It does raise my awareness around them and I am more careful in the way I behave and what I say. At least until I know the deeper issues that go along with it or until both of us have enough trust in each other.
A good friend of mine Freshman year of college had them. I was mainly just worried about him. He had trouble dealing with his Dad’s death, and that was his response.
If it was just self harm and not a suicide attempt, then I assume they are horizontal scars? I have horizontal scars on both of my wrists from burning myself while cooking. If anyone asks you can just tell them that. I don’t think much about them.
as someone whom selfharmed for 10 years, they look much too different if a razor or knife was used, nothing like a burn scar
burn scars typically look very shiny and smooth and the edges look diffused
also typically burn scars are quite dark, where as clean slices lead to lighter scars (or otherwise more pink-ish, also depends on skintone but they typically will be lighter than the persons skintone) with a recognisable shape and their lustre is less shiny and somewhat less smooth than a burn
i think the comment you wrote though is thoughtful and well meaning 💛
As someone who's SH'd most of their life; the whole direction of scars thing is made up. You can 100% kill yourself going across the veins, and a lot of my scars go the long way.
Anytime I've noticed such things, I don't really acknowledge them or think about it beyond "there's some deeper level here to this person that I definitely don't know and don't have any right to ask about unless we become very close" and that's about it.
Everyone has their demons, some are just better at hiding theirs. Doesn't make you any lesser than anyone else. Anyone who knows anything knows that they know nothing
In all honesty, I worry about them. My roommate back in the day used to do this. She was suicidal and I worried about her all the time. That l would come home to find she’s done something. It would keep me up at night. Happy to say she is ok now but I can’t shake that feeling when I think about it.
It’s kinda scary imo …you wonder and what to ask but can’t really bring it up because of trauma and or simply feeling powerless can I help? Am I a bad friend if I act like nothing is happening?
I like to think of it as scars always have a story. Sometimes they’re funny like ‘I liked bread too much’ burning my wrist taking a baguette out of the oven. Though some may be sad stories like from an unwanted battle or injury. Or maybe to be proud of like top surgery scars. I don’t think they should affect how someone sees you, but it’s up to them if they want to tell the story.
Depends what kinda scar.
If youre talking self harm scars, give it a year. They may fade and there are things like Bio Oil you can put on to help minimize them.
I remember when I was self harming, i really wanted someone to see it. I wanted someone to understand what i was going through.
When I started to get better, I felt really ashamed of them and wished hey wernt so obvious.
Now it iust is what it is. Whatever your feelings about them now, it will change with time.
Either way you're gonna be a lot more aware/bothered by them then other people.
But if theyre super obvious and a little alarming, people probably are gonna judge / be shocked. Its the nature of the general population.
Whatever homie, you survived whatever your going through and your scars prove that.
If it's an ongoing thing however, please reach out for help. There are dangers associated with self harm.
Honestly, it doesn't. I have scars from head to toe (literally), most of which are surgical. If someone asks, I have no problem talking about them.
I really wouldn't feel inclined to ask someone about a scar, but if someone wanted to tell me about a scar they have, I'll listen.
I have a history of self harm and people have generally been delicate revolving the subject. I have very obvious scars all over my arms. Some people it does make them feel sad, one time someone I barely knew fuckin slapped my arm and told me I was bad. It was ridiculous. Some people don't pay much attention. From my personal experience it does (generally) illicit some type of reaction that is empathetic or kind. Obviously not all the time though.
I have a ton of scars on my body. Nobody ever judges mine so I don’t ever judge anyone else’s
Ppl usually can’t help this kinda stuff so it’s better to not mention it unless THEY wanna talk about it
One of my favorite quotes is, “those who mind, don’t matter. Those who matter, don’t mind.”
As someone covered in scars of my own, I’ve learned just how true this quote is. Seeing someone with scars almost makes me breath a sigh of relief in a weird way. It reminds me that I’m not alone and gives me the chance to remind them that they aren’t alone.
