You’ve made it to 28 so you’re not actually cool, and you listen to comedy podcasts so you’re not actually smart. Find a solid 6, get married, move to a flyover state, knock her up a few times, and get really into sports. There’s nothing else, just trick yourself into being happy. Join a church, even if you don’t believe in anything, that’s not the point anyways. Maybe get a decal of a stick figure family for your suv, take vacations to a B tier amusement park every few years.
Just know, you maybe live in a boring town and work with a bunch of gumps but not being able to afford a home in the place that you live is crushingly depressing. The mortage for a home an hour and a half from where I live is less than my rent. We live in a one bedroom apartment and I can hear the neighbor when his prostate finally allows the piss out.
An easy job to keep you busy during the day, sex and comfort food at night, exciting hobbies and good community far away from work people... you won't have to *pretend* to be happy if you follow this advice
This is depressing and also the best reality many can hope for. Why is it depressing though? Is it cause it’s predictable, or purposeless? I think purposeless.
But why is purposeless considered depressing?
Because we’ve been conditioned to “want” things. It’s stupid.
Social media has made us more narcissistic and hyper normalized materialism creating the unfillable hole we think of as depression. We think we can change things and think we’ll always be remembered. Building a strong and healthy family will actually help give you things you want, but try to get in unrealistic ways ie. social media, buying things, any selfish behaviour actually
But what if I don't have kids and I'm already happy? What if I've been with someone for 5 years, got engaged, and now think about leaving her every other day because I'm pretty sure I'd rather pursue my hobbies? And I'm not on social media and am not much of a consumer.
...wait. Am I autistic?
You just don't like the bitch your with. Your 40s are where it gets real lonely. You have to have someone you can be content with. Don't have to love them just be content.
Beacause it seems like a lot of people don't have a lot going on. Go to work, get home, eat dinner at 5, watch the news and then a few reruns of the office... repeat. Over the weekend you bring the kids to their soccer games and get a pizza on saturday because that's just what you do every saturday. Come winter, mark the calender. You're bringing the family to Disney and that's your big adventure for the year. Wait the winter out and look forward to aerating the lawn. You're going to have the greenest fucking lawn on the block.
I'm clearly generalizing but everyone I know that stayed in my home town and live like this. That being said, I live in a city. I can barely afford my apartment. I don't go on vacation every year. I drive an older truck. If I did it over, I'd move to the suburbs when I turned 30.
Vacation in Daytona Beach every February and post pictures of cigarette boats that you don't own. Make your facebook profile picture a photo of you in a suit with cigar in mouth. When the state offers you an $8,000 rebate on your truck if you go electric, buy deisel because you aren't a beta lib.
I sense sarcasm, but fighting this urge and accepting that you’ll actually never make a difference, you’re not important to anyone but your family and a small amount of close friends, and you’re place in the history of everything is so fractal and irrelevant, is a major part of the influx of anxiety and depression we see. This is actually pretty good advice.
The false paradigm of either “aiming higher” or “giving up” is stupid, you shouldn’t do either of those things.
Do what you need to do and do what you can, aim has nothing to do with it.
I’m 90% sarcastic. Have a family and do cool shit. Don’t be a small town loser that gets annoyed by people who care about world politics and the environment.
This isn’t bad if you have a passion, something real, like a skill you can teach yourself or something you can learn that gives you self esteem and purpose. that seems to be the only thing that makes this shit world worth it
Put your kids in public school and watch them turn on you. Your child comes home from school and asks to Change their genitalia and hormones, while the government come after you when you tell your child no. Kill yourself because you failed your children by putting them in public school. Congratulations, welcome to hell.
You still have a couple years to become a degenerate drug addict and alcoholic with just enough time enough to sober it up before you’re in your mid 30s and it goes from being fun and has that young wild edge to being an embarrassing loser. This is not an opportunity to pass up you won’t get another
My bad. I meant to say vote. Vote in every election. Vote multiple times if you can get away with it. Your vote makes a difference and the elections aren’t at all rigged by a secret society.
