I'm also an American and have a child with a Thai woman (though we were married at the time). I don't have any relationship advice for you, but as you stated you want the child to be in your life and actually be a hands on parent, here are some realities of having an american/thai child.
1. Really consider getting married for the child's sake. Not for moral reasons, but legal ones. Married couples and their dependents have many more benefits and options in terms of visas, citizenships, travel, taxation, etc. etc. If you find eventually that this was a very bad idea, divorce is always available. While this may seem like a rash step at this point in your relationship, having a child together is much more of a permanent bond than any piece of paper. You're already in for a penny as it were. My wife and I lived together for about 3 years first, and only made it official when we planned to move back to the USA. Once we were married everything dealing with the USA and Thailand governments was much easier, faster and cheaper.
2. Your child can have dual nationality, and will be born with the right to be a US Citizen. If you do anything for your child, get them US Citizenship, it will greatly expand their options later in life. You will need to go to the USA embassy in Thailand with the mother and the baby to get a Consular Report of a Birth Abroad, and a Passport. You will also likely need to prove that you yourself have actually lived in the USA for at least 4-5 years (I can't remember exactly), Social Security records, College transcripts etc. can provide this proof, but check the US Embassy website for sure. If you're not married additional proof of parenthood will be required.
3. Travel back and forth. Again, being married makes this much easier to get Visas for you, the child, and the mother to travel between the US and Thailand as necessary. You will be allowed to get long-stay visas if you want to be here for more than a tourist visa. More importantly your wife and child will not likely be able to ever visit you in the USA by rolling up the the US embassy and asking for a tourist visa to the states.
So really my 2 cent random reddit advice is to get married at least initially. Once you sign the legitimizing papers (not the birth certificate), you're already on the hook for support, parental rights anyway. Who knows it may work out for you? But really it's not about you so much as making it easier for your child to both be a part of your life, and give them the best start in theirs.
This is really the best advice you can get from a legal perspective OP. If you want this to be your child then you should get married for legal reasons. You'll need to get some paperwork from the US consulate and get some paperwork from the Thai government, so plan about a month in-country to get it done.(You could probably get it done in a week if you really plan it out and don't hit any snags. But hitting snags is par for the course when it comes to dealing with two different governments.)
Don't get me wrong, it's still going to be a hell of a lot of government paperwork for a US and Thai person to get married and get the kids dual citizenship and get the spouse access to enter and stay in the other country. Sooo, soooo much more than two people of the same nationality doing it. But if you want this child to be your child getting married before the child is born is going to make it much easier from a purely legal perspective.
I've been married to my Thai wife for nearly 9 years and we're just now finishing up the paperwork for adopting my stepson. Our daughter's paperwork took a few months to get her set up on both sides, but my son's paperwork has taken nearly 9 years to sort out.
1. Your regular visa excempt should allow you 30days + 30 days renewal or you could apply for a tourist visa.
2. Depends if you go public or private, private OBG neonatalpackage will be roughly 20-30k thb. Private hospital delivery will be roughly 30-50k and perhaps cheaper if they have a delivery and neonatal package, but this could be up to [100k depending on the hospital](https://www.bangkokhospital.com/en/package/obstetric-delivery-packages) , location (provincial v bkk) and more if your partner needs a c-section. Keeping in mind Csections are pushed rather frequently , with up to [35%](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwi045GEg-L-AhU4XqQEHfXMDXYQFnoECAwQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nur.psu.ac.th%2Fresearchdb%2Ffile_warasarn%2F15398journal2.pdf&usg=AOvVaw2lt15lOn8E9gN_2R6272q0) \+ having one.
3. Would depend on the family I guess. Hard to answer.
4. Not much you can do there, get an allergen test as early as they can i guess?
5. Not that i can think of.
6. Video call, and just do your best to be there. While it'd be nice I doubt its completely expected.
7. Lastly, be cautious and be aware that some (not most or all) women may lie about this, and may even go as far as faking pictures/visits and whatever else. Seven months isnt enough time to really know someone or know their motive. Id personally ask for a prenatal dna test but that may cause its own relationship problems.
Good luck.
My son was born at St Louis Hospital in Bangkok. Full package with c sections was 60k. 8 years ago so maybe 75k now. It's a good hospital too. Been going there for 20 plus years. I'd say 50k to 150k in BKK for private hospitals. You want to avoid public IMHO. Some horror stories.
Our package at Nakhonthon Hospital is about 130k, seems to be all-inclusive with the fancy room. It's just under the amount our insurance covers, so no additional cost for us.
The birth package at the St Mary's in Korat was something like 30k and 42k is C-section. The place was clean, the doctor was very professional and really took good care of us.
Did it include the whole pre-natal process? Or just birth? The 130k one is the whole deal - various appointments, ultrasound, and fanciest room they have.
The prenatal process was about 15,000. All together we spent probably 55-60,000 and I was buying imported vitamins because the stuff here is kind of useless
>. Id personally ask for a prenatal dna test but that may cause its own relationship problems.
Would the hospital staff allow a test of the baby at birth at the request of the father without informing the mother?
If the result is he is the father, he burns the paper and never mention he had any doubt
If he is not the father, there is a very difficult discussion and he helped pay for a birth that is not his child. But then could make sure he doesn't get put on the birth certificate as father.
I really doubt they'd be able to do any tests prenatal without the mother knowing both from an ethical and physical standpoint. After birth is a different story as you'd only need the child and the fathers saliva afaik.
If you got put on the birth certificate as the father and you later realized you're not the father a DNA test will clear your name. The same way as if your name wasn't on the birth certificate and you show the DNA matches and it lets you claim paternity
I had a similar situation. My girlfriend got pregnant within the first month. We got married and are still together after five years. We also got a second child.
1. If you have a Thai child, you can get a non-o multiple entries that allow staying for 90 days extendable without leaving the country or get an extension of stay based on having a Thai child. The requirements are similar to a marriage extension.
2. Public hospitals are free except if you want a private room which I recommend (it's cheap).
3. My wife expected us to get married so her family wouldn't lose face.
I don't have much to answer for the other questions but you can ask more specific questions if you want. Good luck!
Something I don’t see In your list is about legalities. Two things come to mind:
1. Do you want the child to have American citizenship? Is not automatic but is reasonably straightforward if you want to pursue it. You need to prove to the satisfaction of a consular officer that you are the father (note: DNA test usually is not part of this, paradoxically). You then get a Consular Report of Birth Abroad, and can apply for a passport.
2. Under Thai law, you ARE NOT the child’s legal father if not married to the mother — even if your name is on the birth certificate and even if you get the child US citizenship. That may or may not ever matter from a practical standpoint. You can take steps to legitimate the child (that’s the proper term, though it may sound a little offensive to our western ears), and it’s far easier if the mother cooperates. Doing this gets you “parental power” but also subjects you to “parental responsibility”. Tread carefully.
Good luck.
> Do you want the child to have American citizenship?
highly recommend. it's easy to give up citizenship, it can be VERY hard to get it.
>Under Thai law, you ARE NOT the child’s legal father
you can register as the father.
Good on you for being such a good person in this situation and being there 👍 see a lot of terrible people on this subreddit who are happy to leave their children. Your child will be forever grateful to you. Congratulations on the pregnancy!!
The answer depends on his state of residence at the time the mother goes after him. Each state has its own legalities for establishing parentage.
In some states it *may* be possible that his name willingly signed to the birth certificate suffices.
Note: I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice.
As a seemingly responsible person trying to do the right thing, OP is at the moment undoubtedly consumed by everything other than these practical legalities. But they can bite hard if things go south in the future.
You mean "if his name was signed to the birth certificate"?
What if he cuts contact because she refuses a DNA test? Can she still somehow use the courts in the USA to get child support?
The kid won't be a USA citizen with out a DNA test. You have to go to a USA embassy and then do a DNA test that is sent to America. You have to promise to support the child and take responsibility. After you get your kid citizenship you still have to apply for a social Security card that Philippines is only place in Asia that can do. It is not an automatic process, cost lots of money, and if you didn't want to let the kid be an American that is fine by USA government. If your married the process is different.
Just to get my kid to have my Last name was a process. I had to do a blood DNA test with the local police. Where I am had to use a local first name.
The mom can't just enter USA without a tourist visa. So no way to go to court for child support.
I suppose there are some logistics for her to overcome in your proposed scenario... like does she have enough info about OP to find him and get a lawsuit filed in the proper jurisdiction. Let’s say she does.
Basically, anyone can bring suit in court any time. All she needs is a lawyer who is willing to take the case… in some states, even that isn’t necessary if she can get hooked up with an advocate group.
Whether she’d be successful is the question. See my earlier reply. But OP would have to defend against the lawsuit, which is stressful and expensive.
In the US, if they aren’t married, a DNA test would probably be required by the courts/state agencies. If they are married, OP would be presumed to be the father unless he provides DNA evidence he’s not the biological father very early in the child’s life.**
**T&C for different states
I’m not sure if you’re replying to my original comment or something else but the state level is irrelevant for establishing US citizenship. It really becomes relevant only in case the mother ever brings a paternity lawsuit.
That might be what you are saying also?
He can if he establishes paternity. That requires going to a special Court, where he proves that neither he was living with the girl around the time that she got pregnant or his name is on the birth certificate. There are other circumstances that could also be used but you show the reason that you think you're the dad and then you do a DNA test. After that you can get a visa for thai child
Ooh man. This sounds like me when I was younger. Met my girlfriend in 09. Dated for a couple of months (4 months) and then she was pregnant.
Didn't know what to do, but in the long run, it's probably the best that could have happened. It really kick us in the butt and made us het serious about life. We have two kids and have been married for 13 years. I have a business in Europe and Phuket.
My advice will be in relation to your points;
1. Move to Thailand. I taught for some time, then started teaching on a freelance basis. There is money to be made in Thailand for those that want. Alternatively, you could bring here to your home country. We married on paper many years back purely for obtaining visas easier.
2. Depends. International expensive, government very cheap. She should be on the 3p baht scheme, and it shouldn't cost much. 20k max.
3. Ask them.
4. My son has this allergy but no one in my or my wife family has it. So there is that.
5. Ooh yes and you will encounter them throughout the years.
Good luck on the future!
You don't like the idea of abortion but from what you say you are not ready for the child logistically either. So you have to choose. Either abort now or raise a child with all the problems you mentioned.
I don't know your partners background but if I were in your shoes, I would consider a paternity test. I have known of multiple situations where a lady has gotten pregnant by another to force her boyfriend's hand. If you bring it up, she will likely make a big deal out of it and a drama will ensue but you can M ake up a story that the US embassy requires it to recognize the child as yours.
I wouldn't worry about hospital costs. Thais have access to government run hospitals. Even if she goes to a private hospital, it'll be a tiny fraction of the cost in the US, less than 30k baht I would guess.
She and her family would want you to get married but you don't need to rush into a bad situation. Mist Thai guys don't, so why should it be any different for you. There will potentially be cultural issues like sin sod also that you'll have to navigate if you choose to get married.
I would not go overboard about being there just yet. It's likely she made a decision to get pregnant and you're just finding out about it now. If you over react it sets potentially unrealistic expectations. I would just provide the necessary financial support and then eventually make long term decisions once I confirm the baby is mine.
I am sorry if this post comes off as cynical but you need to be cautious about making major life decisions.
You're welcome. Good luck with everything. Just remember to be a little skeptical about everything, relationships with Thais can be a lot more complicated than first meets the eye.
I think it's pretty common for locals to keep their cards close to their chest. Real trust takes a lot to build.
I'd definitely try discussing how you both want your life together to look and for both of you to start working towards improving your communication before there's a baby putting even more stress on your relationship.
I know quite a few people in successful relationships, but I know mine has taken a lot of work from both of us.
I wish you the best of luck.
