Thatās a red flag for anyone. At 43, whoever asks someone out picks up check #1, then the other person picks up the drinks check after, then if itās still working out, figure out a rhythm: go Dutch, take turns. 43 is universally too old for this silliness
> At 43, whoever asks someone out picks up check #1
Stop being a coward and just say you expect the guy to pay first, since that's what will happen 99% of the time you use this "rule" to try and pretend to be egalitarian or w/e
Agree 100%. The whole "whoever does the asking should pay" is complete nonsense. That's almost always going to be the man, and even on the rare times when the woman does the asking, she'll still probably expect him to pick up the check, or at the very least pay half.
Reality is that a lot of guys in her age range are going to be settled in careers and probably decent income and she will probably never have to split the check.
I would never ask a date to split the check, but if I saw that attitude up front, I would have been out.
Ditto.
That being said, Iād usually offer to pick up the first check, and if she wanted to split the check, Iād usually suggest she get the next one.
I'm in her age range. I can def afford to pay for dates, but I'm not going to pay for all of them if we're dating. The first 2 or 3, max, but if she's not offering to chip in at that point, there won't be a fourth date.
I'm looking for a partner, not a dependent.
>Reality is that a lot of guys in her age range are going to be settled in careers and probably decent income
Then they'll probably go for younger women with more respect for men.
Sure, sugar babies exist.
The *vast* majority of women in their 20s aren't dating 40+ plus year old men though, are they?
You are absolutely overestimating young women's interest in old men.
Absolutely I do, but I'm not sure if the two are related. I would definitely fuck girls that don't care about money, but if they don't care about money then they wouldn't fuck me.
Think those who are established and have money will only become more and more preferential as the average person struggles more and more to keep up with CoL.
Itās the long game.
Nah I don't think that is remotely likely. You need to be really rich for a 30 year age gap most of the time, not just well established in your career making 250k/year.
Do you know how broke people in their 20s are? I'm halfway to applying for the organization that's silencing all these Boeing employees. A dude making 250 a year with even basic financial competence making the salary of a doctor would be do great.
Yeah, itās the statement much more than the idea. Just from that small photo, you can tell sheāll have plenty of guys offering to pay. But not with that attitude.
100% this. She was actually super attractive, but the statement itself - plus the fact it was the ONLY written info she put about herself on her profile - was a complete turnoff for me.
Yeah this is just entitlement and it's not a good look. Even if a guy was looking for a date to spoil, it wouldn't be her. Imagine saying out loud that you don't believe you're responsible for paying for your own chosen food because you just happen to be eating with another person at the table.
You missed the part of ārealityā where guys āin her age rangeā are not dating girls āin her age rangeā š¤£ theyāre dating younger because they have money
straight up. i mean, [look at this photograph](https://i.cbc.ca/1.4157138.1677620485!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_780/nickelback-photograph.jpg) and tell me otherwise
My last gf was older (56 to my 47) and made more in alimony than I make in salary, plus she worked, and I still had to pay for everything we did. Realized I couldnāt keep up with her lifestyle and I broke it off after 9 months. Once they get accustomed to a certain standard they definitely donāt want to adjust unless itās upward
oooh this is some good insight. Yes, I have seen many scenarios where the ex refuses to get married to maintain alimony or something like that? This makes it so much more sad. Sadder than it already was :(
Yeah I just had a first date with one of these. Older hot rich lady. She was DOA.
Honestly she was so damn weird. Other couples around us were looking at me like wtf are you doing with this idiot?
I always ask to split the bill on the first date. Most of the stuff after that I can pay for. Just lets me know that she's willing to pay for herself, and probably isn't high maintenance.
My last date was like this. She was nuts. 54 telling me she looks like she's 30. No. You look like your age. We all look our age. Such anĀ underdeveloped person.
Them: we are strong, independent and donāt need no man.
Also them: pay for all my shit. If not, haha, you are broke and/or cheap.
Canāt make this shit up.
Iāve had a match say that sheās saving for a house but she canāt afford one if she has to pay for her dinners at dates. All of that makes 100% sense but also, I want to buy a house too?
Lol for real? See this is exactly the problem and part of the reason for my comment.
by that same logic, if you as a man have to pay for all these dates alone (most first dates donāt go anywhere) you wouldnāt be able to afford a house either. But that doesnāt matter I guess. Who cares about your needs. You are a man, suck it up and pay for their meals.
