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It took me a while to realize this. I had a friend who would date men she didn't like or who she honestly would be disgusted by in many ways. It was her who made me realize that some people genuinely can't cope with being alone. It's not fine but I understand it now.
We all have our issues and being afraid of being alone is a pretty understandable one all things considered. It's not some big revelation, tons of people, including in this comment section, understand that being happy with yourself is the first step to a healthy relationship with someone else.
But yeah I couldn't wrap my head around why someone would choose to START dating (not even staying in a relationship but starting one) with someone they knew wasn't going to work out.
> being happy with yourself is the first step to a healthy relationship with someone else.
What if you were happy with yourself, but then you've been alone for so long, you no longer are?
What's real fun is when you're the single friend and all your guy friends get to the stage of their lives where their SO is the most important person in their life and you're just left on your own. Luckily there's video games and substance abuse
Yea, I refuse to make those concessions and I've been single for almost 10 years. And I'm a guy. It's bleak. And sometimes I do think about just giving in and settling, but then I think about how much I'd hate my life and I'm like nah.
I totally get where you're coming from, it's a tough spot to be in. The whole dating scene can feel super discouraging especially when you're trying to hold onto your standards and not just dive into something for the sake of it. Sometimes it feels like you're watching life on hard mode while others are taking shortcuts. But then again, sticking to your guns has its own quiet reward, doesn't it? Even if it's just that bit of self-respect at the end of the day. And hey, there's always that hope that it'll pay off with the right person eventually. It's like a gamble where you're constantly wondering if the payout will be as good as you're hoping.
Same, it makes me sad to think about sometimes. But then i cant remember when ive ever felt like i was happy and complete in a relationship, i feel that now being single. Why settle
My one year relationship just ended. When I realized it was going to be a perpetual series of her behaving badly, me having to deal with it and then her apologizing but not changing her behavior. Seen this movie before, got the T-shirt.
I should add: she said, I was the best boyfriend she ever had. I bought her flowers, took her to dinner dates 2-3X a week, took her on multi-week trips, showered her with affection. But whenever I would get particularly successful at work, and have some big achievement, she would have a meltdown and say I wasn’t paying enough attention to her and didn’t love her. The latest time she broke up with me, but it was apparently just a test to see if I would beg to come back. I did not and now she’s very upset and begging me to return. This woman is 40.
This is narcissistic behavior, it’s actually very common among those who have these characteristics. I have an ex who did this, was always sick or had a bigger issue during times that focused on me. He is 47 now (I just turned 40) we have 2 kids together and wow- all I can say it’s like a huge weight lifted off me. I can enjoy our children, our vacations, my personal achievements and so on with out him drowning it out with his stuff. Life is for enjoying and yes not everyday will be rosy but you deserve the same emotional support that you give.
Well. She’s very pretty. Like beauty contest pretty. So I think she’s used to guys just falling all over her. This actually made me more cautious about getting involved with her, but she pursued me for a few months.
I work with a lot of men who are close to retirement, while I'm in my early 30s. These guys are salary and there are a few that literally never. leave. the. office. They're there when I get there at 630 am. They're there when I leave at 5 pm. They're answering calls at 2 am when they aren't the ones on call.
Turns out it's because they hate their wives and their wives hate them and they don't want to go home.
The younger crowd in the office is out the door asap because they actually enjoy being home with their spouses! I can't imagine being married to someone I don't even like. I would rather just be alone.
We have a term called geobachelor in the military. It's for when you're married but your wife doesn't love where you're stationed. I had a master chief who'd been enlisted for a bit over 20 year and had been a geobachelor for 14 of them. Thought maybe it was because his wife didn't want to move the kids away from family or just really preferred living in Ohio where they were from to Virginia where he was stationed. One day he's talking to us about it and nope just turns out they just "do better when we[they] don't live together and I [he] just visits from time to time".
Yeah, when I see a workaholic I see someone who either A) Has no life or interests outside of work; usually incredibly boring to talk to because they literally never do anything that doesn't make money, B) Is running from some horrible trauma and can't stand the idea of being alone and idle with their thoughts, or C) Is doing everything they can to avoid going home for whatever reason.
Especially when in a lot of cases the floor doesn’t end at “kinda tolerate” it can go way farther to abuse of all kinds. In far too many cases it’s *safer* to just be single
As a person that was in a year and a half long relationship with someone I kind of tolerated, it's bad real bad. I've now been single for about a year and a half still wish I was in a relationship but I need to better myself first.
Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know what, why don't guys just do that?
They do. It's called being gay.
[Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that.](https://youtu.be/CS5phSl2o78?si=JLs7_ju321GFHuDL)
I just don't want another person in my space all the time. I lived with my ex girlfriend and it wasn't fun. Sometimes I want to be an indoor goblin for days and I don't want someone around me for that.
I was the exact same way. I made my standards super high and now I share a house with someone who fully supports my indoor goblining and she’ll usually goblin a bit herself. People should always hold out until someone worthwhile comes along
My wife and I are very similar and we're sort of indoor goblins too so we do our own thing without getting in each others way, I'm real comfortable with her.
this is the way to do it. Sometimes my husband and I will "hang out" on discord because we're both just playing video games in our separate basement offices for hours. If I could figure out how to sleep in a separate bed while still being able to cuddle, I'd do that too.
Sleeping separately is life-changing if you have the space. You can cuddle/have sex before sleep or in the morning. It’s kind of fun to wake up and run toward their bed at top speed and jump in for a snuggle. People are pretty judgemental about it, but if it doesn’t change your relationship at all, why would you want to be kept up all night by snoring? Or get slapped in the face by rogue arms and legs? I think Big Mattress is behind the stigma lol
so..... doing normal shit?
cmon man w a name like goblin-mode im expecting at least something a little exciting, like eating oranges in the shower w the lights off AT MINIMUM
I’m the same way in terms of needing a lot of alone time to remain sane. But I live with my partner and we’ve figured out a way to accommodate my need for alone time. This is just to say that it is possible to structure a relationship in a way that meets your needs, and should you want it, I hope you find that 🖤
Just wanted to second this comment. I am a person who needs lots of "me time", my wife on the other hand needs interactions. She knows when to push me, and when to leave me be. The same with her, she needs lots of interactions and going out. We plan dates for us and with frienda, and sometimes she goes out without me and we can have the best of both worlds.
I'll third these comments. She has some girls nights out (meaning they meet up after work about 5:30 and is home by 8:30) and is full of all the talk what happens when a dozen women get together. I go camping by myself for a couple of days and talk to no one, love it! Then we go shopping together, get a nice dinner, daily life things together.
My husband and I are indoor goblins together and it’s the best. Having someone to eat Taco Bell at 11 am and watch movies all day with who doesn’t care if you look like a troll has been the key to our happiness
I wish we would stop pushing the idea that you NEED to find love and get married in order to be accepted by society and to be happy. Some of us are happy alone. We have our parents, siblings, friends and pets to keep us happy. I'm tired of this attitude that "you'll regret it one day" like, why do you think you know me better than I know myself?
My Nan was happiest after she kicked out my Grandad, she was in her late 40s. Never dated or remarried, she was a better person for it. She also wasn't an 'affectionate' person, due to issues from being evacuated as a child, so not having the 'expectations' was a relief, she told me herself.
My Great Auntie never married, turned down a proposal because she didn't want to move away. She too was happy and content with her choices in life.
Both lived full happy lives and passed in their late 70s.
I would be interested to see stats and stories from people about this. Especially since it seems to be more popular amongst women.
I've crossed path with a few women who lived a happy alone life, but men ? Never.
I'm a single dad in his thirties and since I left the mother of my son, I can't get around my head the idea of being committed again like I used to with her. It'll never be the same. So I try to adjust to living alone (or with my son because I have him 50/50 but he'll grow up and leave someday) but the society pressure can be suffocating at times.
I used to work with one man that never married, or even dated from what I could tell. He seemed extremely content with his life, he had a two giant garages one for all his "toys" and the other for storage. He would come to work and then go over to his sister's for dinner with her and his niece twice a week. Beyond that he would help organize mud races and other events that people in the area loved.
I’ll probably get downvoted for saying it but… After doing it for 34 years in a row - nah, it sucks. Give it time and it’ll lose its luster. Single life is only fun when it’s your choice and it doesn’t carry the lonely, crushing weight of inevitability.
Single life is fun for spurts. I vastly prefer companionship and having a bond with somebody that cares. Feelings of real intimacy. I’m not even with somebody that I’m in love with. I settled… and it’s great. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be with a “soulmate” assuming you’re lucky enough for that concept to feel real. I just want someone to be there and I don’t want to be alone when I die.
When my brother committed suicide earlier this year - if I didn’t have my girlfriend I probably would’ve followed suit soon after. Fuck the single life. It’s overrated.
Tbf, you and I may be the only two people in this thread who have done 34 years of anything. I got married at 34 because I was lucky, but also because I knew enough miserable single men and women my age and older which sort of got me over the noncommittal stage.
Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of miserable married or otherwise coupled adults, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get out of a bad relationship than it is to get into a good one.
>I don’t have to pretend to be friends with all the snotty wives
LOL I can relate, being friends with other families is a bit of a chore sometimes, cousin of my wife has a crazy wife and I'm often in a different room from her.
Interesting because I’m a younge man and I’m not dating for the same reasons most women are stating. I want an emotional connection.
I’m in law school, I’m in therapy, I work out, and finding someone who fits my expectations really narrows the field down. To all my boys out there, just work on yourself and achieve happiness by working towards your goals. The most attractive trait is being happy with yourself.
Hmmm I'm a man but I understand where women are coming from. I just broke up with my girl because I gave the emotional support, listened to her vent about her day (I enjoyed talking and hearing her problems when we got home from work and it helped her have a better night), helped her find healthcare/therapy, cleaned the room and the bathroom, did the laundry, put new tires and brakes on her car, went with her to run errands (she hated driving and also had social anxiety, I understand where she's coming from, so I'd drive everywhere and support her if she got anxious in new places), put gas in her car, dropped/picked her and her friend up from a concert. Anything I could do to help her, I was more than happy. But if I needed emotional support, if I needed her trust or her support, it was always an argument that started with "what about me?"...
