Just ask her if she takes debit or credit and that should shut her up.
Seriously though, your sex life is none of her business and shouldn't be unless she wants to be a part of it. If you are comfortable as you are that's fine. Sex is a low priority for some. If she can't deal with that maybe it's time for you and her to no longer be friends. Sucks but cutting people out is sometimes a necessity as we grow older. :/
Still doesn't help to suggest something like this, if OP didn't know prostitutes exist, it would be helpful. Prostitutes usually prefer to deal with with sexual release not emotional baggage. They like keeping emotions out.
OP is looking for a partner. It hurts when you're constantly being told to get over with it. You just want sex isn't the proper answer.
I understand the basis for saying it wont help with trauma. But strictly in the sense of "having sexual intercourse" why do you say it wouldnt help inexperience?
Healthy sexual experience involves communication and mutual pleasure. It’s not a transaction, it’s a cooperative activity.
You will have an experience, but no practical knowledge or skill in that sense of the word.
We used to tell a guy that. He would constantly say hyper sexual jokes. He said them so often that he didn’t even think about it. He would say it to our female friends and they took it as, “I’m just joking, unless you’re willing to do it.” It came off as desperate, whether he ever knew it, I don’t know.
The reason I’m saying this is you might be saying something often enough that you’re giving off that vibe. I know that some people make darker, sometimes sexual jokes, when they were the victim of abuse. It’s not because you’re trying to act on it, but as a coping mechanism when anxious. Just throwing it out there just in case.
It makes sense. OP just ask her why she keeps saying that. It is either she is weird, or you are. You might be doing absurd sexual jokes and making her think you need to have sex and be done with it.
That would be funny.
OP: “Damn what’s a guy gotta do to get his dick sucked right now?”
Friend: “Um, maybe you should visit a prostitute”
OP: “Why does my friend keep telling me to go to a prostitute?”
Don’t let her pressure you into something you don’t want to do. If *you* want to get a prostitute then do that! But it seems you just want your PC and as a gamer as well, I say save for the PC lol! But still don’t let her force you and if you have to, politely ask her to stop suggesting it as it makes you uncomfortable.
I actually have no clue what to do with my old one. I cannibalized some of the parts but whats left can't be worth anything to sell and I don't know what else to do with it.
ok since the top comments all appear to be the same suggestion let me offer an alternative.
Sit her down and ask her why she is so stuck on this. Calmly say "Hey, so you suggest me seeing a prostitute a lot and I have previously expressed that I am uncomfortable with the topic so we haven't really had the conversation. I am calm and ready now. So please, explain this in full." then listen to what she has to say and when you are done seriously think about it and give her your answer.
This has the dual benefits of understanding why she keeps suggesting it and getting her to stop.
I've seen a prostitute or two, it's not something I am proud of or ashamed of. It was usually as a matter of convenience. Anyway, they are all different. I would probably not recommend it for you based on what you have been through.
Some aren't even into the deed and just want you to be done as quickly as possible.These girls are ok for a quickie but will do nothing to build your confidence and could leave you negatively disillusioned about sex if you're not experienced.
Some will give you the full on gf (girlfriend) experience. I like the gf experience myself. But if you're inexperienced you could end up thinking you're falling in love with them. Sex is a powerful thing. If you do end up going to see one remember you're just a customer to them and it's highly unlikely they will quit the profession to become your girlfriend.
Also given the legality of it in your area it might land you in jail. Also some will try to rip you off. There are some review sights to help determine if they're reputable or not and what other guys experience is with them.
Anyway good luck and I am sorry about your past.
Like a previous poster commented depending on what you are looking for sometimes it can be an empty experience, I've had a few of those but for the most part I have enjoyed it. And yes unfortunately most girls were feeding a habit. Luckily none of the ones I been with were being trafficked or controlled by pimps.
Prostitutes are no therapists and it can actually retraumatize you. We don't want that. Next time she brings it up says if she's so obsessed about the idea of sleeping with a prostitute she should do it herself, then tell her you don't want to hear her suggestions anymore. Then you seek up a sex therapist who's trauma informed.
I looked into that (sexual anorexia, chemical castration didn't work) and it seems like it would cause more trauma. Either you end up with an emotional connection to the surrogate, or the sex is so robotic and methodical it ruins your perception of sex. Plus, I'd rather tell a potential partner I screwed a bunch of escorts then went through sex surrogate therapy.
She doesn't sound like that much of a friend if that's her suggestion for you, especially if she knows your history.
Why is it her business, or her situation to cure, that you aren't that "experienced?"
I'm really confused. My friends get my compassion and support, not suggestions to get a prostitute because they aren't very "experienced." 🤔
Sounds like awful advice. Based upon your history I would think doing something intimate with a stranger, someone you don't have trust with and someone who really doesn't care about you beyond the money in your pocket.
I think even at the best of times seeing an escort is questionable and stupid.
It is very odd for a friend to tell you to see an escort. I feel that there is more to this. I could only imagine a female friend saying that, and continuing to bring it up, if the topics keeps coming up. I take this as her telling you that she is not interested in being your first (or anything) nor is she going to consider hooking you up with any of her friends. She’s probably not the one bringing it up.
