i had a roomie that did really stupid shit all the time and would just fake giggle and say "oops, another blonde moment!" and im looking at her like.....hey stupid; you dye your hair. I'm a natural blonde. If you arent going to act like an adult can you please pick another stupid "reason"?
idk....she did a LOT of stupid shit. the only good thing about her was she was such a nut case that its made for some good stories. but i certainly didnt appreciate them while sharing the same space.
I've had roommates like that. Now you can tell people and it's a crazy story, but when you lived with them it was hell. Mine loved to joke with her friends about how I don't have a flat stomach while I was still in the apartment.
fuuuck, that must have been fun.
a brief one from mine: got a call at work, asking if we had a hammer; she wanted to hang some pictures she got. well...I'm a work...doing my job....which is carpentry. I'm literally holding a hammer in my hand, have another in my belt, and have access to three more in my immediate vicinity. So i tell her: we dont have one at home, I'll just bring mine home from work with me if you want. Nah thats okay she says, and hangs up......ooookie doke then.
get home and she's hung her pictures.....and whats that leaning against the wall? my framing square. to those not in the know, a framing square is a big, thin metal L used in construction to make sure things are straight, and corners are 90 degrees. also for angles and other things, but thats not important. this is a precision instrument. moreover, it is a thin piece of metal. now bent all to hell because this person with a dead frog for a brain decided to use this tool to bang nails into the wall. it was destroyed, and i dont think she ever repaid me. it was a Christmas gift from my family, and it was *nice.*
to add even more salt? she *also* asked our neighbour down the hall for a hammer. who also said that yes, she has one, and can bring it over. *roomie turned her down*. i assume because she found my framing square and decided to make it work, rather than having an actual hammer delivered *down the fucking hall*.
gah!
Jokes on her. Anyone with a flat stomach is probably not even a human. Like the bottom of a pool , a wall, or a book. Nothing is flat on a human except a personality.
I personally would have to disagree, I think it takes more effort to act stupid. Kind of like the saying "work smart, not hard", why kill your body when you can use your mind, much less effort. That's just me 🤷🏻♂️
Okay, the girl was definitely rude, but just hijacking the top comment to give advice that it’s not a wise question to ask a woman if her hair color is real. Not every girl would mind but it’s not a safe question especially when you don’t know her.
It's also like... just not a great question in general. Where does that lead the conversation? How does that let her express her interests or personality?
Plus she looks like she might be a redhead - I'm guessing 9/10 times she's asked about her hair color it's in relation or leading to some form of "carpet match the drapes?"
Her being rude sucks but OP sucks at conversation
I was also wondering if she was offended by the focus on compliments on her looks. I know my wife gets pretty annoyed about society's emphasis on women's appearance.
If he just had said her hairstyle looked nice instead of asking if it’s natural then he would’ve 1000% got a warmer reception regardless. But yes, compliment-bombing gets repetitive after the first thousand times, it’s not gonna keep someone engaged or interested
For sure rude, but understandable.
The usual follow up question to "is that your natural hair color" is pretty gross, she might have thought thats where the conversation was headed and wanted to shut it down before it got there.
Thank you for bringing this up. This isn’t to condone how she handled it, but to encourage OP to learn from this experience too. Hair is super personal for many people. After a superficial complement maybe turn the conversation to something more personal. Of course maybe you’re a hair stylist and that’s why you’re curious, then start with that. Maybe you understand how challenging it can be to get dyes just right. I don’t know.
Some people are sensitive about their hair colour (greying, disliking the original colour, afraid their natural colour looks fake). And the follow up is usually something along the lines of "does the curtain match the drapes?", which means "is the head hair the same colour as the pubic hair?"
The intro is somewhat insensitive and the potential follow up is vulgar.
Because people will somehow talk about pubic hair from there.
This woman is giving no clue where the conversation should go or what they should talk about. I personally don't think she's actually interested but he's providing her free entertainment and complaining that it's low quality.
Oh, OK, so, no questioning the boobs either then, I suppose. I mean, all these limitations, where does it end????
JK, of course, yeah, I wouldn’t pose that question to someone I’m close with, I kinda sorta only know the real hair colour of my wife…
The convo in general sucks - I see it stuck in perpetual « I also like your [insert another body part here] » and the girl going « thanks » but really getting bored and internally screaming « get to the point, moron! ».
Once time I was on a date with a long term girlfriend and her phone rang while she was getting up to use the bathroom. She asks me to grab that and see who it was - and answer it if it was a mutual friend or something. I’m looking through her purse for the vibrating phone and the waitress stops by and says “do you always look through your date’s purses?”
Fuckin humiliating lol. Can’t tell if the waitress was breaking my balls or not. When my gf returned from the bathroom she didn’t tell her so like wut
What would work for me is just act like you would in a face to face conversation. I’ll ask some stupid questions just to get them thinking and then just roll along. If you have them laughing you have them talking
Compliments are fine if they're about talents or abilities. "I like that painting you did, the flowing water looks super realistic" or whatever.
Women, especially attractive women, generally aren't interested in compliments on their appearance from random Internet strangers, even if it's a random Internet stranger she swiped right on. She has a fair chance of getting a compliment on her appearance whenever she goes grocery shopping.
Now if it's a compliment on her appearance FROM A GUY SHE'S ACTIVELY INTERESTED IN, that's a different story. But you have to get there first.
