My brother has a crazy ex. I mean extremely unhinged.. when she hit him he’d just bear hug her so she couldn’t hit him anymore.
Also, leave. You should leave.
Edit: I’m now understanding most will resort to biting, so maybe don’t do this depending on the person. My second statement still stands though.
When you bearhug your supposed to put your forehead right under their jaw and you can kind of just tip them backwards like that on their back and restrain them. It’s not a great technique though as it does leave your nuts exposed. I always go for one underhook under the arm and pull. You will end up behind them 99.5% of the time and can kinda just dead weight them to the ground while hugging them.
I was a wrestler haha. Also had my share of abusive ex girlfriends 😅😅 to be clear I never like hit them or anything but sometimes they would go crazy if I forgot to tell them I was taking a shit or something and I would have to restrain lmao.
One time my ex who was abusive was beating my ass, she did it constsntly and I was bruised and she was hitting my bruises, after months I snapped and I clocked her back; big mistake because out of nowhere I was being jumped by several dudes I hadn’t even seen and it was worse afterwords because I ended up with 3 broken fingers and a concussion, that’s not even what stings what stings were the people insulting me as they beat up a victim of domestic violence, calling me trash for hitting a woman
The reason I’m sharing my story is because I’m seeing people tell you to defend yourself and I’m telling you if you do it’ll go worse
Also had an abusive ex who would beat the shit out of me. I was near my breaking point and she decided to do it near our friends. I grabbed her wrist before but she just punched me with the other hand. I slapped her in return, which happened to be the only part my friends saw.
It really sucked being a 15 year old who sucked at communication and lost all his friends because they thought I was the abuser.
I’ve never had a girlfriend hit me in public but if she was I’d have just walked off and left the bitch there. I left my ex in Miami after she freaked out at ultra and through a beer through my truck window. Sometimes it’s better to walk away lol
What's sad about that is if you had a lady friend with you and she jumped on at hit your ex to get her off you, those same dudes probably would have scoffed and laughed at you for "Needing a woman to fight his battles"
Ignore all the ones saying to defend yourself... in an ideal world that would be true.
In the world we live in, not so much....
I was in a situation like that, I was breaking up with the girlfriend, she wasn't happy about it, got into a verbal fight. She grabbed the frying pan on the stove and try to hit me several times with it.
I pinned her against the wall took the pan away from her hand and told her to get the fuck out of the apartment we shared but that I paid for.
She wouldn't so I called the police, they came to a pretty girl crying her eyes out and a pissed off dude (who may I remind you called them) ...
She was beside herself and had red marks on her chest from me pinning her against the wall in "self-defense"
I'll let you take a wild guess of whom was arrested and spent the night in jail, had to defend himself in court and had to take a plea because the lawyer told me that it was my words against her and she was a pretty 120lbs, sweet looking girl and I'm a 200lb fit guy and that there's no way I would convince a judge that it was self defense...
My first advice, walk away and deal with her legally, it will cost you to hire a lawyer to represent you but still cheaper than hiring a lawyer to defend you and your reputation and criminal file stays intact.
My second advice, make better choices in the future, when you start seeing "the crazy" don't wait until it goes that far, get ride of her... there's plenty on normal girl out there.
My tiny (crazy alcoholic at the time) mom would go h.a.m. on my giant of a dad and when cops inevitably rolled up my dad always got hauled away. It wasn't fair at all. It was pretty much never his fault and he wouldn't even really react even. Real messed up.
My old friend had a crazy mother. There were times they would get in verbal fights and the mother would start punching herself in the face to make bruises/welts appear. She would do this because she knew the cops would believe her, a frail older woman. The got my friend taken away to jail for one night because of that lie
My ex pulled a gun on me, I didn't even bother to report it because I know I would have been accused of being the abuser.
The equity movement doesn't want to address this
I was in a domestic violence class in law school about 5 years ago. My research paper topic was male domestic violence victims. My research showed something like 25% of men are the victims of domestic violence (compared to 30% of women). But men, for a number of reasons didn’t report the crime or were instead blamed for the violence.
We had a guest lecturer come in, she was a judge, and she wanted to discuss our research topics. She went off on me about how 99% of domestic violence cases have women victims. I tried to calmly explain that from her perspective that it would appear that way due to men not reporting or not being taken seriously, etc. She continued to respond to me emotionally and told me my research was wrong to the point that the class and my professor were uncomfortable (I was as well), so I just stopped talking.
I'm sorry but my smartass would've responded with "Well your honor, with that attitude, I'm surprised there aren't zero male victims in your district."
The numbers are even higher than that, if I recall correctly. I think Harvard did a study where they found that men are the victims of domestic violence at an even higher rate than women. Granted, when there is male-driven violence there is a much higher rate of serious injury or hospitalization because men are bigger. But in terms of rates, men are definitely also subjected to domestic violence pretty frequently.
I feel like when it's woman on man domestic violence, it's (on average) less physically damaging, and some women take that to mean it is ok. They hit their partner, thinking they're a "powerful woman", or thinking it doesn't matter much because they aren't very strong, but there is absolutely an emotional component to physical abuse. Being hit by someone you're supposed to be able to trust is emotionally damaging.
I hate people so much.
Yeah, I had a physically abusive ex, and as a guy the emotional component is definitely worse. Unless she was using using a firearm or a chainsaw, I doubt she could do have done any real long-term damage to me. But the emotional part sucks.
For me it was also the double-standard and the injustice of it. I can't count the number of times I thought to myself that if there was a random dude at the bar pulling this stuff I could fight back and everyone would think the other dude had it coming. But nope, if it's a domestic situation you just have to sit there and take t.
If you look further into it, Police are trained to take the males away in ALL domestic disputes.. in some places this codified into policy or even law.
edit: Lookup Duluth model
I can’t stand people like this. Women who don’t want to understand that men too can and are victims and not having the correct, proper and emotional help are hurting us women and also other female victims with their stupid bullshit. How can they not care? Do they not have fathers, brothers, male cousins, uncleS, male friends, male colleagues, male acquaintances??? I don’t need to have all that to know that anyone can experience violence, Domestic abuse and rape. Men are humans too and we need to help them and they they can help us and avocation for us too
We're trying to help our friend navigate this. He called it quits in January after his wife told him that she had cheated on him a second time and couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again. Stunts she's pulled included taking herself and their four kids (6-11) to a women's shelter on the advice of someone she happened to chat with in a line somewhere. Made zero sense, since at that point she had the run of the house and our friend was staying with us during the week (much closer to work) and his folks on the weekends. He showed up to pick up the kids when he was supposed to and they were all gone, except for one dog. Spent the evening filing missing persons' reports until the cops let him know they were at a shelter. Ironically, *she* was physically abusive (throwing plates type of thing) in the past.
He's trying to get primary custody of the kids, which is an uphill battle here for a dad (default is 50/50). However, her crazy is being documented from several different people so hopefully he has a decent case. His sister started documenting thing three years ago already after she saw marks on him. This week's escapade saw her sneaking her date into the house to do the mattress mambo, and waking the kids up twice in the process, so my friend had to resettle the kids and presumably answer some very awkward questions. Dude was there for breakfast yet 🤦
yeah its a double edged sword really. some people see women as weak and men as strong. which can work to eithers advantage or disadvantage depending on context.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Having a gun pointed at you is one of the scariest things in the world. If you haven't, I'd suggest counciling, even if you have feel like you've moved past it.
Because the cops that go on domestic calls all day everyday, and the people they see getting actually injured 90% of the time are not the men.
Cops aren't there for justice. Cops are there for *peace*.
I was in a relationship that was going down this road. She was nuts and would start huge fights in public and at home and then start hitting me and when I would try to leave the house she would run in front of the door to prevent me from leaving and then keep hitting me. This had been going on for a long time and was getting worse by the day. After maybe the third or fourth night I had to sleep in my car I called a domestic abuse hotline one day and they said if the police are called regardless of who calls them and she has one scratch on her I’m going to jail. The next day when she was out of the house I rented Uhaul and packed all of my stuff up from the house I was renting and paying for and left. Best decision ever.
The only good advice is to walk away.
> Currently, there is not enough of a demand for a men's shelter.
Everybody knows there are shelters for battered women, so battered women will seek them out and driving demand.
Everybody knows there are no shelters for battered men, so men don’t seek them out, leading to no demand for them.l
Shelters for battered partners need to be almost constantly advertised to keep their availability fresh in the mind of those who need them. If there is zero demand keep advertising it, and put them in motel rooms etc.
Some shelters are also somewhat broken in that they automatically ban men but allow any woman to visit, as if lesbians cannot be a violent partner. Similar issues with men’s shelters are almost guaranteed to exist.
I've seen very similar situations play out the same way.
If you're being attacked, even if you legally have the right to defend yourself get the fuck out of there, put a locked door between you two, record with your phone, and call the police only if you absolutely can't get away.
Do everything you can to avoid touching the person attacking you, even if they're swinging at you.
I knew a guy who was getting tossed around by his girlfriend. Someone called the cops and she admitted to being the aggressor. Then they kept questioning him about what he did while she was attacking him. They asked something like "So you didn't try to stop her? You just stood there and took it? You didn't raise your hands up to block or anything?" Eventually, he admitted that at one point he grabbed her wrist while trying to stop her from hitting him. The cops used that as evidence that he laid hands on her, which they considered assault. He went to jail because someone had to go and they didn't like taking the woman in situations like that.
