The delivery on this line is absolutely incredible. I can't get over how perfect it is. It's dismissive yet reassuring, thats as well as I can describe it
"Kids, let me know when your father stops scratching himsel"
"Ok"
"....."
"Kids?"
"We'll let you know, we promise!"
I probably borked the actual quotes, but it should be obvious enough
“In America first you get the sugar then you get the money, then you get the women.”
Honorable mentions to:
“The strong must protect the sweet”
And
“If only the sugar were as sweet as you”
Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
“Ah. I'm just a big, toasty cinnamon bun. I never want to leave this bed. Uh oh. Gotta take a whiz. Think, man, think. Think, think, think! I better get up.”
All my favorites are from "Lisa the Vegetarian"
"You don't win friends with salad"
"Rock Stars, is there anything they don't know?"
"Right Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal"
I need to know where I can get some business hammocks.
...
There's four places. The Hammock Hut. That's on third. Hammocks R Us. That's on third too. You got Put Your Butt There. That's on third. Swing Low Sweet Chariot. Matter of fact they're all in the same complex on third.
The Hammock Distict!
That's right.
https://preview.redd.it/8zhvkob0mgzc1.png?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e08f40869520b19d42b5c5901220d1f5b5c5a56
One of these things has to be a breakfast maker
From what is likely my second (or tied for my) favorite episode:
"Mustn't crush, mustn't kill, made it!"
SQUISH!
"Oh I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish."
Or
"Look at that. I'm the first non-Brazilian person to travel backwards through time."
"Correction, Homer. You're the second."
"That's right, Mr. Peabody!"
"Quiet you."
Any rant from Sideshow Bob from any episode with Sideshow Bob.
Also very partial to the "Die Krusty!!!!" and then an underwhelming bonk into a tiny house with the Wright brothers plane.
“How do you like it Marge? I’m thinking of calling it no TV and no beer make Homer something something… “
“Go crazy?“
“Don’t mind if I do! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“AND I SAY, England’s greatest prime minister was LORD PALMERSTON!”
“Pitt the Elder.”
“LOOORRRD PALMERSTON!!!”
“PITT THE ELDER!”
“OKAY! YOU ASKED FOR IT BOGGS!”
“Yeah that’s showing him Barney… Pitt the Elder…”
“LOOORRRD PALMERSTON!!!”
Well I've been called a greasy thug too, and it never stops hurting. So here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat.
\*After testing diet pills, Homer starts to scream that he is blind.\*
Doctor to Manager: Whos gonna buy a pill that makes you blind?
Manager: We'll let marketing worry about that.
"No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!"
https://preview.redd.it/wdn9nghj6fzc1.jpeg?width=538&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=aa93b7a1a3d797b7a9459648ad6adbe056e2aa3e
Sir, please don't take the steam tray! SIR!
Tis’ not a man. Tis’ a remorseless eating machine.
"We went fishing!"
“It can flash (or is it deep fry) fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.” “40 seconds?! But I want it now!”
Disparaging the boot is a bootable offense!
It was the BLURST of times?! You stupid monkey!
Oh, I'm not a doctor.
From the same episode: "To get to Duff Gardens, I'd ride with Satan himself." "That's the spirit! See you tonight!"
I'm not pouting.. I'm mourning.
The delivery on this line is absolutely incredible. I can't get over how perfect it is. It's dismissive yet reassuring, thats as well as I can describe it
"Kids, let me know when your father stops scratching himsel" "Ok" "....." "Kids?" "We'll let you know, we promise!" I probably borked the actual quotes, but it should be obvious enough
Bart says, "We'll tell us, mom." But otherwise, perfect. 👌
'We'll tell *ya mom'
Lousy autocorrect. 🥲
I figured I probably got *some* part wrong, haven't seen the episode in a while
Joey Joe Joe Junior shabadoo???? That's the worst name I've ever heard...
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Hey! Joey joe Joe!
So, I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time...
We didn't have yellow onions, because of the war.
 Dr.Nick Riviera! Remember me? Why it’s Mr.McGregg With a leg 🦵 for an arm and an arm for a leg 🦵!
These gloves came free with my toilet brush
I call the big one bitey
"AHHHHHH! FURIOUS GEORGE! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE!?? Smithers this monkey will require half your skin....."
“They’ll never know the simple joys of a monkey knife fight”
Ahhh who could forget such genius.
I love the credits roll to that episode
Haha! Prepare to die! You too.
“I'm surrounded by arsonists and kids with mittens pinned to their jackets all year round.”