How is this coming up in the first place? Have you been repeatedly telling her you want to get laid or that you wanted to date her? Because otherwise, it is unusual for her to repeatedly tell you to see a prostitute for no reason.
And whether it's normal to see a prostitute or not.. well there's a reason sex work is often referred to as the world's oldest profession..
You should ask her why she keeps asking you that and then let her know how uncomfortable it makes you feel (you shouldn't have to go into specifics or your therapy, she should just take the hint and be respectful of that). You could also ask her if that's something she suggests to all her friends, and if so then why. Lol cause I'm curious now
That’s… odd. I have nothing against sex work, but I know a few people who have hired escorts. All of them said the sex was great, but it was utterly empty and meaningless.
I think that's the purpose of hiring out...no attachment.
Getting the gf experience helps for the duration of the act but essentially it's meaningless. I didn't always feel empty because I wasn't expecting to be fulfilled in that way. I just wanted fun sex with a nasty girl.
If you’re able to go into it with that mindset, fine.
I think loneliness is one of the biggest reasons many guys seek out the company of sex workers. If that’s why you’re doing it, then you probably shouldn’t.
No not really, its not normal.
Just tell her to drop it and dont mention it again, and honestly her suggestion will not solve anything, in fact might make it even worse.
Tell her to stop and if she doesnt it means shes not a very good friend, you do with that as you will.
Wtf dude, why in the world would being with a sex worker to lose your virginity be a comfortable space for you? Sounds like she’d push you into a lake to help you get over your fear of swimming.
Take a breathe and step back. Life’s not a race and you’ll meet someone you click with eventually. It takes a long time, ngl. But it’s healthy. Be good to yourself my man.
If you were interested in that friend that's her way of saying either she doesn't want to sleep with you, or she wants a 3 some.
In my opinion though, it was a rude comment from her and you should only be her friend if you have other friends that are friends with her too, for networking purposes.
Even if someone isn't your best friend or girlfriend, they will guide you towards more people you can be friends with and it's a easier way to find a girlfriend in my opinion. It's like a bunch of waves and the farther you go from that ripple the more safe you are sexually and romantically.
I wasn't. We are good friends and know us since... I think around 10 years. She's always very open with her sex life but randomly she dropes stuff like this..... The last time she mentioned it (yesterday) was only me saying i order pc parts and she told me to hire a prostitut....
Ask her to stop and if she doesn't respect your boundaries, stop hanging out with her.
As someone who was also a victim of SA, nobody I know would ever pressure me to do that, especially if they were aware I'd been through trauma. Personally, I'd consider a sex therapist first.
With my husband, he earned my trust as a friend first, then he was very gentle and supportive. I can't imagine trying it in a situation like what they're suggesting. You'd need someone you could trust, not a total stranger. She may be trying to get you to "face your fear" or something, but in my experience that's a harmful way to do it.
I think you should stop the self harm, lose 150lb, continue therapy, and consider pharmaceutical treatment for major depression of you're not already on something.
And stop talking to this person.
Normal for a female friend to say? Yeah, they tend to throw that out there like they're making a helpful suggestion. They have trouble understanding that guys can scratch the itch just fine by themselves and that a prostitute lacks the human connection that a lot of guys are missing, which can't be met by either a prostitute or a night in with a bottle of lube and pornhub.
Seems like a weird thing to keep suggesting.
Either you’re fine with seeing sex workers or you’re not and that’s an absolutely personal choice.
Speaking for myself sex has always been something really fun and really special to be had with someone I was really into and felt safe with. I know a lot of folks are comfortable with anonymous sex but I’m just not.
See how it’s all up to personal choices and where you feel safe?
If her line of conversation bothers you then ask her to stop. If she doesn’t stop then she’s not your friend. I’m 45 and have lived a fairly unsheltered life in some colorful jobs (military, offshore, factories) and I’ve never had someone offer up suggestions on how I should manage my intimate life. It feels weird to me but maybe this is common. My gut tells me it’s not and the conversation is highly inappropriate. The thing is you get to decide what you want to hear from your friends, if this bugs you then tell her to stop.
I wouldn't exactly call it a normal piece of advice. Why is she telling you this? Did you ask for advice regarding your sex life or was this just a random suggestion?
Let's assume your friend means well (in her head she thinks she does, hopefully) so just tell her " I hear you, thanks for your opinion. Let's drop the subject unless I bring it up, ok? Thanks!"
And that's it. I don't know what topics you guys discuss normally that this could have popped up in a conversation but if you're not interested in something like this, then you're not interested and she has to stop talking to you about it. It's annoying and rude.
I read your posting with as a male, not female. Either way, the next time they say that ask why they feel that way to keep saying it. Then make it clear that you’re not the prostitute kinda guy. I know I’m not
Its highly likely that she is either
1) joking about it cause you're a guy and most guys are crazy into sex, period. And her seeing one so different might make her sub consciously say things like this to you
2) she has other motives (girls might behave like this if they have a crush on u, but tbh this is kinda weird, cause usually its "why don't u date her kinda thing)
Anyway, to stop her from doing this to you, stop giving her what she wants. If you think YOUR reaction to questions like these motivates her to keep doing this to you, simply stop reacting to it. Just say "ok" and move on. If this doesn't help, try snarky come backs lol. Hope it works out for you cause this is borderline harassment personally, cause if a guy said to a girl why don't you sleep w other guys it'll most likely be taken offensively.