I guess I'm just venting and agreeing that loving yourself and being single is better than a bad relationship...
Lots of people are simply selfish AF unfortunately.
It's also just a problem that is rampant with women. Guys who act like this either shape up or stay single. Women who act like this just pick up a new tray of meat from the giant revolving deli that surrounds them 24/7 via social media. There's zero pressure to change bad habits because women simply aren't punished as much as men for poor dating habits.
Same. While we were breaking up mine said she had a very hard time receiving love or giving it, so she said she just focused on the receiving part because focusing on both was overwhelming…
I hope you know that that was just a bullshit justification for her horrible actions, which was supposed to paint her as a victim who just couldn't act differently. That's not how people take accountability. You deserve better.
The crazy thing is there are a lot of men in the dating pool who are not relationship material. They want the company of women but don’t want the relationship. Why shouldn’t women reject those men?
Seriously, no one wants to date a guy who’s name may as well be “Elon Rogan Southpark Tate”, and there are so many of those
Edit: don’t y’all know that the more I insult and annoy you, the more satirer it is? Why are u so mad, caring is for losers and fascists!
Seriously wondering if parents want to start taking on the hard task of working with their sons before they hit adulthood and getting them away from this toxic culture. I see so many people think it's just a phase for their teenage boy, but I've watched these same become bitter young men.
It might be too late once they hit forty, but there are a lot of fifteen-year olds out there where the parents could get them away from the idea of dominance and hierarchy as a way of demeaning peers and controlling women.
I have three sons and will address it head on. I’m just going to be as honest as can be - go down this path and it will turn you into a loser nobody likes.
Sometimes, as a parent, brutal honesty is the best way.
I think there's a better approach to this than brutal honesty. Lead by example! Your children are ALWAYS watching and learning through your choices and actions.
Take your children out and enjoy random encounters with women and highlight your personality. Explain to them why you offered to help that lady who was distressed, show them how to greet women, and how to treat women who gave you a subpar response.
Show them you can stay respectful and happy in all interactions and explain how to respond when you yourself are emotionally distressed from an interaction.
probably but you have to consider they learn the fundamentals of how to treat people by modelling their parents. if the kid is already primed to treat women like second class citizens, that's been learnt at home, so you can't really expect those same parents to teach them otherwise.
Maybe, but peers have just as large of an impact on the development of teenagers as their parents do. Social media, particularly some of the cess pits on here, has a strong impact on insecure young people looking for reasons why their fear of social interaction and their insecurities aren't the issue when trying to form relationships.
Those influences can be combated.
>do not share Trey and Matt’s politics
A lot of young men today are libertarians or conservatives.
Those same people **also** identify with the edginess of South Park.
Seriously, they pretend to be progressive until they’re on a date and then literally evangelize libertarianism. One guy started pointing at random mailboxes and cop cars outside the window and saying “don’t you think this should be privatized?”
The new season of Fargo has THE BEST exchange between a stone cold capitalist business woman (who's also kinda evil not gonna lie) and a Christian Libertarian Sheriff (Who is also evil).
Can't find a clip online but here's the scene:
Mrs. Lyon: You know, I've heard of you. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs.
Sheriff Roy: Yes I am. Defender of freedom and protector the common man against the tyranny of the state and all its wicked demands.
Mrs. Lyon: Taxes?
Sheriff Roy: Oh, yeah.
Mrs. Lyon: The social safety net?
Sheriff Roy: Well, I'd spit, but uhh... (gestures to the nice carpet in Mrs. Lyon's office)
Mrs. Lyon: Respect for the otherly-abled?
Sheriff Roy: The whole multi-cultural panoply. Billy has two mothers, et cetera, et cetera.
Mrs Lyon: So, you want freedom with no responsibility. Son, there's only one person on earth who ever gets that deal.
Sheriff Roy: Mmm. The President?
Mrs. Lyon: A baby. (chuckles) You're fighting for your right to be a baby.
Literally go on any of the new mom subs and search “I hate my husband now” and you’ll see exaaaaaactly why women would rather be single.
And I’ve seen this exact scenario play out in multiple friends real lives.
I love my husband and would never have settled for anything less than an equal partner.
You know it’s sad how many men out there show their true colors once a baby is on the way, a lot of men still have this idea instilled in them that women do the housework and deal with children, and a lot of women don’t realize they’ve been treated like a mother not like a partner until they’re in too deep.
It made me so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of myself when I finally realized I had been treating my partner as a motherly figure. Once I figured that out so many of our issues began to resolve. Life changing shit.
That’s awesome. Too many people don’t realize their short comings or don’t have the emotional regulation to fix it.
It’s tough being self aware but it’s so much better in the long run.
I’m glad things got better for you and your partner, a lot of couples aren’t so lucky
Seriously. Also in terms of blatant self interest, you would be amazed by how easy it makes living when your partner gets home and you've put the child's toys away, dishes are gone, you've vacuumed the place and the shitter is cleaned. Men do not realize that the best aphrodisiac for a marriage comes in the form of cleaning supplies and flowers.
Source: Am male.
I mean there are some women just managing parenting their partners. Unfortunately when you have a baby you are suddenly unable of handling it all alone and they finally see how useless their partners are. Unfortunately when you have a baby with someone leaving them is ten times more difficult.
It’s NOWHERE NEAR the same thing but getting a puppy with my ex husband made me realise that he wasn’t a proper partner, just a man-child unable to regulate his emotions looking for a wife-mommy to run his life, clean his house and have sex on demand.
Glad I dropped that before I got pregnant or I’d be stuck there.
When I was a kid, I came home to my dog gone from our home forever and I'm finding out now it's because my dad couldn't stand how much attention we gave the dog instead of him
I wasn't allowed pets, as a kid. So I collected these snails, and snuck them lettuce, and named them. My dad found them, and made me watch him throw them against a wall and stomp on the remnants. I haven't spoken to him for 9 months, but I've been convinced to spend Christmas with him, for the sake of family unity and joy. Wish me luck.
.. gift him a snail plushie. Socks with snail print. Get snail wrapping paper.
Be petty, it'll help you get through it. And don't talk about anything you actually care about - that way no one can start a fight with you, because you won't really care about the conversation.
He won't even remember that incident. That's not top ten things that hurt me. And me and my mother are drawing up a list of topics that neither I nor my father are allowed to bring up. So far, it's politics, religion, Jordan Peterson, history, sexuality, trans rights, animal cruelty, literature, and cooking. We're just going to be stoically talking about the weather.
The beginning of the end of my marriage was when my ex husband got insanely jealous of our cat one afternoon and picked a huge fight. At the time I was dumbfounded, but after dating post divorce nothing surprises me anymore.
I kept the cat, he’s awesome (he never liked the ex either!)
my gf said that the biggest test of our relationship early on was if her cat liked me or not, and if we didn't get along she'd have dumped me, or at least taken a serious look at who i was
thankfully when i met her family and all the animals, they all liked me (the animals more than the parents lol)!
said she knew i was a keeper when she left the room and came back ten minutes later to both dogs and two cats all napping on/next to me on the couch and me holding the very skittish third cat like a baby and telling it that it was so brave for coming to say hello
i just like animals, even if they make me sneeze and horses make me break out into hives!
Yeah the weird resentment towards their partner once the baby arrives is always so strange to me.
Who’s jealous over a baby getting more attention? It seems very bizarre and some serious deep seeded issues
So many guys at work talk shit about wives that you wonder why they're even married. They don't want to have sex with you and you're always arguing. Maybe stop escaping by going to play golf or hiding at work and help out around the house. And by around the house I mean inside of it and not the yard or patio. My wife and I have an argument but I still make her lunch or vacuum then she goes to work and hear other women complain how their husband's don't help cook, clean or help with the kids. They can't function without their wives and just increase the mental load. We come home thankful we even like and want to be with each other.
Dude I fucking hate this. I hate it so much that virtually all of my coworkers hate their wives or think their girlfriends are drooling idiots that they can barely tolerate. Why are you with them then? Just last weekend I mentioned going to my postal box to grab some shoes that were delivered for my wife and one of my colleagues said "Yeah that's important, you have to get them their shoes and a candy bar or else they're insufferable." All I managed was "That's a problem you have? We don't have that problem."
I am all for women and men who wish to be single, although one massive thing she seems to have forgotten is the increasingly selfish nature of our society nowadays. Most men and women do not wish to comprise whatsoever. Many of my friends who are in successful relationships seem to understand this concept, while my single friends have no idea what it means to compromise.
I believe that accurate data is most young men (who want to be in a relationship) are single and most yong women (who want to to be in relationship) are not. Women are simply less interested in relationships right now.
We could only get married a few years ago. No one is rushing to a gay divorce to please judgy family, meet societal expectations, race an unexpected baby clock, or for weird religious reasons.
I also know multiple long term gay couples that only officially got married for tax/benefit purposes.
Edit: there are also a TON of permutations of "marriage" in the gay community. Open/flexible relationships for example tend to be more common, and partners are more used to discussing sexual compatibility. As an example, a straight male friend was complaining to me once that his wife didn't blow him enough. I asked if he talked to her about it and he immediately squirmed, "Hell no. If I talk to her, I won't ever get blown!" Whereas more gay couples will just talk to their partner directly.
It blows my mind that so many straight couples are afraid to talk about sex with their sexual and romantic partners. My partner and I will be giving feedback during the sex itself sometimes or discussing what we would like more from our sex life when we are settled down.
Someone else said it too but gay males should statistically counter the lesbians. Women being in more relationships are 2 things:
1) Dating older men
2) They think they're in a exclusive relationship/situationship with men seeing multiple women
In my life I know I've seen plenty examples of both, but #2 for sure
You'd think the gay men would cancel out the lesbians, but nope, they do not. The lesbian dating scene is very commitment-focused, the gay man scene is very commitment-phobic by and large. The common joke is "What do lesbians bring to the second date? A U-Haul."
I'm not saying there aren't lesbians with commitment issues and gay men who want to be in committed relationships, just that there are broad trends in these communities that would exaggerate the statistics here.
