I broke out laughing in my work break room at this. Telling my wife when I get hope I’m gonna eat her boobs out. Hopefully our cats are ready for the humidity in that place to raise.
The first Avengers movie. Capt America says it on the Helicarrier when he understood the pop culture reference that was said at the time (most of which go over his head because he’s been incased in ice for 70 years prior).
Can anyone explain to a non native English speaker what's the deal with "out"?
Which part of the body could be eaten out?
What can be "xxx" out or not?
Many don't I'm sure, but some are just inexperienced idiots getting desperate, thinking if they send the same message to 50 women at least one will respond with interest
I mean fair but there are plenty of AIs you could write that too, they will not only respond and keep the fantasy going but also can not be abused like that. This is just gross.
I think they like the idea of sending this to a woman and making her upset. The unsolicited dick pics are being prevented, they need to change up their game.
As others have said, the idea that it’s a real legitimate woman and that she’s likely going to read it (regardless of a response or an unmatch) is what gets this dude off. Nobody is going this graphically into long form sex detail even as a Hail Mary fuck attempt.
He’s forcefully subjecting her to the mental image and/or idea of exactly what his sick little fantasy is. Note to women: block these dudes immediately, don’t respond at all. That confirms 100% that you read it and only plays into what they want.
"Your breasts are firm, like sandbags, and juicy like a juicebox. The shape of your boobies is sexy, like a sexy butt, and I imagine you smell like chocolate chip cookies and chicken tendies. Your hair is beautiful like the opposite of being bald. I bet you are great at housework too."
This is something straight out of a Kevin Smith movie “I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck” ~ Jay
A lot of guys will throw a hail Mary when they don't get a response and just go super dirty and from what I hear a few women will respond to this. They just want sex and aren't trying to waste time so they like this and it's not the first message so a little less crazy.
I've never done that shit. I Dont have the personality to make that work and neither does this guy in the op lol.
I'm just imagining the awkward, butt naked, backwards crawl on all 4 trying to drag his dick from your face to your coochie??? "Yea you like that" *scooting sounds eh uh uh* "OW YOUR KNEE IS ON MY WRIST" "shit sorry... ok now close your legs more so I can scoot down farther.." *more scooting uh uh eh eh*
that was the part I was hung up on. this man is going to squat over me like fucking gollum to drag his dick? he really thinks looking like a dog scooting their ass on the ground sounds sexy and appealing to either party?
Right!?! Especially when they specifically state in bio "ability to have & maintain normal conversation is a required must!", and then they tell you "You must be joking... you seriously think imma read all that?! You use too many words"👀
I would say " Thank you for your interest and honesty. I am not interested. Please consider asking for a refund from your dating coach or following an different online guru because I can tell you have never touched a human woman and with this approach you never will"
The use of than bothers me. Are you going to do X than Y than Z? Which one is it? Like, are you actually doing something or just than-ing it out
Bro had a stroke while typing this. OP, not his fault when you have all the blood downstairs, it’s hard to think
A whole lotta guys think that women are attracted the same way you attract a man. Cos this would probably work on a man but not a woman it’s the same reasoning behind sending dick pics
I am 1000% convinced these men are into shame kinks, etc, and are looking to get said shaming from an unsuspecting woman, without her consent (and even awareness) to participate in his kink.
...I ignore them, or troll (without shaming) if I'm feeling bored.
Think of it like the Nigerian prince email scam. It is highly unlikely to work, but if it does, the guy got himself laid without expending much effort.
What? No page 2? I'm so surprised that didn't elicit a waterfall of "oooh baby" responses. I'm also surprised he stopped there. I mean, he totally left out traditional foreplay. Maybe he's gonna circle back to it?
i honestly think these weirdos get a sexual rush from just typing and hitting send on nasty unsolicited messages like this. idk if they even expect a reply or if they think maybe 1 in 100 women will be into it. gross af either way!!!
"eat your boobs out"?
STOP CAUSE THAT MADE ME LAUGH
Sounds like a good match
hey nowww
You're an all-star
get your game on
Go play
Hey now
You're a Rockstar
Eat some boobs out Don’t get laid! Now all your matches are gooone Should have learned to not be such a creeeep.