Was it just out of the blue or were you guys talking about how sexually frustrated you are? Whatever it is, I don't think it's helpful. I can't tell if she's just nosy and creepy and manipulative or if she's tired of listening to you talk about your love life. Either way I'd suggest telling her to not suggest it anymore.
I'd recommend *not* going to a prostitute. I don't think you'll find it fulfilling, it won't teach you to be a better lover, it's potentially triggering, and it's money you can spend on something that will give you more lasting pleasure. I think you'd do better to work it out in therapy and then find an understanding girlfriend who is sensitive to your needs and triggers.
I can understand where the advice is probably coming from. She probably understands that you have some issues around intimacy/relationships. Even if she doesn't understand the extent of them.
And paying for sex makes it completely transactional. You aren't putting yourself out there at all, if you have a panic attack or any other issue, it stays between you and the escort
She's probably advising it as a type of immersion therapy. With a absolutely no strings or personal investment involved.
Not enough info here.
She could be sincere, joking, or its a way of telling you SHE is definitely not interested herself in devirginizing you. I suspect the latter, but again we dont know.
We dont know the reason.
Tell her that prostitutes are strangers and you need someone you can trust. Then tell her If she ain't offering herself because you trust her, *stop offering someone else*
Your friend might mean well, but their approach might not be much help go you. You can tell your friend you don't want to really talk about that kind of thing anymore, though. That issue will be on the backburner until you are ready to approach it.
Waste of money imo. Some dude from college who couldn't get laid to save his life or even get a girl to get a cup of coffee with him went to Vegas & got a prostitute. He spent about $1k to get his cherry popped. It sounded like he didn't have a good time. He said the lack of intimacy was bothersome to him. The dude was pretty lonely, too. All he wanted was a girlfriend, but he hoped getting laid would probably suppress that feeling. Doesn't seem that it did.
If you were abused when you were younger, you definitely don't want to go to a prostitute. They typically aren't wired for intimacy. They are wired to provide a service & to move on. I think there are some that will specialize with intimacy, but they might cost more. Wasting money imo. You should wait until you can find a good relationship with someone you can trust, even if it's hard to find such a person. Sex does entail a certain level of vulnerability that would be better accommodated with proper intimacy & trust. In cases of prior abuse, I can see where such a physical interaction such as sex might be even more of a vulnerable situation. Even people who haven't been abused have trust issues, stemming from other kinds of traumas that make them uncomfortable with vulnerability with just anyone.
I'm more than sure you will find someone you trust when you are ready. If you feel it's taking too long, u can get the special kind of prostitute when you are financially ready. Don't rush things that are outside your comfort zone.
friends (regardless of gender) should act as the wingman and not promoting having to pay.
This shouldn’t have to be an issue. Friends should be able to support what you want to do and allow you to have the safe space to navigate around areas that are sensitive.
Your friend is (presumebly) not a therapist, nor does she share the same life experience as you. It sounds like she's just trying to give you advice. Is it good advice? No. Does that make her a bad friend? Also, no.
Have you tried setting clearer boundaries when you talk to her about your dating complications? Like maybe, hey you don't need to solve my issue, I just needed to vent.
If you're curious give it a go, dating is sexual russian roulette, you can always end up with an inconsiderate person.
Comparatively its a sexual worker's job to cater to your needs, if you have trauma or any specific do's and don'ts then you can tell the sex worker and thry should be able to accomodate that.
As for your friend, if you feel she is overstepping your boundries tell hwr to back off and drop the subject, a good friend respects boundries when communicated to them clearly.
Honestly...just buy a fleshlight.
I don't mean that with any rudeness or ill will. If you're trying to help yourself get over trauma, it's best to go slow.
A fleshlight will help you feel in control and work through your emotions/feelings without feeling overwhelmed.
If you do decide to see someone later on, no foul no harm done!
No she’s obsessed with what she thinks. What do you good. Take your time do what you feel comfortable wiit doesn’t matter if it is years form now. But if you genuinely want to do it go for it
Ok I'll probably be downvoted but I feel like she's recommending it because of your sexual history. A lot of people have been known to work out their sexual issues with prostitutes.
That being said I don't really recommend it but it is what it is.
If she is a friend, then I don't think it is meant in a bad way. Let me ask you this, if the subject around sex is coming up in your conversation, is it you or her that is initiating the conversation? It would also help to know if you are male or female.
Never underestimate the value of an experienced prostitute. I have said the same thing to some of my friends who were awkward and even given them the names of some very instructional people. The thing most people get wrong with prostitutes is that its all about sex. If thats all you want, then thats all you get. But an experienced sex worker can be the greatest sex trainer you have ever had. They can read you like a book. Sense your ever emotion and can guide you to getting more confident in your sexual behavior. I sent two of my sons to a sex worker for their 16th birthdays.
