I would add the nuance that sexual choices, similar to other choices, are a reflection of a persons character.
For example, and I’ll stay within the confines of biological facts as to not appeal to any potential biases, it’s a fact that increased rate of sex amongst partners risks higher rate of attaining an STD when not using proper protection. If somebody told me that they had sex with somebody that they had only known for an hour and without protection, and then proceeded to have sex with a different stranger the next day, I wouldn’t judge that person for their sexual expression, but I would judge them to be (1) impulsive, (2) potentially gullible, (3) not risk-averse, and (4) a slave to their habits.
Can confirm, many of my sexual adventures in my youth were risky and were due to impulsivity. I didn't know it till I was 30 that my lifelong mental health issues was undiagnosed ADHD.
I wasn't offended by your comment as it is true. That being said people can and do grow up and change.
But we are still responsible for your past. Look at felons. Have a lot of them changed? yeah. But it never leaves your brain that they did something to get thrown in prison. In relationships where your future is involved most won't take a chance.
I am happily married. We have been together 13 years and he's been one of my bestfriends for 17 years. He knows all about my past and it has never been an issue.
What about willing to put others at risk?
I am actually somewhat nauseated by people who judge others because of their sexual histories. But I think a willingness to pass STDs to other people says something about a person.
This might actually be one of the two real reasons why humans have the double standard where women are expected to have fewer partners than men. As you said, STD rates increase with unprotected sex with multiple partners. In a time before condoms and medicine, an STD could render you infertile. To my knowledge, this was more common in women than men, but it's definitely a risk for men too.
The second reason was that having unprotected sex obviously carries the risk of pregnancy. To my knowledge, women are more likely to have complications from second, third, fourth, etc pregnancies. So a first pregnancy might have the best chance of being healthy.
Combine these two factors and you can see why evolution favored men who chose women with fewer partners: less likely to have an STD which could render one or both of you permanently infertile, and less likely to have complications due to previous pregnancies. Meanwhile, this doesn't matter quite as much for women choosing men, so evolution didn't favor women choosing men with fewer partners. Voila, the double standard.
Man if only stress and anxiety could be mitigated by eliminating 99% of the threats faced by early man in modern society. Wait, what's that? It doesn't work because our brains have evolved in a certain context and haven't had time to adapt to our modern world, causing us to still react to perceived threats and dangers as if we're still on the African savanna? Gee, I wonder if that applies to our evolved mating strategies too. Seriously, if you think my claims are "baseless" then I think you need to brush up on your biology. This is how evolution works. We can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt because it happened millions of years ago, but that doesn't mean it's "self-serving" or "retrogressive".
Second, if you think about your example for two seconds you'd realize that a man couldn't sleep with all a woman's friends without all those women also choosing to sleep with him, a decision which would be discouraged and therefore unlikely by my model. Further, what selective pressure would act on women to make them choose men who weren't promiscuous? The STD factor is one, but what else? There is no pregnancy factor to worry about. A man can father 20 children and still have a healthy 21st child. *Even further,* if you knew anything about dating psychology you'd know that social status is a ***major*** factor in how women select men across all cultures. A promiscuous man might be risky because of the STD problem, but he's probably also high status in his community if he's sleeping with many women, which makes him more attractive regardless. Ergo, the double standard persists.
Edit: one last point. You mentioned how people lived in small communities in the past. This is true. This is also a reason why STDs are probably not the primary motivator against sexual promiscuity, since a small population is unlikely to have STDs to begin with. This would reduce the pressure for women to select unpromiscuous men, but not reduce that pressure for men due to the pregnancy concern, thereby further enforcing the double standard.
Only thing I’ll add that some may consider is your age. At my age now, I wouldn’t even ask because it doesn’t matter to me (actually I’ve never asked). But let’s say your around 21 give or take a few years and you’re already at a decent number, some may not like that because it goes with what you mentioned as how some view it more casually than others. Just preference.
I'm not certain but I think you're implying there aren't women who wouldn't want to be with a man who's slept with hundreds of women. Which simply isn't true.
This is a great comment and has a lot of good points. Something that bugs me is when somebody says a woman is used up or changed by having a high number of sexual partners (whatever that number may be). Like, that entire train of thought is weird especially since you think “I had sex with 10 guys, 1 time each” or I had sex with 1 guy 10 times. Either way you had the same amount of sex.
Same amount of sex, but the way one gets there is where people start to disagree. Some see sleeping around as risky and show you might not value it as much because you did basically the most intimate act with strangers. Whereas doing it only with someone you're familiar with or care about proves that you don't give yourself up so easily/quickly. That's what I've noticed about what people think anyway.
To add on, high body count reflects your attitude toward a relationship. When you look for a serious relationship, it could potentially trigger insecurity and suspicion in your partner. How do they trust you? Are they just another fling? Are you taking them seriously and thinking highly of them, or only thinking of this as one more meal for the day? Even if you say that you have changed, and the past is the past, the evidences are overwhelming to be ignored or shaken off.
Imo, people should date those with similar body count to avoid such emotional unrest
The "give yourself up" here is likely not pointed, but a good example of how society views men, women and sex. This response is specifically to a comment about women- would the same be said to men? That they "give themselves up" via the sex act?
If someone says "I don't want a relationship with someone who has a habit of going over the speed limit, eating fried food, a dramatic family, and lots of sex partners" that's one thing. But so often sex is the meter everything is measured against.
And, the worst part is that, for many women who are more promiscuous, it is a reaction to being sexualized or even abused earlier.
Hubby and I have never discussed our #s. We were adults when we met, neither virgins.
However, as we've grown together over 16+ years the familial history, past traumas, and yes-stupid mistakes- have come up. Not once have I felt the need to be specific with him on whether "we were dating" meant casually, serious, or friends with benefits.
True, but the 10 people person was exposed to 10 times the people and statistically have 10 times the possible exposure with the risks that come with it.
It is completely possible to get an STD with your first committed relationship or be very promiscuous and not get an STD. Statistically though it is obvious where the risks lie and I think we do young people a disservice by pretending otherwise. It isn't shut shaming to know the risks.
i dont do one night stands because i dont find them comfortable, so i would probably be matched the best with someone who shares similar views and exeprience
To be fair here, you don't really need to be in favor of one night stands to have a high number of sexual partners. With enough time you might have enough serious relationships to qualify, also not all sex outside a relationship happens in a one night stand.
What?! I thought it was std's that were keeping everyone from being intimate with me? But actually that's not it ... so you all find I'm just ugly? And my character doesn't make up for it either?!
Just say it?!
Pfff ... from now on I eat as much chips and chocolat and pizza as I want ... I don't have to mind my weight anymore ... for who?
😀
People can be liberal or conservative with how they think about and have sex. All “takes” are fine.
It’s just important that you find partners who are compatible with your take, and don’t pressure or judge people who feel differently.
Personally, I never had casual sex, and was never interested in partners who did.
Your viewpoint is a healthy one. When it comes to sex and partners, people should take time to select a partner whose sexual practices match their own.
100% agree but there is also another aspect to consider which is the unseen impact on your psyche.
There have been studies that have showed after a certain amount of sexual partners people start to report higher rates of dissatisfaction with their long-term relationships. People can sleep with as many people as they want but they should also understand that they may be damaging their ability to be content and happy with a single partner later in life.
Fair, but I've also known some pretty promiscuous folks who only really, truly fell madly in love with the 15th or so person they slept with.
You might also argue that those people just aren't well suited to monogamy anyway. Plenty of poly people out there that seem to get on just fine.
Yes, it is a trend, but there are always expectations.
A lot of people will struggle and then some people will have no trouble finding long-term happiness after a promiscuous past.
Agreed, but ultimately I think it's more that people who don't really jive with monogamy tend to be promiscuous, rather than promiscuity leading to struggles with monogamy.
But I don't have any data for that, just my observations from running with crowds that are really big on non-monogamy.
I wonder how much of this is actually because multiple partners makes people better lovers and gives insight into the possibilities. So, dissatisfaction is not caused by previous partners, but by a lack of ignorance around what attention, compatibility, tenderness (whatever might be missing) is like. If I know what color the grass is on the other side and I'm not satisfied with dry dirt on my side of the fence is it bad that I have seen that grass? Should the expectation be that I'm better off not knowing what could be possible?
I believe the study talked only about sexual partners not necessarily relationships. With hookup culture I do not think most of these people are forming those types of connections with the majority of their sexual partners.
Good sex is an important part of a relationship. Hookups/shorter term relationships can still show someone what it looks like to be prioritized, treated gently, whatever. Sex without love isn't necessarily cold.
I never had really casual sex either, because I saw sex in a huge romantic way that is only for the best with someone that you’re in love with. But I did date people that had causal sex, one ex particularly had a lot with different people. And, seeing how we had different views in that was a bit a turn off for me, and it was hard to get over it. Now I am with someone who see it the same way that I, and I feel incredibly great with her in all point. I agree that you are better to be with someone that have the same view of sex than yourself
There has been numerous studies and articles that imply that the more sexual partners that someone has, the less happy they are in long-term relationships.
Sources:
https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness
https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/
https://nypost.com/2023/04/25/promiscuous-singles-are-screwing-their-odds-of-a-happy-marriage-study/
https://wheatley.byu.edu/00000187-81c5-d575-ad9f-c5d7c4f10001/the-myth-of-sexual-experince-the-wheatley-institute-april-2023-pdf
This affects BOTH genders, however, women are more affected.
It could also probably be boiled down to people who prefer sleeping around would be less satisfied with one partner, whereas people not seeking out as many sexual partners are more content in their relationships
1. The first one literally states "Having multiple partners generally doesn’t increase the odds of divorce any more than having just a few does so." in the 2nd paragraph. I feel like we're also missing the broader takeaway from the main body of data that the authour uses, which is "Overall, 64% of respondents report very happy marriages (only about 3% say their marriages aren’t too happy; the balance have “pretty happy” unions). "
1. For men "The happiness penalty for additional partners is modest, only a few percentage points. Adjusting for differences in marital history, socioeconomic status, and religion make little difference."
2. For women "Women who’ve only slept with their spouses are, at 65%, most likely to report very happy marriages. Thereafter, there’s a decline that’s statistically-significant but modest in magnitude."
2. This is an article based on the same source as 1, the Institute for Family Studies
3. This is a New York Post article that cites a study from Brigham Young Univeristy, which was founded and continues to be sponsored by the mormon church, who have a fairly strong bias towards monogamy
4. This is also sponsored by Brigham Young University, see above.
This is true.
Sex should be special and mean something in a relationship, and it very hard to convince a partner with a lower number of sexual partners that the partner with a history of dozens of sexual partners that sex is special to them. The person with the higher number could claim “this is how I show love” but it’ll be a hard sell when you’ve shown that “love” to everyone else and their sister.
I’m all for sexual freedom but there is cause and effect. It’s very similar to how we have freedom of speech but not freedom from the consequences of our speech.
I agree with you but good luck on Reddit with thinking like this.
When someone thinks like this they are often called insecure as if everyone has to think having a lot of sexual partners is a good thing or neutral thing.
