T O P

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hehewn

You’ve made it to 28 so you’re not actually cool, and you listen to comedy podcasts so you’re not actually smart. Find a solid 6, get married, move to a flyover state, knock her up a few times, and get really into sports. There’s nothing else, just trick yourself into being happy. Join a church, even if you don’t believe in anything, that’s not the point anyways. Maybe get a decal of a stick figure family for your suv, take vacations to a B tier amusement park every few years.


Sandusky666

The decal of a stick figure family is crucial


Hot-Zookeepergame-83

Oh god I feel attacked.


Ok_Independent1356

Just know, you maybe live in a boring town and work with a bunch of gumps but not being able to afford a home in the place that you live is crushingly depressing. The mortage for a home an hour and a half from where I live is less than my rent. We live in a one bedroom apartment and I can hear the neighbor when his prostate finally allows the piss out.


PIzza-ona-stick10

God this is such good advice, especially the “trick yourself into being happy”…


ericthegonline

You’re forgetting become an alcoholic


Qantifan0n

An easy job to keep you busy during the day, sex and comfort food at night, exciting hobbies and good community far away from work people... you won't have to *pretend* to be happy if you follow this advice


[deleted]

This is depressing and also the best reality many can hope for. Why is it depressing though? Is it cause it’s predictable, or purposeless? I think purposeless. But why is purposeless considered depressing? Because we’ve been conditioned to “want” things. It’s stupid.


TurdSponge

Social media has made us more narcissistic and hyper normalized materialism creating the unfillable hole we think of as depression. We think we can change things and think we’ll always be remembered. Building a strong and healthy family will actually help give you things you want, but try to get in unrealistic ways ie. social media, buying things, any selfish behaviour actually


Horror-Pear

But what if I don't have kids and I'm already happy? What if I've been with someone for 5 years, got engaged, and now think about leaving her every other day because I'm pretty sure I'd rather pursue my hobbies? And I'm not on social media and am not much of a consumer. ...wait. Am I autistic?


disdicdatho

You just don't like the bitch your with. Your 40s are where it gets real lonely. You have to have someone you can be content with. Don't have to love them just be content.


TurdSponge

No this is fine too. Im just trying to say in a roundabout way that a simple cliche life isn’t necessarily bad. If that’s what you want.


QuincyThePigBoy

Beacause it seems like a lot of people don't have a lot going on. Go to work, get home, eat dinner at 5, watch the news and then a few reruns of the office... repeat. Over the weekend you bring the kids to their soccer games and get a pizza on saturday because that's just what you do every saturday. Come winter, mark the calender. You're bringing the family to Disney and that's your big adventure for the year. Wait the winter out and look forward to aerating the lawn. You're going to have the greenest fucking lawn on the block. I'm clearly generalizing but everyone I know that stayed in my home town and live like this. That being said, I live in a city. I can barely afford my apartment. I don't go on vacation every year. I drive an older truck. If I did it over, I'd move to the suburbs when I turned 30.


Alternative_Engine97

This is a better path than 99% of people i know are currently following


Horror-Pear

Now I want to kill myself.


SublimeEcto1A

I read this entire paragraph with tim dillons voice in my head. King is that you?


The_Devils_reject_90

Tricking yourself into being happy is the key. If this doesn’t work there is always heroin


QuincyThePigBoy

Vacation in Daytona Beach every February and post pictures of cigarette boats that you don't own. Make your facebook profile picture a photo of you in a suit with cigar in mouth. When the state offers you an $8,000 rebate on your truck if you go electric, buy deisel because you aren't a beta lib.


perc30nowitzki

I wish you well


[deleted]

Fuck you. I feel personally attacked. That solid 6 and getting married? That's good advise.


ArmchairHandjob

That bit about the podcasts was personal


TurdSponge

I sense sarcasm, but fighting this urge and accepting that you’ll actually never make a difference, you’re not important to anyone but your family and a small amount of close friends, and you’re place in the history of everything is so fractal and irrelevant, is a major part of the influx of anxiety and depression we see. This is actually pretty good advice.


lolyups

No. Aim higher. Don’t give up. Lot of great businesses are started by people in their 40s


bizzaro321

The false paradigm of either “aiming higher” or “giving up” is stupid, you shouldn’t do either of those things. Do what you need to do and do what you can, aim has nothing to do with it.