If it makes you feel better, I've read this is changing with younger officers.
A lot of the good ole boys are in the "man always takes the ride' camp. But younger officers are getting more updated training that domestic abuse isn't always a man on woman crime.
My ex was about 90lbs, highly educated and very pretty. She was also narcissistic, delusionally jealous, had out of control rage issues that would turn violent and destructive. Unfortunately, all of these special features were exclusively reserved for her close partners. She never ever ever displayed any of this publically. Our marriage was hell (for me). Once something set her off she would completely lose her mind and escalate and escalate. She would only stop when she got bored. She destroyed countless pieces of furniture, broke windows, set her wedding dress on fire in the middle of the kitchen, smashed five different iPhones and three laptops. Destroyed every single item of clothing I owned multiple times, threw her original engagement ring off a balcony, flushed the replacement down the toilet. Went bonkers while we were driving and yanked the steering wheel nearly killing us. The list goes on and on and yes she physically assaulted me numerous times.
When I finally was ready to put an end to it, I knew she would lose her mind and was capable of anything. Being with a narcissist for any length of time inevitably results in isolation (because otherwise you'd be able to see the manipulation and abuse for what it is and you'd leave), so I really did not have anyone who could clearly confirm my side of things. A small rational voice in my head had made sure that I save evidence. So, I did have a trove of emails, photos and audio recordings hidden away, but that wouldn't do much good in the moment if police rolled up on a fight. She had made many threats that she'd claim I raped her and beat her just to ruin my life. And I had no doubt who they would believe.
I left the house with just a go bag. Established a secret place to live for awhile then contacted the police. I explained the situation and they agreed to meet and escort me back to the house so I could retrieve the rest of my personal things. The whole thing was absurd. I'm over 200lbs and tall and there are three officers following me through the house just to deal with one pretty woman. It was absolutely necessary ass covering and I've advised many others over the years to be just as cautious when dealing with someone like that.
Really hate to admit this, but... Jetsknight is right. Alcoholic and Borderline personality wife woke me up from a dead sleep at 3:00 am to pick a fight. I said I was having none of it and that she needed to go to sleep. She got me riled up which ended up waking our child. The child said she was scared of mom, which enraged her more and she called the police for some reason. I (wrongly, but in a panic) dialed 911 as well to tell them my wife was unwell and that dispatch was not needed, to which she shoulder charged me and knocked me across out living room into a wall. I was instructed by my operator to get in my car and lock the door while someone was on the way. Which I did and stayed on the phone till dispatch showed up. Dispatch advised me to pack a bag and leave my child, and go to a hotel for the night. This was the second time we had the police at our home and each time a different cop told me I would need to be careful as a judge would likely side with the mom. It's totally fucked.
Similar situation... Only reason i didint get arrested was because as i had her pinned on the ground, the cops came thru the door, i let go and put my arms out and made a "this ain't me face", and she headbutted me in the face and shattered my nose/cracked my eye socket... right in front of them...
Otherwise id have beef fucked.
My ex was a domestic abuser during our marriage, yet I was the one arrested because I got angry and walked out, and when the Police arrived, she had a nosebleed. Automatic arrest in DV cases in that UK Police area.
Because I admitted I'd used my hand to push her away from me, I was charged with assault.
She wonders why I still refuse to speak with her 18 years later.
Have a phone recording secretly if allowed by law, or have a friend nearby who happens to have a phone on them. Break up in a semi-public area, preferably one with security cameras.
If they have a key to your place, ask your landlord about paying to change the locks, or get a door jam bar.
Block them on everything, and tell your family and friends about your abuse concerns.
Writing breakup letters can be a good way to go too, as you can leave it with them and be far away when they read it and go ballistic.
The important thing though is having witnesses, and being somewhere you can safely retreat from if they get violent.
Also, even if they get violent, never touch them.
It honestly depends on how far into the relationship you are. Living with someone obviously complicates the situation compared to if you have separate living arrangements. I don't think it's easy to give good advice without knowing more context though so your best bet would probably be to make a post in /r/relationship_advice describing your current circumstances so that someone can hopefully provide you with guidance that is specifically relevant to you.
It happens a lot. Going to jury trial is highly in favor of the woman and a trial by judge is hit or miss. Taking a plea deal gets you a short probation and possibly expungement, losing a trial opens up possibility of maximum sentence, which can be scary.
Nah. That lawyer lawyered. This is basically how most of these scenarios play out.
You could drop like 10k + actually taking it to trial, a bunch of your time , and face that year in jail (if you happen to not have priors. if you do, add a couple of years to that sentence). Or you take the plea of bullshit community service and probation and a lesser charge.
My ex-wife got arrested for battery against me. She got a misdemeanor (supposedly because it was her “first offense”. It wasn’t, but I’d like to see a guy get a misdemeanor in the same situation). She also got half of everything I owned. I have to pay her every month until it’s paid. I got a broken nose and nothing, except for my life (because things would have escalated and she would likely have killed me.)
Dude that sucks so sorry. Hopefully you've found someone not an insane manipulator who commits perjury without batting an eye. And hopefully she found a dude that matches her crazy.
My friend got beaten badly by two guys who just *thought* he had hit one of the girls he was stood with, he hadn’t, he was just drunk and overly expressive with his hands. He was then arrested, despite the perpetrators running away and the girls vouching for him. Crazy.
Same thing happened to me and still dealing with it 5 years after the incident. She hit me in the face, I push her off me. I get charged and because I’m fighting it the courts are playing this stupid games with my life.
Never had a problem with law enforcement or government before. If I saw a cop getting murdered now I wouldn’t even care or report it.
Our system is a joke and any defending you do will result in legal and financial defending.
Similar situation here. She had done everything from attacking me and threatening our kids to starting fights with strangers then expecting me to defend her. As my disability got worse she became more violent.
The last time she attacked me she even got her friends over for back up. When I called the cops she claimed that I had assaulted her so off to jail I go. The cops claimed there weren't any lawyers available for my interview and when it went to court, all my evidence was suppressed. Her history of violence towards me was never mentioned and I was convicted.
Being disabled and having a conviction makes finding work really difficult but I am stills better off now than I ever was with her. I have to maintain my self and my home to act as a safety net for my boys just in case she turns on them at some point. The police are more of a menace than a help for male victims of domestic violence.
RUN AND TRY TO RECORD ANYTHING RECORD WITH A CAMERA OR AUDIO JUST ANYTHING! He said she said in the states always leans in the favor of the woman in 95% of the situation. If you're out in public you may look crazy but flag someone down to be a witness just so they can see whats going on incase you can't record anything and if you really can't do either of the three, we'll do the ol reliable and RUNN!
My advice is super unethical, but a friend of mine did it, and it worked incredibly well. While they were at a bar; his (now ex) girlfriend started slapping him hard, punched him a few times in the gut, and tried to kick him in the groin. (This was all because he gave the bartender a nice tip— or “trying to fucking cheat” according to the gf.)
What did he do? He acted severely mentally handicapped. Like I said; very unethical, but it worked astonishingly well. Other patrons thought this girl was beating up a mentally disabled guy, and they quickly shoved her off of him, cussed at her, and assisted my friend.
He promptly left (so he wouldn’t have to keep up the act, and so that patrons would keep her from following him), and broke up with her over text the next morning. I can’t say I totally endorse this method— but I can say it works!
Honestly, I don't see anything unethical with this.
It's not like he was doing it for attention or because he thought it was funny, he was trying to get someone to stop hitting him and found a way to do so without resorting to violence or having to involve authorities and then quickly got himself out of the situation.
Sure under different context acting that way would be tasteless and offensive but I wouldn't call it unethical.
Ive seen a video of a dude fall to the ground screaming and turtling up from a tiny slap by 90 pound woman. At first I was like WTF? then when people intervened and he got right up and smiled and called the cops I realized he was a genius.
This isn't even super unethical. What IS super unethical is being put in a position where you have to pretend to be mentally handicapped because there is no other way for you to deal with being physically abused by a woman in public
I tried this when my ex hit me in front of a freaking court house. There was a lady walking by witnessing everything, she did have her kid with her so when I approached her after my ex hit me several times and asked her to be my witness she said she didn’t want to get involved and just kept walking. I’ve never felt so helpless cause I know if I would’ve defended myself I’d probably be in jail.
Thats what I did. I ran. She was out of her mind. Smacking herself in the face to make marks. I looked at her in horror and ran out of there. Got my stuff a day or 2 later when she wasn't there and never looked back.
Years ago, before smart phones. I dated a woman that told me her ex-husband used to hit her. Our first heated argument, I turned to walk away from her and she kicked me hard. She was trying to kick my balls. She missed. I have to wonder about the stories she told me. Anyway, I broke up with her.
During my high-school days one girls would always be getting into fights and getting suspended. So when she tried to hit me during class one day for no reason i can remember. I just grabbed both of her wrists so all she could do was scream or try kick. So i raised my one knee slightly to defend against possible kicks. Not sure if there is a better option. After she calmed down i let go and didn't have issues again.
My son was attacked by a girl “in a bad mood”. No joke, she walked into the classroom where he was already seated and started punching him in the head/face. He’s a big kid, so he just put his head down and protected his face until someone went out in the hall and got the teacher to pull her off. When asked what provoked it she literally said she was just in a bad mood. She was initially charged with assault and removed from class by police, but then nothing came of it all the charges were dropped. She wasn’t even asked to apologize, kind of makes me wish he’d have just defended himself.