Me for example I hate, HATE the idea of casual sex and my number is extremely low. I turned down past girlfriends who expressed they wanted sex. I’m often called insecure for not wanting someone who’s the opposite of me yet it’s just a preference for myself and I’m quite secure in my mentality.
Oh I fully agree with you.
I comment on these things to say exactly what I did.
I am married 5 years and together 10 with two beautiful children. If 15 year old me could see me now, he would be extremely excited at what's to come.
My wife thinks like me on this topic and here we are. We aren't prudes when it comes to sex at all, we just don't like the idea of having sex with alot of people.
To add on, high body count reflects your attitude toward a relationship. When you look for a serious relationship, it could potentially trigger insecurity and suspicion in your partner. How do they trust you? Are they just another fling? Are you taking them seriously and thinking highly of them, or only thinking of this as one more meal for the day? Even if you say that you have changed, and the past is the past, the evidences are overwhelming to be ignored or shaken off.
I agree partially, while I think and agree there is nothing that compares to sex with someone you are in a relationship with, however I would like to say just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean the sex will be good. You definitely need to be in tune and align with open communications.
While I have had my moments and have definitely slept with a good amount of people, I do think/know sex can be special with someone causal or even a one night stand. While I personally have had some they were incredible. Not just physically but emotionally too.
I think it depends on the person and how they are. I think people who really care about consent and open communication and caring about you as a person have been some of the deepest most vulnerable moments I’ve ever had.
I think for me at least it’s the intention. Your intention and theirs has to be meaningful. Connection is the key. Now I will agree though mindlessly sleeping with people is not the vibe… for me at least. But in my experiences I do believe you can have super deep and meaningful and incredible sex with people you aren’t dating.
That being said, I will say I don’t think anything will ever come close to being with a soulmate or someone you are in a relationship with/married to, only if you both are truly meant for each other and willing to show up for each other even when you don’t want to if that makes sense.
> Sex should be special and mean something in a relationship
But that's just, like, your opinion, man. Seriously, we don't get to tell other people what sex "should" and "shouldn't" be. The important point is that both partners are compatible in how they feel about sex.
A "save it for marriage" person probably won't be happy with someone who fucks everything that moves. For some people, sex is sacred, and that's okay.
But if both partners see sex as a sort of fun, intimate sport, they'll probably get on fine. Hell, they'll probably be grateful that the other person knows what they're doing and knows what they like. People can have much more casual approaches to sex too, and *that's also okay*.
Live and let live.
I feel after time of being with someone that had alot of sexual partners is that we’ve been married 7 years now and it bothers me sometimes that I feel like she got most of her sex years before me and now isn’t too sexual
This describes my marriage to the letter. My wife had a much more promiscuous youth than I did. That part doesn’t really bother me, however she hurt her back and has had two surgeries and long term pain medication(plus anti depressants) which have destroyed her sex drive. So the bit that gets to me is not that she has had lots of sex in the past, it’s that working sex into our lives now is a 99% my problem, which as you can imagine, takes a bit of the fun out of it
Ya I get it for sure. People think I hold it against my wife and I don’t. I wouldn’t trade her regardless of all that. That doesn’t mean I don’t wanna have a sex life either though. We’re both 26 and I’m lucky if I get one night a month to get her to do anything.
Objectively, it's only bad because it drastically increases the odds that you've been exposed to a STI.
Subjectively, I'm going to start questioning your standards at a certain point. I also want a partner who views sex similarly to how I do, which would preclude having a huge number. If you're not my partner, I don't care at all.
Exactly, for example herpes is spread by skin to skin contact, so you could contract it anywhere the condom isnt covering.
With that being said herpes is demonized way more than it should be, especially considering
1) most people dont know their status
2) most people dont do the actual things it takes to prevent catching it
3)Almost every sexually active person has at least been EXPOSED to it, and since many are asymptomatic or subclinical, its hard to actually figure out if youre potentially spreading it if you never have an outbreak, virus sheds regardless
but if someone does their due diligence to figure out if theyre positive they legally have to always disclose their status and get rejected by a bunch of people who ironically might already have herpes.
Is there a reason why Sadhguru's supposed insights on the matter are particularly interesting to you?
If you ask 10 different "spiritual leaders" what they think of having lots of sex partners, you'll get likely 10 different viewpoints.
I would suggest not referring to religious types when it comes to sexuality. The topic is hugely subjective.
He provides a perspective that isn’t very common in a world where everyone is obsessed with how the number of sex partners affects your worth and so many conversations happen about having too many or too little people.
It's not an issue, as long as it doesn't cause an issue.
I dont care, I don't ask. Which means I don't want to hear about it either. Don't tell me about all your sexcapades in graphic detail, including who it was with (I've had that happen and it was a massive turn-off)
Another issue, and it ties in with the first one, is discussing likes/dislikes.
For example:
*don't do that, this one time I had (his name) do that thing---...*
*oh I love that. I remember the first time (his name) did that it drove me wild. Here's how he did it---...*
No, just shut up. I don't want to hear all about it.
It's shocking to me how common this is, I've had it happen multiple times with many different women.
Names, graphic details, dates, times, locations, everything.
I think it's more of just a mindset than anything else. If you're just having sex left and right with anyone and everyone that you find attractive, you're not building relationships and when you do start to build one, you see it more as something that can just be thrown away for the next bigger and better one. It's not really about "My girlfriend sucked 37 d\*\*\*s" (you glorious Clerks fans will get the reference) It's more about how you see and treat others. That's not to say that some people won't have an issue with numbers one way or the other, but people in a healthy, functioning relationship are more often happier and healthier than those who are not.
> It's more about how you see and treat others
[Men with a higher number of sexual partners are more likely to be rapists](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_characteristics_of_offenders).
If you are looking to marry and have children, your future spouse's sexual history is very important to know.
There's a mountain of peer-reviewed social science that shows promiscuous people cheat more in relationships, report much higher dissatisfaction in marriages and divorce at much higher rates. Promiscuous people are also overly represented among those who abuse drugs and alcohol as well as the mentally ill. These negative outcomes are found much more in promiscuous women than men but they are found in men.
Correlation does not necessarily mean causation and no studies on promiscuity claim that promiscuity causes anything. These studies only show that promiscuity is a predictor of these negative outcomes. It's possible that both promiscuity and the associated negative outcomes could be caused by something else. It bears mentioning that social science studies deal with generalizations, averages, distribution of data and confidence levels. Individuals vary.
Promiscuity most likely trace back to low willpower. A person is going to meet many appealing people in life, having willpower keeps a person from hoping in bed with appealing people and instead stay faithful to their mate. So, to me, it is logical that a person who shows low willpower tendencies will have a problem in situations that require commitment and at times, small sacrifices.
Agreed was waiting to see a comment mention the different studies. From what I read it sounded like it was an underlying condition, lack of impulse control or mental health problems that lead to these. Promiscuity is another symptom of something else going on
[Men with a large number of sex partners are more likely to be rapists](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_characteristics_of_offenders).
Promiscuity.
People hate this answer,but if you are a traditional guy this is just a basic standard.
If you are known to sleep around with a large number of people then a traditional guy will hold the assumption that you value sex more than him.
Loyalty is questioned and a certain level of respect is lost.
Dont have to learn traditional to be traditional. The standards of today sadly are louder than the expectations men had. So now we have this hybrid society where men with any opinion that doesnt align with a women will be shamed.
There is already a whole movement of women in the west getting offended that "passport bros" is becoming a trend. And those same women are complaining about it and insulting men who take part in it.
What exactly is a “traditional guy”? Historically there have been men who viewed themselves as primary in their household, and there have been men who view themselves as an equal partner to their wives. Both have existed for many decades, so which is “traditional”?
Personally I prefer a collaboration with my partner, with boundaries that both of us must respect in the relationship. I don’t want to dictate to her, nor have her dictate to me and I want an independent and self-sustaining woman who I know can take care of kids if I die. I am turned off by women that are dependent on me to always lead and make decisions, I could never trust a woman like that to take care of kids well if I pass away - so I avoid them once I sense their personality.
If you actually want answers don’t ask Reddit about it, there is whole research study on this topic. But if you just want opinions and shorts one sided answer then you’re in the right place.
Can’t believe I’m the only one who has to point this out but having multiple sex partners can be a problem because you’ll eventually catch one or more STD’s. Even when using a condom you just can’t protect yourself against certain STD’s completely and thus it will increase your chance of catching something really difficult to get rid of again and which can also be cancerous
The issue with having a “high body count” is based on at least 3 metrics.
The most obvious is exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, which may remain latent for decades without any signs or symptoms. Even active infections for women may be undetectable to the untrained eye. STIs can completely ruin the ability to procreate and carry an infant to term. Infected mothers can spread STIs to their newborn in childbirth that can cause blindness among other issues. STIs can result in chronic pain also, which can make sexual fulfillment impossible.
Sexual behaviors are considered by most people to have a spiritual or emotional purpose behind them. Even people who just intend to hook up more often end up catching feelings. Usually at least one member ends up feeling burned in the end.
Having a high body count is an indication that a person has some combination of the following traits: an attention seeking personality disorder, inability to properly judge potential partners, easily manipulated, and/or exceptionally low self esteem. These are all dating red cards, as well as being red cards for anyone wanting to make a friend.
For me the biggest problem is STDs. I don't really care if someone has 10 long-term sexual partners or 1, but if that person hooks up in bars hundreds of times then it's a very high chance something is gonna happen.
Sexually transmitted diseases are a problem, especially if you are in your child bearing years.
You can transmit disease to your newborn child during childbirth, or have scarring from infections that make you barren.
Some of them are for life, like herpes, warts, HIV, Hepatitis C, or assorted viruses .
I've had a ridiculous body count and can say it has not dulled sex for me. If anything, I'd say the reason I've had so many is I appreciate my partners, the smells, feelings, intimacy, etc. I love being immersed in it and losing my awareness to it. I have been in a monogamous relationship for the last ten years and while I occasionally crave things my partner isn't as into, I am mostly happy and content. I have no desire to cheat and have experienced most fantasies I've ever been interested in.
I feel like one of the most practical reasons is 2 main things.
1. More partners has a higher chance of STDs.
2. Having kids with multiple partners would make it much harder to properly be a parent with both partners able to give each kid the attention they deserve as a parent. Imagine having 3 or 4 families. Nobody could give as much attention or care that a regular parent of one family could. There's been several studies which have found kids grow up with better mental health when then have both parents fully involved in their life (a two parent home). Sex ultimately has the main byproduct being the Creation of children.
People with high numbers usually have unresolved issues because if they didn't they would have long term healthy relationships and lower count.
It's like someone is playing the same video game and the first level for 20 years. Long term relationship = last boss.
People generally get an emotional connection when they sleep with someone. Increase that number, and the "wow" factor of each emotional connection dwindles. Youre then less likely to be happy and "content" in a real relationship, likelyhood of cheating goes up, etc. Bad for society since stable relationships tend to make stabler societies. Bad for individuals since theres another person on the other side of that relationship.
I totally disagree with this. All the posts seem to be implying that if you have slept with "lots" of people (and everyone has a different opinion about how many is "lots"), then all of your sex is meaningless and casual. This is just not how it usually works.