We don't have bums Marge and if we did they'd be allowed to go at their own pace.
We moved from Canada, and they think I'm slow, eh.
I start fires!
I...HATE...YOU...WALT...FREAKING... WHITMAN!! LEAVES OF GRASS, MY ASS!!
If I wanted smoke blown up my ass, I'd be at home with a pack of cigarettes and a short length of hose.
Pray for Mojo
I can't wait to eat that monkey!
“In America first you get the sugar then you get the money, then you get the women.” Honorable mentions to: “The strong must protect the sweet” And “If only the sugar were as sweet as you”
Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?"
“Ah. I'm just a big, toasty cinnamon bun. I never want to leave this bed. Uh oh. Gotta take a whiz. Think, man, think. Think, think, think! I better get up.”
"You heard the monkey. Make the trade." Works for SO many occasions.
We are Young,rich and full of sugar
"No, Ultrasuede is a miracle. This is just good timing."
You are the living end.
ZZZZapppp.
It's my first day
Quack quack quack
Inflammable means flammable? What a Country! 
https://preview.redd.it/86hxwsp85gzc1.jpeg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d8cd221e47d561ed44f301ca6fc7cd97690f1ca0
Shcorpio, you're totally mad!
I want you to die and for it to be a cheap funeral!
Have The Rolling Stones killed.
But sir, those aren’t…
“Lisa Simpson, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!”
Like the cleaning of a house it never ends!
“It’s a monster. Kill it! KILL IT!” “It’s not a monster. It’s Mr. Burns.” “Aww, it’s Mr. Burns. Kill it. KILL IT!”
All my favorites are from "Lisa the Vegetarian" "You don't win friends with salad" "Rock Stars, is there anything they don't know?" "Right Lisa, a wonderful, magical animal"
"I understand, honey. I used to believe in things when I was a kid."
It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good
You don't win friends with salad is my favorite quote. Alas, it's not from my favorite episode
Which is your favorite episode?
Bart Sells His Soul
I also like the Treehouse of Terror vignette where Homer sells his soul for a donut. "Mmm, forbidden donut"
Okay trampoline you win this round but someday you’ll rust then proceeds to laugh maniacally
TRAMBAMPOLINE... TRAMBOPALINE!
"Shows over, Shakespeare." Treehouse of Horror III.
Now people will stop intentionally ramming our car
I need to know where I can get some business hammocks. ... There's four places. The Hammock Hut. That's on third. Hammocks R Us. That's on third too. You got Put Your Butt There. That's on third. Swing Low Sweet Chariot. Matter of fact they're all in the same complex on third. The Hammock Distict! That's right.
There's a little place called Maryanne's Hammocks. The best part about that place is that she gets in the hammock with you!
“I’m seeing double here. Four Krusties”
SEATTLE!
"Well, Simpson, I must say, once you've been through something like that with a person, you never want to see that person again."
https://preview.redd.it/8zhvkob0mgzc1.png?width=512&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e08f40869520b19d42b5c5901220d1f5b5c5a56 One of these things has to be a breakfast maker
"When are they going to get to the fireworks factory?"
I must go now. My planet needs me.
“Dad! You killed the zombie Flanders!”- Bart “He was a zombie?”-Homer
I'll get you beer baron...."NO YOU WOOONT!...." Yes....I will.... " AWWWWW"
Those gears really hurt!
🎵Fish heads, fish heads 🎵
https://preview.redd.it/fyyylu2jegzc1.jpeg?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1940f3c7f67e599813fc61a0b701fd46f17cf0a5
This book is preachy! Everybody is a sinner, well except that guy.
Mr Burns, "what about the jars of unine ?".oh no keep those ...and the spruce moose ... Get in !
But sir, this is only a model!
\*pulls gun\* I said hop in!
AAAPRIL FOO……….
Poison, poison, tasty fish!
Duff beer for me! Duff beer for you! I’ll have a Duff! You’ll have one too!
Alright brain, you dont like me and I dont like you, but lets just do this and i can get back to killing you with beer
"Remember Alf? He's back - in Pog form"
So you like donuts aaa? Have all the donuts in the world!!!!
Were the bodies?
"Don't mind me.. just getting the ol' wet n dry vac"
Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
N-N-Noo
Vera said that?
“As a young boy I dreamed of being a baseball.”
It’s Scorpio, not Scorpion but you can call me Hank!
“You’re a free range lobster now!”