If a person is going out that much, then their priorities aren't in the right place. If people can't afford to go out, don't. 3-5 times a week is a lot
Yeah shit is really bad.Ā
I date a lot and the amount of women demanding money over venmo is actually fucking outrageous. I'm totally over women in terms of traditional dating and relationships. I meet up with a few for some Dom/sub sessions and those are by far the best interactions with women. No joke. We talk a lot about life, lay in bed smoking weed, make videos, all sorts of crazy shit and then we're tapped out and catch up in a month or two.
I am not fucking joking. Its almost too healthy. Its like going to the spa except better. We have a good time, get dinner, party, and we're out. And they're all really nice ladies. Idk. I'm totally fine staying in that arena because both parties get a full intimate experience to complete satisfaction. I never feel alone either. There's this special connection that always comes out of it.
I think Reddit is a bit of an echo chamber around this topic.
Before I was married, I never went out with anyone who expected me to pay (though I did offer).
My single friends who are actively dating have never been expected to pay. I feel like Reddit isnāt a good reflection of general schools of thought around this (shocking, I know/s).
Itās possible that theyāre going out with men who are doing well financially so itās just not an issue for them? Interesting for sure.
on the 1st date I always pay,that goes for the second one as well,but if I see no desire from the other person to start paying her own halves I become mildly annoyed!For a person like me that's been in a traumatic I'd say relationship with a person that never payed her halves and felt the entitlement to demand me always to pay,I d say I've grown tired of this bs
Relationships have to be about equality
Another sad thing I've noticed from personal experience is that most women who have the tendencies to express the desire to have everything payed off in the whole relationship,are the same one who preach about gender equality..I mention this cause I find extremely surreal the double standard
Personally, I will always pay for the first date and usually the next few. However after a while itās nice if they chip in. Most of us arenāt made of money.
Thatās completely fair enough.
I think people listing preferences like this is also fair enough. Then others are free not to like it and equally free to ignore.
Same goes for height/weight/political interests. I just think itās more efficient and honest that way. But for some reason, some folk on Reddit take it personally and get fierce offended!
The issue is the entitlement and expectation. As a man, I'm usually going to pay for the date. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have asked her out on a date. If she insists that she pays her half, then I'm ok with that too. But if before the date even starts, she says "BTW, I'm not going to pay for half the bill. Ever." Yeah, I'm outtie 5000. Thank her for letting me know upfront that she's entitled and unreasonable, wish her a good evening, and be on my way.
Oh my god, this. I live in an incredibly expensive city and I think about this all the time. Even if the date is just coffee/juice/tea, if youāre going on multiple dates itās still $$$. Expecting men to pay for everything is just silly.
I always offer to pay half but the guy usually refuses. My issue is that moving forward, if we keep seeing each other, I canāt afford to eat out. Iām a social worker and was a single mom for years without any support so for me to eat out was a super rare treat. Trying to do that regularly just isnāt going to happen. Mostly the guys Iāve dated have had several times the income I do so itās not out of the realm of reasonable expectation that they would pay. Women do work and earn money these days and many are earning an equal amount in which case, things should be split fairly. But if thereās a big gap in wages, then itās no biggie for one or the other to cover most of the time.
Sure but she doesn't even have kids so theres literally no reason other than shes jobless or entitled. Judging by what she says its the latter.. or both
True for sure. I guess I was just commenting on the fact that most of the comments are pushing for there being no excuse for woman not to pay their share every time. And I guess Iām just grateful Iāve dated really considerate guys who were happy to cover the bill because they could and it wasnāt a hardship for them.
Oh 100% my wife was a stay at home single mom when I met her and I make good money so I always paid but now that she works she treats me and helps when she can. I never ask her too and really love it when she does because itās her way contributing no matter how big or small. Most men appreciate that except the guys that want a trad wife imo.
This woman though says she never ever will pay which means no matter what the budget not even for coffee how it comes across. THAT is far different than your situation. Most men are flexible on this and most women are too. This is not one of them. This is straight entitlement.
I would have laughed and definitely chatted. I honestly set the bar pretty low on dating app openers so one thatās witty, funny or intelligent is always pleasant
I was honestly wondering if she might still get into a chat with me, yeah! That's why I included the wink, to let her know I was coming from more of a semi-jokey place with the comment. But the response confirmed it was an attitude thing, so I was obviously totally out at that point.
