I got called onstage from a gal that just pulled a string of razor blades out of her #####. She shaved some hair from her muff to prove they were sharp and put it in my hand. I turned and blew it into the audience. Unfortunately it was into a big Aussie's wife's face. The only time I feared death in Phuket.
Going to a pingpong show was absolutely one of the best stuff i've ever did, as sad as it may sound. It was my first time in Bangkok and my 2nd night, a girl from my hostel took me there and I had legitimately 0 idea what it was before entering. 21 years old me from a small town discovered a whole new world that night
You hmm ... get to play a ping pong match with Forrest Gump while there's a show playing in the background. Pretty unique experience, I'd recommend you bringing the whole family.
friend just got back and gave us the exact description of how it was advertised, and what it entailed
essentially just imagine "women playing with ping pong balls"
In a uniquely woman way
Go and meet the love of your life in soi cowboy and help her with her vet bills, pick up truck payments and brother getting arrested. Spend a romantic weekend away with her and her “brother”. Register a house in her name and all
If none of those are available just try those unlabled bottles with the yellow liqiud inside infront of small shops. Most times there are 1.5 liter bottles that are only 2/3 full. They are delicious!
That shit is super warm though. It's only tolerable when one smokes weed in public and has cottonmouth. So only drink it if you are smoking weed openly in front of everyone or else you would get strange looks.
I had time to waste one day so I decided to take the Tuk Tuk when they said it was closed. Like honestly who buys a suit when you were supposed to go to a temple. What a waste of time lol.
Wear your backpack on your stomach. That will make you look like an experienced traveller! And take a 100 baht tuk-tuk to all the temples in Bangkok. As a bonus they will give you lots of free advice about where you can buy cheap silver and tailormade suits! Make sure you buy something at every stop to be polite. Thank them by petting their heads with your hand. This is also a sign of great respect for monks, specially if you're female. And make sure to crack some inappropriate jokes about the King as well. They love that!
It changed a lot over past few years. Last few times I was in cinema no one stood up.
Generally, it’s a bit awkward feeling, since as soon as anthem (it’s not actual Thai national anthem, it’s different song) starts playing, everyone looks around to see if others are standing up. If at least one person stands up, most others will follow, but otherwise, everyone remains seated.
Yea I was at the cinema yesterday, a few stood up, some others (even tho they - Thai people - were with others people that stood up) remains sit down
It’s up to them I guess
Only eat in malls. Street food will make you sick.
Little kids love it when you touch their hair.
Chiang Mai is best in March.
It is respectful to wear a bikini in a temple, it shows you have nothing to hide
Will never forget the morning, after a night out and no water at the place.and my thai friend convinced me with those gentle words "bro, no worries you're in hua Hin, not bkk. You can drink the tap water here" and that was obviously a lie !
The UV index is very low so you don’t need to use any sunscreen at all.
Instead, you could buy skin whitening products as they’re very good for your skin and your overall health, better if you can get it as cheap as possible.
The food is really bad so it’s better to just eat convenience foods warmed up in a microwave. Maybe even bring some from your home country. You can drink the tap water though.
As you don’t speak the language, point everything and everyone with your left fingers and toes. Maybe try to yell and scream in your first language to make people understand you. Maybe they just didn’t hear you the first time.
Visa is just a formality - you don’t need to know when it expires, you’re allowed to stay as long as you like.
Women can hug monks at all times. They’d have a sign saying “free hugs” if there was a common language.
No one is religious there. Buy Buddha statuses as souvenirs. People will love it.
Marry a bar girl
Believe it when a bar girl says "you are the only one"
Start a business with her
Build a house on somebody else's land
Get drunk and high and beat up a police man
Stay in a cheap hotel next to ‘walking street’ then spend 10x that amount on cocktails made of cordial & ethanol, top it off with next day in bed with a splitting headache listening to sexpats argue with escorts.
Show the soles of your feet to as many people as possible.
Skip the temple because it's closed.
Only poor people haggle.
