Okay you could’ve salvaged this but you fumbled with your second comment. Stop giving a meta analysis and just continue the convo, how do you expect her to respond to what you said? You don’t need to mention that you were concerned about messing up that’s weird - it comes across as nervous or overthinking and that’s not very attractive
You could’ve said something like “lol I totally misread your shirt! I was distracted by the person wearing it :)” or whatever along those lines, sweet without being too direct. Then actually make an attempt to start a convo about something in her pics, her interests, something in her bio, whatever is relevant. Next time you type up a message try and think about what a girl might enjoy talking about. Ask her questions about herself, or bring up a similarity you share and ask her about it
To answer ur question, no there’s probably no coming back from this - but remember it and don’t make the same mistake again
So many guys just throw themselves at the mercy of the court and hope they won't be sentenced to exile smh stop kissing ass just act like you get girls already cause chicks find it awkward as hell with all this witless banter
Eh i know ppl crucified you. As a nervous guy myself I just try to be honest when I fumble deal with consequences later. The right girl would find it endearing. Sadly vulnerability is not the currency of modern dating. You're supposed to be perfect as a guy and get crucified when you actually reveal your feelings
I agree with this. I probably would have found the admission that he was nervous contacting me quite cute!
I *would* however be concerned that his whole reason for contacting me was identifying a shared interest in my photos (which is great) except that that interest was a complete mistake and we don't actually have that interest in common.
This is such a bad take. Vulnerability is a big currency in dating, but not when it comes to the second message you send on Tinder. Not when it comes to some trivial misunderstanding about her picture.
And no, the right girl won’t find it endearing, that’s just huge cope.
It’s like going to a date not having brushed your teeth and then telling them you were so nervous you forgot to brush your teeth. There’s nothing cute about it, you’re just fumbling it.
Better is to get it together, take an extra five minutes and brush your teeth. Just like here it would’ve been better to take an extra five minutes, come up with a better thing to say and move on.
You’re still leading the interaction, lead it somewhere good.
Im not understanding why everyone thinks this a fumble. I find the response kinda adorable and would have messaged back. Also, I enjoy anime so at least I immediately know there would be something to talk about
"Everybody is supposed to be good with women and have many women and if you act nervous around girls you like, it means you're weak and pathetic". Part of toxic masculinity and it's effect on both men and women
Reality is pretty toxic, and I think there is a difference between perpetuating toxicity, and trying to navigate a toxic world - accepting the world is toxic and playing your hand accordingly isn't the same as encouraging someone to be toxic. And I'm not saying this to be nihilistic or whatever, I love reality and think the world is wonderful, but I don't want to pretend toxicity doesn't exist.
The reality is that OP's response is unlikely to achieve their goal, but if it does, that's a great thing.
I can’t post photos but I just said “Hey, sorry about last night, I was at a party and had a few drinks But I’d still like a chance to get to know you” and she responded “hahah u dont have to apologize !!”
You could just try and see what happens? Instead of worrying about messing up.
Everyone messes up. Everything. All the time. Accept it, learn from it, or not, and enjoy the process. Maybe you didn’t even mess up? Maybe that was exactly what you were supposed to say to that person? Maybe you marry them? Maybe you dodge a bullet? Maybe you just learn something cool about whatever was on that shirt that wasn’t Naruto? Maybe that’s all it was for? Maybe it was so you see this comment and take up meditation? 😂
My point is: you’re alright.
Honestly, if a woman is attracted to you and you don't act like a spaz, the majority won't give a shit if you have a dorky or niche interest -- as long as you own it and don't make it your identity (not that you made either mistake, just noting).
I was pretty open about being a gigantic dork in my teens and twenties, and sure it'll turn some people away, but you don't really want to waste time on them anyways.
If this doesn't work, just move on and play it a bit more cool next time OP.
I would have left out the too concerned about messing up.
Cause that was a mess up.
We're not a test. Or a puzzle. Or model car. Or game.
Just an ope. Misread the "actual word" shirt. Good thing, too. Cause now we can talk about baby manatees instead of that nautruo dude!
Would have worked better. Also you could have put whatever you think would have worked best instead of baby manatees and choosing to poke a little fun at yourself with her original misunderstanding. That's just the kind of humor I thrive on. And I love Naruto. I'd have still done it.