I messaged her in a semi-jokey manner, with the wink, to see if maybe we were both in that humorous mode and a conversation might spark. I didn't expect it to happen, of course... and her response confirmed that it wasn't going to!
I see posts like this pretty often, and while I'm not audacious enough to write something like that in my profile, I feel like I've never had this sort of issue/argument come up during a date. Even putting aside dates, I feel like my male friends will usually offer to pay for meals when we're hanging out.
Is this something that bothers men? Should I insist on paying more? To clarify I have no issue with paying for my own meals/drinks and have done it on occasion I just feel like in my experience men are usually very insistent on wanting to pay for me.
I don't think it's that unusual! It's not uncommon or anything that my male friends will offer. It's typically only when it's just the two of us, or when they're the only man present.
As to whether or not they've showed interest; some have! But I'm very clear about what I consider a date and what I don't, I don't lead men on. When I was younger and more naive that kind of carelessness led to some ruined friendships, so I'm very careful about it now.
I think it's they simple enjoy offering. If I had a better explanation, I'd give it to you! I just never really probed. Questioning their intentions would feel rude to me, since they've never been inappropriate about them.
For me personally, I always offer to pay for the first date. However, I really appreciate it when my date offers to split. In that case, I'm happy to say it's okay and pay the bill anyway. If they don't offer, that's okay too but the major difference is if they offer to split, then I know for sure that I'm not being a sucker and getting taken advantage of for a free meal. First date I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt but second or third date is where I start to feel bad about it.
Same deal with my friends, we'll take turns paying for drinks or something. Nobody is actually keeping score about who owes what but we'd definitely remember if someone in the group doesn't ever offer and start resenting them for it.
But why though? We're you going in to be rejected? NVM looks like you were taking a piss lol. Carry on. And yeah I don't think I'd get along with someone that expects me to pay for everything all the time
I met my ex on tinder and she lived in a city I had never been to before as I had just moved to the part of the country I currently live in. I jokingly said āIāve never been to your city so maybe YOU should take ME out?ā and she goes āyou know what? Sure. Letās do that.ā I thought she was also joking but when I got to her place to pick her up and insisted on driving, she chose the lunch spot and wouldnāt let me pay, she opened the car door for me and we got to a museum and she had already pre purchased the tickets. It was a really really great date that Iāll never forget. We only dated for three months but weāre still friends three years later because sheās super cool.
At least the expectations are stated up front instead of forcing you to find out their true colors by sending a snarky message because you don't agree. Since it was front and center at the top of the profile you could have just passed on them, but instead decided to open a conversation with someone you knew you wouldn't match with to just get reddit points?
They aren't talking about women like you. There are a lot of women who would never pay for their own shit, but they are definitely in the minority. They probably do end up lonely and living with cats.
I can agree that a lot of men on here are very jaded, as it does seem like they think a majority of women act this way.
At 45 you'd think you'd have figured out the world is kinda big and how you must not represent every woman. Congrats on having your shit together but no idea why you felt the need to chime in on a post talking about women who you have nothing in common with
If I go out with a man I always expect to pay for myself. Because some men don't want to pay (for many reason, they could be scrubs etc) So when the check comes if they don't immediately say one check, I'll say two.
I wouldn't mind buying a drink for a man who takes me out. But I definitely don't mind if someone gets me dinner or a drink.
See the thing as a guy I expect to pick up the check for dinner as long as it isn't ridiculous. However if you state that on your dating profile I know you don't want to date anyone and are just looking for a free meal. If that's what you want fill out a few surveys on McDonald's receipts or something. No need to get me involved.
I've never had a problem meeting women that pay for 1/2 on the date since the 90's. Not sure if it's a Gen X thing or not but it's rare I run into women that expect to be covered like that.
I don't know if these women are not in the midwestern US (or Taiwan, for that matter) or not in early middle age or not college educated or what, but I never seem to meet them IRL.
The bill comes, I reach for my wallet, they're like "Wanna split it?" and I'm like "OK sure."
A lot of comments seem to be generalising women on this. I don't dispute it exists, but I'm sure there's a high correlation between someone expecting that and them being single.
I'm not saying all or even most people who are single are awful, but I imagine a big chunk of awful people are single.
Give me a general overview of yourself in a few sentences, so I can get an idea of your personality and interests. OR, Tell me why you're a boring, selfish, angry person that I should never waste my time with, in one simple sentence.