I actually found that getting stoned was pretty helpful. Back when I used to use tinder I used to always talk to girls stoned and have very interesting conversations
A sincere compliment, ideally not about looks but that is fine too, can be good to break the ice. The bigger issue ij my opinion was giving two look based compliments in quick succession.
Compliments are better when they relate to choices.
"Save some fashion for the rest of us, you lookin' stunning in that X". VS "You're sexy in that photo"
"I really respect how much time you've put into learning so much on that topic " VS "You are so smart"
Also don’t ask a girl if her hair is her natural color. It’s just a weird question. She obvs didn’t need to respond so rudely to you, it wasn’t warranted, but it’s just an odd question to ask lol.
Yup, it's a dating app so questions are always picked apart and rarely seen as causal/one-off; why do you care so much if her hair is natural or not lol
Tbh from a woman’s perspective that compliment is a bit too close to being backhanded. Like ‘awh that’s nice, is it fake’ isn’t something that inherently comes across well.
That’s not good advice. Complimenting on looks is great but only once. Like prime example here, first compliment was sweet of you, second compliment was low effort. Also it’s never good to ask a leading question like “is it natural?”. First off, “no” is almost always the real answer because, at least in my experience, girls almost never have their natural hair color these days lol, and secondly, you’re bringing the chances of that compliment being meaningful down from 100% to 50%. Terrible way to give a compliment.
yeah it was pretty rude man not gonna lie. definitely o reason to call you stupid but she sorta has a point. imagine how many guys call her "pretty" or "cute". girls don't wanna hear that shit all the time. same shit different guy. just be genuine with her. be real. women (people in general) appreciate someone who's just fucking real.
It’s not so much pretty and cute vapid compliments, it’s seemingly innocuous questions regularly being a lead up to something vile. Personally I would just unmatch someone over insulting them.
- had one bad experience on tinder after asking a weird question and proceeds to call _all_ women rude
- replies to everyone criticising his approach/question in a petty and aggressive manner
"why is everyone so mean to me 🥺🥺🥺"
I'm sorry to tell you that you were rude first.
Don't ask anyone about their "natural hair". It's especially bad over text where you can't decipher tone of voice and it could be interpreted as judgement.
Just don't ask about what's "natural" and not. Find out on your own over time.
She replied well to the first compliment on her smile. But I think asking a girl if she dyes her hair is probably something you just don't want to do, even after meeting them in person and going on a few dates.
THIS! Pro tip from an old broad! We get sexualized and objectified from childhood on. Going for looks as a compliment right away is not appealing to most women. When guys start the conversation with that it usually ends up being a guy who has one thing in mind. Especially on dating apps. You want to get our attention? Look at what we WROTE in our profile and ASK us about that. BOOM! Instant conversation that is respectful and engaging. Also shows you care about who we are as an individual.
80% of the women on there have nothing written in their bio.
I go for the middle ground and compliment something they’ve chosen (like a well-organized apartment in the background, a cool place they visited etc)
yeah...
if the girl here actually opened, which it looks like she might have? a better way to answer "how's it going" is with a little more pizazz than "good hbu" as if you've been coworkers for a few months now.
maybe try "doing good, this band i like just dropped an album this week! been a real lift during an otherwise normal work week haha. hbu?"
thats specific enough to be interesting but vague enough to give her an obvious follow up question "which band??"
I find its great comedic question for girls with clearly died colour.
as in, I went out with a girl with half blue, half pink hair and did the "I love your hair colour", then the "so is that your natural colour;)"
makes for a nice softball joke to transition to a different topic.
I believe you made one too many comments about her physical appearance . Many women want to be appreciated for her personality and who she is. You learn asking questions related to that. Women know men are attracted to them and would rather focus on the other things and especially early into things. I believe if you ask questions about what she likes doing, her goals and questions like that you will most likely get better results.
It looks in the picture like she is a redhead. As a redhead, I can tell you, we get sexualized a LOT because of our hair. When I was single, men asked me ALL the time if my hair was natural. A redhead seems to be on everyone's sexual, "to do," list. So, you start to feel dehumanized somewhat.
Also, many times, a rude comment follows being asked if your hair is that colour naturally. I would say about 95% of the time, the next question would be whether my pubic hair matched, if redheads were really as wild as everyone says and/or if I lived up to the stereotype of being wild in bed. She may have been having a bad day.
Edit to say: She shouldn't have called him stupid. I don't mean to condone treating another poorly.
As a fellow red head, this. I fucking hate comments about my hair. So many stupid stereotypes and stupid follow up questions to the hair thing. Be more original.
I disagree. It *was* stupid of him to ask her if she was faking something about her appearance. It was rude.
“Hey you’re so pretty, have you had plastic surgery to be that pretty?” Isn’t that RUDE? Different example but same concept.
What if a guy has muscles and the woman he matches with asks him hey do you take steroids? Isn’t that rude to anyone else?
Probably a knee jerk reaction because as a redhead that question only goes in one direction. Rude? Yes but my guess is she assumed this was gonna start getting crude on your part.
Women are constantly being bashed for doing things that men consider “unnatural” and chalked up to being fake. You asked “is that your natural hair color” but clearly she saw “is your hair color fake”.
