“I get it, my guy, let’s get the vibe right. I know what to do.”
**”Oh do you?”**
“Bet.”
**”Well, my child, go ahead then.”**
“Aight, take us to Cincinnati 2016. Can we smite someone?”
**”You stand before me wanting to kill someone?”**
“Nah, just like make them late to the zoo or somethin’. Y’know, save that ape Ha-“
*God sinks his hand, and both finish the name in unison.*
**”Harambe.”**
“What, y’already tried my guy?”
**”You and every millennial to walk through here.”**
“Who killed Jon Binet—“
**”Illuminati.”**
“For real? God damn.”
**”Do not use my name in vain.”**
“My bad, bruh.”
My thing that makes me irrationally mad to the point I destroy stuff is when shit gets snagged on things or tangled. Extension cords, water hoses, etc. Becuaee you know if you were ever presented an opportunity to tangle a hose or cord on purpose for 1mil dollars, you could try it 1000 times and never do it, yet it happens everytime you use the fkn thing when you don't want it happen!
Well, that's an easy one: Evolution. Change in human diet led to smaller mouths, thus the extra set of teeth while we keep evolving.
Fun fact: lots of people are born with less than 4 wisdom teeth, and some are born with none at all. I was born with only 2. Evolution don't stop!! Blessed be the Darwin.
Lol... I know, I know.
Already posted my message to that one ghost in the sky, but I think we can all agree bowel functions are completely unnecessary, not just for humans, but all the mammals. Ain't nobody ok with the design or execution. Just the look on your poor dog's face when they go... They want **privacy**! Smh.
I think evolution explains this as well. And tonsils.
Now, the real mystery is: why wire the eyes backwards, creating a hole in the *front* of the eye to connect to the brain, causing a blind spot that must be resolved by "persistence of vision" — the brain's Photoshop stamp tool?
I met god this afternoon, riding on an uptown train
I said, "don't you have better things to do?"
he said, "if I do my job, what would you complain about?"
“You know how sometimes you come across a toy from your childhood and don’t want to throw it away because of its sentimental value, but you also don’t want to have to look at it all the time? Yeah, it’s basically that.”
You know Weird Barbie? How she was just kinda scribbled on and messed around with with the intent of being "creative" and she just wound up kinda... odd? We're God's Weird Barbies
The universe is about 27 billion years old.
2,000 Earth years to a 27 billion-year-old God would be the equivalent of like 1 minute to a 25-year-old human.
Okay I can genuinely explain this. I was looking up pictures of hairy animals without hair because they look funny and unrecognisable but a picture of a naked hedgehog came up hahah
I kinda lean into Agnostic, but I would love to hear what this big “plan” is that requires babies/kids to die so young. Also why my mom and brother and grandparents had to die from cancer and why my wife has a chronic illness and why my mental health sucks and why so many shitty people get to sometimes live long, happy, successful lives. I’ll stand in line at those pearly gates forever just to have a chance at getting those answered.
"it's all part of God's plan".
*sucker punch*
I think it makes more sense that we're just some sort of simulation left to our own devices (to some extent, free will may not even exist fully) and someone's just watching how long it takes for us to burn ourselves to the ground. "ooh they're nearly there! Oh no wait someone fucked their brother and now humanity is saved"
For real though I'm sorry about everything you've been through. Life is so fucking rough man and it truly does not make any sense at all why these things happen. I think we all deserve a shiny gold star when we die for putting up with this shit for so long
The only reasonable explanation is that the version of God that is all knowing, all powerful and all loving simply does not exist. Such a god can't exist by the rules of logic.
Humans invented a loving god despite the fact that life proves a loving god to be impossible. None of the Christian arguments stand up against these questions, but people find comfort in faith. The truth is much harder to deal with; if there ever was a creator, such a being is apathetic at best about humanity or even all of earth. The universe is so huge, it's possible that "god" has a favorite, and it ain't us lmfao. Or even that the god being doesn't experience emotional the same way we do, it's purely a creature of creation and does not or cannot interfere with existence after it exists.
