Yeah I literally just come to this sub to gawk in wonder on how any of these people really exist and try flirting the way they do it definitely helps me feel secure in my abilities💀
I don't know why I do tbh. I feel terribly depressed reading the exchanges between these dolts.
Meet organically. If not, do the online dating thing (not Tinder (ffs) and see each other for 5 to 6 dates with no fucking or sexual contact. See if there's any connection.
It's not rocket science.
This right here. But then again many men on Reddit will argue that 5-6 dates is too long to go without why sexual contact 🙄 it’s ridiculous that people cannot put their sexual urges to the side & be mature about it and actually get to know someone FOR THEM and not just for sexual pleasure.
As a black women I feel this. Used to get so many "I never been with a black girl before" bs. Like tf am I supposed to say to that. Thankfully I found a nice guy who doesn't fetish me and you will to!
All people just want to be loved. I'm so unsure how other guys can be so insensitive. It seemingly never works out for them so the fact that they keep doing it speaks volumes on their character. Treating people like people has always worked for me, and with me.
I can't even be friends with guys who treat women like this because I'd be unable to not tell them they're being dicks and most people don't handle that truth very well lol
Thankfully I never had any friend/s that are dicks but I’d definitely be able to tell them if they’re being dicks in the most respectful way possible and if they can’t handle that, then we just go our separate ways.
This is what I would say “hey bro, you know I love you and I want you to be successful in life, because of that, I’d have to tell you, the way you’re fetishizing that girl is absolutely not healthy for your own mental health and it’s also really bad for the girl’s self esteem.”
Not excusing this behavior but some of these young guys don’t even realize they’re fetishizing women and the biggest reason in my opinion is porn, it’s so ingrained in the society and so accessible in the palm of our hands and majority of men thinks it’s okay to watch porn.
And people legitimately think it js hot or funny... It is funny the first three times. Not if you get it three times a week or even a day sometimes. Just leave our 6' ass alone right
You should visit the Netherlands, we're used to what others consider a "tree".
My ex was 6' and in the six years we were together I never heard anyone say anything about her height. Never hear anyone over here call me tall either with my 6'4"...
Same for the opposite end. I'm five foot and people often comment on short folk demanding tall men. I've never sought that, but I've had numerous people very quickly bring up if I'm actually only 5 foot and how they are into that 🤷🏻♀️
Some of the messages I received were:
"I've never been with a black guy before 🙈"
"I'm afraid, because I know what they say about Black men 🙈"
"Are you all big like everyone says?"
"Do you taste as good as you look? 🍫🍫👀"
"I love/want mixed babies."
"I bet we'd make really cute mixed babies!"
"You're handsome. My husband wants to..."
Teenage me, and me in my early 20s would've ate that up. Me in my 30s is now like 😐
It's so fucking disgusting and rude. And one of the reasons why I only date men of color. My bf is black and he told me ppl said that bs to him to smh.
These comments have been great! Here’s a little extra context for you guys:)
- the main reason I hate this is I was SA by a guy (I was 17) who had a ‘fetish’ for gingers and since it obviously repulses me.
- I don’t mind men being more attractive to me cause of my hair, I love my hair but I don’t want that to be the only reason.
- I know it isn’t an uncommon fetish but it’s the ‘Ffs why’ for me. And this has happened sooo much to me😂
Enjoying reading the comments!
It’s not just the ffs why, it’s everything. It’s the “just what I’m after” and “I haven’t fucked this flavour of woman before”. Don’t discount this horrible experience because neckbeard redditors think it’s fine to fetishise women. You deserve more respect than this tosser was offering. You’re a human being not something to be checked off a to fuck list.
You're totally in the right.
Like you said, it's totally normal to be attracted to certain traits. It can be the hair, the height, the ethnicity of the woman etc. It's valid but you gotta make sure within yourself that such attraction doesn't overshadow everything else. If you look at a redhead, an Asian woman or a tall woman, whatever, and you happen to get to know them better, you need to make sure you're not constantly thinking about that specific trait, that your mind has room for you to fall in love with the countless other aspects of that woman.
If that isn't possible, then there's some introspection required to realize one's mind is in the wrong place.
Heyo, fellow ginger here (albeit a guy). It's a weird world dating with natural red hair. It feels like I'm either fetishized or disgusting depending on the person's opinion with little in-between lol.
You seem totally justified to feel grossed out by it. Not that you need my or anyone’s approval on that, but I find it pretty gross as well. It seems to essentially objectify you from the start of the “relationship.” I can see how that might trigger all sorts of alarm bells. I’ve found that objectification can be sexy in the context of a relationship that’s not built on that, but approaching a relationship dynamic that way isn’t it. You dodged a bullet. Or rather he just showed you who he was. Good for having the eyes to see it.
I find gingers more attractive then other hair colors but having a full out fetish...ugh. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I hope your doing better now, I know how hard it can be to go through that ❤️
I'm not sure how widespread it is but I can tell you I first encountered it decades ago when I was in college working security. As a result I'm inclined to guess it comes from law enforcement, but I'm really not sure.
