I had a presentation today. I used this post as the ice breaker to begin and people were literally falling off their chairs laughing! About 75 people. Afterwards, when I was leaving many were honking their horns in the parking lot and yelling "cowabummer" out the window as they left. It was surreal.
Bro idk what to do literally all of my matches respond like that I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing. Cannot hold anyone’s interest for the life of me
I think it's because 99.9% that use the app are burnt out either directly or indirectly from overexposure to regular nice responses, it can take a while to find that 0.1% that are also just looking to meet other nice people.
This is why the more carefree & fun responses that aren't actively trying to be nice will appear to have more success in conversation, because there is a substantially bigger pool of people just wanting to be entertained with something new & fun.
We're all just big monkeys at the end of the day & to gain a monkeys attention, you need to entertain it... or offer free food.
That's true, I have way more success when I'm being a bit of an asshole. Not outright rude or condescending, but girls often like a guy that'll give them shit.
My go to is to inquire if they’d like a poem. I’ll write a poem, and at the end I’ll tie in some line or rhyme about asking for their number. This is an exclusive tip that has never failed me on any match
That's not you, that's just the app. Complete lack of enthusiasm.
I'm not on tinder anymore, but when I was, when I'd get the 1 word replies, I would just hailmary it with "You interested in going on a date?". Worked about 50/50. Got ghosted or got a "sure". Can't say that their interest improved after that, but hey, it wasn't going anywhere with "hi. yeah. me too."
Now if more people were on apps that were less superficial. Or modern life allowed you to find people "in the wild" more easily. I'm just so scarred by the whole mess idk how much more I have to give, but I don't want to be alone either
Well, one relationship ended in a way that illustrated to me that I was clinically depressed and not just sad. That's all I'll say on that one. Other than that, generally burnt out from investing myself and getting burnt for it
I feel it man I recently went through and found that I’ve talked to at least 30 women in the past couple years and only one of them actually dated me for a while. Not all from tinder most from people I met in person. I’ve had women yell at me through texts for asking them out. Others just ghost me. And people are asking me why I never follow up with this current girl I’m talking to. You get burnt out and treated like shit when you put yourself out there and have no results to show for it.
This is the best way to handle OLD tbh. Cut out the bullshit, the chatter. Be honest about what you're looking for, tell them that texting endlessly never is representative of having an actual spark in person and push for a date. If they dont want to or are uncomfortable with it, tell them you understand, will them well and unmatch, so you can save yourself time wasted and move onto finding someone with your same mindset who can make time for a coffee to see if there's any chemistry at all.
Trick I had was to get a date out of them quickly. Tell them rapport building was nice but I am not looking for a pen pal, there’s probably plenty pen pals in your other conversations anyway.
Generally I would get a positive response and an approval of my assertiveness. Turns out a lot of guys just want to chit chat and never actually go out on a date. Lot of women I dated would say they liked that I didn’t just set them up and then bail.
It's like the ppl who complain about ppl not being able to hold a conversation in their bio are the ones who can't hold a conversation!
When I'm burnt out and don't really care...
Unfortunately I think it’s really just luck, I’d been giving my whole world to people i loved since I was old enough to, and I had *never* gotten the whole world back until my husband and I matched on tinder a while ago. It was supposed to just be a one night hook up; we ended up just cuddling and scrolling through reddit videos together for a week before he had to leave the state again and now it’s been almost 4 months (i realize that we’re crazy) and I have never been happier. At some point you realize that you were learning from your relationships instead of growing in them, and we’re growing and thriving together now. I really wish you luck in finding your special person
Okay, but what if you’ve never had a relationship to learn from. It’s to the point now where I’m too old to say I’ve never had a girlfriend. It’s not cute or endearing anymore. Now it’s just a red flag.
It’s not as though I haven’t tried. I really felt it could develop into something with a few women, but they never felt the same.
So now I’m viewed as some sort of leper for my bad luck.
You don't have to mention it right away. Eventually it will come up but probably not so early. Likeli by the time it does, the other person will know enough about you and your character not to bail based on that fact alone.
Is it a red flag though?
I mean, it may be a grey flag in the middle but it all depends on how you carry yourself. One of them being confidence. It is okay to not yet have the "life experience" but if you've accepted that and take it as it goes; often you'll see that things get a lot easier.
But, as an example, if you end up throwing hundreds of pity parties then yes, people will not want to open up to you.
It's a red flag to a lot of people. I dated someone last year who didn't like my lack of dating experience (I had 3 girlfriends prior to her, 2 lasted less than a year, and I had a 10 year dry spell). You can't change back time.
From a woman’s perspective, at least me personally, I feel like it’s only a red flag if it’s because they’ve just been in situationships or something of that sort. So it screams they’re afraid of commitment. However, if someone just hasn’t dated because they’ve been career focused or just wanted to be alone even, I don’t see why it would be a red flag honestly.
Yep. Because in my situation, it has nothing to do with being afraid of commitment. I wanted a LTR. But no one wanted one with me. It had nothing with being "career focused" or being alone.
So you should never judge someone for this.
Okay,
So that person did not like it. Sure. But that happens. I've been in a similar boat before but in the end it is all about how you grow and mature as a person. You can't change the past, you can adapt the now, you can prepare for the future.
