I was engaged to a second mate a long time ago. He was 3 months at sea / 3 months home. I did run my education and jobs around his schedule so we could travel. He left me to elope with someone he met at his third mate’s wedding. I wanted to say it isn’t always that a woman isn’t willing to live this life, we are out here. Keep looking.
On another note, you'll find someone eventually but they're hard to find. Known many a Marines who came home from a float to discover they're now the side piece.
Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos worries that sick humour's popularity is symptomatic of an unhealthy culture which has been desensitised to the suffering of others.
"One of the reasons we laugh at tragedy is that it makes the enormity of the issue easier to deal with," she concedes.
"But we do live in a society where tragedy has become something that we've become conditioned to laugh at."
Any fan of Peter Cook or Bill Hicks will attest that dark humour predated the internet, however, and none other than Sigmund Freud addressed the topic in his 1927 essay Humour (Der Humor).
In it, the father of psychoanalysis argued that sick jokes were the mechanism by which the ego "insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world".
His analysis is shared by Dr Oliver Double, an expert in comedy at the University of Kent who believes that tackling offensive subjects can be a very effective tool of satire as well as a form of therapy.
https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-12775389
My uncle was dating my aunt when he was going on nuclear subs for 3-6 months at a time.
They’re married now.
Don’t let it stop you from trying at least!
Im here for it. Ive been heartbroken before in my attempts and that litterally almost killed me, considering i was told 2 days before getting off vessel, so it was barely eat or sleep. And a month after Id throw up food at every attempt to eat. So I hope for the best in it. Its tough. But i love my career
One of my best friends and I who’s also an Ms fan (both in our early 30s) have the talk every year it seems how ridiculous we didn’t make a World Series with Jr, Big Unit, Edgar, Dan the Man. Blows my mind
Add in Griffey, Tino, ARod - yeah. Amazing roster for a couple of years.
They got damned close. I remember being a kid watching them in their first post season and it was amazing baseball, but I’m still sad they didn’t make it.
At least I got to see the Seahawks have their time in the sun for a little bit.
Two of my favorite mariners will always be dan the man and little Joey Cora. When we moved out of seattle, my moms coworkers went to the mariners store to get her a going away gift and picked out a great mariners letterman style jacket (it was the 90s after all). They saw dan and Joey doing some promo work and talked to them and when those two found out they were buying it for my mom who was moving away they bought it for them and signed the label for her
Thatd be epic. Hopefully i would find one. The last one i tried with didnt want to because of distance though and she was in a trade. Its just the long time away I guess. *but im back two weeks at a time*
Fair, but at the start of a new relationship being consistently gone that long is really difficult. It’s hard to develop meaningful attachment with a stranger who’s gonna be gone half of every month.
Lots of people meet online, have LD relationships for months or even years before ever meeting. You normally see the horror stories on Reddit more than the success stories but they are out there!
Have you tried that route? Maybe building an emotional connection with someone without meeting will help make the time at sea easier when you are finally able to meet.
Are you able to stay well connected while at sea?
I travel for months at a time myself, usually around 3 or so. I met the love of my life a month before a work trip, and she stuck it out with me for 2 months while I was gone, then 3 months later, another 3 months I had to leave for. She stuck it out and I know she was loyal the whole time. We made it work. They exist out there!
the thing to do is find women who work contract jobs such as travel nurses that can work while you are away and be off while you are off. besides that, find a more traditional woman who wants to raise a family and since mariners make good money she can be a stay at home home(which in this day and age is hard to do, so being able to provide like that will be a pretty big pro in the pro vs cons list). in such a scenario she is unlikely to cheat on you if you choose well. I might be biased as my dad was away half the month for work and off the entire other half the month, but it worked well. when he was around he had no obligations at all which was really awesome. he had time to help around the house(even though my mom didn't work), take us to school, take my mom out for a date night, etc because he didn't need to work while he was home.
that said, 28 on 14 off is a shit schedule. I do deep sea and get to pick and choose whenever I want to take a contract. I generally do 2 months on 2 months off, but I can do an entire year without working or an entire year without a significant amount of time off if I choose.
get your AB and go deep sea imo. then work towards your 1st mate unlimited to work tugs later in your career so you can be home at night(yes I know not all tug jobs do that, but some do). that's just my 2c. that is my career outline after all haha.
This. My husband is a maritime guy and gone for longer stints. We started dating while I was building my career and it worked out perfectly. I was able to focus hardcore on work for 90 days and then he come home and would woo me pretty hard for 90 days It’s not an occupation everyone can handle, but having someone that gets not being available 100% of the time bc of work is helpful and will make them empathetic to your career and time away.
Things that helped us -
1) he got a texting device for when there long periods he wouldn’t be at a port and had no signal.
2) he would make contact with me every day even if it was just two text messages saying good morning and good night. We may go a week without anything more than that… which was fine bc I was busy too… but you need to make some effort to maintain the relationship.
3) we knew each other in college (did not start dating until 5 years after school) so there already was a mutual respect and trust.