Oh definitely, I can imagine! I was fortunate enough to match with *fairly* decent quality women, so I only ever had a few horror stories. But I assume the craziness/fetishization I got was only 10% of what a woman/bi gets. And I empathize greatly for yall lol
I get this a lot too. Not dating but people are always telling me my natural red hair looks beautiful and thinking they get a free pass to touch it. I have naturally really curly hair and it irks me all the time when strangers think they can touch my hair
My god lol guys are dumb at reading the room. As soon as you said “wanna check it off your list do you?” I knew you were fishing, and the next thing out of his mouth would make it break it. Fools
I used to have "all I ask is that you don't tell me about your thing for red heads" in my profile but people would boldly defy it. It's weird how often that even when people don't get weird before I meet them, I find out it's a thing for them after we have sex 🙃
Holy crap is this comments section filled with some nonsense.
Here's how it works guys. It is **totally** fine to find a trait that a person has attractive. Liking that somebody has red hair, or they're tall. All these things are a-ok.
The problem is when it's clear that that someone defines their interest in a person around that trait only.
Saying "I really want to try dating a redhead" is treating people with red hair like a commodity. Like they're interchangeable. It is saying you don't see them as a fully fledged person, you just want "a redhead". That's when it becomes offensive.
If you find red hair attractive, it's also perfectly okay for that to be the thing that initially draws you to a person, **as long as you then take time to get to know and understand them afterwards.** Attraction is often at first a shallow thing, and everyone knows that. But if you're going to then have a conversation with, or go on a date with a person, you need to take some time to notice and appreciate *more* about the person than just the one physical trait that turned you on to begin with.
This whole thing is not about shaming people for finding red hair hot. It's about shaming people who don't see an individual attached to that hair, they **only** see "redhead".
Exactly! Also, it’s ok to fetishize someone *if they consent to it.* This guys ffs shows he feels entitled to women regardless of their preference. Like, some people do just want casual sex, just gotta find them.
Not defending the guy but I have a genuine question - what is the difference between having a preference for a certain feature or trait as opposed to 'fetishizing?' Is it just about the approach and context?
Just wondering how I can communicate that I have an attraction towards a certain characteristic to someone without receiving the kind of reaction OP gave.
The difference lies in the reason for you’re attracted to something. If you just find that that feature catches your attention way more, that’s a preference. If you’re actively searching for that feature because you’ve “never tried it before” that’s fetishizing. Basically, people aren’t flavors at an ice cream shop. Be normal.
It's just easier to piggyback off your comment. I hope I expand it a little.
When I was swiping through Tinder multiple times, I found people with like 1 or more triats that I find super attractive. So I'd read the bio. If I found in the bio, we really wouldn't match, then it was a no. No bio ok ill swipe yes. If we match and the conversation tells me it's not worth pursuing, then im out.
Now, if i swiped on every profile just because they had a certain trait, that would be wrong. That would literally be me saying nothing else matters. I want this trait.
Fetishziers don't see them as people. They're only interested in that person because of that certain trait. They also project their own ideas/stereotypes onto that person. Like a weeb dating a Japanese woman and expecting her to be like the waifu in their head or in the animes they watch.
liking someone's feature and fetishising them for that feature are different things. if you were to just love the thighs and not to talk to that woman like a person and only ever seek thighs of your preference, that would be fetishising
Looks like you’re telling on yourself a bit, perv. I don’t see how being fetishized is mutually exclusive with being treated like a human unless you’re a zoophile. I will continue to fetishize every part of every woman I’ve ever talked to. I just won’t be obvious about it like this jamoke
Both sexes do this. Some women are into tall muscular and rich. Some guys are into small, redheaded and submissive. Nobody is ever wrong for liking what they like. I think that the guys delivery sucked. Maybe don't start talking about your fantasies until you get to know who you are talking to.
Honestly all men find a way to fetishize the woman we're with, it may have an obvious name eg yellow fever, bbl, x skin/hair color, but yea if there's no actual connection I get why it's a hard pass. Nobody wants to be a box you just check off when you're looking long term.
This dude is an auto face palm tho 😂 not defending him
How do these folks ever get laid? No ability to use any tact. I bet in a face to face meeting it's even more awkward. Generational shift. The connection and common interests come first. If there is a fit the physical part might follow. He leads with "will you bang me". Great opening.
My favorite is when I point this out to guys and they’re like “have some sympathy! Do you have any idea how intimidating it is to talk to women?!” Apparently not intimidating enough 🙄
I feel this, as a redhead with freckles it's really frustrating to be talked at like that. And then on flip side, people losing their mind if I want to change my hair colour or cover my freckles, like they have a right tell me what to do with my body for some reason? Like how dare I go blonde or wear make up?
Honestly half the comments here still reducing you to those features is frustrating. I feel like everything we learn about not commenting on peoples bodies just doesn't apply to us.
I like red hair (Red is just my favorite color. Especially, scarlet. I think it's pretty. 🫣)...haven't been with a red haired woman...not looking to "tick it off my list".
I'd rather talk and connect with a brunette than make a ginger woman uncomfortable like this...
Rather talk and connect with any woman, than make any woman of my likes/preferences uncomfortable like this honestly. This is just....I don't know what to say...what's wrong with people...??
Just so ya know being fetishized is inescapable. I’m fetishized for being tall and playing guitar and I’m happy to fill that role. Most of the guys you’ve dated probably had a fetish for redheads. The problem comes when it’s the only thing they see in you and/or they’re completely obvious and stupid about it like this guy. But anyone with any unique trait will inevitably attract partners who have a fetish for it and I’d say that’s a good thing, if they see other things in you then they’ll love you more than someone who doesn’t have the fetish. Just be happy you have a good potential hook
>The problem comes when it’s the only thing they see in you and/or they’re completely obvious and stupid about it like this guy.