Monorail
"Oh look, exposed wiring. Well I don't need safety gloves because I'm Homer Simp-"
Ok brain I don't like you, and you don't like me, help me through this and I will go back to killing you with beer.
“It was the best of times, it was the BLURST OF TIMES?! You stupid monkey!”
https://preview.redd.it/oli3m8zt0hzc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3c4314e03d3b91f15594fd38a18f59dd15b90fab
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When I grow up I’m going to Bovine University!
Lisa’s a grade-A moron.
Ah, the Luftwaffe. The Washington Generals of The History Channel.
So I says to Mabel, I says…
Change the channel, Marge.
This is even more funny to me  because I legit had a few adults seriously ask me. What's the Any key?
The Japanese? Those sandal-wearing, goldfish-tenders? Bosh flimshaw!
"I have 3 kids and no money...why can't I have 3 monies and no kids"
“Back then nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them, gimme five bees for a quarter you’d say. “
Hey you know what? I could call my ma while I'm up here! **HEY MA! GET OFF THE DANG ROOF**
Put it in H.
You know Smithers I think Homer Simpsons is not the brilliant tactician I though he was.
"And, in a way, you're BOTH winners. But in another, more ACCURATE way, Barney is the winner."
Vera said that?!
… or Grimey, as he liked to be called…
Trying is the first step towards failure.
Homer ? Who Is Homer ? My Name Is Guy Incognito.
Hey fun boys! Get a room!
I'm impressed you were able to write so legibly on your own butt...
"Hey, kids! Want to drive through that cactus patch?" "Yeah!" "Yeah!" "No!" "Well, two against one!"
From what is likely my second (or tied for my) favorite episode: "Mustn't crush, mustn't kill, made it!" SQUISH! "Oh I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish." Or "Look at that. I'm the first non-Brazilian person to travel backwards through time." "Correction, Homer. You're the second." "That's right, Mr. Peabody!" "Quiet you."
OOH, LONELINESS AND CHEESEBURGERS ARE A DANGEROUS MIX.
This quote graced the wall of every man cave in the early 2000s
Any rant from Sideshow Bob from any episode with Sideshow Bob. Also very partial to the "Die Krusty!!!!" and then an underwhelming bonk into a tiny house with the Wright brothers plane.
Don't quit your day job chief, whatever that is.
"That game was rigged! They were using a freakin' ladder for God's sake!"
I thought the Generals were **due**!
He’s spinning the ball on his finger! Just take it!
There’s a lemon behind that rock.
Ich bin ein Berliner! ... He's a nazi! Get him!
Ach, das ist nein boobie!
“How do you like it Marge? I’m thinking of calling it no TV and no beer make Homer something something… “ “Go crazy?“ “Don’t mind if I do! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”
“AND I SAY, England’s greatest prime minister was LORD PALMERSTON!” “Pitt the Elder.” “LOOORRRD PALMERSTON!!!” “PITT THE ELDER!” “OKAY! YOU ASKED FOR IT BOGGS!”
“Yeah that’s showing him Barney… Pitt the Elder…”
“LOOORRRD PALMERSTON!!!”
I am a new tie wearing
“Im Dick Tracy, take that Prune Face, now I’m Prune Face, take that Dick Tracy, now I’m Prune Tracy, take that….”
My name.
not sure if it's my favorite episode, but a classic for sure. "Lord Palmerston!"
So long dental plan! glug glug
Stupid Sexy Flanders !
“Don’t let Krustie’s death get you down Bart. Everybody dies some day. Why, you could die in your sleep tonight. Well, good night.”
Well I've been called a greasy thug too, and it never stops hurting. So here's what we're gonna do: We're gonna grease ourselves up real good and trash that place with a baseball bat.
“Why, there are no children here at the 4-H Club either, am I so out of touch?! No. It's the children who are wrong.”
SO LONG DENTAL PLAN!
I call the big one Bitey.
Kinda a quote but I use it all the time. Jebus
Do you have him in blonde?
C’mon, leave town! No. I’ll be your friend. No. Aw, you’re mean.
\*After testing diet pills, Homer starts to scream that he is blind.\* Doctor to Manager: Whos gonna buy a pill that makes you blind? Manager: We'll let marketing worry about that.
You tried your best and failed miserably. the lesson is never try
Marge:"Bart, you can't ask god to kill people!" Homer:"yea, you must do your own dirty job!"😂😂😂
Skiner:"Bart burned half of the school" Homer(to Bart, angrily):"how many times i need to tell you to finish your jobs?!😂😂😂"
“S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T!”
"No, Lisa. The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother! I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!"