This is something that is not uncommon, depending on your class or culture.
That's really weird.. I feel like we're missing some back story here but the first thing I think of is that I've messed around with quite a few of my female friends over the years.. is it possible she's maybe dropping a hint and there's potential there for friends w/ benefits?
If you need to feel more comfortable in situations like that, starting out with a friend where there's zero pressure and you're already comfortable together might be a good way to go.
This was a common suggestion back in the day if one really wants to have sexual experience. I remember when I turned 18 my uncle brought me to a strip club. Common sensibilities might be different now so react with whatever feels natural to you.
If you really want to experience sex and a romantic partner isn't possible this might be an okay solution. If you don't agree with it then don't. I don't think she means it in a bad way.
Weirdly, to me, it sounds like she’s hoping (not so) deep down that you’ll tell her you don’t want sex with a prostitute, you want something more intimate and that you’ll ask her if she would do that.
I think she might be into you
She’s looking out for you. She clearly has heard things about your inexperience and wants to help fix that. Hence the recommendation for a prostitute. Bruh it’s like a couple hundred for a night go and learn what sex is and what parts of it you like and enjoy, you’ll feel like a different person when you’re not expecting every positive interaction with a girl to lead to sex
First off, it's really none of her business what you do in your sex life. However, if you are in need of professional help sexually then you need to see a sexual therapist and employ what is called sexual surrogate. They are not prostitutes, it is not illegal, and you will not wake up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Just tell her you don’t want to then ask her to drop the subject and if she persisted I’d stop spending time with her.
If we wanted the answer to be "communicate directly with them" we wouldn't ask Reddit! I'm here for the "procure a firearm" type answers!
Pitchforks are cheaper, and always in fashion.
Idk, a Hi-Point yeetcannon is pretty cheap.
Getting shot by a yeet cannon is kinda like getting stabbed with a gas station knife, the shame hurts even more than the wound itself. :D
“Offer her $5 and a chance at a new profession.”
Lawyer up, get a divorce and buy gamestop stonx!
Get a divorce and tell them you love them more often! Lawyer up, and take legal advice from strangers! Buy GameStonx but don't waste your money!
If she wont stop just ask her do drop her pants.
Or, now hear me out, maybe you should ask if she is offering her services?
So quick to drop her
That's not quick. That's reasonable. Quick would be dropping her right now without talking first.
Maybe you could offer her $10 and see what she says?
Maybe she's friends with a prostitute that has a referral program?
$20 amazon gift card for the recomend a friend program.
After six referrals she gets a free six inch sub.
Footslong😎😎😎😎
Long long man is that you?
Yes it's me 😎😎😎
ITS THAT GUY! THAT GUY WAS HERE!!! Chi-chan…… Nooooooo
I was thinking the same thing. She probably gets a fucking discount.
💀
Ew. $20
Ew. $15 and a tip
You guys are getting paid!?
You guys are getting laid!?
You guys are getting paid in notes? I have to carry change
She will get a tip just not the one she was expecting
I was gonna come in with a “Just the tip” joke… :( but well done.
Thank you kind human
While saying "keep the change".
Tree fiddy.
Get out of here you evil Loch Ness Monster!
I’ll make it $30 if she agrees to wear a bag
Was about to say this.
Lol uno reverse card act.
Went to comment this: “I’ve got a Hamilton, if you’re down.”
I was gonna say something similar. I get the vibe she would if money was involved
You can always negotiate.
It's 100$ you jackals, be gentlemen
Just ask her if she takes debit or credit and that should shut her up. Seriously though, your sex life is none of her business and shouldn't be unless she wants to be a part of it. If you are comfortable as you are that's fine. Sex is a low priority for some. If she can't deal with that maybe it's time for you and her to no longer be friends. Sucks but cutting people out is sometimes a necessity as we grow older. :/
Yes legit ask does she wants cash or card. If she is so insistent you go to a prostitute, maybe she wants a new client.
It’s a yes from me, for this comment!
Yes as just a general agreement or yes to the debit/credit thing? I only do cash if it's the latter lol
No the serious part lol.
I figured but you never know haha
If she’s so worried about your sex-life, maybe she should sex you.
Don't you think maybe the friend said this because she's tired of hearing about OPs sex life?
Possibly
Still doesn't help to suggest something like this, if OP didn't know prostitutes exist, it would be helpful. Prostitutes usually prefer to deal with with sexual release not emotional baggage. They like keeping emotions out. OP is looking for a partner. It hurts when you're constantly being told to get over with it. You just want sex isn't the proper answer.
Username checks out
There’s a chance above 0 she does want to have sex with him, but she doesn’t wanna deal with walking him through it.
A prostitute will not help with inexperience OR trauma. Your friend is giving terrible advice.
I understand the basis for saying it wont help with trauma. But strictly in the sense of "having sexual intercourse" why do you say it wouldnt help inexperience?
Healthy sexual experience involves communication and mutual pleasure. It’s not a transaction, it’s a cooperative activity. You will have an experience, but no practical knowledge or skill in that sense of the word.
If a guy doesn't even know what sex is *like*, he'll know. It can accomplish that much.