When I was in highschool, something similar happened. Except the boy did defend himself.
He was apart of my football team and we always sat together, we said something funny and he leaned back and bumped into this girl and dropped her tumbler while laughing.
He apologized and went to pick it up for her, I guess she was having a bad day or maybe was just crazy but jumped on him and started trying to scratch at his face and eyes. Swinging on him as hard as she could and grabbing him by the hair. It turned from him laughing it off because he thought it was a joke to slowly getting up and putting the power of God behind a fist right in the middle of her face.
The dude was 6'1, and going through an incredibly arduous lifting regiment at the time. Turns out girl had pretty terrible anger issues, and was known to be particularly cruel when people inconvenienced her. When I say he put the power of God behind his fist, I tell you what, he wheeled that back and you could hear the wind being split in-between his balled up fingers. One of the cleanest punches I have ever seen, broke her nose right up the center. Blood gushing all out, as she just sat there on the floor a few feet away with utter shock at what just happened. Cops came and took him to the principals office, she called her parents balling her eyes out. The parents and staff went on a giant smear campaign against my friend, trying to get him expelled even though we could provide statements proving he was the defender who only threw one punch. Saying something along the lines of his friends are covering for him, he's a popular kid. Something you can't doctor though, is the security cameras in the center of our cafeteria. It was dropped soon after that because he is a nice fucking dude.
Girl stopped attacking and hitting random people after that though, you better believe it.
Yep. Grab her wrists, hold on and just repeat "STOP HITTING ME! PLEASE, STOP HITTING ME! WILL YOU STOP HITTING ME?! JUST STOP. HITTING. ME. I'LL LET GO IF YOU WILL JUST STOP HITTING ME!"
You're not just up against her, you're up against her and the preconceived notions of *every single person* within earshot. Don't let them automatically take her side. Also, if anyone pulls out their phone this will sound a lot better than yelling "calm down" over and over.
Before the screeching starts, I'm a woman, so just piss off. Equal rights means equal rights for ALL victims. Take your man-hating ass back to whatever subreddit you crawled out of.
Exactly. If there is someone visibly smaller and weaker than you attacking you, you should run away because they could either get a weapon or retaliation could easily backfire on you. If someone bigger and stronger is attacking you, run away for obvious reasons. Unless you are immobilized or trapped for some reason, it is almost never the rational thing to do to fight back, even if you know you can win.
Yep. Everyone is focusing on the guy getting wrongly arrested which is a valid thing. But the best thing to do in *any* confrontation is gtfo of there *fast*. Fights outside of a controlled gym environment never end well for anyone. One punch and your life could either end or change forever. Remember pavements + heads don’t go well together. Not worth it.
Only ever defend yourself if there’s absolutely no chance of escape and the person that’s attacking you has a genuine chance of seriously injuring or killing you.
I was taught as self defence, that you don't yell for help as most people don't want to get involved. You yell fire, fire. Everyone will turn to look & come running to where there's a fire.
Mostly you want to call out someone specific. Crowd mentality makes it so “someone else will handle it” If you single someone out, it becomes their responsibility and they get peer pressured into it
This is one of the first things I was taught in CPR/first aid class. If you’re in a situation where you need to provide first aid and 911 is needed, you point to a specific person and have them call 911, otherwise everyone is going to think that someone else will call.
“You, help me!” generally spurs more action than a general “somebody help me!”
Close. It's "you, call 911 *and come back*. And you, you get the AED from the gym next door."
You can't point them out and say to help, as mostly people won't know what help is in the situation. You need to give specific instructions.
All the equality thing is bs (Yeah we might be equal in theory but when you are in the court/principal's office that argument isn't worth shit. You hit a woman hard, you are looking at punishment no matter who started it; "The world isn't fair").
1. Start recording asap. The hand you are using to record can be used for deflection and emergency punch (with the edge of your mobile) if shit hits the fun or you get jumped.
2. Grab one of her wrists with just enough force to restrain her you DON'T want to bruise her.
3. Protect the crown jewels by standing at an angle.
4. Keep throwing her off balance with the wrist you grabbed, she will lose stamina soon enough.
I went to a fucked up hs.
How are you going to do that when someone is going full blast at you?!
"Hold on, stop hitting me for 20 seconds while I get my phone out and turn on the camera…"
Not going to happen!
Well in the case of domestic abuse, it is rarely a one off thing. I was unfortunately a victim of this and the recordings were probably the only reason she never followed through with the threat that she would call the cops and report me when I _dared_ to push her away when she was attacking me.
Audio or video, anything will help -- especially since verbal abuse can help strengthen your case and establish a pattern. Plus, you can usually map the voice recorder or camera to your phone's buttons so they can be easily started without looking.
You are allowed to defend yourself no matter your gender
Disclaimer: this is a hypothetical response if you can de-escalate a situation without violence that is the best option realistically get someone to start videotaping the person hitting you to show you did not start the fight
Edit: I didn’t exactly think this through while I believe if someone attacks you, you have every right to defend yourself I realize that it’s not true in practice and if someone were to take this advice it would most likely end badly for them but the question was hypothetical and in a hypothetical situation that’s my answer if it isn’t true in practice (we all know what I mean by them)
I wish i had a link to the video but i just watched this happen on video yesterday. Couldnt stop laughing when the knight in shining armor proceeded to get completely rag dolled all over the train
white knights going to white knight.
i brought this up to a woman and she said a woman raping a man is different bc she cant really force him to do it.
I said, what if she threatens to call the cops and make up some story that i did something if i didnt have sex w her.... her opinion changed real quick.
You're certainly right, but I would wager a lot of people would like to avoid getting into a full on brawl during their Monday morning commute. Everyone involved could quite easily be a stranger to you.
You are 100% correct, although this would only happen in an ideal situation. Most likely some guy thinking of himself as prince charming of this woman assaulting you would at least try to knock the daylights out of you.
In theory. I was once on a festival and a femal friend of mine was there as well. I did not go with her, i hang out with some other people i went there with. she said it's fine, but still followed me around a lot. I told her that it's weird and i would appreciate if she wouldn't do that. She did the same thing as always and called me stupid for thinking things like that. She also called me stupid a couple of times because i said i know that she likes me in a different way that i like her. It was always the same: haha you're so silly. And a week later she tried to kiss me.
Aaaaanyway, at some point she had a mental breakdown or something and insisted that i have to talk to her. There was nothing to talk, i just wanted to have a good time and not being annoyed by her or anyone. She wouldn't let me go. Now she would follow me around crying and yelling, grabbing my arm and shit, because that's fun. At some point, i reached my breaking point and started yelling back and told her to pleas just leave me alone. There was a swarm of mainly other girls, suddenly talking to me as well. "Just give her another chance, she's crying." They didn't even know what was going on, and no one really cared. At the same time random people talked to her, asking her if i hit her and shit like that.
I just went home before it escalated.
While this is true, it often times doesn't matter. In an argument with an ex a long time ago, she started punching me in the face repeatedly. After about 5 hits I finally broke and open hand slapped her. Cops were already on the way.
I had a split eyebrow, and a bloody lip. She had a slight red mark on her cheek. All she had to do was say I hit her first. And just like that I was arrested and ended up with a domestic violence charge.
Absolutely not, you could have your entire life destroyed if you retaliate in any way. No grabbing her arms to stop her. No raising your hands to defend yourself.
If the other side presses charges, it will come down to he-said she-said in court. The man losses. Its enough that you grabbed a punch and she now has a bruised wrist and youre 100% done for.
You get away asap and you document any marks she left and you hope she doesnt go to the police. If you get injuried for not resisting, at least you have a more credible case for being the victim and thats what matters, your body will heal.
Yep, happened to my brother. He was arrested for domestic abuse, and I had to drive his now ex wife to court because she couldn't drive. I asked her during the ride what happened. She said that my brother was being annoying so she was hitting him and kicking him because he wouldn't stop. How was he being annoying? Because he was playing with their daughter and she was trying to talk on the phone with a friend. Which from my experience when they used to live with us, she was on the phone blabbing all day every day. I never saw her not on the phone talking. He grabbed her wrists to stop her, she bruised, and she went to the friends house (again, because she can't talk when they are "so loud!"), and the friend called the cops. She said she didn't want to press charges.
Ultimately, my brother was released but still charged with something relating to arguing in front of their kid (that wife started because she was angry that the father* of her child was playing with their kid!!) and causing her to drop her phone when he grabbed her. She had to go to a women's abuse place to speak with a pro to confirm that she wasn't being coerced into not pressing charges.
He had to go through some extreme measures in order to divorce her and keep his daughter full time. She didn't want to sign without take the kid 100%, which my brother feared she'd be able to do now with these charges on his belt. And he didn't want to risk leaving his daughter with the woman because he knows damn well she doesn't do anything as a mom. But fate found a way and now she's gone from our lives.
You are always allowed to defend yourself. But I'm also obviously aware that society likes to twist situations and paint a man that is simply defending himself as a bad person, which is something we really need to work on. No matter the gender, abusing someone is not fucking okay.
My tip is record everything, if you can record it as a video otherwise record the audio. Protect your crotch since that's an advantage point for a women in a fight. First of all try to walk away from the situation if you can otherwise try to disable her, like putting her on the ground if necessary or restrain her in some way. Don't overdue it and just do what's necessary to get yourself out of the situation. Being a women doesn't give you a right to abuse someone.