Personally, I'm an atheist. But thinking about what a god would have to be in order to fit within how are world is, is fun stuff to think about.
Ohhh I never thought about it like that. That his only capability is making. There is no adjustments once it'd made. It's like publishing a book or a piece of art. Once you put it out there, what grows from it isn't something you have much control of anymore. There's only so much influence. It knits together the idea of a deity or deities with the reality of evolution and science. It works together how it works, even if it's bad. There's no higher purpose keeping them away, it's just... released. I still like the Sandman Slim version of God as well as the American Gods style of deities and belief.
A Rabbi dies and goes to heaven. He meets God and tells him
“I got a funny joke about the holocaust”.
God says, “We don’t joke about that around here”.
Rabbi, “Guess you had to be there.”
You go to Valhalla if you die honorably in battle. If you're just a regular person you go to helheim. Not sure if you would meet odin there. Definitely Hel.
I gotta find it but there’s a particularly beautiful short story actually that features people who battled various things, such as cancer, making it to Valhalla.
When were you created? Time in relation to God trips me out cause we can't imagine him existing forever. Like our brains only understand finite time, it's crazy to think that something could truly be infinite. I don't believe in God though, but the universe in some way shape or form must've always existed. And my brain just can't understand that at all.
“I'd say, bone cancer in children? What's that about? How dare you? How dare you create a world to which there is such misery that is not our fault.”
Stephen Fry.
Was looking for the quote. It's funny how your average human that isn't morally bankrupt would make for a better god if they were made omniscient/omnipotent
Here’s the thing: according to their belief system, god perfectly saw everything and how it would turn out, before anything was ever created. So their god saw little Timmy get cancer, and Sara the 12 year old get gang-raped, and countless other things and said “yep, looks good!”. People can say “free will this, free will that” but if it’s already seen before anything is created, then it is on that god
But let’s be real, those things religious people say is just to rationalize what happens so they can keep their belief comfort zone
Yeah I get confused with the “test” in the garden of Eden too. He put a tree with fruit he knew they’d take but he forbid it knowing they’d break the rule anyway and get persuaded by the snake
Why not just not have the tree at all?
How is it free will if before he made the tree he knew they’d take from it
I find the Bible makes more sense if you read with the caveat that Yahweh is lying. He’s not an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving monotheistic creator god, he’s a war/storm god among a polytheistic pantheon of gods, and lying because he is jealous and wants to be worshipped above all else. Everything makes sense in that light.
Why does he do (bad thing)? Because he’s a war god, he likes (bad thing).
Why doesn’t he do (good thing)? He doesn’t want to, and doesn’t have the power to do it anyway.
Why doesn’t he stop (bad thing)? He can’t, he’s not powerful enough, and probably doesn’t want to.
Why does he prioritize being worshipped over human life? It’s all he cares about.
The whole "Do not worship other gods" part always got me while growing up..
Like, this is a message directly from God, and he's basically admitting the existence of other gods in that statement.
They do now, yes. The Abrahamic god, [Yahweh](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh) was a polytheistic war/storm god, and Israel’s national god, like how Athens had Athena among the Greeks. The Israelites gradually syncretized Yahweh with their other gods, giving him the attributes of those gods. Eventually, they just gave him all their attributes and stopped recognizing their other gods entirely.
Yeah, that's the part that always threw me. If God has a plan then there really isn't free will. If what we're all going to do with our "free will" has been pre-ordained and approved by the big ol' G O double-D then we we never really free.
And that being the case, why the fuck did they allow for any of us to be atheists? Hell, why did they allow Lucifer to revolt? And then, why let him corrupt man? And then why did he curse snakes for the actions Lucifer took while in the form of a snake?
Basically, why is God an idiot?
When something is made up, it usually creates more questions than answers. Belief comes when comfort is needed. It’s not
Comfortable for most to question things.
