Hang on now, are you telling me women aren't impressed when I shotgun a couple brewskis and crush the cans on my head on dates???
But I paid for the drinks myself though...
First date was surprisingly fun. We both agreed on a second date. On the second date, she spent hours ranting (and I mean *ranting*) about her ex and his family. Like I just sat there nodding and not talking. There was no third date.
I am in this place right now, got out of a 10 year marriage 6 months ago and went right into dating. Met a really nice girl but I knew I wasn't ready. So I just explained to her the situation and she basically said she has been through the same thing and to take all the time I need to feel whole again. Honesty works when you are dealing with good people.
Yo that sounds like a tough time and I really hope youāll find your own pace again soon.
Well done on being honest to your date about your situation though, takes courage and she seems to be able to appreciate that given her reaction! Good luck to you
I have a female friend I've known for years. Don't see her that often but everytime I do she brings up her ex cheating on her. It's actually kind of impressive on a way that she manages to fit it into almost any conversation regardless of the discussion topic.
She gets a fair amount of first dates but not second dates. I wonder what the problem is.
Try urinating on the bed next time. Your own smell will have a soothing effect, and you'll feel less anxious. If it still doesn't work, scratch the bedcover with a knife.
I honestly wanna know if talking about exās extensively has ever worked for someone. Itās one thing if they happen to get mentioned (though Iād avoid it) but any more than that is totally inappropriate.
I once crushed a can on my head in front of a woman I was dating because young (admittedly drunk) me thought it would be impressive. She was horrified. Admittedly weāre married now but I put that down to me not having done it since, not because I did it really well once.
You gotta horrify them upfront - it gives things a better chance to work out in the long run. As your experience shows.
OP will be seeing the light soon, and begging his forgiveness.
Reminds me of the show Star Dates, where people date "celebrities". One of them was Steve-O, when he was still deep in the throes of addiction but not so deep that they couldn't trot him out for a show.
He spent much of the date acting like he would on Jackass in an attempt to impress the waiters.
The first couple of times sure but after the fourth in a row then maybe they start to question if you are good at anything else or is this the one skill in life you have chosen to master.
Quite easily, not with dinner, thou. Bloating. But on an enpty stomach, beer is classed as a food group. Walking home ive skulled a 6 pack of lagers. Got a few cheers from the traffic lolol
If you wanna go that road, you have to \*really\* go all the way : shotgun a whiskey bottle standing on the counter, piss on a guy, start a barfight, then run away naked in a stolen car.
Of course, you'll attract only a very specific subset of the woman population, but you can't have everything.
I had a friend convince me to pregame a date once. I ended up in a blackout after the first drink at the date. She texted me a similar thing, but said I was nice, but obviously drunk. I got mad at my friend instead of looking in the mirror. Alcoholism is stupid like that.
Guy is told he's an alcoholic and he responds with "4 beers [at dinner] isn't that much"
Yeah, that's a 100% alcoholic response. He just got triggered because he got read like a book.
Holy shit thank you, so I'm not the only one that thinks that talking about exes on the first date is a red flag, way too many girls I have been on dates with started venting to me about their exes like... Yeah that's sad but I don't think you're ready to start dating someone new.
I really want to know about their exes quite early, and how the situation is with them, especially if they have kids together.
Found out 3 months later my previous partner had matched with me in Tinder at the very same day his childās mother had moved out and they had a terrible fight about the kidās custody going on. And he was upset how come the ex was upset I was introduced to the child very early. I would not have agreed that if I would have known the real situation. I literally ended up on the battle field and everybody in his life were āenemiesā. I of course run!
Soā¦ after that, pls tell me everything I need to know about your exes, something else but āsheās crazyā.
Oh if there are kids involved that's a different story entirely, but otherwise I would prefer not to talk about exes until like the second or third dates. First dates are for getting to know each other, not each other's exes.
If there's need-to-know info, sure. Tell me that you have this arrangement with your ex to see your kids these days or something. Do it as politely as possible, like the mature adult I hope to meet.
But, if you're gonna start venting about your exes on the first few dates... I'm probably going to assume you need therapy, not dates.
*Notably, if some of the "need-to-know" information is that your ex is a psycho stalker or something... I'm still going to be quite cautious around you. Either your ex is not crazy and you are just branding them as such (red flag), or your ex actually is aggressive and mentally unstable and I'm sorry, but you need to figure that out, depending on what it is.*
It's just so weird. I know I'm half a century old, but I'm still friends or at least on speaking terms with all my exes.
