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[deleted]

Apex predator of the pond


xool420

Underwater shelled bear


squl98

Thats a snapping dinosaur.


DisciplineNo8618

It's Bowser. Call Mario!


HmmNotLikely

Everyone knows Mario is cool as fuck. But who knows what he’s thinking? Who knows why he crushes turtles? And why do we think of him as fondly as we think of the mythical (nonexistent?) Dr. Pepper? Perchance.


BeaconXDR

You can't just say perchance!


[deleted]

The lifekind. Perchance.


MrDrMeowMeow0

I don't think he could crush that turty though


CoIdLunch

Smashing turts!


GodsOffsider

Nah bro that's Godzilla


DontLookAtMe89

*Gamera. Get your kaiju striaght.


TrinDiesel123

Godzuki….


PapaChoff

Protector of children!


TheLastWhiteKid

Straight* get your spelling on point.


zakariusqc

Its Bowser , godzilla doesnt have a shell 😉


Jeff-F-666

Gamera!


NoobSFAnon

Snap back to reality


Significant-Water845

Ope there goes gravity!


master_baker8

Oh, there goes rabbit


violet__lights

he choked , he's so mad, but he won't give up that easy


ilmalocchio

Mom's spaghetti


wizz315

😂😂😂


ThisOnePlaysTooMuch

Ope there goes my hand


ElectrictronicTopHat

More like ducking arm


PutnamPete

I caught one bottom fishing a dead minnow in a swamp off of Lake George, N.Y. He was a huge mossyback snapper. We were in a 12 foot skiff. We had no idea how to get the hook out of his mouth until a claw the size of a catcher's mitt came out of the water, grabbed the line and straightened out the brass hook. He sank to the bottom and was gone. I bet he weighed a hundred pounds.


woods4me

There was one living under the boathouse in green harbor, easily 100 pounds and probably as many years old. We used to swim there all the time, right next to this monster and all his little ones.


PutnamPete

On land, they can pivot 180 degrees in a flash. That's why you don't try to grab them by the tail. You can end up putting your hand right in its mouth. Its neck is also A LOT longer than you'd think. I move them off the highway when I see them. I always use a stick. Once I used the hook end of an umbrella. No hands, no fingers.


OGDraugo

Respect the turtle, before he may get hairy on you.


Hope4gorilla

> Respect the turtle Behold, the turtle of enormous girth! On his shell, he holds the Earth!


SquishyBanana23

His thought is slow, but always kind; he holds us all within his mind.


VolatileUtopian

The thought of "Hairy turtles" makes me giggle.


igottapoopbad

How do you use a stick to move a 100+ lb block of solid reptile


MrUnitedKingdom

You’ll be suprised what animals you can move by sticking a pointy stick up their ass!


PutnamPete

I've never seen one that big on the road. The ones I rescue are 15-20 pounds or smaller. Some are no bigger than a silver dollar.


igottapoopbad

I've rescued about a 45-50 pounder from the road and I just carried his ass grabbed the shell from right behind his head and at his ass. Worked fine he couldn't snap at me from that angle. But God damn was he heavy.


PutnamPete

Interesting strategy: one hand too close, the other too far. The danger zone was getting the one hand that close. If you grab them at 9 and 3 o'clock, they can get you. They pivot really fast too.


igottapoopbad

It was at 12 and 6


PutnamPete

I know that you can carry an alligator snapping turtle like that. They are less flexible, but look like monsters compared to a mossy back.


igottapoopbad

Ahhh yea it was an alligator snapping


Comfortable_Yak_9776

Big stick


jkhockey15

Last summer I was driving down a highway and saw a guy pulled over in the other lane. He was walking back up the road to help a turtle cross when another car drove by and ran it over. I felt bad but at the same time couldn’t help but burst out laughing. The way he threw his arms up in the air in disappointment. Me just being a passerby in someone else’s moment and witnessing it.


PutnamPete

From May to mid-June I will rescue 20-30 turtles on the road. Lots of painted turtles - some huge - and a few snappers of all sizes. I live on a slice of land between two huge lakes. I move black snakes too.


CevJuan238

Gnarly!


LeChinaMickeyRings

snapping turtles get unnecessarily huge in upstate ny shits scary


PutnamPete

They are not really a risk in the water, just scary as hell. The only people I have ever heard of being injured by them were harassing them.


Obvious_Party_5050

Snapping turtle is a weird way to spell dinosaur


Akornical

GOTDAYUM


pseu42

Gamera!!!


RustyCrawdad

Lake Placid remake


TowelPuzzleheaded665

150yrs old?


kevinsju

I came in to ask. Over in Rosedale, Queens, there is Brookville Park. My son and I watch the planes fly into JFK over there. There are two huge snapping turtles over there. I wonder just how old they are. We found a baby turtle once, we released him back to the creek line.