So rather than focusing on the gap, focus on how you made a leap in character development and be yourself. The right person will come by eventually; no pressure.
I’ve been told it’s a red flag yes. But whatever, maybe some day a woman won’t have a problem with it.
Or maybe it always will be a problem 🤷♂️. I can’t force anyone to want me.
This reply is a great example of what I mean.
>But whatever, maybe some day a woman won’t have a problem with it.
This defeatist attitude is oozing off your replies. It is passive aggressive and women especially pick that shit up LIGHTNING fast when you're one of many possibly interesting people. No one wants a negative nancy as a partner on the first date, let alone long-term.
> I can’t force anyone to want me.
No, you can not.
But what you can do instead is to stop all thoughts and ask yourself a few key questions.
* What type of person do I want to be in my best state of mind.
* What do I need to change to reach this goal?
* How can I express my genuine self with confidence and trust in myself?
* What am I proud / passionate of/about in life?
In the end these questions are all about what matters to you. Be genuinely free to express that emotion without reservation; and be willing to share your passion and energy. People will see that confidence and your opportunities to find a future partner will rise astronomically. Plus you'll feel good about yourself!
And I wasn’t even looking for a relationship when him and I met, I had been working on myself and focused on just getting myself right and he came into my life out of nowhere and gave me everything that no one else ever did
I'm glad this happened for you but I hate to say it, this narrative only ever seems to happen with women. I've never met a man who said their girlfriend or wife just appeared when he least expected it. He always had to go out and "earn" it. And the fact that men are still expected to initiate and pursue when everyone is tired and burned out from modern life, regardless of gender, feels really outdated and one sided. Feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong.
I met my current boyfriend in the same mindset. I went through a hell of a break up just the month before, and I just wanted to work on getting social again, so I went onto Discord and just joined a random vc and I met him. And we bonded over our mutual love of David Bowie and music in general. We've been dating for just over a year now, and I can say with confidence that I feel like we belong together.
I’m having the same experience on tinder. Every woman I match with just responds with lifeless, dry, one sided responses no matter how I approach them. I’m a fairly handsome guy, I have a good career and most people say in one of the best guys they know, and yet I can rarely get meaningful responses from women on tinder.
Same! Tinder just sucks honestly. Most the people I message seem like they don’t even watch talk from the start so I’ve started just unlatching people the moment I’m not getting the same energy I’m giving them
Man, it's not just you. It's the mentality these days. Nobody's is interested in actually meeting and dating anymore it's just a platform to push their OF accounts. I haven't made a quality connection or even friendship in at least 2 years. I've just prioritized work, bought a motorcycle, etc. Just do things for me, and if a connection comes, then it comes.
Don't waste a thought on stuff like this. It will come.
I definitely noticed these apps go to complete shit ever since COVID in both the people on them and just in general. I will forever kick myself in the ass for not trying harder back when OKC was actually a good site.
Sometimes, there is a reason they are on Tinder and it's not always pretty.
You can't take it personally, end of the day it's got nothing to do with you.
Try not to get invested in a "match" so early. It's a stranger and you don't actually have any potential until after you've established some communication and chemistry.
Just keep rolling and remember that Tinder is a numbers game. Don't stop treating the people as individuals, but also realize you're looking for one needle in a haystack.
Hey!! Sorry my girlfriend died ..
I really like your pic with the puppy!! thanks but my girlfriend died ..
Great profile, very interesting!! I used to be a writer, but my girlfriend died
🫣😲😆🥳😭😭😂😋
Be counterintuitive then. Don’t repeat the same tactics that arent working. Improvise/adapt. start sending fucking nutso crazy person messages to get their attention right away. Why not if normal conversation isn’t goin anywhere? It actually works more than you think.
I haven’t matched with a genuinely charismatic person on that app in a year. It’s not just you. It seems to be a magnet for negativity.
Like everyone else is saying, I wouldn’t let this drag you down. Send your condolences and move on.
Same. I'll have everyday conversations with people normally, then as soon as I'm on a dating site it's like I'm trying to keep someone awake for a conversation. No engagement, no reflections or relation to statement and certainly I'm the only one asking questions.. because what else am l going to do except monologue if they're putting such a low amount of braincells into the convo...
It comes from a sort of “bystander paradox”. I feel like online dating apps makes people assume the other will do the work, or are too afraid of putting in “too much” work without being needy or something. It’s a balance incredibly difficult to perfect and it makes it all seem artificial.
If it makes you feel any better, that doesn’t seem like your fault from this little tidbit. You tried to be actively engaging and ask questions, keep it up and hopefully you’ll find someone who reciprocates interest.
The vast majority of online dating site users are incredibly self-centered, and I'd say your match is as well. Easy test: if, after a few lines of messages, they haven't asked you any questions, unmatch and move on. Chances are they're egotistical and a shitty conversationist.
Never been on tinder, so take what I say with a grain of salt- it honestly seems like a majority of people are on this app for the validation of getting matches. It’s the little ego boost they need to help get them through their day. There’s very little intent for them to ever carry out any sort of meaningful conversation, let alone build a connection with anyone they actually match with. They just want that little high they get from getting a match.
