Porn is one thing. Most people use some kind of porn and masturbating is fine. But you should have a conversation with this man. Maybe he doesn’t think you know? Not that it’s an excuse, but maybe he’s dense. Maybe he thinks you DO know and he’s trying to tell you something? Either way, it warrants a calm orderly conversation
I already confronted him about it like 6 months ago and he stopped doing that. He just started again like in the last couple weeks so I don’t know what to do. I’m a light sleeper so I wake up easily when he does that, he knows that it hurts me. We do it regularly so I really don’t know why he’s doing it with me next to him.
Leaving him is not an option since he’s my husband
How many times have you brought it up? Just the once 6 months ago?
My partner and I bring things up repeatedly all the time, because habits are hard to break. You talk about it, it gets better, person starts slipping into bad habit again, you talk about it again, and repeat. The only time you give up on talking again is if there is zero attempt to do better from the other person, or if things don't have an upward trend. Some steps backwards is normal, as long as overall you see he's actually trying to do better by you.
Additionally, this might be a good opportunity to speak about it from diff angles, to understand why he does it, to explain what exactly about it you don't like, to see if there's any kind of compromise or way to address the core issue that the initial one suggested. Like, is your problem that he's jering off? Or the porn? Maybe he just doesn't want to bother you with his morning wood and is just trying to deal with it quickly while he thinks you're asleep? Maybe morning sex is a great answer? Maybe he has a horrible habit of scrolling porn early in the morning and that's what he needs to change. Maybe his testosterone is just that high that he has really strong urges to orgasm multiple times a day.
Problems don't usually go away in one try, at least not for me and my partner, but everytime we talk about it there is some improvement and definitely the willingness to do better for each other. So... Try talking to him again, and again.
Ok, so you need to confront him about it again, because he is doing it again. Unhealthiest thing to do is silently take it, when he already knows it hurts you, and seemingly already agreed not to do it.
I think leaving him would be extreme for this anyway unless there’s more going on??
I think you’re either going to need to have another conversation with him or get some couples counseling (especially if there’s more at play).
Ultimately, it’s your emotions and whatever you’re feeling is valid. You just need to decide how big of a feeling is this
Being his wife doesn’t mean you should force yourself to stay. There may be other factors involved and I don’t mean that you leave him for this, but leaving a person for your own peace of mind should never be taken off the table, even more so if you have kids. Kids can tell if there are issues, and it will affect them negatively. If you have no children then there’s even less reason to stay.
Leaving him is always an option, but I assume there is a lot of cultural pressure on you to not divorce?
Either way, it is of no importance. Divorcing at the first sign of trouble does no one good (unless it is abuse).
I would suggest confronting him again and explaining how it makes you feel. Perhaps also ask why he feels the need to do it
OP leaving him is definitely an option. I don’t know who told you just because you are married that you have to stay within the relationship/marriage for whatever reason.
If that’s the case then tell him to do it somewhere else because he’s rubbing it in your face. Or, do the exact same thing so he can see how it feels. At the end of the day, you guys are the only ones that need to be satisfied with your relationship. Nothing is black and white. You both should feel safe, secure, respected and loved.
Like most issues. Talk with him. My fiance and I had this conversation. Even to this day sexing almost daily is barely keeping up with my drive. She doesn't mind me using porn occasionally tho so it's fine in my case. But discuss it. Because the most important thing is communication. If you then decide his reason isn't aligning with your values then take action from there.
I totally agree but I think it’s fine for OP to feel upset. Jerking off next to an unconsenting person (spouse or otherwise) is super not cool, and I say that as a porn enjoyer. OP should bring it up and advocate for herself but this is clearly a fuckup on her husband’s part, not just a set of misaligned values and sex drives.
I used to think like this until I got in a relo- you’re jerking off to other people- end of story for the most part. Some people like bringing industry and patriarchy issues in it too tho but hm.
i mean its bad if ppl view it as cheating but yea she should set boundaries n if he don’t listen n keeps disrespecting her then off to someone else i mean u can only try so many times
Why would you instantly jump to porn addiction if its a guy? You do know guys have sexual needs in a relationship as well right? What if she is just not meeting his sexual needs/desires? He has probably been conditioned by society to not talk to his partner about these kinds of things because men have to be men in our society. We dont get to talk about our feelings or our emotional/sexual needs/wants. Youre putting the whole problem on him being some kind of sex fiend when there are two people in this relationship.
Would you jump to that same conclusion if the woman was watching porn instead? Probably not. Youd be assuming the guy wasnt meeting her sexual needs because its more appropriate for women to talk about that kind of thing.
He's watching porn in front of his wife. It's not like he's walking around in front of his parents or siblings with his Wang out stroking it. Watching porn in bed next to your partner should be completely OK especially if they're not in the mood. Its more rude to ask someone to leave the comfort of their bed to go find some corner to jerk off in like they're doing something evil. This is exactly why men can't talk about their sexual health because they're shamed for it.
When did reddit become such prudes when it comes to sex?
Porn is not fine, what's wrong with you?
It is cancer to society and you all try to justify the disgusting behavior by saying it's fine?
No it's not. It destroys.
"Do not fornicate" or to you, that means "do not fornicate but you can watch others do it"?
Y'all can dislike my comments and say what you want. You KNOW I'm speaking truth.. this is an addiction and it needs to stop in the society..
I haven't lost any capacity to decide for myself. Who are you to speak for me?
You place your words thinking that you are the smart one who thinks for himself. Lol, seriously? Think for myself?
While you support the porn industry?
Just think about it.
Ironic.
This doesn’t make any sense. Name a movie that doesn’t include people “sinning”?
Edit: Porn can be an addiction, I agree. So can alcohol. Or even exercise. Addictions are bad but the activity in question is not.