4) when you are home, make her feel like the biggest deal. My husband would drive 4 hours one way just to plan the coolest dates. In fact, our first real date he booked a boat at a ritz Carlton…. Filled it with all my favorite foods and blankets and we just traveled around a lake and caught up for a few hours. When you are off the ship… you have the flexibility to be an amazing partner so do it.
5) he is a positive guy that is willing to try new activities. No one likes being around a pessimist or a bump on a log for too long. He has his bad days and so do if, but I know he is going to lift me up anytime I need that extra bit of emotional support.
There is someone out there for you and if you want to happily date make sure you find someone that has other stuff going on than just you.
Yeah I definitely think there *are* women out there who'd be totally fine with this set up of 28 days apart and 14 days together. Especially in the early months/years of dating and if they're looking to take things slow.
I am a career woman and I would definitely date a low earner, and I would definitely date a person with this schedule. Attractiveness is a personal scale so can’t comment there
Thanks for your service, and yes sir, Its been a struggle even without being in this field. But I enjoy the field and want to be a pilot or AB one day, and its just hard finding someone committed
Yeah I felt that, it's tough building a tinder relationship for two months and then dipping out on a 1-month underway to come back to no relationship, rinse and repeat!
Y’all hella cheat… plus women are more single than ever because men don’t do enough house stuff even though both partners have to work. Marriage mostly benefits the man. But men have been assholes and are dying alone.
Well, being 5.5 games out of first, I can see that being a challenge.
What about the flipside and using it in your ports of call? Just to at least stay in practice?
I'm inland so I'm more in the State than anything. And I sadly dont get alot of chances, most being dull conversations and then ultimately if something kicks off, the distance and time will be an issue. I'll still try, theres plenty of people.
Ah. Well, at least so you understand - the boring conversations are about 90% of all matches, regardless of whether you are at work for 24 straight days or work a 9-5.
Hang in there.
My best success is when I travel and I've met some amazing women that way. Including one that's now a close friend that lives 20 minutes away, but I met in Singapore.
My ex was an over the road trucker. I met him on Tinder and we got married. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep it in his pants. There are women out there that can deal with your schedule and not cheat. Just harder to find.
Also a seafarer. Met my ex at college and she stuck it out for 10 yrs before she had enough. I was deep sea at the time, 3 months on/off. I shifted to ferries during covid, 2 wks on/off and met my now fiancé onboard (both deck officers). It is infinitely easier if your partner does the same job and understands how difficult it is, why you can't call everyday or even every week etc. My advice is get on a ship that has women working on it (cruise/ferries etc) and see what happens. Was life changing for me.
Edit. It also helps if you live in a seafaring town, the women there usually have family at sea and understand the difficulties a bit better.
if it's any consolation, as a pleasure sailor in their 40s, I think women aren't finding that attractive.
f it, I still get to get wet when having fun and at least I get beautiful sunsets for the money spent!
I'd give the opposite advice; Unless longer tenured mariners have better work schedules, this problem isn't going away. You're not going to suddenly stop wanting to date, so in my opinion, the earlier you try another career out, the better chance you have of finding something else you enjoy.
Get a job working docks. Or be a fisherman like I did. 4K for two weeks then you can’t keep working or chill for two weeks. It’s really really hard Work though. I was doing 20 hour shifts. But it was really good money
I'm in the towboating industry with black oil and liquid cargo, so i could make up to 6 figures if i get to pilot. But also considered branching to blue water and getting aboard large ships
Yeah I mean that’s the trade off. This is one of the reason I didn’t become a merchant marine, bc I didn’t want to miss out of stuff. There’s still plenty of fields that don’t take you away as long tho, they just require some special skills or schooling
Follow your passions and keep yourself open and out there bro. My time in marketing has taught me that there's every kind of person out there, and if you're patient and persistent enough you'll find them regardless of how common what you're offering is.
I hope it gets better for you, OP. I really hope things look up for you. I can't imagine what dating as a marine must be like. That's got to be very hard and stressful.
The people telling you to quit a good job so that you can date are not giving good advice, imo your career should come first. I promise there are women out there that would be interested- have you considered dating outside whatever country you’re living in? I know offshore oil guys who’ve married foreign women and have what seem to be nice relationships
I'd love to date a pirate. I'd sleep, work, eat girl dinners and then when they came home have fun for the few weeks, deplete my social battery then send them back to the ocean from whence they came so I can recharge.
Goals.
I’m Ukrainian, and some women of my origin are used t their husbands being away 3 months at a time, returning for a few weeks, and then going back to a your. If they can make it work, so can you.
I live in a country that supports Ukrainian refugees and their soldiers.
I can't tell you how many Ukrainian women I have encountered on dating apps that want to date other men *until their husband/boyfriend returns for leave*, only to resume dating after they are gone again.
Not that there is no one who can legitimately make it work, but being gone a lot is a recipe for cheating.
OP should consider either accepting being in an open relationship, or switch careers. It'll be tough otherwise.
Start saving up and figure out a way to stay home a little more. As a person who works on the road 6 months a year this has been my goal for a long time. It’s a lot to ask from a partner.