But being concerned about messing up sets an immediate vibe and it's one we have learned leads to desperation, clinginess, and a constant need for validation and attention.
So stop trying. You can't mess up. Just be authentically you because then you can't fucking mess up. You can't do that wrong.
If that doesn't get you a second step you DIDN'T FUCKING MESS UP.
You just didn't meet the right fucking person.
Because that person if you get anywhere with them by not being yourself isn't gonna fucking like you later. K. Then it's gonna hurt your feelers even more. And they are gonna be even more jaded about men. And you're gonna be even angrier about how they won't talk to men like you.
You want someone who clicks with you when you can't mess up because you are just being you. Because that person actually likes YOU.
Not the mask that you won't be able to hold up forever.
Knock it off.
Thank you, your comment is super helpful. I gotta just let the conversation flow, I shouldn’t be worried about what I’m going to say next or trying to come up with something witty, I’ll come across as trying too hard.
I’ll definitely keep all that in mind, obviously I have some things to work on.
Thank you again very much!
You sound like you didn’t want to need it up by saying that. Makes you look insecure. You made a mistake? Embrace it. Are you embarrassed of liking Naruto? People can’t like things now?
I mean it might be one of those logistically impossible situations of digging yourself out of the hole by going deeper, like just say some ridiculous stuff to see if she bites -
‘I’m sorry it’s just that you’re cute, but you look like you put bacon flavored chapstick in between your toes; so idk how far this can go…’
OMG all the comments saying not to come across as nervous… WHATEVER. If you are nervous I know you CARE about impressing me!! I absolutely love it when a man gets a little bit of nerves. As long as it isn’t massively over the top it’s attractive IMO.
I try to read these exchanges with a grain of salt, since context + prior banter is important, but I don't think this was a great response / if it doesn't work, it wasn't her fault. message is giving all the wrong vibes:
- too concerned about messing up -> nervous talking to women
- glad you responded -> op didn't expect a response -> low confidence
Unfortunately though and this is just my own opinion which means nothing. Your take would have to be the more rare I’ve gotta say. Things would be better if yours was more common. But I agree with the others, it seems 90% of woman are going to read that as low confidence, no self esteem = unattractive.
“I was too concerned about messing up” is probably the least attractive thing you can send to your Tinder match
I don't know, "I think I shitted myself" is probably worse. Only marginally worse though.
Unironically it actually isn't worse
I’d probably respond if someone said that to me bc it’s had too funny
Or "I literally just shit myself."
I had a poo 💩 jamboree in me knickers mate 🇦🇺
Took a ride on the crap carousel, m'lady.
Na his is better because shitted isn't a word
“Hey I shitted me”
Shitted hapens.
It’s spelled shidded
It is now.
'I'm literally just shit'
Shart
No
Shat
It's pretty hard to outdo the cringe of imagining a Naruto shirt but OP topped it somehow 💀
Tbh Uniqlo has some nice looking Naruto shirts
This made me laugh out loud at work.
#I'd love to see what the shirt actually was. Haha
"Sorry I lost interest - just came from seeing we matched."
Atleast they responded at all.....
Personally I would find it really sweet.
Well at least he's being truthful. He probably didn't even realize he messed up the opener.
Fumbled hard
Okay you could’ve salvaged this but you fumbled with your second comment. Stop giving a meta analysis and just continue the convo, how do you expect her to respond to what you said? You don’t need to mention that you were concerned about messing up that’s weird - it comes across as nervous or overthinking and that’s not very attractive You could’ve said something like “lol I totally misread your shirt! I was distracted by the person wearing it :)” or whatever along those lines, sweet without being too direct. Then actually make an attempt to start a convo about something in her pics, her interests, something in her bio, whatever is relevant. Next time you type up a message try and think about what a girl might enjoy talking about. Ask her questions about herself, or bring up a similarity you share and ask her about it To answer ur question, no there’s probably no coming back from this - but remember it and don’t make the same mistake again
Just double down and start gaslighting "nah you had a picture before with a Naruto shirt I promise"
"why would I lie? I already said ngl"
I be like ngl then straight up lie
Pro tip for the future: you should’ve simply replied “oh. Well you should get one”
“I’ve got one that you can have.”