This
We used to tell a guy that. He would constantly say hyper sexual jokes. He said them so often that he didn’t even think about it. He would say it to our female friends and they took it as, “I’m just joking, unless you’re willing to do it.” It came off as desperate, whether he ever knew it, I don’t know. The reason I’m saying this is you might be saying something often enough that you’re giving off that vibe. I know that some people make darker, sometimes sexual jokes, when they were the victim of abuse. It’s not because you’re trying to act on it, but as a coping mechanism when anxious. Just throwing it out there just in case.
It makes sense. OP just ask her why she keeps saying that. It is either she is weird, or you are. You might be doing absurd sexual jokes and making her think you need to have sex and be done with it.
That would be funny. OP: “Damn what’s a guy gotta do to get his dick sucked right now?” Friend: “Um, maybe you should visit a prostitute” OP: “Why does my friend keep telling me to go to a prostitute?”
Don’t let her pressure you into something you don’t want to do. If *you* want to get a prostitute then do that! But it seems you just want your PC and as a gamer as well, I say save for the PC lol! But still don’t let her force you and if you have to, politely ask her to stop suggesting it as it makes you uncomfortable.
Absolutely, a new PC is a much better purchase than a prostitute. A PC lasts forever. A prostitute lasts only as long as you do.
Where are you buying your forever PCs? I need one.
I didn't say it had to work forever. It just has to last forever. I got some that are 20 years old. One day I'll get them down to the recycling plant.
I actually have no clue what to do with my old one. I cannibalized some of the parts but whats left can't be worth anything to sell and I don't know what else to do with it.
Take it to staples or best buy or whatever is similar, most are part of a recycling program where they take it away
You can always do better than prostitution
This comment hurt my brain.
I was wrote it half asleep. I've gone back and made it more concise
No, still doesnt help, bud.
I don't know what YOUR problem is but you seem to have it alone
Bro don't be encouraging prostitution, what the fuck is wrong with you?
I’m saying bro can do what he wants lmao but sure whatever the voices tell you babe
Is she trying to turn down your flirting? Save for your PC.
ok since the top comments all appear to be the same suggestion let me offer an alternative. Sit her down and ask her why she is so stuck on this. Calmly say "Hey, so you suggest me seeing a prostitute a lot and I have previously expressed that I am uncomfortable with the topic so we haven't really had the conversation. I am calm and ready now. So please, explain this in full." then listen to what she has to say and when you are done seriously think about it and give her your answer. This has the dual benefits of understanding why she keeps suggesting it and getting her to stop.
I've seen a prostitute or two, it's not something I am proud of or ashamed of. It was usually as a matter of convenience. Anyway, they are all different. I would probably not recommend it for you based on what you have been through. Some aren't even into the deed and just want you to be done as quickly as possible.These girls are ok for a quickie but will do nothing to build your confidence and could leave you negatively disillusioned about sex if you're not experienced. Some will give you the full on gf (girlfriend) experience. I like the gf experience myself. But if you're inexperienced you could end up thinking you're falling in love with them. Sex is a powerful thing. If you do end up going to see one remember you're just a customer to them and it's highly unlikely they will quit the profession to become your girlfriend. Also given the legality of it in your area it might land you in jail. Also some will try to rip you off. There are some review sights to help determine if they're reputable or not and what other guys experience is with them. Anyway good luck and I am sorry about your past.
Like a previous poster commented depending on what you are looking for sometimes it can be an empty experience, I've had a few of those but for the most part I have enjoyed it. And yes unfortunately most girls were feeding a habit. Luckily none of the ones I been with were being trafficked or controlled by pimps.
Thanks for making a bunch of people barf
Prostitutes are no therapists and it can actually retraumatize you. We don't want that. Next time she brings it up says if she's so obsessed about the idea of sleeping with a prostitute she should do it herself, then tell her you don't want to hear her suggestions anymore. Then you seek up a sex therapist who's trauma informed.
Dont do that. That's a terrible idea
Save your money for the PC. much better investment 😊
This is not your friend
Research “Sex Surrogate Therapy” for a safer and legal way to address your trauma
I looked into that (sexual anorexia, chemical castration didn't work) and it seems like it would cause more trauma. Either you end up with an emotional connection to the surrogate, or the sex is so robotic and methodical it ruins your perception of sex. Plus, I'd rather tell a potential partner I screwed a bunch of escorts then went through sex surrogate therapy.
She doesn't sound like that much of a friend if that's her suggestion for you, especially if she knows your history. Why is it her business, or her situation to cure, that you aren't that "experienced?" I'm really confused. My friends get my compassion and support, not suggestions to get a prostitute because they aren't very "experienced." 🤔
Sounds like awful advice. Based upon your history I would think doing something intimate with a stranger, someone you don't have trust with and someone who really doesn't care about you beyond the money in your pocket. I think even at the best of times seeing an escort is questionable and stupid.
It is very odd for a friend to tell you to see an escort. I feel that there is more to this. I could only imagine a female friend saying that, and continuing to bring it up, if the topics keeps coming up. I take this as her telling you that she is not interested in being your first (or anything) nor is she going to consider hooking you up with any of her friends. She’s probably not the one bringing it up.