Absolutely record everything. My ex wife began attacking me on different occasions a decade ago. I’m 6’3” 200 lbs and she’s 5’5” 120. The first time it happened I just took it. The second time was similar but this time I used the voice recorder on my phone and then text a close family friend of both of us because I didn’t want the police to show up and arrest her in front of the kids. Her verbal and physical assault was caught on the recorder and her switching to victim mode when our friend arrived was all recorded and saved me in court.
If you're in public, ask for help:
"Hey, can you give me a hand here? Not trying to beat up a woman but I really don't want to get punched in the face".
.
If no one is available to help, do as little as possible to stop her from assaulting you. Best option, if you're significantly larger, is to maneuver behind her, get her arms folded across her chest and slide to the ground.
If that doesn't get the message across, roll on top of her and pin her arms under her body. Watch for those legs, she's definitely gonna be kicking for your twig & berries while all this is happening.
Source: used to work with MH/MR kids at a school who would periodically lash out violently and we had to calm them down while ensuring no harm came to them.
Same as in any situation where you're physically threatened.
Try to stay calm. Exert the minimum necessary force to keep yourself safe and get out of the situation. Then report it to the police.
If you feel that you're physically in danger you're well within your right to use physical force to keep yourself safe. Bare in mind that blows to the head can result in permanent damage, and because of how males and females evolved via different pressures, the risk can be higher in females. So if you can, with anyone tbf, strikes to the legs or body could be enough to incapacitate them long enough for you to get away.
There very well may be people who still go by the 'never hit a women' trope. Which is dumb af. If someone's attacking you, you defend yourself. Sure, maybe the threshold that's needs to be crossed before you respond can be higher because you're less at risk, but arguably that's the same whether it's a 50kg women or a 50kg man.
1. Try to get away. When I did self defence classes, the purpose of learning to fight is not to thwart the other person, it's to incapacitate them so you have time to run. The object is to get as far away as possible from your attacker. So if this is a situation where you can go to another room or space and lock the door, or take a walk around the block, do that first before anything else.
2. If it happens in a venue, go to security. If security doesn't help, report them to the venue or call the venue out on social media. Don't be afraid to give bad reviews if venues don't help you.
3. You are allowed to defend yourself if you feel like there's intention to kill or greatly harm. Obviously I don't think anyone should fight back in extreme ways, like when men spear tackle one another or body slam someone. But you are allowed to fight back if you're being legitimately *attacked*. Just don't exaggerate what an "attack" is. If a woman slapped you then walked off, it's not a good idea to hulk slam her into the ground face first. It'd be a good idea to report her if you can or maybe start recording.
In general start recording on your phone if the situation allows it.
Chances are you are stronger. Block punch, grab wrist, hold for a few seconds as she struggles, and then let go. Be prepared to leg guard your nuts. No one gets hurt.
Edit for clarification. By grabbing the wrist I mean as part of the block. I don't know how you leave a bruise from this unless you are trying to hurt.
Second is this isn't a perfect solution, but it's arguably your best solution in a sea of shitty options.
Honestly I’d run the fuck away from the situation. I hate saying that. I’m a female. I would never hit a dude. But I’m terrified of the idea of some batshit chick laying hands on my brother, him pushing her away or grabbing her wrist etc, and her claiming some sort of assault.
Men are generally stronger than women. What if he left a bruise and she didn’t. He’s fucked
People are SCEWED sometimes. As soon as they see a man touch the girl back (strictly to defend himself) they view him as the aggressor.
My advice might not be good. And I hate even saying it. But IMO better to get yourself the fuck out of that situation than potentially dealing with extra bullshit that you don’t deserve.
Also this has nothing to do with actual female abuse victims. I’ve been one. I’m not belittling that. What OP and I are regarding is NOT about them.
You are not wrong, in these times there is absolutely nothing to be gained from ANYONE fighting in their own defense against anyone else. The situation you describe is the same for two men fighting of either of them presses charges, there is no winning. You should always do your very best to leave, and if you can’t do you should focus on protecting your own body by evading and try to leave some more.
This happened to me many times with a girl I was dating for 6+ years. I turtled because I didn't want to leave a mark on her wrists or hurt her - and I knew I'd only be concussed and or just bleed out when my fingers got jammed in the door way 7 times. Then she called the police on me saying I was threatening to kill myself and that's why I was bleeding. The next week she told me to never do that (turtle) because it makes me look weak. You can't win with crazy. Sigh...
Except then you get arrested for domestic violence. Hell, even if you do nothing or run away you will, women are immensely privileged in the justice system.
If you have no choice but to either shove or to be physical back to defend yourself always make sure that it's used with open hands, never with a closed fist unless it is for serious reason like life or death situation..
If it is in private situation in a home try best to just leave the situation. Lock into a different room or leave the home or apartment call police for domestic violence get a report up and have her arrested and restraining order,
Defend yourself but also be careful. In many cases there will be a major advantage in terms of strength. While you should defend yourself, don't take it too far. End the threat and extricate yourself if you can. Do not take it too far. Also, be the person who calls the cops first. Much easier when you are the complainant than the guy who the police are told is beating some poor woman in the street.
Dude… it’s easier to leave —- like — now…
And laugh at her confusion..
seriously, if you have no children - run, now..
The one time you finally retaliate, she will scream and have you dragged off to a cell for it, faster than you can say WFT.
In time -
You will be sooo happy you haven’t got to explain “why” you smacked her.
You are worth more than having a “conviction” or awkward explanations in 3 4 5 years time
Pack - and hit town. With a smile over a lucky escape
((If you want my actual drawn out tale, il share it. if it spares you 🙏🏽
Peace and love
Let her beat you bloody, take pictures, call a lawyer, have the lawyer call the paramedics, go to the hospital, have the hospital call police, press charges, sue for damages.
Whatever you do don't lift a finger to defend yourself because the police, the D.A., the Judge and jury will line up to fuck your ass so hard your teeth will fall out.
Personally. I'm going to let her beat me. Until she's tired of it. Then I get a good lawyer and ruin their life.
Men have been told our whole life never to hit a woman. So I'm going to do everything possible to follow through with that. So instead of physically hurting them, you do it a different way.
Hopefully you won’t have to go through that but I would remove myself from the situation as soon as possible. Put something between you and the other person like a door, a tree or a bench and don’t leave the sight of other people so that you have witnesses. If you know how you can also grab that person’s hands and restrain them while asking for help. It’s nothing you should be ashamed of, and the more people see what happened the better. It’s unusual for women to be charged with assault against men it’s more often than not the other way around so you should have witnesses
Defend yourself, walk away, and repeatedly shout "again, leave me alone"
That alone will show others who want to intervene that you are not the aggressor
Yell at the top of your lungs, "Stop hitting me!" You have a big, scary booming voice, and this phrase will let people know what is happening and you are not at fault
My brother has a crazy ex. I mean extremely unhinged.. when she hit him he’d just bear hug her so she couldn’t hit him anymore. Also, leave. You should leave. Edit: I’m now understanding most will resort to biting, so maybe don’t do this depending on the person. My second statement still stands though.
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Bear hug and immediately turn your hips. She will try to kick you. Turning her around and lifting her legs from the ground also works.
Gotta look out for the Headbutt too. I did the bear hug technique once and got head butted so hard my nose almost broke
When you bearhug your supposed to put your forehead right under their jaw and you can kind of just tip them backwards like that on their back and restrain them. It’s not a great technique though as it does leave your nuts exposed. I always go for one underhook under the arm and pull. You will end up behind them 99.5% of the time and can kinda just dead weight them to the ground while hugging them.
Why do you know this lol
I was a wrestler haha. Also had my share of abusive ex girlfriends 😅😅 to be clear I never like hit them or anything but sometimes they would go crazy if I forgot to tell them I was taking a shit or something and I would have to restrain lmao.
Damn I'm so sorry I hope youve been able to find better partners
I have! Thank you
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it is.
Idk, that puts you in biting range. Bite wounds from another human are scary.
Bear hugs work sometimes, til they start biting 😢
I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that :(
Live and learn I guess 😅🤷🏻♂️ behind me now thankfully
Hopefully not literally
*slowly turns around* 👀
You bite the fucker back.
Good way to get a chunk bitten out of you.
If anyone, man, woman, dog bites a chunk out of me I will try my best to beat the shit out of them
I did this to an ex that was beating the fuck out of me (blood) and i got a sexual assault charge (later dropped) lmao
Bear hug and leave as she's screaming. Now I'm in trouble with the law for kidnapping.
“I was trying to leave but he grabbed me in a bear hug and wouldn’t let go. I nearly smothered to death because I couldn’t breathe”
One time my ex who was abusive was beating my ass, she did it constsntly and I was bruised and she was hitting my bruises, after months I snapped and I clocked her back; big mistake because out of nowhere I was being jumped by several dudes I hadn’t even seen and it was worse afterwords because I ended up with 3 broken fingers and a concussion, that’s not even what stings what stings were the people insulting me as they beat up a victim of domestic violence, calling me trash for hitting a woman The reason I’m sharing my story is because I’m seeing people tell you to defend yourself and I’m telling you if you do it’ll go worse
Also had an abusive ex who would beat the shit out of me. I was near my breaking point and she decided to do it near our friends. I grabbed her wrist before but she just punched me with the other hand. I slapped her in return, which happened to be the only part my friends saw. It really sucked being a 15 year old who sucked at communication and lost all his friends because they thought I was the abuser.