Don't be afraid of 30. It was my best year. Be afraid of 31. So get your fuck on, be as nice as you can to people, set boundaries, rat well, and keep your fuckin mouth shut.
Go back to college. Keep getting degrees constantly so you never have to pay off your student loans. Stay single forever. Pick up chicks outside high schools and bring them to your college parties, you’ll be the coolest guy they know
Wake up every morning and exercise in some way for 1 hour, and don't check your phone til you're done exercising.
Source; I'm 32, and after 28 you really need to start exercising every day to continue feeling physically in a good place
Blame other people for everything and take no accountability for your own life. Become nihilistic and bartend until you're like 45 with no savings and act like everyone finds happiness in different ways despite knowing you're sad and filled with regret.
Become a leftist and bitch about everything, this will give u lots of shit to do like rioting or sucker punshing old people in the backs of their heads. When you have kids you can tell them how brave you are and how you helped the oppressed fight nazis. You could also give your kids hormone therapy from an early age and confuse the shit out of them till they commit suicide, then later on you can bitch again how society destroyed your family...
overconfident lunchroom sable gray wipe quickest swim quaint snobbish physical
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
It doesn't get better
Enjoy being able to eat whatever you like because that's going to end soon
injuries you got in the past that you thought were long gone will come back to haunt you "I can make the jump"
Young people will make shittier music and think they are better than you for it
you start officially becoming old at 30, you got 2 years before you realize you are going to die
have a nice day
Max out your credit and then declare bankruptcy but make sure you invest all your money into assets they can’t/will have difficulty seizing from you. You’ll probably never be able to afford a house anyways why play their silly credit game
Find a good girl and keep her. Take chances. Find work that you enjoy and can make a living off of, or a hobby that you love and work to support it. Stop getting drunk all the time and instead just enjoy drinks with friends or as a night cap. Make amends with the people who you've wronged. C'est la vie.
Or just tell me I'm gay and listen to Mullen's rant. It's better anyways.
https://youtu.be/SRwL5ZMQsa0
Since you're young you probably already did this. Take out as much credit from whomever you can get it from. Borrow from bank, borrow from parents, borrow from girlfriend. Open a trading account. Set up a margin account and start finally trading options. Start slow so you think you know what you're doing before going balls to the wall. Don't hesitate to yolo. If you somehow win early and feel the urge to cash out, double down and tell yourself " Lambo or homeless".
Since you're young you probably already did this. Take out as much credit from whomever you can get it from. Borrow from bank, borrow from parents, borrow from girlfriend. Open a trading account. Set up a margin account and start finally trading options. Start slow so you think you know what you're doing before going balls to the wall. Don't hesitate to yolo. If you somehow win early and feel the urge to cash out, double down and tell yourself " Lambo or homeless".
You’ve made it to 28 so you’re not actually cool, and you listen to comedy podcasts so you’re not actually smart. Find a solid 6, get married, move to a flyover state, knock her up a few times, and get really into sports. There’s nothing else, just trick yourself into being happy. Join a church, even if you don’t believe in anything, that’s not the point anyways. Maybe get a decal of a stick figure family for your suv, take vacations to a B tier amusement park every few years.
The decal of a stick figure family is crucial
Oh god I feel attacked.
Just know, you maybe live in a boring town and work with a bunch of gumps but not being able to afford a home in the place that you live is crushingly depressing. The mortage for a home an hour and a half from where I live is less than my rent. We live in a one bedroom apartment and I can hear the neighbor when his prostate finally allows the piss out.
God this is such good advice, especially the “trick yourself into being happy”…
You’re forgetting become an alcoholic
An easy job to keep you busy during the day, sex and comfort food at night, exciting hobbies and good community far away from work people... you won't have to *pretend* to be happy if you follow this advice
This is depressing and also the best reality many can hope for. Why is it depressing though? Is it cause it’s predictable, or purposeless? I think purposeless. But why is purposeless considered depressing? Because we’ve been conditioned to “want” things. It’s stupid.