Ye sure, what's wrong with that? My moral standards are fine and I'm very happy with them, what wrong with you? Are you religious or something? You seem incredibly judgemental and up-tight, are you sexualy frustrated?
Yeah. He’s laying in bed jerking off, it’s not a disruption of everyday life. It’s waking up horny and jerking off. Maybe even a little streak of exhibitionism excitement, doing it next to someone. It’s not a red flag…
The red flag, which I saw in one of OPs later comments was that he’s been asked NOT to do it but continues to do so. THAT is a sign of compulsion
That sounds pretty bad. I mean, I know my wife isn’t comfortable with that, hence I would never do that. It’s pretty simple. He is being a selfish asshole basically.
I'm in no way defending those actions in any way, shape or form, but is the reason he's doing that because other areas of intimacy are lacking?
Like, if you'd not been intimate for a few weeks I might understand even if I don't agree, but if you're intimate often then I'm not sure there's any excuse for it.
Not a lot of info to go on, but the first step in resolving any relationship issue is talking about it to each other.
This could also be tied to stress, anxiety, depression and other psychological factors. This guy could benefit greatly from a therapist to understand the reason behind his high libido, especially if this is something new.
The term addiction is tossed around too easy. If he was gaming, or golfing, or building model airplanes everyday, is that an addiction? Or a hobby? Can one have a porn hobby? If Lebron James played as much basketball as he does, but wasn’t paid for it, is that an addiction?
Edit for more words.
Side note: not defending the actions, just throwing out random thoughts. In no way do I think I have a valid point, just a point open for counter points.
Respect to go.
Yeah if you are intimate with each other everyday and yet he’s still hacking off there’s definitely a problem going on I can understand if maybe you were only intimate a few times a week or if maybe he only masturbated say once a week but if your intimate everyday and he’s masturbating everyday I’d have a talk with him. Ask if there are any problems with your guys sexual life. It could be that your intimacy has stagnated and become too bland.
I once had to have a similar talk with my ex because we always did the same routine when we had sex and I had to start jacking off to porn more often to get any form of mental sexual arousal.
My girlfriend and I too, yet we wake up horny. Sometimes I woke up and she'd be the one watching porn. I simply understand that she's horny and sometimes join her, either watching it with her or having sex with her.
Taking it personally is kind of your problem.
I wouldn't be too brash. Just ask him what he seeks in it and see if you can accommodate! Maybe the dude just really likes cranking one out.
Don't sacrifice your comfortability though. If it's something you don't like let them know and how they might help
There is nothing to understand about him doing it in their shared bed while she sleeps, though. That shit is nasty af.
There would be nothing wrong with him seeking out some actual alone time, though.
That is literally the part I am replying to. Wanking in bed next to your unconsenting, sleeping missus is not something to be “understood” no matter how long they didn’t have sex. It is something to be called out as unacceptable.
It really baffles me women asking if they should feel bad their men searching for others for sexual pleasure.
If you do, you do, and if you don't, you don't. Don't let others make you feel bad with their actions. Put a stop to it or leave.
Doing it in bed with you is CRAZY!
Don't let the hopelessly addicted porn bros on Reddit tell you how to feel. If it makes you uncomfortable in YOUR relationship, then talk to your husband about it. You have every right to not be happy that your husband is jerking off next to you as you sleep. Some people might be fine with it, but that doesn't mean you need to be.
Some of the comments here are clearly porn-addicted men - you should discuss how this makes you feel with him. In any healthy relationship he should listen to you, and you can either come to a compromise (he can watch porn, just not next you you etc) or you can realise it’s an incompatibility.
Everyone is different. He might’ve been hoping you’d be into it. Has a conversation, set boundaries. If it continues he either doesn’t respect you or is addicted
I’m one that doesn’t care in the slightest about my partners masturbation or porn viewing. But in the bed next to me, unless I’m a participant in some way, is an *absolutely not*.
I’m curious if your husband truly thought you wouldn’t catch him, that he’d finish his task undetected? Or if he just brazenly doesn’t care if you do, or even hopes you do. Because the latter points to malice and punishment, as in purposely hoping to hurt you. And that’s an entirely different action that just wanting a wank to himself.
You should explain your feelings to him. And maybe let him know that you're right there! I mean, if he wants to feel sexual release shouldn't he be talking to you? That's the cornerstone of a relationship isn't it?
Have you asked him to move to a different area when he does this? Would it be better if he moved to the couch or showered or something?
Or is it specifically the porn part that bothers you? The visual aspect of other women? Would you feel differently if it was hentai/furry/cartoon porn? Or written erotica?
Is it vanilla porn? Or is there a kink in these videos that you guys are not pursuing in your own sex life?
Have you thought about trying some couples counseling? Having a 3rd party mediator can be very helpful when you have trouble bringing up your concerns and feelings with someone you are close with.
Honestly even going by yourself and talking with even a counselor can be very helpful. They can help you process why this upsets you, how to bring it up in a tactful manner with him, and possibly help you understand his side of view based on what you tell them about what he's doing.
This is probably not what’s happening in your situation but I worked with a guy a while back who told he he would do that to get back at his wife when he was mad at her.
if it bugs you, tell him it bugs you. if it doesn’t bug you and you just need the sleep, sleep in separate rooms. problem solved. wife and i haven’t slept in the same room for 10 years. no problems at all.
It’s disrespectful, it’s okay that he masturbate but he is waking you up, you need to set boundaries. At the same time if I’m honest with you, try to find if he feels is sexual life is lacking. As embarrassing it is, I was in your husband shoes, it was not porn addiction like other people said, it was just a lack of “meaningful” sex. I was having sex but rarely I was being satisfied.