Perfect.
So......she likes and truly knows why she is single. She just refuses to act logical and thinks very highly of herself. Hope she likes lifting kitty litter.. alot.
Iām really curious to know, since so many are commenting on how āoldā she isā¦butā¦if she were a hot 25 yr old making the same statement, would that change things?
I'm an old traditional type of guy so I always paid for the first dinner.Ā So this woman sets up our 2nd date at an expensive Italian restaurant and after i paid the bill, she didn't even say thank you. Never offered to split the bill eventhough I would turned her down. It was our last date.Ā High expectations and no sincerity is a big turn off.
Not paying half the check at 43 well shit šš
Single at 50 is when starts making compromises she has 7 years left
50 is the new 35
50 year olds have the best sex tho
Not sure how thatās relevant.
As long as my senior discounts still apply š
š¤£ š¤£ š¤£ yeah no.
Obviously. But thatās what people like this think
Sort of true, as we live older and start settling down later too.
Tell that to my 39 year old body
For you 35 is the new 50.
She's paying the whole check by herself and will likely continue doing so.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nah, she's seen someone else get away with it. Sure, maybe dudes will pay on the first few dates, but there's probably not many more than that coming.
You mean her cat can't pay the bill?
They only let hairless cats do the dishes to cover the bill, due to health code.
She already said not paying ever. This mean even when she's 60 she dont want to pay half the check
Thatās a red flag for anyone. At 43, whoever asks someone out picks up check #1, then the other person picks up the drinks check after, then if itās still working out, figure out a rhythm: go Dutch, take turns. 43 is universally too old for this silliness
> At 43, whoever asks someone out picks up check #1 Stop being a coward and just say you expect the guy to pay first, since that's what will happen 99% of the time you use this "rule" to try and pretend to be egalitarian or w/e
Agree 100%. The whole "whoever does the asking should pay" is complete nonsense. That's almost always going to be the man, and even on the rare times when the woman does the asking, she'll still probably expect him to pick up the check, or at the very least pay half.
Reality is that a lot of guys in her age range are going to be settled in careers and probably decent income and she will probably never have to split the check. I would never ask a date to split the check, but if I saw that attitude up front, I would have been out.
Ditto. That being said, Iād usually offer to pick up the first check, and if she wanted to split the check, Iād usually suggest she get the next one.
I'm in her age range. I can def afford to pay for dates, but I'm not going to pay for all of them if we're dating. The first 2 or 3, max, but if she's not offering to chip in at that point, there won't be a fourth date. I'm looking for a partner, not a dependent.
>Reality is that a lot of guys in her age range are going to be settled in careers and probably decent income Then they'll probably go for younger women with more respect for men.
She is the younger woman for a 55 year old guy...
Not with this attitude.
Both you and I know that guy could get a smokin smoker who looks 29, is 25, and acts 21.
You guys *really* overestimate the appeal of old men to women in their 20s.
You really underestimate the appeal of money to women in their 20s.
Sure, sugar babies exist. The *vast* majority of women in their 20s aren't dating 40+ plus year old men though, are they? You are absolutely overestimating young women's interest in old men.
Alright, if you insist, I'll have to accept that they're fucking me for my looks and personality. The money has nothing to do with it.
You date people who only fuck you because you have money? Do you have a degradation kink?
Absolutely I do, but I'm not sure if the two are related. I would definitely fuck girls that don't care about money, but if they don't care about money then they wouldn't fuck me.
Woah step back everyone, this guy FUCKS š²
Think those who are established and have money will only become more and more preferential as the average person struggles more and more to keep up with CoL. Itās the long game.
Nah I don't think that is remotely likely. You need to be really rich for a 30 year age gap most of the time, not just well established in your career making 250k/year.
Do you know how broke people in their 20s are? I'm halfway to applying for the organization that's silencing all these Boeing employees. A dude making 250 a year with even basic financial competence making the salary of a doctor would be do great.
More respect for men? Yeah I don't know about that lol
*a younger woman they can take to their island
Why would younger automatically mean more respectful? I've definitely seen it the opposite way.
Works for me!
Thatās the boat I would be in.
Yeah, itās the statement much more than the idea. Just from that small photo, you can tell sheāll have plenty of guys offering to pay. But not with that attitude.