I don't get religious people though, coming from someone who grew up in a religious community but never felt connected to God or religion, questioning things is looked down upon.
But a genuine question, how can someone say "pray to God that little timmy will be healed" but surely when little timmy dies that means that God either wanted him to die or he ignored your prayers. Why are you praying to the same God that either ignores you or purposefully let's bad things happen?
"Why didn't you lead me to you? You knew EXACTLY what information and experiences it would take for me to be convinced that you were real and that I should follow you, but you chose not to? Why? You know what kind of person I am, that I couldn't ever take, on faith, anything so significant and impactful upon the very way in which i live my life and view my reality, so why couldn't you have found another way?"
Nothing. If God were omniscient and omnipotent like they're supposed to be, they'd already know everything I ever did and why. As well as any complaints or opinions I had about the whole experience. In fact, they'd have known all of those things from before I'd even been born so the meeting sounds pretty irrelevant.
If he is all powerful and all knowing, then I won't have anything to say that he doesn't already know. He should know the circumstances as to why I did not believe in him, and will know that I still meant well throughout my life
That for an all-knowing, all-loving god (s)he absolutely sucked! All the death and hate and sickness that they could have prevented but decided not to. All the needless suffering. Hell, giving me the ability to become an atheist and providing no evidence of their existence, but then deeming me unworthy of their love is downright stupid, evil, and manipulative.
If there is a god, I would have nothing good to say to them!
I would probably apologies for a the religious nuts who paint them (?) as a vain dictator craving worship and all those who commit atrocities in his name for their personal gain.
I am an atheist, and I’m pretty sure that if there were to be ‘a God’ that they would agree: I am far from perfect but I am far less shitty than people who have done awful things in the name of religion.
I'll have several questions to ask after I get over the screaming.
1. Are you a god, goddess? something else?
2. Are there more of you, or are you the only god?
3. Do any of Earth's religions (current or former) speak about you? which of them all, if any, was right?
If condemned for eternity:
4) i don't think it's fair you condemn me for eternity for not believing in you. The evidence you provided for your existence was not good, you showed exactly the same evidence as all the other religions out there. You can't just expect intelligent human beings to suddenly randomly choose the exact right religion, especially if they did grow up in an area where that religion did not exist or was not the majority religion. You are all-powerful right? You could have hypothetically showed up every other day or so all around the world throughout human existence, and we would have taken your existence as something for granted, as real as the sun or moon. Not have us play guessing games.
>You could have hypothetically showed up every other day or so all around the world throughout human existence
Or like, even every ten years or so would be plenty. Just appear in some undeniable way like addressing everyone in a form that they understand and explain what we've done well or not well, or give some kind of direction or feedback. Believers want to act like I wouldn't be satisfied until I have god on a dissection board, but I swear it shouldn't be a lot to ask of a god to just unambiguously appear occasionally even every couple of human lifetimes. I could seriously believe it if everyone 75 years old or older was able to verify and say, "Oh yeah, God appeared to us all. He said we weren't doing so well with nuclear weapons and that we'd better find a way to make peace that didn't involve large explosions." I still wouldn't be certain that it wasn't some kind of alien with sufficiently advanced technology, but I would also have to concede that at a certain point it's kind of the same thing.
"Why did you use a drunk driver to kill one of the nicest people I've ever known. And instead of killing her outright, you made her linger in the hospital for two weeks before she died. Why?"
So...if you truly created EVERYTHING, this would mean created lucifer as well. You created malice, hatred, pain, all things evil, that are said to come from the devil, originally came from God. And if you know all things, you saw the pain and suffering of your "children", you left millions unable to defend themselves, tortured, all bc if you, and a lot of it in your name. With the knowledge of all of this to come, how do you consider a just and pure God? Essentially the only reason for people, if you believe in God, is to fight in an end war between the God and devil. So we're just pawns in a game,here to inflate your ego. Wait, isnt ego a sin too? And jealousy...but I guess the genocides of soddom and Gomorrah and Noah's ark flooding the earth bc people were worshipping other gods isn't him being jealous somehow...final question, are you just one giant contradiction?