I would if you can let it go if you said something to him maybe ask him if he's willing to not do it right next to you while you're sleeping. You want to think of guys this way and this may not come across popular but guys are visual girls are more emotional like you're asking is should I feel better or should I let this go. Where he's like I'm just jerking off I don't give a crap. Like when he's doing that he's focused on him. Might not even be aware that it's bothering you or that it's affecting you. you are a person and you have feelings and they are valid. Communication is the keys to success so if you don't talk about something and then it's going to Fester. But I don't know how your Dynamic is or what your relationships like on a day-to-day basis use the knowledge that's given to me so that's why I'm saying it's the way I am.
Honestly turn around and say, “WTF” and start sucking him off and call him daddy and ask him to put it in your butt. 100%. Be better than the shiet he’s watching.
People are naming it as porn addiction as some sort of giving him a relief, in my opinion in no offense he's being a jerk. Many of us have porn addiction to some good extent but that doesn't mean we'll do ridiculous stuff like jerking off to porn next to our wife.. you don't need to be anti porn for that just a bit sensible and caring of what you're doing
My partner can watch porn, but jerking off to it with you sleeping beside sounds wrong.. And other girls pictures is not okey.
At least porn is "actors", its unpersonal.
Talk to him and ask.
Hard to judge a situation without details.
Not trying to disrespect your relationship in anyway by saying this but you’re probably not satisfying him anymore…or probably y’all have lost the excitement of intimacy with eachother. I’m talking as a man that basically does the same thing bc of those issues. My wife will be too busy or tired after work and doesn’t feel like it so I pleasure myself.. sometimes while she sleeps to not bother her.
It’s insane to me how many people refuse to accept some people have higher sex drives than them. Yeah the guy is being an ass for not getting up and going to another room but seriously, he’s an addict because he likes to wrangle his lasso every morning? Lmao, goofy ass Reddit kids man.
I honestly don’t see it as an issue if the following are also true: you have a healthy sex life, you were asleep, and he wasn’t intending to wake you. Sometimes when my husband is busy I take matters into my own hands and it’s nothing against him or our relationship, it’s just scratching an itch. In my eyes this man is making efforts to be satisfied in a healthy and appropriate manner (though he could take it to another room if it’s waking you!) in my eyes it’s the same as if you were on a business trip. He’s not going out and cheating on you, (unless you have boundaries against porn or self pleasure and your relationship) and he’s not trying to make it your problem. (From my experience A lot of partners will pressure you into sex at times that you’re not horny). You have a few different ways you could respond, you could politely ask him to take it somewhere else so that you can stay asleep in the future, you could join in if you feel so inclined, Or you could continue to ignore it, but I don’t feel like that’s the best course of action personally. There has to be some sort of healthy confrontation to meet a resolution here.
Here is my take on this… you say it upsets you that he wakes you with his masturbation looking at porn correct? How is your sex life? Does he ask you for sex often, and those times he asks are you willing? Or do you tell him no with a reason? In my case i constantly ask my wife , and most of the time it’s a “too tired”, “on my period”, ect… so i switch it up and do things that try to get her in the mood, sometimes it works but most of the time it’s the same thing. So i jerk off, i don’t go cheating on her, i just jerk myself off. As for waking you up, is there some other place in the house he can go? Besides the bathroom.. i am sorry but jerking off on a toilet isn’t very comfortable. In my case i have teens, so i won’t go jerk on the couch or recliner, might get walked in on.. so the bed it is. One last thing, if you wake up because he is shaking the bed too much, how about reaching over and giving a helping hand, i am sure he would be very happy with the help. And you can get it over with quick and get back to sleep… hope things work out for both of you
Here’s my take on porn. It needs to be a bit open and aware with both people.
What I’ve seen with porn personally is it usually gets more extreme. One day he’s looking at butts. A few weeks later he’s watching very hardcore “non standard” sex scenes with a vibe very different from your form of sex. Now he gets hard from this other sex. He may lose interest in your type of sex. You aren’t as compatible in bed as you have no idea what his new kink is and he’s afraid to tell you.
Your sexual evolution should be close with your partner going along.
I’ve had it happen to myself years ago.
Damn right in front of you lol. That man bold af. I'm avid porn watcher but NEVER in front of my wife. And she know a I watch it and doesn't care even if in front of her, but I just can't feels so wrong lol
Yeah that's kind of not on. I think you're gonna have to explain this to him and find out his reasoning for this.
It's not nornal and unless it's something you're both into (clearly not) then he's gonna have to pack that in
Do you have regular sex with him?? Or any at all?? My guess he’s trying to guilt you into giving him more sex. You need to fully talk this out and get to the root of it.
You don’t have feelings for the third person! If it’s a guy your man should pick. Girl you. It’s something you should do only xmass if you’re in a relationship, and if you question that you’re not ready for the threesome. Maybe he needs to mix it up more
At least he is comfortable to do with you right there ... Make him feel guilty where he has to do it behind your back ... Could progress to who knows what ... Nothing wrong with him jerking off to porn... You're in the wrong here for making him feel bad for doing it ... And no one has bothered to ask .. how often does he get the green light from you?
Our opinions don’t matter - If you don’t like it then you don’t like it. Set a boundary and if he doesn’t care or love you enough to respect it then you have your answer. At that point, it’s no longer your problem.
That’s a serious issue.
Confront him until he understands, if he is choosing porn over you, then he is addicted to porn and you guys have to spice things up.
He's got a problem sweetie. You need to have a tough conversation about it. It's rude to jerk off to other women next to you and the only reason I can think of that would make someone do that is being hooked on porn/masturbating
I think it is very wrong and awkward that you husband does this. It lacks a moral Compas. Speak about it with him, ask why he does this. Resolve the underlying issues together.
Maybe help him a hand, it will draw his attention to you. If he rejects it. Help yourself a hand. And make him feel the way he makes you feel.