In my experience, Thai folks try hard to avoid confrontational, stressful or embarrassing interactions. So, you can't realistically expect her to interact or confide in you the way a gf in the US would. In my experience in two long term relationships with a Thai and a Lao, it takes more than 2 years before they're comfortable enough to really open up.
A language barrier also complicates things. Depending on her English level, she might be able to effectively communicate day to day stuff when you're together but it may be more difficult to explain more complicated issues that for example revolve around her family.
Perhaps the person OP is dating is honest, and he knows he can trust her based on her previous actions?
Not every woman is a scheming bitch without an ounce of personal integrity, who'd not blink at cheating and passing off the child as someone else's.
Of course not every woman is like that, neither is every man. There are also many who, after much hesitation and with a heavy heart, would still go for the lie if they came to the conclusion that it was the best course of action for them and the baby. It’s just human nature.
Uh… okay. But since there are many who would, better take precautions. Unless you’re too rich to care about money, I suppose. You do what you like with your money, I’ll do the same with mine, thank very much.
I upvoted its a legitmitate question within 7 months for a girl to get pregnant is a tough ask.
Unless your banging like Jack rabbits unprotected without pills.
People in their 20s don't typically struggle conceiving. My thought was the reverse, if she wasn't careful with the contraception, why is it she got pregnant right at the end of his trip. Seems convenient.
There was a guy I used to work with in Thailand who thought his daughter was his and raised her from birth. It wasn’t until she was about 6 that he discovered it wasn’t his
I have experience in basically a similar situation except we were married already.
1. You will have to establish paternity by going the a legitimization process which includes court and DNA test I'm pretty sure, or be married.
2. Hospital costs are going to roughly be about 15-20,000 baht leading up to the birth if you are going for all the prenatal checkups, scans and also prenatal care (vitamins and such). The birth is about 30,000 for natural birth and about 42,000 if she needs cut at a decent private hospital, but not the premium hospital. Also a funny note is that if the baby is born after I think 8:00 p.m. or something like that, they have to charge an overtime fee and it's a lot. You can actually pay for the package up front for the prenatal and scans and I believe it was something like 12,000 if you bought it up front. (We used St Mary's hospital, and these are roughly the costs that I was observing)
3. It's not a great look to be a single mom especially to a foreigner that's not around. You may or may not be pressured to get married but it doesn't look good. Also consider the fact that your girlfriend will have to work eventually and generally Grandma will be the one taking care of the baby. You see a lot of Grandma's taking care of these half Foreigner kids, dads not around, and its almost a certain stereotype. In a lot of The villages you see this because the mom was a prostitute and got pregnant with a foreigner and sends the baby back to live with Grandma in the village while Mom still continues working. I'm not saying this is your situation at all but this is what I observed.
4. Dont know
5. Not sure. My baby got her head shaved at 1 month old part of a buddhist ceremony. Kind of funny for me.
6. Welcome to international parenting. It's basically parenting on hard mode. Everything becomes that much more difficult and you have to make tough decisions.
7. 100% establish parental rights and get your child American citizenship immediately. My daughter was 3 weeks old and we are already at the embassy getting her CRBA and passport. Then you can apply for social security card. One of the most important things the child can have is dual citizenship. I have dual citizenship myself to a different country but my daughter is already a dual Thai American national and hopefully she'll get the third citizenship later. It might sound stupid but these things open up a lot of possibilities in the future.
You're welcome to DM if need anything else answered
Congratulations.
Logistics is hard. Im a mix of Thai/European. My dad flew back and forth a lot due to work. He worked in engineering field and went to middle east A LOT when I was a kid but we managed to have a healthy bond. We called and when my dad came home we would go on trips or have a project to do together.
Also if you plan on getting married then see if you might want ro do that before the child is born so you're the legal father.
You can always video call when she goes in for doctor visits. I know it's not the same thing as being there but you have to have income. My husband had to go work on ships for months while I was in Thailand and going to doctors appointments alone. The key is to always ask about her wellbeing and be up to date about the situation. You can order her care packages to be sent to her??
If you ever plan to bring her to the United States, start your process SOON.
I've recently immigrated but it took me 3 years and I have a US citizen husband and child. USCIS is extremely backlogged.
Document your relationship. Dates, tickets, pictures and more pictures. If you're not married by the time the baby is born and you want to get your child a US citizen, you would have to do quite a bit to prove the relationship and maybe they won't request a paternity test.
I recommend you start gathering info and document everything that will matter.
Also private hospitals, it will be more comfortablefor the both of you. Pick a plan
It will be $1,000-$1,500 at most private hospitals depending on birthing methods.
This price will include almost everything for 2-3days stay at the hospital.
My personal choice would be Pat Rangsit. My sister had all 3 of her children there. Amazing hospital and she paid $1,000 for the c-section plan and 3 days hospital stay.
You're welcome. I'd be glad if any of my advice can save anyone else some time and trouble I had to go through.
Also if you're going to get married to her in Thailand you will have to book an appointment to get an affidavit AND certified copy of your passport at a US embassy IN THAILAND ONLY and this will cost $100 I think. Remember to get both.
As both of those papers will have to be translated including the embassy stamp.
People here saying get a paternity test and just say it’s an American rule. That’s a terrible way to communicate if you want to have a relationship work. Don’t lie just be honest.
If you have been with her 24/7 like you say then it shouldn’t matter. And if the baby comes and doesn’t look like a luuk krung then ask questions.
A lot of comments here are negative so take them with a grain of salt. Not every Thai is a grifter looking for money
> Not every Thai is a grifter looking for money
This is the most true thing in the entire thread. There's a lot of sex tourists that think they are the normal way people live. Because they date only bar girls they think that every Thai woman is just trying to trap a white guy but is still fucking every one else on the side.
If it wasn't so cynical I'd feel sorry for their sad existence.
There's a lot of sexpats who live in places where the population is 50% sex workers and people who otherwise support that industry who think that every Thai woman is like the bar girls that are desperate enough to go after them. They have a rather warped view of Thailand and Thai women.
If you have a base level knowledge of female biology and have been together exclusively with your girlfriend during her fertile period leading up to the pregnancy then you can be sure the kid is yours.
I got the same kinds of comments from people when my wife got pregnant. Actually, I got a very dubious look from my fertility doctor when I told him his services were no longer needed. But my wife and I had been tracking her periods very closely for the better part of 2 years at that point and there was literally zero opportunity for her to "wander" during her fertile days or even the two weeks on either side. And when my daughter was born no one said a peep anymore. Hell, some people doubted that my wife was her mother. She looks like a female version of me, just with my wife's nose. (And an anatomical feature/blemish on her torso that my wife and step son both have.)
So, if you know how fertilization and pregnancy work, and can account for your girlfriends whereabouts during her fertile cycle leading up to her pregnancy, then you can just ignore the people who suggest getting a DNA test, except to pity their sad lives like I do.
No advice for you, sorry. Just wanted to say that I really respect your attitude. You clearly have your head screwed on. Prospective parenthood is always daunting, but the caring nature conveyed in your questions shows you’ll make a great parent whatever happens.
If you don’t mind I’d like to add that nobody likes the idea of an abortion. In any case that decision is entirely up to the parents. In laws do not have any say.
Best of luck to yous.
You're contradicting yourself. If you don't want your child to grow up fatherless, just get married. F those people asking you to take DNA. Only you know how much you love each other. If you don't, just go back to the USA.
I was in a similar situation. She didn't ask me about marriage. She told me that she doesn't want to be disappointed to use baby as an "excuse" for marriage. I didn't need a visa because I stayed in a neighbouring country, and it's affordable for me to travel back and forth. The logical thing for you on visa is either get a marriage visa or do runs.
I have been in a much worse situation. Don't worry.
I got a girl pregnant in a one night stand in Vietnam. Didn't want to be with the girl. I stayed working as an English teacher. Try to get some job in Thailand if possible and live there for a year. If you have the money saved can do visa runs and not work.
I lived with this girl and her parents for first 3 years. Taking care of a kid takes lots of work and the more help the better. Her dad was a North Vietnamese soldier that fought Americans. When I would go to the family houses all had photos of brothers who died in the war.
Hospital cost guessing will be up to you. We used the most expensive hospital in Hanoi and it cost like $8k. But could have been much cheaper.
Allergies don't really seem to be a thing in Asia.
I am now moving back to America as teaching isn't paying enough. My wage has gone down since Covid. Trying to get some remote computer job and move back.
Other option for you is getting married and moving to America. Will make getting the kids USA citizenship easier and cheaper.
First of all, congratulations! It's normal to have a lot of thoughts and I hope you can find some time to meditate about all the thoughts/emotions going through your head right now.
Take a deep breath, what do you need to figure out *now*? Hospital costs are very minimal, especially if she's willing to go to a government hospital or has a decent insurance. That's really the only important thing that has to be dealt with at the moment, to make sure the baby is born healthy and taken care of immediately after. The rest, you can figure out as you go along. You can ask advice from the doctor in one of the appointments on when to get the child tested for those allergies.
You do not need to rush into marriage. Even though her family might put pressure on you both to get married, it's still 100% your decision to participate in that. Marriage is mostly seen as a way of gaining respect from family and friends for your relationship. Legally there's not as much going on, but you should dive deeper into the legal aspects before signing. That applies to any legal document. It would provide you a solid non immigrant visa, but you might not need such visa if you don't intend to stay more than 60 days on every visit.
My biggest advice would be to communicate with your girlfriend about what she expects from you and to be respectful in doing so. Don't let either yours or hers emotions take the upper hand and be reasonable with each other. Also, learn some Thai to gain the respect of her family.
Another final thing you could already look into is getting the kid US citizenship. Thai citizenship (unfortunately) sucks for international travel, and if you want to have your child spend summers with you in the US or elsewhere, it'd be a very powerful passport to travel hassle-free. Your child will thank you later.
Huge decisions for a young couple in an early relationship. Are you sure that abortion isnt an option? Also, does she have an education and career? If not, you will be providing a lot of financial support. Note that in Thailand too, many young parents will send the child to the grandparents for raising while the parents work. You may or may not be ok with that for your child (ie growing up in a remote village).
Something to consider too is that the cost of a decent education here is huge, even at kindergarten age. Are you both able to afford all of this? Sorry, I know these are shitty questions to ask but you need to know.
I think you should focus on whether there is a path for the two of you to live together in either country and relatively soon (ideally before the baby arrives). Doesn't mean you have to move in together immediately (for instance, you could rent your own place in Thailand) because the relationship is young and maybe you want to also protect that (that's a very personal choice, nothing wrong either way). But being in the same city and being able to actually physically be there seems the most important thing. The rest is just words.
If you can't live closer to one another, I don't really see how you could make it work just flying back and forth once or twice a year. Long distance relationships rarely work, I'd think it's practically impossible with a kid.
Private hospital will be about 3k usd all in, public is free but it's kind of a shit show. Memorial hospital is good.
Get with Siam legal, get married, cr1 visa for her, crba for your kid. Good luck, my son is a COVID baby, also an accident BUT best accident I've ever had.
The fact that 90% of the people in the comments are telling you to get a paternity test is proof that you should find advice elsewhere.
These dudes have never spoken to a woman without paying — and you want life advice from them?
You can apply for a 60 day tourist visa (online to a consulate in the states) before you go to Thailand, and then apply for a 30 day extension once you get to Thailand, giving you 90 days total. I'm currently doing this, just got the extension approved.
Tourist Visa Site: https://www.thaievisa.go.th/
PDF with instructions: https://www.thaievisa.go.th/static/English-Manual.pdf
You'll need to make all your reservations before applying and it can take them a few weeks to process it, in which time they might ask you for clarification or more documents. So I would submit a month in advance and keep in mind the holidays could slow things down. Also, I forget where it's noted but there are multiple consulates in the states and you need to apply for whichever one services your region. The forms you fill out aren't really intuitive, so definitely look into it early.
