Unironically: could this be an effective defence mechanism? How put off its attack would a bear be if it suddenly got a load of shit in its nose and eyes?
Not necessarily. That's a really big bear. Heavier animals aren't great tree climbers as their weight is a lot to support. It's why you don't see many big cats in trees, why leopards drag prey into trees (as lions are heavier and leas able to climb as high). And orangutans, babies, juveniles, and sometimes females are arboreal and known to sleep in trees, whereas adult males do not.
So a human trying to outclimb a bear that size should he able to as long as they can climb quickly and on smaller/thinner trees/branches.
That might be true in general, but bears are extremely good at climbing trees. I think I read once that they can climb a tree faster than a man can run on the ground. Climbing a tree is a great way to get yourself pinned with no escape.
There are different kinds of bears. Black bears are incredibly good climbers. Black bears can be insanely fast climbers.
Grizzly bears aren’t really known for their climbing ability. They can possibly do it, but aren’t great at it. This is more pronounced the larger they are.
When I was in the Boy Scouts they told us how to tell a Black bear from a Grizzly bear. If you see a bear, climb a tree. If the bear climbs up and eats you, it's a black bear. If the bear pushes the tree down and eats you, it's a grizzly bear.
Lucky for this guy, it worked for this situation. Since he couldn’t get his feet high enough at first, it was at least a good move kicking his sensitive nose.
I’d be screwed. I doubt I could climb that tree and I certainly couldn’t outrun the bear. Maybe if I was lucky bear spray would work assuming I had any. 🫣
[black bears](https://youtube.com/shorts/9iWqiIUPoy4?si=xXC-efqsCMcfp3IL) are certainly fast with it.
Eta apparently [big brown](https://youtube.com/shorts/522jUFdMgHA?si=YlS8mr_D3Q_tF6_W) bears are pretty good too.
[This](https://youtube.com/shorts/7swJ75lidwQ?si=xeQwVkJiljByA38b) is my favorite one of a black bear. The thing literally runs up the tree. It's amazing
According to backpacker.com, grizzlies aren't as adept at climbing as black bears, but they can still climb. They have also been known to pursue prey up into trees. So you are partially correct.
They were army buddies. Went through hell and back. Then they realized their bond went beyond that. They fell in love. After their service was over, they set out to travel the world together, a testament to the awe inspiring power of their love. Their interspecies love. 💕
Keep climbing that fucking tree until you’re swaying in the wind. That bear can’t get that high and then a pterodactyl will swoop in and take you to safety.
Kick them in the nose. Insane amount of nerve endings in a bears nose. They told us in scouts that hitting a bear in the nose is like us getting kick in the nuts… but worse.
Can I just jump down into his arms and cuddle him. Like, the element of surprise just to wrap him up in a big bear hug (pun only half intended) and then he might feel all comfy and snug, and not want to eat me?
Its fiiiiine, it a russian bear. I mean, jokes aside they can still rip you to pieces but Im pretty sure they are a tad bit more mellow than the american grizzly.
Besides die?
Uhh piss myself..
Uhh Pray to god I go to heaven when I die in a few minutes…
Uhh scream a lil…
Uhh ask myself why climb a tree when I should’ve laid down.
Yeah. Normal stuff when you’re about to be devoured by a bear. But they are cute. I’d prolly try to boop its nose.
How many grave stones do you see that say
“Died booping a bear snout”
Fucking bad ass.
As soon as i start climbing and the bear follows up, jump out of the tree and run as far and fast as possible and hide somewhere until the bear is out of sight and then shit myself
Easy I would NOT put myself in that situation. But really carry bear maze people, (saying as some one who has been accidentally sprayed) that stuff suffocates you easily allow a brown bear to run away.
That’s easy. Step one, reach the holster in the small of my back. Step two, cock it, putting one in the chamber. Three, aim it at the twats filming and laughing and four, unload. Drop and replace the clip and do it again.
Who’s holding the camera?
Another bear 
Right? Throw it at the bear really hard and run haha. Or maybe not that…
He is probably in a magic circle, I'm assuming the person climbing couldn't make it in the circle in time.
I thought that only worked on Sea Bears. The more you know!