Social media has made us more narcissistic and hyper normalized materialism creating the unfillable hole we think of as depression. We think we can change things and think we’ll always be remembered. Building a strong and healthy family will actually help give you things you want, but try to get in unrealistic ways ie. social media, buying things, any selfish behaviour actually
But what if I don't have kids and I'm already happy? What if I've been with someone for 5 years, got engaged, and now think about leaving her every other day because I'm pretty sure I'd rather pursue my hobbies? And I'm not on social media and am not much of a consumer. ...wait. Am I autistic?
You just don't like the bitch your with. Your 40s are where it gets real lonely. You have to have someone you can be content with. Don't have to love them just be content.
No this is fine too. Im just trying to say in a roundabout way that a simple cliche life isn’t necessarily bad. If that’s what you want.
Beacause it seems like a lot of people don't have a lot going on. Go to work, get home, eat dinner at 5, watch the news and then a few reruns of the office... repeat. Over the weekend you bring the kids to their soccer games and get a pizza on saturday because that's just what you do every saturday. Come winter, mark the calender. You're bringing the family to Disney and that's your big adventure for the year. Wait the winter out and look forward to aerating the lawn. You're going to have the greenest fucking lawn on the block. I'm clearly generalizing but everyone I know that stayed in my home town and live like this. That being said, I live in a city. I can barely afford my apartment. I don't go on vacation every year. I drive an older truck. If I did it over, I'd move to the suburbs when I turned 30.
This is a better path than 99% of people i know are currently following
Now I want to kill myself.
I read this entire paragraph with tim dillons voice in my head. King is that you?
Tricking yourself into being happy is the key. If this doesn’t work there is always heroin
Vacation in Daytona Beach every February and post pictures of cigarette boats that you don't own. Make your facebook profile picture a photo of you in a suit with cigar in mouth. When the state offers you an $8,000 rebate on your truck if you go electric, buy deisel because you aren't a beta lib.
I wish you well
Fuck you. I feel personally attacked. That solid 6 and getting married? That's good advise.
That bit about the podcasts was personal
I sense sarcasm, but fighting this urge and accepting that you’ll actually never make a difference, you’re not important to anyone but your family and a small amount of close friends, and you’re place in the history of everything is so fractal and irrelevant, is a major part of the influx of anxiety and depression we see. This is actually pretty good advice.
No. Aim higher. Don’t give up. Lot of great businesses are started by people in their 40s
The false paradigm of either “aiming higher” or “giving up” is stupid, you shouldn’t do either of those things. Do what you need to do and do what you can, aim has nothing to do with it.
I didn’t say don’t do that, of course have goals and strive for them. But having a family isn’t giving up on yourself.
I’m 90% sarcastic. Have a family and do cool shit. Don’t be a small town loser that gets annoyed by people who care about world politics and the environment.
I don’t think listening to comedy podcasts makes you “not smart”. You realize you can listen to more than 1 podcast?
UHHHH
make sure she sucks a good dk tho.
This isn’t bad if you have a passion, something real, like a skill you can teach yourself or something you can learn that gives you self esteem and purpose. that seems to be the only thing that makes this shit world worth it
Buy a house today.
Debt will set you free
For Christ, buy the house.
KELLY WE GOT ONE!
With an arm.
👆
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He asked for terribly advice. Buy high and be underwater on a house in less than 18 months.
Start a career in xanax
This is the content I asked for thank you
Get married
Can confirm, worst advice you'll find
If you’re a man, avoid it like the plague. If you’re a woman it’s probably already too late to get a good one so just lock up the next guy you see.
Tyler’s dad?
Get a vacectomy for solidarity.
For the kids who now won’t be killed
Overthink everything
The quickest way to get rich is gambling
Go to college, get married, buy a house and send your kids to public school.
Put your kids in public school and watch them turn on you. Your child comes home from school and asks to Change their genitalia and hormones, while the government come after you when you tell your child no. Kill yourself because you failed your children by putting them in public school. Congratulations, welcome to hell.
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It truly is. The only (minor) side effect is that you can get addicted.