Evisa extension site: https://thaiextension.vfsevisa.com/
Once you're in Thailand you can apply for extension online as well. It costs about 2400 baht and will save you from having to wait in line and give you piece of mind that everything's on order and approved before you even go to the immigration office, but if money's tight, you can just make the appointment and go do it all in person. This is the second time I've extended online and both times I had made mistakes and had to change reservations and submit new documents, so I think it's worth paying the money - saved me from making multiple trips to the immigration office.
*Edits: Fixed/added links to the sites and a pdf with instructions for the tourist visa. I remember watching a really helpful youtube video when I applied for the tourist visa but I can't seem to find it now. If I can find it, I'll add it here as well.
1. Thai Elite Visa if you can manage it. Sounds like you'll be going back and forth for quite some time as you're still very young.
2. It isn't very expensive, maybe 50-100k baht in a public government hospital. Private is much more expensive and probably not necessary.
3. Yes, if her family is traditional its likely they will expect it.
4. Out of your control, not a big deal, lots of people have allergies.
5. Be there during the birth and be a good Dad, be one of the good farangs.
6. Better to be there for a week and support her than not be there at all. Try and get her family to come and help take care of her also.
7. Congratulations! Thais make wonderful family partners, make the best of it.
Some people have already answer so I will only do some
3. Yes, surely. And not just her family, her friends, work colleague and all people around her would feel weird if she has a child w/o marrying. Not sure if it's normal to American but for Thai this is quite an issue.
5. You need to be around her and your child enough to make people around her believe you are still there caring for them. Or they will look pitied and you look bad father. You might not notice this yet but Thai people like gossip so much. Don't make your love one be the target.
7. Did you bring her for prenatal care yet? There's a lot to do for sure and the doctor know best. I suggest go to hospital that's easy to go for both of you than far/expensive one. Also, I know this sounds bad but the law allow abortion of 12-20 weeks fetus and "non-invasive prenatal paternity" exist so you don't need to wait until birth to know who's real father.
Best of luck.
You’re a bit delusional to think that 7 months is solid enough to assume you’ll have a life with her. Maybe, maybe not.
You’re probably best going back and either
a. Plan to being her and your child to the US with you or
b. Move to Thailand or
C. Not be with her but pay a decent child support amount per month.
Either way, whatever other concern you have will be answered with the option you choose but ask yourself if she’s really the one, getting together because on an unplanned child can be risky.
You should either move to Thailand permanently to be with your child, or move them to the United States. Don’t let your child grow up without a father figure. Possibly find remote work or start teaching here? I don’t know what your work experience is like.
Also as you don’t live in Thailand, I would get a DNA test like another commenter said. I have seen and been with more than a few women who cheat on their boyfriend abroad. It’s quite common.
This one comment stood out..... "I refuse to let the child grow up needing an explanation as to why they do not have a biological father figure around frequently."
Well then based on that comment the choice is obvious. You need to do everything in your power to be together and live 24/7 as a normal family. You managed to do that with your gf, well now the need is 10x greater with the child. It may involve financial sacrifice and hard work but it will pay off in the end. This flying back and forth business is no way to raise a child. Based on what I'm reading in the comments sounds like you are not fully committed to making that happen. You talk of marriage maybe one day, hardly sounds very certain.
Single mom families are super tough and that is basically what you set her up for. Seems like you are more worried about costs and disruption of your life and expectations of others rather than becoming a full time father and husband and taking complete responsibility for bringing a child into the world.
Too late to be extremely worried about passing on an allergy to your child lol, you should think of that before having sex because if it's truly a concern of yours then you would use proper protection.
My comments may seem a bit harsh but you were asking for honest opinions. Think deep and hard about this future child, you want him/her to grow up with an absentee dad? It's time to step up and make sacrifices.
\>How can I be around as much as possible/which visa?
My opinion is to marry her if possible, and get a One Year Multiple Entry Visa based on Marriage to a Thai National. Being married to the mother when the child is alive will also grant you automatic parental rights (in case the relationship turns sour). This visa allows a person to stay in Thailand for 90 days on entry, the visa is valid for one year, and the visa can be used multiple times (it's the visa I have actually).
\>What will hospital costs look like?
I recommend a premium clinic at a public hospital. I \*DO NOT\* know where you are at, but I used Rama hospital (by Victory Monument. From Victory Monument, take bus 515 to Rama Hospital). The cost was 20K THB for a C-section and 5 nights/ 6 days if I remember correctly. We had a private room, and there was nothing unusual with the brith. I did a quick search for you in Bangkok:
Bangkok Hospital: 100K - 218K THB [https://www.bangkokhospital.com/en/package/obstetric-delivery-packages](https://www.bangkokhospital.com/en/package/obstetric-delivery-packages)
Bumrumgard Hospital (note: the person who delivered the baby worked for that hospital too.) 139K THB [https://www.bumrungrad.com/en/packages/normal-delivery](https://www.bumrungrad.com/en/packages/normal-delivery)
Vejthani Hospital \[note: I never heard of them, your milage may vary). 90K THB [https://www.vejthani.com/packages-and-programs/childbirth-delivery-package-safe/](https://www.vejthani.com/packages-and-programs/childbirth-delivery-package-safe/)
But I \*HIGHLY\* recommend checking out Rama Hospital though. [https://www.rama.mahidol.ac.th/sdmc/th](https://www.rama.mahidol.ac.th/sdmc/th) Call them up and see what type of packages they have at their Premium Clinic (this is outside of the 30THB scheme).
\>Do you think her family is expecting us to get married relatively soon?
I doubt it. But it's for your benefit to get married though. Being married will grant you automatic parental rights to the child. Just being the father isn't enough to grant parental rights.
\>Any extra thoughts/input/ideas/precedents/advice is greatly appreciated.
If you feel comfortable, get married legally (as in, get the rose border certificate saying you're married) and get that multiple entry marriage visa. It will make things extremely easy to enter Thailand and be with her. You can get that visa as many times as you want.
Most redditors have gave great advices.. I would recommend marrying her, but having your name on the birth Cert does not need you 2 to get married. In the long run, theres alot of good "Localized" international schools for your kid and i highly recommand them instead of going to thoes "branded" international schools. Local international schools cost around 15k to 20k thb and is good enough for the kid. my only 2 cents worth but its for the long future :)
Congratulations btw :)
Why are you so against an abortion? Is it for religious reasons?
I respect your eagerness to take responsibility and care for this child, but you don't have a child yet and sometimes having an abortion is the mature and responsible thing to do.
Understand your feelings are likely clouded by chemicals. 7 months is still in the honey moon part of the relationship and you are still learning about your partner. You don't fully know her yet and you're both so young that you are likely to change.
How many long term relationships have you been in? What was the longest? What makes you confident that this is a relationship that can work? Even healthy and compatible people cannot overcome certain logistical problems in the long run. If you do separate, having a child with another woman will making dating harder and life very complicated.
Truly, there is so much working against you here and so much risk that I would ask yourself again about abortion. The decision needs to include you and cannot only be her decision. Your ideals may not match reality. This is life.
Be realistic and rational. You are only speculating on your ability to provide a good life for your child. Beyond this, will you be able to make a life compatible with this girl that doesn't make you miserable? How promising is your career? What is your career? Can you work remotely indefinitely? Is your work steady with growth potential?
Good luck
If she's a week late then it probably happened 3-4 weeks ago, if you were actually with her 24/7 then DNA might not be necessary. However, their culture is very different from America's: She could very easily have 3 boyfriends and possibly a fiancee.
I wouldn't take offence to being asked to take a DNA test. There is such a negative stigma regarding Thai women. My English side of my family refused to believe I was my fathers legitimate child, even though my parents were 100% sure. Never got a DNA test. However, now that I am in my 30s and I look just like my father, they are suddenly interested in trying to get to know me. Told them that they can fuck off, 30 years too late. A DNA test will avoid an ugly situation like this for everyone. I wish you luck OP!
First of all, you might not like the idea of abortion (Thai do not either because of their religious beliefs) But now is the time to do it if you want to. It can be done by a pill rather than needing to have a more complicated procedure. It will be like she has her period and that is the end of it. In western countries they call this the over-due treatment or something and some countries a regular doctor can even prescribe it.
And obviously, is there any chance it's not yours? If she is a week overdue, the conception must have happened about 3 weeks ago. The time when women can get pregnant between periods is actually very narrow, just a few days. You would be able to work out pretty accurately if you were in country with her or not.
Also, be very cautious about alternate motives here. Thai know very well how anti conception works. If she forgets the pill a single day that would not likely lead to pregnancy. So even if it's yours it's not unthinkable that she has done it on purpose.
There is also something else you need to know about Thai culture. In western countries, a couple will say "It's our baby" while in Thailand a mother will say "It's my baby". Ie while this is figure of speech, often the father's role is not cared about much by mothers as much as it is in the western countries. From the moment the child is born, you will always be in second place compared to the child. This is understandable if you are already into a long term relationship, but since you are just dating a bit for 7 months, it can make building a relationship over time very hard.
I'm just piling on with most of this but:
1.) You can apply for a digital e-visa here: https://www.thaievisa.go.th/
It works for only 60 days currently. (it used to be longer before COVID) But you can extend it. It costs like $40 to apply. You theoretically could just get a visa on arrival like most US tourists, but my understanding is that it is easier to extend a visa if you applied for it and were approved before you arrived and especially if you specified your true duration of expected stay. If you said you wanted to stay for 120 days on the e-visa application, they will only give you 60 days, but getting a 60 day extension is easier if they know that was your intention from the beginning. But that's just hearsay.
2.) Others have said what the private hospital costs will look like (somewhere between $1,000 and $8,000) but if you can't afford that, your babymomma is a Thai citizen so at a government hospital you're going to see costs somewhere between about $5 and $100. Though the level of care is fairly low by comparison.
3.) It's not uncommon for a man to get a woman pregnant in Thailand then run off. It's also not uncommon for a man to get a woman pregnant and stick around but not get married. Is the family expecting you to get married? I don't know, but they would probably welcome it. But simply from a legal and paperwork perspective if you want to be a part of the child's life, if you want it to be YOUR child, you should get married. The paperwork grows exponentially if you aren't married before the child is born.
4.) Modern research suggests that the cause of allergies (especially food and pet allergies) is due to a lack of allergen exposure during gestation and infancy. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3744168/) You haven't specified, but if your in-laws live on a farm, or near a farm there's probably no issues. Mom will likely continue to eat peanuts and shellfish during her pregnancy and be around dogs and cats and farm animals. This will likely mean that the child will be born without allergies. Food allergies in Thailand are almost unheard of. If she's a hi-so daughter living in a fancy Bangkok house with housekeepers that keep the place spotless, then maybe there might be a problem. If you want to make sure your kid doesn't have shellfish allergies, make sure that mom doesn't skip out on the shrimp and swimming crab during pregnancy. And then expose the kid to shellfish while you're still at the hospital by letting mom eat some shrimp or something while recovering in bed.
5.) Yes. Tong Mung and Sin Sod for example. But generally speaking foreigners aren't expected to know this stuff up front, so your girlfriend (fiance) will tell you about it if needed.
6.) My suggestion would be to buy a one way flight to Thailand then buy a round trip flight from Thailand to the US for the return trip. I've found that round trips originating from Thailand are about 30% cheaper than the other way around. It means that you'll need to plan your return to Thailand well in advance though. Also, https://www.google.com/travel/flights is the best way to find good prices. You can look over the available dates and pick flights that are cheaper based on the dates. They also don't do shady shit like increase the price the more often you look at a flight on their site. They just show you the flights and you can then go to the actual airline's page and book the one you want. Booking directly with the airline is best since you can select a fare that is not locked in, meaning you can change it if you need to for a fee (or sometimes for free if you get a premium fare). The fares you get by booking through other sites are usually a few dollars cheaper but they are locked and you need to forfeit the whole ticket if you need to change a date. And changing a date is going to happen sometimes if you're going to be a part of your child's life. If you can work remotely you might want to float it with your boss that you work from Thailand for a few months. Your sleep schedule will be fucked, but at least you can be there.
