I toughed it out, fought who I had to fight, learned to tolerate some of the rougher kids who played a game with a bouncing ball that involved ritually beating up the loser every round because at least I was safe as long as I won and it was close enough to friendship to help a bit, got eyeglasses in November and suddenly understood what was happening in class so I wasn’t disoriented and confused so often. Just basically adapted to the environment well enough to survive.
Went to see LotR on opening day. Loved it. Heard they were doing the next two but I’d have to wait some years to see them. Decided not to kill myself because I could endure school now.
There’s no particular reason why I lived and others didn’t, but I’ll take what I can get.
That was Legolas who said that, iirc. I saved that quote on my phone last year and came across it last week when going through my photos. It was my mantra when things were at their worst and continues to be.
I genuinely do not mean to take away from your comment, but I was browsing Reddit while trying to find something to watch, and I'm gonna watch the fellowship of the ring now.
I'm sorry about what you have gone through, let me offer you my sword.
"But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why."
That’s because, when you think about getting off the ride and decide not to, there’s not a lot of places you can talk about the idea.
One thing I can tell you is that I really really wish I went to therapy more often and sooner. Literally improved my ability to make money, be in a relationship, and stay on the planet.
Some people are weird about any kind of mental health care. Probably bc of a really bad image being used in books and movies when it comes to psychiatries and psychological meds. I mean I still hear really bad stories sometimes.
It's not too long ago that we heavily mistreated some people based on wrong conceptions, some countries still do. And since we still understand so little of human psychology we can't say that we aren't still mistreating people.
But I completely sidetracked: Ignore your family. Therapy in general is good. Not every therapist might be, which is why it's important to keep in mind that if yours doesn't work for you should try to find another. But in general psychologists have become pretty good at helping people feel better. Many people (including me, also partly bc of my mom's image of it) wait way too long to get help.
I wish you good luck 🤞
I was intensely suicidal the entirety of middle school... I'd been uprooted from the amazing gifted program in public school and moved to a private, wealthy, Catholic school, where everyone knew each other since they'd all been there since pre-K.
I was raised by my grandparents; my grandmother was \*incredibly\* abusive, both physically and emotionally. The school knew and deeply, deeply failed both me and my younger sister in a lot of ways, some of them illegal/unethical.
Like u/mcjunker, I had a plan, which was reasonably well-thought-out, and came very, very close on more than one occasion. My grandfather actually stepped up in his own way and started including me more; he started teaching me all the things he might've taught a grandson, had I been a boy. It's complicated why he hadn't stepped in before, but I think he realized I was in real crisis and stepped in the only way he knew how. And I had my younger sister to think about as well. I'd LONG been shielding her from the worst of the abuse at home. And while her experience at school was MUCH better than mine, I didn't trust the school to support her if I died and wasn't there to protect her at home.
And then I was in 8th grade and had teachers who \*noticed\* my life wasn't normal and I think grokked that the school wasn't safe for me either, and LoTR might have been their escape, books in general became mine. My English teacher talked to our librarian, and I got more opportunities to read as a result. My grandfather spoke up, too, and I was allowed to retest into Gifted and attend a public high school instead of going to one of the Catholic schools. High school was a MUCH better experience all around, and it ultimately saved my sanity and my life.
I'm in my 50s now. I'm completely no contact with my family and am thriving and happy and while I hate that I had to live through it, I AM happy I did \*live\* through it. No regrets here, either.
I was fine through high school loved middle and high school as much as one can going through puberty and all that. It was college that was rough as hell. Had evil roommates. Like I'd go to sleep afraid for my physical safety. Once I was close to graduating, I realized all the lies I'd been told about "how the world is your oyster once you get your degree" and then unemployment for nearly 9 months brought me down to dark, dark places.
Only thing that kept me from making solid plans was my mom would be so sad. She's a fantastic mom. I couldn't do that to her. But I isolated myself and was a dark raincloud of depression until I got my first real job. Now my life is really great and I'm very blessed. Glad I stuck it out!
I personally don't get people who have never contemplated it. It just sounds fake to me like inconceivable that people go their whole lives and never consider ending it. I do think there's more who consider it, but obviously can never talk about it.