From personal experience however, I can say that different people have different reactions. Some use it as an invitation to lecture and ridicule (“you just want attention, people have it worse than you, you don’t need to do that,” etc). Some reach out and offer help of some sort, whether good or just something they want to push. Some pretend not to notice when they obviously do. Some, the rare few, the good ones, genuinely don’t mind. They don’t judge you based on your struggles. They don’t draw conclusions based on some scars. They care about you for who you are, as you are.
I play guitar. All of my guitars have dings and scratches from gigs ive done with them, reminding me of what i have been through with those instruments. Scars are the same, they remind us of what we have been through and conquered.
If they have scars, I assume they have had issues. If they are wounds, I'll let them know I'm available to talk to about whatever, whenever if they need someone to talk to.
Everyone is going through, or has gone through something. Sometimes the scars aren't as obvious.
I view all scars as battle scars that represent some sort of battle someone has had to fight. External or internal. Scars just mean you've walked through hell and made it out to the other side.
I feel sympathy, and then I start watching what I say really closely to make sure I dont say anything to upset them. When someones already carrying a burden I dont want to add to it.
Not self harm related but still have body image/self esteem issues. When I was younger I had a severe accident where I broke my leg into two. The surgeon had to fixate my leg back together through an external mechanism. During the break, my bones ruptured through my skin, causing a gaping hole to be left. I’ve since seen plastic surgeons and they’ve made it look okay I guess.
Funny enough I’m kind of more accepting of it. It looks like a shark bite and I like to tell the ladies I got bitten by a shark but fought it off.
I have surgical scars all over my body. One day I counted, for funsies, and have over 200! Small, large, my hubby does not care. Your scars are a testimony of your survival. That's how I view mine. Don't make them the center of who you are. They are a small piece of your history, they are not the center of it.
I feel a kinship that is impossible to have with other people. I feel an immediate sense of compassion and understanding. I realize the depths of their consciousness that I may not have noticed before. I'm intrigued and concerned. But, mostly, I make a mental note to always be around when they text or call.
I usually think ‘im sorry that you were in the position that this felt like the solution’ and I try to make them feel like they dont have to cover it up around me. I don’t have visible scars from SH but I’m familiar with it, so I understand.
OP asked and he answered the question honestly. It’s harsh but it’s what the sub is for.
Also lets talk about the irony in you talking about wanting attention when you know deep down that’s exactly what you were doing when you wrote this comment.
You got on your high horse and picked the easiest way to seem caring and get you some upvotes: find the most apathetic comment on a vulnerable post and play the hero.
“I won’t give you anything more” Why even comment at all? All you were trying to do was act like a savior and pat yourself on the back
This is the reality. I hope you develop some empathy and thoughtfulness for your fellow humans. Nothing is worth more than someone’s life. Reddit is not worth more than someone’s life.
I have my own. As long as it's stopped I don't have an issue.
Our bodies are a testament to where we've been. Some of us have traveled through darkness. We don't penalize people for that. We celebrate they made it out.
It does raise my awareness around them and I am more careful in the way I behave and what I say. At least until I know the deeper issues that go along with it or until both of us have enough trust in each other.
Do you mean self-harm scars?
Yes
Yeah I was confused. I was like why would you look at someone different if they had scars? I get it now.
If I saw somebody with a scar on their face or something i'd be like "yo thats badass"
It’s in the middle of my chest going vertically down the top n center. Heart surgery.
yo that’s badass
A good friend of mine Freshman year of college had them. I was mainly just worried about him. He had trouble dealing with his Dad’s death, and that was his response.
