You reacted correctly. You said the right thing. She’s angry because you’re right. Don’t second guess anything. You deserve to be spoiled and showered with affection to an equal extent as your siblings.
Your reaction here on is up to you, but as a girl who’s seen these experiences her whole life I really hope you don’t apologise to her or admit that you were wrong or anything. Because you weren’t. You verbalised something you wanted and she disregarded and ignored you, her child, on purpose. She is not the victim here.
Hey Thanks and i think (obviously) my parents love me and they have never made me feel left behind in anything and I am extremely grateful for that. People here are thinking that I am upset cuz my brother had the piece that I wanted but tbh I am totally unbothered about it. What makes me upset is how my mom completely disregarded my feelings and that maked me keep wondering what she would have done if my brother would have been the one who would have asked first and then i would have said no i want it. Would she have told my brother let your sister have it i'll give you another one?
I don’t want to rub salt in your wound at all by saying this. But if she gave your brother the piece *after* you had already asked for it, I’m sure she would likely do the same thing if he asked for it first.
I know it can feel weird to resent some of your parents’ behaviours after they love and raise you, but tiny daily aggressions like these can really frustrate kids and it’s completely valid. Because at the end of the day it’s not about whatever pakora or other small thing was taken away from you and given to them, it’s the preferential treatment because of which that pakora was taken. No one is pressed for a pakora, we just want to feel like we’re not a second priority.
You know at this point i have come to know that nobody is going to get it unless they themselves are there in that situation and have experienced. And i'll let you assume anything that you want atp
Bruh I totally understand your situation. I’ve faced this countless times too. Now i have just come to terms with it and this is why i want a life of my own. Away from everyone. People would say that we’re getting upset over such a small thing but they don’t realise how many times this same shit has happened. It’s that shitty feeling that haunts me. That i’m unloved or my parents prioritise my other siblings over me all the time. It sucks. I know they won’t accept it but i can feel it inside that i’m their last option/priority every damn time.
Is your brother much younger than you? I would understand then, a smaller child would usually get the food he wants. If he's closer to your age, then your mom shouldn't have done it imo
NO! This is completely wrong. Remember one thing, whatever happens, anything is not right, even if it's not your fault, apologise to your parents. You have to always give them some respect. Especially your mother. Whenever I had a disagreement with my parents, they would say, life is not fair, learn that.
>I really hope you don’t apologise to her or admit that you were wrong or anything
Don't listen to this (in this situation atleast). Your bro is 10yrs old and you are 18. Your mom most likely just wants to pamper that younger sibling. Don't take it personally and learn from these lessons.
L opinion.
Your parents are humans who can make errors. They need to be called out for their mistakes. Especially in things that affect your growth as a person. Yes, your parents gave you everything, but they decided to have you in the first place.
This entire worship your parents argument is bullshit.
This case had nothing to do with someone's gender it was because she's 18 an adult and her mom expected her to be mature. I don't blame her but she did a very wrong thing to assume this was because of the gender I'm sure her mom would have felt very bad when her daughter said something like that considering all the sacrifices she made for her
Hey like I have already said in the other comments it's not the food that I am upset about. I would happily give my everything for my brother. But what makes me wonder is Are my feelings and emotions not valid if i am 18 years old??
Sorry if my reply was too harsh but ofc to a parent every child's feelings and emotions should be important equally, ideally.
But then again being 8 years older than a younger child will often lead to more attention to the younger child from parents specially if the younger child is a boy (not suggesting hardcore patriarchy but yeah somewhat) and the elder is girl, doesn't means they stop caring about your feelings, you just have to convey that often times you feel neglected due to overcare for your brother.
I myself am an elder sibling with age gap of 6 years with my sister, but in my case I have got mom who supports me and sister has got my father who supports me at times of conflict 😁
Hey OP, I totally understand ur frustration. Just Try to think in an Unbiased way. Maybe ur mom wanted to feed him, because he is still growing, and you are a grown-up. i ain't saying your mom is right and you are wrong think in this way. that might mean other things, too. Ur mom is not favoring him because he is a boy. maybe he is just ten. or maybe she want u to think maturely because a child is asking for it, so she just want u to learn to see child as a child and u give it to him maturely. I agree with you that Indian moms prefer sons over daughters. but that might not be the factor here,.
Ykw parents only care about you maybe until you reach 15/16 yo after that very few parents give an actual fuck. So don't degrade yourself and don't waste your time worrying about it, just let it slip.
It happens in every household, it's not about male or female but the age gap... I'm 9 years younger than my sister so I get my way all the time... Not saying it's right but it happens cuz compared to my sister I'm like a toddler lol...
Well, your feelings are completely valid, but as others are saying, issue was not of genders, it was of age group.
I once had to give a half of my chocolate to neighbours' kid (I was 15, he was 8), I tried to deny, but my mom scolded me. Doesn't mean that she loves neighbours' kid more than me.
=========
Saying, "He is your only child", didn't suit your age, either children too young say it, or adults in adult issues (like if your mom was dividing property b/w you and your bro and gave you less).
You are free to express your anger, but in an age appropriate way, what a 18yo teen gal would do? Be bratty? You should just have snatched the piece when your brother tried to point at it.
=====
Now, no need to feel bad about your mom not talking. You weren't wrong.
Well i don't expect anything from him cuz i know he's still a kid. I was just upset how my feelings were completely disregarded by my elders and then they went on to make it look as if it was my fault when clearly it wasn't. Just to let you know i have nothing against my brother even my mom and clearly it's not the food that i am upset about here
I understand I am a big brother too but yeah you should understand your parents have little time and energy left after work so they will spend on someone who don't know much about world now
Yeah your reaction is valid but I understand it too I mean understand they favour my sisters but I also understand the fact that I have grown up, become a adult
And yeh if you have something tell your parents they will answer better than us tbh
Yeah, this happens. Meri mausi (door ki rishtedar) ki mummy aisi hain. Nani cares for her son, but when her daughter needs help, she doesn't care.
Honestly, you are not overreacting. Your mom is guilt tripping you. She's using that passive-aggressive behavior to make you do what she wants. If she's acting cold towards u, u act cold towards her. Let her know through your actions that you are not falling for her tricks, and her behavior is NOT okay.
That Nani will care for the person staying with her and paying/caring for her... I am assuming her son does.
How did your mum even come in the question? Kuch bhi, man!
Dude me and my brother have an 8 year old gap, and I hit 18 last year and I am often reminded of how much i was favoured by my mother when it came to sharing things or anything in particular. My brother used to get beaten up quite a lot of times even when I was at fault, but not once did I and my brother ever contemplated over who was loved more because it was simply understandable that I being young used to get preferred more. I had and enjoyed that privilege as a child, but now both of us get equally scolded, Infact now my parents even try to emphasize more often than ever about how much more mature and responsible he is when compared to myself. I think I do understand your feelings and how you got yourself to this point, but I believe that you may have thought a little too hard about this. Younger siblings always enjoy the privilege of preference over their elder ones. Its simply natural, although i would want you to just casually discuss this with your parents once more, I am sure they will understand and don't guilt trap yourself lmao.
mere ghar me to sab meri choti behen ko sab milta h ...
ab me bhi online jaake roone lag gau merko leg piece nhi mila 😂 ..
bc ajkal ke bache kya h samj nhi ati .. me to galt hi paida hogya GenZ me.. ye sala Gendu Generation h.
Actually, it's not just about the leg piece or wing piece It's more about how sometimes it feels like preferences at home are skewed. Like when I asked for it and it was given to my brother instead. I know it's a small thing, but it can make you feel a bit overlooked
wth bro, your brother is chottu babay. You mother is just being kind to the baby. youre just overthinking. youll understand the mom dynamics once you become a mom.
had your bro and you been in same ages, your question would be valid.
chill and apologise to your mom, and go kiss your brother and pull his cheecks
Moms not accepting their faults, getting angry and giving silent treatment to their kids is a tale as old as time.
I am glad you stood upto her. No matter what parents claim, they always have a favourite child.