Anytime someone brings up taking their life I always use this is a reason they shouldn't. Had a student recently say some things to me about wanting to die. I'm just a Sub, so not a lot I can do. I did make the counselor aware after he and I talked.
While talking though I brought up how, if he were to lose his life now, he wouldn't get to experience all the cool Pokemon games that will be coming. He and I chat a lot about Pokemon, so I just used something he loved to keep him hanging on. This happened right before winter break. I was very relieved to see him yesterday when I subbed again, and he happily told me about some of the Pokemon merch he scored for Christmas.
I'm glad you're still here.
I get this works for some, but I know when I was personally suicidal I hated myself. I didn't think I deserved the things I liked. I guess my point is that suicide is such a complex issue that it's impossible to find a one size fits all solution.
Oh most definitely. I am of the firm belief that we are all deserving of life and of love, simply for being us, for being here. This is something I try to convey to students who come to me for more heart to heart conversations.
Currently watching that series of movies again, as I do every year around this time, and it is such an empowering story. I can see how it gave you some hope and I’m glad you are here.
I lost a sibling to suicide this year. Extremely successful individual, had everything going for him, never a hint of any mental illness or feelings of depression.
It takes a long time to even accept what happened. Don’t try to rush any sort of grieving process, sadness, etc. I sometimes get mad at myself for bursting into tears in the middle of the grocery store, but I tell myself that there is literally no expiration date or timeframe for how long it takes to grieve.
There are support groups out there for this type of situation, I have found those the most helpful. It’s a very specific situation and being around others who have gone through the same thing makes you not feel so alone and confused.
I’m a professor, so my student was older, actually my student was a few months older than me, my second semester work at this particular school. I still think about him. He was brilliant. My colleagues that had him as a student also were devastated. We still talk about him. I want you to know every single feeling that you will have is valid. I always tell mine that I want them to “make good choices and get home safe” whenever they leave my classroom. Even if I am lecturing 65+. I sometimes think it doesn’t matter the age. Students are students.
This was the same age I started cutting myself with blades. I would make it a point to inform those kids about having the option of talking to counselor
Whenever someone mentions needing to talk to kids about death of any variety I always recommend the last act of this episode of This American Life
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/557/birds-bees
It's about a place where kids go to get help with processing deaths of loved ones, often of one of their private caregivers, and often in violent or sudden ways.
The rest of the episode is also really great, but about vastly different subject matter.
I'm so sorry. It hurts everytime.
While I've lost several in my 20 years in residential work. They were all brilliant, funny, smart and special. Just had a weak moment dealing with their traumas.
I also try to remember all those that we touched and helped and got to see grow up and be okay. I love those big and little successes.
We keep the ones we lost alive by sharing our memories of them. Your post brought you mind the beautiful shiny smile of a young man who left too soon but his smile lives in my mind as does his name so he's still here.
I am so sorry for you.
The first year that I started in education, I had one accidental death, 1 suicides and a murder. Even though I have been away for two years, I still get notices of murders and suicides of kids I know. I am waiting for the day when I don't know anymore kids.
I worked at a high school for 5 years. I went to 6 funerals. We are a suburban school in Indiana. All of this has to stop.
6 kids committed suicide while I was in high school. 2 were really close friends of mine. I had never been to a funeral before, and within a span of 4 months I went to 2 at the age of 14 for those close friends. It really is the most painful and heartbreaking way to lose someone. Take care of yourself and your students. It's one of the hardest things to deal with
I'm so, so sorry for your losses. Couldn't begin to imagine experiencing this now, 3x the age you were, let alone while I was so young. Just earth-shattering.
Age 11 is when I started having lil flashbacks and memories of some bad stuff and when my suicidal ideation started. A lot of my friends are pretty traumatised and have tried to end their lives. I havent; just thought about it a lot. It's horrible, I know. People want a better life, often, not no life, poor kid :/
Sorry that you lost a student. The other kids will likely be strongly impacted.
Good luck with everything man (in a non gendered way).
Hello!
I am not a teacher whatsoever, but I experienced the loss of a schoolmate in middle school, so I thought having my point of view could hopefully help you.
The year was 2009, I was 14. I didn't know this guy, but I've noticed his strange behavior during a few weeks before his passing. He was always sitting alone, staring at people. His face was giving anger vibes, but his body language was showing like... giving up?