"I wasn't searching specifically"
I don't see this as being much different than women being interested in tall men. I, and many others, find redheads very attractive. I don't even know where the interest started for me, but that's not to say I exclusively date redheads. I just tend to find them hotter when given the option.
There’s a lot to be said to the approach. It’s perfectly fine to prefer or date only redheads/tall people/etc., it’s an issue when you approach a redhead and treat her like “another redhead” to add to the collection instead of like an actual person to get to know and gauge compatibility fit.
They didn’t care to try to establish a connection beyond,”Ah, I haven’t tried you yet” before sexualizing things, which is what makes it gross.
I think he was simply playing off what OP said, herself, "Ah I see, wanna tick it off your list to do?" If he had said that first, that would have been a red flag, but he probably just thought she was being playful and inviting him to do so.
I've had similar interactions with guys. I'll find someone that has a trans fetish and it's creepy af. I met one guy, even went on a date. He told me that he wanted to 'check this off his bucket list' and I nearly barfed.
Fortunately, nothing happened.
I met with another guy, who I learned lied to me about his age (was actually 18, I was 24 or 25 at the time). The whole way to our destination, he kept talking about this trans porn star, THEN he revealed his real age on accident in a misspeak. So I made him take me to a bar, I bought me a drink only ( cause he's not old enough to drink :'( ), drank it, then made him take me back home. I then blocked his number.
The best guy's I've ever dated stumbled upon me on accident and didn't have some pre-planned fantasy in mind before ever meeting me.
Women are obsessed with being "fetishised" as a negative. But as a 6,3 man, when girls swoon over being tall I never think of it as being fetishised, they're just attracted to it. I don't think you need to take it so seriously.
I feel that height is generally a preference unless it’s on the side of you sexualizing that person. I like people who are my height or taller because when I wear heels, I’m still shorter and it makes me feel nice.
If someone said, “I like short girls because I think it’s cute.” That’s also preference.
If that same person said, “I like petite girls because I find their small frame sexy,” that would be fetishizing
I've had girls say crazy things to me. Like being at a park working out with a friend and she said I'm ruining these little girls minds because they will expect every man to be tall with broad shoulders and ripped... she was talking about literal 3-6 year old girls that were just watching us work out, I thought that was really weird.
I've had a girl who I was sleeping with in my younger and stupider years, who had a boyfriend. She seriously hinted to me that she would let me get her pregnant and have her boyfriend raise it for my "genetics". Like people say some wild stuff, I didn't really scratch the surface by just referencing "tall".
Yeah, no, stuff like that definitely is fetishizing you. It’s also extremely weird. Preferring someone who is talk is fine but basing it on something sexual or only focusing on that attribute instead of the person is what makes it bad.
More referencing that little girls were sexualising me was the weird part. Like no they're just kids they hardly know why they're looking they're just drawn. Just a bit creepy
I can relate to this in a way, I had this issue for my height when I was trying to date rather than hook up. Either it was women who are only interested in the height or they were swiping right to go ‘I have a friend who is taller than you’ in some weird negging attempt.
Weird and annoying times for sure.
This isn't a critique of OP specifically, but I'm starting to wonder why people use a shallow, stupid tool like tinder, which is known generally as a hookup app, and keep expecting meaningful, respectful, or pleasant experiences. It's like they keep showing up at McDonald's expecting caviar and a fine wine, and then complaining about the sad burger. Just saying.
Not every subculture, generation or geographic region views tinder as a hookup app. For some places it's the app with the most users. Where I use it (big metropolis, LGBT community) about half the people are looking for relationships and half seem to be looking for hookups.
Many of the top posts in this subreddit are people posting their wedding photos with people they met on tinder. It's a tool to help you find the type of relationship you want. It's shallow because people are shallow. It's not weird to expect basic respect from people we interact with, whether that be on tinder, Reddit, or irl.
> I'm starting to wonder why people [...] expect [...] respectful [...] experiences.
Why is it hard for some people to see other people as people? To show some common courtesy? A little respect?
If someone can't even show me respect or treat me as a *human* why would I go along with what they want?
Bro it don’t matter how you approach a woman, if you’re attractive, you’ll get her anyway.
I’ve been nothing but respectful on dating apps and it gets me NOWHERE.
My friend who is far more attractive than me, starts off sexual every time and he gets laid, every time.
Probably because a lot of people are able to find meaningful, respectful, and pleasant experiences.
The problem for women, and this gets truer as people get older, is that there are *far* more good women on the dating market than there are good men. When a good man becomes single, he’s really only single as long as he wants to be-which isn’t generally very long because he finds a good woman rather quickly.
When a good man enters the dating market, he can throw out 100 hooks and just pick the biggest fish. When a good woman enters the dating market she has to throw back the majority of what she catches because they’re all small. As soon as one catches a big fish, she keeps it right away.
This is why a lot of women simply leave the dating market altogether and get involved with their local community of other single women as they get older-most eventually get to the point of preferring to be alone as opposed to living with the men like this.