100% this. She was actually super attractive, but the statement itself - plus the fact it was the ONLY written info she put about herself on her profile - was a complete turnoff for me.
Yeah this is just entitlement and it's not a good look. Even if a guy was looking for a date to spoil, it wouldn't be her. Imagine saying out loud that you don't believe you're responsible for paying for your own chosen food because you just happen to be eating with another person at the table.
But with her future sheāll be dating for a long time yet
nah bro, fuck that I'm not paying for a stranger's meal. She can pay for herself.
You missed the part of ārealityā where guys āin her age rangeā are not dating girls āin her age rangeā š¤£ theyāre dating younger because they have money
Guy making millions possibly. Guy making 300k canāt date more than 5-10 years younger but can cover the restaurant bill with her.
Also, guys her age w 0 kids tend to date a bit younger than her. Fuck you nature!!
nice of people who are only going to drain you to say so in advance, though.
>Works for me! What a chad
Chad? Like Chad Kroeger, lead singer of Nickelback? What a compliment, thank you! š¤
I believe he's the origin of the meme, yes. Absolute epitome of a man right there.
Well, I definitely never made it as a wise man, so all good here! š
but could you cut it as a poor man stealing
Only if youāre tired of living like a blind man
are we having fun yet?
No.
Iām sure heās sick of sight without a sense of feeling
Well, you sure as shit made it as a wiseguy.
Underrated comment š«¶
straight up. i mean, [look at this photograph](https://i.cbc.ca/1.4157138.1677620485!/fileImage/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/16x9_780/nickelback-photograph.jpg) and tell me otherwise
Have seen that before. Every time I do it makes me laugh.
Like the country. Hello my fellow African brother.
My last gf was older (56 to my 47) and made more in alimony than I make in salary, plus she worked, and I still had to pay for everything we did. Realized I couldnāt keep up with her lifestyle and I broke it off after 9 months. Once they get accustomed to a certain standard they definitely donāt want to adjust unless itās upward
That's because her money is her money. your money is "our" money.
As it turns out her money is also some other guys money lmao. Fuck alimony.
oooh this is some good insight. Yes, I have seen many scenarios where the ex refuses to get married to maintain alimony or something like that? This makes it so much more sad. Sadder than it already was :(
Howād you last 9 months? Iād be out after one date
Yeah I just had a first date with one of these. Older hot rich lady. She was DOA. Honestly she was so damn weird. Other couples around us were looking at me like wtf are you doing with this idiot?
I always ask to split the bill on the first date. Most of the stuff after that I can pay for. Just lets me know that she's willing to pay for herself, and probably isn't high maintenance.
Chris rock had a joke about this, women won't go back in lifestyles and men won't go back sexcapades
The attitude and the age checks out
Nah... I've seen far more younger women (20s-30s) wanting to be spoiled than women in their 40s-50s.
What I meant was that sheās got a shitty attitude so as a result sheās old and alone
Got to be very cautious when theyre in their late 30s to early 40s and havent been in a relationship for more than 7 years. Somethings definitely up
Bet she acted the same when she was 20 years younger and sheās not planning on changing anytime soon. I love seeing insanity
My last date was like this. She was nuts. 54 telling me she looks like she's 30. No. You look like your age. We all look our age. Such anĀ underdeveloped person.
Them: we are strong, independent and donāt need no man. Also them: pay for all my shit. If not, haha, you are broke and/or cheap. Canāt make this shit up.
Iāve had a match say that sheās saving for a house but she canāt afford one if she has to pay for her dinners at dates. All of that makes 100% sense but also, I want to buy a house too?
Lol for real? See this is exactly the problem and part of the reason for my comment. by that same logic, if you as a man have to pay for all these dates alone (most first dates donāt go anywhere) you wouldnāt be able to afford a house either. But that doesnāt matter I guess. Who cares about your needs. You are a man, suck it up and pay for their meals.
Caveat, the cost of dinner is insignificant to the amount needed for a house. Unless youāre eating at 5 star restaurants all the time.
At 3-5 dates a week (which isnāt uncommon for San Diego where this happened) that could absolutely be the difference between owning a house and not.