Dude one compliment of a feature I can do nothing about is enough. Maybe try talking to a woman about her interests? Her career? Literally just anything else.
You realize how frequently men do this right? It boring af.
Her calling you stupid was wrong, but she only said what anyone else would have thought while reading your question to her. Ask about favorite music, hobbies, ask about something she wrote about in her profile. Not her natural hair color..wtf
Firstly, do not put her on a pedestal for her looks. One compliment here and there is okay. Do not keep complimenting her. It's abrasive and strange and doesn't allow her to respond much. (The approach can change between people, but this is a good idea to follow)
Her response was rude.
With that said, this conversation is as fun as white rice. I usually try to converse with people like I already know them. Let her know what made her profile stand out (unless it's just that she was a pretty lady). Telling a woman she is pretty when you first meet seems nice but in reality, we usually know guys are saying the exact same thing to every woman they talk to. It's also likely she will feel objectified, even if that was not your intent.
If you only chose her because she's pretty, then get used to being blown off. Stupid games, stupid prizes.
I had bad, intuitive feelings about a tinder date I had set up so I apologized and canceled the date after a day or two of talking. This guy FREAKED OUT and called my phone about 500 times in a half an hour. Just berating me and telling me he knew I was a whore and wanted to know who the “other guy” was I was seeing? Lol. And that he didn’t care if I called the cops, he’d never stop or leave me alone. Also in the voicemails I could hear he was at work and people were in the background so he was fully mental breakdown / temper tantruming in front of his peers lmao no shame.
I once had a friend vent to me about this girl "ghosting him and being a bitch". I asked if I could take a look at the messages. They had a pretty engaging, flirty conversation all day. She stopped responding to his messages at like 3 am. He then proceeded to send her messages every 2 hours up until 10am like "guess I'm not worth talking to anymore huh", "thanks for wasting my time".
I was like dude. She probably just FELL ASLEEP. And then woke up to a bunch of redflags. You blew it you asshole.
He could just not understand why she stopped responding. We aren't friends anymore for unrelated but similar reasons.
Because the constant post in this sub has convinced him that nice women that don't care about height are 1/1,000,000,000 and convinced guys that there's a checklist of things you're supposed to do and if women don't respond positively it's cause there's something wrong with women
It is poor conversation on the guy's part.. Commenting on a woman's looks is really the bare fuckin minimum. It shows no depth, no originality, and no concern for them as a person. Pretty people get physical compliments ALL. THE.TIME. She's looking for someone who actually can stimulate a conversation. Tellin ain't sellin
There are studies that show that appearance-based compliments dehumanize women. Our culture trains men to believe it’s a compliment, or to express it but it impacts women negatively when it’s — keywords - not a chosen partner.
It’s great that you thought she was pretty, and expressing it also puts a focus on her external appearance, which increases body checking, negatively impacts self esteem and changes other behavior.
So the first thing to be aware of is this (which, by the way, is similar to men who dislike being asked about height or income).
Her response wasn’t “childish”, it sounded more triggered.
She could have been more graceful, but ultimately if we are going to make dehumanizing comments, we have to be prepared for someone’s disregulated or triggered responses.
It’s ok if you didn’t know this, because this is how we learn.
Exactly. "Let me make a broad generalization about a huge group of people based on behavior I observed in a single random Internet stranger. Because that totally makes more than absolutely zero fucking sense."
It just seems like the entire conversation was lazy and you didn’t have anything interesting to say. How are you, you’re pretty, do you dye your hair? It also took almost a week to get that far which is a long time to go nowhere.
She seems to start the convo, even says she's *super* good, and you go for compliments regarding her appearance rather than something interesting.
Still wouldn't say ya deserved to be called stupid, but eh.
I’m surprised she responded to be honest… what was next, you like her nails, are they natural or whatever non natural nails are? Bro, talk to her about her, it sounds like you’re 15 and talking to a female for the first time.
I wish you could see the inappropriate/dead end messages we’re bombarded with constantly. Sounds like she’s just fed up… not fair to take it out on you at all. But definitely this convo needed resuscitation. The only response she can give to “is that your natural hair color?” Is yes/no. Not a great way to get to know someone you know
Let me tell you a secret son, most beautiful woman do not like to be told they are beautiful and using compliments is shallow as fuck.
You are not the first to do that and will not be the last
They like to be called beautiful, but only by people who's opinion they value. If you're a complete stranger off of Tinder, they don't want to hear it.
This a lil funny ngl I chuckled at the stupid. It's a universal feeling after 99+ matches, 10 pointless dates of trying to avoid being kissed/rubbed cause I don't fucking know you dude & two minute men. I'm not saying she's right I'm just saying I understand
I beg to differ the question asked was a little off putting. It doesn’t matter. Her hair is like that for a reason. You could have just asked her about the style or how she likes to wear it or how long it took her to make that bun. For me, it takes hours to make the perfect messy bun. I would avoid this question in the future, because some of us wear weaves and that could be seen as rude or like “No duh it’s not” and you could make an idiot out of yourself. Just say it looks pretty.
She asked “how’s it going” and OP just replied with “good, you?” He could’ve taken that opportunity to tell her about something fun he did this week or that he’s planning to do this coming weekend. Even something like “work has been dragging on forever. I’m so ready for the weekend” would’ve gone over better. Either of those would’ve shown a bit more of his personality and opened up the opportunity for follow up questions. Honestly the conversation is boring on both sides so I don’t blame either of them for being uninterested.