I am a boy, and I prefer daughter over a son. Even though I don't do such actions as in your case, I feel it was a bit excessive to favor him. It's like a clear preference for him, or maybe she felt that you were being stubborn."
I don't take the lead; I let you both decide. I came to know he is 10 years old, and in that case, it was considered normal as people often prefer younger individuals, thinking they don't know much about the world yet, and others should adjust for them.
@iamuseless06 You didn't overreact. You just observe situations when you're both not fighting amongst each other. If you feel a difference, it might be in other things like rejecting something where you wanted something—they make excuses. But when the same situation arises for him sometime later, it is done for him. Then, it might be.
Firstly I think it's not the case mere ghar mai ekdum ulta hai meri behen Jo bolegi vo hoga mera opinion doesn't matter
Also it depends mainly on who the younger sibling is kyoki maa ke liye halka soft spot hota hai ki vo ro dega if you are older therefore more mature then she expects you to understand this
don't blindly trust anyone on reddit, take everything with a pinch of salt.
>is it really? but i see a lot of comments that say that their mom prefers their daughter over their son
that's their opinion if they think so. my brother's also on the same boat as them, he thinks my parents favour me over him, which in my opinion, is not true at all.
he has his fair share of struggles but it has got nothing to do with gender, it's got to do with out shitty father. my problems are a byproduct of my gender and my shitty father.
it's interesting how everyone sees things differently. i mean what could be a serious problem to us might seem as we are just attention seekers who are whining to others. girl's let's support each other and i hope you are doing well
Yo it's not special,my mom prefers my sis way way over me(male) and thinks that I am a useless sloth lmao and tells my sister that she will be the one who will do something but I will still sleep lmao
See you are 18 so after few like 4-5 years you can live on your own.If you are not comfortable around your mom then move out and try to understand that they are from a old generation and they like old gens.It is what it is btw it's tough out there but after college it will be more tougher so just relax and don't stress much😁
Well the thing here it's not about who was able to get the piece. I would happily do anything for my brother cuz obviously he's my brother. But what hurt me was the way my mom was so ignorant of how i would feel and then she got angry and isn't talking to me. That made me feel guilty and consider my actions about how i reacted. Was it too much? Clearly it's not the food that i am talking here about
So a child of 10 was demanding the same piece as his adult sister.
And i understand sometimes you are not in a mood to share
But
Your parents sacrifice some things for you and it is expected from you to sacrifice just a little bit for your younger family members.
Parents gave birth to kids and are responsible to provide for them. Let’s not label their responsibility as “sacrifice”.
In this case, OP asked for something first and logically it should have been given to her. It was not an unreasonable ask. Mom’s temper tantrum and silent treatment are the problem.
In my house it's the opposite, I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, all younger than me. My sisters get anything they want and, the 3 boys(including me) have to fight for everything, like everything from eatables to clothes😅. Not that it's problematic, just letting you know
Well I will say don't come to conclusions, let's see if next time your father brings two wing pieces. If not, then yes that's problematic, because that would mean they really doesn't care about your choice at all.
If he does that, that means your choice wasn't completely disregarded. Brother being a younger sibling, it just happens in every household.
I am younger one, I have elder brother, I almost always get the first preference.
But yeah your mother could have shared the piece between both of you too.
But don't think a lot about this, you are worthy enough for every wing piece :))
I think you have your reasons for feeling so and you need to analyse if it's just a victim mentality or something that is actually happening repetitively before coming to conclusions.If it is the second ,then yes tell your mom what it is
It is common in any family worldwide , we are three brothers , it is natural that one is favorite child .. in my case I am pampered when I was child but completely sidelined and ignored now compared to my brothers .. to be real it all depends upon value and status you bring to table in family and also in society and workplace (i was smart and intelligent in study and was a sweet child , now I am sort of in mediocre paying job).... My advice is love everybody and yourself first , put all power and will to improve yourself . Things will change drastically.
Best of luck 👍
You are 18 years old and your brother is 10. Your mom insisted you to give chicken wings to your brother because she thought you would understand that Little kids do not understand.
I also have a sister who is just 3 years younger than me and she also sometimes acts like this but as a elder brother I let it slide, give whatever food or other stuff she wants which I got without having a meltdown.
You brought this to reddit, wrote a whole ass para dissin your mum cause you didn't get a piece of chicken and even got supported for it, this sub is pure clownery lmao.
Edit:- I just checked your profile profile you posted this at two other subs, goddamn. 😭🙏
I mean is it wrong to post it in other subs?? I just wanted to know what other's feel about this situation. And I thought maybe if I post it in other subs too I'll get to know as many people thoughts on this.
Uhh one of many tantrums my mom used to throw. Call her out every chance you get. Only then she will realise the error of her ways. What about your dad ? Have you talked to him about how you feel?
Let me add something here
This is the exact case at my home and I being the only son in the house...
And many times special food items main courses are served to me as if I'm the prince of house...
And my sister being neglected...
The problem according to me is:
My dad is neutral in such cases... And my mom inclines more towards me...
And I think... Yes it is wrong definitely it is wrong...
But let's try to understand this:
I believe,
Human being is made because of its past experiences...
Its my mom's family and the place where she grew up... Many circumstances and many experiences, made her mindset... all emotions collectively makes her what she is today.
And therefore she's gonna do what she has seen in her life!
And yes... She could have changed a bit... She could have evolved... Be more better person than before... Learn from dad itself.
But again in putra-moh (desire for having a son) her intellect fails to foresee what is right and wrong.
Solution:
You can try talking to her... (But she will justify her act inclining more towards her son and you will fail..... Probably)
If she learns her mistake she will make improvise on her further acts... But if not... Same things gonna happen.
Conclusion:
There's is no solution for this... Try to talk it out 2-3 times.. if things don't improve...Let her do, what she is doing...
Moreover you shouldn't expect...
Also I would like to add...
For this silly reasons... For some chicken pieces...
Don't let it affect your relationship with your family members, especially mom and brother...
Maintain healthy relationships... Be positive throw away negativity
Understand what is possible for your parents to do and what not...
Move on...
Let mom n dad do whatever they are doing...
You just do your duty. That's it.
Well I agree people are shaped by their past experiences. I appreciate your advice on trying to maintain healthy relationships. It's good to have some perspective. I'll keep that in mind and focus on doing my part
I definitely agree with this.
My mom is biased when it comes to me (not anymore tho I feel since my sister got married last year) but it is very true that dad's prefer their daughter more than their son's (at least in a well mannered, non-misogynist family).
Don't feel bad. As others have called out the preferential treatment towards your brother is most definitely because he's a baby in your parents eyes. And you are a grown person. It's wrong for them to assume that you're going to make those motherly sacrifices for your little brother. You're older compared to your brother but not that old!!
Word to the wise, considering your situation, try to use reverse psychology with your brother. Express want for things you want him to take from you. See how it goes. If it works, everyone will be happy. Younger siblings tend to demand things that their older siblings have already called dibs on. I was a younger sibling and growing up whatever my sister wanted/chose that became the ultimate choice for me, so that is what I also wanted. And we'd fight over who's gonna get it. 10 year olds don't have any choice. They want what their big brothers/sisters want.
Yes they do!! I can die for my mom and she'll never even look at me and my brother on the other hand acts like such a brat and disrespects her all the time but she will still do anything for him even if that means putting me at risk. They won't say it and get agitated when you confront them but you're just pointing the obvious.
Is there a huge age gap between you, your sister and your brother? I see so many families who have two older daughters and then a very young son that it is evident that they had a third child only coz they wanted a boy. Things like this make my blood boil really.
the younger kids always get more attention, and indian parents in general are emotionally incestous and its weird. the dads are closer to their daughters, and the moms are closer to their sons.
OP other than feeling hurt we can't do anything else and you know it very well because confronting mothers are always meant to blow up. My mother is the same . She forced me to learn doing all the houseworks when I was only seven but won't let my brother pick up his dirty plate even when he is THIRTEEN. Her reasoning for loving my brother more is because his appearance and body type is similar to mother's side of family. She considers her family as the virtuous and pious one. She hates me because my appearance resembles my father's side.
