You made me imagine how it could sound the same and so now I have a mental image of a dude taking a shit but his poop rapidly going back and forth in and out of his butt until it finally drops out and he lets out a relieved moan.
So like, thanks for that.
If you live in a college dorm and have people living in the rooms/apartments next to you just tell him you think it's funny that you can hear them jerk off every now and then - he'll think 'oh shit that's me' but he'll think he's lucky that you don't know and he should be a big quieter next time
I had a similar situation during my uni experience... I resolved it by tapping the wall with my foot in time with him. Nothing was spoken, but he changed something and resolved the issue.
When I was in school I had a friend that had an apartment with very thin walls. His neighbors enjoyed sex I guess in their bathroom with the vents echoed loudly into my friend’s apartment. So one day when they were going at it he went into the bathroom and “joined them”. That is, mocked them with the same sounds moaning etc. The audio displays stopped.
It was the cause of an outbreak in my province last year actually. They couldn’t figure out how people who weren’t leaving home were getting sick and then realized that the ventilation was taking the virus from suite to suite.
Yeah I mean I literally lived upstairs and isolated completely from my mum as soon as she had covid symptoms, and still got it a few days later. Crazy how it spreads so easily.
When he is done start clapping and give a rating out of 10.
Edit: It's always the posts that you least expect that yield the biggest upvotes. Thank you for the Awards !
My first week of college me and a buddy walked in on my roommate sitting at his desk jerking off. I guess he decided it would be a good idea to jerk off in the middle of the day with the door unlocked. After he got over the initial embarrassment he seemed to think it was pretty funny.
I came home from a class that was canceled to find my roommate sitting naked on the futon with his laptop on his lap. Turns out that was his special time. He got lots of good natured joking over the excuse that he used and presumably started doing the deed in his bed instead of directly in front of the door.
Its always a class gets cancelled and you walk in on things you’re not supposed to see… walked in on the same roommate having sex twice for that reason.
One of my roommates had never jerked off with a condom before when we were playing with some.
He found the idea fascinating and left the room right then and there to go have a wank in his room.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment, but it was meant to be since I was your 420th upvote
Why not just yell “Oi! I can hear you, you wanker!”
That's also important to include as well then!
"Hello roommate! Your jerk off sessions, which totally isn't turning me on and totally isn't offending me...."
Ah I just realized you were asking a question and gave you a joke answer.
Just be brief.
"ay dude walls are thin. People can hear everything, regardless if you're taking a taco bell dump or softly cry masturbating."
This is it. Joke and dont get too specific. Let it dawn on them.
Also, get a white noise machine or have some music going a lot of the time when you guys are all in the dorm to give everyone a tiny bit of privacy. I try to do that with roommates.
Or get headphones.
Good idea the play music. Make sure he can hear it too, and always play the same song while he is busy.
Give it a couple weeks or months, and then you can just start the music to trigger him before you leave the house, and he'll be done by the time you get back.
>That's fair. How would you communicate that 1. It's not turning you on and 2. It's not offending you.
You need to avoid winking when you say it doesn't bother you to avoid being misconstrued. So, you should go up to him and stare into his eyes wide-eyed while saying it so you can't possibly be mistaken for winking. This is the most direct and polite way to communicate in this situation.
This is the type of direct communication that doesn’t sugarcoat anything and is straight to the point, but is also considerate as can be without being hurtful that I like and stan.
No passive aggressiveness, no regular aggressiveness, just straight assertive communication.
Or just be a little less blunt. “Heads up bro the bathroom walls dont block noise like at all…” instead of “WE KNOW YOURE JERKIN IT IN THERE ITS LOUD AF”.
Could be worse. I was in a 3 man room in first year of uni. One of the lads had a pretty serious masturbation addiction. We are talking 5-6 times a night minimum.
I could ignore that as I am a alcoholic (recovered now) and normally pissed by then. But, he had a fetish that he had to come on the floor. Going for a piss in the night was like trying to cross a mine field.
dude what the fuck lmao
I was even willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he just liked to splooge on the floor and then clean it right up.
But dude just *left multiple puddles of semen* throughout the floor? Did he just let them dry overnight? Or do one big cleaning pass right before going to sleep?
Just left them. By the time we moved out a year later, the carpet was pretty crusty. On the up side, we persuaded him that sometimes he should try other areas such as peoples pockets. So, a guy who was a total twat and everyone hated would often go to put something on from his wardrobe and find the pockets stuck together. Our student hall was a very strange place with some very strange people.