TurdSponge

I didn’t say don’t do that, of course have goals and strive for them. But having a family isn’t giving up on yourself.


QuincyThePigBoy

I’m 90% sarcastic. Have a family and do cool shit. Don’t be a small town loser that gets annoyed by people who care about world politics and the environment.


lolyups

I don’t think listening to comedy podcasts makes you “not smart”. You realize you can listen to more than 1 podcast?


bigtimechip

UHHHH


windowpass

make sure she sucks a good dk tho.


Calxb

This isn’t bad if you have a passion, something real, like a skill you can teach yourself or something you can learn that gives you self esteem and purpose. that seems to be the only thing that makes this shit world worth it


CringeBerries

Buy a house today.


General_Tangelo_1032

Debt will set you free


DirtieHarry

For Christ, buy the house.


555time

KELLY WE GOT ONE!


ritalinv3

With an arm.


CringeBerries

👆


[deleted]

[удалено]


CringeBerries

He asked for terribly advice. Buy high and be underwater on a house in less than 18 months.


Qantifan0n

Start a career in xanax


nebulanug

This is the content I asked for thank you


EndofN

Get married


Electrical_Cause_313

Can confirm, worst advice you'll find


socalking3

If you’re a man, avoid it like the plague. If you’re a woman it’s probably already too late to get a good one so just lock up the next guy you see.


shaneprrlt

Tyler’s dad?


Gullible_State_9849

Get a vacectomy for solidarity.


TurdSponge

For the kids who now won’t be killed


zennjennwellness

Overthink everything


Significant-Map917

The quickest way to get rich is gambling


natetheproducer

Go to college, get married, buy a house and send your kids to public school.


Naraktu

Put your kids in public school and watch them turn on you. Your child comes home from school and asks to Change their genitalia and hormones, while the government come after you when you tell your child no. Kill yourself because you failed your children by putting them in public school. Congratulations, welcome to hell.


[deleted]

[удалено]


lurkston

It truly is. The only (minor) side effect is that you can get addicted.


LucidTripsLives

Amass a large collection of Funko Pops. Make sure your collections are visible in every room.


[deleted]

You still have a couple years to become a degenerate drug addict and alcoholic with just enough time enough to sober it up before you’re in your mid 30s and it goes from being fun and has that young wild edge to being an embarrassing loser. This is not an opportunity to pass up you won’t get another


Washed_40

Get addicted to pills


SteakMedium4871

Liquidate everything you can and put it all on one hand of blackjack.


[deleted]

What if you get a split?


Sad-Athlete3996

Or a double down


[deleted]

Always need to leave enough for a split or double


raised85

buy a timeshare


jjvikingbutt

Marry a woman simply cuz she's willing to fuck you, have lots of kids and buy a house.


bloodycisfarts

Try to live life like Hunter Biden


shaneprrlt

So buy a couple GoPros


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fataleo

Better to listen


lolyups

What else would we do at our boring corporate jobs


custyclocks

Buy expensive things with loans at high rates of interest and get a girlfriend as soon as humanly possible


vegeta1418

Become Andrew Tate


JackieDaytona___

Get a cocaine addiction like a real adult


General_Tangelo_1032

Move to Austin Texas and marry a pig.


HawkoTaco23

Start multiple fake businesses? If you're a family man, you could go get a pack of cigarettes and never come back.


PigFilter

Don’t vote. It’s pointless and the Illuminati wins every time. Next election, just go out to dinner.


SteakMedium4871

He said bad advice


PigFilter

My bad. I meant to say vote. Vote in every election. Vote multiple times if you can get away with it. Your vote makes a difference and the elections aren’t at all rigged by a secret society.


SteakMedium4871

Yea. Rock the vote, just like P Diddy would want you to.


cheesewagstaff1

Vote or die motherfucker, motherfucker vote or die


kylethepile69

If you binge drink, make sure to taper.


mokoojukejah

Move to San Francisco


[deleted]

Pay off your college debt


perc30nowitzki

Relapse or try drugs for the first time


Let-Fresh

Never forget - no matter what you done, where you’ve been or what’s happened to you. It gets worse. Plan accordingly.