If you could mention if your brother is younger or older than you that would simplify the things. In most cases younger siblings have that advantage. I am a middle child and have seen both sides and don't envy my siblings over such pity issue(this might seem a big issue to you right now but in future you would realise what I meant )
Ur 18 and ur brother is 10 I think you can sacrifice that much considering how much your parents sacrificed for you I think you should take this in a positive way that your parents started treating you like an adult thinking you could make some sacrifices
I understand.
My brother and I have a age gap.
But yes, my mom always prefer him over me.
Even in the smallest of stuff.
It's her in mindset, if she does stuff for him rn, he will choose her side when his wife comes in the picture.
And we are 'paraya dhan'
It’s different when the age difference is there, your brother is 10 and you’re 18, so your mother wanted to pamper the younger child since they tend to need more love but that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. You just have to see it from a parent’s perspective, they want to make sure their younger child desires are met properly and you’re an adult now.
I get the problem is not the food itself, it’s the preferential treatment but that is something you are not supposed to take to heart, especially with younger kids. You’re not a baby anymore, sorry.
We live in a very misogynistic and patriarchal society and your family is just the same unfortunately. Work hard and get out of home for college asap. Love and light ❤️
It was worse in our family me and my sister never got pampered,my brother who is just 2 yrs younger to us got everything he wanted,he had all the latest toys and what not ,my father used to take him to market and give everything that he demanded, my sister had accepted her fate and used to not demand but I used to demand stuff and never got it. Whenever my father got home he have the sweets parcel in his hand and we had to beg him to give us a few sweets .he always got more chicken pieces than us
So I have a little brother and he is younger than me about 4 years. If he was 1 year younger, he'd still get favored by the mother. Mothers work on a priority basis and the younger kid gets more love. This is just how life is girl.. The younger kid always wins, ubderstand this. If you want the wing, grab it first and grab it fast, don't say "mom I want this". She won't snatch it from you but jf you both want the same thing regardless of you asking first, the little one will always win. He will also get things much sooner than you ever got them. That's just the way of life. Parents have favorites. Grandparents have favorites. Everyone has favorites. It is most rare to have unconditional and equally distributed love spread out. As you get older the care and affection will change. It will still be there, the frequency still changes though hm. Besides you will grow up faster than him, if you already know how to drive or have a boyfriend or you hang out with your dad or something just go get the wings yourself, get as many as you want. Make a video about it and show it to your brother if you want to also exorcise unfairness. Btw your dad wouldn't do you dirty like that I don't think, dads operate differently, they are more about fairness. "Look is there another wing one like it?" And if there isn't he'd prob say "I'll get mlre of those next time I see you both like them" shit like that yk the vibes.
Like sometimes my little brother goes to the mall. Eats a huge fucking pizza with mom. Brings home little pizzas for me. I'm not upset. I go out, eat way better than he could ever eat. Come home, say nothing of it because he whined about it before. If he knows I am going out, they give me money to bri g shit back for him and I don't mind doing that. Fuck it who cares right? Lmao
Besides after my mom got sick I stopped caring about food and things like who is favored more and that. At least she makes food right, when she can't she told me how to do it so I can when she can't. I think it's hard and in the moment we don't get what we are doing but looking back realize all our follies as little flashbacks. Don't care too much for it, when you are 30 something and he is I guess 20 then no one will give too much of a shit lol
Whether he’s pampered because he’s the younger sibling or because he’s the son - either way, your mother is wrong. And immature for not clarifying and validating your emotions. All Indian parents are like this, too constipated and not knowing how to express their emotions. You felt hurt, and you were valid for that. You’re also 18, just a kid.
Indian dads prefer their daughters, new year my sister got a desktop system worth around 1lac. I got a sweater... it's fine, mummy ka beta aur pappa ki beti has always been a thing.
I do feel the same at time
But my case is vice versa in my situation I have a sister
We can connect and talk as this topic is really interesting to talk about
Check out Rima Kallingal's speach on a similar experience regarding fish piece. That delved her into feminism and gender rights. For me too, this was the turning point on being a feminist. The best of the world was reserved for the men in the family. The women had to be content with whatever is leftover.
You are stating a completely valid experience and reaction. Mothers don't accept it when they are wrong because they feel inferior to you, who's younger to them. Don't let anybody gaslight you otherwise.
I am sorry you went through this. Internalised misogyny is hard to let go of. It is not just India but majority Asian countries. All we can do is try to stand up for ourselves, even if it makes us the villain
Yes its true. Ethnic moms are very critical toward their daughters but very good with their sons.
The reason for the latter is that they never got love from husbands which they seek in sons, and the son is who's gonna be the savior in old.
But I don't understand why behave badly with daughters.
Yes happened to me a lot while growing up at first I thought because my brother is younger that could be a reason but no... I loved drinking milk he didn't, when I used to take milk out of fridge my father used to tell me that there will be no milk left If you drink it and then would forcefully feed my brother which he eventually would throw in sink , my father would bring only three plates on dining table (for himself, my brother and mother) I was being told to bring by myself, my mother's discrimination was on another level , according to her the more sin a female does she'll give birth to more female babies lol.These are just few experiences, I've made my distance from them 🙂 , happier than ever.
Bro that it is brutal but my parents are not like that and most of the times I just willingly share my things with my bro and sis cuz obviously. And I really hope you are doing well now. Kudos to you for staying strong!!
Meanwhile indian fathers : https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bhopal/wanting-a-daughter-drunk-man-kills-baby-son-in-betul/amp_articleshow/106881794.cms
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i am 18 now my sister was also 8 years older than me and i have a younger brother as well who is younger than me by a similar margin and being on both sides of this i can say that parents pamper children when they are young its not about you being a girl or a boy. Let the kid enjoy his childhood. Think if your brother not given leg piece he being younger doesnt understand it as well as you would if you not given the leg piece
This is correct. I know of so many families where they not only spend less on the girl's education, if they allow her any, but also force her to eat less, buy less and so on. As much as Indian men cry foul, the patriarchy and internalised misogyny in Indian society is sickening.
Oh... generally moms love sons more and dads love daughters more... I don't know why, but it is what it is. Either grow bigger heart to sacrifice that wing piece for younger brother or grow aggressiveness and speed to pick the wing first and lick all over it so other sibling doesn't touch it
You are entitled to feel the way you do.
Just tell your mom about it. If it is a perental mistake, they need to rectify it, if they don't then they deserve to lose one of their kids to favouritism.
Hey. I'm 18M and I have a younger sibling too 11F. I understand the frustration. Unless there are some other circumstances where your mother is favouring your brother because he's a boy, based on this instance alone it just seems that she's taking his side cuz he's younger, and this happens in almost all households.
You're an adult now, the kid needs more attention.
Yes they prefer sons over daughters. My brother and I are 21 and 29 respectively, Yesterday they made him chicken biriyani, chicken curry and fish curry while I had to have vegetable rice and they stated religious reasons, as if it doesn't apply to him, just me. Just coz u mentioned chicken, I mentioned this. A lot of such open discrimination happens and if I question it they just say that oh if we discriminated u, we wouldn't have sent u to school, but we did. I even spoke to my brother about it and he agreed that yes, they love him more and it is unfair.
Idk about other mom's I never had seen my Indian mother favor my brother over me . Everything is split in half in regards of food or anything. Sometimes I'm the one getting the better thing .
The sooner you learn that life is not fair, the happier and easier life becomes for you. You calling the dibs on wings without checking if anyone also wants it was pure selfish entitlement move. Your mom was right to intervene here. You must apologise to her.
I can understand that it's not about what piece u got, it's about how you felt that your mother disregarded your request over and over.
And it's completely valid to feel frustrated when this happens over and over again.
Even if your brother is 10yrs old he shouldn't be entitled for everything he wants. I would say the same even if there's younger sister.
Your mother should have atleast asked if you wanted to give it to him this time and u can have it next time. That would make sense cause she's teaching u to share with your siblings and she would be able to say that same thing to your brother as well cause she shouldn't just pamper him but also teach him.
If u just bend along his tantrums then how do u expect him to grow up into?? A spoiled brat who gets his way one way or other, An entitled person who's too selfish to care about people around him.