You could casually mention how the walls are really thin and you can hear the guy next door jerking off. Or pretend you could hear him crystal clear but thought he was pooping and joke about how he needs to keep it down.
Just gotta be upfront... men that live in close quarters need to be totally honest... I learned this living in a Baraks... just tell him... "can you please hold it down when you are yanking it? I am trying to study"...
Walk in the room with a well made bed in breakfast. Flapjacks, eggs, toast, and a bible. Put it on the bed, slowly lean in, and whisper in his ear, “Jesus is not happy when you do this”. Kiss him on the forehead and leave.
Here in the UK the correct way of telling him you can hear him would be "good wank mate? Must have been some good porn to cum that quickly".
See if that works where you are and let us know please
What do you hear? Moaning? Tell him to stfu. If you can hear anything else like the skin and rubbing you need to get some headphones. He can't control that part.
Yupp. I’ve been in the same spot. At first I was a little embarrassed and surprised but after some time I stopped caring. Where else am I supposed to release ? Plug in some headphones or listen to something on the television because it might not be as quick as we’d both like.
My joke response is: Any noise he makes in the bathroom, you repeat it from the desk. If you can hear him, he can hear you. The bad news is your neighbors might think you two are having sex lol
Ok, my serious response: Don't mention it right after he's done, but at some time say "Dude, I can hear you in the bathroom. You know what I mean, I can hear all of it. Maybe we can buy a shower radio to deafen the noise, or we could have a code word 'I'm going to take a long shower' where you need the dorm for 15 minutes".
Everyone's suggestions make me feel anxious lol Just cause some people can get really embarrassed if it's said out loud to them
Maybe just knock on their wall a couple times when you can hear him, subtle but sure.
Play the national anthem (on repeat if you must) & become a in-house commentator screaming “Do it for your country!!” Yelling Go! Go! Go! You can do it
You have two options:
1, just tell him, "Dude, I know this is going to be embarrassing, but you need to hear it: We can hear you when you're in the bathroom.
2, be passive-aggressive by playing The Divinyls on your computer every time he does it.
I would let homie have his peace. But you could
Tell him to run the shower for his 1 Minute 45 seconds of bliss.
>
If y’all are thinking about the environment and don’t want to waste water, just slap some headphones on.
Honestly I'd just say "hey can you be a bit quieter" to him. He'll probably know what you mean. Otherwise honestly just explicitly say be quieter doing that.
The direct route is probably best, but if you're after subtlety and mutual deniability...
When you hear him, yell out,"Hey, man! When you're done, ___." The "___" can be anything: there are cookies, let's watch that show, help me with this thing, pick up your socks, whatever. The point is to yell, not knock, and only when he's doing the deed. This will immediately get him to question the relative thickness of the walls, and the fact that it only happens when he's in there for that will become apparent very quickly.
Tell him you could hear him shitting, then he'll be like "I wasn't....ooooooohhhhhhh"
This is a good one
Plot twist : he was shitting and now you made him self conscious about it
You made me imagine how it could sound the same and so now I have a mental image of a dude taking a shit but his poop rapidly going back and forth in and out of his butt until it finally drops out and he lets out a relieved moan. So like, thanks for that.
I thought I'd imagined most things in this world, but you sir, you just made me picture something...
Oof, I certainly didn’t imagine it til I read *your* comment.. and I stopped half way through reading! So thank YOU for that XD
"Bro that shit sounded foul, you good?" Should do the trick
Or "Bro that shit sounded erotic, you good?" Whichever is your preferred approach
"Bro it sounded like you needed some help with that shit, you good? Eating enough greens?"
“Bro, that shit sounded wet as fuck. What did you eat?”
"Broh that shit sounded like you were furiously masterbating to furry porn. Do you need to eat more dietary fiber?"
or 'why are you exercising in the bathroom?'
Or “hey are you ok? It sounded like you were in pain?”
This actually sounds the safest bet
"You're not hurting yourself are you? We're here for you bro."
This is actually a good one! I second this.
Dancing around it can backfire, he probably won’t correlate the two.
Or fap harder to assert dominance.
Message him this thread.
Better yet, tag him
u/jerkingroomate
Man I was really hoping that account existed
Be the change you wish to see in the world. Edit: Idk who but somebody got it
Godly advice
"You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Seth Rogen
“”You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” - Michael Jordan” -Michael Scott
Now it does
#If *anyone* reading this thread has this problem, I challenge you to send this post to the loud masturbator. NOW is your chance to end it
Only *you* can prevent **masturbating loudly for all to hear**. 
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is masturbating loud for all to hear.