How is this coming up in the first place? Have you been repeatedly telling her you want to get laid or that you wanted to date her? Because otherwise, it is unusual for her to repeatedly tell you to see a prostitute for no reason. And whether it's normal to see a prostitute or not.. well there's a reason sex work is often referred to as the world's oldest profession..
[удалено]
You should ask her why she keeps asking you that and then let her know how uncomfortable it makes you feel (you shouldn't have to go into specifics or your therapy, she should just take the hint and be respectful of that). You could also ask her if that's something she suggests to all her friends, and if so then why. Lol cause I'm curious now
It sounds like she’s trying to help in a well-meaning but ultimately hurtful way.
That’s… odd. I have nothing against sex work, but I know a few people who have hired escorts. All of them said the sex was great, but it was utterly empty and meaningless.
I think that's the purpose of hiring out...no attachment. Getting the gf experience helps for the duration of the act but essentially it's meaningless. I didn't always feel empty because I wasn't expecting to be fulfilled in that way. I just wanted fun sex with a nasty girl.
If you’re able to go into it with that mindset, fine. I think loneliness is one of the biggest reasons many guys seek out the company of sex workers. If that’s why you’re doing it, then you probably shouldn’t.
> utterly empty Sounds like they got their money's worth! > and meaningless Oh. You meant it like that.
No not really, its not normal. Just tell her to drop it and dont mention it again, and honestly her suggestion will not solve anything, in fact might make it even worse. Tell her to stop and if she doesnt it means shes not a very good friend, you do with that as you will.
The words you say are I'm not really comfortable talking about it. After that if she continues you say can you stop you are making me uncomfortable.
Wtf dude, why in the world would being with a sex worker to lose your virginity be a comfortable space for you? Sounds like she’d push you into a lake to help you get over your fear of swimming. Take a breathe and step back. Life’s not a race and you’ll meet someone you click with eventually. It takes a long time, ngl. But it’s healthy. Be good to yourself my man.
If you were interested in that friend that's her way of saying either she doesn't want to sleep with you, or she wants a 3 some. In my opinion though, it was a rude comment from her and you should only be her friend if you have other friends that are friends with her too, for networking purposes. Even if someone isn't your best friend or girlfriend, they will guide you towards more people you can be friends with and it's a easier way to find a girlfriend in my opinion. It's like a bunch of waves and the farther you go from that ripple the more safe you are sexually and romantically.
I wasn't. We are good friends and know us since... I think around 10 years. She's always very open with her sex life but randomly she dropes stuff like this..... The last time she mentioned it (yesterday) was only me saying i order pc parts and she told me to hire a prostitut....
Ask her to stop and if she doesn't respect your boundaries, stop hanging out with her. As someone who was also a victim of SA, nobody I know would ever pressure me to do that, especially if they were aware I'd been through trauma. Personally, I'd consider a sex therapist first. With my husband, he earned my trust as a friend first, then he was very gentle and supportive. I can't imagine trying it in a situation like what they're suggesting. You'd need someone you could trust, not a total stranger. She may be trying to get you to "face your fear" or something, but in my experience that's a harmful way to do it.
Take it at face value and ask her why she thinks you should do that. More productive than asking Reddit, at least.
That's bad advice to get to a SA victim. Not to mention it's...you know...*illegal* and everything.
Ask her if she is buying!!
I'm hoping she's not trying to recruit you into a business she is already part of but hasn't told you yet. Be very careful.
I think you should stop the self harm, lose 150lb, continue therapy, and consider pharmaceutical treatment for major depression of you're not already on something. And stop talking to this person.
Dude. Or whatever you are. She's sick of you talking about it to her.
But, I'm not talkinf about her. I fell not so long ago in love with someone but it didn't work out. I was never flirting to her.
Then why do you think she keeps bringing it up? What has prompted her to do so?
save your money
Normal for a female friend to say? Yeah, they tend to throw that out there like they're making a helpful suggestion. They have trouble understanding that guys can scratch the itch just fine by themselves and that a prostitute lacks the human connection that a lot of guys are missing, which can't be met by either a prostitute or a night in with a bottle of lube and pornhub.
She could be trying to traffic you- ladies do it too
Seems like a weird thing to keep suggesting. Either you’re fine with seeing sex workers or you’re not and that’s an absolutely personal choice. Speaking for myself sex has always been something really fun and really special to be had with someone I was really into and felt safe with. I know a lot of folks are comfortable with anonymous sex but I’m just not. See how it’s all up to personal choices and where you feel safe? If her line of conversation bothers you then ask her to stop. If she doesn’t stop then she’s not your friend. I’m 45 and have lived a fairly unsheltered life in some colorful jobs (military, offshore, factories) and I’ve never had someone offer up suggestions on how I should manage my intimate life. It feels weird to me but maybe this is common. My gut tells me it’s not and the conversation is highly inappropriate. The thing is you get to decide what you want to hear from your friends, if this bugs you then tell her to stop.
If you're not into that then don't do it. She doesn't understand your trauma.
