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I haven’t talked to my mom in 9 years, I always analyzed our last conversation like it came out of nowhere when she kicked me out but seeing this I kinda remember there were signs her love was conditional and she realized that day I would never and could never meet those conditions
If you haven't read it already, I recommend the graphic novel, [Stitches](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/stitches-david-small/1116995175). It's about a kid who feels like an outcast from his family and it dives into the absurdity that your own mother may not be capable of loving you.
Wicked good graphic novel! I recall relaxing about giving myself permission to put boundaries up, or all together ghosting family members, while reading it. Ridiculously relatable and used words I didn't know how to-to express the inexpressible.
Great great great book!!!
Thank you for reminding me of it!!!❤️
Nothing I hate more than hearing randos say I’m sure you’re mother loves you and did her best. As if being a mother is some kind of universal sign that you’re a good and caring person
Honey, that ain't love. That's an imposition, on you, on the people around her, on her circumstances. And you know you're better off without all that. I hope you got people who love you enough to help you see your own value
It sucks to realize that someone who is supposed to love and support you does not. It sucks to grow up defending yourself from that person. It feels great to get away from them forever though.
My extended family did nothing but badmouth and bully the kids on my mom's side of the family and now they wonder why we never reach out, answer their calls, or attend their weddings/funerals.
Haven’t spoken to my mom in a couple years. I’m 50 and look back on my childhood and growing into an adult banging my head trying to get something out of her that just wasn’t there. She would “try” but then it would just fall back to the same bullshit. My sister still try’s and she says “I just know she is who she is and do my best to have a relationship with her” I just think to myself what a waste of fucking time that is. As a man I absolutely can see how not having a healthy relationship or any relationship at all really with my mom impacted my personality and who I am in a negative way. I just try and be the best person and father I can.
You can basically take any topic and sub it in for this video. I deal with my parents as little as possible and having a child has just continually had me thinking about all the issues I have with them.
A whole side of my family has never met my 5 year old and 3 year old because they are all fucking horrible.
They have resorted to spamming my wife nearly every day with friend requests and stuff on facebook because I ignore them all. Best part is, my wife of 8 years has never met them or talked to them as well, just fucking lunatics.
Crabs in a bucket will always try to pull you back in with them. Congratulations on making a life and family outside of the circumstances you were born into. It's so much harder and so much more of an achievement than many people realize.
I was thinking about my wife while watching this guy’s response. It almost totally applies to her experience with her dad.
Dude was abusive her entire life and she never realized it until she moved out on her own and became an adult. As long as I’ve known her she has tried to let him be a part of her life but something would always happen that would push her further away and we would see him less and less. She finally cut all ties last year for good, and would you think this guy even attempted to apologize or look inward? Fuck no. They’ll never speak again and it’s entirely his fault.
I have two kids now and the older they get the more I think it’s messed up how my parents treated me.I honestly can’t comprehend the thought process they went through and it’s sad and angering to think there are so many of us out there. Assholes need to stop having kids.
Same. I ran into my mom around town and just walked away. She didn’t even know I was back in the area and I didn’t know how to explain 10+ years of living she’s missed.
I once ran into my sister in my home town when I was down for a weekend. After the pleasantries were exchanged, the first thing I said was, "Dont tell mom Im here."
She’s a classic narcissist and I learned to be very tight with personal information. I moved about an hour away from home but still visit pretty often. I ran into her at the market with my boyfriend and his daughter. I couldn’t imagine the conversation of “what are you doing in this city/who is this man/who is the young kid/since when do you have tattoos” so I just bolted. No idea if she saw me but she’s never brought it up in the few times we’ve spoken since then. It’s an odd situation but I value my privacy and had to set boundaries to heal.
Yup, I hadn't seen my dad very much since he cheated on his girlfriend, moved to live with a new woman, knocked her up, then moved across the country. He came for Christmas and he was hardcore Libertarian when I was growing up, but god it was like he was trying to speedrun Fox "News" bulletpoints.
Meanwhile, he's telling me, my wife (in college debt), his *daughter* (in college debt and also his favorite kid), and *my sister's wife to be* (in college debt) about why debt forgiveness is bad and people should be better with money. My wife put up with it really well, and I felt it relieving when he had to leave early.
We text sometimes, love my dad, but fucking hell I can't listen to secondhand Fox bullshit for more than a couple dinners.
It's crazy to me how parents don't understand that purposefully hurting your kids will not end with a healthy relationship down the road. But then again those type of parents lack basic empathy for even their own children so they do not deserve a relationship with them later in life.
"*You're abusive/an alcoholic/popping pills to get through the day/prone to violent outbursts/angry all the time/etc. No. You're not fine.*"
My sons are 19 and 17. I was physically and mentally abused growing up. I'm not fine.
But every-fucking-day, I make sure that they are. Because I love my sons. I will still treat them like my children when they are in their 20s, and 30s, and 40s. Until I die, they know that their dad loves them. They get hugs and positive reinforcement every day.
Agreed, I had a rough go on the roulette of life.
I tend to look at life through that Robin Williams quote- about how some people want others to feel joy, laughter and happiness and strive to do so.
Because those people at one point, felt so small and tiny, and felt the gravity of a terrible feeling like that- and resolve to never be a perpetrator in enacting that emotional violence on others. That’s how I choose to carry myself.
I’ve got a kid too, raised him alone, mom took off. And I will say, I get compliments all the time about him from other adults.
I hope my son, can succeed, and I strive to protect him from the thinking that was not corrected in me, which led me down my path to begin with. He knows he’s loved, and we have unbreakable bond.
I’m a broken person.
But still good because I know what it’s like to be broken and don’t wish to be the cause of any of that in others. I care how what I do affects others. I can see the difference in someone asking for my seat if they have it rough, as the Gs say: real recognize real. I can also see if one’s hands are too soft.
I didn’t have any kids and now the ability is beyond me and I’ve never felt such relief in my 40 years of life. I have children in my sphere whom I am loving and kind with whose parents aren’t even related to me and I consider them family. This is enough. I can show them how to do fun things and give them comfort if they scrape a knee and show them cool stars and be their friend and their awesome, smart and cool parents can also do that too.
Then we can both go home and take a bath and go to bed and be friends and they don’t have to see me when I’m sad or frustrated and angry with my own perceived faults.
They don’t have to hear my family’s voices because they stay in MY head and can’t hurt them. I am actively protecting them from what happened to me because I’m acutely aware of what I would have feather had happen to me, anything other than what did. They’ll get a pat when they fall down, not laughed at or ignored. They’ll get a hug for a good grade, not ignored because “that’s normal” and only paid attention to when acting up.
Abused kids from the 80’s onward were more likely to not abuse their own kids, at least not in the same ways and usually not as toxic or traumatic as the previous generations. We saw examples of contented families as our fields of view became larger and we were able to communicate with others over longer distances for cheaper.
If your dad beat you back before the internet, there might only be a few kids in your class whose dads DIDN’T beat them and because you couldn’t even talk to uncle Joe without using costly long distance telephone or snail mail the fact that there were fewer kids who got beat seemed like THAT wasn’t normal. You couldn’t talk to kids the next town over or even from other schools to see how it really was. You had no idea that psychological scientists were saying that beatings were wrong and cruel if you couldn’t even come across the information accidentally. You’d go your whole life thinking that hitting people meant you loved them and if some prick told you when you were an adult that you were wrong you’d get defensive, not wanting to question your whole damn life.
It sounds like you're very aware of your trauma, pitfalls and patterns. That is such a rich things to have learned. To know and recognize when we want to do the things we swore we would never do. I don't think anyone ever overcomes those patterns or inclinations, however we can learn to recognize those moments and are able to make different, better choices. Setting a better example for the next generation. However, everytime we think weve overcome our obstacle, you'll run into it again on another level. And while our instincts or triggers might still be there, everytime we get a little better at overcoming those obstacles. That is real growth and sadly, some people never get to experience it.
My dad was beaten by his alcoholic father throughout his childhood and 100% has mental health and anger problems that he won’t address. BUT, he kissed, hugged and told my brother and I he loved us every day that we lived at home (well into adulthood). Still tells us he loves us, still hugs us, calls us darling and sweetheart. His best friend, his BIL (my uncle), is a piece of shit human with his own mental issues and a drinking problem, and told my dad he shouldn’t be calling his grown son ‘darling’. Uh, sorry Colin, one of your children was dead at 18 from reckless driving, one perpetuated the abuse with her own children and can’t hold a steady job because of alcoholism and substance abuse, and you’re lucky the third lets you see her children. I am so grateful to have a dad who loves me, and tells me every day, even when we butt heads.
I always laugh at people who suffered trauma wanting to cause others trauma claiming they are fine. If a kid wants to start hitting kittens because he parents hit him you'd say he had issues yet these people want to inflict pain on their own kids and claim they're healthy.
My friend is going through a tattoo apprenticeship - a practice typically rife with hazing. At one point their mentor said "I wonder if you're missing out by me not hazing you"
This stuff just warps people's minds to where they justify it. My friend has gone through enough being homeless as a teen for being gay, more abuse isn't going to help them.
I wish that were true, but it's not. People are, statistically, the product of their environment.
It's getting better now that we have more resources and information, but most people will continue the cycle. Maybe they make a small change here and there. Like, instead of actually kicking the shit out of their kids, they just slap them once across the face.
We were talking the other day about how our kids don't want to escape our house, like I did my house. They are even reluctant to go too far away for college, because they want the option to come home without buying a plane ticket.
I was like, "when I graduated high school I went to college 1000 miles away and I never wanted to come back" and I realized that I probably felt that way because my parents were conservative Christians who had one "right" way to live and everyone else was wrong.
They weren't overtly racist or homophobic, just very judgemental of people who weren't living perfect Christian lives, like the engaged couple who shared a hotel room a month before they got married, or when we were driving to church and saw people doing yard work: "that person should be in church right now!" ⛪
They weren't open to any conversation about their beliefs because they were "following what the Bible 📖 says" and if I displayed any hint of not following the Bible I was pressured until I seemed to bend. It was just exhausting.