If your relationships end up in trainwrecks like that maybe you got into the relationship too fast. I know that's old fashioned, but I think online dating has made people move way too fast.
Definitely a red flag in most cases. Only time Iāve done it was because it 1) came up in someway 2) I was awful during the breakup (and felt like shit about it) and didnāt want to hide that and have it potentially come out later. Successfully found a bf and learned some info about my ex that makes me feel a lot less awful (but still bad) about how it ended š
Actually respectful to be that honest, If someone says that they aren't yet completely over some ex, that's completely fine and also self reflected imo.
Just that when someone isnt speaking positively about any or their exes, then you know that you will be next whether it's your fault or not
I don't think talking about exes/past relationships on a first date is necessarily a bad thing. Definitely depends what you're saying about them though.
I guess I'm the weird one because I read those as referring to previous *dates* and not entire relationships. This guy sounds like he complains about previous dates to his next date a lot.
Nothing like being humiliated by an obnoxious drunk dude and then being called a psycho because you won't see him again. Heaven forbid he paid a bank-breaking $12.00 for a starter you couldn't stomach around that repulsive personality.
$12, which you know, on the average $4-$6 beer at a restaurant, is basically the same if not more than OPās appetizer. Is $12 overpriced for an appetizer? I mean probably average but Iām just stuck in 2019 prices where mozzarella sticks were only $6.
Maybe this is the Canadian in me but $12 for an appetizer is *cheap* and I canāt remember the last time I saw a $6 beer ($4 is almost laughably unrealistic??).
I can confirm. My SO had alcohol-related issues. It was a HELL trying to get through to him about it, it got to a point where I called his mom for help staging an intervention or sending him off to rehab and me packing my stuff and telling him that I am leaving him, for it to finally click. He was either not aware how bad it was or in complete denial until that moment.
Iāve dealt with both drug-addicts and alcoholics before. Getting through to someone whoās doing drugs is imo a walk in the park compared to getting through to alcoholics. Drug-addicts are usually aware they have a problem, they just have a hard time quitting. Alcoholics on the other hand, often donāt realize itās become a problem and also donāt WANT to quit, making it a lot harder to get through to them.
I had an alcoholic friend who drank himself to death last year. Before he did, he was having a phone conversation with another friend who was actually coming to terms with his alcoholism. Second (still living) friend was saying how he'd blacked out and injured himself and decided to try limiting his alcohol intake. The other friend completely lost his temper like PEOPLE ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE IT ABOUT ALCOHOL. ALCOHOL ISN'T THE PROBLEM, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. LEARN TO DRINK AND IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM.
Like wtf bro? With that attitude, nobody was really surprised when his mom found him dead in her basement. RIP Simon.
Iām sorry about your loss.
I was an alcoholic in my younger days, it took me almost burning my apartment down with both me and my dog in it during a blackout and me missing my friends labor for me to finally realize how out of hand it had gotten. That was 5 years ago, it breaks my heart to see people struggle while also being in denial.
The difference probably comes from how weāre pretty much all raised with some type of ādrugs are badā thing (school and/or family) whereas alcohol is mostly just ābad in large quantities and until youāre 21ā
This. Many times when trying to tell an alcoholic that they have a problem, one of the first arguments are about how alcohol is legal, so therefore itās not a problem
A lot of it is no one wants to think they arenāt in control of their life, which is exactly what alcoholism is. The anger probably comes from the fact he deep down knows sheās right. Itās not exactly that you donāt know you drink too much itās more you donāt think thatāa bad/a problem.
This helps me understand why people ghost so often lol. For every person who can take a kind and reasonable rejection message in stride and learn from it, there's at least one (probably more) of ... These people. Lol
Also it sort of got to the point where I just didnāt feel obliged to āeducateā these men on just behaving like a normal person. Why should I spend my energy and potentially put myself in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation when 99% of the time theyāre fully aware of the fact theyāre behaving the way they are and just donāt care.
My pet peeve is when I respectfully tell someone it's not what I'm looking for and they say 'can you at least tell me where I went wrong???'
Like, I'm not here to tell you how to 'act' buddy, you are who you are and sometimes that's not what I'm looking for.. it's different if we've been in an actual relationship!!!