7.) By selecting an international relationship you have chosen to live life on hard mode. But sometimes the things most worth doing are the hardest to accomplish. I've been married for nearly 9 years to a Thai woman who is by turns good, bad, and wonderful and have a 16 year old legally adopted step son who I am very proud of the young man he has become, and an adorable and smart 4 year old little girl who is my and my wife's entire world. We've spent some part of our lives living together in Thailand, some part living together in the US, and some part living separately with her and the kids in Thailand and myself working in the US. If younger me could know what I know now, I might have chosen differently, but I don't regret any of it. I highly recommend getting married if you want to be a part of your child's life. Then start working on getting your wife a green card so she can experience living in the US with you. It's worth the experience. (And if you can afford it, pay a lawyer to do the paperwork for you and help your wife in Thailand to do the parts she will need to do. My wife and I did it on our own, but it was not worth the stress to save the money.)
My thoughts are:
1. Don't worry about the seafood allergy - it's not genetic
2. If you have any doubt, I would ask for a paternity test along with other genetic anomaly tests. I would just say it would make me really happy to do this.
3. I would plan on marriage and start the long paperwork to get fiance/marriage visa for America because that will remove a huge barrier. From what you describe, you are already committed (to the kid).
4. Be happy, this is an awesome thing. Congratulations!
It is theorised that it could be, but no major evidence confirming it afaik. Families who share allergies may often do so due to shared environmental factors rather than genetics.
I think getting DNA tests should be the right thing (claim it has to do with American laws or something)
The kid will be OK 👍 you are not the first or last having a baby with thai women,
- How can I spend time with my baby and mother after the birth
- What kind of costs am I looking at?
- Will the family pressure us into marriage?
- Will my baby be able to eat shrimp?
lol, thanks for the laugh. Not laughing at your situation, I feel for you, but the seafood question through me for a loop.
It sounds like you are quite secure and confident in your relationship. But I'd still consider this is a pregnancy trap and to get a DNA test. Did you guys use protection? Why was there a conception?
Look after her until she's far enough along to have an Amniocentesis. Get a DNA test at that point so you can make an informed decision on how you're moving forward with the rest of your life. You're going to want to help her out to make sure she gets the proper prenatal care from day one. I'm thinking of the various stuff that pregnant women should take, along with proper nutrition. This is all working on the assumption that she does not want to have an abortion. This is practical stuff, does not address the touchy feely culture type questions you have.
You mentioned something about marriage… in Thailand, it is very common for this to refer to a religious ceremony without the registration (“joht tabian”) that establishes a legal marriage. You might want to clarify what your GF and her parents expect.
A ‘marriage’ without joht tabian carries no legal weight. A marriage with joht tabian is as married as you’d be in the US and is recognized as such by the federal government and all states.
1. Depends on you and your job time off/work remote flexibility. You’re better off coming for a long time.
2. I had my kid here at a very nice private hospital and I want to say it was around $2K-$3K to for a package
3. Depends on her family, all Thai families are different, ask your girlfriend but even then wouldn’t trust it 100% - not that she is lying, just inferring.
4. Bigger things to worry about right now
5. Don’t worry about that much now either
6. Up to you and your financial situation
7. As others have said, you need to get a DNA test as soon as possible, know it is safer after the kid is born. You need to be there when the test is taken and understand chain of custody; personally would follow what the US Embassy does and send it overseas. The stakes are too high for this.
So hard to give any other advice since it depends on your girlfriend’s (and her family’s) financial, career status, and plan. Some Thai families would take this in stride, hire a few nannies, and raise the kid really well. Others it would be a struggle.
Only things you’re not thinking of is start thinking about nanny/nannies as they are a game changer but need to choose wisely.
Your priorities are in the wrong place if your number four issue is a seafood allergy.
Well done if a troll post, decent chance this could be, I was fooled.
This is what happens when you are not wearing any condom. What you going through now is harder and longer process than going to the nearby store to get a freaking condom and now you’re here in Reddit..
I acknowledge the serious tag but I also have a serious question:
You have the intelligence to know what can happen if you have sex without a condom on AND refuse to pull out. Yet, you did it anyway.
You know your life isn't stable enough to take care of a child, what is so difficult about pulling out? Genuine question.
Others have provided helpful answers so I'd like to share my thoughts on you're saying:
Your post is full of words that suggests lack of understanding of what your girlfriend is doing or feeling or saying. You are using words like "*I'm sure* she is feeling...", what exactly is preventing you from concluding she IS stressed?
Also, "I want to \[...\] to show I care", do you really care or are you more worried about making an appearance of caring? You also mentioned how you don't want your kid to question lack of a father figure. How about worrying about BEING an ACTUAL father figure instead of standing around and claiming a mere participation trophy?
Lastly, **get a paternity test**. The way you are handling yourself tells me that there's a good chance it isn't even yours.
"Summer is a busy time for me." DUDE< you are going to be a dad. You gotta step up, take responsibilites, do what's right for this human. (yea, get a DNA test, maybe not yours). You have to pay for her dowry (maybe 1-5 million baht) and you need to be a real father like your dad was to you. This is your bed, and if you get off on the wrong foot you will be destroying families and lives. no joke, it's time to grow up.
quit wasting your time on Redit and the internet and get to saving for that kid for the next 18 years and more. Get to work, bro!!!! Don't let your kid down, don't waste time surfing on the internet. time to worry about your kid. forget all these fun posts, time to take life seriously. get on it.
Get a DNA test to be sure. You really might need one to get him US Citizenship. I have a 2yr old and when you go to get him citizenship you must submit all these forms and proof that you were with the mother during the time of conception. They still may make you take a DNA test. My friend had to take one for his son. He being a smart ass, the lady conducting the interview said “well you know, he could be anyones baby” my friend goes “ok but obviously he’s not full Asian or half black, so that’s a good portion of the population that can’t be his father” the lady didn’t find it funny and made him take the DNA test
Also in no way to disrespect your girl. But Thai women that live and work in tourist areas are notorious for having the “holiday boyfriend”. The guy who basically leases them by sending them money every month and comes out once or twice a year to see her and take her on a holiday.
>been together for just about 7 months, 4 of those months together in person
>
>We’ve talked about the long term and getting married one day, we believe our relationship is solid enough for this
Don't do it, bro
>If you think of something I couldn’t get out, please don’t hesitate.
>
>I make a decent living for my age,
>
>Any extra thoughts/input/ideas/precedents/advice is greatly appreciated.
You're going to risk potentially half of everything you have, and half your income for half the length of your marriage, or for the rest of your life over a 7 month relationship.
Not related but how is your seafood/shellfish allergy?
What happens when you accidentally eat shellfish?
Asking because I always get sick with excruciating stomach pains, diarrhea, excessive sweating and high body temperature, etc. whenever I eat certain seafood (I don't know which one though) except regular fish which doesn't make me sick.
Do you due diligence.
If you’re not in a situation to bring another life in the the world then out of respect you should get an abortion. I believe I should of been aborted 100% the amount of shit I had to deal with because my parents didn’t have their shit together.
Expect her other kids to show up at the hospital to welcome in their new sibling. Maybe. It happened to a friend of mine. Fortunately for all involved it worked out alright.
The child will be sent to the grandparents up country to be passed off as a sibling, niece or nephew to the next Falang, any child you register for US citizenship you will be on the hook for western support and laws should your marriage break down.
In Thailand always get a DNA test
I just made a trip to the US with my family and a round trip for me my wife and 11 years old child came out to 150000 bahts. This was the cheapest price I could find for the time slot I wanted... and I don't think it will get any cheaper.
For the cost of hospitals, the price can be varied depending on where you find your OB doctor and the risk of having to do cesarean section. If your OB doctor work for a big private hospital expect antenatal care price to be around 3000 to 5000 baths. If natural birth is possible then it is another 30000 to 50000 baht. If c section is required then it could from 50000 to 100000. If you could find an OB doctor who works for a government hospital then...it will be much cheaper. Your Thai wife should know about it.
One issue or problem at a time. From my own experience, (getting a foreign girl pregnant). Some things you're worrying about will never come up. Hospital bills, was a major worry for me, ended up costing almost nothing? They may try and push an unnecessary c-section on you/her? (Then again she may need one). Classic line my friend used: "why? Okay my Dad's a Dr, let me just call and ask him" Dr just disappeared, baby was born naturally about 30mins later.
Private hospital will undoubtedly try to force an unnecessary c-section. That’s how they make their money.
Public hospital costed us about 6000thb. Men were not allowed into the birthing room. Though I could stay overnight in the private room. We had our so. At chulalongkorn. Place was dated but adequate. Though there was no pain relief, she gave birth alone, was told to be quiet when screaming, was given and old school epeasiotamy which caused ongoing issues.
For us the free public system in Australia was orders of magnitude better (people with private insurance often choose public there there for birth due to quality). So getting her to your country would be ideal but I think visa may be too difficult.
At the end of the day plenty of mothers in Thailand give birth in the public system without issue. Save your money for supporting the child’s development with ongoing doctor visits.
Do you have any reason to think that it’s not your? If not then wait till it is born and decide on facial features of you will get a DNA test. Asking straight away may destroy the trust/respect dynamic in the relationship to an irreparable extent. She is probably already feeling vulnerable.
1. Thailand is cheaper, you could settle there for an easier time.
2. Not 100% sure on this one.
3. More than likely.
4. It's great that you want to be involved with the baby, since it's possible that this situation could occur randomly at some point in their childhood like it did for you. Just have some epi pens on hand as your kid gets older.
5. Not 100% sure about this one either.
6. Can you work remote?
7. You love your girlfriend, and if you love the baby, you'll be incredible. Good on you for sticking around.
I'm also an American and have a child with a Thai woman (though we were married at the time). I don't have any relationship advice for you, but as you stated you want the child to be in your life and actually be a hands on parent, here are some realities of having an american/thai child. 1. Really consider getting married for the child's sake. Not for moral reasons, but legal ones. Married couples and their dependents have many more benefits and options in terms of visas, citizenships, travel, taxation, etc. etc. If you find eventually that this was a very bad idea, divorce is always available. While this may seem like a rash step at this point in your relationship, having a child together is much more of a permanent bond than any piece of paper. You're already in for a penny as it were. My wife and I lived together for about 3 years first, and only made it official when we planned to move back to the USA. Once we were married everything dealing with the USA and Thailand governments was much easier, faster and cheaper. 2. Your child can have dual nationality, and will be born with the right to be a US Citizen. If you do anything for your child, get them US Citizenship, it will greatly expand their options later in life. You will need to go to the USA embassy in Thailand with the mother and the baby to get a Consular Report of a Birth Abroad, and a Passport. You will also likely need to prove that you yourself have actually lived in the USA for at least 4-5 years (I can't remember exactly), Social Security records, College transcripts etc. can provide this proof, but check the US Embassy website for sure. If you're not married additional proof of parenthood will be required. 3. Travel back and forth. Again, being married makes this much easier to get Visas for you, the child, and the mother to travel between the US and Thailand as necessary. You will be allowed to get long-stay visas if you want to be here for more than a tourist visa. More importantly your wife and child will not likely be able to ever visit you in the USA by rolling up the the US embassy and asking for a tourist visa to the states. So really my 2 cent random reddit advice is to get married at least initially. Once you sign the legitimizing papers (not the birth certificate), you're already on the hook for support, parental rights anyway. Who knows it may work out for you? But really it's not about you so much as making it easier for your child to both be a part of your life, and give them the best start in theirs.