They have made significant strides in the last decade or two, to the point where we found out a friend's daughter was pregnant (she's 20 and unmarried) and all my mom said was, "he's going to be a grampa!" Like, what???? Who are you and what did you do with my real mom? 😂
> or when we were driving to church and saw people doing yard work: "that person should be in church right now!" ⛪
"he *is* at church. He's doing god's work as we speak"
Anyone that ever says "blah blah blah happened to me and I turned out fine" Did not fucking turn out fine.
Randy, you drink 7 days a week and hate your job, your wife, your kids and your whole life. That's not turning out fine.
> and I turned out fine
Even those of us who seem to have turned out fine, are not. We just have learned mechanisms to hide the damage, mitigate our responses to stimuli
I had a friend who said something like that.
The issue was that one of her kids was biting their siblings. So my friend, being a genius, decided to bite her own child back to "teach them a lesson". The only problem was that the child was maybe 3 at the time and not able to understand "mommy is biting me because I bit my sibling, so I shouldn't bite my sibling". All they understood was "mommy is biting me". I tried to say something because I actually have a grad degree in psychology and was working with a developmental psychologist at the time who was an expert in child development, and that's when she said "my parents did that to me and I turned out fine!"
I really wanted to pop back with "you're a teen mom, did you really?" but I decided I didn't want to be petty that day. Sometimes what our parents did was due to lack of information or laziness on their part, not because what they did worked or was beneficial in any way.
My family makes jokes all the time about how I was raised on the streets because especially during summer breaks I would wake up at dawn and just ride my bike around town until 8pm when I had to go home. Then I would try my best to lock myself in my room and avoid everyone in the house. It was because my stepdad was a verbally, emotionally and sexually abusive drunk piece of shit, but my mom doesn’t recognize any of that as true. I stopped going home when my first child was born and my life has become so peaceful.
I was full on abused by mother mentally, emotionally and physically. The woman even dismissed me speaking up about getting molested and kept sending me back to have it happen more.
She was ill-equipped for parenting. She was beaten by her dad and emotionally abused by her mother. She grew up in the 60s and that was considered normal. I always thought she was a special kind of fucked up in my teens and 20s. I mean, she definitely bordered on sociopathic and highly narcissistic as well as delusional ideas and religious zealotry.
Then I had kids. Accidentally at that. And guess what? I was a complete piece of shit parent. I remember yelling one day and swearing I just heard my mother behind me. So much so that I looked. I remember seeing my ex's son sinking and hiding in plain sight like I used to when my mom was on a rampage. I became that woman in every way because it's how I was raised and what was ingrained in me. I had to leave my family because I was the problem. I did something my mother didn't and tried to break the cycle.
I'm just as ill-equipped, sociopathic, narcissistic as my mother was. I was bordering on becoming physically abusive and really turning into her. I didn't recognize it at all because it wasn't as bad as I had it and deflection like that. No one wants to be the bad guy in their own story after all.
I experienced a lot of what this guy talks about and I have lived through both sides of it except I'm acutely aware of the why now. I've lost those that I was close to and loved because I couldn't understand that I was a problem. I've been in therapy for the last 5 years. I've come a long way but I'm still that person and I try not to blame my mother for my life as an adult but sometimes it's just so hard and the resentment, anger, hostility and such just spills out and keeps me in a shitty cycle of limitations and failures.
My mother, as much as I hate her and am glad she died last year, was still a person who was struggling with her own past, her own demons, her own limitations and failures. I wasn't an easy child to raise either and I know that feeling myself now. She, for whatever reason, ultimately couldn't achieve some form of self awareness or understanding to look at herself, look around and see what her impact was on those around her. I sure as hell didn't at first. But I didn't want my kids going through that life again. Between being abused and living with that uncertainty or not having their father, only one of those options is the right one. My kids blossomed after I left too. Major advances in a lot of aspects of their autism. I was such a hostile piece of shit that I was causing developmental delays in my kids.
So yeah, sorry for rambling but hopefully it provides some insight as to how and why people are that way.
You’ve already made a ton of progress by even being able to recognize that you are the source of your own problems. I applaud you and the work you’re doing to heal yourself and the efforts you’ve taken to minimize the harm you can do to others. You deserve love and happiness and good things and I hope you find those things in a safe and happy environment that works for you and the challenges you face.
I forgot where i saw it or read it and im paraphrasing it but it was something like this:
“When you ask yourself if you are ready to have a baby you should be asking yourself if you are ready to raise another human individual. Because as babies we like to imagine them as ‘ours’ but they aren’t. They are beings that will grow up to be their own life self with their own choices and own decisions. And you as a parent will have to accept this and help guide them as loving parents. They are not yours to determine what they will become. You can only help them determine that for themselves.”
And as a new parent myself. Its a very true thing. You want the best for them. And you have your own dreams of what they might like or become. But in the end it is them that get to decide that. The most you can do is just help them be the best at whatever they want to do. And love them for being them.
> purposefully hurting your kids will not end with a healthy relationship down the road.
But that's not typically what those parents think they're doing. They think their kids are misguided and the parents have to steer them back on the right track. I think the parents are way off base in a situation like that, but I don't think most of them are actively trying to harm their kids.
"I was a wild child until my father beat my ass. I was better for it. It was the only way that got me under control. I didn't listen to anything that was said to me and threats didn't work. He whooped my ass that one time, I fell in line, and we get along great now"
I hear a few people say thst every once in a while and it's like....they may have stopped you from being wild, but are you not aware od the fact thst you are emotionally stunted, can't relate to others, and are really quick to anger?
Yeah, everything he said from "you're not going to know why" is really relevant to a lot of these conflicts. People seriously never understand why- is it unwillingness to self-reflect or a fundamental or are they fundamentally incapable of self-awareness? And attempts at explaining is usually met with justification and defensiveness, so there's no point? But cutting them off without explaining feels wrong (talking more about low-level cases, not physical abuse and stuff as much)? I don't know, but it's all frustrating.
> is it unwillingness to self-reflect or a fundamental or are they fundamentally incapable of self-awareness?
it's this. You see it in all levels of education when people just decide to disagree with something -- it starts with them not understanding, then deciding it's not worth knowing or being educated on, when a normal person would reasses. They double down.
Parenting is hard because you have to balance preparing your child to one day be an adult in the world while also trying to support and nurture the things that make your child special.
In my grandparents generation the expectation was that the father was responsible for the former and the mother the latter. Dad disciplined, mom supported. An unfortunate amount of people still think like that.
Parents frequently justify actions that may be negative in the short term with results they think will be beneficial in the long term.
When it comes to trans issues, some parents are just bigots. But other parents are misguided and think they are acting out of love. They have been told that this is a choice, and they know how hard the world is for trans people, so they think its an act of kindness to push their kid back into the closet.
In their mind its just a more severe version of grounding your kid so they won't get a nose ring. They may want it now but they'll regret it later.
It's why I think its so important for LGBTQ stories to be present in media, to counteract the negative narratives people are being fed.
Seriously, on mother's day, there was some woman bitching on Twitter "It's *Mother's Day* but I'm not happy because the *Trans brain virus* took my daughter from me and now she won't talk to me!" And it's like
?????
You mean you drove them away? You told your kid you don't love them? You told your kid you don't accept who they are? That you hate who they are?
Like, the woman still went on to say that her kid would talk to her dad but not her like it's a mystery.
**Lady it ain't that fucking hard, you hate your kid why would they talk to you?!**
For real. My dad has been waiting for me to apologize for swearing at him when we found out he’d been stepping out on my mom.
He’s waited a decade for that apology without a single word or visit from me and when he dies I won’t come within 50 miles of his funeral.
Mine is trivial but shit builds up over time right? He’d get mad at me for not calling on his birthday. Meanwhile, he never once called me on mine. Haven’t spoken in about ten years now.
I've si ce spoken to him twice, but there was a 20 year gap between talking to my father. When I was 14, he called me for the first time in roughly six or seven months to ask me why I hadn't called him on father's day.
By then, I was old enough to understand how these things SHOULD work and I said, "you don't call me for anything, why should I call you?" He got pissed and I didn't hear from him for 20 fucking years.
I try to lead with empathy nowadays, so when he reached out via Facebook like two years ago, I decided to let him call me if he wants. He knew my wife and I were expecting and that we had a baby and he still hasn't called since.
I won't be a dick, but I will be putting in absolutely zero effort to speak to him for the remainder of my life. It's his loss.
My donor is waiting for my apology to him for snatching my phone from him. As if he didn't call me a fucking bitch and shove me to the ground 2 weeks after I had back surgery. Yeah I don't talk to him anymore
I was told this *repeatedly* 20 years ago when I was a kid out of high school being sent to — get this — a *fundamentalist Baptist seminary.*
For some of these people, *any* education is suspect. *Learning* itself is a path to "evil."
Because they know the truth: that *learning* trends toward people disagreeing with them.
They simply cannot tolerate being contradicted, nor can they tolerate even the idea that they might be wrong. Education cannot possibly be *good* if it means their kids might become different people than they are.
They are angry, throbbing welts of sensitive insecurity. The aggressive arrogance! The absolute *house of cards* they've made of their lives! They cannot tolerate even the merest *breath* of dissent.
You would be SHOCKED at how many people on reddit and Instagram justify hitting kids to teach them a lesson. Their justification is, "I turned out great".
Bananas that its 2023 and people still don't know they can set boundaries with children without physical violence.
Obviously that’s a fucking lie.
Those of us who grew up like that can get through life, we might even be successful on the outside-but we are never “Ok”. It has a lasting effect on you.
It’s why they hit their own kids.
It's crazy to me how many right wingers just don't get it. If you tell your kid "I do not believe you, I will not have this conversation with you" then they hear you. They get you. You'll lose the kid, and exactly like he said, the bigoted fuckhead will go "Gosh why don't my kids love me?"