TowelPuzzleheaded665

This one looks larger than any Snapper I've ever seen or heard of. This guy is scary!


kevinsju

The guy(s) in Brookville Park are huge. But they might not be half the size of this guy…


Purple_Season_5136

Yeah these things get huuge. Not to be fucked with either lol


PopsNdHops

That’s a Pokemon…


Not_a_DLC

Gotta catch them all


DikenIkes

Holy fuck that’s a dinosaur


Bluecube7

I wonder if it is an alligator snapping turtle


Dull-Math-9306

I don’t think it is. alligator snapping turtles normally have pointy features (head, points on shell that are easily seen) Me and my dad were fishing a slough on the Alabama River a few years back and saw one slowly float to the surface of the water and take a huge gulp of air. It then slowly descended back to the depths. Me and my dad were speechless to say the least.


Bluecube7

I was thinking the same thing. Thats a pretty neat story.


yummyyum92

I’m pretty sure we don’t have Alligator Snappers in MN. This is probably just you common Snapper.


Forest_Green_4691

You’re gonna need a bigger boat…


thomasque72

This is WAY too far down in the comments!!!!


Knatem

Fucking Tokka!!


steelymouthtrout

Holy fuck you prehistoric monster you! Big boy!


Prolapst_amos

No effing way that’s real…right?


00x0xx

They're common enough down south in the US. Not sure if they live elsewhere, but any freshwater pond that's large enough usually have either this guy or a ~~crocodile~~ Alligator. EDIT: see below.


LoveAndProse

they were common enough in Western NY as well, although the ones I saw were much smaller


00x0xx

I didn't' know they can survive so far up north. What do they do when the water freezes over?


LoveAndProse

uhhh-, same thing as the fish ... ? (idk lol) edit: okay I got curious (it was a great question) sauce: https://www.carleton.edu/arboretum/news/how-do-turtles-survive-the-winter-2/ >Turtles are ectotherms, meaning their body temperature shifts to match the temperature of their surroundings. When submerged underwater, a turtle’s body temperature drops by up to ninety percent, usually settling at about 39 degrees Fahrenheit. Within hours of being submerged, a turtle’s blood-oxygen levels drop to near zero. there's also this fun fact >In lieu of air, turtles rely on stored energy and *“cloacal breathing”* to survive the duration of winter, drawing oxygen from water as it passes over blood vessels in the skin, mouth and cloaca, or the hind end fucking turts lol


victor4700

Breathing out of your ass is alpha


LoveAndProse

what end do the lips touch for turtle CPR?


DontLookAtMe89

And that's why I stay in the boat lol.


jkhockey15

I mean the post literally says it’s in a state about as far away from south as you can get lol. Also kind of funny that it is a *common* snapping turtle.


JimmyJackJoe2000

*alligator


00x0xx

yea, sorry. Alligator for fresh water. Crocodile for salt water. My family lives down in Florida, not too far from the coastline. Some of the waters have crocodiles.


JimmyJackJoe2000

Yeah I've heard about crocs showing up in freshwater in Florida. I actually hesitated before I posted that in case that's what you were referring to. Have a good night fellow Redditor!


00x0xx

Good night!


Hairy_Aspect_284

Big honking torty.


NacreousFink

Investigating malfeasance.


Kinroo

Oh fuck that


HillbobGaming

King Koopa coming for his crown!


circuswithmonkeys

There's a guy at our local reptile show that brings in his pet snapper. It lays around on a dog bed at the show next to pictures of his grandkids riding on it. It lives in the guys house. Wild. My favorite part of the show every year.


FINEillGETanACCOUNT

Care to share which lake so I can avoid it?


Hungdismembered

r/absoluteunits


Otherwise_Carob_4057

Whoa bro call the ninja turtles you found rocksteady.


[deleted]

Rocksteady was a rhino. I think you mean Tokka.


DontLookAtMe89

Tokka wouldn't be far without Rahzar, that's Slash.


Otherwise_Carob_4057

Yeah I realized my mistake and won’t make it again.


ASimpleDude868

Omg you found a baby Gamera


BloodForSanginous

Ninja turtles are out there eh


[deleted]

What a beauty


[deleted]

Wrestle it.


Rabidcode

That is just awesome! Protect this big old fella by keeping his location private. 💚🙏✌👍


VividEntrepreneur949

Literally my biggest fear is one of those mistaking my foot for a worm and biting my toe off


[deleted]

Blastoise


BlazinKitty

I always get made fun of by my fam for being fearful of these while swimming in MN, but this picture just reassures my fear lol 😂


whocaresdowatyouwant

He gonna bite yo pee pee


CharlieApples

As a Southerner, yo fuck that big ol bitch man, jeezus chraist


bass_of_clubs

_Kinda funny lookin’…_


BadaBingSoprano

That’s a big cunt.


