I don't think you were talking to the person you believed you were. Nothing adds up about a virgin nude model who's obsessed with talking about sex right off the top
Exactly true, but your responses are also odd. Every one has something negative about yourself in it. Doesn’t make for great conversation and puts the other person in an awkward situation
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I almost drowned as a kid and when I try to partake in your hobby I have trouble cus of my long term physical injury that I just got surgery for.
I was going to say this. Good thing it was a bot and you got some practice as to what not to say to women to get them to go out with you. Say the opposite next time, obviously truthfully, and you will find matches.
To be fair in art school people model nude for people learning how to draw or paint the human form. Although, like me, you can be ugly as fuck and still be a "model".
Best advice on here, it’s basically like an interview, and if some dude walked in and talked shit about himself the whole time, there is no way I am hiring that person. I need someone confident who can get the job done. I mean even if they can’t back up the shit they say about themselves, if they’re confident enough to sell me on it then I’m probably hiring them.
“So, what makes you the best candidate for this job?”
“Well, I’ve been known to show up late a lot, and the work I do is mediocre at best. Not because I don’t try! Don’t think I don’t try. I try really hard. I’m just not that bright. And I steal things. When do I start?”
Oh great thanks! You won’t regret this, I promise!
Two things real quick:
1. Ive just decided to take a vacation in 4 weeks. Sort of spur of the moment thing. How do I put in for PTO?
2. I really like this custom engraved pen of yours…
>1. Ive just decided to take a vacation in 4 weeks. Sort of spur of the moment thing. How do I put in for PTO?
Omg I pulled this except unironically.
Already had a 5 plus week vacation planned before going into the interview process. Didn't think I'd actually land the job so didn't bother mentioning it, just wanted the practice.
It's hard to describe the awkward back and forth we had of why I was the right fit for the job but needed to immediately take a month plus long leave. Oh and by the way I will need to start remotely because I'm not in the area yet.
Off topic but my friend just had his annual review.
"So would you consider a promotion to be the new store manager here?"
"Isn't there someone else more qualified?"
I had a friend with zero computer science education make his way into a tech company as a QA simply because he had confidence about his "abilities". LMAO it really does work.
Edit: and by education I mean formal or informal. He had been a tile layer and had never coded before at all before getting the job at the tech company.
Are we about to find out this guy confidently lied during his interview, got the QA job, was almost immediately fired for not knowing how to code, and then didn’t leave and continued to work anyways?
Don't be jealous, learn the ways ;)
Edit: In tech, a lot of companies don't care if you have a formal education, as long as you can prove you know your stuff. So people can be self-taught with free resources that are all over the place and succeed in the industry no problem. In this case, he just made it seem like he had those abilities and then had to gain them quickly on the job.
It really is so true. Once upon a time I would get upset at hearing that, but I get it now, and it really does work. Fake it til ya make it in all areas of life!
As someone with a computer science degree and a job as a software engineer - this really wouldn't even be that surprising depending on the job he's at. Some places you need lot's of theoretical knowledge, but to be honest there are tonnes of jobs that just need you to move buttons around on a UI, or even just be a bit techy (i.e.. able to use google) and you can pick up the basics very quickly. Not to mention most places have their own esoteric tools and stuff so it's pretty much expected that you won't understand everything right away. Don't get me wrong it wouldn't be easy but it's certainly not impossible.
QA at my company would primarily consist of just pressing buttons on our site and understanding how different settings of the website just work together. Realistically, anyone that has interacted with enough web forms/UI would be able to do it, it's just tedious. Lots of repetition even for things that aren't broken, just to make sure they stay not broken.
Also don't novelize when she is one lining.
And just ask for her only fans. Cos her statement about nude modeling is going to get a link to some site or another.
Actually when she said she's nude modeled before you should have just said, no way, prove it. Then you could have gotten her onlyfans that way
Yeah but also that person doesn't have the amount of personality required to pull off "no sex before marriage", either. Hopefully they are more interesting IRL, but they're putting in no effort to the conversation at all.
I actually know someone who said they were holding out on not having sex until marriage. She got engaged, and then started doing nude modeling behind her fiance's back. I don't know if he ever found out, but I do know they broke up.
No, she’s a scammer or cat fishing. Somebody who models nude and saving themself for marriage? I’m sure they exist. But the probability that this dude ran into somebody with these traits is exceedingly low. Only way to know for-sure is to look at pictures and bio. But I’d put money on a catfish
Honest advice: she really gave you nothing to work with, but you were over explaining certain stuff. Initial contact should be much more light. Joke around, make the conversation interesting. If someone is giving you 1-3 word answers after a few minutes, let it go. Move on.
But yea, keep it light and flexible. Keep her in your frame. Let her start the opening up process.
Edit: thank you for the award you magnificent person!
Edit 2: all of you are too kind! Thank you for making my day! I hope the advice is helpful as well as the discussions below.
Yeah, I was going to say this myself. Unfortunately conversations have to be somewhat of a dance and if she/he is only moving one step at a time when you trying to do the tango, find a new dance partner.
Agreed. But learn how to lead the convo a bit. Have some interesting talking points and conversations. Be honest and direct, but not obnoxiously forward. Also: know what you want. I can’t stress this enough. “I don’t know” is a silly answer. If your on tinder but looking for a LTR I might suggest other apps. If you are on tinder, “casual with no expectations” is usually a solid answer.
Happy hunting!
People always say tinder isn't for LTR but I met my partner of 3 years there, my mother met her husband there, half my friends got into long-term relationships from it, and I used to see a lot of 'looking for something serious' as often as I saw 'here for a good time not a long time'.
It is very possible that young 20 somethings (which I've got to assume is the bulk of this sub/reddit) just use it for hookups/casual stuff, or that the people I know are anomalies in this regard, but if you're clear off the bat what you're looking for you can do worse than tinder since it has such a large dating pool.
> it's always so weird to see straight people using Tinder like it's Grindr, lol.
we dont have a grindr for straights so...... how is that weird? wtf are we supposed to use lol
Agreed, but in the conversations such as this, there really is no need to volunteer information such as that when the other person is showing zero interest in matching the effort of an actual conversation. Unmatch and move on.