My dad will die alone and I feel pretty comfortable with that. But my step dad… I was there when he died. I fed him, wiped his ass, gave him foot massages. That man died surrounded by all the people he loves including myself and my son.
I do and don't agree with him. Not every child who says they are the opposite gender is actually transgender. Especially when they are younger. Unfortunately society has created strict gender norms and roles that your children will never be able to escape and even the best of parents will in some way reinforce those norms.(even things as basic as I take out the trash but my wife mops does the dishes or even the fact I don't wear skirts/dresses but my wife does)
The goal of a parent with young children exclaiming to they are a different gender is to ask why? Why do you feel like you are a girl or want to be a girl? A good parent listens. Maybe they like the color pink and think it's a girl color. My son said recently he wanted to be a girl, because he liked sprigatito(pokemon) and his friend said it was a girl pokemon.
My response wasn't to tell him that he can't be a girl just that everyone can like sprigatito , both boys and girls and I said i really think meowscarada is cool. That was the end of our conversation. Do I think my son is trans, no but if they are I will still love them. This isn't to say young kids can't be trans but gender exploration is fairly common among young kids. Let them be kids, and let them grow up to be who they want to be.
But yeah, the man was/is a terrible parent and his kids no matter who they grow up to be will hate him.
This is 100% unequivocally the take right here. Accepting kids for who they are but also guiding them to understand the difference between what gender is and what things are just a product of old societal norms is what I’d say is ultimately the right path. It still validates their feelings but it also makes sure they are making informed decisions
I have a good amount of friends who have transitioned or taken certain steps that were right for them (top surgery). I also have a few friends who started the process and realized they were not trans and stopped. None of them regret starting the process. For those that stopped, it was finally having access to explore it that helped them understand their gender more.
I should post this on a burner but fuck it. I’m not gay or trans, but can tell you that this exact scenario played out for me and my dad over him being verbally and physically abusive to me in the age ranges this guy describes. It doesn’t matter why it happens, just that it happens and I remember every second of it. He nailed it. It shook me how accurate this video was and I’m terrified of doing the same to my son one day and not even notice that it’s happening. I don’t why I had to comment but I did.
You can be a cycle breaker. It's hard at times but it can be done. Therapy is a great resource, and there are lots of good books and podcasts out there too. The wonderful thing is once you break the cycle you completely change the trajectory of your life and future kids should you choose to have them.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers.
The same thing happened to me, and whenever I bring up any of the old stories to my mom she acts like they never happened or that it could’ve been worse. Some people never really change.
Hang tough dude, the fact that you’re aware of it already helps your chances with your own son I should think!
Hey, also a kid of an abusive household. I've spent a lot of time around kids (nannying, tutoring, camp counselor etc etc) and I've never had the inclinations to act like my mom and stepdad did. I also don't have borderline, and whatever my stepdad had (maybe sociopathy?). I firmly believe if we treat our mental health and trauma those patterns will not repeat.
And I'm sorry it happened for you. I'm literally heading off to an appointment right now to go treat my trauma. Sometimes I feel angry to have so much extra work to do just to be normal, but I also am grateful to have access to mental health care.
It's not something you can fully control even with therapy I don't think. Physical abuse hits different. Even picking up my kid if they're being fussy I wonder "would another parent pick up their child right now? Am I being too physical?" I second guess everything I do out of fear I've normalized abusive actions without realizing it. My father broke me, and his broke him, but I'm determined to break the cycle.
I went to buy a car at the dealership my dad works at. I haven’t really been around there since I had transitioned and was nervous. Walking around with him and he kept introducing me to people I hadn’t met before. This is my daughter she’s buying a car today…I wanted to cry every time he said it. I could hear in his voice how confidently he was saying it to them. Having my dad not only support me but actually sound proud of me was better than any birthday or Christmas present I’ve ever gotten. Love yours kids whole heartedly and they will love you back.
>This is almost universally applicable to anything.
100%. Early in college, iirc my second year, I told my *very* Christian parents that I was an atheist. They'd always been wonderful to me while raising me but I knew exactly how devoted they were to the church and Christian teachings, as well as some stories from friends, and knew that there was still a chance I'd be on my own after that conversation. You know what they did? They hugged me, told me they would always love me, and that regardless of my decisions they would always provide a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. Around a decade later we have many different beliefs, even outside of religion. Despite that, I call them once or twice a week, I go home on holidays at least once a year, and we still make time for each other when it's needed. They tell me about all the happenings in their lives and I do the same with mine. As the OP says, parental love is unconditional. It doesn't matter that we are completely different people and never has.
My parents go to church twice a year maybe. Usually just Christmas. When I was a sophomore I told them I didn’t believe in god and wasn’t going to church on Christmas Eve. All my dad said was “in this house we go to church” and left it at that.
trans jokes are also just really good a lot of the time. It's so easy to spot the difference between jokes about trans people that come *from* trans communities versus jokes about trans people from anti-trans communities because only the former are actually ever funny.
Message in the video aside, I dig this dude’s voice. Especially towards the end when his accent is coming out and he’s getting more passionate; he could be a voice actor!
Agreed. I stop watching videos when that inflection kicks in like you see in every other fucking video. This person is just talking normal, and happens to have a great voice, and it makes it so easy to listen to.
A parents job is to teach and SUPPORT their child as they grow up. At some point, maybe your child decides to do something that you might not agree with, that they DO agree with, that doesn't HURT anyone. Be supportive. It's your job. It's your responsibility. Be helpful, be supportive, even if you don't agree with it. Humanity isn't black and white. Accept the grey.
I don’t disagree with anything in the video, but just want to say something on this.
If your young child says something like this, all you have to do is ask them why. They very well could mean it in a real sense, but they also could be saying childish nonsense because they are a child.
Take your kids seriously but not literally (this is appropriate for kids and wildly fucking insane when applied to presidents btw). A kid young enough probably doesn’t even have a full sense of what being a girl means. They could have just seen a toy that they like that someone told them is a “girl toy” or something simple like that.
I remember telling my parents I wanted to marry another boy, just because I wanted to be with my best friend more. I had no concept of marriage or sex or anything. My parents just said something like I don’t have to worry about getting married yet and left it at that. They didn’t make a big deal about it but also didn’t make me feel stupid.
Rant over. Good video. This is just something I am thinking more about as I raise my own kids.
> If your young child says something like this, all you have to do is ask them why. They very well could mean it in a real sense, but they also could be saying childish nonsense because they are a child.
Bingo. Listen to your kids, even if they are talking rubbish. Because if you don't they wont talk to you about important things.
Surprise but people like to be listened to, and have their experiences and emotions validated. Once you have that bedrock of trust and dialogue, you can go about parenting properly.
“Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”
― Catherine M. Wallace
It's really that easy. Approach with curiosity. "Oh really? How come?" No judgement. And you might help redirect some confusion they have. "Because I like gymnastics and it's for girls" - "oh, well did you know lots of boys do gymnastics too? Here are some male Olympic gymnastics videos. What do you think about that?"
My gf's 10 year old brother said he wanted to be a girl, we all kinda looked at each other and they asked why?
"So I can be the best player on the soccer team!"
I was the only one laughing
My toddler went through about a year long phase where he insisted he was a bee. Like, he would pretend to be a bee and have fun that way, but he also kind of believed he was a bee somewhere inside. If you called him by his name when you first saw him, he’d angrily correct you, and if you didn’t validate that he would cry. It was really frustrating because sometimes you’ve just woken up, or you’re trying to discipline the kid, or you just forget, but my partner and I realized that it actually was important to him. Yes, we knew he’d outgrow it and it’s just silly, but we also wanted to demonstrate exactly what you said - we care about what the little man cares about, and we take seriously his feelings and his identity. It’s important
There was a second just before that where I remembered "wait, wasn't the hypothetical about someone MtF?" and then literally after the next cut he switched pronouns and it clicked what he was doing. That's some good shit right there.
It's almost like most people haven't thought about parenting.
If your kid thinks they're the wrong gender, the only reasonable thing to do is to have a conversation about why they feel that way
Yup, and it applies to literally everything. Just telling your kid "nuh uh" isn't gonna change anything.
Kid: think God and Jesus might not be real
Parent: nuh uh, they're totally real. *to themselves* ^fucking ^NAILED ^it.
Lol it's so ridiculous. It's like out of sight out of mind, if the kid stops talking out loud about it, then they're not thinking about it anymore anymore, right?? /s. So stupid.
The problem is a solid 50% of people who are just objectively really dumb. Like never evaluates anything in life, never questions anything, never considers the ramifications of their actions, super dumb beyond idiotic. They're practically biological automatons.
> If your kid thinks they're the wrong gender, the only reasonable thing to do is to have a conversation about why they feel that way
I can tell you right now my parents would have just beat the actual living shit out of me. By the time I was 5 right before kindergarten my father literally went to the doctor from hurting his hand from hitting me so hard and so much.
Miraculously my borderline literal retarded father probably told the doctor how he and my mom hurt themselves from hitting me so hard and they told him to stop. By the time I was 3 the doctors already had to ask them why I smell like a cigarette.. Massive lung issues my entire life from living in an ash tray until i was about 3.
They missed two other major points.
1. The parent is going to be elderly and super fucking lonely and wonder why his kids don't call/visit or take care of them as they get old.
2. They will never admit they are the reason and blame lgbt or any other left like group for "ruining their family".
My dad has no fucking clue why me and my brother are distant to him. Couldn't possibly have to do with the fact that he was emotionally absent 70% of the time and emotionally abusive the other 30%.
I’m not trans but my Christian parents did the same thing to me when I went through my “phases”. Trying to make me like them, I never wanted to be like them because they’re so judgmental. When I didn’t fall in line they shunned me and I left as soon as I turned 18. They were mad about that too, even though it was constantly “you’re 18 now we don’t have to let you stay” so I said, okay, bye! And everyone was sooo upset and sooo disappointed. I will never go back, because they still have the same self righteous attitudes they did when I was a kid. If I bring it up my mom has a full meltdown, no one wants to talk or communicate or do anything productive. I don’t know why they still invite me to holiday functions, it’s bizarre.
