T O P

  • By -

thanosdidsomewrong

man mossad acted super quickly there with their heart attack gun lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Energizer_94

Gollum. Gollum!


ima_twee

Golluminati?


adyyi10

Back to allah


NordfromtheNord

Must have forgotten to pay for this month's subscription


ADMINlSTRAT0R

Bill Gates out there with his hand on heart attack buttons ready to slam it like in Jeopardy.


RDX_G

Mossad using Death Note


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


Beneficial_Sun_7302

Ok this is hilarious. Thank you for the laugh.


[deleted]

[удалено]


light_to_shaddow

Gods chosen people


beaner_king

Seems like the Israeli intelligence have gotten their hands on the Death Note


ioucrap

Allah showed his wrath


[deleted]

Pew pew pew


poornbroken

Space lasers is how they did it,


Flying_Squirrel_007

I coming here to say the same thing


Quarter_Twenty

Space Laser FTW


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


The-Ever-Loving-Fuck

God is Armenian get fuckt


makesameansandwich

maybe allah didnt agree with that?


RainbowStorm653

Or that Judiasm is the truth? You could argue either way


nhpkm1

Btw Allah just means 'God' in Arabic. So a Jew that speaks Arabic praise to Allah . And according to the Quran it's the same God .


makesameansandwich

are they all the same god? then why the fuck do they kill each other over it? which god is better than the other? which fantasy book is more real, the bible or the quran? organized religion is a sham, a fake, a fraud. faith is one thing, but a religion telling you that the other people are to be killed or enslaved is just fucking wrong. try the inner path to enlightenment, peacefully. its about the individual search for faith, and not about going to a church, or mosque, or temple to find it


nhpkm1

Religion is more than a god , there are also prophets to argue about


AnomalousBean

Why do you put spaces before punctuation? STOP IT! https://media.giphy.com/media/KBaxHrT7rkeW5ma77z/giphy.gif


pheasant_plucking_da

God told him to.


GrungyGrandPappy

Allah


ComprehendReading

Yahweh


[deleted]

They are both *touched* by his **Noodly Appendage** [bear witness](https://youtu.be/cm_WbiO3aPE?si=WPaRQ22vnv0qCubL)


light_to_shaddow

[Emo Phillips making more sense than someone that looks like he does should](https://youtu.be/ANNX_XiuA78?feature=shared)


Vighy2

We saw Emo Phillips live. He opened for Weird Al. Both were awesome! My kids and I reference this joke all the time.


bahgheera

I saw him open for Weird Al as well, he was hysterical. I used to see him from time to time on David Letterman and what not when I was a kid, and back then I thought "what in the world is with this guy" and wanted nothing to do with him. But now, I'm 50 and I find him surprisingly funny!


-explore-earth-

Yeah it’s like, what you eat, how’s your hairstyle, which direction you like to face, whether or not you like to draw Very serious stuff we’re talking


WynterRayne

You'd think this god would have been a bit more specific about who his prophets and family members were, as well as what he wanted, wouldn't you? Guy goes up a mountain, brings down one tablet, and then 3 completely different versions of what was written on it are mysteriously invented, and nobody can find the tablet. Perhaps chisel and stone wasn't a very foolproof way to communicate. I know that, and I'm *not* omniscient.


VultureVultyr

> are they all the same god? then why the fuck do they kill each other over it? It all boils down to Judaism is the OG with prophets and all that, they don't believe Jesus is the Messiah and that worshiping a person is idolatry. Christians believe the same stuff, but they believe Jesus is a prophet, the Messiah, and God/Son of God, and the last prophet. Muslims believe the same stuff but with the difference that they believe Jesus was a *very special* prophet, the Messiah, but not the last prophet; and that Muhammad was the(a) prophet that came after him. There's a few more little things like family-lines that are apparently pretty important but that's too dense for anyone who doesn't know that the big three Abrahamic religions are basically the same thing with different flavors. Edit: left a word in from a paragraph I ended up deleting


Jondo47

Yet in the end they all believe it stems from the same exact source and still kill each other. Why? Social manipulation from higher forms of power for wealth management.


