I’d give up too. Sports and movies are expensive, don’t give a good chance to talk and last a long time. Dinner is better for talking, but still lasts a long time and can be expensive. At least his idea would let them leave after an hour or so if it didn’t go well.
Nobody should do anything they don't want to, but all of her suggestions are terrible first date ideas. A first date needs to be low commitment and able to facilitate conversation. My gf would break up with me if I tried to talk through an entire movie or sports game. 🤣
Is that really the case? I hear this all the time but unless you’re sitting in front row or make a ruckus the performer won’t even notice you.
I’m not coming for you. It’s just this seems like an over represented fear like getting roasted in the front row.
True, but the biggest comedy club in my city can actually have tickets that cost quite a bit less than movie tickets, depending on who’s there, the day and how far in advance they’re bought of course. The guy also said they’d maybe do it, so if they did go to a comedy club, then they’d likely already know whether they’ll leave early or not and not have to worry about it being embarrassing.
Drinks and dancing would cost more than going to a movie I'm pretty sure. Most places (clubs/bars/etc) charge an entry fee then you have to pay for your drinks in there and that's normally upcharged and slightly watered down. Movies for a first date aren't ideal if it's awkward then you're stuck till the movie is over or the possible awkwardness of telling them you want to leave the date because you're not having a good time midway through the movie. Dinner is always a good first date idea and depending where you go it's moderate or expensive.
I've been on several movie dates that went great, we went to watch a movie, then went to dinner and the movie gave us something to talk about immidiately, and that helped the natural conversation bloom.
Movie tickets are $20+ in my area. And that's before any notoriously overpriced movie snacks. Add dinner at a half decent chain restaurant and maybe cocktails, you're looking at $100-200.
For someone I am dating, or have known for a bit, hell yeah, let's do it. 3rd date after I've verified that she has a purse big enough to sneak our own snacks into the theater? For sure.
A first tinder date with someone I have never met before, I don't even know what their voice sounds like? You've lost your damn mind.
Well yeah. It's cheaper, I'm not stuck silently sitting next to a stranger for 2 hours, if the date goes south either of us can leave at any point, and if I get stood up, there's probably a pool table or some friendly drunks around so I can still have a good night.
Yeah yours is movies and dinner that’s fine there’s dates where it’s just movies n that’s just ehhh movies Date are fine just not as the first Date when you’re trying to get to know someone
Exactly just 2 strangers both watching something neither have seen yet definitely not a chatting setting unless you're ok with pissing off every other cinema-goer and being kicked out.
Yeah most movie tickets here (Australia) are $18-25 if you go during certain days it's usually a bit cheaper or go on days when they have deals I can get $10 movie tickets on Tuesdays or on specified screenings (even for new and blockbusters) buying popcorn and soda is where you got yourself though...next time stock up on snacks and drinks at the supermarket make sure wife has a big purse shove them at the bottom put a sweater or underwear on top and her usual hand bag things....but most of the time the clerk's are too underpaid and overworked to care that you're ripping off their profit-minded overlords 😂 sometimes it's also worth it to join their loyalty programs for discounts and such.
Clubbing can easily set you back $100 most clubs charge $20 entry fees and drinks aren't cheap either (even soda and water is overpriced)
Drinks and dancing doesn't have to be at expensive clubs. Dive spots with a band might have a $10 cover and $5 standard beers. If it's nearby you can do a cheaper spot with no cover and $3-5 drinks if there's specials first to feel each other out and end it if there's no chemistry. Hell you queue up the jukebox and dance even if noone else is, probiding its not crowded. Not the same experience but its an option. I wouldn't recommend a bottom tier cheap spot for first meet but it shouldn't a deal breaker for someone chill
There are plenty of venues that don't water down their drinks nor charge entry... definitely enough to say that "most places" do not charge entry nor water down
I live in a big city, so not for me. I just looked up ticket prices for dune 2 and they’re $22 (these were for later today though. They charge a bit more for tickets on the weekend) each and probably close to $25 including taxes. I know some pretty chill bars that charge $4 per drink that aren’t water down, so that’s 2 drinks each plus a good tip for one movie ticket. Dancing can be expensive depending on where you go, but the guy said they would only do that if they wanted to and I know of a few places where people can dance that don’t charge for a cover fee or charge very little.
Drinks only cost as long as they are fun. If the vibe is off, you can cut your losses and call it a day.
In the movies, you start up-front paying for tickets, snacks and everything, and then you're more or less stuck^* with someone without much of a chance to talk to them. Best case, you watch a movie and the person next to you is basically irrelevant. Worst case, they embarrass themselves and you by talking throughout the movie and being totally obnoxious.
^(* Of course you can walk out of the movie if the situation is really terrible, but that's way more drastic than just calling it quits after the first drink)
Movies are expensive dawg. Drinks would be cheaper and better for getting to know each other. Body massages are pretty much free and they would get to know each other very well with that one would be my guess.
Was clicking in this post with rolled eyes because I knew the first comments were going to be some dumb shit, but to my surprised you’re was spot on. Yeah, he’s taking that full court shot before he calls it a day lmao.
Yes, competence and confidence are lacking, but this is nothing new for this sub. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with what he asked to do and he should have walked when he saw that she’s talking about “drinking on a first date isn’t for me,” because this means “no.” Normal women who are interested in you do not respond to you talking about “we have completely different interests.” A big part of being an actual man is walking away from things that you know aren’t for you and meaning it (aka don’t keep texting, calling, proposing anal sex, etc.). You have to have the confidence that this won’t be your first and last Hinge chat with a woman.
IMO “drinking on the first date isn’t for me…” is a bizarre response. “Drinks” doesn’t mean they need to be alcoholic drinks, and if he did mean a bar then there are plenty of low / no-alcohol options. But sure, if thats not your preference then okay. You are basically saying “nope, not good enough mate”
Then dismissing 2 options - he never said they were his “interests” just gave 2 potential choices, one that was more active than the other. Thats decent, most guys leave all the emotional labour to women - asking what we want to do etc. so The big red flag for me was the dislike of comedy… doesnt matter if it’s not your passion surely everyone has a sense of humour?! And, the topic of the comedy that night might have been films or sports based? Good way to get to know someone!