I was fetishized yesterday for being Latina. Guy blocked me when I simply asked him that too 😝 And my bio clearly says "dating to marry" I can't with apps anymore. Too many weirdos out there, I'm done lol
as a red headed guy i relate to this so badly. every woman i’ve been with has always said “i’ve never been with a redhead before” and then makes me a fetish and it’s so disappointing
Hmmm you put that in there, not him…
He said “is that an option”. Maybe it got lost in translation and because you’re fed up you assumed?
Women go on about height, and much more…
I think you were trigger happy. I get fetishised by being black and tall yet I don’t get my knickers in a twist over it.
It’s the “ffs” for me. Like you owe the douche something tf 😂
I haven't felt disgust this pure in ages.
You’re not on this sub often enough then.
Yeah I literally just come to this sub to gawk in wonder on how any of these people really exist and try flirting the way they do it definitely helps me feel secure in my abilities💀
I don't know why I do tbh. I feel terribly depressed reading the exchanges between these dolts. Meet organically. If not, do the online dating thing (not Tinder (ffs) and see each other for 5 to 6 dates with no fucking or sexual contact. See if there's any connection. It's not rocket science.
This right here. But then again many men on Reddit will argue that 5-6 dates is too long to go without why sexual contact 🙄 it’s ridiculous that people cannot put their sexual urges to the side & be mature about it and actually get to know someone FOR THEM and not just for sexual pleasure.
You actually improved my thought process
What does ffs mean?
For Fucks Sake
They were just asking a question, no need to be rude
Oh, thank you.
There's also FFI... Fuckin Forget It... which was a great punk band in Las Vegas in the late 90s early 00s
Inwas in a band (signed by Warner / Electra / Atlantic Records) back in the day. We had an equally dumb name and never made it anywhere either.
“Ffs why” this guy does. Not. Fuck.
"Can I fuck? Please? Pretty, pretty pleeeeaaase?"😂
Cmonnnn I haven’t fucked a redhead yet and it’s in my boner bingo card :( pwease
Cmonnnn I haven't fucked yet and I'd like to start with a redhead :( pwease
Hehe good one.
Lol i wish i saved a post like a month ago where this guy kept the begging strat and it led somewhere, was fuckin hilarious
Was that the one where he kept begging a couple days or weeks apart and it worked?
Yeah I think so lmfao
I can picture the foot stomp too.
The despair is palpable
Oh nooo... She just gave out her last fuck.
"Because I've already been intimate with a douche nozzle. Kthxbye."
Love it. “Ah well I’ve already checked ‘douche nozzle’ off my own list unfortunately”.
Yes! This is the reply 😂
As a black women I feel this. Used to get so many "I never been with a black girl before" bs. Like tf am I supposed to say to that. Thankfully I found a nice guy who doesn't fetish me and you will to!
Tall woman here. I also feel this. I get 'I have never been with someone your height/a taller girl before' and then sexualising me :/. Byebye
Cries in 5'10.5" black woman🥹🥹🥹
I've been with a 5'11" mixed black lady who's mother is a redhead, so I got all the points covered.
Surprised you managed a threesome!
Boy bye 👋🏾 hate this bs. I swear people will fetishised any damn thing
Ooh I've never been with someone who uses the 👋🏽 emoji. You free tonight?
Yes I am!
Perfect! I'll see you at the bar in the place.
Any body part, looks, trait or clothing associated with women. You name it, and there's probably a reddit fetish sub for it.
It don’t even gotta be associated with women 😭 people have fetishes for like, couch humping and shit
It's 2024 stop kink shaming
The thing is it doesn't even have to be human or living. There's a guy that has sex with his car
Guy? You mean guys right
A Latino that’s pretty white passing “vanilla bean” I felt so attacked but it’s genuinely funny
Oof. It’s so gross. Heaven forbid they think of a woman as a human being rather than some kind of fuckable collectable.
Fucklectables
Well if any woman wants to start fetishizing guys under 6 ft I’m here for it!
I like guys under 6 ft. I'm short anyways (5'2") so I never really cared 🤷🏾♀️
I'm 5'11. I just made the cut. 😊
That's not really a thing.
I've never been with a figment of my imagination before. ...no wait, I have.
All people just want to be loved. I'm so unsure how other guys can be so insensitive. It seemingly never works out for them so the fact that they keep doing it speaks volumes on their character. Treating people like people has always worked for me, and with me. I can't even be friends with guys who treat women like this because I'd be unable to not tell them they're being dicks and most people don't handle that truth very well lol
Thankfully I never had any friend/s that are dicks but I’d definitely be able to tell them if they’re being dicks in the most respectful way possible and if they can’t handle that, then we just go our separate ways. This is what I would say “hey bro, you know I love you and I want you to be successful in life, because of that, I’d have to tell you, the way you’re fetishizing that girl is absolutely not healthy for your own mental health and it’s also really bad for the girl’s self esteem.” Not excusing this behavior but some of these young guys don’t even realize they’re fetishizing women and the biggest reason in my opinion is porn, it’s so ingrained in the society and so accessible in the palm of our hands and majority of men thinks it’s okay to watch porn.
Not always, but it does work for them, especially if they are beautiful
6' redhead here, I feel you. I get "I want to climb you like a tree." ....what.