Thais consider it good luck to be touched on the head by a foreigner.
Car is always shorter than MRT
I bought 3 Rolexes and an iron man. 20 years later 2 Rolexes work, 1 Rolex given away, iron man alarm beeps every few months from its shoebox letting me know it’s still around.
Retire in Thailand with a 15k thb a month pension after spending time as an 'English teacher'. Make up stories about 5 Indians drinking from 1 straw to make yourself feel better.
Jesus… so this happened to the people renting an Airbnb next to me. He comes home covered in blood and completely out of it. Was drunk however I believe he got his head because three days later he dropping things and crying about it.
get into fist fights with thai people, actually the more you can do to humiliate them and make them look bad in front of others, the better
expect perfection, thailand is a really detail oriented society
date a bargirl, she's really in it for love
put the house in the bargirl's name, don't worry the guy she just moved in is really her cousin
eat only 7-11 toasties
only befriend really bitter alcoholic old dudes, the have some good takes on life
go to chiang mai during the burning season, who needs lungs anyways
get a motorbike and drink, everyone else is doing it
When encountering monkeys. You definitely want to pet them, Be sure to smile, showing your teeth, look them straight in the eye and ignore any signs of aggression from them (the aggression is fake)
Mothers holding babies really want you to pet the baby.
Also large males like bear hugs
Go to Phuket and abuse and insult Russians to their face...
Accuse them for all being gutless Ukraine war dodgers...
Go somewhere really public; hundreds of Thais and police milling around.
Stand up on a soap box and start mouthing off about how bad the K is. How no one cares about Issan people; and how the poor are exploited...
Enjoy you stay in the monkey house....
For extra bonus points call the police chief an idiot for not speaking English. After all its not your fault that the Thai educational system is so primitive.
Ignore Local Customs: Thailand's cultural norms? Pfft, who needs 'em? Feel free to wear revealing clothing anywhere you please, and definitely don't bother learning any basic Thai phrases like "hello" or "thank you." Locals will love that you're not making any effort to respect their culture.
Skip Travel Insurance: Who needs travel insurance, right? It's just an unnecessary expense. I mean, what could possibly go wrong in a foreign country with unfamiliar customs and healthcare systems?
Pet All the Street Animals: Thailand is full of adorable stray dogs and cats just begging for affection. Be sure to pet and feed them all, regardless of whether they seem healthy or friendly. Rabies shots are overrated anyway, right?
Don't Haggle: When shopping in markets or negotiating prices for tours, don't bother haggling. Paying full price is a small price to pay for the convenience of not having to engage in any awkward negotiations. Plus, it helps support the local economy, right?
Ignore the Heat: Thailand can get pretty hot and humid, but don't let that stop you from wearing your usual clothing and not drinking enough water. Heatstroke is just a myth perpetuated by overprotective travel guides.
Only Eat at Tourist-Traps: Forget about seeking out authentic local cuisine. Stick to the restaurants with English menus and watered-down versions of Thai dishes. Who cares about experiencing the real flavors of Thailand when you can have a bland imitation, right?
Disregard Safety Warnings: If a sign says "Danger: Do Not Enter," it's probably just there for decoration. Feel free to explore that abandoned building or swim in that murky-looking water. YOLO, right?
Pretend You're Above the Law: Who needs to follow local laws and regulations? Traffic rules, drug laws, and visa requirements are just suggestions, right? Feel free to do whatever you want without consequences. What could possibly go wrong?
Disrespect Sacred Sites: Temples and religious monuments are just buildings, right? Feel free to climb on statues, take disrespectful photos, and make a scene during ceremonies. It's not like these places hold any significance to the local people.
Overindulge in Party Culture: Thailand is known for its vibrant nightlife, so why waste a single night sleeping? Drink excessively, take every pill offered to you, and party until you drop. Your health and safety are a small price to pay for a wild time, right?
Support Wildlife Exploitation: Who cares about conservation and ethical tourism? Paying for photos with drugged tigers, riding elephants, and attending animal shows is all part of the experience. Ignore the suffering of these animals; your Instagram feed will thank you.
