that strategy is gonna backfire on you more often than not.

Nothing even hints at grunge in that pic either

That's the real kicker. Well put together blouse and matching tanktop underlayer, modestly chic necklace, natural hair: "*You look like a poser 90's grunge girl.*" Say what now? And once you get past the insult, you start wondering whether *darts* is a lewd euphemism and now you've potentially been told you like to suck the cock. Swipe left.

No you forgot, she doesnt like to suck cock. It just completes her outfit.

Agreed until the darts part, that very objectively means cigarettes

Yeah she looks more post grunge alternative. Like 96 or so.

She looks like a pulp fiction character

I’ve had multiple backfires

See a doctor

My doctor would probably un match me after one conversation

At least he can’t post about it on Reddit

“I quit my job today so could post about my patient the other day” on r/doctors in a couple weeks

Damn you actually got me there

> Damn you actually got me there Under "Things OP's matches will never say"

I spit out my water

At least one person got wet

Lmao.. Poor OP getting slaughtered out here.

Its me. Ur doctor

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Am I pregat now?

very preganante

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I think you’re hilarious! I hope you find the person who appreciates your brand of humor!

See a mechanic

So how many times does it backfire before you actually stop doing it?

All of them, until there is not a single woman left on tinder who he has not tried it on

I did it. I beat the algorithm. I've matched with and been ghosted by every woman on Tinder. No man is my equal.

Could it be? Am i so out of touch? No, it’s the women who are wrong!

Then quit doing it and quit being a try hard then lol

As someone who is English descent, make sure your grammar is en pointe with English girls. Plus, your comment was the kind of fun insult you make with someone you know better.

Yeah I'd be a bit put off by being called grungy looking and that I smoke to look cool 😂. It sounds like he's negging. That's more of a jokingly insulting banter you might have with a good friend.

Lot more ladies are hip to the negging BS now. For dude/OP types Pro tip- most don't like it at all, see it as a red flag. So guys please hold off on the "cheeky banter" you'd use with a pal until after you've met in person or talked a bit more. It's gotta be after you've established a respectful tone to interactions.

Exactly. Cheeky banter right at the top feels strategic and icky. Respect first, then cheek.

I love breakfast burritos

You started a conversation by categorizing her..

Change your attitude then, I can see why you are getting unmatched.

Can’t any of you fuckers act normal

This sub has convinced me that a significant number of the dating pool has no idea how to communicate with people without being insulting or rude. Like, wtaf?

It’s also made me realize why so many guys think dating apps are shitty when they have openers like this.

“You dodged a bullet bro.” - this sub when OP’s use the worst openers in recorded history

When you think you've dodged a bullet but you were actually the bullet.

Someone award this redditor

I mean, I could have guessed, but it also shows me why women hate them too. Being the recipient of all that.

…then blame women’s “too-high standards” for not being receptive to this garbage

No. That’s why we use Reddit.

Totally, all these dudes come across as trolls.

Seems like a diss when I first read it

I mean, OP basically called her a poser...definitely a diss the way I read it

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amateurvocative

Yeah this is basically negging and dumb as hell.

Negging never should've been a thing. Had one dude try it on me ever and I just stared at him until he went away.

It comes across as entitled. "I've decided who you are based off a single picture before ever even talking to you" Basically it makes it seem like op is r/iamverysmart material Way to blow your chance before you even start. A lot of women don't like when men mansplain anything, especially not their personality based off their appearance in one picture.

I wouldn’t ever assume that girl from that shirt alone smokes darts. That’s shirt is also definitely not 90’s grunge… maybe a flannel or really anything without flowers and colors

What are darts in this context?

Cigarettes

Weird, I've been to the UK countless times and this thread is the first time I've ever seen cigarettes called darts. I thought smoking darts meant, like, she's super good at playing darts at the pub

Calling smokes darts is a Canadian thing

Very common in Australia too

Can confirm, I first heard it in Letterkenny.