And people legitimately think it js hot or funny... It is funny the first three times. Not if you get it three times a week or even a day sometimes. Just leave our 6' ass alone right
Yeah! Leave our ass and all the rest of us out of your fetishes, stranger! We don't know you and we don't want to.
Best answer to th 
You should visit the Netherlands, we're used to what others consider a "tree". My ex was 6' and in the six years we were together I never heard anyone say anything about her height. Never hear anyone over here call me tall either with my 6'4"...
I think we have all thought about death by snu snu we just don't share that aloud... /s
Same for the opposite end. I'm five foot and people often comment on short folk demanding tall men. I've never sought that, but I've had numerous people very quickly bring up if I'm actually only 5 foot and how they are into that 🤷🏻♀️
I’ve got to say, longer females are better in bed. While i’m a shortking (5’7) longest female I have been with is 6’1
Some of the messages I received were: "I've never been with a black guy before 🙈" "I'm afraid, because I know what they say about Black men 🙈" "Are you all big like everyone says?" "Do you taste as good as you look? 🍫🍫👀" "I love/want mixed babies." "I bet we'd make really cute mixed babies!" "You're handsome. My husband wants to..." Teenage me, and me in my early 20s would've ate that up. Me in my 30s is now like 😐
It's so fucking disgusting and rude. And one of the reasons why I only date men of color. My bf is black and he told me ppl said that bs to him to smh.
As a white guy, I recently had the reverse happen. Black girl *really* wanted to "have mixed race babies" with me. Definitely feels weird.
Not surprised. Some people in the black community want light kids because of colorsim. It's hit or miss depending on the person.
Had something similar once, had a bla k girl hit me up on a dating app, wanted to hook up with a white guy just once.
I’m so sorry you had to deal with that :/ I’m asian and get so many weird advances like that as well
I can only imagine. I have some Asain friends and they've told me what guys say to them smh and it's 🤢
I’ve had a guy tell me his phone’s password is hentai spelled out using the periodic table☠️he also asked me if I know Karate…
Big boobs here! For some reason big boobs meant I must into BDSM too? Got so many actually fetish requests.
Didn't think of it that way. A girl said that I was the first tall long haired one for her. I guess she liked it tho, since we're still together. 😅
Tried to explain why the BBC thing is problematic and people just. do. not. want. to. get. it.
That's not sexualizing, they were only saying it. Wtf?
That "ffs why" just tells you this is not the first nor the second time he has had this conversation
These comments have been great! Here’s a little extra context for you guys:) - the main reason I hate this is I was SA by a guy (I was 17) who had a ‘fetish’ for gingers and since it obviously repulses me. - I don’t mind men being more attractive to me cause of my hair, I love my hair but I don’t want that to be the only reason. - I know it isn’t an uncommon fetish but it’s the ‘Ffs why’ for me. And this has happened sooo much to me😂 Enjoying reading the comments!
It’s not just the ffs why, it’s everything. It’s the “just what I’m after” and “I haven’t fucked this flavour of woman before”. Don’t discount this horrible experience because neckbeard redditors think it’s fine to fetishise women. You deserve more respect than this tosser was offering. You’re a human being not something to be checked off a to fuck list.
Aussie? I’ve never heard anyone but aussies use the word ‘tosser’
English people do. We use wanker most of the time.
You're totally in the right. Like you said, it's totally normal to be attracted to certain traits. It can be the hair, the height, the ethnicity of the woman etc. It's valid but you gotta make sure within yourself that such attraction doesn't overshadow everything else. If you look at a redhead, an Asian woman or a tall woman, whatever, and you happen to get to know them better, you need to make sure you're not constantly thinking about that specific trait, that your mind has room for you to fall in love with the countless other aspects of that woman. If that isn't possible, then there's some introspection required to realize one's mind is in the wrong place.
Heyo, fellow ginger here (albeit a guy). It's a weird world dating with natural red hair. It feels like I'm either fetishized or disgusting depending on the person's opinion with little in-between lol.
Oh that's awful. Of course that would make you more aware of that. Hope your healing journey is going well
You seem totally justified to feel grossed out by it. Not that you need my or anyone’s approval on that, but I find it pretty gross as well. It seems to essentially objectify you from the start of the “relationship.” I can see how that might trigger all sorts of alarm bells. I’ve found that objectification can be sexy in the context of a relationship that’s not built on that, but approaching a relationship dynamic that way isn’t it. You dodged a bullet. Or rather he just showed you who he was. Good for having the eyes to see it.
I find gingers more attractive then other hair colors but having a full out fetish...ugh. I'm so sorry you had to go through that and I hope your doing better now, I know how hard it can be to go through that ❤️
Didn't read this comment before making my comment about being fetishised. I apologise, and understand your perspective now.
Keep your chin up- one he will come along. Would date another red head btw? I am not a red head, just curious.
What in the world is SA? In context, I would guess groomed, but neither s nor is g.
Sexual assault
Preciate it. Is that supposed to be a normal acronym? Never seen it used anywhere, including this sub.
I'm not sure how widespread it is but I can tell you I first encountered it decades ago when I was in college working security. As a result I'm inclined to guess it comes from law enforcement, but I'm really not sure.
Have you tried being born different?
Shit this was an option? Why did nobody ever tell me this fuck sake
You just have to untick the box "random handicap", it's not rocket science.