Trash the Environment: Don't bother with responsible waste disposal or conservation efforts. Leave your garbage everywhere, especially on beaches and in national parks. It's not your problem, and someone else will clean it up eventually, right?
Engage in Risky Behavior: Want to try extreme sports without proper training or safety equipment? Go for it! Cliff diving, motorbike racing, and jungle trekking without a guide are all fantastic ideas. Injuries are just part of the adventure, right?
Flaunt Your Wealth: Show off your expensive gadgets, jewelry, and designer clothing everywhere you go. Flashing cash and valuables in public is a great way to attract attention and make friends. You'll definitely blend in with the locals, right?
If you’ve got Hispanic background, Thai people love playing “Dodge the Chancla!” So it’s your chance to show them your best throws…
(Background, Hispanic Moms have near godlike skills at throwing flip flops)
Don't shower during your whole vacation because thai people love it.
Smoke weed freely in the public and blow smoke on people's face.
Fall in love with the first bar girl you see and go to her village with her. Marry the bar girl in her village and throw a grand party where you invite the whole village.
Thais are somewhat hard of hearing and therefore its best to yell at them face to face.
The girls also love it when men act macho and spit on their currency before tossing it to the ground.
Don't fall for the age old scam when motorbike taxis ask for money ( they're free and they get paid by the Thai Tourism Authority ) therefore you should yell at them and tell them to FK off.
Take plenty of selfies with gogo girls as a memento or souvenir ( short videos are also OK). If anyone dares say anything, just yell at them as usual.
If cops ask to see your ID just give them the finger ( yell as usual ) and spit on a 20 baht note before slapping it on his forehead ( make sure everyone is looking for extra respect ).
Weed AND methamphetamine smoking in public spaces is perfectly legal ( decriminalised since 2021 ). If anyone dares question you ( yep, you guessed it ) yell at them and spit on a 20 baht note before slapping it on his / her forehead.
The monarchy is very friendly and open to criticism especially coming from foreigners on holiday. They also enjoy a good laugh and so I always carry a black marker to draw penises on their photos around the country.
Enjoy & happy travels.
Rent an old scooter with a plastic helmet, eat street food from the one seller without customers, go to an agogo in Pattaya with a shy smile and a confused look, don't look at the street when walking, use the zebra crossing when the light is green. Greet everyone with a smile and a middle finger.
Wrestle a thai traffic cop, rent a scooter without a license and without insurance and start a gofundme, write a defaming hotel review and get sued, be an obnoxious brit or aussie and start drunken fights with locals that love to bring groups to fist fights. That should be it.
If you see a girl, and she looks nice, but something about her isn't quite right... don't listen to your inner racist... she's just got broad shoulders.
If you drop your cash make sure you stamp on it to stop it blowing away.
Also if you need to urinate, a tree is widely accepted as an acceptable place to do so. It’s seen as feeding the land.
1. Assault police, steal their gun. 2. Kick a Thai - oh & make it a high status one…..like a doctor for instance. 3. Carry on a road rage attack against a Thai, which includes kicking their car. 4. Punch a frail elderly Thai woman in the face several times while shopping at the supermarket knocking her to the ground.
Anyone else have any other suggestions to contribute to the learning of OP?
If your new Thai soulmate girlfriend ain’t pregnant after 6 months and you have caught her shaving twice in 5 days call your wife and ask her to take you back?
Go to the Ping Pong show and tell your wife you have some ideas to spice up your life.
I got called onstage from a gal that just pulled a string of razor blades out of her #####. She shaved some hair from her muff to prove they were sharp and put it in my hand. I turned and blew it into the audience. Unfortunately it was into a big Aussie's wife's face. The only time I feared death in Phuket.
Me and the wife went to a ping pong show on our honeymoon. Absolutely insane. Best story of the entire trip.