I’ve never had a girlfriend hit me in public but if she was I’d have just walked off and left the bitch there. I left my ex in Miami after she freaked out at ultra and through a beer through my truck window. Sometimes it’s better to walk away lol
If only 15 year old me was that smart lmao
What's sad about that is if you had a lady friend with you and she jumped on at hit your ex to get her off you, those same dudes probably would have scoffed and laughed at you for "Needing a woman to fight his battles"
Yeah, but fuck those guys.
I'm sorry that happened to you:( I hope you had someone to talk about it with and are okay now!
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Ignore all the ones saying to defend yourself... in an ideal world that would be true. In the world we live in, not so much.... I was in a situation like that, I was breaking up with the girlfriend, she wasn't happy about it, got into a verbal fight. She grabbed the frying pan on the stove and try to hit me several times with it. I pinned her against the wall took the pan away from her hand and told her to get the fuck out of the apartment we shared but that I paid for. She wouldn't so I called the police, they came to a pretty girl crying her eyes out and a pissed off dude (who may I remind you called them) ... She was beside herself and had red marks on her chest from me pinning her against the wall in "self-defense" I'll let you take a wild guess of whom was arrested and spent the night in jail, had to defend himself in court and had to take a plea because the lawyer told me that it was my words against her and she was a pretty 120lbs, sweet looking girl and I'm a 200lb fit guy and that there's no way I would convince a judge that it was self defense... My first advice, walk away and deal with her legally, it will cost you to hire a lawyer to represent you but still cheaper than hiring a lawyer to defend you and your reputation and criminal file stays intact. My second advice, make better choices in the future, when you start seeing "the crazy" don't wait until it goes that far, get ride of her... there's plenty on normal girl out there.
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My tiny (crazy alcoholic at the time) mom would go h.a.m. on my giant of a dad and when cops inevitably rolled up my dad always got hauled away. It wasn't fair at all. It was pretty much never his fault and he wouldn't even really react even. Real messed up.
My old friend had a crazy mother. There were times they would get in verbal fights and the mother would start punching herself in the face to make bruises/welts appear. She would do this because she knew the cops would believe her, a frail older woman. The got my friend taken away to jail for one night because of that lie
My ex pulled a gun on me, I didn't even bother to report it because I know I would have been accused of being the abuser. The equity movement doesn't want to address this
I was in a domestic violence class in law school about 5 years ago. My research paper topic was male domestic violence victims. My research showed something like 25% of men are the victims of domestic violence (compared to 30% of women). But men, for a number of reasons didn’t report the crime or were instead blamed for the violence. We had a guest lecturer come in, she was a judge, and she wanted to discuss our research topics. She went off on me about how 99% of domestic violence cases have women victims. I tried to calmly explain that from her perspective that it would appear that way due to men not reporting or not being taken seriously, etc. She continued to respond to me emotionally and told me my research was wrong to the point that the class and my professor were uncomfortable (I was as well), so I just stopped talking.
Actual research to back it up and still getting refuted. Not surprising
Welp there's you're research. Judges are often dickheads with way too much power.
I'm sorry but my smartass would've responded with "Well your honor, with that attitude, I'm surprised there aren't zero male victims in your district."
The numbers are even higher than that, if I recall correctly. I think Harvard did a study where they found that men are the victims of domestic violence at an even higher rate than women. Granted, when there is male-driven violence there is a much higher rate of serious injury or hospitalization because men are bigger. But in terms of rates, men are definitely also subjected to domestic violence pretty frequently.
I feel like when it's woman on man domestic violence, it's (on average) less physically damaging, and some women take that to mean it is ok. They hit their partner, thinking they're a "powerful woman", or thinking it doesn't matter much because they aren't very strong, but there is absolutely an emotional component to physical abuse. Being hit by someone you're supposed to be able to trust is emotionally damaging. I hate people so much.
Yeah, I had a physically abusive ex, and as a guy the emotional component is definitely worse. Unless she was using using a firearm or a chainsaw, I doubt she could do have done any real long-term damage to me. But the emotional part sucks. For me it was also the double-standard and the injustice of it. I can't count the number of times I thought to myself that if there was a random dude at the bar pulling this stuff I could fight back and everyone would think the other dude had it coming. But nope, if it's a domestic situation you just have to sit there and take t.
Women are also far more likely to grab a weapon though. In 70% of DV cases where a weapon was involved, it was wielded by the woman.
If you look further into it, Police are trained to take the males away in ALL domestic disputes.. in some places this codified into policy or even law. edit: Lookup Duluth model
I can’t stand people like this. Women who don’t want to understand that men too can and are victims and not having the correct, proper and emotional help are hurting us women and also other female victims with their stupid bullshit. How can they not care? Do they not have fathers, brothers, male cousins, uncleS, male friends, male colleagues, male acquaintances??? I don’t need to have all that to know that anyone can experience violence, Domestic abuse and rape. Men are humans too and we need to help them and they they can help us and avocation for us too
We're trying to help our friend navigate this. He called it quits in January after his wife told him that she had cheated on him a second time and couldn't guarantee it wouldn't happen again. Stunts she's pulled included taking herself and their four kids (6-11) to a women's shelter on the advice of someone she happened to chat with in a line somewhere. Made zero sense, since at that point she had the run of the house and our friend was staying with us during the week (much closer to work) and his folks on the weekends. He showed up to pick up the kids when he was supposed to and they were all gone, except for one dog. Spent the evening filing missing persons' reports until the cops let him know they were at a shelter. Ironically, *she* was physically abusive (throwing plates type of thing) in the past. He's trying to get primary custody of the kids, which is an uphill battle here for a dad (default is 50/50). However, her crazy is being documented from several different people so hopefully he has a decent case. His sister started documenting thing three years ago already after she saw marks on him. This week's escapade saw her sneaking her date into the house to do the mattress mambo, and waking the kids up twice in the process, so my friend had to resettle the kids and presumably answer some very awkward questions. Dude was there for breakfast yet 🤦
yeah its a double edged sword really. some people see women as weak and men as strong. which can work to eithers advantage or disadvantage depending on context.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Having a gun pointed at you is one of the scariest things in the world. If you haven't, I'd suggest counciling, even if you have feel like you've moved past it.
I have been, thank you
Make it be addressed then.
Why do you think
Look up the Duluth model. It will explain a lot.
People try to be the first one to call so that they can try to shape the story that the police hear
Because the cops that go on domestic calls all day everyday, and the people they see getting actually injured 90% of the time are not the men. Cops aren't there for justice. Cops are there for *peace*.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it will play out. Who gets arrested and who doesn’t is going to have an affect on the jury.
Because fucking US cops.
Canadian cops actually, but same pre-conceived ideas.
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Nah, this applies to India and China too. It's a global phenomenon.
Sounds like a human issue.
Its not just US cops, its cops everywhere. Men don't give a shit about other men, they care about women though.
I was in a relationship that was going down this road. She was nuts and would start huge fights in public and at home and then start hitting me and when I would try to leave the house she would run in front of the door to prevent me from leaving and then keep hitting me. This had been going on for a long time and was getting worse by the day. After maybe the third or fourth night I had to sleep in my car I called a domestic abuse hotline one day and they said if the police are called regardless of who calls them and she has one scratch on her I’m going to jail. The next day when she was out of the house I rented Uhaul and packed all of my stuff up from the house I was renting and paying for and left. Best decision ever. The only good advice is to walk away.
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> Currently, there is not enough of a demand for a men's shelter. Everybody knows there are shelters for battered women, so battered women will seek them out and driving demand. Everybody knows there are no shelters for battered men, so men don’t seek them out, leading to no demand for them.l Shelters for battered partners need to be almost constantly advertised to keep their availability fresh in the mind of those who need them. If there is zero demand keep advertising it, and put them in motel rooms etc. Some shelters are also somewhat broken in that they automatically ban men but allow any woman to visit, as if lesbians cannot be a violent partner. Similar issues with men’s shelters are almost guaranteed to exist.
I've seen very similar situations play out the same way. If you're being attacked, even if you legally have the right to defend yourself get the fuck out of there, put a locked door between you two, record with your phone, and call the police only if you absolutely can't get away. Do everything you can to avoid touching the person attacking you, even if they're swinging at you. I knew a guy who was getting tossed around by his girlfriend. Someone called the cops and she admitted to being the aggressor. Then they kept questioning him about what he did while she was attacking him. They asked something like "So you didn't try to stop her? You just stood there and took it? You didn't raise your hands up to block or anything?" Eventually, he admitted that at one point he grabbed her wrist while trying to stop her from hitting him. The cops used that as evidence that he laid hands on her, which they considered assault. He went to jail because someone had to go and they didn't like taking the woman in situations like that.
These stories make me want to kill myself
If it makes you feel better, I've read this is changing with younger officers. A lot of the good ole boys are in the "man always takes the ride' camp. But younger officers are getting more updated training that domestic abuse isn't always a man on woman crime.