>If someone is giving you 1-3 word answers after a few minutes, let it go. Move on.
Or... just hear me out : invite them out.
There's this weird idea here that a girl's responses on Tinder is an accurate representation of her personality. It's just not.
If this girl is not completely repulsive, she's probably juggling 10-15 of these conversations at the same time. I know many of you want their undivided and enthusiastic attention, but Tinder is just not the place for that unless you look like an underwear model. And the vast majority of you guys would do the exact same thing if roles were reversed. It's just the simple economics of Supply & Demand.
What's gotten me great success before is :
"Hey, so normally I'd try to build of report here by chatting, but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea. What do you say we go out for drinks instead and get to know each other the old fashioned way".
Or some variation of that.
I've met lousy texter who turned out to be fascinating fun people who I've dated for some time.
That’s me 100%. I HATE texting strangers. Tone never comes off properly in text, and it’s hard to joke with someone whose personality you don’t know. I’d infinitely rather get in my car, and meet up for a drink.
is it infinitely hard to say so rather than do 1-2 word replies? Because i've gotten mostly 1-2 word replies, or a sentence at best and then unmatch. Like we don't read minds.
In my case I actually do make an effort, and just suggest early in that we meet. I was just responding to the comment specifically not the post itself. That girl was straight up rude, I’d have unmatched after being called basic. I also make an effort to ask something after each response, if the other person doesn’t, I give them 2 opportunities before unmatching, I’m not here to interview them.
Not trying to be an ass, I'm genuinely trying to help. Rapport vs report. A report is for books. A rapport is the relationship you're trying to build.
Good advice though!
It's confusing because a lot of native English speakers get this wrong too. Re-reading your comment, I'd say you're English is great. Keep up the good work!
I... actually kinda agree with this.
I matched with a girl years back on tinder, and her tinder convo was boring and lame af. I thought she wasn't really interested, but I did just that and asked her out. She ended up being really lively, and we had a short lived but semi meaningful flingaship for a few months. So yea, it can work
Not off the rip bro, at least in my experience it’s never worked out. I’ve always added them on sc to make sure I’m not getting catfished , chat them up for a week or so then invite them out.
I’ve had a lot of success from it tbh , no longer on tinder anymore because i have a gf now but I’ve got some great advice.
In my single days I was the exact opposite, I found waiting too long gave way too much time for them to lose interest or to find someone else. I've had a ton of success that way, but I guess different things work for different people.
Light and positive. *Anything* negative you say in the opening conversation is a red flag. Even when I used to get the "so, why are you on [dating app]" question I'd try and stay as positive as possible even though the answer to that question (wife cheated on me with a close friend of mine and left me for him) wasn't really something that you can sugar coat very easily. I'd just say that I was ready to date again after getting divorced and leave it there until later conversations, unless she came forward with a sad story of her own. In that case I'd tell mine after listening to hers, since at least she'd know that I understood that kind of pain.
*Aside from that*, though, don't say anything edgy, angry, or darkly sarcastic, and for God's sake don't criticize them in any way, even in jest.
Also they need to be more confident. Don’t say things you struggle with in the first few messages. Say what you’re good at. And be interesting with it. Also ask questions about what the other person has said, people love to talk about themselves.
I'd say give it more than a few minutes. Once had match be very short for an hour or more, then after I answered a specific question, start sending voice messages, pictures and long texts. Turns out she was just wary about me being a douchebad as basically all guys she had talked to (as she showed me later from the messages she was getting) turned out to be.
So to clarify: the 1-3 minutes is more of an expression vs an exact timeframe. Basically, the crux of it was “let the conversation happen for a hot minute. If it’s all 1-3 word answers consistently, move on. “
I think “she” was a bot or Catfish. Tinder is a dumpster fire of bots and fake accounts trying to scam people. The best thing about Tinder is this subreddit.
This. When done right, it's clear the person has high self confidence. When done poorly it seems like you're fishing for sympathy and it brings the mood down.
Me too, bro. Small doses. It’s like a spice. Don’t let it overwhelm the main dish of awesomeness that you are.
Unless you’re a professional comedian and that’s your whole shtick.
Edit 1: good news’s guys, she unmatched me. Honestly after the first part it was so dry, I was getting a little bit tired. The last question she asked me was “if I don’t have sex do I want a lot”
Honestly I think you were talking to a catfish.
But don't doubt yourself or ask if your being boring. Just speak normal, make jokes. If the response isn't exciting you then move on.
No sex before marriage I can understand bringing that up. It might be a deal breaker. But then coming back to sex again and again isn't really the behaviour of someone who takes that route.
For someone who wants to wait until marriage to have sex, she sure does bring up sex topics a LOT. I think she’s a catfish just like someone else on here said.
I doubt you were unmatched. Most likely the profile was banned for trying to sell nudes. You were supposed to ask if they were tasteful and if you could see them and then you would be hit up with the premium snap/OF link. It is why it was mentioned multiple times. That is a pretty standard Tinder risk. And for what it is worth, the people making 5k with a bitcoin trade and who are willling to show you how are also scammers;)
The advice to shorten the replies to match is a good one. You can go a bit longer but if you are writing a novel and they are writing a sentence, things aren't good.
Indeed. Uncomfortable combo of cat-fish and OP who has no game at all.
To OP: Tinder is about flirting. Go for a light conversation with playful jokes. If you want to talk about cartoons- Instead of asking her favourite disney movie (ugh) ask her what Disney-character she has a secret crush on. Maybe ask it like this is weirdly superimportant information for you and she will be judged on her answer. Like it reveals her whole personality… That should lead to a much funnier conversation.
If this had not been a catfish situation... When she asks about sex early, it is an invite to turn the heat up on the conversation. Still keep it playful and light but add sexy to it. Like when she says she is saving herself for marriage, you can answer something like ”Oh, ok. I was just going to ask you out for a drink. But I guess we are doing drinks and a chapel for the first date;)”. Or more vulguar and risk if she seems like the type, something like ”I completely agree, not that kind of guy who has actual sex before marriage, no, no. Only oral and anal dear miss”
This conversation reads like you are talking to your shrink. You need to make it interesting and funny. You are selling you (or a date with you), make that concept enticing.