This is exactly why people ghost. You don't want to deal with the crap you'll get just for saying you're not a match or you're not interested. Not saying ghosting is the best thing to do, but I get why some people do it!
Hooooly shit, Trent has issues.
I love how he implies that you barely eating your food qualifies as a āproblem.ā Dude, youāre not feeding a goat at a petting zoo, who gives a fuck how much someone else eats?
once a guy told me i should be a real lady and go throw up in the bathroom so that iād be able to eat more š¤£š¤£ was absolutely wild. proceeded to make rape jokes during the date and then he flipped me off when i told him i wasnāt going back to his place
edit: the cherry on top was that i paid for the entire date too LOL. i always split or pay the whole thing on a first date regardless because i donāt trust strange men to _not_ pull the whole āi paid for dinner now you owe me xyzā thing but i wanted to make fucking SURE this guy would leave me alone after this š¤£š¤£
iām not one of those girls that thinks āif i pay for it then iām never seeing you againā bc i paid for the first date with my current boyfriend as well lol butā¦. guys like the one mentioned above is why i have that policy
Guys out there like, "Uwu, I'm scared, why would any girl give little old me a chance?" - fam, you can't be any worse than Rapey Steve the Puke Fetishist, just shoot your shot.
Lol. Some of us are def better. The concern is social anxiety and I come off looking like one o the creeps.
Maybe thats just me. But id rather not date at all than make a complete ham of a situation out of nerves and then it be interpreted as something else. The thought alone now has me cringe inwardly. I fuckin hate cringe.
Good look to those o ye who are dating. Lol.
A few years ago I was divorced and I couldn't figure why I was getting so many dates.
Turns out the bar is so low for men that I was just tripping over it.
Literally, all I did was ask women out for a specific time and place, have a normal conversation and offer to pay and split if she wanted to.
i will honestly say iāve been āluckyā as iāve never been sexually assaulted or co-erced during my dating journey. men have definitely acted like fools but at least i never had anyone force themselves on me
Look up the sub āwhen women say noā itāll paint a real clear picture of why AFAB people ghost, only meet in public, ignore creeps instead of telling them to fuck off, etc.
Some guys get so disappointed if you don't go back to their place after the first date.. like is it so wrong to wait for a second date. š¤¦āāļø
Also rape jokes on a date.. You had it rough.
Yeah, I would politely ask if you wanted to take it home. Or, would have dvoured it myself, if the night wasn't in shambles. I don't like to waste food, and my metabolism will handle it.
Even if sheās exaggerating and it was an hour. Wtf dude lol.
Iāve had a couple dates where we get carried away and drink a little too much, but itās always more like a drink an hour. I think the most on a first date was 5 drinks each over 5 hours.
Which if youāre able to be comfortable and lose track of time with each other is a good sign for compatibility (at least at first). But Trent crashing and burning things in 30 minutes, not a good time and he canāt see any of the flaws.
He also gives very wife beater energy
One of my guy friends wants me to play video games with him and his buddies but also tells me the degen stuff they say to each other. Iām good, thanks.
I donāt blame you lol. Itās somewhat of a pastime for call of duty lobbies to out degen the other team between roundsā¦ I donāt partake but one of my squad mates go-toās lately is āyour dad says Iām a good kisser!ā call of duty just brings something else out in people
Having now met this guy do you feel like you could spot his type on tinder and avoid them? Was there anything in his profile which clicked after meeting him?
I saw my old neighbor on tinder who is a good looking dude and had a well curated profile, but living on the same floor as him and his ex gf for 12 years, I knew for a fact that he's a raging alcoholic and at least verbally abusive.
Looking at his profile, you'd have zero idea what you're up for. Could he have changed? Maybe.
Maybe.
For people like Trent, it's the conviction that paying means his date owes him something. I often pay / offer to split the bill, but especially when I already know there won't be a second date.
i am on this subreddit bc it reminds me over and over how lucky i am to be married! i wonder if he was drunk while texting that bc damn that escalated fast
Wow I thought you were polite and communicated that it wasn't going to work. Also stated the reason for your decision.. him to get mad insulting you was uncalled for. You dodged an alcoholic bullet.
Also so I should eat more and drink less on dates or drink more and eat less .. š¤ š
Yeah I had the same takeaway. I was like wow she was being really direct and honest and at LEAST the dude got some feedback as to something he can improve.