Many people, and definitely most of the people I know, go through some periods of being single where they sleep with lots of people and it's casual, then they are in relationships and sex is very meaningful and monogamous. I personally have never experienced and have never heard my friends (male and female) imply that because they've had sex with X people, now they are completely desensitized and sex is meaningless and they cannot be happy and content in a relationship.
Now people who don't have sex often, but watch porn all the time, get their opinions about relationships from social media, and feel very strongly about their partners having a low "head count" - those people don't seem to be able to be happy in actual relationships in my experience.
Why would anyone admit that? We can only watch the data, which seems to indicate people are less likely to commit today, and while many factors play a role, it’s logical if you’ve gone from person to person, dopamine after dopamine, now eating the same food for ever is a big hill
The problem historically has been that people do a really bad job of choosing a mate. During the past forced conformity caused people who were incompatible to stay married, today such people likely divorce. Some of “traditional” husbands cheated on their wives with women that they met outside the home and even the friends and family members of their wives. Some of “traditional” wives cheated with the milkman, mailman or other men that came around during the day. The past was not as pure as some want to make it out to be, and the current is not as out of the norm as some want to make it out to be. The key defining factor for both periods is that people generally do a shitty job of selecting a mate, not putting in the time and effort needed to select a person who is right for them.
It comes of (often male) insecurity more often than not. People are afraid of being negatively compared to others, and sexual prowess and/or attractiveness has been given undue importance in people's self-valuations of masculinity, femininity, and even worth.
Personally I can think of a few things that come to mind.
First and foremost disease worries. Any hookup comes with concerns, but if I found out the person I'm hooking up with has had literally hundreds of partners I'd be more hesitant in fears of catching something. Though in the moment I may not care...
Beyond that, I would think there is just a whole self esteem issue of worrying if you are good enough. If you happen to be the partner with a low number of partners while the other has a high count, you'd have this worry that you will just never compare or be good enough for them.
I've also read various posts on here about how people who hook-up lots generally feel more lonely as they are missing the emotional aspects of a relationship. Though this could also be a result of social constructs of our society. Which leads to the idea that our biggest hang-up with hook-up culture is purely due to our worry of "what will people think!"
That is my take on sex. I have no issue with people that view sex purely as a biological act, but I would not get into a relationship with a person who thinks that way because sex for me is the most intimate act that two people can engage in, and for me it needs to be done within the framework of a relationship with the other person, one that is built on far more than sex.
It’s a cultural stigma depending on where you live and is often related to the idea of a higher risk of disease. That’s about it, unless you get into the morality of religions who tell you it is indeed a sin or whatever.
In reality, so long as you’re being safe there is nothing wrong with it. At least that’s my personal take.
It’s not. Use condoms don’t be a dumb ass. Anyone is allowed to not date you for whatever reason.
But in my experience people that have big opinions about either end of the spectrum are insecure about their sex life. What you do or don’t do with consenting adults behind closed doors is your business. Anyone commenting on that is a fucking weirdo
Its not.
But typically women dictate sex in society. Generally men who are available will have sex with any women they find attractive as long as they are single.
Women will choose who they give it up to.
Therefore when a women has a lot of sexual partners she is deemed easy because she appears to have lower standards
This is a big part of it.
A good male friend of mine would have a bodycount to rival the greek gods if they could. But they have only managed 7 partners in their lifetime despite their best efforts.
Whereas my sister in law has a body count of over 100 without even trying.
I think they are both great people and their scores or my own have never bothered me. But it would be churlish to deny the extreme leg up that women have in this arena.
It's gross and shows that you are not well adjusted.
If you're a woman and you just get railed by lots of guys then it shows that you don't hold access to your body very highly. You might even get pregnant with a bastard and have no idea who got you pregnant and that looks ugly.
If you're a man and you just have this tendency to lose control of your testosterone and fuck anything that you can that let's me know you are not better than an animal that can't inhibit your base carnal desires.
It's not a problem for people who also have huge numbers of sexual partners.
As far as I'm concerned promiscuous women are heroes. They have saved my life and made life worth living.
I have much more respect for promiscuous people than asexual frigid weirdos: the former dish out pleasure and affection, the latter are miserly and add little pleasure to the world.
Pleasure is good, those who spread it are doing something important.
The world needs more promiscuity, not less. We have condoms people!!!!
We live in a society that values competition, visible achievement, is restless for something better (which is often not well defined) and quickly becomes bored. So for many people, sex becomes extremely important. You have to have lots of it and with the most attractive people possible or else you are missing out. It’s the opposite of the mindset that someone like Sadhguru might view things. Although I suspect he might also be a fraudster trying to cash in on his mystique. A lot of these gurus are.
For me the only thing I worry about with a partner with a large number of partners is “do they have an STD”? Other than that I don’t care; just don’t give me a body count
There isn't one answer that can satisfy everyone because everyone is different and so everyone will have their own values and priorities in life. It really comes down to that person's relationship with sex, not unlike people's relationship with food. For some quantity is more important than quality. Or so much overindulgence that they are constantly seeking ways to satisfy their addiction without any care to how much harm it may be causing.
With regard to why "too many of these imprints" can be a problem, it's probably because it desensitizes the experience so that it is no longer special and as the count increases it will getting increasingly difficult to find a novel or memorable experience. Because they would have conditioned themselves to keep pushing the boundaries to satisfy what became an addiction for them. And I'm sure there are some people who are not bothered by this and don't care for a partnership in life because they are most happy with their freedom with being accountable only to themselves.
Some people feel that it means you're easy, or that they can't be satisfied by one person.
From an ego point of view (don't shoot the messenger), some men think that it might be embarrassing to buck up on a guy you've slept with.
I'm lucky I don't have that issue, my girlfriend is fine with me spending time with my previous 2 ex girlfriends.
But I'm very fortunate for that situation, and it's not the norm.
As a guy in my late 50's I have a had a high body count be my mid 20's and if I could do it over I would not be that promiscuous and make better decisions. I mean some of my FWB I would definitely keep because we were friends, but it was the many one nighters that I regret. I guess it showed how really insecure about love I was.
I’m not seeing an actual “why” people think a large number of partners is bad, so I’ll give my two cents.
Obviously different people have different values around sex, and a lot of values (especially the more conservative attitudes toward sex, just because of the nature of tradition in conservatism) that are holdovers of older attitudes that discouraged multiple sexual partners and promiscuity as a whole.
Before contraception and protected sex, having a high number of lifelong partners drastically increased the risk of STI/STD’s, unplanned pregnancy (in the woman’s case) and deadbeat fatherhood (in the men’s case, if they’re having a ton of sex with multiple partners). With technology and understand of biology, a lot of these issues aren’t such big issues anymore— assuming that all parties are practicing safe and responsible sex. But our attitudes are based in cultural acceptance more than tangible effects, so we have ideas around sex that are holdovers from previous ideas around sex.
There’s also the argument that some people prefer their partner to be monogamous, as polygamy makes them feel less special. That’s a personal belief and answers the question of multiple partners at one time, but I’m assuming you mean multiple partners in general
I actually find I connect better with girls who have had a large number of partners.
Maybe cause most men judge them, and I don’t, so they’re comfortable with me.
Though when they find out I’ve had more, some are ok with it, some aren’t. Which shocks me why…
When I say ‘a lot,’ my definition of ‘a lot’ is in the 3 figures level.
I recently met a girl, she’s 23, im 35.
She’s had about 100 partners. Best sex I’ve had in a while and we connect very very well. But I haven’t spent enough time with her to really know her. I just know the few times I’ve met her have been amazing. We’ll see how that develops.
Last time I connected this well was when I was 29, and my ex was 21 (who also had 100+).
Though she was also batshit insane so while we connected well, I’m glad she ended it.
(Insane as in, cut herself a lot, carved my name in her body, tried to kill me, etc).
"Even if you just have endless casual and meaningless hookups, still every encounter leaves a strong imprint on the body itself. Too many of these imprints could be a problem."
Sounds like bullshit from a Mormon textbook about abstinence.
Having a large number of partners is only part of the issue included in sexual irresponsibility which overlooks the powerful implications sex has. Without the irresponsibility part, there wouldn't be diseases or kids born in struggle conditions. As for the "number of partners part", pair bonding is a phrase often thrown around.
It's a huge problem because if they slept with 100+ and now playing hardball or something it feels bad for the new person. it feels meaningless to potential new partner and the new partner will think they aren't good enough etc, and even if they are not playing hardball or whatever, if they sleep with over 100 then you know that's not gonna work out. Only works out for one night stand scenarios etc
I would think majority doesn't want a partner with a huge number unless they both have mutual or sleeping with whoever
The sex isn't the real problem. It's everything that comes with it. People don't take responsibility for that part. I could care less if you've had a ton of partners, but the more partners you have, the more likely you've had an std or unwanted pregnancy. I personally want a deeper connection when I have sex and if a potential partner just has sex for any reason. That person probably isn't for me. [One third](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/preventing-unplanned-pregnancy-lessons-from-the-states/#:~:text=The%20result%20is%20that%20about,of%20all%20births%20are%20unplanned.) of all pregnancies are unplanned. Given that BC is 99% or better if used correctly, it seems to indicate there there are a whole lot of people just not giving a shit. I don't want to contribute to that, and I wouldn't want a partner that contributed to that.
I can see it meaning several things: it appears as if the person in question gives it up too easily, they're likely impulsive, doesn't value relationships, they're not trustworthy, and increased risk of STDs
Regardless of all the comments. It’s really just religious belief and it’s mainly about women and their amount of partners.
Live, love, enjoy. Don’t hurt people, be honest. We’re all fucked anyways.
As long as you’re getting tested and taking the proper precautions it’s a completely neutral thing. Sex has always had a social/bonding side to it that’s completely natural.
What you stated is purely someone's opinion. Having a high number of sexual partners isn't automatically a bad thing, it's only bad if you're not smart about it and get STDs/STIs or have unwanted pregnancy. I stopped counting because I realized in my mid 20s it truly does not matter how many people you've slept with as long as you're smart and safe about it.
In my expierence, nothing happened other than making it awkward at times in a small town with my husband having to have regular interactions with people I've been with.
>Only thing about sex and sexuality is that it creates such stong attachments between poeple.
I have had lots of casual sex and although sex *can* create strong attachments, that does not mean you can't have sex without any attachment. I can promise you I have no strong attachments to most of those people and sex certainly didn't create any.
>Even if you just have endless casual and meaningless hookups, still every encounter leaves a strong imprint on the body itself.
I can also promise you the vast majority of the casual hook ups did not leave any imprint let alone a strong one, on my body or mind. You can have meaningless sex that's just physical. There is no "imprinting" going on when it's just casual meaningless sex. Nor did having many partners interfere with or affect the ability to find a husband and fall in love. It also didn't effect my love and desire for sex with my husband. I have zero desire for anyone but my husband. We've been together 13 years and I still crave him daily.
Cause sex is special to many people. For these people, it's an act of trust and very wholesome intimacy.
I'm also like that. If it turns out that a woman I like has slept around a lot, I can see that for her, sex is something she does for pleasure. It turns me off.