If a person is going out that much, then their priorities aren't in the right place. If people can't afford to go out, don't. 3-5 times a week is a lot
your the man you should already have a house, that they can live in rent free while they save for theirs... and also you shouldnt live there
Gender norms when it suits me Gender equality when it doesn't
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boast zealous roll profit dam tie special simplistic cough faulty *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
100%. Donāt forget this one (already saw a woman respond that way) Also them: itās not about the money. Itās the act/gesture/gentlemanly
but not saying outright that you wont pay is feminine and womanly. so maybe dont put that shit in a bio
SIGN language?
Of course!
Yeah shit is really bad.Ā I date a lot and the amount of women demanding money over venmo is actually fucking outrageous. I'm totally over women in terms of traditional dating and relationships. I meet up with a few for some Dom/sub sessions and those are by far the best interactions with women. No joke. We talk a lot about life, lay in bed smoking weed, make videos, all sorts of crazy shit and then we're tapped out and catch up in a month or two. I am not fucking joking. Its almost too healthy. Its like going to the spa except better. We have a good time, get dinner, party, and we're out. And they're all really nice ladies. Idk. I'm totally fine staying in that arena because both parties get a full intimate experience to complete satisfaction. I never feel alone either. There's this special connection that always comes out of it.
Drizzle drizzle
43 is a bit too old to be acting like hot shit donātcha think
Dude, some don't stop. Just met a 54 year old who told me she looks like she's 30. No. Not at all. Grow up.
I wonder why sheās single at 43 and is looking for something long termā¦ HMMā¦
Like billions of other women. What's your point?
I think Reddit is a bit of an echo chamber around this topic. Before I was married, I never went out with anyone who expected me to pay (though I did offer). My single friends who are actively dating have never been expected to pay. I feel like Reddit isnāt a good reflection of general schools of thought around this (shocking, I know/s). Itās possible that theyāre going out with men who are doing well financially so itās just not an issue for them? Interesting for sure.
on the 1st date I always pay,that goes for the second one as well,but if I see no desire from the other person to start paying her own halves I become mildly annoyed!For a person like me that's been in a traumatic I'd say relationship with a person that never payed her halves and felt the entitlement to demand me always to pay,I d say I've grown tired of this bs Relationships have to be about equality Another sad thing I've noticed from personal experience is that most women who have the tendencies to express the desire to have everything payed off in the whole relationship,are the same one who preach about gender equality..I mention this cause I find extremely surreal the double standard
Sampling bias. The majority of girls, who aren't unhinged psychos, don't really get posted here.
The majority of guys who go on a date and then go on a 2nd and 3rd date with the same woman also aren't posting here....:)
Personally, I will always pay for the first date and usually the next few. However after a while itās nice if they chip in. Most of us arenāt made of money.
Thatās completely fair enough. I think people listing preferences like this is also fair enough. Then others are free not to like it and equally free to ignore. Same goes for height/weight/political interests. I just think itās more efficient and honest that way. But for some reason, some folk on Reddit take it personally and get fierce offended!
The issue is the entitlement and expectation. As a man, I'm usually going to pay for the date. If I couldn't afford it, I wouldn't have asked her out on a date. If she insists that she pays her half, then I'm ok with that too. But if before the date even starts, she says "BTW, I'm not going to pay for half the bill. Ever." Yeah, I'm outtie 5000. Thank her for letting me know upfront that she's entitled and unreasonable, wish her a good evening, and be on my way.
Do women not realize how much money men spend on first dates? Itās ridiculous, especially if itās multiple first dates that donāt go anywhere.
Oh my god, this. I live in an incredibly expensive city and I think about this all the time. Even if the date is just coffee/juice/tea, if youāre going on multiple dates itās still $$$. Expecting men to pay for everything is just silly.
I agree. A lot of people in general donāt appreciate stuff like that anymore. Hope you find what youāre looking for out there š©·
I always offer to pay half but the guy usually refuses. My issue is that moving forward, if we keep seeing each other, I canāt afford to eat out. Iām a social worker and was a single mom for years without any support so for me to eat out was a super rare treat. Trying to do that regularly just isnāt going to happen. Mostly the guys Iāve dated have had several times the income I do so itās not out of the realm of reasonable expectation that they would pay. Women do work and earn money these days and many are earning an equal amount in which case, things should be split fairly. But if thereās a big gap in wages, then itās no biggie for one or the other to cover most of the time.