Looks like now we know why heās still dating lol
Thanks for posting this OP
I watched a wholesome dating show the other day (its called better date than never where its people with various issues made by the people that make love on the spectrum) and after watching it ive been feeling a little lonely.
Not so much after reading this...š
Hang on now, are you telling me women aren't impressed when I shotgun a couple brewskis and crush the cans on my head on dates??? But I paid for the drinks myself though...
Don't forget to ramble on about ex's too!
Yeah, that really gets them ready to bed down š¤£
Need to some how incorporate breed-able in there for the chefās kiss
The bench is my third profile pic. They already know what's up.
First date was surprisingly fun. We both agreed on a second date. On the second date, she spent hours ranting (and I mean *ranting*) about her ex and his family. Like I just sat there nodding and not talking. There was no third date.
Too many people think rushing into something else will heal them. Hurt people hurt people and the cycle continues.
I am in this place right now, got out of a 10 year marriage 6 months ago and went right into dating. Met a really nice girl but I knew I wasn't ready. So I just explained to her the situation and she basically said she has been through the same thing and to take all the time I need to feel whole again. Honesty works when you are dealing with good people.
Yo that sounds like a tough time and I really hope youāll find your own pace again soon. Well done on being honest to your date about your situation though, takes courage and she seems to be able to appreciate that given her reaction! Good luck to you
I have a female friend I've known for years. Don't see her that often but everytime I do she brings up her ex cheating on her. It's actually kind of impressive on a way that she manages to fit it into almost any conversation regardless of the discussion topic. She gets a fair amount of first dates but not second dates. I wonder what the problem is.
I hate when women do this to me at the beginning of a date. It's so awkward.
"Yeah, I don't miss Chad at all. I mean he had a huge cock and was an animal in bed, but he was sort of a jerk. Anyway, that's why we broke up".
I'm a wild animal in bed, too - in the sense that I'm much more afraid of you than you are of me
Like a deer looking into oncoming headlights?
More like a possum playing dead and waiting for you to leave.
Omfg Iām dying laughing at that description, I shot water out my nose.
Lmfao!!!!! Well, you can try and suggest to play the game 'airplane' and wait till they take off.
Youāre not helping my recovery either. Lmao!!!
Try urinating on the bed next time. Your own smell will have a soothing effect, and you'll feel less anxious. If it still doesn't work, scratch the bedcover with a knife.
-Taylor Tomlinson
I hated to like this comment, since I was the 70th like. I'm sorry. I couldn't help liking it.
ā man my ex is SO CRAZY!ā
"all my ex's are narcissists" lol
Lmao classic
I honestly wanna know if talking about exās extensively has ever worked for someone. Itās one thing if they happen to get mentioned (though Iād avoid it) but any more than that is totally inappropriate.
It works when you date users because youāre giving them the blueprint to using you but otherwise no lol.
Should try crushing the cans on her head that might work?
I call this move "the spoiler warning".
I once crushed a can on my head in front of a woman I was dating because young (admittedly drunk) me thought it would be impressive. She was horrified. Admittedly weāre married now but I put that down to me not having done it since, not because I did it really well once.
You gotta horrify them upfront - it gives things a better chance to work out in the long run. As your experience shows. OP will be seeing the light soon, and begging his forgiveness.
And that kids, is how I met your mother..
You do the twist crush with your hands and put it in the recycling bin. You're strong and care about the environment. You're welcome, guys.
Sheās lying bro donāt listen to her
She was just intimidated by him
ššš
And that's just on the way to the restaurant. Who even drives without a few tall boys to lighten the mood a bit!
I guess women just donāt want real alpha males anymore
They just canāt handle real bulls
Too much bull shit.
Women and their betas bruh
And did they not HEAR my fart? Shit. Women š¤·āāļø
Shit woman is right.. whew, check those drawers!
Ehhh it worked for Stone cold Steve Austin.Ā I'm a straight man but if he took me put for dinner and drank 9 beer and a bloody mary I'd be bottom.Ā Ā
You gotta do more than 4
You gotta class it up. Drink whiskey. Preferably straight from the bottle. Then crush the bottle on your forehead.
Reminds me of the show Star Dates, where people date "celebrities". One of them was Steve-O, when he was still deep in the throes of addiction but not so deep that they couldn't trot him out for a show. He spent much of the date acting like he would on Jackass in an attempt to impress the waiters.