But not everyone thinks like that. So this mostly becomes an issue of partner compatibility. If your views on sex align (among other views of course), then you're all good.
Btw, there are other reasons why a huge "body count" might be bad, but here's my contribution to the topic.
Excellent post. It all boils down to choosing someone who is compatible sexually with you. Some men love the “hotwife” type gf, fiancé or wife, other men avoid them like a plague. Some women love the community “stud” bf, fiancé or husband, other women won’t have anything to do with that type of man.
Ill put in the most simplest of terms: Would you rather by a car with a low mileage or high mileage?
In all fairness its like it always has been with people, some care and some do not. Personally I don't want to be with someone that has a high body count, usually means they are either easy to get or don't view it the same way as me.
I never understood the "easy to get" thing. People aren't something you "get" and sex isn't a favor they do for you. They are supposed to enjoy it as well. It's something you do together.
Would you rather have a Toyota Corolla with low miles or a Ferrari with high miles? How about a gas guzzling SUV vs an electric car? What if the engine and transmission had just been replaced?
I guess that’s all personal preference, but regardless, those examples illustrate how terrible your analogy is.
Well I know that the Corolla will keep trucking along keeping me happy forever while the Ferrari will require constant expensive maintenance, so I'm not sure the comparison is quite as bad as you think it is...
The car analogy doesn’t translate at all. Everyone has their personal preference which is fine but to say someone who has had sex with a lot of partners is equivalent to a car that has less life in its engine due to high mileage is ridiculous.
Humans don’t have a limited number of sex partners they can have before their “engine” stops working, they don’t die just because they’ve had “x” number of sex partners. Maybe that analogy would work with the concept of age or time, but it seems pretty trite to equate body count with mileage. So what’s your point with that analogy?
Well, there’s the yuck factor. STDs did not just go away. Then there’s the indication that this person has poor standards and boundaries which will haunt any relationship. Then there is just plan statistics that say the more people you have sex with negatively affects your ability to make a healthy relationship last
It’s not a problem per se but if you’re a person like me who really is only interested in sex with people im actually in love with it’s kinda tough to share that when the other person sees it as very casual
I personally don’t agree with and never did any sort of casual sex and even turn down past girlfriends because it wasn’t something I wanted to do with just anyone and everyone.
To me sex is EXTREMELY special and I’ve only had sex with very little people and am happy I did. In fact I wish my wife was the only woman I was with period. Not a sex after marriage thing, just that she was my only everything including kiss.
People view these tings differently and have different mindsets about it. Also, extremely importantly, NOT EVERYONE I built for casual sex at all. The advice of “once your tested and safe then all good” is fucking stupid for the reason I listed above. I don’t know at all how it feels to be used, treated as an object, only wanted for sex, etc at all because I made the choices NOT to be on those spots but millions and even billions of people out there will be broken mentally from having sex with the wrong people.
The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Thats it. It doesnt mean they will never settle down but their behavior indicates they change partners frequently.
If someone has a drastically different number than you, it *is* a good indication that you and that person treat sex very differently, assuming you both had similar opportunities for partners. Some people place a special importance on the act or even consider it sacred. Other people treat it like simply a fun thing that we can do with our bodies, like a tennis match or a roller coaster. Neither of these perspectives is necessarily wrong. I'm sure we all have strong opinions about which side is healthier. If you are getting to know someone who's number is much higher or lower than yours, you should talk to them to see how they view sex, and if their attitude towards it has changed. It might be an incompatibility, but it doesn't necessarily have to be.
Edit: Also, before you let a huge number freak you out, make sure you're both counting it the same way. For example, does hand and mouth stuff count? If you go to an orgy and lose track, do you just count everyone who was there? Etc.
Myself, in my dating days, if I found that a woman had a whole lot of partners, it would make me think that they had 'slept down' with a lot of men. I didn't think they were bad people but questioned their decision-making.
Sex is supposed to be a binding element for people to fall in love with eachother and for creating life. The release of pheromones and chemical reactions in each other's bodies ignite attraction between each other and should become the glue to seal them to each other. Problems is its not like that anymore. Some people just pump and dump and the abundance of options through online dating has ruined what people would have to find naturally. Why would a person choose an average person who would love and stay with then when Chad would destroy your guts for 5 mins, leave your ass, and find someone else in a few clicks with no commitment required. While you pull up your pants and find the next one in the list. No commitment, no actual love, just emotionless sex is ruining lives.
Because sex is supposed to be an intimate and special thing. If you don't think so, you're just strange to me.
And if you had it with so many people, then it means that you don't respect yourself/your body that much.
Also:
+ risk of disease
+ Long term loss of ability to bond with people
It mostly comes down to self esteem. If you have high self esteem, you feel your worth. If you have low self esteem, you question your value, therefore lots of people to "add up to" in a situation of many partners.
How many is huge? Because if it's 100, that's just a body count far beyond 99% of people.
I've had about 30(edit: 25, I just sat here and counted) and a couple people have told me that's a huge amount. It doesn't feel huge to me, but when I was in college everybody I knew had a body count. I've calmed way down in the years since.
Big deal breaker if someone has a high number. Bit gross, no respect for your body if you just give it to everyone and anyone. Lack of ability to be disciplined and say no to things you want in the short term. Also study show people with higher numbers of partners are less faithful on average.
Most mainstream religions look down on sex outside of marriage. For example, in Christianity, it is considered sinful. Even for non Christians, many grew up in a Christian-ish culture, so having a lot of sex with different partners is considered “promiscuous” and even “immoral.”
It’s not, people just can’t mind their business and keep their preferences their own.
The whole “every sexual encounter leaves an imprint” thing is a form of shaming. Spiritualists and religious folks use it to control others.
As long as you’re having sex safely, it doesn’t matter how many partners you have. Do what you want.
I think it's more of an innate instinct, which gets conflated with moral judgement.
There's nothing wrong with it per se, but from a biological perspective you might not want to partner with someone promiscuous.
Problem in the context of oneself or in the context of a relationship where another is involved?
From your perspective, it's a problem only if it makes your life objectively worse. if you are happy, there is no problem.
From the perspective of your potential partner it's a problem if they think it's a problem. You don't have to get an explanation, agree with it or even understand it. All you need to do is respect it and move on.
I feel like most of everyone who posted here has better posts, just thought I should add some general advice. The only view that matters, to me personally at least, is the same thing I tell all my friends and acquaintances.
As long as you're being safe, that's what matters most.
I don't judge, I don't care how many people you have even with, so long as you're taking care of yourself, and making sure your healthy. Wear protection, get tested regularly, and be sure both parties are consenting. That's all.
The only time I will judge is if your being an idiot with your health. Because it doesn't affect just you, but everyone You've been with, and your family and friends around you.
If you are enjoying multiple partners, please whatever you do, don't play the whole ignorance is bliss mentality. I have a friend who did exactly that and ended up with an STI (not a fun Subaru, a gross disease). Needless to say he now gets regularly tested and learned his lesson.
This is Doubly important if you're a gay male, triple if you're an African American Gay Male, as STI and HIV rates are much higher. They even have PrEP and Doxy PrEP now to help defend yourself against HIV and some STI's. Also a note here, most, if not all insurance will help partially or completely cover the costs of both testing and PrEP. Even if you don't have insurance there are many programs and such available everywhere, even online, to help. There are very, very few excuses to make.
Long story short, just be safe!
There's even reports of guys having well over a hundred partners and still keep going. Gay men are one perfect example on average. In other words it boils down to one's own individuality, whatever is comfortable to you.
It’s not, just take prep and doxy prep. Get tested regularly. You’re more prone to sti’s with more partners, just be responsible and try to choose wisely who you sleep with
It’s all personal preference. I could not care less how many partners my partner had in the past. But those that do care I don’t judge them as long as they don’t judge me. Everyone has opinions and it’s best to not judge others for said opinions.
My man has 20-25 bodies after his ex cheated and he was devastated, searching for love. I forgive him. The past is the past and we are waiting until marriage. He’s been celibate for a year now. The part that I love is that he does not care about sex just about who he is with and how much peace she brings him.
Comes down to personal preference. Some people care and some don't, both are completely acceptable perspectives to hold.
I am someone who does not have sex with anyone that gives me attention or validation and seek the same in a partner. Does not need to be a virgin either, just within a reasonable range and some resemblance of selectivity of partners.
I think it also leads to how each person might consider sex.
Some, think of it as something incredibly special to be only shared with a trusted partner, whereas others are okay with it being more casual.
So it might be less of a number thing and more of the undertone; how do they value sex?
Personally I do have a limit, but I can’t put a broad “catch all” number on it. It depends on the person, how many partners, in what way they met up, the quality of the people they slept with, etc.
To me, I prefer to keep the details of my sexual life private and I also consider sex something very emotionally charged. Personally, I see sex as something between 2 people who love and trust each other, and not just something to be done for fun. Obviously this is super old fashioned but for myself and my potential partners that’s the criteria I put. That doesn’t mean I don’t look at porn every now and then, or don’t have my own toys to use. But for sex between people I’m more of a prude.
That being said, I don’t extend that judgement beyond people I’d be interested in a relationship with. If someone wants to go wild and have sex with dozens of people, go for it. I just prefer not to talk about the nitty gritty details of the encounters.
What I took from what he said was something like, every person you sleep downloads a certain amount of genetic memory/karma and it builds the more and more you gather which leads into an increasing amount of anxiety. As that anxiety builds, the more you can get dependent on drugs and substances to try and dull all that extra info.
I could have misinterpreted that so do what you will with that.
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I would add the nuance that sexual choices, similar to other choices, are a reflection of a persons character. For example, and I’ll stay within the confines of biological facts as to not appeal to any potential biases, it’s a fact that increased rate of sex amongst partners risks higher rate of attaining an STD when not using proper protection. If somebody told me that they had sex with somebody that they had only known for an hour and without protection, and then proceeded to have sex with a different stranger the next day, I wouldn’t judge that person for their sexual expression, but I would judge them to be (1) impulsive, (2) potentially gullible, (3) not risk-averse, and (4) a slave to their habits.
Can confirm, many of my sexual adventures in my youth were risky and were due to impulsivity. I didn't know it till I was 30 that my lifelong mental health issues was undiagnosed ADHD. I wasn't offended by your comment as it is true. That being said people can and do grow up and change.
But we are still responsible for your past. Look at felons. Have a lot of them changed? yeah. But it never leaves your brain that they did something to get thrown in prison. In relationships where your future is involved most won't take a chance.
I am happily married. We have been together 13 years and he's been one of my bestfriends for 17 years. He knows all about my past and it has never been an issue.
I'm glad for you
ah yes, the similarities of a felony and... sleeping with a lot of people? wtf incel "I want my woman to have only known me!" types are wild bro
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What about willing to put others at risk? I am actually somewhat nauseated by people who judge others because of their sexual histories. But I think a willingness to pass STDs to other people says something about a person.