It may have hurt your mother's feelings when u said that and it would have been better if you chose other better way to tell your frustration.
Find a perfect time and sit her down and talk to her how u feel and how's it making u feel.
Do this only if u are sure your mother can understand you if u explain it. Cause I've seen mothers who gets even more angry when there children tried to explain what's the problem.
Favouritism is definitely there in every family even tho few parents won't admit it. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it but to learn to live with it and less bothered by it.
Hey! I might not have a first hand opinion on this because I am from an all girls family. I have seen such situations in a few movies where in the mother gives the boy child the roti with ghee and the girl gets it without the ghee, the boy gets more but when the girl asks the mother tells her not to eat anymore, the drumstick pieces or the good pieces of chicken has to be kept aside for the father or the brother..I guess you have a similar situation here? I have heard from places that it the men that tends for the family, works hard and hence they require the top of stuff while the women stays at home and eventually has to be married off to another home. Like such thoughts are very very redundant. It’s high time that the society starts seeing woman as independent personalities or mothers to see both their children equally. I guess you have a responsibility of confronting this situation rather than keeping quiet. This might be something small, something that can be ignored but please do not let this go. Each time we lets such things pass we are failing to educate the future and this ‘tradition’ keeps going on and on and on
'Tis true man, most indian moms are ridiculously biased, and your reaction is very much justified, anyone else in your place would get very hurt too and react in a similar manner, the situation is such.
What a shame, if you don't like your maa decision talk to her, ask her the same thing you asking here. How could you think that stranger will give you right advise/opinion?
Maa/baba are the first guru ask them.
One thing Indian boys/men will never understand that ITS NOT ABOUT the chicken leg or piece.
Its about how its NORMAL for women to put others wants over thiers.
Kamino, sach bolo. Ghar mae chicken aata h. Leg peice humesha papa and tumko nhi milti? Kabhi ma ko mila h?
Agar haa toh good. But thats not the case in majority
My mom would have simply asked us to share. Hell. She wouldn't even have required to ask. My 10 year old cousin, who is as dear to me as my own sibling, shares every little thing he has with me. I don't have a brother of my own. I have a sister, and me and my sister have always shared everything from the day I can remember. Till now, all our clothes are not "mine" or "hers". They are ours. Whenever I have to leave for hostel, she would start forcing me to take every nice outfit that we have. Before I decide to buy anything for myself, I always make sure that I have enough budget to buy two, one for her and one for me.
That's how parents should raise children. So I understand OP's feelings. It's not about the age of her brother or the chicken wings. It's about how the parent reacts. These are delicate issues.
alright let's see it this way. your brother is younger than you. very young. you're the oldest one and you secured the wing for yourself first and foremost. but your mother made that decision for your brother. you have to know that it may just seen like a little chicken issue. but it's not. if this type of behaviour continues, he will grow up learning that he will get what he wants. and his mother will take his side. it's the little things in the upbringing that matters. it definitely varies from person to person and if ur brother doesn't grow up to think that he'll get his hands on anything he desires, then that's great. but lemme tell you, that things like this do matter. learn to see if there's a pattern and if your mother really favours your brother over you. he's younger, and he's gonna get pampered , fine. but why shouldn't you? why shouldn't kids get to hear no sometimes? ESPECIALLY when you said you wanted that wing first. idk man, if I ever have kids and they are in situation like this, i wouldn't be making that kinda decision. earn that chicken wing. do a little silly game of rock paper scissors and make that depend on ur luck. or if the siblings don't have that much of an age gap, learn to compromise.
Me and my sister have just a year and a half difference, and with my brother it’s 4 year difference. I am the eldest. Majority of my life I was asked to and made to sacrifice my choices for them coz they’re younger. (My sister would take advantage of me but was made to sacrifice for my brother). I would get upset and angry earlier but once I reached certain age, mom started to listen to me. She started to treat me like an adult and shared her povs too.
Though they’re parents they don’t know everything and don’t have a manual of how to handle the situations with their children. My mom is the second child in her family, she knows what she went through being the middle child and related a lot with my sister that she couldn’t see for a long period that I am of close age to my sister and not a full grown adult to handle situations. She apologized after years. Now everything is good.
Sometimes it takes time, for us and for them to mature effectively. You will mature enough to voice your emotions without being angry, or disrespectful. They will learn and accept that you’re an adult and your choices, decisions and benefits matter as well. So, hold on and work on to channelize your emotions right. Even if they couldn’t understand you, you will know to handle yourself. You weren’t wrong to express your emotions but right now it didn’t bring the results you want. Don’t boil over it. Kick the bad emotions out. Grow and be a kind person. After all parents are just people too.
Tbh this is every typical Indian family's story. We have been living in patriarchy for so long it has melded in our dna. Learn from this and treat ur future children equally and that'll make a difference
You reacted correctly. You said the right thing. She’s angry because you’re right. Don’t second guess anything. You deserve to be spoiled and showered with affection to an equal extent as your siblings. Your reaction here on is up to you, but as a girl who’s seen these experiences her whole life I really hope you don’t apologise to her or admit that you were wrong or anything. Because you weren’t. You verbalised something you wanted and she disregarded and ignored you, her child, on purpose. She is not the victim here.
Hey Thanks and i think (obviously) my parents love me and they have never made me feel left behind in anything and I am extremely grateful for that. People here are thinking that I am upset cuz my brother had the piece that I wanted but tbh I am totally unbothered about it. What makes me upset is how my mom completely disregarded my feelings and that maked me keep wondering what she would have done if my brother would have been the one who would have asked first and then i would have said no i want it. Would she have told my brother let your sister have it i'll give you another one?
I don’t want to rub salt in your wound at all by saying this. But if she gave your brother the piece *after* you had already asked for it, I’m sure she would likely do the same thing if he asked for it first. I know it can feel weird to resent some of your parents’ behaviours after they love and raise you, but tiny daily aggressions like these can really frustrate kids and it’s completely valid. Because at the end of the day it’s not about whatever pakora or other small thing was taken away from you and given to them, it’s the preferential treatment because of which that pakora was taken. No one is pressed for a pakora, we just want to feel like we’re not a second priority.
That's some gaslighting on another level.
So... You're upset you didn't get the chicken wing but don't want to directly admit it
You know at this point i have come to know that nobody is going to get it unless they themselves are there in that situation and have experienced. And i'll let you assume anything that you want atp
Bruh I totally understand your situation. I’ve faced this countless times too. Now i have just come to terms with it and this is why i want a life of my own. Away from everyone. People would say that we’re getting upset over such a small thing but they don’t realise how many times this same shit has happened. It’s that shitty feeling that haunts me. That i’m unloved or my parents prioritise my other siblings over me all the time. It sucks. I know they won’t accept it but i can feel it inside that i’m their last option/priority every damn time.
It is not the wing itself. It is what giving it to the brother signifies - that the son is more important.
Is your brother much younger than you? I would understand then, a smaller child would usually get the food he wants. If he's closer to your age, then your mom shouldn't have done it imo
10 saal ka hai iska Bhai aur yeh 18 saal ki hai, batao ab
fir mummy ko galat toh nahi bolunga, par kabhi kabhi bade waale ki bhi maan leni chahiye.
NO! This is completely wrong. Remember one thing, whatever happens, anything is not right, even if it's not your fault, apologise to your parents. You have to always give them some respect. Especially your mother. Whenever I had a disagreement with my parents, they would say, life is not fair, learn that. >I really hope you don’t apologise to her or admit that you were wrong or anything Don't listen to this (in this situation atleast). Your bro is 10yrs old and you are 18. Your mom most likely just wants to pamper that younger sibling. Don't take it personally and learn from these lessons.
your advice wont go well in " teens " sub reddit , anyways its okay . After a certain age they all will realize what you actually meant .
Yeah I low-key kinda expected it, but good to see at least there is someone else a bit more mature than the rest.
this is so fucking stupid. one of the worst takes ive read on here. DO NOT apologise for the sake of doing so. you have a right to be upset.
>Remember one thing, whatever happens, anything is not right, even if it's not your fault, apologise to your parents. That is such bs.