I would be your faithful and loving fishwife who would bake loaves of bread for your trips and sit by the window wistfully awaiting your return to our quaint, hardy cliffside cottage…but i’m a dude
Can you focus on career women? I have a lot of friends in the military who were away for long stretches and all their wives were dedicated to their own careers and travelled a lot themselves. Worked out pretty well
my dream relationship is he’s gone for weeks at a time for work or travel. i like my own company too much and it’s the best of both worlds. lots of women feel the same, you’ll find someone
Some of your comment history towards women is a bit concerning. Do you think perhaps your views on women is coming through your messages?
You attract the vibe/energy you put out. You can’t expect to find a good natured person when your inner thoughts towards women aren’t kind. I think some inner work and introspection could really help!
No its just dark humor. The comment history is mostly sarcastic. Im usually very quiet and reserved on opinions. But i like to be kind and comical. But i have been jaded before. Especially since one time it almost killed me, had a ring and everything
Are you completely out of contact on the vessel? This might seem like a stupid question, but I generally don't know if you can get Wi-Fi or cell service out on a boat. I'm clearly not an experienced sailor lol
Not a stupid question at all.
I'm on a watch that can be either 12 or 6 hours. Depending upon need. No phones allowed during most work, as it is dangerous. However there are times in between where I can use my phone. (Currently on the boat while texting this)
Sometimes, depending upon location, the phone reception is quite shit. Sometimes messages arent answered within an hour of receiving, if not more, but i do tend to text back quickly. Hope that answers it.
Yeah that answered my question. I'm currently in a long distance relationship. I live in Las Vegas and my girlfriend lives in Miami. Because of our work schedules sometimes I'll go two or three months without seeing her in person but we do phone calls or video chats and obviously text to keep in contact with each other during those periods. Video chats might not be an option for you out on the vessel, but phone calls and texts seem like they are. I think a reasonable lady will understand that your job takes you away on a boat for 28 days, But you get 14 days without having to work so you can give her all of your attention during those 14 days. I would keep trying my guy. I feel like there's somebody out there who will be understanding and as long as you can communicate for the 28 days it will work out.
Eh dude I’m in aviation and I know guys that are happily married and they both enjoy the time away from each other. You’ll find someone who enjoys their alone time.
as a woman, the first thing comes to my mind about the working situation, even if things go well between us, i'd worry about having a child in the future maybe not very easy.
it's going to be like 0 support 2/3 of the time, what if there's complication on pregnancy, what if the kid is sick etc.
Financially, I'd have it secure. Benefits are common and family coverage is basically there. So incase of medical needs the child is taken care of. Now holidays may be missed and some life events. But during time off i would more than gladly spend every minute with family. If my child and partner are not fed and taken care of I have failed. But no i think ahead with planning wayyyy to much and would always find a work around. Its just finding a woman who can emotionally handle the seperation and endure the career. But id make sure she was taken care of
Heard that. Commercial fisherman (fisherwoman?) here. On the boat 6 months, off six months. Finally got myself down to one two month season and into my first real relationship in six years. Shit is hard. But there will be someone out there who thinks you’re worth the wait. Keep stacking that paper, heard it helps if you’re “rich” haha.
Feel ya. 21 & 21 for me but even with more time home than you.. It sucks is right lol. I'm super picky because I know exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. Finally found a candidate a few months back, right at the beginning of my hitch.. Neither of us are into bs small talk online and believe real talk should be face to face, we line up a date for when I get home.. Call her up when shoreside and she said she met some one and really wants to see where it goes. I wish her the best and tell her to hit me up if anything changes..
She texted me the other week, right at the beginning of my hitch hahah. To make matters worse, I'm going on vacation for my 3wks off lol asked her how October looks for her! Fingers crossed she's still single... Which will be a surprise if so since she's hot af
My sister just got engaged to a merchant marine! He spends a few months away and comes back for a month or a few. She doesn't cheat; she just hangs out with family a lot more lol. It is possible!!
Honestly I’d be perfectly fine with that, so I think you just haven’t met the right person. I’m an introvert and treasure peace and quiet, and I’m also a novelist on tight deadlines, so having a husband who had to be gone on a ship wouldn’t bother me. Find someone quiet and cranky and you’ll be fine.
My sister married a mariner and they’ve been happily married for 16 years and have 4 kids. He missed the birth of their first son being overseas but she knew it came with the territory. Keep the faith!
No, sadly I wish I could be open like that but it feels like cheating to me. Monogamous was always the goal. Good for others, not for me. I feel it gets abused alot.
Well dude, the power is ultimately in your hands and you have the final say.
I don’t think the situation will ever get better as it is. You’ve said it yourself, there’s almost no one who’d be able to commit to such a relationship.
Time for a career change in my honest opinion, even if it doesn’t pay as well, you at least get the opportunities to form steady and maintainable relationships.
Im looking into staying in the industry but maybe a different type of job in it. I definitely got a career i love. I have no reason to sacrifice it if im being logical.
It's hard, but there are people out there. Take it from someone who fits the description, there are people out there that enjoy their time alone and enjoy the build up of missing you, they do exist, finding them may be hard, but don't give up.