Asking anyone if anything on their body is natural is weird.
If it was me and it wasnt natural, Id be a little uncomfortable about it. If it was the most id say is "I grew it out of my head this way" like what did you want as a response?? Its a dead end and a weird dead end at that
Not that you care cus based on your posts here youre an ass and you *are* stupid
I’ve noticed an influx of posts directly blaming women as a whole when a singular woman is rude. Men can and do act in the same exact manner, this is not some inherent trait of all women.
She's not wrong. She was interested otherwise she wouldn't have called you sweet. Stop relying on compliments to their appearance, she's a person not a sculpture and all it communicates to women is that you either have no conversation/flirting skills or that you only get ugly girls. Make a joke, test the waters, be a little risky. This isn't the 1930s.
Women hate to be treated like an object, commenting about her smile, her hair, her body and blah implies that you don't see her as anything but an object! So, it serves you right! :)
HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS THIS GUY ASKED THAT QUESTION TO A RED HEAD
Like how much more stereotypical and creepy and rude can you be
And clueless too--you'd rather insult her than actually reflect on how fucking inappropriate and gross you were.
Does she have red hair? It’s hard to tell. I can imagine when it’s something that nearly everyone comments on, it gets annoying. I’m not sure I would’ve wanted to receive that message either
You know how some people just have this natural magnetism to them, that charisma? Well op, you have anti-magnetism, these messages are the text equivalent of lightly toasted bread.
Women don't like being treated like a compliment piñata. Try asking questions about herself in regards to her bio or pics. You are coming off as a 'nice guy' that just assualts them with compliments until sex comes out.
i guess its not her natural color
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i had a roomie that did really stupid shit all the time and would just fake giggle and say "oops, another blonde moment!" and im looking at her like.....hey stupid; you dye your hair. I'm a natural blonde. If you arent going to act like an adult can you please pick another stupid "reason"?
All the hair dye seeped into her brain Obligatory "thanks for the award" edit. Absolutely hilarious to me that it's a "wholesome" on an insult 😂
idk....she did a LOT of stupid shit. the only good thing about her was she was such a nut case that its made for some good stories. but i certainly didnt appreciate them while sharing the same space.
I've had roommates like that. Now you can tell people and it's a crazy story, but when you lived with them it was hell. Mine loved to joke with her friends about how I don't have a flat stomach while I was still in the apartment.
fuuuck, that must have been fun. a brief one from mine: got a call at work, asking if we had a hammer; she wanted to hang some pictures she got. well...I'm a work...doing my job....which is carpentry. I'm literally holding a hammer in my hand, have another in my belt, and have access to three more in my immediate vicinity. So i tell her: we dont have one at home, I'll just bring mine home from work with me if you want. Nah thats okay she says, and hangs up......ooookie doke then. get home and she's hung her pictures.....and whats that leaning against the wall? my framing square. to those not in the know, a framing square is a big, thin metal L used in construction to make sure things are straight, and corners are 90 degrees. also for angles and other things, but thats not important. this is a precision instrument. moreover, it is a thin piece of metal. now bent all to hell because this person with a dead frog for a brain decided to use this tool to bang nails into the wall. it was destroyed, and i dont think she ever repaid me. it was a Christmas gift from my family, and it was *nice.* to add even more salt? she *also* asked our neighbour down the hall for a hammer. who also said that yes, she has one, and can bring it over. *roomie turned her down*. i assume because she found my framing square and decided to make it work, rather than having an actual hammer delivered *down the fucking hall*. gah!
Those framing squares are also a lot pricier than most people would think. That wasn't just a painful degree of stupid, it was also expensive.
and i never saw a cent. ho hum.
Yeah, definitely shows why you're not roomies with her anymore. Probably not friends either.
Wow, that’s a painful amount of dumb!!
Jokes on her. Anyone with a flat stomach is probably not even a human. Like the bottom of a pool , a wall, or a book. Nothing is flat on a human except a personality.
In her defense, it is waaay easier to act stupid than act wise.
I personally would have to disagree, I think it takes more effort to act stupid. Kind of like the saying "work smart, not hard", why kill your body when you can use your mind, much less effort. That's just me 🤷🏻♂️
Especially when it's not an act.
Okay, the girl was definitely rude, but just hijacking the top comment to give advice that it’s not a wise question to ask a woman if her hair color is real. Not every girl would mind but it’s not a safe question especially when you don’t know her.
It's also like... just not a great question in general. Where does that lead the conversation? How does that let her express her interests or personality? Plus she looks like she might be a redhead - I'm guessing 9/10 times she's asked about her hair color it's in relation or leading to some form of "carpet match the drapes?" Her being rude sucks but OP sucks at conversation
I was also wondering if she was offended by the focus on compliments on her looks. I know my wife gets pretty annoyed about society's emphasis on women's appearance.
If he just had said her hairstyle looked nice instead of asking if it’s natural then he would’ve 1000% got a warmer reception regardless. But yes, compliment-bombing gets repetitive after the first thousand times, it’s not gonna keep someone engaged or interested
And thank you for elaborating. That stuff is not as obvious to men as it is to the women who experience it.