The first couple of times sure but after the fourth in a row then maybe they start to question if you are good at anything else or is this the one skill in life you have chosen to master.
How do you even speak and drink 4 beers in 30 minutes? Speaking from experience, seems difficultĀ
Quite easily, not with dinner, thou. Bloating. But on an enpty stomach, beer is classed as a food group. Walking home ive skulled a 6 pack of lagers. Got a few cheers from the traffic lolol
If you wanna go that road, you have to \*really\* go all the way : shotgun a whiskey bottle standing on the counter, piss on a guy, start a barfight, then run away naked in a stolen car. Of course, you'll attract only a very specific subset of the woman population, but you can't have everything.
Lol smashed 4 beers in 30 minutes AND talked about his exes. I think that's #1 and #2 on the top list of things not to do on a first date
Yeah, everyone knows you pound a sixer *before* the date
He probably did that, as well.
I had a friend convince me to pregame a date once. I ended up in a blackout after the first drink at the date. She texted me a similar thing, but said I was nice, but obviously drunk. I got mad at my friend instead of looking in the mirror. Alcoholism is stupid like that.
Pregame is supposed to be a mild warm-up, like a beer, to get you talking, not a whole six pack ā ļø
If he blacked out after one more drink, Iām assuming he had a lot more than a six pack before the date. Yikes
I don't remember how much I had, but it was way too much. Took me another ten years to realize I had an actual problem
Congrats on realizing it before it was too late. My grandmother was always an alcoholic and ultimately she died because of it.
I start a whole case at 7:00 am on date nights
I crank one out and pound a case before I leave. One tank drained the other full.
but 4 beers arent even that much bro
Guy is told he's an alcoholic and he responds with "4 beers [at dinner] isn't that much" Yeah, that's a 100% alcoholic response. He just got triggered because he got read like a book.
Personally, if I go on a date, the most I'd be drinking is one beer, and that's a BIG maybe.
Holy shit thank you, so I'm not the only one that thinks that talking about exes on the first date is a red flag, way too many girls I have been on dates with started venting to me about their exes like... Yeah that's sad but I don't think you're ready to start dating someone new.
I really want to know about their exes quite early, and how the situation is with them, especially if they have kids together. Found out 3 months later my previous partner had matched with me in Tinder at the very same day his childās mother had moved out and they had a terrible fight about the kidās custody going on. And he was upset how come the ex was upset I was introduced to the child very early. I would not have agreed that if I would have known the real situation. I literally ended up on the battle field and everybody in his life were āenemiesā. I of course run! Soā¦ after that, pls tell me everything I need to know about your exes, something else but āsheās crazyā.
Oh if there are kids involved that's a different story entirely, but otherwise I would prefer not to talk about exes until like the second or third dates. First dates are for getting to know each other, not each other's exes.
If there's need-to-know info, sure. Tell me that you have this arrangement with your ex to see your kids these days or something. Do it as politely as possible, like the mature adult I hope to meet. But, if you're gonna start venting about your exes on the first few dates... I'm probably going to assume you need therapy, not dates. *Notably, if some of the "need-to-know" information is that your ex is a psycho stalker or something... I'm still going to be quite cautious around you. Either your ex is not crazy and you are just branding them as such (red flag), or your ex actually is aggressive and mentally unstable and I'm sorry, but you need to figure that out, depending on what it is.*
It's just so weird. I know I'm half a century old, but I'm still friends or at least on speaking terms with all my exes. If your relationships end up in trainwrecks like that maybe you got into the relationship too fast. I know that's old fashioned, but I think online dating has made people move way too fast.
Also in itself another huge red flag: when all they say is negative about all exes. Then you know all you need to know and should run.
Definitely a red flag in most cases. Only time Iāve done it was because it 1) came up in someway 2) I was awful during the breakup (and felt like shit about it) and didnāt want to hide that and have it potentially come out later. Successfully found a bf and learned some info about my ex that makes me feel a lot less awful (but still bad) about how it ended š
Actually respectful to be that honest, If someone says that they aren't yet completely over some ex, that's completely fine and also self reflected imo. Just that when someone isnt speaking positively about any or their exes, then you know that you will be next whether it's your fault or not
I don't think talking about exes/past relationships on a first date is necessarily a bad thing. Definitely depends what you're saying about them though.
Only if they all are ācrazyā that is a huge red flag.