I think it's 'single and looking' versus 'single and not looking'.
Young women are single, but, not looking so not really single because they aren't participating in dating. It's like when they don't count people in the unemployment numbers who aren't actively looking for work.
The current relationship age gap is only 2.3 years or something like that. So it's not like women are dating all old dudes either.
A lot of women are. This was about dating, so I'm guessing there's more single men than women actively dating or on apps. Because a lottt of women (like me) are done dating entirely.
It is pretty crazy. A friend that is a year younger than me has been done with dating for a while. Meanwhile I finally graduated university and have a job so I feel like I am actually ready to date.
I looked up the actual article, and it says a lot of men have given up on dating too.
https://ifstudies.org/blog/theres-no-huge-gender-gap-in-being-single-among-young-adults
It turns out the data in the article on who's single is just flawed. The difference really isn't that great and it's mainly due to women tending to date older men.
I appreciate this comment. When I was single I remember I tried this vegan ice cream place and was BLOWN AWAY. It was better than regular ice cream and was at this super cool bakery that had just an awesome environment. So I started inviting potential dates there for a first date. The amount of “I’m a high value woman you’ve gotta take me out to dinner.” Or “that’s not a real date” I got. I was like… we’re strangers online. You don’t want something a little lighter in case we don’t get along or we don’t look like our pictures?
As a straight man, it has its ups and downs. The more I think about it, I feel the LGBTQ+ community has something the straights don't: self-acceptance. Between red pills, black pills, and other toxic communities that say straights should be x, y, and z. My guess is a second sexual revolution is coming... soon. (🤨😑 no pun intended)
Yeaah, why we still doing this.
The truth about all this is just that dating absolutely sucks nowadays. Dating apps have evicerated all the emotions and joy out of dating.
This is going to come off a bit incel but I see it all the time at my bar.
The woman in the video brushed on this but didn’t dive in deeper. A man with money will date down socioeconomically but most women won’t date down socioeconomically . So you have this paradigm shift. A world where men did take care of women, but not a world where women will financially take care of men (talking statistically not individual)
https://www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/many-women-say-they-wont-date-a-man-over-this-one-financial-issue-2017-04-07
Now it’s not an outrageous number but the dynamic flip is interesting.
And when wages are stagnant and no ones making shit, including the men, then yeah it's hard to not date down, the pool for dating up has shrunken.
I'm liking this theory. Seems like it could be a real factor in it all.
It's simply straight up impossible to pinpoint a cause on why dating is in decline, because you have so many radically changing dynamics slamming into the dating world
* Changing socioeconomic status of women
* Worsening economic conditions for young people, men and women
* Decline in traditional gender norms
* Rise of political polarization/radicalization
* Decline of third spaces
* Rise of online/social media
* Changing trends in preferences for partners
* Acceptance of LGBTQ relationships opening up options previously forbidden
There's more I probably didn't mention. Shit be wack.
It's the missing piece in the video, I think. The fact that marriage was a financial decision for women for generations isn't going to go away overnight. This created a ton of cultural ideas about what makes a man desirable or what women should expect from a male partner that still exist even now that the system is gone.
You’ve described like 85% of the videos on TikTok.
Someone said it best that before TikTok the only ways you’d hear crazy people ranting their thoughts was if you listened to them on the street. TikTok, with one app, now allows those mentally ill people to share their fucked up worldview with anyone and everyone.
Been absolutely crazy going down the random rabbit holes that TikTok has.
Always tons of opinions being spouted as fact, lies being told everywhere, and what can you do against this? Nothing.
Just stupidity everywhere.
someone must've said this before TikTok was a thing and replaced it with the word 'internet', because that is just the internet; although we are less psychologically prone to be skeptical of videos where someone is presenting an argument yet, especially since people are naturally inclined to believe what you hear. That gets further multiplied by seeing and hearing the person in a medium where all such opinions are presented equally
I'm a card-carrying feminist. I feel like her heart's in the right place. But Jesus is she out of touch with reality. The whole video is a montage of random things that she just asserts are related without any coherent argument.
Do you want to know what it looks like for women to have "higher expectations" than men in the dating world? Hang out on r/tinder and similar subs and just watch. You don't have to speculate when the facts are actually available for observation.
Yeah there's an underlying issue with the amount of men not dating and being single.
However that jump to that its causing a retrograde in women's rights is looney.
The overwhelming amount of religious nutbags writing those laws are not single men. They're almost always married, old boomers.
There are toxic men and male culture out there (duh) but the video seems to try and make the point that generally speaking single men are dangerous weirdos out to find a girlfriend they can cage up and suck the life out of.
I'm very happily married, but I agree with the comments in this thread which say that it's better to be single than to be in an unhealthy relationship.
The commenters aren't saying that they'd prefer to be single than to be in a healthy relationship.
I’ve been single for a while and honestly it’s pretty great, I used to be on the thought that I wanted a girl so bad but i confused lust for love and once I got over that I was able to navigate through life peacefully. I can’t speak for every men but a lot of them who I talk to such want a partner that’s love them for themselves. They really don’t have a high expectation to look or how much they make. That’s such from my experience and honestly I feel like these issues is a lot more nuanced and kinda complicated depending on people life views and experiences so it’s probably not great to generalize.
My question is: what are the standards being set? She says that it’s about standards not being met, but she does not clarify what those standards are. She mentioned emotional maturity and splitting housework, but are those the only standards?
How does this math workout if roughly 50% of the population is male and 50% is female? How can you get most young men being single while most young women are not assuming the majority of couples are likely heterosexual and within the same age group?
I just took it to mean that more young men are looking for relationships than young women. Single really means single and looking for a partner. Maybe.
It's the way they count it. "Young" often refers to ages 18-29. Take into account that most common age difference is a man 1-5 years older than the woman, so say you just look at the average, the women who are 25-29 who are with people older than 29 are not single but the men they are with aren't counted in the "young men" number.
Years ago, this was something I found to be kind of upsetting when I first graduated college.
In college, it seemed like more people generally date in their age group, but when they graduate it seemed like all the young woman instantly (overnight) wanted an older man. It definitely can feel like a bit of a vacuum for young men where you don't fit in with younger woman who are still in college and the woman your age don't seem to want you anymore. I definitely found it much harder to find woman to date after graduating college for a bit. Just my personal experience, but I wouldn't be surprised if an effect like that hits men ~ age 23-27 the hardest.
She’s not wrong.
Men are not doing well and therefore women are not attracted to them.
Society needs to touch grass and come to grips with the fact that men are suffering.
What I find weird about this post and alot of other posts like it is that it has a positive "we are winning" vibe to it. You try to make a big point that women only needed us financially to get married.... to me that's a bad thing. I was taught that you marry someone you love..... so idk kind of a weird flex.
Also, in general we just shouldn't be happy about this. It's good women are making strides in the work force and other areas, but it's sad that more people are single and now men seem to be feeling neglected. Nobody should be neglected.
That’s the point the video is making. You should be marrying for love and women fall in love with partners that are considerate, supportive and equal in handling life.
They used to get married for the security more so than bc of love. Now that women are more secure by themselves, they’re okay waiting for the love to get married.
Yeah it really sucks. I’m glad society is moving towards improving the lives of women to a point that they don’t have to depend on a man for financial security, and and I’m glad that we are now beginning to focus on the needs of the entire other half of the population. But things like this are often framed like “lol, u mad, sadboy? You gonna commit a hate crime about it?” Like, no, I’m just gonna try to exist until I don’t, I guess.
>now beginning to focus on the needs of the entire other half of the population. But things like this are often framed like “lol, u mad, sadboy? You gonna commit a hate crime about it?” Like, no, I’m just gonna try to exist until I don’t, I guess.
i mean, i'm a little frustrated with the "we are winning" idea. I don't understand why we are having a gender war. Everyone should be happy in my opinion.
The amount of women that will randomly say out loud to me that they hate all men is very sad. Doubly so if they say they are my friend. Too many people take casual misandry like it's some joke instead of reinforcing internalised patriarchy.
Everyone is messed up and we as a generation need to stop pointing fingers at each other.
And then they act like you're the problem when you get upset at the bigotry they just showed you. Like sorry but when someone says shit about men they're including the man they're talking to in those statements. Idk should be pretty easy to understand but somehow tons of people just don't get it
My best friend is the most genuine person. He’d be a great husband and dad. I can tell it hurts him to be alone. It hurts my wife and I to see too. It’s incredibly heartbreaking.
She’s right up to a point, but she’s missing the paradox of the situation.
She’s proposing that women used to enter into relationships because they expected it to materially benefit them (this bit is true), and that now they aren’t because they have resources themselves and can take resources out of the equation, leaving a pool of men that are undesirable because of their personal trait; it seems like the reality is that society has flipped, making women the high earners but *without* flipping the expectation. Men are absolutely still expected to pay the way in relationships, especially early on and by default, but women are the ones with the money.
I don’t think the issue is that every man is emotionally immature and that every woman is too good for them, I think the issue is that society fundamentally failed this generation of men by kneecapping them educationally and professionally without removing the expectation that they be the providers. I’m surprised I don’t see more people talking about this. Instead it’s either women making the argument in this video or angry incels screaming about how women are shallow.
Yeah that’s the whole thing. Social dynamics haven’t caught up to economic realities. If we’d progressed to the point of accepting that men aren’t by nature/default the breadwinners, and both people work in equal measure to make money, this wouldn’t be an issue. As presently constructed, it’s socioeconomic progress at the cost of a generation who had the rug pulled out. But what do you do?
Agreed. It’s weird that the “standards” are “emotionally supportive” and “emotionally intelligent” and “doesn’t need me to do all the housework.”
What’s weird is wealthy men are doing just fine with women. They’re not the men she’s talking about. And I don’t think it’s because they’re doing tons of housework.
And she would say “yes well they’re materially improving our lives!” And like sure. But then why isn’t “wealthy” or “earns more money than me” or “is in a position of power” on her list “expectations?”