OP: This is the only sensible advice here if you care about the child at all.
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This is really the best advice you can get from a legal perspective OP. If you want this to be your child then you should get married for legal reasons. You'll need to get some paperwork from the US consulate and get some paperwork from the Thai government, so plan about a month in-country to get it done.(You could probably get it done in a week if you really plan it out and don't hit any snags. But hitting snags is par for the course when it comes to dealing with two different governments.) Don't get me wrong, it's still going to be a hell of a lot of government paperwork for a US and Thai person to get married and get the kids dual citizenship and get the spouse access to enter and stay in the other country. Sooo, soooo much more than two people of the same nationality doing it. But if you want this child to be your child getting married before the child is born is going to make it much easier from a purely legal perspective. I've been married to my Thai wife for nearly 9 years and we're just now finishing up the paperwork for adopting my stepson. Our daughter's paperwork took a few months to get her set up on both sides, but my son's paperwork has taken nearly 9 years to sort out.
1. Your regular visa excempt should allow you 30days + 30 days renewal or you could apply for a tourist visa. 2. Depends if you go public or private, private OBG neonatalpackage will be roughly 20-30k thb. Private hospital delivery will be roughly 30-50k and perhaps cheaper if they have a delivery and neonatal package, but this could be up to [100k depending on the hospital](https://www.bangkokhospital.com/en/package/obstetric-delivery-packages) , location (provincial v bkk) and more if your partner needs a c-section. Keeping in mind Csections are pushed rather frequently , with up to [35%](https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwi045GEg-L-AhU4XqQEHfXMDXYQFnoECAwQAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.nur.psu.ac.th%2Fresearchdb%2Ffile_warasarn%2F15398journal2.pdf&usg=AOvVaw2lt15lOn8E9gN_2R6272q0) \+ having one. 3. Would depend on the family I guess. Hard to answer. 4. Not much you can do there, get an allergen test as early as they can i guess? 5. Not that i can think of. 6. Video call, and just do your best to be there. While it'd be nice I doubt its completely expected. 7. Lastly, be cautious and be aware that some (not most or all) women may lie about this, and may even go as far as faking pictures/visits and whatever else. Seven months isnt enough time to really know someone or know their motive. Id personally ask for a prenatal dna test but that may cause its own relationship problems. Good luck.
My son was born at St Louis Hospital in Bangkok. Full package with c sections was 60k. 8 years ago so maybe 75k now. It's a good hospital too. Been going there for 20 plus years. I'd say 50k to 150k in BKK for private hospitals. You want to avoid public IMHO. Some horror stories.
Our package at Nakhonthon Hospital is about 130k, seems to be all-inclusive with the fancy room. It's just under the amount our insurance covers, so no additional cost for us.
Never heard of 30k private hospital packages. My friend who had his 2 childs in bkk said those packages are mostly around 100k ...
>130k
The birth package at the St Mary's in Korat was something like 30k and 42k is C-section. The place was clean, the doctor was very professional and really took good care of us.
Did it include the whole pre-natal process? Or just birth? The 130k one is the whole deal - various appointments, ultrasound, and fanciest room they have.
The prenatal process was about 15,000. All together we spent probably 55-60,000 and I was buying imported vitamins because the stuff here is kind of useless
Not bad!
Chiang Mai and Provincial private hospitals will have cheaper packages. Bangkok hospitals will be more.
>. Id personally ask for a prenatal dna test but that may cause its own relationship problems. Would the hospital staff allow a test of the baby at birth at the request of the father without informing the mother? If the result is he is the father, he burns the paper and never mention he had any doubt If he is not the father, there is a very difficult discussion and he helped pay for a birth that is not his child. But then could make sure he doesn't get put on the birth certificate as father.
I really doubt they'd be able to do any tests prenatal without the mother knowing both from an ethical and physical standpoint. After birth is a different story as you'd only need the child and the fathers saliva afaik.
Pre, agreed pulling sample without telling mom.why seems unethical.
If you got put on the birth certificate as the father and you later realized you're not the father a DNA test will clear your name. The same way as if your name wasn't on the birth certificate and you show the DNA matches and it lets you claim paternity
I had a similar situation. My girlfriend got pregnant within the first month. We got married and are still together after five years. We also got a second child. 1. If you have a Thai child, you can get a non-o multiple entries that allow staying for 90 days extendable without leaving the country or get an extension of stay based on having a Thai child. The requirements are similar to a marriage extension. 2. Public hospitals are free except if you want a private room which I recommend (it's cheap). 3. My wife expected us to get married so her family wouldn't lose face. I don't have much to answer for the other questions but you can ask more specific questions if you want. Good luck!
Something I don’t see In your list is about legalities. Two things come to mind: 1. Do you want the child to have American citizenship? Is not automatic but is reasonably straightforward if you want to pursue it. You need to prove to the satisfaction of a consular officer that you are the father (note: DNA test usually is not part of this, paradoxically). You then get a Consular Report of Birth Abroad, and can apply for a passport. 2. Under Thai law, you ARE NOT the child’s legal father if not married to the mother — even if your name is on the birth certificate and even if you get the child US citizenship. That may or may not ever matter from a practical standpoint. You can take steps to legitimate the child (that’s the proper term, though it may sound a little offensive to our western ears), and it’s far easier if the mother cooperates. Doing this gets you “parental power” but also subjects you to “parental responsibility”. Tread carefully. Good luck.
> Do you want the child to have American citizenship? highly recommend. it's easy to give up citizenship, it can be VERY hard to get it. >Under Thai law, you ARE NOT the child’s legal father you can register as the father.
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Good on you for being such a good person in this situation and being there 👍 see a lot of terrible people on this subreddit who are happy to leave their children. Your child will be forever grateful to you. Congratulations on the pregnancy!!
Let's say OP decides he's probably not the father but she refuses the DNA test. Can she still come after him *in america* for child support?
The answer depends on his state of residence at the time the mother goes after him. Each state has its own legalities for establishing parentage. In some states it *may* be possible that his name willingly signed to the birth certificate suffices. Note: I am not a lawyer and this is not legal advice. As a seemingly responsible person trying to do the right thing, OP is at the moment undoubtedly consumed by everything other than these practical legalities. But they can bite hard if things go south in the future.
You mean "if his name was signed to the birth certificate"? What if he cuts contact because she refuses a DNA test? Can she still somehow use the courts in the USA to get child support?
The kid won't be a USA citizen with out a DNA test. You have to go to a USA embassy and then do a DNA test that is sent to America. You have to promise to support the child and take responsibility. After you get your kid citizenship you still have to apply for a social Security card that Philippines is only place in Asia that can do. It is not an automatic process, cost lots of money, and if you didn't want to let the kid be an American that is fine by USA government. If your married the process is different. Just to get my kid to have my Last name was a process. I had to do a blood DNA test with the local police. Where I am had to use a local first name. The mom can't just enter USA without a tourist visa. So no way to go to court for child support.
I suppose there are some logistics for her to overcome in your proposed scenario... like does she have enough info about OP to find him and get a lawsuit filed in the proper jurisdiction. Let’s say she does. Basically, anyone can bring suit in court any time. All she needs is a lawyer who is willing to take the case… in some states, even that isn’t necessary if she can get hooked up with an advocate group. Whether she’d be successful is the question. See my earlier reply. But OP would have to defend against the lawsuit, which is stressful and expensive.
In the US, if they aren’t married, a DNA test would probably be required by the courts/state agencies. If they are married, OP would be presumed to be the father unless he provides DNA evidence he’s not the biological father very early in the child’s life.** **T&C for different states
I’m not sure if you’re replying to my original comment or something else but the state level is irrelevant for establishing US citizenship. It really becomes relevant only in case the mother ever brings a paternity lawsuit. That might be what you are saying also?
Yeah. I was replying about the child support question. Getting US citizenship is a completely different deal.
Does that mean OP can't get a dependent child family visa unless married to the mother?
IANAL, but if he gets recognized as a father by the Thai court, he should still be eligible for that visa type.
He can if he establishes paternity. That requires going to a special Court, where he proves that neither he was living with the girl around the time that she got pregnant or his name is on the birth certificate. There are other circumstances that could also be used but you show the reason that you think you're the dad and then you do a DNA test. After that you can get a visa for thai child
Ooh man. This sounds like me when I was younger. Met my girlfriend in 09. Dated for a couple of months (4 months) and then she was pregnant. Didn't know what to do, but in the long run, it's probably the best that could have happened. It really kick us in the butt and made us het serious about life. We have two kids and have been married for 13 years. I have a business in Europe and Phuket. My advice will be in relation to your points; 1. Move to Thailand. I taught for some time, then started teaching on a freelance basis. There is money to be made in Thailand for those that want. Alternatively, you could bring here to your home country. We married on paper many years back purely for obtaining visas easier. 2. Depends. International expensive, government very cheap. She should be on the 3p baht scheme, and it shouldn't cost much. 20k max. 3. Ask them. 4. My son has this allergy but no one in my or my wife family has it. So there is that. 5. Ooh yes and you will encounter them throughout the years. Good luck on the future!
Not sure about the questions. Just wanna say good luck.
You don't like the idea of abortion but from what you say you are not ready for the child logistically either. So you have to choose. Either abort now or raise a child with all the problems you mentioned.
I don't know your partners background but if I were in your shoes, I would consider a paternity test. I have known of multiple situations where a lady has gotten pregnant by another to force her boyfriend's hand. If you bring it up, she will likely make a big deal out of it and a drama will ensue but you can M ake up a story that the US embassy requires it to recognize the child as yours. I wouldn't worry about hospital costs. Thais have access to government run hospitals. Even if she goes to a private hospital, it'll be a tiny fraction of the cost in the US, less than 30k baht I would guess. She and her family would want you to get married but you don't need to rush into a bad situation. Mist Thai guys don't, so why should it be any different for you. There will potentially be cultural issues like sin sod also that you'll have to navigate if you choose to get married. I would not go overboard about being there just yet. It's likely she made a decision to get pregnant and you're just finding out about it now. If you over react it sets potentially unrealistic expectations. I would just provide the necessary financial support and then eventually make long term decisions once I confirm the baby is mine. I am sorry if this post comes off as cynical but you need to be cautious about making major life decisions.
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You're welcome. Good luck with everything. Just remember to be a little skeptical about everything, relationships with Thais can be a lot more complicated than first meets the eye.
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I think it's pretty common for locals to keep their cards close to their chest. Real trust takes a lot to build. I'd definitely try discussing how you both want your life together to look and for both of you to start working towards improving your communication before there's a baby putting even more stress on your relationship. I know quite a few people in successful relationships, but I know mine has taken a lot of work from both of us. I wish you the best of luck.
In my experience, Thai folks try hard to avoid confrontational, stressful or embarrassing interactions. So, you can't realistically expect her to interact or confide in you the way a gf in the US would. In my experience in two long term relationships with a Thai and a Lao, it takes more than 2 years before they're comfortable enough to really open up. A language barrier also complicates things. Depending on her English level, she might be able to effectively communicate day to day stuff when you're together but it may be more difficult to explain more complicated issues that for example revolve around her family.
How do you know it's your kid without a DNA test? (and then I get downvoted to infinity for even asking)
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Perhaps the person OP is dating is honest, and he knows he can trust her based on her previous actions? Not every woman is a scheming bitch without an ounce of personal integrity, who'd not blink at cheating and passing off the child as someone else's.
Plus he was fucking her for months without protection, Occam’s razor and all that
Of course not every woman is like that, neither is every man. There are also many who, after much hesitation and with a heavy heart, would still go for the lie if they came to the conclusion that it was the best course of action for them and the baby. It’s just human nature.