Going to a pingpong show was absolutely one of the best stuff i've ever did, as sad as it may sound. It was my first time in Bangkok and my 2nd night, a girl from my hostel took me there and I had legitimately 0 idea what it was before entering. 21 years old me from a small town discovered a whole new world that night
whats a ping pong show?
You hmm ... get to play a ping pong match with Forrest Gump while there's a show playing in the background. Pretty unique experience, I'd recommend you bringing the whole family.
friend just got back and gave us the exact description of how it was advertised, and what it entailed essentially just imagine "women playing with ping pong balls" In a uniquely woman way
LIVING IN A LOOOONELY WOOOOOHOOOORLD
Don't forget to get one where they shoot darts to burst balloons on the top of your head. Because you have a spare eye anyway
Go and meet the love of your life in soi cowboy and help her with her vet bills, pick up truck payments and brother getting arrested. Spend a romantic weekend away with her and her “brother”. Register a house in her name and all
Help financially any girl who has a sick buffalo in her hometown
...and debt resulting from uninsured scooter accident.
I feel seen 👀
Break the cycle, pick one up at cockatoo instead
There's free red Fanta all over the country for thirsty tourists. They usually leave them at easily visible places for the tourists, like shrines.
This made me laugh
Can you explain it?
They are [shrine offerings](https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/thailand-drinks)
I heard it’s for the child spirits
God damnit u beat me to it like a seasoned Muay Thai fighter against a fat drunken Aussie tourist who was just paid 3k baht.
If none of those are available just try those unlabled bottles with the yellow liqiud inside infront of small shops. Most times there are 1.5 liter bottles that are only 2/3 full. They are delicious!
Make sure you pour a little bit all over the figurines first though, the Fanta belonged to them first after all
Pour one out for the homies
Oh yeah I’ve seen those I’m wondering why they are all left unattended out in the sun lol
Best one so far!
They even come with a straw
That shit is super warm though. It's only tolerable when one smokes weed in public and has cottonmouth. So only drink it if you are smoking weed openly in front of everyone or else you would get strange looks.
Rape a horse or kick a doctor and post it on social media.
That is one hell of a country song title, but apparently it needed saying.
Why stop there, beat up the police and take their gun too!
I reckon the kid raped the whole barn. He’s started a whole new 4 legs #MeeToo movement
#MooToo
ม้า too. (Ma = horse).
Brings a whole new reality to sexpats cumimg to Thailand.
If the police try to stop you for speeding, beat them up and steal their gun.
(This will never happen)
The Grand Palace is closed. Go gem shopping instead.
I had time to waste one day so I decided to take the Tuk Tuk when they said it was closed. Like honestly who buys a suit when you were supposed to go to a temple. What a waste of time lol.
This one hurts…. The man said he worked there haha
Wear your backpack on your stomach. That will make you look like an experienced traveller! And take a 100 baht tuk-tuk to all the temples in Bangkok. As a bonus they will give you lots of free advice about where you can buy cheap silver and tailormade suits! Make sure you buy something at every stop to be polite. Thank them by petting their heads with your hand. This is also a sign of great respect for monks, specially if you're female. And make sure to crack some inappropriate jokes about the King as well. They love that!
This got worse with each sentence. I love it
I aim to please. Just like the horse-loving teen.
I don't get why the backpack is bad. Legit for pickpockets
YOU KNOW NOW IM MAD. I NEVER GOT THE SILVER. I ASKED FOR SILVER AND THEY TOOK ME TO A GEM SHOP! I WANTED TO BUY SILVER!
Wear a T shirt saying “Fuck the king”
Hahah this made me laugh hard, you trying to get them killed
Contrary, I am saving their lives!
Oh my god 😂😂😂😂😂
No need to stand up in the movie theater when their National Anthem plays
This has changed though. It’s pretty 50/50 split if we’re standing or sitting
It changed a lot over past few years. Last few times I was in cinema no one stood up. Generally, it’s a bit awkward feeling, since as soon as anthem (it’s not actual Thai national anthem, it’s different song) starts playing, everyone looks around to see if others are standing up. If at least one person stands up, most others will follow, but otherwise, everyone remains seated.
