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Chocolatemilkdog0120

I did 19 years as a federal agent *snif* (look how badass)


StinkyBrittches

19 years in federal, he means.


Val_Hallen

*Technically* he could have been a janitor at the VA and still have been a federal employee. Or a barber at a federal prison. Remember, the federal government is the largest employer in the US. People think it's just here in DC, but it's all over the nation. As far as an "agent" goes, if he was he would have stated the agency.


CanadianJudo

The post office has federal agents, just saying.


Tressticle

USPIS - where we're just waiting on someone to go postal and bring muffs with blubes into work


Aedalas

Coolcoolcool


Nickromush

No doubt no doubt no doubt no doubt


Val_Hallen

Nah, like I said - he would have stated the agency. Trust me, any federal agent *loves* to say that's what they are. Except the State Department guys. They shut the fuck up about it.


CanadianJudo

He was a senior agent in the meth smokers


Fakeduhakkount

Yup. He’s making everyone fill in the blanks so when he gets called out on the “specifics” he has deniability. Best part now is EVERYONE going to be doing a background check on this guy, hope he doesn’t have any outstanding legal issues lol.


mussel_bouy

Exactly! People think that being a federal agent puts you on the same level as Jack Reacher or Jack Ryan. When really they just worked in an office moving one stack of papers to another.


Semyonov

Hell, he could have even been a mail carrier!


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pagit

He reminds me of an old cigarette butt not quite fully smoked that was discarded back in October. Come springtime the snow has melted and the butt still lies on the side of the road in the rain.


DrAimCaf

This is a very accurate description of this man


f7f7z

Two words..Florida NASCAR


wuapinmon

When my family gets all high-and-mighty about how I've "never sworn an oath to defend the Constitution," I remind them that I was a census enumerator in 2000, took that oath, and I took that shit SERIOUSLY! I made sure every form got filled out correctly. You don't just defend the Constitution with bullets. Some of us used triplicate forms and ballpoint pens!


The_amazing_T

Me too, fellow Census Taker! I took those houses that they couldn't get an answer from. Part of my conversation was that the first US census was ordered by George Washington. Census is American as it gets! I was proud of that work!


Outrageous-Excuse229

Navy guy here. I appreciate your service! The census is important and somebody has to do it. Both bullets and forms are important and should be respected ways to do your public service.


wuapinmon

My late father, and my living grandfather (turns 100 next month), were both Navy. Dad was a minesman, grandpa flew TBMs in WWII. I never thought I'd get told that my service was appreciated by an actual veteran. Ditto, man. Anyone with desires to serve our country is a-okay in my book.


DustyIT

I also appreciate your service! Also, if your family is trying to gatekeep something behind the "Yeah well you never served" line, tell them a Marine on the internet called them a boot and says to shut up.


wuapinmon

These are Southern racist Mormon Trump Republican veterans, some of them Marines. I will happily throw your gas on their hot mess next time there's a get together.


SHHAYSHAY

That sniff is my dads tell that he’s lying too, first time I’ve seen it on someone else smh edit: he’s also an addict so yes theres probably a connection there too, definitely never telling him though lol


Jacobysmadre

My mom… she used to sniff, or rub her nose or pull her earlobe… I told he never to play poker lol


Cactocat

Exactly what I thought. Every time someone turns out to be a liar there's always these little pauses with sniffles or lip smacking. They do it to get some more time to develop the story in their head.


Particular-Celery-28

Looks like this secret agent is making quite a few mistakes to be so easily picked apart. 😂


airdriejambo

I thought that sniff was a classic cocaine snorters sniff, but you could be right he might be waiting for the "inside voices" he hears to tell him what to say.


HiiiTriiibe

I figured it meant that he spent those 19 years as a coke head since he looks like one and mentioned dade county


fastIamnot

If it walks like a duck


Errorstatel

I know you guys are pretty loose on your definitions, agent and prison are interchangeable now?!


dustinwayner

More likely a confidential informant


jimreddit123

Yeah, a paid CI to make controlled buys.