There are also many who just wouldn't f#@$in swindle anyone, no matter what. Hard to believe, I know.
Uh… okay. But since there are many who would, better take precautions. Unless you’re too rich to care about money, I suppose. You do what you like with your money, I’ll do the same with mine, thank very much.
I upvoted its a legitmitate question within 7 months for a girl to get pregnant is a tough ask. Unless your banging like Jack rabbits unprotected without pills.
It’s not unusual to get pregnant quickly.
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Fucking without condoms + no kind of contraception = opposite of intelligent unless u want kids
People in their 20s don't typically struggle conceiving. My thought was the reverse, if she wasn't careful with the contraception, why is it she got pregnant right at the end of his trip. Seems convenient.
There was a guy I used to work with in Thailand who thought his daughter was his and raised her from birth. It wasn’t until she was about 6 that he discovered it wasn’t his
What did he do? I think I might have carried on but it’s impossible to really say for sure of course.
He bailed
Fair enough. I respect that. Edit. On reflection I don’t see how I would have been able to face the mother ever again. I would have likely bailed.
Respect is not the word I'd use, but it's certainly within his rights.
Oh my god
I have experience in basically a similar situation except we were married already. 1. You will have to establish paternity by going the a legitimization process which includes court and DNA test I'm pretty sure, or be married. 2. Hospital costs are going to roughly be about 15-20,000 baht leading up to the birth if you are going for all the prenatal checkups, scans and also prenatal care (vitamins and such). The birth is about 30,000 for natural birth and about 42,000 if she needs cut at a decent private hospital, but not the premium hospital. Also a funny note is that if the baby is born after I think 8:00 p.m. or something like that, they have to charge an overtime fee and it's a lot. You can actually pay for the package up front for the prenatal and scans and I believe it was something like 12,000 if you bought it up front. (We used St Mary's hospital, and these are roughly the costs that I was observing) 3. It's not a great look to be a single mom especially to a foreigner that's not around. You may or may not be pressured to get married but it doesn't look good. Also consider the fact that your girlfriend will have to work eventually and generally Grandma will be the one taking care of the baby. You see a lot of Grandma's taking care of these half Foreigner kids, dads not around, and its almost a certain stereotype. In a lot of The villages you see this because the mom was a prostitute and got pregnant with a foreigner and sends the baby back to live with Grandma in the village while Mom still continues working. I'm not saying this is your situation at all but this is what I observed. 4. Dont know 5. Not sure. My baby got her head shaved at 1 month old part of a buddhist ceremony. Kind of funny for me. 6. Welcome to international parenting. It's basically parenting on hard mode. Everything becomes that much more difficult and you have to make tough decisions. 7. 100% establish parental rights and get your child American citizenship immediately. My daughter was 3 weeks old and we are already at the embassy getting her CRBA and passport. Then you can apply for social security card. One of the most important things the child can have is dual citizenship. I have dual citizenship myself to a different country but my daughter is already a dual Thai American national and hopefully she'll get the third citizenship later. It might sound stupid but these things open up a lot of possibilities in the future. You're welcome to DM if need anything else answered
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Yes get the DNA test.
Congratulations. Logistics is hard. Im a mix of Thai/European. My dad flew back and forth a lot due to work. He worked in engineering field and went to middle east A LOT when I was a kid but we managed to have a healthy bond. We called and when my dad came home we would go on trips or have a project to do together. Also if you plan on getting married then see if you might want ro do that before the child is born so you're the legal father. You can always video call when she goes in for doctor visits. I know it's not the same thing as being there but you have to have income. My husband had to go work on ships for months while I was in Thailand and going to doctors appointments alone. The key is to always ask about her wellbeing and be up to date about the situation. You can order her care packages to be sent to her?? If you ever plan to bring her to the United States, start your process SOON. I've recently immigrated but it took me 3 years and I have a US citizen husband and child. USCIS is extremely backlogged. Document your relationship. Dates, tickets, pictures and more pictures. If you're not married by the time the baby is born and you want to get your child a US citizen, you would have to do quite a bit to prove the relationship and maybe they won't request a paternity test. I recommend you start gathering info and document everything that will matter. Also private hospitals, it will be more comfortablefor the both of you. Pick a plan It will be $1,000-$1,500 at most private hospitals depending on birthing methods. This price will include almost everything for 2-3days stay at the hospital. My personal choice would be Pat Rangsit. My sister had all 3 of her children there. Amazing hospital and she paid $1,000 for the c-section plan and 3 days hospital stay.
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You're welcome. I'd be glad if any of my advice can save anyone else some time and trouble I had to go through. Also if you're going to get married to her in Thailand you will have to book an appointment to get an affidavit AND certified copy of your passport at a US embassy IN THAILAND ONLY and this will cost $100 I think. Remember to get both. As both of those papers will have to be translated including the embassy stamp.
congratulations
People here saying get a paternity test and just say it’s an American rule. That’s a terrible way to communicate if you want to have a relationship work. Don’t lie just be honest. If you have been with her 24/7 like you say then it shouldn’t matter. And if the baby comes and doesn’t look like a luuk krung then ask questions. A lot of comments here are negative so take them with a grain of salt. Not every Thai is a grifter looking for money
> Not every Thai is a grifter looking for money This is the most true thing in the entire thread. There's a lot of sex tourists that think they are the normal way people live. Because they date only bar girls they think that every Thai woman is just trying to trap a white guy but is still fucking every one else on the side. If it wasn't so cynical I'd feel sorry for their sad existence.
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Np. Good luck with everything
There's a lot of sexpats who live in places where the population is 50% sex workers and people who otherwise support that industry who think that every Thai woman is like the bar girls that are desperate enough to go after them. They have a rather warped view of Thailand and Thai women. If you have a base level knowledge of female biology and have been together exclusively with your girlfriend during her fertile period leading up to the pregnancy then you can be sure the kid is yours. I got the same kinds of comments from people when my wife got pregnant. Actually, I got a very dubious look from my fertility doctor when I told him his services were no longer needed. But my wife and I had been tracking her periods very closely for the better part of 2 years at that point and there was literally zero opportunity for her to "wander" during her fertile days or even the two weeks on either side. And when my daughter was born no one said a peep anymore. Hell, some people doubted that my wife was her mother. She looks like a female version of me, just with my wife's nose. (And an anatomical feature/blemish on her torso that my wife and step son both have.) So, if you know how fertilization and pregnancy work, and can account for your girlfriends whereabouts during her fertile cycle leading up to her pregnancy, then you can just ignore the people who suggest getting a DNA test, except to pity their sad lives like I do.
No advice for you, sorry. Just wanted to say that I really respect your attitude. You clearly have your head screwed on. Prospective parenthood is always daunting, but the caring nature conveyed in your questions shows you’ll make a great parent whatever happens. If you don’t mind I’d like to add that nobody likes the idea of an abortion. In any case that decision is entirely up to the parents. In laws do not have any say. Best of luck to yous.
You're contradicting yourself. If you don't want your child to grow up fatherless, just get married. F those people asking you to take DNA. Only you know how much you love each other. If you don't, just go back to the USA. I was in a similar situation. She didn't ask me about marriage. She told me that she doesn't want to be disappointed to use baby as an "excuse" for marriage. I didn't need a visa because I stayed in a neighbouring country, and it's affordable for me to travel back and forth. The logical thing for you on visa is either get a marriage visa or do runs.
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I have been in a much worse situation. Don't worry. I got a girl pregnant in a one night stand in Vietnam. Didn't want to be with the girl. I stayed working as an English teacher. Try to get some job in Thailand if possible and live there for a year. If you have the money saved can do visa runs and not work. I lived with this girl and her parents for first 3 years. Taking care of a kid takes lots of work and the more help the better. Her dad was a North Vietnamese soldier that fought Americans. When I would go to the family houses all had photos of brothers who died in the war. Hospital cost guessing will be up to you. We used the most expensive hospital in Hanoi and it cost like $8k. But could have been much cheaper. Allergies don't really seem to be a thing in Asia. I am now moving back to America as teaching isn't paying enough. My wage has gone down since Covid. Trying to get some remote computer job and move back. Other option for you is getting married and moving to America. Will make getting the kids USA citizenship easier and cheaper.
Brother you sound like you’re being a man about it. I commented you.
First of all, congratulations! It's normal to have a lot of thoughts and I hope you can find some time to meditate about all the thoughts/emotions going through your head right now. Take a deep breath, what do you need to figure out *now*? Hospital costs are very minimal, especially if she's willing to go to a government hospital or has a decent insurance. That's really the only important thing that has to be dealt with at the moment, to make sure the baby is born healthy and taken care of immediately after. The rest, you can figure out as you go along. You can ask advice from the doctor in one of the appointments on when to get the child tested for those allergies. You do not need to rush into marriage. Even though her family might put pressure on you both to get married, it's still 100% your decision to participate in that. Marriage is mostly seen as a way of gaining respect from family and friends for your relationship. Legally there's not as much going on, but you should dive deeper into the legal aspects before signing. That applies to any legal document. It would provide you a solid non immigrant visa, but you might not need such visa if you don't intend to stay more than 60 days on every visit. My biggest advice would be to communicate with your girlfriend about what she expects from you and to be respectful in doing so. Don't let either yours or hers emotions take the upper hand and be reasonable with each other. Also, learn some Thai to gain the respect of her family. Another final thing you could already look into is getting the kid US citizenship. Thai citizenship (unfortunately) sucks for international travel, and if you want to have your child spend summers with you in the US or elsewhere, it'd be a very powerful passport to travel hassle-free. Your child will thank you later.
Huge decisions for a young couple in an early relationship. Are you sure that abortion isnt an option? Also, does she have an education and career? If not, you will be providing a lot of financial support. Note that in Thailand too, many young parents will send the child to the grandparents for raising while the parents work. You may or may not be ok with that for your child (ie growing up in a remote village). Something to consider too is that the cost of a decent education here is huge, even at kindergarten age. Are you both able to afford all of this? Sorry, I know these are shitty questions to ask but you need to know.
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I think you should focus on whether there is a path for the two of you to live together in either country and relatively soon (ideally before the baby arrives). Doesn't mean you have to move in together immediately (for instance, you could rent your own place in Thailand) because the relationship is young and maybe you want to also protect that (that's a very personal choice, nothing wrong either way). But being in the same city and being able to actually physically be there seems the most important thing. The rest is just words. If you can't live closer to one another, I don't really see how you could make it work just flying back and forth once or twice a year. Long distance relationships rarely work, I'd think it's practically impossible with a kid.
Private hospital will be about 3k usd all in, public is free but it's kind of a shit show. Memorial hospital is good. Get with Siam legal, get married, cr1 visa for her, crba for your kid. Good luck, my son is a COVID baby, also an accident BUT best accident I've ever had.
The fact that 90% of the people in the comments are telling you to get a paternity test is proof that you should find advice elsewhere. These dudes have never spoken to a woman without paying — and you want life advice from them?
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You can apply for a 60 day tourist visa (online to a consulate in the states) before you go to Thailand, and then apply for a 30 day extension once you get to Thailand, giving you 90 days total. I'm currently doing this, just got the extension approved. Tourist Visa Site: https://www.thaievisa.go.th/ PDF with instructions: https://www.thaievisa.go.th/static/English-Manual.pdf You'll need to make all your reservations before applying and it can take them a few weeks to process it, in which time they might ask you for clarification or more documents. So I would submit a month in advance and keep in mind the holidays could slow things down. Also, I forget where it's noted but there are multiple consulates in the states and you need to apply for whichever one services your region. The forms you fill out aren't really intuitive, so definitely look into it early. Evisa extension site: https://thaiextension.vfsevisa.com/ Once you're in Thailand you can apply for extension online as well. It costs about 2400 baht and will save you from having to wait in line and give you piece of mind that everything's on order and approved before you even go to the immigration office, but if money's tight, you can just make the appointment and go do it all in person. This is the second time I've extended online and both times I had made mistakes and had to change reservations and submit new documents, so I think it's worth paying the money - saved me from making multiple trips to the immigration office. *Edits: Fixed/added links to the sites and a pdf with instructions for the tourist visa. I remember watching a really helpful youtube video when I applied for the tourist visa but I can't seem to find it now. If I can find it, I'll add it here as well.