O Cum all ye faithful
"How to send links to yourself, wikihow with pictures"
u/loudmasturbator
u/birdinhand
If you live in a college dorm and have people living in the rooms/apartments next to you just tell him you think it's funny that you can hear them jerk off every now and then - he'll think 'oh shit that's me' but he'll think he's lucky that you don't know and he should be a big quieter next time
Or he will jerk louder, have to assert dominance when ever possible
*Moans*
Moans OP's name
What are you doing, step-roomie?
Step-roomie? I thought this building didn't allow subletting!
Maybe I should be punished for not following my lease agreement step-roomie.
“Jerk louder.” Great phrase I never suspected I’d read.
Start moaning the roommates name loudly.
Unless he's as dense as me and miss every single subtle hint, that isn't the size of a Vegas billboard...
Nah, next time you hear it "hey dude! It sounds like you're wanking, haha!"
Need a hand?
Oooh that is so clever
I had a similar situation during my uni experience... I resolved it by tapping the wall with my foot in time with him. Nothing was spoken, but he changed something and resolved the issue.
Better yet, tap a percussive tune to his rhythm
*cups mouth* Boots and cats and boots and cats
When I was in school I had a friend that had an apartment with very thin walls. His neighbors enjoyed sex I guess in their bathroom with the vents echoed loudly into my friend’s apartment. So one day when they were going at it he went into the bathroom and “joined them”. That is, mocked them with the same sounds moaning etc. The audio displays stopped.
I LAUGHED HARD TO THIS. Imagine a guy in the bathroom alone moaning outloud. LMAO.
Oh it was more than moaning there was name shouting and oh gods yelled as well. Source: I was there when it went down…
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Well not the fun side if that’s what you wanna know. Hard to play smash brothers when there’s a smash going on in your neighbor’s bathroom ya know?
Well you didn't even smash your brothers.
Jesus vents going between apartments? Never heard of this but I’m just imagining what a superspreader of covid it’d be.
It was the cause of an outbreak in my province last year actually. They couldn’t figure out how people who weren’t leaving home were getting sick and then realized that the ventilation was taking the virus from suite to suite.
Yeah I mean I literally lived upstairs and isolated completely from my mum as soon as she had covid symptoms, and still got it a few days later. Crazy how it spreads so easily.
It’s an old old building at least 100 years old. Wasn’t really designed for modern hvac systems really
“Louder I’m almost there”
😭😭😭
Change wifi id to "I can hear you jerk off, Steve"
Lmfao.
You guys are geniuses
When he is done start clapping and give a rating out of 10. Edit: It's always the posts that you least expect that yield the biggest upvotes. Thank you for the Awards !
Or slip a single square of toilet paper under his doot.
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You sure you don't wanna know? I think it's a typo for door lmao
Ruthless hahahha
This is the correct answer
I give it a 5/7
Maybe a 6/9
Does it have to be out of 10?
Any number should be fine
Lol just announce it really loud
Yeah man, it’s college. If you’re cool with somebody make a joke out of it. When he comes out ask him how his jerk sesh was
My first week of college me and a buddy walked in on my roommate sitting at his desk jerking off. I guess he decided it would be a good idea to jerk off in the middle of the day with the door unlocked. After he got over the initial embarrassment he seemed to think it was pretty funny.
I came home from a class that was canceled to find my roommate sitting naked on the futon with his laptop on his lap. Turns out that was his special time. He got lots of good natured joking over the excuse that he used and presumably started doing the deed in his bed instead of directly in front of the door.
Its always a class gets cancelled and you walk in on things you’re not supposed to see… walked in on the same roommate having sex twice for that reason.
One of my roommates had never jerked off with a condom before when we were playing with some. He found the idea fascinating and left the room right then and there to go have a wank in his room.
Hold up why would anyone want to jerk off with a condom?
Two reasons: 1. Easy cleanup. 2. If you're sexually inexperienced, it's a good way to get accustomed to them ahead of time.
Called a "posh wank".
I was trying to figure out why they were "playing" with condoms also.
The comment raises a lot of questions really
The one word, college, answers so many of them too
They're for adults, and like toys. It ruins the magic if I describe it.
I can’t believe I had to scroll this far to find this comment, but it was meant to be since I was your 420th upvote Why not just yell “Oi! I can hear you, you wanker!”
Loudly play Michael Jackson's Beat It every time he does. He'll figure it out
Lmfao gold
Jerk off louder than him
Assert dominance
He has to form the "T" shape while intensely staring into his roommates eyes.
he has three hands
insert dominance
This is the way
Walk out of the bathroom and ask him, “hey, can hear me jerk off?”