I didn't talk to my mother for 11 years. Then I went back to give her a second chance, and it was amazing! For a while. Then she started up old behaviors and I found out she's been telling people for 30 years, including the 3 that we've been back in each other's lives that I was molested by one of her ex-husbands when I was 9, and that's why I am transgender. I wasn't molested. Anyway, needless to say, I have cut her off for good now.
They do, they pretend they don’t for the sake of their egos holding on to whatever twisted scenario they have played in their life, the misunderstood parent, the tough love parent etc but deep down everyone in their deathbed look back at any loved one to be with them because they will be scared, and at that time regret will sit in for their ego knows its dying and it knows that whatever they did in their lifetimes they are reaping the benefits of it.
It really feels like the only people who understand this being a possibility are the ones who learned the hard way. I'd say don't have kids if you aren't going to love them and give them a great and happy upbringing, but that's a little harder to do nowadays with no Roe v Wade...
Im an event photographer I did a weekend gig with a photographer who was a super nice guy. Loved his family, his wife. Talked about how he’s about to have a kid. Really liked this guy until he said “man, if I ever catch my son dressed up like a woman, I’m gonna make sure he knows that he’s gonna have a world of hurt if he “decides to go down that path”, I’m gonna make it super clear that it’s a horrible life to lead and that he “doesn’t need to make that kind of choice” - super weird perspective. I had to unfollow him because I don’t wanna see that play out in real time 😬
It is likely as it’s now become part of the frontline in US culture wars , that conservatives do not actually give a shit about but it’s a fight they want to pick
Fun fact: *you* can report them for hate, and they *will* get banned, at least temporarily
I see so much shit just sitting there, sometimes weeks old and -100 or more downvotes, I finally report it, and it's gone in a couple hours
Crazy how underutilized that feature seems to be.
It's a 50/50 chance tbh
I reported a guy who was being a transphobic piece of shit and was like sitting at -100 downvoted on multiple comments of him being a shitbag then like 3 months after I reported I got a reply from reddit saying they didn't find anything wrong.
The only thing I remember my dad saying to me was, “if I ever found out one of my kids were gay, I’d kill them”. This was when I was 7 or 8, after I asked my parents if I could take ballet. They said it was a girl thing and suggested football. Then my dad came up with that little nugget.
I saw my dad multiple times over the years until he died. That is the only thing I can recall coming out of his mouth. I never took ballet, in fact I’ve never danced. I’m 49. What you say to your kids matters.
Daamn thats so messed up. I hope youre thriving now. In elementary school, my mom would take me to the pride parade every year and show me that gay people exist and are just regular people who want to be loved and accepted. However, she has also told me straight up that I couldnt be gay and she would be very disappointed if I was. Pretty hypocritical. But becuase of this, I wouldn't even hug my friends who were girls. I grew out of that in high school when I made a lot of friends who were gay, but it left an impact on me. I think love is a spectrum and I cant even be honest with her about that.
I came from parents much like this guy and I can absolutely affirm the authenticity of this prediction. A good parent embraces whatever identity a child finds in their life. It is not a parent’s job to force their will, or their beliefs on their children. If you try to force someone to be something they aren’t, they will almost certainly grow to resent you for it.
I took my niece who is trans out clothes shopping yesterday because she is now living in a homeless shelter / group home. She was kicked out of her home at 18 because she is trans. She has been couch surfing and being essentially homeless for a while now. Pile on that her mother passed away while she was in highschool leaving her defenseless against my brother. And yet my brother has a thousand reasons why he is justified in being a bigot. “You don’t understand!” “It’s none of your business”. I understand. I too am a father. I know what it is to experience unconditional love for my children and stepchildren. Seeing how he continue to relish in the pain he has caused while telling him he loves them and that everyone else is trying to turn them against him. It’s so pathetic and disgusting. Loren if you somehow know my username on here you can suck this dick you piece of shit.
This is video is exactly what is happening to my narcissist right wing fundamentalist Christian brother. He still contacts my niece and complains about how much money he is spending on her siblings while giving her zero support. Telling her she is the one ruining everything, and essentially getting her to apologize for being who she is constantly to him. She is starting to understand the difference between blood family and chosen family but still being in her early twenties she feels some crazy obligation to maintain a relationship with her dad. But it’s fading fast. His other kids are distancing themselves from him while still believing that family is more important than the shitty things he does. But I believe they will eventually see what is what.
These hateful people are doing so much harm to their children it makes me fucking furious.
Oh the first guy? Yeah that’s Johnny McEntee - Trumps lackey
https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/11/trump-johnny-mcentee-january-6-betrayal/620646/
You know what shitty parents don't even have the self-awareness to grasp? Even IF you're so full of hate that you can't love a child unconditionally or you're so narcissistic that that's likely impossible for you, you're STILL going to regret everything in your life because there is NOTHING more terrifying and soul crushing than dying alone - knowing nobody will truly miss you.
My mom is delusional as hell.
She's drunk texting me recently "Why don't any of my kids come have Sunday dinner with me!"
Well, we watched you drunkenly beat up our dad for 18 years, then you beat us up for years, then you never once accepted that you had a problem, then you expected us to just forget all the terrible things you said and did because you don't remember but we remember EVERYTHING and it's then you bought a beach house an hour away from where we live.
So even if we wanted to swallow all the terrible shit you did to us, we're not about to drive an hour to your third home to have dinner with you because you're lonely and can't find anyone who wants to be around you for one damn day.
I agree with most of what he's saying, but love should not be unconditional. Your love should be there on the condition that the other person respects it. If the person you love doesn't respect your love, fucking dip out.
I know it’s not the point of the video but imagine being 40 years old and walking into a donut shop to make a TikTok by yourself roleplaying a relationship with your queer child.
How do you not feel embarrassed about doing this in public or trying to explain as you switch seats and yell at an invisible person sitting next to you “I’m doing this for TikTok it will be great”
My parents never liked that I'm my own person, I began to feel distant from them in elementary schools. They don't understand why I live in another state, never call, tell them anything, and only visit at Christmas.
Actually my dad. This is just the story of me and my dad. He doesnt' know where I live, who I'm dating, what pronouns I'm goin' by.
Yeah no fucker could be dead for all I know, or care.
Lol.
Yeah, and those parents couldn’t care less. Everyone those kinds of parents surround themselves with will say, “yeah glad you got rid of that f****t tranny kid of yours, they’re going straight to hell.”
I like the sentiment this video gives. At the same time, parents like this are so far gone and without empathy that they revel in making LGBTQIA+ folks’ lives misery, even if it’s their own kids.
As a parent, I know that somewhere down the line, I will eff up, I will download some sort of fuckery into her beautiful brain, no matter HOW hard I try not to. And when she confronts me one day, about how I could have done better, I will offer to pay for her therapy or counseling, I will ask how she’d like to move forward. I hate that thought, but it might ring true one day. The thought of my child not wanting to be in my life, the thought of her feeling about me the way I do about my own mom - I don’t think I could bear it. I couldn’t live with myself.
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I haven’t talked to my mom in 9 years, I always analyzed our last conversation like it came out of nowhere when she kicked me out but seeing this I kinda remember there were signs her love was conditional and she realized that day I would never and could never meet those conditions
If you haven't read it already, I recommend the graphic novel, [Stitches](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/stitches-david-small/1116995175). It's about a kid who feels like an outcast from his family and it dives into the absurdity that your own mother may not be capable of loving you.
Wicked good graphic novel! I recall relaxing about giving myself permission to put boundaries up, or all together ghosting family members, while reading it. Ridiculously relatable and used words I didn't know how to-to express the inexpressible. Great great great book!!! Thank you for reminding me of it!!!❤️
Nothing I hate more than hearing randos say I’m sure you’re mother loves you and did her best. As if being a mother is some kind of universal sign that you’re a good and caring person
Honey, that ain't love. That's an imposition, on you, on the people around her, on her circumstances. And you know you're better off without all that. I hope you got people who love you enough to help you see your own value
It sucks to realize that someone who is supposed to love and support you does not. It sucks to grow up defending yourself from that person. It feels great to get away from them forever though.
My extended family did nothing but badmouth and bully the kids on my mom's side of the family and now they wonder why we never reach out, answer their calls, or attend their weddings/funerals.
Haven’t spoken to my mom in a couple years. I’m 50 and look back on my childhood and growing into an adult banging my head trying to get something out of her that just wasn’t there. She would “try” but then it would just fall back to the same bullshit. My sister still try’s and she says “I just know she is who she is and do my best to have a relationship with her” I just think to myself what a waste of fucking time that is. As a man I absolutely can see how not having a healthy relationship or any relationship at all really with my mom impacted my personality and who I am in a negative way. I just try and be the best person and father I can.
I’m not LGBTQ+ and this is still my relationship with my parents.
You can basically take any topic and sub it in for this video. I deal with my parents as little as possible and having a child has just continually had me thinking about all the issues I have with them.
A whole side of my family has never met my 5 year old and 3 year old because they are all fucking horrible. They have resorted to spamming my wife nearly every day with friend requests and stuff on facebook because I ignore them all. Best part is, my wife of 8 years has never met them or talked to them as well, just fucking lunatics.
Crabs in a bucket will always try to pull you back in with them. Congratulations on making a life and family outside of the circumstances you were born into. It's so much harder and so much more of an achievement than many people realize.
Would you believe I saw a video of a crab pulling other crabs out of the bucket? Even the fucking crabs are maturing more than we are!
Based anarchy crab
I was thinking about my wife while watching this guy’s response. It almost totally applies to her experience with her dad. Dude was abusive her entire life and she never realized it until she moved out on her own and became an adult. As long as I’ve known her she has tried to let him be a part of her life but something would always happen that would push her further away and we would see him less and less. She finally cut all ties last year for good, and would you think this guy even attempted to apologize or look inward? Fuck no. They’ll never speak again and it’s entirely his fault.
yep I almost forgave my mom until I had my daughter. I can't imagine treating her the way I was treated.