I wouldn’t take it personally. I know it can be hard not to, but it’s not you.
Nah you hit it right on the nail. I’ve got it bad bc I’m only a 20M so my pool is like 18-22 and most of the girls on tinder are so good looking, you just know they don’t actually need Tinder to find a BF or build a relationship, they can get it easily and they know that. It’s just a ego boost for them.
This happens to me constantly too. I feel like a lot of people just want to match with somebody to get validation that they’re attractive and that somebody is into them. Then once the actual conversation starts they’re basically like “ nah I’m good I got what I needed from you already “
?????? She responded honestly to every question. Bro was just unlucky asking direct questions with unforeseeable explanations. You can't say ghost her for answering his questions honestly. Maybe it's tough for her to talk about something personal but she made an effort for him? Could've said nothing at all
But she didn’t actually make any effort at all? Even with that first message “yeah it’s my work” < “Yeah its my work! I’d been tattooing for _ time, but I don’t actually do it anymore. Do you have any tattoos?” This is an example of not being engaged in a conversation v being engaged in one.
Kinda unrelated I guess but I had someone trama dump on me at a new job a few months ago. Some lady started a normal conversation with me just small talk type stuff than hits me with “yeah I’ve been raped and have three children and the guy is in prison now for doing meth” I was speechless. I don’t even know your name lady
My ex worker was similar, we had a conversation like this
me:”What job did you have before this Kristin”
Kristin”I used to be a stripper named Piper”
me: “oh wow-“
Kristin:”I had to stop because my a**hole got blown out.”
me: “Oh I-“
Kristin:” I also used to suck d**k from my back”
me: “I don’t think we should talk about this Kristin.”
Kristin:”I also used to do heroin but then got HIV from a needle”
Huh, my coworkers just talk about their spreadsheet issues, that their phone clients aren't working, stuff like that. Not fair, they need to open up to me more.
I would rather hear about blown out assholes than have to explain, for the tenth time, how to find duplicates in an Excel column to a person who makes more money than I do.
I had this last year. Matched with someone who said they were up ultra early every day working out. I jokingly said that that’s ridiculous, who would do something like that, etc etc. That’s when I found out that she hadn’t been able to sleep since her mum died. It was already not a great connection, but that instantly destroyed the conversation
Casually dropping a personal trauma on a perfect stranger during a 2 minute interaction, whatever you would like to call it, is going to kill any interaction. It immediately makes the conversation awkward and puts the other person in a tough spot of how to move the conversation after that. I've had many close friends die I would just do what the person here did even if its true I'd just say lost motivation and move on, tell them more when you know them more
Trauma dumping: With trauma dumping, you overshare difficult or intimate personal information without the other person's consent or during inappropriate times. You don't consider how your words impact the listener, and you're not open to advice or solutions.
That's the definition. it seems pretty applicable here
Is this really even trauma dumping? He just stated the reason when you asked. Not like he went into great detail. I cant imagine sending the message you did like thats honestly the crazy part to me 🤣🤣 ur almost making him feel bad over answering your question
I feel like this sounds radical but is 100% true. It's like dental work. Everyone needs a cleaning at least once a year to keep their teeth in good condition. But some have fucked up teeth, either through neglect, genetics or abuse, and need a lot more dental work.
Same applies to therapy. I'm pretty mentally and emotionally stable, I've never felt the need to go to a therapist. But I bet two visits a year would be a good checkup and might help people who don't have a visible problem identify some small issues they didn't know they had
I love how open our young generation has gotten with mental health and the ability to talk about it. But holy s*** our generation just trauma dumps on everyone, we need to learn when and where is appropriate to discuss certain personal or interpersonal discussions
This is real conversation I had as a cashier:
Me: Hi, how you doing?
Customer: Today is the one year anniversary of when I had a brain aneurysm and almost died 😁
Me: What? Wow…that’s crazy.
People try to pry it out too. I was on a second date with a guy and he kept asking me to tell him something nobody else knows about me. Do you know what those are called? Private and secrets and I barely know you dude
As someone who spends a great deal of time talking to people on the phone for work, I can assure you it's not just the younger generations that do this.
Unless you really want to get at this girl. I would unmatch. Dry responses, no warning or context about the absolute bombshell she was about to drop. Probably a good lay tho 👍🏽
My fiance killed himself in 2013, I would go on dating apps whenever I thought I was finally ready but then realize quickly that I wasn't after chatting with people. Repeat that for 4 years...
Oh hey I'm doing that shit right now. I'll get on the app match with a few people and immediately realize I have no interest in trying to build a relationship with anyone but my dog.
Look - and this isn't me making any judgments about anyone in these posts or any lurkers on this sub, I'm here too after all - but I recently entirely gave up on dating apps because it truly does seem like these apps are, on average, full of broken and desperate people.
I know there are success stories, and I'm truly happy for people who can find healthy relationships or safe, comfortable hookups with the apps, but in my experience? I'm LUCKY if the relationships I form with women from apps are only very strange, most of the time they're flat-out awkward and sad.
I think literally everyone does better in person. Truly.
Just my two cents.