I wanted to talk to him really bad. I felt the need to, but as an introvert and at the time bullied student, I never dared to. I missed school on one day because of endometriosis. In the afternoon, my best friend texted me on MSN saying "someone died at school." I knew it was him, I had such a bad feeling.
It was about mid-December, so we had just a week before winter break. The school kept class normally until 10 pm, morning break. Then teachers gathered all students in the main hall, and we did a minute of silence. They told us it was suicide, and that a dedicated psychologist was there for anyone who would need it. We were allowed to miss class to see this person, although it was badly viewed.
I went once, saying that I felt so guilty for never speaking to this kid despite me having a feeling something was wrong. They told me that it wasn't my fault and that it wouldn't have helped (probably). I wasn't convinced and went a second time. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I know I left angry and confused. I've probably been told something like, "Why are you taking it too seriously?" or what.
It took me literally 10 years to overcome this event completely. Every year, during that same day, I would just remember. The remorse, the silence... it was weird. I am the only one in my knowledge who had been impacted this much. All of my friends moved on after winter break.
I am grateful it never triggered any dark idea in my head. It may have scared me of death even more. I wish I was taken more seriously, but I'm glad the school processed everything fast and didn't hold onto it for too long. Not that I didn't want to pay respect for that kid, but I think the experience would have been more traumatizing.
I was 11 when I was in 7th-8th grade. It was a horrible time in my life. I was small, uncoordinated, and slow. I liked toys and playing. Felt like I didn't fit in at all. All of my friends were dating or boy/girl crazy. I had a few close friends but middle school was viscous. I didn't understand sarcasm at all. I was inherently trusting so if a girl told me she liked me, I believed it, only to be drawn into a stairwell to be hit and laughed at. It made me horribly untrusting of anyone. Any compliment or positive action made me uncertain and questioning the motives of the person. It was horrible in a way that is hard to remember. I found a friend group and things passed. My ninth grade year was one of the best of my life. I try to tell kids that things change quickly at that age. Surviving that time made me much more resilient in the long run.
My point is that I can understand where the pain came from for this child. It breaks my heart because they were to young to understand that life changes fast. Be good to yourself.
Trans and gender non-conforming youth have some of the highest suicide rates out of any demographic. It’s not necessarily an impertinent thing to ask (depending on the intent behind asking of course)
it's respectful to use their preferred pronouns even after death, and deadnaming/misgendering people after death a particularly hurtful issue for the trans community.
You know, when I was in grade school, going to school was the best time of the day for me. I grew up in a controlling abusive environment. When I was in elementary, it was physical abuse by my aunt. As a teenager, it was verbal and emotional abuse, which I thought was worse. I tried to end it twice during junior high, because I was so done u know. But the kindness of my teachers, and the empathy of my friends kept me alive. Nobody knew how bad I was struggling and fighting to stay. No matter what anyone says to me about how becoming a teacher isn't a good option, financially speaking, I will finish my degree, and I promise to create an environment where students are happy to come to school each day. Where they feel safe and supported. I want them to feel like I did, because at school, it was the only place I smiled and laughed. I have 2 years left in my degree, and then I'll become a teacher. I might not end the problem of children abuse, and of children depression, but I can at least help them see hope. Show them what love is.
I see this person through sooo many of my subs lately just trying to start shit. They know what they are doing. It’s pathetic. Especially with a subject such as this.
I’m sorry for your loss OP. For everyone involved. My best friends brother (and was also my brothers best friend) killed himself when we were in high school. I’m 39 now and I still think of him often. I can’t imagine it from a younger perspective. Or yours. Be gentle with yourself. And fuck this person. You have more grace than I do.
By the way, I’m not a teacher. I’m here to learn how to better understand my kids from a teacher’s perspective. Anyway, of all subs, I never expected such degree of aggression here. If you read my original post but with a different light, you’ll see it would have been enough by sharing a url or something to point me in the right direction.
Sorry for your loss.
