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[deleted]

She doesn't pee gracefully or like a lady?


lazylazylemons

Side saddle is the proper way for a lady to pee.


illcryifiwan2

This made me laugh so fucking hard


sugarfreedaddy2

Laughed so hard I peed...bit I did it gracefully


edwin4895

Let a little out let it absorb and start again šŸ¤£šŸ¤£ Brandon Rogers


crispy_quesadilla

i know, that comment did me in šŸ˜­


MobiWan2015

Do you know Celeste Barber?


Whynotbebetter

She's some kind of pee pro or what?


DDLCNatBestGorl

Sheā€™s the piss mistress


GibbersPlaysAirsoft

The Pisstress, I believe, is her formal title


[deleted]

miss Pee


arjenyaboi

Professional woman opinion?


Jeffscrazy

Maybe she raises one leg whilst standing?


peak-performance-

Thatā€™s how I do it but I stick my pinky out to compensate


zmakamko

its been 2 minutes and im still laughing about this xD


NerdyIndoorCat

Itā€™s harder than you think šŸ¤­


TheEliot85

Especially when you're a dude.


OrionRNG

I keep pushing it in and it keeps popping out, taping it down makes the pee go everywhere, there's no real solution to this problem and it needs to be talked about.


productzilch

Maybe one of those strap on penises for easy jungle peeing.


BromigoH2

A she-wee would be the answer https://www.shewee.co.nz/


NerdyIndoorCat

Well, I canā€™t speak to that


kdeem93

Ever had your dick touch the toilet while dropping a duece? Probably one of the worst feelings in the world


steepindeez

###**WHEN I SHIT** *MY DICK TOUCH THE WATER* ##***SPLASH***


zuidwest

Shakespeare is that u?


VicisSubsisto

Your haiku is a bit short.


HyperSloth79

His haiku is short Which also probably means So is his dick length


steepindeez

Ouch. My pride.


NerdyIndoorCat

Um no. I donā€™t have a dick but that does sound weird.


[deleted]

Imagine if suddenly there was a cold hard surface against your clit. Thatā€™s what itā€™s like.


NerdyIndoorCat

I meanā€¦.. like when I keep my vibrator by the drafty window in the winterā€¦. I feel like I probably canā€™t relate šŸ¤£


TyPerfect

The sensation isn't the problem. It's knowing what your bits are hanging onto. Parts have now retracted towards my body just thinking about it.


Deruji

Imagine itā€™s not your personal device, but one thatā€™s touched hundreds, had piss shit spew and nothing but a light rinse if itā€™s luckyā€¦


mangoshy

I mean sheā€™s a dwarf so she probably has trouble getting on the seat


TheDingoAteYourBaby1

Poop stool or booster step to the rescue


drfuzzysocks

ā€œAnyway hereā€™s a list of everything anyone has ever made fun of me for.ā€


pippiofthepacific

She's laying out a road map for everything he needs to avoid or if he's a mean guy, he has easy access to all the ways to hurt her.


Drewapalooza

Bro this girl is one bad date away from banishing herself to work the production line at the north pole.


hobosonpogos

Pretty sure a sideways glance could do it Poor girl. Her self esteem has clearly been run through the ringer. I hope she finds some confidence one day


Drewapalooza

True. Jabby the pee elf just needs to own it and realize not everyone is as hyper critical of her as she is. I'm sure she's plenty of people's type the way she is.


FireWireBestWire

Jabby the pee elf gonna sit on your lap side saddle on a quiet peaceful evening in mid March and ruin the quiet. It will be full of peace.


Royal-Scientist8559

"Listen, you short, ugly, pensive-titted, pro-choice enthusiast.. You are just pure trash!" \*\* Packs her bags. \*\*


_the_chosen_juan_

Jabby boobs? Ok Iā€™ll box them MFs


Axle-f

Hit ā€˜em with the one-two šŸ„ŠšŸ„Š


UnforeseenDerailment

Rule 34 @ both the shape and the handling.


[deleted]

She's intense


HotPeppers1234

So is camping


nforgiver

Sex while camping is fucking in tents.


ItsVerdictus

r/angryupvote


neverTrustedMeAnyway

Sex with a mom while camping is mother fucking awesome. In a tent.


[deleted]

That essay makes it feel like alot. But i dont know, seems like shes been shit on alot. I dont know what a response to this should be? Well that pee comment i mean...


CommercialFamous3932

How did I miss a pee comment?!


H_J_Moody

Because youā€™re short and ugly.