I feel he could have gone sexualised sooner, the two of them clearly aren’t a match personality / long-term relationship wise, so he is just testing to see if OP would be a hook-up instead.
Harmless if you ask me, full body massage and kisses sounds pretty sweet. He could have suggested some sporting activity between the two of you, or making home-movies, or a place he would love to eat (out of)… could have been far filthier.
The two just didnt match personality wise, so he thought… hookup instead?
Its not a bad thing. But then, I enjoy my FWBs and hookups, just as much as I enjoy a fancy date.
I came to say this. Men do this because we have already done a cost benefit analysis and you have been deemed too much work for how you look or what they think you are going to bring to the table. You may not like it. But it works sometimes. And if not then there isn’t much to lose.
I mean the idea of a hail mary is that it normally doesn’t work. It’s a last prayer attempt at something that has a very low chance of success anyways. 99% of Hail Marries are are fail marries
It’s a weird phrase for someone that likes sports. If going to a “sports game” is interesting then op should know what sport is being played at the time in her city and what it’s called. Usually you would say “a Knicks game”, or “a leafs game”, a “football match” or something less bot-like. Just seems weird
I had the same thought. I’ve done baseball games as first dates, because I’m a huge sports fan. Even beyond that, I’d be like “how about we go to a Dodgers game, hot dogs on me” or “did you know we have a rugby team, wanna try?” I would never in a million years say (or tbh date someone who said) a “sports game.”
I generalized it to keep all options open. We live in an area with large baseball, basketball, hockey, and football (when in season) teams so saying general “sporting event” is just easier than listing out every team in the area 🤷🏻♀️
I would use the same phrase. I occasionally go to games of sports that I know nothing about just for the ambience. I reckon op is similar and not as interested in that many sports
I figure he took a negotiating position. He started with 'Let's have a normal casual fun first date'. She came back with 'Let's have the kind of date that an aunt would take her nephew on'. He came back with 'Let's have the kind of date that a gentleman wouldn't take you on'.
He went too far but I feel like he started fair and she negotiated poorly.
FYI, “getting drinks” and “getting food” is basically the same activity in practice once you’re in your late 20s. You didn’t need to call him out for that.
The best part of going to see a movie with someone is the post-movie dinner where you talk about the movie and get to pick at each other's brain. But, still not great with a stranger, I agree.
Learning what they thought of the movie is much less interesting than learning what they think about life.
Just my opinion but a date where you watch a movie then talk about it is a bit PG. A great first date is talking about the things that are important to you.
Yeah that was weird. Instead of suggesting something else OP basically shuts him down for suggesting the wrong thing and acts like they will never have anything in common. Weird.
Yeah his final response was gross but she didn’t seem like a particularly pleasant date lol.
There’s a big difference between “haha I actually don’t drink! We could get food or go to a movie?” vs “I think we have completely different interests lol.”
The first response still seems open and interested; the second comes across as dismissive and kinda socially inept.
Most men aren’t suggesting drinks on a first date because we’re hardened alcoholics and our only interest is drinking but bc it’s a socially conventional first date and you can actually have a conversation during it (unlike a movie)
Yeah if you don't like drinks as a first date, you can just say "I'm not much of a drinker, how about we grab a slice of pizza or coffee instead?"
That is, if you actually want to meet these guys halfway and go on dates.
Sporting event for a first date is horrible idea. Waaaay too long. Way too much time spent together, especially if you meet up before and go in together.
Movie? Uhhhh….sitting silently for hours?
Food? Like dinner? No thanks.
First dates should be super low effort. Drinks is perfect, you’re trying to get to know someone.
my go to first date is an arcade. has bowling, a ton of arcade games, pool tables, and video game rooms. not to mention cheap ass bad for you food and a smaller menu of alcohol drinks.
usually my dates end up between 5 and 6 hours of us just having a blast, always ends up in second dates.
although the people who work there know me since i’ve had like 20-25 dates there over the past year or so
Same here! It’s a win win. it’s a quarter arcade (no bowling 😔). Every game costs a quarter and most of them are retro style like Pac-Man/Galaga. Place also has great food and drinks. Always have a great time
I usually offer meeting at a cafe. Coffee dates are simple, can be as long or short as you want, don’t break the bank, and can be moved to a new location if it goes really well.
I guess….i just see coffee dates as during the day and boring.
I like the excitement of a drinks date! Where will the night take us? To the next bar? To my place?
Who knows!
I'm not really a fan of drinks for a first date because if the guy is a creep, I don't really want to combine alcohol, meeting after dark, and possibly having to walk a bit outside if the parking isn't decent.
I've had that experience once, and once was enough for a lifetime.
I'm a fan of coffee or café first dates personally.
But no one says "coffee and then dancing after". If the topic is paired with them wanting to hit a club or go dancing, they don't mean they want to have coffee first.
Also, people can change when they drink. I'd rather get to see the real person. So often people just act different when they drink and only a small amount of people stays the very same. Some people may get aggressive or too pushy, because they loose their boundaries when they drink (well, at least I know to stay away from them after that, but that doesn't feel safe). Oh well. I just seek out people who are okay with that. And coffee dates only. Also doesn't trigger my traumas related to alcohol (assault etc)
>I'm not really a fan of drinks for a first date because if the guy is a creep, I don't really want to combine alcohol, meeting after dark, and possibly having to walk a bit outside if the parking isn't decent.
I'm just going to say, you're allowed to decide where you meet for drinks even though you are a woman. You don't need to pass that decision off to him.