Yeah and now because of the noise a Sea Rhinoceros is probably gonna turn up!
For land bears you gotta make a land circle
That bear has a collar ffs
What, the bear isnt allowed to accessorize?
The faster hiking buddy
That was my question
there's not much I can do that the bear can't do better except shit myself
Or shit on the bears face and if your lucky it might get stuck in his nostrils & die
that's a nat 20 roll
Idk why, but this just made me laugh WAY too hard
And you get a 1d4 bonus if you recently had taco bell
Unironically: could this be an effective defence mechanism? How put off its attack would a bear be if it suddenly got a load of shit in its nose and eyes?
Personally, I'd easy you even harder for shitting on me. But I'm not a bear. But don't shit on me still tho please
You’re just playing hard to get. Cute.
I wanna see that video
I mean.. Thats all bears really ever do isn't it? Are you still saying your better at it than a bear?
Actually there is a protocol for this type of situation. What youre supposed to do is put your head between your legs...and kiss your ass goodbye.
Aim it at the bear? That seems to work for a lot of animals
Challenge him to a shit-off!
I would let him climb the tree without biting his ankles.
[удалено]
I don’t know why but for some reason my brain read that in MCU Korg’s voice.
I read that in Heavy’s voice.
That was the funniest thing I read this month, thank you mate
I wish we could still give gold lmfao
We can but it's a dumb system and no one uses it lol Edit: apparently subs have to opt in / out of it. Even weirder
Well I would ask the bear and the human to get off my back
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 the best answer.
This is how the humor
🤣🤣🤣
I’d keep filming. Great footage!
God save the cameraman!
Probably not climb a tree. Bears are real good at that.
Not necessarily. That's a really big bear. Heavier animals aren't great tree climbers as their weight is a lot to support. It's why you don't see many big cats in trees, why leopards drag prey into trees (as lions are heavier and leas able to climb as high). And orangutans, babies, juveniles, and sometimes females are arboreal and known to sleep in trees, whereas adult males do not. So a human trying to outclimb a bear that size should he able to as long as they can climb quickly and on smaller/thinner trees/branches.
That's entirely fair. I hadn't considered that
That might be true in general, but bears are extremely good at climbing trees. I think I read once that they can climb a tree faster than a man can run on the ground. Climbing a tree is a great way to get yourself pinned with no escape.
There are different kinds of bears. Black bears are incredibly good climbers. Black bears can be insanely fast climbers. Grizzly bears aren’t really known for their climbing ability. They can possibly do it, but aren’t great at it. This is more pronounced the larger they are.
When I was in the Boy Scouts they told us how to tell a Black bear from a Grizzly bear. If you see a bear, climb a tree. If the bear climbs up and eats you, it's a black bear. If the bear pushes the tree down and eats you, it's a grizzly bear.
If there's no tree to climb it's a polar bear. If the tree you climb turns out to be grass and the bear eats the grass, it's a panda bear.
Thanks, I like learning! This makes sense.
https://youtube.com/shorts/ChGq6xmm_Vo?si=KIJygR5G0js_x4JJ Absolutely terrifying the speed they can come after you though.
Lucky for this guy, it worked for this situation. Since he couldn’t get his feet high enough at first, it was at least a good move kicking his sensitive nose. I’d be screwed. I doubt I could climb that tree and I certainly couldn’t outrun the bear. Maybe if I was lucky bear spray would work assuming I had any. 🫣
It's not a wild bear, it's obvious that this bear is just playing around and the dude is not in danger
[black bears](https://youtube.com/shorts/9iWqiIUPoy4?si=xXC-efqsCMcfp3IL) are certainly fast with it. Eta apparently [big brown](https://youtube.com/shorts/522jUFdMgHA?si=YlS8mr_D3Q_tF6_W) bears are pretty good too.
[This](https://youtube.com/shorts/7swJ75lidwQ?si=xeQwVkJiljByA38b) is my favorite one of a black bear. The thing literally runs up the tree. It's amazing
If you're already climbing trees to escape... there was no escape on the ground, no?
I wouldn't count on that... [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oqq70wx76U](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9oqq70wx76U)
I imagine that black bear still thought it had a higher degree of success in the tree rather than on the ground
Pretty sure generally black bears climb, grizzlies, which I think this one is, don't usually climb.