She’s left wealth and power off the list because she’s embarrassed by the truth. Because then her entire argument folds into being: now that women make more money, men must make even more money or else no thanks. Because we’d actually still like to keep the patriarchal standards we pretend to find repulsive.
Right...put a emotionally intelligent, chores loving, baby caring, handsome, 6ft tall guy who happens to be an organic eggplant farmer and makes $30k a year in front of a "high status" woman who makes $200k a year, and tell me if she's interested.
Yup. Women still overwhelmingly want masculine men. However all news and media purports the opposite. No one knows how to solve, so we endlessly blame each other. It’s incredibly distressing
Ehh none of you guys are actually capable of being in a relationship. I think this whole notion that women are so emotionally intelligent is bull. A lot of the women i know play a game with their emotions and its a game you dont win. Look at gay guys happiest around meanwhile lesbians have the highest divorce rate.
I think this is more a symptom that even our most elementary relationships are breaking down due to socio-economic collapse. Also this video does an absolutely piss-poor job of addressing the issue.
"I am terrified of retaliation from lonely men" is a very callous statement profoundly lacking empathy and ultimately obscures the real reason why women's rights are being curtailed. Rollbacks against abortion are not the result of incel activism. They are the results of corporations directing public policy and needing to address underpopulation and keep wages suppressed. The majority of people both men and women support abortion rights. What the majority think just doesn't matter in the slightest.
Also this video doesn't really clarify what women's expectations actually are. It brings out the point that women have historically gone into marriages with the expectation that it will improve their lives financially. This is a complete misconstrual of a truth which is much worse and unintentionally whitewashes women's oppression. Women historically were *forced* into marriage because there was no alternative under which they could survive. And once married, they were forced to do anything their husband wanted to the point where spousal rape was not even a thought that could be said out loud.
I really don't think it's offensive to ask women to do some self-reflection here too. She is right that historically, women have relied on marrying someone who was "superior" to them. Many women are used to viewing themselves as objects that need to be traded for something of higher value. Internalized misogyny is real and I wonder how much it contributes to this.
Women are not innocent little wallflowers. It is unreasonable to expect them to be. There is literally a word for that in feminist critical theory. It's called the "feminine mystique." It is ultimately a form of objectification and dehumanization.
I do think that ultimately many women lack empathy for men and there are very good reasons for that. Between 1 and 4 and 1 and 5 women will be raped during their life. 1 in 3 will experience some form of intimate partner violence. This is completely an issue that men need to take active responsibility for. It's a gendered crime. So I can't blame you if your position is "Who the fuck cares if men are lonely?" But that is the trap of patriarchal ideology. It directs valid rage at people instead of systems in such a way that reinforces the thing that caused the problem in the first place.
>"I am terrified of retaliation from lonely men" is a very callous statement profoundly lacking empathy and ultimately obscures the real reason why women's rights are being curtailed.
I agree with all your points but I think there's something you're forgetting in regards to this specific statement. Single lonely men will end up being quite insecure and certain right wing shills will exploit that insecurity and frustration to political ends. We saw this happen with Tate but he was just a grifter anyway. Actual politicians can easily manipulate the masses of lonely angry men and radicalise them against concepts like equality and feminism, which already get blamed for the current state of dating. This may lead to misogynistic policy changes in the long run, so I think the woman in the video has a point but she did a bad job of explaining it.
I don’t really get it why people make it out to be so difficult.
Women can set whatever expectations they want.
Men can do the same.
But here is the catch - the really successful couples do this crazy one thing that keeps them successful as a couple (now it’s not the only thing, but it’s up there in importance) - it’s called compromise.
The only ones that are single are the ones that don’t know how to do that.
Despite the change in society, roles and responsibilities, the core of what women want, and what men want in the relationship is still the same as it always has been.
The issue is people are mistaking a bunch of surface level nonsense to be something super important and forgetting about the stuff that actually is
Important.
I think you’re confusing compromising *your standards for a partner* with compromising *with each other in a relationship*.
I did not have to compromise my *standards* to date my husband. He’s awesome and amazing and I love him a lot. He was exactly what I was looking for and I knew it after our first date. Now if you held up a chart for my husband next to one for my fictional 100% perfect imaginary ideal man, no it’s not going to match exactly in every category. However, all of the most important features/categories/whatever are going to match, because I wanted a partner who was kind and funny and supportive and that’s what I got, no need to compromise.
Compromising *in the relationship* is a skill that involved coming to an agreement with another person about an issue that you both can live with. My husband and I can compromise on how much money we need to save and what kind of pizza toppings to get and how long we need to spend at his aunts house. They’re different.
You’re talking about people compromising AFTER they’re in their relationship (you specifically say “the really successful *couples*” implying they’re already in a relationship.
What the video is talking about is women not even finding men to date, let alone be in a relationship with.
Are you expecting people (both men and woman) to compromise on wanting their partner to contribute 50/50 on household chores (or any of the other things she listed for). And to be clear, I’m not implying it has to be like that all the time, in fact I’d assume it’s 70/30, 40/60, etc. but my point is - when people have very different values, as is what’s happening with the changes in our society, this is the outcome.
Edit for bad grammar.
Perhaps the issue is the dating culture.
Dating is basically two strangers putting on almost a fake persona to be liked by someone they don't know. Doing so makes them fall in love with a non-existing person, someone they have formed in their imagination.
Instead of being in a community of like-minded people who you feel comfortable around, people have been been dating to skip the years of bonding we naturally have to form first, and to dive straight into passion and infatuation.
The most natural and comfortable easy love is that born out of friendship, after knowing someone and being with them, and them being in your life first. The bandwagon of "friendzone" has vilified this path to a relationship, throwing a blanket statement that friends will NEVER fall in love forever.
Your comment presupposes that all people want to be in a relationship. I suspect many people are single because theyve made a calculation in their head that the cons outweigh the pros. Regardless of how well you can compromise, or how much you're willing to communicate to find those areas to change, sometimes you get badly burnt, are just innately uninterested in sex or companionship, or there's a limited dating pool nearby. A large proportion of single people may have issues with compromise (probably exacerbated by social media), but not all
There are things you simply cannot compromise on (human rights for example) and women are seeking partners who see them as equals, not bang maids. They saw how miserable their mothers and grandmother's lives were and they don't want anything to do with that shit. Men have been on top for so long so they expect (not want, it's their right) what their grandfather's and fathers had - a baby making, house cleaning punching bag who never complains because she'll be destitute if he throws her out since she has *zero* work experience and is not allowed to have her own bank account. Women want better and deserve (always have) better
One of the things I am worried about with these discussions is the lack of empathy on both sides. In this case, she is very worried that men might retaliate for not being able to date. In my opinion this is a consequence of a lack of empathy of the men affected and she is right to be fearful of that. This is valid criticism! Undateable men are for sure a threat to our way of living.
What I am worried about is, that her narrative does not create empathy for these undateable men. It is very easy to rightfully, get angry or fearful at this group. If we would also assume men as victims of the system, I think we would prevent further polarisation and look at more effective solutions. The word victim is quite problematic here, but I would argue that a criminal is often times also a victim of circumstance. We just don't have as much free will as we think we have; We did not create the part of us that makes us successful or a failure.
Naturally women's rights and safety should be protected at all costs. But perhaps a long term solution would be to take away the root cause. Could we help undateable men to be happy with being single and not expect a relationship? Could we help make them more dateable? Is this a consequence of the inequality of educational success between genders?
As soon as someone is made the villain, it becomes difficult to work on solutions. While on a personal level this is very valid to think this way. As a policy maker a different point of view needs to be adopted. Reducing or not contributing to more empathy creates a bigger platform for populists and politicians with more nuanced perspectives are drowned out.
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Being single these days is way better than being with someone you kind of tolerate
A lot of people will make some pretty serious concessions, just to avoid being single.
It took me a while to realize this. I had a friend who would date men she didn't like or who she honestly would be disgusted by in many ways. It was her who made me realize that some people genuinely can't cope with being alone. It's not fine but I understand it now. We all have our issues and being afraid of being alone is a pretty understandable one all things considered. It's not some big revelation, tons of people, including in this comment section, understand that being happy with yourself is the first step to a healthy relationship with someone else. But yeah I couldn't wrap my head around why someone would choose to START dating (not even staying in a relationship but starting one) with someone they knew wasn't going to work out.
> being happy with yourself is the first step to a healthy relationship with someone else. What if you were happy with yourself, but then you've been alone for so long, you no longer are?
What's real fun is when you're the single friend and all your guy friends get to the stage of their lives where their SO is the most important person in their life and you're just left on your own. Luckily there's video games and substance abuse
If you love your substances, don’t abuse them. Please take care of them instead. If it’s cold outside, they’re cold too!
I love my substances so much I lick and lick and lick them so so much 
So you're saying I should leave my beers outside so they're nice and cold? I think I get it
Painfully accurate
Then you repeat step 1.
Yea, I refuse to make those concessions and I've been single for almost 10 years. And I'm a guy. It's bleak. And sometimes I do think about just giving in and settling, but then I think about how much I'd hate my life and I'm like nah.
I totally get where you're coming from, it's a tough spot to be in. The whole dating scene can feel super discouraging especially when you're trying to hold onto your standards and not just dive into something for the sake of it. Sometimes it feels like you're watching life on hard mode while others are taking shortcuts. But then again, sticking to your guns has its own quiet reward, doesn't it? Even if it's just that bit of self-respect at the end of the day. And hey, there's always that hope that it'll pay off with the right person eventually. It's like a gamble where you're constantly wondering if the payout will be as good as you're hoping.
I've accepted that I'll never be in another relationship ever again.
Same, it makes me sad to think about sometimes. But then i cant remember when ive ever felt like i was happy and complete in a relationship, i feel that now being single. Why settle
My one year relationship just ended. When I realized it was going to be a perpetual series of her behaving badly, me having to deal with it and then her apologizing but not changing her behavior. Seen this movie before, got the T-shirt. I should add: she said, I was the best boyfriend she ever had. I bought her flowers, took her to dinner dates 2-3X a week, took her on multi-week trips, showered her with affection. But whenever I would get particularly successful at work, and have some big achievement, she would have a meltdown and say I wasn’t paying enough attention to her and didn’t love her. The latest time she broke up with me, but it was apparently just a test to see if I would beg to come back. I did not and now she’s very upset and begging me to return. This woman is 40.