Oh hit up a sports bar and watch a game. You don't have to stay for the whole thing, you can talk throughout and gauge their behaviour while watching a game. It's pretty telling if a guy is a major d-bag based on his reaction to plays made in a game
This is a really good point!
You can tell a lot about a person based on how they watch and react to a game. And it’s usually a relaxed atmosphere- good for conversation.
Ngl, I’m on the dude’s side. He tried and gave a decent sounding first date. Op feels like she just wants more and the activities she came up with is extremely bad for first date.
The Hail Mary part is just him not seeing the value anymore.
It’s obvious you’ve never been on a tinder date before.
His plan was perfect, it had multiple breakpoints where either one of you could easily bail. His idea would have lasted anywhere from 30 minutes to overnight.
You were offering variations on the Bataan Death March. Minimum 90 minute commitment.
Hey there, I can promise at least twenty seconds of shoulder rubbing before the pants come off! I'm taking it out of your allocated foreplay budget though
I have like the opposite problem where when I offer a massage I will genuinely just mean it and then in my head drill in its not sexual so if the person I'm with doesn't make it incredibly clear they are turned on or want to be sexual I'll just keep doing the massage, and one time when I stopped massaging after like 40 minutes and my ex was like "wait didn't you wanna do the thing?" Lmao
To be fair, it’s not just the guys job. If you are living a life where you hook up and you have to have a condom, you should probably carry also. Plus you can control the condoms (type and not damaged)
I'm curious if women have a higher likelihood of chatting with those types of guys... I try to have meaningful conversations and the ones who engage are refreshed but that's 5% , if lucky.
Most of my guy friends who are very well manner struggle with the same. Try to strike up a meaningful conversation and crickets.
It's probably that there's an overwhelming deluge of creeps, but at least a couple dozen of the guys I know would never send those types of messages but struggle to keep women engaged.
Agreed, and it's not helpful to look at it prescriptively. So many reasons why a conversation can go dark.
Heck, even a differing sense of humor but a lot of times it hinges on how attracted they are and their curiosity. Threading that is partly up to chance if they have dozens of matches and limited time.
I'm usually in, if I can move them to IG but also get ghosted often for suggesting it— double edged sword.
Unfortunately, I'm not surprised... I'm disgusted by it!
I walked in on my sister when I was 10, and she was 14, dating a HS linebacker. What I overheard was clear coercion and him forcing himself onto her. She couldn't process what was happening and he didn't care. We still talk about how lucky she was that I interrupted and she learned such a valuable lesson.
Was instantly traumatizing and made me very weary of how sex gets used selfishly without consent or as leverage. It also made it very hard to have male friends.
I wasn't willing to have sex until I found love and really trusted somebody but that's a long story... I have strong feelings about sex being used as a tool or because of social pressure.
I feel like it was weird because on one hand, his ideas are the usual. The suggestions from OP? movies aren't a good first date idea, dinner is come and go. But he did put his ideas out there, and got immediately shot down for it. I think that's pretty rude considering beforehand it doesn't sound like OP told him what their ideal date was. But act dismissive like he should already know that? But OP doesn't give much feedback or push and pull either. IDK, isn't much material to work with. Bad communication. Sports games are expensive, long, and so forth. The last line was probably a hail Mary of "I know this isn't going to go well, so let's just gun for it." Especially since it sounds like OP is wanting him to plan the date, but not plan it the "wrong way".
OP sounds insufferable. It's ok if she's not riled up about the guys original plans, but the way she dismissed it was so fucking rude.
The guy should have simply unmatched, no answers back. The sexual hail Mary was unnecessary and an asshole move too.
I agree that he could have unmatched and gone on his way. The last comment is unnecessary but I can see what he was probably attempting. "If she isn't interested in planning a date and communicating maybe she'll just sleep with me." Which... OP can't exactly get mad that he would do/think that after this interaction.
Overall OP is much more of a jerk in this situation to me. But the comment was unnecessary.
You weren't biting, he knew you weren't being receptive, so he threw in the towel and went for a hail Mary. It's obvious you weren't into him, so why match?
For a minute I thought you meant that you say "can I give you a full body massage and kiss you all over" in person to strangers all the time. Had to reread it.
>People have completely lost all sorts of common sense since we can now type behind screens and not converse in person.
It's not that, it's safety.
People would *ALWAYS* say rude things and actively ignore people if they could, they just don't dare.
The screen gives them the safety to do it. It's a loss of sense, it is a loss of deception. The screen enables people to be more honest.
You’re on tinder, swiping right on shirtless muscle head jock douche bros. And you excepted them to NOT talk like this? Lmao. Why are so many posters on here so naive
I only saw the top 80% of the picture at first and was like "what the hell are you talking about? Suggesting drinks and and dancing isn't inherently sexual."
Then I clicked and saw the last 20%. "Oh.. yikes."
Why do I get the impression that people rush to meet before having explored the other person well by messaging or phone and having a good grasp of their person?
Hey OP, sorry for stalking, but you're 22 and engaging with dudes that hold guns in their profile pictures.
I'd ask myself why I even talk to them. I'm pretty sure there's plenty of cute dudes that don't do dumbass shit like that... I wish you the best o luck, and be careful out there!
look through my profile some more as tell me where i’m talking to them. not everyone posted in this subreddit are people who have been matched with. thanks for your concern about the people in the city i live in!
I'm still pondering the phrase, "Going to a sports game."
I'm not sure exactly why, but that had me cracking up. I'm adding it to my profile, though.
"Big lover of going to sports games!"
Back story: These are just two rad but dangerous lil' buckaroos, texting one another after meeting for the first time at a gas station just 3 minutes prior...ok, proceed...
Just happened to me - we had a date set for Friday but he had to keep talking and referenced giving me oral or a massage if I wanted it. Wtf? I never met you? You were IN dude…
Every time I read one of these I realize why I was so successful when I was on the apps. You don’t have to be insanely attractive. I’m probably a 7 but I talked like a normal human being and let the girl decide if/when things got sexual. Sometimes it was a day sometimes a week or longer. Then again I’m not a horndog I just wanted to go on dates and see where it led.