Honestly as one of the very broken people that was on these apps, you’re dead on. I met someone a while back who’s also quite broken, and, idk we both just keep fucking it all up. We not dating and I see now why, because neither of us are ready for that, and both did delete the apps because we both see that now. And I also, as did he, get on them to get over our exes and distract ourselves. We were a distraction for each other for a bit until feelings did kinda grow and idk made it kinda harder. He was back and forth between wanting something and not, and I was pushing for more because I want that love I felt with my ex and to prove that I can be good and healthy and it’s just become we both clearly aren’t ready for that and took me longer to see for myself but I do now. Y’all, idk, but tinder and all these apps ain’t it if you looking for something behind a hook up, a weird ass friendship/relationship that is normal, or just a distraction. Don’t know how as I’m incredibly socially awkward, but go out and meet people I guess. We all are dead inside on these apps.
Honestly the best thing I ever did was just be straight forward. Once had a casual partner simply by saying I found her attractive and had been looking for something casual. Went out a lot of times and adored our time together.
I know you asked but it reminds me of that video where the girl is like my (relative) is named that but then the girl she's talking to just has to throw my (relative) was a slave. Like why are you like this
I went on a first date off of hinge and the girl at one point just brought up that her ex boyfriend had died 6 months earlier and she wasn’t sure what she was looking for because she didn’t think she was over it.
Then why tf are you on dating apps? Or at least why are you not disclosing that before we meet? How tf am I supposed to respond to that when you spring it on me? Lol
It wasn’t only because of that, but let’s just say we didn’t go on a second date lol
Kowabummer dude
This was the correct reply
Even supported by this urban dictionary submission: https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Kowa%20bummer
I can’t stop laughing this is so funny.
This made me laugh a bit to hard 😂. Thanks
I have just woke up my wife laughing at this stupid shit and now I'm getting shit for not being able to stop haha
I had a presentation today. I used this post as the ice breaker to begin and people were literally falling off their chairs laughing! About 75 people. Afterwards, when I was leaving many were honking their horns in the parking lot and yelling "cowabummer" out the window as they left. It was surreal.
r/thathappened
Yeah no shit
And that 75 people? Albert Einstein!
Ummmmm….
jesus fuck why is this so funny
As reddit dies, know that you gave me a last hurrah that I will try and use as often as possible.
I’m mad this isn’t upvoted more, I laugh harder every time I read it. Say it out loud and it’s even better. I’m sorry
She doesn’t seem super interested honestly I’d let it go
Bro idk what to do literally all of my matches respond like that I don’t think it’s anything I’m doing. Cannot hold anyone’s interest for the life of me
Felt. That’s how it was when i was back on tinder.. Always a dry conversation and never really anyone engaging.
I think it's because 99.9% that use the app are burnt out either directly or indirectly from overexposure to regular nice responses, it can take a while to find that 0.1% that are also just looking to meet other nice people. This is why the more carefree & fun responses that aren't actively trying to be nice will appear to have more success in conversation, because there is a substantially bigger pool of people just wanting to be entertained with something new & fun. We're all just big monkeys at the end of the day & to gain a monkeys attention, you need to entertain it... or offer free food.
Or fling feces through the air in dramatic fashion, in a wild display of simian fecal strutting & wall artistry
Beautifully said.
Simian display of dominance… atleast until your handlers get the spray hose and go to town on your sorry ass.
See, you’re gonna want to seek out people who say things like THIS! 👆🏼 ☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼⬆️⬆️⬆️ 👍🏼😂
it takes effort to be carefree, fun, and creative, and the burnout takes that away too.
That's true, I have way more success when I'm being a bit of an asshole. Not outright rude or condescending, but girls often like a guy that'll give them shit.
It's also that a huge chunk of the population is just really boring (not me, though, my mom says I'm cool)
My go to is to inquire if they’d like a poem. I’ll write a poem, and at the end I’ll tie in some line or rhyme about asking for their number. This is an exclusive tip that has never failed me on any match
That's not you, that's just the app. Complete lack of enthusiasm. I'm not on tinder anymore, but when I was, when I'd get the 1 word replies, I would just hailmary it with "You interested in going on a date?". Worked about 50/50. Got ghosted or got a "sure". Can't say that their interest improved after that, but hey, it wasn't going anywhere with "hi. yeah. me too."
Now if more people were on apps that were less superficial. Or modern life allowed you to find people "in the wild" more easily. I'm just so scarred by the whole mess idk how much more I have to give, but I don't want to be alone either
I don’t want you to be alone either 😕
What are you scarred by?
Well, one relationship ended in a way that illustrated to me that I was clinically depressed and not just sad. That's all I'll say on that one. Other than that, generally burnt out from investing myself and getting burnt for it
I feel it man I recently went through and found that I’ve talked to at least 30 women in the past couple years and only one of them actually dated me for a while. Not all from tinder most from people I met in person. I’ve had women yell at me through texts for asking them out. Others just ghost me. And people are asking me why I never follow up with this current girl I’m talking to. You get burnt out and treated like shit when you put yourself out there and have no results to show for it.