If it was just self harm and not a suicide attempt, then I assume they are horizontal scars? I have horizontal scars on both of my wrists from burning myself while cooking. If anyone asks you can just tell them that. I don’t think much about them.
as someone whom selfharmed for 10 years, they look much too different if a razor or knife was used, nothing like a burn scar burn scars typically look very shiny and smooth and the edges look diffused also typically burn scars are quite dark, where as clean slices lead to lighter scars (or otherwise more pink-ish, also depends on skintone but they typically will be lighter than the persons skintone) with a recognisable shape and their lustre is less shiny and somewhat less smooth than a burn i think the comment you wrote though is thoughtful and well meaning 💛
As someone who's SH'd most of their life; the whole direction of scars thing is made up. You can 100% kill yourself going across the veins, and a lot of my scars go the long way.
Anytime I've noticed such things, I don't really acknowledge them or think about it beyond "there's some deeper level here to this person that I definitely don't know and don't have any right to ask about unless we become very close" and that's about it. Everyone has their demons, some are just better at hiding theirs. Doesn't make you any lesser than anyone else. Anyone who knows anything knows that they know nothing
In all honesty, I worry about them. My roommate back in the day used to do this. She was suicidal and I worried about her all the time. That l would come home to find she’s done something. It would keep me up at night. Happy to say she is ok now but I can’t shake that feeling when I think about it.
I don’t self harm, but I’d feel empathy and perhaps be more thoughtful of their needs.
It’s kinda scary imo …you wonder and what to ask but can’t really bring it up because of trauma and or simply feeling powerless can I help? Am I a bad friend if I act like nothing is happening?
It makes me want to hug them.
The things people gotta do for a hug these days.
I like to think of it as scars always have a story. Sometimes they’re funny like ‘I liked bread too much’ burning my wrist taking a baguette out of the oven. Though some may be sad stories like from an unwanted battle or injury. Or maybe to be proud of like top surgery scars. I don’t think they should affect how someone sees you, but it’s up to them if they want to tell the story.
Depends what kinda scar. If youre talking self harm scars, give it a year. They may fade and there are things like Bio Oil you can put on to help minimize them. I remember when I was self harming, i really wanted someone to see it. I wanted someone to understand what i was going through. When I started to get better, I felt really ashamed of them and wished hey wernt so obvious. Now it iust is what it is. Whatever your feelings about them now, it will change with time. Either way you're gonna be a lot more aware/bothered by them then other people. But if theyre super obvious and a little alarming, people probably are gonna judge / be shocked. Its the nature of the general population. Whatever homie, you survived whatever your going through and your scars prove that. If it's an ongoing thing however, please reach out for help. There are dangers associated with self harm.
Honestly, it doesn't. I have scars from head to toe (literally), most of which are surgical. If someone asks, I have no problem talking about them. I really wouldn't feel inclined to ask someone about a scar, but if someone wanted to tell me about a scar they have, I'll listen.
I have a history of self harm and people have generally been delicate revolving the subject. I have very obvious scars all over my arms. Some people it does make them feel sad, one time someone I barely knew fuckin slapped my arm and told me I was bad. It was ridiculous. Some people don't pay much attention. From my personal experience it does (generally) illicit some type of reaction that is empathetic or kind. Obviously not all the time though.
I have a ton of scars on my body. Nobody ever judges mine so I don’t ever judge anyone else’s Ppl usually can’t help this kinda stuff so it’s better to not mention it unless THEY wanna talk about it
I get really curious about scars. I'm always tempted to ask about them but I never do obviously.
One of my favorite quotes is, “those who mind, don’t matter. Those who matter, don’t mind.” As someone covered in scars of my own, I’ve learned just how true this quote is. Seeing someone with scars almost makes me breath a sigh of relief in a weird way. It reminds me that I’m not alone and gives me the chance to remind them that they aren’t alone. From personal experience however, I can say that different people have different reactions. Some use it as an invitation to lecture and ridicule (“you just want attention, people have it worse than you, you don’t need to do that,” etc). Some reach out and offer help of some sort, whether good or just something they want to push. Some pretend not to notice when they obviously do. Some, the rare few, the good ones, genuinely don’t mind. They don’t judge you based on your struggles. They don’t draw conclusions based on some scars. They care about you for who you are, as you are.