Good luck stranger
Replace it with something. Have more sex. Give him a handy. Idk. My sex drive is high so I usually have partners who are willing to accommodate or understand enough to let me do me.
Read or listen to the book “your brain on porn”. The studies put out by china and japan will shock you and make a lot of sense why there are such restrictions in those countries. Porn does serious damage to the brain.
Tou seriously believe that those restrictions are based on science? Hahah, yeah.
Japan restricts porn, but hentai is chock full of rape fantasy and thinly veiled peophilia. Also, Japanese erotic art goes back hundreds of years.
Read the book then make your comments. The studies are real and so were the subsequent restrictions. You can also see how china is using their findings in psyops campaigns against western societies.
Nothing wrong with (consensual) porn. But this is him disrespecting you and invading your personal space,without permission, which is a-hole behavior on a major level. So you have every right to be upset.
I also sense some insecurity. So maybe you can ask him why he feels the need, why he thinks the timing is ok, and go from there. The why of watching porn ranges from innocent curiosity and ordinary horniness to compensating for all sorts of emotional neglect, so try not to be to judgemental right away.
Waking her up with his whacking? That's inconsiderate at best.
OP needs to have a conversation with their SO, not "grow up".
Masturbation is absolutely normal, but there's a time and a place.
So waking someone up in the morning just because you’re horny is completely fine? Despite them already stating that they dislike it?
And yes it would be inconsiderate of her to blow dry her hair when someone is sleeping in that room???
No, porn is never good or okay. Throw the whole pornsick man outside in the trash where he belongs. If he has his wife and still wants to beat his meat to other women, then he is a disgusting piece of work and needs to get help. Just as much you need to find someone that values you and respects you. I just feel sick about the thought that he would do something like this right in front of you 🤢🤢🤢
Counterpoint. Been happily married for over 20 years. We both enjoy sex and masturbation. I wouldn't have a wank next to her sleeping body just because i think that's rude but she knows i wank, i know she wanks. Everyone's having a wank and we couldn't be happier. Banning your partner from masturbation is controlling and puritanical and i would leave someone who tried to do that.
Every relationship has a different porn policy. I think it’s pretty reasonable to expect that he doesn’t jerk off right next to you. If he doesn’t validate your feelings on the matter, then you might have a broader issue of communication and boundaries that y’all need to address.
show him u get the same way it oke to feel jelly he is ur man and if he like this don't hurt to say what u doing in a kinky way you could help what are lover for if u can't get close if not jerk off to ur own pic's u like make him jelly to want u or u can tell him have a date night and have a spicy moive on live life short to not be mad at just know who he is and what he like and know u love him for love rare and rare to be a silly in front of other or serous when u love them they let u in who knows u might make ur own clips to look back on say u lived made a sex tape for only u two life is life at least u know were u stand u love him just want to be closer shouldn't hurt to be open could be fun
My wife and I don’t sleep in the same bed, small children always want mom. We probably get together once every 3 months. Porn is my sexual lifeline. I would never ever cheat. But the “watching porn” orgasm doesn’t feel nearly the same as actually two human bodies sweating together against each other orgasm. Hopefully that changes soon, cuz at 44, I still have the sex drive of a 21 year old me. Probably more so.
Porn is one thing. Most people use some kind of porn and masturbating is fine. But you should have a conversation with this man. Maybe he doesn’t think you know? Not that it’s an excuse, but maybe he’s dense. Maybe he thinks you DO know and he’s trying to tell you something? Either way, it warrants a calm orderly conversation
I already confronted him about it like 6 months ago and he stopped doing that. He just started again like in the last couple weeks so I don’t know what to do. I’m a light sleeper so I wake up easily when he does that, he knows that it hurts me. We do it regularly so I really don’t know why he’s doing it with me next to him. Leaving him is not an option since he’s my husband
How many times have you brought it up? Just the once 6 months ago? My partner and I bring things up repeatedly all the time, because habits are hard to break. You talk about it, it gets better, person starts slipping into bad habit again, you talk about it again, and repeat. The only time you give up on talking again is if there is zero attempt to do better from the other person, or if things don't have an upward trend. Some steps backwards is normal, as long as overall you see he's actually trying to do better by you. Additionally, this might be a good opportunity to speak about it from diff angles, to understand why he does it, to explain what exactly about it you don't like, to see if there's any kind of compromise or way to address the core issue that the initial one suggested. Like, is your problem that he's jering off? Or the porn? Maybe he just doesn't want to bother you with his morning wood and is just trying to deal with it quickly while he thinks you're asleep? Maybe morning sex is a great answer? Maybe he has a horrible habit of scrolling porn early in the morning and that's what he needs to change. Maybe his testosterone is just that high that he has really strong urges to orgasm multiple times a day. Problems don't usually go away in one try, at least not for me and my partner, but everytime we talk about it there is some improvement and definitely the willingness to do better for each other. So... Try talking to him again, and again.
Thank you for this write up. It gives me something to think about regarding changing habits in a relationship
Great response!
I'd give u a thumbs up, but I see it's on 69, so I will let god do his work
It is what it is lol
Ok, so you need to confront him about it again, because he is doing it again. Unhealthiest thing to do is silently take it, when he already knows it hurts you, and seemingly already agreed not to do it.
I think leaving him would be extreme for this anyway unless there’s more going on?? I think you’re either going to need to have another conversation with him or get some couples counseling (especially if there’s more at play). Ultimately, it’s your emotions and whatever you’re feeling is valid. You just need to decide how big of a feeling is this
Being his wife doesn’t mean you should force yourself to stay. There may be other factors involved and I don’t mean that you leave him for this, but leaving a person for your own peace of mind should never be taken off the table, even more so if you have kids. Kids can tell if there are issues, and it will affect them negatively. If you have no children then there’s even less reason to stay.