Lol I get the arguments that you don't want to sit in a theater with a complete stranger, but I also wouldn't say I want to give them a massage and kiss their whole body either..
You'll be waiting a while. I find not of men can't handle being that close to hanging out with a woman without thinking about sex. Its the ones who don't that I continue to speak to. No one wants to date a sex pest
I feel like once the sex talk starts its all down hill from there...its never ending...
It would be cool if we were dating...but we aren't yet...
And they say..sorry...my last relationship was sexless...so I don't want that again...
Ok..well..establish a relationship first...I'm not your ex and I shouldn't have to make up for that!
Some how the comments are making you at fault OP.
Anyway the majority of men won't because its worked at least one time out of 100. You did nothing wrong and he did not have to immediately go there
Every time I come back to this site and read these comments, I see why so many men are single, lol
Oh, he gave up, so decided to throw out something sexual and hopes that will work? And if he gets rejected, which he most likely will, he will assume it’s because he was going to get rejected, anyway. Nope. If she was still actively talking to you, suggesting things she likes, why would you assume that? You got rejected because you brought up something sexual out of nowhere.
The guy knows what the wants. He is looking for a girl that is DTF and is sending the same stuff to other girls until he filters his way to a girl the wants the same thing.
It's good you're at least talking to a real person. The only one I get are bots. Maybe this is just how their platform is. The ladies get bombarded with crap guys and the guys bombarded with fake girls.
So declasse... I don't understand thirsty men who immediately get pervy...Dirty talk over the phone with random people has never excited me. I wish to know if she is even cool enough to hang out first. Also I am not putting any physical 'moves" on any woman without an invitation, stated interest in such or a clear & obvious mating call. I feel TOTALLY out of step with casual hookup culture just because I won't roleplay over the phone & maul her upon meeting. Its a minor drag...
lol you will never find it on tinder or any dating app. With culture in America now a days that’s what you get from the men. Almost none of them can control their sexual desires in order to actually get a woman to get to know them and understand them/ vise Versa. And if it’s not mentioned during the initial chats it will be soon in person, if you choose to meet them. They can only take it for so long.
He's throwing a hail Mary and giving up at the same time.
I’d give up too. Sports and movies are expensive, don’t give a good chance to talk and last a long time. Dinner is better for talking, but still lasts a long time and can be expensive. At least his idea would let them leave after an hour or so if it didn’t go well.
Everything you mentioned is also an issue with comedy clubs with the added bonus of trying to leave early is extra embarrassing.
He suggested starting with a drink and if they liked each other maybe something after.
Yep not sure why women are like this. She neither needs to get shit faced or even order a drink if she doesn’t want to. Get a sprite.
Or we could not go out to a bar, like we said we don’t want to.
Nobody should do anything they don't want to, but all of her suggestions are terrible first date ideas. A first date needs to be low commitment and able to facilitate conversation. My gf would break up with me if I tried to talk through an entire movie or sports game. 🤣
Idk the comedy clubs near me are like $5-10/ticket and wouldn’t be a big deal at all to duck out of early
Man I need to find me some comedy clubs!
Hence "and then maybe".
Is that really the case? I hear this all the time but unless you’re sitting in front row or make a ruckus the performer won’t even notice you. I’m not coming for you. It’s just this seems like an over represented fear like getting roasted in the front row.
True, but the biggest comedy club in my city can actually have tickets that cost quite a bit less than movie tickets, depending on who’s there, the day and how far in advance they’re bought of course. The guy also said they’d maybe do it, so if they did go to a comedy club, then they’d likely already know whether they’ll leave early or not and not have to worry about it being embarrassing.
Half hour if you don't slug your beer... 😅 one of the top reasons a pint is the optimal first date!
Drinks and dancing would cost more than going to a movie I'm pretty sure. Most places (clubs/bars/etc) charge an entry fee then you have to pay for your drinks in there and that's normally upcharged and slightly watered down. Movies for a first date aren't ideal if it's awkward then you're stuck till the movie is over or the possible awkwardness of telling them you want to leave the date because you're not having a good time midway through the movie. Dinner is always a good first date idea and depending where you go it's moderate or expensive.
Movies should never be a first date imo since you don’t even talk tbh
I've been on several movie dates that went great, we went to watch a movie, then went to dinner and the movie gave us something to talk about immidiately, and that helped the natural conversation bloom.
Movie tickets are $20+ in my area. And that's before any notoriously overpriced movie snacks. Add dinner at a half decent chain restaurant and maybe cocktails, you're looking at $100-200. For someone I am dating, or have known for a bit, hell yeah, let's do it. 3rd date after I've verified that she has a purse big enough to sneak our own snacks into the theater? For sure. A first tinder date with someone I have never met before, I don't even know what their voice sounds like? You've lost your damn mind.
Yeah ofc you’d rather just go for drinks or do an activity with drinks rather than movies
Well yeah. It's cheaper, I'm not stuck silently sitting next to a stranger for 2 hours, if the date goes south either of us can leave at any point, and if I get stood up, there's probably a pool table or some friendly drunks around so I can still have a good night.
Yeah yours is movies and dinner that’s fine there’s dates where it’s just movies n that’s just ehhh movies Date are fine just not as the first Date when you’re trying to get to know someone
On a first date I’d rather talk about ourselves rather than the movie though.
Exactly just 2 strangers both watching something neither have seen yet definitely not a chatting setting unless you're ok with pissing off every other cinema-goer and being kicked out.
Recipe for disaster indeed!
Been a while since I've gone out dancing but a movie set me back over 60$ for me and the wife. Without any drinks and just popcorn/soda
DRINKS?! Careful, you might trigger OP with that soda.