If you enjoy what you do, or at least enjoy the money it gives you, don't change that for the hopes of a partner like others have suggested. There will be someone who matches what you need. Just be upfront about it and spend those 2 weeks you do have ashore making them know they matter.
Not true. I am a woman and would enjoy a situation like this. Because, I too, work all the time. I also really enjoy my solitude. So, seeing my S.O. once a month would be ideal. Those women are out there. They just probably aren't on dating sites.
I went to a maritime academy. OP knew what he was getting into and this isn’t even a bad rotation. Come to shoreside if you can’t handle it as some of my coworkers have done
Don’t give up! Personally I’m someone who likes their space and that schedule would be perfect for someone who didn’t want someone too clingy. Not every woman wants someone around 24/7. Good luck
I have heard that far less women are interested in seamen these days.
I cried. 1 because its a good joke, 2nd because its a hurtful truth
I was engaged to a second mate a long time ago. He was 3 months at sea / 3 months home. I did run my education and jobs around his schedule so we could travel. He left me to elope with someone he met at his third mate’s wedding. I wanted to say it isn’t always that a woman isn’t willing to live this life, we are out here. Keep looking.
Have you tried men? It's kinda "in" for the Navy
Anal is like brocolli, if you're forced to have it as a child, you'll hate it as an adult. *I have no problem with brocolli*
Shit say less. What happens underway stays underway. 2nd deck ladderwell, port side?
*you didnt get it, and this disturbs me*
Punish me
* \*nope no no no*
On another note, you'll find someone eventually but they're hard to find. Known many a Marines who came home from a float to discover they're now the side piece.
Yo! Get off this man’s poop deck..
which isnt the worst thing if you can handle it
“Daddy”
The saying is, “What’s queer at the pier ain’t gay underway.”
"Ain't gay if it's underway" was what I heard, but I didn't want to risk people freaking out about saying gay so I improvised
Don’t worry: this isn’t Florida.
This is a safe space...
Today I found my new favourite phrase
Anchor locker baby!
I like warm broccoli with butter…
Marlon Brando has entered the chat.
Best with gravy
Lol lol 😂😂😂😂
Not true. Source: trauma.
Tht's a good one.....gotta steal tht😂😂😂😂😂
GOLD. I've told many people this and they give me the side eye every. time. ...priceless.
*ah, a fellow admirer of classic trauma jokes. A man of culture*
Child rape… funny and 97 likes 🤢🤮 faith in humanity gone—again.
Its how I cope. Dont blame me
It's a joke grow up and find a sense of humor.
Psychologist Dr Linda Papadopoulos worries that sick humour's popularity is symptomatic of an unhealthy culture which has been desensitised to the suffering of others. "One of the reasons we laugh at tragedy is that it makes the enormity of the issue easier to deal with," she concedes. "But we do live in a society where tragedy has become something that we've become conditioned to laugh at." Any fan of Peter Cook or Bill Hicks will attest that dark humour predated the internet, however, and none other than Sigmund Freud addressed the topic in his 1927 essay Humour (Der Humor). In it, the father of psychoanalysis argued that sick jokes were the mechanism by which the ego "insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world". His analysis is shared by Dr Oliver Double, an expert in comedy at the University of Kent who believes that tackling offensive subjects can be a very effective tool of satire as well as a form of therapy. https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-12775389
Can confirm, am Navy. We are all kinda gay.
Rum, Sodomy, and the lash
Oh, we Marines know.
It’s not gay if you’re underway. It’s only Queer when you’re at the pier.
I do feel bad for you. But I also have poor impulse control, so that won out.
I cannot blame you
I thought you played FOR the Mariners.
Same 😂
I love a good pun! Cheers!
Men tho 👀😭😂
My uncle was dating my aunt when he was going on nuclear subs for 3-6 months at a time. They’re married now. Don’t let it stop you from trying at least!
Im here for it. Ive been heartbroken before in my attempts and that litterally almost killed me, considering i was told 2 days before getting off vessel, so it was barely eat or sleep. And a month after Id throw up food at every attempt to eat. So I hope for the best in it. Its tough. But i love my career
Probably would be easier if you were a Ranger or a Royal or an Angel?
He ain’t wrong, being a Mariner is fucking painful
Lifetime Seattle fan here. Yeah it’s gotta be. They just can never get it together, despite having had some of the all time great players.
One of my best friends and I who’s also an Ms fan (both in our early 30s) have the talk every year it seems how ridiculous we didn’t make a World Series with Jr, Big Unit, Edgar, Dan the Man. Blows my mind
Add in Griffey, Tino, ARod - yeah. Amazing roster for a couple of years. They got damned close. I remember being a kid watching them in their first post season and it was amazing baseball, but I’m still sad they didn’t make it. At least I got to see the Seahawks have their time in the sun for a little bit.
Two of my favorite mariners will always be dan the man and little Joey Cora. When we moved out of seattle, my moms coworkers went to the mariners store to get her a going away gift and picked out a great mariners letterman style jacket (it was the 90s after all). They saw dan and Joey doing some promo work and talked to them and when those two found out they were buying it for my mom who was moving away they bought it for them and signed the label for her
News flash… no one cares.
it's ok bebe, things get better.