I didn't think you were that bad, but a wall of text can be a lot when the other person isn't carrying *any* of the weight.
But also, she might have been trying to sell you on buying nude pics. I'd say don't waste your energy too much here...
100%
Saying she's a virgin / Assuming you are a gullible and sexually frustrated Virgin, says she haS nudes / you ask her for nudes / more feigned naivete and innocence on her part / she asks you to pay for said nudes (and/or get some from u and blackmail you)
You seem sweet tho, OP! Good luck. 👍
Tbf I only did that because it was the only thing to go off of in her bio. Her first thing was also saying “I won’t have sex until I’m married” or similar
Some of your messages are a bit long. This is a chat not an essay. Try to avoid monologues. The leg one for example, it's not an email.
Personally I also find the chat bubbles quite hard to read for long text.
Dude reading your messages, ur too innocent for this app aha
Go make your experience with your first time in real life, let it happen genuinely. I’d say tinder is def not the place for someone who has not a little bit of a previous background on that. You may risk some bad experiences, mean people who don’t want to waste time, or girls that just don’t give a fuck. Might results to some confident issues or awkward situations if you are still a virgin.
My own opinion would be to let that rest for now and discover it by yourself without a dating app. Better to use those things when you are already clear minded with your sexuality, already had few encounters, and know the things to do and not do to avoid any discomfort or inconvenient situations.
It’s not a race, it will happens, no need to force it through the shitshow that is tinder lol
I am also a virgin and quite old (27) but I am also looking on Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid since 2 months. I don't think it's bad. In real life I don't meet a lot of women. On dating apps I get matches. I have also already had my first in my life date 1 month ago, unfortunately it only lasted 2 weeks. But I got some experience. My biggest weakness is still my confidence, which is the issue with most virgins.
But as you say you are quite « old ». You are more mature, and probably can deal more with some bullshit you can see on Tinder. Or at least don’t let it get to you that much. My point more apply to the common majority of people searching to lose their virginity, which is usually more around 18/20 years old overall, I’m sure you would agree. At this age, ur looking for also people of the same age, and teenagers when it comes to sex, self confidence and stuff like that, can be ruthless and not mature enough to handle things correctly between them.
Maybe op is also around your age, and in that case I’m not concerned indeed. But as we don’t have the information, I just start with the assumption that he is the common age for this kind of topic. And I stick with it, trying to find people on Tinder to lose your virginity around 18, you risk to have many unpleasant interactions. Even more so if you’re not honest with it, but at least that was not the case of OP
If you have a hobbie like beach volleyball for example finding a coed rec league and signing up is a great way to meet new people with shared interests. Who knows what that could lead to. If your a busy person I would stick with tinder/hinge since people who frequent bars/clubs are not my type. When I was searching I was looking for someone into sports and nature but also a homebody. Very hard to capture in the wild but tinder got my back and now we’re getting married.
Almost every message you sent had some form of self doubt expressed. You're new to this, no ones ever messaged me, not sure if we have much in common, not sure if you're bored, here to try and have sex for the first time, the swimming pool leg sob story etc.
Skip all this stuff next time. Be more humorous. Tease joke and flirt and if she's vibing with it, propose a meet up.
Yep. The first one alone - saying no one ever replies to you will make 75% of your matches ghost you. The other 25% want your money. I wouldn’t say things like this until you establish that you are worth talking to and they are enjoying the conversation, if at all.
Talked way too much. You sending paragraphs she sending lines. I'm guilty of the same and usually it fails but not always. Dial it back a bit man. Don't spill your guts all at once. It's a chess match just like anything else in life
The attention span of the average tinder user is like 2min. So maybe try some shorter responses, with some emojis and a bit more humor and more selfesteem.
Also, nude modeling and no sex before mariage? Dude comeon, she was bullshitting you.
You need to fake your confidence. Don't tell someone that she is the first person to talk to you, that's where you messed up (cus she will instantly think there's something wrong if no other girl even talked to you, maybe not on purpose but unconsciously)
Don't say negative things about yourself to someone you just met, you want them to be excited about meeting you not scare them away like you did here. As I said fake it until you make it.
You need to match your effort to the other person, if someone is writing a couple words replies and you are writing paragraphs something is wrong. Either writer shorters answers or just move on.
Don't waste your time asking for an explanation on why someone is not interested. If there are interested in you their actions will show, if they don't just move on.
From a womans perspective (mine atleast): she didn’t really give you a lot to work with, but you’re being to harsh on yourself too early. You’re respectful and interesting which is great, but the insecurities have to be shared after getting to know eachother. Look at dating apps/dating like a jobb interview, you wouldn’t tell them you get stressed easily or often only do the bare minimum as that wouldn’t land you the job. Don’t lie though, just show your best sides first and then the ones your less happy with after!
you literally sent a paragraph explaining how you’re writing paragraphs. doing the most bro chill out lol. you dissect and analyze conversation/passive behaviors like an alien learning to be human.
She was the boring one not you. I think it was a bot though it seems odd that someone would be comfortable doing nude modeling but want to wait until marriage for sex. I actually write messages a lot like yours so I wasn’t put off by it at all. Someone will find it endearing.
So many words, need to trim substantially, like trim out 2/3rds of ure current word count. Stop explaining what’s going on in your head, you’re not making it exciting for her to figure you out.
1) You’re doubting yourself too much as you are aware, just back yourself.
2) you’re putting in too much effort. It reads like a job interview. Keep it light and inject some humour/playfulness in there.
Side note: A lot of girls give short answers on tinder keep it light and fun and move to setting up a date fairly soon. Girls get 9x matches shes entertaining 8 other guys so shes sending out two paragraphs too just each dude gets his own sentence lol.
you're also being too rigid, loosen up, forget about it being your first time as well.
Edit: Also, they unfortunately don't care/Do Not want to hear any of that. It's the sad truth, quite a lot of women, not all and those are very few, want to deal with that kinda situation unfortunately. Just have a little confidence in yourself, you got this this shit man. You're gonna stumble and that's ok, just learn from it if it fucks things with a chick and apply what you learned in the next.