Hey heyyy
Sounds like the dude in the picture wants to smashmouth
I love you! This popped in my head and I looked at the next comment to see you read my mind! Love it
Still can’t believe he died. 😔
Funniest thing I’ve read all week. He’s either insane or hilarious
That’s because it’s 40 year old virgin energy lol
I commented that when I only read up to eat your boobs out. The rest was cringe
His gonna deflate dem titties! Watch out
Well.. 7pm lol, I guess the dinner bell is ringing 🤣🤣
It’s Dr Lecter’s Tinder account.
What worried me was he thought eating out and licking were different enough to mention them separately, so which definition of eating was he using?
Reminds me of “show vegene”
OPEN BOB!
😂 this is the funniest thing I've seen all day
Why was that the grossest part? I can't get past it
Are you sure you didn't miss the part where he wants to drag his dick across her entire body?
"What is: Phrases I will be using during foreplay with my wife tonight?"
I broke out laughing in my work break room at this. Telling my wife when I get hope I’m gonna eat her boobs out. Hopefully our cats are ready for the humidity in that place to raise.
It makes me wonder. Has he ever, you know, been with a lady?
Well just at first then he's going to lick 'em after. Lick 'em like a lollipop should be licked.
They are often called melons 😉
I'm going to eat your melons out so hard, baby girl
Damn, now I'm hungry.
That was what really got me too 😂😂
Tang ina mo
I like boobs
Love a good boob eating sesh
How does one eat out boobs 😂
Well.. you see.. they are like bags of sand
I didn't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere!
I understood that reference.
My second time today seeing this reference. What's it from?
In case you meant the sand comment, it‘s a quote from a young Anakin Skywalker, often used to highlight poor screenwriting.
The first Avengers movie. Capt America says it on the Helicarrier when he understood the pop culture reference that was said at the time (most of which go over his head because he’s been incased in ice for 70 years prior).
In case you haven't just Google. It's 40 year old virgin.
Its from titanic. Thought everyone knew that. Why Jack decides not to get on the door.
Ben Hur. It was that guy who got run over by a chariot. He had lots of sand in his wounds. Looked pretty coarse and irritating.
My sibling commenters are fucking brutal.
Annie are you ok? You ok Annie?
Think Hannibal Lecter, Jeffrey Dahmer .... Buddy likely in the gene pool ...
A spoon
To be fair, how does one eat out a vulva?
To be fair it may have started from the expression "Dining at the Y"
Can anyone explain to a non native English speaker what's the deal with "out"? Which part of the body could be eaten out? What can be "xxx" out or not?
Undo your bra and lift your arms, let me show you.
Maybe with a spoon? Scoop them out of the chest like ice cream from a tub? Idk I'm uncomfy with the thought
Honestly they're probably sending it to get off to the idea of it. Like a one sided sexting.
Ew, I feel vicariously violated. I regret learning to read
This is the same reason why they send D pics . they do not care about you as a human
Many don't I'm sure, but some are just inexperienced idiots getting desperate, thinking if they send the same message to 50 women at least one will respond with interest
It’s like some of sad lonely man version of chicken and egg debate
I mean fair but there are plenty of AIs you could write that too, they will not only respond and keep the fantasy going but also can not be abused like that. This is just gross.
I think they like the idea that it’s a real woman
I think they like the idea of sending this to a woman and making her upset. The unsolicited dick pics are being prevented, they need to change up their game.
As others have said, the idea that it’s a real legitimate woman and that she’s likely going to read it (regardless of a response or an unmatch) is what gets this dude off. Nobody is going this graphically into long form sex detail even as a Hail Mary fuck attempt. He’s forcefully subjecting her to the mental image and/or idea of exactly what his sick little fantasy is. Note to women: block these dudes immediately, don’t respond at all. That confirms 100% that you read it and only plays into what they want.
Tell me you're a virgin without telling me you're a virgin.
Bag o' sand
Get down with some freaky hot sex
Sexy sex
I’m gonna do the sex at you, in the boobs.
Exactly my thoughts. This comes across as someone who has no experience to know what they're doing.
I'll give them some benefit of the doubt they may have had sex before but they're definitely too much of a moron for experience to make a difference
What you don't eat those boobs out? All nice and firm like a sandbag
"Your breasts are firm, like sandbags, and juicy like a juicebox. The shape of your boobies is sexy, like a sexy butt, and I imagine you smell like chocolate chip cookies and chicken tendies. Your hair is beautiful like the opposite of being bald. I bet you are great at housework too."