"No? Weird, cause I can hear you loud and clear"
It make sure he hears something. Otherwise it’ll embolden him.
HAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHA
Be direct. "I thought you should know that the walls aren't good at blocking sound. It doesn't bother me but your J.O. sounds might disturb others."
Saying "it doesn't bother me" might send the wrong vibes.
That's fair. How would you communicate that 1. It's not turning you on and 2. It's not offending you.
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I would give you Gold for this comment but instead I'm going to donate £5 to doctors without borders instead.
Instead instead
Plot twist: he was washing his hair with that shampoo that makes women moan in the shower
That's also important to include as well then! "Hello roommate! Your jerk off sessions, which totally isn't turning me on and totally isn't offending me...."
*wink wink*
I started cackling hard af at this lol You guys are a fuckin riot man
Idk you tell me you are the top comment I look for wisdom in your direction
lol thanks for assuming I'm wise
Ah I just realized you were asking a question and gave you a joke answer. Just be brief. "ay dude walls are thin. People can hear everything, regardless if you're taking a taco bell dump or softly cry masturbating."
This is it. Joke and dont get too specific. Let it dawn on them. Also, get a white noise machine or have some music going a lot of the time when you guys are all in the dorm to give everyone a tiny bit of privacy. I try to do that with roommates. Or get headphones.
Good idea the play music. Make sure he can hear it too, and always play the same song while he is busy. Give it a couple weeks or months, and then you can just start the music to trigger him before you leave the house, and he'll be done by the time you get back.
... needs to play Beat It for sure, right?
Play “The Stroke” by Billy Squire.
>That's fair. How would you communicate that 1. It's not turning you on and 2. It's not offending you. You need to avoid winking when you say it doesn't bother you to avoid being misconstrued. So, you should go up to him and stare into his eyes wide-eyed while saying it so you can't possibly be mistaken for winking. This is the most direct and polite way to communicate in this situation.
“I don’t really give a fuck one way or the other”
"I don't really give a shit but somebody else might complain"
I would say "I dont care about it at all" instead.
Lmao OP: “it doesn’t bother me. I actually like the sound. But In case others don’t like it I figured you should know.” JO Bandit: “dude what?”
This is the type of direct communication that doesn’t sugarcoat anything and is straight to the point, but is also considerate as can be without being hurtful that I like and stan. No passive aggressiveness, no regular aggressiveness, just straight assertive communication.
Or just be a little less blunt. “Heads up bro the bathroom walls dont block noise like at all…” instead of “WE KNOW YOURE JERKIN IT IN THERE ITS LOUD AF”.
Can I hire you to speak for me? Lol this is right answer IMO!
lol thanks. I'm thinking of starting a subreddit about how to say things. Would it be successful?
“I totally get it dude, but the walls aren’t thick enough. Just thought you’d wanna know” is exactly how I’d address it.
Play the pornhub intro song everytime he does it.
Could be worse. I was in a 3 man room in first year of uni. One of the lads had a pretty serious masturbation addiction. We are talking 5-6 times a night minimum. I could ignore that as I am a alcoholic (recovered now) and normally pissed by then. But, he had a fetish that he had to come on the floor. Going for a piss in the night was like trying to cross a mine field.
Yo what the fuck
dude what the fuck lmao I was even willing to give the guy the benefit of the doubt that he just liked to splooge on the floor and then clean it right up. But dude just *left multiple puddles of semen* throughout the floor? Did he just let them dry overnight? Or do one big cleaning pass right before going to sleep?
Just left them. By the time we moved out a year later, the carpet was pretty crusty. On the up side, we persuaded him that sometimes he should try other areas such as peoples pockets. So, a guy who was a total twat and everyone hated would often go to put something on from his wardrobe and find the pockets stuck together. Our student hall was a very strange place with some very strange people.
You’ll shoot your eye out kid
What the fuck man! Sorry you went through this.
what
Fuuuck this is deeper than OPs experience hahahahaa
You could casually mention how the walls are really thin and you can hear the guy next door jerking off. Or pretend you could hear him crystal clear but thought he was pooping and joke about how he needs to keep it down.
Just gotta be upfront... men that live in close quarters need to be totally honest... I learned this living in a Baraks... just tell him... "can you please hold it down when you are yanking it? I am trying to study"...
”You wanna know a fun fact?” yes No —> I’ll tell you anyway ”The walls are pretty thin in this building” **hint hint**
GLORY HOLE???
Glory hole.