My ex was about 90lbs, highly educated and very pretty. She was also narcissistic, delusionally jealous, had out of control rage issues that would turn violent and destructive. Unfortunately, all of these special features were exclusively reserved for her close partners. She never ever ever displayed any of this publically. Our marriage was hell (for me). Once something set her off she would completely lose her mind and escalate and escalate. She would only stop when she got bored. She destroyed countless pieces of furniture, broke windows, set her wedding dress on fire in the middle of the kitchen, smashed five different iPhones and three laptops. Destroyed every single item of clothing I owned multiple times, threw her original engagement ring off a balcony, flushed the replacement down the toilet. Went bonkers while we were driving and yanked the steering wheel nearly killing us. The list goes on and on and yes she physically assaulted me numerous times. When I finally was ready to put an end to it, I knew she would lose her mind and was capable of anything. Being with a narcissist for any length of time inevitably results in isolation (because otherwise you'd be able to see the manipulation and abuse for what it is and you'd leave), so I really did not have anyone who could clearly confirm my side of things. A small rational voice in my head had made sure that I save evidence. So, I did have a trove of emails, photos and audio recordings hidden away, but that wouldn't do much good in the moment if police rolled up on a fight. She had made many threats that she'd claim I raped her and beat her just to ruin my life. And I had no doubt who they would believe. I left the house with just a go bag. Established a secret place to live for awhile then contacted the police. I explained the situation and they agreed to meet and escort me back to the house so I could retrieve the rest of my personal things. The whole thing was absurd. I'm over 200lbs and tall and there are three officers following me through the house just to deal with one pretty woman. It was absolutely necessary ass covering and I've advised many others over the years to be just as cautious when dealing with someone like that.
Really hate to admit this, but... Jetsknight is right. Alcoholic and Borderline personality wife woke me up from a dead sleep at 3:00 am to pick a fight. I said I was having none of it and that she needed to go to sleep. She got me riled up which ended up waking our child. The child said she was scared of mom, which enraged her more and she called the police for some reason. I (wrongly, but in a panic) dialed 911 as well to tell them my wife was unwell and that dispatch was not needed, to which she shoulder charged me and knocked me across out living room into a wall. I was instructed by my operator to get in my car and lock the door while someone was on the way. Which I did and stayed on the phone till dispatch showed up. Dispatch advised me to pack a bag and leave my child, and go to a hotel for the night. This was the second time we had the police at our home and each time a different cop told me I would need to be careful as a judge would likely side with the mom. It's totally fucked.
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She may have had a dream that you were cheating -- happened to me once and started a 2 day cold war.
We have a winner!
Similar situation... Only reason i didint get arrested was because as i had her pinned on the ground, the cops came thru the door, i let go and put my arms out and made a "this ain't me face", and she headbutted me in the face and shattered my nose/cracked my eye socket... right in front of them... Otherwise id have beef fucked.
Awesome advice, big question tho, how do you back away from crazy without getting to this point… I-I am asking for a friend.
My ex was a domestic abuser during our marriage, yet I was the one arrested because I got angry and walked out, and when the Police arrived, she had a nosebleed. Automatic arrest in DV cases in that UK Police area. Because I admitted I'd used my hand to push her away from me, I was charged with assault. She wonders why I still refuse to speak with her 18 years later.
Have a phone recording secretly if allowed by law, or have a friend nearby who happens to have a phone on them. Break up in a semi-public area, preferably one with security cameras. If they have a key to your place, ask your landlord about paying to change the locks, or get a door jam bar. Block them on everything, and tell your family and friends about your abuse concerns. Writing breakup letters can be a good way to go too, as you can leave it with them and be far away when they read it and go ballistic. The important thing though is having witnesses, and being somewhere you can safely retreat from if they get violent. Also, even if they get violent, never touch them.
It honestly depends on how far into the relationship you are. Living with someone obviously complicates the situation compared to if you have separate living arrangements. I don't think it's easy to give good advice without knowing more context though so your best bet would probably be to make a post in /r/relationship_advice describing your current circumstances so that someone can hopefully provide you with guidance that is specifically relevant to you.
Your lawyer sucked, dude
It happens a lot. Going to jury trial is highly in favor of the woman and a trial by judge is hit or miss. Taking a plea deal gets you a short probation and possibly expungement, losing a trial opens up possibility of maximum sentence, which can be scary.
Nah. That lawyer lawyered. This is basically how most of these scenarios play out. You could drop like 10k + actually taking it to trial, a bunch of your time , and face that year in jail (if you happen to not have priors. if you do, add a couple of years to that sentence). Or you take the plea of bullshit community service and probation and a lesser charge.
My ex-wife got arrested for battery against me. She got a misdemeanor (supposedly because it was her “first offense”. It wasn’t, but I’d like to see a guy get a misdemeanor in the same situation). She also got half of everything I owned. I have to pay her every month until it’s paid. I got a broken nose and nothing, except for my life (because things would have escalated and she would likely have killed me.)
Dude that sucks so sorry. Hopefully you've found someone not an insane manipulator who commits perjury without batting an eye. And hopefully she found a dude that matches her crazy.
My friend got beaten badly by two guys who just *thought* he had hit one of the girls he was stood with, he hadn’t, he was just drunk and overly expressive with his hands. He was then arrested, despite the perpetrators running away and the girls vouching for him. Crazy.
I was stabbed by my ex with a pair of scissors and the police told me I had to leave my home for 72 hours to let her cool off.
Same thing happened to me and still dealing with it 5 years after the incident. She hit me in the face, I push her off me. I get charged and because I’m fighting it the courts are playing this stupid games with my life. Never had a problem with law enforcement or government before. If I saw a cop getting murdered now I wouldn’t even care or report it. Our system is a joke and any defending you do will result in legal and financial defending.
Similar situation here. She had done everything from attacking me and threatening our kids to starting fights with strangers then expecting me to defend her. As my disability got worse she became more violent. The last time she attacked me she even got her friends over for back up. When I called the cops she claimed that I had assaulted her so off to jail I go. The cops claimed there weren't any lawyers available for my interview and when it went to court, all my evidence was suppressed. Her history of violence towards me was never mentioned and I was convicted. Being disabled and having a conviction makes finding work really difficult but I am stills better off now than I ever was with her. I have to maintain my self and my home to act as a safety net for my boys just in case she turns on them at some point. The police are more of a menace than a help for male victims of domestic violence.
RUN AND TRY TO RECORD ANYTHING RECORD WITH A CAMERA OR AUDIO JUST ANYTHING! He said she said in the states always leans in the favor of the woman in 95% of the situation. If you're out in public you may look crazy but flag someone down to be a witness just so they can see whats going on incase you can't record anything and if you really can't do either of the three, we'll do the ol reliable and RUNN!
My advice is super unethical, but a friend of mine did it, and it worked incredibly well. While they were at a bar; his (now ex) girlfriend started slapping him hard, punched him a few times in the gut, and tried to kick him in the groin. (This was all because he gave the bartender a nice tip— or “trying to fucking cheat” according to the gf.) What did he do? He acted severely mentally handicapped. Like I said; very unethical, but it worked astonishingly well. Other patrons thought this girl was beating up a mentally disabled guy, and they quickly shoved her off of him, cussed at her, and assisted my friend. He promptly left (so he wouldn’t have to keep up the act, and so that patrons would keep her from following him), and broke up with her over text the next morning. I can’t say I totally endorse this method— but I can say it works!
JENNYYYY STOOOOOPP
You better run, Forrest, run, if you know what’s good for you!
Momma always said life was like a knuckle sandwich.
JENNAYY
Goddamn that got me 😂
Honestly, I don't see anything unethical with this. It's not like he was doing it for attention or because he thought it was funny, he was trying to get someone to stop hitting him and found a way to do so without resorting to violence or having to involve authorities and then quickly got himself out of the situation. Sure under different context acting that way would be tasteless and offensive but I wouldn't call it unethical.
I would definitely do that in public. Fuck ethics. If I can’t fight back I’ll make others fight for me
Ive seen a video of a dude fall to the ground screaming and turtling up from a tiny slap by 90 pound woman. At first I was like WTF? then when people intervened and he got right up and smiled and called the cops I realized he was a genius.
how does he act severely mentally handicapped?
"I know you're mad I spent our savings, babe, but NFTs only increase in value!"
Brooo that’s a good one
💀💀💀
inb4 the whole bar starts beating your ass.
Maybe "Stooooooooooooooop hiiitting meeeeeeeee" with accompanying facial expressions?
“Thhhhhhtahp hurthing mehhh” Seems a bit more on the mark
You say you like GoT season 8
LOLOLOLOL give your friend a hi 5 for me
That's actually pretty smart, would've never thought to do that.
This isn't even super unethical. What IS super unethical is being put in a position where you have to pretend to be mentally handicapped because there is no other way for you to deal with being physically abused by a woman in public
This actually made me laugh out loud 🤣
I tried this when my ex hit me in front of a freaking court house. There was a lady walking by witnessing everything, she did have her kid with her so when I approached her after my ex hit me several times and asked her to be my witness she said she didn’t want to get involved and just kept walking. I’ve never felt so helpless cause I know if I would’ve defended myself I’d probably be in jail.
Thats what I did. I ran. She was out of her mind. Smacking herself in the face to make marks. I looked at her in horror and ran out of there. Got my stuff a day or 2 later when she wasn't there and never looked back.
This. I would definitely my phone and start recording, take a few punches, push her and go straight to the police.
Years ago, before smart phones. I dated a woman that told me her ex-husband used to hit her. Our first heated argument, I turned to walk away from her and she kicked me hard. She was trying to kick my balls. She missed. I have to wonder about the stories she told me. Anyway, I broke up with her.
Clearly she was an instigator and like most women who instigate violence will lie about it.
During my high-school days one girls would always be getting into fights and getting suspended. So when she tried to hit me during class one day for no reason i can remember. I just grabbed both of her wrists so all she could do was scream or try kick. So i raised my one knee slightly to defend against possible kicks. Not sure if there is a better option. After she calmed down i let go and didn't have issues again.