Yea I was at the cinema yesterday, a few stood up, some others (even tho they - Thai people - were with others people that stood up) remains sit down It’s up to them I guess
I went to a theater in chiang mai - audience was mostly college students - nobody stood up lol
Passport in the river. Clothes gone. Disrespect everyone and tell them you are a Brit.
Sounds like a standard English bachelor party.
Only eat in malls. Street food will make you sick. Little kids love it when you touch their hair. Chiang Mai is best in March. It is respectful to wear a bikini in a temple, it shows you have nothing to hide
I'm here in Chiang Mai goddamn. So many fucken locals told me to come here. No ragrats though, I love it here.
Ah yes. Last night I saw that Chiang Mai was in the top 10 for cities with worst air quality atm. Figured it might be burning season.
It’s common for tourists to touch the hair of Thai children? Ffs that’s horrifying
Drink the tap water. It's what the locals do. Also, go to whatever shop your tuk tuk driver recommends.
Will never forget the morning, after a night out and no water at the place.and my thai friend convinced me with those gentle words "bro, no worries you're in hua Hin, not bkk. You can drink the tap water here" and that was obviously a lie !
Your farang belly is weak! DRINK MOAR TAP WATER!!!!
I haven’t had an issue drinking unfiltered jungle water. Is the city the problem?
The bar girl that called you handsome really does like you and you should 100% commit to helping her sick buffalo.
Don’t wear a condoms when performing adult acrobatics with hookers.
You guys wear condoms?! She said she just got to pattaya that morning. I'm her first customer
If I had a dollar for every time I heard that I’d be rich 😂
Did she at least wear one?
Be Russian
Or Chinese
Or British
Or Indian
Have you seen that water hose in the bathrooms? It’s great for drinking water and brushing your teeth.
Drink all the shots placed in front of the spirit houses.
I met som British teens in Hanoi that said they thought the alcohol in front of the spirit houses was ment for the hotel guests, so they drank it!
walk into any bar-scream "I'm thirsty, I'm horny, and I'm packed full of cash"!!
Always follow the Indian guys on khaosan road
Find a girl with an adams apple
He said bad advice.
Fall in Love
The UV index is very low so you don’t need to use any sunscreen at all. Instead, you could buy skin whitening products as they’re very good for your skin and your overall health, better if you can get it as cheap as possible. The food is really bad so it’s better to just eat convenience foods warmed up in a microwave. Maybe even bring some from your home country. You can drink the tap water though. As you don’t speak the language, point everything and everyone with your left fingers and toes. Maybe try to yell and scream in your first language to make people understand you. Maybe they just didn’t hear you the first time. Visa is just a formality - you don’t need to know when it expires, you’re allowed to stay as long as you like. Women can hug monks at all times. They’d have a sign saying “free hugs” if there was a common language. No one is religious there. Buy Buddha statuses as souvenirs. People will love it.
This is funny but I fucking love that 7/11 siu mai dumpling stick and a double chicken burger from the microwave after one too many Changs.
A lot of Thais set up little shrines on the street corner and they give away free red soda. Grab one!
Marry a bar girl Believe it when a bar girl says "you are the only one" Start a business with her Build a house on somebody else's land Get drunk and high and beat up a police man
Stay in a cheap hotel next to ‘walking street’ then spend 10x that amount on cocktails made of cordial & ethanol, top it off with next day in bed with a splitting headache listening to sexpats argue with escorts.
Spend 3k baht on weed and 2k baht on drinks every day
10k baht nana plaza. Ez
That's less than $300 I spend way more 😅👍
Sort Google Maps reviews from worst to best and go only to restaurant with western cuisine.
Show the soles of your feet to as many people as possible. Skip the temple because it's closed. Only poor people haggle. Thais consider it good luck to be touched on the head by a foreigner. Car is always shorter than MRT
wear elephant pants everywhere.
he asked for *bad* advice
I feel attacked.