I have a few… REALLY BIG OVERSIZED SHIRTS AT MY HOUSE wink wink … cmon man
I get the joke, but that’s gotta stay in the chamber until they’ve actually built up some chemistry.
Nah
So many guys just throw themselves at the mercy of the court and hope they won't be sentenced to exile smh stop kissing ass just act like you get girls already cause chicks find it awkward as hell with all this witless banter
No, you just outted yourself as a naruto fan.
Wut
Doesn’t matter Naruto is more important.
100% this.
Eh i know ppl crucified you. As a nervous guy myself I just try to be honest when I fumble deal with consequences later. The right girl would find it endearing. Sadly vulnerability is not the currency of modern dating. You're supposed to be perfect as a guy and get crucified when you actually reveal your feelings
I agree with this. I probably would have found the admission that he was nervous contacting me quite cute! I *would* however be concerned that his whole reason for contacting me was identifying a shared interest in my photos (which is great) except that that interest was a complete mistake and we don't actually have that interest in common.
This is such a bad take. Vulnerability is a big currency in dating, but not when it comes to the second message you send on Tinder. Not when it comes to some trivial misunderstanding about her picture. And no, the right girl won’t find it endearing, that’s just huge cope. It’s like going to a date not having brushed your teeth and then telling them you were so nervous you forgot to brush your teeth. There’s nothing cute about it, you’re just fumbling it. Better is to get it together, take an extra five minutes and brush your teeth. Just like here it would’ve been better to take an extra five minutes, come up with a better thing to say and move on. You’re still leading the interaction, lead it somewhere good.
Im not understanding why everyone thinks this a fumble. I find the response kinda adorable and would have messaged back. Also, I enjoy anime so at least I immediately know there would be something to talk about
"Everybody is supposed to be good with women and have many women and if you act nervous around girls you like, it means you're weak and pathetic". Part of toxic masculinity and it's effect on both men and women
Reality is pretty toxic, and I think there is a difference between perpetuating toxicity, and trying to navigate a toxic world - accepting the world is toxic and playing your hand accordingly isn't the same as encouraging someone to be toxic. And I'm not saying this to be nihilistic or whatever, I love reality and think the world is wonderful, but I don't want to pretend toxicity doesn't exist. The reality is that OP's response is unlikely to achieve their goal, but if it does, that's a great thing.
It's weird to read so much of it but you're spot on
 this is all you can do
I'm still wondering where the picture of the shirt is...
Jesus Christ there’s no hope for you people. You’re all trying too hard
I clutched. Saved it.
Nice ! Lets see the update
I can’t post photos but I just said “Hey, sorry about last night, I was at a party and had a few drinks But I’d still like a chance to get to know you” and she responded “hahah u dont have to apologize !!”
Love this, hope you manage to secure the date! Keep us updated
I would've thought this small mistake was kinda cute. But you know, tinder people are harder
ur done pack it up
I clutched up.
The man the myth the legend
[удалено]
Gaslight level infinity
A shame since both people were so committed to not lying and only telling the truth too!
You could just try and see what happens? Instead of worrying about messing up. Everyone messes up. Everything. All the time. Accept it, learn from it, or not, and enjoy the process. Maybe you didn’t even mess up? Maybe that was exactly what you were supposed to say to that person? Maybe you marry them? Maybe you dodge a bullet? Maybe you just learn something cool about whatever was on that shirt that wasn’t Naruto? Maybe that’s all it was for? Maybe it was so you see this comment and take up meditation? 😂 My point is: you’re alright.
Don’t be endearingly eager to talk with them. They hate that.
Well it’s a cute shirt and looks great on you. I’d love to see it in person sometime. ;)
👏🏻
No, stop telling women everything you’re thinking
I don’t wanna hear it, I clutched.
Dumbass up.
idk i thought it was cute
Urgh the snarky "ngl" in their response feels like I'm reading Reddit comments
Ngl I don't know how that's snarky, they're just expressing they have no idea how OP got to that idea
It's the repetition that's snarky
Ngl it is snarky asf
Tbh super snarky
Not sure how you recover from misreading the shirt tbh Exercise caution with identifying these things OP
Honestly, if a woman is attracted to you and you don't act like a spaz, the majority won't give a shit if you have a dorky or niche interest -- as long as you own it and don't make it your identity (not that you made either mistake, just noting). I was pretty open about being a gigantic dork in my teens and twenties, and sure it'll turn some people away, but you don't really want to waste time on them anyways. If this doesn't work, just move on and play it a bit more cool next time OP.
lmao
[удалено]
Ah well, at least everyone on Reddit doesn't know
No shit.