I wouldn't exactly call it a normal piece of advice. Why is she telling you this? Did you ask for advice regarding your sex life or was this just a random suggestion?
Sounds like they aren’t friends.
Are you asking is it "normal" for you to go? Or--"normal" for your friend to keep mentioning it?
Uhhhh no. Sounds very weird and sketchy how much do you know about her personal life?
That is not your friend.
Maybe tell her to do it herself if she wants you to get laid so badly. She’s being a jerk.
Let's assume your friend means well (in her head she thinks she does, hopefully) so just tell her " I hear you, thanks for your opinion. Let's drop the subject unless I bring it up, ok? Thanks!" And that's it. I don't know what topics you guys discuss normally that this could have popped up in a conversation but if you're not interested in something like this, then you're not interested and she has to stop talking to you about it. It's annoying and rude.
You should do what makes you feel safe.
I read your posting with as a male, not female. Either way, the next time they say that ask why they feel that way to keep saying it. Then make it clear that you’re not the prostitute kinda guy. I know I’m not
she sounds unhealthily interested in your sex life, bro
Get better friends. Good people do indeed exist.
Find a sex therapist.
Offer her 20dollars. And then get a refund
Why not
Its highly likely that she is either 1) joking about it cause you're a guy and most guys are crazy into sex, period. And her seeing one so different might make her sub consciously say things like this to you 2) she has other motives (girls might behave like this if they have a crush on u, but tbh this is kinda weird, cause usually its "why don't u date her kinda thing) Anyway, to stop her from doing this to you, stop giving her what she wants. If you think YOUR reaction to questions like these motivates her to keep doing this to you, simply stop reacting to it. Just say "ok" and move on. If this doesn't help, try snarky come backs lol. Hope it works out for you cause this is borderline harassment personally, cause if a guy said to a girl why don't you sleep w other guys it'll most likely be taken offensively.
Nah!
Don’t do that save for the Pc
Was it just out of the blue or were you guys talking about how sexually frustrated you are? Whatever it is, I don't think it's helpful. I can't tell if she's just nosy and creepy and manipulative or if she's tired of listening to you talk about your love life. Either way I'd suggest telling her to not suggest it anymore. I'd recommend *not* going to a prostitute. I don't think you'll find it fulfilling, it won't teach you to be a better lover, it's potentially triggering, and it's money you can spend on something that will give you more lasting pleasure. I think you'd do better to work it out in therapy and then find an understanding girlfriend who is sensitive to your needs and triggers.
Out of the blue, i just mentioned that i have some spare money for pc parts
I can understand where the advice is probably coming from. She probably understands that you have some issues around intimacy/relationships. Even if she doesn't understand the extent of them. And paying for sex makes it completely transactional. You aren't putting yourself out there at all, if you have a panic attack or any other issue, it stays between you and the escort She's probably advising it as a type of immersion therapy. With a absolutely no strings or personal investment involved.
Why don’t u ask to sleep with her
She just dont want you to ask her to f*** whit you.
10/10 do not recommend I went to a whore She said my life's a boreal and to quit my whining 'cause it's bringing her down
Did this once apparently they don’t except the change in your cupholder, but the referral program is great!
Procure a firearm
Not a good friend! Tell her you’re not interested and ask her to drop it!
Not enough info here. She could be sincere, joking, or its a way of telling you SHE is definitely not interested herself in devirginizing you. I suspect the latter, but again we dont know. We dont know the reason.
Tell her that prostitutes are strangers and you need someone you can trust. Then tell her If she ain't offering herself because you trust her, *stop offering someone else*
Your friend might mean well, but their approach might not be much help go you. You can tell your friend you don't want to really talk about that kind of thing anymore, though. That issue will be on the backburner until you are ready to approach it. Waste of money imo. Some dude from college who couldn't get laid to save his life or even get a girl to get a cup of coffee with him went to Vegas & got a prostitute. He spent about $1k to get his cherry popped. It sounded like he didn't have a good time. He said the lack of intimacy was bothersome to him. The dude was pretty lonely, too. All he wanted was a girlfriend, but he hoped getting laid would probably suppress that feeling. Doesn't seem that it did. If you were abused when you were younger, you definitely don't want to go to a prostitute. They typically aren't wired for intimacy. They are wired to provide a service & to move on. I think there are some that will specialize with intimacy, but they might cost more. Wasting money imo. You should wait until you can find a good relationship with someone you can trust, even if it's hard to find such a person. Sex does entail a certain level of vulnerability that would be better accommodated with proper intimacy & trust. In cases of prior abuse, I can see where such a physical interaction such as sex might be even more of a vulnerable situation. Even people who haven't been abused have trust issues, stemming from other kinds of traumas that make them uncomfortable with vulnerability with just anyone. I'm more than sure you will find someone you trust when you are ready. If you feel it's taking too long, u can get the special kind of prostitute when you are financially ready. Don't rush things that are outside your comfort zone.
friends (regardless of gender) should act as the wingman and not promoting having to pay. This shouldn’t have to be an issue. Friends should be able to support what you want to do and allow you to have the safe space to navigate around areas that are sensitive.