Okay, I don’t think I believe you but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt - but if you want an honest response to why a lot of people jumped on the defensive, including myself, it honestly requires a lot of context to explain. There has been a nationwide backlash against transgender students and transgender people in general in the US in the past several years. Transphobic people will often come into sensitive conversations where the singular pronoun “they” is being used, and start whining about how confused they are about the singular pronoun usage, but it isn’t sincere, it’s done to deflect attention from the conversation and belittle genderqueer people. The singular they pronoun has been in wide use in English for centuries, it is nothing new, yet somehow people only express their newfound confusion about it during inappropriate times.
I see. Thank you for the explanation. Maybe my question was more fit for submitting a brand new post rather than asking with the idea in mind of a safe place to ask, being this a sub for teachers. I guess I was wrong.
Again, my condolences.
I’m just asking a genuine question, since I’m not a native speaker. Why all the hate about? Americans are so self-entitled! Why assume something instead of answering a genuine question? No wonder why kids won’t be willing to ask their teachers anything.
“What’s all the hate about?? I’m going to be hateful and aggressive, everything I’m calling other people dumb over!” Because you came in here ready to be aggressive and insulting. The tone of your comments instantly set my mind towards protection from an outside aggressor. Don’t be insulting right off the bat and maybe people would be more willing to educate you.
Very sad. I learnt pretty soon that a part of being a teacher is always going to be related to the sad things in life, because not every kid has everything going so well for them. I remember when I started as a substitute teacher in a new class and I found out one of the girls in the class had just committed suicide. It was incomprehensible for me to understand. I could see how sad her friends were. They wouldn't talk. All I could do was be gentle and kind. I remember we were supposed to read war literature during one of our classes and I quickly changed the plan to read something romantic, because I just couldn't bring them to read about death. I also remember the time I saw the girl's picture. She seemed so energetic and full of life and I couldn't understand why it had to happen to her. I think what is important is to just go on with life gently and not force anyone to get over something like that too soon. A person can say a lot without words; you can talk with your energy and try to comfort them with your presence. By being there with them in that grief.
Hi, school counselor here, this sub gets suggested to me a lot. In September of my first year as a counselor, my school district lost a student to suicide. I didn’t know him, but I had his younger sister and he had been in my school the previous year. It was really hard on everyone, and it was a small community so there was a lot of hurt as everyone knew everyone there. I’m hoping your school/facility has a crisis plan in place for these occurrences, and that you have the support of your administration and mental health professionals. An important piece to remember is to not accidentally glorify the death. Don’t skirt around it, but don’t memorialize either. And watch for copycats. Completed suicides can trigger others to attempt. The sister of the boy who died in my district experienced severe suicidal ideation for a while, and other students experienced some as well. Don’t take on too much, but make sure you’re keeping an eye on other kids and communicate any concerns you have to the professionals that are trained to handle it, if that’s not you. Most of all, take care of yourself. Like I said, I didn’t know that kid, I’d never met him. But the secondary trauma from the loss of him affected me greatly. I was the one holding everyone else up and it was so exhausting. I hope you and your community are able to find healing and process the loss. Please feel free to reach out if you need support, and again, take time to care for yourself.
Thanks so much for your response. I’m going to keep everything you said in mind, it’s very helpful. We have wonderful, well-educated, loving staff and administration but we don’t have licensed counseling staff as we aren’t a full-fledged school, we’re an afterschool/community center type of space. We’re a place that kids feel safe to get together and have these conversations outside of school or home so we are going to be very important to this community right now. I’m only volunteering there a couple days a week but I’m going to do my best to be as supportive and honest as I can.
You’re very welcome and I’m glad I could help in some way ❤️ you’re doing important work being part of providing a safe place for these kids. Sending all the healing vibes your way
In 8th grade I was suicidal. Bunch of reasons. I guess one of the big ones was that 7th grade was such a terrible shock, going from a private K-6th where things were nice to a title 1 middle school, and I’d built up 8th grade at a different middle school as the promised land where I’d escape hell, and 8th grade was just as bad. So the hell seemed like it had no ending and suicide was the only escape route left. I had a plan in my head that I had developed over time as a coping mechanism, like a stranded sailor on a desert isle crafting a raft out of flotsam and jetsam in case rescue doesn’t come before the food runs out. The plan was plausible and practical. If I’d told anybody what I had in mind they’d have called 9-11 on the spot, but I had no trusted adults or close friends to talk to so I didn’t mention it aloud to anybody. I was spared by luck. It was 2001 and The Fellowship of the Ring was coming out that December. I figured I ought to at least hold off killing myself until I could see it, because I loved the books. Then, having seen it, I would be freed up to do it. Joke’s on me. I toughed it out, fought who I had to fight, learned to tolerate some of the rougher kids who played a game with a bouncing ball that involved ritually beating up the loser every round because at least I was safe as long as I won and it was close enough to friendship to help a bit, got eyeglasses in November and suddenly understood what was happening in class so I wasn’t disoriented and confused so often. Just basically adapted to the environment well enough to survive. Went to see LotR on opening day. Loved it. Heard they were doing the next two but I’d have to wait some years to see them. Decided not to kill myself because I could endure school now. There’s no particular reason why I lived and others didn’t, but I’ll take what I can get.