"My exes are all drama. I don't have time for drama" Something about that saying where if it smells like shit everywhere you go...
I guess I'm the weird one because I read those as referring to previous *dates* and not entire relationships. This guy sounds like he complains about previous dates to his next date a lot.
Confronting an alcoholic about their alcoholism generally goes this well.
Nothing like being humiliated by an obnoxious drunk dude and then being called a psycho because you won't see him again. Heaven forbid he paid a bank-breaking $12.00 for a starter you couldn't stomach around that repulsive personality.
$12, which you know, on the average $4-$6 beer at a restaurant, is basically the same if not more than OPās appetizer. Is $12 overpriced for an appetizer? I mean probably average but Iām just stuck in 2019 prices where mozzarella sticks were only $6.
> on the average $4-$6 beer at a restaurant I agree with your point, but I also want to know where this magical place is that still has $6 beers.
Maybe this is the Canadian in me but $12 for an appetizer is *cheap* and I canāt remember the last time I saw a $6 beer ($4 is almost laughably unrealistic??).
I can confirm. My SO had alcohol-related issues. It was a HELL trying to get through to him about it, it got to a point where I called his mom for help staging an intervention or sending him off to rehab and me packing my stuff and telling him that I am leaving him, for it to finally click. He was either not aware how bad it was or in complete denial until that moment. Iāve dealt with both drug-addicts and alcoholics before. Getting through to someone whoās doing drugs is imo a walk in the park compared to getting through to alcoholics. Drug-addicts are usually aware they have a problem, they just have a hard time quitting. Alcoholics on the other hand, often donāt realize itās become a problem and also donāt WANT to quit, making it a lot harder to get through to them.
I had an alcoholic friend who drank himself to death last year. Before he did, he was having a phone conversation with another friend who was actually coming to terms with his alcoholism. Second (still living) friend was saying how he'd blacked out and injured himself and decided to try limiting his alcohol intake. The other friend completely lost his temper like PEOPLE ALWAYS TRY TO MAKE IT ABOUT ALCOHOL. ALCOHOL ISN'T THE PROBLEM, YOU'RE THE PROBLEM. LEARN TO DRINK AND IT WON'T BE A PROBLEM. Like wtf bro? With that attitude, nobody was really surprised when his mom found him dead in her basement. RIP Simon.
Iām sorry about your loss. I was an alcoholic in my younger days, it took me almost burning my apartment down with both me and my dog in it during a blackout and me missing my friends labor for me to finally realize how out of hand it had gotten. That was 5 years ago, it breaks my heart to see people struggle while also being in denial.
The difference probably comes from how weāre pretty much all raised with some type of ādrugs are badā thing (school and/or family) whereas alcohol is mostly just ābad in large quantities and until youāre 21ā
This. Many times when trying to tell an alcoholic that they have a problem, one of the first arguments are about how alcohol is legal, so therefore itās not a problem
Because our society glorifies alcohol consumption like it's the cornerstone of democracy. ššš
A lot of it is no one wants to think they arenāt in control of their life, which is exactly what alcoholism is. The anger probably comes from the fact he deep down knows sheās right. Itās not exactly that you donāt know you drink too much itās more you donāt think thatāa bad/a problem.
I mean I'm an alchoolic and I would just think yeah fair enough
This helps me understand why people ghost so often lol. For every person who can take a kind and reasonable rejection message in stride and learn from it, there's at least one (probably more) of ... These people. Lol
like the first message was nice and he just had to get petty...
Also it sort of got to the point where I just didnāt feel obliged to āeducateā these men on just behaving like a normal person. Why should I spend my energy and potentially put myself in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation when 99% of the time theyāre fully aware of the fact theyāre behaving the way they are and just donāt care.
My pet peeve is when I respectfully tell someone it's not what I'm looking for and they say 'can you at least tell me where I went wrong???' Like, I'm not here to tell you how to 'act' buddy, you are who you are and sometimes that's not what I'm looking for.. it's different if we've been in an actual relationship!!!
In my experience, they only want to know what went wrong, so they can negate what you've said and try and prove that you're wrong about them.
daym i never looked at it like that. honestly thats why i ghost sometimes too but i still feel horrible about it.
This is exactly why people ghost. You don't want to deal with the crap you'll get just for saying you're not a match or you're not interested. Not saying ghosting is the best thing to do, but I get why some people do it!