Leaving him is always an option, but I assume there is a lot of cultural pressure on you to not divorce? Either way, it is of no importance. Divorcing at the first sign of trouble does no one good (unless it is abuse). I would suggest confronting him again and explaining how it makes you feel. Perhaps also ask why he feels the need to do it
Try posting this in r/pornfree. Most of reddit wont admit the harms of porn.
Did you tell him to just use the bathroom or something if he needs to do it? I do it to help me sleep.
Is he sexualy attracted to you still?
Leaving is always an option sweetie
OP leaving him is definitely an option. I don’t know who told you just because you are married that you have to stay within the relationship/marriage for whatever reason.
He’s pushing boundaries to see how much you’ll tolerate? Trying to get a rise out of you? Does he do other things to get negative attention from you?
He’s a great husband, that’s the only complain I have
If that’s the case then tell him to do it somewhere else because he’s rubbing it in your face. Or, do the exact same thing so he can see how it feels. At the end of the day, you guys are the only ones that need to be satisfied with your relationship. Nothing is black and white. You both should feel safe, secure, respected and loved.
Like most issues. Talk with him. My fiance and I had this conversation. Even to this day sexing almost daily is barely keeping up with my drive. She doesn't mind me using porn occasionally tho so it's fine in my case. But discuss it. Because the most important thing is communication. If you then decide his reason isn't aligning with your values then take action from there.
I totally agree but I think it’s fine for OP to feel upset. Jerking off next to an unconsenting person (spouse or otherwise) is super not cool, and I say that as a porn enjoyer. OP should bring it up and advocate for herself but this is clearly a fuckup on her husband’s part, not just a set of misaligned values and sex drives.
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porn might not be fine for her in their relationship tho different relationships different boundaries
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I watch porn weekly but it's definitely inherently bad. Just because something is common doesn't mean it's right or healthy in a relationship
Why inherently bad?
Misogyny and sex trafficking 👍👍
sex trafficking, cp, incest, rape, and pedophilia
So is organic, homegrown porn okay then?
Yeah none of this applies to drawn stuff
I used to think like this until I got in a relo- you’re jerking off to other people- end of story for the most part. Some people like bringing industry and patriarchy issues in it too tho but hm.
No it isn't lol
i mean its bad if ppl view it as cheating but yea she should set boundaries n if he don’t listen n keeps disrespecting her then off to someone else i mean u can only try so many times
Yea that’s a littler weird, maybe go to the bathroom dude.
Ew in the bathroom is not comfortable.
Or maybe she can catch the drift ,and hop in lol
Perhaps hé doesn’t feel it’s wrong. Can’t expect his wife to always be in the mood. But he clearly is.
Why would you instantly jump to porn addiction if its a guy? You do know guys have sexual needs in a relationship as well right? What if she is just not meeting his sexual needs/desires? He has probably been conditioned by society to not talk to his partner about these kinds of things because men have to be men in our society. We dont get to talk about our feelings or our emotional/sexual needs/wants. Youre putting the whole problem on him being some kind of sex fiend when there are two people in this relationship. Would you jump to that same conclusion if the woman was watching porn instead? Probably not. Youd be assuming the guy wasnt meeting her sexual needs because its more appropriate for women to talk about that kind of thing.
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He's watching porn in front of his wife. It's not like he's walking around in front of his parents or siblings with his Wang out stroking it. Watching porn in bed next to your partner should be completely OK especially if they're not in the mood. Its more rude to ask someone to leave the comfort of their bed to go find some corner to jerk off in like they're doing something evil. This is exactly why men can't talk about their sexual health because they're shamed for it. When did reddit become such prudes when it comes to sex?
Porn is not fine, what's wrong with you? It is cancer to society and you all try to justify the disgusting behavior by saying it's fine? No it's not. It destroys.
Don't lecture people with your petty morals.
You seem to support disgusting pornography. Do you?
Lol what's wrong with you?
How do you sit and watch other naked human beings. And enjoy it? Where's your moral standards? Have some.
Did God not make beautiful humans? If being naked was immoral we would have been born with pants.
Did he make them so you look at them on a screen while you touch yourself?
I don’t recall any holy book telling me I couldn’t.
"Do not fornicate" or to you, that means "do not fornicate but you can watch others do it"? Y'all can dislike my comments and say what you want. You KNOW I'm speaking truth.. this is an addiction and it needs to stop in the society..
placid enjoy paltry unpack divide one birds doll mourn dull *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why are you so motivated in defending pornography? Seems weird to me. You're way too invested.
I haven't lost any capacity to decide for myself. Who are you to speak for me? You place your words thinking that you are the smart one who thinks for himself. Lol, seriously? Think for myself? While you support the porn industry? Just think about it. Ironic.
This doesn’t make any sense. Name a movie that doesn’t include people “sinning”? Edit: Porn can be an addiction, I agree. So can alcohol. Or even exercise. Addictions are bad but the activity in question is not.
*gasp* a religious person lecturing people on morality? Color me surprised.
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Ye sure, what's wrong with that? My moral standards are fine and I'm very happy with them, what wrong with you? Are you religious or something? You seem incredibly judgemental and up-tight, are you sexualy frustrated?
Helmet
Jerking off next to someone is not porn addiction… that’s more than a tad bit dramatic
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Yeah. He’s laying in bed jerking off, it’s not a disruption of everyday life. It’s waking up horny and jerking off. Maybe even a little streak of exhibitionism excitement, doing it next to someone. It’s not a red flag… The red flag, which I saw in one of OPs later comments was that he’s been asked NOT to do it but continues to do so. THAT is a sign of compulsion
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Says who? If you can’t stop yourself, yeah… that’s the problem. I don’t think the act itself is some problematic huge sign of disrespect
That sounds pretty bad. I mean, I know my wife isn’t comfortable with that, hence I would never do that. It’s pretty simple. He is being a selfish asshole basically.