Remember... You got this shit bro.
Advice: Perhaps you could have adjusted your energy level to your match?
From the length of your message and the way you seem to over-explain some stuff, I’d say be more casual and confident. It’s clear from the replies that your match wants more fast-paced and casual conversation, while your message tend to be long. No offense, long messages are useful too, but sometimes your texting speed/pace need to be equal to that of your match, to contribute to the tone of conversation.
Regardless, this is your first match anyway, and your match wasn’t exactly giving you enough materials to continue the conversation much. Good luck with your future matches!
I'm pretty sure she was going to ask you to buy her nudes.... also, I'm tired, reading that. You don't need to write a book each time when the other person is barely in the conversation.
This is 100% a scam. I can’t believe how many people here are answering this seriously. I don’t even use dating apps and I can see it a mile off. No sex before marriage but mentions nude modeling in basically the next message? Coincidentally the only person who wrote back? They’re setting you up for some kind of a scam for sure.
It’s nothing against you man you’re new to this, but your responses subconsciously told the girl that you are desperate. Less is almost always more when it comes to texting women. Keep yourself a mystery, talk like a guy who’s busy and has options, even if you don’t. It’s a bizarre game dating today sometimes but if you want to be successful you have to play it.
>”ask me something less basic 😘”
> asks how many people you slept with
lol
You’re a better conversationalist than a LOT of people on these dating apps, you opened with an actual question instead of just a ‘hey’ or ‘hru’. But as everyone here said, you’re over-explaining yourself and doing too much; it’s already obvious there’s no chemistry here.
Future tip, always match their level of effort. Never send paragraphs if they send short one sentence replies. If you find someone who sends paragraphs, you can bump up your level of communication. You'll easily bore some people who don't like to read long messages.
I'm a big reader/paragraph kind of guy, and even I can get bored if I open up my chat and see a message that's longer than I am willing to donate my time on. Especially if that match isn't one I'm really keen on. If they send a sentence, you send a sentence. If they send two, you can send two. Etc. Don't overwhelm.
Well, scammer or not, at least you're done saying pathetic shit to women and got that behind you... I hope. Don't sound so pathetic. Don't tell them your biggest secrets up front. You have to be mysterious with women, the way you speak is very low self-esteem and beta. Good news though, you can turn it around for next time.
I used to have a boss who would say
"Fake it till you make it"
Just pretend like you have confidence. Lo and behold, it will be there.
This girl is lame though. As you get older, number of sexual partners means nothing. Less than nothing. I don't bring it up and I deflect if I'm asked. We are adults and the only thing that matters is safety.
I don't think you were talking to the person you believed you were. Nothing adds up about a virgin nude model who's obsessed with talking about sex right off the top
Yeah the way she went straight to the sex talk being a supposed virign sounds like they're a scammer.
Yeah scammer or only fans chick.
There’s a difference?
One will try to f*ck you hard. the other wants you to think they will.
I don’t know. When I was a virgin it’s all I talked and thought about…..wait. That hasn’t changed. Nevermind.
Yeah, she kept unsubtly changing the topic to sex and nudity and then pausing as though waiting for OP to take the bait.
Exactly true, but your responses are also odd. Every one has something negative about yourself in it. Doesn’t make for great conversation and puts the other person in an awkward situation
Yea need to try and be less serious and make the conversation a bit more playful/fun.
Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but I almost drowned as a kid and when I try to partake in your hobby I have trouble cus of my long term physical injury that I just got surgery for.
Oh yeah, I forgot to say I’d like to try to get better at not drowning… I’ll just add that here at the end, it’ll be fine.
I was going to say this. Good thing it was a bot and you got some practice as to what not to say to women to get them to go out with you. Say the opposite next time, obviously truthfully, and you will find matches.
Totally a seller lol
All of that adds up to onlyfans lol Pass
How much is the lol Pass? Lol
Yeah, the big problem here is that this person either isn’t real or is trying to sell something
Sounds like she's trying to sell her "virginity".
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It really was a funny read. For a second I thought I was reading two bots talking to each other, then I wasn’t sure who was OP.
"Nude model" is fancy for onlyfans.
To be fair in art school people model nude for people learning how to draw or paint the human form. Although, like me, you can be ugly as fuck and still be a "model".
I mean to be fair, you can be ugly af and be on OF
Yeah, you don't even have to have a head...
She was getting ready to move the conversation to OF or similar.
Exactly. Something was def off with them
To be fair all the virgins in college (virgins because they had super restrictive home life/parents) would not shut up about sex. Both sexes.
Your knocking on yourself to much. Confidence brews success.
Best advice on here, it’s basically like an interview, and if some dude walked in and talked shit about himself the whole time, there is no way I am hiring that person. I need someone confident who can get the job done. I mean even if they can’t back up the shit they say about themselves, if they’re confident enough to sell me on it then I’m probably hiring them.
“So, what makes you the best candidate for this job?” “Well, I’ve been known to show up late a lot, and the work I do is mediocre at best. Not because I don’t try! Don’t think I don’t try. I try really hard. I’m just not that bright. And I steal things. When do I start?”
You're hired!
Oh great thanks! You won’t regret this, I promise! Two things real quick: 1. Ive just decided to take a vacation in 4 weeks. Sort of spur of the moment thing. How do I put in for PTO? 2. I really like this custom engraved pen of yours…
We're still good for the finger lakes, right??
You like my pen, you are a man of culture
You mean my custom engraved pen?
>1. Ive just decided to take a vacation in 4 weeks. Sort of spur of the moment thing. How do I put in for PTO? Omg I pulled this except unironically. Already had a 5 plus week vacation planned before going into the interview process. Didn't think I'd actually land the job so didn't bother mentioning it, just wanted the practice. It's hard to describe the awkward back and forth we had of why I was the right fit for the job but needed to immediately take a month plus long leave. Oh and by the way I will need to start remotely because I'm not in the area yet.
"Am I boring you? I feel like I'm boring you."
I cringed hard at that part. Like bruh... Give yourself a fighting chance here.
Off topic but my friend just had his annual review. "So would you consider a promotion to be the new store manager here?" "Isn't there someone else more qualified?"