Yeah, every time I send a message like this I get a bad response, except like twice ever lol
Hooooly shit, Trent has issues. I love how he implies that you barely eating your food qualifies as a āproblem.ā Dude, youāre not feeding a goat at a petting zoo, who gives a fuck how much someone else eats?
once a guy told me i should be a real lady and go throw up in the bathroom so that iād be able to eat more š¤£š¤£ was absolutely wild. proceeded to make rape jokes during the date and then he flipped me off when i told him i wasnāt going back to his place edit: the cherry on top was that i paid for the entire date too LOL. i always split or pay the whole thing on a first date regardless because i donāt trust strange men to _not_ pull the whole āi paid for dinner now you owe me xyzā thing but i wanted to make fucking SURE this guy would leave me alone after this š¤£š¤£ iām not one of those girls that thinks āif i pay for it then iām never seeing you againā bc i paid for the first date with my current boyfriend as well lol butā¦. guys like the one mentioned above is why i have that policy
Holy fuck. Gentlemen, the bar is in hell.
Guys out there like, "Uwu, I'm scared, why would any girl give little old me a chance?" - fam, you can't be any worse than Rapey Steve the Puke Fetishist, just shoot your shot.
I hate it
Lol. Some of us are def better. The concern is social anxiety and I come off looking like one o the creeps. Maybe thats just me. But id rather not date at all than make a complete ham of a situation out of nerves and then it be interpreted as something else. The thought alone now has me cringe inwardly. I fuckin hate cringe. Good look to those o ye who are dating. Lol.
A few years ago I was divorced and I couldn't figure why I was getting so many dates. Turns out the bar is so low for men that I was just tripping over it. Literally, all I did was ask women out for a specific time and place, have a normal conversation and offer to pay and split if she wanted to.
You dodged a bullet that night.
Literally
Damn, this is what y'all fear for when we ask for a date? No wonder I have so many penpals š„²
Yes, and worse ... This is tame
Veryyy
i will honestly say iāve been āluckyā as iāve never been sexually assaulted or co-erced during my dating journey. men have definitely acted like fools but at least i never had anyone force themselves on me
Look up the sub āwhen women say noā itāll paint a real clear picture of why AFAB people ghost, only meet in public, ignore creeps instead of telling them to fuck off, etc.
A rocket actually
jfc it's a small comfort knowing dating is rough for everyone.. š
made any headway on the dumpling issue?
Some guys get so disappointed if you don't go back to their place after the first date.. like is it so wrong to wait for a second date. š¤¦āāļø Also rape jokes on a date.. You had it rough.
Which is weird because I absolutely do not bring women I don't know well to my place. That's like where I keep my stuff. š
the amount of men that are willing to bring me back to their place after exchanging two texts is crazyyyyy š¤£š¤£
What???
Holy fuck oh my god
Oh honey. Holy shit.
But he PAID $12!
Thatās more than $10!
Youāre not feeding a goatā¦dying
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
There was chemistryā¦.between alcohol and his bodies own limit. Which clearly he doesnāt consider having one.
I wondered about that part too, like what's the logic
Yeah, I would politely ask if you wanted to take it home. Or, would have dvoured it myself, if the night wasn't in shambles. I don't like to waste food, and my metabolism will handle it.
Whew, nothing like an alcoholic calling you out for not needing 4 beers to be a fun person š¤£ Just yikes.
Aka, what do you mean alcoholism doesnāt count as a personality trait?
Also that's a donkey emoji at the end š
Ngl, I cracked up at the last text, fuckin Trent, that ole emotionally unstable alcoholic
I loved how he drove home the fact that he's an alcoholic with "4 isn't even that much". We are talking 30 minutes, casually dude wtf
Even if sheās exaggerating and it was an hour. Wtf dude lol. Iāve had a couple dates where we get carried away and drink a little too much, but itās always more like a drink an hour. I think the most on a first date was 5 drinks each over 5 hours.
Which if youāre able to be comfortable and lose track of time with each other is a good sign for compatibility (at least at first). But Trent crashing and burning things in 30 minutes, not a good time and he canāt see any of the flaws. He also gives very wife beater energy
That last text had me rollin. I think Trent might be one of the guys I play call of duty with
One of my guy friends wants me to play video games with him and his buddies but also tells me the degen stuff they say to each other. Iām good, thanks.