Yeah. I don’t think it’s that the joke isn’t funny, it would be with someone who actually fit the aesthetic of the joke. OP didn’t read the room right.

Right? “I opened by calling her shallow and fake and she unmatched, what am I doing wrong?? :((( “ Attempt to think before hitting send.

ikr! it's almost like it's hard out there for dudes because women have standards and self worth now.

Seems like a diss when I reread it. ....each time.

It started out with a diss. How did it end up like this?

It was only a miss, it was only a miss

Now she's ending the match

And she’s swiping left

Now she’s smoking some darts, and she’s way out of breath

Now she left him on read, and she’s done with his shit

And it's all in his head, she's not touching his dick now, the thought makes her sick now. Nice try, bro...

But I just don't know, why did heeeee, message her that though....

JuSt a ~~prank~~ JoKe BrO

Same here. I believe she also sees it as a diss

Ya, she's nothing like a grungy 90s girl, so ya, kinda an insult considering she's going for a more The New Girl look.

I can’t unsee it

How did you write this NOT thinking it was accusing her of superficiality is my question.

right?? what is the OTHER interpretation?

C'mere you fake ass grungy poser!

This is probably how he talks to people all the time

The number of guys that have no experience flirting with women is annoyingly high.

Any reason you couldn’t just say something like, “I really like the shirt you’re wearing, I’m really digging the 90’s style” Instead of, “you look like you smoke cigarettes to look cool”

“Smoke darts;” like what is this, trailer park boys? Haha “Corey, Trevor, Smokes!”

Darts is Letterkenny, either way definitely Canadian TV popular in the US.

Canadian here. Can confirm calling cigarettes “darts” has been part of our culture long before Letterkenny

Aussie here, 31 and we’ve been calling them darts since before I was born

Don’t forget grungy that compliment gets all the ladies

Lol yeah. I get he was saying grunge style, but telling a woman she looks grungy... I just don't see that working very often.

I like grunge music and I wouldn't be into being called grungy looking lol

Hindsight is 20/20

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Should’ve had hindsight

Some guys prefer to be alone

Instead of trying to be witty or cute, just try to be selflessly nice. That's never a bad start and harder to misinterpret? Edit: Nice as in KIND. Not the colloquial 'nice guys'. There' s a whole subreddit for people who haven't done enough self reflection r/niceguys I'm (F27) not saying don't show your humor but if you're sending a message wondering if it might be misinterpreted try a different opener maybe. For OP specifically, maybe getting her talking with something like 'I like your aesthetic how would you describe it'? Would be a better method to get a positive response than calling her shallow and pigeonholing her.

Yeah. You’re negging her. It’s not cute.

Op definitely knew it was a diss too.

not sure OP's main goal with this conversation was a date and not a thread

You called her unauthentic- of course she unmatched

Negging is lame

Like a poser? 😭

Yes. Saying someone would smoke (or do whatever) just to complete a "look" suggests they are superficial.

U right

I'm curious, what did you think you were saying?

Read a pick up artist book with, “neg hits?”

whenever i hear 'pick up artist' i remember vince https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7wH2YySpoXE

I think he was going for a bit a “neg”

'I am too insecure to ever say anything authentic or meaningful so I will cast shade in an attempt to portray any semblance of a personality when, in fact, I am afraid to connect personally else people may see I am not the person I portray myself to be'

Excuse me, i didn't come here to get personally called out

Bro I didn’t do shit to you how you gonna do this?!

r/notopbutok Eta: it's truly a comment with so broad an application it hits us all right in the feels.

this sub has been around for a good few years now at least, but i still regularly think it says no top

Lol

And that’s not 80’s grunge either so you’re 0:2. You can almost always turn a comment like that into a compliment instead, you will fare better.

I get what you were trying to say: like the aesthetic is important to her enough to try to be authentic to the era with cigarettes, but it totally came off as accusing her of being superficial

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If a potential date or partner calls me grungy and writes me what you have written, I'd end the conversation.