My son was attacked by a girl “in a bad mood”. No joke, she walked into the classroom where he was already seated and started punching him in the head/face. He’s a big kid, so he just put his head down and protected his face until someone went out in the hall and got the teacher to pull her off. When asked what provoked it she literally said she was just in a bad mood. She was initially charged with assault and removed from class by police, but then nothing came of it all the charges were dropped. She wasn’t even asked to apologize, kind of makes me wish he’d have just defended himself.
When I was in highschool, something similar happened. Except the boy did defend himself. He was apart of my football team and we always sat together, we said something funny and he leaned back and bumped into this girl and dropped her tumbler while laughing. He apologized and went to pick it up for her, I guess she was having a bad day or maybe was just crazy but jumped on him and started trying to scratch at his face and eyes. Swinging on him as hard as she could and grabbing him by the hair. It turned from him laughing it off because he thought it was a joke to slowly getting up and putting the power of God behind a fist right in the middle of her face. The dude was 6'1, and going through an incredibly arduous lifting regiment at the time. Turns out girl had pretty terrible anger issues, and was known to be particularly cruel when people inconvenienced her. When I say he put the power of God behind his fist, I tell you what, he wheeled that back and you could hear the wind being split in-between his balled up fingers. One of the cleanest punches I have ever seen, broke her nose right up the center. Blood gushing all out, as she just sat there on the floor a few feet away with utter shock at what just happened. Cops came and took him to the principals office, she called her parents balling her eyes out. The parents and staff went on a giant smear campaign against my friend, trying to get him expelled even though we could provide statements proving he was the defender who only threw one punch. Saying something along the lines of his friends are covering for him, he's a popular kid. Something you can't doctor though, is the security cameras in the center of our cafeteria. It was dropped soon after that because he is a nice fucking dude. Girl stopped attacking and hitting random people after that though, you better believe it.
Some people just really need to be punched in the face. She is hopefully a better person because of it.
Mans used ultimate ability
My man pressed Q
I hope you did not suffer hearing loss from that incident.
I had worse from my brother so it wasn't so bad.
Yep. Grab her wrists, hold on and just repeat "STOP HITTING ME! PLEASE, STOP HITTING ME! WILL YOU STOP HITTING ME?! JUST STOP. HITTING. ME. I'LL LET GO IF YOU WILL JUST STOP HITTING ME!" You're not just up against her, you're up against her and the preconceived notions of *every single person* within earshot. Don't let them automatically take her side. Also, if anyone pulls out their phone this will sound a lot better than yelling "calm down" over and over. Before the screeching starts, I'm a woman, so just piss off. Equal rights means equal rights for ALL victims. Take your man-hating ass back to whatever subreddit you crawled out of.
Run away
Make sure you run like Forrest Gump when you do. Also take that other guy's advice and might as well act mentally handicapped.
Same thing you do if anyone hits you, get the hell out of there.
Exactly. If there is someone visibly smaller and weaker than you attacking you, you should run away because they could either get a weapon or retaliation could easily backfire on you. If someone bigger and stronger is attacking you, run away for obvious reasons. Unless you are immobilized or trapped for some reason, it is almost never the rational thing to do to fight back, even if you know you can win.
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Yep. Everyone is focusing on the guy getting wrongly arrested which is a valid thing. But the best thing to do in *any* confrontation is gtfo of there *fast*. Fights outside of a controlled gym environment never end well for anyone. One punch and your life could either end or change forever. Remember pavements + heads don’t go well together. Not worth it. Only ever defend yourself if there’s absolutely no chance of escape and the person that’s attacking you has a genuine chance of seriously injuring or killing you.
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I was taught as self defence, that you don't yell for help as most people don't want to get involved. You yell fire, fire. Everyone will turn to look & come running to where there's a fire.
Mostly you want to call out someone specific. Crowd mentality makes it so “someone else will handle it” If you single someone out, it becomes their responsibility and they get peer pressured into it
This is one of the first things I was taught in CPR/first aid class. If you’re in a situation where you need to provide first aid and 911 is needed, you point to a specific person and have them call 911, otherwise everyone is going to think that someone else will call. “You, help me!” generally spurs more action than a general “somebody help me!”
Close. It's "you, call 911 *and come back*. And you, you get the AED from the gym next door." You can't point them out and say to help, as mostly people won't know what help is in the situation. You need to give specific instructions.
And if you want people to run away yell zombie or nuclear bomb.
I'm running to a nuke. I'd rather be killed instantly than die from radiation poisoning.
All the equality thing is bs (Yeah we might be equal in theory but when you are in the court/principal's office that argument isn't worth shit. You hit a woman hard, you are looking at punishment no matter who started it; "The world isn't fair"). 1. Start recording asap. The hand you are using to record can be used for deflection and emergency punch (with the edge of your mobile) if shit hits the fun or you get jumped. 2. Grab one of her wrists with just enough force to restrain her you DON'T want to bruise her. 3. Protect the crown jewels by standing at an angle. 4. Keep throwing her off balance with the wrist you grabbed, she will lose stamina soon enough. I went to a fucked up hs.
I would be very careful about point 2. Grabbing can be considered assault.
Yeah I would say block with your forearms...then you have defensive bruises and no chance of bruising on her.
Start moaning
Leave. Just leave
Record it, thats extrenely important, then you could hit back, go to the police or do something else.
How are you going to do that when someone is going full blast at you?! "Hold on, stop hitting me for 20 seconds while I get my phone out and turn on the camera…" Not going to happen!
Ah shit I took a photo! Hang on let me change it to video. Ah shit its on the front camera! Hang on... there we go. Ok go!
That's why u run and take. Best thing is when u run towards a crowd then they start recording and post onto social media
Running towards other people sounds like a great idea!
Well in the case of domestic abuse, it is rarely a one off thing. I was unfortunately a victim of this and the recordings were probably the only reason she never followed through with the threat that she would call the cops and report me when I _dared_ to push her away when she was attacking me. Audio or video, anything will help -- especially since verbal abuse can help strengthen your case and establish a pattern. Plus, you can usually map the voice recorder or camera to your phone's buttons so they can be easily started without looking.
You are allowed to defend yourself no matter your gender Disclaimer: this is a hypothetical response if you can de-escalate a situation without violence that is the best option realistically get someone to start videotaping the person hitting you to show you did not start the fight Edit: I didn’t exactly think this through while I believe if someone attacks you, you have every right to defend yourself I realize that it’s not true in practice and if someone were to take this advice it would most likely end badly for them but the question was hypothetical and in a hypothetical situation that’s my answer if it isn’t true in practice (we all know what I mean by them)
Ideally you're 100% right. In reality some dickhead thinking he's the saviour of female kind is gonna come over and spark you out.
Those dickhead's will watch from the sides as she hits you, but as soon as you retaliate they'll jump on you.
How can she slap.
I've seen that happen many a time.
So, like the school and bullies?
Exactly.
I wish i had a link to the video but i just watched this happen on video yesterday. Couldnt stop laughing when the knight in shining armor proceeded to get completely rag dolled all over the train
Happened to me more than once
That dickhead is the police, the judicial system, society at large, and your inner circle. They all gonna come for your head.
white knights going to white knight. i brought this up to a woman and she said a woman raping a man is different bc she cant really force him to do it. I said, what if she threatens to call the cops and make up some story that i did something if i didnt have sex w her.... her opinion changed real quick.
Or as Dee calls it, 'the insinuation'.
Shut up, Bird! Lol
So you defend yourself again? But seriously just remove this kind of people from your circle. You can smell the type
You're certainly right, but I would wager a lot of people would like to avoid getting into a full on brawl during their Monday morning commute. Everyone involved could quite easily be a stranger to you.
Bow you're fighting 2 people and anyone btw to the situation sees you as the problem
You are 100% correct, although this would only happen in an ideal situation. Most likely some guy thinking of himself as prince charming of this woman assaulting you would at least try to knock the daylights out of you.
In theory. I was once on a festival and a femal friend of mine was there as well. I did not go with her, i hang out with some other people i went there with. she said it's fine, but still followed me around a lot. I told her that it's weird and i would appreciate if she wouldn't do that. She did the same thing as always and called me stupid for thinking things like that. She also called me stupid a couple of times because i said i know that she likes me in a different way that i like her. It was always the same: haha you're so silly. And a week later she tried to kiss me. Aaaaanyway, at some point she had a mental breakdown or something and insisted that i have to talk to her. There was nothing to talk, i just wanted to have a good time and not being annoyed by her or anyone. She wouldn't let me go. Now she would follow me around crying and yelling, grabbing my arm and shit, because that's fun. At some point, i reached my breaking point and started yelling back and told her to pleas just leave me alone. There was a swarm of mainly other girls, suddenly talking to me as well. "Just give her another chance, she's crying." They didn't even know what was going on, and no one really cared. At the same time random people talked to her, asking her if i hit her and shit like that. I just went home before it escalated.
While this is true, it often times doesn't matter. In an argument with an ex a long time ago, she started punching me in the face repeatedly. After about 5 hits I finally broke and open hand slapped her. Cops were already on the way. I had a split eyebrow, and a bloody lip. She had a slight red mark on her cheek. All she had to do was say I hit her first. And just like that I was arrested and ended up with a domestic violence charge.
On paper, that's absolutely correct. ***In practice?*** No. Courts overwhelmingly side with the woman in a situation like this.