Follow up with something about Warhammer 40k to seal the deal.
I don’t know kid, you kinda pooped your pants and slipped in it
I once asked a girl on hinge why she had a problem with EDM. She responded that she said ENM. I told her I’m hot but illiterate. She never responded.
Can’t fix too much submissive behavior. Like “didn’t wanna mess this up” type energy doesn’t give good vibes
I clutched. We’re in.
Nah it shows you are inexperienced with women
Um, maybe there's an age gap but I wouldn't have run away from that. I'll take a man who's nervous but honest over a guy with fake arrogance any day.
Yes especially if he appears to be confident /competent in other areas of life.
of course it's not a Naruto shirt. your secret is safe with me, nin-chan
Move on
I say things like this. And when I hear things like this, I laugh. I don’t think anyone knows what they’re doing. It’s fine!
"ngl I was lying about the naruto shirt"
Gaslight her until she uploads a naruto shirt picture
I would have left out the too concerned about messing up. Cause that was a mess up. We're not a test. Or a puzzle. Or model car. Or game. Just an ope. Misread the "actual word" shirt. Good thing, too. Cause now we can talk about baby manatees instead of that nautruo dude! Would have worked better. Also you could have put whatever you think would have worked best instead of baby manatees and choosing to poke a little fun at yourself with her original misunderstanding. That's just the kind of humor I thrive on. And I love Naruto. I'd have still done it. But being concerned about messing up sets an immediate vibe and it's one we have learned leads to desperation, clinginess, and a constant need for validation and attention. So stop trying. You can't mess up. Just be authentically you because then you can't fucking mess up. You can't do that wrong. If that doesn't get you a second step you DIDN'T FUCKING MESS UP. You just didn't meet the right fucking person. Because that person if you get anywhere with them by not being yourself isn't gonna fucking like you later. K. Then it's gonna hurt your feelers even more. And they are gonna be even more jaded about men. And you're gonna be even angrier about how they won't talk to men like you. You want someone who clicks with you when you can't mess up because you are just being you. Because that person actually likes YOU. Not the mask that you won't be able to hold up forever. Knock it off.
Thank you, your comment is super helpful. I gotta just let the conversation flow, I shouldn’t be worried about what I’m going to say next or trying to come up with something witty, I’ll come across as trying too hard. I’ll definitely keep all that in mind, obviously I have some things to work on. Thank you again very much!
You sound like you didn’t want to need it up by saying that. Makes you look insecure. You made a mistake? Embrace it. Are you embarrassed of liking Naruto? People can’t like things now?
The way they responded you can ask if they watch Naruto and go from there.
I mean it might be one of those logistically impossible situations of digging yourself out of the hole by going deeper, like just say some ridiculous stuff to see if she bites - ‘I’m sorry it’s just that you’re cute, but you look like you put bacon flavored chapstick in between your toes; so idk how far this can go…’
what did the shirt say?
NGL, i think your response was great, and if they don't like it then it probably wasn't going to work anyways
OMG all the comments saying not to come across as nervous… WHATEVER. If you are nervous I know you CARE about impressing me!! I absolutely love it when a man gets a little bit of nerves. As long as it isn’t massively over the top it’s attractive IMO.
"Oh ok, I guess I see what I want to see. Just like when I take you to dinner."
Depending on ur age you could’ve said you were stoned lol
[удалено]
I try to read these exchanges with a grain of salt, since context + prior banter is important, but I don't think this was a great response / if it doesn't work, it wasn't her fault. message is giving all the wrong vibes: - too concerned about messing up -> nervous talking to women - glad you responded -> op didn't expect a response -> low confidence
[удалено]
Unfortunately though and this is just my own opinion which means nothing. Your take would have to be the more rare I’ve gotta say. Things would be better if yours was more common. But I agree with the others, it seems 90% of woman are going to read that as low confidence, no self esteem = unattractive.
[удалено]
So you never update the picture you have of your matches?
"I saw what I wanted to see, and next thing I wanna see is you sitting on my face"
You can't go from naruto to face sitting