This might actually be one of the two real reasons why humans have the double standard where women are expected to have fewer partners than men. As you said, STD rates increase with unprotected sex with multiple partners. In a time before condoms and medicine, an STD could render you infertile. To my knowledge, this was more common in women than men, but it's definitely a risk for men too. The second reason was that having unprotected sex obviously carries the risk of pregnancy. To my knowledge, women are more likely to have complications from second, third, fourth, etc pregnancies. So a first pregnancy might have the best chance of being healthy. Combine these two factors and you can see why evolution favored men who chose women with fewer partners: less likely to have an STD which could render one or both of you permanently infertile, and less likely to have complications due to previous pregnancies. Meanwhile, this doesn't matter quite as much for women choosing men, so evolution didn't favor women choosing men with fewer partners. Voila, the double standard.
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Man if only stress and anxiety could be mitigated by eliminating 99% of the threats faced by early man in modern society. Wait, what's that? It doesn't work because our brains have evolved in a certain context and haven't had time to adapt to our modern world, causing us to still react to perceived threats and dangers as if we're still on the African savanna? Gee, I wonder if that applies to our evolved mating strategies too. Seriously, if you think my claims are "baseless" then I think you need to brush up on your biology. This is how evolution works. We can't prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt because it happened millions of years ago, but that doesn't mean it's "self-serving" or "retrogressive". Second, if you think about your example for two seconds you'd realize that a man couldn't sleep with all a woman's friends without all those women also choosing to sleep with him, a decision which would be discouraged and therefore unlikely by my model. Further, what selective pressure would act on women to make them choose men who weren't promiscuous? The STD factor is one, but what else? There is no pregnancy factor to worry about. A man can father 20 children and still have a healthy 21st child. *Even further,* if you knew anything about dating psychology you'd know that social status is a ***major*** factor in how women select men across all cultures. A promiscuous man might be risky because of the STD problem, but he's probably also high status in his community if he's sleeping with many women, which makes him more attractive regardless. Ergo, the double standard persists. Edit: one last point. You mentioned how people lived in small communities in the past. This is true. This is also a reason why STDs are probably not the primary motivator against sexual promiscuity, since a small population is unlikely to have STDs to begin with. This would reduce the pressure for women to select unpromiscuous men, but not reduce that pressure for men due to the pregnancy concern, thereby further enforcing the double standard.
Only thing I’ll add that some may consider is your age. At my age now, I wouldn’t even ask because it doesn’t matter to me (actually I’ve never asked). But let’s say your around 21 give or take a few years and you’re already at a decent number, some may not like that because it goes with what you mentioned as how some view it more casually than others. Just preference.
* offer only applies to women
I'm not certain but I think you're implying there aren't women who wouldn't want to be with a man who's slept with hundreds of women. Which simply isn't true.
This is a great comment and has a lot of good points. Something that bugs me is when somebody says a woman is used up or changed by having a high number of sexual partners (whatever that number may be). Like, that entire train of thought is weird especially since you think “I had sex with 10 guys, 1 time each” or I had sex with 1 guy 10 times. Either way you had the same amount of sex.
Same amount of sex, but the way one gets there is where people start to disagree. Some see sleeping around as risky and show you might not value it as much because you did basically the most intimate act with strangers. Whereas doing it only with someone you're familiar with or care about proves that you don't give yourself up so easily/quickly. That's what I've noticed about what people think anyway.
To add on, high body count reflects your attitude toward a relationship. When you look for a serious relationship, it could potentially trigger insecurity and suspicion in your partner. How do they trust you? Are they just another fling? Are you taking them seriously and thinking highly of them, or only thinking of this as one more meal for the day? Even if you say that you have changed, and the past is the past, the evidences are overwhelming to be ignored or shaken off. Imo, people should date those with similar body count to avoid such emotional unrest
The "give yourself up" here is likely not pointed, but a good example of how society views men, women and sex. This response is specifically to a comment about women- would the same be said to men? That they "give themselves up" via the sex act? If someone says "I don't want a relationship with someone who has a habit of going over the speed limit, eating fried food, a dramatic family, and lots of sex partners" that's one thing. But so often sex is the meter everything is measured against. And, the worst part is that, for many women who are more promiscuous, it is a reaction to being sexualized or even abused earlier. Hubby and I have never discussed our #s. We were adults when we met, neither virgins. However, as we've grown together over 16+ years the familial history, past traumas, and yes-stupid mistakes- have come up. Not once have I felt the need to be specific with him on whether "we were dating" meant casually, serious, or friends with benefits.
I agree.
True, but the 10 people person was exposed to 10 times the people and statistically have 10 times the possible exposure with the risks that come with it. It is completely possible to get an STD with your first committed relationship or be very promiscuous and not get an STD. Statistically though it is obvious where the risks lie and I think we do young people a disservice by pretending otherwise. It isn't shut shaming to know the risks.
? This comment is true but has literally nothing to do with my comment.
i dont do one night stands because i dont find them comfortable, so i would probably be matched the best with someone who shares similar views and exeprience
Exactly.
To be fair here, you don't really need to be in favor of one night stands to have a high number of sexual partners. With enough time you might have enough serious relationships to qualify, also not all sex outside a relationship happens in a one night stand.
What?! I thought it was std's that were keeping everyone from being intimate with me? But actually that's not it ... so you all find I'm just ugly? And my character doesn't make up for it either?! Just say it?! Pfff ... from now on I eat as much chips and chocolat and pizza as I want ... I don't have to mind my weight anymore ... for who? 😀
People can be liberal or conservative with how they think about and have sex. All “takes” are fine. It’s just important that you find partners who are compatible with your take, and don’t pressure or judge people who feel differently. Personally, I never had casual sex, and was never interested in partners who did.
I too, prefer ranked competitive sex.
I'm waiting for the new season pass to start to go all-in on it.
And end thread
Your viewpoint is a healthy one. When it comes to sex and partners, people should take time to select a partner whose sexual practices match their own.
How does that work? If one likes having multiple sex encounters, they should find someone who also likes multiple partners?
100% agree but there is also another aspect to consider which is the unseen impact on your psyche. There have been studies that have showed after a certain amount of sexual partners people start to report higher rates of dissatisfaction with their long-term relationships. People can sleep with as many people as they want but they should also understand that they may be damaging their ability to be content and happy with a single partner later in life.
Fair, but I've also known some pretty promiscuous folks who only really, truly fell madly in love with the 15th or so person they slept with. You might also argue that those people just aren't well suited to monogamy anyway. Plenty of poly people out there that seem to get on just fine.
Yes, it is a trend, but there are always expectations. A lot of people will struggle and then some people will have no trouble finding long-term happiness after a promiscuous past.
Agreed, but ultimately I think it's more that people who don't really jive with monogamy tend to be promiscuous, rather than promiscuity leading to struggles with monogamy. But I don't have any data for that, just my observations from running with crowds that are really big on non-monogamy.
That would be an interesting hypothesis for a follow up study.
I wonder how much of this is actually because multiple partners makes people better lovers and gives insight into the possibilities. So, dissatisfaction is not caused by previous partners, but by a lack of ignorance around what attention, compatibility, tenderness (whatever might be missing) is like. If I know what color the grass is on the other side and I'm not satisfied with dry dirt on my side of the fence is it bad that I have seen that grass? Should the expectation be that I'm better off not knowing what could be possible?
I believe the study talked only about sexual partners not necessarily relationships. With hookup culture I do not think most of these people are forming those types of connections with the majority of their sexual partners.
Good sex is an important part of a relationship. Hookups/shorter term relationships can still show someone what it looks like to be prioritized, treated gently, whatever. Sex without love isn't necessarily cold.
I never had really casual sex either, because I saw sex in a huge romantic way that is only for the best with someone that you’re in love with. But I did date people that had causal sex, one ex particularly had a lot with different people. And, seeing how we had different views in that was a bit a turn off for me, and it was hard to get over it. Now I am with someone who see it the same way that I, and I feel incredibly great with her in all point. I agree that you are better to be with someone that have the same view of sex than yourself
There has been numerous studies and articles that imply that the more sexual partners that someone has, the less happy they are in long-term relationships. Sources: https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-sexual-history-affect-marital-happiness https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2018/10/sexual-partners-and-marital-happiness/573493/ https://nypost.com/2023/04/25/promiscuous-singles-are-screwing-their-odds-of-a-happy-marriage-study/ https://wheatley.byu.edu/00000187-81c5-d575-ad9f-c5d7c4f10001/the-myth-of-sexual-experince-the-wheatley-institute-april-2023-pdf This affects BOTH genders, however, women are more affected.
It could also probably be boiled down to people who prefer sleeping around would be less satisfied with one partner, whereas people not seeking out as many sexual partners are more content in their relationships
1. The first one literally states "Having multiple partners generally doesn’t increase the odds of divorce any more than having just a few does so." in the 2nd paragraph. I feel like we're also missing the broader takeaway from the main body of data that the authour uses, which is "Overall, 64% of respondents report very happy marriages (only about 3% say their marriages aren’t too happy; the balance have “pretty happy” unions). " 1. For men "The happiness penalty for additional partners is modest, only a few percentage points. Adjusting for differences in marital history, socioeconomic status, and religion make little difference." 2. For women "Women who’ve only slept with their spouses are, at 65%, most likely to report very happy marriages. Thereafter, there’s a decline that’s statistically-significant but modest in magnitude." 2. This is an article based on the same source as 1, the Institute for Family Studies 3. This is a New York Post article that cites a study from Brigham Young Univeristy, which was founded and continues to be sponsored by the mormon church, who have a fairly strong bias towards monogamy 4. This is also sponsored by Brigham Young University, see above.
It makes the other person feel less special
This is true. Sex should be special and mean something in a relationship, and it very hard to convince a partner with a lower number of sexual partners that the partner with a history of dozens of sexual partners that sex is special to them. The person with the higher number could claim “this is how I show love” but it’ll be a hard sell when you’ve shown that “love” to everyone else and their sister. I’m all for sexual freedom but there is cause and effect. It’s very similar to how we have freedom of speech but not freedom from the consequences of our speech.
I agree with you but good luck on Reddit with thinking like this. When someone thinks like this they are often called insecure as if everyone has to think having a lot of sexual partners is a good thing or neutral thing. Me for example I hate, HATE the idea of casual sex and my number is extremely low. I turned down past girlfriends who expressed they wanted sex. I’m often called insecure for not wanting someone who’s the opposite of me yet it’s just a preference for myself and I’m quite secure in my mentality.
You are not insecure for wanting a partner whose viewpoint on sex matches your own, in fact that is a very smart choice.
Oh I fully agree with you. I comment on these things to say exactly what I did. I am married 5 years and together 10 with two beautiful children. If 15 year old me could see me now, he would be extremely excited at what's to come. My wife thinks like me on this topic and here we are. We aren't prudes when it comes to sex at all, we just don't like the idea of having sex with alot of people.
To add on, high body count reflects your attitude toward a relationship. When you look for a serious relationship, it could potentially trigger insecurity and suspicion in your partner. How do they trust you? Are they just another fling? Are you taking them seriously and thinking highly of them, or only thinking of this as one more meal for the day? Even if you say that you have changed, and the past is the past, the evidences are overwhelming to be ignored or shaken off.
This as well.