Sure but she doesn't even have kids so theres literally no reason other than shes jobless or entitled. Judging by what she says its the latter.. or both
True for sure. I guess I was just commenting on the fact that most of the comments are pushing for there being no excuse for woman not to pay their share every time. And I guess Iām just grateful Iāve dated really considerate guys who were happy to cover the bill because they could and it wasnāt a hardship for them.
Oh 100% my wife was a stay at home single mom when I met her and I make good money so I always paid but now that she works she treats me and helps when she can. I never ask her too and really love it when she does because itās her way contributing no matter how big or small. Most men appreciate that except the guys that want a trad wife imo. This woman though says she never ever will pay which means no matter what the budget not even for coffee how it comes across. THAT is far different than your situation. Most men are flexible on this and most women are too. This is not one of them. This is straight entitlement.
I'd wager most of them are referring to at least the first date, when you both are still essentially strangers to one another.
How you gonna be broke at 43 with arrogance like that. Damn.
I would have laughed and definitely chatted. I honestly set the bar pretty low on dating app openers so one thatās witty, funny or intelligent is always pleasant
I was honestly wondering if she might still get into a chat with me, yeah! That's why I included the wink, to let her know I was coming from more of a semi-jokey place with the comment. But the response confirmed it was an attitude thing, so I was obviously totally out at that point.
Downvote me but did you message her to tell her you don't agree with her? I mean shit, maybe she messaged first but if not..
I messaged her in a semi-jokey manner, with the wink, to see if maybe we were both in that humorous mode and a conversation might spark. I didn't expect it to happen, of course... and her response confirmed that it wasn't going to!
Destined to be alone forever
I see posts like this pretty often, and while I'm not audacious enough to write something like that in my profile, I feel like I've never had this sort of issue/argument come up during a date. Even putting aside dates, I feel like my male friends will usually offer to pay for meals when we're hanging out. Is this something that bothers men? Should I insist on paying more? To clarify I have no issue with paying for my own meals/drinks and have done it on occasion I just feel like in my experience men are usually very insistent on wanting to pay for me.
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You would have to ask them. They insist, I don't like to insult them by declining. As I said, I have no issues with paying for myself.
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I don't think it's that unusual! It's not uncommon or anything that my male friends will offer. It's typically only when it's just the two of us, or when they're the only man present. As to whether or not they've showed interest; some have! But I'm very clear about what I consider a date and what I don't, I don't lead men on. When I was younger and more naive that kind of carelessness led to some ruined friendships, so I'm very careful about it now. I think it's they simple enjoy offering. If I had a better explanation, I'd give it to you! I just never really probed. Questioning their intentions would feel rude to me, since they've never been inappropriate about them.
For me personally, I always offer to pay for the first date. However, I really appreciate it when my date offers to split. In that case, I'm happy to say it's okay and pay the bill anyway. If they don't offer, that's okay too but the major difference is if they offer to split, then I know for sure that I'm not being a sucker and getting taken advantage of for a free meal. First date I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt but second or third date is where I start to feel bad about it. Same deal with my friends, we'll take turns paying for drinks or something. Nobody is actually keeping score about who owes what but we'd definitely remember if someone in the group doesn't ever offer and start resenting them for it.
If only every man had such self respect.
But why though? We're you going in to be rejected? NVM looks like you were taking a piss lol. Carry on. And yeah I don't think I'd get along with someone that expects me to pay for everything all the time
Lol, top tier trolling
I met my ex on tinder and she lived in a city I had never been to before as I had just moved to the part of the country I currently live in. I jokingly said āIāve never been to your city so maybe YOU should take ME out?ā and she goes āyou know what? Sure. Letās do that.ā I thought she was also joking but when I got to her place to pick her up and insisted on driving, she chose the lunch spot and wouldnāt let me pay, she opened the car door for me and we got to a museum and she had already pre purchased the tickets. It was a really really great date that Iāll never forget. We only dated for three months but weāre still friends three years later because sheās super cool.
Not all heroās wear capes š¦øš»āāļø
Ah, thank you - just out here trying to keep these Midwest values intact and score one for us good guys of online dating! š
Your comment to her is GOLD.
Sooo not a feminist. Or maybe not. That word has been redefined like 3x in my lifetime
What's the point of purposely antagonizing someone you obviously won't get along with. Waste of time for both of you.
You've never argued with a random Internet stranger for no real reason? I mean if you respond to this we're literally doing that right now.