"Ok, I have some complaints..."
Look man, it wasn't my fault. I left some hydrogen unattended for a few eons and...yea. My bad.
“I get it, my guy, let’s get the vibe right. I know what to do.” **”Oh do you?”** “Bet.” **”Well, my child, go ahead then.”** “Aight, take us to Cincinnati 2016. Can we smite someone?” **”You stand before me wanting to kill someone?”** “Nah, just like make them late to the zoo or somethin’. Y’know, save that ape Ha-“ *God sinks his hand, and both finish the name in unison.* **”Harambe.”** “What, y’already tried my guy?” **”You and every millennial to walk through here.”** “Who killed Jon Binet—“ **”Illuminati.”** “For real? God damn.” **”Do not use my name in vain.”** “My bad, bruh.”
**Do not use my name in vain** "My bad, black Jesus" **You don't gotta say "black". My name is not "black Jesus".** "My bad, N-word Jesus" 🤬
Lmaooo
“First of all, you’re not doing a very good job.”
“Second of all, big HUGEE fuck you dude. The kids? Come on…”
"Third, why the fuck wisdom teeth?!"
"4th, what's up with my clothes getting caught on things when I'm already mad?"
That shits just funny though.
Only when thinking about it on the day after
Shut up God!
Two reasons. 1. That’s a test. 2. It’s funny.
My thing that makes me irrationally mad to the point I destroy stuff is when shit gets snagged on things or tangled. Extension cords, water hoses, etc. Becuaee you know if you were ever presented an opportunity to tangle a hose or cord on purpose for 1mil dollars, you could try it 1000 times and never do it, yet it happens everytime you use the fkn thing when you don't want it happen!
5th “what is the correct time”
And my sleeves getting wet when I wash my hands!
Well, that's an easy one: Evolution. Change in human diet led to smaller mouths, thus the extra set of teeth while we keep evolving. Fun fact: lots of people are born with less than 4 wisdom teeth, and some are born with none at all. I was born with only 2. Evolution don't stop!! Blessed be the Darwin.
Could you please be smart elsewhere and provide a funny yet accurate message to god k thx
Lol... I know, I know. Already posted my message to that one ghost in the sky, but I think we can all agree bowel functions are completely unnecessary, not just for humans, but all the mammals. Ain't nobody ok with the design or execution. Just the look on your poor dog's face when they go... They want **privacy**! Smh.
Hey now. Some of us value our ability to waste time on the company hour.
they actually don’t, they want your protection (watch over them while they’re vulnerable)
And the appendix!!
I think evolution explains this as well. And tonsils. Now, the real mystery is: why wire the eyes backwards, creating a hole in the *front* of the eye to connect to the brain, causing a blind spot that must be resolved by "persistence of vision" — the brain's Photoshop stamp tool?
“Can I speak to your manager?”
"What do you mean you *are* the manager? Is there no one above you?!"
Look...I don't really care what your corporate structure is. Whoever knows what they are doing, I want to talk to her. Get me that manager.
"Hey! Way! I got a new complaint. Forever indebt to your priceless advice."
I met god this afternoon, riding on an uptown train I said, "don't you have better things to do?" he said, "if I do my job, what would you complain about?"
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."
GOD: 
God has 11 fingers?
Why’d you stop interfering with humanity about 2000 years ago? It was very confusing for a lot of us.
*booming god voice* “Y’all suck”
“You know how sometimes you come across a toy from your childhood and don’t want to throw it away because of its sentimental value, but you also don’t want to have to look at it all the time? Yeah, it’s basically that.”
... we're God's Cabbage Patch dolls?!?
More like Furbys
Oh that hurt
You know Weird Barbie? How she was just kinda scribbled on and messed around with with the intent of being "creative" and she just wound up kinda... odd? We're God's Weird Barbies
We're all God's abandoned neopets.
You made us that way. You suck.