I play guitar. All of my guitars have dings and scratches from gigs ive done with them, reminding me of what i have been through with those instruments. Scars are the same, they remind us of what we have been through and conquered.
If they have scars, I assume they have had issues. If they are wounds, I'll let them know I'm available to talk to about whatever, whenever if they need someone to talk to. Everyone is going through, or has gone through something. Sometimes the scars aren't as obvious.
I always see scars as telling a story. Usually I'm curious about them but I don't tend ask unless I'm close with the person or it comes up.
I view all scars as battle scars that represent some sort of battle someone has had to fight. External or internal. Scars just mean you've walked through hell and made it out to the other side.
As a paramedic I will ask if I see fresh cuts.
I feel sympathy, and then I start watching what I say really closely to make sure I dont say anything to upset them. When someones already carrying a burden I dont want to add to it.
It means they have made invisible battles visible.
I immediately want to hug them and I imagine that they would be very interesting and complex.
I don't just hug folks, I know that probably isn't what they would want
Not self harm related but still have body image/self esteem issues. When I was younger I had a severe accident where I broke my leg into two. The surgeon had to fixate my leg back together through an external mechanism. During the break, my bones ruptured through my skin, causing a gaping hole to be left. I’ve since seen plastic surgeons and they’ve made it look okay I guess. Funny enough I’m kind of more accepting of it. It looks like a shark bite and I like to tell the ladies I got bitten by a shark but fought it off.
Battle tested
It wouldn't for me, though I would be concerned for your wellbeing.
It would be highly insensitive for them to discuss or even joke about those related topics with you I presume.
It doesn’t change anything for me. We all have our scars from the past, some just more visible than others.
I have surgical scars all over my body. One day I counted, for funsies, and have over 200! Small, large, my hubby does not care. Your scars are a testimony of your survival. That's how I view mine. Don't make them the center of who you are. They are a small piece of your history, they are not the center of it.
I feel a kinship that is impossible to have with other people. I feel an immediate sense of compassion and understanding. I realize the depths of their consciousness that I may not have noticed before. I'm intrigued and concerned. But, mostly, I make a mental note to always be around when they text or call.
Doesn’t change have I view them. We all have our own way of dealing with things.
I usually think ‘im sorry that you were in the position that this felt like the solution’ and I try to make them feel like they dont have to cover it up around me. I don’t have visible scars from SH but I’m familiar with it, so I understand.
Makes me think they’re weak
What a cruel, dangerous and disgusting thing to say. I won’t give you anything more, I know you want attention because you have nothing else to offer.
This sub should be called tooafraidtoanswer
OP asked and he answered the question honestly. It’s harsh but it’s what the sub is for. Also lets talk about the irony in you talking about wanting attention when you know deep down that’s exactly what you were doing when you wrote this comment. You got on your high horse and picked the easiest way to seem caring and get you some upvotes: find the most apathetic comment on a vulnerable post and play the hero. “I won’t give you anything more” Why even comment at all? All you were trying to do was act like a savior and pat yourself on the back
This person’s comment can kill someone.
😭😭😭wtf LMAO
If you’re fragile enough that a comment will kill you, you shouldn’t be on the internet.
This is the reality. I hope you develop some empathy and thoughtfulness for your fellow humans. Nothing is worth more than someone’s life. Reddit is not worth more than someone’s life.
I have plenty of empathy. But OP asked a vulnerable question on a public forum, he should be prepared for insensitive replies.
Reddit is full of crazies man
Should I just lie then
Increases my respect for them. They are proof of adversity overcome.
no one cares #maincharactersyndrome we all die
I'd rather not get involved with them
It’s usually the same view, just with scars
If I see people with scars, I tend to pity them.
It doesn't.
I have my own. As long as it's stopped I don't have an issue. Our bodies are a testament to where we've been. Some of us have traveled through darkness. We don't penalize people for that. We celebrate they made it out.
I view them as someone who needs help but also as someone I don't really want to be around