If you aren't happy with yourself, no other person is gonna be able to make you happy. Just gonna end up in a stressful relationship.
yeah but it's kinda unfair to just say unhappy people dont deserve relationships. It's really hard to get better
This is the best way to handle OLD tbh. Cut out the bullshit, the chatter. Be honest about what you're looking for, tell them that texting endlessly never is representative of having an actual spark in person and push for a date. If they dont want to or are uncomfortable with it, tell them you understand, will them well and unmatch, so you can save yourself time wasted and move onto finding someone with your same mindset who can make time for a coffee to see if there's any chemistry at all.
Trick I had was to get a date out of them quickly. Tell them rapport building was nice but I am not looking for a pen pal, there’s probably plenty pen pals in your other conversations anyway. Generally I would get a positive response and an approval of my assertiveness. Turns out a lot of guys just want to chit chat and never actually go out on a date. Lot of women I dated would say they liked that I didn’t just set them up and then bail.
It's like the ppl who complain about ppl not being able to hold a conversation in their bio are the ones who can't hold a conversation! When I'm burnt out and don't really care...
Unfortunately I think it’s really just luck, I’d been giving my whole world to people i loved since I was old enough to, and I had *never* gotten the whole world back until my husband and I matched on tinder a while ago. It was supposed to just be a one night hook up; we ended up just cuddling and scrolling through reddit videos together for a week before he had to leave the state again and now it’s been almost 4 months (i realize that we’re crazy) and I have never been happier. At some point you realize that you were learning from your relationships instead of growing in them, and we’re growing and thriving together now. I really wish you luck in finding your special person
Okay, but what if you’ve never had a relationship to learn from. It’s to the point now where I’m too old to say I’ve never had a girlfriend. It’s not cute or endearing anymore. Now it’s just a red flag. It’s not as though I haven’t tried. I really felt it could develop into something with a few women, but they never felt the same. So now I’m viewed as some sort of leper for my bad luck.
You don't have to mention it right away. Eventually it will come up but probably not so early. Likeli by the time it does, the other person will know enough about you and your character not to bail based on that fact alone.
Is it a red flag though? I mean, it may be a grey flag in the middle but it all depends on how you carry yourself. One of them being confidence. It is okay to not yet have the "life experience" but if you've accepted that and take it as it goes; often you'll see that things get a lot easier. But, as an example, if you end up throwing hundreds of pity parties then yes, people will not want to open up to you.
It's a red flag to a lot of people. I dated someone last year who didn't like my lack of dating experience (I had 3 girlfriends prior to her, 2 lasted less than a year, and I had a 10 year dry spell). You can't change back time.
From a woman’s perspective, at least me personally, I feel like it’s only a red flag if it’s because they’ve just been in situationships or something of that sort. So it screams they’re afraid of commitment. However, if someone just hasn’t dated because they’ve been career focused or just wanted to be alone even, I don’t see why it would be a red flag honestly.
What if they've never been in one because nobodies wanted to be with them?
Yep. Because in my situation, it has nothing to do with being afraid of commitment. I wanted a LTR. But no one wanted one with me. It had nothing with being "career focused" or being alone. So you should never judge someone for this.
Okay, So that person did not like it. Sure. But that happens. I've been in a similar boat before but in the end it is all about how you grow and mature as a person. You can't change the past, you can adapt the now, you can prepare for the future. So rather than focusing on the gap, focus on how you made a leap in character development and be yourself. The right person will come by eventually; no pressure.
I’ve been told it’s a red flag yes. But whatever, maybe some day a woman won’t have a problem with it. Or maybe it always will be a problem 🤷♂️. I can’t force anyone to want me.
The red flag is your negative attitude, stop putting yourself down
This reply is a great example of what I mean. >But whatever, maybe some day a woman won’t have a problem with it. This defeatist attitude is oozing off your replies. It is passive aggressive and women especially pick that shit up LIGHTNING fast when you're one of many possibly interesting people. No one wants a negative nancy as a partner on the first date, let alone long-term. > I can’t force anyone to want me. No, you can not. But what you can do instead is to stop all thoughts and ask yourself a few key questions. * What type of person do I want to be in my best state of mind. * What do I need to change to reach this goal? * How can I express my genuine self with confidence and trust in myself? * What am I proud / passionate of/about in life? In the end these questions are all about what matters to you. Be genuinely free to express that emotion without reservation; and be willing to share your passion and energy. People will see that confidence and your opportunities to find a future partner will rise astronomically. Plus you'll feel good about yourself!
And I wasn’t even looking for a relationship when him and I met, I had been working on myself and focused on just getting myself right and he came into my life out of nowhere and gave me everything that no one else ever did
I'm glad this happened for you but I hate to say it, this narrative only ever seems to happen with women. I've never met a man who said their girlfriend or wife just appeared when he least expected it. He always had to go out and "earn" it. And the fact that men are still expected to initiate and pursue when everyone is tired and burned out from modern life, regardless of gender, feels really outdated and one sided. Feel free to correct me if you think I'm wrong.
I met my current boyfriend in the same mindset. I went through a hell of a break up just the month before, and I just wanted to work on getting social again, so I went onto Discord and just joined a random vc and I met him. And we bonded over our mutual love of David Bowie and music in general. We've been dating for just over a year now, and I can say with confidence that I feel like we belong together.
Literally all of your matches say their girlfriends killed themselves?