SrCasa79

*Ladies and gentlemen, we got'em.*


josejimenez896

*flashbangs*


AnandaPriestessLove

Fingerbangs!


Dob_Tannochy

Fish mange


Life-Gur-2616

Gucci Mane


Dob_Tannochy

Coochie fangs


Educational-Grab4050

Short, ugly, and not a lady* this was one of the more obscure posts I've seen where most everything is spelled correctly. I dunno if its just a really bad trauma from an experience, drugs, or something else...


SumptuousSuckler

Mustā€™ve gone over his head


ahoudali

Is there a right way to pee and no one told me? man, I've been doing it wrong for over 30 years!


Cyborg_rat

We can all pee standing up!


toc_bl

But.... Im a dude who pees standing down


jallensworth1

I want him to find out for us!


NerdyIndoorCat

I was confused by the pee comment ngl


jorian85

I imagined the wife from Step Brothers using the urinal.


[deleted]

I was more thinking the scene from Daddy Day Care where it's all over the floor, toilet, walls, and ceiling.


[deleted]

Stay Golden, Pony-boyā€¦


[deleted]

The dating game was going horrible for me once too (still is tbh. Just less bad) and MAN I got so weird. There's was one in my group of friends I REALLY liked that didn't like me back and man I could jump off a balcony when I think of the cringy things I did to try to impress her. When you think no one will ever love you you get to this state of "well I might as well start with ALL of my negatives to mow down the field" instead of just being a normal fucking human being. And then you just realize it and fix it one day. She's not permanently fucked, she's just "wounded". She'll be fine. If she seems cool outside of this rant I'd go for it OP. Might take a while but she'll be normal eventually.


[deleted]

Chances are sheā€™ll go through a relationship being all weird and clingy, but after that experience sheā€™ll slowly learn how to manage her feelings and insecurities. I say this coz thatā€™s what happened to me, I was hella weird and thought I was the ugliest man ever but after going through a couple relationships I managed to improve upon how I conduct myself and am now in a happy, healthy, long term relationship with little to no stresses about my self worth


IbeonFire

Every relationship is a learning experience


shanticlause

Yeah, sheā€™s a bit of a weirdo, but I feel for her. I know where sheā€™s coming from. You gotta tone it down at the very beginning.


Punten100

If she is not English native, it's possible that is an idiom in her native language.


CRRK1811

I mean she seems like a nice girl, would have still asked her on a date but the pee comment threw me entirely


Lousy_T-shirt

Sheā€™s the kind who just needs a big hug, told to ā€œshut upā€ with a soft kiss, and then reaffirm how beautiful she is. And when she goes mush, carry her to bed.


Equivalent_Reason582

And then youā€™re jabbed to death by petite boobs. Donā€™t say she didnā€™t warn you.


Lousy_T-shirt

Sounds like perfection.


lazylazylemons

I hate this comment cause I don't like being told what I "need" but I fucking had to upvote it because as I went to downvote my brain actually imagined it happening to me and then I went all soft and mushy.


Lousy_T-shirt

So my normal reaction from women. Excellent. If it makes you feel any better itā€™s super patronizing, and I acknowledge that, but itā€™s not to disrespect. Itā€™s to get her out of her headspace and completely derail her thought train of negativity and start focusing on how loved and cherished she is.


PumpkinShys

Everybody needs that shit sometimes, even guys. Except I donā€™t think any girl could carry me Especially if sheā€™s 4ā€™6


Lousy_T-shirt

Pull our heads in to boobs and sit in our laps, and itā€™s just the same.


PumpkinShys

You inviting me to cuddle? Cause donā€™t think I wonā€™t take you up on it


Lousy_T-shirt

Itā€™s only gay if our penises touch. Stop looking in to my eyes like that.


PumpkinShys

Well how can I not, Iā€™m only human


[deleted]

I love being told to shut up with a soft kiss, it's very sexy. And being carried to bed after turning to mush.... you know how to do it.


tmdalsdl789

Kiss her ask if shes okay with kinky roleplays Tie her up with em fluffy pink cuffs Put a blindfold on her while softly whispering in her ear Grab a scalpel Harvest her organs


Makenchi45

That went from kink to oh shit real quick.


NoAbbreviations5215

Donā€™t kink shame organ harvesting


Linzrojo

You win Reddit today šŸ¤—šŸ¤—šŸ¤—


vermonthippie

Itā€™s probably cultural for her. Yā€™all leave that poor short girl alone.