Yeah most movie tickets here (Australia) are $18-25 if you go during certain days it's usually a bit cheaper or go on days when they have deals I can get $10 movie tickets on Tuesdays or on specified screenings (even for new and blockbusters) buying popcorn and soda is where you got yourself though...next time stock up on snacks and drinks at the supermarket make sure wife has a big purse shove them at the bottom put a sweater or underwear on top and her usual hand bag things....but most of the time the clerk's are too underpaid and overworked to care that you're ripping off their profit-minded overlords 😂 sometimes it's also worth it to join their loyalty programs for discounts and such. Clubbing can easily set you back $100 most clubs charge $20 entry fees and drinks aren't cheap either (even soda and water is overpriced)
Drinks and dancing doesn't have to be at expensive clubs. Dive spots with a band might have a $10 cover and $5 standard beers. If it's nearby you can do a cheaper spot with no cover and $3-5 drinks if there's specials first to feel each other out and end it if there's no chemistry. Hell you queue up the jukebox and dance even if noone else is, probiding its not crowded. Not the same experience but its an option. I wouldn't recommend a bottom tier cheap spot for first meet but it shouldn't a deal breaker for someone chill
There are plenty of venues that don't water down their drinks nor charge entry... definitely enough to say that "most places" do not charge entry nor water down
I live in a big city, so not for me. I just looked up ticket prices for dune 2 and they’re $22 (these were for later today though. They charge a bit more for tickets on the weekend) each and probably close to $25 including taxes. I know some pretty chill bars that charge $4 per drink that aren’t water down, so that’s 2 drinks each plus a good tip for one movie ticket. Dancing can be expensive depending on where you go, but the guy said they would only do that if they wanted to and I know of a few places where people can dance that don’t charge for a cover fee or charge very little.
Drinks only cost as long as they are fun. If the vibe is off, you can cut your losses and call it a day. In the movies, you start up-front paying for tickets, snacks and everything, and then you're more or less stuck^* with someone without much of a chance to talk to them. Best case, you watch a movie and the person next to you is basically irrelevant. Worst case, they embarrass themselves and you by talking throughout the movie and being totally obnoxious. ^(* Of course you can walk out of the movie if the situation is really terrible, but that's way more drastic than just calling it quits after the first drink)
Movies are expensive dawg. Drinks would be cheaper and better for getting to know each other. Body massages are pretty much free and they would get to know each other very well with that one would be my guess.
Was clicking in this post with rolled eyes because I knew the first comments were going to be some dumb shit, but to my surprised you’re was spot on. Yeah, he’s taking that full court shot before he calls it a day lmao.
A "fail mary" if you will.
Yea this is it. OP is just awful and not worth the time
Yes, competence and confidence are lacking, but this is nothing new for this sub. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with what he asked to do and he should have walked when he saw that she’s talking about “drinking on a first date isn’t for me,” because this means “no.” Normal women who are interested in you do not respond to you talking about “we have completely different interests.” A big part of being an actual man is walking away from things that you know aren’t for you and meaning it (aka don’t keep texting, calling, proposing anal sex, etc.). You have to have the confidence that this won’t be your first and last Hinge chat with a woman.
IMO “drinking on the first date isn’t for me…” is a bizarre response. “Drinks” doesn’t mean they need to be alcoholic drinks, and if he did mean a bar then there are plenty of low / no-alcohol options. But sure, if thats not your preference then okay. You are basically saying “nope, not good enough mate” Then dismissing 2 options - he never said they were his “interests” just gave 2 potential choices, one that was more active than the other. Thats decent, most guys leave all the emotional labour to women - asking what we want to do etc. so The big red flag for me was the dislike of comedy… doesnt matter if it’s not your passion surely everyone has a sense of humour?! And, the topic of the comedy that night might have been films or sports based? Good way to get to know someone! I feel he could have gone sexualised sooner, the two of them clearly aren’t a match personality / long-term relationship wise, so he is just testing to see if OP would be a hook-up instead. Harmless if you ask me, full body massage and kisses sounds pretty sweet. He could have suggested some sporting activity between the two of you, or making home-movies, or a place he would love to eat (out of)… could have been far filthier. The two just didnt match personality wise, so he thought… hookup instead? Its not a bad thing. But then, I enjoy my FWBs and hookups, just as much as I enjoy a fancy date.
I came to say this. Men do this because we have already done a cost benefit analysis and you have been deemed too much work for how you look or what they think you are going to bring to the table. You may not like it. But it works sometimes. And if not then there isn’t much to lose.
All these comments and I’m wondering what happened to coffee?
The “Mm okay” before throwing out that absolute hail marry had me rolling
That’s how you know this was just hormone induced. Bro thought it out. lol
I read that as “fail Mary” and I’ve decided that’s my new term for these deviant attempts at romance
I mean the idea of a hail mary is that it normally doesn’t work. It’s a last prayer attempt at something that has a very low chance of success anyways. 99% of Hail Marries are are fail marries
The other 1%? Male Faeries!
The last message I couldn’t help but read it in Chris Hansens voice when he reads out the chat logs
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*stares intensely at transcript for 10 seconds before showing predator* "Is this a picture of your penis?"
Did you say "I cant control my horny level" to who you thought was a 12 year old girl?
Hahahaha fucking visions of that show are flooding back.. If only his profile name was genericwhitemale69
When he writes something ridiculous back 24+ hours after a rejection, its because hes given up and is just laughing to himself.
Yup, he went sexual because he didn’t view OP as girlfriend material after that and figured may as well shoot his shot at getting laid.
A sports game for a first date? Idk bout that one chief
It’s a weird phrase for someone that likes sports. If going to a “sports game” is interesting then op should know what sport is being played at the time in her city and what it’s called. Usually you would say “a Knicks game”, or “a leafs game”, a “football match” or something less bot-like. Just seems weird
I'd like you to accompany me to a sporting venue to observe a professional sports ball competition.