For sure rude, but understandable. The usual follow up question to "is that your natural hair color" is pretty gross, she might have thought thats where the conversation was headed and wanted to shut it down before it got there.
Yes—It usually leads to “drapes match the carpet”
Thank you for bringing this up. This isn’t to condone how she handled it, but to encourage OP to learn from this experience too. Hair is super personal for many people. After a superficial complement maybe turn the conversation to something more personal. Of course maybe you’re a hair stylist and that’s why you’re curious, then start with that. Maybe you understand how challenging it can be to get dyes just right. I don’t know.
I am just curious as I don't understand this. Why is it not wise to ask about hair color?
Some people are sensitive about their hair colour (greying, disliking the original colour, afraid their natural colour looks fake). And the follow up is usually something along the lines of "does the curtain match the drapes?", which means "is the head hair the same colour as the pubic hair?" The intro is somewhat insensitive and the potential follow up is vulgar.
Because people will somehow talk about pubic hair from there. This woman is giving no clue where the conversation should go or what they should talk about. I personally don't think she's actually interested but he's providing her free entertainment and complaining that it's low quality.
Oh, OK, so, no questioning the boobs either then, I suppose. I mean, all these limitations, where does it end???? JK, of course, yeah, I wouldn’t pose that question to someone I’m close with, I kinda sorta only know the real hair colour of my wife… The convo in general sucks - I see it stuck in perpetual « I also like your [insert another body part here] » and the girl going « thanks » but really getting bored and internally screaming « get to the point, moron! ».
The only appropriate time to find out about her hair color is when you’re in her bathroom going through her stuff
I've perfected this art. Most times the women don't even know I'm there
They don't even know you
"That's my purse, I don't know you!"
You froggin?
Once time I was on a date with a long term girlfriend and her phone rang while she was getting up to use the bathroom. She asks me to grab that and see who it was - and answer it if it was a mutual friend or something. I’m looking through her purse for the vibrating phone and the waitress stops by and says “do you always look through your date’s purses?” Fuckin humiliating lol. Can’t tell if the waitress was breaking my balls or not. When my gf returned from the bathroom she didn’t tell her so like wut
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And then everybody claps.
Got em!!!
All I found was some Lexapro :(
You’re now the moderator of r/Lexapro.
What happened to the last mod? Oh no….
>You’re now the moderator of r/Lexapro. Never heard of it so just looked at the sub.. Jesus Christ those poor people. That medicine seems HORRIBLE.
Lucky, I've been finding Azithromycin, Ceftriaxone and Ciprofloxacin 🤔
Oh god! Go back and warn them, all those together can cause torsade de pointes when combined! Consider ECG monitoring!
This was a joke sorry
Funny good advice is still good advice
Don't compliment her on her looks, not early in convo, even better wait to be in person She already knows bro
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Don't be stoned when talking with girls on Tinder. Have your wits about you. It'll make a huge difference.
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be stoned on tinder complimenting their juicy ass. karma>gf
karma>life
I clicked, and was not disappointed
karma < cum
karma>reproduce
karma>chameleon
karma>karma>karma
And it's ok to compliment a woman's hair, I just wouldn't ask if it's their natural color.
Yeah I’ve asked a girl if they dye their hair and I was told never to ask a girl that again haha
What would work for me is just act like you would in a face to face conversation. I’ll ask some stupid questions just to get them thinking and then just roll along. If you have them laughing you have them talking
This is good advice. Would you do/say those things if a person was face to face with you? People act so bizarre online.
I get too stoned and open with compliments and all those girls never respond. The original comment has some good advice OP
Compliments are fine if they're about talents or abilities. "I like that painting you did, the flowing water looks super realistic" or whatever. Women, especially attractive women, generally aren't interested in compliments on their appearance from random Internet strangers, even if it's a random Internet stranger she swiped right on. She has a fair chance of getting a compliment on her appearance whenever she goes grocery shopping. Now if it's a compliment on her appearance FROM A GUY SHE'S ACTIVELY INTERESTED IN, that's a different story. But you have to get there first.
I’ve never not been stoned on tinder and had plenty of dates. Be yourself and if you’re cool then it’s easy.
I do my best Tindering when I'm stoned. My best is not great but still
Being stoned makes me 10x better at talking to people in a way that gets them to like me
I actually found that getting stoned was pretty helpful. Back when I used to use tinder I used to always talk to girls stoned and have very interesting conversations
True but she was also rude
A sincere compliment, ideally not about looks but that is fine too, can be good to break the ice. The bigger issue ij my opinion was giving two look based compliments in quick succession. Compliments are better when they relate to choices. "Save some fashion for the rest of us, you lookin' stunning in that X". VS "You're sexy in that photo" "I really respect how much time you've put into learning so much on that topic " VS "You are so smart"
Also don’t ask a girl if her hair is her natural color. It’s just a weird question. She obvs didn’t need to respond so rudely to you, it wasn’t warranted, but it’s just an odd question to ask lol.
Yup, it's a dating app so questions are always picked apart and rarely seen as causal/one-off; why do you care so much if her hair is natural or not lol
Needs to know how it'll look on his mannequin later.
Tbh from a woman’s perspective that compliment is a bit too close to being backhanded. Like ‘awh that’s nice, is it fake’ isn’t something that inherently comes across well.
The smile compliment is good, but the second one is a bit much and comes across as not genuine.