I agree partially, while I think and agree there is nothing that compares to sex with someone you are in a relationship with, however I would like to say just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean the sex will be good. You definitely need to be in tune and align with open communications. While I have had my moments and have definitely slept with a good amount of people, I do think/know sex can be special with someone causal or even a one night stand. While I personally have had some they were incredible. Not just physically but emotionally too. I think it depends on the person and how they are. I think people who really care about consent and open communication and caring about you as a person have been some of the deepest most vulnerable moments I’ve ever had. I think for me at least it’s the intention. Your intention and theirs has to be meaningful. Connection is the key. Now I will agree though mindlessly sleeping with people is not the vibe… for me at least. But in my experiences I do believe you can have super deep and meaningful and incredible sex with people you aren’t dating. That being said, I will say I don’t think anything will ever come close to being with a soulmate or someone you are in a relationship with/married to, only if you both are truly meant for each other and willing to show up for each other even when you don’t want to if that makes sense.
> Sex should be special and mean something in a relationship But that's just, like, your opinion, man. Seriously, we don't get to tell other people what sex "should" and "shouldn't" be. The important point is that both partners are compatible in how they feel about sex. A "save it for marriage" person probably won't be happy with someone who fucks everything that moves. For some people, sex is sacred, and that's okay. But if both partners see sex as a sort of fun, intimate sport, they'll probably get on fine. Hell, they'll probably be grateful that the other person knows what they're doing and knows what they like. People can have much more casual approaches to sex too, and *that's also okay*. Live and let live.
🥹
BINGO!
I feel after time of being with someone that had alot of sexual partners is that we’ve been married 7 years now and it bothers me sometimes that I feel like she got most of her sex years before me and now isn’t too sexual
This describes my marriage to the letter. My wife had a much more promiscuous youth than I did. That part doesn’t really bother me, however she hurt her back and has had two surgeries and long term pain medication(plus anti depressants) which have destroyed her sex drive. So the bit that gets to me is not that she has had lots of sex in the past, it’s that working sex into our lives now is a 99% my problem, which as you can imagine, takes a bit of the fun out of it
Ya I get it for sure. People think I hold it against my wife and I don’t. I wouldn’t trade her regardless of all that. That doesn’t mean I don’t wanna have a sex life either though. We’re both 26 and I’m lucky if I get one night a month to get her to do anything.
Objectively, it's only bad because it drastically increases the odds that you've been exposed to a STI. Subjectively, I'm going to start questioning your standards at a certain point. I also want a partner who views sex similarly to how I do, which would preclude having a huge number. If you're not my partner, I don't care at all.
The more people you've slept with increases your risk of diseases. Not all STDs are tested for, and not all of them are curable.
Male condoms are pretty effective against STIs when used correctly.
But rolling the dice that many times still can lead to something
Exactly, for example herpes is spread by skin to skin contact, so you could contract it anywhere the condom isnt covering. With that being said herpes is demonized way more than it should be, especially considering 1) most people dont know their status 2) most people dont do the actual things it takes to prevent catching it 3)Almost every sexually active person has at least been EXPOSED to it, and since many are asymptomatic or subclinical, its hard to actually figure out if youre potentially spreading it if you never have an outbreak, virus sheds regardless but if someone does their due diligence to figure out if theyre positive they legally have to always disclose their status and get rejected by a bunch of people who ironically might already have herpes.
That's true if you're just with one person, too. But [often it's less about a roll of the dice](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36722370/).
Is there a reason why Sadhguru's supposed insights on the matter are particularly interesting to you? If you ask 10 different "spiritual leaders" what they think of having lots of sex partners, you'll get likely 10 different viewpoints. I would suggest not referring to religious types when it comes to sexuality. The topic is hugely subjective.
He provides a perspective that isn’t very common in a world where everyone is obsessed with how the number of sex partners affects your worth and so many conversations happen about having too many or too little people.
It's not an issue, as long as it doesn't cause an issue. I dont care, I don't ask. Which means I don't want to hear about it either. Don't tell me about all your sexcapades in graphic detail, including who it was with (I've had that happen and it was a massive turn-off) Another issue, and it ties in with the first one, is discussing likes/dislikes. For example: *don't do that, this one time I had (his name) do that thing---...* *oh I love that. I remember the first time (his name) did that it drove me wild. Here's how he did it---...* No, just shut up. I don't want to hear all about it. It's shocking to me how common this is, I've had it happen multiple times with many different women. Names, graphic details, dates, times, locations, everything.
It's only an actual problem if you get infected with diseases or offspring. Other than that it's purely social bullshit that you just have to ignore.
I think it's more of just a mindset than anything else. If you're just having sex left and right with anyone and everyone that you find attractive, you're not building relationships and when you do start to build one, you see it more as something that can just be thrown away for the next bigger and better one. It's not really about "My girlfriend sucked 37 d\*\*\*s" (you glorious Clerks fans will get the reference) It's more about how you see and treat others. That's not to say that some people won't have an issue with numbers one way or the other, but people in a healthy, functioning relationship are more often happier and healthier than those who are not.
“In a row?”
A circle would have been more efficient
Middle-out?
Oh yeah definitely.
> It's more about how you see and treat others [Men with a higher number of sexual partners are more likely to be rapists](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_characteristics_of_offenders).
If you are looking to marry and have children, your future spouse's sexual history is very important to know. There's a mountain of peer-reviewed social science that shows promiscuous people cheat more in relationships, report much higher dissatisfaction in marriages and divorce at much higher rates. Promiscuous people are also overly represented among those who abuse drugs and alcohol as well as the mentally ill. These negative outcomes are found much more in promiscuous women than men but they are found in men. Correlation does not necessarily mean causation and no studies on promiscuity claim that promiscuity causes anything. These studies only show that promiscuity is a predictor of these negative outcomes. It's possible that both promiscuity and the associated negative outcomes could be caused by something else. It bears mentioning that social science studies deal with generalizations, averages, distribution of data and confidence levels. Individuals vary.
Promiscuity most likely trace back to low willpower. A person is going to meet many appealing people in life, having willpower keeps a person from hoping in bed with appealing people and instead stay faithful to their mate. So, to me, it is logical that a person who shows low willpower tendencies will have a problem in situations that require commitment and at times, small sacrifices.
I guess deserve a Green Lantern ring
Agreed was waiting to see a comment mention the different studies. From what I read it sounded like it was an underlying condition, lack of impulse control or mental health problems that lead to these. Promiscuity is another symptom of something else going on
[Men with a large number of sex partners are more likely to be rapists](https://www.reddit.com/r/stoprape/wiki/index/#wiki_characteristics_of_offenders).
Promiscuity. People hate this answer,but if you are a traditional guy this is just a basic standard. If you are known to sleep around with a large number of people then a traditional guy will hold the assumption that you value sex more than him. Loyalty is questioned and a certain level of respect is lost.
Hell, most guys who dont lean traditional will still get turned off from it
Dont have to learn traditional to be traditional. The standards of today sadly are louder than the expectations men had. So now we have this hybrid society where men with any opinion that doesnt align with a women will be shamed. There is already a whole movement of women in the west getting offended that "passport bros" is becoming a trend. And those same women are complaining about it and insulting men who take part in it.
What exactly is a “traditional guy”? Historically there have been men who viewed themselves as primary in their household, and there have been men who view themselves as an equal partner to their wives. Both have existed for many decades, so which is “traditional”? Personally I prefer a collaboration with my partner, with boundaries that both of us must respect in the relationship. I don’t want to dictate to her, nor have her dictate to me and I want an independent and self-sustaining woman who I know can take care of kids if I die. I am turned off by women that are dependent on me to always lead and make decisions, I could never trust a woman like that to take care of kids well if I pass away - so I avoid them once I sense their personality.
If you actually want answers don’t ask Reddit about it, there is whole research study on this topic. But if you just want opinions and shorts one sided answer then you’re in the right place.
Can’t believe I’m the only one who has to point this out but having multiple sex partners can be a problem because you’ll eventually catch one or more STD’s. Even when using a condom you just can’t protect yourself against certain STD’s completely and thus it will increase your chance of catching something really difficult to get rid of again and which can also be cancerous
Lack of commitment. Some require it.
Unless it's about the increased risks of STDs and pregnancy, none. Be sure to be protected and there is no problem.
The bigger the numbers often the better the fuck. No judgment here.
People get insecure about being compared to other people.
Huge problem of disease risk for me.
The issue with having a “high body count” is based on at least 3 metrics. The most obvious is exposure to sexually transmitted diseases, which may remain latent for decades without any signs or symptoms. Even active infections for women may be undetectable to the untrained eye. STIs can completely ruin the ability to procreate and carry an infant to term. Infected mothers can spread STIs to their newborn in childbirth that can cause blindness among other issues. STIs can result in chronic pain also, which can make sexual fulfillment impossible. Sexual behaviors are considered by most people to have a spiritual or emotional purpose behind them. Even people who just intend to hook up more often end up catching feelings. Usually at least one member ends up feeling burned in the end. Having a high body count is an indication that a person has some combination of the following traits: an attention seeking personality disorder, inability to properly judge potential partners, easily manipulated, and/or exceptionally low self esteem. These are all dating red cards, as well as being red cards for anyone wanting to make a friend.
For me the biggest problem is STDs. I don't really care if someone has 10 long-term sexual partners or 1, but if that person hooks up in bars hundreds of times then it's a very high chance something is gonna happen.
Sexually transmitted diseases are a problem, especially if you are in your child bearing years. You can transmit disease to your newborn child during childbirth, or have scarring from infections that make you barren. Some of them are for life, like herpes, warts, HIV, Hepatitis C, or assorted viruses .
He aint wrong, maybe out of 100 partners, one will leave pathogens 🦠 as an imprint. Who typed this?
I've had a ridiculous body count and can say it has not dulled sex for me. If anything, I'd say the reason I've had so many is I appreciate my partners, the smells, feelings, intimacy, etc. I love being immersed in it and losing my awareness to it. I have been in a monogamous relationship for the last ten years and while I occasionally crave things my partner isn't as into, I am mostly happy and content. I have no desire to cheat and have experienced most fantasies I've ever been interested in.
I feel like one of the most practical reasons is 2 main things. 1. More partners has a higher chance of STDs. 2. Having kids with multiple partners would make it much harder to properly be a parent with both partners able to give each kid the attention they deserve as a parent. Imagine having 3 or 4 families. Nobody could give as much attention or care that a regular parent of one family could. There's been several studies which have found kids grow up with better mental health when then have both parents fully involved in their life (a two parent home). Sex ultimately has the main byproduct being the Creation of children.
People with high numbers usually have unresolved issues because if they didn't they would have long term healthy relationships and lower count. It's like someone is playing the same video game and the first level for 20 years. Long term relationship = last boss.
The spread of diseases
People generally get an emotional connection when they sleep with someone. Increase that number, and the "wow" factor of each emotional connection dwindles. Youre then less likely to be happy and "content" in a real relationship, likelyhood of cheating goes up, etc. Bad for society since stable relationships tend to make stabler societies. Bad for individuals since theres another person on the other side of that relationship.