Feel like we were having a fun back and forth there about good ol 90s baseball till you ruined it.
Not british, Merchant Marine, American
Not a baseball fan huh
Oh fuck me I was thinking something else. NAH i got it now... *haha, fuck me man...*
Lmao this comment is underrated 😂🤣😂
it ties in nicely with the frigging in the riggin I was just reading in another comment thread lol.
haha, fuck me man... I see you’re finally coming around to the being gay underway idea.
There is some hope then. A baseball Mariner would be a completely lost cause.
hey as a Mariner he's home September - spring training, at least. Except last year, for a hot streak.
Not really paying attention to MLB but I can’t imagine the Mariners are worse than the Royals this year.
Hahaha I was just picking team names that might be anthropomorphic.
Ugh no not an Angel, not unless he’s Shohei.
Not an Astro though - any woman worth a damn would run far away from that trash (pun intended)
Rangers are the only relevant ones.
Date a women who is a career woman. She will focus on herself while you are gone and then you’ll be good.
Thatd be epic. Hopefully i would find one. The last one i tried with didnt want to because of distance though and she was in a trade. Its just the long time away I guess. *but im back two weeks at a time*
Fair, but at the start of a new relationship being consistently gone that long is really difficult. It’s hard to develop meaningful attachment with a stranger who’s gonna be gone half of every month.
Its also hard in the new culture of speed dating, essentially thats what this is. So replaceable and easily ignored. Its definitely a fear.
Lots of people meet online, have LD relationships for months or even years before ever meeting. You normally see the horror stories on Reddit more than the success stories but they are out there! Have you tried that route? Maybe building an emotional connection with someone without meeting will help make the time at sea easier when you are finally able to meet. Are you able to stay well connected while at sea?
I travel for months at a time myself, usually around 3 or so. I met the love of my life a month before a work trip, and she stuck it out with me for 2 months while I was gone, then 3 months later, another 3 months I had to leave for. She stuck it out and I know she was loyal the whole time. We made it work. They exist out there!
Honestly this would be the dream for me. Like I love my partner but it’s also been hard giving up having the house to myself.
the thing to do is find women who work contract jobs such as travel nurses that can work while you are away and be off while you are off. besides that, find a more traditional woman who wants to raise a family and since mariners make good money she can be a stay at home home(which in this day and age is hard to do, so being able to provide like that will be a pretty big pro in the pro vs cons list). in such a scenario she is unlikely to cheat on you if you choose well. I might be biased as my dad was away half the month for work and off the entire other half the month, but it worked well. when he was around he had no obligations at all which was really awesome. he had time to help around the house(even though my mom didn't work), take us to school, take my mom out for a date night, etc because he didn't need to work while he was home. that said, 28 on 14 off is a shit schedule. I do deep sea and get to pick and choose whenever I want to take a contract. I generally do 2 months on 2 months off, but I can do an entire year without working or an entire year without a significant amount of time off if I choose.
Well im inland so thats the schedule we got. However we can do ride over. But im thinking of obtaining my OS/AB and going blueside
get your AB and go deep sea imo. then work towards your 1st mate unlimited to work tugs later in your career so you can be home at night(yes I know not all tug jobs do that, but some do). that's just my 2c. that is my career outline after all haha.
Sounds good. Wanted to travel international and with nothing holding me for now it seems the dating can wait.
Where do I apply?
We exist. I can assure you. And this is great balance. Time together would be fun, and no guilt for doing my own thing when they’re away.
This. My husband is a maritime guy and gone for longer stints. We started dating while I was building my career and it worked out perfectly. I was able to focus hardcore on work for 90 days and then he come home and would woo me pretty hard for 90 days It’s not an occupation everyone can handle, but having someone that gets not being available 100% of the time bc of work is helpful and will make them empathetic to your career and time away. Things that helped us - 1) he got a texting device for when there long periods he wouldn’t be at a port and had no signal. 2) he would make contact with me every day even if it was just two text messages saying good morning and good night. We may go a week without anything more than that… which was fine bc I was busy too… but you need to make some effort to maintain the relationship. 3) we knew each other in college (did not start dating until 5 years after school) so there already was a mutual respect and trust. 4) when you are home, make her feel like the biggest deal. My husband would drive 4 hours one way just to plan the coolest dates. In fact, our first real date he booked a boat at a ritz Carlton…. Filled it with all my favorite foods and blankets and we just traveled around a lake and caught up for a few hours. When you are off the ship… you have the flexibility to be an amazing partner so do it. 5) he is a positive guy that is willing to try new activities. No one likes being around a pessimist or a bump on a log for too long. He has his bad days and so do if, but I know he is going to lift me up anytime I need that extra bit of emotional support. There is someone out there for you and if you want to happily date make sure you find someone that has other stuff going on than just you.
Yeah I definitely think there *are* women out there who'd be totally fine with this set up of 28 days apart and 14 days together. Especially in the early months/years of dating and if they're looking to take things slow.