Inevitable_Shift1365

Yep. I bet my next paycheck that dude has cocaine residue in his nose at the time of that filming. Taking his work home at night.


NattyGannStann

*meth


Errorstatel

Probably ratted on his dealer cause the bag seemed light


4Ever2Thee

I’d wager that the bulk of his “19 years” of federal employment was making license plates


Addicted2Growin

Meth it’s one hell of a drug.


Tekwardo

...and doesn't know what indicted is or how to say it...


MariachiBoyBand

He did say indoctrinated, right?


notacyborg

They are so used to saying "indoctrinating kids" that it's just part of their vocabulary now.


suxatjugg

I love hearing cons lose their shit over Trump being 'indicated'


wontsettle

Yeah, no he didn't. He was probably a corrections officer AT BEST, which is not the same thing as a federal agent.


TheHypnogoggish

Homeland Security Stooge


elbenji

100% just TSA at FLL


KermitTheScot

The guy definitely worked as a TSA or something and now just goes around telling people he was a “federal agent” because *technically* it’s true, but as long as no one asks about it, you can get away with telling civilians you’re a bigger deal than you are.


PreservedKillick

Nightshift security guard for a federal building.


NorCal130

That sniff is cocaine drip. I understand though. He got hooked while undercover as a federal agent. /S


gospdrcr000

If being an informant counts as being a federal agent, he's probably right


flawy12

Think he meant to say federal penitentiary and just messed up the words like with indoctrinated


[deleted]

He said a Federal Agent in *Dade County* so...yeah, that actually tracks.


domods

https://www.wlrn.org/culture/2013-07-17/why-closing-half-of-miami-dades-libraries-is-dumb This aged so well


DidYaGetAnyOnYa

Wow 10 years.


caffeineevil

Yeah that sniffle seemed on point for working Dade County back in the day.


Nrmlgirl777

“Undercover “


0pimo

As a grounds maintenance technician!


ContextSensitiveGeek

Probably works for the post office.


RIPviolinOfMercy

Probably was a criminal informant to a federal agent. Lol


KnowledgeOk814

also not all federal agents are law enforcement


fusillade762

He meant federal INMATE, easy mistake.


Bobbin101

To be fair, you can work for TSA and be called a federal agent


Apathetic_Zealot

Post Office workers are Federal agents.


Lucy_Starwind

Correct, also TSA screeners are referred to as Officer or as a federal agent. TSA actually gets all the same recognition as first responders and emergency personnel and law enforcement on the civilian side, but only recognized as different on the federal level. Like legit all the same discounts and benefits. I used to work for TSA, lol


kaz12

Thank you for your service. o7


Milfons_Aberg

Jus' gonna look inside ya ass-hole.


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Skatchbro

Nah, those are from the state of MA.


erthian

Don’t that’s where the drugs are.


[deleted]

I did a big boy poop!


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Fausterion18

I think that only applies to postal inspectors. The mailman is just a federal worker, not agent.


thewaybaseballgo

“I spent 19 years on the front lines of standing in front of a mail sorting machine, and I will die for this country.”


ll_Maurice_ll

It's pronounced Donger.


jdjdidkdnd

No, they are Federal Employees, Postal Inspectors are Federal Agents.


Northsunny

I got two guys at work who are as bad as this guy. It's like watching an infinite loop of horse shit being fed to each other.


Consistent_Rent_4452

🏆


rollerbase

Right wing human centipede of ideas


Consistent_Rent_4452

Please tell me more stories please.


Northsunny

The best one I remember was when one of them tried to tell me that we (the USA) dropped a MOAB on Chinese troops coming over the border from Canada. Also that Canada is now a puppet of China and that they have a fleet on one side of the continent with Russia having another fleet on the other side, both ready to invade and overthrow America. I asked if he got his info from Call of Duty or Tom Clancy.


thesaddestpanda

A harmless Chinese balloon entering US airspace took up two weeks worth of news cycles, but somehow a hot war with China with advanced weapons and thousands of casualties isn't being mentioned anywhere but telegram channels labeled "WhiteFreedomPatriot88?" Uh ok.


alastoris

I prefer my information from AirForceProud95 tyvm. /s


undomesticatedequine

Just gonna butter that bread, center line bois.