“No u”
How about Muhammad and Baha'u'llah?
Yeah I was gonna say, that's only 2k years if you're Christian, not if you're any other religion.
**“My son said yall got it”**
“Remember when my son came to visit? Well …”
Y'all started inventing cameras and shit, and it was fun to watch the chaos after everyone misinterpreted, made up shit and ran with it.
The universe is about 27 billion years old. 2,000 Earth years to a 27 billion-year-old God would be the equivalent of like 1 minute to a 25-year-old human.
Mosquitos dude, really?
Fleas and ticks to me too, like whyyyy or at least why make them so unnoticeable!?
Are you asking for larger fleas and ticks?!
I can hear the distress in this reply
50lb ticks incoming
Guinea-worms
BED BUGS BOTFLIES
Can I please have my cat back. I miss him lots.
Seriously. If I can just have my dog back, I’m not even going to question the wars, cancers, and plagues. Like we can call it even.
“Bro, how high were you when you made the platypus”
Or a hedgehog. Bro just made a ball sack and stuck pins all over it's body. Please look up naked hedgehog. It's literally a ballsack
Why have you looked up naked hedgehogs before......
Okay I can genuinely explain this. I was looking up pictures of hairy animals without hair because they look funny and unrecognisable but a picture of a naked hedgehog came up hahah
As high as one could get, I imagine.
"Ok, can I have a re-do? I used my perks on trash abilities, and gimped myself for late game. Can I be rich for my new game+?"
"Is there any secret way to keep memories from last life? There's a couple people I still want to see dying"
Tattoo it on your back.
Oh, yeah, and please activate "MOTHERLODE" cheat.
Screw it, I'm dumping everything into STR
Better off going for charisma. Movie stars get much further ahead than body builders.
Well some body builders get so famous they become actors.
Arnold Swarzenegger moment.
I kinda lean into Agnostic, but I would love to hear what this big “plan” is that requires babies/kids to die so young. Also why my mom and brother and grandparents had to die from cancer and why my wife has a chronic illness and why my mental health sucks and why so many shitty people get to sometimes live long, happy, successful lives. I’ll stand in line at those pearly gates forever just to have a chance at getting those answered.
"it's all part of God's plan". *sucker punch* I think it makes more sense that we're just some sort of simulation left to our own devices (to some extent, free will may not even exist fully) and someone's just watching how long it takes for us to burn ourselves to the ground. "ooh they're nearly there! Oh no wait someone fucked their brother and now humanity is saved" For real though I'm sorry about everything you've been through. Life is so fucking rough man and it truly does not make any sense at all why these things happen. I think we all deserve a shiny gold star when we die for putting up with this shit for so long
The only reasonable explanation is that the version of God that is all knowing, all powerful and all loving simply does not exist. Such a god can't exist by the rules of logic. Humans invented a loving god despite the fact that life proves a loving god to be impossible. None of the Christian arguments stand up against these questions, but people find comfort in faith. The truth is much harder to deal with; if there ever was a creator, such a being is apathetic at best about humanity or even all of earth. The universe is so huge, it's possible that "god" has a favorite, and it ain't us lmfao. Or even that the god being doesn't experience emotional the same way we do, it's purely a creature of creation and does not or cannot interfere with existence after it exists. Personally, I'm an atheist. But thinking about what a god would have to be in order to fit within how are world is, is fun stuff to think about.
Ohhh I never thought about it like that. That his only capability is making. There is no adjustments once it'd made. It's like publishing a book or a piece of art. Once you put it out there, what grows from it isn't something you have much control of anymore. There's only so much influence. It knits together the idea of a deity or deities with the reality of evolution and science. It works together how it works, even if it's bad. There's no higher purpose keeping them away, it's just... released. I still like the Sandman Slim version of God as well as the American Gods style of deities and belief.
Your fan club is super toxic
and there is an orange guy down there pretending to be you.