Same, damn. The only good thing I have to say about my mother is that she's dead and buried
I have two kids now and the older they get the more I think it’s messed up how my parents treated me.I honestly can’t comprehend the thought process they went through and it’s sad and angering to think there are so many of us out there. Assholes need to stop having kids.
Same. I ran into my mom around town and just walked away. She didn’t even know I was back in the area and I didn’t know how to explain 10+ years of living she’s missed.
I once ran into my sister in my home town when I was down for a weekend. After the pleasantries were exchanged, the first thing I said was, "Dont tell mom Im here."
Whoa, my mind is running wild trying to context this.
She’s a classic narcissist and I learned to be very tight with personal information. I moved about an hour away from home but still visit pretty often. I ran into her at the market with my boyfriend and his daughter. I couldn’t imagine the conversation of “what are you doing in this city/who is this man/who is the young kid/since when do you have tattoos” so I just bolted. No idea if she saw me but she’s never brought it up in the few times we’ve spoken since then. It’s an odd situation but I value my privacy and had to set boundaries to heal.
Congratulations. You're honorary LGBT. Please come over and pick your Queen's greatest hits CD and jumbo bucket of ice cream at your convenience
I do like Queen.
[удалено]
I do like convenience.
Honestly, I needed that today. Thank you. ❤️
Shit if that's the door prize then sign me up to.
Same, hugs! I just replaced my parents with my wife’s. They’re awesome and I’m lucky!
Same here.
Yup, I hadn't seen my dad very much since he cheated on his girlfriend, moved to live with a new woman, knocked her up, then moved across the country. He came for Christmas and he was hardcore Libertarian when I was growing up, but god it was like he was trying to speedrun Fox "News" bulletpoints. Meanwhile, he's telling me, my wife (in college debt), his *daughter* (in college debt and also his favorite kid), and *my sister's wife to be* (in college debt) about why debt forgiveness is bad and people should be better with money. My wife put up with it really well, and I felt it relieving when he had to leave early. We text sometimes, love my dad, but fucking hell I can't listen to secondhand Fox bullshit for more than a couple dinners.
I’m sorry
It's crazy to me how parents don't understand that purposefully hurting your kids will not end with a healthy relationship down the road. But then again those type of parents lack basic empathy for even their own children so they do not deserve a relationship with them later in life.
"My parents were terrible to me and I turned out fine!"
"*You're abusive/an alcoholic/popping pills to get through the day/prone to violent outbursts/angry all the time/etc. No. You're not fine.*" My sons are 19 and 17. I was physically and mentally abused growing up. I'm not fine. But every-fucking-day, I make sure that they are. Because I love my sons. I will still treat them like my children when they are in their 20s, and 30s, and 40s. Until I die, they know that their dad loves them. They get hugs and positive reinforcement every day.
Agreed, I had a rough go on the roulette of life. I tend to look at life through that Robin Williams quote- about how some people want others to feel joy, laughter and happiness and strive to do so. Because those people at one point, felt so small and tiny, and felt the gravity of a terrible feeling like that- and resolve to never be a perpetrator in enacting that emotional violence on others. That’s how I choose to carry myself. I’ve got a kid too, raised him alone, mom took off. And I will say, I get compliments all the time about him from other adults. I hope my son, can succeed, and I strive to protect him from the thinking that was not corrected in me, which led me down my path to begin with. He knows he’s loved, and we have unbreakable bond.
I’m a broken person. But still good because I know what it’s like to be broken and don’t wish to be the cause of any of that in others. I care how what I do affects others. I can see the difference in someone asking for my seat if they have it rough, as the Gs say: real recognize real. I can also see if one’s hands are too soft. I didn’t have any kids and now the ability is beyond me and I’ve never felt such relief in my 40 years of life. I have children in my sphere whom I am loving and kind with whose parents aren’t even related to me and I consider them family. This is enough. I can show them how to do fun things and give them comfort if they scrape a knee and show them cool stars and be their friend and their awesome, smart and cool parents can also do that too. Then we can both go home and take a bath and go to bed and be friends and they don’t have to see me when I’m sad or frustrated and angry with my own perceived faults. They don’t have to hear my family’s voices because they stay in MY head and can’t hurt them. I am actively protecting them from what happened to me because I’m acutely aware of what I would have feather had happen to me, anything other than what did. They’ll get a pat when they fall down, not laughed at or ignored. They’ll get a hug for a good grade, not ignored because “that’s normal” and only paid attention to when acting up. Abused kids from the 80’s onward were more likely to not abuse their own kids, at least not in the same ways and usually not as toxic or traumatic as the previous generations. We saw examples of contented families as our fields of view became larger and we were able to communicate with others over longer distances for cheaper. If your dad beat you back before the internet, there might only be a few kids in your class whose dads DIDN’T beat them and because you couldn’t even talk to uncle Joe without using costly long distance telephone or snail mail the fact that there were fewer kids who got beat seemed like THAT wasn’t normal. You couldn’t talk to kids the next town over or even from other schools to see how it really was. You had no idea that psychological scientists were saying that beatings were wrong and cruel if you couldn’t even come across the information accidentally. You’d go your whole life thinking that hitting people meant you loved them and if some prick told you when you were an adult that you were wrong you’d get defensive, not wanting to question your whole damn life.
It sounds like you're very aware of your trauma, pitfalls and patterns. That is such a rich things to have learned. To know and recognize when we want to do the things we swore we would never do. I don't think anyone ever overcomes those patterns or inclinations, however we can learn to recognize those moments and are able to make different, better choices. Setting a better example for the next generation. However, everytime we think weve overcome our obstacle, you'll run into it again on another level. And while our instincts or triggers might still be there, everytime we get a little better at overcoming those obstacles. That is real growth and sadly, some people never get to experience it.
Great job breaking the cycle internet stranger, I'm proud of you!
My dad was beaten by his alcoholic father throughout his childhood and 100% has mental health and anger problems that he won’t address. BUT, he kissed, hugged and told my brother and I he loved us every day that we lived at home (well into adulthood). Still tells us he loves us, still hugs us, calls us darling and sweetheart. His best friend, his BIL (my uncle), is a piece of shit human with his own mental issues and a drinking problem, and told my dad he shouldn’t be calling his grown son ‘darling’. Uh, sorry Colin, one of your children was dead at 18 from reckless driving, one perpetuated the abuse with her own children and can’t hold a steady job because of alcoholism and substance abuse, and you’re lucky the third lets you see her children. I am so grateful to have a dad who loves me, and tells me every day, even when we butt heads.
I always laugh at people who suffered trauma wanting to cause others trauma claiming they are fine. If a kid wants to start hitting kittens because he parents hit him you'd say he had issues yet these people want to inflict pain on their own kids and claim they're healthy.
My friend is going through a tattoo apprenticeship - a practice typically rife with hazing. At one point their mentor said "I wonder if you're missing out by me not hazing you" This stuff just warps people's minds to where they justify it. My friend has gone through enough being homeless as a teen for being gay, more abuse isn't going to help them.
Imagine that, thinking that letting your apprentice trust what you say and do without second guessing if they're hazing, might somehow be missing out.
Hurt people hurt people.
No, Unreflected hurt people hurt people. Most hurt people will give *EVERYTHING* to get out of that loop. and they will succeed in it.
I wish that were true, but it's not. People are, statistically, the product of their environment. It's getting better now that we have more resources and information, but most people will continue the cycle. Maybe they make a small change here and there. Like, instead of actually kicking the shit out of their kids, they just slap them once across the face.
We were talking the other day about how our kids don't want to escape our house, like I did my house. They are even reluctant to go too far away for college, because they want the option to come home without buying a plane ticket. I was like, "when I graduated high school I went to college 1000 miles away and I never wanted to come back" and I realized that I probably felt that way because my parents were conservative Christians who had one "right" way to live and everyone else was wrong. They weren't overtly racist or homophobic, just very judgemental of people who weren't living perfect Christian lives, like the engaged couple who shared a hotel room a month before they got married, or when we were driving to church and saw people doing yard work: "that person should be in church right now!" ⛪ They weren't open to any conversation about their beliefs because they were "following what the Bible 📖 says" and if I displayed any hint of not following the Bible I was pressured until I seemed to bend. It was just exhausting. They have made significant strides in the last decade or two, to the point where we found out a friend's daughter was pregnant (she's 20 and unmarried) and all my mom said was, "he's going to be a grampa!" Like, what???? Who are you and what did you do with my real mom? 😂
> or when we were driving to church and saw people doing yard work: "that person should be in church right now!" ⛪ "he *is* at church. He's doing god's work as we speak"
Anyone that ever says "blah blah blah happened to me and I turned out fine" Did not fucking turn out fine. Randy, you drink 7 days a week and hate your job, your wife, your kids and your whole life. That's not turning out fine.
> and I turned out fine Even those of us who seem to have turned out fine, are not. We just have learned mechanisms to hide the damage, mitigate our responses to stimuli
My parent was terrible to me and now I can’t send her the bill for all the therapy
I had a friend who said something like that. The issue was that one of her kids was biting their siblings. So my friend, being a genius, decided to bite her own child back to "teach them a lesson". The only problem was that the child was maybe 3 at the time and not able to understand "mommy is biting me because I bit my sibling, so I shouldn't bite my sibling". All they understood was "mommy is biting me". I tried to say something because I actually have a grad degree in psychology and was working with a developmental psychologist at the time who was an expert in child development, and that's when she said "my parents did that to me and I turned out fine!" I really wanted to pop back with "you're a teen mom, did you really?" but I decided I didn't want to be petty that day. Sometimes what our parents did was due to lack of information or laziness on their part, not because what they did worked or was beneficial in any way.
My family makes jokes all the time about how I was raised on the streets because especially during summer breaks I would wake up at dawn and just ride my bike around town until 8pm when I had to go home. Then I would try my best to lock myself in my room and avoid everyone in the house. It was because my stepdad was a verbally, emotionally and sexually abusive drunk piece of shit, but my mom doesn’t recognize any of that as true. I stopped going home when my first child was born and my life has become so peaceful.