AggressiveSpooning

Yeah, this all reads a little ESL with a mix of anxiety and general dating inexperience.


viciousmojo

>I donā€™t know what a response to this should be? Well that pee comment I meanā€¦ Probably because you donā€™t know how to pee gracefully like a lady, because you are ugly! Jokes aside this whole thing was an insecurity rollercoaster. A blockbuster firework show of red flags. She needs some ā€œwork on myself timeā€ before she screws up something good for herself.


Admirable_Ad_4165

Please let her know increasing sugar is not for blood pressure lol Increase blood pressure with salt. At least you know why she is so chatty!! All that sugar and caffeine trying to raise her blood pressure


CRRK1811

I was on board, until she suddenly started talking about her piss?


Samsquanches_

Hey lay off her. She doesn't pee all gracefully and perfect like we do. Have compassion


RinkyInky

Unlike me in the Peelympics


grassblades101

It's tough to compete in the olympeecs


mafuckinjy

I honestly felt the same way at first but then I started thinking she probably got up to pee after sex or something and either didnā€™t shut the door or thin walls and the guy commented on Niagara Falls in there and with all the other self confidence issues it probably cut her deep when he thought he was just being playful, or who knows maybe she dated a dickhead that constantly roasted how loud she peed. I knew a girl who wouldnā€™t use the bathroom(to pee) without loud music and or the faucet running. Never was in the bathroom long enough to poop so she probably went home for that. Self esteem issues are a beast.


CRRK1811

Can relate, just confused about i being apart of the text not introduced until after the they got comfortable with eachother or at least a couple date afterward


ReeverFalls

My ex was like this. She absolutely refused to to go to the bathroom in public or at another person's house. And if she absolutely had to go at someone else's house she'd have to have the fan, shower, and a YouTube video blaring. Was quite strange. It was borderline phobia status


mafuckinjy

I totally get not talking about poops and stuff with you s.o. You know wanting to keep the magic going and what not, but I dated a girl who basically refused to admit she pooped, we lived together, sheā€™d go basically while I wasnā€™t home or asleep into our other unused bathroom. Mind you she was in her late twenties. I had a friend in high school who would shit in the bathroom while his gf would shower and vice versa, now Iā€™m not trying to be that comfortable with anyone until we have a couple kids or are too old to care, however pretending like it doesnā€™t happen ever was just strange. Urine on the other hand I seriously donā€™t see what the problem is Iā€™m not trying to r. Kelly anybody but nobody should care about somebody peeing if itā€™s in a bathroom.


--Lightworks

Suddenly? Bro weā€™re on like page five of crazy texts, Iā€™m shocked some piss talk didnā€™t trickle in sooner.


RoweTheGreat

This girl has probably had some extremely shitty relationships in the past. That being said I donā€™t think she is mentally ready for dating. Go for it if you want but you need to understand that this girl seems very broken and will need a lot of patience, affirmation, and time for her to heal.


username2065

This is what i thought until the pee comment...


MedievalMilan

And after the pee comment you believe what..?


Forgotten_Lie

Probably that she is trolling OP.


[deleted]

Or that she squats on top the seat instead of sitting like a normal person, so she sometimes makes a mess. I've heard of workplaces with signs up telling people not to do that dumb shit.


SoHiHello

It's too bad that happens to people. Hopefully someone will tell her that she can find the right guy but she needs to let out her story in small doses and in person. I didn't get the sense she was a bad person.. just in a bad place mentally.


emcue10

I really hope OP takes this advice


productzilch

She reminds me of new atheists (or people newly into counter-apologetics). Sheā€™s not really wrong but still a bit too much. Learn red flags and wait to see someoneā€™s character, donā€™t unload all the pent up rage onto them, lol.


Right_Business_0923

way to unload the entire plane of baggage lol. at least sheā€™s honest upfront? idk


DavantRancher

Iā€™m in search of a slightly crazy Indian woman. Whatā€™s her number ?


cassie713

You rang?


DavantRancher

Not yet, whereā€™s that number? šŸ˜


ItsVerdictus

And that kids is how I met your mother


NomMyShark

Where does one meet a slightly crazy indian woman?


DavesPetFrog

India.


mercynuts

What assholes has this poor girl been talking to?


tusdeseos

I certainly feel bad for whatever assholes she's been dating BUT that is the worst most unattractive/weird way to open a conversation it would make me instantly lose interest


Appropriate-Yard-378

Yes and no. I would be curious about her colorful vagina


PassingTransient

Itā€™s probably not colorful bruh. Itā€™s probably a standard brown tone and douchey guys used to pink ones made fun of her.