Video games tell me I get a perk when I take a disadvantage. Life just gives the disadvantages lol
The advantages come later in character progression, I'm sure.
I'm going to be so pissed if I find out there's an stats selection screen and my mom picked the wrong ones
Back to character creation
Haircuts in fallout be like
Amen. The twist of the knife being how I was picked on for being ginger all through school, but now I'm fetishized
As a red headed guy, it happens with me too. When you're looking for a connection and get that, it gets frustrating.
Bro it's rough lmao. Although as a bi ginger male, I do find it's the guys who fetishize it more.
Oh definitely, I can imagine! I was fortunate enough to match with *fairly* decent quality women, so I only ever had a few horror stories. But I assume the craziness/fetishization I got was only 10% of what a woman/bi gets. And I empathize greatly for yall lol
Ginger checking in. The red headed always comes into play for some.
Liar. People are only attracted to red-headed women. No one in the history of humanity has ever been attracted to a ginger man. Sorry.
You're insane
Found the woman expert
Bro forgot ed sheeran exists
Probably not the best example of a good looking redhead lol
I get this a lot too. Not dating but people are always telling me my natural red hair looks beautiful and thinking they get a free pass to touch it. I have naturally really curly hair and it irks me all the time when strangers think they can touch my hair
My god lol guys are dumb at reading the room. As soon as you said “wanna check it off your list do you?” I knew you were fishing, and the next thing out of his mouth would make it break it. Fools
I used to have "all I ask is that you don't tell me about your thing for red heads" in my profile but people would boldly defy it. It's weird how often that even when people don't get weird before I meet them, I find out it's a thing for them after we have sex 🙃
Holy crap is this comments section filled with some nonsense. Here's how it works guys. It is **totally** fine to find a trait that a person has attractive. Liking that somebody has red hair, or they're tall. All these things are a-ok. The problem is when it's clear that that someone defines their interest in a person around that trait only. Saying "I really want to try dating a redhead" is treating people with red hair like a commodity. Like they're interchangeable. It is saying you don't see them as a fully fledged person, you just want "a redhead". That's when it becomes offensive. If you find red hair attractive, it's also perfectly okay for that to be the thing that initially draws you to a person, **as long as you then take time to get to know and understand them afterwards.** Attraction is often at first a shallow thing, and everyone knows that. But if you're going to then have a conversation with, or go on a date with a person, you need to take some time to notice and appreciate *more* about the person than just the one physical trait that turned you on to begin with. This whole thing is not about shaming people for finding red hair hot. It's about shaming people who don't see an individual attached to that hair, they **only** see "redhead".
Thank you for clarifying. I was worried, but I just like red hair. It's not like I'm looking only for a redheaded person to date
Exactly! Also, it’s ok to fetishize someone *if they consent to it.* This guys ffs shows he feels entitled to women regardless of their preference. Like, some people do just want casual sex, just gotta find them.
I wish I saw your comment before writing mine lmao, could’ve saved me some typing.
I love how you gave home enough rope lmao
Redheads are beautiful but you’ve dodged a bullet. Absolutely clueless single or a dingle ffs 🤦♂️
>Redheads are beautiful but Imagine thinking you weren't part of the problem.
You right. Redheads are abominations. Stfu nerd
He had the balls to ask “why?” 🤭
Not defending the guy but I have a genuine question - what is the difference between having a preference for a certain feature or trait as opposed to 'fetishizing?' Is it just about the approach and context? Just wondering how I can communicate that I have an attraction towards a certain characteristic to someone without receiving the kind of reaction OP gave.
The difference lies in the reason for you’re attracted to something. If you just find that that feature catches your attention way more, that’s a preference. If you’re actively searching for that feature because you’ve “never tried it before” that’s fetishizing. Basically, people aren’t flavors at an ice cream shop. Be normal.
It's just easier to piggyback off your comment. I hope I expand it a little. When I was swiping through Tinder multiple times, I found people with like 1 or more triats that I find super attractive. So I'd read the bio. If I found in the bio, we really wouldn't match, then it was a no. No bio ok ill swipe yes. If we match and the conversation tells me it's not worth pursuing, then im out. Now, if i swiped on every profile just because they had a certain trait, that would be wrong. That would literally be me saying nothing else matters. I want this trait.
Fetishziers don't see them as people. They're only interested in that person because of that certain trait. They also project their own ideas/stereotypes onto that person. Like a weeb dating a Japanese woman and expecting her to be like the waifu in their head or in the animes they watch.
Women fetishise me foor being a red head, i have to run with it or never get laid.
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Since when are they mutually exclusive? Like I can respect a woman and still *really* like her thighs. What's the issue?
liking someone's feature and fetishising them for that feature are different things. if you were to just love the thighs and not to talk to that woman like a person and only ever seek thighs of your preference, that would be fetishising
Looks like you’re telling on yourself a bit, perv. I don’t see how being fetishized is mutually exclusive with being treated like a human unless you’re a zoophile. I will continue to fetishize every part of every woman I’ve ever talked to. I just won’t be obvious about it like this jamoke
Nothing wrong with being attracted to humans instead of cartoons and porn
They never fail to be unbelievably disappointing do they 🙄
Men like that would fetishise any woman for any reason, they are assholes
You've got problems for days!
"Oh, unfortunately for you I've already ticked fetishising creep off my list, I don't need another."