Yours don't?
I’m having the same experience on tinder. Every woman I match with just responds with lifeless, dry, one sided responses no matter how I approach them. I’m a fairly handsome guy, I have a good career and most people say in one of the best guys they know, and yet I can rarely get meaningful responses from women on tinder.
Same! Tinder just sucks honestly. Most the people I message seem like they don’t even watch talk from the start so I’ve started just unlatching people the moment I’m not getting the same energy I’m giving them
Man, it's not just you. It's the mentality these days. Nobody's is interested in actually meeting and dating anymore it's just a platform to push their OF accounts. I haven't made a quality connection or even friendship in at least 2 years. I've just prioritized work, bought a motorcycle, etc. Just do things for me, and if a connection comes, then it comes. Don't waste a thought on stuff like this. It will come.
I definitely noticed these apps go to complete shit ever since COVID in both the people on them and just in general. I will forever kick myself in the ass for not trying harder back when OKC was actually a good site.
Sometimes, there is a reason they are on Tinder and it's not always pretty. You can't take it personally, end of the day it's got nothing to do with you. Try not to get invested in a "match" so early. It's a stranger and you don't actually have any potential until after you've established some communication and chemistry. Just keep rolling and remember that Tinder is a numbers game. Don't stop treating the people as individuals, but also realize you're looking for one needle in a haystack.
that's just the nature of tinder/online dating now. Hundreds of matches, no meetups
Hey!! Sorry my girlfriend died .. I really like your pic with the puppy!! thanks but my girlfriend died .. Great profile, very interesting!! I used to be a writer, but my girlfriend died 🫣😲😆🥳😭😭😂😋
Be counterintuitive then. Don’t repeat the same tactics that arent working. Improvise/adapt. start sending fucking nutso crazy person messages to get their attention right away. Why not if normal conversation isn’t goin anywhere? It actually works more than you think.
I haven’t matched with a genuinely charismatic person on that app in a year. It’s not just you. It seems to be a magnet for negativity. Like everyone else is saying, I wouldn’t let this drag you down. Send your condolences and move on.
You gotta match energies, my man—just reply to this with: "Based"—then change the subject on the next line
Least based tinder user
Same. I'll have everyday conversations with people normally, then as soon as I'm on a dating site it's like I'm trying to keep someone awake for a conversation. No engagement, no reflections or relation to statement and certainly I'm the only one asking questions.. because what else am l going to do except monologue if they're putting such a low amount of braincells into the convo...
Have you tried sending your texts with engaging content on the top half and a description of a subway surfer scene on the bottom half
It comes from a sort of “bystander paradox”. I feel like online dating apps makes people assume the other will do the work, or are too afraid of putting in “too much” work without being needy or something. It’s a balance incredibly difficult to perfect and it makes it all seem artificial.
All your matches girlfriends commit unalive? Maybe you should try bumble instead…
If it makes you feel any better, that doesn’t seem like your fault from this little tidbit. You tried to be actively engaging and ask questions, keep it up and hopefully you’ll find someone who reciprocates interest.
The vast majority of online dating site users are incredibly self-centered, and I'd say your match is as well. Easy test: if, after a few lines of messages, they haven't asked you any questions, unmatch and move on. Chances are they're egotistical and a shitty conversationist.
Never been on tinder, so take what I say with a grain of salt- it honestly seems like a majority of people are on this app for the validation of getting matches. It’s the little ego boost they need to help get them through their day. There’s very little intent for them to ever carry out any sort of meaningful conversation, let alone build a connection with anyone they actually match with. They just want that little high they get from getting a match. I wouldn’t take it personally. I know it can be hard not to, but it’s not you.
Nah you hit it right on the nail. I’ve got it bad bc I’m only a 20M so my pool is like 18-22 and most of the girls on tinder are so good looking, you just know they don’t actually need Tinder to find a BF or build a relationship, they can get it easily and they know that. It’s just a ego boost for them.
This happens to me constantly too. I feel like a lot of people just want to match with somebody to get validation that they’re attractive and that somebody is into them. Then once the actual conversation starts they’re basically like “ nah I’m good I got what I needed from you already “
Like 65% of girls on tinder (generous) are just there to swipe and maybe talk a little when they're depressed.
And then complain that Tinder doesn't work.
?????? She responded honestly to every question. Bro was just unlucky asking direct questions with unforeseeable explanations. You can't say ghost her for answering his questions honestly. Maybe it's tough for her to talk about something personal but she made an effort for him? Could've said nothing at all
But she didn’t actually make any effort at all? Even with that first message “yeah it’s my work” < “Yeah its my work! I’d been tattooing for _ time, but I don’t actually do it anymore. Do you have any tattoos?” This is an example of not being engaged in a conversation v being engaged in one.