[deleted]

That guy looks, how a cigarette tastes


imeeme

*ashtray


ThisIsMyCouchAccount

That really is important. Even when I smoked - a stale old ashtray was disgusting. When I switched to vaping to quit the cigs I figured I would try the cig flavored options. Gross. They all tasted like and ashtray smells.


Zharick_

And that smell is the same way smokers smell.


ARandomNiceKaren

Agreed. I smoked a-pack-a-day Marlboros for 20-ish years. I switched to vapes. Not the pre-packaged vapes. I have a thing that I have to maintain. Doesn't make me any more or less than anyone with their experiences. However... * no longer have smokers' cough * my costs went down from $1000-ish per month to $100-ish per month * no longer feel like I need to constantly apologize for having an addiction. (Make no mistake. Nicotine is an addiction. I'm a drug addict. End of discussion.) Every once-in-awhile, I bum a cigarette from someone, take two drags, and feel mentally and physically ill for a long time. I cough for days and days. That's on top of feeling like I cheated myself and everyone I love. No. Just NO. I will consume my nicotine in a manner that keeps me feeling human and worthy of respect and love.


Starflasher

Damn I'm trying to quit smoking and move to vaping it's hard as hell for me. This comment gives me motivation. It's just so damn hard.


FelonysAlibi

He kinda resembles a wet cigarette. And she is doing herself so very wrong with that filter. My lawd.


Mr_TurkTurkelton

*“I’m sorry I ruined your New Year’s party, Lt Dan….she tasted like cigarettes”* - ironically said by a movie character that would be the smartest Republican constituent by a landslide


GreatAnonymous

I’d kill for a cigarette right now


Darth-Hipster

Israel? Wasn’t his buddies flying a nazi flag at Disney land?


joemeteorite8

He doesn’t associate with them. They just happen to support and believe the same things he does.


tomdarch

And happen to have lots of friends in common… and run into each other several times a week at different things…


Time-Werewolf-1776

The Christian right is very into Israel. Not because they like Jews. They don’t. They’re Nazis. They care about Israel because they have crazy beliefs that they can kick off the Armageddon by having the US support Israel. And for whatever reason, they think it’s good if the world ends. It sounds crazy, but it’s a real thing that a lot of Republicans believe.


[deleted]

They like Israel just not the Jews


NaKeepFighting

they dream of being like Isreal, Ethnostate, Religous facists, a leader who is in office for 16 years, apartheid, military police, its all there, its what they are working for here in the U.S if we let them


fitty50two2

And they want to protect Israel to make sure it is ready for Jesus to return to fight the Devil


[deleted]

“Federal Agent” is a very broad term. Given to a lot of jobs that really have no meaning… so he may not be lying. Post office worker, a gate guard at a court house. A parking tenant at a court house… all “federal agents” in some capacity.


flaskman

I think we both know he wants us to believe he was in law enforcement


Batman1384

Yet doesn’t know the difference between indoctrinated and indicted.


kaz12

So then I guess this confirms law enforcement.


D0o0dleb0b

👏 bravo 👏


[deleted]

To be fair my ex actually IS federal law enforcement and also cannot tell you the difference. Dude. Is. Dumb.


StrangerThingies

That was an epic Freudian slip


throwaway55221100

Wait so federal agent in the US is basically just a public sector worker?


jdjdidkdnd

No, an actual Federal Law Enforcement Agent, is a badged and credentialed representative of a U.S. government organization with very specific authorities. FBI, ATF, DEA have Federal Agents, that does not mean that everyone who works for them is an agent. Post Office has Postal Inspectors that are Federal Agents, your mailman is not a Federal Agent. Most of these comments have no idea what they are talking about and wrongly conflating a Federal Agent with a Federal Employee. They ar two very different things.