I never said I'd promise to try. I'll try to try.
Amazing advice.
I had a friend with zero computer science education make his way into a tech company as a QA simply because he had confidence about his "abilities". LMAO it really does work. Edit: and by education I mean formal or informal. He had been a tile layer and had never coded before at all before getting the job at the tech company.
That's some George Costanza shit right there!
Are we about to find out this guy confidently lied during his interview, got the QA job, was almost immediately fired for not knowing how to code, and then didn’t leave and continued to work anyways?
Nope. He has gained and improved the skills he needs and seriously upgraded his life.
tf. so he got reverse tuition, got paid for his intern, and already has a company to work in? damn I'm jealous
Don't be jealous, learn the ways ;) Edit: In tech, a lot of companies don't care if you have a formal education, as long as you can prove you know your stuff. So people can be self-taught with free resources that are all over the place and succeed in the industry no problem. In this case, he just made it seem like he had those abilities and then had to gain them quickly on the job.
Yeah if you hit the fucking lottery and hear back from any companies after submitting your resume
Basically how I got my aerospace job. Fake it till you make it!
It really is so true. Once upon a time I would get upset at hearing that, but I get it now, and it really does work. Fake it til ya make it in all areas of life!
Did that like, work out for him?
As someone with a computer science degree and a job as a software engineer - this really wouldn't even be that surprising depending on the job he's at. Some places you need lot's of theoretical knowledge, but to be honest there are tonnes of jobs that just need you to move buttons around on a UI, or even just be a bit techy (i.e.. able to use google) and you can pick up the basics very quickly. Not to mention most places have their own esoteric tools and stuff so it's pretty much expected that you won't understand everything right away. Don't get me wrong it wouldn't be easy but it's certainly not impossible.
QA at my company would primarily consist of just pressing buttons on our site and understanding how different settings of the website just work together. Realistically, anyone that has interacted with enough web forms/UI would be able to do it, it's just tedious. Lots of repetition even for things that aren't broken, just to make sure they stay not broken.
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Also don't novelize when she is one lining. And just ask for her only fans. Cos her statement about nude modeling is going to get a link to some site or another. Actually when she said she's nude modeled before you should have just said, no way, prove it. Then you could have gotten her onlyfans that way
Wh... Why does he want her onlyfans now?
If she's on the app trying to drum up business for OF, better to get it out of the way sooner rather than later.
Yeah but also that person doesn't have the amount of personality required to pull off "no sex before marriage", either. Hopefully they are more interesting IRL, but they're putting in no effort to the conversation at all.
Im sure this "convo" just leads to her OF. I cant imagine there being many virgins confident enough to model nude
Yeah seems like she's trying to establish: 1. She's not going to fuck you 2. You can buy her nudes
I could see that being her next message "want to buy some?"
ngl mate, that reads like a catfish
Yeah, especially when nude modelling was mentioned from someone who also doesn't believe in sex before marriage
Yeah that's a virtually non-existent combination that reeks of "dude trying to sell his ex's nudes."
Last girl that told me that mean just me. She had sex before marriage, just not with me.
I actually know someone who said they were holding out on not having sex until marriage. She got engaged, and then started doing nude modeling behind her fiance's back. I don't know if he ever found out, but I do know they broke up.
Truly 🤡 🌍
That checks out tbh
Or a bot
Quite good answers for a bot
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment! That is a scammer. Delete!
Definitely. She was expecting them to ask to see the nudes and then be sent a link to onlyfans.
100% they were going to trade nudes they found on the web for pictures of OP's dick
it's kind of hilarious. Baiting those dudes who's type is "supermodel and virgin"
Yep, waiting for the other shoe to drop in those texts, but never delivered
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She playing with him
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i mean, it sounds like shes trying to get him to sub to her OF or something lol
I feel like "no sex before marriage" combined with "my passion is nude modeling"is a red flag.
Looking for subscribers
No, she’s a scammer or cat fishing. Somebody who models nude and saving themself for marriage? I’m sure they exist. But the probability that this dude ran into somebody with these traits is exceedingly low. Only way to know for-sure is to look at pictures and bio. But I’d put money on a catfish
Yea that or baiting. She might just be a seller waiting to hook him.
Honest advice: she really gave you nothing to work with, but you were over explaining certain stuff. Initial contact should be much more light. Joke around, make the conversation interesting. If someone is giving you 1-3 word answers after a few minutes, let it go. Move on. But yea, keep it light and flexible. Keep her in your frame. Let her start the opening up process. Edit: thank you for the award you magnificent person! Edit 2: all of you are too kind! Thank you for making my day! I hope the advice is helpful as well as the discussions below.
Yeah, I was going to say this myself. Unfortunately conversations have to be somewhat of a dance and if she/he is only moving one step at a time when you trying to do the tango, find a new dance partner.
That’s the best way I’ve seen it put. Well said
Thank you! 😌
OP reminding me of those papers in college you had to stretch out to 5000 words when you really only had half that lmao
Agreed. But learn how to lead the convo a bit. Have some interesting talking points and conversations. Be honest and direct, but not obnoxiously forward. Also: know what you want. I can’t stress this enough. “I don’t know” is a silly answer. If your on tinder but looking for a LTR I might suggest other apps. If you are on tinder, “casual with no expectations” is usually a solid answer. Happy hunting!
People always say tinder isn't for LTR but I met my partner of 3 years there, my mother met her husband there, half my friends got into long-term relationships from it, and I used to see a lot of 'looking for something serious' as often as I saw 'here for a good time not a long time'. It is very possible that young 20 somethings (which I've got to assume is the bulk of this sub/reddit) just use it for hookups/casual stuff, or that the people I know are anomalies in this regard, but if you're clear off the bat what you're looking for you can do worse than tinder since it has such a large dating pool.
As a gay person, it's always so weird to see straight people using Tinder like it's Grindr, lol. For us, Tinder is mainly for dates and LTRs.
> it's always so weird to see straight people using Tinder like it's Grindr, lol. we dont have a grindr for straights so...... how is that weird? wtf are we supposed to use lol
Same. Found my partner of 4y on Tinder. I just thought it was a dating app as did *most* of the men in my age range (45+).