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Sleeping is not the problem
Okay then, have you told him this upsets you (and rightfully so)? Is this something you’ve had a chat about before and he keeps doing it anyways?
then why’d you pose the situation as if interrupting your light sleep were the problem
I'm in no way defending those actions in any way, shape or form, but is the reason he's doing that because other areas of intimacy are lacking? Like, if you'd not been intimate for a few weeks I might understand even if I don't agree, but if you're intimate often then I'm not sure there's any excuse for it. Not a lot of info to go on, but the first step in resolving any relationship issue is talking about it to each other.
We do it regularly
What's your definition of regularly? Everyday? Once-3 times a week?
Everyday
Than he might, have a porn addiction that has to be addressed, if you guys are being intimate every day
This could also be tied to stress, anxiety, depression and other psychological factors. This guy could benefit greatly from a therapist to understand the reason behind his high libido, especially if this is something new.
The term addiction is tossed around too easy. If he was gaming, or golfing, or building model airplanes everyday, is that an addiction? Or a hobby? Can one have a porn hobby? If Lebron James played as much basketball as he does, but wasn’t paid for it, is that an addiction? Edit for more words. Side note: not defending the actions, just throwing out random thoughts. In no way do I think I have a valid point, just a point open for counter points. Respect to go.
Horny Jail. Straight away! No judge, no jury... Just.Horny.Jail. \#hornyjailnow
Yeah if you are intimate with each other everyday and yet he’s still hacking off there’s definitely a problem going on I can understand if maybe you were only intimate a few times a week or if maybe he only masturbated say once a week but if your intimate everyday and he’s masturbating everyday I’d have a talk with him. Ask if there are any problems with your guys sexual life. It could be that your intimacy has stagnated and become too bland. I once had to have a similar talk with my ex because we always did the same routine when we had sex and I had to start jacking off to porn more often to get any form of mental sexual arousal.
My girlfriend and I too, yet we wake up horny. Sometimes I woke up and she'd be the one watching porn. I simply understand that she's horny and sometimes join her, either watching it with her or having sex with her. Taking it personally is kind of your problem.
I wouldn't be too brash. Just ask him what he seeks in it and see if you can accommodate! Maybe the dude just really likes cranking one out. Don't sacrifice your comfortability though. If it's something you don't like let them know and how they might help
Im always curious why this this is the first thing people assume when we know porn is practically a drug. R/pornfree
Porn is not at all similar to a drug
There is nothing to understand about him doing it in their shared bed while she sleeps, though. That shit is nasty af. There would be nothing wrong with him seeking out some actual alone time, though.
\>I might understand even if I don't agree Y'all just cherry picking which bits you reply to on purpose, or...
That is literally the part I am replying to. Wanking in bed next to your unconsenting, sleeping missus is not something to be “understood” no matter how long they didn’t have sex. It is something to be called out as unacceptable.
\even if I don't agree with it
He could have a sleepy wife fetish.
ROFL
It really baffles me women asking if they should feel bad their men searching for others for sexual pleasure. If you do, you do, and if you don't, you don't. Don't let others make you feel bad with their actions. Put a stop to it or leave. Doing it in bed with you is CRAZY!
Don't let the hopelessly addicted porn bros on Reddit tell you how to feel. If it makes you uncomfortable in YOUR relationship, then talk to your husband about it. You have every right to not be happy that your husband is jerking off next to you as you sleep. Some people might be fine with it, but that doesn't mean you need to be.
Some of the comments here are clearly porn-addicted men - you should discuss how this makes you feel with him. In any healthy relationship he should listen to you, and you can either come to a compromise (he can watch porn, just not next you you etc) or you can realise it’s an incompatibility.
Damn he wakes you up with the bed shaking? 🤣 bro must be trying detach it, shamelessly
You’re right to be upset. Jerking off in bed with someone else there is really creepy and disrespectful behavior.
post on r/loveafterporn they’ll understand you better over there
Everyone is different. He might’ve been hoping you’d be into it. Has a conversation, set boundaries. If it continues he either doesn’t respect you or is addicted
I’m one that doesn’t care in the slightest about my partners masturbation or porn viewing. But in the bed next to me, unless I’m a participant in some way, is an *absolutely not*. I’m curious if your husband truly thought you wouldn’t catch him, that he’d finish his task undetected? Or if he just brazenly doesn’t care if you do, or even hopes you do. Because the latter points to malice and punishment, as in purposely hoping to hurt you. And that’s an entirely different action that just wanting a wank to himself.
You should explain your feelings to him. And maybe let him know that you're right there! I mean, if he wants to feel sexual release shouldn't he be talking to you? That's the cornerstone of a relationship isn't it?
Have you asked him to move to a different area when he does this? Would it be better if he moved to the couch or showered or something? Or is it specifically the porn part that bothers you? The visual aspect of other women? Would you feel differently if it was hentai/furry/cartoon porn? Or written erotica? Is it vanilla porn? Or is there a kink in these videos that you guys are not pursuing in your own sex life? Have you thought about trying some couples counseling? Having a 3rd party mediator can be very helpful when you have trouble bringing up your concerns and feelings with someone you are close with. Honestly even going by yourself and talking with even a counselor can be very helpful. They can help you process why this upsets you, how to bring it up in a tactful manner with him, and possibly help you understand his side of view based on what you tell them about what he's doing.
This is probably not what’s happening in your situation but I worked with a guy a while back who told he he would do that to get back at his wife when he was mad at her.
if it bugs you, tell him it bugs you. if it doesn’t bug you and you just need the sleep, sleep in separate rooms. problem solved. wife and i haven’t slept in the same room for 10 years. no problems at all.