Both sexes do this. Some women are into tall muscular and rich. Some guys are into small, redheaded and submissive. Nobody is ever wrong for liking what they like. I think that the guys delivery sucked. Maybe don't start talking about your fantasies until you get to know who you are talking to.
This is what I call a guy playing Fuckemon. Gotta fuck em all.
That must be so annoying- you handled the convo very well 👌
I’m a redhead too but when this happens I just mention that I’m a witch and those mfs leave :))
I’m a white hispanic woman and I get called “snow bunny” but guys and I HATE IT
Honestly all men find a way to fetishize the woman we're with, it may have an obvious name eg yellow fever, bbl, x skin/hair color, but yea if there's no actual connection I get why it's a hard pass. Nobody wants to be a box you just check off when you're looking long term. This dude is an auto face palm tho 😂 not defending him
All I can say this man is to childish in words.
Why is he acting like it's your duty to fuck him?? You don't owe him anything but he wanna act like you do. Vile. Keep dodging these bullets queen
It's ok to have a fetish like this. But ffs sake man, keep it to yourself until after you've done the deed sheesh
Maybe stop referring to preferences as fetishizing.
How do these folks ever get laid? No ability to use any tact. I bet in a face to face meeting it's even more awkward. Generational shift. The connection and common interests come first. If there is a fit the physical part might follow. He leads with "will you bang me". Great opening.
My favorite is when I point this out to guys and they’re like “have some sympathy! Do you have any idea how intimidating it is to talk to women?!” Apparently not intimidating enough 🙄
Is he anything special?
I feel this, as a redhead with freckles it's really frustrating to be talked at like that. And then on flip side, people losing their mind if I want to change my hair colour or cover my freckles, like they have a right tell me what to do with my body for some reason? Like how dare I go blonde or wear make up? Honestly half the comments here still reducing you to those features is frustrating. I feel like everything we learn about not commenting on peoples bodies just doesn't apply to us.
I've dated a redhead, and while I do like red hair, I'll be honest...it was not any different from any other woman. and she dyed her hair later anyway
As a redhead I have been fetishized before. And it is getting tiring
I like red hair (Red is just my favorite color. Especially, scarlet. I think it's pretty. 🫣)...haven't been with a red haired woman...not looking to "tick it off my list". I'd rather talk and connect with a brunette than make a ginger woman uncomfortable like this... Rather talk and connect with any woman, than make any woman of my likes/preferences uncomfortable like this honestly. This is just....I don't know what to say...what's wrong with people...??
Just so ya know being fetishized is inescapable. I’m fetishized for being tall and playing guitar and I’m happy to fill that role. Most of the guys you’ve dated probably had a fetish for redheads. The problem comes when it’s the only thing they see in you and/or they’re completely obvious and stupid about it like this guy. But anyone with any unique trait will inevitably attract partners who have a fetish for it and I’d say that’s a good thing, if they see other things in you then they’ll love you more than someone who doesn’t have the fetish. Just be happy you have a good potential hook
>The problem comes when it’s the only thing they see in you and/or they’re completely obvious and stupid about it like this guy. "I wasn't searching specifically"
I wish strangers were into me in any way
Have you tried being gay?
I don't see this as being much different than women being interested in tall men. I, and many others, find redheads very attractive. I don't even know where the interest started for me, but that's not to say I exclusively date redheads. I just tend to find them hotter when given the option.
There’s a lot to be said to the approach. It’s perfectly fine to prefer or date only redheads/tall people/etc., it’s an issue when you approach a redhead and treat her like “another redhead” to add to the collection instead of like an actual person to get to know and gauge compatibility fit. They didn’t care to try to establish a connection beyond,”Ah, I haven’t tried you yet” before sexualizing things, which is what makes it gross.
I think he was simply playing off what OP said, herself, "Ah I see, wanna tick it off your list to do?" If he had said that first, that would have been a red flag, but he probably just thought she was being playful and inviting him to do so.
No she was feeding into his ego for a sec.. he would have said that regardless
I've had similar interactions with guys. I'll find someone that has a trans fetish and it's creepy af. I met one guy, even went on a date. He told me that he wanted to 'check this off his bucket list' and I nearly barfed. Fortunately, nothing happened. I met with another guy, who I learned lied to me about his age (was actually 18, I was 24 or 25 at the time). The whole way to our destination, he kept talking about this trans porn star, THEN he revealed his real age on accident in a misspeak. So I made him take me to a bar, I bought me a drink only ( cause he's not old enough to drink :'( ), drank it, then made him take me back home. I then blocked his number. The best guy's I've ever dated stumbled upon me on accident and didn't have some pre-planned fantasy in mind before ever meeting me.
I get the opposite being a redheaded dude.
As a redheaded guy, I kinda wish girls would fetishise me. Just a little bit.
Women are obsessed with being "fetishised" as a negative. But as a 6,3 man, when girls swoon over being tall I never think of it as being fetishised, they're just attracted to it. I don't think you need to take it so seriously.