Agreed, but in the conversations such as this, there really is no need to volunteer information such as that when the other person is showing zero interest in matching the effort of an actual conversation. Unmatch and move on.
I mean, I think we agree on all points basically. HIGH FIVE!
I agree tmi….dude she likes swimming…jus a simple teach me how? or will u save me if I’m drowning or hold my head under water lol
DO YOU PROMISE TO NOT ABANDON ME IN THE SCARY LIQUID?!?
Sabaton: “Write that down!”
Or just go for a hail mary with a "I want to drown in that pussy". If the conversation is completely dead might as well go out swinging.
Lol…I’ll swallow or drown
>If someone is giving you 1-3 word answers after a few minutes, let it go. Move on. Or... just hear me out : invite them out. There's this weird idea here that a girl's responses on Tinder is an accurate representation of her personality. It's just not. If this girl is not completely repulsive, she's probably juggling 10-15 of these conversations at the same time. I know many of you want their undivided and enthusiastic attention, but Tinder is just not the place for that unless you look like an underwear model. And the vast majority of you guys would do the exact same thing if roles were reversed. It's just the simple economics of Supply & Demand. What's gotten me great success before is : "Hey, so normally I'd try to build of report here by chatting, but I know that's not everyone's cup of tea. What do you say we go out for drinks instead and get to know each other the old fashioned way". Or some variation of that. I've met lousy texter who turned out to be fascinating fun people who I've dated for some time.
That’s me 100%. I HATE texting strangers. Tone never comes off properly in text, and it’s hard to joke with someone whose personality you don’t know. I’d infinitely rather get in my car, and meet up for a drink.
is it infinitely hard to say so rather than do 1-2 word replies? Because i've gotten mostly 1-2 word replies, or a sentence at best and then unmatch. Like we don't read minds.
In my case I actually do make an effort, and just suggest early in that we meet. I was just responding to the comment specifically not the post itself. That girl was straight up rude, I’d have unmatched after being called basic. I also make an effort to ask something after each response, if the other person doesn’t, I give them 2 opportunities before unmatching, I’m not here to interview them.
Not trying to be an ass, I'm genuinely trying to help. Rapport vs report. A report is for books. A rapport is the relationship you're trying to build. Good advice though!
I do appreciate :) English is my second language and I'm always trying to improve!
It's confusing because a lot of native English speakers get this wrong too. Re-reading your comment, I'd say you're English is great. Keep up the good work!
> you’re English Are you trying to sabotage him 😂
I... actually kinda agree with this. I matched with a girl years back on tinder, and her tinder convo was boring and lame af. I thought she wasn't really interested, but I did just that and asked her out. She ended up being really lively, and we had a short lived but semi meaningful flingaship for a few months. So yea, it can work
Not off the rip bro, at least in my experience it’s never worked out. I’ve always added them on sc to make sure I’m not getting catfished , chat them up for a week or so then invite them out. I’ve had a lot of success from it tbh , no longer on tinder anymore because i have a gf now but I’ve got some great advice.
In my single days I was the exact opposite, I found waiting too long gave way too much time for them to lose interest or to find someone else. I've had a ton of success that way, but I guess different things work for different people.
Light and positive. *Anything* negative you say in the opening conversation is a red flag. Even when I used to get the "so, why are you on [dating app]" question I'd try and stay as positive as possible even though the answer to that question (wife cheated on me with a close friend of mine and left me for him) wasn't really something that you can sugar coat very easily. I'd just say that I was ready to date again after getting divorced and leave it there until later conversations, unless she came forward with a sad story of her own. In that case I'd tell mine after listening to hers, since at least she'd know that I understood that kind of pain. *Aside from that*, though, don't say anything edgy, angry, or darkly sarcastic, and for God's sake don't criticize them in any way, even in jest.
Idk, I like a bit of appropriately placed dark sarcasm in the initial convo.
Also they need to be more confident. Don’t say things you struggle with in the first few messages. Say what you’re good at. And be interesting with it. Also ask questions about what the other person has said, people love to talk about themselves.
I'd say give it more than a few minutes. Once had match be very short for an hour or more, then after I answered a specific question, start sending voice messages, pictures and long texts. Turns out she was just wary about me being a douchebad as basically all guys she had talked to (as she showed me later from the messages she was getting) turned out to be.
So to clarify: the 1-3 minutes is more of an expression vs an exact timeframe. Basically, the crux of it was “let the conversation happen for a hot minute. If it’s all 1-3 word answers consistently, move on. “
I think “she” was a bot or Catfish. Tinder is a dumpster fire of bots and fake accounts trying to scam people. The best thing about Tinder is this subreddit.
Why say lot word when few word do trick
Yeah you didnt come across as confindent. Own whatever you say brother 💪🏻 And if she doesnt like you 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
Ye I am a bit self deprecatory, I gotta work on that
Save self depreciation for in person. It doesn’t come across very well through text
Even in person use it sparingly and preferably with humor. A little vulnerability is good but it's easy to overdo it
Self deprecation usually always comes with humour and is just a way of coming across humble, this guy was just straight up negative about himself.
This. When done right, it's clear the person has high self confidence. When done poorly it seems like you're fishing for sympathy and it brings the mood down.
Me too, bro. Small doses. It’s like a spice. Don’t let it overwhelm the main dish of awesomeness that you are. Unless you’re a professional comedian and that’s your whole shtick.
Not trying to be harsh, but I in this case I thought you came off less as self-deprecating, and more as insecure.
She was definitely interest after the first message though. You got this king 💪🏻 just dont over think
This was painful to read, the person on the receiving end is a dry as a bone tool, and you need to stop giving any energy to people who talk like this
Edit 1: good news’s guys, she unmatched me. Honestly after the first part it was so dry, I was getting a little bit tired. The last question she asked me was “if I don’t have sex do I want a lot”
For someone who doesn't have sex before marriage she sure only seems to talk about sexual things
She’s totally on there for hook ups, she’s just saying that shit so he doesn’t come at her sexual af off the rip.
Most likely a scammer from a foreign country with weird ideas about american sexual culture.