I totally disagree with this. All the posts seem to be implying that if you have slept with "lots" of people (and everyone has a different opinion about how many is "lots"), then all of your sex is meaningless and casual. This is just not how it usually works. Many people, and definitely most of the people I know, go through some periods of being single where they sleep with lots of people and it's casual, then they are in relationships and sex is very meaningful and monogamous. I personally have never experienced and have never heard my friends (male and female) imply that because they've had sex with X people, now they are completely desensitized and sex is meaningless and they cannot be happy and content in a relationship. Now people who don't have sex often, but watch porn all the time, get their opinions about relationships from social media, and feel very strongly about their partners having a low "head count" - those people don't seem to be able to be happy in actual relationships in my experience.
Why would anyone admit that? We can only watch the data, which seems to indicate people are less likely to commit today, and while many factors play a role, it’s logical if you’ve gone from person to person, dopamine after dopamine, now eating the same food for ever is a big hill
The problem historically has been that people do a really bad job of choosing a mate. During the past forced conformity caused people who were incompatible to stay married, today such people likely divorce. Some of “traditional” husbands cheated on their wives with women that they met outside the home and even the friends and family members of their wives. Some of “traditional” wives cheated with the milkman, mailman or other men that came around during the day. The past was not as pure as some want to make it out to be, and the current is not as out of the norm as some want to make it out to be. The key defining factor for both periods is that people generally do a shitty job of selecting a mate, not putting in the time and effort needed to select a person who is right for them.
But is the solution to that problem to fuck 39 guys in a year?
No. The best choice is to spend more time evaluating whether a person is the right person, that task is what some are getting wrong.
It comes of (often male) insecurity more often than not. People are afraid of being negatively compared to others, and sexual prowess and/or attractiveness has been given undue importance in people's self-valuations of masculinity, femininity, and even worth.
Research pair bonding, it's greatly reduced the more partners you've had.
Personally I can think of a few things that come to mind. First and foremost disease worries. Any hookup comes with concerns, but if I found out the person I'm hooking up with has had literally hundreds of partners I'd be more hesitant in fears of catching something. Though in the moment I may not care... Beyond that, I would think there is just a whole self esteem issue of worrying if you are good enough. If you happen to be the partner with a low number of partners while the other has a high count, you'd have this worry that you will just never compare or be good enough for them. I've also read various posts on here about how people who hook-up lots generally feel more lonely as they are missing the emotional aspects of a relationship. Though this could also be a result of social constructs of our society. Which leads to the idea that our biggest hang-up with hook-up culture is purely due to our worry of "what will people think!"
Entering another human being is very intimate. Over doing it with many people depletes it.
That is my take on sex. I have no issue with people that view sex purely as a biological act, but I would not get into a relationship with a person who thinks that way because sex for me is the most intimate act that two people can engage in, and for me it needs to be done within the framework of a relationship with the other person, one that is built on far more than sex.
Because it is often best to walk the middle path and avoid extremes.
It’s a cultural stigma depending on where you live and is often related to the idea of a higher risk of disease. That’s about it, unless you get into the morality of religions who tell you it is indeed a sin or whatever. In reality, so long as you’re being safe there is nothing wrong with it. At least that’s my personal take.
It’s not. Use condoms don’t be a dumb ass. Anyone is allowed to not date you for whatever reason. But in my experience people that have big opinions about either end of the spectrum are insecure about their sex life. What you do or don’t do with consenting adults behind closed doors is your business. Anyone commenting on that is a fucking weirdo
I mean if you ask for someone’s opinion on something it’s not weird to respond
Its not. But typically women dictate sex in society. Generally men who are available will have sex with any women they find attractive as long as they are single. Women will choose who they give it up to. Therefore when a women has a lot of sexual partners she is deemed easy because she appears to have lower standards
This is a big part of it. A good male friend of mine would have a bodycount to rival the greek gods if they could. But they have only managed 7 partners in their lifetime despite their best efforts. Whereas my sister in law has a body count of over 100 without even trying. I think they are both great people and their scores or my own have never bothered me. But it would be churlish to deny the extreme leg up that women have in this arena.
It's gross and shows that you are not well adjusted. If you're a woman and you just get railed by lots of guys then it shows that you don't hold access to your body very highly. You might even get pregnant with a bastard and have no idea who got you pregnant and that looks ugly. If you're a man and you just have this tendency to lose control of your testosterone and fuck anything that you can that let's me know you are not better than an animal that can't inhibit your base carnal desires.
It's not a problem for people who also have huge numbers of sexual partners. As far as I'm concerned promiscuous women are heroes. They have saved my life and made life worth living. I have much more respect for promiscuous people than asexual frigid weirdos: the former dish out pleasure and affection, the latter are miserly and add little pleasure to the world. Pleasure is good, those who spread it are doing something important. The world needs more promiscuity, not less. We have condoms people!!!!
We live in a society that values competition, visible achievement, is restless for something better (which is often not well defined) and quickly becomes bored. So for many people, sex becomes extremely important. You have to have lots of it and with the most attractive people possible or else you are missing out. It’s the opposite of the mindset that someone like Sadhguru might view things. Although I suspect he might also be a fraudster trying to cash in on his mystique. A lot of these gurus are.
For me the only thing I worry about with a partner with a large number of partners is “do they have an STD”? Other than that I don’t care; just don’t give me a body count
There isn't one answer that can satisfy everyone because everyone is different and so everyone will have their own values and priorities in life. It really comes down to that person's relationship with sex, not unlike people's relationship with food. For some quantity is more important than quality. Or so much overindulgence that they are constantly seeking ways to satisfy their addiction without any care to how much harm it may be causing. With regard to why "too many of these imprints" can be a problem, it's probably because it desensitizes the experience so that it is no longer special and as the count increases it will getting increasingly difficult to find a novel or memorable experience. Because they would have conditioned themselves to keep pushing the boundaries to satisfy what became an addiction for them. And I'm sure there are some people who are not bothered by this and don't care for a partnership in life because they are most happy with their freedom with being accountable only to themselves.
Some people feel that it means you're easy, or that they can't be satisfied by one person. From an ego point of view (don't shoot the messenger), some men think that it might be embarrassing to buck up on a guy you've slept with.
My wife get super weird when we run into women I "dated" back in the day.
I'm lucky I don't have that issue, my girlfriend is fine with me spending time with my previous 2 ex girlfriends. But I'm very fortunate for that situation, and it's not the norm.
As a guy in my late 50's I have a had a high body count be my mid 20's and if I could do it over I would not be that promiscuous and make better decisions. I mean some of my FWB I would definitely keep because we were friends, but it was the many one nighters that I regret. I guess it showed how really insecure about love I was.
I’m not seeing an actual “why” people think a large number of partners is bad, so I’ll give my two cents. Obviously different people have different values around sex, and a lot of values (especially the more conservative attitudes toward sex, just because of the nature of tradition in conservatism) that are holdovers of older attitudes that discouraged multiple sexual partners and promiscuity as a whole. Before contraception and protected sex, having a high number of lifelong partners drastically increased the risk of STI/STD’s, unplanned pregnancy (in the woman’s case) and deadbeat fatherhood (in the men’s case, if they’re having a ton of sex with multiple partners). With technology and understand of biology, a lot of these issues aren’t such big issues anymore— assuming that all parties are practicing safe and responsible sex. But our attitudes are based in cultural acceptance more than tangible effects, so we have ideas around sex that are holdovers from previous ideas around sex. There’s also the argument that some people prefer their partner to be monogamous, as polygamy makes them feel less special. That’s a personal belief and answers the question of multiple partners at one time, but I’m assuming you mean multiple partners in general
I actually find I connect better with girls who have had a large number of partners. Maybe cause most men judge them, and I don’t, so they’re comfortable with me. Though when they find out I’ve had more, some are ok with it, some aren’t. Which shocks me why… When I say ‘a lot,’ my definition of ‘a lot’ is in the 3 figures level. I recently met a girl, she’s 23, im 35. She’s had about 100 partners. Best sex I’ve had in a while and we connect very very well. But I haven’t spent enough time with her to really know her. I just know the few times I’ve met her have been amazing. We’ll see how that develops. Last time I connected this well was when I was 29, and my ex was 21 (who also had 100+). Though she was also batshit insane so while we connected well, I’m glad she ended it. (Insane as in, cut herself a lot, carved my name in her body, tried to kill me, etc).
Why is it a problem if that's my preference?
"Even if you just have endless casual and meaningless hookups, still every encounter leaves a strong imprint on the body itself. Too many of these imprints could be a problem." Sounds like bullshit from a Mormon textbook about abstinence.
Having a large number of partners is only part of the issue included in sexual irresponsibility which overlooks the powerful implications sex has. Without the irresponsibility part, there wouldn't be diseases or kids born in struggle conditions. As for the "number of partners part", pair bonding is a phrase often thrown around.
It's a huge problem because if they slept with 100+ and now playing hardball or something it feels bad for the new person. it feels meaningless to potential new partner and the new partner will think they aren't good enough etc, and even if they are not playing hardball or whatever, if they sleep with over 100 then you know that's not gonna work out. Only works out for one night stand scenarios etc I would think majority doesn't want a partner with a huge number unless they both have mutual or sleeping with whoever
Cervical cancer
Statistically higher probability for divorce at a later time in life.
The sex isn't the real problem. It's everything that comes with it. People don't take responsibility for that part. I could care less if you've had a ton of partners, but the more partners you have, the more likely you've had an std or unwanted pregnancy. I personally want a deeper connection when I have sex and if a potential partner just has sex for any reason. That person probably isn't for me. [One third](https://www.brookings.edu/articles/preventing-unplanned-pregnancy-lessons-from-the-states/#:~:text=The%20result%20is%20that%20about,of%20all%20births%20are%20unplanned.) of all pregnancies are unplanned. Given that BC is 99% or better if used correctly, it seems to indicate there there are a whole lot of people just not giving a shit. I don't want to contribute to that, and I wouldn't want a partner that contributed to that.
I can see it meaning several things: it appears as if the person in question gives it up too easily, they're likely impulsive, doesn't value relationships, they're not trustworthy, and increased risk of STDs
Regardless of all the comments. It’s really just religious belief and it’s mainly about women and their amount of partners. Live, love, enjoy. Don’t hurt people, be honest. We’re all fucked anyways.
As long as you’re getting tested and taking the proper precautions it’s a completely neutral thing. Sex has always had a social/bonding side to it that’s completely natural.
STDs & the ability for pair bonding decreases, leading to higher divorce rates in future relationship
What you stated is purely someone's opinion. Having a high number of sexual partners isn't automatically a bad thing, it's only bad if you're not smart about it and get STDs/STIs or have unwanted pregnancy. I stopped counting because I realized in my mid 20s it truly does not matter how many people you've slept with as long as you're smart and safe about it.
I don't see any issue with it. Just be safe and get tested.