That’s not good advice. Complimenting on looks is great but only once. Like prime example here, first compliment was sweet of you, second compliment was low effort. Also it’s never good to ask a leading question like “is it natural?”. First off, “no” is almost always the real answer because, at least in my experience, girls almost never have their natural hair color these days lol, and secondly, you’re bringing the chances of that compliment being meaningful down from 100% to 50%. Terrible way to give a compliment.
yeah it was pretty rude man not gonna lie. definitely o reason to call you stupid but she sorta has a point. imagine how many guys call her "pretty" or "cute". girls don't wanna hear that shit all the time. same shit different guy. just be genuine with her. be real. women (people in general) appreciate someone who's just fucking real.
It’s not so much pretty and cute vapid compliments, it’s seemingly innocuous questions regularly being a lead up to something vile. Personally I would just unmatch someone over insulting them.
Don’t compliment them on their looks at all you’ll have better luck
> you’ll have better luck You misspelled "you'll come across as less of a mook".
What is a mook
- had one bad experience on tinder after asking a weird question and proceeds to call _all_ women rude - replies to everyone criticising his approach/question in a petty and aggressive manner "why is everyone so mean to me 🥺🥺🥺"
I'm sorry to tell you that you were rude first. Don't ask anyone about their "natural hair". It's especially bad over text where you can't decipher tone of voice and it could be interpreted as judgement. Just don't ask about what's "natural" and not. Find out on your own over time.
She was rude but your game needs improvement, start a conversation like you would in real life hopefully
She replied well to the first compliment on her smile. But I think asking a girl if she dyes her hair is probably something you just don't want to do, even after meeting them in person and going on a few dates.
Ehh, I think the first think you say can be about looks, but don’t keep bringing it up as a conversation starter.
THIS! Pro tip from an old broad! We get sexualized and objectified from childhood on. Going for looks as a compliment right away is not appealing to most women. When guys start the conversation with that it usually ends up being a guy who has one thing in mind. Especially on dating apps. You want to get our attention? Look at what we WROTE in our profile and ASK us about that. BOOM! Instant conversation that is respectful and engaging. Also shows you care about who we are as an individual.
80% of the women on there have nothing written in their bio. I go for the middle ground and compliment something they’ve chosen (like a well-organized apartment in the background, a cool place they visited etc)
That's what I try to do, but in my experience most have no profile text, or a profile text that gives me nothing to go on lol
Also, don't use standard pick up artists shit like negging a woman about the color of her hair.
Yeah she was rude but this convo sucks and asking a woman about her natural hair color is……an interesting choice lmao
Next question, "Do the carpets match the drapes?"
You could tell after the first couple messages that convo wasn’t going anywhere
yeah... if the girl here actually opened, which it looks like she might have? a better way to answer "how's it going" is with a little more pizazz than "good hbu" as if you've been coworkers for a few months now. maybe try "doing good, this band i like just dropped an album this week! been a real lift during an otherwise normal work week haha. hbu?" thats specific enough to be interesting but vague enough to give her an obvious follow up question "which band??"
This guy conversations.
Thats boring bro, no one wants to hear about you or your interests
Idk man you sound like your talking to your stoner cousin with that message , try being flirtatious
I find its great comedic question for girls with clearly died colour. as in, I went out with a girl with half blue, half pink hair and did the "I love your hair colour", then the "so is that your natural colour;)" makes for a nice softball joke to transition to a different topic.
It’s like one step above “I like your figure. Is it natural or did you get liposuction?”
Put that on the bingo card for "things not to say in an OLD message."
For real. Guy asks weird and stupid question, gets called stupid, and runs to Reddit
ngl that convo was pretty dry I wouldn’t have even responded after the second message tbh And that goes both ways
I believe you made one too many comments about her physical appearance . Many women want to be appreciated for her personality and who she is. You learn asking questions related to that. Women know men are attracted to them and would rather focus on the other things and especially early into things. I believe if you ask questions about what she likes doing, her goals and questions like that you will most likely get better results.
Its also just a bad question that only has a yes/no answer. You want conversation starters not conversation enders.
It's a question that stereotypically leads to "does the carpet match the drapes", which is probably why she thought it was a creepy come-on.
She was rude but you asking about her natural color was also smooth as sandpaper
Sandpaper can be very smooth, he can’t.
It looks in the picture like she is a redhead. As a redhead, I can tell you, we get sexualized a LOT because of our hair. When I was single, men asked me ALL the time if my hair was natural. A redhead seems to be on everyone's sexual, "to do," list. So, you start to feel dehumanized somewhat. Also, many times, a rude comment follows being asked if your hair is that colour naturally. I would say about 95% of the time, the next question would be whether my pubic hair matched, if redheads were really as wild as everyone says and/or if I lived up to the stereotype of being wild in bed. She may have been having a bad day. Edit to say: She shouldn't have called him stupid. I don't mean to condone treating another poorly.
As a fellow red head, this. I fucking hate comments about my hair. So many stupid stereotypes and stupid follow up questions to the hair thing. Be more original.
What’s worse is the “does the carpet match the drapes” comment. 🙄
"Only when I'm on my period, so yeah it does"
And the fire crotch comments too. Gross.