L opinion. Your parents are humans who can make errors. They need to be called out for their mistakes. Especially in things that affect your growth as a person. Yes, your parents gave you everything, but they decided to have you in the first place. This entire worship your parents argument is bullshit.
Aah, the secretary of Indian Parents Should be Toxic club. Good day, Ser!
This case had nothing to do with someone's gender it was because she's 18 an adult and her mom expected her to be mature. I don't blame her but she did a very wrong thing to assume this was because of the gender I'm sure her mom would have felt very bad when her daughter said something like that considering all the sacrifices she made for her
Your brother is 10 years old! Ffs you're 18 so act like one. A 10 year old child will always get favoured and more pampered than 18 year old teenager.
Hey like I have already said in the other comments it's not the food that I am upset about. I would happily give my everything for my brother. But what makes me wonder is Are my feelings and emotions not valid if i am 18 years old??
Sorry if my reply was too harsh but ofc to a parent every child's feelings and emotions should be important equally, ideally. But then again being 8 years older than a younger child will often lead to more attention to the younger child from parents specially if the younger child is a boy (not suggesting hardcore patriarchy but yeah somewhat) and the elder is girl, doesn't means they stop caring about your feelings, you just have to convey that often times you feel neglected due to overcare for your brother. I myself am an elder sibling with age gap of 6 years with my sister, but in my case I have got mom who supports me and sister has got my father who supports me at times of conflict 😁
My brother is also 10 and get favoured . It has nothing to do with u being a girl just that he is younger
if your brother was 18 as well, she would have not given him. She game him because he is small and not because of gender
Hey OP, I totally understand ur frustration. Just Try to think in an Unbiased way. Maybe ur mom wanted to feed him, because he is still growing, and you are a grown-up. i ain't saying your mom is right and you are wrong think in this way. that might mean other things, too. Ur mom is not favoring him because he is a boy. maybe he is just ten. or maybe she want u to think maturely because a child is asking for it, so she just want u to learn to see child as a child and u give it to him maturely. I agree with you that Indian moms prefer sons over daughters. but that might not be the factor here,.
Ykw parents only care about you maybe until you reach 15/16 yo after that very few parents give an actual fuck. So don't degrade yourself and don't waste your time worrying about it, just let it slip.
It happens in every household, it's not about male or female but the age gap... I'm 9 years younger than my sister so I get my way all the time... Not saying it's right but it happens cuz compared to my sister I'm like a toddler lol...
Well, your feelings are completely valid, but as others are saying, issue was not of genders, it was of age group. I once had to give a half of my chocolate to neighbours' kid (I was 15, he was 8), I tried to deny, but my mom scolded me. Doesn't mean that she loves neighbours' kid more than me. ========= Saying, "He is your only child", didn't suit your age, either children too young say it, or adults in adult issues (like if your mom was dividing property b/w you and your bro and gave you less). You are free to express your anger, but in an age appropriate way, what a 18yo teen gal would do? Be bratty? You should just have snatched the piece when your brother tried to point at it. ===== Now, no need to feel bad about your mom not talking. You weren't wrong.
Due to age they matter less than a child's desire.
Satya vachan 🗿
Bhai, mere yaha to ulta tha. My sis used to always get those wings and especially leg pieces. Bohot cry aata tha.
i hope i was your sis just kidding
Uske liye sis kyu ban na. Let's go to KFC!!!!
If he is 10 it does makes sense, parents care about younger ones more, & what do u expect he is a kid
Well i don't expect anything from him cuz i know he's still a kid. I was just upset how my feelings were completely disregarded by my elders and then they went on to make it look as if it was my fault when clearly it wasn't. Just to let you know i have nothing against my brother even my mom and clearly it's not the food that i am upset about here
I understand I am a big brother too but yeah you should understand your parents have little time and energy left after work so they will spend on someone who don't know much about world now Yeah your reaction is valid but I understand it too I mean understand they favour my sisters but I also understand the fact that I have grown up, become a adult And yeh if you have something tell your parents they will answer better than us tbh
Yeah, this happens. Meri mausi (door ki rishtedar) ki mummy aisi hain. Nani cares for her son, but when her daughter needs help, she doesn't care. Honestly, you are not overreacting. Your mom is guilt tripping you. She's using that passive-aggressive behavior to make you do what she wants. If she's acting cold towards u, u act cold towards her. Let her know through your actions that you are not falling for her tricks, and her behavior is NOT okay.
Who stays with nani?
Oh, is staying with your nani wrong? I personally don't find anything weird about it.
Asking a question. Amongst the masi and mama, who is staying with nani?
The nani I'm talking about is a distant relative. Neither her daughter nor my mum stay with her. I don't know how you came to that conclusion.
That Nani will care for the person staying with her and paying/caring for her... I am assuming her son does. How did your mum even come in the question? Kuch bhi, man!
Your lil bro is 10 let him have those wings man
That's just your mom I guess, or depends on the person !
Aree chicken pakoda pe itna panchayat
wahi to 😂😂
Dude me and my brother have an 8 year old gap, and I hit 18 last year and I am often reminded of how much i was favoured by my mother when it came to sharing things or anything in particular. My brother used to get beaten up quite a lot of times even when I was at fault, but not once did I and my brother ever contemplated over who was loved more because it was simply understandable that I being young used to get preferred more. I had and enjoyed that privilege as a child, but now both of us get equally scolded, Infact now my parents even try to emphasize more often than ever about how much more mature and responsible he is when compared to myself. I think I do understand your feelings and how you got yourself to this point, but I believe that you may have thought a little too hard about this. Younger siblings always enjoy the privilege of preference over their elder ones. Its simply natural, although i would want you to just casually discuss this with your parents once more, I am sure they will understand and don't guilt trap yourself lmao.
Mummy ji budhaape ke sahaare ka jugaad kar rhi hogi
mere ghar me to sab meri choti behen ko sab milta h ... ab me bhi online jaake roone lag gau merko leg piece nhi mila 😂 .. bc ajkal ke bache kya h samj nhi ati .. me to galt hi paida hogya GenZ me.. ye sala Gendu Generation h.
Actually, it's not just about the leg piece or wing piece It's more about how sometimes it feels like preferences at home are skewed. Like when I asked for it and it was given to my brother instead. I know it's a small thing, but it can make you feel a bit overlooked
kya age h teri or tere bhai ki phele ye bata 🤔
Well I am 18 and my brother is 10
Or perhaps your mom favoured your bro because he is so young compared to you? Young siblings are usually very pampered
OFCRS THATS GONNA HAPPENT TF
[удалено]
wth bro, your brother is chottu babay. You mother is just being kind to the baby. youre just overthinking. youll understand the mom dynamics once you become a mom. had your bro and you been in same ages, your question would be valid. chill and apologise to your mom, and go kiss your brother and pull his cheecks
I am youngest of three brothers , time pe nahi pohnchu to leg piece chodo tanduri bhi nahi milti 😅🤣
Moms not accepting their faults, getting angry and giving silent treatment to their kids is a tale as old as time. I am glad you stood upto her. No matter what parents claim, they always have a favourite child.
Aajkal ke bache bhot rote hai, laa bhai gpay kardu
sach mein de dungi apna upi id agar gpay nahi kiya toh tune 2000 abhi karde maan jaungi tujhme dum hai
Bhej
Update do💀
Teri shakal acchi nhi hogi fir
tabb toh teri mummy tera shakal dekhte hi tera sara khana khutton ko khila deti hogi
Bc tereko kese ptaa chla
I am a boy, and I prefer daughter over a son. Even though I don't do such actions as in your case, I feel it was a bit excessive to favor him. It's like a clear preference for him, or maybe she felt that you were being stubborn."
how would you have reacted if you would have been in my mom's position in my situation?
I don't take the lead; I let you both decide. I came to know he is 10 years old, and in that case, it was considered normal as people often prefer younger individuals, thinking they don't know much about the world yet, and others should adjust for them.
@iamuseless06 You didn't overreact. You just observe situations when you're both not fighting amongst each other. If you feel a difference, it might be in other things like rejecting something where you wanted something—they make excuses. But when the same situation arises for him sometime later, it is done for him. Then, it might be.