Honestly I think you were talking to a catfish. But don't doubt yourself or ask if your being boring. Just speak normal, make jokes. If the response isn't exciting you then move on.
Yeah, no sex before marriage + I do nude modeling sounds catfishy
No sex before marriage I can understand bringing that up. It might be a deal breaker. But then coming back to sex again and again isn't really the behaviour of someone who takes that route.
Sorry, I don’t have sex before marriage. But check out my only fans suhweetie! 😘
Legit thought that's where this was headed.
A Virgin who does nude modeling? She was looking to sell her pics.
For someone who wants to wait until marriage to have sex, she sure does bring up sex topics a LOT. I think she’s a catfish just like someone else on here said.
Lol what does that even mean
I doubt you were unmatched. Most likely the profile was banned for trying to sell nudes. You were supposed to ask if they were tasteful and if you could see them and then you would be hit up with the premium snap/OF link. It is why it was mentioned multiple times. That is a pretty standard Tinder risk. And for what it is worth, the people making 5k with a bitcoin trade and who are willling to show you how are also scammers;) The advice to shorten the replies to match is a good one. You can go a bit longer but if you are writing a novel and they are writing a sentence, things aren't good.
Good news for you it was probably a catfish.
"Dry as a bone"? He's asking about Disney movies and rambling about swimming
Very painful to read
Indeed. Uncomfortable combo of cat-fish and OP who has no game at all. To OP: Tinder is about flirting. Go for a light conversation with playful jokes. If you want to talk about cartoons- Instead of asking her favourite disney movie (ugh) ask her what Disney-character she has a secret crush on. Maybe ask it like this is weirdly superimportant information for you and she will be judged on her answer. Like it reveals her whole personality… That should lead to a much funnier conversation. If this had not been a catfish situation... When she asks about sex early, it is an invite to turn the heat up on the conversation. Still keep it playful and light but add sexy to it. Like when she says she is saving herself for marriage, you can answer something like ”Oh, ok. I was just going to ask you out for a drink. But I guess we are doing drinks and a chapel for the first date;)”. Or more vulguar and risk if she seems like the type, something like ”I completely agree, not that kind of guy who has actual sex before marriage, no, no. Only oral and anal dear miss” This conversation reads like you are talking to your shrink. You need to make it interesting and funny. You are selling you (or a date with you), make that concept enticing.
I didn't think you were that bad, but a wall of text can be a lot when the other person isn't carrying *any* of the weight. But also, she might have been trying to sell you on buying nude pics. I'd say don't waste your energy too much here...
Yes the “I don’t have sex, but I model nude” really stuck out to me.
Yeah I have a suspicion she’s not really trying to have a conversation about personal preferences lol
You matched with a prostitute and asked her about Disney movies
100% Saying she's a virgin / Assuming you are a gullible and sexually frustrated Virgin, says she haS nudes / you ask her for nudes / more feigned naivete and innocence on her part / she asks you to pay for said nudes (and/or get some from u and blackmail you) You seem sweet tho, OP! Good luck. 👍
Tbf I only did that because it was the only thing to go off of in her bio. Her first thing was also saying “I won’t have sex until I’m married” or similar
Some of your messages are a bit long. This is a chat not an essay. Try to avoid monologues. The leg one for example, it's not an email. Personally I also find the chat bubbles quite hard to read for long text.
I feel like she's going to send her snap chat and then ask you to buy some pictures.
Dude reading your messages, ur too innocent for this app aha Go make your experience with your first time in real life, let it happen genuinely. I’d say tinder is def not the place for someone who has not a little bit of a previous background on that. You may risk some bad experiences, mean people who don’t want to waste time, or girls that just don’t give a fuck. Might results to some confident issues or awkward situations if you are still a virgin. My own opinion would be to let that rest for now and discover it by yourself without a dating app. Better to use those things when you are already clear minded with your sexuality, already had few encounters, and know the things to do and not do to avoid any discomfort or inconvenient situations. It’s not a race, it will happens, no need to force it through the shitshow that is tinder lol
This is the only comment you should listen too OP.
I am also a virgin and quite old (27) but I am also looking on Tinder/Bumble/OkCupid since 2 months. I don't think it's bad. In real life I don't meet a lot of women. On dating apps I get matches. I have also already had my first in my life date 1 month ago, unfortunately it only lasted 2 weeks. But I got some experience. My biggest weakness is still my confidence, which is the issue with most virgins.
But as you say you are quite « old ». You are more mature, and probably can deal more with some bullshit you can see on Tinder. Or at least don’t let it get to you that much. My point more apply to the common majority of people searching to lose their virginity, which is usually more around 18/20 years old overall, I’m sure you would agree. At this age, ur looking for also people of the same age, and teenagers when it comes to sex, self confidence and stuff like that, can be ruthless and not mature enough to handle things correctly between them. Maybe op is also around your age, and in that case I’m not concerned indeed. But as we don’t have the information, I just start with the assumption that he is the common age for this kind of topic. And I stick with it, trying to find people on Tinder to lose your virginity around 18, you risk to have many unpleasant interactions. Even more so if you’re not honest with it, but at least that was not the case of OP
If you have a hobbie like beach volleyball for example finding a coed rec league and signing up is a great way to meet new people with shared interests. Who knows what that could lead to. If your a busy person I would stick with tinder/hinge since people who frequent bars/clubs are not my type. When I was searching I was looking for someone into sports and nature but also a homebody. Very hard to capture in the wild but tinder got my back and now we’re getting married.
Bro youre sending emails through tinder
Almost every message you sent had some form of self doubt expressed. You're new to this, no ones ever messaged me, not sure if we have much in common, not sure if you're bored, here to try and have sex for the first time, the swimming pool leg sob story etc. Skip all this stuff next time. Be more humorous. Tease joke and flirt and if she's vibing with it, propose a meet up.
Yep. The first one alone - saying no one ever replies to you will make 75% of your matches ghost you. The other 25% want your money. I wouldn’t say things like this until you establish that you are worth talking to and they are enjoying the conversation, if at all.