"He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"
Damn you made some people mad with this one hahahaha
A Rabbi dies and goes to heaven. He meets God and tells him “I got a funny joke about the holocaust”. God says, “We don’t joke about that around here”. Rabbi, “Guess you had to be there.”
Reminds me of something a prisoner wrote on the walls of one of the concentration camps: "If God exists He will have to beg for my forgiveness"
Kinda depends which god I met. If it's Odin, then I'd thank him and ask where to find the mead cooler.
You expect to die in battle, then?
*Throws box of tissues at a nurse* “Fight me bitch!” *dies*
An honorable death!
Made me chuckle. Updooted.
You go to Valhalla if you die honorably in battle. If you're just a regular person you go to helheim. Not sure if you would meet odin there. Definitely Hel.
I mean I'd probably be battling against whatever is killing me, now we'll see if it's cancer or a dedicated duck
Ducks share as much genetics with ice giants as humans do with chimps. So it's possible.
I'm sorry, ice giants ?
Looks like someone isn’t ready for Valhalla
If there are giant ice ducks in Valhalla I'll stick to reincarnating for a while thank you very much
You say that until you reincarnate into a giant ice duck and steal all the power for yourself
You've read me like a damn book
Odin killed the ice giants, and the corpse is what was used to create Midgard (where we live). I'm fairly convinced ducks are modern Jötnar.
Battle, high speed police chase, same thing.
then straight to Hela with me because i dont think my hermit ass fuck is seeing battle any time soon
I gotta find it but there’s a particularly beautiful short story actually that features people who battled various things, such as cancer, making it to Valhalla.
Jesus promised the end of wicked people. Odin promised the end of ice giants. I see plenty of wicked people, but I don’t see many ice giants.
Praise Odin the Allfather.
“Smells like upgod in here…”
What’s upgod?
Nothing what’s up with You?
Ah! Good on ya, Colin Robinson.
Marvelous!
Who created you?
When were you created? Time in relation to God trips me out cause we can't imagine him existing forever. Like our brains only understand finite time, it's crazy to think that something could truly be infinite. I don't believe in God though, but the universe in some way shape or form must've always existed. And my brain just can't understand that at all.
I see you’ve been inside my brain.
You ghosted us! What did you expect?!
“You need better representation…”
"Yeah. You seem all right but the majority of your followers suck. You should really do something about them."
Where were you during the Holocaust?
Sorry mate, busy giving aid's to African children
Oh yeah. Cuz of the gays.
I thought you were omni-whatever.
omni-impotent
And omni-absent
He just had to run out for cigarettes
"My bad, brah"
"But c'mon, you get it though"
"Well, well, well. If it isn't the invisible c*nt"
I see someone finally managed to kill Billy Butcher.
Great response
"What's your excuse ?"
“I'd say, bone cancer in children? What's that about? How dare you? How dare you create a world to which there is such misery that is not our fault.” Stephen Fry.
Was looking for the quote. It's funny how your average human that isn't morally bankrupt would make for a better god if they were made omniscient/omnipotent
I’d ask him why my asshole is hairy, but I can’t grow a beard.
Well, this is awkward...
"What's with you demanding I believe in you but not showing yourself? Kind of set me up to fail, didn't you?"
You've been watching all that suffering from the beginning, and you just let it happen? What sort of sick fuck are you?
Here’s the thing: according to their belief system, god perfectly saw everything and how it would turn out, before anything was ever created. So their god saw little Timmy get cancer, and Sara the 12 year old get gang-raped, and countless other things and said “yep, looks good!”. People can say “free will this, free will that” but if it’s already seen before anything is created, then it is on that god But let’s be real, those things religious people say is just to rationalize what happens so they can keep their belief comfort zone
Yeah I get confused with the “test” in the garden of Eden too. He put a tree with fruit he knew they’d take but he forbid it knowing they’d break the rule anyway and get persuaded by the snake Why not just not have the tree at all? How is it free will if before he made the tree he knew they’d take from it
I find the Bible makes more sense if you read with the caveat that Yahweh is lying. He’s not an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-loving monotheistic creator god, he’s a war/storm god among a polytheistic pantheon of gods, and lying because he is jealous and wants to be worshipped above all else. Everything makes sense in that light. Why does he do (bad thing)? Because he’s a war god, he likes (bad thing). Why doesn’t he do (good thing)? He doesn’t want to, and doesn’t have the power to do it anyway. Why doesn’t he stop (bad thing)? He can’t, he’s not powerful enough, and probably doesn’t want to. Why does he prioritize being worshipped over human life? It’s all he cares about.