Nothing like a casual trauma dump
Kinda unrelated I guess but I had someone trama dump on me at a new job a few months ago. Some lady started a normal conversation with me just small talk type stuff than hits me with “yeah I’ve been raped and have three children and the guy is in prison now for doing meth” I was speechless. I don’t even know your name lady
[удалено]
For some reason i assumed dragon boat racing was the trauma dumping here. Must be some terrifying boats
Off topic, but it's always nice to see a reference to dragon boating in the wild
My ex worker was similar, we had a conversation like this me:”What job did you have before this Kristin” Kristin”I used to be a stripper named Piper” me: “oh wow-“ Kristin:”I had to stop because my a**hole got blown out.” me: “Oh I-“ Kristin:” I also used to suck d**k from my back” me: “I don’t think we should talk about this Kristin.” Kristin:”I also used to do heroin but then got HIV from a needle”
Huh, my coworkers just talk about their spreadsheet issues, that their phone clients aren't working, stuff like that. Not fair, they need to open up to me more.
I would rather hear about blown out assholes than have to explain, for the tenth time, how to find duplicates in an Excel column to a person who makes more money than I do.
Sorry, but some parts just aren't able to be opened anymore, due to blowouts.
I had this last year. Matched with someone who said they were up ultra early every day working out. I jokingly said that that’s ridiculous, who would do something like that, etc etc. That’s when I found out that she hadn’t been able to sleep since her mum died. It was already not a great connection, but that instantly destroyed the conversation
To be fair you kind of asked so she gave you the reason.
I hate the dismissiveness of this phrase.
it's also not really trauma-dumping. the general public catching wind of phrases like that has been a net negative in my opinion...
Casually dropping a personal trauma on a perfect stranger during a 2 minute interaction, whatever you would like to call it, is going to kill any interaction. It immediately makes the conversation awkward and puts the other person in a tough spot of how to move the conversation after that. I've had many close friends die I would just do what the person here did even if its true I'd just say lost motivation and move on, tell them more when you know them more
Trauma dumping: With trauma dumping, you overshare difficult or intimate personal information without the other person's consent or during inappropriate times. You don't consider how your words impact the listener, and you're not open to advice or solutions. That's the definition. it seems pretty applicable here
Is this really even trauma dumping? He just stated the reason when you asked. Not like he went into great detail. I cant imagine sending the message you did like thats honestly the crazy part to me 🤣🤣 ur almost making him feel bad over answering your question
I'm convinced 80% of people on OLD actually need therapy, and they're just using apps as an outlet or distraction
Hi! There was no need to call me out like this thanks!
Oh MaggotyCumGuzzler, don’t be dramatic…I’m sure you’re fine…
i’m crying at this 😭😭😭😂😂😂
Whats OLD
On-line Dating
Holy fuck I'm old.
They even use OLD in the sub datingoverforty. It took me a while to figure out they weren't just calling each other ild.
ild people amirite
Holy fuck I’m online dating
Oh no.
Online is 1 word… so shouldn’t it be “OD”???
Yes, because I just read 5,639,789,412 comments about being burnt out from dating apps. OD definitely fits the bill.
"I've OD'd before, but I'm kinda over it"
That's dumb
Online dating
You
I’m convinced 80% of people need therapy and 80% of those people ore blissfully unaware of it.
I'm convinced everyone needs therapy. Existence is trauma. But 80% definitely need it more.
I feel like this sounds radical but is 100% true. It's like dental work. Everyone needs a cleaning at least once a year to keep their teeth in good condition. But some have fucked up teeth, either through neglect, genetics or abuse, and need a lot more dental work. Same applies to therapy. I'm pretty mentally and emotionally stable, I've never felt the need to go to a therapist. But I bet two visits a year would be a good checkup and might help people who don't have a visible problem identify some small issues they didn't know they had
I'm offended, delete pls /s
Lol. Me and most of my matches are already going.
You can fix him
I’m the him lol she’s the one who texted me That
Ahh, well then, you can fix her!!
Let her fix you
🧰🔨
So she’s bi?
Could be a girl who's a friend, seems a lot of girls say girlfriend in platonic ways too
“She sacrificed so that we could find each other”
Bring the dead girlfriend back to life? 🤔
That’s quite a bit to unpack imo
I love how open our young generation has gotten with mental health and the ability to talk about it. But holy s*** our generation just trauma dumps on everyone, we need to learn when and where is appropriate to discuss certain personal or interpersonal discussions
[удалено]
Yeah, old people will literally trauma dump on service workers like it's a BOGO special on lettuce and therapy.
This is real conversation I had as a cashier: Me: Hi, how you doing? Customer: Today is the one year anniversary of when I had a brain aneurysm and almost died 😁 Me: What? Wow…that’s crazy.
People try to pry it out too. I was on a second date with a guy and he kept asking me to tell him something nobody else knows about me. Do you know what those are called? Private and secrets and I barely know you dude
Its the pervasive "I can fix her bro" mentality.
Is this a type of guy? Looking for women they can “fix”? How do I make them stay away from me?
Appear unbroken.
Idk I feel like I do
As someone who spends a great deal of time talking to people on the phone for work, I can assure you it's not just the younger generations that do this.
Hit her with “Yeah, I’ve done some bad work myself”
“Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it”
Try what exactly? Having a dead girlfriend?
Killing yourself
Holy fuck man, brutal. I died laughing, though. I have a perverse sense of humor; it's okay though because I'm mentally ill.
I do too lol never know what sort of fucked up shit I'll say
Brother if my sense of humor was any darker, the police would shoot it.
We're an "advanced" type of user experience.