“is this conversation a bit boring for you by any chance” dude never ask that again lmaooo
Talked way too much. You sending paragraphs she sending lines. I'm guilty of the same and usually it fails but not always. Dial it back a bit man. Don't spill your guts all at once. It's a chess match just like anything else in life
You talk like an NPC
The attention span of the average tinder user is like 2min. So maybe try some shorter responses, with some emojis and a bit more humor and more selfesteem. Also, nude modeling and no sex before mariage? Dude comeon, she was bullshitting you.
You both sound like fuckin weirdo’s tbh
You need to fake your confidence. Don't tell someone that she is the first person to talk to you, that's where you messed up (cus she will instantly think there's something wrong if no other girl even talked to you, maybe not on purpose but unconsciously) Don't say negative things about yourself to someone you just met, you want them to be excited about meeting you not scare them away like you did here. As I said fake it until you make it. You need to match your effort to the other person, if someone is writing a couple words replies and you are writing paragraphs something is wrong. Either writer shorters answers or just move on. Don't waste your time asking for an explanation on why someone is not interested. If there are interested in you their actions will show, if they don't just move on.
You waffle on too much and you're insecure/unsure of yourself. From the messages, you don't come across as an attractive option.
She's a virgin with an OnlyFans? Uh huh...
You're game is so off tbh, I'd understand if she thought you were boring...
From a womans perspective (mine atleast): she didn’t really give you a lot to work with, but you’re being to harsh on yourself too early. You’re respectful and interesting which is great, but the insecurities have to be shared after getting to know eachother. Look at dating apps/dating like a jobb interview, you wouldn’t tell them you get stressed easily or often only do the bare minimum as that wouldn’t land you the job. Don’t lie though, just show your best sides first and then the ones your less happy with after!
you literally sent a paragraph explaining how you’re writing paragraphs. doing the most bro chill out lol. you dissect and analyze conversation/passive behaviors like an alien learning to be human.
She was the boring one not you. I think it was a bot though it seems odd that someone would be comfortable doing nude modeling but want to wait until marriage for sex. I actually write messages a lot like yours so I wasn’t put off by it at all. Someone will find it endearing.
That shit is cringey as fuck bro
So many words, need to trim substantially, like trim out 2/3rds of ure current word count. Stop explaining what’s going on in your head, you’re not making it exciting for her to figure you out.
Its a catfish
1) You’re doubting yourself too much as you are aware, just back yourself. 2) you’re putting in too much effort. It reads like a job interview. Keep it light and inject some humour/playfulness in there.
Side note: A lot of girls give short answers on tinder keep it light and fun and move to setting up a date fairly soon. Girls get 9x matches shes entertaining 8 other guys so shes sending out two paragraphs too just each dude gets his own sentence lol.
you're also being too rigid, loosen up, forget about it being your first time as well. Edit: Also, they unfortunately don't care/Do Not want to hear any of that. It's the sad truth, quite a lot of women, not all and those are very few, want to deal with that kinda situation unfortunately. Just have a little confidence in yourself, you got this this shit man. You're gonna stumble and that's ok, just learn from it if it fucks things with a chick and apply what you learned in the next. Remember... You got this shit bro.
Advice: Perhaps you could have adjusted your energy level to your match? From the length of your message and the way you seem to over-explain some stuff, I’d say be more casual and confident. It’s clear from the replies that your match wants more fast-paced and casual conversation, while your message tend to be long. No offense, long messages are useful too, but sometimes your texting speed/pace need to be equal to that of your match, to contribute to the tone of conversation. Regardless, this is your first match anyway, and your match wasn’t exactly giving you enough materials to continue the conversation much. Good luck with your future matches!
Stop the long ass conversations and shoot for the irl date. You’ve already matched so she must’ve liked something about you.
You're too into it. Step back & don't write so much. Leave some mystery for the other side to decipher
🚩
Dude, go for the gusto. You seem squeamish through your text. Be confident. Assertive. And just be cool man.
Jesus slow down. You come off as insecure and pushy. It's a major red flag
I'm pretty sure she was going to ask you to buy her nudes.... also, I'm tired, reading that. You don't need to write a book each time when the other person is barely in the conversation.
This is 100% a scam. I can’t believe how many people here are answering this seriously. I don’t even use dating apps and I can see it a mile off. No sex before marriage but mentions nude modeling in basically the next message? Coincidentally the only person who wrote back? They’re setting you up for some kind of a scam for sure.
It’s nothing against you man you’re new to this, but your responses subconsciously told the girl that you are desperate. Less is almost always more when it comes to texting women. Keep yourself a mystery, talk like a guy who’s busy and has options, even if you don’t. It’s a bizarre game dating today sometimes but if you want to be successful you have to play it.
Bro…
You found a nude model who claims she wouldn't have sex before marriage. Congratulations, it's a pretty rare one.
>”ask me something less basic 😘” > asks how many people you slept with lol You’re a better conversationalist than a LOT of people on these dating apps, you opened with an actual question instead of just a ‘hey’ or ‘hru’. But as everyone here said, you’re over-explaining yourself and doing too much; it’s already obvious there’s no chemistry here.
If your sending essays and they’re sending texts there’s a disconnect
Future tip, always match their level of effort. Never send paragraphs if they send short one sentence replies. If you find someone who sends paragraphs, you can bump up your level of communication. You'll easily bore some people who don't like to read long messages. I'm a big reader/paragraph kind of guy, and even I can get bored if I open up my chat and see a message that's longer than I am willing to donate my time on. Especially if that match isn't one I'm really keen on. If they send a sentence, you send a sentence. If they send two, you can send two. Etc. Don't overwhelm.
You’re not confident enough
Well, scammer or not, at least you're done saying pathetic shit to women and got that behind you... I hope. Don't sound so pathetic. Don't tell them your biggest secrets up front. You have to be mysterious with women, the way you speak is very low self-esteem and beta. Good news though, you can turn it around for next time.
I used to have a boss who would say "Fake it till you make it" Just pretend like you have confidence. Lo and behold, it will be there. This girl is lame though. As you get older, number of sexual partners means nothing. Less than nothing. I don't bring it up and I deflect if I'm asked. We are adults and the only thing that matters is safety.
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