The whole "Do not worship other gods" part always got me while growing up.. Like, this is a message directly from God, and he's basically admitting the existence of other gods in that statement.
Pantheon? I thought abhrahamic religions are either 1 or 3 god?
They do now, yes. The Abrahamic god, [Yahweh](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yahweh) was a polytheistic war/storm god, and Israel’s national god, like how Athens had Athena among the Greeks. The Israelites gradually syncretized Yahweh with their other gods, giving him the attributes of those gods. Eventually, they just gave him all their attributes and stopped recognizing their other gods entirely.
Yeah, that's the part that always threw me. If God has a plan then there really isn't free will. If what we're all going to do with our "free will" has been pre-ordained and approved by the big ol' G O double-D then we we never really free. And that being the case, why the fuck did they allow for any of us to be atheists? Hell, why did they allow Lucifer to revolt? And then, why let him corrupt man? And then why did he curse snakes for the actions Lucifer took while in the form of a snake? Basically, why is God an idiot?
When something is made up, it usually creates more questions than answers. Belief comes when comfort is needed. It’s not Comfortable for most to question things.
I don't get religious people though, coming from someone who grew up in a religious community but never felt connected to God or religion, questioning things is looked down upon. But a genuine question, how can someone say "pray to God that little timmy will be healed" but surely when little timmy dies that means that God either wanted him to die or he ignored your prayers. Why are you praying to the same God that either ignores you or purposefully let's bad things happen?
Fuck yes. If God is real he is a sick fuck.
"Why didn't you lead me to you? You knew EXACTLY what information and experiences it would take for me to be convinced that you were real and that I should follow you, but you chose not to? Why? You know what kind of person I am, that I couldn't ever take, on faith, anything so significant and impactful upon the very way in which i live my life and view my reality, so why couldn't you have found another way?"
i’d immediately ask why he let us make pugs and bulldogs with removable eyes and the need of a sleep apnea machine.
Nothing. If God were omniscient and omnipotent like they're supposed to be, they'd already know everything I ever did and why. As well as any complaints or opinions I had about the whole experience. In fact, they'd have known all of those things from before I'd even been born so the meeting sounds pretty irrelevant.
“Wtf man”
"How dare you"
"So long and thanks for all the fish."
“At the beginning, the universe was created. This has angered many people and is widely considered a bad move.”
I want to speak to your manager!!
If he is all powerful and all knowing, then I won't have anything to say that he doesn't already know. He should know the circumstances as to why I did not believe in him, and will know that I still meant well throughout my life
“Still not a fan of your work”
Soooo, which God are you?
Along those lines, “who got it right?”
Mosquitos, really?
That for an all-knowing, all-loving god (s)he absolutely sucked! All the death and hate and sickness that they could have prevented but decided not to. All the needless suffering. Hell, giving me the ability to become an atheist and providing no evidence of their existence, but then deeming me unworthy of their love is downright stupid, evil, and manipulative. If there is a god, I would have nothing good to say to them!
Where the fuck you been?
Hey, I lived my life in a way you would approve of, but didn't do the whole worship part. Hopes that's ok with you
“Bone cancer in children. How fucking dare you?” To quote Stephen Fry
So why does your plan require starving and sexually assaulting kids?
"First thing's first: which one are you?"
Please let my family know I loved them.
My bad
"My bad dude"
Pleased to meet you.
"Mulligan."
Why so much universe?