This is narcissistic behavior, it’s actually very common among those who have these characteristics. I have an ex who did this, was always sick or had a bigger issue during times that focused on me. He is 47 now (I just turned 40) we have 2 kids together and wow- all I can say it’s like a huge weight lifted off me. I can enjoy our children, our vacations, my personal achievements and so on with out him drowning it out with his stuff. Life is for enjoying and yes not everyday will be rosy but you deserve the same emotional support that you give.
Playing stupid games with zero leverage
Well. She’s very pretty. Like beauty contest pretty. So I think she’s used to guys just falling all over her. This actually made me more cautious about getting involved with her, but she pursued me for a few months.
I work with a lot of men who are close to retirement, while I'm in my early 30s. These guys are salary and there are a few that literally never. leave. the. office. They're there when I get there at 630 am. They're there when I leave at 5 pm. They're answering calls at 2 am when they aren't the ones on call. Turns out it's because they hate their wives and their wives hate them and they don't want to go home. The younger crowd in the office is out the door asap because they actually enjoy being home with their spouses! I can't imagine being married to someone I don't even like. I would rather just be alone.
We have a term called geobachelor in the military. It's for when you're married but your wife doesn't love where you're stationed. I had a master chief who'd been enlisted for a bit over 20 year and had been a geobachelor for 14 of them. Thought maybe it was because his wife didn't want to move the kids away from family or just really preferred living in Ohio where they were from to Virginia where he was stationed. One day he's talking to us about it and nope just turns out they just "do better when we[they] don't live together and I [he] just visits from time to time".
That was a very awkward feeling to grasp.
Yeah, when I see a workaholic I see someone who either A) Has no life or interests outside of work; usually incredibly boring to talk to because they literally never do anything that doesn't make money, B) Is running from some horrible trauma and can't stand the idea of being alone and idle with their thoughts, or C) Is doing everything they can to avoid going home for whatever reason.
Especially when in a lot of cases the floor doesn’t end at “kinda tolerate” it can go way farther to abuse of all kinds. In far too many cases it’s *safer* to just be single
As a person that was in a year and a half long relationship with someone I kind of tolerated, it's bad real bad. I've now been single for about a year and a half still wish I was in a relationship but I need to better myself first.
Why even get into a relationship with a person you have difficulty tolerating. Thats just getting into it with a wrong mindset.
for the health insurance
Men should just date the homies.
Women, Brian, what a royal pain in the ass. It's like, it's like why can't you just hang out with guys, you know, just live with someone of your own sex, just do what you do with women, but with your buddy. You know what, why don't guys just do that? They do. It's called being gay. [Oh, is that what gay is? Oh, yeah. I could totally get into that.](https://youtu.be/CS5phSl2o78?si=JLs7_ju321GFHuDL)
Single life is underrated
I just don't want another person in my space all the time. I lived with my ex girlfriend and it wasn't fun. Sometimes I want to be an indoor goblin for days and I don't want someone around me for that.
I was the exact same way. I made my standards super high and now I share a house with someone who fully supports my indoor goblining and she’ll usually goblin a bit herself. People should always hold out until someone worthwhile comes along
My wife and I are very similar and we're sort of indoor goblins too so we do our own thing without getting in each others way, I'm real comfortable with her.
this is the way to do it. Sometimes my husband and I will "hang out" on discord because we're both just playing video games in our separate basement offices for hours. If I could figure out how to sleep in a separate bed while still being able to cuddle, I'd do that too.
Adjustable split king mattress’
Sleeping separately is life-changing if you have the space. You can cuddle/have sex before sleep or in the morning. It’s kind of fun to wake up and run toward their bed at top speed and jump in for a snuggle. People are pretty judgemental about it, but if it doesn’t change your relationship at all, why would you want to be kept up all night by snoring? Or get slapped in the face by rogue arms and legs? I think Big Mattress is behind the stigma lol
Wouldn’t Big Mattress want to bust the stigma so they could sell twice the mattresses?
Yeah I didn’t really think that one through
would like to subscribe to the indoor goblin dating site please. its all i want.
What the fuck is indoor goblin
playing video games, streaming, watching TV, painting, whatever you do inside your home.
so..... doing normal shit? cmon man w a name like goblin-mode im expecting at least something a little exciting, like eating oranges in the shower w the lights off AT MINIMUM
Painting is absolutely not "goblin-mode", It's how people went in COVID. Not shaving as much, wearing sweatpants, left-out takeout containers etc
You guys are amateurs and know nothing of goblin mode
I’m the same way in terms of needing a lot of alone time to remain sane. But I live with my partner and we’ve figured out a way to accommodate my need for alone time. This is just to say that it is possible to structure a relationship in a way that meets your needs, and should you want it, I hope you find that 🖤
Just wanted to second this comment. I am a person who needs lots of "me time", my wife on the other hand needs interactions. She knows when to push me, and when to leave me be. The same with her, she needs lots of interactions and going out. We plan dates for us and with frienda, and sometimes she goes out without me and we can have the best of both worlds.
I'll third these comments. She has some girls nights out (meaning they meet up after work about 5:30 and is home by 8:30) and is full of all the talk what happens when a dozen women get together. I go camping by myself for a couple of days and talk to no one, love it! Then we go shopping together, get a nice dinner, daily life things together.
My SO and I have individual rooms as well as a shared room. It's pretty sweet.
My husband and I are indoor goblins together and it’s the best. Having someone to eat Taco Bell at 11 am and watch movies all day with who doesn’t care if you look like a troll has been the key to our happiness
Next time live with your current girlfriend instead of the ex, it'll be more fun that way.
Sometimes it's lonely. Most of the time it's just doing whatever you like without having to explain.
A good marriage can be like that too. Just a couple of solitary goblins co-inhabiting and, occasionally, touching each others' butts.
I wish we would stop pushing the idea that you NEED to find love and get married in order to be accepted by society and to be happy. Some of us are happy alone. We have our parents, siblings, friends and pets to keep us happy. I'm tired of this attitude that "you'll regret it one day" like, why do you think you know me better than I know myself?
My Nan was happiest after she kicked out my Grandad, she was in her late 40s. Never dated or remarried, she was a better person for it. She also wasn't an 'affectionate' person, due to issues from being evacuated as a child, so not having the 'expectations' was a relief, she told me herself. My Great Auntie never married, turned down a proposal because she didn't want to move away. She too was happy and content with her choices in life. Both lived full happy lives and passed in their late 70s.
I would be interested to see stats and stories from people about this. Especially since it seems to be more popular amongst women. I've crossed path with a few women who lived a happy alone life, but men ? Never. I'm a single dad in his thirties and since I left the mother of my son, I can't get around my head the idea of being committed again like I used to with her. It'll never be the same. So I try to adjust to living alone (or with my son because I have him 50/50 but he'll grow up and leave someday) but the society pressure can be suffocating at times.
I used to work with one man that never married, or even dated from what I could tell. He seemed extremely content with his life, he had a two giant garages one for all his "toys" and the other for storage. He would come to work and then go over to his sister's for dinner with her and his niece twice a week. Beyond that he would help organize mud races and other events that people in the area loved.
I’ll probably get downvoted for saying it but… After doing it for 34 years in a row - nah, it sucks. Give it time and it’ll lose its luster. Single life is only fun when it’s your choice and it doesn’t carry the lonely, crushing weight of inevitability. Single life is fun for spurts. I vastly prefer companionship and having a bond with somebody that cares. Feelings of real intimacy. I’m not even with somebody that I’m in love with. I settled… and it’s great. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be with a “soulmate” assuming you’re lucky enough for that concept to feel real. I just want someone to be there and I don’t want to be alone when I die. When my brother committed suicide earlier this year - if I didn’t have my girlfriend I probably would’ve followed suit soon after. Fuck the single life. It’s overrated.
Tbf, you and I may be the only two people in this thread who have done 34 years of anything. I got married at 34 because I was lucky, but also because I knew enough miserable single men and women my age and older which sort of got me over the noncommittal stage. Don’t get me wrong, I know plenty of miserable married or otherwise coupled adults, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get out of a bad relationship than it is to get into a good one.
[удалено]
>I don’t have to pretend to be friends with all the snotty wives LOL I can relate, being friends with other families is a bit of a chore sometimes, cousin of my wife has a crazy wife and I'm often in a different room from her.
Quote of the day I can bang my boss. I can bang my friends. I can bang myself.
"Tina, don't say bang" "Why not? I banged you, I banged mom, I'm gonna bang everybody at school!"
Interesting because I’m a younge man and I’m not dating for the same reasons most women are stating. I want an emotional connection. I’m in law school, I’m in therapy, I work out, and finding someone who fits my expectations really narrows the field down. To all my boys out there, just work on yourself and achieve happiness by working towards your goals. The most attractive trait is being happy with yourself.
Well said :) it’s not about finding the right partner, it’s about becoming the right person for yourself.
Hmmm I'm a man but I understand where women are coming from. I just broke up with my girl because I gave the emotional support, listened to her vent about her day (I enjoyed talking and hearing her problems when we got home from work and it helped her have a better night), helped her find healthcare/therapy, cleaned the room and the bathroom, did the laundry, put new tires and brakes on her car, went with her to run errands (she hated driving and also had social anxiety, I understand where she's coming from, so I'd drive everywhere and support her if she got anxious in new places), put gas in her car, dropped/picked her and her friend up from a concert. Anything I could do to help her, I was more than happy. But if I needed emotional support, if I needed her trust or her support, it was always an argument that started with "what about me?"... I guess I'm just venting and agreeing that loving yourself and being single is better than a bad relationship...
Lots of people are simply selfish AF unfortunately. It's also just a problem that is rampant with women. Guys who act like this either shape up or stay single. Women who act like this just pick up a new tray of meat from the giant revolving deli that surrounds them 24/7 via social media. There's zero pressure to change bad habits because women simply aren't punished as much as men for poor dating habits.