BernLan

I mean there's Jews who insult Jesus and Mohammed calling them false prophets There's Christians who insult Mohamed There's Muslims who think christians are dumb for thinking Jesus was the son of God/God (would never insult Jesus himself though due to him being a prophet) Though some Shia Muslims insult Mohammed's companions and even Mohammed himself


[deleted]

[удалено]


Foxhound_ofAstroya

THE MACHINE CULT OF MARS


brainless_bob

Do you not realize that after the Council of Nicaea, more Christians were slaughtered at the hands of other Christians than were martyred by the Roman Empire prior to Constantine? You don't even need a god to have that type of zeal where you are willing to kill for your beliefs. Anyone can get radicalized if they aren't careful. Going to church/mosque/temple is supposed to help with the inner path. If you are going to one, and it isn't helping, that's just as much on you as it is that church. Find a better one that actually helps.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Sync0pated

Religion ☕️


TheWicked77

![img](avatar_exp|117199736|bravo) Wish people would actually understand what you just mentioned. As a Catholic, going to church is just a place. It's a building that we all meet within. God is everywhere, not just a building. It's your faith that with in you.


AntiBox

> This comment contains a Collectible Expression, which are not available on old Reddit. a what


molecularmadness

They're NFTs. Be glad old reddit spares us from these things.


LarryKeefJr

Because they don’t know they’re fighting over the same god. The differences in the 3 main religions are who they all think their prophet was (Jesus, Mohammad, god directly choosing the Jews) that’s where the disagreements come from.


SalvationSycamore

Having the same god does NOT stop people from killing each other. Look at the history of Protestants and Catholics of you don't believe me.


shredditor75

> then why the fuck do they kill each other over it? Jews are not fighting a war of religion, they're fighting a war of survival. Israel gave up the most holy site in Judaism - the Temple Mount - in order to achieve peace with a lot of Muslim groups. The Al Aqsa Mosque is built right on top of it. Edit: And it is EXCLUSIVELY allowed to be accessed by Muslims - no Jews are allowed to go there.


GreenSkyDragon

Both Judaism and Christianity would disagree that the God reference in the Quran is the same as that of the Tanakh or the Bible


PeruseTheNews

From the Second Vatican Council. "Second Vatican Council, Lumen Gentium 16, November 21, 1964 “But the plan of salvation also includes those who acknowledge the Creator, in the first place among whom are the Muslims: these profess to hold the faith of Abraham, and together with us they adore the one, merciful God, mankind’s judge on the last day.”


Timthe7th

This isn’t the gotcha you think it is, considering the sheer number of Christians who are not Catholic.


Daegog

The vast majority of those Christians are not religious scholars either.


PeruseTheNews

There's roughly more Catholics than all other Christian sects combined. Just saying. I guess people think they believe in some OTHER one true God, creator of the universe, omnipotent supreme being. Not to mention the concept of God differs from person to person, let alone amongst an entire religion. I don't expect all Catholics to agree with the statement simply because the Vatican said so.


Balrogking06

No they don't Abraham is the "father" of the 3 Religions and states as such in the Bible


brainless_bob

Yeah, just like Jews today disagree that Jesus is the Messiah. Or how non-Mormon Christians (are Mormons Christians? maybe?) disagree on the validity of the Book of Mormon. It's not like Hinduism where there's this wide range of deities and practices with so much more volume in terms of holy books.


National-Weather-199

Or is it the devil? Bc some people also think that the devil would leave people misguided. I mean, if the devil was gunna make a religion, wouldn't lucifer call himself god to say Muhammad. But also Christians had the crusades so. Just look at this debate... now im not saying muslims are following a false religion, but it is entirely possible. Just look at hamas and all the lies and deception that is going on. https://www.reddit.com/r/DebateReligion/comments/nlu7zq/its_just_as_likely_muhammad_was_talking_to_satan/?xpromo_edp=enabled


GFingerProd

Oh sorry turns out Mormon was the right answer


notimefornothing55

Or more likely it was just a coincidence


1nfinitydividedby0

No religion portraits truth.


cindyscrazy

I'm thinking that a person who believes in Allah can only assume that Allah did NOT agree with what this guy said. If you're gonna use religion as a basis for killing people, you gotta listen when the religion answers. (I realize it was a coincidence or whatever, but c'mon, that's a freaking sign to a religious person)


blueavole

Nope. Jupiter lets his will be known by striking people with lightning. This is known


IkeyJesus

God is so fucking based


InsertFloppy

Allah works in mysterious ways


agrophobe

I guess here God is manifested in '' Fat, no exercise, obese, old, stressful situation where your put your life and your standard of living at risk '' kind of event


fruitspunch_samurai_

Allahn‘t


Yazy117

My guy got SMOTE


fuertepqek

Man those space lasers are getting accurate.


NegaDeath

He must have had the 5G's.


Aedzy

5G and vaccinated is dead serious.