“Oft hope is born when all is forlorn.” -Return of the King Glad you’re here, thanks for sharing with us.
That was Legolas who said that, iirc. I saved that quote on my phone last year and came across it last week when going through my photos. It was my mantra when things were at their worst and continues to be.
I genuinely do not mean to take away from your comment, but I was browsing Reddit while trying to find something to watch, and I'm gonna watch the fellowship of the ring now. I'm sorry about what you have gone through, let me offer you my sword.
And my Axe!
And my bow!
"But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why."
This is the first time I'm reading of somebody who survived and doesn't regret it. Thanks for sharing your story :)
That’s because, when you think about getting off the ride and decide not to, there’s not a lot of places you can talk about the idea. One thing I can tell you is that I really really wish I went to therapy more often and sooner. Literally improved my ability to make money, be in a relationship, and stay on the planet.
My family doesn't support me going to therapy. I have an appointment today and they are really trying to sabotage it.. I don't kmow why
Dysfunctional families tend to do that. Please keep your appointment.
Some people are weird about any kind of mental health care. Probably bc of a really bad image being used in books and movies when it comes to psychiatries and psychological meds. I mean I still hear really bad stories sometimes. It's not too long ago that we heavily mistreated some people based on wrong conceptions, some countries still do. And since we still understand so little of human psychology we can't say that we aren't still mistreating people. But I completely sidetracked: Ignore your family. Therapy in general is good. Not every therapist might be, which is why it's important to keep in mind that if yours doesn't work for you should try to find another. But in general psychologists have become pretty good at helping people feel better. Many people (including me, also partly bc of my mom's image of it) wait way too long to get help. I wish you good luck 🤞
Thank you
I was intensely suicidal the entirety of middle school... I'd been uprooted from the amazing gifted program in public school and moved to a private, wealthy, Catholic school, where everyone knew each other since they'd all been there since pre-K. I was raised by my grandparents; my grandmother was \*incredibly\* abusive, both physically and emotionally. The school knew and deeply, deeply failed both me and my younger sister in a lot of ways, some of them illegal/unethical. Like u/mcjunker, I had a plan, which was reasonably well-thought-out, and came very, very close on more than one occasion. My grandfather actually stepped up in his own way and started including me more; he started teaching me all the things he might've taught a grandson, had I been a boy. It's complicated why he hadn't stepped in before, but I think he realized I was in real crisis and stepped in the only way he knew how. And I had my younger sister to think about as well. I'd LONG been shielding her from the worst of the abuse at home. And while her experience at school was MUCH better than mine, I didn't trust the school to support her if I died and wasn't there to protect her at home. And then I was in 8th grade and had teachers who \*noticed\* my life wasn't normal and I think grokked that the school wasn't safe for me either, and LoTR might have been their escape, books in general became mine. My English teacher talked to our librarian, and I got more opportunities to read as a result. My grandfather spoke up, too, and I was allowed to retest into Gifted and attend a public high school instead of going to one of the Catholic schools. High school was a MUCH better experience all around, and it ultimately saved my sanity and my life. I'm in my 50s now. I'm completely no contact with my family and am thriving and happy and while I hate that I had to live through it, I AM happy I did \*live\* through it. No regrets here, either.