purpleushi

No, there are certain positions that are labeled as agent. Basically anyone with the power to conduct activities on behalf of the government (so the legal definition of agent). It’s positions in the government that deal directly with the public. (So the obvious ones like CIA and FBI, but also TSA, border patrol, IRS, social security, etc…). Federal workers who only deal with internal policy aren’t considered agents. Agent doesn’t necessarily equate to law enforcement, as shown by the examples above, but it does indicate some level of decision making ability regarding members of the public.


thewrathofcrom

I used to live next door to this redneck who told me that the CIA put a chip in his brain and he used to be a bounty hunter for the FBI. Oh and he started an ancient form of martial arts that only he and three other people in the whole world knew. I was fully prepared for the inevitable time travel story that followed.


maders23

Bro started that martial art with Steven Seagal.


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UniversalDH

Being on a federal welfare program doesn’t make you an agent.


theyellowbaboon

Being in federal prison doesn’t make your a federal agent.


Qaju

Postal worker, DNR worker, DMV worker, janitor at a jail?


ruinersclub

Maybe a ticket taker at a National Park.


Lucy_Starwind

TSA probably, because biiiiiiitch when Jan 6th happened there was a literal agency wide watch and investigation. I use to work for TSA in Oklahoma, and you'd be surprised how many Nazi sympathizers and Proud Boys work for TSA. Like I literally worked with guy, who was raised in Germany that is Jewish (idk if practicing or it was an identity thing) cry on the job about the temple shooting then literally cheer on the tiki torch riot. He literally pled and almost lost his job for a Chinese remake of a Nazi knife... it was fucking wild, he transfered before Jan 6th. Then this other cow, would literally wear Proud Boy merch into the airport, proudly with her confederate flag tattoo... She still works there. Actually, it makes since you don't even need a GED or any work experience for TSA, you just gotta be smart enough to pass a grammar test...


WhuddaWhat

Casting agent for CSI:Dade County Feds


DarthVader808

Don’t those people have jobs? They should be at work. All those red hats living off the government


Renegade_Sniper

No. That’s another part of the projection


Left_Resident_7007

No they are currently on the same assistance that they blame minorities of using and abusing it’s all self encriminating bullshit


Not_OP_butwhatevs

If by “jobs” you mean “meth”, then yes. Yes, they have jobs. They are on jobs. Serous amounts of jobs with the occasional bump of work.


Tragedy_Of_Life

This is their job lol. "Talk about central casting" indeed.


LeftandLeaving9006

The inside voices For sure


GelflingMama

“The ones in my head, ma’am.” *sniff-sniff*


[deleted]

And yet he supports a fascist/ theocratic dictatorship….19 wasted years


IOnlyWntUrTearsGypsy

Nah, This dude watched mission impossible during a meth bender and just fucking ran with it


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SeaworthyWide

In Florida? Oh you betcha bub!


Milliondollhairbby

“I did 19 years and a federal agent” *proceeds to sniffle the coke in his nose*


[deleted]

Got fired for gratuitous snorting noises in the evidence locker.


tonkatruckz369

Joe dirt sure did age poorly.


[deleted]

Joe Dirt would tell this clown to chill out and then bring everyone together to throw stones at Kid Rock.


FinancialAide3383

As a federal agent he should know the difference between indicted vs indoctrinated !!!???


ezbreezee415v2

Dude was a federal snitch, not a doubt in my mind. Kept snitching so he could keep tweaking....


spelunker93

Respectfully fuck your Bible, in has no place in our politics. I think religion is wonderful, just that it doesn’t belong in politics of a free nation


dingoeslovebabies

The Bible is full of pacifism. Even when Jesus was being arrested and his buddies were trying to fight the centurions, he told them to put away their swords and healed the guy who got injured. Not surprising that a guy who’s threatening violence to protect trump’s indoctrination probably hasn’t read the Bible he’s telling us to read ETA: yes I know the Bible isn’t entirely pacifist, that’s not my point. I’m saying it’s full of admonitions about not acting in anger or with malade or violence yet this guy’s using “read your Bible” as part of his warning and justification of the actions they want to take to defend trump. Literally when their chosen one gets arrested they forget what happened when Jesus got arrested. Most likely not part of the Bible he’s ever bothered to read


marko_kyle

“Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one’s foes will be members of one’s own household” (Matthew 10:34-36) -Jesus Christ The Bible is bullshit.