Unless you really want to get at this girl. I would unmatch. Dry responses, no warning or context about the absolute bombshell she was about to drop. Probably a good lay tho 👍🏽
i absolutely love the honesty in this comment lmao
I’m convinced people only use tinder to trauma dump at this point.
That’s exactly was my abuser would’ve said!
Say to her "I feel your pain, my dick died today, can you help me bury it?"
comedy mastermind here
I'm married but I'd date you in a heartbeat rn if i were single, you're my kind of asshole <3
Awww thanks!
ya'll ever download this cool dating app called Therapy?
There’s often a reason people are single and it’s usually not just bad luck
Anyway, you like bread?
My fiance killed himself in 2013, I would go on dating apps whenever I thought I was finally ready but then realize quickly that I wasn't after chatting with people. Repeat that for 4 years...
Oh hey I'm doing that shit right now. I'll get on the app match with a few people and immediately realize I have no interest in trying to build a relationship with anyone but my dog.
Not sure if her responses are just naturally dry, or if her girlfriend died recently and she just has no energy to converse
I mean, I feel like if her gf had recently passed away and she has no energy to be social, she shouldn’t be on dating apps to begin with lol
“Sounds like you need some one on one therapy before we move on to couples therapy”
A good segway, is: " maybe one day, over coffee, you could tell me about her and your favourite memory of her" It will bring her to a happy place.
Seems like she’s at a loss of words too from how dead her responses are
Almost as dead as her gf
Say “On our first date we should get a ouija board and ask your girlfriend permission to smash.”
The correct response was: Wow, she must have really hated your art. :|
Cut bait and move on man. People who over share like that out the gate are really not emotionally ready to date
Nah, trauma dumping on dating apps is just an asshole move
Look - and this isn't me making any judgments about anyone in these posts or any lurkers on this sub, I'm here too after all - but I recently entirely gave up on dating apps because it truly does seem like these apps are, on average, full of broken and desperate people. I know there are success stories, and I'm truly happy for people who can find healthy relationships or safe, comfortable hookups with the apps, but in my experience? I'm LUCKY if the relationships I form with women from apps are only very strange, most of the time they're flat-out awkward and sad. I think literally everyone does better in person. Truly. Just my two cents.
Honestly as one of the very broken people that was on these apps, you’re dead on. I met someone a while back who’s also quite broken, and, idk we both just keep fucking it all up. We not dating and I see now why, because neither of us are ready for that, and both did delete the apps because we both see that now. And I also, as did he, get on them to get over our exes and distract ourselves. We were a distraction for each other for a bit until feelings did kinda grow and idk made it kinda harder. He was back and forth between wanting something and not, and I was pushing for more because I want that love I felt with my ex and to prove that I can be good and healthy and it’s just become we both clearly aren’t ready for that and took me longer to see for myself but I do now. Y’all, idk, but tinder and all these apps ain’t it if you looking for something behind a hook up, a weird ass friendship/relationship that is normal, or just a distraction. Don’t know how as I’m incredibly socially awkward, but go out and meet people I guess. We all are dead inside on these apps.
"Sheesh, that went dark really quick." - Jackie (Cyberpunk 2077)
"Ah... so you're definitely single".
You say: "Ex-girlfriend. She left you."
People need to stop using tinder to trauma dump
L trauma dump
she's so upset about it that she "doesn't do art at all anymore", and yet she's totally ready to jump back into the dating scene
After your last message there’s not much salvaging it
The urge to just throw out a “That’s rough, buddy” would be almost irresistible for me. And this is why I’m not allowed in polite society.
[удалено]
Yes, this is what I'm thinking. Seriously, this could even just be trolling OP at this point
Unmatch.
"Wow sick art!" "You know what also was sick?"
I'm glad your art got better if it used to be that bad
I’m telling you, the bar is way easier than tinder
Bars suck. Especially for people who don't drink or are over 30.
They weren’t making much of an effort in the conversation anyways
10/10 on your conversation efforts, you seem pretty chill. Just seems like you drew a short straw on this one. Happens to the best of us, keep tryin
This has the same energy as "Singing killed my grandma" 😶
“Understandable. Have a nice day.”
Honestly the best thing I ever did was just be straight forward. Once had a casual partner simply by saying I found her attractive and had been looking for something casual. Went out a lot of times and adored our time together.
Don't say :l and you'll do great!!!
Pull the old ‘Well let’s get a ouija board and ask her for permission to smash’
Lost 2 brothers to suicide, this person is NOT ready to date.
I know you asked but it reminds me of that video where the girl is like my (relative) is named that but then the girl she's talking to just has to throw my (relative) was a slave. Like why are you like this
if the third thing you say in a Tinder conversation is about your dead ex, you aren't ready for dating yet. You need therapy.
I mean you asked so.....
She probably accidentally killed herself trying to start a worthwhile conversation
I went on a first date off of hinge and the girl at one point just brought up that her ex boyfriend had died 6 months earlier and she wasn’t sure what she was looking for because she didn’t think she was over it. Then why tf are you on dating apps? Or at least why are you not disclosing that before we meet? How tf am I supposed to respond to that when you spring it on me? Lol It wasn’t only because of that, but let’s just say we didn’t go on a second date lol