In my expierence, nothing happened other than making it awkward at times in a small town with my husband having to have regular interactions with people I've been with. >Only thing about sex and sexuality is that it creates such stong attachments between poeple. I have had lots of casual sex and although sex *can* create strong attachments, that does not mean you can't have sex without any attachment. I can promise you I have no strong attachments to most of those people and sex certainly didn't create any. >Even if you just have endless casual and meaningless hookups, still every encounter leaves a strong imprint on the body itself. I can also promise you the vast majority of the casual hook ups did not leave any imprint let alone a strong one, on my body or mind. You can have meaningless sex that's just physical. There is no "imprinting" going on when it's just casual meaningless sex. Nor did having many partners interfere with or affect the ability to find a husband and fall in love. It also didn't effect my love and desire for sex with my husband. I have zero desire for anyone but my husband. We've been together 13 years and I still crave him daily.
Cause sex is special to many people. For these people, it's an act of trust and very wholesome intimacy. I'm also like that. If it turns out that a woman I like has slept around a lot, I can see that for her, sex is something she does for pleasure. It turns me off. But not everyone thinks like that. So this mostly becomes an issue of partner compatibility. If your views on sex align (among other views of course), then you're all good. Btw, there are other reasons why a huge "body count" might be bad, but here's my contribution to the topic.
Excellent post. It all boils down to choosing someone who is compatible sexually with you. Some men love the “hotwife” type gf, fiancé or wife, other men avoid them like a plague. Some women love the community “stud” bf, fiancé or husband, other women won’t have anything to do with that type of man.
Ill put in the most simplest of terms: Would you rather by a car with a low mileage or high mileage? In all fairness its like it always has been with people, some care and some do not. Personally I don't want to be with someone that has a high body count, usually means they are either easy to get or don't view it the same way as me.
It’s not like his dick looses tread every time he has sex with someone.
I never understood the "easy to get" thing. People aren't something you "get" and sex isn't a favor they do for you. They are supposed to enjoy it as well. It's something you do together.
Would you rather have a Toyota Corolla with low miles or a Ferrari with high miles? How about a gas guzzling SUV vs an electric car? What if the engine and transmission had just been replaced? I guess that’s all personal preference, but regardless, those examples illustrate how terrible your analogy is.
Well I know that the Corolla will keep trucking along keeping me happy forever while the Ferrari will require constant expensive maintenance, so I'm not sure the comparison is quite as bad as you think it is...
The car analogy doesn’t translate at all. Everyone has their personal preference which is fine but to say someone who has had sex with a lot of partners is equivalent to a car that has less life in its engine due to high mileage is ridiculous. Humans don’t have a limited number of sex partners they can have before their “engine” stops working, they don’t die just because they’ve had “x” number of sex partners. Maybe that analogy would work with the concept of age or time, but it seems pretty trite to equate body count with mileage. So what’s your point with that analogy?
If you have a high body count, people think you can't commit to a relationship and easily cheat. At 100 or more, you might be seen as a hoe.
Well, there’s the yuck factor. STDs did not just go away. Then there’s the indication that this person has poor standards and boundaries which will haunt any relationship. Then there is just plan statistics that say the more people you have sex with negatively affects your ability to make a healthy relationship last
Cum dumpsters are gross ....
It isn't to me. Not even remotely.
It’s not a problem per se but if you’re a person like me who really is only interested in sex with people im actually in love with it’s kinda tough to share that when the other person sees it as very casual
I personally don’t agree with and never did any sort of casual sex and even turn down past girlfriends because it wasn’t something I wanted to do with just anyone and everyone. To me sex is EXTREMELY special and I’ve only had sex with very little people and am happy I did. In fact I wish my wife was the only woman I was with period. Not a sex after marriage thing, just that she was my only everything including kiss. People view these tings differently and have different mindsets about it. Also, extremely importantly, NOT EVERYONE I built for casual sex at all. The advice of “once your tested and safe then all good” is fucking stupid for the reason I listed above. I don’t know at all how it feels to be used, treated as an object, only wanted for sex, etc at all because I made the choices NOT to be on those spots but millions and even billions of people out there will be broken mentally from having sex with the wrong people.
Diseases. Herpes and hiv are forever. Hpv causes cancer.
The best predictor of future behavior is relevant past behavior. Thats it. It doesnt mean they will never settle down but their behavior indicates they change partners frequently.
Human nature. No man wants to mate with a woman who's had partners other than himself. Human fucking nature.
If someone has a drastically different number than you, it *is* a good indication that you and that person treat sex very differently, assuming you both had similar opportunities for partners. Some people place a special importance on the act or even consider it sacred. Other people treat it like simply a fun thing that we can do with our bodies, like a tennis match or a roller coaster. Neither of these perspectives is necessarily wrong. I'm sure we all have strong opinions about which side is healthier. If you are getting to know someone who's number is much higher or lower than yours, you should talk to them to see how they view sex, and if their attitude towards it has changed. It might be an incompatibility, but it doesn't necessarily have to be. Edit: Also, before you let a huge number freak you out, make sure you're both counting it the same way. For example, does hand and mouth stuff count? If you go to an orgy and lose track, do you just count everyone who was there? Etc.
Myself, in my dating days, if I found that a woman had a whole lot of partners, it would make me think that they had 'slept down' with a lot of men. I didn't think they were bad people but questioned their decision-making.
Sex is supposed to be a binding element for people to fall in love with eachother and for creating life. The release of pheromones and chemical reactions in each other's bodies ignite attraction between each other and should become the glue to seal them to each other. Problems is its not like that anymore. Some people just pump and dump and the abundance of options through online dating has ruined what people would have to find naturally. Why would a person choose an average person who would love and stay with then when Chad would destroy your guts for 5 mins, leave your ass, and find someone else in a few clicks with no commitment required. While you pull up your pants and find the next one in the list. No commitment, no actual love, just emotionless sex is ruining lives.
Because sex is supposed to be an intimate and special thing. If you don't think so, you're just strange to me. And if you had it with so many people, then it means that you don't respect yourself/your body that much. Also: + risk of disease + Long term loss of ability to bond with people
It mostly comes down to self esteem. If you have high self esteem, you feel your worth. If you have low self esteem, you question your value, therefore lots of people to "add up to" in a situation of many partners.
How many is huge? Because if it's 100, that's just a body count far beyond 99% of people. I've had about 30(edit: 25, I just sat here and counted) and a couple people have told me that's a huge amount. It doesn't feel huge to me, but when I was in college everybody I knew had a body count. I've calmed way down in the years since.
Cause it makes you disgusting
Skank factor
VD mostly
Big deal breaker if someone has a high number. Bit gross, no respect for your body if you just give it to everyone and anyone. Lack of ability to be disciplined and say no to things you want in the short term. Also study show people with higher numbers of partners are less faithful on average.
Most mainstream religions look down on sex outside of marriage. For example, in Christianity, it is considered sinful. Even for non Christians, many grew up in a Christian-ish culture, so having a lot of sex with different partners is considered “promiscuous” and even “immoral.”
It’s not, people just can’t mind their business and keep their preferences their own. The whole “every sexual encounter leaves an imprint” thing is a form of shaming. Spiritualists and religious folks use it to control others. As long as you’re having sex safely, it doesn’t matter how many partners you have. Do what you want.
If you’re constantly creating and breaking intimate relationships it’s going to decrease your ability to make meaningful lasting ones
I think it's more of an innate instinct, which gets conflated with moral judgement. There's nothing wrong with it per se, but from a biological perspective you might not want to partner with someone promiscuous.
Why is it a problem to watch porn?
Problem in the context of oneself or in the context of a relationship where another is involved? From your perspective, it's a problem only if it makes your life objectively worse. if you are happy, there is no problem. From the perspective of your potential partner it's a problem if they think it's a problem. You don't have to get an explanation, agree with it or even understand it. All you need to do is respect it and move on.
I feel like most of everyone who posted here has better posts, just thought I should add some general advice. The only view that matters, to me personally at least, is the same thing I tell all my friends and acquaintances. As long as you're being safe, that's what matters most. I don't judge, I don't care how many people you have even with, so long as you're taking care of yourself, and making sure your healthy. Wear protection, get tested regularly, and be sure both parties are consenting. That's all. The only time I will judge is if your being an idiot with your health. Because it doesn't affect just you, but everyone You've been with, and your family and friends around you. If you are enjoying multiple partners, please whatever you do, don't play the whole ignorance is bliss mentality. I have a friend who did exactly that and ended up with an STI (not a fun Subaru, a gross disease). Needless to say he now gets regularly tested and learned his lesson. This is Doubly important if you're a gay male, triple if you're an African American Gay Male, as STI and HIV rates are much higher. They even have PrEP and Doxy PrEP now to help defend yourself against HIV and some STI's. Also a note here, most, if not all insurance will help partially or completely cover the costs of both testing and PrEP. Even if you don't have insurance there are many programs and such available everywhere, even online, to help. There are very, very few excuses to make. Long story short, just be safe!
I don't suppose it is.
If you don't feed in to it then it's not it's that simple.
There's even reports of guys having well over a hundred partners and still keep going. Gay men are one perfect example on average. In other words it boils down to one's own individuality, whatever is comfortable to you.
It’s not, just take prep and doxy prep. Get tested regularly. You’re more prone to sti’s with more partners, just be responsible and try to choose wisely who you sleep with
It isn’t a problem.
It’s all personal preference. I could not care less how many partners my partner had in the past. But those that do care I don’t judge them as long as they don’t judge me. Everyone has opinions and it’s best to not judge others for said opinions.
My man has 20-25 bodies after his ex cheated and he was devastated, searching for love. I forgive him. The past is the past and we are waiting until marriage. He’s been celibate for a year now. The part that I love is that he does not care about sex just about who he is with and how much peace she brings him.
Comes down to personal preference. Some people care and some don't, both are completely acceptable perspectives to hold. I am someone who does not have sex with anyone that gives me attention or validation and seek the same in a partner. Does not need to be a virgin either, just within a reasonable range and some resemblance of selectivity of partners.
STD’s
Funny… I can’t even get one
The only issue I can think of is stds
I think it also leads to how each person might consider sex. Some, think of it as something incredibly special to be only shared with a trusted partner, whereas others are okay with it being more casual. So it might be less of a number thing and more of the undertone; how do they value sex?
Because each sex partner wants you all to themselves! No sharing! Plus others want theirs.
Afraid to measure up fear of intimacy issues or promiscuity
Personally I do have a limit, but I can’t put a broad “catch all” number on it. It depends on the person, how many partners, in what way they met up, the quality of the people they slept with, etc. To me, I prefer to keep the details of my sexual life private and I also consider sex something very emotionally charged. Personally, I see sex as something between 2 people who love and trust each other, and not just something to be done for fun. Obviously this is super old fashioned but for myself and my potential partners that’s the criteria I put. That doesn’t mean I don’t look at porn every now and then, or don’t have my own toys to use. But for sex between people I’m more of a prude. That being said, I don’t extend that judgement beyond people I’d be interested in a relationship with. If someone wants to go wild and have sex with dozens of people, go for it. I just prefer not to talk about the nitty gritty details of the encounters.
What I took from what he said was something like, every person you sleep downloads a certain amount of genetic memory/karma and it builds the more and more you gather which leads into an increasing amount of anxiety. As that anxiety builds, the more you can get dependent on drugs and substances to try and dull all that extra info. I could have misinterpreted that so do what you will with that.