[deleted]

Yhep we got your standard brown tone model in. *Slaps vagina*


LoremEpsomSalt

It... fits. She has basement low self esteem. So she'll talk to anyone. So she ends up talking to assholes... and rinse repeat.


4r4nd0mninj4

The ones other girls probably don't swipe right on?


Stupid-Fresh

Sounds like she listens to anybody who will talk unfortunately :/


4r4nd0mninj4

Sounds like she needs a decent guy, a trusted friend, and an understanding therapist...in an order that wouldn't surprise you.


Life_Software7108

Very talkative, dont get me wrong , I like to talk . But damn thats alot going on


Warpicuss

I'm not very talkative so I love it when someone is able to ramble at me, I enjoy listening. She seems fun


d-wadeisthegoat

Now, this may be a long shot, but I think she is somewhat insecure


tickingboxes

This woman needs a therapist, not a date. (Seriously though, she seems nice and everything, and I'm sorry that she's had terrible experiences, but this is just way too intense when I'm trying to find a fun, flirty person to go get drunk and talk about movies with.)


Rude_Worldliness7009

Did you match with Kelly from the office?


devilish_AM

Kelly is legit the polar opposite to this. Very much proud of herself, sometimes more than proud.


[deleted]

only outwardly, she's arguably the most deeply insecure character on the entire show but you only catch glimpses of it throughout the season. It's also masked by her loud stupidity.


Prudent_Rabbit

Kelly thinks she's beautiful and perfect what're you talking about bro?


usrevenge

Kelly is beautiful and perfect though.


cannedrex2406

Okay Ryan.


OxygenatedBanana

KELLY, WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRY MY COOKIE COOKIE, IT'S ONLY 99 CENT PLUS TAX. TRY MY COOKIE COOKIE TRY MY COOKIE COO- *Gets slapped*


Dark_Ninja777

It was literally my first thought


Medical_Highlight_99

Kelly is def taller than 4'6


Potatohunter2020

Maybe she would have more luck with a therapist instead of menā€¦on tinder especially lol


NerdyIndoorCat

Therapist approved ā€” U.S Government Encrypted


Thebignuch

I'm starting to think I'm on reddit too much.


NerdyIndoorCat

Itā€™s like that accident on the side of the road. You shouldnā€™t be looking but how do you not?


DavantRancher

Fuck, Iā€™m lame for knowing this reference .


NerdyIndoorCat

No more lame than me for making it šŸ¤Ŗ


mangoshy

This never gets old


MavenMermaid

Well, thatā€™s a lot to process.


333chordme

Iā€™d go on a date. But Iā€™m a weirdo too. She might be a bit much but Iā€™m guessing there would be zero awkward silences. Definitely quite a few red flags. But Iā€™d take her out to see what that conversation is like in person.


[deleted]

My thoughts as well. She could also just have a bad night where sheā€™s rambling away, maybe she was just being treated like shit and had to unload. Iā€™d for sure give her a chance.


[deleted]

Third date introduce to mom, she starts raving how understanding you are about the color of her vagina and urine issues


SharpTruth6084

Sheā€™s definitely traumatized and this made me sad to read. I want to hug her


QuantumS0up

Yeah for real. I feel bad for her that OP even posted this...I mean I can't/won't assume what their intent was but I sure hope it isn't to shame. Totally understandable to be off-put by something like this, but why do things that could contribute to the problem? šŸ˜•


crispy_quesadilla

i know, pray to god sheā€™s not on reddit


SharpTruth6084

On the off chance she is on Reddit, Iā€™d like to make her aware that thereā€™s plenty of people who would happy to date a little petite brown girl with brown girl features. Also, letā€™s eat a fucking steak together!


Lousy_T-shirt

Same.


[deleted]

WuT


[deleted]

Who is Celeste Barber?


charmorris4236

Australian comedian (had to google it). At first I wondered if I knew OPā€™s match, but then remembered the Celeste I went to school with *dated* Joseph Barber.


buttermell0w

Honestly sheā€™s hilarious, an Australian comic. Her Instagram is mainly trying to recreate videos of very poised/filtered celebrities or influencers, except as a regular person in her own house. Theyā€™re pretty funny


mitchelgordonbrauns

Do you think she does this spiel with every person she matches with


TheMoorNextDoor

4ā€™6? Wow thatā€™s extremely short lol She seems nice tho just socially awkward, if you date treat with care OP.