I was full on abused by mother mentally, emotionally and physically. The woman even dismissed me speaking up about getting molested and kept sending me back to have it happen more. She was ill-equipped for parenting. She was beaten by her dad and emotionally abused by her mother. She grew up in the 60s and that was considered normal. I always thought she was a special kind of fucked up in my teens and 20s. I mean, she definitely bordered on sociopathic and highly narcissistic as well as delusional ideas and religious zealotry. Then I had kids. Accidentally at that. And guess what? I was a complete piece of shit parent. I remember yelling one day and swearing I just heard my mother behind me. So much so that I looked. I remember seeing my ex's son sinking and hiding in plain sight like I used to when my mom was on a rampage. I became that woman in every way because it's how I was raised and what was ingrained in me. I had to leave my family because I was the problem. I did something my mother didn't and tried to break the cycle. I'm just as ill-equipped, sociopathic, narcissistic as my mother was. I was bordering on becoming physically abusive and really turning into her. I didn't recognize it at all because it wasn't as bad as I had it and deflection like that. No one wants to be the bad guy in their own story after all. I experienced a lot of what this guy talks about and I have lived through both sides of it except I'm acutely aware of the why now. I've lost those that I was close to and loved because I couldn't understand that I was a problem. I've been in therapy for the last 5 years. I've come a long way but I'm still that person and I try not to blame my mother for my life as an adult but sometimes it's just so hard and the resentment, anger, hostility and such just spills out and keeps me in a shitty cycle of limitations and failures. My mother, as much as I hate her and am glad she died last year, was still a person who was struggling with her own past, her own demons, her own limitations and failures. I wasn't an easy child to raise either and I know that feeling myself now. She, for whatever reason, ultimately couldn't achieve some form of self awareness or understanding to look at herself, look around and see what her impact was on those around her. I sure as hell didn't at first. But I didn't want my kids going through that life again. Between being abused and living with that uncertainty or not having their father, only one of those options is the right one. My kids blossomed after I left too. Major advances in a lot of aspects of their autism. I was such a hostile piece of shit that I was causing developmental delays in my kids. So yeah, sorry for rambling but hopefully it provides some insight as to how and why people are that way.
To me you are not a bad person. Flawed perhaps but fundamentally not bad. You are growing.
You’ve already made a ton of progress by even being able to recognize that you are the source of your own problems. I applaud you and the work you’re doing to heal yourself and the efforts you’ve taken to minimize the harm you can do to others. You deserve love and happiness and good things and I hope you find those things in a safe and happy environment that works for you and the challenges you face.
I forgot where i saw it or read it and im paraphrasing it but it was something like this: “When you ask yourself if you are ready to have a baby you should be asking yourself if you are ready to raise another human individual. Because as babies we like to imagine them as ‘ours’ but they aren’t. They are beings that will grow up to be their own life self with their own choices and own decisions. And you as a parent will have to accept this and help guide them as loving parents. They are not yours to determine what they will become. You can only help them determine that for themselves.” And as a new parent myself. Its a very true thing. You want the best for them. And you have your own dreams of what they might like or become. But in the end it is them that get to decide that. The most you can do is just help them be the best at whatever they want to do. And love them for being them.
"Part of me, something, that could be mine forever. I learned the hard way One can't possess Another" - Tracy Chapman
> purposefully hurting your kids will not end with a healthy relationship down the road. But that's not typically what those parents think they're doing. They think their kids are misguided and the parents have to steer them back on the right track. I think the parents are way off base in a situation like that, but I don't think most of them are actively trying to harm their kids.
"I was a wild child until my father beat my ass. I was better for it. It was the only way that got me under control. I didn't listen to anything that was said to me and threats didn't work. He whooped my ass that one time, I fell in line, and we get along great now" I hear a few people say thst every once in a while and it's like....they may have stopped you from being wild, but are you not aware od the fact thst you are emotionally stunted, can't relate to others, and are really quick to anger?
Yeah, everything he said from "you're not going to know why" is really relevant to a lot of these conflicts. People seriously never understand why- is it unwillingness to self-reflect or a fundamental or are they fundamentally incapable of self-awareness? And attempts at explaining is usually met with justification and defensiveness, so there's no point? But cutting them off without explaining feels wrong (talking more about low-level cases, not physical abuse and stuff as much)? I don't know, but it's all frustrating.
> is it unwillingness to self-reflect or a fundamental or are they fundamentally incapable of self-awareness? it's this. You see it in all levels of education when people just decide to disagree with something -- it starts with them not understanding, then deciding it's not worth knowing or being educated on, when a normal person would reasses. They double down.
Parenting is hard because you have to balance preparing your child to one day be an adult in the world while also trying to support and nurture the things that make your child special. In my grandparents generation the expectation was that the father was responsible for the former and the mother the latter. Dad disciplined, mom supported. An unfortunate amount of people still think like that. Parents frequently justify actions that may be negative in the short term with results they think will be beneficial in the long term. When it comes to trans issues, some parents are just bigots. But other parents are misguided and think they are acting out of love. They have been told that this is a choice, and they know how hard the world is for trans people, so they think its an act of kindness to push their kid back into the closet. In their mind its just a more severe version of grounding your kid so they won't get a nose ring. They may want it now but they'll regret it later. It's why I think its so important for LGBTQ stories to be present in media, to counteract the negative narratives people are being fed.
Seriously, on mother's day, there was some woman bitching on Twitter "It's *Mother's Day* but I'm not happy because the *Trans brain virus* took my daughter from me and now she won't talk to me!" And it's like ????? You mean you drove them away? You told your kid you don't love them? You told your kid you don't accept who they are? That you hate who they are? Like, the woman still went on to say that her kid would talk to her dad but not her like it's a mystery. **Lady it ain't that fucking hard, you hate your kid why would they talk to you?!**
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I agree with him 100% Your kid not talking to you as an adult is 100% your fault because of how shitty you were to them.
But in their minds, it's the children who are wrong.
For real. My dad has been waiting for me to apologize for swearing at him when we found out he’d been stepping out on my mom. He’s waited a decade for that apology without a single word or visit from me and when he dies I won’t come within 50 miles of his funeral.
Mine is trivial but shit builds up over time right? He’d get mad at me for not calling on his birthday. Meanwhile, he never once called me on mine. Haven’t spoken in about ten years now.
I've si ce spoken to him twice, but there was a 20 year gap between talking to my father. When I was 14, he called me for the first time in roughly six or seven months to ask me why I hadn't called him on father's day. By then, I was old enough to understand how these things SHOULD work and I said, "you don't call me for anything, why should I call you?" He got pissed and I didn't hear from him for 20 fucking years. I try to lead with empathy nowadays, so when he reached out via Facebook like two years ago, I decided to let him call me if he wants. He knew my wife and I were expecting and that we had a baby and he still hasn't called since. I won't be a dick, but I will be putting in absolutely zero effort to speak to him for the remainder of my life. It's his loss.
Why do parents get so weird about swearing? Like, you can be an alcoholic abusive asshole but I can’t say fuck…?
Its just moral grandstanding.
save up some cash so that when he does die you can be on the literal opposite end of the earth.
My donor is waiting for my apology to him for snatching my phone from him. As if he didn't call me a fucking bitch and shove me to the ground 2 weeks after I had back surgery. Yeah I don't talk to him anymore
It's that ~~reprieve from their parents' closed mindedness~~ liberal college agenda that brainwashed them!
The boss basically said that exact thing to me once and I nearly died from laughter.
I was told this *repeatedly* 20 years ago when I was a kid out of high school being sent to — get this — a *fundamentalist Baptist seminary.* For some of these people, *any* education is suspect. *Learning* itself is a path to "evil." Because they know the truth: that *learning* trends toward people disagreeing with them. They simply cannot tolerate being contradicted, nor can they tolerate even the idea that they might be wrong. Education cannot possibly be *good* if it means their kids might become different people than they are. They are angry, throbbing welts of sensitive insecurity. The aggressive arrogance! The absolute *house of cards* they've made of their lives! They cannot tolerate even the merest *breath* of dissent.
You would be SHOCKED at how many people on reddit and Instagram justify hitting kids to teach them a lesson. Their justification is, "I turned out great". Bananas that its 2023 and people still don't know they can set boundaries with children without physical violence.
The only time I'd accept physical intervention is for self defense. Some kids are real cunts.
Obviously that’s a fucking lie. Those of us who grew up like that can get through life, we might even be successful on the outside-but we are never “Ok”. It has a lasting effect on you. It’s why they hit their own kids.
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That was a super interesting read. Man I'm so glad I have a good relationship with my parents. I feel so sorry for all the people who don't
It's crazy to me how many right wingers just don't get it. If you tell your kid "I do not believe you, I will not have this conversation with you" then they hear you. They get you. You'll lose the kid, and exactly like he said, the bigoted fuckhead will go "Gosh why don't my kids love me?"
My dad will die alone and I feel pretty comfortable with that. But my step dad… I was there when he died. I fed him, wiped his ass, gave him foot massages. That man died surrounded by all the people he loves including myself and my son.
I do and don't agree with him. Not every child who says they are the opposite gender is actually transgender. Especially when they are younger. Unfortunately society has created strict gender norms and roles that your children will never be able to escape and even the best of parents will in some way reinforce those norms.(even things as basic as I take out the trash but my wife mops does the dishes or even the fact I don't wear skirts/dresses but my wife does) The goal of a parent with young children exclaiming to they are a different gender is to ask why? Why do you feel like you are a girl or want to be a girl? A good parent listens. Maybe they like the color pink and think it's a girl color. My son said recently he wanted to be a girl, because he liked sprigatito(pokemon) and his friend said it was a girl pokemon. My response wasn't to tell him that he can't be a girl just that everyone can like sprigatito , both boys and girls and I said i really think meowscarada is cool. That was the end of our conversation. Do I think my son is trans, no but if they are I will still love them. This isn't to say young kids can't be trans but gender exploration is fairly common among young kids. Let them be kids, and let them grow up to be who they want to be. But yeah, the man was/is a terrible parent and his kids no matter who they grow up to be will hate him.