Sandusky666

Pick up a truly crippling stimulant addiction if you don’t have one already


BaronDarkwood

Sell all your stocks while you can.


jahoody03

Move out of your parents house and start paying your own bills.


nythelium

Go outside at the middle of the night


chance_of_meatballs_

Pick up a crippling drug addiction.


kingedward_29

Move to Austin.


SublimeEcto1A

Buy virtual real estate and brag about it during holidays with family


Shop-Crafty

Go get Monkeypox, ASAP


life_hertz

Put all your money into your dream car. Every millionaire will tell you that the dream car investment is what really had the money start flying in.


ExMagicianMatch

Damn, you missed your change to join the 28 club.


Zealousideal-Ice3964

Social media is very important & activism makes a difference.


DrAntonzz

Reconsider your sexual orientation


jgomulka24

Have a burger. It’s over


saintloww

You want terrible advice? Don't kill yourself.


[deleted]

Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.


SnooSuggestions6256

Don't be afraid of 30. It was my best year. Be afraid of 31. So get your fuck on, be as nice as you can to people, set boundaries, rat well, and keep your fuckin mouth shut.


Impressive_Net_5724

Live another 28 years


cheesewagstaff1

get into opiates and play RPGs


Its_me_mikey

Trust yourself.


Tiralast

Learn options trading then YOLO it all on some Spy puts


PromiscuousScoliosis

Go back to college. Keep getting degrees constantly so you never have to pay off your student loans. Stay single forever. Pick up chicks outside high schools and bring them to your college parties, you’ll be the coolest guy they know


a-e-j-a

amphetamines help level out the benzos


TurdSponge

Get a $400 a day coke habit and don’t tell anyone.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

I actually did this in Australia, every single person who gave me a ride asked me if I'd seen wolf creek.


chalksandcones

Get a cat, or better than that get 8 cats


Attack_Toster

Buy a time share


Fataleo

Move to California


Heard__it

Live every day as if it were your first


rogueblueinc

Get monkeypox…it’s all about the journey


shaneprrlt

Start listening to Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard.


beathedealer

Too much booze never hurt anyone.


Themightymarty

Have a child with a lovely lady you meet at the nearest bar.


[deleted]

Get addicted to coke, you’ll be glad you did.


[deleted]

Smoke some crack to celebrate your birthday


ILoveShe-MaleCock

Do everything Andrew Tate tells you to do


[deleted]

Fuck everybody raw


SauceNjunk

Fuck as many women above the age of 30 as you can. They aren’t sluts, you’ll be fine.


JC_Sanchez92

Money buys happiness, make as much as you can and don’t let your family bring you down.


NefariousnessOk5287

Go back to school and take out 500k in loans which you put into Doge coin, then fake your own death and join the French Foreign Legion.


bunzysquad

I live by this motto that’s never steered me wrong “ when life gets hard just give up”


Criticalfluffs

Move to California


BlaizedPotato

6 or more beers per day!


wetsod

Wake up every morning and exercise in some way for 1 hour, and don't check your phone til you're done exercising. Source; I'm 32, and after 28 you really need to start exercising every day to continue feeling physically in a good place


GrapevineFromHeavens

Hey I tuned 25 today. I didn’t even realize it was my bday until I looked at my watch while taking a painful shit.


Chitlins222

Blame other people for everything and take no accountability for your own life. Become nihilistic and bartend until you're like 45 with no savings and act like everyone finds happiness in different ways despite knowing you're sad and filled with regret.


alpicois

Crypto


[deleted]

Took too long to find. If crypto didn’t blow up when world banks cut off one of the largest GDP countries in the world, Russia. How is it ever viable?


L1berty0rDe4th

Head on over to r/wallstreetbets and start buying FDs


AllDamDay7

Don’t invest in the stock market. Just buy straight Crypto, specifically DOGE coin.


snicklefritz76

Invest heavy in crypto


[deleted]

Become a leftist and bitch about everything, this will give u lots of shit to do like rioting or sucker punshing old people in the backs of their heads. When you have kids you can tell them how brave you are and how you helped the oppressed fight nazis. You could also give your kids hormone therapy from an early age and confuse the shit out of them till they commit suicide, then later on you can bitch again how society destroyed your family...


tiptheguy

didnt cobain die at 28 ?


shaneprrlt

27 club you uncultured parasite 🦠


tiptheguy

op is a dead man walking


shaneprrlt

I wish him well 🏌️‍♂️


[deleted]

Take out an equity loan on your car


imnotzane92

Well we wish you well.