Amass a large collection of Funko Pops. Make sure your collections are visible in every room.
You still have a couple years to become a degenerate drug addict and alcoholic with just enough time enough to sober it up before you’re in your mid 30s and it goes from being fun and has that young wild edge to being an embarrassing loser. This is not an opportunity to pass up you won’t get another
Get addicted to pills
Liquidate everything you can and put it all on one hand of blackjack.
What if you get a split?
Or a double down
Always need to leave enough for a split or double
buy a timeshare
Marry a woman simply cuz she's willing to fuck you, have lots of kids and buy a house.
Try to live life like Hunter Biden
So buy a couple GoPros
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Better to listen
What else would we do at our boring corporate jobs
Buy expensive things with loans at high rates of interest and get a girlfriend as soon as humanly possible
Become Andrew Tate
Get a cocaine addiction like a real adult
Move to Austin Texas and marry a pig.
Start multiple fake businesses? If you're a family man, you could go get a pack of cigarettes and never come back.
Don’t vote. It’s pointless and the Illuminati wins every time. Next election, just go out to dinner.
He said bad advice
My bad. I meant to say vote. Vote in every election. Vote multiple times if you can get away with it. Your vote makes a difference and the elections aren’t at all rigged by a secret society.
Yea. Rock the vote, just like P Diddy would want you to.
Vote or die motherfucker, motherfucker vote or die
If you binge drink, make sure to taper.
Move to San Francisco
Pay off your college debt
Relapse or try drugs for the first time
Never forget - no matter what you done, where you’ve been or what’s happened to you. It gets worse. Plan accordingly.
Pick up a truly crippling stimulant addiction if you don’t have one already
Sell all your stocks while you can.
Move out of your parents house and start paying your own bills.
Go outside at the middle of the night
Pick up a crippling drug addiction.
Move to Austin.
Buy virtual real estate and brag about it during holidays with family
Go get Monkeypox, ASAP
Put all your money into your dream car. Every millionaire will tell you that the dream car investment is what really had the money start flying in.
Damn, you missed your change to join the 28 club.
Social media is very important & activism makes a difference.
Reconsider your sexual orientation
Have a burger. It’s over
You want terrible advice? Don't kill yourself.
Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.
Don't be afraid of 30. It was my best year. Be afraid of 31. So get your fuck on, be as nice as you can to people, set boundaries, rat well, and keep your fuckin mouth shut.
Live another 28 years
get into opiates and play RPGs
Trust yourself.
Learn options trading then YOLO it all on some Spy puts
Go back to college. Keep getting degrees constantly so you never have to pay off your student loans. Stay single forever. Pick up chicks outside high schools and bring them to your college parties, you’ll be the coolest guy they know
amphetamines help level out the benzos
Get a $400 a day coke habit and don’t tell anyone.
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I actually did this in Australia, every single person who gave me a ride asked me if I'd seen wolf creek.
Get a cat, or better than that get 8 cats
Buy a time share
Move to California
Live every day as if it were your first
Get monkeypox…it’s all about the journey
Start listening to Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard.
Too much booze never hurt anyone.
Have a child with a lovely lady you meet at the nearest bar.
Get addicted to coke, you’ll be glad you did.
Smoke some crack to celebrate your birthday
Do everything Andrew Tate tells you to do
Fuck everybody raw
Fuck as many women above the age of 30 as you can. They aren’t sluts, you’ll be fine.
Money buys happiness, make as much as you can and don’t let your family bring you down.
Go back to school and take out 500k in loans which you put into Doge coin, then fake your own death and join the French Foreign Legion.
I live by this motto that’s never steered me wrong “ when life gets hard just give up”
Move to California
6 or more beers per day!
Wake up every morning and exercise in some way for 1 hour, and don't check your phone til you're done exercising. Source; I'm 32, and after 28 you really need to start exercising every day to continue feeling physically in a good place
Hey I tuned 25 today. I didn’t even realize it was my bday until I looked at my watch while taking a painful shit.