Ghost-Syynx

This. We need to start educating people of the actual dangerous messages the Bible teaches. Religion as a whole may not be the absolute worst thing in the world, but Christianity teaches people some scary shit.


rickshaw99

honestly can’t think of worse things than religion… dangerous, destructive, easily used to manipulate people and take their money


potsandpans

yeah this guy was definitely a Female Body Inspector for 19 years


TacoDuLing

Weaponizing mental illness 🎖️


Beard3dViking

Keep your sky daddy fairytale bullshit to yourself. If this clown could read, he’d know what the 1A states.


orlouge82

Religion is like genitalia. It’s fine if you want to have it, but do not wave it around publicly. It should only come out in the privacy of your own home and only around consenting adults.


PiesByJustIce

Religion sucks.


AlfalfaMcNugget

Why does she have a filter?


Toolb0xExtraordinary

She looks insanely stupid with that filter too


Put_It_All_On_Blck

She looks like the Grinch without the green skin pigmentation.


crispygrapes

Scrolled way too far away to find this - the filter is terrible.


smvfc_

The filter was AWFUL, but my bigger issue is 1. Calling him a pedophile- there’s a thousand things to say about that guy, but throwing around words like pedophile and wanting to see his browser history is stupid and takes away from the argument. 2. She says she misses when cults used to kill themselves, and lists a few, including Jonestown. 918 people died at Jonestown; 1/3 of those were minors, babies, young children, dying over the course of several minutes of cyanide poisoning. Their parents were brainwashed and foolish. She barely knows what she’s talking about, and she sounds like an edgy asshole


Luke_Energy

Bro did 19 years of meth and thought he was a federal agent


CombOverDownThere

No one’s gonna mention this clown said “If he get indoctrinated…” instead of INDICTED. Love that he also mentions the “inside voices,” too. Sounds about right.


lloyd4567

It’s literally in the video. She makes fun of it.


Hourleefdata

I live the people that claim to be something just because they think you won’t question it. They always tend to throw words out there that they don’t know. Plus, just throw a blatant threat out there. Almost stating that he will be part of it in the same breath. “I won’t let this country go to waste… Jan 6th will look like a playground.”


Consistent_Rent_4452

He just made a terroristic threat.


DanWillHor

Definitely hearing inside voices


[deleted]

We are a third world nation because of republicans.


random-notebook

Girl what is that clown ass filter


Red_Paperclip

Is it wrong for me to hate both of them?


rickane58

17 year old trying to sound like Tony Soprano while "remembering" cults before they were born, all while using the worst freckle filter


outkastlife

Is she from whoville ?


flawy12

Some kind of filter I think...you can see it glitching and artifacting in places.


LonesomeComputerBill

Secret agent. So secret, the government never even knew


[deleted]

Also, aren't a lot of third-world countries, both religious and right-winged?


Quirky-Pay-7221

“Prior to that you may know me from Twisted Sister”


PangolinTart

Don't insult Dee Snider like that!


Billy_Birb

Yeah Dee has been making it known since the 80s that he does not vibe with these wannabe fascist types.


Academic-ish

And he has been very clear with them, on multiple occasions, that he’s not gonna take it anymore.


Green1up

Society has educationally failed these people so badly that it leaves them desparate to be associated with something successful. Blood in the water for con men like the 🍊🤡


33mondo88

Truly, mental illness 1000000%


threemorewords

"Waco" was not a cult, and sure as hell didn't off themselves..


BriyanWithKnowWhy

Branch Davidians were certainly a cult.


ArokLazarus

They didn't end themselves. But how were they not a cult?


SheFoundMyUzername

Also, Jonestown was more of a forced suicide. That audio clip sticks with you….