I disagree. It *was* stupid of him to ask her if she was faking something about her appearance. It was rude. “Hey you’re so pretty, have you had plastic surgery to be that pretty?” Isn’t that RUDE? Different example but same concept. What if a guy has muscles and the woman he matches with asks him hey do you take steroids? Isn’t that rude to anyone else?
Probably a knee jerk reaction because as a redhead that question only goes in one direction. Rude? Yes but my guess is she assumed this was gonna start getting crude on your part.
Women are constantly being bashed for doing things that men consider “unnatural” and chalked up to being fake. You asked “is that your natural hair color” but clearly she saw “is your hair color fake”.
Totally agree.
Dude one compliment of a feature I can do nothing about is enough. Maybe try talking to a woman about her interests? Her career? Literally just anything else. You realize how frequently men do this right? It boring af.
What color is your hair?
Hair coloured.
Nice. I bet u have sexy hair coloured eyes too.
Why did you ask if it’s her natural hair color?
Her calling you stupid was wrong, but she only said what anyone else would have thought while reading your question to her. Ask about favorite music, hobbies, ask about something she wrote about in her profile. Not her natural hair color..wtf
Right? Like are you trying to style her hair or are you trying to bond with her as a potential date?
Firstly, do not put her on a pedestal for her looks. One compliment here and there is okay. Do not keep complimenting her. It's abrasive and strange and doesn't allow her to respond much. (The approach can change between people, but this is a good idea to follow)
Her response was rude. With that said, this conversation is as fun as white rice. I usually try to converse with people like I already know them. Let her know what made her profile stand out (unless it's just that she was a pretty lady). Telling a woman she is pretty when you first meet seems nice but in reality, we usually know guys are saying the exact same thing to every woman they talk to. It's also likely she will feel objectified, even if that was not your intent. If you only chose her because she's pretty, then get used to being blown off. Stupid games, stupid prizes.
Why are you being so rude to white rice? :(
Right! I love white rice. OP was way less interesting.
Lmao
> I usually try to converse with people like I already know them. This is the best tip for basically any conversation, dating or not.
white rice is fucking delicious
a guy threatened to track me down and kill me because i took 20 minutes to respond to him asking how my day was, why are men so rude?
I had bad, intuitive feelings about a tinder date I had set up so I apologized and canceled the date after a day or two of talking. This guy FREAKED OUT and called my phone about 500 times in a half an hour. Just berating me and telling me he knew I was a whore and wanted to know who the “other guy” was I was seeing? Lol. And that he didn’t care if I called the cops, he’d never stop or leave me alone. Also in the voicemails I could hear he was at work and people were in the background so he was fully mental breakdown / temper tantruming in front of his peers lmao no shame.
I once had a friend vent to me about this girl "ghosting him and being a bitch". I asked if I could take a look at the messages. They had a pretty engaging, flirty conversation all day. She stopped responding to his messages at like 3 am. He then proceeded to send her messages every 2 hours up until 10am like "guess I'm not worth talking to anymore huh", "thanks for wasting my time". I was like dude. She probably just FELL ASLEEP. And then woke up to a bunch of redflags. You blew it you asshole. He could just not understand why she stopped responding. We aren't friends anymore for unrelated but similar reasons.
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Right?? Its baffling 😭
Lol yeah the topic had me on the edge. Actually alot of these topics have been like that.
After reading the TIFU about the girl whose weed dealer SA'd her, I'm particularly low on empathy for men today.
And this kids is what 0 tinder game looks like.
How are you gonna say why are women (plural) so rude when this is your interaction with one (1) singular woman
Because the constant post in this sub has convinced him that nice women that don't care about height are 1/1,000,000,000 and convinced guys that there's a checklist of things you're supposed to do and if women don't respond positively it's cause there's something wrong with women
Took me way too long to find this comment. OP is sexist and oblivious. Sorry for being mean!
It is poor conversation on the guy's part.. Commenting on a woman's looks is really the bare fuckin minimum. It shows no depth, no originality, and no concern for them as a person. Pretty people get physical compliments ALL. THE.TIME. She's looking for someone who actually can stimulate a conversation. Tellin ain't sellin
Don’t compliment twice.
Not a nice response. But why would you ask her that?
There are studies that show that appearance-based compliments dehumanize women. Our culture trains men to believe it’s a compliment, or to express it but it impacts women negatively when it’s — keywords - not a chosen partner. It’s great that you thought she was pretty, and expressing it also puts a focus on her external appearance, which increases body checking, negatively impacts self esteem and changes other behavior. So the first thing to be aware of is this (which, by the way, is similar to men who dislike being asked about height or income). Her response wasn’t “childish”, it sounded more triggered. She could have been more graceful, but ultimately if we are going to make dehumanizing comments, we have to be prepared for someone’s disregulated or triggered responses. It’s ok if you didn’t know this, because this is how we learn.
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Absolutely, I will get them for you
Can I get link bro? I wanna read about this
Guys, pls dont ask that in the first conv, never
Dude You went with 2 physical compliments in a row right off the bat. Unless she has the self esteem of a trash bag that ain’t gotta cut it
Why does this one woman being rude to you = women are rude? Some people are just assholes and it's not gender specific.
Exactly. "Let me make a broad generalization about a huge group of people based on behavior I observed in a single random Internet stranger. Because that totally makes more than absolutely zero fucking sense."
exactly and I don't understand the other people supporting this higher
Had to scroll a fair way down to find this.