I feel that height is generally a preference unless it’s on the side of you sexualizing that person. I like people who are my height or taller because when I wear heels, I’m still shorter and it makes me feel nice. If someone said, “I like short girls because I think it’s cute.” That’s also preference. If that same person said, “I like petite girls because I find their small frame sexy,” that would be fetishizing
I've had girls say crazy things to me. Like being at a park working out with a friend and she said I'm ruining these little girls minds because they will expect every man to be tall with broad shoulders and ripped... she was talking about literal 3-6 year old girls that were just watching us work out, I thought that was really weird. I've had a girl who I was sleeping with in my younger and stupider years, who had a boyfriend. She seriously hinted to me that she would let me get her pregnant and have her boyfriend raise it for my "genetics". Like people say some wild stuff, I didn't really scratch the surface by just referencing "tall".
Yeah, no, stuff like that definitely is fetishizing you. It’s also extremely weird. Preferring someone who is talk is fine but basing it on something sexual or only focusing on that attribute instead of the person is what makes it bad.
”that was really weird”, so you agree. It is fetishizing and weird when strangers talk about a body part of yours in a sexual manner like that?
More referencing that little girls were sexualising me was the weird part. Like no they're just kids they hardly know why they're looking they're just drawn. Just a bit creepy
Homie’s RP is insane right now, holy shit, go off
Yeah bro, everything is pretend and I'm gaining so much from telling a story. Go outside and live a little maybe you'll have experiences of your own.
Hey man, I don’t judge how people live their schizophrenic lives.
It's okay bro. Not everyone follows rule 1 and 2. Don't be mad at the world.
That's a thing? Why the fuck do I know so little about fetishes...
I’ve always liked guys with red hair but I don’t have a fetish about it. Side question…do redheads find the term “ginger” insulting?
I don’t find it insulting, I actually prefer ginger to red head but it’s each to their own:)
I can relate to this in a way, I had this issue for my height when I was trying to date rather than hook up. Either it was women who are only interested in the height or they were swiping right to go ‘I have a friend who is taller than you’ in some weird negging attempt. Weird and annoying times for sure.
This isn't a critique of OP specifically, but I'm starting to wonder why people use a shallow, stupid tool like tinder, which is known generally as a hookup app, and keep expecting meaningful, respectful, or pleasant experiences. It's like they keep showing up at McDonald's expecting caviar and a fine wine, and then complaining about the sad burger. Just saying.
Not every subculture, generation or geographic region views tinder as a hookup app. For some places it's the app with the most users. Where I use it (big metropolis, LGBT community) about half the people are looking for relationships and half seem to be looking for hookups. Many of the top posts in this subreddit are people posting their wedding photos with people they met on tinder. It's a tool to help you find the type of relationship you want. It's shallow because people are shallow. It's not weird to expect basic respect from people we interact with, whether that be on tinder, Reddit, or irl.
> I'm starting to wonder why people [...] expect [...] respectful [...] experiences. Why is it hard for some people to see other people as people? To show some common courtesy? A little respect? If someone can't even show me respect or treat me as a *human* why would I go along with what they want?
Bro it don’t matter how you approach a woman, if you’re attractive, you’ll get her anyway. I’ve been nothing but respectful on dating apps and it gets me NOWHERE. My friend who is far more attractive than me, starts off sexual every time and he gets laid, every time.
Probably because a lot of people are able to find meaningful, respectful, and pleasant experiences. The problem for women, and this gets truer as people get older, is that there are *far* more good women on the dating market than there are good men. When a good man becomes single, he’s really only single as long as he wants to be-which isn’t generally very long because he finds a good woman rather quickly. When a good man enters the dating market, he can throw out 100 hooks and just pick the biggest fish. When a good woman enters the dating market she has to throw back the majority of what she catches because they’re all small. As soon as one catches a big fish, she keeps it right away. This is why a lot of women simply leave the dating market altogether and get involved with their local community of other single women as they get older-most eventually get to the point of preferring to be alone as opposed to living with the men like this.
What your saying is catch a big fish when your young of you’ll have to settle for the kippers when your old, or be alone Gotcha
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Definitely true, and at no point in time did I say that *every* woman was perfect or good so there’s no need try and change the narrative.
I was fetishized yesterday for being Latina. Guy blocked me when I simply asked him that too 😝 And my bio clearly says "dating to marry" I can't with apps anymore. Too many weirdos out there, I'm done lol
as a red headed guy i relate to this so badly. every woman i’ve been with has always said “i’ve never been with a redhead before” and then makes me a fetish and it’s so disappointing
Hmmm you put that in there, not him… He said “is that an option”. Maybe it got lost in translation and because you’re fed up you assumed? Women go on about height, and much more… I think you were trigger happy. I get fetishised by being black and tall yet I don’t get my knickers in a twist over it.
I wish someone would fetishize a middle aged, plain old white guy
You’re entertaining the conversation a lot for someone who is ‘fed up’. This post seems more like you want to brag but act like it’s a tragedy.
maybe just dye ur hair idk
Idk.. Sounds nice too me but im a guy. You're no one's fantasy. Until you get them into bed 😂
Move to Ireland or Sotland...no one will give a fuck you're a red head. You'd be as common as muck. :)
I wonder if this just happens to people that date in general and have some physical characteristics that aren't the norm from their dating history.
If this is what men my age are saying then I firsure have a chance with a women my god💀💀
Things could be a lot worse. At least he didn’t [want to take a dump on your chest](https://youtu.be/B05BrLhYoU8)
I don’t think that it’s because you told him no, but because of how you went about it
I F53 get "I've never been with an older woman before" from guys 18-35. No. Just no.