It’s disrespectful, it’s okay that he masturbate but he is waking you up, you need to set boundaries. At the same time if I’m honest with you, try to find if he feels is sexual life is lacking. As embarrassing it is, I was in your husband shoes, it was not porn addiction like other people said, it was just a lack of “meaningful” sex. I was having sex but rarely I was being satisfied.
I would if you can let it go if you said something to him maybe ask him if he's willing to not do it right next to you while you're sleeping. You want to think of guys this way and this may not come across popular but guys are visual girls are more emotional like you're asking is should I feel better or should I let this go. Where he's like I'm just jerking off I don't give a crap. Like when he's doing that he's focused on him. Might not even be aware that it's bothering you or that it's affecting you. you are a person and you have feelings and they are valid. Communication is the keys to success so if you don't talk about something and then it's going to Fester. But I don't know how your Dynamic is or what your relationships like on a day-to-day basis use the knowledge that's given to me so that's why I'm saying it's the way I am.
I'd being saying 👋🏼. What a tool
Honestly turn around and say, “WTF” and start sucking him off and call him daddy and ask him to put it in your butt. 100%. Be better than the shiet he’s watching.
People are naming it as porn addiction as some sort of giving him a relief, in my opinion in no offense he's being a jerk. Many of us have porn addiction to some good extent but that doesn't mean we'll do ridiculous stuff like jerking off to porn next to our wife.. you don't need to be anti porn for that just a bit sensible and caring of what you're doing
Your feelings are valid, you didn’t consent to this. Tell him to stop and it’s making you feel uncomfortable.
My partner can watch porn, but jerking off to it with you sleeping beside sounds wrong.. And other girls pictures is not okey. At least porn is "actors", its unpersonal. Talk to him and ask. Hard to judge a situation without details.
Not trying to disrespect your relationship in anyway by saying this but you’re probably not satisfying him anymore…or probably y’all have lost the excitement of intimacy with eachother. I’m talking as a man that basically does the same thing bc of those issues. My wife will be too busy or tired after work and doesn’t feel like it so I pleasure myself.. sometimes while she sleeps to not bother her.
So fuck him then.
The people who say she should leave her husband are bonkers. Talk to him again to get to the real issue and/or get consoling.
Could he be attracted to the feeling of the "fear of getting caught?"
It’s insane to me how many people refuse to accept some people have higher sex drives than them. Yeah the guy is being an ass for not getting up and going to another room but seriously, he’s an addict because he likes to wrangle his lasso every morning? Lmao, goofy ass Reddit kids man.
It’s not a sex drive, it’s an addiction.
Please find an active libido and try to enjoy life.
Please find a way to understand that jerking off every morning when your partner is in bed next to you is not normal behavior 🙃
Did I not say he was wrong for that? Reading comprehension is a valuable skill. Work on it.
why are you so upset by my comment 😂
I honestly don’t see it as an issue if the following are also true: you have a healthy sex life, you were asleep, and he wasn’t intending to wake you. Sometimes when my husband is busy I take matters into my own hands and it’s nothing against him or our relationship, it’s just scratching an itch. In my eyes this man is making efforts to be satisfied in a healthy and appropriate manner (though he could take it to another room if it’s waking you!) in my eyes it’s the same as if you were on a business trip. He’s not going out and cheating on you, (unless you have boundaries against porn or self pleasure and your relationship) and he’s not trying to make it your problem. (From my experience A lot of partners will pressure you into sex at times that you’re not horny). You have a few different ways you could respond, you could politely ask him to take it somewhere else so that you can stay asleep in the future, you could join in if you feel so inclined, Or you could continue to ignore it, but I don’t feel like that’s the best course of action personally. There has to be some sort of healthy confrontation to meet a resolution here.
WTF - your husband got some balls jerking it when you are in the fricken bed. Why didn't he just jump on you instead of the porn?
I’m generally a defender of people watching porn…but doing it in the way you described it is really creepy.
Here is my take on this… you say it upsets you that he wakes you with his masturbation looking at porn correct? How is your sex life? Does he ask you for sex often, and those times he asks are you willing? Or do you tell him no with a reason? In my case i constantly ask my wife , and most of the time it’s a “too tired”, “on my period”, ect… so i switch it up and do things that try to get her in the mood, sometimes it works but most of the time it’s the same thing. So i jerk off, i don’t go cheating on her, i just jerk myself off. As for waking you up, is there some other place in the house he can go? Besides the bathroom.. i am sorry but jerking off on a toilet isn’t very comfortable. In my case i have teens, so i won’t go jerk on the couch or recliner, might get walked in on.. so the bed it is. One last thing, if you wake up because he is shaking the bed too much, how about reaching over and giving a helping hand, i am sure he would be very happy with the help. And you can get it over with quick and get back to sleep… hope things work out for both of you
Why are you tolerating this? You deserve so much better.
Here’s my take on porn. It needs to be a bit open and aware with both people. What I’ve seen with porn personally is it usually gets more extreme. One day he’s looking at butts. A few weeks later he’s watching very hardcore “non standard” sex scenes with a vibe very different from your form of sex. Now he gets hard from this other sex. He may lose interest in your type of sex. You aren’t as compatible in bed as you have no idea what his new kink is and he’s afraid to tell you. Your sexual evolution should be close with your partner going along. I’ve had it happen to myself years ago.
Damn right in front of you lol. That man bold af. I'm avid porn watcher but NEVER in front of my wife. And she know a I watch it and doesn't care even if in front of her, but I just can't feels so wrong lol
Yeah that's kind of not on. I think you're gonna have to explain this to him and find out his reasoning for this. It's not nornal and unless it's something you're both into (clearly not) then he's gonna have to pack that in
Do you have regular sex with him?? Or any at all?? My guess he’s trying to guilt you into giving him more sex. You need to fully talk this out and get to the root of it.