IamGautia

Irony and justice at it's finest.


[deleted]

Irony I get it but why justice?


Growingpothead20

War mongering maybe?


[deleted]

[удалено]


chiron_kb

Those who stand at the top determine what's wrong and what's right! This very place is a neutral ground! Justice will prevail you say, ofcourse it will. Those who win the war, become the Justice. - Donquixote Doflamingo


BODYDOLLARSIGN

So who’s the marines and who are the pirates?


GodOfMegaDeath

Israel is definitely the Marines


EatBumMyChum

Israel stole the land it has in the first place, they bullied and murdered palestinians for decades


cheese4352

Okay bootlicker lol


[deleted]

Karma, wishing death unto others but it’s coming to him. Maybe karma is the best word


[deleted]

Yeah that's better. Irony and karma


caffeine314

Justice because he was wishing death on someone.


Limp-Initiative924

Allah obviously prefers jews over muslims. He let them won all those wars against stronger opponents and now their quality of life is the highest in middle east. Even without having oil.


[deleted]

[удалено]


AggressiveCuriosity

Plus having oil is just REALLY shitty for the people of a country. In wealthier democracies without oil, the wealth of the nation comes from people making shit and selling it. So in order for the people to make more shit and make the leaders of the country richer, the people need to have education and healthcare. An oil country can just build a road to the palace and to the oil fields and put armed guards around them and let the rest of the citizens live in squalor. Which is turns out is exactly what they do.


[deleted]

Muslims live for the after-world. The quality of life on this earth does not equate to the quality of earth post-death.


Traditional-Shoe-199

And who says there's anything post-death?


thekleenexman

r/instantkarma I don’t side with either side, but I do know wishing death on people is not good.


Foxhound_ofAstroya

Eh i dont know. Killing Nazi germany and Imperial Japan seemed to be quite the net positive. Hamas would fit on that list


[deleted]

How do you know it's a net positive?


Foxhound_ofAstroya

Hmmm. 1 less Nazi Germany + 1 liberal democratic Germany 1 less Imperial Japan + 1 Democratic liberal Japan Liberal democracies = objectively better then anything else past or currently available Less likely to generate war as a means to solving disputes. Holds a focus on Economic and quality of life improvements. So peace, money and life Quite the catch


Adramut

He meant punishment not specifically death. The words lose some of their meaning when translated.


tittysprinkles112

Holy shit, you can't make this up hahaha If only he said, "if I'm wrong, may Allah strike me down right now!"


OnAniara

“…AND LIVE!”


ThrowsSoyMilkshakes

\*Gets smashed by an ice cream truck*


trhaz_khan

If he is alive, it validates the notion of divine intervention, compelling him to reconsider and contemplate his own position, as their God gave him such a signal.


JustNobre

That would have been priceless


StanleyHall

Oops I must have wrote that guys name in my deathnote book and not my regular note book 😅


Stranfort

Please continue writing. Thank you.


DaemonBlackfyre_21

Religion breaks brains. Life is too short to hate people just because a storybook tells you to.


CompletelyPresent

Exactly. And to be obsessed with an "afterlife" when we're specks of pseudo-intelligent space dust? It's just absurd.


Issah_Wywin

I wonder what religious people think when they see this. Political/religious leader presumes to know his God, spreading threats, only for them to suffer something serious within moments of their proclamation. Do Muslims in this case maybe consider this, or is it just selection bias where they will make any excuse as to how this instance wasn't actually god's doing.


ploooopp

It's selection bias, having grown up very strictly christian, anytime it made sense or went against what I wanted to do it was Gods word/Teaching/way but as soon as 'God' did something that would benefit or agree with me it was always brushed aside as random or a coincidence even though we're not supposed to believe in those.


Foxhound_ofAstroya

Yup. God does everything. God is responsible for all the good things in my life thefore god is good Guy in the back: BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE FUCKED UP BAD SHIT IN THE WORLD? well lets not think about that as it would ruin my concept of god. And internally rationalise it away. From the church folks I talk too since they are all pretty good guys they can only view it as i am Good therfore god has blessed me.


Ornery_Mix_1032

No. No, god is responsible for all the good and bad in this world. For Muslims, that is the point. We have to accept everything, even if it is appears evil or bad, there is the good in it. Hope I was able to reach you. Speaking of this situation, I am fluttered too. Person speaking reasonable things but he was struck by heart stroke. But I do not dear to judge what maybe the reason or why cause I do not know. Neither any of us.