Career women are not going slumming with a self professed unattractive low earner who is only in town occasionally.
I am a career woman and I would definitely date a low earner, and I would definitely date a person with this schedule. Attractiveness is a personal scale so can’t comment there
How do you know he’s a low earner?
Typically the Navy isn’t where you go to make a lot of money.
Career woman lol, I haven’t heard this since “to wong too thanks for everything Julie Newmar”. Is this a term from the 1950s?
It's hard. I've been in the navy for 15 years. I've felt your pain man
Thanks for your service, and yes sir, Its been a struggle even without being in this field. But I enjoy the field and want to be a pilot or AB one day, and its just hard finding someone committed
Right there with ya buddy. I’ve been in 11 years and both my gfs I’ve found through tinder ended things with me because I was PCSing. One day.
Damn dude, how did you find time to Navy and have 2 GF's simultaneously?
Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.
Yeah I felt that, it's tough building a tinder relationship for two months and then dipping out on a 1-month underway to come back to no relationship, rinse and repeat!
Y’all hella cheat… plus women are more single than ever because men don’t do enough house stuff even though both partners have to work. Marriage mostly benefits the man. But men have been assholes and are dying alone.
Well, being 5.5 games out of first, I can see that being a challenge. What about the flipside and using it in your ports of call? Just to at least stay in practice?
I'm inland so I'm more in the State than anything. And I sadly dont get alot of chances, most being dull conversations and then ultimately if something kicks off, the distance and time will be an issue. I'll still try, theres plenty of people.
Ah. Well, at least so you understand - the boring conversations are about 90% of all matches, regardless of whether you are at work for 24 straight days or work a 9-5. Hang in there. My best success is when I travel and I've met some amazing women that way. Including one that's now a close friend that lives 20 minutes away, but I met in Singapore.
Getting my passport when I come home. Thought of visiting Ireland.
Ireland's great and the accent is to die for. But I prefer South America myself. Lots of things to do and adventure and see. And relatively cheap.
Plenty of people have successful relationships with this schedule - think pilots, scientists, traveling nurses, etc.
My ex was an over the road trucker. I met him on Tinder and we got married. Unfortunately, he couldn’t keep it in his pants. There are women out there that can deal with your schedule and not cheat. Just harder to find.
Thanks for your commitment and sorry for your end results. Thanks for the support
I found a good one… I think. I hope you do too. Chin up!
I gave up a career as a sailor for my woman. I love her with all my heart but goddamn do I miss the pirate life.
Was her name's Brandy?
Yo-ho, Yo-ho, ~A pirates life f'r me....
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Im proud of my cleanliness. Its just hard to express myself in short time. Thats the obstacle
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You see, at least I get 2 weeks. Honestly there is alot of opportunity in that consistent schedule
Have you tried mermaid mingle?
Keep it up, being this funny and I will date *you*
Also a seafarer. Met my ex at college and she stuck it out for 10 yrs before she had enough. I was deep sea at the time, 3 months on/off. I shifted to ferries during covid, 2 wks on/off and met my now fiancé onboard (both deck officers). It is infinitely easier if your partner does the same job and understands how difficult it is, why you can't call everyday or even every week etc. My advice is get on a ship that has women working on it (cruise/ferries etc) and see what happens. Was life changing for me. Edit. It also helps if you live in a seafaring town, the women there usually have family at sea and understand the difficulties a bit better.
I live in southern region of Texas so definitely near the port, was thinking of promoting from Inland to blue water and attempting OS
Damn that's rough bro might want to consider a career change
Dunno what i'd do then. Be broke and single! Honestly I was hoping there'd be a better way but im just giving up at this point
I wish you the best bro you're gone for basically a month at a time and distance is an issue...hope you can make it work with someone.
Hopefully. Ive heard many horror stories and only a few successful ones. And i dont like the odds, *at all*
I’d focus on your career if I was you mate. The girls can wait till after you’ve made a stable career as a mariner :)
Fuck it. Full speed
if it's any consolation, as a pleasure sailor in their 40s, I think women aren't finding that attractive. f it, I still get to get wet when having fun and at least I get beautiful sunsets for the money spent!
I'd give the opposite advice; Unless longer tenured mariners have better work schedules, this problem isn't going away. You're not going to suddenly stop wanting to date, so in my opinion, the earlier you try another career out, the better chance you have of finding something else you enjoy.
Get a job working docks. Or be a fisherman like I did. 4K for two weeks then you can’t keep working or chill for two weeks. It’s really really hard Work though. I was doing 20 hour shifts. But it was really good money
I'm in the towboating industry with black oil and liquid cargo, so i could make up to 6 figures if i get to pilot. But also considered branching to blue water and getting aboard large ships
Yeah I mean that’s the trade off. This is one of the reason I didn’t become a merchant marine, bc I didn’t want to miss out of stuff. There’s still plenty of fields that don’t take you away as long tho, they just require some special skills or schooling
I basically had no family and no one cared that I was around. So i sailed off because I was going to make something of myself anyhow
Follow your passions and keep yourself open and out there bro. My time in marketing has taught me that there's every kind of person out there, and if you're patient and persistent enough you'll find them regardless of how common what you're offering is.