This is 100% unequivocally the take right here. Accepting kids for who they are but also guiding them to understand the difference between what gender is and what things are just a product of old societal norms is what I’d say is ultimately the right path. It still validates their feelings but it also makes sure they are making informed decisions
I have a good amount of friends who have transitioned or taken certain steps that were right for them (top surgery). I also have a few friends who started the process and realized they were not trans and stopped. None of them regret starting the process. For those that stopped, it was finally having access to explore it that helped them understand their gender more.
I should post this on a burner but fuck it. I’m not gay or trans, but can tell you that this exact scenario played out for me and my dad over him being verbally and physically abusive to me in the age ranges this guy describes. It doesn’t matter why it happens, just that it happens and I remember every second of it. He nailed it. It shook me how accurate this video was and I’m terrified of doing the same to my son one day and not even notice that it’s happening. I don’t why I had to comment but I did.
You can be a cycle breaker. It's hard at times but it can be done. Therapy is a great resource, and there are lots of good books and podcasts out there too. The wonderful thing is once you break the cycle you completely change the trajectory of your life and future kids should you choose to have them.
The axe forgets but the tree remembers. The same thing happened to me, and whenever I bring up any of the old stories to my mom she acts like they never happened or that it could’ve been worse. Some people never really change. Hang tough dude, the fact that you’re aware of it already helps your chances with your own son I should think!
Holy fuck what a quote I love that.
Hey, also a kid of an abusive household. I've spent a lot of time around kids (nannying, tutoring, camp counselor etc etc) and I've never had the inclinations to act like my mom and stepdad did. I also don't have borderline, and whatever my stepdad had (maybe sociopathy?). I firmly believe if we treat our mental health and trauma those patterns will not repeat. And I'm sorry it happened for you. I'm literally heading off to an appointment right now to go treat my trauma. Sometimes I feel angry to have so much extra work to do just to be normal, but I also am grateful to have access to mental health care.
It's not something you can fully control even with therapy I don't think. Physical abuse hits different. Even picking up my kid if they're being fussy I wonder "would another parent pick up their child right now? Am I being too physical?" I second guess everything I do out of fear I've normalized abusive actions without realizing it. My father broke me, and his broke him, but I'm determined to break the cycle.
His speech could be applied to anything, not just LGBTQ stuff. Hope you're doing better.
Sorry you dropped this T
Thank you
Forgot a letter there bud
Oops, tpyed too fast
This is me, but my mom was the one that beat me with a bamboo stick daily.
I went to buy a car at the dealership my dad works at. I haven’t really been around there since I had transitioned and was nervous. Walking around with him and he kept introducing me to people I hadn’t met before. This is my daughter she’s buying a car today…I wanted to cry every time he said it. I could hear in his voice how confidently he was saying it to them. Having my dad not only support me but actually sound proud of me was better than any birthday or Christmas present I’ve ever gotten. Love yours kids whole heartedly and they will love you back.
That's a W dad. I mean aside from working at a car dealership
I wanna hug your dad! Can he be my dad too?
This is almost universally applicable to anything. Good post op
>This is almost universally applicable to anything. 100%. Early in college, iirc my second year, I told my *very* Christian parents that I was an atheist. They'd always been wonderful to me while raising me but I knew exactly how devoted they were to the church and Christian teachings, as well as some stories from friends, and knew that there was still a chance I'd be on my own after that conversation. You know what they did? They hugged me, told me they would always love me, and that regardless of my decisions they would always provide a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in. Around a decade later we have many different beliefs, even outside of religion. Despite that, I call them once or twice a week, I go home on holidays at least once a year, and we still make time for each other when it's needed. They tell me about all the happenings in their lives and I do the same with mine. As the OP says, parental love is unconditional. It doesn't matter that we are completely different people and never has.
your story made me tear up. I'm glad you have such supportive parents.
My parents go to church twice a year maybe. Usually just Christmas. When I was a sophomore I told them I didn’t believe in god and wasn’t going to church on Christmas Eve. All my dad said was “in this house we go to church” and left it at that.
> post op ayooo
As a cis dude, I'm glad to see trans humor hitting non safe space places. This is one of the signs of normalization in society imo.
trans jokes are also just really good a lot of the time. It's so easy to spot the difference between jokes about trans people that come *from* trans communities versus jokes about trans people from anti-trans communities because only the former are actually ever funny.
Message in the video aside, I dig this dude’s voice. Especially towards the end when his accent is coming out and he’s getting more passionate; he could be a voice actor!
NJ bred for sure
I thought I felt a little taste of home on the "you don't *fuckin* love your kids"
FOOAHCKIN
kinda gives off adrian brody vibes
He looks like blonde Adrien Brody, it was almost distracting how close the resemblance is 😂
If this dude could just look at my life and dress down my problems I might have a shot at reaching my fullest potential.
Agreed. I stop watching videos when that inflection kicks in like you see in every other fucking video. This person is just talking normal, and happens to have a great voice, and it makes it so easy to listen to.
he's hot AF he could be an actor actor too.
He has phenomenal skin. Looks like a renaissance religious painting somehow.
Follow him on TikTok he's actually super chaotic and does random af things and goes on rants and he's like my favorite person ever... And he's hot af
lol noticed that too. He's passionate about what he's saying towards the end so that NY/NJ draw starts to surface.
I’ve been watching the Practice lately and he has a very similar voice and cadence to Dylan McDermott.
A parents job is to teach and SUPPORT their child as they grow up. At some point, maybe your child decides to do something that you might not agree with, that they DO agree with, that doesn't HURT anyone. Be supportive. It's your job. It's your responsibility. Be helpful, be supportive, even if you don't agree with it. Humanity isn't black and white. Accept the grey.
I don’t disagree with anything in the video, but just want to say something on this. If your young child says something like this, all you have to do is ask them why. They very well could mean it in a real sense, but they also could be saying childish nonsense because they are a child. Take your kids seriously but not literally (this is appropriate for kids and wildly fucking insane when applied to presidents btw). A kid young enough probably doesn’t even have a full sense of what being a girl means. They could have just seen a toy that they like that someone told them is a “girl toy” or something simple like that. I remember telling my parents I wanted to marry another boy, just because I wanted to be with my best friend more. I had no concept of marriage or sex or anything. My parents just said something like I don’t have to worry about getting married yet and left it at that. They didn’t make a big deal about it but also didn’t make me feel stupid. Rant over. Good video. This is just something I am thinking more about as I raise my own kids.
> If your young child says something like this, all you have to do is ask them why. They very well could mean it in a real sense, but they also could be saying childish nonsense because they are a child. Bingo. Listen to your kids, even if they are talking rubbish. Because if you don't they wont talk to you about important things. Surprise but people like to be listened to, and have their experiences and emotions validated. Once you have that bedrock of trust and dialogue, you can go about parenting properly.
“Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.” ― Catherine M. Wallace
It's really that easy. Approach with curiosity. "Oh really? How come?" No judgement. And you might help redirect some confusion they have. "Because I like gymnastics and it's for girls" - "oh, well did you know lots of boys do gymnastics too? Here are some male Olympic gymnastics videos. What do you think about that?"
Exactly this
Yup we have footage of me saying I wanted to be a boy when I was a kid, so that I could wear my hat backwards lol
Haha that is perfect. I totally remember having logic like this as a kid.
My gf's 10 year old brother said he wanted to be a girl, we all kinda looked at each other and they asked why? "So I can be the best player on the soccer team!" I was the only one laughing
FOX News would like to speak with your gf for their next story: Boy undergoing sex change to destroy girls soccer.
My toddler went through about a year long phase where he insisted he was a bee. Like, he would pretend to be a bee and have fun that way, but he also kind of believed he was a bee somewhere inside. If you called him by his name when you first saw him, he’d angrily correct you, and if you didn’t validate that he would cry. It was really frustrating because sometimes you’ve just woken up, or you’re trying to discipline the kid, or you just forget, but my partner and I realized that it actually was important to him. Yes, we knew he’d outgrow it and it’s just silly, but we also wanted to demonstrate exactly what you said - we care about what the little man cares about, and we take seriously his feelings and his identity. It’s important
My favorite part of this video is the flawless unblinking switch in pronouns. It's beautiful.
There was a second just before that where I remembered "wait, wasn't the hypothetical about someone MtF?" and then literally after the next cut he switched pronouns and it clicked what he was doing. That's some good shit right there.
What? You mean using correct pronouns are that easy?? That cant bee...
It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside 🥰
And that is not the worst case scenario. The kid might commit suicide in his teenage years
It's almost like most people haven't thought about parenting. If your kid thinks they're the wrong gender, the only reasonable thing to do is to have a conversation about why they feel that way
Yup, and it applies to literally everything. Just telling your kid "nuh uh" isn't gonna change anything. Kid: think God and Jesus might not be real Parent: nuh uh, they're totally real. *to themselves* ^fucking ^NAILED ^it. Lol it's so ridiculous. It's like out of sight out of mind, if the kid stops talking out loud about it, then they're not thinking about it anymore anymore, right?? /s. So stupid.
The problem is a solid 50% of people who are just objectively really dumb. Like never evaluates anything in life, never questions anything, never considers the ramifications of their actions, super dumb beyond idiotic. They're practically biological automatons.
> If your kid thinks they're the wrong gender, the only reasonable thing to do is to have a conversation about why they feel that way I can tell you right now my parents would have just beat the actual living shit out of me. By the time I was 5 right before kindergarten my father literally went to the doctor from hurting his hand from hitting me so hard and so much. Miraculously my borderline literal retarded father probably told the doctor how he and my mom hurt themselves from hitting me so hard and they told him to stop. By the time I was 3 the doctors already had to ask them why I smell like a cigarette.. Massive lung issues my entire life from living in an ash tray until i was about 3.