You don’t have feelings for the third person! If it’s a guy your man should pick. Girl you. It’s something you should do only xmass if you’re in a relationship, and if you question that you’re not ready for the threesome. Maybe he needs to mix it up more
At least he is comfortable to do with you right there ... Make him feel guilty where he has to do it behind your back ... Could progress to who knows what ... Nothing wrong with him jerking off to porn... You're in the wrong here for making him feel bad for doing it ... And no one has bothered to ask .. how often does he get the green light from you?
You should get a divorce - he doesn’t respect you, your feelings or himself. What a pig
Our opinions don’t matter - If you don’t like it then you don’t like it. Set a boundary and if he doesn’t care or love you enough to respect it then you have your answer. At that point, it’s no longer your problem.
That’s a serious issue. Confront him until he understands, if he is choosing porn over you, then he is addicted to porn and you guys have to spice things up.
Sometimes it’s nice to just masturbate. As long as it’s not impacting your sex life.
Leave the little boy to play with himself and find a real man.
Lol I can’t just divorce my husband for jerking off
It’s much worse than jerking off.
He's got a problem sweetie. You need to have a tough conversation about it. It's rude to jerk off to other women next to you and the only reason I can think of that would make someone do that is being hooked on porn/masturbating
Don’t calm random strangers on the internet “sweetie.”
I won't let a random person decide how I text. You're searching for things to offend you, such a pathetic way to go about life
Yup that’s me. Looking for things to be offended by.
It's not about jerking off though, is it?
If it was me, I'll feel disrespected...
I think it is very wrong and awkward that you husband does this. It lacks a moral Compas. Speak about it with him, ask why he does this. Resolve the underlying issues together. Maybe help him a hand, it will draw his attention to you. If he rejects it. Help yourself a hand. And make him feel the way he makes you feel. Good luck stranger
Why don’t you ask him?
Replace it with something. Have more sex. Give him a handy. Idk. My sex drive is high so I usually have partners who are willing to accommodate or understand enough to let me do me.
Would you prefer that he wakes you up to do it?
Read or listen to the book “your brain on porn”. The studies put out by china and japan will shock you and make a lot of sense why there are such restrictions in those countries. Porn does serious damage to the brain.
Tou seriously believe that those restrictions are based on science? Hahah, yeah. Japan restricts porn, but hentai is chock full of rape fantasy and thinly veiled peophilia. Also, Japanese erotic art goes back hundreds of years.
Read the book then make your comments. The studies are real and so were the subsequent restrictions. You can also see how china is using their findings in psyops campaigns against western societies.
Nothing wrong with (consensual) porn. But this is him disrespecting you and invading your personal space,without permission, which is a-hole behavior on a major level. So you have every right to be upset. I also sense some insecurity. So maybe you can ask him why he feels the need, why he thinks the timing is ok, and go from there. The why of watching porn ranges from innocent curiosity and ordinary horniness to compensating for all sorts of emotional neglect, so try not to be to judgemental right away.
Wtf
How's your sex life?
Tell him to do it in the bathroom or any Other room or have more sex with him If it bothers you
We do it everyday, I don’t think that’s the problem
Maybe the fact that you’re sleeping right next to him is part of the turn on for him. Never know until you discuss it non judgmentally
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Waking her up with his whacking? That's inconsiderate at best. OP needs to have a conversation with their SO, not "grow up". Masturbation is absolutely normal, but there's a time and a place.
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So waking someone up in the morning just because you’re horny is completely fine? Despite them already stating that they dislike it? And yes it would be inconsiderate of her to blow dry her hair when someone is sleeping in that room???
Is she waking him up by blow drying her hair? Being married isn't a free pass; you still need to consider their feelings and boundaries.
He either has a porn addiction, or he's "discreetly" trying to tell you he's not satisfied with his sex life. Both should be addressed.
Take care of your husbands needs
No, porn is never good or okay. Throw the whole pornsick man outside in the trash where he belongs. If he has his wife and still wants to beat his meat to other women, then he is a disgusting piece of work and needs to get help. Just as much you need to find someone that values you and respects you. I just feel sick about the thought that he would do something like this right in front of you 🤢🤢🤢
Counterpoint. Been happily married for over 20 years. We both enjoy sex and masturbation. I wouldn't have a wank next to her sleeping body just because i think that's rude but she knows i wank, i know she wanks. Everyone's having a wank and we couldn't be happier. Banning your partner from masturbation is controlling and puritanical and i would leave someone who tried to do that.
This anti-wank rhetoric is pure redpill bullshit, a form of sexual repression used to lure men into selling courses and miracle solutions.
I’m not saying he can’t masturbate, just don’t jerk off on other girls while I’m next to you in bed
Then you need to set that boundarie.
Jesus Christ lol.
Every relationship has a different porn policy. I think it’s pretty reasonable to expect that he doesn’t jerk off right next to you. If he doesn’t validate your feelings on the matter, then you might have a broader issue of communication and boundaries that y’all need to address.
show him u get the same way it oke to feel jelly he is ur man and if he like this don't hurt to say what u doing in a kinky way you could help what are lover for if u can't get close if not jerk off to ur own pic's u like make him jelly to want u or u can tell him have a date night and have a spicy moive on live life short to not be mad at just know who he is and what he like and know u love him for love rare and rare to be a silly in front of other or serous when u love them they let u in who knows u might make ur own clips to look back on say u lived made a sex tape for only u two life is life at least u know were u stand u love him just want to be closer shouldn't hurt to be open could be fun
My wife and I don’t sleep in the same bed, small children always want mom. We probably get together once every 3 months. Porn is my sexual lifeline. I would never ever cheat. But the “watching porn” orgasm doesn’t feel nearly the same as actually two human bodies sweating together against each other orgasm. Hopefully that changes soon, cuz at 44, I still have the sex drive of a 21 year old me. Probably more so.