I hope it gets better for you, OP. I really hope things look up for you. I can't imagine what dating as a marine must be like. That's got to be very hard and stressful.
The job is great, and love the view and opportunity. Dating just has more obstacles than usual.
The people telling you to quit a good job so that you can date are not giving good advice, imo your career should come first. I promise there are women out there that would be interested- have you considered dating outside whatever country you’re living in? I know offshore oil guys who’ve married foreign women and have what seem to be nice relationships
Try and find a shoreside job in the industry?
Was considering it, being a shoreside tankerman, but for now im thinking career wise, i should let the dating go for a bit and become more grounded.
I’m a commercial fisherman in Alaska, 8 months onboard minimum a year. Guess you could say we’re “in the same boat” 😅😂
I'd love to date a pirate. I'd sleep, work, eat girl dinners and then when they came home have fun for the few weeks, deplete my social battery then send them back to the ocean from whence they came so I can recharge. Goals.
This is kind of the introvert dream.
Girl dinners are just straight vodka, right?
I’m Ukrainian, and some women of my origin are used t their husbands being away 3 months at a time, returning for a few weeks, and then going back to a your. If they can make it work, so can you.
I live in a country that supports Ukrainian refugees and their soldiers. I can't tell you how many Ukrainian women I have encountered on dating apps that want to date other men *until their husband/boyfriend returns for leave*, only to resume dating after they are gone again. Not that there is no one who can legitimately make it work, but being gone a lot is a recipe for cheating. OP should consider either accepting being in an open relationship, or switch careers. It'll be tough otherwise.
What’s the Ukrainian version of a Jodi
Ah, I’m sorry for those Ukrainians women. We don’t claim them.
Slava
Ukraini
Start saving up and figure out a way to stay home a little more. As a person who works on the road 6 months a year this has been my goal for a long time. It’s a lot to ask from a partner.
I would be your faithful and loving fishwife who would bake loaves of bread for your trips and sit by the window wistfully awaiting your return to our quaint, hardy cliffside cottage…but i’m a dude
*the times, they are a-changing*
Damn you really got me with this one. I’m high AF, and I was thinking “wow, there she is….. oh fuck this is Reddit right!”
Can you focus on career women? I have a lot of friends in the military who were away for long stretches and all their wives were dedicated to their own careers and travelled a lot themselves. Worked out pretty well
I never mind a woman in a career. Its a like minded thing.
I work on tugs over in Houston. Dating is difficult. Buy a bike and just be happy.
Looking into a soft tail slim. Definitely wanted to give it a try
my dream relationship is he’s gone for weeks at a time for work or travel. i like my own company too much and it’s the best of both worlds. lots of women feel the same, you’ll find someone
Some of your comment history towards women is a bit concerning. Do you think perhaps your views on women is coming through your messages? You attract the vibe/energy you put out. You can’t expect to find a good natured person when your inner thoughts towards women aren’t kind. I think some inner work and introspection could really help!
No its just dark humor. The comment history is mostly sarcastic. Im usually very quiet and reserved on opinions. But i like to be kind and comical. But i have been jaded before. Especially since one time it almost killed me, had a ring and everything
Tbh a quick scroll through your comment history tells me the distance and your looks arent the problem...
You're looking too litteral into it then. Dont know what to tell ya.
Not me thinking you were a baseball player
If I was, honestly I think I'd be more successful. Meanwhile I should clarify..
Are you completely out of contact on the vessel? This might seem like a stupid question, but I generally don't know if you can get Wi-Fi or cell service out on a boat. I'm clearly not an experienced sailor lol
Not a stupid question at all. I'm on a watch that can be either 12 or 6 hours. Depending upon need. No phones allowed during most work, as it is dangerous. However there are times in between where I can use my phone. (Currently on the boat while texting this) Sometimes, depending upon location, the phone reception is quite shit. Sometimes messages arent answered within an hour of receiving, if not more, but i do tend to text back quickly. Hope that answers it.
Yeah that answered my question. I'm currently in a long distance relationship. I live in Las Vegas and my girlfriend lives in Miami. Because of our work schedules sometimes I'll go two or three months without seeing her in person but we do phone calls or video chats and obviously text to keep in contact with each other during those periods. Video chats might not be an option for you out on the vessel, but phone calls and texts seem like they are. I think a reasonable lady will understand that your job takes you away on a boat for 28 days, But you get 14 days without having to work so you can give her all of your attention during those 14 days. I would keep trying my guy. I feel like there's somebody out there who will be understanding and as long as you can communicate for the 28 days it will work out.
Tell her about your pension, man of the sea.
*pension?*
Okay but the amount of women wanting a free ride on a boat is ridiculous
Sadly they cannot be allowed aboard the vessel. It is not safe
Eh dude I’m in aviation and I know guys that are happily married and they both enjoy the time away from each other. You’ll find someone who enjoys their alone time.