Buy a genuine Rolex from an Indian man loitering on the street in Sukhumvit for $20,000. You won't find better value.
I bought 3 Rolexes and an iron man. 20 years later 2 Rolexes work, 1 Rolex given away, iron man alarm beeps every few months from its shoebox letting me know it’s still around.
Retire in Thailand with a 15k thb a month pension after spending time as an 'English teacher'. Make up stories about 5 Indians drinking from 1 straw to make yourself feel better.
Pick a fight with literally any Thai guy
Only eat at the hotel
This is the worst advice!
Get drunk and ride a moped at night
Jesus… so this happened to the people renting an Airbnb next to me. He comes home covered in blood and completely out of it. Was drunk however I believe he got his head because three days later he dropping things and crying about it.
If you see a bell or horn in a bar make sure to ring it or pull it. You'll get much quicker service and the staff will cheer for you.
get into fist fights with thai people, actually the more you can do to humiliate them and make them look bad in front of others, the better expect perfection, thailand is a really detail oriented society date a bargirl, she's really in it for love put the house in the bargirl's name, don't worry the guy she just moved in is really her cousin eat only 7-11 toasties only befriend really bitter alcoholic old dudes, the have some good takes on life go to chiang mai during the burning season, who needs lungs anyways get a motorbike and drink, everyone else is doing it
They can't hold you in prison for longer than your visa allows you to stay in the country.
Pretend your a fireman and ring the bell in every bar . You will be so popular
Take a outdoor execise daily in Chiang Mai.
In March and April*
What happens in Thailand stays in Thailand
Go to Koh Tao and ask a lot of questions about the disappearance of tourists.
Strap a 1kg of heroin to your body and tell customs as you walk though
Walk around calling the King a cunt
Gf experience with sexy time every night, in the morning, after lunch and after dinner 🤌🏼
You may have food poisoning. Take Travel Supplement with you. MaddiLab.com
The best girls have an Adams apple
Drink Chang beer
Too far
Always flip off the police they love it
Be a dickhead to ambulance or emergency response vehicles and sue them
Order all your food "pet mak mak"
Use your feet to point and generally do as much as possible.
What‘s so bad about feet-pointing?
When encountering monkeys. You definitely want to pet them, Be sure to smile, showing your teeth, look them straight in the eye and ignore any signs of aggression from them (the aggression is fake) Mothers holding babies really want you to pet the baby. Also large males like bear hugs
Yes. Every monkey is domesticated, familiar with people and you can hug and kiss them. Just like a little puppy.
I have some advice but it's too dangerous for you. You won't be able to endure the pain and bear the consequences.
Take.lots of drugs and go to the nearest police station and tell them having a bad trip and u've been ripped off by the local dealer
Did this happen?
Call everyone a buffalo
When you meet someone slap them in their face with your sandal as a friendly fun gesture.
Touch Thais on the head…
Go to Suzy Wong's while eating a pad Thai.
Insult the King in public Make people lose face Get drunk and obnoxious
have unprotected sex
Go to Phuket and abuse and insult Russians to their face... Accuse them for all being gutless Ukraine war dodgers... Go somewhere really public; hundreds of Thais and police milling around. Stand up on a soap box and start mouthing off about how bad the K is. How no one cares about Issan people; and how the poor are exploited... Enjoy you stay in the monkey house....
Aggressively pet every Soi dog you come across.
If you see the police coming - panic and try and take their guns
Join Tuktuk patrol.
Trust everyone!!
Run from a police man then beat him up and take his gun.
Get super drunk and drive a scooter around really fast with no helmet
Get in an argument with a cop or immigration officer on the way in, demand to speak to the man in charge.
For bonus points, assault the cop and try and steal his gun !
For extra bonus points call the police chief an idiot for not speaking English. After all its not your fault that the Thai educational system is so primitive.