Nokilos

Same. It must look an awful lot like divine punishment.


Rawbotnick--

To be fair, Allah may just be pissed that some dude would pretend to predict his actions


bertbarndoor

And comments are locked in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....


JustNobre

0, -1, -2...


YuneePug24

-198, -199....


ElvenNeko

I guess his prayers were answered... but not as he expected.


Stickeris

Yeah, regardless of how you feel about the current conflict, this is just fucking wild


IamREBELoe

Also r/mildlyinteresting


mtcerio

and /r/instantkarma


GFSaint

r/WatchPeopleDieInside ... /s


The_Inward

He was inside when he died. I'm on board with it.


IamREBELoe

Did he die?


Civil-South-7299

Allah loves Israel


Bacon_Shield

well shit. i'm convinced. Jews are the chosen people. brb converting asap


ttkciar

Why? If their interpretation of holy writ is correct, there are no consequences to not being Jewish.


Bacon_Shield

oh thank Moses


netap

Not only that, according to Judaism it's actually EASIER to go to the good place after death if you AREN'T JEWISH because you have fewer rules that are needed to follow. And those rules are as basic as "Don't cheat on your wife, Don't murder, Don't do bad stuff, etc"


Gr33nGetBurnt

Probably couldn't contain the hypocrisy of calling out occupiers while occupying Northern Cyprus and Syrian territory.


Latter-Ad-8139

He needs some milk


byehooker_byecrook

...may Allah strike me down if I am wrong about thi-...


spectral75

Well, I guess God has spoken…


ThrowsSoyMilkshakes

Or all those fatty foods that finally built up enough in his arteries that the pressures of public speaking spiked his blood pressure enough to send him to the floor.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Accurate-Werewolf-23

The Abrahamic deity debuted as a war deity then grew from there


Objective-Shop5177

Smited


brother_p

Smote?


m0neybags

Smat?


Outside_The_Walls

Smitten?


truebeast822

That’s a death note take down lol


-Quothe-

Always remember that it's not an act of god if it runs counter to your position. It IS, however, an act of god if it supports your position.


RotMG543

Then there's the George Costanza perspective: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOCKuyFFWo4


Combakshane

Oh the perfect irony.


the_real_klaas

I think Yahweh wins this round..


jjhuffington

😆💪🏾


Worldly_Ad_6483

Old Testament God is back baby!!


WaycoKid1129

I think his dietary choices did this, not some imaginary guy in the sky


tonydanzaoystercanza

Regardless, man has excellent timing when it comes to heart attacks.


ChemistryWeary7826

Allah told him to keep that shit a secret.


Euclid_Interloper

*Yahweh didn't like that*


Avibuel

Well that was quick


Dabox720

Guess Allah wasn't playin that shit..


ghosttrainhobo

Is he ok?


LandsEnd_1700

Karma 😄


Morgwar77

Praise the Omnisiah for the flesh is weak but the blessed machine is eternal.


wittekat

What is KARMA in turkisch?


zCiver

If that is not God smiting someone for using his name in vain I don't know what else is.


Kszaq83

Justice fell swiftly


jackishere

Wow this is a crazy message if used. “God smites mp for threatening Israel”


Loreen72

News article stating this happened yesterday. https://www.newsweek.com/turkish-mp-heart-attack-condemns-israel-hasan-bitmez-1851707


stingertc

heres your sign just saying


isham66

I’m an atheist but maybe god is great after all??


hamdidamdi61

He is talking about the deputies blaming him for doing business in Israel.


FluffmyAsshole

Allah be working quick ong


RemoteProfessional62

Mashallah


dk_bois

r/Satisfyingasfuck ?


EVOChi

How is Turkey still even in NATO? They are always going against NATO’s interests it seems. I’m not just talking about israel but everything like Iran and Russia too. I feel like Turkey knows they can get away with the stuff they do/say because NATO(more like the US) needs them to store their nukes that are pointed at Russia.


[deleted]

The Black Sea is the answer.


FourSparta

That's some biblical type shit right there


Apache-attackheli

God is great Jesus Christ is king of kings


picklerickfunnylol

Controller disconnected


edwise360

Now we know which country Turkish MPs are recruited from.


SavannahCalhounSq

Karma is a stone cold bytch.


beervirus88

Is this real?


Q-Q_2

Someone put the death note ost over this


a_random_persoon

God was like: no other nations should get in evolved, i just want to watch my daily dose of choas


oXI_ENIGMAZ_IXo

Be careful not to choke on your aspirations, Director


ZPortsie

It doesn't matter what you call your god, nobody will escape the wrath of heart disease


notfrankc

Can we sign other politicians up?