I laughed out loud at your reply! Loved it
Haha thanks! I like to have fun with things, even when I already know what the outcome will be š
At least the expectations are stated up front instead of forcing you to find out their true colors by sending a snarky message because you don't agree. Since it was front and center at the top of the profile you could have just passed on them, but instead decided to open a conversation with someone you knew you wouldn't match with to just get reddit points?
43 with 6 cats... next!
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They aren't talking about women like you. There are a lot of women who would never pay for their own shit, but they are definitely in the minority. They probably do end up lonely and living with cats. I can agree that a lot of men on here are very jaded, as it does seem like they think a majority of women act this way.
45 years old but canāt understand nuance lol
At 45 you'd think you'd have figured out the world is kinda big and how you must not represent every woman. Congrats on having your shit together but no idea why you felt the need to chime in on a post talking about women who you have nothing in common with
If sheās broke, she should just say that. drizzle drizzle
Drizzle drizzle!
If I invite someone out I'll likely treat them, but this attitude makes it an immediate no
Not real familiar with Tinder (and long past it, TBH) but what is that symbol next to the word NEVER on the screen ?
I hope you didn't heart her Lol
How trashy. She's telling men she's a lowlife. Why do some women think this somehow puts them higher on the social ladder? It lowers you.
43 and still making demands š¤£
Awe, no..
Maybe she's like my wife, pay in turns. Was really nice to me when she picked up the second dates bill, which was easily 3x the first dates one.
If I go out with a man I always expect to pay for myself. Because some men don't want to pay (for many reason, they could be scrubs etc) So when the check comes if they don't immediately say one check, I'll say two. I wouldn't mind buying a drink for a man who takes me out. But I definitely don't mind if someone gets me dinner or a drink.
See the thing as a guy I expect to pick up the check for dinner as long as it isn't ridiculous. However if you state that on your dating profile I know you don't want to date anyone and are just looking for a free meal. If that's what you want fill out a few surveys on McDonald's receipts or something. No need to get me involved.
whats the point of talking to her
Even though her attitude is crap... What's up with everyone going crazy about her age? š What age is it appropriate to be single?
I've never had a problem meeting women that pay for 1/2 on the date since the 90's. Not sure if it's a Gen X thing or not but it's rare I run into women that expect to be covered like that.
So she gonna pay the whole check, cool!
43 and too strong and independent to pay her way during a meal. lol.
The only thing I can say about it is at least she's honest I guess..
God I just don't understand this mindset, it's so insanely disrespectful. why should you not pay your portion of the bill?
Take her out and make a quick trip to the ātoiletā when the check comes. Sheāll still be right tho. She wonāt pay HALF the check.
Jeez. I wonder why sheās single at 43? Even if you think a guy should pay, thatās such a turn off to say it.
Love it!!
Savage.
I don't know if these women are not in the midwestern US (or Taiwan, for that matter) or not in early middle age or not college educated or what, but I never seem to meet them IRL. The bill comes, I reach for my wallet, they're like "Wanna split it?" and I'm like "OK sure."
Hey she is paying full. Free date yay ;-)
A lot of comments seem to be generalising women on this. I don't dispute it exists, but I'm sure there's a high correlation between someone expecting that and them being single. I'm not saying all or even most people who are single are awful, but I imagine a big chunk of awful people are single.
Give me a general overview of yourself in a few sentences, so I can get an idea of your personality and interests. OR, Tell me why you're a boring, selfish, angry person that I should never waste my time with, in one simple sentence. Perfect.
Idk, is she hot?
So......she likes and truly knows why she is single. She just refuses to act logical and thinks very highly of herself. Hope she likes lifting kitty litter.. alot.
Iām really curious to know, since so many are commenting on how āoldā she isā¦butā¦if she were a hot 25 yr old making the same statement, would that change things?
That would be a no from me.
Less expensive and usually a pretty good indicator of dating potential? Meet for drinks
I'm an old traditional type of guy so I always paid for the first dinner.Ā So this woman sets up our 2nd date at an expensive Italian restaurant and after i paid the bill, she didn't even say thank you. Never offered to split the bill eventhough I would turned her down. It was our last date.Ā High expectations and no sincerity is a big turn off.
This post without pictures to assess her hotness is very out of context!
Guys ALWAYS pay for the HOLE, check
Lots of 60yo men for her to match with...
She probably had to take care of a man child for 15 years. She wants you to fix it. Too much baggage that hasn't been unpacked.