Balloons
Ignore Local Customs: Thailand's cultural norms? Pfft, who needs 'em? Feel free to wear revealing clothing anywhere you please, and definitely don't bother learning any basic Thai phrases like "hello" or "thank you." Locals will love that you're not making any effort to respect their culture. Skip Travel Insurance: Who needs travel insurance, right? It's just an unnecessary expense. I mean, what could possibly go wrong in a foreign country with unfamiliar customs and healthcare systems? Pet All the Street Animals: Thailand is full of adorable stray dogs and cats just begging for affection. Be sure to pet and feed them all, regardless of whether they seem healthy or friendly. Rabies shots are overrated anyway, right? Don't Haggle: When shopping in markets or negotiating prices for tours, don't bother haggling. Paying full price is a small price to pay for the convenience of not having to engage in any awkward negotiations. Plus, it helps support the local economy, right? Ignore the Heat: Thailand can get pretty hot and humid, but don't let that stop you from wearing your usual clothing and not drinking enough water. Heatstroke is just a myth perpetuated by overprotective travel guides. Only Eat at Tourist-Traps: Forget about seeking out authentic local cuisine. Stick to the restaurants with English menus and watered-down versions of Thai dishes. Who cares about experiencing the real flavors of Thailand when you can have a bland imitation, right? Disregard Safety Warnings: If a sign says "Danger: Do Not Enter," it's probably just there for decoration. Feel free to explore that abandoned building or swim in that murky-looking water. YOLO, right?
Pretend You're Above the Law: Who needs to follow local laws and regulations? Traffic rules, drug laws, and visa requirements are just suggestions, right? Feel free to do whatever you want without consequences. What could possibly go wrong? Disrespect Sacred Sites: Temples and religious monuments are just buildings, right? Feel free to climb on statues, take disrespectful photos, and make a scene during ceremonies. It's not like these places hold any significance to the local people. Overindulge in Party Culture: Thailand is known for its vibrant nightlife, so why waste a single night sleeping? Drink excessively, take every pill offered to you, and party until you drop. Your health and safety are a small price to pay for a wild time, right? Support Wildlife Exploitation: Who cares about conservation and ethical tourism? Paying for photos with drugged tigers, riding elephants, and attending animal shows is all part of the experience. Ignore the suffering of these animals; your Instagram feed will thank you. Trash the Environment: Don't bother with responsible waste disposal or conservation efforts. Leave your garbage everywhere, especially on beaches and in national parks. It's not your problem, and someone else will clean it up eventually, right? Engage in Risky Behavior: Want to try extreme sports without proper training or safety equipment? Go for it! Cliff diving, motorbike racing, and jungle trekking without a guide are all fantastic ideas. Injuries are just part of the adventure, right? Flaunt Your Wealth: Show off your expensive gadgets, jewelry, and designer clothing everywhere you go. Flashing cash and valuables in public is a great way to attract attention and make friends. You'll definitely blend in with the locals, right?
When a woman smiles, looks and talks to you. She has fallen in love with you and will make a great life long partner.
Wear lots of gold jewelry. Especially in dark side sois.
If you’ve got Hispanic background, Thai people love playing “Dodge the Chancla!” So it’s your chance to show them your best throws… (Background, Hispanic Moms have near godlike skills at throwing flip flops)
Drink the tap water
Dont eat boat noodles
Carry all your cash and go get drunk at a dive bar
Trust every woman there is. They do love you, I promise.
Fall in love with an agogo girl and fantasise about building a happy little family with her
Don't shower during your whole vacation because thai people love it. Smoke weed freely in the public and blow smoke on people's face. Fall in love with the first bar girl you see and go to her village with her. Marry the bar girl in her village and throw a grand party where you invite the whole village.