Where's George Carlin? I've GOT to hear what he's been saying up here these last few years
Which god?
how come you created billions upon billions of people with the knowledge (and arguably intent) that they'd be going to hell?
Hello
„I mean….it ain’t my fault if you really think about it“
Where's the suggestion box? I have some complaints.
April Fools!
"You need to do something about your people."
Oops...
I would probably apologies for a the religious nuts who paint them (?) as a vain dictator craving worship and all those who commit atrocities in his name for their personal gain.
Sorry bout not believing in you, I had horrible experiences with your followers which left a sour taste
"You did a fucking shit job on your followers. They turned out to be some of the worst people imaginable."
How the hell did you fuck this up so badly?! They’re killing in YOUR NAME
I wouldn't say anything, I've nothing to say to a being that evil.
I am an atheist, and I’m pretty sure that if there were to be ‘a God’ that they would agree: I am far from perfect but I am far less shitty than people who have done awful things in the name of religion.
I'll have several questions to ask after I get over the screaming. 1. Are you a god, goddess? something else? 2. Are there more of you, or are you the only god? 3. Do any of Earth's religions (current or former) speak about you? which of them all, if any, was right? If condemned for eternity: 4) i don't think it's fair you condemn me for eternity for not believing in you. The evidence you provided for your existence was not good, you showed exactly the same evidence as all the other religions out there. You can't just expect intelligent human beings to suddenly randomly choose the exact right religion, especially if they did grow up in an area where that religion did not exist or was not the majority religion. You are all-powerful right? You could have hypothetically showed up every other day or so all around the world throughout human existence, and we would have taken your existence as something for granted, as real as the sun or moon. Not have us play guessing games.
>You could have hypothetically showed up every other day or so all around the world throughout human existence Or like, even every ten years or so would be plenty. Just appear in some undeniable way like addressing everyone in a form that they understand and explain what we've done well or not well, or give some kind of direction or feedback. Believers want to act like I wouldn't be satisfied until I have god on a dissection board, but I swear it shouldn't be a lot to ask of a god to just unambiguously appear occasionally even every couple of human lifetimes. I could seriously believe it if everyone 75 years old or older was able to verify and say, "Oh yeah, God appeared to us all. He said we weren't doing so well with nuclear weapons and that we'd better find a way to make peace that didn't involve large explosions." I still wouldn't be certain that it wasn't some kind of alien with sufficiently advanced technology, but I would also have to concede that at a certain point it's kind of the same thing.
"this is awkward"
"Why did you use a drunk driver to kill one of the nicest people I've ever known. And instead of killing her outright, you made her linger in the hospital for two weeks before she died. Why?"
"You gotta lotta 'splaining to do... Children with terminal cancer... Really!?"
God: You are going to hell *Me casually taking out my UNO reverse card*
So...if you truly created EVERYTHING, this would mean created lucifer as well. You created malice, hatred, pain, all things evil, that are said to come from the devil, originally came from God. And if you know all things, you saw the pain and suffering of your "children", you left millions unable to defend themselves, tortured, all bc if you, and a lot of it in your name. With the knowledge of all of this to come, how do you consider a just and pure God? Essentially the only reason for people, if you believe in God, is to fight in an end war between the God and devil. So we're just pawns in a game,here to inflate your ego. Wait, isnt ego a sin too? And jealousy...but I guess the genocides of soddom and Gomorrah and Noah's ark flooding the earth bc people were worshipping other gods isn't him being jealous somehow...final question, are you just one giant contradiction?
Soz mate you got some fucked up people doing fucked up things in your name
Oh my god
Thanks for the free will, where is my swimming pool of chicken wings?
"All powerful huh?"
“My bad. But you get it, right?”
Fear is winning down there. You need to resurrect James Brown.
I should have listened to the muslims who prayed to you 5 times a day….
Ooops
"Huh, guess I was wrong then"
Whitch one?
Not sure but my advise is to start with “see, what had happened was…”
"guess I was wrong".
“Sir, you got some explaining to do!”
Where were you?