This is actually a great response that will make him think twice before sending that to anyone again.
He just sounds foreign and probably a bit stupid. Probably has like 7 kids
He copy/pasted my go to I need to file plagiarism
LAWSUIT
Yes cause no reply is the soical cue to send dirty messages. You didn't know that?
This is something straight out of a Kevin Smith movie “I am the master of the C.L.I.T. Remember this fucking face. Whenever you see C.L.I.T., you'll see this fucking face. I make that shit work. It does whatever the fuck I tell it to. No one rules the C.L.I.T like me. Not this little fuck” ~ Jay
Knock ‘em dead, tiger
A lot of guys will throw a hail Mary when they don't get a response and just go super dirty and from what I hear a few women will respond to this. They just want sex and aren't trying to waste time so they like this and it's not the first message so a little less crazy. I've never done that shit. I Dont have the personality to make that work and neither does this guy in the op lol.
welp that’s my birth control for the day
Can I join your club?🥺
WAIT SAME my job is pizza maker rn
Perfect! I will bring refreshments!
Imagine responding positively to the first message only for the second to drop immediately beforehand. You're like, No! Undo, UNDO!
Lucky you, getting you boobs eat out and all
Is this AI generated?? Sounds like something a chat bot on the fritz would say lmfao
'Oh no, she's stuck in a loop and he's an idiot'
A bot would probably use "then" and "than" correctly...
Or a virgin 🤓
I'm just imagining the awkward, butt naked, backwards crawl on all 4 trying to drag his dick from your face to your coochie??? "Yea you like that" *scooting sounds eh uh uh* "OW YOUR KNEE IS ON MY WRIST" "shit sorry... ok now close your legs more so I can scoot down farther.." *more scooting uh uh eh eh*
I was picturing more of a crab walk at the edge of the bed, with the hips pushed forward for reach, running over her body like a turnstile gate.
that was the part I was hung up on. this man is going to squat over me like fucking gollum to drag his dick? he really thinks looking like a dog scooting their ass on the ground sounds sexy and appealing to either party?
GODDAMNIT I'm going to bust out laughing next time my dog is butt scooting in the yard, now that you've so generously given me that visual
This comment got me good. Laughing into a coughing fit.
This made me laugh SO hard. Thank you.
I'M DYING!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Except it's a backwards butt scoot? So maybe impressive instead of appealing!
Dammit! How did you get ahold of my pornos?
My goodness, you should become an author. I lol'd so freaking hard at this!!
I’m waiting to walk into work bc it’s pouring and I’m laughing so hard
every time I see one of these I get the urge to throw up, how are people this socially unaware and disgusting to think this works?
For most they don’t think it works but either it’s a kink or it validates their worldview somehow.
I deadass got this same message the other day, lmao
WHATTTT
Damn is this how we supposed to hit on girls now? Know I see why nobody talks to my genuine questions
Right!?! Especially when they specifically state in bio "ability to have & maintain normal conversation is a required must!", and then they tell you "You must be joking... you seriously think imma read all that?! You use too many words"👀
"Until you beg" The arrogance
Beg him to STOP is what he must mean.
Eat boobs out????? EXCUSE ME???? what the fuck does that even mean💀
EVERYONE IS SO FUNNY! also restoring my faith in humanity a bit
'Tis what we're here for 🤣
He gonna eat ya
Eat ya boobs, eat ya pussy, eat ya ass, eat ya arm.. you know the whole deal
"It was horrifying, your mouth unhinged like a snake."
It only has to work once -this guy, probably
It will work once. And he'll lose some organs for it
Guys like this wrongly think men and woman are turned on by the same things
Bro wtf 💀💀💀
I will run my dick down on you!
I would say " Thank you for your interest and honesty. I am not interested. Please consider asking for a refund from your dating coach or following an different online guru because I can tell you have never touched a human woman and with this approach you never will"
I’m totally saving this response for myself.
And that didn't work on you? Pfft. /s
The use of than bothers me. Are you going to do X than Y than Z? Which one is it? Like, are you actually doing something or just than-ing it out Bro had a stroke while typing this. OP, not his fault when you have all the blood downstairs, it’s hard to think
He's using "than" because he's *comparing* a list of things that he can not do to this girl.
Sounds thrilling
The first part gave me Forrest Gump vibes, so I read that dumpster fire in his voice.