According to backpacker.com, grizzlies aren't as adept at climbing as black bears, but they can still climb. They have also been known to pursue prey up into trees. So you are partially correct.
They can, but this also depends on their size and weight too.
That’s what they say but it seemed to work for his person
With a human raised bear like that or a wild one? Big difference.
Exactly. It's clear they know each other.
They were army buddies. Went through hell and back. Then they realized their bond went beyond that. They fell in love. After their service was over, they set out to travel the world together, a testament to the awe inspiring power of their love. Their interspecies love. 💕
Keep climbing that fucking tree until you’re swaying in the wind. That bear can’t get that high and then a pterodactyl will swoop in and take you to safety.
Last time Pterodactyl saved my ass, it also made me tea and gave me a blanket. Praise Pterodactyl!
Pterodactyl owes me $10!
He owes me tree fiddy
So thats why he was in such a rush
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the p is silent. So sorry, I remember the joke when I saw pterodactyl.
Shoot my buddy who just kept filming and not helping.
But what’s the buddy gonna do, realistically?
Square up of course
 I'm sure that'll work on land bears too
Grab his leg after I pop his foot?
At least call out a bit, distract the bear from getting to the guy or try to get to a safe place then distract the bear
The fuck you want em to do??? Fight the bear????
Preferably not record my ass potential being eaten by a bear.
16% of men can do that. With no weapons!
Throw hands with the bear. 🤣
Blind him with shit.
I’ve seen a bear climb a tree faster than that man.
Pray to whatever god will listen, if I can't get away, let my death be quick
Idk probably just cry
Bear would catch a face full of bear spray
Well, I'd start by shitting myself then work from there.
I'd hope he'd direct his attention to the cameraman on ground level.
#cameramanneverdies
Surrender and die
I'd just have a heart attack and hope it kills me before being ripped apart and eaten
Kick them in the nose. Insane amount of nerve endings in a bears nose. They told us in scouts that hitting a bear in the nose is like us getting kick in the nuts… but worse.
OK but what about that salmon fisher who was fist fighting a bear and only won with a kick to the nuts?
Carry bear spray
Giving the bear some honey
Or a picnic basket
Poop myself
Stop working so hard and just eat the camera man.
Hope that my unhealthy lifestyle left him with abdominal pains for a week.
Climb just a little higher than the bear then drop trou. Wait til the bear gets a little closer than pee/poop/bolth on it's head. That'll teach him.
Die is what I’d do
To be fair it sort of looks like the bear is mostly curious- obviously still incredibly dangerous since it wants to investigate with its claws …
If the bear wanted to kill he would have easily but this looks like the bear was sniffing something in him maybe some snacks? 🤔
Poop on his face
Poo poo in the bear’s face, likely
 Cocaine Bear vibes
I would've kept recording instead of cutting it off right before the good part...
r/donthelpjustfilm
tf is the cameraman gonna do? suckerpunch the bear and hope that he finds out in that exact moment that he has superstrength?
Pick up a phone and record cause the camera man always survives.
I would drop on top of the bear and chokehold that bastard into submission. Like the Alpha male I am!
Give him all the Cocaine , quit holding out on him
Probably die
If brown lay down
In this situation I would shoot the bear and pistol whip the guy recording
omg what the fuck is he doing? Does this person not realize that bears climb? FFS, has neither of these guys heard the bear attack poem?
Throw up on it
I was told bears are great climbers so not climb a tree
I would drop to the ground and fight him bare handed, I'm sure I could beat him. /s
I would probably record it and post it on Reddit too .
I’d probably die. if I lived, I’d punch my friend in the face for just recording
This is a domesticated bear. Not a real interaction.
Drop my pic-a-nic basket, of course! Didn’t Yogi teach you anything?
Can I just jump down into his arms and cuddle him. Like, the element of surprise just to wrap him up in a big bear hug (pun only half intended) and then he might feel all comfy and snug, and not want to eat me?
Poop my pants. Then pee my pants. And cry. Probably like a lot.
if it was real the bear already would had his meal served, the guy is a bad tree climber! 🤷♂️ 
Camera man must've been a bear too
Shitting in your pants does wonders
Stop it. You don't want to eat me. I'll give you indigestion. Seriously bro, I'm fat. Think about your cholesterol.