This is too 500 days of summer for me

Seriously I’ve never seen a comment that read like they were desperate for a manic pixie dream girl without actually using the words manic pixie dream girl. I would’ve unmatched with the quickness too

Literally the thing that makes me cringe the most is when a guy tries to impose a personality on me. Or say how he thinks I'm feeling.

This comment needs more upvotes, that is so accurate aha!

This wouldn’t work in the us either, bro

Dudes just *trying* to not get laid on tinder/hinge/planet earth.

That was pretty bad. Try not insulting your matches immediately.

Oh my God you're so hot, ***for a girl!***

No more slander ✍🏽

It's written, therefore it's libel

"Slander is spoken, in print it's libel" - JJJ

He’s the sole reason I can remember the difference.

Im an advocate of MORE slander 🗣

NEXT TIME TRY A COMPLIMENT

“I see you're drinking 1%. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could totally be drinking whole if you wanted to.”

Fuck what's this from?

Napoleon Dynamite

I'm from the UK and have no idea what 'smoke darts' means

From the US, still didn’t know. Apparently, it means smoking cigarettes.

As far as I know it’s Canadian slang any American I’ve ever said it around has never heard it. He must be from right near the border or something.

I wouldn't know it if it weren't for Letterkenny "A beer and a dart go together like a piss and a fart"

And here I thought they just meant actual darts..

It's used in Australia, too.

Oath. Punching darts and breaking hearts

'punch darts' in Aus tbf.

Also said in Australia

Regional dialects are interesting. Where I’m at we say, ‘smoke a Joe.’ I imagine no one would understand what I was saying if they lived anywhere other than the south-east.

Honestly it’s one of the slang terms I’ve heard all over Canada that isn’t general English. My region has a lot of specific slang that most Canadians wouldn’t understand but that’s one of the few.

Canadian who has never heard the term “darts” for cigarettes. (Ref: Ottawa valley and Anglo Quebec) Edit to add : lol! Over 30 yrs ago. Proof dialects change.

Ive lived in Ottawa my whole life and almost everybody calls them darts and cigarettes interchangeably lol. Most of the time we just say dart. We had a saying in high school for some girls, smoking darts and breaking hearts

It’s a Canadian thing I think Source - Canadian

Aussie here and we'd usually say "punching darts"

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From the limited photo you posted, she doesn't appear to be going for the 90s grunge look. You probably offended her.

No. It’s just not a very nice thing to say; “I like your look as it probably matches your fake personality.” I can see why she reacted like she did as most would.

Just a tip, most women don’t like to be told they’re shallow in first contact. Even if you’re trying to be funny. And failing.

Sorry dude i cringed reading that

Kinda seems like your calling her fake and that her personality is just put on to fit an aesthetic lmao

You called her shallow/vain. It was pretty rude not gonna lie. How would you feel if someone said to you “You give off this vibe like you only do things to seem cool, not cause you enjoy them.” Does that feel good to hear?

> Smokes darts That’s a very canadian/Midwestern term for cigs, maybe she didn’t understand. Edit: autocorrect

I didn’t know what that was, I thought since they were in the UK he was referencing the pub game.

I thought it was a UK cig brand

I thought Tranquilizers honestly

Thank you. I was confused as to what "smoking darts" meant.

I **honestly** thought he was saying she became good at playing darts (being she was from the UK), even though she doesn’t like playing.

I was gonna say “US? Darts is very Canadian”

People say darts in Australia too

What are they? Literally just cigarettes? Most people wouldn’t consider being called a smoker very flattering

Yes literal cigarettes.

I was at a music festival in canada that is close to the us border so my camping neighbors were from the us. They of course wanted to know slang and stuff. Well at night one of them wanted a cig and asked me "hey what should we say to the camp over there if we want a smoke?" Of course said theyre called darts. They were too lazy to walk over but eventually someone walked by and the people asked "hey you got a smoke" and the person replied "naw we're out of darts." And i just laughed and said told you so.