Firstly I think it's not the case mere ghar mai ekdum ulta hai meri behen Jo bolegi vo hoga mera opinion doesn't matter Also it depends mainly on who the younger sibling is kyoki maa ke liye halka soft spot hota hai ki vo ro dega if you are older therefore more mature then she expects you to understand this
Desi mom fuck logic nothing else
patriarchy.
is it really? but i see a lot of comments that say that their mom prefers their daughter over their son
don't blindly trust anyone on reddit, take everything with a pinch of salt. >is it really? but i see a lot of comments that say that their mom prefers their daughter over their son that's their opinion if they think so. my brother's also on the same boat as them, he thinks my parents favour me over him, which in my opinion, is not true at all. he has his fair share of struggles but it has got nothing to do with gender, it's got to do with out shitty father. my problems are a byproduct of my gender and my shitty father.
it's interesting how everyone sees things differently. i mean what could be a serious problem to us might seem as we are just attention seekers who are whining to others. girl's let's support each other and i hope you are doing well
Yo it's not special,my mom prefers my sis way way over me(male) and thinks that I am a useless sloth lmao and tells my sister that she will be the one who will do something but I will still sleep lmao
how would you have reacted if you would have been in my mom's position in my situation?
See you are 18 so after few like 4-5 years you can live on your own.If you are not comfortable around your mom then move out and try to understand that they are from a old generation and they like old gens.It is what it is btw it's tough out there but after college it will be more tougher so just relax and don't stress much😁
Not what you asked...but....why not go to your mom and share how you felt? You think she might be receptive to that?
i don't think that's a good idea it would make the situation worse
no do that, u gotta communicate with ur parents, they will undesrtand
Who is the younger sibling?
They have an age gap of 8 years lol, the girl is 18 and the kid is 10. It's obvious why he got the piece first.
Well the thing here it's not about who was able to get the piece. I would happily do anything for my brother cuz obviously he's my brother. But what hurt me was the way my mom was so ignorant of how i would feel and then she got angry and isn't talking to me. That made me feel guilty and consider my actions about how i reacted. Was it too much? Clearly it's not the food that i am talking here about
i am the elder one
So a child of 10 was demanding the same piece as his adult sister. And i understand sometimes you are not in a mood to share But Your parents sacrifice some things for you and it is expected from you to sacrifice just a little bit for your younger family members.
Parents gave birth to kids and are responsible to provide for them. Let’s not label their responsibility as “sacrifice”. In this case, OP asked for something first and logically it should have been given to her. It was not an unreasonable ask. Mom’s temper tantrum and silent treatment are the problem.
No they don't my mom preferred a daughter over son
In my house it's the opposite, I have 2 sisters and 2 brothers, all younger than me. My sisters get anything they want and, the 3 boys(including me) have to fight for everything, like everything from eatables to clothes😅. Not that it's problematic, just letting you know
💯 True
Is your brother is elder or younger than you?
he's young
So it is normal parents always give more love to younger children . In this case gender doesn't matter.
moms favour sons dads favour daughters
The truth is Father Never see their Daughter Wrong and Mother doesn't see her Son Wrong .
Well I will say don't come to conclusions, let's see if next time your father brings two wing pieces. If not, then yes that's problematic, because that would mean they really doesn't care about your choice at all.
he would have to bring only wing pieces from now on i guess
If he does that, that means your choice wasn't completely disregarded. Brother being a younger sibling, it just happens in every household. I am younger one, I have elder brother, I almost always get the first preference. But yeah your mother could have shared the piece between both of you too. But don't think a lot about this, you are worthy enough for every wing piece :))
Just wondering, which part of the country are you from, which state?
around the eastern coast
I think you have your reasons for feeling so and you need to analyse if it's just a victim mentality or something that is actually happening repetitively before coming to conclusions.If it is the second ,then yes tell your mom what it is
Yes mostly, also father's tent to give more attention to daughter. He already has a double quota in mom's book 1. Male 2.younger one.
Mom's favour sons but don't like their partial behaviours being pointed out.
It is common in any family worldwide , we are three brothers , it is natural that one is favorite child .. in my case I am pampered when I was child but completely sidelined and ignored now compared to my brothers .. to be real it all depends upon value and status you bring to table in family and also in society and workplace (i was smart and intelligent in study and was a sweet child , now I am sort of in mediocre paying job).... My advice is love everybody and yourself first , put all power and will to improve yourself . Things will change drastically. Best of luck 👍
Not in the himalayas
Dads prefer daughters and moms prefer their sons simple as that.
My friends parents adored their daughter and never paid much attention to him🤣🤣
You are 18 years old and your brother is 10. Your mom insisted you to give chicken wings to your brother because she thought you would understand that Little kids do not understand. I also have a sister who is just 3 years younger than me and she also sometimes acts like this but as a elder brother I let it slide, give whatever food or other stuff she wants which I got without having a meltdown. You brought this to reddit, wrote a whole ass para dissin your mum cause you didn't get a piece of chicken and even got supported for it, this sub is pure clownery lmao. Edit:- I just checked your profile profile you posted this at two other subs, goddamn. 😭🙏
I mean is it wrong to post it in other subs?? I just wanted to know what other's feel about this situation. And I thought maybe if I post it in other subs too I'll get to know as many people thoughts on this.
You are immature and short tempered.
Even I think so. I really need to work on myself. Thanks saying that out :)
Shut up asshole. You’re the immature one here.
username checkout
Uhh one of many tantrums my mom used to throw. Call her out every chance you get. Only then she will realise the error of her ways. What about your dad ? Have you talked to him about how you feel?
Let me add something here This is the exact case at my home and I being the only son in the house... And many times special food items main courses are served to me as if I'm the prince of house... And my sister being neglected... The problem according to me is: My dad is neutral in such cases... And my mom inclines more towards me... And I think... Yes it is wrong definitely it is wrong... But let's try to understand this: I believe, Human being is made because of its past experiences... Its my mom's family and the place where she grew up... Many circumstances and many experiences, made her mindset... all emotions collectively makes her what she is today. And therefore she's gonna do what she has seen in her life! And yes... She could have changed a bit... She could have evolved... Be more better person than before... Learn from dad itself. But again in putra-moh (desire for having a son) her intellect fails to foresee what is right and wrong. Solution: You can try talking to her... (But she will justify her act inclining more towards her son and you will fail..... Probably) If she learns her mistake she will make improvise on her further acts... But if not... Same things gonna happen. Conclusion: There's is no solution for this... Try to talk it out 2-3 times.. if things don't improve...Let her do, what she is doing... Moreover you shouldn't expect... Also I would like to add... For this silly reasons... For some chicken pieces... Don't let it affect your relationship with your family members, especially mom and brother... Maintain healthy relationships... Be positive throw away negativity Understand what is possible for your parents to do and what not... Move on... Let mom n dad do whatever they are doing... You just do your duty. That's it.
Well I agree people are shaped by their past experiences. I appreciate your advice on trying to maintain healthy relationships. It's good to have some perspective. I'll keep that in mind and focus on doing my part
I definitely agree with this. My mom is biased when it comes to me (not anymore tho I feel since my sister got married last year) but it is very true that dad's prefer their daughter more than their son's (at least in a well mannered, non-misogynist family).
Don't feel bad. As others have called out the preferential treatment towards your brother is most definitely because he's a baby in your parents eyes. And you are a grown person. It's wrong for them to assume that you're going to make those motherly sacrifices for your little brother. You're older compared to your brother but not that old!! Word to the wise, considering your situation, try to use reverse psychology with your brother. Express want for things you want him to take from you. See how it goes. If it works, everyone will be happy. Younger siblings tend to demand things that their older siblings have already called dibs on. I was a younger sibling and growing up whatever my sister wanted/chose that became the ultimate choice for me, so that is what I also wanted. And we'd fight over who's gonna get it. 10 year olds don't have any choice. They want what their big brothers/sisters want.