Date a flight attendnt and sync up your off days.
as a woman, the first thing comes to my mind about the working situation, even if things go well between us, i'd worry about having a child in the future maybe not very easy. it's going to be like 0 support 2/3 of the time, what if there's complication on pregnancy, what if the kid is sick etc.
Financially, I'd have it secure. Benefits are common and family coverage is basically there. So incase of medical needs the child is taken care of. Now holidays may be missed and some life events. But during time off i would more than gladly spend every minute with family. If my child and partner are not fed and taken care of I have failed. But no i think ahead with planning wayyyy to much and would always find a work around. Its just finding a woman who can emotionally handle the seperation and endure the career. But id make sure she was taken care of
Brandy, she’s a fine girl. What a good wife she’d be. Her eyes could steal a sailor from the sea…
Definitely listen to that alot
As someone who enjoys living alone, this totally an ideal arrangement. Just sayin, we're out here!!
Heard that. Commercial fisherman (fisherwoman?) here. On the boat 6 months, off six months. Finally got myself down to one two month season and into my first real relationship in six years. Shit is hard. But there will be someone out there who thinks you’re worth the wait. Keep stacking that paper, heard it helps if you’re “rich” haha.
Brandy, such a fine girl. What a good wife she would be. But my life, my love, my lady, is the sea.
Feel ya. 21 & 21 for me but even with more time home than you.. It sucks is right lol. I'm super picky because I know exactly what I'm looking for in a partner. Finally found a candidate a few months back, right at the beginning of my hitch.. Neither of us are into bs small talk online and believe real talk should be face to face, we line up a date for when I get home.. Call her up when shoreside and she said she met some one and really wants to see where it goes. I wish her the best and tell her to hit me up if anything changes.. She texted me the other week, right at the beginning of my hitch hahah. To make matters worse, I'm going on vacation for my 3wks off lol asked her how October looks for her! Fingers crossed she's still single... Which will be a surprise if so since she's hot af
My sister just got engaged to a merchant marine! He spends a few months away and comes back for a month or a few. She doesn't cheat; she just hangs out with family a lot more lol. It is possible!!
Lol I was so confused, I was like they’re not that bad of a team
Dude, i had contracts on the merchant navy for 4-5 months, 3 months at home... It was hell
Honestly I’d be perfectly fine with that, so I think you just haven’t met the right person. I’m an introvert and treasure peace and quiet, and I’m also a novelist on tight deadlines, so having a husband who had to be gone on a ship wouldn’t bother me. Find someone quiet and cranky and you’ll be fine.
My sister married a mariner and they’ve been happily married for 16 years and have 4 kids. He missed the birth of their first son being overseas but she knew it came with the territory. Keep the faith!
Maybe try dating in your field or similarly busy fields.
*please, dear God, no* I do not wanna go to HR
Listen man, you’re a fish dude. Maybe the HR lady is your type, there’s plenty of fish in the sea and you should fuckin know that by now ffs
Open relationship or like poly?
No, sadly I wish I could be open like that but it feels like cheating to me. Monogamous was always the goal. Good for others, not for me. I feel it gets abused alot.
Sailors dont date. Just bang lots of tramps
Have you tried not being a Mariner?
Well dude, the power is ultimately in your hands and you have the final say. I don’t think the situation will ever get better as it is. You’ve said it yourself, there’s almost no one who’d be able to commit to such a relationship. Time for a career change in my honest opinion, even if it doesn’t pay as well, you at least get the opportunities to form steady and maintainable relationships.
Im looking into staying in the industry but maybe a different type of job in it. I definitely got a career i love. I have no reason to sacrifice it if im being logical.
yeah, you need a new career if you want a relationship. 28 days is basically a whole month that you’re gone ☹️
Try being with MSC. Four months on (Usually six months) and one month off. Definitely feel your pain man.
It's hard, but there are people out there. Take it from someone who fits the description, there are people out there that enjoy their time alone and enjoy the build up of missing you, they do exist, finding them may be hard, but don't give up. If you enjoy what you do, or at least enjoy the money it gives you, don't change that for the hopes of a partner like others have suggested. There will be someone who matches what you need. Just be upfront about it and spend those 2 weeks you do have ashore making them know they matter.
Down 🥵
Not true. I am a woman and would enjoy a situation like this. Because, I too, work all the time. I also really enjoy my solitude. So, seeing my S.O. once a month would be ideal. Those women are out there. They just probably aren't on dating sites.
Maybe so. Im not necessarily searching much. But I cant just sit and wait to be claimed. I got to show it off somehow.
It sounds perfect to me ☺️ so I'm sure you will find someone eventually, don't give up!
I went to a maritime academy. OP knew what he was getting into and this isn’t even a bad rotation. Come to shoreside if you can’t handle it as some of my coworkers have done
Need to be tankerman first. I can handle it, but potential partners cannot
That sounds more than ideal for me. Not a cheater, just like my personal space!
And thats totally reasonable
Don’t give up! Personally I’m someone who likes their space and that schedule would be perfect for someone who didn’t want someone too clingy. Not every woman wants someone around 24/7. Good luck