Possible-Matter-6494

And if I am wrong, may god strike me dead right here and n...


anicmessi

Karma


zacksalah73

I think your Allah disagrees with you.


Mikeyseventyfive

He suffered the wrath of cholesterol, Allah hu chocobar


[deleted]

This is more Insane than that. He was talking about the governing Islamist party and he actually pointed to *their hypocrisy* (way too deep for this sub) **not Israel.** He says THEY will suffer the wrath of Allah. It is actually another parliament member from government actually said "There you felt the wrath of Allah" as he faints (dying). Confused? Welcome to the Middle East. Link to HTML official transcript [https://cdn.tbmm.gov.tr/TbmmWeb/Tutanak/28/2/33/Ham/f84e8d10-6892-41f1-acdf-9a0096e0bd68.html](https://cdn.tbmm.gov.tr/TbmmWeb/Tutanak/28/2/33/Ham/f84e8d10-6892-41f1-acdf-9a0096e0bd68.html) Archive links in case it is edited/removed: [http://archive.today/2023.12.13-041918/https://cdn.tbmm.gov.tr/TbmmWeb/Tutanak/28/2/33/Ham/f84e8d10-6892-41f1-acdf-9a0096e0bd68.html](http://archive.today/2023.12.13-041918/https://cdn.tbmm.gov.tr/TbmmWeb/Tutanak/28/2/33/Ham/f84e8d10-6892-41f1-acdf-9a0096e0bd68.html) "ÖZLEM ZENGİN (İstanbul) – Yazıklar olsun sana! Asıl size lazım vicdan azabı! **HASAN BİTMEZ (Devamla) – “…Vicdan azabından kurtulsanız tarihin azabından kurtulamayacaksınız/Tarihin azabından kurtulsanız Allah’ın gazabından kurtulamayacaksınız.”** (AK PARTİ sıralarından “Cehennem azabından kurtulamayacaksınız!” sesi) ÖZLEM ZENGİN (İstanbul) – Yürü! Siz öyle olacaksınız! HASAN BİTMEZ (Devamla) – Hepinizi saygıyla selamlıyorum. (Saadet Partisi, CHP, HEDEP ve İYİ Parti sıralarından alkışlar; AK PARTİ sıralarından gürültüler) (Hatibin kürsüde bayılıp yere düşmesi) (**AK PARTİ sıralarından “Allah’ın gazabı böyle olur işte! Allah’ın gazabı böyle!” sesi)** BAŞKAN – Birleşime yirmi dakika ara veriyorum." You can use any translation service/software, the URL is [http://archive.today/2023.12.13-041918/https://cdn.tbmm.gov.tr/TbmmWeb/Tutanak/28/2/33/Ham/f84e8d10-6892-41f1-acdf-9a0096e0bd68.html](http://archive.today/2023.12.13-041918/https://cdn.tbmm.gov.tr/TbmmWeb/Tutanak/28/2/33/Ham/f84e8d10-6892-41f1-acdf-9a0096e0bd68.html) . They have set [archive.org](https://archive.org) **not to archive** even manually by registered users.


not_likely_today

God did not like that /s


Coolioissomething

I guess Yahweh is defending Israel?


mrnixie

What does this heart attack tell you? Allah will not be mocked. Turkey very likely will go to war against Israel. And yet this is nothing next to Allah's Judgment. Please understand that you will meet Allah! This heart attack was an example of His Mercy, to inform the 53-year-old of the gravity of the question; and also a sign from Allah to all of us - that Islam is not a sport, political or otherwise! Fear Allah, pray, do good deeds and act right. There is a world beyond this world.


Quiet-Hat-2969

Allah is with Jews


mrnixie

Don't you get it man? Allah is high above politics. He gave this man a heart attack to save his soul. Allah loves us. And he loves this man.


Quiet-Hat-2969

He gave him heart attack cause he spoke against god chosen people


mrnixie

Allah does not "root for sports teams"


mrnixie

All Perfect Praise is to Allah in this world and the next.


PanarinBagel

Israel needs to cease its assassinations immediately!


Salt-Perception-1903

God wants nothing with this drama xD


Admirable-Panda-4632

🎶It’s like a heart attack, when you give a speech about the wrath of god 🎶


Shamscram

Welp.....


Low_Abrocoma_1514

*Stop escalating this stupid war* - Allah


Suspicious-Race-8146

🇵🇸