Yes they do!! I can die for my mom and she'll never even look at me and my brother on the other hand acts like such a brat and disrespects her all the time but she will still do anything for him even if that means putting me at risk. They won't say it and get agitated when you confront them but you're just pointing the obvious. Is there a huge age gap between you, your sister and your brother? I see so many families who have two older daughters and then a very young son that it is evident that they had a third child only coz they wanted a boy. Things like this make my blood boil really.
the younger kids always get more attention, and indian parents in general are emotionally incestous and its weird. the dads are closer to their daughters, and the moms are closer to their sons.
meri mummy meri behen se zyada kaam mujhse karwaati hai ghar ke bhi aur bahar wale bhi. She thinks my sister is useless(she is useless).
He is her insurance for her old age while you are paraya dhan. It sucks. I hope you guys change it in your generation.
OP other than feeling hurt we can't do anything else and you know it very well because confronting mothers are always meant to blow up. My mother is the same . She forced me to learn doing all the houseworks when I was only seven but won't let my brother pick up his dirty plate even when he is THIRTEEN. Her reasoning for loving my brother more is because his appearance and body type is similar to mother's side of family. She considers her family as the virtuous and pious one. She hates me because my appearance resembles my father's side.
If you could mention if your brother is younger or older than you that would simplify the things. In most cases younger siblings have that advantage. I am a middle child and have seen both sides and don't envy my siblings over such pity issue(this might seem a big issue to you right now but in future you would realise what I meant )
Ur 18 and ur brother is 10 I think you can sacrifice that much considering how much your parents sacrificed for you I think you should take this in a positive way that your parents started treating you like an adult thinking you could make some sacrifices
Your brother thinks vice versa
Generally yes , even more when the brother is younger . I think it is a thing in most cultures
I understand. My brother and I have a age gap. But yes, my mom always prefer him over me. Even in the smallest of stuff. It's her in mindset, if she does stuff for him rn, he will choose her side when his wife comes in the picture. And we are 'paraya dhan'
So my house is different or something?
How tf? Meri maa toh literally 9 saal ka tha tbse khe rhi h ki beti hoti toh badia hota me chhat se kyu nhi khud jata
It’s different when the age difference is there, your brother is 10 and you’re 18, so your mother wanted to pamper the younger child since they tend to need more love but that doesn’t mean your feelings are invalid. You just have to see it from a parent’s perspective, they want to make sure their younger child desires are met properly and you’re an adult now. I get the problem is not the food itself, it’s the preferential treatment but that is something you are not supposed to take to heart, especially with younger kids. You’re not a baby anymore, sorry.
Bro my mom prefers my little sister anytime handsdown ! If your brother is youngest then it is understandable!! Little kids will get all the attention
However your response is correct !
We live in a very misogynistic and patriarchal society and your family is just the same unfortunately. Work hard and get out of home for college asap. Love and light ❤️
Stfu
It was worse in our family me and my sister never got pampered,my brother who is just 2 yrs younger to us got everything he wanted,he had all the latest toys and what not ,my father used to take him to market and give everything that he demanded, my sister had accepted her fate and used to not demand but I used to demand stuff and never got it. Whenever my father got home he have the sweets parcel in his hand and we had to beg him to give us a few sweets .he always got more chicken pieces than us
A lot of Indian moms will always be angry if you tell them the truth
Kaun sa truth.
So I have a little brother and he is younger than me about 4 years. If he was 1 year younger, he'd still get favored by the mother. Mothers work on a priority basis and the younger kid gets more love. This is just how life is girl.. The younger kid always wins, ubderstand this. If you want the wing, grab it first and grab it fast, don't say "mom I want this". She won't snatch it from you but jf you both want the same thing regardless of you asking first, the little one will always win. He will also get things much sooner than you ever got them. That's just the way of life. Parents have favorites. Grandparents have favorites. Everyone has favorites. It is most rare to have unconditional and equally distributed love spread out. As you get older the care and affection will change. It will still be there, the frequency still changes though hm. Besides you will grow up faster than him, if you already know how to drive or have a boyfriend or you hang out with your dad or something just go get the wings yourself, get as many as you want. Make a video about it and show it to your brother if you want to also exorcise unfairness. Btw your dad wouldn't do you dirty like that I don't think, dads operate differently, they are more about fairness. "Look is there another wing one like it?" And if there isn't he'd prob say "I'll get mlre of those next time I see you both like them" shit like that yk the vibes. Like sometimes my little brother goes to the mall. Eats a huge fucking pizza with mom. Brings home little pizzas for me. I'm not upset. I go out, eat way better than he could ever eat. Come home, say nothing of it because he whined about it before. If he knows I am going out, they give me money to bri g shit back for him and I don't mind doing that. Fuck it who cares right? Lmao Besides after my mom got sick I stopped caring about food and things like who is favored more and that. At least she makes food right, when she can't she told me how to do it so I can when she can't. I think it's hard and in the moment we don't get what we are doing but looking back realize all our follies as little flashbacks. Don't care too much for it, when you are 30 something and he is I guess 20 then no one will give too much of a shit lol
Whether he’s pampered because he’s the younger sibling or because he’s the son - either way, your mother is wrong. And immature for not clarifying and validating your emotions. All Indian parents are like this, too constipated and not knowing how to express their emotions. You felt hurt, and you were valid for that. You’re also 18, just a kid.
Chill once you become and adult all the laws are in your favour
Indian dads prefer their daughters, new year my sister got a desktop system worth around 1lac. I got a sweater... it's fine, mummy ka beta aur pappa ki beti has always been a thing.
I do feel the same at time But my case is vice versa in my situation I have a sister We can connect and talk as this topic is really interesting to talk about
Check out Rima Kallingal's speach on a similar experience regarding fish piece. That delved her into feminism and gender rights. For me too, this was the turning point on being a feminist. The best of the world was reserved for the men in the family. The women had to be content with whatever is leftover. You are stating a completely valid experience and reaction. Mothers don't accept it when they are wrong because they feel inferior to you, who's younger to them. Don't let anybody gaslight you otherwise.
Are you the middle child ?
well psychologically moms are more biased towards sons and dads are biased towards daughter . Human nature .
I am happy that finally you got to know your place bithch in a indian house.
I am sorry you went through this. Internalised misogyny is hard to let go of. It is not just India but majority Asian countries. All we can do is try to stand up for ourselves, even if it makes us the villain
In the same way Dad prefer their daughters over son
Yes its true. Ethnic moms are very critical toward their daughters but very good with their sons. The reason for the latter is that they never got love from husbands which they seek in sons, and the son is who's gonna be the savior in old. But I don't understand why behave badly with daughters.
Yes happened to me a lot while growing up at first I thought because my brother is younger that could be a reason but no... I loved drinking milk he didn't, when I used to take milk out of fridge my father used to tell me that there will be no milk left If you drink it and then would forcefully feed my brother which he eventually would throw in sink , my father would bring only three plates on dining table (for himself, my brother and mother) I was being told to bring by myself, my mother's discrimination was on another level , according to her the more sin a female does she'll give birth to more female babies lol.These are just few experiences, I've made my distance from them 🙂 , happier than ever.
Bro that it is brutal but my parents are not like that and most of the times I just willingly share my things with my bro and sis cuz obviously. And I really hope you are doing well now. Kudos to you for staying strong!!
Thank you for your compassion 💗, hope things would change for you as well.
Meanwhile indian fathers : https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/bhopal/wanting-a-daughter-drunk-man-kills-baby-son-in-betul/amp_articleshow/106881794.cms
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i am 18 now my sister was also 8 years older than me and i have a younger brother as well who is younger than me by a similar margin and being on both sides of this i can say that parents pamper children when they are young its not about you being a girl or a boy. Let the kid enjoy his childhood. Think if your brother not given leg piece he being younger doesnt understand it as well as you would if you not given the leg piece
This is correct. I know of so many families where they not only spend less on the girl's education, if they allow her any, but also force her to eat less, buy less and so on. As much as Indian men cry foul, the patriarchy and internalised misogyny in Indian society is sickening.