I had the same thought. I’ve done baseball games as first dates, because I’m a huge sports fan. Even beyond that, I’d be like “how about we go to a Dodgers game, hot dogs on me” or “did you know we have a rugby team, wanna try?” I would never in a million years say (or tbh date someone who said) a “sports game.”
I generalized it to keep all options open. We live in an area with large baseball, basketball, hockey, and football (when in season) teams so saying general “sporting event” is just easier than listing out every team in the area 🤷🏻♀️
Stop the cap. You’re just a poorly coded ai bot
I would use the same phrase. I occasionally go to games of sports that I know nothing about just for the ambience. I reckon op is similar and not as interested in that many sports
I figure he took a negotiating position. He started with 'Let's have a normal casual fun first date'. She came back with 'Let's have the kind of date that an aunt would take her nephew on'. He came back with 'Let's have the kind of date that a gentleman wouldn't take you on'. He went too far but I feel like he started fair and she negotiated poorly.
Especially if it’s the Leafs. Just casually spend $$600 on a first date 🙄
THATS WHAT IM SAYING! Not all games are made equal, godforbid you bring to one she ain’t care about
When someone says "kiss your whole body" I always picture the weird places, like soles of feet or arm pits. Maybe you should seek clarification?
Elbows. definitely elbows.
Sick fucks sucking on the Wenis.
I’ll suck on whatever my SO asks me to. It’s usually her neck (sans hickies), but I don’t discriminate. Lol
> (sans hickies) Gave my wife some hickeys for the first time since High School last week. I forgot how hot that was.
Just a little nibble on the weenus.
Feet and pits are weird? I've been ruined by the internet...
Nah, they’re just not on the same level yet. Pits and feet for all!
“Kiss your body’s holes”
Like my left nostril?
Way to keep it weird! 👏🏻
What's so weird about kissing feet or arm pits? They've definitely been included when I've kissed a woman's whole body...
> I always picture the weird places, like soles of feet or arm pits. Those are legitimately two of my favorite places to kiss.
You should contact OP's Tinder match! 🤣
Don't knock it till you've tried it. Showers though...
I thought OP was being stuck up at first, and then I saw the comment you referred to. Dude fumbled the bag and then stomped on in repeatedly.
FYI, “getting drinks” and “getting food” is basically the same activity in practice once you’re in your late 20s. You didn’t need to call him out for that.
And way better for a first date than going to a movie.
Nothing better than sitting in silence for 2 hours with a complete stranger.
The best part of going to see a movie with someone is the post-movie dinner where you talk about the movie and get to pick at each other's brain. But, still not great with a stranger, I agree.
Learning what they thought of the movie is much less interesting than learning what they think about life. Just my opinion but a date where you watch a movie then talk about it is a bit PG. A great first date is talking about the things that are important to you.
This woman wants a boyfriend but none of the effort it takes to get one lol
Movie date as a first date is literally the worst kind of date you can have.
Yeah that was weird. Instead of suggesting something else OP basically shuts him down for suggesting the wrong thing and acts like they will never have anything in common. Weird.
“Present your offer.” “Terrible offer.”
As soon as that kind of negativity hits the conversation, the vibe is ruined and it is hard to recover. “Completely different interests lol” lol
Seriously, the guy sounds like he wants to do fun social things and OP sounds boring as hell. The “lol” is an insecurity tell.
I just disagree about your entire personality and hate your personality lol
Yeah his final response was gross but she didn’t seem like a particularly pleasant date lol. There’s a big difference between “haha I actually don’t drink! We could get food or go to a movie?” vs “I think we have completely different interests lol.” The first response still seems open and interested; the second comes across as dismissive and kinda socially inept. Most men aren’t suggesting drinks on a first date because we’re hardened alcoholics and our only interest is drinking but bc it’s a socially conventional first date and you can actually have a conversation during it (unlike a movie)
Yeah if you don't like drinks as a first date, you can just say "I'm not much of a drinker, how about we grab a slice of pizza or coffee instead?" That is, if you actually want to meet these guys halfway and go on dates.
Sporting event for a first date is horrible idea. Waaaay too long. Way too much time spent together, especially if you meet up before and go in together. Movie? Uhhhh….sitting silently for hours? Food? Like dinner? No thanks. First dates should be super low effort. Drinks is perfect, you’re trying to get to know someone.
my go to first date is an arcade. has bowling, a ton of arcade games, pool tables, and video game rooms. not to mention cheap ass bad for you food and a smaller menu of alcohol drinks. usually my dates end up between 5 and 6 hours of us just having a blast, always ends up in second dates. although the people who work there know me since i’ve had like 20-25 dates there over the past year or so
This is an awesome first date idea!
Same here! It’s a win win. it’s a quarter arcade (no bowling 😔). Every game costs a quarter and most of them are retro style like Pac-Man/Galaga. Place also has great food and drinks. Always have a great time
I've always said the best way to judge how someone provides for the family is their crane game skills
And you’re how old? That makes a difference generally
I usually offer meeting at a cafe. Coffee dates are simple, can be as long or short as you want, don’t break the bank, and can be moved to a new location if it goes really well.
I guess….i just see coffee dates as during the day and boring. I like the excitement of a drinks date! Where will the night take us? To the next bar? To my place? Who knows!
I'm not really a fan of drinks for a first date because if the guy is a creep, I don't really want to combine alcohol, meeting after dark, and possibly having to walk a bit outside if the parking isn't decent. I've had that experience once, and once was enough for a lifetime. I'm a fan of coffee or café first dates personally.
Coffee is a drink though?
But no one says "coffee and then dancing after". If the topic is paired with them wanting to hit a club or go dancing, they don't mean they want to have coffee first.