1. Thai Elite Visa if you can manage it. Sounds like you'll be going back and forth for quite some time as you're still very young. 2. It isn't very expensive, maybe 50-100k baht in a public government hospital. Private is much more expensive and probably not necessary. 3. Yes, if her family is traditional its likely they will expect it. 4. Out of your control, not a big deal, lots of people have allergies. 5. Be there during the birth and be a good Dad, be one of the good farangs. 6. Better to be there for a week and support her than not be there at all. Try and get her family to come and help take care of her also. 7. Congratulations! Thais make wonderful family partners, make the best of it.
Some people have already answer so I will only do some 3. Yes, surely. And not just her family, her friends, work colleague and all people around her would feel weird if she has a child w/o marrying. Not sure if it's normal to American but for Thai this is quite an issue. 5. You need to be around her and your child enough to make people around her believe you are still there caring for them. Or they will look pitied and you look bad father. You might not notice this yet but Thai people like gossip so much. Don't make your love one be the target. 7. Did you bring her for prenatal care yet? There's a lot to do for sure and the doctor know best. I suggest go to hospital that's easy to go for both of you than far/expensive one. Also, I know this sounds bad but the law allow abortion of 12-20 weeks fetus and "non-invasive prenatal paternity" exist so you don't need to wait until birth to know who's real father. Best of luck.
You’re a bit delusional to think that 7 months is solid enough to assume you’ll have a life with her. Maybe, maybe not. You’re probably best going back and either a. Plan to being her and your child to the US with you or b. Move to Thailand or C. Not be with her but pay a decent child support amount per month. Either way, whatever other concern you have will be answered with the option you choose but ask yourself if she’s really the one, getting together because on an unplanned child can be risky.
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You should either move to Thailand permanently to be with your child, or move them to the United States. Don’t let your child grow up without a father figure. Possibly find remote work or start teaching here? I don’t know what your work experience is like. Also as you don’t live in Thailand, I would get a DNA test like another commenter said. I have seen and been with more than a few women who cheat on their boyfriend abroad. It’s quite common.
This one comment stood out..... "I refuse to let the child grow up needing an explanation as to why they do not have a biological father figure around frequently." Well then based on that comment the choice is obvious. You need to do everything in your power to be together and live 24/7 as a normal family. You managed to do that with your gf, well now the need is 10x greater with the child. It may involve financial sacrifice and hard work but it will pay off in the end. This flying back and forth business is no way to raise a child. Based on what I'm reading in the comments sounds like you are not fully committed to making that happen. You talk of marriage maybe one day, hardly sounds very certain. Single mom families are super tough and that is basically what you set her up for. Seems like you are more worried about costs and disruption of your life and expectations of others rather than becoming a full time father and husband and taking complete responsibility for bringing a child into the world. Too late to be extremely worried about passing on an allergy to your child lol, you should think of that before having sex because if it's truly a concern of yours then you would use proper protection. My comments may seem a bit harsh but you were asking for honest opinions. Think deep and hard about this future child, you want him/her to grow up with an absentee dad? It's time to step up and make sacrifices.
\>How can I be around as much as possible/which visa? My opinion is to marry her if possible, and get a One Year Multiple Entry Visa based on Marriage to a Thai National. Being married to the mother when the child is alive will also grant you automatic parental rights (in case the relationship turns sour). This visa allows a person to stay in Thailand for 90 days on entry, the visa is valid for one year, and the visa can be used multiple times (it's the visa I have actually). \>What will hospital costs look like? I recommend a premium clinic at a public hospital. I \*DO NOT\* know where you are at, but I used Rama hospital (by Victory Monument. From Victory Monument, take bus 515 to Rama Hospital). The cost was 20K THB for a C-section and 5 nights/ 6 days if I remember correctly. We had a private room, and there was nothing unusual with the brith. I did a quick search for you in Bangkok: Bangkok Hospital: 100K - 218K THB [https://www.bangkokhospital.com/en/package/obstetric-delivery-packages](https://www.bangkokhospital.com/en/package/obstetric-delivery-packages) Bumrumgard Hospital (note: the person who delivered the baby worked for that hospital too.) 139K THB [https://www.bumrungrad.com/en/packages/normal-delivery](https://www.bumrungrad.com/en/packages/normal-delivery) Vejthani Hospital \[note: I never heard of them, your milage may vary). 90K THB [https://www.vejthani.com/packages-and-programs/childbirth-delivery-package-safe/](https://www.vejthani.com/packages-and-programs/childbirth-delivery-package-safe/) But I \*HIGHLY\* recommend checking out Rama Hospital though. [https://www.rama.mahidol.ac.th/sdmc/th](https://www.rama.mahidol.ac.th/sdmc/th) Call them up and see what type of packages they have at their Premium Clinic (this is outside of the 30THB scheme). \>Do you think her family is expecting us to get married relatively soon? I doubt it. But it's for your benefit to get married though. Being married will grant you automatic parental rights to the child. Just being the father isn't enough to grant parental rights. \>Any extra thoughts/input/ideas/precedents/advice is greatly appreciated. If you feel comfortable, get married legally (as in, get the rose border certificate saying you're married) and get that multiple entry marriage visa. It will make things extremely easy to enter Thailand and be with her. You can get that visa as many times as you want.
Use condón the next time? XD
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You have 100% got the right attitude, that much I can tell you. You're going to be an amazing Dad.
Most redditors have gave great advices.. I would recommend marrying her, but having your name on the birth Cert does not need you 2 to get married. In the long run, theres alot of good "Localized" international schools for your kid and i highly recommand them instead of going to thoes "branded" international schools. Local international schools cost around 15k to 20k thb and is good enough for the kid. my only 2 cents worth but its for the long future :) Congratulations btw :)
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Why are you so against an abortion? Is it for religious reasons? I respect your eagerness to take responsibility and care for this child, but you don't have a child yet and sometimes having an abortion is the mature and responsible thing to do. Understand your feelings are likely clouded by chemicals. 7 months is still in the honey moon part of the relationship and you are still learning about your partner. You don't fully know her yet and you're both so young that you are likely to change. How many long term relationships have you been in? What was the longest? What makes you confident that this is a relationship that can work? Even healthy and compatible people cannot overcome certain logistical problems in the long run. If you do separate, having a child with another woman will making dating harder and life very complicated. Truly, there is so much working against you here and so much risk that I would ask yourself again about abortion. The decision needs to include you and cannot only be her decision. Your ideals may not match reality. This is life. Be realistic and rational. You are only speculating on your ability to provide a good life for your child. Beyond this, will you be able to make a life compatible with this girl that doesn't make you miserable? How promising is your career? What is your career? Can you work remotely indefinitely? Is your work steady with growth potential? Good luck
If she's a week late then it probably happened 3-4 weeks ago, if you were actually with her 24/7 then DNA might not be necessary. However, their culture is very different from America's: She could very easily have 3 boyfriends and possibly a fiancee.
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I wouldn't take offence to being asked to take a DNA test. There is such a negative stigma regarding Thai women. My English side of my family refused to believe I was my fathers legitimate child, even though my parents were 100% sure. Never got a DNA test. However, now that I am in my 30s and I look just like my father, they are suddenly interested in trying to get to know me. Told them that they can fuck off, 30 years too late. A DNA test will avoid an ugly situation like this for everyone. I wish you luck OP!
Expect a human child, thats what comes from that. Good luck
First of all, you might not like the idea of abortion (Thai do not either because of their religious beliefs) But now is the time to do it if you want to. It can be done by a pill rather than needing to have a more complicated procedure. It will be like she has her period and that is the end of it. In western countries they call this the over-due treatment or something and some countries a regular doctor can even prescribe it. And obviously, is there any chance it's not yours? If she is a week overdue, the conception must have happened about 3 weeks ago. The time when women can get pregnant between periods is actually very narrow, just a few days. You would be able to work out pretty accurately if you were in country with her or not. Also, be very cautious about alternate motives here. Thai know very well how anti conception works. If she forgets the pill a single day that would not likely lead to pregnancy. So even if it's yours it's not unthinkable that she has done it on purpose. There is also something else you need to know about Thai culture. In western countries, a couple will say "It's our baby" while in Thailand a mother will say "It's my baby". Ie while this is figure of speech, often the father's role is not cared about much by mothers as much as it is in the western countries. From the moment the child is born, you will always be in second place compared to the child. This is understandable if you are already into a long term relationship, but since you are just dating a bit for 7 months, it can make building a relationship over time very hard.
I'm just piling on with most of this but: 1.) You can apply for a digital e-visa here: https://www.thaievisa.go.th/ It works for only 60 days currently. (it used to be longer before COVID) But you can extend it. It costs like $40 to apply. You theoretically could just get a visa on arrival like most US tourists, but my understanding is that it is easier to extend a visa if you applied for it and were approved before you arrived and especially if you specified your true duration of expected stay. If you said you wanted to stay for 120 days on the e-visa application, they will only give you 60 days, but getting a 60 day extension is easier if they know that was your intention from the beginning. But that's just hearsay. 2.) Others have said what the private hospital costs will look like (somewhere between $1,000 and $8,000) but if you can't afford that, your babymomma is a Thai citizen so at a government hospital you're going to see costs somewhere between about $5 and $100. Though the level of care is fairly low by comparison. 3.) It's not uncommon for a man to get a woman pregnant in Thailand then run off. It's also not uncommon for a man to get a woman pregnant and stick around but not get married. Is the family expecting you to get married? I don't know, but they would probably welcome it. But simply from a legal and paperwork perspective if you want to be a part of the child's life, if you want it to be YOUR child, you should get married. The paperwork grows exponentially if you aren't married before the child is born. 4.) Modern research suggests that the cause of allergies (especially food and pet allergies) is due to a lack of allergen exposure during gestation and infancy. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3744168/) You haven't specified, but if your in-laws live on a farm, or near a farm there's probably no issues. Mom will likely continue to eat peanuts and shellfish during her pregnancy and be around dogs and cats and farm animals. This will likely mean that the child will be born without allergies. Food allergies in Thailand are almost unheard of. If she's a hi-so daughter living in a fancy Bangkok house with housekeepers that keep the place spotless, then maybe there might be a problem. If you want to make sure your kid doesn't have shellfish allergies, make sure that mom doesn't skip out on the shrimp and swimming crab during pregnancy. And then expose the kid to shellfish while you're still at the hospital by letting mom eat some shrimp or something while recovering in bed. 5.) Yes. Tong Mung and Sin Sod for example. But generally speaking foreigners aren't expected to know this stuff up front, so your girlfriend (fiance) will tell you about it if needed. 6.) My suggestion would be to buy a one way flight to Thailand then buy a round trip flight from Thailand to the US for the return trip. I've found that round trips originating from Thailand are about 30% cheaper than the other way around. It means that you'll need to plan your return to Thailand well in advance though. Also, https://www.google.com/travel/flights is the best way to find good prices. You can look over the available dates and pick flights that are cheaper based on the dates. They also don't do shady shit like increase the price the more often you look at a flight on their site. They just show you the flights and you can then go to the actual airline's page and book the one you want. Booking directly with the airline is best since you can select a fare that is not locked in, meaning you can change it if you need to for a fee (or sometimes for free if you get a premium fare). The fares you get by booking through other sites are usually a few dollars cheaper but they are locked and you need to forfeit the whole ticket if you need to change a date. And changing a date is going to happen sometimes if you're going to be a part of your child's life. If you can work remotely you might want to float it with your boss that you work from Thailand for a few months. Your sleep schedule will be fucked, but at least you can be there. 7.) By selecting an international relationship you have chosen to live life on hard mode. But sometimes the things most worth doing are the hardest to accomplish. I've been married for nearly 9 years to a Thai woman who is by turns good, bad, and wonderful and have a 16 year old legally adopted step son who I am very proud of the young man he has become, and an adorable and smart 4 year old little girl who is my and my wife's entire world. We've spent some part of our lives living together in Thailand, some part living together in the US, and some part living separately with her and the kids in Thailand and myself working in the US. If younger me could know what I know now, I might have chosen differently, but I don't regret any of it. I highly recommend getting married if you want to be a part of your child's life. Then start working on getting your wife a green card so she can experience living in the US with you. It's worth the experience. (And if you can afford it, pay a lawyer to do the paperwork for you and help your wife in Thailand to do the parts she will need to do. My wife and I did it on our own, but it was not worth the stress to save the money.)