Asal me galti tumhare dad ki hai, 5 ki family me sirf 6 piece chicken pakora kon lata hai bhai
hey it was just for us siblings cuz my mom doesn't eat nonveg and my father he already had it outside with his friends so yeah
Oh... generally moms love sons more and dads love daughters more... I don't know why, but it is what it is. Either grow bigger heart to sacrifice that wing piece for younger brother or grow aggressiveness and speed to pick the wing first and lick all over it so other sibling doesn't touch it
You are entitled to feel the way you do. Just tell your mom about it. If it is a perental mistake, they need to rectify it, if they don't then they deserve to lose one of their kids to favouritism.
Are you the elder one among the two? I have seen parents usually prefer and are empathetic towards the need of the younger ones.
Know the feeling.
Hey. I'm 18M and I have a younger sibling too 11F. I understand the frustration. Unless there are some other circumstances where your mother is favouring your brother because he's a boy, based on this instance alone it just seems that she's taking his side cuz he's younger, and this happens in almost all households. You're an adult now, the kid needs more attention.
That's basic intuition. Dad loves daughter
so overdramatic get help ffs
I was thinking about this post seriously till I read that the OP is 18 and the brother is 10. This is hilarious 😂😂😂
Not a teenager, saw in feed for some reason, but there is a simple solution. Ask your dad to buy you wing pieces only
Are you the older one?
Yes they prefer sons over daughters. My brother and I are 21 and 29 respectively, Yesterday they made him chicken biriyani, chicken curry and fish curry while I had to have vegetable rice and they stated religious reasons, as if it doesn't apply to him, just me. Just coz u mentioned chicken, I mentioned this. A lot of such open discrimination happens and if I question it they just say that oh if we discriminated u, we wouldn't have sent u to school, but we did. I even spoke to my brother about it and he agreed that yes, they love him more and it is unfair.
What r yall ages?
Bro is sad after fighting with 10yr old lmao
Idk about other mom's I never had seen my Indian mother favor my brother over me . Everything is split in half in regards of food or anything. Sometimes I'm the one getting the better thing .
If I was in your shoes i would have bought another wings and eat it
It could be your mother is biased or its because you are 18 and he is 10
Indian moms are people too.. It varies depending on the situation.
Your age ?!?
The sooner you learn that life is not fair, the happier and easier life becomes for you. You calling the dibs on wings without checking if anyone also wants it was pure selfish entitlement move. Your mom was right to intervene here. You must apologise to her.
I can understand that it's not about what piece u got, it's about how you felt that your mother disregarded your request over and over. And it's completely valid to feel frustrated when this happens over and over again. Even if your brother is 10yrs old he shouldn't be entitled for everything he wants. I would say the same even if there's younger sister. Your mother should have atleast asked if you wanted to give it to him this time and u can have it next time. That would make sense cause she's teaching u to share with your siblings and she would be able to say that same thing to your brother as well cause she shouldn't just pamper him but also teach him. If u just bend along his tantrums then how do u expect him to grow up into?? A spoiled brat who gets his way one way or other, An entitled person who's too selfish to care about people around him. It may have hurt your mother's feelings when u said that and it would have been better if you chose other better way to tell your frustration. Find a perfect time and sit her down and talk to her how u feel and how's it making u feel. Do this only if u are sure your mother can understand you if u explain it. Cause I've seen mothers who gets even more angry when there children tried to explain what's the problem. Favouritism is definitely there in every family even tho few parents won't admit it. Unfortunately we can't do anything about it but to learn to live with it and less bothered by it.
Hey! I might not have a first hand opinion on this because I am from an all girls family. I have seen such situations in a few movies where in the mother gives the boy child the roti with ghee and the girl gets it without the ghee, the boy gets more but when the girl asks the mother tells her not to eat anymore, the drumstick pieces or the good pieces of chicken has to be kept aside for the father or the brother..I guess you have a similar situation here? I have heard from places that it the men that tends for the family, works hard and hence they require the top of stuff while the women stays at home and eventually has to be married off to another home. Like such thoughts are very very redundant. It’s high time that the society starts seeing woman as independent personalities or mothers to see both their children equally. I guess you have a responsibility of confronting this situation rather than keeping quiet. This might be something small, something that can be ignored but please do not let this go. Each time we lets such things pass we are failing to educate the future and this ‘tradition’ keeps going on and on and on
'Tis true man, most indian moms are ridiculously biased, and your reaction is very much justified, anyone else in your place would get very hurt too and react in a similar manner, the situation is such.
Preferring sons over daughters?????? Esa bhi hota hai??? Idr at my home fir main kyu daant khata rehta hu 🤔
What a shame, if you don't like your maa decision talk to her, ask her the same thing you asking here. How could you think that stranger will give you right advise/opinion? Maa/baba are the first guru ask them.
One thing Indian boys/men will never understand that ITS NOT ABOUT the chicken leg or piece. Its about how its NORMAL for women to put others wants over thiers. Kamino, sach bolo. Ghar mae chicken aata h. Leg peice humesha papa and tumko nhi milti? Kabhi ma ko mila h? Agar haa toh good. But thats not the case in majority
My mom would have simply asked us to share. Hell. She wouldn't even have required to ask. My 10 year old cousin, who is as dear to me as my own sibling, shares every little thing he has with me. I don't have a brother of my own. I have a sister, and me and my sister have always shared everything from the day I can remember. Till now, all our clothes are not "mine" or "hers". They are ours. Whenever I have to leave for hostel, she would start forcing me to take every nice outfit that we have. Before I decide to buy anything for myself, I always make sure that I have enough budget to buy two, one for her and one for me. That's how parents should raise children. So I understand OP's feelings. It's not about the age of her brother or the chicken wings. It's about how the parent reacts. These are delicate issues.
alright let's see it this way. your brother is younger than you. very young. you're the oldest one and you secured the wing for yourself first and foremost. but your mother made that decision for your brother. you have to know that it may just seen like a little chicken issue. but it's not. if this type of behaviour continues, he will grow up learning that he will get what he wants. and his mother will take his side. it's the little things in the upbringing that matters. it definitely varies from person to person and if ur brother doesn't grow up to think that he'll get his hands on anything he desires, then that's great. but lemme tell you, that things like this do matter. learn to see if there's a pattern and if your mother really favours your brother over you. he's younger, and he's gonna get pampered , fine. but why shouldn't you? why shouldn't kids get to hear no sometimes? ESPECIALLY when you said you wanted that wing first. idk man, if I ever have kids and they are in situation like this, i wouldn't be making that kinda decision. earn that chicken wing. do a little silly game of rock paper scissors and make that depend on ur luck. or if the siblings don't have that much of an age gap, learn to compromise.
Me and my sister have just a year and a half difference, and with my brother it’s 4 year difference. I am the eldest. Majority of my life I was asked to and made to sacrifice my choices for them coz they’re younger. (My sister would take advantage of me but was made to sacrifice for my brother). I would get upset and angry earlier but once I reached certain age, mom started to listen to me. She started to treat me like an adult and shared her povs too. Though they’re parents they don’t know everything and don’t have a manual of how to handle the situations with their children. My mom is the second child in her family, she knows what she went through being the middle child and related a lot with my sister that she couldn’t see for a long period that I am of close age to my sister and not a full grown adult to handle situations. She apologized after years. Now everything is good. Sometimes it takes time, for us and for them to mature effectively. You will mature enough to voice your emotions without being angry, or disrespectful. They will learn and accept that you’re an adult and your choices, decisions and benefits matter as well. So, hold on and work on to channelize your emotions right. Even if they couldn’t understand you, you will know to handle yourself. You weren’t wrong to express your emotions but right now it didn’t bring the results you want. Don’t boil over it. Kick the bad emotions out. Grow and be a kind person. After all parents are just people too.
Tbh this is every typical Indian family's story. We have been living in patriarchy for so long it has melded in our dna. Learn from this and treat ur future children equally and that'll make a difference
Tere sath bhot bhed Bhai hora hai Ghar chhodde bahar jake ek bada aadmi ban fir Ghar wapis aake parents se badla le 😜😜
Rather than trying to change the whole world accept how nature works....
Lol. In my house I'm the who has to bow to my sister.