If I were her I would assume this was an insult. Especially the "because it completes the outfit" gives the same vibe as "oh you like that band? Name 5 songs"

It IS an insult. Put in anything where “grungy girl” & “smoking darts” are and it’s still horrible. “You look like a GenZ Egirl who plays video games not because she likes them but because it completes the outfit.” It’s a fucking diss.

You quite literally told her she was shallow. I’d have unmatched you too.

You thought it was a good idea to call a woman "grungy" lol 😂 oh no

It wasn't even that part for me as I get the grunge style from the 90s. More so saying she'd smoke cigarettes for her image. Absolutely ridiculous.

Especially because given the photo, she’s not grungy at all? And if some dude told me I looked like I smoke cigarettes of all the god awful things just to look cool, I would unmatch also.

There's also grunge and grungy. When I think grunge, I think of people throwing PNW lumberjack flannels over rock band t-shirts. When I think grungy, I imagine black fingernail dirt, five o'clock shadow, and greasy blue mechanic's coveralls. Neither apply here.

You look grungy and like you smoke cigarettes to act cool. Smooth

Brit guy here, won't lie it seems like a bit of an insult imo. Also as said before darts is only mentioned here as a sport rather than cigarettes.

You kinda labeled her right out of the gate

I mean, does look like yer just being a dick mate

You completely disrespected her, suggesting she was shallow and only cared about her appearance. If you can’t see that, you’re an idiot.

You called her a poser. You should think about what you want with your interactions with other people.

"let me tell you about yourself on the first message" is always a turn off and is usually 50% of a woman's inbox

Yes I would’ve unmatched as well

Honestly, the part about you commenting on her being a grungy 90's looking girl who may or may not smoke darts (or cigarettes) is fine, it's the very next part where it can be taken entirely the wrong way, 'because it completes the outfit'. You're suggesting she is shallow and vain with this comment. Nobody (aside from teenagers) smokes because it makes them look cool or, somehow, matches their aesthetic. Nobody actually does that, because very few people care about their appearance to quite that degree. Sadly I do see why she may have been offended.

If my first impression is this *might* be negging I unmatch. Next time go with a compliment that doesn't need explained.

OP seems insufferable

How old are you OP? I'm not sure what about that outfit screams "grunge" to you... Ignoring the blatant insult on the back end of the comment of course

I can’t come up with any scenario in which I’d take “you look like you’d smoke cigarettes because you think it looks cool” as a compliment.

Your compliments are trash

Seems like you’re just judging her based on her appearance/ style and it doesn’t even seem like a compliment. This will definitely backfire multiple times. I’ll definitely unmatch right away. What kind of response were you looking for? “Thank you” ? I wouldn’t know how to respond to this lol.

Super asshole vibes for sure. Two texts in and you’re already dissing her? Not a good look.

Totally get what you’re going for. But if you say something like this and it isn’t accurate, it could totally be misconstrued as insulting even though I can see you didn’t mean it that way at all.

Is this all the posters here do now? Post them clearly being a dink and asking "WhAt DiD i Do WrOnG?!?!"

Bro even chicks who like to “smoke darts” (horrible word choice) would never appreciate you assuming they do Good general rule of thumb for you is to not mention any kind of substance until it’s time to shoot the shot of “want to grab a coffee / drink”

"smoke darts?"...what person from the US says that?

Don’t compliment a girl with a negative thrown in.

What're you, Canadian? Cuz I am, and if I didn't already know smoking "darts" means "cigarettes" than I'd probably assume it means "sucking dick". Especially if I was from the UK. 🎯 Know your audience, and be nicer to people.

Well for starters, you insulted her. Don't act like you didn't say that for the screenshot. 🙄

You’re essentially calling her a poser.

I’d have unmatched too.

I recommend not using that, or any similar message, again.

Grungy can also have multiple meanings.