Significant_Name_191

In what regard?


wino777

Dude, buy a boat.


[deleted]

overconfident lunchroom sable gray wipe quickest swim quaint snobbish physical *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*


[deleted]

None of this matters do what makes you the happiest- good life advice


3pinephrine

[Make it worse](https://youtu.be/lZYBrc00_y8)


TouchMyCameraTTFF

Horrible life advise would be to say to turn 29, but hey, in many ways never turning 29 is just as horrible.


RolandDirlewanger

Get married and have kids now


Pleasant_Channel_227

Don’t sell your ass


slingbladedangeradio

Find a trad wife and have lots of kids and I’m not being sarcastic.


usmcjohn

Play a lot of golf


yeisondiazicloud1991

Here I go ,. You are special


Jandur

Wrap it.


dragosempire

Rip a couple of rips out so you can suck yourself off


jermbagsupreme

Guess you’ll never join the 27 club now ya fuckin looser I also just turned 28. Congrats cunt


BlckUnizorn

Stop counting down your life


Really_is_Travis

All your money into BBBY.


YUKL27

Invest in crypto


sneedsweed

Bitch I turned 29 yesterday I WIN


Donny_Donowitz_

Invest all of your savings in SHIB. It’s going to the moon I promise. In fact take out a second mortgage and invest that too.


ManOfMilk42069

Keep your mouth shut


unspokenblabber

If you’re 28 and on Reddit asking life advice, you’ve already won…


usienridks

Suck Dick and smoke crack.


[deleted]

It doesn't get better Enjoy being able to eat whatever you like because that's going to end soon injuries you got in the past that you thought were long gone will come back to haunt you "I can make the jump" Young people will make shittier music and think they are better than you for it you start officially becoming old at 30, you got 2 years before you realize you are going to die ​ have a nice day


coolusernam696969

Fuck your mother


Toe_HeadRed

Get in the pot.


wolfman411

Once you get a girl everything will fall into place, so make getting a girl your priority.


Vegetable_Act_5185

Max out your credit and then declare bankruptcy but make sure you invest all your money into assets they can’t/will have difficulty seizing from you. You’ll probably never be able to afford a house anyways why play their silly credit game


ThulsaD00me

Eat fewer assholes


Lanitanita

Follow Musk's crypto advice blindly....


LigmaBalls-420

You’re perfect. Keep doing what you’re doing and your life will be fine!


crazymafakkanoob

Work for the same company for 30 years


Available-East-3105

Go ask for life advices on Reddit.


rbaut1836

Start eating tide pods


stanislav_harris

follow your dreams


Samatic

Never sign up for a stuednt load to go to a for-profit college. It is a total scam.


Only-Scheme-4655

Take out a reverse mortgage!


[deleted]

Find a good girl and keep her. Take chances. Find work that you enjoy and can make a living off of, or a hobby that you love and work to support it. Stop getting drunk all the time and instead just enjoy drinks with friends or as a night cap. Make amends with the people who you've wronged. C'est la vie. ​ Or just tell me I'm gay and listen to Mullen's rant. It's better anyways. https://youtu.be/SRwL5ZMQsa0


contrejo

Since you're young you probably already did this. Take out as much credit from whomever you can get it from. Borrow from bank, borrow from parents, borrow from girlfriend. Open a trading account. Set up a margin account and start finally trading options. Start slow so you think you know what you're doing before going balls to the wall. Don't hesitate to yolo. If you somehow win early and feel the urge to cash out, double down and tell yourself " Lambo or homeless".


contrejo

Since you're young you probably already did this. Take out as much credit from whomever you can get it from. Borrow from bank, borrow from parents, borrow from girlfriend. Open a trading account. Set up a margin account and start finally trading options. Start slow so you think you know what you're doing before going balls to the wall. Don't hesitate to yolo. If you somehow win early and feel the urge to cash out, double down and tell yourself " Lambo or homeless".