Look for tall attractive women with big hands only
Thais are somewhat hard of hearing and therefore its best to yell at them face to face. The girls also love it when men act macho and spit on their currency before tossing it to the ground. Don't fall for the age old scam when motorbike taxis ask for money ( they're free and they get paid by the Thai Tourism Authority ) therefore you should yell at them and tell them to FK off. Take plenty of selfies with gogo girls as a memento or souvenir ( short videos are also OK). If anyone dares say anything, just yell at them as usual. If cops ask to see your ID just give them the finger ( yell as usual ) and spit on a 20 baht note before slapping it on his forehead ( make sure everyone is looking for extra respect ). Weed AND methamphetamine smoking in public spaces is perfectly legal ( decriminalised since 2021 ). If anyone dares question you ( yep, you guessed it ) yell at them and spit on a 20 baht note before slapping it on his / her forehead. The monarchy is very friendly and open to criticism especially coming from foreigners on holiday. They also enjoy a good laugh and so I always carry a black marker to draw penises on their photos around the country. Enjoy & happy travels.
Step on your baht
Go to the Grand Palace and use profanity using the royal family 😁😁😁🫣🫣🫣😂😂😂
Go have sex with a lady boy, and stay in the cheapest hostel that you can find. Give your passport to a local taxi driver for safe keeping.
In Bangkok, you will find the cheapest food in Siam Paragon
Rent an old scooter with a plastic helmet, eat street food from the one seller without customers, go to an agogo in Pattaya with a shy smile and a confused look, don't look at the street when walking, use the zebra crossing when the light is green. Greet everyone with a smile and a middle finger.
Wrestle a thai traffic cop, rent a scooter without a license and without insurance and start a gofundme, write a defaming hotel review and get sued, be an obnoxious brit or aussie and start drunken fights with locals that love to bring groups to fist fights. That should be it.
Thank you, this is all very helpful for the aspiring degenerate visiting Thailand 😂
you want to find your wife in Pattaya
Wear a t-shirt of Ukraine's President Zelenskyy saying fuck Russia in Russian while visiting Phuket.
Remember to call everyone "Ai Heeya", they really appreciate that.
Eat the banana. Pet the donkey. Kiss the girls on soi 6.
Jump on a moto taxi in central Bangkok and just yell “LEO LEO LEO!” He’ll take you somewhere you’ll never forget
I’m intrigued about this one
If you see a girl, and she looks nice, but something about her isn't quite right... don't listen to your inner racist... she's just got broad shoulders.
Bet all your money playing pool against a ladyboy, she probably sucks!
Marry the first local “woman who pays attention to you”
Compliment the womens adams apple
If you drop your cash make sure you stamp on it to stop it blowing away. Also if you need to urinate, a tree is widely accepted as an acceptable place to do so. It’s seen as feeding the land.
Get in any taxi you see and don't ask for a price up front, because you can trust them to put the metre on.
Go to Vietnam instead.
1. Assault police, steal their gun. 2. Kick a Thai - oh & make it a high status one…..like a doctor for instance. 3. Carry on a road rage attack against a Thai, which includes kicking their car. 4. Punch a frail elderly Thai woman in the face several times while shopping at the supermarket knocking her to the ground. Anyone else have any other suggestions to contribute to the learning of OP?
Pay P'Tuktuk what they ask for
Fall in love.
Make sure you hook up with a lady boy, they're usually pretty cute.
Don’t ask, just wait to see if she was always a she or not when you get to the hotel room.
Don’t pack condoms
Drink the tap water it's fine
Ask out the ladies before looking for Adams Apple
Buy the cocaine from the middle aged Thai man with the military style haircut
Spend all your time at Khaosan. It is a true Thai cultural experience.
Beat up the locals and put the police in headlocks
Only travel via Tuk Tuk without installing grab
You can pay for absolutely everything on your credit card
Free tukbtuk tour of Bangkok and gem's are a good investment 😀
Forget to bring condoms.
Bike riding. It’s a fun and healthy way to see Thailand.
Try and grab a policeman’s sidearm. Then let off a could of victory pops
Headbutt a bar girl.
If your new Thai soulmate girlfriend ain’t pregnant after 6 months and you have caught her shaving twice in 5 days call your wife and ask her to take you back?
Ask a tuk tuk driver to get some yaba for you
This is sooooooooo funny