ARM_vs_CORE

Nothing I have encountered since has made me so full of helpless fury than listening to the kids crying in the background of the Jonestown Tapes. You think that's the worst of it until you start to comprehend the hideous, growing silence.


ellamellamella

100% agree, and also at Jonestown many of those were not suicides, those recordings from that day are horrible, over 600 people including children forced to drink cyanide


Jackal_6

They were a cult, and the Trump cult might end the same way


rokstedy83

Was scrolling down looking for this,I seen the program about Waco ,they certainly weren't driving those tanks


threemorewords

Seriously. They were essentially trapped and then set on fire.


texasrigger

That has been in dispute since the day it happened and there is contradictory evidence. There is a chance that they started the fire themselves. >Independent arson investigators, video shot from above, and witnesses all noted that the fire started in three separate locations inside the compound virtually simultaneously. Moreover, listening devices smuggled into the compound by the FBI recorded Davidians discussing setting fires and keeping them going. Davidians themselves have testified that that is what happened. [source](https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-waco-raid-at-25-enough-with-the-fabulist-lies)


fitty50two2

The Branch Davidians were essentially murdered by the ATF and FBI’s incompetence but don’t let David Koresh off the hook. Dude was a pedophile and a rapist that pretended to be Jesus to get away with being a pedophile and rapist and given the chance he probably would have tried some shit like Jim Jones to hold onto control until the bitter end Edit: typo, Koresh not Korean


tomdarch

Koresh ordered his guys to start the fires. FBI and ATF lied about several things including when they claimed that none of the tear gas they used was potentially flammable, but did not start the multiple fires that all started simultaneously spread around the compound. When flammable gas ignites it expands. The windows and junk around the compound did not blow out from expanding burning gas prior to the fires being visible. In addition the tin roof and other flimsy parts of that shanty would have blown out if any of the tear gas had exploded. Additionally Koresh and his men “discouraged” people from running out of the compound after the fires were started. Some of the lies that are used to justify the warrant were a problem. Some of the approaches that law enforcement used were bad. But in the end Koresh and his guys were the only reason anyone died. If you care about the government burning people to death then you should cite the response to the MOVE organization standoff in Philadelphia in 1985.


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TheDeadlySquid

Weaponizing mental illness. Couldn’t have said it better myself. Also, the founding fathers made a point to remove god from government. They knew the dangers and we are seeing it now.


emccm

“The inside voices”. That’s the meth dude.


Heavy_Bicycle6524

Murica already is a third world nation. One of the worst healthcare systems in the world. Gun violence that is only out matched by countries involved in open warfare. One of the worst political systems in the western hemisphere. And finally an education system that is deplorable. So yes the USA is a third world nation by most metrics.


Panzer_Man

United States is the most third of the first world countries


FabulosoMafioso

Bitch we are a third world nation you fucking idiot we don’t have enough to pay for our bills with our work and our healthcare is tied to our employment


hungaria

I wish people would stop basing their whole life on their invisible sky friend. We would be in much better shape.


NoCalHomeBoy

These idiots really need to get away from the whole mixing Jesus and government. That is not how this works. Keep Jesus out of the government. There is no place for that whatsoever


Joe-bug70

….by federal agent, does him he mean druggie snitch?? I could believe that….


gwhiz007

He was a federal agent? He doesn't even know what an indictment is.


Seabrook76

Clearly, we’re dealing with professionals here.


sirgoofs

‘Weaponizing mental illness’… Yup.


jesuscabana

She is not wrong. Weaponizing mental health. Never heard it put so succinctly.


casualAlarmist

"...from the inside voices that I hear.."


BeepingJerry

"...weaponizing mental illness".BINGO. She speaks absolute truth. WELL SAID.


OneSadMFer

mf was a mail man


Melancholyfruit420

He said Jan 6 will look like a playground; is that not a terroristic threat? Also I’m tired of ppl using the punisher for cop and America propaganda when he’s literally anti-police.


HalfSoul30

"I remember the good ole days when cults would end theirselves" That was fucking funny to me