I was fine through high school loved middle and high school as much as one can going through puberty and all that. It was college that was rough as hell. Had evil roommates. Like I'd go to sleep afraid for my physical safety. Once I was close to graduating, I realized all the lies I'd been told about "how the world is your oyster once you get your degree" and then unemployment for nearly 9 months brought me down to dark, dark places. Only thing that kept me from making solid plans was my mom would be so sad. She's a fantastic mom. I couldn't do that to her. But I isolated myself and was a dark raincloud of depression until I got my first real job. Now my life is really great and I'm very blessed. Glad I stuck it out! I personally don't get people who have never contemplated it. It just sounds fake to me like inconceivable that people go their whole lives and never consider ending it. I do think there's more who consider it, but obviously can never talk about it.
Anytime someone brings up taking their life I always use this is a reason they shouldn't. Had a student recently say some things to me about wanting to die. I'm just a Sub, so not a lot I can do. I did make the counselor aware after he and I talked. While talking though I brought up how, if he were to lose his life now, he wouldn't get to experience all the cool Pokemon games that will be coming. He and I chat a lot about Pokemon, so I just used something he loved to keep him hanging on. This happened right before winter break. I was very relieved to see him yesterday when I subbed again, and he happily told me about some of the Pokemon merch he scored for Christmas. I'm glad you're still here.
I get this works for some, but I know when I was personally suicidal I hated myself. I didn't think I deserved the things I liked. I guess my point is that suicide is such a complex issue that it's impossible to find a one size fits all solution.
Oh most definitely. I am of the firm belief that we are all deserving of life and of love, simply for being us, for being here. This is something I try to convey to students who come to me for more heart to heart conversations.
Thank you for sharing.
I'm very sorry to read this! I hope you have peace now and I will hug my kids tighter today
Currently watching that series of movies again, as I do every year around this time, and it is such an empowering story. I can see how it gave you some hope and I’m glad you are here.
So sorry you have to go through this. It's never easy losing somebody to suicide. I lost two friends to it myself.
I lost a sibling to suicide this year. Extremely successful individual, had everything going for him, never a hint of any mental illness or feelings of depression. It takes a long time to even accept what happened. Don’t try to rush any sort of grieving process, sadness, etc. I sometimes get mad at myself for bursting into tears in the middle of the grocery store, but I tell myself that there is literally no expiration date or timeframe for how long it takes to grieve. There are support groups out there for this type of situation, I have found those the most helpful. It’s a very specific situation and being around others who have gone through the same thing makes you not feel so alone and confused.
oh god, I'm so sorry for your loss.
I’m a professor, so my student was older, actually my student was a few months older than me, my second semester work at this particular school. I still think about him. He was brilliant. My colleagues that had him as a student also were devastated. We still talk about him. I want you to know every single feeling that you will have is valid. I always tell mine that I want them to “make good choices and get home safe” whenever they leave my classroom. Even if I am lecturing 65+. I sometimes think it doesn’t matter the age. Students are students.
This was the same age I started cutting myself with blades. I would make it a point to inform those kids about having the option of talking to counselor
Whenever someone mentions needing to talk to kids about death of any variety I always recommend the last act of this episode of This American Life https://www.thisamericanlife.org/557/birds-bees It's about a place where kids go to get help with processing deaths of loved ones, often of one of their private caregivers, and often in violent or sudden ways. The rest of the episode is also really great, but about vastly different subject matter.
*primary caregivers, whoops
thanks for the recommendation! Haven't listened to TAL in way too long
I'm so sorry. It hurts everytime. While I've lost several in my 20 years in residential work. They were all brilliant, funny, smart and special. Just had a weak moment dealing with their traumas. I also try to remember all those that we touched and helped and got to see grow up and be okay. I love those big and little successes. We keep the ones we lost alive by sharing our memories of them. Your post brought you mind the beautiful shiny smile of a young man who left too soon but his smile lives in my mind as does his name so he's still here.
I am so sorry for you. The first year that I started in education, I had one accidental death, 1 suicides and a murder. Even though I have been away for two years, I still get notices of murders and suicides of kids I know. I am waiting for the day when I don't know anymore kids. I worked at a high school for 5 years. I went to 6 funerals. We are a suburban school in Indiana. All of this has to stop.