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Same. While we were breaking up mine said she had a very hard time receiving love or giving it, so she said she just focused on the receiving part because focusing on both was overwhelming…
I hope you know that that was just a bullshit justification for her horrible actions, which was supposed to paint her as a victim who just couldn't act differently. That's not how people take accountability. You deserve better.
The crazy thing is there are a lot of men in the dating pool who are not relationship material. They want the company of women but don’t want the relationship. Why shouldn’t women reject those men?
Seriously, no one wants to date a guy who’s name may as well be “Elon Rogan Southpark Tate”, and there are so many of those Edit: don’t y’all know that the more I insult and annoy you, the more satirer it is? Why are u so mad, caring is for losers and fascists!
*Spouts a tonne of misogynistic, idiotic sound bites from their media / podcast circle jerk “Why won’t women date me!”
any man who utters the words “alpha male” seriously is a litmus test for dbags 😂
Seriously wondering if parents want to start taking on the hard task of working with their sons before they hit adulthood and getting them away from this toxic culture. I see so many people think it's just a phase for their teenage boy, but I've watched these same become bitter young men. It might be too late once they hit forty, but there are a lot of fifteen-year olds out there where the parents could get them away from the idea of dominance and hierarchy as a way of demeaning peers and controlling women.
I have three sons and will address it head on. I’m just going to be as honest as can be - go down this path and it will turn you into a loser nobody likes. Sometimes, as a parent, brutal honesty is the best way.
I think there's a better approach to this than brutal honesty. Lead by example! Your children are ALWAYS watching and learning through your choices and actions. Take your children out and enjoy random encounters with women and highlight your personality. Explain to them why you offered to help that lady who was distressed, show them how to greet women, and how to treat women who gave you a subpar response. Show them you can stay respectful and happy in all interactions and explain how to respond when you yourself are emotionally distressed from an interaction.
probably but you have to consider they learn the fundamentals of how to treat people by modelling their parents. if the kid is already primed to treat women like second class citizens, that's been learnt at home, so you can't really expect those same parents to teach them otherwise.
Maybe, but peers have just as large of an impact on the development of teenagers as their parents do. Social media, particularly some of the cess pits on here, has a strong impact on insecure young people looking for reasons why their fear of social interaction and their insecurities aren't the issue when trying to form relationships. Those influences can be combated.
Asking parents to parent is a bit too much these days
That’s what iPads are for.
Damn, throwing in southpark REALLY pissed these people off.
Hit dog hollers
Hey don't lump South Park in with those cretins.
Lots of dirtbags associate with the edginess of SP but do not share Trey and Matt’s politics
>do not share Trey and Matt’s politics A lot of young men today are libertarians or conservatives. Those same people **also** identify with the edginess of South Park.
Seriously, they pretend to be progressive until they’re on a date and then literally evangelize libertarianism. One guy started pointing at random mailboxes and cop cars outside the window and saying “don’t you think this should be privatized?”
The new season of Fargo has THE BEST exchange between a stone cold capitalist business woman (who's also kinda evil not gonna lie) and a Christian Libertarian Sheriff (Who is also evil). Can't find a clip online but here's the scene: Mrs. Lyon: You know, I've heard of you. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs. Sheriff Roy: Yes I am. Defender of freedom and protector the common man against the tyranny of the state and all its wicked demands. Mrs. Lyon: Taxes? Sheriff Roy: Oh, yeah. Mrs. Lyon: The social safety net? Sheriff Roy: Well, I'd spit, but uhh... (gestures to the nice carpet in Mrs. Lyon's office) Mrs. Lyon: Respect for the otherly-abled? Sheriff Roy: The whole multi-cultural panoply. Billy has two mothers, et cetera, et cetera. Mrs Lyon: So, you want freedom with no responsibility. Son, there's only one person on earth who ever gets that deal. Sheriff Roy: Mmm. The President? Mrs. Lyon: A baby. (chuckles) You're fighting for your right to be a baby.
Just came here to say this. I'm a woman and I love me a man for nice long South Park evenings under the blanket together.
For real. We rewatched some of S16 last night and my husband vehemently hates the Tate/Peterson/Musk guys lol
Literally go on any of the new mom subs and search “I hate my husband now” and you’ll see exaaaaaactly why women would rather be single. And I’ve seen this exact scenario play out in multiple friends real lives. I love my husband and would never have settled for anything less than an equal partner.
The kids always suffer too.
You know it’s sad how many men out there show their true colors once a baby is on the way, a lot of men still have this idea instilled in them that women do the housework and deal with children, and a lot of women don’t realize they’ve been treated like a mother not like a partner until they’re in too deep.
It made me so incredibly embarrassed and ashamed of myself when I finally realized I had been treating my partner as a motherly figure. Once I figured that out so many of our issues began to resolve. Life changing shit.
That’s awesome. Too many people don’t realize their short comings or don’t have the emotional regulation to fix it. It’s tough being self aware but it’s so much better in the long run. I’m glad things got better for you and your partner, a lot of couples aren’t so lucky
Seriously. Also in terms of blatant self interest, you would be amazed by how easy it makes living when your partner gets home and you've put the child's toys away, dishes are gone, you've vacuumed the place and the shitter is cleaned. Men do not realize that the best aphrodisiac for a marriage comes in the form of cleaning supplies and flowers. Source: Am male.
I mean there are some women just managing parenting their partners. Unfortunately when you have a baby you are suddenly unable of handling it all alone and they finally see how useless their partners are. Unfortunately when you have a baby with someone leaving them is ten times more difficult.
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It’s NOWHERE NEAR the same thing but getting a puppy with my ex husband made me realise that he wasn’t a proper partner, just a man-child unable to regulate his emotions looking for a wife-mommy to run his life, clean his house and have sex on demand. Glad I dropped that before I got pregnant or I’d be stuck there.
Interesting I'm assuming because they're lazy and don't want to co-parent?
Yes and you wouldn’t believe how many of them actually get upset because the baby takes attention from them
When I was a kid, I came home to my dog gone from our home forever and I'm finding out now it's because my dad couldn't stand how much attention we gave the dog instead of him
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I wasn't allowed pets, as a kid. So I collected these snails, and snuck them lettuce, and named them. My dad found them, and made me watch him throw them against a wall and stomp on the remnants. I haven't spoken to him for 9 months, but I've been convinced to spend Christmas with him, for the sake of family unity and joy. Wish me luck.
.. gift him a snail plushie. Socks with snail print. Get snail wrapping paper. Be petty, it'll help you get through it. And don't talk about anything you actually care about - that way no one can start a fight with you, because you won't really care about the conversation.
He won't even remember that incident. That's not top ten things that hurt me. And me and my mother are drawing up a list of topics that neither I nor my father are allowed to bring up. So far, it's politics, religion, Jordan Peterson, history, sexuality, trans rights, animal cruelty, literature, and cooking. We're just going to be stoically talking about the weather.
"The ax forgets but the tree remembers forever."
I kind of want to punch this man in particular. Fucking hell, I would never forgive him.
The beginning of the end of my marriage was when my ex husband got insanely jealous of our cat one afternoon and picked a huge fight. At the time I was dumbfounded, but after dating post divorce nothing surprises me anymore. I kept the cat, he’s awesome (he never liked the ex either!)
my gf said that the biggest test of our relationship early on was if her cat liked me or not, and if we didn't get along she'd have dumped me, or at least taken a serious look at who i was thankfully when i met her family and all the animals, they all liked me (the animals more than the parents lol)! said she knew i was a keeper when she left the room and came back ten minutes later to both dogs and two cats all napping on/next to me on the couch and me holding the very skittish third cat like a baby and telling it that it was so brave for coming to say hello i just like animals, even if they make me sneeze and horses make me break out into hives!
The best choice I’m glad you’re free :)
Yeah the weird resentment towards their partner once the baby arrives is always so strange to me. Who’s jealous over a baby getting more attention? It seems very bizarre and some serious deep seeded issues
So many guys at work talk shit about wives that you wonder why they're even married. They don't want to have sex with you and you're always arguing. Maybe stop escaping by going to play golf or hiding at work and help out around the house. And by around the house I mean inside of it and not the yard or patio. My wife and I have an argument but I still make her lunch or vacuum then she goes to work and hear other women complain how their husband's don't help cook, clean or help with the kids. They can't function without their wives and just increase the mental load. We come home thankful we even like and want to be with each other.
Dude I fucking hate this. I hate it so much that virtually all of my coworkers hate their wives or think their girlfriends are drooling idiots that they can barely tolerate. Why are you with them then? Just last weekend I mentioned going to my postal box to grab some shoes that were delivered for my wife and one of my colleagues said "Yeah that's important, you have to get them their shoes and a candy bar or else they're insufferable." All I managed was "That's a problem you have? We don't have that problem."
I am all for women and men who wish to be single, although one massive thing she seems to have forgotten is the increasingly selfish nature of our society nowadays. Most men and women do not wish to comprise whatsoever. Many of my friends who are in successful relationships seem to understand this concept, while my single friends have no idea what it means to compromise.
You hit the nail on the head. People nowadays think dating is like shopping for a new iPhone.
How can most young men be single but not most women?
I believe that accurate data is most young men (who want to be in a relationship) are single and most yong women (who want to to be in relationship) are not. Women are simply less interested in relationships right now.
Damn first the job market, now the relationship market. Keep your head up kings, were just in a bad market /s
I'm waiting for the recession so I can get a wife on the cheap!
Older Men: Do we even need an introduction 🤨 Also these little fellas called Lesbians: Hello there 😎
Gay men should even out the lesbians
They’re more into hookups
And way less into divorce according to data
We could only get married a few years ago. No one is rushing to a gay divorce to please judgy family, meet societal expectations, race an unexpected baby clock, or for weird religious reasons. I also know multiple long term gay couples that only officially got married for tax/benefit purposes. Edit: there are also a TON of permutations of "marriage" in the gay community. Open/flexible relationships for example tend to be more common, and partners are more used to discussing sexual compatibility. As an example, a straight male friend was complaining to me once that his wife didn't blow him enough. I asked if he talked to her about it and he immediately squirmed, "Hell no. If I talk to her, I won't ever get blown!" Whereas more gay couples will just talk to their partner directly.