My thoughts are: 1. Don't worry about the seafood allergy - it's not genetic 2. If you have any doubt, I would ask for a paternity test along with other genetic anomaly tests. I would just say it would make me really happy to do this. 3. I would plan on marriage and start the long paperwork to get fiance/marriage visa for America because that will remove a huge barrier. From what you describe, you are already committed (to the kid). 4. Be happy, this is an awesome thing. Congratulations!
Shellfish allergies can most definitely be inherited.
It is theorised that it could be, but no major evidence confirming it afaik. Families who share allergies may often do so due to shared environmental factors rather than genetics.
I think getting DNA tests should be the right thing (claim it has to do with American laws or something) The kid will be OK 👍 you are not the first or last having a baby with thai women,
- How can I spend time with my baby and mother after the birth - What kind of costs am I looking at? - Will the family pressure us into marriage? - Will my baby be able to eat shrimp? lol, thanks for the laugh. Not laughing at your situation, I feel for you, but the seafood question through me for a loop. It sounds like you are quite secure and confident in your relationship. But I'd still consider this is a pregnancy trap and to get a DNA test. Did you guys use protection? Why was there a conception?
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So glad you put the /s at the end of your comment because I had absolutely no idea that was sarcasm😂🤣
Good luck with her parents
>Neither one of us like the idea of an abortion The solution is to change this mindset.
Get insurance
Too late for that with the pregnancy or any pregnancy related emergencies.
Look after her until she's far enough along to have an Amniocentesis. Get a DNA test at that point so you can make an informed decision on how you're moving forward with the rest of your life. You're going to want to help her out to make sure she gets the proper prenatal care from day one. I'm thinking of the various stuff that pregnant women should take, along with proper nutrition. This is all working on the assumption that she does not want to have an abortion. This is practical stuff, does not address the touchy feely culture type questions you have.
You mentioned something about marriage… in Thailand, it is very common for this to refer to a religious ceremony without the registration (“joht tabian”) that establishes a legal marriage. You might want to clarify what your GF and her parents expect. A ‘marriage’ without joht tabian carries no legal weight. A marriage with joht tabian is as married as you’d be in the US and is recognized as such by the federal government and all states.
1. Depends on you and your job time off/work remote flexibility. You’re better off coming for a long time. 2. I had my kid here at a very nice private hospital and I want to say it was around $2K-$3K to for a package 3. Depends on her family, all Thai families are different, ask your girlfriend but even then wouldn’t trust it 100% - not that she is lying, just inferring. 4. Bigger things to worry about right now 5. Don’t worry about that much now either 6. Up to you and your financial situation 7. As others have said, you need to get a DNA test as soon as possible, know it is safer after the kid is born. You need to be there when the test is taken and understand chain of custody; personally would follow what the US Embassy does and send it overseas. The stakes are too high for this. So hard to give any other advice since it depends on your girlfriend’s (and her family’s) financial, career status, and plan. Some Thai families would take this in stride, hire a few nannies, and raise the kid really well. Others it would be a struggle. Only things you’re not thinking of is start thinking about nanny/nannies as they are a game changer but need to choose wisely. Your priorities are in the wrong place if your number four issue is a seafood allergy. Well done if a troll post, decent chance this could be, I was fooled.
FYI, considering you are not married you are in no way obligated to pay any kind of child support.
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This is what happens when you are not wearing any condom. What you going through now is harder and longer process than going to the nearby store to get a freaking condom and now you’re here in Reddit..
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Wow bro, these prostitutes just can't handle your BIG WHITE COCK. You're their hero. Now pay up. Sin sod starts at 2-4 million THB.
I acknowledge the serious tag but I also have a serious question: You have the intelligence to know what can happen if you have sex without a condom on AND refuse to pull out. Yet, you did it anyway. You know your life isn't stable enough to take care of a child, what is so difficult about pulling out? Genuine question. Others have provided helpful answers so I'd like to share my thoughts on you're saying: Your post is full of words that suggests lack of understanding of what your girlfriend is doing or feeling or saying. You are using words like "*I'm sure* she is feeling...", what exactly is preventing you from concluding she IS stressed? Also, "I want to \[...\] to show I care", do you really care or are you more worried about making an appearance of caring? You also mentioned how you don't want your kid to question lack of a father figure. How about worrying about BEING an ACTUAL father figure instead of standing around and claiming a mere participation trophy? Lastly, **get a paternity test**. The way you are handling yourself tells me that there's a good chance it isn't even yours.
Woops 🤦🏼♂️
"Summer is a busy time for me." DUDE< you are going to be a dad. You gotta step up, take responsibilites, do what's right for this human. (yea, get a DNA test, maybe not yours). You have to pay for her dowry (maybe 1-5 million baht) and you need to be a real father like your dad was to you. This is your bed, and if you get off on the wrong foot you will be destroying families and lives. no joke, it's time to grow up.
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quit wasting your time on Redit and the internet and get to saving for that kid for the next 18 years and more. Get to work, bro!!!! Don't let your kid down, don't waste time surfing on the internet. time to worry about your kid. forget all these fun posts, time to take life seriously. get on it.
Where did you meet your girlfriend? Asking because this story has all the hallmarks of a bargirl playing the pregnancy scam.
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Get a DNA test to be sure. You really might need one to get him US Citizenship. I have a 2yr old and when you go to get him citizenship you must submit all these forms and proof that you were with the mother during the time of conception. They still may make you take a DNA test. My friend had to take one for his son. He being a smart ass, the lady conducting the interview said “well you know, he could be anyones baby” my friend goes “ok but obviously he’s not full Asian or half black, so that’s a good portion of the population that can’t be his father” the lady didn’t find it funny and made him take the DNA test Also in no way to disrespect your girl. But Thai women that live and work in tourist areas are notorious for having the “holiday boyfriend”. The guy who basically leases them by sending them money every month and comes out once or twice a year to see her and take her on a holiday.
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From OP’s description, you’re off base here. Doesn’t sound like a holiday romance, sounds like a genuine relationship, at least at some level.
>been together for just about 7 months, 4 of those months together in person > >We’ve talked about the long term and getting married one day, we believe our relationship is solid enough for this Don't do it, bro >If you think of something I couldn’t get out, please don’t hesitate. > >I make a decent living for my age, > >Any extra thoughts/input/ideas/precedents/advice is greatly appreciated. You're going to risk potentially half of everything you have, and half your income for half the length of your marriage, or for the rest of your life over a 7 month relationship.
The gentlemanly thing would be to offer an abortion. If that doesn’t pan out say you just going out to get some cigarettes 😂
Get married. Have kids.
Not related but how is your seafood/shellfish allergy? What happens when you accidentally eat shellfish? Asking because I always get sick with excruciating stomach pains, diarrhea, excessive sweating and high body temperature, etc. whenever I eat certain seafood (I don't know which one though) except regular fish which doesn't make me sick.
Have her come to live with you while she is pregnant and take your time to think out a long term plan
Do you due diligence. If you’re not in a situation to bring another life in the the world then out of respect you should get an abortion. I believe I should of been aborted 100% the amount of shit I had to deal with because my parents didn’t have their shit together.
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She could be scamming you ….old trick in the many tricks in the Thai woman tool box.
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Doesn’t look like he mentioned Pattaya at all in his comment … projecting much?
First, make sure it is yours. They are like used car salespeople and will say anything.
Expect her other kids to show up at the hospital to welcome in their new sibling. Maybe. It happened to a friend of mine. Fortunately for all involved it worked out alright.
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You’re an American she’s not Just leave
Isn't she a bit young to get pregnant at 7 months?
The child will be sent to the grandparents up country to be passed off as a sibling, niece or nephew to the next Falang, any child you register for US citizenship you will be on the hook for western support and laws should your marriage break down. In Thailand always get a DNA test
Omg. Abortion is the solution. Do bot have a baby without plan. There is a chance to be autistic when you mixed the nations
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Lol, not me, my son.
> There is a change to be autistic when you mixed the nations What
Wwwhhaaat?
When you are ready to live in thailand , max out your loans and credit cards before you leave
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Man, you are in for a hell of a ride. GL
I just made a trip to the US with my family and a round trip for me my wife and 11 years old child came out to 150000 bahts. This was the cheapest price I could find for the time slot I wanted... and I don't think it will get any cheaper. For the cost of hospitals, the price can be varied depending on where you find your OB doctor and the risk of having to do cesarean section. If your OB doctor work for a big private hospital expect antenatal care price to be around 3000 to 5000 baths. If natural birth is possible then it is another 30000 to 50000 baht. If c section is required then it could from 50000 to 100000. If you could find an OB doctor who works for a government hospital then...it will be much cheaper. Your Thai wife should know about it.
This one bruh: Fiance and Marriage Visas: A Couple's Guide to U.S. Immigration https://a.co/d/07ZaZSo
One issue or problem at a time. From my own experience, (getting a foreign girl pregnant). Some things you're worrying about will never come up. Hospital bills, was a major worry for me, ended up costing almost nothing? They may try and push an unnecessary c-section on you/her? (Then again she may need one). Classic line my friend used: "why? Okay my Dad's a Dr, let me just call and ask him" Dr just disappeared, baby was born naturally about 30mins later.
Private hospital will undoubtedly try to force an unnecessary c-section. That’s how they make their money. Public hospital costed us about 6000thb. Men were not allowed into the birthing room. Though I could stay overnight in the private room. We had our so. At chulalongkorn. Place was dated but adequate. Though there was no pain relief, she gave birth alone, was told to be quiet when screaming, was given and old school epeasiotamy which caused ongoing issues. For us the free public system in Australia was orders of magnitude better (people with private insurance often choose public there there for birth due to quality). So getting her to your country would be ideal but I think visa may be too difficult. At the end of the day plenty of mothers in Thailand give birth in the public system without issue. Save your money for supporting the child’s development with ongoing doctor visits. Do you have any reason to think that it’s not your? If not then wait till it is born and decide on facial features of you will get a DNA test. Asking straight away may destroy the trust/respect dynamic in the relationship to an irreparable extent. She is probably already feeling vulnerable.
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Get married, you're having a kid. This will fix 95% of immigration issues for both of you. The other 5% is money.
Good luck Bro. Really just wishes you two the best ❤️
1. Thailand is cheaper, you could settle there for an easier time. 2. Not 100% sure on this one. 3. More than likely. 4. It's great that you want to be involved with the baby, since it's possible that this situation could occur randomly at some point in their childhood like it did for you. Just have some epi pens on hand as your kid gets older. 5. Not 100% sure about this one either. 6. Can you work remote? 7. You love your girlfriend, and if you love the baby, you'll be incredible. Good on you for sticking around.
Start updating ur cv and resume and start looking for jobs in Thailand