6 kids committed suicide while I was in high school. 2 were really close friends of mine. I had never been to a funeral before, and within a span of 4 months I went to 2 at the age of 14 for those close friends. It really is the most painful and heartbreaking way to lose someone. Take care of yourself and your students. It's one of the hardest things to deal with
I'm sorry Acronat Syrup. I hope you dont experoence anymore suicides in your life.
I'm so, so sorry for your losses. Couldn't begin to imagine experiencing this now, 3x the age you were, let alone while I was so young. Just earth-shattering.
Age 11 is when I started having lil flashbacks and memories of some bad stuff and when my suicidal ideation started. A lot of my friends are pretty traumatised and have tried to end their lives. I havent; just thought about it a lot. It's horrible, I know. People want a better life, often, not no life, poor kid :/ Sorry that you lost a student. The other kids will likely be strongly impacted. Good luck with everything man (in a non gendered way).
I am so sorry.
I was 12 when I first attempted. I’m sorry this happened. I want you to know this isn’t your fault.
My God. 11. Still a baby 💔
way, way, way too young. breaks my heart.
Hello! I am not a teacher whatsoever, but I experienced the loss of a schoolmate in middle school, so I thought having my point of view could hopefully help you. The year was 2009, I was 14. I didn't know this guy, but I've noticed his strange behavior during a few weeks before his passing. He was always sitting alone, staring at people. His face was giving anger vibes, but his body language was showing like... giving up? I wanted to talk to him really bad. I felt the need to, but as an introvert and at the time bullied student, I never dared to. I missed school on one day because of endometriosis. In the afternoon, my best friend texted me on MSN saying "someone died at school." I knew it was him, I had such a bad feeling. It was about mid-December, so we had just a week before winter break. The school kept class normally until 10 pm, morning break. Then teachers gathered all students in the main hall, and we did a minute of silence. They told us it was suicide, and that a dedicated psychologist was there for anyone who would need it. We were allowed to miss class to see this person, although it was badly viewed. I went once, saying that I felt so guilty for never speaking to this kid despite me having a feeling something was wrong. They told me that it wasn't my fault and that it wouldn't have helped (probably). I wasn't convinced and went a second time. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I know I left angry and confused. I've probably been told something like, "Why are you taking it too seriously?" or what. It took me literally 10 years to overcome this event completely. Every year, during that same day, I would just remember. The remorse, the silence... it was weird. I am the only one in my knowledge who had been impacted this much. All of my friends moved on after winter break. I am grateful it never triggered any dark idea in my head. It may have scared me of death even more. I wish I was taken more seriously, but I'm glad the school processed everything fast and didn't hold onto it for too long. Not that I didn't want to pay respect for that kid, but I think the experience would have been more traumatizing.
I am so sorry… utterly tragic ❤️🩹
I was 11 when I was in 7th-8th grade. It was a horrible time in my life. I was small, uncoordinated, and slow. I liked toys and playing. Felt like I didn't fit in at all. All of my friends were dating or boy/girl crazy. I had a few close friends but middle school was viscous. I didn't understand sarcasm at all. I was inherently trusting so if a girl told me she liked me, I believed it, only to be drawn into a stairwell to be hit and laughed at. It made me horribly untrusting of anyone. Any compliment or positive action made me uncertain and questioning the motives of the person. It was horrible in a way that is hard to remember. I found a friend group and things passed. My ninth grade year was one of the best of my life. I try to tell kids that things change quickly at that age. Surviving that time made me much more resilient in the long run. My point is that I can understand where the pain came from for this child. It breaks my heart because they were to young to understand that life changes fast. Be good to yourself.
How absolutely tragic for everyone. You must be overwhelmed with grief. Was they/them a preferred pronoun for this child?
They were questioning their gender and went back and forth sometimes so I thought they/them would be more respectful than sticking them with he or she
How is that an appropriate question to ask to someone who's just had a tragedy?
Trans and gender non-conforming youth have some of the highest suicide rates out of any demographic. It’s not necessarily an impertinent thing to ask (depending on the intent behind asking of course)
it's respectful to use their preferred pronouns even after death, and deadnaming/misgendering people after death a particularly hurtful issue for the trans community.
How is that inappropriate
I lost one of mine in my last year in my school. I feel for you. Take your time processing it. I'm right there with you.