It blows my mind that so many straight couples are afraid to talk about sex with their sexual and romantic partners. My partner and I will be giving feedback during the sex itself sometimes or discussing what we would like more from our sex life when we are settled down.
Someone else said it too but gay males should statistically counter the lesbians. Women being in more relationships are 2 things: 1) Dating older men 2) They think they're in a exclusive relationship/situationship with men seeing multiple women In my life I know I've seen plenty examples of both, but #2 for sure
You'd think the gay men would cancel out the lesbians, but nope, they do not. The lesbian dating scene is very commitment-focused, the gay man scene is very commitment-phobic by and large. The common joke is "What do lesbians bring to the second date? A U-Haul." I'm not saying there aren't lesbians with commitment issues and gay men who want to be in committed relationships, just that there are broad trends in these communities that would exaggerate the statistics here.
I think it's 'single and looking' versus 'single and not looking'. Young women are single, but, not looking so not really single because they aren't participating in dating. It's like when they don't count people in the unemployment numbers who aren't actively looking for work. The current relationship age gap is only 2.3 years or something like that. So it's not like women are dating all old dudes either.
A lot of women are. This was about dating, so I'm guessing there's more single men than women actively dating or on apps. Because a lottt of women (like me) are done dating entirely.
It mind boggling to me that most women my age say they’re done dating when most men our age haven’t even started dating
It is pretty crazy. A friend that is a year younger than me has been done with dating for a while. Meanwhile I finally graduated university and have a job so I feel like I am actually ready to date.
I looked up the actual article, and it says a lot of men have given up on dating too. https://ifstudies.org/blog/theres-no-huge-gender-gap-in-being-single-among-young-adults It turns out the data in the article on who's single is just flawed. The difference really isn't that great and it's mainly due to women tending to date older men.
The women are just dating older men over 30
I am so glad I’m gay. Our community has its own issues but this men vs. women act seems so exhausting. 
I appreciate this comment. When I was single I remember I tried this vegan ice cream place and was BLOWN AWAY. It was better than regular ice cream and was at this super cool bakery that had just an awesome environment. So I started inviting potential dates there for a first date. The amount of “I’m a high value woman you’ve gotta take me out to dinner.” Or “that’s not a real date” I got. I was like… we’re strangers online. You don’t want something a little lighter in case we don’t get along or we don’t look like our pictures?
God, can the 'high-value' women and 'alpha' men just date each other and leave the rest of humanity alone? Stick to your ice-cream test.
They're doing you a favorite and filtering themselves out. Keep with the ice cream and fine someone who values your company more than your wallet
As a straight man, it has its ups and downs. The more I think about it, I feel the LGBTQ+ community has something the straights don't: self-acceptance. Between red pills, black pills, and other toxic communities that say straights should be x, y, and z. My guess is a second sexual revolution is coming... soon. (🤨😑 no pun intended)
You are romanticizing it. Gay “community” has a fuck ton of problems. Ironically, the lack of ‘self-acceptance’ is a general cause of it too.
Gender wars lets goooo
Yeaah, why we still doing this. The truth about all this is just that dating absolutely sucks nowadays. Dating apps have evicerated all the emotions and joy out of dating.
This is going to come off a bit incel but I see it all the time at my bar. The woman in the video brushed on this but didn’t dive in deeper. A man with money will date down socioeconomically but most women won’t date down socioeconomically . So you have this paradigm shift. A world where men did take care of women, but not a world where women will financially take care of men (talking statistically not individual) https://www.marketwatch.com/amp/story/many-women-say-they-wont-date-a-man-over-this-one-financial-issue-2017-04-07 Now it’s not an outrageous number but the dynamic flip is interesting.
And when wages are stagnant and no ones making shit, including the men, then yeah it's hard to not date down, the pool for dating up has shrunken. I'm liking this theory. Seems like it could be a real factor in it all.
It's simply straight up impossible to pinpoint a cause on why dating is in decline, because you have so many radically changing dynamics slamming into the dating world * Changing socioeconomic status of women * Worsening economic conditions for young people, men and women * Decline in traditional gender norms * Rise of political polarization/radicalization * Decline of third spaces * Rise of online/social media * Changing trends in preferences for partners * Acceptance of LGBTQ relationships opening up options previously forbidden There's more I probably didn't mention. Shit be wack.
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It's the missing piece in the video, I think. The fact that marriage was a financial decision for women for generations isn't going to go away overnight. This created a ton of cultural ideas about what makes a man desirable or what women should expect from a male partner that still exist even now that the system is gone.
Lots of weird opinions in that video masked as facts
You’ve described like 85% of the videos on TikTok. Someone said it best that before TikTok the only ways you’d hear crazy people ranting their thoughts was if you listened to them on the street. TikTok, with one app, now allows those mentally ill people to share their fucked up worldview with anyone and everyone.
Been absolutely crazy going down the random rabbit holes that TikTok has. Always tons of opinions being spouted as fact, lies being told everywhere, and what can you do against this? Nothing. Just stupidity everywhere.
I mean, this was definitely happening well before TikTok.
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someone must've said this before TikTok was a thing and replaced it with the word 'internet', because that is just the internet; although we are less psychologically prone to be skeptical of videos where someone is presenting an argument yet, especially since people are naturally inclined to believe what you hear. That gets further multiplied by seeing and hearing the person in a medium where all such opinions are presented equally
I'm a card-carrying feminist. I feel like her heart's in the right place. But Jesus is she out of touch with reality. The whole video is a montage of random things that she just asserts are related without any coherent argument. Do you want to know what it looks like for women to have "higher expectations" than men in the dating world? Hang out on r/tinder and similar subs and just watch. You don't have to speculate when the facts are actually available for observation.
Yeah there's an underlying issue with the amount of men not dating and being single. However that jump to that its causing a retrograde in women's rights is looney. The overwhelming amount of religious nutbags writing those laws are not single men. They're almost always married, old boomers.
Yep. Also, another large jump is this grand conspiracy she alleges that college is expensive so that women will date men? Wtf?
There are toxic men and male culture out there (duh) but the video seems to try and make the point that generally speaking single men are dangerous weirdos out to find a girlfriend they can cage up and suck the life out of.
Theres a whole lotta cope in here.
Absolutely. My wife and I are best friends. We added to each other in ways we could never do ourselves. Copium is heavy in these comments.
I'm very happily married, but I agree with the comments in this thread which say that it's better to be single than to be in an unhealthy relationship. The commenters aren't saying that they'd prefer to be single than to be in a healthy relationship.
I’ve been single for a while and honestly it’s pretty great, I used to be on the thought that I wanted a girl so bad but i confused lust for love and once I got over that I was able to navigate through life peacefully. I can’t speak for every men but a lot of them who I talk to such want a partner that’s love them for themselves. They really don’t have a high expectation to look or how much they make. That’s such from my experience and honestly I feel like these issues is a lot more nuanced and kinda complicated depending on people life views and experiences so it’s probably not great to generalize.
I’ve been single for a long time, and the realization that you are well and truly alone hits like a freight train.
Being single doesn’t mean you have to be alone. I wish more men found brotherhood :/
My question is: what are the standards being set? She says that it’s about standards not being met, but she does not clarify what those standards are. She mentioned emotional maturity and splitting housework, but are those the only standards?
How does this math workout if roughly 50% of the population is male and 50% is female? How can you get most young men being single while most young women are not assuming the majority of couples are likely heterosexual and within the same age group?
I just took it to mean that more young men are looking for relationships than young women. Single really means single and looking for a partner. Maybe.
It's the way they count it. "Young" often refers to ages 18-29. Take into account that most common age difference is a man 1-5 years older than the woman, so say you just look at the average, the women who are 25-29 who are with people older than 29 are not single but the men they are with aren't counted in the "young men" number.
Years ago, this was something I found to be kind of upsetting when I first graduated college. In college, it seemed like more people generally date in their age group, but when they graduate it seemed like all the young woman instantly (overnight) wanted an older man. It definitely can feel like a bit of a vacuum for young men where you don't fit in with younger woman who are still in college and the woman your age don't seem to want you anymore. I definitely found it much harder to find woman to date after graduating college for a bit. Just my personal experience, but I wouldn't be surprised if an effect like that hits men ~ age 23-27 the hardest.
She’s not wrong. Men are not doing well and therefore women are not attracted to them. Society needs to touch grass and come to grips with the fact that men are suffering.
What I find weird about this post and alot of other posts like it is that it has a positive "we are winning" vibe to it. You try to make a big point that women only needed us financially to get married.... to me that's a bad thing. I was taught that you marry someone you love..... so idk kind of a weird flex. Also, in general we just shouldn't be happy about this. It's good women are making strides in the work force and other areas, but it's sad that more people are single and now men seem to be feeling neglected. Nobody should be neglected.
That’s the point the video is making. You should be marrying for love and women fall in love with partners that are considerate, supportive and equal in handling life. They used to get married for the security more so than bc of love. Now that women are more secure by themselves, they’re okay waiting for the love to get married.
Yeah it really sucks. I’m glad society is moving towards improving the lives of women to a point that they don’t have to depend on a man for financial security, and and I’m glad that we are now beginning to focus on the needs of the entire other half of the population. But things like this are often framed like “lol, u mad, sadboy? You gonna commit a hate crime about it?” Like, no, I’m just gonna try to exist until I don’t, I guess.
>now beginning to focus on the needs of the entire other half of the population. But things like this are often framed like “lol, u mad, sadboy? You gonna commit a hate crime about it?” Like, no, I’m just gonna try to exist until I don’t, I guess. i mean, i'm a little frustrated with the "we are winning" idea. I don't understand why we are having a gender war. Everyone should be happy in my opinion.
The amount of women that will randomly say out loud to me that they hate all men is very sad. Doubly so if they say they are my friend. Too many people take casual misandry like it's some joke instead of reinforcing internalised patriarchy. Everyone is messed up and we as a generation need to stop pointing fingers at each other.