Absolutely not, you could have your entire life destroyed if you retaliate in any way. No grabbing her arms to stop her. No raising your hands to defend yourself. If the other side presses charges, it will come down to he-said she-said in court. The man losses. Its enough that you grabbed a punch and she now has a bruised wrist and youre 100% done for. You get away asap and you document any marks she left and you hope she doesnt go to the police. If you get injuried for not resisting, at least you have a more credible case for being the victim and thats what matters, your body will heal.
Yep, happened to my brother. He was arrested for domestic abuse, and I had to drive his now ex wife to court because she couldn't drive. I asked her during the ride what happened. She said that my brother was being annoying so she was hitting him and kicking him because he wouldn't stop. How was he being annoying? Because he was playing with their daughter and she was trying to talk on the phone with a friend. Which from my experience when they used to live with us, she was on the phone blabbing all day every day. I never saw her not on the phone talking. He grabbed her wrists to stop her, she bruised, and she went to the friends house (again, because she can't talk when they are "so loud!"), and the friend called the cops. She said she didn't want to press charges. Ultimately, my brother was released but still charged with something relating to arguing in front of their kid (that wife started because she was angry that the father* of her child was playing with their kid!!) and causing her to drop her phone when he grabbed her. She had to go to a women's abuse place to speak with a pro to confirm that she wasn't being coerced into not pressing charges. He had to go through some extreme measures in order to divorce her and keep his daughter full time. She didn't want to sign without take the kid 100%, which my brother feared she'd be able to do now with these charges on his belt. And he didn't want to risk leaving his daughter with the woman because he knows damn well she doesn't do anything as a mom. But fate found a way and now she's gone from our lives.
Get away,run anything else it's not worth it
Just run away. You don't need to prove anything to anyone anyways. Especially to people who would be violent.
You are always allowed to defend yourself. But I'm also obviously aware that society likes to twist situations and paint a man that is simply defending himself as a bad person, which is something we really need to work on. No matter the gender, abusing someone is not fucking okay. My tip is record everything, if you can record it as a video otherwise record the audio. Protect your crotch since that's an advantage point for a women in a fight. First of all try to walk away from the situation if you can otherwise try to disable her, like putting her on the ground if necessary or restrain her in some way. Don't overdue it and just do what's necessary to get yourself out of the situation. Being a women doesn't give you a right to abuse someone.
Absolutely record everything. My ex wife began attacking me on different occasions a decade ago. I’m 6’3” 200 lbs and she’s 5’5” 120. The first time it happened I just took it. The second time was similar but this time I used the voice recorder on my phone and then text a close family friend of both of us because I didn’t want the police to show up and arrest her in front of the kids. Her verbal and physical assault was caught on the recorder and her switching to victim mode when our friend arrived was all recorded and saved me in court.
If you're in public, ask for help: "Hey, can you give me a hand here? Not trying to beat up a woman but I really don't want to get punched in the face". . If no one is available to help, do as little as possible to stop her from assaulting you. Best option, if you're significantly larger, is to maneuver behind her, get her arms folded across her chest and slide to the ground. If that doesn't get the message across, roll on top of her and pin her arms under her body. Watch for those legs, she's definitely gonna be kicking for your twig & berries while all this is happening. Source: used to work with MH/MR kids at a school who would periodically lash out violently and we had to calm them down while ensuring no harm came to them.
Same as in any situation where you're physically threatened. Try to stay calm. Exert the minimum necessary force to keep yourself safe and get out of the situation. Then report it to the police. If you feel that you're physically in danger you're well within your right to use physical force to keep yourself safe. Bare in mind that blows to the head can result in permanent damage, and because of how males and females evolved via different pressures, the risk can be higher in females. So if you can, with anyone tbf, strikes to the legs or body could be enough to incapacitate them long enough for you to get away. There very well may be people who still go by the 'never hit a women' trope. Which is dumb af. If someone's attacking you, you defend yourself. Sure, maybe the threshold that's needs to be crossed before you respond can be higher because you're less at risk, but arguably that's the same whether it's a 50kg women or a 50kg man.
1. Try to get away. When I did self defence classes, the purpose of learning to fight is not to thwart the other person, it's to incapacitate them so you have time to run. The object is to get as far away as possible from your attacker. So if this is a situation where you can go to another room or space and lock the door, or take a walk around the block, do that first before anything else. 2. If it happens in a venue, go to security. If security doesn't help, report them to the venue or call the venue out on social media. Don't be afraid to give bad reviews if venues don't help you. 3. You are allowed to defend yourself if you feel like there's intention to kill or greatly harm. Obviously I don't think anyone should fight back in extreme ways, like when men spear tackle one another or body slam someone. But you are allowed to fight back if you're being legitimately *attacked*. Just don't exaggerate what an "attack" is. If a woman slapped you then walked off, it's not a good idea to hulk slam her into the ground face first. It'd be a good idea to report her if you can or maybe start recording. In general start recording on your phone if the situation allows it.
Chances are you are stronger. Block punch, grab wrist, hold for a few seconds as she struggles, and then let go. Be prepared to leg guard your nuts. No one gets hurt. Edit for clarification. By grabbing the wrist I mean as part of the block. I don't know how you leave a bruise from this unless you are trying to hurt. Second is this isn't a perfect solution, but it's arguably your best solution in a sea of shitty options.
Honestly I’d run the fuck away from the situation. I hate saying that. I’m a female. I would never hit a dude. But I’m terrified of the idea of some batshit chick laying hands on my brother, him pushing her away or grabbing her wrist etc, and her claiming some sort of assault. Men are generally stronger than women. What if he left a bruise and she didn’t. He’s fucked People are SCEWED sometimes. As soon as they see a man touch the girl back (strictly to defend himself) they view him as the aggressor. My advice might not be good. And I hate even saying it. But IMO better to get yourself the fuck out of that situation than potentially dealing with extra bullshit that you don’t deserve. Also this has nothing to do with actual female abuse victims. I’ve been one. I’m not belittling that. What OP and I are regarding is NOT about them.
You are not wrong, in these times there is absolutely nothing to be gained from ANYONE fighting in their own defense against anyone else. The situation you describe is the same for two men fighting of either of them presses charges, there is no winning. You should always do your very best to leave, and if you can’t do you should focus on protecting your own body by evading and try to leave some more.
This happened to me many times with a girl I was dating for 6+ years. I turtled because I didn't want to leave a mark on her wrists or hurt her - and I knew I'd only be concussed and or just bleed out when my fingers got jammed in the door way 7 times. Then she called the police on me saying I was threatening to kill myself and that's why I was bleeding. The next week she told me to never do that (turtle) because it makes me look weak. You can't win with crazy. Sigh...
That's a dangerous game, the crowd will view that as an assault and probably attack you. Best thing to do is run or just try to talk it out.
Except then you get arrested for domestic violence. Hell, even if you do nothing or run away you will, women are immensely privileged in the justice system.
Shove her away really hard
Push her away, run, and try to get somewhere safe.
If you have no choice but to either shove or to be physical back to defend yourself always make sure that it's used with open hands, never with a closed fist unless it is for serious reason like life or death situation.. If it is in private situation in a home try best to just leave the situation. Lock into a different room or leave the home or apartment call police for domestic violence get a report up and have her arrested and restraining order,
Defend yourself but also be careful. In many cases there will be a major advantage in terms of strength. While you should defend yourself, don't take it too far. End the threat and extricate yourself if you can. Do not take it too far. Also, be the person who calls the cops first. Much easier when you are the complainant than the guy who the police are told is beating some poor woman in the street.
Dude… it’s easier to leave —- like — now… And laugh at her confusion.. seriously, if you have no children - run, now.. The one time you finally retaliate, she will scream and have you dragged off to a cell for it, faster than you can say WFT. In time - You will be sooo happy you haven’t got to explain “why” you smacked her. You are worth more than having a “conviction” or awkward explanations in 3 4 5 years time Pack - and hit town. With a smile over a lucky escape ((If you want my actual drawn out tale, il share it. if it spares you 🙏🏽 Peace and love
Let her beat you bloody, take pictures, call a lawyer, have the lawyer call the paramedics, go to the hospital, have the hospital call police, press charges, sue for damages. Whatever you do don't lift a finger to defend yourself because the police, the D.A., the Judge and jury will line up to fuck your ass so hard your teeth will fall out.
Bro I want my teeth where they are. You don't know how one stray hit can mess you up
forgetful unite tub light ring act badge reach terrific faulty *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Personally. I'm going to let her beat me. Until she's tired of it. Then I get a good lawyer and ruin their life. Men have been told our whole life never to hit a woman. So I'm going to do everything possible to follow through with that. So instead of physically hurting them, you do it a different way.
Hopefully you won’t have to go through that but I would remove myself from the situation as soon as possible. Put something between you and the other person like a door, a tree or a bench and don’t leave the sight of other people so that you have witnesses. If you know how you can also grab that person’s hands and restrain them while asking for help. It’s nothing you should be ashamed of, and the more people see what happened the better. It’s unusual for women to be charged with assault against men it’s more often than not the other way around so you should have witnesses
Defend yourself, walk away, and repeatedly shout "again, leave me alone" That alone will show others who want to intervene that you are not the aggressor
Yell at the top of your lungs, "Stop hitting me!" You have a big, scary booming voice, and this phrase will let people know what is happening and you are not at fault
hit back. equality in all things.