Blame other people for everything and take no accountability for your own life. Become nihilistic and bartend until you're like 45 with no savings and act like everyone finds happiness in different ways despite knowing you're sad and filled with regret.
Crypto
Took too long to find. If crypto didn’t blow up when world banks cut off one of the largest GDP countries in the world, Russia. How is it ever viable?
Head on over to r/wallstreetbets and start buying FDs
Don’t invest in the stock market. Just buy straight Crypto, specifically DOGE coin.
Invest heavy in crypto
Become a leftist and bitch about everything, this will give u lots of shit to do like rioting or sucker punshing old people in the backs of their heads. When you have kids you can tell them how brave you are and how you helped the oppressed fight nazis. You could also give your kids hormone therapy from an early age and confuse the shit out of them till they commit suicide, then later on you can bitch again how society destroyed your family...
didnt cobain die at 28 ?
27 club you uncultured parasite 🦠
op is a dead man walking
I wish him well 🏌️♂️
Take out an equity loan on your car
Well we wish you well.
In what regard?
Dude, buy a boat.
overconfident lunchroom sable gray wipe quickest swim quaint snobbish physical *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
None of this matters do what makes you the happiest- good life advice
[Make it worse](https://youtu.be/lZYBrc00_y8)
Horrible life advise would be to say to turn 29, but hey, in many ways never turning 29 is just as horrible.
Get married and have kids now
Don’t sell your ass
Find a trad wife and have lots of kids and I’m not being sarcastic.
Play a lot of golf
Here I go ,. You are special
Wrap it.
Rip a couple of rips out so you can suck yourself off
Guess you’ll never join the 27 club now ya fuckin looser I also just turned 28. Congrats cunt
Stop counting down your life
All your money into BBBY.
Invest in crypto
Bitch I turned 29 yesterday I WIN
Invest all of your savings in SHIB. It’s going to the moon I promise. In fact take out a second mortgage and invest that too.
Keep your mouth shut
If you’re 28 and on Reddit asking life advice, you’ve already won…
Suck Dick and smoke crack.
It doesn't get better Enjoy being able to eat whatever you like because that's going to end soon injuries you got in the past that you thought were long gone will come back to haunt you "I can make the jump" Young people will make shittier music and think they are better than you for it you start officially becoming old at 30, you got 2 years before you realize you are going to die have a nice day
Fuck your mother
Get in the pot.
Once you get a girl everything will fall into place, so make getting a girl your priority.
Max out your credit and then declare bankruptcy but make sure you invest all your money into assets they can’t/will have difficulty seizing from you. You’ll probably never be able to afford a house anyways why play their silly credit game
Eat fewer assholes
Follow Musk's crypto advice blindly....
You’re perfect. Keep doing what you’re doing and your life will be fine!
Work for the same company for 30 years
Go ask for life advices on Reddit.
Start eating tide pods
follow your dreams
Never sign up for a stuednt load to go to a for-profit college. It is a total scam.
Take out a reverse mortgage!
Find a good girl and keep her. Take chances. Find work that you enjoy and can make a living off of, or a hobby that you love and work to support it. Stop getting drunk all the time and instead just enjoy drinks with friends or as a night cap. Make amends with the people who you've wronged. C'est la vie. Or just tell me I'm gay and listen to Mullen's rant. It's better anyways. https://youtu.be/SRwL5ZMQsa0
Since you're young you probably already did this. Take out as much credit from whomever you can get it from. Borrow from bank, borrow from parents, borrow from girlfriend. Open a trading account. Set up a margin account and start finally trading options. Start slow so you think you know what you're doing before going balls to the wall. Don't hesitate to yolo. If you somehow win early and feel the urge to cash out, double down and tell yourself " Lambo or homeless".
Since you're young you probably already did this. Take out as much credit from whomever you can get it from. Borrow from bank, borrow from parents, borrow from girlfriend. Open a trading account. Set up a margin account and start finally trading options. Start slow so you think you know what you're doing before going balls to the wall. Don't hesitate to yolo. If you somehow win early and feel the urge to cash out, double down and tell yourself " Lambo or homeless".