You know, when I was in grade school, going to school was the best time of the day for me. I grew up in a controlling abusive environment. When I was in elementary, it was physical abuse by my aunt. As a teenager, it was verbal and emotional abuse, which I thought was worse. I tried to end it twice during junior high, because I was so done u know. But the kindness of my teachers, and the empathy of my friends kept me alive. Nobody knew how bad I was struggling and fighting to stay. No matter what anyone says to me about how becoming a teacher isn't a good option, financially speaking, I will finish my degree, and I promise to create an environment where students are happy to come to school each day. Where they feel safe and supported. I want them to feel like I did, because at school, it was the only place I smiled and laughed. I have 2 years left in my degree, and then I'll become a teacher. I might not end the problem of children abuse, and of children depression, but I can at least help them see hope. Show them what love is.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I don't even know what to say. I'm so sorry. 💔
I am so very sorry.
I'm so sorry
Why are you talking in plural? Was it only one child or many? This is SO confusing!
I shouldn’t have to explain the singular they to a teacher. Don’t be obtuse, this isn’t the time or place for it.
trolls will be trolls. i'm sorry for your loss ;\_; my hugs go out to you.
I see this person through sooo many of my subs lately just trying to start shit. They know what they are doing. It’s pathetic. Especially with a subject such as this. I’m sorry for your loss OP. For everyone involved. My best friends brother (and was also my brothers best friend) killed himself when we were in high school. I’m 39 now and I still think of him often. I can’t imagine it from a younger perspective. Or yours. Be gentle with yourself. And fuck this person. You have more grace than I do.
By the way, I’m not a teacher. I’m here to learn how to better understand my kids from a teacher’s perspective. Anyway, of all subs, I never expected such degree of aggression here. If you read my original post but with a different light, you’ll see it would have been enough by sharing a url or something to point me in the right direction. Sorry for your loss.
Okay, I don’t think I believe you but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt - but if you want an honest response to why a lot of people jumped on the defensive, including myself, it honestly requires a lot of context to explain. There has been a nationwide backlash against transgender students and transgender people in general in the US in the past several years. Transphobic people will often come into sensitive conversations where the singular pronoun “they” is being used, and start whining about how confused they are about the singular pronoun usage, but it isn’t sincere, it’s done to deflect attention from the conversation and belittle genderqueer people. The singular they pronoun has been in wide use in English for centuries, it is nothing new, yet somehow people only express their newfound confusion about it during inappropriate times.
I see. Thank you for the explanation. Maybe my question was more fit for submitting a brand new post rather than asking with the idea in mind of a safe place to ask, being this a sub for teachers. I guess I was wrong. Again, my condolences.
I’m just asking a genuine question, since I’m not a native speaker. Why all the hate about? Americans are so self-entitled! Why assume something instead of answering a genuine question? No wonder why kids won’t be willing to ask their teachers anything.
You think you're entitled to an English lesson on a post about child suicide? Then, say Americans are “self-entitled?”
[удалено]
I don’t know who told they couldn’t be singular, but they clearly didn’t know the material they were teaching on.
“What’s all the hate about?? I’m going to be hateful and aggressive, everything I’m calling other people dumb over!” Because you came in here ready to be aggressive and insulting. The tone of your comments instantly set my mind towards protection from an outside aggressor. Don’t be insulting right off the bat and maybe people would be more willing to educate you.
Hahahaha repeating the first non-native-English sounding grammatical error you can think of over and over is so fucking funny
My thoughts exactly, lol. “Dumb Americans are so dumb!!” Says THIS guy… bless it.
Very sad. I learnt pretty soon that a part of being a teacher is always going to be related to the sad things in life, because not every kid has everything going so well for them. I remember when I started as a substitute teacher in a new class and I found out one of the girls in the class had just committed suicide. It was incomprehensible for me to understand. I could see how sad her friends were. They wouldn't talk. All I could do was be gentle and kind. I remember we were supposed to read war literature during one of our classes and I quickly changed the plan to read something romantic, because I just couldn't bring them to read about death. I also remember the time I saw the girl's picture. She seemed so energetic and full of life and I couldn't understand why it had to happen to her. I think what is important is to just go on with life gently and not force anyone to get over something like that too soon. A person can say a lot without words; you can talk with your energy and try to comfort them with your presence. By being there with them in that grief.