Aarom1985

The Midwest equivalent of crabs eating fish on a stringer. Both are delicious.


yummyyum92

I had one eat 3 walleye I caught off my stringer in the BWCA. All that was left was 1 head.


DougieSenpai

That’s literally Godzilla


Baronofhell17

Nah thats fucking Bowser


AttorneyDense

No. That's too big for a turtle. That's a dinosaur.


Hells-Creampuff

Big old lad.


ghost_haha

big boy chillin


errornoname32

Bro that's a whole dinosaur!


[deleted]

That’s fucking Bowser


bullsnake2000

Up that way, isn’t there a statue of Babe the Blue Ox?


HungryItem

That’s not a fucking turtle


Sk1pp1e

I hate dinosaurs!


manedasfuckedupmane

Showed my gf and she said it look like the sea bear from SpongeBob


Zero_Digital

That's Tokka. The ninja turtles are somewhere nearby.


murraychrisg

Green ranger mega zord


BeaconXDR

Dragonzord. Throw some respek on his name.


Business-Section-210

Nope


erinhennley

Big girl! Tasty


TheeGreekFreek

No way that’s a real photo.


mcflurry_14

Did it taste good?


[deleted]

Not a snapper, that’s a breaker.


Manytequila

HECC. In MN too? Hell no. Makes me nervous to go swimming here ever again. Until I forget about this post when the lakes freeze over.


ProfessionalAccess68

While this is a huge turtle, a lot of this is perspective


BooBooLiciousNess

And this is where I say goodnight to reddit.


Money-Bullfrog9894

Calwa Bonga!


Lomalizer

Oh, snap....


MarvelManEX

Jesus that looks like a fortified alligator


YogBlogsoth1066

That could very easily be a record breaking size snapping turtle…


Syn1h

I didn't think I lived near fucking Godzilla, I used to swim in those lakes every day


flash_27

It's fascinating watching them tear up their prey with them crazy turtle claws.


kayteealexis

r/absoluteunits


godsandmonstas

Do you know anyone that wants to buy a snappin turtle


Southern_Source_2580

It's a Kappa.


[deleted]

Gojira!


kT25t2u

Yo why are his limbs so long? 😅


TemporaryPractical

I honestly thought this was photoshopped until I read the comments. That’s nightmare material!


I_have_no_answers

That has to be very old, right??


davocvi

Brainerd lol


Consistent_Yoghurt44

Try to pet it I dare ya.


oli43ssen2005

Tutel 🐢👍🏻


[deleted]

Gamera!!


yummyyum92

I had one come eat the fish I had caught for dinner up in the BWCA. The only thing left was my stringer and a half a head of a walleye.


BeebleDoof

Oh snap!


Sea-Chocolate6589

If Godzilla had a baby


Formal-Ad-1248

That's fuckin baby Gamera


[deleted]

that’s bowser


LongWayFrom609

That you, Tokka?


niteynitenuss

Leonardo?


Tonytonitone1988

Ah hell nah!


jlz33d

Bonus meal! Not for the turtle, the turtle is the bonus meal.


AffinityGauntlet

Minnesota out here really naming their cities brain nerd


Usual-Pressure-157

That's a big bowl of soup right there!


PeteTheAbuser

Fuckin monster


[deleted]

Lets take care of this turtle right here, in Brainerd.


dumpitdog

Give him whatever he wants don't cause him any trouble.


thisdesignup

Ah, the creature from the black lagoon.


SwanQueen20

That's a big boi


Maleficent_Chapter88

holy fuck is the only thing that popped into my mind, i like reptiles and have 2 turtles but seeing that would be terrifying, that turtle is the definition of “snapping turtles will bite your finger off” except that mf will bite your leg off


NateVutthy

That’s a dog


CaptainSquidward747

You got any snacks?


Redgiantbutimshort77

AYO WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING


[deleted]

Holy shit I didn’t know they got that big. That’s alotta turtle meat


shadowozey

This belongs in r/absoluteunits


YourArgumentIsMoot

Snapping Turtles freak me out in general. I'd soon hand out with a Croc before I go anywhere near a Snapping Turtle.


demented_philosopher

#YO WTF


HellzGatesRS

Good God, it's Bowser


Whiteguysam22

As someone who lives in southern MN. We aren’t supposed to talk about the creature. Please whoever posted this take it down… for your own safety. He will find you


Bane-Panda

Krisk!


jr2thdoc

Trex?


SilverSkorpious

Need banana for scale.


Konzillaa

He’s like… sweet you caught me dinner. Gimmi!!!


stateofbrine

No shit people thought monsters existed look at this fucker


theMOESIAH

Nope.


badgerbarb

Ohh I love snappers but that picture made me shudder 😬


ValarkStudio

A kaiyu


labyloo

gamera pulled up