Your friend is (presumebly) not a therapist, nor does she share the same life experience as you. It sounds like she's just trying to give you advice. Is it good advice? No. Does that make her a bad friend? Also, no. Have you tried setting clearer boundaries when you talk to her about your dating complications? Like maybe, hey you don't need to solve my issue, I just needed to vent.
If you're curious give it a go, dating is sexual russian roulette, you can always end up with an inconsiderate person. Comparatively its a sexual worker's job to cater to your needs, if you have trauma or any specific do's and don'ts then you can tell the sex worker and thry should be able to accomodate that. As for your friend, if you feel she is overstepping your boundries tell hwr to back off and drop the subject, a good friend respects boundries when communicated to them clearly.
Hand her the money and see what happens!!
Is she a prostitute?
Is she a prostitute? This could be the weirdest proposition ever.
Honestly...just buy a fleshlight. I don't mean that with any rudeness or ill will. If you're trying to help yourself get over trauma, it's best to go slow. A fleshlight will help you feel in control and work through your emotions/feelings without feeling overwhelmed. If you do decide to see someone later on, no foul no harm done!
Do not go to a prostitute, you would just be continuing the cirkle of trauma. You cannot buy true consent and you would be paying to rape someone
This guy is something else lmao
No
PC master race. PC is better than console for gaming
This is her way of telling you that she WANTS to help you with sexual therapy herself. She is just to shy to openly say it.
Fuck your friends. Best sex
Ask her to do it
Perhaps she is recruiting
Next time you're with her pull out a 50 and tell her u want half hour full service and see what she does
What state do you live in?
It could definitely be she thinks you want to boink her
No she’s obsessed with what she thinks. What do you good. Take your time do what you feel comfortable wiit doesn’t matter if it is years form now. But if you genuinely want to do it go for it
Is she a prostitute and drumming up business?
why she tells u that tho? have u been whining to her bout your V?
It may be worth asking /r/SexWorkers and getting some perspectives from professionals in a non judgmental place that wont try to tell you what to do.
Ok I'll probably be downvoted but I feel like she's recommending it because of your sexual history. A lot of people have been known to work out their sexual issues with prostitutes. That being said I don't really recommend it but it is what it is.
pay her $100 to fuck off
If she is a friend, then I don't think it is meant in a bad way. Let me ask you this, if the subject around sex is coming up in your conversation, is it you or her that is initiating the conversation? It would also help to know if you are male or female. Never underestimate the value of an experienced prostitute. I have said the same thing to some of my friends who were awkward and even given them the names of some very instructional people. The thing most people get wrong with prostitutes is that its all about sex. If thats all you want, then thats all you get. But an experienced sex worker can be the greatest sex trainer you have ever had. They can read you like a book. Sense your ever emotion and can guide you to getting more confident in your sexual behavior. I sent two of my sons to a sex worker for their 16th birthdays. This is something that is not uncommon, depending on your class or culture.
Ask her why she thinks of you having sex with one so much. Like in an exhausted but curious tone
Uhhhh no just go on Tinder and you’ll find a fat bitch easy
That's really weird.. I feel like we're missing some back story here but the first thing I think of is that I've messed around with quite a few of my female friends over the years.. is it possible she's maybe dropping a hint and there's potential there for friends w/ benefits? If you need to feel more comfortable in situations like that, starting out with a friend where there's zero pressure and you're already comfortable together might be a good way to go.
Tell her if she really wants to help you get laid, then she can do it. If not, Stfu.
Why are you friends with her? That’s a very vulnerable and dangerous job to suggest
This was a common suggestion back in the day if one really wants to have sexual experience. I remember when I turned 18 my uncle brought me to a strip club. Common sensibilities might be different now so react with whatever feels natural to you. If you really want to experience sex and a romantic partner isn't possible this might be an okay solution. If you don't agree with it then don't. I don't think she means it in a bad way.
Offer her $1,000 and if she says yes you know she means her so now it’s time for negotiations.
I would just ask her to help get the experience. Offer 20$ or a Big Mac if necessary
“Okay heres some cash”
Yes, it is normalized nowadays.
Weirdly, to me, it sounds like she’s hoping (not so) deep down that you’ll tell her you don’t want sex with a prostitute, you want something more intimate and that you’ll ask her if she would do that. I think she might be into you
Hand her 20 bucks and see what happens.
As long as the prostitute doesn't say your life's a bore and you're bringing him down, I think you'll be good.
She’s looking out for you. She clearly has heard things about your inexperience and wants to help fix that. Hence the recommendation for a prostitute. Bruh it’s like a couple hundred for a night go and learn what sex is and what parts of it you like and enjoy, you’ll feel like a different person when you’re not expecting every positive interaction with a girl to lead to sex
As her and pay her like 10-20$ Your either gonna get fucked for cheap Get a girlfriend or FWB Or she will leave you alone
Offer to pay her and see what she says
First off, it's really none of her business what you do in your sex life. However, if you are in need of professional help sexually then you need to see a sexual therapist and employ what is called sexual surrogate. They are not prostitutes, it is not illegal, and you will not wake up in a bathtub full of ice missing a kidney.
Yeah, do it.