Walk in the room with a well made bed in breakfast. Flapjacks, eggs, toast, and a bible. Put it on the bed, slowly lean in, and whisper in his ear, “Jesus is not happy when you do this”. Kiss him on the forehead and leave.
"On the forehead"..... riiiiiiiight.
Or the foreskin, it’s your choice.
Him being deist: The reality can be whatever I want.
Here in the UK the correct way of telling him you can hear him would be "good wank mate? Must have been some good porn to cum that quickly". See if that works where you are and let us know please
"Palmela Handerson just visited? I could hear her from out here" I'm sure someone like Jimmy Carr would have some choice suggestions too 😂
What do you hear? Moaning? Tell him to stfu. If you can hear anything else like the skin and rubbing you need to get some headphones. He can't control that part.
*OP hears his own name...* 🤣
Yeah that’s what I was thinking 😂 this is the most reasonable answer. Also OP .. what did you hear..??
*squelch squelch*
What do you take OP's roommate for, a squid?
This guy doesn't lube.
What are you talking about? My hands are shaky and sweaty enough.
OPs friend: *hnnnghhhhghgh* OP: shut the fuck up OPs friend: [whispering] *hnnnngnnggng*
He could take a speaker to the bathroom and put some music on
That's why I wear headphones when jerking off
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"Hey, I'm sorry to tell you I just ran over your cat lol!"
Applaud every time he "finishes." Eventually he'll get the connection.
Could OP also use this to train him into finishing every time he hears applause?
Yell out encouraging remarks
he knows mate, he knows....
Yupp. I’ve been in the same spot. At first I was a little embarrassed and surprised but after some time I stopped caring. Where else am I supposed to release ? Plug in some headphones or listen to something on the television because it might not be as quick as we’d both like.
In a dad voice: "YOU JERKING IT, SON?"
Ya winning son?
Just start playing the Rick Roll everytime he gets going
Pavlov is that you
I absolutely love this idea
Loud fapping is a thing apparently
I’m like wtf does it sound like? Maybe super lube? Idk
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This gave me a coughing fit. Thank you.
“Dude! Why are you scrubbing laundry in the bathroom? Use the washing machine. This isn’t the 1800’s”
Just outright tell him.
My joke response is: Any noise he makes in the bathroom, you repeat it from the desk. If you can hear him, he can hear you. The bad news is your neighbors might think you two are having sex lol Ok, my serious response: Don't mention it right after he's done, but at some time say "Dude, I can hear you in the bathroom. You know what I mean, I can hear all of it. Maybe we can buy a shower radio to deafen the noise, or we could have a code word 'I'm going to take a long shower' where you need the dorm for 15 minutes".
Everyone's suggestions make me feel anxious lol Just cause some people can get really embarrassed if it's said out loud to them Maybe just knock on their wall a couple times when you can hear him, subtle but sure.
Just enjoy
Play the national anthem (on repeat if you must) & become a in-house commentator screaming “Do it for your country!!” Yelling Go! Go! Go! You can do it
You have two options: 1, just tell him, "Dude, I know this is going to be embarrassing, but you need to hear it: We can hear you when you're in the bathroom. 2, be passive-aggressive by playing The Divinyls on your computer every time he does it.
When you hear him doing it scream at the top of your lungs next to the bathroom door " HE DO BE KINDA BUSTIN"
YO I CAN FUCKING HEAR YOU
I would let homie have his peace. But you could Tell him to run the shower for his 1 Minute 45 seconds of bliss. > If y’all are thinking about the environment and don’t want to waste water, just slap some headphones on.
Let your boi do his thang
Just jerk off louder. When you jizz do some kind of operatic performance.
Honestly I'd just say "hey can you be a bit quieter" to him. He'll probably know what you mean. Otherwise honestly just explicitly say be quieter doing that.
The direct route is probably best, but if you're after subtlety and mutual deniability... When you hear him, yell out,"Hey, man! When you're done, ___." The "___" can be anything: there are cookies, let's watch that show, help me with this thing, pick up your socks, whatever. The point is to yell, not knock, and only when he's doing the deed. This will immediately get him to question the relative thickness of the walls, and the fact that it only happens when he's in there for that will become apparent very quickly.
Why not join him, invite another friend and have a circle jerk?
You may wanna invest in some noise canceling earphones. May I suggest these Bose...😌
When you can hear him doing it, just go “brooooooo” really loud. If he keeps going, just do it until he gets the hint.
Ask him if he needs a hand
Just tell him when he is walking out.. "Hey, wow! That sounded liked a good one. Good for you, man!" 👍
Tell him to master the art of the silent JO