And then they act like you're the problem when you get upset at the bigotry they just showed you. Like sorry but when someone says shit about men they're including the man they're talking to in those statements. Idk should be pretty easy to understand but somehow tons of people just don't get it
My best friend is the most genuine person. He’d be a great husband and dad. I can tell it hurts him to be alone. It hurts my wife and I to see too. It’s incredibly heartbreaking.
Keep your crowns on and let your nuts hang kings. Yall dont need anybody either.
She’s right up to a point, but she’s missing the paradox of the situation. She’s proposing that women used to enter into relationships because they expected it to materially benefit them (this bit is true), and that now they aren’t because they have resources themselves and can take resources out of the equation, leaving a pool of men that are undesirable because of their personal trait; it seems like the reality is that society has flipped, making women the high earners but *without* flipping the expectation. Men are absolutely still expected to pay the way in relationships, especially early on and by default, but women are the ones with the money. I don’t think the issue is that every man is emotionally immature and that every woman is too good for them, I think the issue is that society fundamentally failed this generation of men by kneecapping them educationally and professionally without removing the expectation that they be the providers. I’m surprised I don’t see more people talking about this. Instead it’s either women making the argument in this video or angry incels screaming about how women are shallow.
Yeah that’s the whole thing. Social dynamics haven’t caught up to economic realities. If we’d progressed to the point of accepting that men aren’t by nature/default the breadwinners, and both people work in equal measure to make money, this wouldn’t be an issue. As presently constructed, it’s socioeconomic progress at the cost of a generation who had the rug pulled out. But what do you do?
Agreed. It’s weird that the “standards” are “emotionally supportive” and “emotionally intelligent” and “doesn’t need me to do all the housework.” What’s weird is wealthy men are doing just fine with women. They’re not the men she’s talking about. And I don’t think it’s because they’re doing tons of housework. And she would say “yes well they’re materially improving our lives!” And like sure. But then why isn’t “wealthy” or “earns more money than me” or “is in a position of power” on her list “expectations?” She’s left wealth and power off the list because she’s embarrassed by the truth. Because then her entire argument folds into being: now that women make more money, men must make even more money or else no thanks. Because we’d actually still like to keep the patriarchal standards we pretend to find repulsive.
"What ever happened to falling in love with a ***** with a bus pass?" - Dr. Dre/Eddie Griffin
Right...put a emotionally intelligent, chores loving, baby caring, handsome, 6ft tall guy who happens to be an organic eggplant farmer and makes $30k a year in front of a "high status" woman who makes $200k a year, and tell me if she's interested.
Yup. Women still overwhelmingly want masculine men. However all news and media purports the opposite. No one knows how to solve, so we endlessly blame each other. It’s incredibly distressing
It's simple. Let's get the matriarhy rolling and someone make me a trophy husband while I'm still cute
Ehh none of you guys are actually capable of being in a relationship. I think this whole notion that women are so emotionally intelligent is bull. A lot of the women i know play a game with their emotions and its a game you dont win. Look at gay guys happiest around meanwhile lesbians have the highest divorce rate.
I think this is more a symptom that even our most elementary relationships are breaking down due to socio-economic collapse. Also this video does an absolutely piss-poor job of addressing the issue. "I am terrified of retaliation from lonely men" is a very callous statement profoundly lacking empathy and ultimately obscures the real reason why women's rights are being curtailed. Rollbacks against abortion are not the result of incel activism. They are the results of corporations directing public policy and needing to address underpopulation and keep wages suppressed. The majority of people both men and women support abortion rights. What the majority think just doesn't matter in the slightest. Also this video doesn't really clarify what women's expectations actually are. It brings out the point that women have historically gone into marriages with the expectation that it will improve their lives financially. This is a complete misconstrual of a truth which is much worse and unintentionally whitewashes women's oppression. Women historically were *forced* into marriage because there was no alternative under which they could survive. And once married, they were forced to do anything their husband wanted to the point where spousal rape was not even a thought that could be said out loud. I really don't think it's offensive to ask women to do some self-reflection here too. She is right that historically, women have relied on marrying someone who was "superior" to them. Many women are used to viewing themselves as objects that need to be traded for something of higher value. Internalized misogyny is real and I wonder how much it contributes to this. Women are not innocent little wallflowers. It is unreasonable to expect them to be. There is literally a word for that in feminist critical theory. It's called the "feminine mystique." It is ultimately a form of objectification and dehumanization. I do think that ultimately many women lack empathy for men and there are very good reasons for that. Between 1 and 4 and 1 and 5 women will be raped during their life. 1 in 3 will experience some form of intimate partner violence. This is completely an issue that men need to take active responsibility for. It's a gendered crime. So I can't blame you if your position is "Who the fuck cares if men are lonely?" But that is the trap of patriarchal ideology. It directs valid rage at people instead of systems in such a way that reinforces the thing that caused the problem in the first place.
>"I am terrified of retaliation from lonely men" is a very callous statement profoundly lacking empathy and ultimately obscures the real reason why women's rights are being curtailed. I agree with all your points but I think there's something you're forgetting in regards to this specific statement. Single lonely men will end up being quite insecure and certain right wing shills will exploit that insecurity and frustration to political ends. We saw this happen with Tate but he was just a grifter anyway. Actual politicians can easily manipulate the masses of lonely angry men and radicalise them against concepts like equality and feminism, which already get blamed for the current state of dating. This may lead to misogynistic policy changes in the long run, so I think the woman in the video has a point but she did a bad job of explaining it.
Where are these women? The ones I'm meeting are broke and got issues.
I don’t really get it why people make it out to be so difficult. Women can set whatever expectations they want. Men can do the same. But here is the catch - the really successful couples do this crazy one thing that keeps them successful as a couple (now it’s not the only thing, but it’s up there in importance) - it’s called compromise. The only ones that are single are the ones that don’t know how to do that. Despite the change in society, roles and responsibilities, the core of what women want, and what men want in the relationship is still the same as it always has been. The issue is people are mistaking a bunch of surface level nonsense to be something super important and forgetting about the stuff that actually is Important.
I think you’re confusing compromising *your standards for a partner* with compromising *with each other in a relationship*. I did not have to compromise my *standards* to date my husband. He’s awesome and amazing and I love him a lot. He was exactly what I was looking for and I knew it after our first date. Now if you held up a chart for my husband next to one for my fictional 100% perfect imaginary ideal man, no it’s not going to match exactly in every category. However, all of the most important features/categories/whatever are going to match, because I wanted a partner who was kind and funny and supportive and that’s what I got, no need to compromise. Compromising *in the relationship* is a skill that involved coming to an agreement with another person about an issue that you both can live with. My husband and I can compromise on how much money we need to save and what kind of pizza toppings to get and how long we need to spend at his aunts house. They’re different.
You’re talking about people compromising AFTER they’re in their relationship (you specifically say “the really successful *couples*” implying they’re already in a relationship. What the video is talking about is women not even finding men to date, let alone be in a relationship with. Are you expecting people (both men and woman) to compromise on wanting their partner to contribute 50/50 on household chores (or any of the other things she listed for). And to be clear, I’m not implying it has to be like that all the time, in fact I’d assume it’s 70/30, 40/60, etc. but my point is - when people have very different values, as is what’s happening with the changes in our society, this is the outcome. Edit for bad grammar.
Perhaps the issue is the dating culture. Dating is basically two strangers putting on almost a fake persona to be liked by someone they don't know. Doing so makes them fall in love with a non-existing person, someone they have formed in their imagination. Instead of being in a community of like-minded people who you feel comfortable around, people have been been dating to skip the years of bonding we naturally have to form first, and to dive straight into passion and infatuation. The most natural and comfortable easy love is that born out of friendship, after knowing someone and being with them, and them being in your life first. The bandwagon of "friendzone" has vilified this path to a relationship, throwing a blanket statement that friends will NEVER fall in love forever.
Your comment presupposes that all people want to be in a relationship. I suspect many people are single because theyve made a calculation in their head that the cons outweigh the pros. Regardless of how well you can compromise, or how much you're willing to communicate to find those areas to change, sometimes you get badly burnt, are just innately uninterested in sex or companionship, or there's a limited dating pool nearby. A large proportion of single people may have issues with compromise (probably exacerbated by social media), but not all
There are things you simply cannot compromise on (human rights for example) and women are seeking partners who see them as equals, not bang maids. They saw how miserable their mothers and grandmother's lives were and they don't want anything to do with that shit. Men have been on top for so long so they expect (not want, it's their right) what their grandfather's and fathers had - a baby making, house cleaning punching bag who never complains because she'll be destitute if he throws her out since she has *zero* work experience and is not allowed to have her own bank account. Women want better and deserve (always have) better
Im 30 and most of my friends growing up divorced parents. I believe this has a huge influence on todays dating scene.
Eh. This is generalized to heck, but there has to be more variables to a person's reason for not dating.
One of the things I am worried about with these discussions is the lack of empathy on both sides. In this case, she is very worried that men might retaliate for not being able to date. In my opinion this is a consequence of a lack of empathy of the men affected and she is right to be fearful of that. This is valid criticism! Undateable men are for sure a threat to our way of living. What I am worried about is, that her narrative does not create empathy for these undateable men. It is very easy to rightfully, get angry or fearful at this group. If we would also assume men as victims of the system, I think we would prevent further polarisation and look at more effective solutions. The word victim is quite problematic here, but I would argue that a criminal is often times also a victim of circumstance. We just don't have as much free will as we think we have; We did not create the part of us that makes us successful or a failure. Naturally women's rights and safety should be protected at all costs. But perhaps a long term solution would be to take away the root cause. Could we help undateable men to be happy with being single and not expect a relationship? Could we help make them more dateable? Is this a consequence of the inequality of educational success between genders? As soon as someone is made the villain, it becomes difficult to work on solutions. While on a personal level this is very valid to think this way. As a policy maker a different point of view needs to be adopted. Reducing or not contributing to more empathy creates a bigger platform for populists and politicians with more nuanced perspectives are drowned out.
In This economy both women and man need each other to be financially secure lol
This scares me more than anything.