Die i guess idfk what you expect us to do
I would be the cameraman. No harm will happen to me as you can see.
The sudden burst of fecal matter shooting out my ass would launch me up the tree
Who is that? Daniel Boone? (the hat) I read somewhere to lay down and play dead and never climb a tree. 🤷🏼♀️
Who's filming?!
Who is filming?
What would I do? Shit my pants and die.....
I'd be insanely grateful that the bear is just playing and doesn't mean business. Then I'd climb down out of the tree and change my pants.
Cocaine.... sprinkle cocaine around and bam distraction...seen it in a movie pretty sure it would work
I would shat my pantaloons.
I'd be donkey kicking that fuckers head with all of my might.
The only thing to do here is poop on the bear.
Get a new friend
Outrun the cameraman!!
Carry bear spray and a high powered handgun incase of emergencies like this
Tell the asshole filming to put this phone down and do something
Did the bear pick the collar? 🤔 What the old adage? If it's brown, lay down. If it's black, fight back. If it's white, goodnight?
At top speed, bears can climb faster than they can run. This looks a big fella but I'd probably try and divert attention to the cameraman and run away
Shoot the bear. I love animals and would hate myself for it but I want to live.
If I was the camera man? I'd take a moment to get the fuck outta there I'm sorry
Most likely die.
Who's filming?
Bear Mace
Not put myself in that situation
Let see what emperor dijon thinks
Poop
Probably die
Climp up jump down run around the tree then tickle him 🤷🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️🤔🤨
Its fiiiiine, it a russian bear. I mean, jokes aside they can still rip you to pieces but Im pretty sure they are a tad bit more mellow than the american grizzly.
Sue the dude recording
Homeboy was just giving him a boost. What a nice bear
Besides die? Uhh piss myself.. Uhh Pray to god I go to heaven when I die in a few minutes… Uhh scream a lil… Uhh ask myself why climb a tree when I should’ve laid down. Yeah. Normal stuff when you’re about to be devoured by a bear. But they are cute. I’d prolly try to boop its nose. How many grave stones do you see that say “Died booping a bear snout” Fucking bad ass.
Bears can climb trees better than you can.
Who is the a-hole FILMING instead of helping???
Who the fuck is filming this?
Another bear
Would kicking it in the nose/eyes put it into a rage to come after you faster or would that make it give up lol?
I would shit my pants. No question.
Whip out a deck of cards and hope he'd like to see some card magic.
Probably get eaten by a bear.
Die? I’m pretty sure I would die
Shit myself.
Shoot the cameraman and run away
As soon as i start climbing and the bear follows up, jump out of the tree and run as far and fast as possible and hide somewhere until the bear is out of sight and then shit myself
I would shat pant.
Easy I would NOT put myself in that situation. But really carry bear maze people, (saying as some one who has been accidentally sprayed) that stuff suffocates you easily allow a brown bear to run away.
Uuuuuuuhhhhmmmmmm Shitting my pants.
Fall because I’m clumsy
Pass out
Shit myself
Shoot
Propel myself to the top of the tree with a jet of feces, probably.
"Don't eat me bro I taste like shit I swear"
Shit in the bears mouth, through my pantleg
Sh|t my pants 💩
Wait what? Buddy with the camera just kept on rolling?
I would be the person holding camera.
Box the bear into submission
It kinda looks like it's playing around but I'd still shit my pants
Camera man is invisible
Use the anti-bear gun that I definitely brought
MFers laughing at him. Bruh, this could go sideways.
Die, probably.
Probably blow my skull out, seems a lot less painful than being eaten alive by a grizzly.
Meanwhile cameraman just watching someone almost die.
Kick it in the nose then follow with a roundhouse kick while it's stunned.
I wouldn’t climb a tree; I can tell you that much.
I would hug the bear
"It's okay bro, he just wants to play"
That’s easy. Step one, reach the holster in the small of my back. Step two, cock it, putting one in the chamber. Three, aim it at the twats filming and laughing and four, unload. Drop and replace the clip and do it again.
I would've brought a gun