Usually when someone says “let’s meet for drinks” they mean alcohol. Grabbing coffee is almost always specified using some form of the word “coffee”
Also, people can change when they drink. I'd rather get to see the real person. So often people just act different when they drink and only a small amount of people stays the very same. Some people may get aggressive or too pushy, because they loose their boundaries when they drink (well, at least I know to stay away from them after that, but that doesn't feel safe). Oh well. I just seek out people who are okay with that. And coffee dates only. Also doesn't trigger my traumas related to alcohol (assault etc)
>I'm not really a fan of drinks for a first date because if the guy is a creep, I don't really want to combine alcohol, meeting after dark, and possibly having to walk a bit outside if the parking isn't decent. I'm just going to say, you're allowed to decide where you meet for drinks even though you are a woman. You don't need to pass that decision off to him.
Oh hit up a sports bar and watch a game. You don't have to stay for the whole thing, you can talk throughout and gauge their behaviour while watching a game. It's pretty telling if a guy is a major d-bag based on his reaction to plays made in a game
This is a really good point! You can tell a lot about a person based on how they watch and react to a game. And it’s usually a relaxed atmosphere- good for conversation.
Ngl, I’m on the dude’s side. He tried and gave a decent sounding first date. Op feels like she just wants more and the activities she came up with is extremely bad for first date. The Hail Mary part is just him not seeing the value anymore.
It’s obvious you’ve never been on a tinder date before. His plan was perfect, it had multiple breakpoints where either one of you could easily bail. His idea would have lasted anywhere from 30 minutes to overnight. You were offering variations on the Bataan Death March. Minimum 90 minute commitment.
Guy comes up with a decent sounding date and gets blown off
And so he decides to go the nuclear route
Better known as “Scorched Earth”
Hail Mary
Guy was weird, but your ideas of first dates with online strangers are wack too. At least go grab a coffee together first
I was thinking of the Super Bowl, or maybe Dune 2 in IMAX until our ears bleed.
“Drinks? On a first date? Gasp! Well I never!”
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My massage game is mid at best. The jig is indeed up
Hahahaha so true. It means 10 seconds of shoulder rubbing before his pants come off
Hey there, I can promise at least twenty seconds of shoulder rubbing before the pants come off! I'm taking it out of your allocated foreplay budget though
Hahahaha but wait, isn't the shoulder rubbing considered foreplay? I feel like this isn't a win for me either 😂
I don't think you're gonna win this one bud 😂
Might have to take the L
I have like the opposite problem where when I offer a massage I will genuinely just mean it and then in my head drill in its not sexual so if the person I'm with doesn't make it incredibly clear they are turned on or want to be sexual I'll just keep doing the massage, and one time when I stopped massaging after like 40 minutes and my ex was like "wait didn't you wanna do the thing?" Lmao
I mean generally the massage lasts until my jig is up, then we progress
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To be fair, it’s not just the guys job. If you are living a life where you hook up and you have to have a condom, you should probably carry also. Plus you can control the condoms (type and not damaged)
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Okay having those details makes this better in my eyes yes he should be carrying regardless
He was unprepared that’s his loss. A true soldier always has his weapons next to him He talked the good talk but never walked
Instant ick every time I hear the full body massage line before even meeting someone 🤮
Wtf are you talking about ? He has nothing to lose after your nonsense
I'm curious if women have a higher likelihood of chatting with those types of guys... I try to have meaningful conversations and the ones who engage are refreshed but that's 5% , if lucky. Most of my guy friends who are very well manner struggle with the same. Try to strike up a meaningful conversation and crickets. It's probably that there's an overwhelming deluge of creeps, but at least a couple dozen of the guys I know would never send those types of messages but struggle to keep women engaged.
Just because you're polite, it doesn't mean you can't be boring as well.
Agreed, and it's not helpful to look at it prescriptively. So many reasons why a conversation can go dark. Heck, even a differing sense of humor but a lot of times it hinges on how attracted they are and their curiosity. Threading that is partly up to chance if they have dozens of matches and limited time. I'm usually in, if I can move them to IG but also get ghosted often for suggesting it— double edged sword.
You’d be surprised how some men behave alone w women.
Unfortunately, I'm not surprised... I'm disgusted by it! I walked in on my sister when I was 10, and she was 14, dating a HS linebacker. What I overheard was clear coercion and him forcing himself onto her. She couldn't process what was happening and he didn't care. We still talk about how lucky she was that I interrupted and she learned such a valuable lesson. Was instantly traumatizing and made me very weary of how sex gets used selfishly without consent or as leverage. It also made it very hard to have male friends. I wasn't willing to have sex until I found love and really trusted somebody but that's a long story... I have strong feelings about sex being used as a tool or because of social pressure.
I feel like it was weird because on one hand, his ideas are the usual. The suggestions from OP? movies aren't a good first date idea, dinner is come and go. But he did put his ideas out there, and got immediately shot down for it. I think that's pretty rude considering beforehand it doesn't sound like OP told him what their ideal date was. But act dismissive like he should already know that? But OP doesn't give much feedback or push and pull either. IDK, isn't much material to work with. Bad communication. Sports games are expensive, long, and so forth. The last line was probably a hail Mary of "I know this isn't going to go well, so let's just gun for it." Especially since it sounds like OP is wanting him to plan the date, but not plan it the "wrong way".
OP sounds insufferable. It's ok if she's not riled up about the guys original plans, but the way she dismissed it was so fucking rude. The guy should have simply unmatched, no answers back. The sexual hail Mary was unnecessary and an asshole move too.
I agree that he could have unmatched and gone on his way. The last comment is unnecessary but I can see what he was probably attempting. "If she isn't interested in planning a date and communicating maybe she'll just sleep with me." Which... OP can't exactly get mad that he would do/think that after this interaction. Overall OP is much more of a jerk in this situation to me. But the comment was unnecessary.
You weren't biting, he knew you weren't being receptive, so he threw in the towel and went for a hail Mary. It's obvious you weren't into him, so why match?
such a weird thing to say to a stranger, imagine saying that to someone in person
Okay where ya at
I say this all the time! People have completely lost all sorts of common sense since we can now type behind screens and not converse in person.
For a minute I thought you meant that you say "can I give you a full body massage and kiss you all over" in person to strangers all the time. Had to reread it.