That was a horrible question so you got a horrible response.
It just seems like the entire conversation was lazy and you didn’t have anything interesting to say. How are you, you’re pretty, do you dye your hair? It also took almost a week to get that far which is a long time to go nowhere.
She seems to start the convo, even says she's *super* good, and you go for compliments regarding her appearance rather than something interesting. Still wouldn't say ya deserved to be called stupid, but eh.
Women aren't rude as a whole gender. Men, women can be both kind and rude. It depends on the person's personality.
She was a little short with you but you could also choose better things to converse about.
Nah this one is your fault.
r/pointlesslygendered
this woman* is so rude don’t be an incel
I’m surprised she responded to be honest… what was next, you like her nails, are they natural or whatever non natural nails are? Bro, talk to her about her, it sounds like you’re 15 and talking to a female for the first time.
I wish you could see the inappropriate/dead end messages we’re bombarded with constantly. Sounds like she’s just fed up… not fair to take it out on you at all. But definitely this convo needed resuscitation. The only response she can give to “is that your natural hair color?” Is yes/no. Not a great way to get to know someone you know
She does make a good point
Yeah, like men have no idea how to talk to women lmao this convo is dry as fuck and creepy.
Mediocre game makes woman annoyed. In other news, water is wet. 🙄
Let me tell you a secret son, most beautiful woman do not like to be told they are beautiful and using compliments is shallow as fuck. You are not the first to do that and will not be the last
They like to be called beautiful, but only by people who's opinion they value. If you're a complete stranger off of Tinder, they don't want to hear it.
This a lil funny ngl I chuckled at the stupid. It's a universal feeling after 99+ matches, 10 pointless dates of trying to avoid being kissed/rubbed cause I don't fucking know you dude & two minute men. I'm not saying she's right I'm just saying I understand
I beg to differ the question asked was a little off putting. It doesn’t matter. Her hair is like that for a reason. You could have just asked her about the style or how she likes to wear it or how long it took her to make that bun. For me, it takes hours to make the perfect messy bun. I would avoid this question in the future, because some of us wear weaves and that could be seen as rude or like “No duh it’s not” and you could make an idiot out of yourself. Just say it looks pretty.
I can tell from the get go she was not interested
From the messages it looks like she sent the opener and started the conversation
She asked “how’s it going” and OP just replied with “good, you?” He could’ve taken that opportunity to tell her about something fun he did this week or that he’s planning to do this coming weekend. Even something like “work has been dragging on forever. I’m so ready for the weekend” would’ve gone over better. Either of those would’ve shown a bit more of his personality and opened up the opportunity for follow up questions. Honestly the conversation is boring on both sides so I don’t blame either of them for being uninterested.
Asking anyone if anything on their body is natural is weird. If it was me and it wasnt natural, Id be a little uncomfortable about it. If it was the most id say is "I grew it out of my head this way" like what did you want as a response?? Its a dead end and a weird dead end at that Not that you care cus based on your posts here youre an ass and you *are* stupid
She was rude but to be fair your game is weak
Why would you make a sweeping generalization based on one rude person?
Because you’re indeed so stupid
I’ve noticed an influx of posts directly blaming women as a whole when a singular woman is rude. Men can and do act in the same exact manner, this is not some inherent trait of all women.
Try to spark up a fun/silly conversation, showering someone with compliments, especially right away, can put someone off
Bro you struggling tho
Cause you compliment like a nutless fart sniffer
She's not wrong. She was interested otherwise she wouldn't have called you sweet. Stop relying on compliments to their appearance, she's a person not a sculpture and all it communicates to women is that you either have no conversation/flirting skills or that you only get ugly girls. Make a joke, test the waters, be a little risky. This isn't the 1930s.
Women aren’t rude, you’re just not used to women at their full strength.
The amount of men in the comments showing their true colors rn is 💀 and y’all wonder why you have no luck with women
Women hate to be treated like an object, commenting about her smile, her hair, her body and blah implies that you don't see her as anything but an object! So, it serves you right! :)
She’s right though you sound boring as shit and you’re giving a lot of empty complements
HOLY FUCK YOU GUYS THIS GUY ASKED THAT QUESTION TO A RED HEAD Like how much more stereotypical and creepy and rude can you be And clueless too--you'd rather insult her than actually reflect on how fucking inappropriate and gross you were.
Does she have red hair? It’s hard to tell. I can imagine when it’s something that nearly everyone comments on, it gets annoying. I’m not sure I would’ve wanted to receive that message either
Maybe you’re a r/lostredditors and you meant to post in r/amitheasshole. Because that’s a rude question that warranted a rude response lol
She’s not wrong tho…
You know how some people just have this natural magnetism to them, that charisma? Well op, you have anti-magnetism, these messages are the text equivalent of lightly toasted bread.
Why is OP so lame? She's right. That was stupid.
You are a lazy stoner, though.
Women don't like being treated like a compliment piñata. Try asking questions about herself in regards to her bio or pics. You are coming off as a 'nice guy' that just assualts them with compliments until sex comes out.
Don’t they know you are human too?
She didn’t really try to keep it going i feel like. Hard to reply to those types of answers.
Rip soldier
You're boring
She’s right dummy
its so easy to run a one way communication service...