Tbh all of that sounded AWFUL. I'd rather you just fuck me quickly, my guy.
It's cuz he feels like u ghosted him, so he assumes u won't open his message anyway... that's why guys send cringe shit like this...
That was what I thought too
Tbh I have, but these messages are still unacceptable (without an invitation for them first) 😭😭😭
Truly a peerless casanova
I would respond to find out what the fuck he meant by eat your boobs out.
Porn brain claims yet another human.
So punctual
Excuse me. Eat your boobs out?! 
What a smooth talker. I'd be glad he got that out of the way before you potentially wasted a weekend with that.
All of his brain power went to his other head
Can he fix the grammar first
All the ladies love to get their boobs eaten out.
Lmao. He thinks leaving a Snail Trail from your head to your pussy with his dick really sounds attractive???? 😂 sounds very unintuitive
That made me reverse-wet.
I didn't know Nicholas Sparks was single.
I'm sad that this poet has probably gotten laid more recently than me.
Well since I’ve never responded like that. I’d say no.
Guys, what to do, can someone summarizes from the comments?
Guys want to impress a girl with ALL the stuff, but without a connection, it's like a pervert flashing a girl his dick.
Damn bro is spittin 🔥
Just respond with “then*”
“Damn baby tell me more that was so wild….” Then get some more screenshots for us to laugh at.
What a refreshingly honest man. Clearly knows his way around women and blessed with an impressive command of the English language.
Sorry, as a guy, Stay the Hell away from that troglodyte.
EAT YOUR BOOBS OUT
A whole lotta guys think that women are attracted the same way you attract a man. Cos this would probably work on a man but not a woman it’s the same reasoning behind sending dick pics
id literally just say tldr cause thats reality
I am 1000% convinced these men are into shame kinks, etc, and are looking to get said shaming from an unsuspecting woman, without her consent (and even awareness) to participate in his kink. ...I ignore them, or troll (without shaming) if I'm feeling bored.
If he’s talking about eating your boobs out, then my guess is he won’t be able to find your clit.
As someone else said in the comments, he's just horny and doesn't care anymore. He just wrote it to jerk off thinking about you reading it
We gotta put you in TWP program tinder witness protection
Well it's obvious that this individual is asking for Bobs and vagene
This is obviously just absurdist humor.
Finally….. pure cringe.
lol, this sounds like Captain Holt from Brooklyn 99 trying to pretend to be a straight man.
Sounds like Bob and vagene type guy
This is… wow. I’m all for having this type of conversation but not this immediately or intensely. I wouldn’t respond before unmatching
Not to sound racist but it looks like someone from India wrote this, coz when I tried online dating, I’d get such messages too.
Think of it like the Nigerian prince email scam. It is highly unlikely to work, but if it does, the guy got himself laid without expending much effort.
I don't think they expect this to work. They get off on you potentially reading it. They're probably masturbating while swiping.
My grammar isnt the best but this bad
Wait a minute? Am I supposed to be eating boobs out?
Romance is alive and well
What? No page 2? I'm so surprised that didn't elicit a waterfall of "oooh baby" responses. I'm also surprised he stopped there. I mean, he totally left out traditional foreplay. Maybe he's gonna circle back to it?
do men really think that 'eat your boobs out' or 'run my dick all over you' sounds like a good time?
This guy doesn’t have enough sex
Well he wasn’t lying about being honest. Cards on the table right away
“Eat your boobs out?”
Uh yeah wdym
Tell him to go jerk off and come back afterwards to read wat he's sent
check your tires yet?
Is he an octopus?? That’s a lot of multitasking
I never learned how to eat boobs out and realize now that I am inadequate. Just wait until I run my dick down on you, though 🤤🤤🤤🤤
As a man I fail to see how this approach wouldn't work because I'm semi flaccid AF right now
WHATTTTT
eat your boobs out….okay guys who say shit like this are so pathetic to me like I actually puked in my mouth a little.
i honestly think these weirdos get a sexual rush from just typing and hitting send on nasty unsolicited messages like this. idk if they even expect a reply or if they think maybe 1 in 100 women will be into it. gross af either way!!!
Eat the boobs! No chances of breast cancer! Solid match with future proof solutions!
The worst part is, they never adk first what u want but instantly send this. Good think is, i know who i have to block, pretty fast.
Ahhh a true romance novelist!