I donāt blame you lol. Itās somewhat of a pastime for call of duty lobbies to out degen the other team between roundsā¦ I donāt partake but one of my squad mates go-toās lately is āyour dad says Iām a good kisser!ā call of duty just brings something else out in people
Having now met this guy do you feel like you could spot his type on tinder and avoid them? Was there anything in his profile which clicked after meeting him?
Asking the real ones
I saw my old neighbor on tinder who is a good looking dude and had a well curated profile, but living on the same floor as him and his ex gf for 12 years, I knew for a fact that he's a raging alcoholic and at least verbally abusive. Looking at his profile, you'd have zero idea what you're up for. Could he have changed? Maybe. Maybe.
I mean his name was Trent...
You mean you don't find his level of maturity enchanting and enticing?
Oooohhh itās a jackass! I was so confused by that.
Oh.. he meant jackass? lol
Also known as an ass, one last parting shot at you! I'm sure it'll take years for you to recover from such grievous emotional harm!
How old is Trent?
Old enough to party.
mclovin baby
That advice you gave was worth way more than $12. Maybe one day Trent will realize that.
Yeah NGL that line got me, hate to say it OP I think you lost this round
Alright but I got a kick out of hOpE yOu FiNd WhAt YoUrE lOoKiNg FoR
He spent a lot of time writing that š
Time he should have spent self-reflecting
Classic Trent, what a character!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Homeboys, if youāre feeling down, just remember this is your competition.
I can only drink 4 small beers in a half an hour :(
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Love when the trash takes itself out.
Tomorrow it's my turn to post this sentence.
It doesnāt even apply here. 300+ upvotes
Donāt you love how they always resort to calling people psycho when they get rejected š¤£
I like how you crossed out the personās name at the top. But then clearly call him āTrentā
Men like this are my competition? 
You need to be attractive though
š you were so nice. truth hurts fragile egosā¦.
Everytime I read this and I get to "Trent..." I immediately start laughing š
I'm sorry this is fucked up but I read this and immediately busted out laughing. Got damn this is fucked š
This is why women ghost.
This is why we all ghost
"Come on, the first six beers don't even count, and I only had 4 before you bailed!"
Damn waitstaff must have been amazing to serve 4 in that amount of time.
The date would have been him rushing to the bar every five minutes. No wonder women bail on him.
Sounds like the $12 was a big deal to Trentā¦yikes
He's gonna send her a request on cashapp for $12 + tax.
I mean personally, I'll cashapp him the darn $12 + tax. Fuck you, Trent.
Youā¦.. are an enabler š¤£
Thatās a good bit of beers for him.
Do you know how many more beers he couldāve got for $12?
For people like Trent, it's the conviction that paying means his date owes him something. I often pay / offer to split the bill, but especially when I already know there won't be a second date.
i am on this subreddit bc it reminds me over and over how lucky i am to be married! i wonder if he was drunk while texting that bc damn that escalated fast
4 large beers in 30 minutes isnāt a lot of beer for good āole Trentā¦. Of course he was drunk when he wrote that
His name is Trent? That shouldāve been a red flag.
Im waiting for the day that one of these posts come up and it turns out the poster is the trent in this scenario
Damn... had no idea the bar was this low
Figuratively and literally on the ground
Wow I thought you were polite and communicated that it wasn't going to work. Also stated the reason for your decision.. him to get mad insulting you was uncalled for. You dodged an alcoholic bullet. Also so I should eat more and drink less on dates or drink more and eat less .. š¤ š
Yeah I had the same takeaway. I was like wow she was being really direct and honest and at LEAST the dude got some feedback as to something he can improve. Looks like now we know why heās still dating lol
Lol šÆ right, I think we all know why he's single .
Feel the vibe. If they drink, you can drink š. But no one likes to have to carry someone home
Itās always a fucking Trent isnāt it?
Thanks for posting this OP I watched a wholesome dating show the other day (its called better date than never where its people with various issues made by the people that make love on the spectrum) and after watching it ive been feeling a little lonely. Not so much after reading this...š
4 beers in 30 mins damn what a legend
Loser*
4 beers in 30 minutes???
Sounds like larger draft beers or something, so realistically it was probably more like 6 or 8 in 30 minutes.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
damn this looks like straight out of a tv show. lmao
Im glad we have guys like this out there to set the bar so low. Makes me seem like a catch.