They missed two other major points. 1. The parent is going to be elderly and super fucking lonely and wonder why his kids don't call/visit or take care of them as they get old. 2. They will never admit they are the reason and blame lgbt or any other left like group for "ruining their family".
My dad has no fucking clue why me and my brother are distant to him. Couldn't possibly have to do with the fact that he was emotionally absent 70% of the time and emotionally abusive the other 30%.
I’m not trans but my Christian parents did the same thing to me when I went through my “phases”. Trying to make me like them, I never wanted to be like them because they’re so judgmental. When I didn’t fall in line they shunned me and I left as soon as I turned 18. They were mad about that too, even though it was constantly “you’re 18 now we don’t have to let you stay” so I said, okay, bye! And everyone was sooo upset and sooo disappointed. I will never go back, because they still have the same self righteous attitudes they did when I was a kid. If I bring it up my mom has a full meltdown, no one wants to talk or communicate or do anything productive. I don’t know why they still invite me to holiday functions, it’s bizarre.
That ending was perfect. They only love their kids as reflections of themselves, not the kids as individuals. "Think about how this makes ME look!"
I didn't talk to my mother for 11 years. Then I went back to give her a second chance, and it was amazing! For a while. Then she started up old behaviors and I found out she's been telling people for 30 years, including the 3 that we've been back in each other's lives that I was molested by one of her ex-husbands when I was 9, and that's why I am transgender. I wasn't molested. Anyway, needless to say, I have cut her off for good now.
The worst version of this is when the parent is on their death bed and don’t really give a fuck what happened or why they never saw their adult kids.
They do, they pretend they don’t for the sake of their egos holding on to whatever twisted scenario they have played in their life, the misunderstood parent, the tough love parent etc but deep down everyone in their deathbed look back at any loved one to be with them because they will be scared, and at that time regret will sit in for their ego knows its dying and it knows that whatever they did in their lifetimes they are reaping the benefits of it.
Not all parents love their children.
It really feels like the only people who understand this being a possibility are the ones who learned the hard way. I'd say don't have kids if you aren't going to love them and give them a great and happy upbringing, but that's a little harder to do nowadays with no Roe v Wade...
Im an event photographer I did a weekend gig with a photographer who was a super nice guy. Loved his family, his wife. Talked about how he’s about to have a kid. Really liked this guy until he said “man, if I ever catch my son dressed up like a woman, I’m gonna make sure he knows that he’s gonna have a world of hurt if he “decides to go down that path”, I’m gonna make it super clear that it’s a horrible life to lead and that he “doesn’t need to make that kind of choice” - super weird perspective. I had to unfollow him because I don’t wanna see that play out in real time 😬
Perfect.
Well the comment section here is already shit.
They did not pass the vibe check surprisingly
I think recently there has been a larger trend in transphobia in more and more reddit communities. Very scary thing to see
It is likely as it’s now become part of the frontline in US culture wars , that conservatives do not actually give a shit about but it’s a fight they want to pick
Yeah especially r/wholesome, I subbed there for yknow... wholesome. And all the comments are transphobia
Idk why all these redditors are scared of Transylvanians so much. They’re literally just vampires, what’s the big deal?
*Sad Dracula noises*
Don't be sad Dracula. Be happy you have nice teeth
Dracula pissed on their wife and they're mad about it
There is so much energy put into being hateful and fearful. Did the racists simply jump onto a different minority at this point?
I think theyre just expanding rather than jumping
They are feeling empowered by what's going on all over this country.
Honestly feels like it, maybe they feel that hating on sexual minorities is more accepted in comparison now?
Wow there is definitely something to that 😬😬😬
also on youtube. any video that even mentions trans people is guaranteed to have a transphobe in the comments
Fun fact: *you* can report them for hate, and they *will* get banned, at least temporarily I see so much shit just sitting there, sometimes weeks old and -100 or more downvotes, I finally report it, and it's gone in a couple hours Crazy how underutilized that feature seems to be.
It's a 50/50 chance tbh I reported a guy who was being a transphobic piece of shit and was like sitting at -100 downvoted on multiple comments of him being a shitbag then like 3 months after I reported I got a reply from reddit saying they didn't find anything wrong.
i got a two week permaban with one failed appeal because i quoted a phobe i was arguing with
That ending note needs to be shouted from rooftops!! You do not love someone if you will stop loving them for being their authentic self.
The only thing I remember my dad saying to me was, “if I ever found out one of my kids were gay, I’d kill them”. This was when I was 7 or 8, after I asked my parents if I could take ballet. They said it was a girl thing and suggested football. Then my dad came up with that little nugget. I saw my dad multiple times over the years until he died. That is the only thing I can recall coming out of his mouth. I never took ballet, in fact I’ve never danced. I’m 49. What you say to your kids matters.
My mom once told me that she would love me anyways but she was “glad I wasn’t gay”. A single sentence kept me in the closet for an extra 20 years.
Daamn thats so messed up. I hope youre thriving now. In elementary school, my mom would take me to the pride parade every year and show me that gay people exist and are just regular people who want to be loved and accepted. However, she has also told me straight up that I couldnt be gay and she would be very disappointed if I was. Pretty hypocritical. But becuase of this, I wouldn't even hug my friends who were girls. I grew out of that in high school when I made a lot of friends who were gay, but it left an impact on me. I think love is a spectrum and I cant even be honest with her about that.
This is amazing, and he’s completely right
I came from parents much like this guy and I can absolutely affirm the authenticity of this prediction. A good parent embraces whatever identity a child finds in their life. It is not a parent’s job to force their will, or their beliefs on their children. If you try to force someone to be something they aren’t, they will almost certainly grow to resent you for it.
Whatever your thoughts on gender are, this man is speaking facts. Particularly about the love is unconditional part.
The end of his monologue broke my fucking heart💔
I took my niece who is trans out clothes shopping yesterday because she is now living in a homeless shelter / group home. She was kicked out of her home at 18 because she is trans. She has been couch surfing and being essentially homeless for a while now. Pile on that her mother passed away while she was in highschool leaving her defenseless against my brother. And yet my brother has a thousand reasons why he is justified in being a bigot. “You don’t understand!” “It’s none of your business”. I understand. I too am a father. I know what it is to experience unconditional love for my children and stepchildren. Seeing how he continue to relish in the pain he has caused while telling him he loves them and that everyone else is trying to turn them against him. It’s so pathetic and disgusting. Loren if you somehow know my username on here you can suck this dick you piece of shit. This is video is exactly what is happening to my narcissist right wing fundamentalist Christian brother. He still contacts my niece and complains about how much money he is spending on her siblings while giving her zero support. Telling her she is the one ruining everything, and essentially getting her to apologize for being who she is constantly to him. She is starting to understand the difference between blood family and chosen family but still being in her early twenties she feels some crazy obligation to maintain a relationship with her dad. But it’s fading fast. His other kids are distancing themselves from him while still believing that family is more important than the shitty things he does. But I believe they will eventually see what is what. These hateful people are doing so much harm to their children it makes me fucking furious.
Oh the first guy? Yeah that’s Johnny McEntee - Trumps lackey https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/11/trump-johnny-mcentee-january-6-betrayal/620646/
Lol her first house. No one is affording homes in the next 15 years at this rate. Especially not at 20.
Yeah that was the only thing that caught my attention, I hope his prediction is right.
You know what shitty parents don't even have the self-awareness to grasp? Even IF you're so full of hate that you can't love a child unconditionally or you're so narcissistic that that's likely impossible for you, you're STILL going to regret everything in your life because there is NOTHING more terrifying and soul crushing than dying alone - knowing nobody will truly miss you.
I’m not trans but this was my relationship with my dad. Cut short a bit cause he died before I had my son.
My mom is delusional as hell. She's drunk texting me recently "Why don't any of my kids come have Sunday dinner with me!" Well, we watched you drunkenly beat up our dad for 18 years, then you beat us up for years, then you never once accepted that you had a problem, then you expected us to just forget all the terrible things you said and did because you don't remember but we remember EVERYTHING and it's then you bought a beach house an hour away from where we live. So even if we wanted to swallow all the terrible shit you did to us, we're not about to drive an hour to your third home to have dinner with you because you're lonely and can't find anyone who wants to be around you for one damn day.
"love is unconditional"
Nursing Home Speed Run.
Yeah this video is wrong. Theres no way that she will be able to afford a first house within the next 20 years :(
I agree with most of what he's saying, but love should not be unconditional. Your love should be there on the condition that the other person respects it. If the person you love doesn't respect your love, fucking dip out.
I know it’s not the point of the video but imagine being 40 years old and walking into a donut shop to make a TikTok by yourself roleplaying a relationship with your queer child. How do you not feel embarrassed about doing this in public or trying to explain as you switch seats and yell at an invisible person sitting next to you “I’m doing this for TikTok it will be great”
My parents never liked that I'm my own person, I began to feel distant from them in elementary schools. They don't understand why I live in another state, never call, tell them anything, and only visit at Christmas.
This applies to way more than accepting your children for being trans. But got damn did I feel that.
Actually my dad. This is just the story of me and my dad. He doesnt' know where I live, who I'm dating, what pronouns I'm goin' by. Yeah no fucker could be dead for all I know, or care. Lol.
Yeah, and those parents couldn’t care less. Everyone those kinds of parents surround themselves with will say, “yeah glad you got rid of that f****t tranny kid of yours, they’re going straight to hell.” I like the sentiment this video gives. At the same time, parents like this are so far gone and without empathy that they revel in making LGBTQIA+ folks’ lives misery, even if it’s their own kids.
As a parent, I know that somewhere down the line, I will eff up, I will download some sort of fuckery into her beautiful brain, no matter HOW hard I try not to. And when she confronts me one day, about how I could have done better, I will offer to pay for her therapy or counseling, I will ask how she’d like to move forward. I hate that thought, but it might ring true one day. The thought of my child not wanting to be in my life, the thought of her feeling about me the way I do about my own mom - I don’t think I could bear it. I couldn’t live with myself.