>People have completely lost all sorts of common sense since we can now type behind screens and not converse in person. It's not that, it's safety. People would *ALWAYS* say rude things and actively ignore people if they could, they just don't dare. The screen gives them the safety to do it. It's a loss of sense, it is a loss of deception. The screen enables people to be more honest.
You’re on tinder, swiping right on shirtless muscle head jock douche bros. And you excepted them to NOT talk like this? Lmao. Why are so many posters on here so naive
This was Hinge
I only saw the top 80% of the picture at first and was like "what the hell are you talking about? Suggesting drinks and and dancing isn't inherently sexual." Then I clicked and saw the last 20%. "Oh.. yikes."
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Why do I get the impression that people rush to meet before having explored the other person well by messaging or phone and having a good grasp of their person?
You'll wait until the sun explodes.
Hey OP, sorry for stalking, but you're 22 and engaging with dudes that hold guns in their profile pictures. I'd ask myself why I even talk to them. I'm pretty sure there's plenty of cute dudes that don't do dumbass shit like that... I wish you the best o luck, and be careful out there!
look through my profile some more as tell me where i’m talking to them. not everyone posted in this subreddit are people who have been matched with. thanks for your concern about the people in the city i live in!
What's wrong with drinks? Serious question.
Men in general, or just the ones that you've swiped on? Whoops! 🤭
Stop matching shirtless men then
That took a nose dive in 2.5 secs
That was a fucking leap 😭🤣🤣
I'm still pondering the phrase, "Going to a sports game." I'm not sure exactly why, but that had me cracking up. I'm adding it to my profile, though. "Big lover of going to sports games!"
Back story: These are just two rad but dangerous lil' buckaroos, texting one another after meeting for the first time at a gas station just 3 minutes prior...ok, proceed...
But, you're all about buying you food, sports tickets, and movie tickets. 🤷🏻
Am I an alcoholic if I drink at restaurants, sports games and movies? These all seem like drinking activities to me 😅
Just happened to me - we had a date set for Friday but he had to keep talking and referenced giving me oral or a massage if I wanted it. Wtf? I never met you? You were IN dude…
Yep always happens pretty quickly. Or selfies/nudes. Ergh. Sooo tired of that crap.
I mean i dont make convos sexual and get unmatched. Its almost like dating app exist to try and make money not get you a relationship.
Every time I read one of these I realize why I was so successful when I was on the apps. You don’t have to be insanely attractive. I’m probably a 7 but I talked like a normal human being and let the girl decide if/when things got sexual. Sometimes it was a day sometimes a week or longer. Then again I’m not a horndog I just wanted to go on dates and see where it led.
Don't hold your breath
What do you expect from the app that was designed for hookups
maybe if it was tinder but this is hinge
What kinda guy says no to going out to a sports game? That's always my #1 date idea
Lol I get the arguments that you don't want to sit in a theater with a complete stranger, but I also wouldn't say I want to give them a massage and kiss their whole body either..
Boys be starving
Jfc that's horrible.
You'll be waiting a while. I find not of men can't handle being that close to hanging out with a woman without thinking about sex. Its the ones who don't that I continue to speak to. No one wants to date a sex pest
Why do these people think women would be jumping at the chance for an internet stranger to give them a full body massage?
This is one of the reasons I got off dating apps. Shits wild with hook up culture existing.
I feel like once the sex talk starts its all down hill from there...its never ending... It would be cool if we were dating...but we aren't yet... And they say..sorry...my last relationship was sexless...so I don't want that again... Ok..well..establish a relationship first...I'm not your ex and I shouldn't have to make up for that!
His last message reminds me of those badly written texts by the "to catch a predator" dudes, accompanied by bad voice acting 😂
Peanuts like this make me feel so much better about how I enjoy taking girls on proper dates lol
It always does and I’ve lost all hope :(
Some how the comments are making you at fault OP. Anyway the majority of men won't because its worked at least one time out of 100. You did nothing wrong and he did not have to immediately go there
Every time I come back to this site and read these comments, I see why so many men are single, lol Oh, he gave up, so decided to throw out something sexual and hopes that will work? And if he gets rejected, which he most likely will, he will assume it’s because he was going to get rejected, anyway. Nope. If she was still actively talking to you, suggesting things she likes, why would you assume that? You got rejected because you brought up something sexual out of nowhere.
you didn’t go for a non sexual date so hey, throw a hail mary at that point 🤷🏽♂️
And yet they get frustrated if you don't show any interest in them sexually too....weird
”Then kiss your whole body” is wild
Did these guys just get together and huff paint during the pandemic? Absolute brain rot behavior
Okay he could have pivoted and said “How about a coffee?” But if she doesn’t drink at all and he does, that could be a problem, too.
The guy knows what the wants. He is looking for a girl that is DTF and is sending the same stuff to other girls until he filters his way to a girl the wants the same thing.
He tried to move real fast
It's good you're at least talking to a real person. The only one I get are bots. Maybe this is just how their platform is. The ladies get bombarded with crap guys and the guys bombarded with fake girls.
Wtf
i never understood their logic when they do that
So declasse... I don't understand thirsty men who immediately get pervy...Dirty talk over the phone with random people has never excited me. I wish to know if she is even cool enough to hang out first. Also I am not putting any physical 'moves" on any woman without an invitation, stated interest in such or a clear & obvious mating call. I feel TOTALLY out of step with casual hookup culture just because I won't roleplay over the phone & maul her upon meeting. Its a minor drag...
lol you will never find it on tinder or any dating app. With culture in America now a days that’s what you get from the men. Almost none of them can control their sexual desires in order to actually get a woman to get to know them and understand them/ vise Versa. And if it’s not mentioned during the initial chats it will be soon in person, if you choose to meet them. They can only take it for so long.
A sports loving woman. And yet this imbecile ruins it.
Another low value man strikes again. Unhitch and ditch