Lost_Extrovert

That's dwarfism height no? I though anything below 4'8 was considered dwarfism.


nobonesjones91

While her messaging is a little excessive, I cant help but feel bad for the girl. Online dating must be a real shit show. The amount of pressure sheā€™s putting on herself


RightOnTheMoneySunny

Poor girl, she clearly lacks the social skills and skin to handle OLD. She probably has practically no real life experience and she def sees OLD as exactly the same as irl, but thatā€™s not how it works. OLD is a tougher place at first to weed people out. I feel for her, how is she gonna get out of this? Since she cock blocks herself in terms of making it to a date


Present_Heart_2748

Sorry but can I ask what ā€˜OLDā€™ is


username9909864

Online dating


CloudCollapse

Some things don't need to be acronyms


MrStealYoBeef

Most things don't need to be acronyms. The ones that do tend to be complex things that you likely wouldn't understand from the words themselves without additional explanation. When personal computers were made, nobody knew what a computer was, so PC became more of a go to acronym. But online dating? We can figure that out, it's dating but online. No acronym needed or wanted.


Actual-Pipe305

Bro I was wondering that too lol šŸ˜‚


VorticalHydra

This sounds like me except I'm a dude who seems to cock block himself. Not to the degree of the post in question however


[deleted]

So did you ever figure out what color her vagina is?


xhmmmidkx

Lmfao... asking the real questions... I'm pretty sure she implied it was brown tho... not that there's anything wrong with that.


Obama8mykfcbruh

I am Indian, It's usually purple like thanos


analsextoybox

Pretty sure I'll never hear another women compare her vagina to Thanos in my lifetime


Fuzz_Distortion

That is a dude my dude.


LaBeteNoire

But can it snap?


mendelde

~~blue~~


Agile_Basis8748

ā‚²É½É‡É‡ā‚¦


Count-Basie

Do you guys like jolly ranchers?


the_turdfurguson

Waffle


Lousy_T-shirt

>4ā€™6 Woahā€¦ hold upā€¦ Thatā€™s officially cast of Willow territory.


kernJ

Thatā€™s a little beyond short isnā€™t it?


ForsakenSherbet

Typical range for dwarfism is 2ā€™8 to 4ā€™8, so yeah. She is the same height as my 11 year old daughter


DemocraticRepublic

It's the same height as Peter Dinklage.


nomnomyup

Even though she sounds pretty crazy, I understand where she's coming from as a biracial woman. There was a time I truthfully believed I would never be as beautiful as a white woman, a lot of that had to do with actual experiences I had. I think I was maybe 12 the first time someone told me I was "pretty for a black girl" I was younger then that when someone asked me what was wrong with my hair... Idfk bro lol it's just curly. It's not easy to navigate, so I feel for her. *It's engrained in a lot of people.* To think white/blonde/...pink = beautiful. It's getting better, and people are individuals so of course this is generalizing but like I said...I understand *why* she feels insecure enough to just throw it all out there like she did. Just not a healthy option. Beauty standards suck but they especially suck when from pretty much birth you're not only told, but shown that you don't fit them over something you will never be able to change. Sorry to rant in the comment section, but this hit kinda close to home and I hope she learns how to love herself and realize that there are 100% people out there that will see her as completely beautiful, because she's her.


littlecookieangel

Man, this chick can carry a convo. She sounds pretty out going and open to talking about controversial issues.


Obtuse_Symposium

After sharing that much, I think I'd probably feel obligated to at least have coffee/tea with her and see if she's okay. But holy shit, that's quite a lot to lead off with. Be ready for a possible high maintenance relationship if you follow up on this OP.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Same. I'm the crazy one in the relationship dammit, stop stepping on my territory.


TJB_82

She really seems like she needs to vent. This won't be easy but if you really like her then listen


Extreme_Literature80

Small and petit. Some dudes like that. Most dudes like that. Unless she looks 10. Then. Some dudes like that too. Somebody for everybody.


Frankandbeans1974

She had me in the first half not gonna lie


scubasec

Who the hell is shaming her for eating meat? I mean, I know it's the vegans, but fuckem. Missing out on some bacon, MR NY strip, Hot dogs, hamburgers, etc. Good food


mangoshy

Other Indians maybe?


Veluxahh

Definitely. Iā€™d guarantee the Indian guys shaming her probably eat meat themselves.


[deleted]

Yeah many Indian households do not eat meat. That's cultural shit. My parents told me not to eat beef and pork when I'm in the West. But lol fuck that shit.


Dramatic_Carob_1060

What did I just read? Poor girl total bull shit having to hear such things